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1
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,162
- Stanley.
2
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,630
- Hey, Mom.
3
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,732
- Hi, sweetie.
4
00:00:32,765 --> 00:00:35,301
So, Daddy is in the basement,
5
00:00:35,334 --> 00:00:38,071
but in the meantime, I
want to hear all about
6
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:41,441
this big job in New York City.
7
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:42,608
- Job's in Albany, Mom.
8
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:45,111
- Still, a New York city.
9
00:00:45,144 --> 00:00:46,212
I just made some cookies, so let
me
10
00:00:46,245 --> 00:00:47,447
get you a glass of milk.
11
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,314
- No, Mom.
12
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,183
I can't drink milk because I'm a
vegan.
13
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,050
- Oh, please.
14
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:54,387
You can't have cookies without
milk.
15
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:57,123
- Mom, what's the deal with
this email you sent me?
16
00:00:57,156 --> 00:00:58,224
- Did you like that?
17
00:00:59,825 --> 00:01:02,128
- I guess, but it's just this
one phrase
18
00:01:02,161 --> 00:01:03,563
in green sparkle font.
19
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:04,230
- Oh, come on.
20
00:01:04,263 --> 00:01:05,798
That's cute.
21
00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:07,567
- Sure, but you've been sending
me a lot
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,835
of these emails.
23
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,137
The inspirational story of the
pickle jar,
24
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:14,540
the non-YouTube video link
of Joel Osteen telling jokes,
25
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:16,275
the kind of naughty limerick.
26
00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,845
- Well, don't you like them?
27
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:22,515
- They're great, it's just,
where are you getting all these?
28
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:26,419
- What do you mean?
29
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:27,253
- Hmm?
30
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,254
Oh, I don't know.
31
00:01:28,287 --> 00:01:30,256
I'm basically online all
day, and I never once
32
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:31,891
came across any of these kinds
of links,
33
00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:35,128
but you seem to have an
endless supply of them.
34
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,529
And they've always been
forwarded so many times,
35
00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:38,698
it's impossible to trace the
origin.
36
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:40,700
It's like you're tapped
into a parallel Internet.
37
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:45,404
- Well now, let me see.
38
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:48,808
I think that that one was sent
to me by--
39
00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:56,616
- I'm so sorry,
sweetie.
40
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,418
But you fly too close to the
web,
41
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:01,420
spider's gonna get ya.
42
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,292
- Gabby!
43
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:08,828
What do you think about
us getting sea-doos?
44
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,496
- Sounds like fun!
45
00:02:10,529 --> 00:02:12,431
- Yeah, we'd be zipping
around on the water.
46
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,185
- He's awake.
47
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,252
- Rise and shine.
48
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:35,755
It's nearly 11 am, lazybones.
49
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,223
- I was knocked out.
50
00:02:37,256 --> 00:02:39,525
- I'm sorry about your head,
son.
51
00:02:39,558 --> 00:02:41,627
I couldn't risk bringing you
here when you were awake.
52
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:46,632
This location has to
remain completely secret.
53
00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:51,270
- Hey!
54
00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:52,204
Don't mind me.
55
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,873
I'm just looking for some more
cream soda
56
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:54,674
here in the garage.
57
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:56,475
You know, we're out in the
pantry.
58
00:02:56,508 --> 00:02:58,711
- Couldn't this wait, James?
59
00:02:58,744 --> 00:03:01,214
- I'm not even here.
60
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,316
Not even here.
61
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,456
- Mom, is that your old Compaq?
62
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:12,625
You told me you threw it away
because
63
00:03:12,658 --> 00:03:14,594
you were scared of viruses.
64
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:17,763
And your iPod you never
learned how to use.
65
00:03:17,796 --> 00:03:19,899
- Your mother donated them to
the cause.
66
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:21,334
Outdated computers are harder
for the
67
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,802
NSA to track.
68
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:24,237
- NSA?
69
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,605
What is going on?
70
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:29,408
- You wanted to know the
truth about my emails, right?
71
00:03:29,441 --> 00:03:32,946
Well the answers are on that
computer.
72
00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:41,454
- Doesn't even make sense.
73
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:42,355
- Of course it doesn't.
74
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,590
Not to you.
75
00:03:45,557 --> 00:03:46,826
- Hello, Stanley.
76
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,594
We are the Mom Web.
77
00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:49,762
- The Mom Web?
78
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:51,464
- A happiness
collective operating in the
79
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:54,467
deepest, least understood
corner of the Internet:
80
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,801
mom emails.
81
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:57,035
- I don't understand.
82
00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:58,838
- Mom emails are
the perfect vessel for sharing
83
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,940
secret messages online.
84
00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:03,809
The NSA tracks every
communication Americans make,
85
00:04:03,842 --> 00:04:07,346
except for emails from moms.
86
00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:09,482
They find them weird and
tedious,
87
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:11,684
just like you do.
88
00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:13,552
- That's not true.
89
00:04:13,585 --> 00:04:14,686
- It's okay.
90
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,857
The Mom Web relies on society's
dismissal of mom emails.
91
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,692
- A visit every now and
then would be nice, though.
92
00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:21,627
- Oh yes, it would
be nice.
93
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,730
- Every mom email that has
ever passed through an inbox,
94
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:26,365
every Christian parody song,
95
00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:30,303
every funny photo, every
allegory in a weird type,
96
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:33,439
they're all part of an
elaborate encryption process.
97
00:04:33,472 --> 00:04:35,441
- Encryption process for what?
98
00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:36,842
Why are you doing all this?
99
00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:40,813
- Because we are moms,
and we know what's best.
100
00:04:40,846 --> 00:04:43,983
For you and for society.
101
00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:45,451
And wrong.
102
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:46,886
Fibbing is wrong.
103
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:48,754
So we brought them down.
104
00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:49,955
WikiLeaks?
105
00:04:49,988 --> 00:04:54,994
Nobody likes secrets, so we
shared them with the world.
106
00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:57,730
- Why are you telling me all
this?
107
00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:59,632
- Because we need your help,
son.
108
00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:01,934
That email that I sent
to you this morning?
109
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:06,672
It contains the Mom Web's
most powerful program ever.
110
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,373
Now.
111
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:10,609
If we can successfully share it,
112
00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:14,747
we can spread our Mom Web
values across the world.
113
00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,450
- But, we cannot do it alone.
114
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,784
- What are you saying?
115
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:21,487
- We need you to spread
the program, Stanley.
116
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,091
We need you to do what no
son's ever done before:
117
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:29,028
actually share this mom
email with your friends.
118
00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:31,397
- If just one son forwards it,
119
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,933
it would start a chain
reaction that would spread it
120
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:37,536
across the entire Internet.
121
00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:38,904
- Will you do it, son?
122
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:40,940
Will you help us?
123
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:43,109
- This is very shady.
124
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:43,943
All right?
125
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:46,011
I know our government isn't
perfect,
126
00:05:46,044 --> 00:05:47,880
but hacking?
127
00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,081
It is extremely--
128
00:05:49,114 --> 00:05:51,484
- You're just embarrassed to
share the email, aren't you?
129
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,053
- I'm not embarrassed to do
the...
130
00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:56,155
Okay, yeah.
131
00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:56,956
I am.
132
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,724
I mean...
133
00:05:58,757 --> 00:06:00,059
"Smile"?
134
00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:02,762
That's super corny.
135
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,497
I'm not going to send that to my
friends.
136
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:09,802
Look, I've done plenty of--
137
00:06:12,104 --> 00:06:14,073
I came home on both
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
138
00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:16,041
A lot of my friends--
139
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:17,877
- You should.
140
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,111
- All right.
141
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:20,079
Mom, I'll do it.
142
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:21,481
- Yes!
143
00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:27,686
- Hi, Mrs. Talbot.
144
00:06:27,719 --> 00:06:28,721
- Hi.
145
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,458
- There, you happy?
146
00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:34,193
- Virus upload
initialized.
147
00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:35,895
- Viruses?
148
00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:36,729
Pentagon?
149
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,063
What the hell did you make me
do?
150
00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:40,933
- The right thing, son.
151
00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:43,869
- Once this virus passes
the Pentagon's firewall,
152
00:06:43,902 --> 00:06:47,706
it'll automatically deploy
our entire nuclear arsenal.
153
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:48,774
- Yes!
154
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:50,476
- I thought you wanted
to spread Mom Web values!
155
00:06:50,509 --> 00:06:52,011
- That's exactly what we are
doing.
156
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,013
Society has grown filthy with
corruption.
157
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:55,981
It's, it's like gunk and
chocolate
158
00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:57,783
on a glass coffee table.
159
00:06:57,816 --> 00:06:59,151
- Oh, that is the worst!
160
00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:00,352
It's hard to get up.
161
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:04,824
- These nukes are going to
wipe that coffee table clean.
162
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,826
- Yes!
163
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,960
- You're all out of your damn
minds!
164
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,830
- That's enough out of you,
potty mouth!
165
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,732
- You just sit back and let this
happen.
166
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:15,801
It's almost over now, sweetie.
167
00:07:20,672 --> 00:07:22,508
- Found 'em!
168
00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:26,712
- Hey Dad, um...
169
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:28,247
I think there's something
wrong with the computer.
170
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,649
Could you maybe come take a look
at it?
171
00:07:30,682 --> 00:07:31,851
- I am Mister Computer.
172
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:34,119
I'll come take a look.
173
00:07:34,152 --> 00:07:34,887
- Wait a minute.
174
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:35,921
Wait a minute.
175
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,123
- Mom Web may have control
over the computers,
176
00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:40,826
but the computers are no
match for a clueless dad
177
00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,027
trying to fix it.
178
00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:44,797
- You better get away from that!
179
00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:47,166
- Back up!
180
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:49,201
You too, Mrs. Talbot!
181
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:51,704
- Let me give this a little
look-see.
182
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:54,607
We've got Control Alt Delete,
183
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,174
and that does--
184
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,543
You know, I'm going to have to
give this
185
00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,079
a little dad touch, maybe.
186
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,114
- No, you're going to destroy
the network!
187
00:08:02,147 --> 00:08:02,981
- Let's see.
188
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,184
We've got Control Escape, 3, 4,
5, 6.
189
00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:09,989
I think this mouse may be dead.
190
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,690
You can undo it sometimes.
191
00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:14,593
You know, I'm going to try to
download
192
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,195
this little Japanese website.
193
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,633
And Enter!
194
00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:22,634
- Dad, it worked!
195
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,870
We've got to get out of here!
196
00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:26,639
- I do have some other options--
197
00:08:29,808 --> 00:08:32,077
You know, I could try turning
the computer
198
00:08:32,110 --> 00:08:33,746
on and off.
199
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,624
- Dad, you did it.
200
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,527
- I fixed the computer?
201
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:49,295
- Yeah, sure.
202
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,229
Okay, why not.
203
00:08:50,262 --> 00:08:51,931
- All right!
204
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:53,332
Let's hear it for your old man.
205
00:08:53,365 --> 00:08:54,867
Hey, you know?
206
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,203
I think this calls for a cream
soda.
207
00:08:59,738 --> 00:09:01,006
- I can't believe Mom's dead.
208
00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:02,040
- Yeah.
209
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:05,044
But at least we prevented
nuclear holocausts.
210
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,111
Cheers.
211
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,746
- Hon, I
know it looks expensive,
212
00:09:40,779 --> 00:09:42,014
but think of all the money we'll
save
213
00:09:42,047 --> 00:09:45,117
if we don't need to rent the
sea-doos!
214
00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:48,253
Hey hon, best off shore
performance,
215
00:09:48,286 --> 00:09:51,090
or better power to weight ratio?
216
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,324
I don't, I don't think I'm going
to be
217
00:09:52,357 --> 00:09:53,993
spending too much time off
shore,
218
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,162
but I don't
want to limit
myself
forever.
14910
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