Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,322
- My fellow Americans,
2
00:00:23,355 --> 00:00:26,692
I speak to you tonight
with an urgent message.
3
00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:30,496
In six days, a meteor is
expected to strike Earth.
4
00:00:30,529 --> 00:00:33,099
One hour after the meteor's
strike,
5
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:36,602
tidal waves will flood the
entire Eastern seaboard.
6
00:00:36,635 --> 00:00:40,173
Massive earthquakes will
shake the whole nation
7
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,376
and then all the world
will plunge into darkness.
8
00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:47,613
I know this sounds hopeless,
but we can survive.
9
00:00:47,646 --> 00:00:48,547
As Commander in Chief,
10
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:50,450
it's my job to protect the
American people
11
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,385
against every eventuality.
12
00:00:52,418 --> 00:00:54,220
My government has constructed
reinforced
13
00:00:54,253 --> 00:00:56,322
bunkers throughout this great
nation,
14
00:00:56,355 --> 00:01:00,860
filled with food and water
to last for 100 years.
15
00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:04,097
All you have to do is get your
family to the closest bunker.
16
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:08,534
Please don't panic, there's
enough room for everyone.
17
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:13,206
It won't be easy, but we will
survive.
18
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:16,242
Just pay attention and follow
directions.
19
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:21,247
Goodnight
20
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,782
and may God bless America.
21
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:27,787
207 views?
22
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,388
- Yeah, but it's about to
update,
23
00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:34,160
so it's now up to 248 views.
24
00:01:36,228 --> 00:01:37,763
- That's it?
25
00:01:37,796 --> 00:01:40,366
The speech has been online for
10 hours.
26
00:01:40,399 --> 00:01:43,603
I'm telling people the
world is about to end.
27
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,838
- People think politics are
boring.
28
00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:48,207
- Okay, okay.
29
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,375
That's just the internet.
30
00:01:49,408 --> 00:01:51,711
We broke into all the major
TV news broadcasts, right?
31
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:52,745
- Yeah.
32
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,881
Penetration of our message to
33
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:57,316
Caucasians over 60 is doing
great.
34
00:01:57,349 --> 00:02:00,586
I mean, our Miami Beach
bunker is almost full, so.
35
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,523
- Just old people?
36
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,392
How are they supposed to
continue the human race?
37
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:08,594
Frankly, they shouldn't be
allowed in the bunkers anyway.
38
00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:11,331
- But they are, because you
built a shit ton of bunkers.
39
00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:15,701
- I did that. I built a
shit ton of bunkers.
40
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:19,139
So, how are we going to
get people to watch this?
41
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:23,709
- Uh, hey guys.
42
00:02:23,742 --> 00:02:24,810
So today, I want to talk about
43
00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:27,313
the big meteor that's gonna
crash into the planet.
44
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:32,185
Yeah, it's a total bummer
that everyone's gonna die.
45
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,352
But you can survive if you make
it
46
00:02:33,385 --> 00:02:34,654
to one of the thousands of
bunkers
47
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,556
we built just for this occasion.
48
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:37,456
What?
49
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:38,490
Cray cray!
50
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,626
Oh my god, President
Powers, you are the best.
51
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,796
So come and make your way to a
bunker
52
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,364
and God bless America.
53
00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,437
What's with all the jump cuts?
54
00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,538
- Trust us, this is how all the
most
55
00:02:52,571 --> 00:02:54,207
popular web videos look.
56
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,511
- And see now we have an extra
200 views.
57
00:02:58,544 --> 00:02:59,245
Okay.
58
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:00,279
- That's it?
59
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,281
- It's hard to make things
go viral these days,
60
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,382
I mean, people used to be
impressed
61
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:05,751
with like, Charlie Bit My
Finger.
62
00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:06,552
I don't know.
63
00:03:06,585 --> 00:03:07,553
Now you have to do something
big.
64
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:10,223
- We're talking about
the end of the world.
65
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,424
- I know what the problem is.
66
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:12,392
People see the video
67
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:13,859
and the don't know how
long it's gonna take
68
00:03:13,892 --> 00:03:15,494
or what you're talking about.
69
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,697
They want short, snackable
content.
70
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:18,965
- What are you saying?
71
00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:21,767
What up?
72
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,469
Top five things only people
about
73
00:03:23,502 --> 00:03:26,005
to be hit by a meteor
understand.
74
00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:27,506
Number five.
75
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:29,242
You don't bother cleaning your
kitchen,
76
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,376
'cause it's probably about to
77
00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:32,445
fall to the center of the Earth.
78
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,413
Especially if you live in
Oklahoma,
79
00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:36,649
Kansas or western Colorado.
80
00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:37,483
Whoo!
81
00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:39,885
Seriously, western Colorado, get
out.
82
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:41,019
Number four.
83
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:43,322
You're kind of glad you'll
never finish Call of Duty.
84
00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:44,657
The new one sucks.
85
00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:45,625
What's Call of Duty?
86
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,793
Is that a Tom Clancy novel?
87
00:03:47,826 --> 00:03:50,263
Isn't this almost the same
thing?
88
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:50,997
I mean, are you telling me
people
89
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,431
really listen more because I put
90
00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:54,867
numbers in front of my talking
points?
91
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,270
- One, yes it is.
92
00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:00,506
Two, yes they do.
93
00:04:00,539 --> 00:04:01,674
- And the number one thing that
94
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:04,744
only someone who's about to
get hit by a meteor gets,
95
00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:06,545
a spot in one of our bunkers.
96
00:04:06,578 --> 00:04:07,513
Get in our bunker.
97
00:04:07,546 --> 00:04:08,881
Please go to a bunker.
98
00:04:08,914 --> 00:04:10,483
You'll die if you don't.
99
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,385
I shouldn't have to work this
hard.
100
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:12,885
Please.
101
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,586
Well, it's stupid.
102
00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:18,658
Well, at least it got 170 views!
103
00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,493
- Here's the thing Madam
President.
104
00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:21,661
Our video is great, but.
105
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:25,831
- But most content is driven
by young Caucasian males,
106
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:28,901
so you mentioned video
games, which is great.
107
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:29,768
Good job.
108
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,371
But unfortunately you insulted
them,
109
00:04:32,404 --> 00:04:37,310
so your account was reported
for cyber terrorism.
110
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,278
- Excuse me?
111
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:40,613
- It's okay, we apologized to
those people
112
00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:43,449
and we made you a new account.
113
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,951
You're now PresidentPowers_1.
114
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:47,486
- And now we're good to go.
115
00:04:47,519 --> 00:04:48,587
- We're running out of time,
people,
116
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,524
so if you have an idea, let's
try it.
117
00:04:57,963 --> 00:04:59,799
Hi, I'm the President
118
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,867
and this is a really
cute puppy.
119
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,438
He's just gonna sit here while
I play some kind of video
game. Here we go.
120
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:09,342
Okay so, oh, I've got a gun.
121
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:10,343
They're shooting at me.
122
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,477
Stop, no.
123
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,178
I died.
124
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,913
Luckily, this is just a game.
125
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,681
Not like real life,
where you'll die forever
126
00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:17,049
if you don't get to the bunkers.
127
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:17,883
But don't take it from me.
128
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:18,717
- Take it from a
bunch
129
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:21,721
of college girls in low cut
shirts.
130
00:05:26,091 --> 00:05:27,993
- Pan up, you're not getting
their faces.
131
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:35,968
- That sucked.
132
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:37,803
- Why is this so hard?
133
00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:40,473
I got Florida and Ohio to vote
for me.
134
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,608
I can't get them to spare
90 seconds for a video?
135
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:44,510
- This one did even
worse than the last two.
136
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:46,412
- Alright, I'll just make
another video
137
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:47,380
and something that's a little
more
138
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:48,314
of a viral kind of a thing.
139
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,083
- The problem isn't the video,
it's you.
140
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:53,152
The internet hates you, you're
boring.
141
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:54,019
You don't do vape tricks,
142
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,522
you don't even try to show your
tits.
143
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:57,890
We need someone who
knows what they're doing.
144
00:06:00,492 --> 00:06:01,761
- What up, bitches?
145
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,529
I'm here from internet.
146
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:08,667
And I heard you need
help savin' the world.
147
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:09,868
- I don't like him.
148
00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:12,538
- He has the biggest YouTube
channel of all time, ma'am.
149
00:06:12,571 --> 00:06:14,106
If anyone knows what
they're doing, it's him.
150
00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:15,808
- Okay, I'm gonna need
makeup in here immediately
151
00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:16,776
and let's lose the pantsuit.
152
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:18,411
When people look at you, they
need to say,
153
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,712
"What an idiot."
154
00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,113
Does this room need to be an
oval?
155
00:06:21,146 --> 00:06:23,616
Let's get a rectangle goin'.
156
00:06:46,772 --> 00:06:49,875
50,000 views.
157
00:06:49,908 --> 00:06:52,211
Which is nothing.
158
00:06:52,244 --> 00:06:55,147
- That's it then?
159
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:55,581
We failed.
160
00:06:55,614 --> 00:06:57,183
- Not just yet.
161
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,018
I still have one more idea.
162
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,654
Lose the President, lose
the depressing meteors
163
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:02,988
and the boring bunkers.
164
00:07:03,021 --> 00:07:06,559
Let's focus on what is working
about this.
165
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,126
Me.
166
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:08,027
- But then what will?
167
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,162
- Not now!
168
00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:11,530
This is our last shot.
169
00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:12,999
- Don't ruin this!
170
00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:21,073
- What up guys, it's Pimple Day.
171
00:07:21,106 --> 00:07:24,110
I got this bad boy here
just itchin' to pop.
172
00:07:24,576 --> 00:07:25,644
Ready?
173
00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:28,581
Three, two, one.
174
00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:32,885
I popped the shit out of that
zit.
175
00:07:32,918 --> 00:07:34,753
That was fire, that was fire.
176
00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:38,924
- It would've been, if
you'd mentioned the meteor.
177
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:40,559
- It's a hit.
178
00:07:40,592 --> 00:07:41,961
You're not being very fire.
179
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,896
- No, I'm not fire
180
00:07:43,929 --> 00:07:47,266
and I'm not viral and I'm not
snackable
181
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:51,937
or clickable or buzzing or
sizzling
182
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:54,039
or trending or twirbuling
183
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:57,577
or whatever stupid word you're
gonna come up with next!
184
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,246
Get out of my way.
185
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:01,414
Sqirbuling.
186
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,616
- I may not be able to get
the people into the bunkers,
187
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,719
but I'm gonna take these 500
million views
188
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:10,189
and I'm gonna shove 'em up your
ass!
189
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:15,127
- Tell me somebody got that.
190
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:15,961
You got that!
191
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:16,662
- Yeah.
192
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:19,598
Oh, we're sqirbulin' right now.
193
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:21,033
Like and subscribe.
194
00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:21,934
- Shut up!
195
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:38,584
Yeah.
196
00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:43,889
It's so dumb.
197
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,025
Ow.
198
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:49,728
Shove 'em up your ass!
199
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,134
- And now
introducing
200
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,070
the 46th President of the United
States,
201
00:08:58,103 --> 00:08:59,071
Dilden.
202
00:08:59,104 --> 00:09:01,807
- Hey, what's
up my fellow Americans?
203
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,309
First, thanks so much for
electing
204
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:06,612
me president of the remains of
the United States of America.
205
00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:08,747
I have the best fans.
206
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,683
I look forward to serving this
country
207
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,918
with the help of your new vice
president,
208
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:15,187
an animated GIF from Hey Arnold.
209
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:18,157
I hear people say that America
is broken.
210
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,992
America isn't what it once was.
211
00:09:20,025 --> 00:09:22,127
America was destroyed by a
meteor.
212
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,996
Well, I have a word for these
people.
213
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:25,331
Haters.
214
00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:27,833
It doesn't matter what the
haters say.
215
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:30,235
We should just be proud of who
were are.
216
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:33,005
Love yourself, whether
you're a global super power
217
00:09:33,038 --> 00:09:34,673
or a series of bunkers scattered
218
00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:38,043
across a continentaly
large smoldering crater.
219
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:39,378
Stay awesome, you guys
220
00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:43,115
and stay awesome the
United States of America.
15557
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof