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1
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:23,231
What made you wanna be a rabbi,
like, in the first place?
2
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,484
The goal was to be in the NBA,
but, you know, that's all political.
3
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:29,821
Come on, I'm serious.
4
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,866
You know...
5
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,326
It's funny. I get a little self-conscious
telling you this.
6
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,287
When I was little,
I was a pretty nervous kid.
7
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,414
Bit of a scaredy-cat, if you will.
8
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:43,793
And the world seemed like a very chaotic
and... and unsafe place to me.
9
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,213
And when I started paying attention
to the lessons in the Torah
10
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:50,633
and, uh, was exposed to the rituals
and the traditions,
11
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:55,472
it allowed me to view the world
as a much safer and more meaningful place.
12
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,307
And I knew from a very young age
13
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,601
I wanted to spend my life
trying to help keep it alive.
14
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,436
That's a great answer.
15
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,773
It was either that
or all my mom's influence.
16
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,566
Anyways, excited to meet her?
17
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,568
I'm excited to meet both your parents.
18
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,571
Good. They're really important to me.
I want it to go well.
19
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,490
Now you're making me nervous.
20
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,866
Don't be nervous.
21
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,952
Is it true what they say
about Jewish boys and their moms?
22
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,537
I mean, we're pretty close.
23
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,581
You don't still
kiss your mom on the lips, do you?
24
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,126
No. I mean, that's gross.
25
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,887
I was fine. Not nervous at all.
26
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,139
And then Noah freaked me out.
27
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,101
That's trash. That is trash.
These are trash.
28
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,977
- Mm. Trash.
- Yep.
29
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,395
- Trash.
- Okay.
30
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,565
Tra... No, Mom. This is a jury summons.
You have to respond to this.
31
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,318
Oh, I can't.
I always side with the accused.
32
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:51,861
And don't worry, sweetheart.
33
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,739
You know,
I loved meeting your father's parents.
34
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,366
It was easy-peasy.
35
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,159
Because they were both dead already.
36
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,871
Well, that's lucky.
I just... I don't wanna screw it up.
37
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,248
I like Noah so much,
38
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:06,417
and it's a really important step
to meet his parents.
39
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:10,213
And I don't know if we can be together
if they don't approve.
40
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,925
Did you know he asked me
if I'd consider converting?
41
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,678
To Judaism?
42
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,390
For my religion.
43
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,893
Oh, that's fun. Is it? I don't know.
44
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:27,313
I don't know either. I don't even know
if I believe in organized religion.
45
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,648
Oh, preach.
46
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:33,444
Once again, you haven't given me
any advice I can use, so I'm gonna go.
47
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,328
- Well, no, no. Oh, no.
- I love you.
48
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,031
- Bye.
- No, you can't go. You can't go.
49
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,033
Why not? She's got a life to live.
50
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,328
Oh, no! Come on. Hey! No, stay.
Let's talk some more about religion.
51
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,706
- Help me. I asked you to stay focused.
- Remember...
52
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:48,126
Is that her fucking car parked outside?
You guys are unreal, okay?
53
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,170
- Like, seriously?
- I had to.
54
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,005
I feel awful when you two fight.
55
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,841
I mean, I can feel
my uterus ripping in two.
56
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,342
- What?
- Morgan is dead to me.
57
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:57,260
Oh, okay.
58
00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:00,263
I don't know if I'm gonna be able
to record the podcast with her,
59
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,266
knowing that our listeners
won't be able to trust
60
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,142
a word that comes out of her mouth.
61
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,905
What makes you think
I wanna do the podcast
62
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,104
when every story you tell
puts our audience to sleep?
63
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:12,025
Okay? It's like, nobody cares which
aluminum-free deodorant you like the most.
64
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,961
- I'm sorry, was that a diss...
- Yeah.
65
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,362
...or just another lie?
I can never tell with you.
66
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,281
You know that I'm not a liar, right?
67
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,617
- Oh, of course, honey.
- Thank you.
68
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,702
But you have always been
a bit of a storyteller.
69
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,954
Remember back in fifth grade
70
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,165
when you told everyone
that I was in Wham!?
71
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,042
- I do.
- Oh, I loved that one.
72
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,752
I am just trying to help you,
73
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:34,505
but you refuse to accept the fact
that Noah lied to you, okay?
74
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,300
- The truth is going to come out.
- Get your finger out of my face.
75
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,427
I'll put it wherever I want.
Deal with that.
76
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,848
Okay, I can't stay here anymore.
I have a date tonight anyway
77
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,809
with one of the guys that I met
on the "desperate dating" apps.
78
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,271
And he happens to be
a hot, professional baseball player
79
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,481
for the Pittsburgh
80
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:53,815
team.
81
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:59,072
I dated a baseball player once.
Most erotic time of my life.
82
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,240
Wow, thanks a lot.
83
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,575
I honestly cannot believe
you did that.
84
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,792
Hey, what's up?
85
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,795
Hey, I need to...
Why are you hiding in the bathroom?
86
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,839
Oh, I get it. You don't want
your wife to hear us talking.
87
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,008
What? No. All right, yeah.
88
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,678
So I just haven't told Esther
that we're friends yet.
89
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,845
Why are you calling me?
90
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,723
Okay, so, um, what's the deal
with Noah and Rebecca?
91
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,725
- Are they talking again?
- What do you mean?
92
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,186
If I tell you something,
I need you to swear
93
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,146
you're never gonna repeat it to anyone.
94
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,774
- Not Noah, not Esther, like, nobody.
- 100%.
95
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,528
I just need to let you know I've never
successfully kept a secret before.
96
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,321
Keep that in mind before you tell me.
97
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,783
Okay. Okay.
Well, so I ran into Rebecca last week.
98
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,285
Oh, okay, that is juicy.
99
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,662
Yes. I talked to her.
Well, Julie talked to her.
100
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:48,663
Okay, who's Julie?
101
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,748
I'm Julie,
but Rebecca didn't know that.
102
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,227
She basically told me
her and Noah are getting back together.
103
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:56,212
What? No way. No. Noah would have told me.
104
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,589
He tells me everything.
I'm like his rabbi.
105
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,468
Although, what if
he's hiding that from me?
106
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,680
God, that's a hard pill.
107
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,807
I don't know, but get to the bottom of it.
108
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,809
Let me know what you find out.
109
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,144
And don't mention my name.
110
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,896
Okay. All right.
I will, but you can't mention my name.
111
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,690
Sorry, why would I mention your name?
112
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:19,110
I don't know. You said it,
and it felt like I should say it back.
113
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,279
Okay, bye. Thanks, weirdo.
114
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,362
Bye, talk later.
115
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:30,954
What's that?
116
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,458
A gift I thought you could give my mom.
117
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:34,709
- Noah. No.
- Well?
118
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:37,045
- Wanna tell me what's in the box?
- Absolutely not.
119
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:40,340
Please let me do my thing, okay?
I'm an excellent gift-giver.
120
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,257
- Okay.
- Trust.
121
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:48,056
You ring the doorbell at your own house?
You don't just walk right in?
122
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,059
Without announcing ourselves? Are you...
123
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,352
- What's...
- Sorry.
124
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,230
Okay, deep breath. I got ya.
125
00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,650
Ah! Welcome.
126
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,818
- Hey, hi.
- Hi. Hi.
127
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:01,736
- Hello.
- Hey.
128
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,154
Here's my baby.
129
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,448
- Oh, hello. Hi.
- Here's my baby.
130
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,283
Mwah!
131
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,201
Hi.
132
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,411
- You feel too thin.
- Good? No, swole.
133
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:13,581
And you must be the famous Joanne.
134
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:17,752
Ah, guilty. I'm happy to sign an autograph
if you'd like, Mr. Roklov.
135
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,938
- Please, call me Ilan.
- Thank you.
136
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,216
Mom, this is Joanne.
Joanne, this is my mother, Bina.
137
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,842
It's a pleasure to meet you, Bina.
138
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,845
Please, call me Mrs. Roklov.
139
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:31,391
- Okay. Um, I brought you a gift.
- Yeah.
140
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,935
Oh, thank you. How nice. Heavy.
141
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,603
- It is.
- Is it food?
142
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:36,686
- It is.
- Come on in.
143
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:39,107
- Should we take it to the kitchen?
- I love to eat.
144
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,775
- Yeah.
- We all love to eat.
145
00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:43,861
Well, I hope you like it.
I... I was very excited about it.
146
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:47,824
It's, um, spoiler alert,
a custom-made charcuterie board
147
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,992
that I had designed for this occasion.
148
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,869
It'll be perfect for lunch.
149
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,915
Oh. Oh! Uh... Is this pork?
150
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,085
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's prosciutto.
151
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,087
- Uh-huh.
- Prosciutto is pork.
152
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:02,839
What?
153
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:03,922
Come on.
154
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,467
I thought prosciutto
was fancy Italian beef.
155
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,594
- I wish.
- Vera, dear.
156
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,639
Uh, please throw this in the trash.
157
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,307
Oh, hold on, Vera.
158
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:17,311
Uh, is it possible that we could maybe
just eat, like, around the pork?
159
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,021
- The berries are so fresh.
- Mm-hmm.
160
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:24,152
Thank you, my dear. But you see,
it's already been all tainted by the pork.
161
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,572
Uh, Joanne also brought you this.
162
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,198
- What?
- Yeah.
163
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,785
Now, this is a beautiful gift. Thank you.
164
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,287
- Hi!
- You're welcome.
165
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:37,832
Sasha, Esther,
look what I got from your brother.
166
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,792
I'm pretty sure prosciutto is beef.
167
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,503
No, it's definitely pork,
but it's beautiful.
168
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,714
Kids, thank you.
That's just so thoughtful.
169
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,967
- Hey!
- Hey, buddy.
170
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,927
- Where's Miriam?
- At bat mitzvah tutor.
171
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,138
Our little girl's big day is coming up.
172
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,182
- Yeah.
- Can you believe?
173
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:58,019
I've never been to a bat mitzvah before.
It sounds so fun.
174
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,648
It's gonna be a very important day.
175
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:06,444
Yep, it will. You know, they get boring.
You wouldn't wanna come.
176
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,697
- I think the hora gets pretty lit.
- It's a beautiful simcha.
177
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,950
Yeah, but they're mostly...
Thank you both. It's mostly boring.
178
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,161
Mom, I'm gonna give Joanne a tour.
179
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:16,370
I'd love that.
180
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,207
Sasha, dear. I would like you
to mix us some drinks
181
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,585
while I put away
this lovely gift that my son gave me.
182
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:25,004
Uh, yes.
How about a very large glass of wine?
183
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,087
Red would be great.
184
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:29,842
No. We do not serve red in this house
because there have been incidents.
185
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,929
- It was Esther both times.
- Okay. Thanks, everyone.
186
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,639
White is just fine, then.
187
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,725
Esther, sweetie, would you please
cut up some of the cucumbers?
188
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,520
- You talking to me?
- Uh-huh.
189
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,581
- In your kitchen?
- Mm-hmm.
190
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,317
- And you're not being sarcastic?
- No, sweetie. I trust you.
191
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,568
You know what you're doing.
192
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,031
Well, all right.
193
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,075
Yeah. Don't fuck it up.
194
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:58,538
No, I won't. It's just cucumbers.
How could it be ha... hard?
195
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:02,291
And now for the best part
of the tour, my old bedroom.
196
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,711
- Oh wow!
- Right?
197
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:09,465
- Wow, wow, wow!
- Right? Yeah. As you can see, I was cool.
198
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,010
- Um, this is a canopy bed.
- Yep.
199
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,429
This was the bed you wanted
when you were 17?
200
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:20,017
No, but, uh, my mom picked it out.
And when she bought it, then it was here.
201
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,311
- Ah.
- Yeah.
202
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,814
You never told her
it wasn't what you wanted?
203
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,858
Uh... I didn't wanna hurt her feelings.
204
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,279
I love that you protect your mom,
but it's okay to push back sometimes.
205
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,364
You could've been sleeping
in a race car bed.
206
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:35,324
I would've killed for a race car bed.
207
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:41,956
So when you brought girls up here,
you just hooked up under this canopy?
208
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,916
Oh yeah. They loved it.
209
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,126
We'd hook up there.
210
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:47,628
We'd hook up above it,
below it, beside it.
211
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,089
- No, there's never been a girl in here.
- There's ne...
212
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,258
- I'm your first?
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,177
- Welcome to the canopy.
- Wow!
214
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,596
It's all part of my plan.
215
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,978
Brunch is ready.
216
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,773
And that bed is meant for one.
217
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,736
- That's why no girls.
- Sorry.
218
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:14,071
Can't believe I'm finally
the good daughter-in-law
219
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:17,617
now that Joanne's around.
The power's kind of, like, intoxicating.
220
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,454
Do you think Joanne's gonna stick around?
Rebecca and Noah are completely done?
221
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,456
Why would you even ask that?
222
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,499
I don't know. It's just something I heard.
223
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,143
From where? What do you mean you heard?
224
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,961
Nothing. I mean, I didn't hear it
225
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,797
like in, you know,
like a real sense of hearing.
226
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,301
It... It's just that, like, I heard it
in the sense that it was like
227
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,511
a psychic vision
or a premonition or something.
228
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,263
You know how that happens sometimes?
229
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,891
Babe, do you know
what's actually really funny?
230
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:45,227
Okay. Rebecca saw the dumb sister.
231
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,021
Pretended not to know who she was.
232
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:51,817
And told her just, like, a bunch of lies
about her and Noah just to fuck with her.
233
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,361
It's amazing.
234
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,114
My God. Women are scary.
235
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,409
Hey, hey. You need to promise me
you are not gonna repeat that.
236
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,162
Yeah. No. No, no, no. Of course not.
237
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,330
That's just like...
238
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:07,750
That's just really juicy information
that people would kill for,
239
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,628
and I'm just not gonna
do anything with it or tell anybody.
240
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:11,712
Okay. Great.
241
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,424
So here we are.
242
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:17,927
Yep.
243
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,010
It's okay.
244
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,347
Wow!
245
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,849
Everything looks incredible.
246
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,309
- Doesn't it?
- Thank you.
247
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,978
- Yeah.
- You gotta try my mom's famous pâté.
248
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,897
- Oh.
- She makes it from scratch.
249
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,692
- Oh, okay.
- Try a little sample of that.
250
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,777
It's chopped liver.
251
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:37,988
- Mmm.
- Right?
252
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:38,906
Wow!
253
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,366
I can smell it from here.
254
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,994
That is so good.
255
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,455
So tell me,
256
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,917
Joanne, what exactly is your religion?
257
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:52,920
Well,
258
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:59,093
I guess, um, religion was never
really anything I grew up with.
259
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,637
We celebrated Christmas,
but that was the only holiday
260
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,764
I can ever remember
my parents getting into.
261
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,308
And your parents
are divorced now, isn't that right?
262
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,270
No, they're separated.
263
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:13,107
Uh, but it's probably permanent
since my dad is gay.
264
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,859
Ah.
265
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,446
- Esther, could you pass the fruit, please?
- With pleasure.
266
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:23,409
Mm. And this is
what your, uh, your podcast is about?
267
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:26,370
My gay dad? No.
Sadly, I think that one's been done.
268
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,580
- Ah.
- Um...
269
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:32,918
It is about sex and relationships
in the modern world.
270
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,087
And this is how you make money?
271
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,589
Talking about what you do
272
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,842
behind closed doors with sex and men
in front of the whole world?
273
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,304
I mean, people actually pay to hear this?
274
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,806
Yeah. That's how I make money.
275
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,974
Uh-huh.
276
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,684
How do you make money?
277
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,227
Oh mama!
278
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,938
Mmm. Mm-mmm.
279
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,357
Who seasoned these cucumbers? Fabulous.
280
00:12:56,567 --> 00:13:00,946
Well, I was... busy raising children,
281
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,116
which I know is not as important
282
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,745
as talking about all my former lovers
for public consumption.
283
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,457
Honestly, it's embarrassing.
No woman should act this way. Airing...
284
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,042
Mom, enough.
285
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,059
You'll excuse me.
286
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,861
Oh my God!
287
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,405
I am gonna remember this moment
for the rest of my life.
288
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,075
I would like to officially invite you
to Miriam's bat mitzvah.
289
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,578
Being around you
makes me look like a goddamn angel.
290
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,122
Well, I'm gonna go talk to your mother.
291
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,541
- I will.
- Whoa.
292
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,668
This is between her and me.
293
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,753
Actually, I wasn't really
gonna talk to her.
294
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,505
I'm gonna take a little nap.
295
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,588
It's okay.
296
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,184
How dare you
come into my kitchen unannounced?
297
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,521
How is that prosciutto?
298
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:18,566
Is it good?
299
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,568
- No one will believe you.
- Mm.
300
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,654
Food's getting cold, so...
301
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,741
Think I'm gonna head back in.
302
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,661
Joanne.
303
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,371
Joanne.
304
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:34,957
Joanne.
305
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,626
You're not gonna believe
what I walked in on.
306
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,628
Don't listen to a word she says.
307
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:44,008
She was trying to clean the kitchen
while we were still eating.
308
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,593
Can you believe that?
309
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,553
My girl, Bina.
310
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,431
Don't worry. She gave me permission
to call her that.
311
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:53,434
And, Bina,
you have such an amazing family.
312
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,519
Which I expected,
seeing how you raised Noah
313
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,479
to be the extraordinary man he is.
314
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,647
Let me get your chair.
315
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,942
Just want you to be comfortable.
316
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,821
Mmm, this is delicious.
317
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,576
What is happening?
318
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,494
I have no idea.
319
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,835
- Should I check on Dad?
- Don't bother, sweetheart.
320
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:20,836
He wakes up at 6:00.
321
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,631
We'll eat another meal,
and then he'll fall asleep.
322
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,717
Somebody ate all the prosciutto
off the charcuterie board.
323
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:28,969
What?
324
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,932
Oh yeah. That was me.
325
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,518
Um, I'm sorry,
I couldn't help myself.
326
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,687
I hope you can forgive me.
327
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,606
But it was in the trash.
328
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:43,943
Yeah. Yes.
329
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:48,322
And I... I fished it out of the garbage,
and I ate it.
330
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,159
Like a raccoon.
331
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:58,082
Joanne, you're so remarkable.
How is it that you are not married?
332
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:02,586
Um, if I'm being real, probably...
333
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,172
...I'm a hopeless romantic.
334
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,926
I just haven't found
the right mother-in-law yet.
335
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,931
Mom, are you all right?
You having a stroke?
336
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,642
No, I'm laughing because Joanne is funny.
337
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,396
Is this the tone of your podcast?
338
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:23,649
Like, if I were a guest,
what would you do?
339
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:27,277
My sister and I would start
by putting you at ease.
340
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,989
Um, like, Esther,
pretend you're my sister.
341
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,032
Oh! Yeah. Sure, I'll be whore number two.
342
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,243
- Esther, language.
- No, it's an inside joke.
343
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,328
- Would you stop it?
- Never mind.
344
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,957
So, first, my sister and I,
we talk a little bit about ourselves.
345
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,918
And then we ask the guest
to tell their stories.
346
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,086
I have a story.
347
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:47,423
Oh yeah. Mom's a storyteller.
And there's always a lesson.
348
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:48,716
Thank you, dear.
349
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,010
When I was a young woman,
350
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,012
I went to New York City
for the first time.
351
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,515
I was with my grandmother.
The weather was awful.
352
00:16:56,598 --> 00:17:00,144
And so, of course, what happens?
She catches a terrible cold.
353
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,813
So I had to get vapor rub for her chest.
354
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:07,067
I went to the first pharmacy I saw
at 51st and 6th, but they had nothing.
355
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:10,279
So I go back to the hotel,
and Grandmother was asleep.
356
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,572
So, with nothing to do,
357
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:14,867
I go down to the lobby,
and there is a bar.
358
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,872
Anyway, Frank Sinatra got me drunk.
And then he stuck his thumb in my mouth.
359
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:23,542
- Oh. Wait, what?
- Oh!
360
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,253
What was the lesson?
361
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,630
Keep your mouth shut around Frank.
362
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:33,510
Well, you being the bad one
was short-lived.
363
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,095
Sorry, I'm so likable.
364
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,390
Hey, um, any chance
I can rescind that bat mitzvah invite?
365
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,601
Having you there
isn't benefiting me anymore.
366
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,436
Oh, no. I'll be there.
367
00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:45,355
Well, I tried.
Honey, don't forget the rugelach!
368
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,315
I got it!
369
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,942
- Bye, guys.
- Bye. I haven't eaten in 20 minutes.
370
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,171
Text your sister,
see if she'll come to dinner with us.
371
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,489
- No.
- Come on. I hate that you're in a fight.
372
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,410
- What are you fighting about?
- Nothing.
373
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,787
She's just a lying bitch
374
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,664
who's trying to get
in between me and my bubala.
375
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,794
How do you know Morgan's lying?
376
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:09,046
If you knew the situation,
you would get it.
377
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,506
Okay, well, I don't.
378
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,550
Okay, bye. Bye, Mama.
379
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:14,968
- See ya.
- Bye, Sash.
380
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,721
Thank you for a lovely day.
381
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,181
Sorry I raised my voice.
382
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,266
- That was wrong.
- It's okay.
383
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:26,647
Joanne, it is so nice to know you.
384
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,856
Right back at you.
385
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,734
And you have
to give me the recipe for that pâté
386
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,195
because I can still taste it.
387
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,905
It's just chopped chicken liver.
388
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:35,823
Mmm.
389
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,658
- Bye, my son.
- Bye.
390
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:38,992
To be honest...
391
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,455
...I like you so much more
than I thought I would.
392
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,040
Oh, that's sweet.
393
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,001
But you're never gonna
end up with my son.
394
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,509
♪ God, it's brutal out here ♪
395
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:03,350
♪ I feel like no one wants me
And I hate the way I'm perceived ♪
396
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:07,104
♪ I only have two real friends
And lately I'm a nervous wreck ♪
397
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:10,983
♪ 'Cause I Iove people I don't like
And I hate every song I write ♪
398
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,903
♪ And I'm not cool, and I'm not smart
And I can't even parallel park ♪
399
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,782
♪ All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get? ♪
400
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,285
♪ Unrelentlessly upset ♪
401
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:26,665
♪ They say these are the golden years
But I wish I could disappear ♪
402
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:30,544
♪ Ego crush is so severe
God, it's brutal out here ♪
403
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,090
♪ Yeah ♪
404
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,967
♪ Just having a really good time ♪
405
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:51,565
♪ Got a broken ego, broken heart ♪
406
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:58,697
♪ God, I don't even know where to start ♪
31951
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