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[funky music playing]
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00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:25,316
[sighs]
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[funky music continues]
4
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♪ I'm so obsessed with your ex ♪
5
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:42,000
♪ I know she's been asleep
On my side of your bed ♪
6
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[Joanne] Stop looking at me like that.
7
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Don't do it, Joanne.
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[Noah] Hey, I'm home!
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[funky music continues]
10
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,513
[Noah] Okay. What do we think?
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00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,140
Blue? Beige?
12
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:58,683
[music stops]
13
00:00:58,767 --> 00:00:59,934
- [Noah] Joanne?
- What?
14
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Which sweater?
15
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,272
Member of the congregation
accused me of "nipping out,"
16
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,691
so... it's sweaters until I die.
17
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:10,945
Uh, well, that's their loss,
um, but definitely blue. [clicks tongue]
18
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,239
[Noah] Know what I don't get
about nipples?
19
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:17,243
You would think when it's cold,
it would go in instead of out.
20
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,454
I'm so sorry.
We have to talk about the box.
21
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,247
- What?
- [Joanne] The box.
22
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,041
The Rebecca box.
23
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:25,335
It's been staring at me
for six straight days.
24
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That's almost a week.
25
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:30,799
And, obviously, I wanted to look inside.
Normally, I would have, but I didn't.
26
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,677
I guess I would like some credit
for how mature I've become.
27
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,762
Yes, right.
28
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,097
That box.
29
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I'm sorry for having
a box of her stuff around.
30
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So what's exactly in it?
Like, what are we talking?
31
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Like, curling irons?
Or love letters? Or tasteful nudes?
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No, don't. Don't even tell me.
You know what, Noah?
33
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I don't need to know.
34
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:56,533
Honestly, it's just some stuff
I felt bad getting rid of, but I also...
35
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,952
I didn't wanna reach out to her
to return it.
36
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That makes sense.
37
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,956
God, we're such adults.
38
00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:04,749
Look at us. Especially me.
39
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,459
Yeah, yeah, especially you.
40
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,254
I'm glad you brought it up.
It's time I got it outta here.
41
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,337
I love that.
42
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,591
And we can just donate it or burn it or...
43
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,926
- I'll figure it out.
- Right.
44
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Burn it, I think.
45
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:19,180
[buoyant music playing]
46
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[music fades]
47
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[knocking at door]
48
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- [Rabbi Cohen] Noah?
- [Noah] Come on in.
49
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:33,361
Noah, I have
a nonwork-related question for you.
50
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:34,863
All right.
51
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,782
[exhales] Is it Zen-day-a
52
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,575
or "Zen-dye-a"?
53
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,494
"Zen-dye-a"?
54
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,620
That's what I thought,
55
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,456
but my granddaughter told me
it is Zen-day-a.
56
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,002
- What do you know?
- [Cohen] Now to the work-related question.
57
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,421
What are you doing for the next 20 years?
58
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,716
Oh wow! Coming in
with the big questions this morning.
59
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,802
I don't know. Let me check my calendar.
60
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,389
My wife has been
gently asking me to retire.
61
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:05,185
And now that she's asking me
in a more threatening way,
62
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,436
I think it's time.
63
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,606
Oh my God!
What's the temple gonna do without you?
64
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,733
- Probably suffer.
- [Noah chuckles]
65
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,735
But that's what we do best.
66
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,737
- Noah.
- Yeah?
67
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,031
I want you to be my replacement.
68
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:20,325
Head rabbi?
69
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,076
It can't come as a surprise.
70
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,828
Rabbi, this is my dream.
71
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- I... Thank you. Thank you.
- [Cohen] Okay.
72
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,417
- Cool your jets.
- Okay, okay, okay.
73
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,295
Because there are a lot of rules
that come with this job.
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00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,880
- There's no pork.
- Of course.
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00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,381
- [Cohen] No shellfish.
- Never.
76
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,008
[Cohen] And maybe I'm wrong,
77
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:40,470
but from what I heard,
I think I'm looking at a rabbi who
78
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:46,142
has suddenly realized
that he likes a nice blonde crab cake.
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00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,314
Yes. I'm sorry.
I should've told you earlier.
80
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:56,444
Look, if our congregation
sees its head rabbi eat a crab cake...
81
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,529
Everyone starts eating crab cakes.
82
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:01,741
Well, no. I was going to say
everyone marries a goy,
83
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,952
then there are no more Jewish children,
84
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,204
and then our people become extinct.
85
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:08,497
Oh, that.
86
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,541
What we got here?
87
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,171
- Hmm. I see.
- Rabbi, I really like her.
88
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:16,756
That's good.
89
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,426
Then maybe you could show her
what Judaism is about.
90
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,844
But start with the fun stuff.
91
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,389
- Do not let her try gefilte fish.
- Okay.
92
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,600
I mean, I actually like it,
but I... I get it.
93
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,186
I have to make my recommendation
to the board next week,
94
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,855
so just let me know
if you want me to put you up for it.
95
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:37,277
Your personal life will come into account.
That's just the way these things are.
96
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,569
Okay. Understood.
97
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:42,699
If you're interested
in making your life a little easier
98
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:45,076
and ending up with a Jewish girl,
99
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my daughter's getting divorced.
100
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The pretty one.
101
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Looks just like me.
102
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I mean, just think about it.
103
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I'll think about it.
104
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,803
[Joanne] I also wanna be mature,
so I'm not gonna look...
105
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:04,886
Okay.
106
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,848
I think you've been a whole new...
107
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,309
Thank you. Oh, my God. No.
Morgan, absolutely not.
108
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,560
Do not open that box.
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Noah and I are in a trusting,
mature relationship, and it's evolved...
110
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You shouldn't have told me about the box
111
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if you didn't think I was gonna
show up here and open the box.
112
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[huffs] Morgan, that is
a huge invasion of privacy.
113
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[Morgan] Mm-hmm.
114
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,575
Wow.
115
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,119
- Hand me that brush.
- Yes.
116
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,913
She is gorgeous.
They look really good together.
117
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,167
- [groans] You had to bring Mom?
- She was in the car when you texted.
118
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,960
Ooh! She's a light-flow girl.
119
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,754
How is that a productive comment?
120
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,255
- Come on.
- Putting it back.
121
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,466
What is this?
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00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,636
He has a mold of her baby foot.
123
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,306
- That's so romantic.
- No, it's not.
124
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:52,310
I hope we find something more juicy
so we can talk about it on the podcast.
125
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,561
Mm. Mm-mm. No.
126
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,272
- What?
- We can't talk about this on the podcast.
127
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,232
You don't even care
about the podcast anymore?
128
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,234
Of course I care about the podcast.
129
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,612
I just miss us being
the slutty single sisters.
130
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,055
Since you started dating this guy,
131
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,657
you're changing
every single thing about yourself.
132
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,781
- I have not.
- "Oh my God! He didn't text me back."
133
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,662
"Oh my God. I hope his friends like me.
Oh my God. I love basketball."
134
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,848
- I'd never say that.
- You did.
135
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:13,998
Yeah, often.
136
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,792
Listen, the Joanne that I know
137
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,127
would never pretend
to like something for a guy.
138
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,047
She wouldn't protect her boyfriend
at the cost of our podcast.
139
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:25,134
She would be balls-deep in this box
without any shame.
140
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,012
You know,
we used to make fun of girls like you.
141
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,807
What you're describing
is growth and maturity.
142
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,394
See, I think what I'm describing
is, um, desperate.
143
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,897
Someone died very violently in this home.
144
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,400
- Hmm.
- What?
145
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,776
Yeah. [exhales]
146
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,320
That's a chilly feeling.
147
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,116
Hey, if you become head rabbi,
do you get a shoe deal?
148
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,409
No.
149
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,162
What are you busting out
all the weird-ass candles for?
150
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,623
I need you guys to come over
for havdalah, okay?
151
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,459
I wanna show Joanne
something really cool about being Jewish.
152
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,169
Oh, for real? I love havdalah.
153
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,922
Right, me too.
Havdalah is seriously slept on.
154
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,340
- I completely agree.
- Yeah.
155
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,092
That's the dessert with the custard.
156
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:09,720
No, it's the ceremony to mark
the end of Shabbat with the three stars.
157
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,140
You light the candle.
You smell the spices.
158
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,183
Nothing? It'll come back to you.
159
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,854
I don't think we've ever done that before.
What's going on with you?
160
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,063
Uh...
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00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,107
I have a crab issue.
162
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:25,153
All right, well, take some antibiotics,
and make sure you shave everything.
163
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,237
It's not that big a deal.
164
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,781
What I mean is, uh,
Cohen found out about Joanne.
165
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,158
I'm starting to freak out.
166
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,993
Oh shit. I'm doing the math.
167
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:35,955
You can't become head rabbi
if you have a shiksa as a girlfriend.
168
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:36,873
Nope.
169
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,499
What does the shiksa think?
170
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,627
She's being really cool about it.
Mostly 'cause she doesn't know about it.
171
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:47,008
I think maybe it is the time to ask her
if she'd ever consider converting.
172
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,051
Have you never talked about the big C?
173
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,388
That's cancer. No, I haven't.
I want to. I just need it to be perfect.
174
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,851
So help me at dinner and make being Jewish
seem really, really awesome, okay?
175
00:07:56,934 --> 00:08:00,480
Wait, so basically, you're asking me
to, like, soft-launch Judaism.
176
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,981
I want you to close it for me.
177
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,065
Hell yeah!
178
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,151
[upbeat music playing]
179
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,743
[Esther] It's the cutest thing
I've ever seen.
180
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,205
Oh my God. I look like
a gross, old grandma. No offense, bubbe.
181
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,207
No offense taken.
182
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,918
And you should be so lucky
to look as good as me.
183
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,837
I can wear any dress. Everyone knows this.
184
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,547
You know, I don't hate it.
185
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,132
- Doesn't hate it.
- That's a step.
186
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:31,761
I just hate the style.
And the fabric. And the color.
187
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,680
Okay, Miri, it goes perfectly
with your theme, babe.
188
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,516
Oh, right. And I hate the theme.
189
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:40,144
Sweetheart, listen to me.
"Miriam takes a bite of the Big Apple."
190
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,729
That is a perfect theme.
191
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,147
[Esther] It's a perfect theme.
192
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:46,317
- We're not having this conversation again.
- [Miriam] No. I'm out.
193
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,693
I have to finish the hem.
194
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,988
I'm sorry, but just because
her friends dress like tiny sex workers
195
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,325
and their themes are, like, Magic Mike,
does not make it okay.
196
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:57,286
So my theme
was famous historical female figures,
197
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,415
and it was awesome
because you got to learn and have fun.
198
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,667
Thank God you're pretty.
199
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,460
Thanks. Should we get dinner tonight?
200
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,379
We should, and we will,
201
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,049
but we can't tonight because...
202
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,860
Don't tell me you're
getting dinner with her.
203
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,178
No, I'm not getting dinner with her.
204
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,265
- I'm being forced to get dinner with her.
- You were forced...
205
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,474
And Noah.
206
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,184
- Right.
- Oh, sounds like a double date.
207
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,228
- It's not a double date.
- Really?
208
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:26,190
It's like a dumb, boring dinner.
Babes, I don't even wanna go.
209
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,568
- But you are, and I'm being replaced.
- You are not.
210
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,821
- Stop that.
- Everybody knows shiksas are for practice.
211
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,574
But this is starting
to feel like more than practice.
212
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,200
- Babe...
- Listen to me.
213
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,284
Yeah?
214
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,161
[whispers] Mark my words.
215
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,038
He misses you.
216
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,331
I can feel it.
217
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:46,002
He will see you at the bat mitzvah,
and he will come to his senses.
218
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,546
Don't wear your hair up, okay?
219
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:49,629
Okay.
220
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,216
[Esther] Yeah. That was nice.
221
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,558
- Do you feel a little better?
- [Rebecca] No.
222
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:55,636
[cell phone chimes]
223
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,640
- My God! It's Noah. He wants to meet up.
- I told you she's a witch. Let me see.
224
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,686
[upbeat music playing]
225
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:09,859
[cell phone rings]
226
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,862
What up?
227
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,238
[Morgan] Hi.
228
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,407
I'm just bored,
waiting for some food, so...
229
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:20,369
Sorry. Can you tilt your camera down?
Sorry, what are you wearing? [laughs]
230
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,913
Are you going to church?
Why are you dressed like that?
231
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,749
What? We're hosting a dinner.
232
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,417
Mm, hosting dinner in a dress.
233
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,918
Are you wearing that for Noah
234
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,838
or for his bitchy sister-in-law
who refuses to text you back?
235
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,591
Uh, maybe I just wanted to look nice?
236
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,551
God, you've gone full Stepford wife.
237
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,305
No, no, no. You're right.
You know, you haven't changed a bit.
238
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,891
Okay, I hear you. Fuck!
239
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,311
[sighs] I guess I could be done
trying to impress Esther,
240
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,605
and I should probably
stop bending over backwards
241
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,065
to get everyone to like me.
242
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,775
And?
243
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,569
And I should stop pretending
to like basketball.
244
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,696
Thank you. Finally. Okay.
245
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:59,784
Well, have fun. You should probably
change out of that Amish outfit.
246
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:00,867
[cell phone beeps]
247
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,788
[exhales]
248
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,624
[clears throat]
249
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,709
[intriguing music playing]
250
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:25,059
- Hey, you changed. I liked the dress.
- Yeah.
251
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,186
Ah, this just felt more me.
252
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,772
Okay. Well, I like you either way.
253
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,358
And you know who enjoys being cozy
more than anyone?
254
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:33,859
- Hmm?
- Jews.
255
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:39,365
[Esther] This is gonna be insufferable.
She tries so hard with me.
256
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:40,700
It's just exhausting.
257
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,577
Hey, babe, I love you. You're my queen.
258
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,745
[doorbell chimes]
259
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,206
But I have committed
to being super hyped on tonight,
260
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:50,084
so even if it feels like a betrayal,
you're on your own.
261
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,669
Hey, you look really nice.
262
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:52,752
Wow.
263
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,839
No, I already hit the but...
264
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,549
- Yeah, I saw.
- [doorbell chimes]
265
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,718
- Well, now it's too much.
- [Noah] It's open.
266
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,094
[door opens]
267
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,263
Hello. Welcome, welcome.
268
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,180
[Noah] Hey.
269
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,307
I see no one else decided
to go cas tonight.
270
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,435
Probably the only one
in an elastic waistband.
271
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:08,978
- Hello, Sasha.
- [Sasha] Hi.
272
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,647
I wanted to go elastic,
but Esther wouldn't let me.
273
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,525
- Well, your sweats are gross.
- What up, bitch? [chuckles]
274
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:15,943
- [Noah] Grapes.
- Oh...
275
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:17,945
What up, bitch?
276
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,447
Uh, this is Miriam.
277
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,449
Hi, Miriam. I'm Joanne.
278
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,701
I hear you are
your uncle's favorite niece.
279
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,078
Oh, yeah. Um, I'm his only niece.
280
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,497
Oh, well, still,
way to edge out the competition.
281
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,376
You're funny.
I wish I was wearing sweats right now.
282
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,254
Do you wanna borrow a pair?
I feel we're the exact same size.
283
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:36,977
Oh, I think she's good. Thank you though.
284
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,008
You're very welcome.
285
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:43,387
Uh, should we head to the couch?
Sit soft before we eat?
286
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,930
- [Sasha] Sure.
- Or not.
287
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,475
Whatever you want. Do your thing, girl.
288
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:49,642
Cool.
289
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:53,105
- Noah, can I have a glass of wine?
- [Noah] Sure.
290
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,584
Um, actually, you know what?
291
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,420
Could I have my food for here
just while it's still hot?
292
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,507
And, um, could I have
a glass of Merlot, please?
293
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,722
I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt.
294
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,518
I just haven't seen anyone
read a book in public in, like, a decade.
295
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,895
- [Rebecca] Oh.
- Is that real or is that a prop?
296
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,940
Yeah, it's real.
It's Where the Crawdad Sings.
297
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,943
It's Reese's Book Club.
I needed to get out of the house.
298
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,320
I figured this was better
than staring at my phone.
299
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,572
Very impressive.
300
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,867
You know, I aspire
to that kind of self-control, so chee...
301
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,328
Oh. Wait, you don't have a drink.
302
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:54,083
Can I convince you to have a glass of wine
just so I don't feel weird drinking alone?
303
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,252
Yeah, you know what? You can. I, uh...
304
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,837
Honestly, I've had a day,
305
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,090
so probably a glass of wine
would help me get my mind off of it.
306
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:02,758
- Right.
- [Rebecca sighs]
307
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,552
I, um, saw my ex today.
308
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:06,469
Oh...
309
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:10,099
Excuse me. Could we get a glass
for her as well, please? Thank you.
310
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,476
I'm Rebecca.
311
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,729
Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
I'm Julie. [chuckles]
312
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,749
- [Rebecca] Nice to meet you, Julie.
- Okay, so...
313
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,068
Tell me more about seeing your ex.
And don't skip anything.
314
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,487
You gotta get that stuff off your chest.
All right?
315
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,030
- Yeah.
- [Morgan] And cheers.
316
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,448
- Cheers.
- [Morgan] Here we go.
317
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,532
Here we go.
318
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,745
It's embarrassing!
I've never even been to New York, okay?
319
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:35,541
Sami's bat mitzvah theme was Euphoria.
They had candy pills on the dessert table.
320
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:36,917
Okay, that's not okay.
321
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,711
Whoa, Sami sounds like a party!
322
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,588
- No. No...
- See? Joanne gets it.
323
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,382
Okay, I'm not having
this conversation again, Miriam.
324
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,261
We have to do it to make your bubbe happy.
She's not gonna be alive much longer.
325
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,471
So if she dies before,
we can change the theme?
326
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,056
Yes, that's a good compromise.
327
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,350
- Miriam.
- Okay. Miriam, if I'm being real...
328
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,185
- Oh God.
- [Joanne] Um...
329
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:59,982
I think a New York theme is chic,
you know? It's, like, fashion.
330
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,400
It's Broadway. It's SNL.
331
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,694
Yeah, it's, uh, hot dogs. It's pizza.
332
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,696
It's, uh, hookers in Times Square.
333
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,991
- It's not about the theme.
- It's New York. They got the giant rats.
334
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,743
It's definitely not about the theme.
335
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:13,662
A bat mitzvah is
a very, very important rite of passage,
336
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,207
and it's about standing on the shoulders
of powerful Jewish matriarchs
337
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,918
like Leah and Ruth.
338
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:23,589
You know, Ruth didn't start out as a Jew,
but we love her.
339
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:24,840
Wow, Ruth got it done.
340
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,984
- She did.
- [Sasha] Mm-hmm.
341
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,593
- Okay.
- Cool.
342
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,929
Joanne, you think the theme is cool?
343
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:33,182
Um, I think
344
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,144
that New York
is the sexiest city in the world.
345
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,770
Uh...
346
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,689
I think you gotta lean in.
347
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:46,153
You know, I can do fashion.
I can do all that. Minus the rats.
348
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,199
I guess it is cool.
349
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,241
Thank you.
350
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:56,205
She's been fighting me on this one
for over a year, so...
351
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,335
- Told you it was cool.
- Hey, it looks like the sun set.
352
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,754
Should we all go outside for havdalah?
353
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,506
Oh, I think I'd rather do homework.
354
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,716
- Come on.
- [Esther] Look at you! All right, honey.
355
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,678
- [Sasha] Okay. Love that.
- [Esther] I'm looking at the stars.
356
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,847
- Coming?
- Yeah, sounds really fun.
357
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,352
But also, you should know
I don't like basketball.
358
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,357
Okay, noted.
Uh, there's no basketball involved.
359
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:24,942
Okay.
360
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,568
[upbeat music playing]
361
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,154
Remind me what happens
when we see the third star again.
362
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:33,033
Uh, it means that Shabbat
is officially over, and night has begun.
363
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,745
- [Joanne] Mm.
- It's a way we welcome the week ahead.
364
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,998
Also means that
we can turn our phones back on.
365
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,500
But I would just ease into it.
I would ease into that.
366
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,459
Okay.
367
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:46,005
- First star! First star! I saw it.
- Oh! Excellent. It's a low one.
368
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,464
Why are we doing this again?
369
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,884
Because it's a super unique thing
for our people, my curious little angel.
370
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,094
Okay.
371
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,054
- There's the second.
- Where?
372
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,180
Right up there.
373
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,891
- [sighs] No fair.
- No fair. Oh. [chuckles]
374
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,189
This is really peaceful.
Thank you for sharing this with me.
375
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,900
I love sharing
this part of my life with you.
376
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,278
- And I love how into it you are.
- [Joanne chuckles]
377
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,990
- Oh! I think a bug just went in my eye.
- Oh.
378
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,575
No bugs in the house.
379
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,827
Yeah, yeah. We should go inside
380
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,663
because I think
we can see the stars better from in there.
381
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,249
[Esther] Oh, of course.
The beautiful inside stars.
382
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,421
[Joanne] You should stop looking
because I'm gonna find it.
383
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:30,591
- Don't even bother.
- It finds you, if you know what I mean.
384
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,635
Then it's gonna find me.
And you know what? I'm gonna document it.
385
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,762
- Really?
- Yeah.
386
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:37,014
You said I could be on my phone
after dinner.
387
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,392
- Follow your heart, follow your heart.
- [Joanne laughs] Okay.
388
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:50,069
Uh... Just... You know what?
I have to do one thing.
389
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,737
- Give me one second.
- Okay.
390
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,821
I'll be right back.
391
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,240
- [Noah] Ease into it.
- Yep.
392
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:01,622
[Morgan] Okay. I got a lot of info.
None of it's good.
393
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,457
Rebecca and Noah have been talking a lot.
394
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:07,461
He's in a relationship,
but it's, quote, not that serious.
395
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:11,256
And today was really emotional for them
because he returned the box.
396
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,468
- [scoffs] There's no way that's true.
- [Noah] Oh! Third star.
397
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:15,886
Ding, ding, ding.
398
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,722
You know what?
I just need one more second.
399
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:22,683
[Noah] Okay.
400
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,691
Hey, is she Jewish yet?
401
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,240
Don't tell my parents I'm watching TV.
402
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,950
Okay.
403
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,034
[Miriam] Oh, wait.
404
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,329
Can you look at my bat mitzvah dress?
Is it embarrassingly long?
405
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,331
Oof. Yes.
406
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,375
My mom won't let me shorten it.
407
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,377
That's what scissors are for.
408
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,254
You're so fucking cool.
409
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,006
Don't tell my parents I said "fucking."
410
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,300
I know I am. And I won't.
411
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:00,847
[Joanne exhales]
412
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,891
[poignant music playing]
413
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:04,934
[sighs]
414
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,318
[Noah] Hey.
415
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,404
Where'd you go?
416
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,037
Are you talking to Rebecca behind my back?
417
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,081
What?
418
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,583
The box.
419
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,711
You gave it to her, right?
420
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:34,131
- Yeah, I thought you wanted me to.
- Have you been texting with her?
421
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:39,094
No. I mean, I texted her
that I was gonna drop it off at 4:00,
422
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,220
and she liked it.
423
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,431
So I... I guess technically?
424
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,057
- That's it?
- Yes.
425
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,186
- You haven't been checking in and...
- No.
426
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,730
...commiserating about
how much you guys miss each other...
427
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,940
- What?
- ...saying you're in a relationship with me
428
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,276
that, I quote, "is not that serious?"
429
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,485
Of course not.
430
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,530
I... I just... I don't...
Now I don't know what to believe.
431
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,115
Why not? I would never do that.
432
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,576
Does that sound...
If you don't believe me... I mean...
433
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:04,745
- Here.
- You want me to go through your phone?
434
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:08,165
- I do. I have nothing to hide. Please.
- Great. Good. What's your passcode?
435
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,750
0372.
436
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:11,751
Jeez.
437
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:17,674
[Joanne sighs]
438
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,720
I don't wanna look. [sighs]
439
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:25,390
Thank God. Because I record myself
practicing sermons sometimes.
440
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:29,186
You can look if you want to,
but, you know, they're a work in progress.
441
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:34,149
In all my past relationships,
I would have looked.
442
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,443
Okay.
443
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:39,321
But I really want
to be different with you.
444
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,033
And I trust you.
445
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:45,994
- I trust you.
- [Joanne] I...
446
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,707
- You shouldn't.
- [Noah] What? Why?
447
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:51,791
'Cause...
448
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:57,506
I... I looked in the box after you left.
I said I wasn't going to, and I did.
449
00:20:58,548 --> 00:20:59,548
Okay.
450
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,135
- And I'm sorry.
- Hey. Hey, hey.
451
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,305
That's okay. I get it.
452
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:09,309
The box was just sitting there.
How could you not be curious?
453
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,403
I know it's not the right time,
but I would love to circle back
454
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,029
to what that baby foot was all about.
455
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,031
- Oh yeah, that's creepy as fuck.
- Yeah.
456
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:25,742
[gentle music playing]
457
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,372
I'm sorry.
458
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,476
- [Joanne sighs]
- Come here.
459
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:34,876
God, for everything...
460
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,714
Someone just got in my head.
461
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,133
[Noah] Who?
462
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,719
Morgan!
463
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,263
Morgan, open the door!
464
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:49,057
Jesus! Are you about to shit yourself?
What the hell?
465
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,935
- I just talked to Noah.
- Okay.
466
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,603
[Joanne] You lied to me.
467
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,231
He has not been texting with Rebecca.
468
00:21:56,315 --> 00:22:00,110
[scoffs] Oh, weird. The guy that
you're dating is denying texting his ex.
469
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:01,695
Wow. Problem solved, I guess.
470
00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:04,156
Noah is not like that.
And I think you know it.
471
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,825
Oh my God. Do you have any idea
how delusional you sound?
472
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:11,496
Okay. Joanne, listen.
I know that you're hurting.
473
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:15,709
But Rebecca told me all of this herself.
Okay? I don't know what...
474
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:17,085
I don't believe you.
475
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,255
- Maybe she lied.
- Oh my God.
476
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:24,301
That is such a reach, Morgan.
You told me she didn't know who you were.
477
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:26,094
- She didn't.
- Why would she lie?
478
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,763
No. You just want Noah gone
479
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,432
because you've never been supportive
of this relationship.
480
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,577
- It's a ridiculous relationship.
- [Joanne] Oh my God.
481
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,644
That does not mean I'm making this up.
482
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:38,440
I can't believe you're trusting
some random guy's word over mine.
483
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:41,860
- Noah is not a random guy, okay? What?
- [laughs] Right.
484
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:44,738
You want me to be sad and alone
because that's better for you.
485
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:47,491
Sorry you're the only slutty sister
left on the podcast.
486
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:50,702
No. I'm the only self-aware sister
left on the podcast, okay?
487
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:53,538
You are changing everything about yourself
for this guy.
488
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,374
Honestly, Joanne, it's pathetic...
489
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,333
Stop saying that.
490
00:22:56,416 --> 00:22:57,292
- Okay?
- It is.
491
00:22:57,376 --> 00:23:00,087
- This is not about me and Noah!
- [Morgan] Okay.
492
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,880
He doesn't want me to change.
493
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:04,216
This is about you feeling left behind
494
00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:07,928
because I am finally
in a healthy relationship, okay?
495
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:10,639
And you are still
on desperate dating apps,
496
00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:14,226
so excited that you're matching
with a cater waiter named Broyden.
497
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:19,189
You know what?
498
00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:22,818
In six months, when you're back
on the "desperate dating apps"
499
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,695
because Noah dumped you
so he could marry Rebecca,
500
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,019
you're gonna remember this
and it's gonna be humiliating.
501
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,200
Honestly, I can't wait.
502
00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:31,618
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you!
503
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:34,138
I can't believe you're choosing some guy
over your own sister.
504
00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:36,581
- Believe it.
- [Morgan] Okay, great. Grow up.
505
00:23:36,665 --> 00:23:39,793
Oh, and FYI,
Rebecca is much prettier in person.
506
00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:42,587
- It's not a filter. She has zero pores!
- Shut up.
507
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:45,382
Fucking bitch.
508
00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:48,343
[tender music playing]
509
00:23:52,472 --> 00:23:53,598
[sighs]
510
00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,146
[Noah] Hey.
511
00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:02,731
You okay?
512
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:09,072
I don't know.
Everything just seems so fucked up.
513
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:11,991
With me?
514
00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:14,578
Oh my God, no.
515
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:19,332
You're, like, the one thing
I'm 100% sure about.
516
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:27,673
Um...
517
00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:30,552
- Have you passed away?
- Sorry.
518
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:33,972
Now would be a great time for you
to say you're 100% sure about me too.
519
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,557
Sorry. Honestly, I, uh...
520
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:39,686
I've been a little distracted,
and, um, I apologize.
521
00:24:39,769 --> 00:24:40,769
Um...
522
00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:44,399
Had something important weighing on me,
and I... [clears throat]
523
00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:45,942
...wanted to talk to you about it.
524
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:48,195
Um...
525
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:50,655
I'm very anxious now,
so if you could just say it.
526
00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:53,158
Yeah, sure, okay. Um... [clears throat]
527
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:57,370
With this potential new job,
I've had to think about my future a lot.
528
00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:02,459
And... the reality... is
529
00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:05,086
if I'm gonna spend my life with someone...
530
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:11,718
I... you know, I need them... to be Jewish.
531
00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:18,225
Are you breaking up with me?
532
00:25:18,308 --> 00:25:19,309
No.
533
00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:22,270
Joanne, I want to be with you.
534
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,649
You want to be with me?
535
00:25:25,732 --> 00:25:26,732
Yes.
536
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:30,779
Okay, but I feel like there's a "but."
537
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:31,988
But, um,
538
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,658
I have to ask you...
539
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:39,704
would you ever consider converting?
540
00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:42,206
Oh.
541
00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:43,666
Um...
542
00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:47,336
I...
543
00:25:49,172 --> 00:25:51,007
Well, what happens if I say no?
544
00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:55,010
I don't know.
545
00:25:58,223 --> 00:26:02,227
♪ How could it all fall in one day? ♪
546
00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:11,653
♪ Were we too sure of the sun? ♪
547
00:26:15,365 --> 00:26:21,663
♪ If you need to, keep time on me ♪
548
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:30,672
♪ If you need to, keep time on me ♪
549
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:39,180
♪ Who knows what state is in store? ♪
550
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:48,607
♪ If they all turn, will you run? ♪
551
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:55,697
♪ If you need to, keep... ♪
42968
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