Original subtitles

Told ya it was the same old shit.

Pay him.

You guys are really cleaning up.

Okay.

- See ya, boys! - Take it easy.

If those guys keep buyin' dynamite from us,

we'll make enough to buy another boat.

Yeah, that's if they don't

blow themselves up first,

Hey, Snake, Mizzel, how'd it go, guys?

- Just fine. - Huh, hey.

- Grab onto this, will ya? - Yee, huh, huh.

Hey, better hide snookums here for us, fucking sheriff

might spot her. - Hey, Snake.

- Well. - Woo!

Come to mama. - Yeah.

Here you go, boys.

Woo!

Business is hoppin' for sure!

- Yay! - Come to mama.

I suppose you guys are going back to the resort?

Look, I don't want to hear any complaints, huh?

You got your bucks, right?

Man, we're sitting out here on top

of a goddamn powder keg while you assholes

plop yourselves down in the lap of luxury!

It's the contact point.

What do you expect us to do?

There!

We move and you're out of business.

Come on, Langley.

Oh, what the hell!

Just sit tight, boys.

We're expecting a shipment of materials later in the week.

Just keep packin' them sticks, huh?

Just make sure you sell that stuff pronto, brah.

We don't dig no babysitting

no shit load of goddamn volatiles!

You tell 'em, mate.

Come on, man, rig it up, you know?

Damn, look at that!

We'll triple our debts! - Big bucks, baby, big bucks!

Beauty.

Give me one, give me one, hurry up.

Hurry up, light it, will ya, come on?

What the hell is going on?

Dynamite fishermen.

Damn idiots must have blown themselves to pieces.

Let's go.

What happened to our fishing route?

Why are the fish gone?

I say, it's Akua.

The great shadow is coming.

Annie, Annie!

Annie!

It's Skipper!

Using dynamite in the river is against the law.

We don't use dynamite.

We only fish the old way.

You see anybody peddling sticks around here,

you let me know, okay?

It's those haole bastards, I'm telling you.

It's Akua.

Akua has come back, driving the fish away.

Oh, come on.

He hasn't bothered us for 50 years.

Why now?

Maybe those lousy haole and their dynamite woke him up.

Tonight, we must perform the ritual

to appease Akua.

Don't look at me, I'm going fishing.

What do you think?

Doctor Essex here is the new local authority

on this papauli beast and other scaly matters, right Annie?

Maybe she cal tell you more than I can.

Thanks for the endorsement, Keefer.

I know you have a lot of faith in my research.

You sleep in here?

No, I sleep up.

I am a herpetologist, reptile specialist.

What'd you think I was doing here?

I thought you were a crackpot.

Typical case of preconceived notions.

Just like my scientific colleagues.

Black? - The only way.

Rugged, huh?

You know, I thought little girls

were supposed to be scared of lizards.

I was always saving them in the garden

from my sister's cats.

Things haven't changed much.

What do you want?

No jokes now.

You've been hunkered down here for three months

and I can't figure out what you're looking for.

New species.

I wouldn't mind getting my name in the textbooks.

You won't find anything new around here.

All us thick skins, we're all pretty workshop worn.

You don't wanna acknowledge the legends of Akua, do you?

Oh come on, wake up.

You're not serious about that.

The beast, that's hokum!

You know, you could do yourself a favor as a cop.

What's that?

Learn the difference between myth and superstition.

Oh, yeah.

That is myth with a capital M, right?

Sometimes it contains the truth.

And I suppose you want me to keep an open mind?

Sorry.

Cops are just suspicious pranks.

We're naturally skeptical.

I don't know.

All the pan-fried toxic muck we throw at this planet.

You never know what it might throw back at ya.

Jump, Koby, jump!

Get outta here, now!

Papa, Papa!

Come on, Keefer, slow down!

I wanna talk to ya!

Hey, I hear you got a weird kidnapping down in Lahua.

Something like that.

I want you to take me with ya!

Eat mud, news man.

Dammit!

Well, quick, get an extinguisher!

Oh, look at my car, Keefer, look at my damn car!

I'm looking.

God damn.

Get this junk pile out of here.

Get me a fire extinguisher!

Hey, quiet out there!

You're goin' down to Lahua, aren't ya?

Maybe.

Well, I'm going with ya.

Oh, no you're not.

I want this obscenity off my property.

I don't want my guests to have to look at this!

Guests, you don't have any guests, you never do.

She's goin' under.

The bank's about to slam your door, sugar pie.

I have important guests.

Let's go, Ted.

Let's shoot some pictures.

What?

Gah!

For they last time, I want this wreck off my property!

Sheriff.

Boat's ready.

I'm having this car towed.

I'm not kidding.

How 'bout it, man?

Keefer!

Wait a minute!

Come on, Keefer!

Nobody else is on to the story yet.

Would you wait a minute, man!

Look, all you gotta do is give me a ride!

Hop in.

Hey, I remember her.

She was the January babe in Connoisseur Magazine.

Hey, you think we should fingerprint her?

Hey, Keefer, remember our bet?

Reno, Nevada!

That's right, I dug it up!

Your story.

Dude was the High Sheriff of Reno.

Didn't know that, did ya?

Practically got himself run outta town

'cause there was a maniac on the tear

with a weird tool and Keefer couldn't find him.

Can't hide nothin' from me.

Think I ought to right up an expose?

Your shirt looks terrible, man.

Look at those lacerations.

It's the claws of Akua.

Now, the last time the kids saw him he was in the boat.

We'll look for the boat down river.

No, no.

Koby says it was going up river.

We just came that way.

We didn't see anything.

But, you see, that's where it was going.

Moving upstream.

Just a couple questions, Koby.

Tell me what you saw.

Come on, you can tell me.

Ask him if he saw Akua.

Hey, he must have been one ugly dude, huh?

What do you want?

Koby, did you see someone?

Hey, that's enough!

What do you think this is, some damn story?

It's a sizzler, man.

You're gonna go apeshit.

Aquatic beast devours dad while he's trying to feed

his starving kids.

It'll burn your socks off.

No, I don't have a picture of Akua,

there is no Akua, man.

How can I get a picture of it?

Call your pals in Hollywood if you want

a snapshot of Godzilla.

How much?

Oh come on, man, that's not enough.

Give me 75.

75, that's all I'm asking, you cheapskate.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm trying to earn a buck here!

Sounds like pennies to me.

Hey, easy with the phone.

Look, can we talk?

Man I wish you'd learn to keep your fucking mouth shut.

Huh?

You shouldn't have told the boys about the shipment.

Why not?

I just phoned Oahu.

Yeah?

It ain't materials, bozo.

It's the finished product, stolen dynamite.

The mob men, get me?

They want in.

No shit!

Another phone call and the deal will be set.

And I don't want Blue or Snake to know about this.

If they start asking any questions

you keep real quiet.

Hey, that means we don't need

those two turkeys anymore, right?

Right.

I think it's about time we eased them

out of the business.

Hey, look at that!

Hi.

Got a place to stay tonight?

I got the front seat.

How would you feel about a plush bungalow

with a hot water bath and satin sheets, and uh...

What's on your mind, Cahill?

I got a ripe deal for you.

Listen.

Why scare away some potential guests

with some cock and bull poop horror story?

Listen up, sweetheart-

Instead, why not turn this whole thing around?

Turn a panic into a party.

Make some big bucks.

Dream up some slick promotion.

I know you can do it.

Lemon into lemonade, huh?

Lakoa into Kaloa.

The way I see it, this thing is a cross

between the Loch Ness monster, the Abominable snowman,

the bigfoot all wrapped up into one.

Mystery and mayhem will be the magnets

and if it works out, if it works out,

there's a full time job in it for you.

PR director for one of the hottest tickets in the town.

I'm in.

Hey Keef.

Oh, afternoon, Sam.

This is Dr. Essex.

She's new to here.

Clean the paddock to the boy.

Come on down.

Just take a seat here.

There were deep cuts inflicted.

Immediately cut her to death.

I still don't know what the weapon is or was

except that it was pretty crude.

This is the only thing we found.

What is it?

A fragment of bone or a claw.

Oh, mind if I take this?

I'd like to run some tests.

Keef, we're looking at the first recorded

murder in Kahuna.

Okay, thanks Sam.

Give me a call when you're ready.

I'll be right back.

Yes doctor.

You okay?

I took this job to get away

from this kind of psychotic bullshit.

Maybe it's not what you think it is.

Okay, I got it now.

You're gonna get a blast of free promotional win

that's gonna blow your damn hair back.

Can you guarantee that?

Guaranteed!

People wanna hear about this crap

and I know how to tell them.

I'm a published writer, lady.

I got a bestseller under my belt.

Is that what you got under there?

I'm gonna file a series of silly shockers.

The Demon of Paradise chewing up the locals,

I'll make fun of the beast!

What's going on?

They're leaving, I don't blame them.

Just because of a murder?

I don't get it.

What the hell is this supposed to be?

It's a carnivorous lizard man of the triacic age.

About 200 million years ago.

It's also the missing stepstone between reptiles

and early primates.

We still have the basis of the reptilian brain, you know.

Okay, I'm listening.

Look, reptiles are the first genuine land vertebrates.

They've been on earth longer than mammals and birds.

They're survivors.

Up to now the crocodile was the largest living known reptile

and it hasn't changed since the dinosaurs.

Ugly bastard.

It's a big eater.

Look at the teeth on that thing.

Light sensitive, nocturnal feeder.

Best time to hunt for it is at night.

It's just a book, Annie, an old book.

And you're not a witch doctor.

All right, look.

Will you at least help me find the missing boat?

Where are we gonna look?

Like Koby said, up the river on the lake.

Okay.

Right, thank you.

Okay, that's it.

Shipment from the mob's on the way.

Couple of days and we're out of here.

All right.

Let's go.

Take a hike, spaz ass.

Come on.

What's the matter with you?

Look, I'm sick of this shit.

I'm going over to talk to Sheldon.

We gotta sell this stuff right away.

Hey, pick up a couple of six packs, will you?

Yeah.

Look, get back to the barge, right now.

Fuck you, man.

Look, I'm telling you, don't come here anymore.

We shouldn't even be seen together.

Well just remember what I told you.

You gotta get rid of those crates but fast, you dig?

I don't know what to tell her.

Why don't you tell her the truth?

I don't know the truth yet.

- Cahill! - What?

This is my nine point program for total complete success.

That's amazing.

Step one, do nothing.

Two, do nothing.

Do nothing, do nothing.

It's not really that hard.

Really stupid, that's really amazingly stupid.

Cahill, this is Annie.

Annie, this is Cahill.

Oh hi, Annie, yeah, yeah.

What?

Are we suggesting that this Akua thing is for real?

That's a hoot.

That's really priceless.

If I thought it was real,

I wouldn't be putting up my own money for the reward.

The point is, you might consider quarantining the lake

till we get a handle on this thing.

Quarantine the lake?

Oh.

Are you out of your head?

I have a very big tour group coming up here tomorrow.

Ike, would you please show them the way out?

It was nice to meet you.

Maybe she's right.

This whole thing could be a hoax.

Look, I haven't seen any hard evidence yet, none.

I'm on my own then?

That's it.

Well I think the beast is up at the lakeside.

I'm gonna set up a little camp right on the shoreline,

see if I can't catch it alive.

If I can.

So what do you expect me to do, just sit here?

Hey, where's all that coke you promised me?

Already blew it all, toots.

Have a beer.

I don't like this beer.

It's green, look at it.

I cannot drink green beer.

I'd like a pina colada please?

No rum.

Just have the beer.

I want dancing, Ted.

I want real booze.

I want people, not gawking apes.

Take me in to Hilo.

Forget that idea, it's too far.

I'll drive!

Christ.

Excuse me.

Did I hear you say you could use some nose candy?

Do you got some?

Honey, I got tons.

And you expect me to believe you?

Hey, do I look like a liar?

Come on.

Follow me.

Okay.

Where did she go?

No more rum.

Well we're almost there,

honey bunny, come on.

I don't wanna go back there.

What, come on, let's go.

Where are you taking me?

Are you just trying to pull a 360 on me?

I mean what is this place?

What's that?

I got mud on my high heels,

and now it's on my pantyhose!

It's all right, little prissy.

It's gonna be worth it. - It's so dark.

Come on.

Here we go.

Let me show you what I have in here for you.

Let me show you what I got for you,

my little princess.

Right here. - Yeah?

Ta-da!

Ain't that a beauty? - Oh my god!

Haha, it's all yours.

I'm gonna die.

I am gonna die! - Enjoy it, right.

Look at that.

And this here, this here's my partner Snake.

Hey, man.

You know what I got in there?

It's the dream girl from the skin rag.

Oh man, What'd you bring her here for?

What's bugging you?

Man, I keep hearing something sloshing around out there.

Oh my god!

Hey, come on!

Come on, let's get high, Snake.

Come on!

Yeah.

Yeah, haha, woohoo!

Blue, get the hell out here!

What?

You see anything out there?

Go get the girl, get her out of here.

The girl's gone.

What?

She stole our coke, man.

Damn!

I'll tear up her butt if I can get my hands on her.

Must have been their factory.

What do you think happened?

Blew up in their faces.

Hey Keefer, there's a boat over here.

Find out who owns it.

Welcome to paradise!

Guest registration is just over there.

Cabanas are on your left, dining rooms on your right.

And water sports are straight ahead.

Oh don't forget, tomorrow we're staging

our first annual beast egg hunt.

You might win a free vacation.

Listen, what's all these gory stories

I've been hearing about a couple killings out here?

Don't worry about it.

There's nothing to it.

Really?

Come on Jack, it's just part of the fun.

Don't you know a good gimmick when you see one?

Fuck man, we lost a whole investment.

We're gonna have to start all over from the ground up.

Yeah well at least the mob's into this.

Hey, what's going on?

This place is fabulous.

I've never heard of it before.

Hi, I'm Luisa.

Ike Baskerville, want a banana?

Man, this is where we take delivery.

We gotta stay put right here or we forfeit the deal.

We'll be okay.

The more people show up, the less we stick out.

Come on.

Dammit Cahill, you should have told me.

I'm in the middle of a murder investigation.

My men don't have time to handle an influx

of tourists like this.

Do you wanna keep your job?

Then you better find the time.

'Cause that's what the people of this island

are paying you for.

Oh, one other thing.

We'd like an officer around here making the rounds

for the safety of my guests.

Keefer.

What are you doing here?

I was going to ask you the same thing.

Sometimes you sound just like a cop.

What were you up to out on the lake today?

Grabbing specimens.

Find what you're looking for?

You know you've got a rough ride in front of you.

Okay, okay.

Let's say the damn thing is alive.

What about reproduction?

- Reproduction? - Yeah, reproduction.

- Similar to humans. - No kidding.

The eggs are fertilized inside the female.

Well we've got anything to worry about?

I mean one of these dudes in the neighborhood

ought to be plenty.

Takes two to reproduce, doesn't it?

I always wanted to kiss a man in a cowboy hat.

Do you hear that?

Look at, the lunatic and the widower.

Oh Ike, you asshole.

Don't get hahoo, man.

What are you so jumpy for?

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Where were we now, let's see.

Come on.

- Hooray, come on! - Here we go, come on.

Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap.

No wait wait.

I wanna ride the boat, I wanna ride the boat.

- The boat? - Put me down, put me down.

The boat quick, yeah.

Empty already?

Did he just say you were a widower?

Yeah and he also called you a lunatic.

I'm meeting you because I paid.

I know I didn't pay for it.

Oh god.

I cannot work.

- What? - I'm like,

I'm just totally spent.

I'm too strung out.

Gabby, listen.

We've gotta finish up.

Look, I'm under pressure from the mag.

We spent too much cash on this already,

and there's not enough to show for it.

Tomorrow I'll hire a boat.

How's that grab you?

You mean go out on the lake?

We could get some great shots.

And then we can get zapped

and then we could get skinny.

We are not getting stoned, we gotta work.

Oh come on.

Maybe just a little.

Oh shit.

Just a minute, hold still.

What was that?

Help, help!

No!

Oh my god.

I got news for you, Cahill.

You got a dead man on the beach, and a missing girl.

Now there's a threat to your guests.

Why don't we just step into my office

for a moment, Sheriff?

I hear something happened out on the lake last night.

Is there a problem?

Just a boating accident, excuse me.

A boating accident?

Yeah, they were fooling around in an outpour.

Ike fell out, got caught up in the blades.

She probably got scared and ran off.

Listen carefully, Cahill.

There's a threat and I'm shutting you down.

Show me a court order to shut me down.

Miss Cahill, there's very real danger here.

There is no danger.

I happen to believe this is a result

of an animal attack.

Oh god, do I have to listen to this woman?

Look, I think there's a psycho on the loose

but whoever it is-

I'm telling you Keefer, if I'm right

this thing is not confined to water.

And it can exist for half an hour or longer on land.

Oh I suppose it could just waltz right in here

and make a phone call too.

I'd like to see that.

Listen, Cahill, you're going to have to face the facts.

I'll face them!

But I'm not going to swallow this obscene crap.

Business is booming

for the first time since I bought this place.

I'm not gonna let you railroad me.

Cahill, close the lake.

Close the resort.

Get the people out of here!

Is this woman here on an official capacity?

I don't wanna see you in here again.

You're not gonna shut her down.

How do I get a closure?

Possible attack by mythical beast?

What does it take, more blood on the beach?

And your psycho theory doesn't hold water, man.

It's replay of a game you've already lost.

Well maybe it's a little more cold blooded than that.

Maybe Ike knew something and the girl was just

unlucky enough to have been there at the wrong time.

It's cold blooded, all right.

See that guy?

Yeah.

Check him out.

All right people, listen up, listen up.

Last night, the big bad beast, Akua,

great shadow under the water

laid a few eggs on the lawn.

Really?

Your job is to round them up.

But get this, the one who finds the grade A

special jumbo Akua egg wins the free vacation.

Hey, what does it look like?

You'll know it when you see it, believe me.

But be careful.

Akua don't like it when you mess with his goodies.

So watch out, he could be lurking somewhere.

Okay, go for it!

Be careful, you'll scare the tikis.

That's the second prize, free dinner and drinks.

Sorry folks, just another zany prank.

Oh no, it's Akua, seeking revenge,

protecting his babies.

I got it, I got it!

That's it, that's it, you found the jumbo prize.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves an egghead champion.

What is going on over there?

Stop thinking about that, concentrate.

Feel the lens.

Feel this!

I'm tired of this.

I want something real.

Like a movie contract?

You'll get slots of offers once this comes out.

But will they accept me as a serious actress?

They will, they will.

I'm hot.

Hey, why'd you stop?

Nothing, I just gotta change the film.

We got something for you.

Look at this.

What about the speedboat?

It's registered to a mainlander

named Leon Shelton.

We checked with Honolulu and confirmed it.

These bozos are working partners.

Latest conviction, illegal possession of explosives.

Jumped bail before sentencing.

Well let's bring him in.

Okay everybody.

It gives me great pleasure, and believe me it does,

to present this prize certificate for an all expense

paid weekend in paradise

to a guy who looks like he really needs it.

Here you go, Jack.

This is it.

Right.

What do you think, Al?

Looks all right to me.

What's that, firecrackers?

Those were gunshots!

- Gunshots? - Yeah!

It's for real.

Hey everybody, it's a shootout!

Ah, Tom!

Somebody please, let go!

Please, please stop, don't hurt me!

He's got a gun!

Let me go!

Let the girl go.

No way, Sheriff.

You leave us alone, nobody gets hurt.

Come on, let go of me.

Get that boat and I'll get the girl.

Please, oh!

Give it up, guys.

No, no!

Come on!

Ah, let me go!

No!

Back off, Sheriff,

or the girl gets it, I mean it!

Oh come on people, give us a chance.

Come on, start the engine, let's go.

Don't tell me.

Sorry Cahill, I'm shutting you down.

Just when things were looking up.

Dammit, Keefer.

It's your job to squash this lizard,

not shackle on us commerce.

I would like to reopen.

When can I expect to do that?

Soon as we get this sucker on ice.

And when would that be?

There's no timetable, Cahill.

Governor's office tells me we can't get the National Guard

mobilized for a couple of days.

I can't wait that long.

We're losing momentum.

I want something done now!

Are you the Sheriff of Kihono or what?

I'm not Superman.

I just don't wanna lose this place.

I'll do the best I can.

You going after the beast?

Tonight.

Take me with you?

No way Annie, forget it.

Look.

Movement and noise attract it.

But it won't hurt you unless you provoke it.

Please try not to kill it.

I tripled the dosage.

Not making any promises.

Okay Keefer, I know you got a bum rap

against maniacs and monsters.

Don't take it personally.

You think this is doing any good, Sheriff?

I don't know, just keep hammering.

Maybe we killed it last night.

I mean it must have took a hell of a beating.

More likely we just made it mad.

What's that?

Start the engine!

Start it!

Let's go.

Start it, man.

Let's get out of here.

Come on, start it!

Start it!

What's the matter?

What's wrong with it?

Start it!

Mayday, mayday, we're under attack.

It's coming after us!

Big fucker with big teeth, man.

Send help, now!

Halt!

Keefer!

Keefer!

Go!

Get the hell out of here!

You didn't kill the thing, did you?

Can't you do anything right?

You incompetent slouch!

I lost two men tonight, Cahill.

Well where are you going?

Tonight, just going home.

Chopper one, come in.

I can see you right now.

You're looking real good, over.

Give it another run.

Captain, down there!

Look!

We're pulling out, Sheriff,

but I'm leaving a token force with you just in case.

But I'm sure the explosion must have got him.

Then why doesn't the carcass float to the surface?

There's nothing left of it.

- Everything okay, guys? - Fine, Lieutenant.

How's it hanging?

Everything's cool, Lieutenant.

Warren?

All quiet out there.

There's nothing moving.

Looks like we've seen the last of that thing.

I don't think there's any need for us

to hang around here anymore.

We pull out at first light.

- Thanks. - All right.

Johnson, Smith, sentry duty!

Rest of you guys, turn in.

We're out early in the morning.

Want some coffee?

Nah, they ain't gonna make it.

We gotta bail.

What the fuck, it's still alive!

The window, block it, anything!

Cahill!

Can't help her! - Oh God!

Shit.

Where is it?

Spread out, spread out!

It just keeps coming.

It's wounded, it's like a mad dog.

How are we gonna bring it down?

This is it right here!

Take your weapons.

Spread out, cover the perimeter!

Ah, ah, oh God!

He's got me, help!

He's got him!

Help me, please!

Help me someone!

We have advantage in the daylight.

If we're gonna get him, we gotta get him now.

What's up there?

A cave.

I bet that's where he is.

Wait for me, then pour it on!

Wait!

I need to get closer.

Guys, grenades!

All together!

Now!

Guess that's the end of it.

You ever pull a tail off a lizard?