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1
00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:57,698
Well, we're here.
2
00:00:57,823 --> 00:00:59,867
Yeah, we are.
3
00:01:03,621 --> 00:01:07,959
Oh, you just look so grown-up
in that new jacket. You do.
4
00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:09,835
- OK, Bones, take care.
- Now...
5
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,590
here is your bus ticket.
6
00:01:14,715 --> 00:01:16,300
- Jonathon!
- Argh!
7
00:01:16,425 --> 00:01:19,387
- Take care of yourself.
- I will.
8
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,764
Call us when you get there, OK?
9
00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:23,516
Dad.
10
00:01:26,811 --> 00:01:30,898
- See you over the holidays.
- Oh, I'm so proud of you!
11
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:32,650
Mom.
12
00:02:18,362 --> 00:02:20,406
Hi. How you doin'?
13
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:38,049
- (boy) Check out that geek.
- (laughter)
14
00:02:38,174 --> 00:02:41,135
- Nice jacket!
- How are things on Neptune?
15
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,646
Nice. Real nice.
16
00:02:52,396 --> 00:02:55,566
- How you doin'?
- Welcome aboard, stranger.
17
00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:14,460
Great, douche bag.
18
00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:17,797
Yeah.
19
00:03:17,922 --> 00:03:20,174
Another year, another idiot.
20
00:03:21,717 --> 00:03:24,178
(# "Overnite" by Toymuzic )
21
00:03:25,137 --> 00:03:28,432
# You'll be stayin' here with me tonight
22
00:03:30,685 --> 00:03:33,980
# You're gonna love me overnight
23
00:03:34,105 --> 00:03:35,731
Entrez.
24
00:03:38,276 --> 00:03:40,111
- Hey! You must be Jonathon!
- Yeah.
25
00:03:40,236 --> 00:03:42,738
Squire Franklin Burroughs IV.
Call me Skip.
26
00:03:42,863 --> 00:03:45,116
- Hi, Skip.
- I'll give you a hand with it.
27
00:03:48,744 --> 00:03:51,289
What the hell you got in here?
A dead body?
28
00:03:51,414 --> 00:03:53,749
I got my books,
my clothes, that kinda thing.
29
00:03:53,874 --> 00:03:57,795
Last year we had a guy smuggled
his girlfriend up here in one of these.
30
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,922
- Yeah?
- He lost the key.
31
00:04:00,047 --> 00:04:02,591
By the time he found it, she was dead.
32
00:04:03,301 --> 00:04:04,427
Really?
33
00:04:04,552 --> 00:04:06,137
- Just kidding.
- Oh!
34
00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:09,432
- Welcome to Vernon Academy.
- Good one.
35
00:04:09,557 --> 00:04:12,101
This is your side of the room.
36
00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:14,854
You only have to wear
this rag on duty days.
37
00:04:15,271 --> 00:04:19,734
- Nobody said anything. I thought we...
- Make yourself at home.
38
00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:23,070
So, where are you from?
Where'd you go to school?
39
00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:27,658
Well... I grew up in Pittsburgh,
went to public school there for about...
40
00:04:27,783 --> 00:04:29,910
Holy shit, we're late!
41
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,662
Late?
42
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,416
Mm, how about these? Great, huh?
43
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:38,461
You know, these assholes,
they all go to Neiman Marcus,
44
00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:42,590
but I found this outrageous boutique,
Henri's. It's great stuff, huh?
45
00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:43,341
Yeah.
46
00:04:43,466 --> 00:04:46,761
You know, if these things don't
win first prize, there is no God!
47
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:49,513
- Well, hurry up and change.
- Change?
48
00:04:51,849 --> 00:04:54,393
Jeez, I forgot.
You've never been to prep school.
49
00:04:54,518 --> 00:04:55,770
Uh-uh.
50
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,022
You must think I'm pretty weird, huh?
51
00:04:58,147 --> 00:05:01,192
- Well...
- Look, look, this is a Vernon tradition.
52
00:05:01,317 --> 00:05:05,821
Every year, the seniors have to parade
around wearing women's underwear.
53
00:05:05,947 --> 00:05:10,326
It's supposed to teach us humility. The
seniors give the squits shit all year long,
54
00:05:10,451 --> 00:05:13,412
and this is their one chance
to laugh at us.
55
00:05:15,289 --> 00:05:17,375
Oh! I get it.
56
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,086
- You thought...
- Yeah.
57
00:05:20,211 --> 00:05:23,297
Come on, this is a tradition.
Jeez, what are you gonna do?
58
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,550
- Oh, no, I'll just stay here and unpack.
- Let me think.
59
00:05:26,676 --> 00:05:29,470
- Jenny!
- Jenny? Hey. Hey.
60
00:05:30,179 --> 00:05:33,474
Let's see. Ah! We're in luck!
61
00:05:34,058 --> 00:05:37,144
- Mementoes.
- I don't wanna dress up in women's...
62
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,147
- You're not gettin' mine.
- I don't want yours.
63
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:44,443
Granted, you won't win any prizes,
but at least you won't be embarrassed.
64
00:05:44,568 --> 00:05:46,612
Get changed.
65
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,243
Come on.
66
00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:53,536
- Come on.
- I can't!
67
00:05:53,661 --> 00:05:55,705
Come on!
68
00:05:58,165 --> 00:06:01,502
Would you hurry up, man!
We gotta go! We're late!
69
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,755
Come on. You look great. Let's go.
70
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:09,051
- Hey, guys!
- Look at her!
71
00:06:11,095 --> 00:06:14,390
- Skip?! Skip?!
- You look great! You look great!
72
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:19,228
Nice ass you got there, babe!
73
00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:22,523
Ooh, black! My favourite colour!
74
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:34,785
They love you!
75
00:06:37,204 --> 00:06:40,082
Hey, turn around. Oh, look at those tits!
76
00:06:41,751 --> 00:06:45,129
(chanting) Show your tits! Show your tits!
77
00:06:46,631 --> 00:06:49,258
Hey, where'd you get that outfit?
78
00:06:50,092 --> 00:06:52,345
It's Frank-N-Furter!
79
00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:54,221
- Whoa!
- Gotcha!
80
00:06:54,347 --> 00:07:00,269
- (boy #1 ) Hey, you've really fallen for him!
- (boy #2) I'm gettin' a gigantic soft-on!
81
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,481
It's the weenie in the bikini!
82
00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:11,739
Shit!
83
00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:17,620
(chanting) We want more! We want more!
84
00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:29,924
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I know it was a lousy thing to do.
85
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,301
Look, don't take it personally.
86
00:07:33,761 --> 00:07:36,973
It really is a tradition.
Somebody falls for it every year.
87
00:07:37,348 --> 00:07:42,270
No hard feelings, OK? Look, it was
just a prank. Don't take it personally.
88
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:44,605
OK?
89
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:49,277
We're roommates. We're gonna be
together for a whole year. Truce?
90
00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:52,905
Truce.
91
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,337
(French accent) There she is again.
I think I'm in love with you.
92
00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:10,589
- Hey, sweetheart.
- (Jonathon) Yeah.
93
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:15,094
- Hello, miss, is your dance card filled?
- I think she's in the wrong john.
94
00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:20,474
- Lights!
- (boys) Fuck you, Roscoe!
95
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,019
I said lights, nipple nose!
96
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:25,646
That's Mr Nipple Nose to you, Maybaum!
97
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,566
Shh! Quiet, here comes the walrus man.
98
00:08:35,406 --> 00:08:38,701
- Good evening, Mr Maybaum.
- Good evening, sir.
99
00:08:39,493 --> 00:08:42,038
- All present and accounted for.
- Hmm.
100
00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:48,169
- Well, good night, then, Mr Maybaum.
- Good night, sir.
101
00:08:57,511 --> 00:09:02,266
One more thing. If you have any trouble
with the boys smoking, let me know.
102
00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:04,435
OK?
103
00:09:05,686 --> 00:09:07,730
Good night.
104
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:17,531
(# "Holiday in Cambodia"
by the Dead Kennedys)
105
00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:41,430
Hey, there he is.
106
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,935
Hey, look, there's the geek in the lingerie.
107
00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:48,771
It's the guy in the woman's underwear!
108
00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:51,482
Ladies and gentlemen,
the lovely April Pussy.
109
00:09:51,607 --> 00:09:53,776
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Vernon.
110
00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:58,406
- Hi, darling!
- Hey, Jonathon, over here!
111
00:10:02,576 --> 00:10:06,664
(French accent) Let me take you
away from all this, my darling!
112
00:10:08,499 --> 00:10:11,210
- He cries real tears.
- Come here. Sit here.
113
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:15,131
Oh, let me wipe those tears!
114
00:10:17,091 --> 00:10:20,386
- Oh, God, what a tool.
- We're talkin' megadork.
115
00:10:20,511 --> 00:10:22,138
Shut up!
116
00:10:22,263 --> 00:10:26,892
- What is going on over there?
- They pulled the underwear gag on him.
117
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,689
- (jeering)
- (laughter)
118
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:37,111
- Going to change into your bra?
- Don't forget to write!
119
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:39,989
I'm tellin' you, that guy's a wimp.
120
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:48,331
Hey, look, Jonathon,
I think you've been ma...
121
00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:51,250
Oh, my God.
122
00:10:54,462 --> 00:10:56,172
Jesus!
123
00:10:56,297 --> 00:10:57,923
Jesus!
124
00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:05,264
I dunno why he'd do it! Jesus,
I dunno why he did it, it was just a joke!
125
00:11:06,515 --> 00:11:08,517
Hung himself!
126
00:11:09,143 --> 00:11:12,021
I dunno why he did it, but it's my fault...
127
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,232
(siren)
128
00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:25,117
Is this meant to amuse me,
Mr Burroughs?
129
00:11:25,242 --> 00:11:26,577
Quiet!
130
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:29,497
Stop by my office
about eight in the morning.
131
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:35,127
You think about what you've done,
and I'll think about what I'm going to do.
132
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:40,508
Oh, and, um... please invite
your dead roommate.
133
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,094
All right, show's over.
134
00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:52,019
(laughter)
135
00:12:05,199 --> 00:12:11,122
I'm sorry. It was a lousy thing to do. But I
was so humiliated I just had to kill myself.
136
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:18,421
Oh, just a prank, just a prank.
No hard feelings, huh? Truce.
137
00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:23,551
Truce.
138
00:12:26,387 --> 00:12:31,309
I'm not really ready for this conversation.
I usually have at least a month
139
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:34,520
before I am faced with
students in women's underwear,
140
00:12:34,645 --> 00:12:39,317
or an artist's rendering of my persona
dangling from the rafters.
141
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:42,111
We're only in the first week, gentlemen.
142
00:12:42,236 --> 00:12:45,823
It's frightening to imagine what
could happen by Christmas, isn't it?
143
00:12:45,948 --> 00:12:47,575
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
144
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:52,955
That was rhetorical, boys. I like to give
everybody one chance to screw up.
145
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,959
I think we can assume
you've each had yours now.
146
00:12:57,084 --> 00:13:02,214
I hope this is the last such conversation
I'll have with you until the end of the year.
147
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:07,303
- No ifs, ands, or buts. Is that clear?
- (both) Yes, sir.
148
00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:12,099
- We really gotta watch it.
- We've gotta straighten up.
149
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:15,770
- Be responsible. Toe the line.
- Gotta clean up our act. Absolutely.
150
00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:23,235
They're never gonna sell it to us.
It's never gonna work.
151
00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:26,030
- We're gonna get busted.
- Shh. Relax.
152
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,666
Which one of you youngsters
is planning to buy this?
153
00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,669
- I am.
- Oh, really? How old are you, son?
154
00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:42,505
50.
155
00:13:50,221 --> 00:13:52,390
You did it!
156
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:55,935
I'm astounded by your brilliance
and the magnitude of your gall.
157
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,312
Yeah, so am I.
158
00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:08,030
This is something I've never told anyone,
159
00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:12,118
so you've gotta swear to me
what you hear will not leave this room.
160
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:14,745
Swear to God.
161
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,998
- OK.
- Swear to God!
162
00:14:17,832 --> 00:14:19,458
OK.
163
00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:25,881
I killed a guy.
164
00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:27,466
Yeah? (laughs)
165
00:14:27,591 --> 00:14:30,219
- I mean it, Jonathon.
- Me, too.
166
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:36,225
Last year, uh, I was in Montego Bay
with some friends.
167
00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:40,146
And we were all in this bar.
168
00:14:40,271 --> 00:14:43,399
And I met this gorgeous girl.
She takes me back to her place,
169
00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:46,027
and then some huge guy
had a gun to my head.
170
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,071
And my gorgeous gal,
she's going through my pockets.
171
00:14:49,196 --> 00:14:51,949
I must've been drunk,
cos I kicked the guy in the balls.
172
00:14:52,074 --> 00:14:57,246
And I went for the gun, and then the next
thing I know, there's this huge explosion.
173
00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:59,415
And, uh...
174
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:06,255
the guy was... lyin' on the ground
175
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:09,258
with blood pourin' out
of a hole in his head.
176
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:18,184
- It was horrible.
- Jesus.
177
00:15:22,271 --> 00:15:23,898
God.
178
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,612
- What'd you do?
- What do you think? I got the hell out.
179
00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,620
What's the worst thing you've ever done?
180
00:15:39,956 --> 00:15:42,917
- I cheated on my SAT.
- I can smell bullshit a mile away.
181
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:48,673
Hey! It cost me I 50 bucks. I bought
the test. I had every answer goin' in.
182
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:54,637
You cheated on the SAT?
You cheated on the SAT?!
183
00:15:54,762 --> 00:15:56,180
Yeah.
184
00:15:56,931 --> 00:16:00,851
Christ, I love that! You're the smartest
fuckin' guy in the whole school.
185
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:04,647
Mr Scholarship. I mean,
even Roger did OK on the SAT.
186
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:09,402
It just so happens my whole life
depends on my getting into Harvard.
187
00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:11,988
You really cheated on the SAT!
188
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:16,242
It's pretty serious.
189
00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:19,578
Hey, you killed a guy.
190
00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:24,792
Well... not exactly.
191
00:16:27,128 --> 00:16:30,006
What do you mean, "not exactly"?
192
00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:31,757
Huh?
193
00:16:37,221 --> 00:16:40,641
That son of a bitch
got away with everything I had.
194
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,853
You know, I was so scared
that I shit my pants.
195
00:16:57,199 --> 00:16:58,242
What an asshole.
196
00:16:58,367 --> 00:17:01,370
Oh, no, Kafka's
symbolism here is obvious.
197
00:17:01,495 --> 00:17:04,290
The apple represents original sin. Yeah.
198
00:17:04,415 --> 00:17:08,628
It sticks in his side like Christ's wound
and eventually festers and destroys him.
199
00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:13,382
No, no, no. What he's really saying
is we're all cockroaches.
200
00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:16,010
- Later.
- Hey, guess what you're doin' tonight.
201
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,887
- Latin.
- Wrong.
202
00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:22,350
You've got a date with the
second-prettiest girl in Foxfield.
203
00:17:23,392 --> 00:17:25,436
- You didn't.
- Oh, I did. I did.
204
00:17:25,561 --> 00:17:29,148
- I am not gonna be able to do this.
- We are not gonna get caught.
205
00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:32,568
I'm not talkin' about that.
I'm talkin' about the girls.
206
00:17:32,693 --> 00:17:37,114
- I've never done it before.
- You've never done that before?
207
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,286
Sure, I've done it. God! Lots of times.
208
00:17:42,411 --> 00:17:45,957
I mean, you know,
not all the way every time, but...
209
00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:49,335
I feel sick.
210
00:17:50,419 --> 00:17:53,881
You've got nothin' to worry about.
These are very nice girls.
211
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,467
I might not even get laid tonight.
212
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,515
Although that's highly unlikely.
Turn off the light.
213
00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:07,853
We're gonna get caught. You know
what they're gonna do if they catch us?
214
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:12,275
Sure. But it doesn't hold a candle
to what the girls are gonna do.
215
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,109
Oh, God.
216
00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:17,488
(watch bleeps)
217
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:21,826
Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!
218
00:18:21,951 --> 00:18:24,203
(distant) Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!
219
00:18:24,912 --> 00:18:27,707
Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
220
00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:33,170
- (distant) Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Oh, I don't believe this.
221
00:18:33,296 --> 00:18:36,632
- (giggles)
- Don't worry.
222
00:18:37,174 --> 00:18:39,552
Here they are. Right on time.
223
00:18:41,804 --> 00:18:44,056
- Hey.
- (both) Hi!
224
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,810
(# "Stand in the Shadows" by Line One)
225
00:18:49,145 --> 00:18:52,857
They want to work, it's just
we haven't given them the opportunities.
226
00:18:52,982 --> 00:18:55,943
Poor people are just like you and me,
except with no money.
227
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:59,572
They have so many kids,
they can't get out from under.
228
00:18:59,697 --> 00:19:03,117
We've been educated.
We use birth control.
229
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:07,455
Nobody gives a damn. Their situation
will never change until we do something.
230
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,372
(grunts)
231
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:11,459
- You don't agree?
- No. No, I, uh...
232
00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:17,298
(Skip) Jesus! Jesus!
233
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:21,177
Jesus Christ, Jonathon,
I don't believe it! Oh, God!
234
00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:24,388
It's the grossest thing I ever saw!
It's on my skirt!
235
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:43,699
You know, deep down inside,
I really think they liked me.
236
00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:50,206
Jonathon!
237
00:19:52,249 --> 00:19:55,711
- Guess what I just did for you.
- I don't wanna know.
238
00:19:55,836 --> 00:19:57,880
Welcome aboard, Mr Secretary.
239
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:03,094
Secretary of the Dance Committee is
bullshit. It's an excuse to get outta class.
240
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:07,515
That's only one of its positive aspects.
The best part is there's five of us,
241
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,850
and 479 of them.
242
00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:12,603
Let's get 'em.
243
00:20:24,782 --> 00:20:29,370
- Oh-ho, look at the chest on her.
- (French accent) Oh, the little girls.
244
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,622
- Chicks.
- Love 'em.
245
00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:33,374
Whoo!
246
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:39,588
- Hi. Welcome to Foxfield.
- Love the fat girl! Ooh, the big fat one.
247
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:45,636
This is the way we think it should go.
Just before the last dance,
248
00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:49,890
our Mrs DeBreul and your Mr Kennedy
will present the prize for best costume.
249
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:53,811
- Can we just say something?
- We think this costume thing is childish.
250
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:56,522
What?! But it's a Halloween dance!
251
00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:59,442
There are more important things
than Halloween.
252
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:01,819
There are people starving!
253
00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:05,156
Lisa, why don't you offer
our guests some sandwiches?
254
00:21:05,281 --> 00:21:08,868
A Halloween dance without any costumes
is like every other dance!
255
00:21:08,993 --> 00:21:13,497
I think any dance is inappropriate
considering the condition of the world.
256
00:21:13,623 --> 00:21:17,710
I am so tired of you two and your
pseudo-intellectual liberal crap!
257
00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:20,588
- Julia!
- Your cotton-candy ideas make me sick!
258
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:21,589
- Lisa!
- Hi.
259
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,549
Oh, no!
260
00:21:23,674 --> 00:21:24,634
(Jonathon) Agh!
261
00:21:24,759 --> 00:21:26,552
- Lisa!
- I'm sorry.
262
00:21:26,677 --> 00:21:28,679
Stay away from me! Oh, fuck!
263
00:21:28,804 --> 00:21:31,265
- Lisa!
- Oh, fuck!
264
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,850
You peon!
265
00:21:37,355 --> 00:21:39,273
Oh! Oh!
266
00:21:45,529 --> 00:21:50,409
Let's leave it up to the individual
as to whether he or she wears a costume.
267
00:21:52,453 --> 00:21:53,704
What do you think, Jonathon?
268
00:21:53,829 --> 00:21:56,332
I'm terribly sorry, Mrs DeBreul.
269
00:21:57,667 --> 00:21:59,919
Yes, it was most unfortunate.
270
00:22:02,046 --> 00:22:04,757
The vase was a gift
from Eleanor Roosevelt?
271
00:22:04,882 --> 00:22:08,803
Irreplaceable. No, I don't think
that's being too extreme, not at all.
272
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:13,474
As a matter of fact, I think
you're being quite generous. Goodbye.
273
00:22:17,979 --> 00:22:21,482
Well, Mr Burroughs,
you and your dance committee
274
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:25,611
have really made an indelible
impression on our sister school.
275
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:28,322
And especially you, Mr Ogner.
276
00:22:28,698 --> 00:22:32,285
Not only are you forbidden
to attend the Halloween dance,
277
00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:36,163
but you are the first student
in the history of Vernon Academy
278
00:22:36,289 --> 00:22:42,795
ever to be banned from Foxfield until,
and I quote, "the day you die".
279
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,172
On your way, gentlemen.
280
00:22:53,264 --> 00:22:55,349
The white zone is for unloading...
281
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:57,935
Banished from Foxfield for ever!
282
00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:01,939
The only females within 100 miles.
283
00:23:03,107 --> 00:23:07,445
- Guess you're gonna die a virgin, buddy!
- Give me some of that.
284
00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:12,158
- Here you go, pal, Mr Alligator.
- You wanna buy a shirt?
285
00:23:12,283 --> 00:23:14,535
(brass chorale music )
286
00:23:17,538 --> 00:23:19,165
Ta-da!
287
00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:25,671
You look troubled, my son.
288
00:23:36,432 --> 00:23:41,729
Worriest thou not about being banished
for ever from the Foxfield school for girls,
289
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:45,483
for yea, though they are
the only females within 100 miles,
290
00:23:45,608 --> 00:23:48,653
there is still a place
where thou canst journey to.
291
00:23:48,778 --> 00:23:50,863
Chicago, on the nine o'clock bus.
292
00:23:51,322 --> 00:23:53,991
- Forget it.
- Desperate circumstances
293
00:23:54,116 --> 00:23:57,787
require desperate measures.
Sexually, you're finished around here.
294
00:23:57,912 --> 00:24:00,915
- Must you rub it in?
- Look, take this ticket.
295
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,753
Go to Rush Street, the Free N Easy Club.
And you will meet the girl of your dreams.
296
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:10,633
If she ain't there, take what you can get.
Grab a cab, take her to Grey's Lake Inn.
297
00:24:10,758 --> 00:24:14,595
And there you will plant your seed
in the Garden of Eden.
298
00:24:17,265 --> 00:24:19,517
- Here's 100 bucks.
- Forget it.
299
00:24:19,642 --> 00:24:23,104
Jonathon! Until you get laid,
none of us are safe!
300
00:24:25,648 --> 00:24:29,402
And whatever you do, Jesus,
don't tell her you're in high school.
301
00:24:29,527 --> 00:24:31,904
- Tell her you're a longshoreman.
- What?
302
00:24:32,029 --> 00:24:36,117
- Say you're a theatre critic for the Times.
- Yeah. That's better.
303
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:40,037
You're going. I don't want to see
your ass back here until you succeed.
304
00:24:40,162 --> 00:24:44,125
In fact, I'm not gonna let you in the room
until you bring me... her panties.
305
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:46,544
Oh, come on. Look, Skip, I'm not like you.
306
00:24:46,669 --> 00:24:49,630
I don't have your charm,
your finesse, your, uh...
307
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:52,967
- Class.
- Whatever. I'm no good with women.
308
00:24:53,593 --> 00:24:57,179
I know that, you know that. The broads
that go to the Free N Easy don't.
309
00:24:57,305 --> 00:25:00,808
Look, Jonathon, you're a great guy.
310
00:25:01,225 --> 00:25:05,688
You've got a lot going for you.
Hey, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.
311
00:25:05,813 --> 00:25:09,066
Well, I might say it if I didn't mean it,
but probably not to you.
312
00:25:09,191 --> 00:25:11,235
Come on, let's go!
313
00:25:12,445 --> 00:25:14,488
(chicken noises)
314
00:25:15,114 --> 00:25:17,575
I'd lend you some money,
but I'm a little short.
315
00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:21,537
Get this one for the Gipper.
Come on, you guys, let's go!
316
00:25:24,832 --> 00:25:26,709
- Bless you.
- Yeah, bless you.
317
00:25:26,834 --> 00:25:30,671
To the Promised Land, my son.
To the Promised Land.
318
00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:38,095
Hey, Jesus, I got a great deal
on some alligator shoes, buddy.
319
00:26:38,948 --> 00:26:42,034
(# "Hiding From Love" by Bryan Adams)
320
00:26:45,079 --> 00:26:49,625
# You can't deny it,
you're only hiding from love
321
00:26:54,588 --> 00:26:56,215
Bartender!
322
00:26:56,966 --> 00:26:58,593
Sir!
323
00:26:59,135 --> 00:27:03,472
# You say you're shy,
but you're only hiding from love
324
00:27:24,035 --> 00:27:26,120
- Watch it!
- Sorry.
325
00:27:27,204 --> 00:27:31,834
# You're not deciding,
you're only hiding from love
326
00:27:34,587 --> 00:27:37,882
Hi. My name is Jonathon. What's yours?
327
00:27:39,342 --> 00:27:43,262
Mind if I join you?
So, do you live around here?
328
00:27:48,225 --> 00:27:52,688
# You say that you're shy,
but you're only hiding from love
329
00:27:57,902 --> 00:28:00,154
Maybe another time.
330
00:28:06,911 --> 00:28:08,746
Oh, man!
331
00:28:08,871 --> 00:28:12,541
- Bartender!
- Hold your horses! Be right with you.
332
00:28:19,507 --> 00:28:20,675
- Go!
- Go!
333
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,428
One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six...
334
00:28:25,221 --> 00:28:27,723
- Oh, man!
- How did I do?
335
00:28:27,848 --> 00:28:31,018
- I could do better than that.
- Oh, she could do better than that!
336
00:28:31,143 --> 00:28:33,521
Ten bucks. Ten bucks. Ten bucks.
337
00:28:35,731 --> 00:28:38,609
- Hey, you're gonna lose some money!
- Ellen!
338
00:28:39,527 --> 00:28:42,822
- Ready for takeoff now?
- Ready. Wait, wait, wait.
339
00:28:42,947 --> 00:28:44,490
Get ready, get set, go!
340
00:28:44,615 --> 00:28:50,371
(all) One! Two! Three! Four! Five!
Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!
341
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,876
Pay up.
342
00:28:59,255 --> 00:29:01,299
Drinks for the losers.
343
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,394
Nice little profit.
344
00:29:15,438 --> 00:29:17,898
- This one's on the house.
- Thanks.
345
00:29:28,117 --> 00:29:30,161
Are you here alone?
346
00:29:30,745 --> 00:29:33,122
- Huh?
- Are you here alone?
347
00:29:33,247 --> 00:29:34,332
Yeah.
348
00:29:34,457 --> 00:29:38,210
You know, I get a really
good feeling from you.
349
00:29:38,336 --> 00:29:40,796
- You do?
- Mm-hm. Gimme your hand.
350
00:29:44,884 --> 00:29:46,969
You got a very exciting aura.
351
00:29:47,845 --> 00:29:49,972
I bet you hear that all the time.
352
00:29:50,097 --> 00:29:52,558
Well... now and again.
353
00:29:52,683 --> 00:29:55,269
- Let me test it.
- What?
354
00:29:55,394 --> 00:29:58,814
Your aura. Take this quarter.
Close your eyes.
355
00:30:00,358 --> 00:30:03,986
See if you can run the quarter
from your forehead to your chin,
356
00:30:04,111 --> 00:30:05,696
and then from ear to ear,
357
00:30:05,821 --> 00:30:09,116
but without ever losing
contact with your skin.
358
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:12,828
- That's it?
- It'll tell us everything we need to know.
359
00:30:31,764 --> 00:30:33,975
Can I have my...? Yes. Thanks.
360
00:30:36,519 --> 00:30:38,813
How'd I do?
361
00:30:38,938 --> 00:30:42,275
I'm sorry. I guess the vibes
just weren't right.
362
00:30:55,579 --> 00:30:57,957
Wow. Look, you got two fours!
363
00:31:07,758 --> 00:31:09,927
Excuse me.
364
00:31:12,013 --> 00:31:14,974
- Could I... show you something?
- Sure.
365
00:31:22,398 --> 00:31:24,609
Oh, God!
366
00:31:24,734 --> 00:31:28,654
- Why am I such a turd?
- It could happen to anyone here.
367
00:31:29,739 --> 00:31:34,035
- Vodka tonic, please.
- Only a dick would fall for that.
368
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,370
Well, you might be right.
369
00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,501
Yeah, I should...
370
00:31:47,214 --> 00:31:49,050
Uh... thanks.
371
00:31:51,260 --> 00:31:52,887
If you'll excuse me...
372
00:31:53,012 --> 00:31:57,808
I'm gonna find a very tall building
with a fabulous view, and jump off.
373
00:32:04,774 --> 00:32:07,151
Trailways bus terminal, please.
374
00:32:13,658 --> 00:32:15,910
I know just the tall building.
375
00:32:25,711 --> 00:32:27,129
Whoo!
376
00:32:38,224 --> 00:32:41,602
- Why don't you come back over here?
- Why don't you come over here?
377
00:32:41,727 --> 00:32:45,982
- No, I'm... I'm comfortable right here.
- What are you afraid of?
378
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,484
Uh... dying.
379
00:32:50,486 --> 00:32:54,824
Uh, look, I wanna be totally honest here.
You're scarin' the hell outta me.
380
00:32:56,242 --> 00:33:01,205
Hey, I just thought of somethin'. I haven't
eaten. What about you? Are you hungry?
381
00:33:01,330 --> 00:33:04,875
What do you say?
I could... I could buy us dinner.
382
00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:11,340
Now I am gonna jump.
383
00:33:11,465 --> 00:33:14,969
- It's only money.
- Yeah, well, it's my only money.
384
00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:20,683
Have you ever...
have you ever been in love?
385
00:33:21,058 --> 00:33:24,770
- Yeah, I was pretty fond of that $100 bill.
- Have you?
386
00:33:30,484 --> 00:33:32,778
You're askin' me, the turd?
387
00:33:32,903 --> 00:33:36,741
Well, you look like a pretty...
sensitive turd to me.
388
00:33:39,035 --> 00:33:42,288
Do you think there's
something wrong with me?
389
00:33:46,459 --> 00:33:49,545
Well, how do I know?
I mean, I don't know you.
390
00:33:50,463 --> 00:33:52,506
We can fix that.
391
00:33:55,885 --> 00:34:00,806
Yeah, are you hungry? Cos I am
pretty hungry. You could buy us dinner.
392
00:34:00,932 --> 00:34:03,184
OK, so what do you wanna eat?
393
00:34:05,144 --> 00:34:06,479
Um...
394
00:34:06,604 --> 00:34:08,940
do you like Italian?
395
00:34:09,065 --> 00:34:09,857
Uh...
396
00:34:09,982 --> 00:34:11,609
Chinese?
397
00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:33,256
Uh...
398
00:34:34,131 --> 00:34:36,968
- This is an elevator.
- Really?
399
00:34:37,093 --> 00:34:39,136
I love elevators.
400
00:34:39,804 --> 00:34:42,181
I think they're just wonderful.
401
00:34:43,307 --> 00:34:46,394
I love the way they go up and down.
402
00:34:49,063 --> 00:34:51,857
- Do you?
- Oh, yeah, I think it's great.
403
00:34:55,278 --> 00:34:57,321
Which do you prefer?
404
00:34:58,656 --> 00:35:00,700
Going up...
405
00:35:02,243 --> 00:35:04,287
or going down?
406
00:35:05,037 --> 00:35:06,664
Um...
407
00:35:07,373 --> 00:35:09,750
- Up is fine.
- Really?
408
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:13,838
I think going down is much more exciting.
409
00:35:14,755 --> 00:35:18,342
Well, yeah, now that you
mention it, down is, uh...
410
00:35:19,927 --> 00:35:23,681
Of course, going up... can be... a thrill.
411
00:35:24,515 --> 00:35:26,142
It depends.
412
00:35:27,602 --> 00:35:29,604
That's what I think.
413
00:35:33,274 --> 00:35:35,192
(Ellen) Wait.
414
00:35:35,318 --> 00:35:38,112
Yeah, up is... Down is...
415
00:35:48,831 --> 00:35:52,710
- Wait, uh... Wait, where...? Where's the...?
- (bell rings)
416
00:35:52,835 --> 00:35:55,087
No, at the back. At the back.
417
00:35:55,421 --> 00:35:57,131
Oh, yeah.
418
00:36:11,896 --> 00:36:14,148
- Oh, God!
- Oh, God, I'm so hot.
419
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,030
Wouldn't you prefer...
doing this... lying down?
420
00:36:21,155 --> 00:36:23,407
Uh... yeah, sure. Whatever.
421
00:36:25,618 --> 00:36:28,371
Or maybe... you prefer
doing it standing up.
422
00:36:28,704 --> 00:36:30,539
Um...
423
00:36:30,665 --> 00:36:33,125
Um... I think I better lie down.
424
00:36:49,892 --> 00:36:52,436
Look, just... just slow down.
Just slow down.
425
00:36:52,561 --> 00:36:54,605
- OK.
- Kiss me.
426
00:36:56,482 --> 00:36:58,526
Jonathon... Stop, my hair's stuck.
427
00:36:58,651 --> 00:37:01,988
- Oh. Sorry. OK.
- That's better. That's better.
428
00:37:03,823 --> 00:37:07,243
- Oh, what's...? Wait a minute. The sheet.
- Oh. Sorry. OK.
429
00:37:08,869 --> 00:37:11,497
- How are you doing?
- Oh, good! Good!
430
00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:16,351
Maybe something's happened to him.
431
00:37:16,476 --> 00:37:20,689
- I thought he'd be back by Friday.
- I can't keep covering for him.
432
00:37:20,814 --> 00:37:22,482
- Where is he?
- How should I know?
433
00:37:22,607 --> 00:37:25,068
You sent the little douche bag
to Rush Street!
434
00:37:25,193 --> 00:37:28,029
- Oh, shut up, you clone.
- Up your tube, geek.
435
00:37:28,154 --> 00:37:30,824
- I'm telling Kennedy.
- Very honourable, Skip.
436
00:37:30,949 --> 00:37:33,034
It's been nice knowin' ya.
437
00:37:33,576 --> 00:37:35,787
Where the hell have you been?
438
00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:43,920
- (wolf-whistling)
- (cheering)
439
00:37:48,341 --> 00:37:50,802
Very impressive, Mr Ogner.
440
00:37:51,970 --> 00:37:54,514
- In a fucking elevator?
- That was the first time.
441
00:37:55,306 --> 00:37:57,308
I can't stand it!
442
00:37:57,434 --> 00:38:01,730
Oh, it was stuck... between
the 51st and 52nd floor.
443
00:38:04,065 --> 00:38:06,443
- How old is she?
- Oh, God...
444
00:38:07,610 --> 00:38:09,654
mid-thirties.
445
00:38:10,697 --> 00:38:13,241
Oh, God. God!
446
00:38:14,743 --> 00:38:17,620
A fucking elevator! Fucking ele... Whoa!
447
00:38:18,872 --> 00:38:22,292
Now let's each of us take a moment
to look within ourselves,
448
00:38:22,417 --> 00:38:25,003
and ask for guidance...
449
00:38:25,128 --> 00:38:27,172
and strength.
450
00:38:28,381 --> 00:38:30,425
- Our heavenly Father...
- How big?
451
00:38:30,759 --> 00:38:33,970
.. may you look down
on each and every one of us
452
00:38:34,095 --> 00:38:36,556
and give us the will,
453
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:40,185
the purity of mind, to follow your way.
454
00:38:40,310 --> 00:38:43,605
- What's her name?
- Ellen.
455
00:38:43,730 --> 00:38:48,193
She's a fashion designer. Told her
I'm at Northwestern workin' on my PhD.
456
00:38:48,318 --> 00:38:51,071
And she bought it? And you really...?
457
00:38:51,196 --> 00:38:52,572
Mm-hm.
458
00:38:52,697 --> 00:38:55,492
- Jesus! And she really...?
- Mm-hm.
459
00:38:55,617 --> 00:38:57,911
- Jesus!
- Hey, you wanna be careful?
460
00:38:58,036 --> 00:38:59,496
Aw, man.
461
00:39:07,504 --> 00:39:09,547
Hey! There he is!
462
00:39:10,423 --> 00:39:13,259
- Mr Porno!
- Yeah, the Rush Street Casanova!
463
00:39:13,635 --> 00:39:17,097
- Hey, he's a sex machine.
- The guy is an animal.
464
00:39:17,639 --> 00:39:21,726
It's Dick Man! Able to leap
long fences at a single bound!
465
00:39:21,851 --> 00:39:24,187
Yes, Dick Man!
466
00:39:25,438 --> 00:39:27,482
Oh, you lady-killer!
467
00:39:50,130 --> 00:39:52,465
OK. See ya Monday.
468
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,635
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Listen to this.
469
00:39:55,969 --> 00:40:01,474
"One out of every two males experiences
impotence at least once in his late teens. "
470
00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:03,852
One out of two. Holy shit.
471
00:40:04,936 --> 00:40:08,148
Well, have a swell weekend.
Give Ellen my love.
472
00:40:08,273 --> 00:40:09,983
(Ellen) Oh!
473
00:40:10,108 --> 00:40:11,735
Oh!
474
00:40:43,349 --> 00:40:45,143
Oh, Jonathon.
475
00:40:45,268 --> 00:40:47,312
(Jonathon) Mm.
476
00:41:14,297 --> 00:41:18,551
Let's do it again. What do you think?
Hm? What do you think?
477
00:42:37,005 --> 00:42:39,466
- Are you ready?
- Mm-hm.
478
00:42:44,929 --> 00:42:47,390
It's called an instant margarita.
479
00:42:48,141 --> 00:42:50,518
- Ready when you are.
- Open.
480
00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:57,567
Swallow.
481
00:42:58,026 --> 00:42:59,652
Swallow!
482
00:43:00,862 --> 00:43:03,865
Do you want some water?
Do you want some water? Open.
483
00:43:03,990 --> 00:43:06,409
- Do you want more?
- Cut it out!
484
00:43:06,534 --> 00:43:09,621
- Just tryin' to help!
- You're dealin' with an animal here.
485
00:43:09,746 --> 00:43:12,290
- Oh, my.
- All right, no more Mr Nice Guy.
486
00:43:12,415 --> 00:43:14,501
- Oh, my God.
- What?
487
00:43:15,585 --> 00:43:19,547
That's it! You wanna play rough?
Huh? You wanna play rough?
488
00:43:34,104 --> 00:43:36,147
I love you.
489
00:43:43,238 --> 00:43:46,741
(Jonathon) A lot of people ruin
a good thing with pressure and strings.
490
00:43:46,866 --> 00:43:48,827
They suffocate each other.
491
00:43:48,952 --> 00:43:53,081
I don't want that kind of relationship.
I don't think you do, either.
492
00:43:53,206 --> 00:43:56,042
You know, Ellen, when I said I loved you,
493
00:43:57,252 --> 00:44:00,797
I didn't mean for you to get the
impression that I actually love you.
494
00:44:01,131 --> 00:44:04,551
It's a cliche one falls back on
in this situation.
495
00:44:06,511 --> 00:44:09,723
What I was trying to say is,
I very much like you,
496
00:44:09,848 --> 00:44:13,226
but we shouldn't exaggerate
the significance of that.
497
00:44:13,351 --> 00:44:16,062
It's... We have a good time together.
498
00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:22,652
Next weekend, why don't I come up?
499
00:44:22,777 --> 00:44:25,655
- Up?
- Yeah. To Northwestern.
500
00:44:28,867 --> 00:44:31,119
We'll stay at your place.
501
00:44:32,037 --> 00:44:34,289
My place? At Northwestern?
502
00:44:35,165 --> 00:44:39,669
Yeah, great. That's a great idea.
When do you wanna come up?
503
00:44:39,794 --> 00:44:41,713
Next weekend.
504
00:44:41,838 --> 00:44:44,466
Uh, yeah, next weekend I won't be there.
505
00:44:44,591 --> 00:44:46,843
I'll be, uh... I'll be in the city.
506
00:44:47,635 --> 00:44:50,513
- Oh. Chicago?
- Yeah. No! No, New York.
507
00:44:50,638 --> 00:44:52,891
I have to attend a seminar.
508
00:44:54,059 --> 00:44:58,146
Well, that's even better.
We'll have a great time.
509
00:44:58,938 --> 00:45:03,234
- In New York?
- We'll do the romantic bullshit routine.
510
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,696
(Jonathon) We'll have a great time.
In New York.
511
00:45:15,538 --> 00:45:17,332
- Wake up, limp dick!
- (groans)
512
00:45:17,457 --> 00:45:22,128
Oh, rise and shine. Come on,
you're gonna be late for chapel.
513
00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:25,382
- Let's go!
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
514
00:45:25,507 --> 00:45:26,966
Jesus!
515
00:45:27,092 --> 00:45:28,510
What?
516
00:45:28,635 --> 00:45:30,678
You look horrible.
517
00:45:32,806 --> 00:45:35,058
Oh, I don't believe it.
518
00:45:35,183 --> 00:45:37,310
What now?
519
00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:39,646
New York.
520
00:45:39,771 --> 00:45:41,856
I told her I'd meet her in New York.
521
00:45:41,981 --> 00:45:46,444
In New York? Jesus, you're...
What, do you love this chick? Huh?
522
00:45:47,487 --> 00:45:51,616
Does she know you love her?
No, really, does she know you love her?
523
00:45:51,741 --> 00:45:54,869
Does she know you've gone
completely off the deep end?
524
00:45:54,994 --> 00:45:58,331
All's I know is, I gotta find
a seminar in New York.
525
00:46:48,548 --> 00:46:50,759
What are we doing?
526
00:46:51,426 --> 00:46:55,638
- Getting rid of that eyesore.
- I happen to like this eyesore.
527
00:46:57,599 --> 00:46:58,892
(salesman clears throat)
528
00:46:59,017 --> 00:47:03,229
- May I help you?
- Could we try this jacket in his size?
529
00:47:04,898 --> 00:47:05,899
39 regular?
530
00:47:06,024 --> 00:47:10,695
We're not getting rid of it entirely,
we're just giving it a much-needed rest.
531
00:47:11,321 --> 00:47:13,448
- Sir?
- Uh-huh.
532
00:47:13,573 --> 00:47:15,617
- Ma'am.
- OK.
533
00:47:17,327 --> 00:47:19,371
All right.
534
00:47:21,456 --> 00:47:23,500
(salesman) Very nice.
535
00:47:24,626 --> 00:47:28,129
- What do you think?
- Very distinguished.
536
00:47:28,922 --> 00:47:31,424
- Now slacks.
- Mm-hm. May I suggest, uh...
537
00:47:31,549 --> 00:47:34,302
Grey flannel.
538
00:47:34,427 --> 00:47:35,762
31.
539
00:47:35,887 --> 00:47:37,806
Uh, 30.
540
00:47:37,931 --> 00:47:44,062
- What are you saying about my trousers?
- They speak for themselves.
541
00:47:44,187 --> 00:47:46,856
Sir, you'll find the dressing room
right over there.
542
00:47:46,981 --> 00:47:49,067
Thank you.
543
00:48:25,145 --> 00:48:26,771
Ellen?
544
00:48:30,442 --> 00:48:32,485
Shit. Shit!
545
00:48:32,610 --> 00:48:33,987
- Sir. Sir!
- (alarm)
546
00:48:38,074 --> 00:48:39,868
Ellen! Ellen!
547
00:48:39,993 --> 00:48:44,205
- Where do you think you're going?
- I have to catch her! Ellen!
548
00:48:48,752 --> 00:48:50,336
Come on.
549
00:48:50,462 --> 00:48:52,505
Come on.
550
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:05,226
(horn)
551
00:49:13,193 --> 00:49:15,236
Hiya, tiger.
552
00:49:21,326 --> 00:49:23,536
What am I gonna do?
553
00:49:23,661 --> 00:49:28,625
I don't know her number. I don't know her
address. I don't even know her last name.
554
00:49:28,750 --> 00:49:31,002
Knew her pretty well, did you?
555
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:39,427
I'm sorry. Look, she was bound
to find out about it sooner or later.
556
00:49:39,552 --> 00:49:42,806
Yeah. I just wish it was later, you know.
557
00:49:44,933 --> 00:49:46,434
Christ.
558
00:49:49,270 --> 00:49:52,565
Hey! You gonna spend
the rest of your life in bed?
559
00:49:55,318 --> 00:50:00,573
Don't you think you're takin' this
a little hard? You've gotta go to dinner.
560
00:50:00,740 --> 00:50:03,201
I can't believe you'd forgo
eggplant surprise.
561
00:50:03,326 --> 00:50:07,372
- I'm not hungry.
- That's no reason not to eat the shit.
562
00:50:07,497 --> 00:50:09,791
Coming or not? Last chance.
563
00:50:16,548 --> 00:50:18,591
One more chance.
564
00:50:25,223 --> 00:50:27,851
This is your final and last chance.
565
00:50:28,768 --> 00:50:31,062
Leave me alone!
566
00:50:31,187 --> 00:50:35,734
I'll leave you alone. You don't wanna
do anything. You don't wanna...
567
00:50:37,944 --> 00:50:39,988
What a jerk!
568
00:50:45,952 --> 00:50:48,204
Very well done, Mr Jenkins.
569
00:50:49,581 --> 00:50:52,542
Extraordinarily average, Mr Maybaum.
570
00:50:52,667 --> 00:50:54,919
Very nice, Mr Jackson.
571
00:50:57,088 --> 00:50:59,549
Very perceptive, Mr Burroughs.
572
00:51:02,260 --> 00:51:04,512
Too vague, Mr Goobser.
573
00:51:05,388 --> 00:51:10,101
We have something really mediocre here,
Mr Ogner. Let's not keep it up.
574
00:51:10,852 --> 00:51:13,605
Offended all my sensibilities, Mr Ruskin.
575
00:51:15,315 --> 00:51:16,316
(bell rings)
576
00:51:16,441 --> 00:51:18,651
Hey, Jonathon, wait up!
577
00:51:19,402 --> 00:51:22,447
A C-plus - now you've got something
to be depressed about.
578
00:51:22,572 --> 00:51:25,742
- Even Roger got a B-minus.
- I don't give a shit.
579
00:51:29,079 --> 00:51:34,376
What'll you do for Christmas? Crucify
yourself? I think you're missing the point.
580
00:51:34,501 --> 00:51:35,835
- Do you?
- I do.
581
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,839
She was beautiful. She was wonderful.
But a fuck... It's just a fuck.
582
00:51:39,964 --> 00:51:44,219
- Sometimes you're a real asshole.
- You're not the first guy to be dumped on.
583
00:51:44,344 --> 00:51:49,182
One thing I don't need right now
is the world according to Skippy here.
584
00:51:50,183 --> 00:51:53,019
Do us both a favour, huh? Just shut up.
585
00:51:53,728 --> 00:51:55,772
OK, Mr Depth.
586
00:51:57,732 --> 00:51:59,859
- Wallow in it.
- (bell rings)
587
00:52:04,698 --> 00:52:06,908
- Dammit, Roger, hurry up.
- Don't rush me.
588
00:52:07,033 --> 00:52:09,119
We're playing poker.
You want me to help?
589
00:52:09,244 --> 00:52:13,540
All right, all right. Does a full house beat
a flush or does a flush beat a full house?
590
00:52:13,665 --> 00:52:15,667
You don't even know how to play!
591
00:52:15,792 --> 00:52:17,877
How many times do we have to tell you?
592
00:52:18,002 --> 00:52:21,631
- Come on! Come on!
- (thud)
593
00:52:21,756 --> 00:52:24,676
- What was that?
- (door opens)
594
00:52:24,801 --> 00:52:28,221
It's Jonathon. He's really freakin' out.
595
00:52:28,346 --> 00:52:29,973
Oh, great.
596
00:52:30,098 --> 00:52:33,143
- Jonathon's always freakin' out.
- We gotta redeal.
597
00:52:33,268 --> 00:52:35,145
- Redeal?
- He had to leave.
598
00:52:35,270 --> 00:52:36,730
- So what?
- It's a redeal.
599
00:52:36,855 --> 00:52:41,818
- If it was your cards you wouldn't do it.
- After someone leaves... doesn't count.
600
00:52:41,943 --> 00:52:44,446
- Gimme those cards!
- It's a null game.
601
00:52:44,571 --> 00:52:50,326
No way! No way! Get outta here!
If it was your cards, you wouldn't redeal.
602
00:52:56,791 --> 00:52:58,001
Jonathon!
603
00:53:00,211 --> 00:53:02,672
Jesus Christ! Jonathon!
604
00:53:09,387 --> 00:53:11,556
Jonathon! Jonathon!
605
00:53:22,359 --> 00:53:26,905
Jonathon! Come back, goddammit!
Jonathon, stop!
606
00:53:34,496 --> 00:53:38,541
Shut up! Shut up! Listen, man,
you're gonna get kicked outta here.
607
00:53:38,666 --> 00:53:42,962
You can kiss your fuckin' future goodbye,
including Harvard. Do you hear me?
608
00:53:43,088 --> 00:53:45,423
(muffled cry)
609
00:54:05,151 --> 00:54:07,404
Kicked you out, didn't he?
610
00:54:09,656 --> 00:54:14,077
I, uh... I just can't talk about it right now.
611
00:54:14,202 --> 00:54:19,332
My parents give a shitload of money
to this place. Nobody's kickin' you out.
612
00:54:19,457 --> 00:54:21,501
What's done is done.
613
00:54:26,172 --> 00:54:28,216
You dirt clod.
614
00:54:29,426 --> 00:54:33,263
- Harvard accepted you already?
- Headmaster Kennedy said, and I quote,
615
00:54:33,388 --> 00:54:37,225
"Jonathon, you are
a credit to us all", end quote.
616
00:54:37,350 --> 00:54:40,186
- You saved my life, man.
- You still owe me a blow job.
617
00:54:40,478 --> 00:54:44,941
- You're right. I forgot all about that.
- Jesus, you can't forget these things.
618
00:54:45,066 --> 00:54:47,944
- We're drinkin'. It's on you.
- Yeah, of course.
619
00:54:48,653 --> 00:54:50,822
Ma, we can trim the tree when I get there.
620
00:54:50,947 --> 00:54:54,534
I'm only gonna be gone
the first four days. I mean...
621
00:54:55,702 --> 00:54:58,204
Mom, I'll be home for Christmas.
622
00:54:59,289 --> 00:55:01,374
- No. I gotta go.
- (bell rings)
623
00:55:01,499 --> 00:55:05,670
Yeah, I'll call you when I get there,
I promise. I love you too, yeah. OK, bye.
624
00:55:05,795 --> 00:55:07,839
Oh, Mom!
625
00:55:08,923 --> 00:55:13,053
(# "Little Drummer Boy"
by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts)
626
00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:21,895
# Come, they told me,
pa rum pa pum pum
627
00:55:24,606 --> 00:55:29,110
# A newborn king to see,
pa rum pa pum pum
628
00:55:30,195 --> 00:55:35,075
# Our finest gifts we bring,
pa rum pa pum pum
629
00:55:37,744 --> 00:55:42,624
# To lay before the king,
pa rum pa pum pum
630
00:55:42,749 --> 00:55:46,336
# Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum
631
00:55:49,130 --> 00:55:54,386
# So to honour him, pa rum pa pum pum
632
00:56:04,604 --> 00:56:06,648
Welcome to Toad Hall.
633
00:56:10,527 --> 00:56:15,365
I have never seen such a vulgar
display of wealth in my entire life.
634
00:56:15,490 --> 00:56:18,576
- How do I get one?
- Well, you can do what we did.
635
00:56:18,702 --> 00:56:21,287
- Bootlegging bought the place.
- Bootlegging?
636
00:56:21,413 --> 00:56:24,416
Uh-huh. Before Gramps went legit.
637
00:56:24,541 --> 00:56:26,167
Huh.
638
00:56:30,839 --> 00:56:32,924
Oh, these are not for you, OK?
639
00:56:33,049 --> 00:56:36,302
- Remember.
- Thanks. I feel like I'm in a museum.
640
00:56:36,428 --> 00:56:38,888
It's not much, but it's home.
641
00:56:40,056 --> 00:56:42,350
- Maggie!
- Skip!
642
00:56:42,475 --> 00:56:45,061
- Hi, gorgeous!
- How you doin'?
643
00:56:45,186 --> 00:56:49,149
Great. I want you to meet Jonathon,
my roommate, and a chronic bed-wetter.
644
00:56:49,274 --> 00:56:52,819
You are not too old for me
to put you over my knee, now.
645
00:56:52,944 --> 00:56:56,740
Really? Oh, do it now, Maggie, do it now.
646
00:56:56,865 --> 00:56:59,117
You're crazy!
647
00:56:59,242 --> 00:57:01,286
No, I got it.
648
00:57:11,921 --> 00:57:13,548
Wow.
649
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,884
- Hey!
- Hey.
650
00:57:18,970 --> 00:57:23,641
You know, this room has always had
a special place in my heart.
651
00:57:23,767 --> 00:57:25,810
Come here.
652
00:57:43,328 --> 00:57:45,622
- I'd better not.
- You'd better.
653
00:57:46,498 --> 00:57:51,461
You wanna get good and ripped for
an evening at home with the Burroughs.
654
00:57:53,463 --> 00:57:57,300
Don't let the old man scare you.
If you wanna get on his good side,
655
00:57:57,425 --> 00:58:00,178
tell him you get a hard-on
for firm government control.
656
00:58:00,804 --> 00:58:06,184
Government control, Jonathon, is
anathema to the free-enterprise system.
657
00:58:06,309 --> 00:58:08,978
Any intelligent person
knows you cannot interfere
658
00:58:09,104 --> 00:58:11,690
with the laws of supply and demand.
659
00:58:11,815 --> 00:58:14,693
I see your point, sir.
That's why I'm not for tariffs.
660
00:58:14,818 --> 00:58:16,611
Right.
661
00:58:16,736 --> 00:58:21,783
No, wrong. You gotta have tariffs. How
you gonna compete with the foreigners?
662
00:58:21,908 --> 00:58:25,286
- Gotta have tariffs.
- Jonathon, how can you be so blind?
663
00:58:25,412 --> 00:58:26,830
(door closes)
664
00:58:26,955 --> 00:58:29,499
We're in here, dear. We're havin' a drink.
665
00:58:29,624 --> 00:58:31,042
Mom?
666
00:58:32,001 --> 00:58:33,503
Mom!
667
00:58:33,628 --> 00:58:35,463
Are these for me?
668
00:58:35,588 --> 00:58:37,841
Here, let me have them.
669
00:58:42,012 --> 00:58:46,474
I want you to meet my roommate
Jonathon. Jonathon, this is my mom.
670
00:58:51,771 --> 00:58:53,064
Uh...
671
00:58:53,189 --> 00:58:56,609
Uh... very nice to meet you,
Mrs Burroughs.
672
00:58:56,735 --> 00:58:58,695
Hello. Hello.
673
00:58:58,820 --> 00:59:01,531
Um... well...
674
00:59:01,656 --> 00:59:06,578
I would like to freshen up, so I...
I think I will freshen up, and, um...
675
00:59:06,703 --> 00:59:09,789
I'll see you all at dinner. Darling.
676
00:59:15,503 --> 00:59:21,176
(Mr Burroughs) Well, let's see, where
were we before... we were interrupted?
677
00:59:22,093 --> 00:59:23,928
Oh, yes. Government interference.
678
00:59:24,054 --> 00:59:28,975
I'm also adamantly opposed to the
government baling out corporations.
679
00:59:29,100 --> 00:59:31,436
Unless it's one of our corporations.
680
00:59:31,561 --> 00:59:35,565
(Mr Burroughs) Hm. Quick.
Pretty quick, huh, Jonathon?
681
00:59:35,690 --> 00:59:38,777
- Chip off the old block.
- Holy fuckin' shit.
682
01:00:00,507 --> 01:00:02,175
Jonathon?
683
01:00:02,300 --> 01:00:04,344
Yes, sir?
684
01:00:07,347 --> 01:00:10,517
Evidently you and I
have something in common.
685
01:00:15,313 --> 01:00:18,233
Can you guess what that might be?
686
01:00:19,317 --> 01:00:22,112
Leave it, Maggie'll get it. Maggie!
687
01:00:24,447 --> 01:00:26,324
Jonathon.
688
01:00:26,491 --> 01:00:31,204
I, too, was the first boy in my class
at Vernon to be accepted into Harvard.
689
01:00:33,248 --> 01:00:36,751
Jonathon, how wonderful.
Congratulations.
690
01:00:46,511 --> 01:00:50,098
Why don't you try the roast, dear?
It's a superb cut.
691
01:00:52,517 --> 01:00:54,561
Thank you, sweetheart.
692
01:01:10,035 --> 01:01:15,540
Wish we had food like this at old Vermin.
We'd probably have a lot fewer suicides.
693
01:01:15,665 --> 01:01:18,126
If you concentrated more
on studies than jokes,
694
01:01:18,251 --> 01:01:22,380
perhaps you too would've been
accepted into Harvard by now.
695
01:01:26,968 --> 01:01:29,637
Well, uh, Jonathon, back to Harvard.
696
01:01:30,722 --> 01:01:33,725
I imagine this is a very
exciting time in your life.
697
01:01:33,850 --> 01:01:36,144
Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
698
01:01:36,269 --> 01:01:41,274
I bet you are. Well, it's a turning point,
really. If you study hard at Harvard,
699
01:01:41,399 --> 01:01:44,194
you'll be able to write your own ticket.
700
01:01:50,241 --> 01:01:53,203
Darling, get me some more wine,
would you?
701
01:01:54,788 --> 01:01:56,998
Why don't you wait for the last course?
702
01:01:57,957 --> 01:02:01,086
That was quite a display
you put on at the dinner table.
703
01:02:01,211 --> 01:02:04,547
I guess it doesn't matter
what you do in private.
704
01:02:10,053 --> 01:02:11,930
Let me tell you somethin', lady.
705
01:02:12,055 --> 01:02:16,518
As long as you're in this house
with me, representing this family,
706
01:02:17,977 --> 01:02:23,358
you will control that neurosis or whatever
the hell it is you think you've got.
707
01:02:30,699 --> 01:02:36,079
And you'll behave like a Burroughs even
if you don't feel like one. Is that clear?
708
01:03:14,159 --> 01:03:15,785
Jonathon?
709
01:03:31,009 --> 01:03:33,553
Jonathon, I have to talk to you.
710
01:03:35,055 --> 01:03:37,098
What do you want?
711
01:03:41,686 --> 01:03:43,855
- I'm so sorry.
- Sorry?
712
01:03:43,980 --> 01:03:47,609
- Jesus, your son is in the next room!
- I would never have done it
713
01:03:47,734 --> 01:03:49,986
if I'd known who you were.
714
01:03:52,614 --> 01:03:56,117
Look... I... I need to explain.
715
01:03:56,242 --> 01:03:58,912
- No. No, you don't.
- Please.
716
01:04:00,955 --> 01:04:03,833
Jesus, I don't know
what you want from me.
717
01:04:03,958 --> 01:04:07,712
If you want understanding, OK.
I understand.
718
01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:14,594
Would you please hold me? Would you?
719
01:04:14,719 --> 01:04:16,763
No, I can't.
720
01:04:16,888 --> 01:04:19,307
(knocking) Hey, ace, are you awake?
721
01:04:20,308 --> 01:04:22,352
Argh! Shit!
722
01:04:23,061 --> 01:04:25,105
Ow! Jesus.
723
01:04:26,189 --> 01:04:28,024
What are you doing?
724
01:04:28,149 --> 01:04:31,820
Uh, I was trying to open
the door for you. I tripped.
725
01:04:31,945 --> 01:04:33,988
What a gonad!
726
01:04:36,282 --> 01:04:38,326
Get dressed.
727
01:04:47,544 --> 01:04:50,755
So, what did you think of dinner?
728
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:54,050
It's, uh, pretty fuckin' entertaining, huh?
729
01:05:02,225 --> 01:05:05,353
Do you ever wonder if
your parents still do it?
730
01:05:10,608 --> 01:05:14,779
Actually, I think my parents
have a pretty normal relationship.
731
01:05:14,904 --> 01:05:18,408
He tells her exactly what to do,
and she ignores him.
732
01:05:28,084 --> 01:05:30,712
I'm never gettin' married.
733
01:05:30,837 --> 01:05:34,049
- Neither am I.
- That'll break a lot of hearts.
734
01:05:48,146 --> 01:05:51,024
- How you doin', Jonathon?
- Good.
735
01:05:51,149 --> 01:05:54,694
Good man.
Who wants to race me to the fence?
736
01:05:54,819 --> 01:05:57,489
- How about you, Skip?
- Whoa!
737
01:05:58,406 --> 01:06:00,450
Come on!
738
01:06:12,420 --> 01:06:14,589
How are you?
739
01:06:14,714 --> 01:06:17,175
I want you off this property today.
740
01:06:23,556 --> 01:06:28,645
- So, how was the snow where you were?
- It was fabulous. We had five inches.
741
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:34,067
Oh, man. Comin' back here
is depressing enough.
742
01:06:34,192 --> 01:06:36,695
Havin' to face exams
is almost more than I can bear.
743
01:06:36,820 --> 01:06:40,115
Having to examine your face
is almost more than we can bear.
744
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:42,992
- Funny.
- You're a mindless idiot. I mean it.
745
01:06:43,118 --> 01:06:45,995
You're a wit, Roscoe. You're a true wit.
746
01:06:46,121 --> 01:06:48,289
- See you later.
- OK, bye.
747
01:07:01,261 --> 01:07:02,971
(bugle)
748
01:07:03,096 --> 01:07:05,890
OK, you guys, the kid is back!
749
01:07:08,768 --> 01:07:10,812
- Hey, buddy.
- Miss me?
750
01:07:12,022 --> 01:07:15,483
Do you really think an investigation
of our students is necessary?
751
01:07:15,608 --> 01:07:18,903
Yes, I do. So does the state of Illinois.
752
01:07:19,029 --> 01:07:21,823
I want to see the student files
as soon as possible.
753
01:07:21,948 --> 01:07:25,410
I think the only way
to clear up the problem is...
754
01:07:25,535 --> 01:07:28,163
Is there somebody out there?
755
01:07:28,288 --> 01:07:30,331
Uh, yes, sir. It's, uh, me, sir.
756
01:07:30,457 --> 01:07:34,127
And what can I do for you, Mr Maybaum?
757
01:07:34,252 --> 01:07:39,382
Mrs Hayworth needs your signatures
on here. I mean, your signature.
758
01:07:39,507 --> 01:07:41,551
To sign it.
759
01:07:57,859 --> 01:07:59,152
(yells)
760
01:08:02,155 --> 01:08:04,574
I don't get it! I don't get it!
761
01:08:04,699 --> 01:08:07,160
I don't wanna get it! I hate it!
762
01:08:09,788 --> 01:08:12,415
- Skip.
- No, forget it. There's no way.
763
01:08:12,540 --> 01:08:15,960
I'm a dead man.
Adios, Harvard. Bonjour, Trade Tech.
764
01:08:16,086 --> 01:08:18,129
OK, look, look.
765
01:08:18,254 --> 01:08:20,382
If the area un... Skip.
766
01:08:21,591 --> 01:08:25,303
If the area under the curve
represented by F times the quantity X
767
01:08:25,428 --> 01:08:30,350
is bounded by vertical lines X = sub A
and X = sub B, what do you have to find?
768
01:08:30,475 --> 01:08:33,019
- A gun. It's hopeless.
- (knock at door)
769
01:08:33,144 --> 01:08:35,563
Meeting in Roscoe's room after lights out!
770
01:08:35,689 --> 01:08:38,024
That's in three hours. I better get ready.
771
01:08:38,149 --> 01:08:41,861
All I heard was that he was
talkin' about some investigation.
772
01:08:41,986 --> 01:08:45,281
- What investigation?
- I don't know. That's what I'm tellin' you.
773
01:08:45,407 --> 01:08:47,450
(knocking)
774
01:08:51,705 --> 01:08:54,374
(all mutter).. five, six, seven, eight.
775
01:08:54,499 --> 01:08:58,837
- Jonathon, telephone.
- (mimicking) Jonathon, telephone.
776
01:09:02,549 --> 01:09:04,926
- Hello?
- (Ellen) Jonathon?
777
01:09:05,051 --> 01:09:07,762
- Oh, God.
- How are you?
778
01:09:07,887 --> 01:09:10,890
- Are you serious?
- Why didn't you say goodbye?
779
01:09:11,016 --> 01:09:14,269
- Look, you ordered me off the property.
- Did I?
780
01:09:16,646 --> 01:09:20,400
- Don't play games with me, huh?
- I have to see you.
781
01:09:20,525 --> 01:09:22,986
Yeah, I can't talk. I gotta go.
782
01:09:24,779 --> 01:09:28,616
- Take care of yourself.
- Yeah. Yeah, you too.
783
01:09:28,742 --> 01:09:33,204
- Why don't we just kill the guy?
- It'd be good if we could.
784
01:09:33,329 --> 01:09:35,707
- Who was it?
- Huh?
785
01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,710
On the phone.
786
01:09:38,835 --> 01:09:39,836
Oh.
787
01:09:39,961 --> 01:09:43,006
My mom. The dog died.
788
01:09:43,131 --> 01:09:44,799
No shit.
789
01:09:44,924 --> 01:09:48,845
- What does this guy look like?
- Hitler, man. The guy looks like Hitler.
790
01:09:48,970 --> 01:09:53,016
He's got a little moustache and beady
little eyes. He stares right through you.
791
01:09:53,141 --> 01:09:57,562
The bastard never blinks. I was in there
for five minutes, the guy didn't blink once.
792
01:09:57,687 --> 01:10:00,899
He just... stares right through you.
He goes...
793
01:10:28,009 --> 01:10:29,761
Yeah!
794
01:10:29,886 --> 01:10:33,723
All right, so it's me,
Roger, Doug, and Barry.
795
01:10:33,848 --> 01:10:35,892
(knocking)
796
01:10:41,022 --> 01:10:43,066
.. five, six, seven, eight.
797
01:10:44,609 --> 01:10:47,904
- Phone again for Jonathon.
- His dog died again.
798
01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,367
Shh! OK, look, here's the plan.
799
01:10:53,702 --> 01:10:56,037
This is the bedroom.
There's a window here.
800
01:10:56,162 --> 01:11:00,500
If it's clear, we'll all come around
this corner and go through the window.
801
01:11:00,625 --> 01:11:02,669
- Search for anything.
- Anything.
802
01:11:03,169 --> 01:11:07,340
- Yeah, I'm still here.
- (Ellen) Just to talk. Just for an hour.
803
01:11:07,465 --> 01:11:10,301
- I can't, OK?
- Jonathon.
804
01:11:10,427 --> 01:11:12,971
- Can't.
- Just for an hour.
805
01:11:13,096 --> 01:11:16,599
Please. Come on,
don't call me any more, all right?
806
01:11:19,894 --> 01:11:20,937
Jesus.
807
01:11:32,282 --> 01:11:34,325
(tuneless singing)
808
01:11:50,717 --> 01:11:52,761
OK, let's go.
809
01:11:55,472 --> 01:11:57,599
Come on, come on!
810
01:11:57,724 --> 01:11:59,934
Shh! Get down. Let's go.
811
01:12:20,538 --> 01:12:22,457
- Holy shit!
- What?
812
01:12:22,874 --> 01:12:24,626
- Guy's a fuckin' narc!
- Shh!
813
01:12:24,751 --> 01:12:26,378
Hello?
814
01:12:28,755 --> 01:12:30,215
Hello?
815
01:12:30,340 --> 01:12:31,424
Hello?
816
01:12:32,634 --> 01:12:35,053
Shit! Let's get outta here!
817
01:12:39,683 --> 01:12:41,810
- Is anybody there?
- Go! Go!
818
01:12:43,228 --> 01:12:45,855
Get outta my way!
Get outta my way, dammit!
819
01:12:45,980 --> 01:12:49,067
- Shit!
- Come on, man, move it. Go. Go.
820
01:12:49,192 --> 01:12:50,860
Hello?
821
01:13:06,209 --> 01:13:09,045
- When's the bust?
- I don't know!
822
01:13:09,170 --> 01:13:11,631
Raid. Raid, man.
823
01:13:11,756 --> 01:13:14,300
- What's goin' on?
- The guy is a narc.
824
01:13:15,844 --> 01:13:20,181
- You better dump it all!
- I'll never make it through exams now!
825
01:13:23,935 --> 01:13:24,978
Quick!
826
01:13:29,274 --> 01:13:32,152
If you have anything,
you'd better dump it right now.
827
01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:36,281
- How are you gonna flush that?
- Watch me.
828
01:13:37,907 --> 01:13:40,744
Outta my way. I got shit to flush here.
829
01:13:55,467 --> 01:13:57,927
Make way, gentlemen, please.
830
01:13:59,763 --> 01:14:01,806
Read 'em and weep.
831
01:14:04,476 --> 01:14:06,728
All right! Whoo-hoo!
832
01:14:06,853 --> 01:14:11,983
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
All right! All right! Whoo-hoo!
833
01:14:15,820 --> 01:14:18,031
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
834
01:14:19,449 --> 01:14:23,578
Jonathon! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
835
01:14:23,703 --> 01:14:28,333
- Ya-da-da-da-da-da! Ya-da-da-da-da-da!
- Skip! Skip.
836
01:14:28,458 --> 01:14:30,960
- Well?
- You passed.
837
01:14:31,086 --> 01:14:34,798
Passed, my ass, man.
We're number one and two, me and you.
838
01:14:34,923 --> 01:14:37,258
Thanks to you, we're a friggin' genius!
839
01:14:37,384 --> 01:14:40,428
- So we're gonna party our balls off.
- I can't.
840
01:14:40,553 --> 01:14:42,806
- I didn't hear that.
- I gotta go to Chicago.
841
01:14:42,931 --> 01:14:46,851
- Great thinkin'. I own the town.
- No, come on, I'm goin' alone, Skip.
842
01:14:46,976 --> 01:14:51,773
Jesus, not that shit again. I told you to
forget about her. You'll never find her.
843
01:14:52,399 --> 01:14:55,902
No, I'm not goin' for that.
I just wanna be alone, OK?
844
01:14:56,820 --> 01:14:58,446
OK.
845
01:15:03,785 --> 01:15:07,831
But next time you're feelin' sad and blue,
don't expect old Skipper here
846
01:15:07,956 --> 01:15:11,876
to put on his big red nose
and floppy shoes just pour vous.
847
01:15:15,797 --> 01:15:18,466
Adios... Mr Morose.
848
01:15:25,181 --> 01:15:27,225
Yeah! Yeah!
849
01:15:34,399 --> 01:15:39,654
Jesus Christ, I'm not the one who calls
you up every week for a month, OK?
850
01:15:39,779 --> 01:15:43,408
Do you understand your son is
my roommate, my best friend, OK?
851
01:15:43,533 --> 01:15:46,411
I can't believe we're arguing about this.
852
01:15:49,622 --> 01:15:52,250
I came here today cos I felt sorry for you.
853
01:15:53,001 --> 01:15:56,296
Where the hell do you get off
talking to me like that?
854
01:15:56,421 --> 01:15:59,049
You don't know anything about me.
855
01:15:59,174 --> 01:16:01,843
You don't know anything about my life.
856
01:16:02,886 --> 01:16:05,347
When I first saw you in that bar...
857
01:16:07,432 --> 01:16:09,476
you were pathetic.
858
01:16:11,436 --> 01:16:13,688
You were a sympathy fuck.
859
01:16:15,815 --> 01:16:17,984
Jesus Christ.
860
01:16:18,109 --> 01:16:20,320
You'd better go, Jonathon.
861
01:16:26,117 --> 01:16:31,831
Um, room service. It's room 1017. I'd like
a bottle of vodka sent up right away.
862
01:16:32,207 --> 01:16:35,877
- Oh, that'll really help, won't it?
- Yes, it will, Jonathon.
863
01:16:36,002 --> 01:16:38,880
A damn sight more than you will. 1017.
864
01:16:52,227 --> 01:16:54,479
I asked you to go.
865
01:16:57,399 --> 01:16:59,609
You can't call me any more.
866
01:16:59,734 --> 01:17:01,778
I know.
867
01:17:03,488 --> 01:17:05,115
I won't.
868
01:17:07,867 --> 01:17:09,911
I'm sorry.
869
01:17:33,601 --> 01:17:35,186
Hold me.
870
01:17:35,478 --> 01:17:37,647
- Are you sure it'll be all right?
- Trust me.
871
01:17:37,772 --> 01:17:41,818
He is in serious trouble. He's forgotten
the meaning of the word "debauchery".
872
01:17:41,943 --> 01:17:43,653
This is gonna be great.
873
01:17:43,778 --> 01:17:46,948
Bet you've never been
with guys as crazy as us.
874
01:17:47,449 --> 01:17:51,244
- Sure he's in here?
- Yeah, man, I told you, I followed him.
875
01:17:51,369 --> 01:17:52,996
Shh!
876
01:17:56,458 --> 01:17:59,085
Shh. Shh. Are you ready? Shh.
877
01:18:01,254 --> 01:18:02,756
(Skip mouths)
878
01:18:02,881 --> 01:18:04,924
Room service!
879
01:18:05,717 --> 01:18:06,718
(knocking)
880
01:18:06,843 --> 01:18:09,179
Room service!
881
01:18:19,814 --> 01:18:22,067
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Shit.
882
01:18:23,485 --> 01:18:25,779
- Maybe we ought to leave.
- Skip.
883
01:18:27,614 --> 01:18:29,157
Skipper.
884
01:18:32,744 --> 01:18:36,206
Jonathon, aren't you going to
introduce your friend?
885
01:18:36,331 --> 01:18:38,792
She got any sisters, Jonathon?
886
01:18:50,637 --> 01:18:54,557
- (girl #1 ) Well, that was a short party!
- (girl #2) Yeah!
887
01:18:57,477 --> 01:18:59,854
Would you please... excuse me?
888
01:19:04,776 --> 01:19:06,820
Skip! Skip!
889
01:19:31,386 --> 01:19:33,430
(man) Lights out!
890
01:20:04,085 --> 01:20:06,129
Look, Skip...
891
01:20:07,213 --> 01:20:10,800
Skip, come on. Look, Skip,
I didn't know who she was.
892
01:20:12,177 --> 01:20:14,220
I'm really sorry.
893
01:20:15,430 --> 01:20:17,474
I'm sorry.
894
01:20:19,976 --> 01:20:23,396
Come on... Do you think
we should talk about this?
895
01:20:24,189 --> 01:20:28,985
Hey, there's nothin' to talk about.
I told you, a fuck is just a fuck.
896
01:20:35,784 --> 01:20:37,410
OK.
897
01:20:56,221 --> 01:20:57,597
Urgh!
898
01:20:57,722 --> 01:20:59,766
What's your problem, Skip?
899
01:21:06,481 --> 01:21:08,858
Argh! Damn you!
900
01:21:08,983 --> 01:21:13,196
- Get outta my way!
- Cheap play, Burroughs! I'm warnin' you!
901
01:21:13,321 --> 01:21:15,949
- What the hell is goin' on there?
- I don't know.
902
01:21:17,742 --> 01:21:19,994
Son of a bitch!
903
01:21:22,288 --> 01:21:24,541
I'll fix your ass for you!
904
01:21:26,334 --> 01:21:27,460
(whistle blows)
905
01:21:27,585 --> 01:21:30,130
Burroughs, you bastard.
906
01:21:30,255 --> 01:21:34,801
Watch the language! Burroughs,
I've had it with you. Get outta here!
907
01:21:34,926 --> 01:21:39,097
- Yeah, let's go!
- (squawking laughter)
908
01:21:39,973 --> 01:21:42,892
- Hey, man.
- (boy squawks) Bye-bye!
909
01:21:43,018 --> 01:21:45,145
Take a cold shower!
910
01:21:51,860 --> 01:21:55,113
- Mr Burroughs.
- Hello, Jonathon.
911
01:21:56,114 --> 01:21:59,284
- How are you?
- Fine. You know when Skip'll be back?
912
01:21:59,409 --> 01:22:01,578
Uh, he should be back soon.
913
01:22:01,703 --> 01:22:03,997
How've you been?
914
01:22:04,122 --> 01:22:05,999
Good.
915
01:22:06,124 --> 01:22:08,501
Pretty busy?
916
01:22:08,626 --> 01:22:10,754
How's your social life?
917
01:22:11,963 --> 01:22:13,590
Girlfriends?
918
01:22:15,342 --> 01:22:16,217
No?
919
01:22:16,343 --> 01:22:19,888
OK, sir. Come on, let's get it over with.
I can't take this.
920
01:22:20,013 --> 01:22:22,265
What are you talkin' about?
921
01:22:24,434 --> 01:22:26,686
What am I talkin' about?
922
01:22:28,772 --> 01:22:31,024
What are you doing here?
923
01:22:32,317 --> 01:22:34,569
- Would you excuse us?
- Sure.
924
01:22:42,452 --> 01:22:44,412
What's wrong?
925
01:22:44,537 --> 01:22:50,210
Your mother's in the hospital, son.
She checked herself in three days ago.
926
01:22:50,335 --> 01:22:53,046
She felt she needed psychiatric help.
927
01:22:54,130 --> 01:22:56,174
She's getting it.
928
01:23:04,516 --> 01:23:06,768
You don't seem surprised.
929
01:23:08,645 --> 01:23:12,899
- What do you want me to say?
- What kind of attitude is that?
930
01:23:13,024 --> 01:23:18,196
It's not an attitude. If she thinks that
she needs help, then she should get it.
931
01:23:22,242 --> 01:23:24,536
Face it, Dad,
we're just a fucked-up family.
932
01:23:24,911 --> 01:23:27,414
That's the guy. That's the narc.
933
01:23:34,045 --> 01:23:36,881
Gentlemen, I am going to need your help.
934
01:23:37,007 --> 01:23:41,970
This is Mr Balaban. He is from
the state attorney general's office,
935
01:23:42,095 --> 01:23:47,225
and he is presently conducting an
investigation of the schools in our area.
936
01:23:47,350 --> 01:23:52,605
Apparently, there has been some
widespread cheating on the SAT tests.
937
01:23:52,731 --> 01:23:57,777
I hope that Mr Balaban is wrong about
Vernon Academy, but nonetheless,
938
01:23:57,902 --> 01:24:00,989
we are going to give him
our full cooperation.
939
01:24:03,950 --> 01:24:06,202
- You're dead, Roger!
- Asshole!
940
01:24:06,327 --> 01:24:08,997
- You stupid shit!
- A narc, huh?
941
01:24:09,122 --> 01:24:13,043
- You asshole!
- I flushed $300 down the goddamn toilet!
942
01:24:17,714 --> 01:24:22,135
So, this is a real
pain-in-the-ass way to meet, isn't it?
943
01:24:22,260 --> 01:24:25,555
- I hear you're already headed to Harvard.
- Yes.
944
01:24:27,807 --> 01:24:30,977
You got a near-perfect score
on your SAT test.
945
01:24:31,936 --> 01:24:36,483
Very impressive. Normally
I would've suspected you right away.
946
01:24:38,193 --> 01:24:41,112
Right away.
947
01:24:41,237 --> 01:24:44,407
But you've been a straight-A student
all your life, so...
948
01:24:44,532 --> 01:24:47,535
the only conclusion I can draw is,
either you're innocent,
949
01:24:47,660 --> 01:24:52,040
or you've been stealing tests
since you were in nursery school.
950
01:24:54,167 --> 01:24:56,836
I guess we better get down to business.
951
01:25:09,933 --> 01:25:12,811
I'm gonna have to
ask you some questions.
952
01:25:14,979 --> 01:25:18,566
Do you have any knowledge
of the stolen SAT tests?
953
01:25:20,443 --> 01:25:22,487
No, sir.
954
01:25:23,363 --> 01:25:25,615
Did you purchase an SAT test?
955
01:25:27,742 --> 01:25:29,786
No, sir.
956
01:25:41,673 --> 01:25:42,257
Thank you.
957
01:25:42,590 --> 01:25:44,884
They kept Ostroff for an hour and a half.
958
01:25:45,010 --> 01:25:49,055
- I heard they nailed Powers.
- Powers! What a jerk-off!
959
01:25:49,180 --> 01:25:54,019
He didn't cheat, but he's so scared he
confessed to smokin', goin' off campus,
960
01:25:54,144 --> 01:25:57,564
- and spyin' on Kennedy's wife in the can.
- Oh, man!
961
01:25:57,689 --> 01:25:59,816
Well, I tell you somethin',
962
01:25:59,941 --> 01:26:04,154
it'll take more than some fag from the
attorney general's office to open my lips.
963
01:26:04,279 --> 01:26:06,406
Yeah! Two fags!
964
01:26:06,531 --> 01:26:11,244
Fuck you, Roscoe! Wait till you
get in there, you'll be Jell-O guts.
965
01:26:15,707 --> 01:26:17,751
How you doin'?
966
01:26:36,019 --> 01:26:38,271
You heard from Harvard.
967
01:26:48,031 --> 01:26:49,449
Hey.
968
01:26:50,200 --> 01:26:52,202
Congratulations.
969
01:27:02,671 --> 01:27:05,048
(narrator) Seldom seen by civilised man,
970
01:27:05,173 --> 01:27:08,218
this sacred rituaI was
captured by our camera...
971
01:27:08,343 --> 01:27:09,969
(shouting)
972
01:27:18,853 --> 01:27:21,898
- Shut the projector off, please.
- (booing)
973
01:27:22,023 --> 01:27:24,776
More bodies for the inquisition,
Mr Maybaum?
974
01:27:24,901 --> 01:27:26,569
Yes, ma'am.
975
01:27:26,861 --> 01:27:31,157
Mr Simons and Mr Burroughs,
you are today's lucky winners.
976
01:27:33,952 --> 01:27:35,995
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Shit.
977
01:27:46,047 --> 01:27:48,717
I know we're supposed
to give our full cooperation
978
01:27:48,842 --> 01:27:51,344
to this stupid and pointless investigation,
979
01:27:51,469 --> 01:27:54,305
but when they interrupt
one of my classes,
980
01:27:54,806 --> 01:27:56,850
it pisses me off.
981
01:27:58,768 --> 01:28:01,062
(boy) This is now my favourite class.
982
01:28:04,107 --> 01:28:06,192
Come in. Sit down.
983
01:28:15,368 --> 01:28:16,995
Squire.
984
01:28:19,122 --> 01:28:23,043
So, this is a real
pain-in-the-ass way to meet, isn't it?
985
01:28:24,085 --> 01:28:27,547
I see you, uh... applied to Harvard.
986
01:28:27,672 --> 01:28:31,509
I'm an NYU man myself.
I... worked my way through.
987
01:28:38,475 --> 01:28:41,019
Got a very high score on your SAT.
988
01:28:42,354 --> 01:28:43,730
"Burroughs".
989
01:28:43,855 --> 01:28:48,526
You're not by any chance related to the
Burroughs who's on the board of AT&T?
990
01:28:48,651 --> 01:28:50,320
Daddy.
991
01:28:50,445 --> 01:28:52,489
Really?
992
01:28:52,781 --> 01:28:58,453
Ha-ha. I would imagine that the pressure
to get into Harvard must be very intense.
993
01:29:01,039 --> 01:29:03,166
Your grades weren't bad.
994
01:29:03,875 --> 01:29:06,211
Your grades were all right.
995
01:29:06,336 --> 01:29:09,047
But it was the SAT score that got you in.
996
01:29:12,384 --> 01:29:15,053
I don't wanna put you through this.
997
01:29:16,012 --> 01:29:19,432
But we've all done things
that we're ashamed of.
998
01:29:19,557 --> 01:29:22,060
Things that we have to live with.
999
01:29:22,185 --> 01:29:25,939
Sometimes painfully.
Because only occasionally...
1000
01:29:26,064 --> 01:29:30,402
does the opportunity present itself
to rectify our mistakes.
1001
01:29:30,527 --> 01:29:34,656
And with that said, I guess
we should get down to business.
1002
01:29:37,909 --> 01:29:41,329
Do you have any knowledge
of the stolen SAT tests?
1003
01:29:46,459 --> 01:29:49,754
Mr Burroughs,
where do you think you're going?
1004
01:29:51,297 --> 01:29:53,341
Fuck you.
1005
01:29:56,428 --> 01:30:00,056
- He really said "Fuck you"?
- He looked him straight in the eye,
1006
01:30:00,181 --> 01:30:02,058
- said it, and walked out.
- All right!
1007
01:30:02,183 --> 01:30:03,518
I couldn't believe it!
1008
01:30:03,643 --> 01:30:06,563
- He told Balaban to go fuck himself.
- No shit?
1009
01:30:06,688 --> 01:30:12,068
- He told Balaban to go fuck himself!
- Burroughs told Balaban to fuck himself!
1010
01:30:14,154 --> 01:30:16,364
Hey! Skip!
1011
01:30:23,246 --> 01:30:25,707
Good job!
1012
01:30:44,476 --> 01:30:46,102
Skip!
1013
01:30:47,562 --> 01:30:50,440
Come on.
Why didn't you turn me in? Huh?
1014
01:30:51,524 --> 01:30:54,652
You don't talk to me. You save my ass,
but you don't talk to me.
1015
01:30:54,778 --> 01:30:58,281
Well, thanks, buddy. Maybe I'll do
the same for you sometime, huh?
1016
01:30:58,406 --> 01:31:00,867
What could anybody do
for Mr Perfect, though?
1017
01:31:00,992 --> 01:31:03,995
Hey, I got it. I'll drop dead.
Wouldn't that be nice, huh?
1018
01:31:04,954 --> 01:31:09,334
I could shoot myself. No, you shoot me
and mount my head next to the moose.
1019
01:31:09,459 --> 01:31:14,506
You could stretch the panties between
my ears. Come on, you'd love that!
1020
01:31:14,631 --> 01:31:18,134
How the hell was I supposed to know
who she was? You sent me to the bar.
1021
01:31:18,259 --> 01:31:20,720
You send her there to get laid, too?
1022
01:31:22,305 --> 01:31:27,060
You son of a bitch. You went back there
even after you knew who she was.
1023
01:31:50,417 --> 01:31:53,086
Goddammit, you're gonna talk to me!
1024
01:32:21,531 --> 01:32:24,868
Oh, get away from me!
Get away from me, you...
1025
01:32:27,579 --> 01:32:31,791
OK, you wanna talk? You wanna
fucking talk, you lying son of a bitch?
1026
01:32:31,916 --> 01:32:34,169
You bastard! Come on! Come on!
1027
01:32:38,590 --> 01:32:41,593
- I'm sorry, man.
- Come on, let's go!
1028
01:32:42,844 --> 01:32:44,637
Come on.
1029
01:32:45,138 --> 01:32:47,724
- Cut it out!
- I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass!
1030
01:32:47,849 --> 01:32:50,226
Come on. Cut it out.
1031
01:32:52,187 --> 01:32:54,230
Argh! Shit!
1032
01:33:12,290 --> 01:33:14,459
Stay away from me!
1033
01:33:16,836 --> 01:33:18,880
Argh! Fuck!
1034
01:33:27,639 --> 01:33:29,265
Skip?
1035
01:33:29,933 --> 01:33:31,434
Skip?
1036
01:33:31,559 --> 01:33:33,228
Fuck!
1037
01:33:33,353 --> 01:33:35,480
You son of a bitch!
1038
01:33:48,368 --> 01:33:50,036
Come on!
1039
01:33:52,288 --> 01:33:55,750
- God damn you!
- Oh, just back off!
1040
01:34:05,593 --> 01:34:07,637
- Truce!
- Truce, shit!
1041
01:34:23,319 --> 01:34:25,780
I never would've seen her again.
1042
01:34:26,781 --> 01:34:28,908
She kept callin' me.
1043
01:34:30,243 --> 01:34:32,787
I just wanted to talk, honest to God.
1044
01:34:33,913 --> 01:34:35,957
But, oh, shit...
1045
01:34:38,251 --> 01:34:40,795
I was in love with her, I really was.
1046
01:34:46,301 --> 01:34:48,553
Oh, man, I'm sorry, Skip.
1047
01:34:52,515 --> 01:34:54,142
Skip?
1048
01:34:59,522 --> 01:35:01,274
(voices)
1049
01:35:03,860 --> 01:35:05,236
- Jesus!
- Whoa!
1050
01:35:05,362 --> 01:35:07,572
What's goin' on? Holy shit!
1051
01:35:07,697 --> 01:35:12,702
- Have you guys been fightin'?
- This looks kinda private. We oughta...
1052
01:35:12,827 --> 01:35:14,704
- Oh. Oh. OK.
- Yeah.
1053
01:35:14,829 --> 01:35:17,874
If you need anything,
you know, like a neck brace...
1054
01:35:17,999 --> 01:35:21,461
- Come to my room. See you later.
- .. we'll be right down the hall. Bye!
1055
01:35:21,586 --> 01:35:23,963
- Real later.
- OK, see ya.
1056
01:35:28,510 --> 01:35:31,388
Oh, by the way, your mom called.
1057
01:35:32,847 --> 01:35:34,391
Yeah?
1058
01:35:34,516 --> 01:35:36,559
The dog died.
1059
01:35:38,144 --> 01:35:39,896
What?
1060
01:35:40,021 --> 01:35:42,065
You're so gullible!82710
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