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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,960 The following programme contains very strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,360 What do you wanna talk about? (INHALES) Betrayal. 3 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,000 ERIN: (ON VIDEO) Manolito wants our weed. 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,480 ERIN: (ON VIDEO) Manolito wants our weed. 5 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,640 He wants to get rid of the MacDonaghs, divide and conquer. 6 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,480 Listen, Manolito knows. 7 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,800 He knows that you know about him. Be careful. 8 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:24,000 Fuck it. 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,520 Fuck it. 10 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,920 Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin! 11 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960 (SIRENS WAIL) 12 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,720 MANOLITO: A situation has arisen with Vincent O'Neill. 13 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,600 MCCANN: Do whatever you need to do. 14 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:48,000 (DOOR SLAMS) 15 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,880 (DOOR SLAMS) 16 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:56,000 BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want) 17 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,200 BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want) 18 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,960 (SIGHS) 19 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,000 The best things in life are free 20 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,880 The best things in life are free 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,640 But you can give them to the birds and bees 22 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,000 I need money That's what I want 23 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,040 I need money That's what I want 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,800 That's what I want That's what I want 25 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,000 That's what I wa-a-nt That's what I want 26 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:20,880 That's what I wa-a-nt That's what I want 27 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,200 That's what I want That's what I want... 28 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,000 Let's have a look. (LAUGHING) It's erotic. 29 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,720 Let's have a look. (LAUGHING) It's erotic. 30 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,920 I need money That's what I want 31 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,000 That's what I want That's what I want 32 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,320 That's what I want That's what I want 33 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,040 That's what I wa-a-nt That's what I want 34 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,000 That's what I want That's what I want... 35 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,320 That's what I want That's what I want... 36 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,280 (SIGHS) 37 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,080 (WHISTLING TO "Money") 38 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,000 (ZIP FASTENS) 39 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,080 (ZIP FASTENS) 40 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,680 (WHISTLING CONTINUES) 41 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,840 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 42 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:08,000 PASLOWSKI: Now then... 43 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,520 PASLOWSKI: Now then... 44 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,440 (HUSHED) What the fuck? 45 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,480 Clingfilm? 46 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,120 (BONES CRACK) 47 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,280 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON LAPTOP) 48 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,000 INSTRUCTOR: "Ooh, let me see you stretch those legs apart. 49 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,600 INSTRUCTOR: "Ooh, let me see you stretch those legs apart. 50 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,800 "And bend over." Oh, no. 51 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,360 "Ooh, yeah... Ooh, yeah." Oh, no, please, no. 52 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,000 Dirty motherfucker. 53 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:40,200 Dirty motherfucker. 54 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,040 Go on, stretch it, love. Go on. 55 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,080 "I'm bad news." Oh, God. 56 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,640 CARDI: I thought the plan were to plant these at Manolito's. 57 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,000 It was, but then we had a really serious upside-downy crash. 58 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,560 It was, but then we had a really serious upside-downy crash. 59 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,120 So, we need a minute now, love. Listen, these minges paintings 60 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,880 need putting on fucking ice, you know.Hang on, hang on, hang on, 61 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,000 Whitney Houston, we have a problem. What's the problem? 62 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,600 Whitney Houston, we have a problem. What's the problem? 63 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,240 The problem is thus, Ashley. That fucking massive canvas is not 64 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,600 gonna fit down a tiny little hole, is it?Course it will. 65 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,000 You just need to... angle it in. 66 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:04,040 You just need to... angle it in. 67 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,960 Erin, Erin, it doesn't matter about angling, 68 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,720 it's fucking physics i'nt it, love? Shut up! It's fucking open? 69 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,000 Why is it open? Who left that up? 70 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,000 Stretch and pull. (INSTRUCTOR MOANING) 71 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:12,800 Stretch and pull. (INSTRUCTOR MOANING) 72 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,000 "Stretch, stretch it, pull, pull!" (MOANS) 73 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,200 Doors wide open and all the fucking lights on. 74 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,000 (SHUSHES) Someone's there. What? 75 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:20,400 (SHUSHES) Someone's there. What? 76 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,520 Someone's in there. It's probably just Jim. 77 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,640 No, look, we've just done big robbery though, haven't we? Carol's right. 78 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,600 Could be a fucking bad man. 79 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,000 Or a woman.Or a trans woman. Do you... Are we having this now? 80 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,360 Or a woman.Or a trans woman. Do you... Are we having this now? 81 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,800 "Yeah, baby!" (MOANS ON LAPTOP) Go on. Stretch it, pull it. 82 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,000 Hang about a minute, if I'm not mistaken, that there is the sound 83 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,920 Hang about a minute, if I'm not mistaken, that there is the sound 84 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,440 of a faked female orgasm from circa, I'm gonna say, 1983. 85 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,000 Why would a 1980s woman be faking a creamer in the weed bunker? 86 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,400 Why would a 1980s woman be faking a creamer in the weed bunker? 87 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:45,840 Creamer? Yeah. 88 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,720 (MOANING CONTINUES ON LAPTOP) 89 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,760 (MOANS) 90 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,200 ALL: Ugh, oh, my God. Sorry. 91 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,000 Fucking hell. I can't stop it. 92 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,760 Fucking hell. I can't stop it. 93 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,080 Don't finish it! (MOANS) 94 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,960 Fucking hell, mate. Ohhh... 95 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,960 Well I can't un-see that now, can I? 96 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000 Hey, don't try and wank-shame me. You should be terribly ashamed. 97 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,080 Hey, don't try and wank-shame me. You should be terribly ashamed. 98 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,000 Be ashamed, you've brought fucking Vaseline. 99 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,760 It's perfectly natural. 100 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,000 Having a wank doesn't make me a bad person. 101 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:08,840 Having a wank doesn't make me a bad person. 102 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,320 It fucking does when you're doing it in someone's workplace. 103 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,360 You've got your lube there and cling filmed up 104 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,360 your own fucking laptop for it. So bad. 105 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,000 I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop 106 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,400 I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop 107 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,200 because I can't have your jizzy smears in my general vicinity.Mm. 108 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,760 Just wiping his hands. It's not nice. 109 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,400 What are you even fucking doing 'ere? 110 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,000 Oh, my sister's visiting. Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean 111 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,040 Oh, my sister's visiting. Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean 112 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,320 you can just come down 'ere and blow fucking loads 113 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,480 all over the shagging place, does it? 114 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,000 Why have you brought special wank shoes? 115 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,760 Why have you brought special wank shoes? 116 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,560 (GUN COCKS) 117 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,200 They're not mine. Mine are at home. 118 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,000 (THEY SHRIEK) 119 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,120 (THEY SHRIEK) 120 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,880 You motherfuckers underestimated me. 121 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,040 You decided to cross me... 122 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,960 well now, you're gonna pay. 123 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640 Oh... Er... 124 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,480 (GUNSHOT) 125 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,600 (GENTLE ROCK MUSIC) 126 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,320 The duckies... 127 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,000 Hiya, love. Hiya. 128 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:04,560 Hiya, love. Hiya. 129 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,960 You alright? (CRIES) 130 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,480 What's up with you now? (CRIES) 131 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,760 Poo scenario. 132 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,000 (SNIFFS) Have you had a poo? 133 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,240 (COOS)You have had a p... 134 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,000 It's not a problem. It's not a problem. 135 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,360 It's not a problem. It's not a problem. 136 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,760 Little... Did you...? Ooh, fuck, whaaa...(COOS) 137 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,240 Argh, no, wow. 138 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,400 (COOS) Contain. 139 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,120 (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS) Oh, Christ. 140 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,520 Oh, hey up.Hey. It's been a while, hasn't it! 141 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,000 You alright?Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah.What's happening? 142 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,160 You alright?Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah.What's happening? 143 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,400 Had my face pissed on a little bit. Didn't know you had a baba. 144 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,000 He's not mine. You remember Sugar, who cleaned your house?Pregnant one? 145 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:44,640 He's not mine. You remember Sugar, who cleaned your house?Pregnant one? 146 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,280 Yeah, that's the badger. I'm just looking after it, aren't I? 147 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,080 Cos she's busy, and JJ, dad, 148 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,000 he's... He's away so... 149 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:52,240 he's... He's away so... 150 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:55,080 Mad, I was thinking about you just yesterday.How come? 151 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,120 Yeah, I'm doing a rat job up at Bletchley Dale and erm... 152 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,000 There's this old fella, Maurice Finch. 153 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,120 There's this old fella, Maurice Finch. 154 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,600 I've known him for years, but for some reason, yesterday, 155 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,000 he just starts telling me he used to be a career criminal. 156 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,480 Oh, aye, yeah.Some of the mad stories he was coming out with, 157 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,000 and I thought you would get a proper buzz outta meeting him. 158 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,880 and I thought you would get a proper buzz outta meeting him. 159 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,440 Fuck yeah, let's do it. I'm bobbing up there after. 160 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,800 When are you dropping the nipper back?Couple of hours. 161 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,000 I can't fucking wait. I bet.Uh-uh. 162 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:16,960 I can't fucking wait. I bet.Uh-uh. 163 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,080 So, this is where retired criminals go, is it? 164 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,160 Bletchley Dale Estate, with your fucking red 165 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,480 1970s Capri out front. Christ. 166 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,000 There we are. (CLEARS THROAT) 167 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,200 There we are. (CLEARS THROAT) 168 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,040 (BELL RINGS) Dong ding. 169 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,000 Now then.Hey up, Maurice. Vinnie, I were telling you about. 170 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,080 Now then.Hey up, Maurice. Vinnie, I were telling you about. 171 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,960 (LAUGHS) I'm not, listen... 172 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,640 And there were a fucking bloke, with a tiny moustache 173 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,000 and a bell end for a bell end. 174 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:48,360 and a bell end for a bell end. 175 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,640 Lowry minge paintings? Fucking eh. Yeah man. 176 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,480 So, go on, tell me your game then? 177 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,000 Booze and fags was our bread and butter.Mm. 178 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,080 Booze and fags was our bread and butter.Mm. 179 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,000 Back in the '80s, when everyone smoked, 180 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,880 we were smuggling in millions. But I'll tell you this, Vinnie. 181 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,000 Nothing will ever achieve what my grandad achieved. 182 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,480 Nothing will ever achieve what my grandad achieved. 183 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,920 He was a great thief. 184 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,560 Well, go on then. 185 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,800 Yeah. You can't leave us fucking hanging. 186 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,680 You gotta tell us about your grandad. 187 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:12,000 You look like a man who can keep a secret. 188 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,160 You look like a man who can keep a secret. 189 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,600 Fucking right. But you must tell no one.Uh-uh. 190 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,560 Swear on the rat catcher's life. 191 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,000 Don't swear on my life. 110%, swear on his life. 192 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,280 Don't swear on my life. 110%, swear on his life. 193 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,200 Wow. No one loves you anyway. 194 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,840 Fucking hell's bells. 195 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,720 Who's are all these then? I've no idea. 196 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,560 I got 'em from knocking off a trophy shop.(LAUGHS) 197 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,000 They're all a cover for this bad boy. 198 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,360 They're all a cover for this bad boy. 199 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,560 (RUMMAGING) Where's he going? 200 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,200 Oh... But I mean... I'm... What is it? 201 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,560 One of the greatest achievements in the art of thievery, 202 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,000 the original FA Cup. 203 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,240 the original FA Cup. 204 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,000 You're fucking joking. No fucking way. 205 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,320 Stolen on September the 12th, 1895. 206 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,000 By my grandfather, Tobias Finch, and three other men. 207 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,240 By my grandfather, Tobias Finch, and three other men. 208 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,960 Rumours of its whereabouts have circulated ever since. 209 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,280 Can I have a...? Can I have hold of it? 210 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,000 As long as you don't drop it. No. 211 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:08,880 As long as you don't drop it. No. 212 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,400 Just be careful. 213 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,560 (TROPHY THUDS)Woah. Fucking hell, Maurice. 214 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,880 Dude, that is... Oh, my God. 215 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,000 (WHISPERS) That's insane. 216 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:16,200 (WHISPERS) That's insane. 217 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,400 Has that been in your family and hidden, this whole time? 218 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,400 How did they get hold of it? Well, gentlemen... 219 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600 ..therein lies a tale. 220 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,440 Hm. But remember your promise... 221 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,000 you can't tell a living soul. 222 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,000 I swear on his life. Don't swear on it. 223 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:32,640 I swear on his life. Don't swear on it. 224 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,400 The actual FA cup. 225 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,000 I have been trusted with that information. 226 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,000 So, I'd like to see the zip gesture, please. Come on. 227 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,520 So, I'd like to see the zip gesture, please. Come on. 228 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,200 How the fuck did they steal a fucking cup? 229 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,480 Oh, it's sick, dude, listen to this shit. So... 230 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,000 It was just past midnight, and rumbles of thunder 231 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,160 It was just past midnight, and rumbles of thunder 232 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,960 disturbed the skies over Birmingham. 233 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,840 Four masked men stood in the darkness, on a flat roof. 234 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:56,000 Above a boot and shoe shop in New Town Row. 235 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,280 Above a boot and shoe shop in New Town Row. 236 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,440 Before smashing a hole in the ceiling. 237 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,520 Two men, one of them my grandfather, 238 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,000 lowered themselves into the deserted shop. 239 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,280 lowered themselves into the deserted shop. 240 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,280 And there, mounted on a stand, 241 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,000 was the original Football Association Challenge Cup. 242 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,520 was the original Football Association Challenge Cup. 243 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,880 Now, the question you might ask is... 244 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,200 What's the original FA Cup doing in a shop in Birmingham? 245 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,000 Five months earlier, Aston Villa played their arch rivals, West Brom, 246 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,000 Five months earlier, Aston Villa played their arch rivals, West Brom, 247 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,000 in the 24th FA Cup final. 248 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,000 Aston Villa kicked off. 249 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:28,240 Aston Villa kicked off. 250 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,000 In the very first minute, they won a free kick.(WHISTLE BLOWS) 251 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,440 The ball was hit long, eventually gaining its way 252 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,000 to Villa's Captain Chatt, 253 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,200 to Villa's Captain Chatt, 254 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,320 who slammed his volley into the top corner.(CROWD CHEERS) 255 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:44,000 Villa held onto their lead, lifting the 1895 FA Cup. 256 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,040 Villa held onto their lead, lifting the 1895 FA Cup. 257 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,160 They took the cup back to Birmingham 258 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,320 where it was stored in Villa's Perry Barr ground, 259 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,000 until a 73-year-old businessman, 260 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,640 William Tillcock... Or was it Shillcock? 261 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,520 William Thrillcock, more like. (LAUGHS) 262 00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:00,000 He asked for permission to display the trophy in his shop for a week. 263 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,200 He asked for permission to display the trophy in his shop for a week. 264 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,200 And when Shillcock opened up in the morning, 265 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,080 he was horrified to discover that the cup was missing. 266 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,760 The cup. 267 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:13,320 Detectives Mark Brown and Ian Slater arrived to investigate. 268 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000 Ian Slater as in Ian Slater bums dogs?(LAUGHS) 269 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,080 Ian Slater as in Ian Slater bums dogs?(LAUGHS) 270 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,600 Mr Shillcock? 271 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,200 They inspected the crime scene and concluded that... 272 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,000 They must have scaled that 12-foot wall. 273 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,320 They must have scaled that 12-foot wall. 274 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,280 And he made the assumption that... 275 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,000 The evidence suggests it's youths, probably high jinks. 276 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,000 We'll have that cup back before sundown. 277 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,280 We'll have that cup back before sundown. 278 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,320 His optimism was misplaced. 279 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,000 Back then, the cup was only worth £20, 280 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,000 but now, after all this time... 281 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,440 but now, after all this time... 282 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,520 ..it's priceless. 283 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,000 Wow. Wow.Wow. 284 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,400 Wow. Wow.Wow. 285 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,520 Are we gonna nick it? No, we're not gonna steal it. 286 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,240 I'm trying to tell you a special tale. 287 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,600 I'm not selling you a fucking job. It is a good story, Vin. 288 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:56,000 I have to go. Got a date with sandwich man. 289 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,360 I have to go. Got a date with sandwich man. 290 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,080 I'm meeting his parents for the first time. Wish me luck. 291 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,520 We have to go as well cos I have a pasta bake in the oven, 292 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:04,000 and we have to watch the last three episodes of Minder. 293 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,160 and we have to watch the last three episodes of Minder. 294 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,360 What's Minder?TV show. We've been binging it, 114 episodes. 295 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,000 I too must attend to my, er, pressing concerns. 296 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:12,600 I too must attend to my, er, pressing concerns. 297 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,040 Why are YOU going? Need I remind you, Vincent, that 298 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,440 I am the proprietor of Hawley's premier entertainment venue. 299 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,000 I thought it was half empty since the other place 300 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:20,720 I thought it was half empty since the other place 301 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,320 opened down the street. Hey. Hey. 302 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,640 Don't mention that fucking shitheap round me, alright? 303 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:28,000 You have a very attractive angry face, do you know that? 304 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,040 You have a very attractive angry face, do you know that? 305 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,400 Thank you. 306 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,200 (INTENSE MUSIC) 307 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,480 (SIGHS) (BELT CLINKS) 308 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,000 (URINATING) 309 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,160 (URINATING) 310 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,760 Oh, fucking hell! 311 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,880 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS) 312 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,200 (WHISPERS) Jesus. Fucking fuck. 313 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,160 Who you hiding from?Who do you fucking think I'm hiding from? 314 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,200 Stupid old twat. Look, across, 315 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,880 fucking Davey MacDonagh and Donna MacDonagh. 316 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,240 Like a little fucking dachshund down there, sniffing round my arse. 317 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,520 German dogs, dachshunds. I know what they are! 318 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,000 Rommel had one. Oh... 319 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,760 Rommel had one. Oh... 320 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,400 Aggressive, they are. Right. 321 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,040 And needy. Right. 322 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,520 Prone to obesity. Stop telling me.And chlamydia. 323 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,000 I don't give a fuck about fat slaggy dogs with fucking VD, do I? 324 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,240 I don't give a fuck about fat slaggy dogs with fucking VD, do I? 325 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280 Get me the fuck out of here, dude. 326 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,000 What's in it for me?What do you mean "what's in it for you"? 327 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,120 What's in it for me?What do you mean "what's in it for you"? 328 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,000 What do you fucking want? Four cans of stout 329 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,160 and a packet of Chilli Heatwave Doritos. 330 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,000 Done. That's a good deal. Right, on my mark, wait... 331 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,920 Done. That's a good deal. Right, on my mark, wait... 332 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,400 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 333 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,040 OK, now! 334 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:48,000 (BIRDSONG) 335 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,040 (BIRDSONG) 336 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,040 (SNORING) 337 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,000 Vin?! I'm coming... I'm... Ugh. 338 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,360 Vin?! I'm coming... I'm... Ugh. 339 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,960 Fucking open the door now! I'm coming. 340 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,280 Fucking outrageous. What's going on? I'm gonna ask you once, 341 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,000 alright, and I want a fucking straight answer.Mm. 342 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,160 alright, and I want a fucking straight answer.Mm. 343 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,520 Did you nick the FA cup? What? 344 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,000 Don't fuck about with me, Vin. He's been fucking robbed, 345 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,320 Don't fuck about with me, Vin. He's been fucking robbed, 346 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,120 and he only fucking told me and you. 347 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,600 When...? When were...? When were this, then?Last night. 348 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,440 Oof. He was with me all night. 349 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,000 He got too pissed to walk home. Oh, yeah? 350 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,720 He got too pissed to walk home. Oh, yeah? 351 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,840 Same bed, was it? Mm. 352 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,480 If I was gonna get gay, do you think I'd choose him? 353 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,000 I'd choose someone broad, someone masculine, 354 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,000 I'd choose someone broad, someone masculine, 355 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,120 who works with their hands. And I've thought about this, 356 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,440 I would not swallow. Dude... 357 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:36,000 I tasted me own once, by accident, 358 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000 I tasted me own once, by accident, 359 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,320 and it was like fucking wallpaper paste, 360 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,760 with lumps in it.Fuck... Stop! Go and make a fucking 361 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,000 cup of tea or something, you wretched old bastard. 362 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,240 cup of tea or something, you wretched old bastard. 363 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,760 I mean, right, listen. The whole house has that been robbed, 364 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,520 or is it just the fucking cup? They knew to go to the garage. 365 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,000 They knew where the cup was. 366 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:52,280 They knew where the cup was. 367 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,320 Maurice, he is beside himself, 368 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,320 man he is fucking devastated. 369 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,000 I didn't tell a soul, so who the fuck did you blab to? 370 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,920 I didn't tell a soul, so who the fuck did you blab to? 371 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,160 I did tell souls. 372 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,040 You fucking swore on my life, man. 373 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,000 I... Fingers-crossed job, though, when I said it.Fingers crossed? 374 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:08,680 I... Fingers-crossed job, though, when I said it.Fingers crossed? 375 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,760 Don't get upset. If I fucking drop down dead now... 376 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,880 Listen, it's just superstition that. 377 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,000 Really it is. Honest to God, Cardi, Carol and them. 378 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,000 Really it is. Honest to God, Cardi, Carol and them. 379 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,280 They're not gonna rob the fucking FA Cup, are they? 380 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,000 Well, someone has, and Maurice thinks it's us. 381 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,840 All that fuss over a tin can. 382 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,800 I fuckin' told him an' all. 383 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,000 I'll tell you summat right now. It's gone and got robbed. 384 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,680 I'll tell you summat right now. It's gone and got robbed. 385 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,520 Yeah? Since I told all you, they think it's me, don't they? 386 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,080 It doesn't fucking sit well. 387 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,000 Listen, I'm going through every fucking one of ya. (ALL AGREE) 388 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:48,680 Listen, I'm going through every fucking one of ya. (ALL AGREE) 389 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,200 Cardi... who have you told? 390 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,360 Why are you starting with me? You're on the end, love. 391 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,800 I have to start somewhere, you know what I mean?I went home, 392 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,000 and I watched Minder, with my wife, Carol, who is my alibi. 393 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,280 and I watched Minder, with my wife, Carol, who is my alibi. 394 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,240 He did indeed because the theme tune won't stop playing round in my head 395 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,000 like an "eargasm". Thomas, who have you told? 396 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,160 like an "eargasm". Thomas, who have you told? 397 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,360 Who the mucky fuck would I be talking to about football? 398 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,960 I only know perverts, don't I? That's true. Ashley... 399 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,280 ..who have you told? Not a soul. 400 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,200 I was on a date, sure. What would I be doing 401 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,000 telling anyone about an 1895 FA Cup from the- 402 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:20,640 telling anyone about an 1895 FA Cup from the- 403 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,240 Lying high voice. He's going very high voiced. 404 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,160 Very high voiced indeed. Right, OK, fine... Look... 405 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,000 I panicked, alright... Get talking. Come on 406 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 I panicked, alright... Get talking. Come on 407 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,280 It was the dinner... 408 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,480 with sandwich man and his parents. 409 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,000 They didn't like me from the beginning. 410 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:36,120 They didn't like me from the beginning. 411 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,840 We always wanted grandchildren, didn't we, Stan? 412 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,160 So, there I was, trying to over compensate. 413 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,000 Did you know the original 1895 FA Cup was stolen and not found again? 414 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,840 Did you know the original 1895 FA Cup was stolen and not found again? 415 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,720 Fucking fuck. Did it work, at least? 416 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,560 Yes, Tommo, it did work. His father gave me a brandy. 417 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,000 Fuck your brandy! Where does...? 418 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,280 Fuck your brandy! Where does...? 419 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,320 Is his fucking dad the kind of dad that gets dressed up in dark clothes 420 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,400 and maybe break into someone else's fucking house 421 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,000 and rob an ancient trophy of some kind?It's not him, I tell yer. 422 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,080 and rob an ancient trophy of some kind?It's not him, I tell yer. 423 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680 I didn't even tell him the name of the house.You mean to tell me... 424 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,000 that you didn't mention a house on Bletchley Dale Estate. 425 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,080 that you didn't mention a house on Bletchley Dale Estate. 426 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,200 No, I didn't say a word about the house, to the daddy, 427 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,000 but I did tell sandwich man, himself.AH! 428 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,160 but I did tell sandwich man, himself.AH! 429 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,280 (GROANS) Oh, Ashley! 430 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,920 Don't start with the "Ashley"! Fucking fucker! 431 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,880 He would never steal an FA Cup or not'in. 432 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,000 And I suppose, just putting this out there, 433 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,720 And I suppose, just putting this out there, 434 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,880 I suppose, right, you are in fact his alibi, 435 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,640 are you not, because, you know, you spent the evening... 436 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,000 I'm surmising, making the beast with two backs? 437 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:32,720 I'm surmising, making the beast with two backs? 438 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,680 Well, not exactly, no. What do you mean, "not exactly"? 439 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,680 There was an argument at the end of the night. 440 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,000 ("Delilah" by Tom Jones PLAYS ON SPEAKER) 441 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,600 ("Delilah" by Tom Jones PLAYS ON SPEAKER) 442 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,040 Hi, gorgeous. Hi. How's it going? 443 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,240 Great. Well done with the football chat. 444 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,000 Thanks. 445 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,040 Thanks. 446 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,680 What are you doing? Two minutes, they'll never know. 447 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,960 We can't... (MOANS) 448 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,320 Two minutes? Yeah. 449 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,000 You had sex in his parents' house? 450 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,240 You had sex in his parents' house? 451 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,120 I did, in his parents' bed, as well. Dog was sitting there watching. 452 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,400 Fair play to you. Fair play to you. (BED SPRINGS SQUEAK) 453 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,680 Oh, up the midfield. 454 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:04,000 (DOG WHINES) Up the midfield. 455 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,200 (DOG WHINES) Up the midfield. 456 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,800 And what about the argument? 457 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,480 That was in the taxi on the way home. 458 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,720 First of all we were sitting there cuddling and then... 459 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,000 You brought the condom out, right, you didn't just leave it there? 460 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,520 You brought the condom out, right, you didn't just leave it there? 461 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,920 No. You said you were doing that. The fuck? 462 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,000 (SCREAMS) 463 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:20,040 (SCREAMS) 464 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,800 (CAR DOOR SLAMS) 465 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,520 I didn't even wanna fuck in your parents' bedroom. 466 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,240 Do you know what's happened here? You've pissed him off. 467 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,000 And maybe he's fucking stolen it out of fucking revenge 468 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,160 And maybe he's fucking stolen it out of fucking revenge 469 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,080 or summat like that.Sandwich man would not steal the FA Cup. 470 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,440 He's our only suspect. In't he? 471 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,000 Aww, have you recovered darling? 472 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,400 Aww, have you recovered darling? 473 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,760 (LAUGHS) He was smashed off his head in here last night.What? 474 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,160 Up on stage, singing karaoke. Karaoke? 475 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,000 Hm, yeah. Did that duet with your brother.My brother? 476 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,440 Hm, yeah. Did that duet with your brother.My brother? 477 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,720 Which brother? Niall or Mick? 478 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,920 Cockles and 479 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,120 Mussels... 480 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,520 Alive, alive, oh... 481 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,000 Er, the thick one. ALL: Mick! 482 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,640 Er, the thick one. ALL: Mick! 483 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,720 It's Mick. 484 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,120 Yeah, motherfucker. 485 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,800 Start fucking talking right now. 486 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,000 I don't know nothin' about it. I swear on my Uncle Teagan's life. 487 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,400 I don't know nothin' about it. I swear on my Uncle Teagan's life. 488 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,480 Uncle Teagan's dead. Is he? 489 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,880 Yeah, they buried him, anyway. 490 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,360 Christ. Well... Well, all the same, 491 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,840 I don't know anything about any theft of any FA cup. 492 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:08,000 Oh, right. So he told you the story? Oh, yeah. It's a good story. 493 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,760 Oh, right. So he told you the story? Oh, yeah. It's a good story. 494 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,040 That old guy there, on the Bletchley Dale Estate. 495 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,080 Keeping that Cup all those years. 496 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:16,000 But I was too nervous last night to really care. 497 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,200 But I was too nervous last night to really care. 498 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,000 I was only in the pub for Talent Night. 499 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,640 The fuck is your talent? 500 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,680 Stand-up comedy. Gor... Fuck me. 501 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,000 So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means... 502 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,200 So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means... 503 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,600 It's not the end of the world. 504 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,200 (MIC FEEDBACK) WOMAN: Fuck off! 505 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,000 You did this last night at the Crow's Nest?Yeah. 506 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,640 You did this last night at the Crow's Nest?Yeah. 507 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,480 Before the karaoke. Who have you spoke to 508 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,280 after fucking blabbermouth here were done with yer?Yeah. 509 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,000 No one, I swear. I came back here, and went I went to bed. 510 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,280 No one, I swear. I came back here, and went I went to bed. 511 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,440 Oh no, no. I stopped off at the chippy. 512 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,440 Oh, fuck, you didn't tell Val and Ian? 513 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,000 No, no, I don't speak with Val and Ian, unless to say my order. 514 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:48,680 No, no, I don't speak with Val and Ian, unless to say my order. 515 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,600 And why not? She has a man voice, 516 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,200 and he's a fucking lady voice. Freaks me out. 517 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,000 (DEEP) There you go, darling. (SHRILL) 4.50, please, mate. 518 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,160 (DEEP) There you go, darling. (SHRILL) 4.50, please, mate. 519 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,280 It is strange. Alright, just listen. 520 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,640 You've been to the chippy, you've had your chips. 521 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,000 Right? Who have you spoken to after that? 522 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,840 Right? Who have you spoken to after that? 523 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,480 No one. Thank God for that. 524 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,880 Or did I tell Niall? Fuck! 525 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,560 (PHONE RINGS) Carol, what's up? 526 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,000 Niall, how's it going? Is it my mother? 527 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,040 Niall, how's it going? Is it my mother? 528 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,760 Oh, no, no, no, no emergency, no. 529 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,400 Just, er... Just thought I'd give my little brother a call, 530 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,000 see how you were doing. Bullshit, Carol. Who's dead? 531 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:20,880 see how you were doing. Bullshit, Carol. Who's dead? 532 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,600 No. No. I just haven't seen you in a while. 533 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,680 Thought we'd meet for an old pint and a catch up. 534 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,320 (WHISPERS) Ask him where he is? Where are ya? 535 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:28,000 NIALL: I am busy, working. Working? 536 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,400 NIALL: I am busy, working. Working? 537 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,800 Yes, working. I haven't got time to be standing here talking to you. 538 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,400 ANNOUNCER: The ferry to Dublin is now boarding from bay six. 539 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,000 Listen, I have to go. I have to go. OK. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. 540 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,120 Listen, I have to go. I have to go. OK. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. 541 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,520 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Alright.Dublin.Fuck. 542 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,440 Dublin.What the fuck's he gone to Dublin for? 543 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,000 He goes regular, for his poker tournaments 544 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:44,320 He goes regular, for his poker tournaments 545 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,840 and to off-load counterfeit dollars. Counterfeit dollars? 546 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,560 Yeah. The Irish spend them in New York. 547 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,000 So, does he know a lot of dodgy folk in Dublin?The cunt knows everybody. 548 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:52,280 So, does he know a lot of dodgy folk in Dublin?The cunt knows everybody. 549 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,880 He's a right sly bastard. 550 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,360 That's exactly the shit he'd do. 551 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,720 How often do the bloody ferries run then?Twice a day, from Holyhead. 552 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,000 W-When's the last one? 3:00pm. 553 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,720 W-When's the last one? 3:00pm. 554 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,280 How do you know that? I like ferries. 555 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,920 And I know exactly where he'll go: 556 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,320 Auntie Aoife's. Yeah. 557 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,000 Because he's so fucking tight, he would not pay 558 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,240 Because he's so fucking tight, he would not pay 559 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,640 for a hotel or a guest house. 560 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,520 He's as tight as a goat's hole going up the side of a cliff. 561 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,760 He'll be at Auntie Aoife's and Uncle Eldon's, 562 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,000 the nice little guest house on O'Grainy Lane. Come on. 563 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,920 the nice little guest house on O'Grainy Lane. Come on. 564 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,880 LE TIGRE: Deceptacon 565 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,240 Every day and night 566 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,240 Every day and ni-i-ght 567 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,000 I can see your disco, disco 568 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,880 I can see your disco, disco 569 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,680 Dick is sucking my heart of out my mind 570 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,920 One, two, three, four 571 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:40,000 You got what you been asking for... 572 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,120 You got what you been asking for... 573 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,080 WOMAN: ..touch 'em, just left them. 574 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,440 No, they didn't stink. They were all kind of... 575 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,000 stained. 576 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:48,200 stained. 577 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,920 Patchy.Excuse... No, they weren't mine, 578 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,240 they were my stepdad's... Excuse me, very important, 579 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,720 important, can you...? I gotta go. 580 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,880 (PHONE CLICKS) 581 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,000 Yeah. We want tickets for the Dublin ferry, for all of us and one car. 582 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,920 Yeah. We want tickets for the Dublin ferry, for all of us and one car. 583 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,240 Well, all the car ferries are gone. Eh? 584 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,000 There's only a foot-passenger ferry. But it doesn't say on't website. 585 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:04,320 There's only a foot-passenger ferry. But it doesn't say on't website. 586 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,280 Write in. I will.Do. 587 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,720 I fucking will. You should.Fine.Fine. 588 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,000 Jesus... Fuck. Can someone just pay patchy pants here?(SIGHS) 589 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:12,320 Jesus... Fuck. Can someone just pay patchy pants here?(SIGHS) 590 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:18,880 Is alright, alright, alright, alright, alright... 591 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,360 Fuck you, other ferry. 592 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,120 (LAUGHS) OK, so I'm gonna start. 593 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,880 It's fucking hopeless this, it's shite. 594 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,000 I found out I'm afraid of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid it. 595 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,800 I found out I'm afraid of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid it. 596 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,760 (LAUGHS)What's the problem with eating a clock? 597 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,720 Eh? Too time consuming. 598 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:36,000 (LAUGHS)You'll have to stop. It's fucking shite. 599 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,880 (LAUGHS)You'll have to stop. It's fucking shite. 600 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,880 Found out my friend couldn't pay her water bill, 601 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,400 so I sent them a get-WELL-soon card. 602 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,000 Oh, my God.(LAUGHS) Stop fucking encouraging him. 603 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:44,840 Oh, my God.(LAUGHS) Stop fucking encouraging him. 604 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,960 No one's enjoying it, love. Come on, Michael. 605 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,560 Come and have a minute with us. Be a good lad now. 606 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,000 Hey, how's your mate, Erin? 607 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:52,560 Hey, how's your mate, Erin? 608 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,880 She's fine, yeah. All good. Where is she? 609 00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,080 Well now, therein lies a story. 610 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,000 Well, go on, then. We've got a... 611 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,120 Well, go on, then. We've got a... 612 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,880 sea crossing to fill, eh? Carol? 613 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,720 What love? UGH! 614 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,000 Jesus Christ. My good fucking coat! 615 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,640 Jesus Christ. My good fucking coat! 616 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,200 Sorry. Jesus Christ, like. 617 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,120 THE POGUES: Dirty Old Town 618 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,000 Dreamed a dream 619 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,520 Dreamed a dream 620 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,360 By the old canal 621 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,120 I kissed my girl 622 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,640 By the factory wall 623 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,920 Dirty old town... 624 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,000 Here's your new house now, lads. Look at this gaff. 625 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,080 Here's your new house now, lads. Look at this gaff. 626 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,360 LADS: Ooh! Great spot. 627 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,000 Aww fucking stiff as a board in there. 628 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,480 Christ. 629 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,320 Thanks, man. (DOORBELL RINGS) 630 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,640 They're lovely people now, are my auntie and uncle, 631 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,000 but there's a few things you'll have to ignore, OK? 632 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:48,720 but there's a few things you'll have to ignore, OK? 633 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,400 When she's talking, an awful bit of spittle comes out. 634 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,680 Hm.Now and again. But he has a very, very big facial wart, 635 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,000 OK, that the eyes are tend to be drawn to. 636 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:56,800 OK, that the eyes are tend to be drawn to. 637 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,800 But please do not talk into it, OK, 638 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,600 cos he's very, very sensitive about it. 639 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,520 He's also in the closet still, very much. Like, we all know, 640 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,000 we're supposed to pretend we don't know. We know. 641 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000 we're supposed to pretend we don't know. We know. 642 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,320 They sound lovely.You think he's a giver or a taker? 643 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,640 He's a taker. No, he takes it. Kids. 644 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,000 Carol, Ashley, Michael. Come in here now 645 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,200 Carol, Ashley, Michael. Come in here now 646 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,080 and give your auntie a big hug. Oh! 647 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:18,960 (GIGGLES) MIKE: Hi, Auntie.Hi, Auntie. 648 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,000 (LAUGHS) And who are these reprobates? 649 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,680 (LAUGHS) And who are these reprobates? 650 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,760 Oh-ho, here he is now, Uncle Eldon, are you well? 651 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,000 How you getting on? That's, Vinnie and Tommo 652 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:28,680 How you getting on? That's, Vinnie and Tommo 653 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,600 and Cardi and this is, er, Curtis Plum, Uncle Eldon. 654 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,120 Well, eh, thanks for having us all the same. 655 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,000 Oh, bring it in for a hug. (LAUGHS) Alright, argh. 656 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,840 Oh, bring it in for a hug. (LAUGHS) Alright, argh. 657 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,880 Oh! Argh! 658 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,840 Argh. (KISSES)Argh. 659 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,000 (FORCED LAUGH) No more of you. 660 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:44,920 (FORCED LAUGH) No more of you. 661 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,240 Quite the day we're after having. To what do we owe the honour? 662 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,240 We're on our jolly, back in the Emerald Isle, 663 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,000 showing the lads the sights. (STAMMERS) 664 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:52,280 showing the lads the sights. (STAMMERS) 665 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,080 You haven't seen our Niall kicking about, have ya?Now, he, er... 666 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,400 dropped his stuff off in room three, said he had business to attend to. 667 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,000 Sound. Room three.Three it is. 668 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:00,280 Sound. Room three.Three it is. 669 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:01,840 Can we have a look around, maybe? 670 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,000 There you are. There... There you are, 671 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,000 There you are. There... There you are, 672 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,520 a bit of Schweppes. BOTH: Oh... 673 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,280 Well, that's a no, then. Fuck. 674 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,080 (GROANS) 675 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,000 I remember Aston Villa's glory days, 676 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,680 I remember Aston Villa's glory days, 677 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,040 not the 1895 ones, 678 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,160 the 1980's European Cup. 679 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,000 Their goalkeeper, Jimmy Rimmer, got a neck injury 680 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,400 Their goalkeeper, Jimmy Rimmer, got a neck injury 681 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,600 and was stretchered off, replaced by a youngster, 682 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,560 Nigel Spink. 683 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,000 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)Ha. With his tight little blue shorts, 684 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,320 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)Ha. With his tight little blue shorts, 685 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,720 bum cheeks visible. 686 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,000 That's a very visceral image. 687 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:40,840 That's a very visceral image. 688 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,240 D-Did Niall say w-where he were going when he went out? 689 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,440 No, you know Niall, 690 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:48,000 always blustering around. (SPITS) 691 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,680 always blustering around. (SPITS) 692 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,000 He used my laptop, though, 693 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,640 asked if he could go on it as he had no data. 694 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,000 Oh, oh. Oh, right, OK. And er, Aoife, love, 695 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,160 Oh, oh. Oh, right, OK. And er, Aoife, love, 696 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,680 might we by any chance peruse the afore mentioned laptop? 697 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,240 Yep, for sure, laptop there. 698 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,000 (GROANS) Right. 699 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:04,520 (GROANS) Right. 700 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,440 Now...Come on, lads. Here you are. 701 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,760 Right. (CLEARS THROAT) Ah. 702 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,000 The games awaits. OK. Password? 703 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:12,680 The games awaits. OK. Password? 704 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,440 Tonsillitis. (SPITS) Ah! 705 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,920 Fucking hell, love. Like, "tonsillitis" as a password, 706 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,000 why have you got it as a password? I can't even spell it.Exactly, 707 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,280 why have you got it as a password? I can't even spell it.Exactly, 708 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,240 so you'll never guess it. 709 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,000 (SPITTING) Two Ts, three Is, two S's. 710 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:28,080 (SPITTING) Two Ts, three Is, two S's. 711 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,200 I sort of, sort of asked for that didn't I, really? 712 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,680 Yeah, alright. Er... 713 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,280 (TYPING) Right, here we go. 714 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,000 We have one search for "how to back", bake, 715 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,600 We have one search for "how to back", bake, 716 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,920 "a light-as-a-fairy cake." 717 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,040 Oh, that was me. That's you, yeah, alright, 718 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,000 OK, and then we've got "Japanese boy wrestling." 719 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:44,520 OK, and then we've got "Japanese boy wrestling." 720 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,400 That was me. 721 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:47,640 Theme emerging, I see. 722 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,160 Ah, and then a search for... 723 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,000 "tanning salon and nail bar. Glow Job." 724 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,480 "tanning salon and nail bar. Glow Job." 725 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,760 Glow Job, is that that place up Tremaine Street, Aoife? 726 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,000 You know, I think it is. Now you mention it, 727 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,760 You know, I think it is. Now you mention it, 728 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,200 straight after he used the laptop, he used the landline. 729 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,920 Does your home phone happen to have a redial function on it? 730 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,000 I've never really noticed it. How does she reach? 731 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,600 MAN: "This is Glow Job, where the sun is always shining. 732 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,000 "No one here at the moment. 733 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:16,280 "No one here at the moment. 734 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,600 Leave a message, and we'll get back to you." 735 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,240 Oi, oi. Grab-c-Nesbit. 736 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,720 I recognise that voice. It's Mardie Fisher. 737 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,000 Who's Mardie Fisher? He used to be a contortionist. 738 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:24,960 Who's Mardie Fisher? He used to be a contortionist. 739 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,800 Extortionist.Right, whatever. He got into all kinds of bother. 740 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,040 He... It cost him his hair, all the worry. 741 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,000 He used to have lovely long locks, so he did.Right. 742 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,280 He used to have lovely long locks, so he did.Right. 743 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,320 so we've got an ex extortionist, bald as a coot 744 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,800 but with a criminal past, runs a tanning salon-And nail bar. 745 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,520 And a nail bar, up this Tremaine Street. 746 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,000 Mm.This could be a front for illegal wheeling and dealing. 747 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,040 Mm.This could be a front for illegal wheeling and dealing. 748 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,040 Where's Tremaine Street, then? A couple of miles as the crow flies. 749 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,480 No, we can't go by crow. Be a bit further then. 750 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,000 You can use my car if you like. Your car? 751 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,120 You can use my car if you like. Your car? 752 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,840 There's seven of 'em. Well, they can squeeze together. 753 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,680 Like we did in the Army. 754 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,000 (LAUGHS) No. 755 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:56,720 (LAUGHS) No. 756 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,560 My grandfather had a heart of a lion 757 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,000 but a lifetime ban at the local zoo. Dude. 758 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:16,000 Shut the fuck up, Michael. Your jokes are terrible. 759 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,000 Come here, lad. 760 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:20,160 Come here, lad. 761 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,720 Fucking hair-do on him. 762 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,080 We're closed. Can you not read? 763 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,760 I struggle, dyslexic. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS IN SALON) 764 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,000 What about your friends? Can they not read? 765 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:28,720 What about your friends? Can they not read? 766 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,280 They're all dyslexic as well. Look, listen, 767 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,960 has Niall Dennings been in here, by any fucking chance? 768 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000 Never heard of him. 769 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:36,840 Never heard of him. 770 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,320 Now give over. Cos we know he's been in there. 771 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,960 We don't want any trouble. 772 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,960 Let us in. We'll have a bit of a chat. 773 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,000 We're closed. Let me have a fucking word with him. 774 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,200 We're closed. Let me have a fucking word with him. 775 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,240 Mr Fisher, I'm Niall's sister, Carol, alright? 776 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,400 Now, he's after being an awful fucking eejit, 777 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,000 and he's also taken something that doesn't belong to him, 778 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:52,760 and he's also taken something that doesn't belong to him, 779 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,920 so you're gonna have to open that door now 780 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,360 or we are gonna start kicking it with our feet. 781 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:58,800 Get at it. Fucks sake. 782 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,000 (DOOR THUDDING) Alright, take it easy. 783 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,120 (DOOR THUDDING) Alright, take it easy. 784 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,160 Keep your bollocks on. What a gentleman. 785 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,640 SAULT: Don't Waste My Time 786 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,000 Remember when you said... 787 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,240 Remember when you said... 788 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,240 OK, let me think. Let me think. It's coming back to me, 789 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,000 coming back to me. Niall... Niall... Oh, yeah, Niall. 790 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,520 coming back to me. Niall... Niall... Oh, yeah, Niall. 791 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,520 He WAS here... Alright. 792 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,000 ..but he just wanted a man facial and...Hm. 793 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,000 And I don't know anything about any stolen items so...Mm. 794 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,320 And I don't know anything about any stolen items so...Mm. 795 00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,720 What's in that back room? 796 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,200 My stock and my tanning room. 797 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,000 We're a tanning salon. And nail bar. 798 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,560 We're a tanning salon. And nail bar. 799 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,120 And nail bar. Correct. Listen to me. 800 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,560 I don't want you thinking we're thinking you're untrustworthy. 801 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:40,000 I feel like I really need to check in the back room. 802 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,760 I feel like I really need to check in the back room. 803 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,520 No one goes in my back room. 804 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,200 Unless I invite them in my back room. 805 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,000 Oh...Alright. Well just invite us in, then. 806 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200 Oh...Alright. Well just invite us in, then. 807 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,600 I won't. There's nothing back there, I've nothing to feel guilty about. 808 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,000 So, you won't mind if we have a little peek then? How about no peek? 809 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:56,760 So, you won't mind if we have a little peek then? How about no peek? 810 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,520 I'm sorry I'm just gonna step in here. 811 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,440 Mardie, love, can you see how your resistance 812 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,000 is making us a little bit more suspicious, about yer?(SCOFFS) 813 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:04,320 is making us a little bit more suspicious, about yer?(SCOFFS) 814 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,160 Yous waltz in here, 815 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,000 I don't know yous from Adam, 816 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,760 and you demand to see in my back room. 817 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,000 Who the fuck do you think yous are?Mr Fisher, look, 818 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:12,280 Who the fuck do you think yous are?Mr Fisher, look, 819 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,600 we're Niall's brothers, that's Niall's sister there. 820 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,400 These are our mates. Tell us what he was doing here, and that's it. 821 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,000 I'm not to telling yer. Yer deaf? We have a fucking situation here, 822 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:20,600 I'm not to telling yer. Yer deaf? We have a fucking situation here, 823 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,400 alright? Now, I'm not leaving this fucking tanning salon- 824 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,000 And nail bar. And the fucking nail bar, Cardi. 825 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,000 We can't leave here until we check in that back room, 826 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,320 We can't leave here until we check in that back room, 827 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,360 and make sure Niall and/or the stolen fucking item in't in it. 828 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,000 I can see the predicament we're in. 829 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,280 I can see the predicament we're in. 830 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,920 Mm. Here's what I can do for yer, right? 831 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,800 None of yous are coming in my back room, 832 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,000 but he did leave a package. 833 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:44,360 but he did leave a package. 834 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,480 (CLICKS FINGERS) I dunno what's in the package, 835 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,760 but I can step back there, alone, 836 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,840 and bring it out to yous. How's that? 837 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:52,000 Or who's to say he's not just gonna fuck off out the back? 838 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,280 Or who's to say he's not just gonna fuck off out the back? 839 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,280 Out the back of my own tanning salon? Leave yous eejits here alone? 840 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,000 Do I look insane? Mm. 841 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:00,760 Do I look insane? Mm. 842 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,120 Do you want the package, or do you not want the package? 843 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,000 Fucking go and get that fucking package right now, and quick. 844 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,200 (BUTTONS BEEPING) 845 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,000 (SECURITY SYSTEM CHIMES) 846 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,240 (SECURITY SYSTEM CHIMES) 847 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,840 I can't believe it. (DOOR CLOSES) 848 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,160 He's a full head of long hair. (LAUGHS) 849 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,000 It's a fucking wig dude. Come on, man. 850 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,320 It's a fucking wig dude. Come on, man. 851 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,080 W-Wig? How's it stay on? 852 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,880 (LAUGHS) It's stuck to his head, love. 853 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,400 W-What...? W-What...? Well, what if he hangs upside down? 854 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:32,000 Oh, my God. Who hangs upside down? 855 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,240 Oh, my God. Who hangs upside down? 856 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,800 Me, it's good for the brain. I hate to say this, Mick, 857 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,320 I really do. You're not the best advert for inversion, are ya? 858 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,000 What with you being, sorry, but... thick as two short planks. 859 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:40,760 What with you being, sorry, but... thick as two short planks. 860 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,720 Tommo, you shut the fuck up. You're as thick as fucking one short plank. 861 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,040 (LAUGHS) I rest my case. 862 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,000 (LAUGHS) 863 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:48,880 (LAUGHS) 864 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,400 You wanna see what's in my back room? 865 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,880 Here's what's in my fucking back room. 866 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,000 You lousy fucking poxy bastards. (ALL SCREAM) 867 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,160 You lousy fucking poxy bastards. (ALL SCREAM) 868 00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,360 Come on you fuckers, yeah! 869 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,280 Get yourselves a lovely spray tan. 870 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,080 Welcome to Glow Job. 871 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,000 Oh, I've missed a bit, did I? 872 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:04,960 Oh, I've missed a bit, did I? 873 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,760 Here. Here. (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 874 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,040 Get some fucking tan lines around that. 875 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,000 Fuck me. Grab his fucking arms. You're wanting some of that, do yer? 876 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:12,840 Fuck me. Grab his fucking arms. You're wanting some of that, do yer? 877 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,000 BEASTIE BOYS: Sabotage 878 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,200 Hold still for crying out loud, will yer? 879 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,000 You better start talking. 880 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,280 You better start talking. 881 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,520 (LAUGHS) I'm not telling you shit about shit. 882 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,960 You will tell us shit about shit. I'll take your fucking eyebrow off. 883 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,760 Now, did Niall come here or not? 884 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,760 You know what you can do? Go and fuck your mother. 885 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,800 Oh, rude. Oh...Fucking piece of work 886 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,000 Did he try and sell you a trophy? Fuck your Uncle Eldon. 887 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,400 Did he try and sell you a trophy? Fuck your Uncle Eldon. 888 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,920 I tell you what. Thomas, pull his fucking eyebrow off. 889 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,080 No. No. Argh! 890 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,000 Gone. Argh! 891 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:52,440 Gone. Argh! 892 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,400 Gone. You look like a fucking idiot. 893 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,080 On one side, you're a 50% twat right now. 894 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,000 I'll do the other one. When I run out of hairs, 895 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,080 I'm gonna go down there. I do my own genitals. 896 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,680 I'm like a fucking dolphin down there. 897 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,880 Man after my own heart. Fucking weird dude. 898 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:08,000 Alright, Mick, go and smash up 899 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,400 Alright, Mick, go and smash up 900 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,920 all his shit in the back room. We're fucking up your back room, 901 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,720 pouring away the shampoos. No!Smash it up. 902 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,240 Pour it all out. I'll talk. 903 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:16,000 No, not the shampoos. No! 904 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,240 No, not the shampoos. No! 905 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,280 I'll talk. I'll talk. 906 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,520 (BREATHES HEAVILY) Look in my phone. 907 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,480 Where is it? It's in my flaps. 908 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,880 Passcode: 0072. Roger Moore. 909 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,600 No, no, no. He was 0073. 910 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,000 George Lazenby, he was 0072. I mean everybody knows that, like. 911 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:32,600 George Lazenby, he was 0072. I mean everybody knows that, like. 912 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,560 Yeah. He was shite. Wasn't even a proper Bond. 913 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,040 Hm. Last calls. 914 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,280 (PHONE CHIMES) Don Randy? 915 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:40,000 Who the fuck's Don Randy? 916 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,080 Who the fuck's Don Randy? 917 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,000 Sounds like sort of, er, mid-level '70s porn star, doesn't it? 918 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,640 Hey. Hey. Who's Don Randy? 919 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,000 He's a scary fucker, and you do not wanna mess with him. 920 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,400 He's a scary fucker, and you do not wanna mess with him. 921 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,320 That's who he was meeting here, 922 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,000 and that's all I know. That's all I can tell yer. Now, fuck off. 923 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:56,040 and that's all I know. That's all I can tell yer. Now, fuck off. 924 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,640 Listen, what is that there? Is that a bloody five or a three? 925 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,480 It's a three.Well, it looks- No, five. 926 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,000 Is it?I don't... Fucking try three. CARDI: What you gonna say? 927 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,400 Is it?I don't... Fucking try three. CARDI: What you gonna say? 928 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,680 (LINE RINGING) I'm gonna style it out, like a boss. 929 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,520 I'll lay the bait, he's gonna take nibble. 930 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,880 You gonna invite him to be in Be My Bitch Volume Seven? 931 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:12,000 Just shut up, ya gob shite. WOMAN: "Hello."Oh, shit. 932 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,160 Just shut up, ya gob shite. WOMAN: "Hello."Oh, shit. 933 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,080 I'm looking to speak to a Donald Randy? 934 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,840 "Don Randy? Do I sound like Don Randy, 935 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:20,000 "you filthy fucking bastard." Oh, I'm sorry love. (LINE BEEPS) 936 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,560 "you filthy fucking bastard." Oh, I'm sorry love. (LINE BEEPS) 937 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,640 Oh, she's gone. It must have been a five. 938 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,120 Do you think(?) You fucking lemon. Alright. What? 939 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,000 Well, I got all geed up for it, didn't I?Give it here. 940 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,360 Well, I got all geed up for it, didn't I?Give it here. 941 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,160 You need to be more zen. You get way too wound about things. 942 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:33,880 You need to be better at fives. 943 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,000 My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo, 944 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:36,040 My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo, 945 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,240 so I put my foot down. (LAUGHS)Michael... 946 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,600 (LINE RINGING) Honestly. 947 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,040 Weird timing.You'll change your tune when I'm famous. 948 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,000 "Hello." Oh, it's the same lady, man. 949 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:45,160 "Hello." Oh, it's the same lady, man. 950 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,200 "You, you filthy bastard. Paul! 951 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,360 "This pervert keeps ringing me." Don't tell Paul. 952 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,000 Don't tell Paul, it's an honest mistake, love. 953 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:52,280 Don't tell Paul, it's an honest mistake, love. 954 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,400 My mate's bad at fives. Listen... 955 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,240 someone, put the right fucking number in this right fucking now. 956 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,800 Here, I'll try. No, you fucking won't.Give it here. 957 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:00,000 Give it to me.Here you are.Go on. Fucking thicks, the lot of you. 958 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,400 Give it to me.Here you are.Go on. Fucking thicks, the lot of you. 959 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,920 Yeah? (LINE RINGING)Here you go. 960 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,000 Yes, Carol.Right, go on. Fuck, is it gonna be her again? 961 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:08,280 Yes, Carol.Right, go on. Fuck, is it gonna be her again? 962 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,280 No. No, listen.Shit. MAN: "Hello." 963 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,600 Now then... is that Don Randy? 964 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,640 "Who's asking?" I fucking am. 965 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:16,000 And you are? "Vincent O'Neill." 966 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,480 And you are? "Vincent O'Neill." 967 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,360 I have been given this number, 968 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,640 apparently it's the number of a very important entrepreneur 969 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:24,000 called Donald Randy. "This is his phone." 970 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,680 called Donald Randy. "This is his phone." 971 00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:30,120 Fuck, doesn't answer his own phone, that's classy that. Very classy.. 972 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,000 What's the proposal? I am a marijuana, 973 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,800 What's the proposal? I am a marijuana, 974 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,280 er, botanist. Ooh. 975 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:40,000 And I would like to dis...discuss distribution. 976 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:40,840 And I would like to dis...discuss distribution. 977 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,880 I'll ask. (LINE DISCONNECTS) (CLICKS TONGUE) 978 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,560 He's just gone?He's just fucked off. Oh... (SHUSHES). 979 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,840 (PHONE BUZZES) (PHONE CLICKS) 980 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:48,000 Mr Randy. MAN: "Who the fuck are you, 981 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,400 Mr Randy. MAN: "Who the fuck are you, 982 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,000 you perv, ringing my bird asking for John Randy? 983 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,960 Fucking Paul.It's Paul, in't it? It's bloody Paul. Paul, listen, 984 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,920 it were a genuine mistake. My mate's really bad at fives. 985 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,440 It's one fucking number. We're looking for Donald Randy, 986 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,600 not fucking John Randy you turnip. 987 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:04,000 "Ring again..."Abort."..I'll come over there and cut your cheek out!" 988 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,680 "Ring again..."Abort."..I'll come over there and cut your cheek out!" 989 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,120 Do you know what, man, it's a very strange threat. 990 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,760 You don't even know where the fuck I am. 991 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,000 I'm on a mobile phone. Where you gonna come to? 992 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,200 I'm on a mobile phone. Where you gonna come to? 993 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,640 (LINE BEEPS) "To where you are." 994 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,840 Fuck me hang on."I'll fucking kill you!"What's going on there, then? 995 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,840 Paul, hang on a minute, love. Is it call waiting? 996 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:20,000 What do you press now? Hey up, Paul. Listen to me, love. 997 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,160 What do you press now? Hey up, Paul. Listen to me, love. 998 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,720 your bird's having an affair, in't she? She's cheating on ya. 999 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,320 "Fuck you!"See what's before your eyes. Know what I mean? Chow. 1000 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,000 (POSH ACCENT) Hello? MAN: "Vincent O'Neill?" 1001 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,440 (POSH ACCENT) Hello? MAN: "Vincent O'Neill?" 1002 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,360 Er, this is his associate, one Mr Shaftner. 1003 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,680 That's cool as fuck.He'll meet you at midday tomorrow at Duffy's bar. 1004 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:36,000 Bring samples. And sit by the window. 1005 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,440 Bring samples. And sit by the window. 1006 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,920 We will do exactly that, thank you. 1007 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,800 (LAUGHS) Voila, we have a meeting. Well in. 1008 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,000 One spliff I've got left. I were fucking saving it for t'ferry. 1009 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,880 One spliff I've got left. I were fucking saving it for t'ferry. 1010 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,000 I want you on your fucking best behaviour. None of your nonsense. 1011 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:52,200 I want you on your fucking best behaviour. None of your nonsense. 1012 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,200 Obviously not. It's big deal, get in there. 1013 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:55,320 Get the fuck in the pub. 1014 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,800 Ah ba-ba-ba, you're not going nowhere, you piss head. 1015 00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,680 You're not drinking- I want a drink.Listen, 1016 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:00,000 it's a very serious situation we're all in. I want you out here, 1017 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,280 it's a very serious situation we're all in. I want you out here, 1018 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,800 chilling out, we can't go in mobhanded. Fucking give over. 1019 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,960 We can't go in mobhanded. Go on, fuck off. 1020 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,000 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1021 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,960 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1022 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,480 Shite, Vin... 1023 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,000 ..there's no window seats left. No, it's alright, we'll just... 1024 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,800 We'll just loiter here for a bit. 1025 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,320 He specifically said to find a fucking window seat, didn't he? 1026 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:31,800 There's no window seats. 1027 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:32,000 Unless we ask one of these starey bastards to move. 1028 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,120 Unless we ask one of these starey bastards to move. 1029 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,920 Why does he want us sat near a fucking window seat, anyway? 1030 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,000 The demand of a gangster. They need to see people coming in and out. 1031 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,200 The demand of a gangster. They need to see people coming in and out. 1032 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,800 I don't like this, Vin. We need to get out of here.Don't be a... 1033 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,880 No, no, hang on. Stop being a fucking tart, dude. 1034 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,440 What if he's correct? What if Niall's got in over his head? 1035 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:48,000 What if this a fucking trap? 1036 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:48,720 What if this a fucking trap? 1037 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,880 What if this fucking Don Randy is, 1038 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,000 in fact, the Irish Don Corleone? It's not gonna be Don Corleone, 1039 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,000 it's gonna be Donald. Donald Corleone? 1040 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:56,040 it's gonna be Donald. Donald Corleone? 1041 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,960 Not D... Right, give over now, pair of ya. 1042 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,120 Look hard.Woah, woah, woah. What? Oh, fuck me. 1043 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,000 Oh, he looks hard.He's a big lad. Oh, he looks like a killer. 1044 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,040 Oh, he looks hard.He's a big lad. Oh, he looks like a killer. 1045 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,200 (SHUSHES) 1046 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,920 (THICK IRISH ACCENT) Vincent O'Neill! 1047 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,000 Er, D-Don Randy? Vincent O'Neill? 1048 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:12,880 Er, D-Don Randy? Vincent O'Neill? 1049 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,320 Oh, Don Randy? Pleased to meet you, so I am. 1050 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:18,680 Alright, then. Oh, get in there. 1051 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:20,000 Always good to get a new business associate from the UK. 1052 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,160 Always good to get a new business associate from the UK. 1053 00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,840 OK.I see all the window seats are taken, maybe we'll get a booth. 1054 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,240 Ciaran here'll get us a few pints. You can drink your hole off. Come. 1055 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,000 What was any of that? 1056 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:28,960 What was any of that? 1057 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,720 He wants to get a pint to drink our holes off.Gross dude. 1058 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,000 Now then, get your laughing gear round that. 1059 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,000 Now honestly, that is the finest plant 1060 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:36,960 Now honestly, that is the finest plant 1061 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,120 you will ever fucking smoke in your life. 1062 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,200 What I'm saying is, if you wanna get in the weed business, 1063 00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:44,000 we're good men to get in business with. 1064 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:44,360 we're good men to get in business with. 1065 00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:50,680 Ciaran. Go easy, Ciaran, for fuck's sake. 1066 00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,000 It's bloody strong. I-I don't touch it myself. 1067 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,200 It's bloody strong. I-I don't touch it myself. 1068 00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:55,480 I like a brandy, like to slip my shoes off at the end 1069 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,840 and I watch a police procedural and sip away at a fine, fine brandy. 1070 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,000 Summat about brandy? He likes a tipple in the evening 1071 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,080 Summat about brandy? He likes a tipple in the evening 1072 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,360 and watches a cop show on telly. Right, yes, yes, now listen, er.. 1073 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,840 Now that your, er, beautiful assistant has parted ways with us, 1074 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:08,000 perhaps we might pick your brains about a person of interest to us, 1075 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:11,200 perhaps we might pick your brains about a person of interest to us, 1076 00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:13,440 who you might've run into earlier today. 1077 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,000 And who's that then? Niall Dennings. 1078 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,360 And who's that then? Niall Dennings. 1079 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,000 Why do you wanna know? 1080 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,000 He's got something belonging to an associate of ours. We want it back. 1081 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,240 I see. 1082 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,000 Yeah, that Niall is fucking idiot, less brains than a slug, 1083 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:32,240 Yeah, that Niall is fucking idiot, less brains than a slug, 1084 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,080 and he owed me money, big, big money. 1085 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,920 Gambling debt. He ran off back to England. 1086 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,960 So, I told Mardie Fisher to tell him, if ever he come back, 1087 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,000 he's gonna lose both his testicles. Testicles. 1088 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,560 he's gonna lose both his testicles. Testicles. 1089 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,880 Mardie called me today and said the gobshite is back, 1090 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,520 but he had my money. I arranged to meet the fucker at Mardie's. 1091 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,000 None of it. Niall owed Don Randy money, 1092 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,080 None of it. Niall owed Don Randy money, 1093 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,720 so Mardie Fisher linked 'em back up again.Right. 1094 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,320 What's he stolen from yer? The fuck... 1095 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,000 (WHISPERS) The FA cup. The what? 1096 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:56,520 (WHISPERS) The FA cup. The what? 1097 00:38:56,560 --> 00:39:00,800 The fuck... The fucking original FA cup, the cunt's got it. 1098 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,400 Have you seen him with it? Trophy? No, didn't see that. 1099 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:04,000 He paid me what he owed me and went. Fuck me.How much did he owe you? 1100 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,160 He paid me what he owed me and went. Fuck me.How much did he owe you? 1101 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,200 Seven grand. Seven... Seven grand, I got that. 1102 00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:09,960 I got seven grand. Where'd he get that? 1103 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,000 He said he got lucky, at Micky Flanagan's sports bar. 1104 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:12,240 He said he got lucky, at Micky Flanagan's sports bar. 1105 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,960 You know what I think, he's full of shit. Still... 1106 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,040 I got my money, so you know, he keeps his testicles. 1107 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,000 Testicles again.We need to get to Mickey Flanagan's sports bar. 1108 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:20,080 Testicles again.We need to get to Mickey Flanagan's sports bar. 1109 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,880 Alright.Alright, gentlemen. I got bits.Mm.You're a good lad. 1110 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,960 LEROY SIBBLES: Express Yourself 1111 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,240 Express yourself 1112 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,440 Express yourself... 1113 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,280 Keep your eyes out. It's gotta... Fuck me. It's gotta be in here, man. 1114 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,000 It's gotta be, gotta be, got.. Oh, my God, 1115 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:44,760 It's gotta be, gotta be, got.. Oh, my God, 1116 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,040 It's right in front of us. Dude. Michael, you fucking pleb. 1117 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,000 Not having a beer. 1118 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,000 Do you know what I mean? TOMMO: Hello. 1119 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,080 Do you know what I mean? TOMMO: Hello. 1120 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,400 It's that badger. 1121 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,480 Fucking it. Uh-huh. 1122 00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,000 "This is a life-size replica of the original FA Cup from 1895. 1123 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,080 "This is a life-size replica of the original FA Cup from 1895. 1124 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,760 "The original was stolen and was never seen again." 1125 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,880 Fucking replica? Motherfuckers. 1126 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,440 Excuse me, love. 1127 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:08,000 How long's that been in here? 1128 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,280 How long's that been in here? 1129 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,520 No idea, they're always changing stuff round. 1130 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,800 Well, was it here last week, this, duck?Don't think so. 1131 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,000 No? Well, that's fucking it! Innit? I'll tell you what's happened here, 1132 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,720 No? Well, that's fucking it! Innit? I'll tell you what's happened here, 1133 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,440 he's fucking sold it, is what he's done. 1134 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,240 He's sold it to these fuckers. 1135 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,000 Now they're pretending it's a shagging replica. 1136 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:24,280 Now they're pretending it's a shagging replica. 1137 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,520 You know what I mean? It's fucking real thing, innit? 1138 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,000 Alright, come here. Oi, come here to me. 1139 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:32,240 Alright, come here. Oi, come here to me. 1140 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,880 We're gonna have to nick it back. How?What do you mean "how"? 1141 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,920 Method. Listen to me. 1142 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,000 Hundred year ago, this fucking thing here was robbed seamlessly. 1143 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:40,880 Hundred year ago, this fucking thing here was robbed seamlessly. 1144 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,440 We're gonna do the very same thing. We're gonna come in, 1145 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,640 under the cover of darkness. We're gonna come through the fucking roof. 1146 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,000 Like Maurice's granddad. Can I get a onetime? Come on.Yeah. 1147 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,280 Like Maurice's granddad. Can I get a onetime? Come on.Yeah. 1148 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,520 THE HIGH KEYS: Que Sera, Sera 1149 00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:55,800 Hey 1150 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:56,000 Get it set up Set up 1151 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,320 Get it set up Set up 1152 00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:58,960 (VOCALISING) 1153 00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:12,000 When I was just 1154 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,000 When I was just 1155 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,000 A little boy 1156 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,600 I asked my mother 1157 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,120 "What will I be? 1158 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,000 "Will I be handsome? 1159 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,480 "Will I be handsome? 1160 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,320 "Will I be rich?" 1161 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,840 This is what she said to me 1162 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,000 "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera" Sera, sera 1163 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,280 "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera" Sera, sera 1164 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,200 "Whatever will be" 1165 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,000 Sera, sera "Will be, will be 1166 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:36,160 Sera, sera "Will be, will be 1167 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,640 "The future's not ours to see" Sera, sera 1168 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,480 "Que sera, sera" Que sera, sera 1169 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:44,000 "What will be, will be" Que sera, sera 1170 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,120 "What will be, will be" Que sera, sera 1171 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,040 When I was just 1172 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,000 A child in school 1173 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:52,680 A child in school 1174 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,120 I asked my teacher 1175 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:55,280 "What should I try?"... 1176 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,880 (ALARM BLARES) 1177 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,800 "Should I sing songs?" 1178 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:00,000 This was her wise reply 1179 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,000 This was her wise reply 1180 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:08,000 "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera" Sera, sera 1181 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:08,640 "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera" Sera, sera 1182 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,520 "Whatever will be" 1183 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,480 Sera, sera "Will be, will be 1184 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,960 "The future's not ours to see" Sera, sera 1185 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,680 "Que sera, sera" Que sera, sera... 1186 00:42:19,720 --> 00:42:22,160 (SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE) 1187 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,000 Mamma, will I be a singer? Que sera, sera 1188 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,040 Mamma, will I be a singer? Que sera, sera 1189 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,640 Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey... 1190 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,000 (SIRENS WAILING) 1191 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:32,960 (SIRENS WAILING) 1192 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:39,000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... 1193 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,000 (FEERY HORN BLOWS) 1194 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,720 (FEERY HORN BLOWS) 1195 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,920 (SEAGULLS CRY) 1196 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,720 LINK WRAY: Black River Swamp 1197 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,000 There's a place... 1198 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:56,440 There's a place... 1199 00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,680 (GUNSHOT ECHOES) 1200 00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,640 Where the pine trees... 1201 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,000 (PHONE CLICKS) 1202 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:04,200 (PHONE CLICKS) 1203 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,160 Grow so tall... 1204 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,000 No, let me have it a bit more, will yer?Calm yourself, jeez. 1205 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,840 Bloody hell. Will you let me have it a bit more?!No! 1206 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:12,000 Will you let me have it? We're trying to take a photo. 1207 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,240 Will you let me have it? We're trying to take a photo. 1208 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,080 Careful. Stop.Mick. 1209 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,640 Let me have it.Oi, eh... Let me have it!Stop, you'll drop... 1210 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,000 Ah, Mick! Awww! 1211 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,480 Ah, Mick! Awww! 1212 00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,520 Fucking unreal.No, fuck! 1213 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:25,600 Dude... What's going on? 1214 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,000 Are you fucking serious, man? Ya fucking...It was Ashley. 1215 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,880 Horrible wankers is what you are. What? 1216 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,200 Fucking trophy's gone in the fucking sea.No! 1217 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,840 Oh, Tommo. It was Mick! 1218 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:36,000 Fucking hell!Fucking idiots. Mind the pints. Three for a tenner. 1219 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,960 Fucking hell!Fucking idiots. Mind the pints. Three for a tenner. 1220 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,320 Maurice is NOT gonna be happy about this. 1221 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,000 Why did the captain leave the ship? 1222 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:44,560 Why did the captain leave the ship? 1223 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,280 Are you fucking joking? Here's a fucking joke! 1224 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,400 (ALL ARGUING) 1225 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,160 It was fucking Ashley. 1226 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,000 (ARGUING CONTINUES) 1227 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,280 (ARGUING CONTINUES) 1228 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,800 Down there 1229 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,000 By the fishing hole 1230 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,760 By the fishing hole 1231 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:06,160 (OVER SPEAKERS) And the smell of old Black River... 1232 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,000 I've already got one. Oh, no, no, no. 1233 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:08,640 I've already got one. Oh, no, no, no. 1234 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,720 This isn't the replica, this is the original. 1235 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,160 Original my arse. How's a twat like you got the original? 1236 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,000 I swear to you on my Uncle Teagan's life. 1237 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,320 I swear to you on my Uncle Teagan's life. 1238 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,080 This is from 1895. 1239 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,000 (HOLLOW THUD) That's the real McCoy. 1240 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,080 (HOLLOW THUD) That's the real McCoy. 1241 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,040 How much you looking for? 1242 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,120 For you... seven grand. 1243 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:32,000 You can get rid of that replica there 1244 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:32,640 You can get rid of that replica there 1245 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,080 and have the real thing on display. You must be joking. 1246 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,720 This is going in my house. 1247 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,240 I don't know how you've got it, 1248 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,000 but this is sporting fucking history, 1249 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,000 but this is sporting fucking history, 1250 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,920 The replica stays where it is. Mm-hm. 1251 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,960 Right, wait there... 1252 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,000 ..I'll get your cash. Good man yourself. 1253 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,560 ..I'll get your cash. Good man yourself. 1254 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,000 I can hear them hound dogs howlin' 1255 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,480 I can hear them hound dogs howlin' 1256 00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:03,880 Chasing that old fox where I used to roam... 1257 00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:04,000 Where's Vincent? 1258 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,160 Where's Vincent? 1259 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,600 MONOLITO: You motherfuckers underestimated me. 1260 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,320 Well now, you're gonna pay. 1261 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,000 Just come and f.. Ugh. CARDI: Vin? Fuck! 1262 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,200 Just come and f.. Ugh. CARDI: Vin? Fuck! 1263 00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:15,240 ALL: Ah! Put it down, what is ...? 1264 00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:16,840 Who else knows about this? 1265 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,800 Unhand me! Oh! Oh! 1266 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,000 This isn't normal, Vin. 1267 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:20,560 This isn't normal, Vin. 1268 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,560 Christ, I know it's not fucking normal. 1269 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,000 SIR JOE QUARTERMAN & FREE SOUL: (I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind 1270 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,320 SIR JOE QUARTERMAN & FREE SOUL: (I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind 1271 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,280 I got so much trouble in my mind 1272 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,000 I got so much trouble in my mind 1273 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,320 I got so much trouble in my mind 1274 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:48,480 I got so much trouble in my mind 1275 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,000 Give me the strength to carry on 1276 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,600 Give me the strength to carry on 1277 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,720 Give me the strength to carry on 1278 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,000 Cos everything I got is just about gone 1279 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,960 Cos everything I got is just about gone 1280 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,400 And I think about it... 1281 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,000 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky 1282 00:46:07,050 --> 00:46:11,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 104378