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The following programme contains very
strong language and adult humour.
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What do you wanna talk about?
(INHALES) Betrayal.
3
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,000
ERIN: (ON VIDEO)
Manolito wants our weed.
4
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,480
ERIN: (ON VIDEO)
Manolito wants our weed.
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00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,640
He wants to get rid of
the MacDonaghs, divide and conquer.
6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,480
Listen, Manolito knows.
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He knows that you know about him.
Be careful.
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Fuck it.
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Fuck it.
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Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin!
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00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
(SIRENS WAIL)
12
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,720
MANOLITO: A situation has arisen
with Vincent O'Neill.
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00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,600
MCCANN: Do whatever you need to do.
14
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(DOOR SLAMS)
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(DOOR SLAMS)
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# BARRETT STRONG:
Money (That's What I Want) #
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00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,200
# BARRETT STRONG:
Money (That's What I Want) #
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00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,960
(SIGHS)
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00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,000
# The best things in life are free
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,880
# The best things in life are free
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# But you can give them
to the birds and bees
22
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,000
# I need money
# That's what I want
23
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,040
# I need money
# That's what I want
24
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,800
# That's what I want
# That's what I want
25
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,000
# That's what I wa-a-nt
# That's what I want
26
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:20,880
# That's what I wa-a-nt
# That's what I want
27
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,200
# That's what I want
# That's what I want...
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Let's have a look.
(LAUGHING) It's erotic.
29
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Let's have a look.
(LAUGHING) It's erotic.
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00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,920
# I need money
# That's what I want
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00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,000
# That's what I want
# That's what I want
32
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,320
# That's what I want
# That's what I want
33
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,040
# That's what I wa-a-nt
# That's what I want
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00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,000
# That's what I want
# That's what I want... #
35
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# That's what I want
# That's what I want... #
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(SIGHS)
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(WHISTLING TO "Money")
38
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(ZIP FASTENS)
39
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,080
(ZIP FASTENS)
40
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,680
(WHISTLING CONTINUES)
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00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,840
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
42
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:08,000
PASLOWSKI: Now then...
43
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,520
PASLOWSKI: Now then...
44
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,440
(HUSHED) What the fuck?
45
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,480
Clingfilm?
46
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,120
(BONES CRACK)
47
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,280
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON LAPTOP)
48
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,000
INSTRUCTOR: "Ooh, let me see you
stretch those legs apart.
49
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,600
INSTRUCTOR: "Ooh, let me see you
stretch those legs apart.
50
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,800
"And bend over."
Oh, no.
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00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,360
"Ooh, yeah... Ooh, yeah."
Oh, no, please, no.
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Dirty motherfucker.
53
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:40,200
Dirty motherfucker.
54
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,040
Go on, stretch it, love. Go on.
55
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,080
"I'm bad news."
Oh, God.
56
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,640
CARDI: I thought the plan
were to plant these at Manolito's.
57
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,000
It was, but then we had a really
serious upside-downy crash.
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00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,560
It was, but then we had a really
serious upside-downy crash.
59
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,120
So, we need a minute now, love.
Listen, these minges paintings
60
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,880
need putting on fucking ice,
you know.Hang on, hang on, hang on,
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00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,000
Whitney Houston, we have a problem.
What's the problem?
62
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,600
Whitney Houston, we have a problem.
What's the problem?
63
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,240
The problem is thus, Ashley.
That fucking massive canvas is not
64
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,600
gonna fit down a tiny little hole,
is it?Course it will.
65
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,000
You just need to... angle it in.
66
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:04,040
You just need to... angle it in.
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00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,960
Erin, Erin,
it doesn't matter about angling,
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00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,720
it's fucking physics i'nt it, love?
Shut up! It's fucking open?
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00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,000
Why is it open? Who left that up?
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00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,000
Stretch and pull.
(INSTRUCTOR MOANING)
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00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:12,800
Stretch and pull.
(INSTRUCTOR MOANING)
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00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,000
"Stretch, stretch it, pull, pull!"
(MOANS)
73
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,200
Doors wide open
and all the fucking lights on.
74
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,000
(SHUSHES) Someone's there.
What?
75
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:20,400
(SHUSHES) Someone's there.
What?
76
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,520
Someone's in there.
It's probably just Jim.
77
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,640
No, look, we've just done big robbery
though, haven't we? Carol's right.
78
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,600
Could be a fucking bad man.
79
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,000
Or a woman.Or a trans woman.
Do you... Are we having this now?
80
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,360
Or a woman.Or a trans woman.
Do you... Are we having this now?
81
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,800
"Yeah, baby!" (MOANS ON LAPTOP)
Go on. Stretch it, pull it.
82
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,000
Hang about a minute, if I'm not
mistaken, that there is the sound
83
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,920
Hang about a minute, if I'm not
mistaken, that there is the sound
84
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,440
of a faked female orgasm from circa,
I'm gonna say, 1983.
85
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,000
Why would a 1980s woman be faking
a creamer in the weed bunker?
86
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,400
Why would a 1980s woman be faking
a creamer in the weed bunker?
87
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:45,840
Creamer?
Yeah.
88
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,720
(MOANING CONTINUES ON LAPTOP)
89
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,760
(MOANS)
90
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,200
ALL: Ugh, oh, my God.
Sorry.
91
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,000
Fucking hell.
I can't stop it.
92
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,760
Fucking hell.
I can't stop it.
93
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,080
Don't finish it!
(MOANS)
94
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,960
Fucking hell, mate.
Ohhh...
95
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,960
Well I can't un-see that now, can I?
96
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000
Hey, don't try and wank-shame me.
You should be terribly ashamed.
97
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,080
Hey, don't try and wank-shame me.
You should be terribly ashamed.
98
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,000
Be ashamed,
you've brought fucking Vaseline.
99
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,760
It's perfectly natural.
100
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,000
Having a wank
doesn't make me a bad person.
101
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:08,840
Having a wank
doesn't make me a bad person.
102
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,320
It fucking does when you're doing it
in someone's workplace.
103
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,360
You've got your lube there
and cling filmed up
104
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,360
your own fucking laptop for it.
So bad.
105
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,000
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop
106
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,400
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop
107
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,200
because I can't have your jizzy
smears in my general vicinity.Mm.
108
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,760
Just wiping his hands.
It's not nice.
109
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,400
What are you even fucking doing 'ere?
110
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,000
Oh, my sister's visiting.
Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean
111
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,040
Oh, my sister's visiting.
Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean
112
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,320
you can just come down 'ere
and blow fucking loads
113
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,480
all over the shagging place, does it?
114
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,000
Why have you brought
special wank shoes?
115
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,760
Why have you brought
special wank shoes?
116
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,560
(GUN COCKS)
117
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,200
They're not mine. Mine are at home.
118
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,000
(THEY SHRIEK)
119
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,120
(THEY SHRIEK)
120
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,880
You motherfuckers underestimated me.
121
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,040
You decided to cross me...
122
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,960
well now, you're gonna pay.
123
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640
Oh...
Er...
124
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,480
(GUNSHOT)
125
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,600
(GENTLE ROCK MUSIC)
126
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,320
The duckies...
127
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,000
Hiya, love.
Hiya.
128
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:04,560
Hiya, love.
Hiya.
129
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,960
You alright?
(CRIES)
130
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,480
What's up with you now?
(CRIES)
131
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,760
Poo scenario.
132
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,000
(SNIFFS) Have you had a poo?
133
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,240
(COOS)You have had a p...
134
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,000
It's not a problem.
It's not a problem.
135
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,360
It's not a problem.
It's not a problem.
136
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,760
Little... Did you...?
Ooh, fuck, whaaa...(COOS)
137
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,240
Argh, no, wow.
138
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,400
(COOS)
Contain.
139
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,120
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)
Oh, Christ.
140
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,520
Oh, hey up.Hey.
It's been a while, hasn't it!
141
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,000
You alright?Yeah, I'm alright.
Yeah.What's happening?
142
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,160
You alright?Yeah, I'm alright.
Yeah.What's happening?
143
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,400
Had my face pissed on a little bit.
Didn't know you had a baba.
144
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,000
He's not mine. You remember Sugar,
who cleaned your house?Pregnant one?
145
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:44,640
He's not mine. You remember Sugar,
who cleaned your house?Pregnant one?
146
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,280
Yeah, that's the badger.
I'm just looking after it, aren't I?
147
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,080
Cos she's busy, and JJ, dad,
148
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,000
he's... He's away so...
149
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:52,240
he's... He's away so...
150
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:55,080
Mad, I was thinking about you
just yesterday.How come?
151
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,120
Yeah, I'm doing a rat job
up at Bletchley Dale and erm...
152
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,000
There's this old fella,
Maurice Finch.
153
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,120
There's this old fella,
Maurice Finch.
154
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,600
I've known him for years,
but for some reason, yesterday,
155
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,000
he just starts telling me
he used to be a career criminal.
156
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,480
Oh, aye, yeah.Some of the mad
stories he was coming out with,
157
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,000
and I thought you would get
a proper buzz outta meeting him.
158
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,880
and I thought you would get
a proper buzz outta meeting him.
159
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,440
Fuck yeah, let's do it.
I'm bobbing up there after.
160
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,800
When are you dropping
the nipper back?Couple of hours.
161
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,000
I can't fucking wait.
I bet.Uh-uh.
162
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:16,960
I can't fucking wait.
I bet.Uh-uh.
163
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,080
So, this is where
retired criminals go, is it?
164
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,160
Bletchley Dale Estate, with
your fucking red
165
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,480
1970s Capri out front. Christ.
166
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,000
There we are. (CLEARS THROAT)
167
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,200
There we are. (CLEARS THROAT)
168
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,040
(BELL RINGS)
Dong ding.
169
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,000
Now then.Hey up, Maurice.
Vinnie, I were telling you about.
170
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,080
Now then.Hey up, Maurice.
Vinnie, I were telling you about.
171
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,960
(LAUGHS)
I'm not, listen...
172
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,640
And there were a fucking bloke,
with a tiny moustache
173
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,000
and a bell end for a bell end.
174
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:48,360
and a bell end for a bell end.
175
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,640
Lowry minge paintings?
Fucking eh. Yeah man.
176
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,480
So, go on, tell me your game then?
177
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,000
Booze and fags was our bread
and butter.Mm.
178
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,080
Booze and fags was our bread
and butter.Mm.
179
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,000
Back in the '80s,
when everyone smoked,
180
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,880
we were smuggling in millions.
But I'll tell you this, Vinnie.
181
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,000
Nothing will ever achieve
what my grandad achieved.
182
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,480
Nothing will ever achieve
what my grandad achieved.
183
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,920
He was a great thief.
184
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,560
Well, go on then.
185
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,800
Yeah.
You can't leave us fucking hanging.
186
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,680
You gotta tell us about your grandad.
187
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:12,000
You look like a man
who can keep a secret.
188
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,160
You look like a man
who can keep a secret.
189
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,600
Fucking right.
But you must tell no one.Uh-uh.
190
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,560
Swear on the rat catcher's life.
191
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,000
Don't swear on my life.
110%, swear on his life.
192
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,280
Don't swear on my life.
110%, swear on his life.
193
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,200
Wow.
No one loves you anyway.
194
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,840
Fucking hell's bells.
195
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,720
Who's are all these then?
I've no idea.
196
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,560
I got 'em from knocking off
a trophy shop.(LAUGHS)
197
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,000
They're all a cover
for this bad boy.
198
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,360
They're all a cover
for this bad boy.
199
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,560
(RUMMAGING)
Where's he going?
200
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,200
Oh... But I mean...
I'm... What is it?
201
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,560
One of the greatest achievements
in the art of thievery,
202
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,000
the original FA Cup.
203
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,240
the original FA Cup.
204
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,000
You're fucking joking.
No fucking way.
205
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,320
Stolen on September the 12th, 1895.
206
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,000
By my grandfather, Tobias Finch,
and three other men.
207
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,240
By my grandfather, Tobias Finch,
and three other men.
208
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,960
Rumours of its whereabouts
have circulated ever since.
209
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,280
Can I have a...?
Can I have hold of it?
210
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,000
As long as you don't drop it.
No.
211
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:08,880
As long as you don't drop it.
No.
212
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,400
Just be careful.
213
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,560
(TROPHY THUDS)Woah.
Fucking hell, Maurice.
214
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,880
Dude, that is... Oh, my God.
215
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,000
(WHISPERS) That's insane.
216
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:16,200
(WHISPERS) That's insane.
217
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,400
Has that been in your family
and hidden, this whole time?
218
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,400
How did they get hold of it?
Well, gentlemen...
219
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600
..therein lies a tale.
220
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,440
Hm. But remember your promise...
221
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,000
you can't tell a living soul.
222
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,000
I swear on his life.
Don't swear on it.
223
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:32,640
I swear on his life.
Don't swear on it.
224
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,400
The actual FA cup.
225
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,000
I have been trusted
with that information.
226
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,000
So, I'd like to see
the zip gesture, please. Come on.
227
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,520
So, I'd like to see
the zip gesture, please. Come on.
228
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,200
How the fuck
did they steal a fucking cup?
229
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,480
Oh, it's sick, dude,
listen to this shit. So...
230
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,000
It was just past midnight,
and rumbles of thunder
231
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,160
It was just past midnight,
and rumbles of thunder
232
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,960
disturbed the skies over Birmingham.
233
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,840
Four masked men stood in
the darkness, on a flat roof.
234
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:56,000
Above a boot and shoe shop
in New Town Row.
235
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,280
Above a boot and shoe shop
in New Town Row.
236
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,440
Before smashing a hole
in the ceiling.
237
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,520
Two men, one of them my grandfather,
238
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,000
lowered themselves
into the deserted shop.
239
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,280
lowered themselves
into the deserted shop.
240
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,280
And there, mounted on a stand,
241
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,000
was the original
Football Association Challenge Cup.
242
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,520
was the original
Football Association Challenge Cup.
243
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,880
Now,
the question you might ask is...
244
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,200
What's the original FA Cup
doing in a shop in Birmingham?
245
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,000
Five months earlier, Aston Villa
played their arch rivals, West Brom,
246
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,000
Five months earlier, Aston Villa
played their arch rivals, West Brom,
247
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,000
in the 24th FA Cup final.
248
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,000
Aston Villa kicked off.
249
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:28,240
Aston Villa kicked off.
250
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,000
In the very first minute, they won
a free kick.(WHISTLE BLOWS)
251
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,440
The ball was hit long,
eventually gaining its way
252
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,000
to Villa's Captain Chatt,
253
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,200
to Villa's Captain Chatt,
254
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,320
who slammed his volley
into the top corner.(CROWD CHEERS)
255
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:44,000
Villa held onto their lead,
lifting the 1895 FA Cup.
256
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,040
Villa held onto their lead,
lifting the 1895 FA Cup.
257
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,160
They took the cup back
to Birmingham
258
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,320
where it was stored
in Villa's Perry Barr ground,
259
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,000
until a 73-year-old businessman,
260
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,640
William Tillcock...
Or was it Shillcock?
261
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,520
William Thrillcock, more like.
(LAUGHS)
262
00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:00,000
He asked for permission to display
the trophy in his shop for a week.
263
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,200
He asked for permission to display
the trophy in his shop for a week.
264
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,200
And when Shillcock
opened up in the morning,
265
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,080
he was horrified to discover
that the cup was missing.
266
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,760
The cup.
267
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:13,320
Detectives Mark Brown and Ian Slater
arrived to investigate.
268
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000
Ian Slater as in
Ian Slater bums dogs?(LAUGHS)
269
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,080
Ian Slater as in
Ian Slater bums dogs?(LAUGHS)
270
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,600
Mr Shillcock?
271
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,200
They inspected the crime scene
and concluded that...
272
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,000
They must have scaled that
12-foot wall.
273
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,320
They must have scaled that
12-foot wall.
274
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,280
And he made the assumption that...
275
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,000
The evidence suggests it's youths,
probably high jinks.
276
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,000
We'll have that cup
back before sundown.
277
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,280
We'll have that cup
back before sundown.
278
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,320
His optimism was misplaced.
279
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,000
Back then,
the cup was only worth �20,
280
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,000
but now, after all this time...
281
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,440
but now, after all this time...
282
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,520
..it's priceless.
283
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,000
Wow.
Wow.Wow.
284
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,400
Wow.
Wow.Wow.
285
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,520
Are we gonna nick it?
No, we're not gonna steal it.
286
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,240
I'm trying to tell you
a special tale.
287
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,600
I'm not selling you a fucking job.
It is a good story, Vin.
288
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:56,000
I have to go.
Got a date with sandwich man.
289
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,360
I have to go.
Got a date with sandwich man.
290
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,080
I'm meeting his parents
for the first time. Wish me luck.
291
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,520
We have to go as well
cos I have a pasta bake in the oven,
292
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:04,000
and we have to watch the last
three episodes of Minder.
293
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,160
and we have to watch the last
three episodes of Minder.
294
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,360
What's Minder?TV show.
We've been binging it, 114 episodes.
295
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,000
I too must attend to my,
er, pressing concerns.
296
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:12,600
I too must attend to my,
er, pressing concerns.
297
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,040
Why are YOU going?
Need I remind you, Vincent, that
298
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,440
I am the proprietor of Hawley's
premier entertainment venue.
299
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,000
I thought it was half empty
since the other place
300
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:20,720
I thought it was half empty
since the other place
301
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,320
opened down the street.
Hey. Hey.
302
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,640
Don't mention that fucking
shitheap round me, alright?
303
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:28,000
You have a very attractive
angry face, do you know that?
304
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,040
You have a very attractive
angry face, do you know that?
305
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,400
Thank you.
306
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,200
(INTENSE MUSIC)
307
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,480
(SIGHS)
(BELT CLINKS)
308
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,000
(URINATING)
309
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,160
(URINATING)
310
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,760
Oh, fucking hell!
311
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,880
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)
312
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,200
(WHISPERS) Jesus. Fucking fuck.
313
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,160
Who you hiding from?Who do
you fucking think I'm hiding from?
314
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,200
Stupid old twat. Look, across,
315
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,880
fucking Davey MacDonagh
and Donna MacDonagh.
316
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,240
Like a little fucking dachshund
down there, sniffing round my arse.
317
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,520
German dogs, dachshunds.
I know what they are!
318
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,000
Rommel had one.
Oh...
319
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,760
Rommel had one.
Oh...
320
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,400
Aggressive, they are.
Right.
321
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,040
And needy.
Right.
322
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,520
Prone to obesity.
Stop telling me.And chlamydia.
323
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,000
I don't give a fuck about fat
slaggy dogs with fucking VD, do I?
324
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,240
I don't give a fuck about fat
slaggy dogs with fucking VD, do I?
325
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280
Get me the fuck out of here, dude.
326
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,000
What's in it for me?What do
you mean "what's in it for you"?
327
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,120
What's in it for me?What do
you mean "what's in it for you"?
328
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,000
What do you fucking want?
Four cans of stout
329
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,160
and a packet
of Chilli Heatwave Doritos.
330
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,000
Done. That's a good deal.
Right, on my mark, wait...
331
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,920
Done. That's a good deal.
Right, on my mark, wait...
332
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,400
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
333
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,040
OK, now!
334
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:48,000
(BIRDSONG)
335
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,040
(BIRDSONG)
336
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,040
(SNORING)
337
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,000
Vin?!
I'm coming... I'm... Ugh.
338
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,360
Vin?!
I'm coming... I'm... Ugh.
339
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,960
Fucking open the door now!
I'm coming.
340
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,280
Fucking outrageous. What's going on?
I'm gonna ask you once,
341
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,000
alright, and I want a fucking
straight answer.Mm.
342
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,160
alright, and I want a fucking
straight answer.Mm.
343
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,520
Did you nick the FA cup?
What?
344
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,000
Don't fuck about with me, Vin.
He's been fucking robbed,
345
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,320
Don't fuck about with me, Vin.
He's been fucking robbed,
346
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,120
and he only fucking told me and you.
347
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,600
When...? When were...?
When were this, then?Last night.
348
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,440
Oof.
He was with me all night.
349
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,000
He got too pissed to walk home.
Oh, yeah?
350
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,720
He got too pissed to walk home.
Oh, yeah?
351
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,840
Same bed, was it?
Mm.
352
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,480
If I was gonna get gay,
do you think I'd choose him?
353
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,000
I'd choose someone broad,
someone masculine,
354
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,000
I'd choose someone broad,
someone masculine,
355
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,120
who works with their hands.
And I've thought about this,
356
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,440
I would not swallow.
Dude...
357
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:36,000
I tasted me own once, by accident,
358
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
I tasted me own once, by accident,
359
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,320
and it was like
fucking wallpaper paste,
360
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,760
with lumps in it.Fuck...
Stop! Go and make a fucking
361
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,000
cup of tea or something,
you wretched old bastard.
362
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,240
cup of tea or something,
you wretched old bastard.
363
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,760
I mean, right, listen.
The whole house has that been robbed,
364
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,520
or is it just the fucking cup?
They knew to go to the garage.
365
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,000
They knew where the cup was.
366
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:52,280
They knew where the cup was.
367
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,320
Maurice, he is beside himself,
368
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,320
man he is fucking devastated.
369
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,000
I didn't tell a soul,
so who the fuck did you blab to?
370
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,920
I didn't tell a soul,
so who the fuck did you blab to?
371
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,160
I did tell souls.
372
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,040
You fucking swore on my life, man.
373
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,000
I... Fingers-crossed job, though,
when I said it.Fingers crossed?
374
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:08,680
I... Fingers-crossed job, though,
when I said it.Fingers crossed?
375
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,760
Don't get upset.
If I fucking drop down dead now...
376
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,880
Listen, it's just superstition that.
377
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,000
Really it is.
Honest to God, Cardi, Carol and them.
378
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,000
Really it is.
Honest to God, Cardi, Carol and them.
379
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,280
They're not gonna rob
the fucking FA Cup, are they?
380
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,000
Well, someone has,
and Maurice thinks it's us.
381
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,840
All that fuss over a tin can.
382
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,800
I fuckin' told him an' all.
383
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,000
I'll tell you summat right now.
It's gone and got robbed.
384
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,680
I'll tell you summat right now.
It's gone and got robbed.
385
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,520
Yeah? Since I told all you,
they think it's me, don't they?
386
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,080
It doesn't fucking sit well.
387
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,000
Listen, I'm going through every
fucking one of ya. (ALL AGREE)
388
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:48,680
Listen, I'm going through every
fucking one of ya. (ALL AGREE)
389
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,200
Cardi... who have you told?
390
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,360
Why are you starting with me?
You're on the end, love.
391
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,800
I have to start somewhere,
you know what I mean?I went home,
392
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,000
and I watched Minder, with my wife,
Carol, who is my alibi.
393
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,280
and I watched Minder, with my wife,
Carol, who is my alibi.
394
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,240
He did indeed because the theme tune
won't stop playing round in my head
395
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,000
like an "eargasm".
Thomas, who have you told?
396
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,160
like an "eargasm".
Thomas, who have you told?
397
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,360
Who the mucky fuck would I
be talking to about football?
398
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,960
I only know perverts, don't I?
That's true. Ashley...
399
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,280
..who have you told?
Not a soul.
400
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,200
I was on a date, sure.
What would I be doing
401
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,000
telling anyone about
an 1895 FA Cup from the-
402
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:20,640
telling anyone about
an 1895 FA Cup from the-
403
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,240
Lying high voice.
He's going very high voiced.
404
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,160
Very high voiced indeed.
Right, OK, fine... Look...
405
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,000
I panicked, alright...
Get talking. Come on
406
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000
I panicked, alright...
Get talking. Come on
407
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,280
It was the dinner...
408
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,480
with sandwich man and his parents.
409
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,000
They didn't like me
from the beginning.
410
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:36,120
They didn't like me
from the beginning.
411
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,840
We always wanted grandchildren,
didn't we, Stan?
412
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,160
So, there I was,
trying to over compensate.
413
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,000
Did you know the original 1895 FA
Cup was stolen and not found again?
414
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,840
Did you know the original 1895 FA
Cup was stolen and not found again?
415
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,720
Fucking fuck.
Did it work, at least?
416
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,560
Yes, Tommo, it did work.
His father gave me a brandy.
417
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,000
Fuck your brandy! Where does...?
418
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,280
Fuck your brandy! Where does...?
419
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,320
Is his fucking dad the kind of dad
that gets dressed up in dark clothes
420
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,400
and maybe break into someone
else's fucking house
421
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,000
and rob an ancient trophy of some
kind?It's not him, I tell yer.
422
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,080
and rob an ancient trophy of some
kind?It's not him, I tell yer.
423
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680
I didn't even tell him the name
of the house.You mean to tell me...
424
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,000
that you didn't mention
a house on Bletchley Dale Estate.
425
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,080
that you didn't mention
a house on Bletchley Dale Estate.
426
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,200
No, I didn't say a word
about the house, to the daddy,
427
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,000
but I did tell sandwich man,
himself.AH!
428
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,160
but I did tell sandwich man,
himself.AH!
429
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,280
(GROANS)
Oh, Ashley!
430
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,920
Don't start with the "Ashley"!
Fucking fucker!
431
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,880
He would never steal an FA Cup
or not'in.
432
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,000
And I suppose,
just putting this out there,
433
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,720
And I suppose,
just putting this out there,
434
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,880
I suppose, right,
you are in fact his alibi,
435
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,640
are you not, because, you know,
you spent the evening...
436
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,000
I'm surmising,
making the beast with two backs?
437
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:32,720
I'm surmising,
making the beast with two backs?
438
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,680
Well, not exactly, no.
What do you mean, "not exactly"?
439
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,680
There was an argument
at the end of the night.
440
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,000
("Delilah" by Tom Jones
PLAYS ON SPEAKER)
441
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,600
("Delilah" by Tom Jones
PLAYS ON SPEAKER)
442
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,040
Hi, gorgeous.
Hi. How's it going?
443
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,240
Great.
Well done with the football chat.
444
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,000
Thanks.
445
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,040
Thanks.
446
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,680
What are you doing?
Two minutes, they'll never know.
447
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,960
We can't... (MOANS)
448
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,320
Two minutes?
Yeah.
449
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,000
You had sex in his parents' house?
450
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,240
You had sex in his parents' house?
451
00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,120
I did, in his parents' bed, as well.
Dog was sitting there watching.
452
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,400
Fair play to you. Fair play to you.
(BED SPRINGS SQUEAK)
453
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,680
Oh, up the midfield.
454
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:04,000
(DOG WHINES)
Up the midfield.
455
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,200
(DOG WHINES)
Up the midfield.
456
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,800
And what about the argument?
457
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,480
That was in the taxi
on the way home.
458
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,720
First of all we were sitting
there cuddling and then...
459
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,000
You brought the condom out, right,
you didn't just leave it there?
460
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,520
You brought the condom out, right,
you didn't just leave it there?
461
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,920
No. You said you were doing that.
The fuck?
462
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,000
(SCREAMS)
463
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:20,040
(SCREAMS)
464
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,800
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
465
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,520
I didn't even wanna fuck
in your parents' bedroom.
466
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,240
Do you know what's happened here?
You've pissed him off.
467
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,000
And maybe he's fucking stolen it
out of fucking revenge
468
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,160
And maybe he's fucking stolen it
out of fucking revenge
469
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,080
or summat like that.Sandwich man
would not steal the FA Cup.
470
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,440
He's our only suspect. In't he?
471
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,000
Aww, have you recovered darling?
472
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,400
Aww, have you recovered darling?
473
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,760
(LAUGHS) He was smashed off his head
in here last night.What?
474
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,160
Up on stage, singing karaoke.
Karaoke?
475
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,000
Hm, yeah. Did that duet
with your brother.My brother?
476
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,440
Hm, yeah. Did that duet
with your brother.My brother?
477
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,720
Which brother? Niall or Mick?
478
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,920
# Cockles and
479
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,120
# Mussels...
480
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,520
# Alive, alive, oh... #
481
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,000
Er, the thick one.
ALL: Mick!
482
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,640
Er, the thick one.
ALL: Mick!
483
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,720
It's Mick.
484
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,120
Yeah, motherfucker.
485
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,800
Start fucking talking right now.
486
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,000
I don't know nothin' about it.
I swear on my Uncle Teagan's life.
487
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,400
I don't know nothin' about it.
I swear on my Uncle Teagan's life.
488
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,480
Uncle Teagan's dead.
Is he?
489
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,880
Yeah, they buried him, anyway.
490
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,360
Christ.
Well... Well, all the same,
491
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,840
I don't know anything
about any theft of any FA cup.
492
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:08,000
Oh, right. So he told you the story?
Oh, yeah. It's a good story.
493
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,760
Oh, right. So he told you the story?
Oh, yeah. It's a good story.
494
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,040
That old guy there,
on the Bletchley Dale Estate.
495
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,080
Keeping that Cup all those years.
496
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:16,000
But I was too nervous last night
to really care.
497
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,200
But I was too nervous last night
to really care.
498
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,000
I was only in the pub
for Talent Night.
499
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,640
The fuck is your talent?
500
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,680
Stand-up comedy.
Gor... Fuck me.
501
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,000
So what if I don't know what
"Armageddon" means...
502
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,200
So what if I don't know what
"Armageddon" means...
503
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,600
It's not the end of the world.
504
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,200
(MIC FEEDBACK)
WOMAN: Fuck off!
505
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,000
You did this last night at
the Crow's Nest?Yeah.
506
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,640
You did this last night at
the Crow's Nest?Yeah.
507
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,480
Before the karaoke.
Who have you spoke to
508
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,280
after fucking blabbermouth
here were done with yer?Yeah.
509
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,000
No one, I swear. I came back here,
and went I went to bed.
510
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,280
No one, I swear. I came back here,
and went I went to bed.
511
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,440
Oh no, no.
I stopped off at the chippy.
512
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,440
Oh, fuck,
you didn't tell Val and Ian?
513
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,000
No, no, I don't speak with Val
and Ian, unless to say my order.
514
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:48,680
No, no, I don't speak with Val
and Ian, unless to say my order.
515
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,600
And why not?
She has a man voice,
516
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,200
and he's a fucking lady voice.
Freaks me out.
517
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,000
(DEEP) There you go, darling.
(SHRILL) 4.50, please, mate.
518
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,160
(DEEP) There you go, darling.
(SHRILL) 4.50, please, mate.
519
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,280
It is strange. Alright, just listen.
520
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,640
You've been to the chippy,
you've had your chips.
521
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,000
Right?
Who have you spoken to after that?
522
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,840
Right?
Who have you spoken to after that?
523
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,480
No one.
Thank God for that.
524
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,880
Or did I tell Niall?
Fuck!
525
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,560
(PHONE RINGS)
Carol, what's up?
526
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,000
Niall, how's it going?
Is it my mother?
527
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,040
Niall, how's it going?
Is it my mother?
528
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,760
Oh, no, no, no, no emergency, no.
529
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,400
Just, er... Just thought
I'd give my little brother a call,
530
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,000
see how you were doing.
Bullshit, Carol. Who's dead?
531
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:20,880
see how you were doing.
Bullshit, Carol. Who's dead?
532
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,600
No. No.
I just haven't seen you in a while.
533
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,680
Thought we'd meet for an old pint
and a catch up.
534
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,320
(WHISPERS) Ask him where he is?
Where are ya?
535
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:28,000
NIALL: I am busy, working.
Working?
536
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,400
NIALL: I am busy, working.
Working?
537
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,800
Yes, working. I haven't got time
to be standing here talking to you.
538
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,400
ANNOUNCER: The ferry to Dublin
is now boarding from bay six.
539
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,000
Listen, I have to go. I have to go.
OK. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
540
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,120
Listen, I have to go. I have to go.
OK. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
541
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,520
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Alright.Dublin.Fuck.
542
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,440
Dublin.What the fuck's
he gone to Dublin for?
543
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,000
He goes regular,
for his poker tournaments
544
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:44,320
He goes regular,
for his poker tournaments
545
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,840
and to off-load counterfeit dollars.
Counterfeit dollars?
546
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,560
Yeah.
The Irish spend them in New York.
547
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,000
So, does he know a lot of dodgy folk
in Dublin?The cunt knows everybody.
548
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:52,280
So, does he know a lot of dodgy folk
in Dublin?The cunt knows everybody.
549
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,880
He's a right sly bastard.
550
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,360
That's exactly the shit he'd do.
551
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,720
How often do the bloody ferries
run then?Twice a day, from Holyhead.
552
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,000
W-When's the last one?
3:00pm.
553
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,720
W-When's the last one?
3:00pm.
554
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,280
How do you know that?
I like ferries.
555
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,920
And I know exactly where he'll go:
556
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,320
Auntie Aoife's.
Yeah.
557
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,000
Because he's so fucking tight,
he would not pay
558
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,240
Because he's so fucking tight,
he would not pay
559
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,640
for a hotel or a guest house.
560
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,520
He's as tight as a goat's hole
going up the side of a cliff.
561
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,760
He'll be at Auntie Aoife's
and Uncle Eldon's,
562
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,000
the nice little guest house
on O'Grainy Lane. Come on.
563
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,920
the nice little guest house
on O'Grainy Lane. Come on.
564
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,880
# LE TIGRE: Deceptacon #
565
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,240
# Every day and night
566
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,240
# Every day and ni-i-ght
567
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,000
# I can see your disco, disco
568
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,880
# I can see your disco, disco
569
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,680
# Dick is sucking my heart
of out my mind
570
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,920
# One, two, three, four
571
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:40,000
# You got what you been
asking for...
572
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,120
# You got what you been
asking for...
573
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,080
WOMAN: ..touch 'em, just left them.
574
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,440
No, they didn't stink.
They were all kind of...
575
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,000
stained.
576
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:48,200
stained.
577
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,920
Patchy.Excuse...
No, they weren't mine,
578
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,240
they were my stepdad's...
Excuse me, very important,
579
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,720
important, can you...?
I gotta go.
580
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,880
(PHONE CLICKS)
581
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,000
Yeah. We want tickets for the Dublin
ferry, for all of us and one car.
582
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,920
Yeah. We want tickets for the Dublin
ferry, for all of us and one car.
583
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,240
Well, all the car ferries are gone.
Eh?
584
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,000
There's only a foot-passenger ferry.
But it doesn't say on't website.
585
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:04,320
There's only a foot-passenger ferry.
But it doesn't say on't website.
586
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,280
Write in.
I will.Do.
587
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,720
I fucking will.
You should.Fine.Fine.
588
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,000
Jesus... Fuck. Can someone
just pay patchy pants here?(SIGHS)
589
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:12,320
Jesus... Fuck. Can someone
just pay patchy pants here?(SIGHS)
590
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:18,880
# Is alright, alright,
alright, alright, alright... #
591
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,360
Fuck you, other ferry.
592
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,120
(LAUGHS)
OK, so I'm gonna start.
593
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,880
It's fucking hopeless this,
it's shite.
594
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,000
I found out I'm afraid of elevators,
so I'm taking steps to avoid it.
595
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,800
I found out I'm afraid of elevators,
so I'm taking steps to avoid it.
596
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,760
(LAUGHS)What's the problem
with eating a clock?
597
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,720
Eh?
Too time consuming.
598
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:36,000
(LAUGHS)You'll have to stop.
It's fucking shite.
599
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,880
(LAUGHS)You'll have to stop.
It's fucking shite.
600
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,880
Found out my friend
couldn't pay her water bill,
601
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,400
so I sent them a get-WELL-soon card.
602
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,000
Oh, my God.(LAUGHS)
Stop fucking encouraging him.
603
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:44,840
Oh, my God.(LAUGHS)
Stop fucking encouraging him.
604
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,960
No one's enjoying it, love.
Come on, Michael.
605
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,560
Come and have a minute with us.
Be a good lad now.
606
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,000
Hey, how's your mate, Erin?
607
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:52,560
Hey, how's your mate, Erin?
608
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,880
She's fine, yeah. All good.
Where is she?
609
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,080
Well now, therein lies a story.
610
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,000
Well, go on, then. We've got a...
611
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,120
Well, go on, then. We've got a...
612
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,880
sea crossing to fill, eh?
Carol?
613
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,720
What love? UGH!
614
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,000
Jesus Christ. My good fucking coat!
615
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,640
Jesus Christ. My good fucking coat!
616
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,200
Sorry.
Jesus Christ, like.
617
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,120
# THE POGUES: Dirty Old Town #
618
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,000
# Dreamed a dream
619
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,520
# Dreamed a dream
620
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,360
# By the old canal
621
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,120
# I kissed my girl
622
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,640
# By the factory wall
623
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,920
# Dirty old town... #
624
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,000
Here's your new house now, lads.
Look at this gaff.
625
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,080
Here's your new house now, lads.
Look at this gaff.
626
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,360
LADS: Ooh!
Great spot.
627
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,000
Aww fucking stiff
as a board in there.
628
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,480
Christ.
629
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,320
Thanks, man.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
630
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,640
They're lovely people now,
are my auntie and uncle,
631
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,000
but there's a few things
you'll have to ignore, OK?
632
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:48,720
but there's a few things
you'll have to ignore, OK?
633
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,400
When she's talking,
an awful bit of spittle comes out.
634
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,680
Hm.Now and again. But he has
a very, very big facial wart,
635
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,000
OK, that the eyes
are tend to be drawn to.
636
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:56,800
OK, that the eyes
are tend to be drawn to.
637
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,800
But please do not talk into it, OK,
638
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,600
cos he's very,
very sensitive about it.
639
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,520
He's also in the closet still,
very much. Like, we all know,
640
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,000
we're supposed to pretend
we don't know. We know.
641
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000
we're supposed to pretend
we don't know. We know.
642
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,320
They sound lovely.You think
he's a giver or a taker?
643
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,640
He's a taker. No, he takes it.
Kids.
644
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,000
Carol, Ashley, Michael.
Come in here now
645
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,200
Carol, Ashley, Michael.
Come in here now
646
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,080
and give your auntie a big hug. Oh!
647
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:18,960
(GIGGLES)
MIKE: Hi, Auntie.Hi, Auntie.
648
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,000
(LAUGHS)
And who are these reprobates?
649
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,680
(LAUGHS)
And who are these reprobates?
650
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,760
Oh-ho, here he is now,
Uncle Eldon, are you well?
651
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,000
How you getting on?
That's, Vinnie and Tommo
652
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:28,680
How you getting on?
That's, Vinnie and Tommo
653
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,600
and Cardi and this is, er,
Curtis Plum, Uncle Eldon.
654
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,120
Well, eh,
thanks for having us all the same.
655
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,000
Oh, bring it in for a hug. (LAUGHS)
Alright, argh.
656
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,840
Oh, bring it in for a hug. (LAUGHS)
Alright, argh.
657
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,880
Oh!
Argh!
658
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,840
Argh.
(KISSES)Argh.
659
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,000
(FORCED LAUGH) No more of you.
660
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:44,920
(FORCED LAUGH) No more of you.
661
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,240
Quite the day we're after having.
To what do we owe the honour?
662
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,240
We're on our jolly,
back in the Emerald Isle,
663
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,000
showing the lads the sights.
(STAMMERS)
664
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:52,280
showing the lads the sights.
(STAMMERS)
665
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,080
You haven't seen our Niall kicking
about, have ya?Now, he, er...
666
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,400
dropped his stuff off in room three,
said he had business to attend to.
667
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,000
Sound.
Room three.Three it is.
668
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:00,280
Sound.
Room three.Three it is.
669
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:01,840
Can we have a look around, maybe?
670
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,000
There you are.
There... There you are,
671
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,000
There you are.
There... There you are,
672
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,520
a bit of Schweppes.
BOTH: Oh...
673
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,280
Well, that's a no, then.
Fuck.
674
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,080
(GROANS)
675
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,000
I remember Aston Villa's
glory days,
676
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,680
I remember Aston Villa's
glory days,
677
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,040
not the 1895 ones,
678
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,160
the 1980's European Cup.
679
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,000
Their goalkeeper,
Jimmy Rimmer, got a neck injury
680
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,400
Their goalkeeper,
Jimmy Rimmer, got a neck injury
681
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,600
and was stretchered off,
replaced by a youngster,
682
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,560
Nigel Spink.
683
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,000
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)Ha.
With his tight little blue shorts,
684
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,320
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)Ha.
With his tight little blue shorts,
685
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,720
bum cheeks visible.
686
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,000
That's a very visceral image.
687
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:40,840
That's a very visceral image.
688
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,240
D-Did Niall say w-where
he were going when he went out?
689
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,440
No, you know Niall,
690
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:48,000
always blustering around. (SPITS)
691
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,680
always blustering around. (SPITS)
692
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,000
He used my laptop, though,
693
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,640
asked if he could go on it
as he had no data.
694
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,000
Oh, oh. Oh, right, OK.
And er, Aoife, love,
695
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,160
Oh, oh. Oh, right, OK.
And er, Aoife, love,
696
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,680
might we by any chance peruse
the afore mentioned laptop?
697
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,240
Yep, for sure, laptop there.
698
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,000
(GROANS)
Right.
699
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:04,520
(GROANS)
Right.
700
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,440
Now...Come on, lads.
Here you are.
701
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,760
Right.
(CLEARS THROAT) Ah.
702
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,000
The games awaits. OK. Password?
703
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:12,680
The games awaits. OK. Password?
704
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,440
Tonsillitis. (SPITS)
Ah!
705
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,920
Fucking hell, love.
Like, "tonsillitis" as a password,
706
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,000
why have you got it as a password?
I can't even spell it.Exactly,
707
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,280
why have you got it as a password?
I can't even spell it.Exactly,
708
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,240
so you'll never guess it.
709
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,000
(SPITTING)
Two Ts, three Is, two S's.
710
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:28,080
(SPITTING)
Two Ts, three Is, two S's.
711
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,200
I sort of, sort of asked
for that didn't I, really?
712
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,680
Yeah, alright. Er...
713
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,280
(TYPING)
Right, here we go.
714
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,000
We have one search for
"how to back", bake,
715
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,600
We have one search for
"how to back", bake,
716
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,920
"a light-as-a-fairy cake."
717
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,040
Oh, that was me.
That's you, yeah, alright,
718
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,000
OK, and then we've got
"Japanese boy wrestling."
719
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:44,520
OK, and then we've got
"Japanese boy wrestling."
720
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,400
That was me.
721
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:47,640
Theme emerging, I see.
722
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,160
Ah, and then a search for...
723
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,000
"tanning salon and nail bar.
Glow Job."
724
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,480
"tanning salon and nail bar.
Glow Job."
725
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,760
Glow Job, is that that place
up Tremaine Street, Aoife?
726
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,000
You know, I think it is.
Now you mention it,
727
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,760
You know, I think it is.
Now you mention it,
728
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,200
straight after he used the laptop,
he used the landline.
729
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,920
Does your home phone happen to have
a redial function on it?
730
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,000
I've never really noticed it.
How does she reach?
731
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,600
MAN: "This is Glow Job,
where the sun is always shining.
732
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,000
"No one here at the moment.
733
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:16,280
"No one here at the moment.
734
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,600
Leave a message,
and we'll get back to you."
735
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,240
Oi, oi. Grab-c-Nesbit.
736
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,720
I recognise that voice.
It's Mardie Fisher.
737
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,000
Who's Mardie Fisher?
He used to be a contortionist.
738
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:24,960
Who's Mardie Fisher?
He used to be a contortionist.
739
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,800
Extortionist.Right, whatever.
He got into all kinds of bother.
740
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,040
He... It cost him his hair,
all the worry.
741
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,000
He used to have lovely long locks,
so he did.Right.
742
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,280
He used to have lovely long locks,
so he did.Right.
743
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,320
so we've got an ex extortionist,
bald as a coot
744
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,800
but with a criminal past,
runs a tanning salon-And nail bar.
745
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,520
And a nail bar,
up this Tremaine Street.
746
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,000
Mm.This could be a front for
illegal wheeling and dealing.
747
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,040
Mm.This could be a front for
illegal wheeling and dealing.
748
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,040
Where's Tremaine Street, then?
A couple of miles as the crow flies.
749
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,480
No, we can't go by crow.
Be a bit further then.
750
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,000
You can use my car if you like.
Your car?
751
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,120
You can use my car if you like.
Your car?
752
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,840
There's seven of 'em.
Well, they can squeeze together.
753
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,680
Like we did in the Army.
754
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,000
(LAUGHS)
No.
755
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:56,720
(LAUGHS)
No.
756
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,560
My grandfather had a heart of a lion
757
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,000
but a lifetime ban at the local zoo.
Dude.
758
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:16,000
Shut the fuck up, Michael.
Your jokes are terrible.
759
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,000
Come here, lad.
760
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:20,160
Come here, lad.
761
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,720
Fucking hair-do on him.
762
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,080
We're closed. Can you not read?
763
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,760
I struggle, dyslexic.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS IN SALON)
764
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,000
What about your friends?
Can they not read?
765
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:28,720
What about your friends?
Can they not read?
766
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,280
They're all dyslexic as well.
Look, listen,
767
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,960
has Niall Dennings been in here,
by any fucking chance?
768
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000
Never heard of him.
769
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:36,840
Never heard of him.
770
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,320
Now give over.
Cos we know he's been in there.
771
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,960
We don't want any trouble.
772
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,960
Let us in.
We'll have a bit of a chat.
773
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,000
We're closed.
Let me have a fucking word with him.
774
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,200
We're closed.
Let me have a fucking word with him.
775
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,240
Mr Fisher, I'm Niall's sister,
Carol, alright?
776
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,400
Now, he's after
being an awful fucking eejit,
777
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,000
and he's also taken something
that doesn't belong to him,
778
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:52,760
and he's also taken something
that doesn't belong to him,
779
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,920
so you're gonna have
to open that door now
780
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,360
or we are gonna start
kicking it with our feet.
781
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:58,800
Get at it.
Fucks sake.
782
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,000
(DOOR THUDDING)
Alright, take it easy.
783
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,120
(DOOR THUDDING)
Alright, take it easy.
784
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,160
Keep your bollocks on.
What a gentleman.
785
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,640
# SAULT: Don't Waste My Time #
786
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,000
# Remember when you said... #
787
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,240
# Remember when you said... #
788
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,240
OK, let me think. Let me think.
It's coming back to me,
789
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,000
coming back to me.
Niall... Niall... Oh, yeah, Niall.
790
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,520
coming back to me.
Niall... Niall... Oh, yeah, Niall.
791
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,520
He WAS here...
Alright.
792
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,000
..but he just wanted
a man facial and...Hm.
793
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,000
And I don't know anything
about any stolen items so...Mm.
794
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,320
And I don't know anything
about any stolen items so...Mm.
795
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,720
What's in that back room?
796
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,200
My stock and my tanning room.
797
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,000
We're a tanning salon.
And nail bar.
798
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,560
We're a tanning salon.
And nail bar.
799
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,120
And nail bar. Correct.
Listen to me.
800
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,560
I don't want you thinking
we're thinking you're untrustworthy.
801
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:40,000
I feel like I really need to check
in the back room.
802
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,760
I feel like I really need to check
in the back room.
803
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,520
No one goes in my back room.
804
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,200
Unless I invite them
in my back room.
805
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,000
Oh...Alright.
Well just invite us in, then.
806
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200
Oh...Alright.
Well just invite us in, then.
807
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,600
I won't. There's nothing back there,
I've nothing to feel guilty about.
808
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,000
So, you won't mind if we have
a little peek then?
How about no peek?
809
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:56,760
So, you won't mind if we have
a little peek then?
How about no peek?
810
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,520
I'm sorry
I'm just gonna step in here.
811
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,440
Mardie, love,
can you see how your resistance
812
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,000
is making us a little bit more
suspicious, about yer?(SCOFFS)
813
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:04,320
is making us a little bit more
suspicious, about yer?(SCOFFS)
814
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,160
Yous waltz in here,
815
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,000
I don't know yous from Adam,
816
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,760
and you demand
to see in my back room.
817
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,000
Who the fuck do you think
yous are?Mr Fisher, look,
818
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:12,280
Who the fuck do you think
yous are?Mr Fisher, look,
819
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,600
we're Niall's brothers,
that's Niall's sister there.
820
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,400
These are our mates. Tell us what
he was doing here, and that's it.
821
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,000
I'm not to telling yer. Yer deaf?
We have a fucking situation here,
822
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:20,600
I'm not to telling yer. Yer deaf?
We have a fucking situation here,
823
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,400
alright? Now, I'm not leaving
this fucking tanning salon-
824
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,000
And nail bar.
And the fucking nail bar, Cardi.
825
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,000
We can't leave here
until we check in that back room,
826
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,320
We can't leave here
until we check in that back room,
827
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,360
and make sure Niall and/or
the stolen fucking item in't in it.
828
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,000
I can see the predicament we're in.
829
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,280
I can see the predicament we're in.
830
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,920
Mm.
Here's what I can do for yer, right?
831
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,800
None of yous are coming in
my back room,
832
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,000
but he did leave a package.
833
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:44,360
but he did leave a package.
834
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,480
(CLICKS FINGERS)
I dunno what's in the package,
835
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,760
but I can step back there, alone,
836
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,840
and bring it out to yous.
How's that?
837
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:52,000
Or who's to say he's not just
gonna fuck off out the back?
838
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,280
Or who's to say he's not just
gonna fuck off out the back?
839
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,280
Out the back of my own tanning
salon? Leave yous eejits here alone?
840
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,000
Do I look insane?
Mm.
841
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:00,760
Do I look insane?
Mm.
842
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,120
Do you want the package,
or do you not want the package?
843
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,000
Fucking go and get that fucking
package right now, and quick.
844
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,200
(BUTTONS BEEPING)
845
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,000
(SECURITY SYSTEM CHIMES)
846
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,240
(SECURITY SYSTEM CHIMES)
847
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,840
I can't believe it.
(DOOR CLOSES)
848
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,160
He's a full head of long hair.
(LAUGHS)
849
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,000
It's a fucking wig dude.
Come on, man.
850
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,320
It's a fucking wig dude.
Come on, man.
851
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,080
W-Wig? How's it stay on?
852
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,880
(LAUGHS)
It's stuck to his head, love.
853
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,400
W-What...? W-What...?
Well, what if he hangs upside down?
854
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:32,000
Oh, my God.
Who hangs upside down?
855
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,240
Oh, my God.
Who hangs upside down?
856
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,800
Me, it's good for the brain.
I hate to say this, Mick,
857
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,320
I really do. You're not the best
advert for inversion, are ya?
858
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,000
What with you being, sorry, but...
thick as two short planks.
859
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:40,760
What with you being, sorry, but...
thick as two short planks.
860
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,720
Tommo, you shut the fuck up. You're
as thick as fucking one short plank.
861
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,040
(LAUGHS) I rest my case.
862
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,000
(LAUGHS)
863
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:48,880
(LAUGHS)
864
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,400
You wanna see
what's in my back room?
865
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,880
Here's what's in
my fucking back room.
866
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,000
You lousy fucking poxy bastards.
(ALL SCREAM)
867
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,160
You lousy fucking poxy bastards.
(ALL SCREAM)
868
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,360
Come on you fuckers, yeah!
869
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,280
Get yourselves a lovely spray tan.
870
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,080
Welcome to Glow Job.
871
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,000
Oh, I've missed a bit, did I?
872
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:04,960
Oh, I've missed a bit, did I?
873
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,760
Here. Here.
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
874
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,040
Get some fucking
tan lines around that.
875
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,000
Fuck me. Grab his fucking arms.
You're wanting some of that, do yer?
876
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:12,840
Fuck me. Grab his fucking arms.
You're wanting some of that, do yer?
877
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,000
# BEASTIE BOYS: Sabotage #
878
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,200
Hold still
for crying out loud, will yer?
879
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,000
You better start talking.
880
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,280
You better start talking.
881
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,520
(LAUGHS)
I'm not telling you shit about shit.
882
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,960
You will tell us shit about shit.
I'll take your fucking eyebrow off.
883
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,760
Now, did Niall come here or not?
884
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,760
You know what you can do?
Go and fuck your mother.
885
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,800
Oh, rude.
Oh...Fucking piece of work
886
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,000
Did he try and sell you a trophy?
Fuck your Uncle Eldon.
887
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,400
Did he try and sell you a trophy?
Fuck your Uncle Eldon.
888
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,920
I tell you what.
Thomas, pull his fucking eyebrow off.
889
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,080
No. No. Argh!
890
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,000
Gone.
Argh!
891
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:52,440
Gone.
Argh!
892
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,400
Gone. You look like a fucking idiot.
893
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,080
On one side,
you're a 50% twat right now.
894
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,000
I'll do the other one.
When I run out of hairs,
895
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,080
I'm gonna go down there.
I do my own genitals.
896
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,680
I'm like a fucking dolphin
down there.
897
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,880
Man after my own heart.
Fucking weird dude.
898
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:08,000
Alright, Mick, go and smash up
899
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,400
Alright, Mick, go and smash up
900
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,920
all his shit in the back room.
We're fucking up your back room,
901
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,720
pouring away the shampoos.
No!Smash it up.
902
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,240
Pour it all out.
I'll talk.
903
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:16,000
No, not the shampoos. No!
904
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,240
No, not the shampoos. No!
905
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,280
I'll talk. I'll talk.
906
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,520
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Look in my phone.
907
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,480
Where is it?
It's in my flaps.
908
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,880
Passcode: 0072. Roger Moore.
909
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,600
No, no, no. He was 0073.
910
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,000
George Lazenby, he was 0072.
I mean everybody knows that, like.
911
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:32,600
George Lazenby, he was 0072.
I mean everybody knows that, like.
912
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,560
Yeah. He was shite.
Wasn't even a proper Bond.
913
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,040
Hm.
Last calls.
914
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,280
(PHONE CHIMES)
Don Randy?
915
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:40,000
Who the fuck's Don Randy?
916
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,080
Who the fuck's Don Randy?
917
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,000
Sounds like sort of, er, mid-level
'70s porn star, doesn't it?
918
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,640
Hey. Hey. Who's Don Randy?
919
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,000
He's a scary fucker,
and you do not wanna mess with him.
920
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,400
He's a scary fucker,
and you do not wanna mess with him.
921
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,320
That's who he was meeting here,
922
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,000
and that's all I know. That's all
I can tell yer. Now, fuck off.
923
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:56,040
and that's all I know. That's all
I can tell yer. Now, fuck off.
924
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,640
Listen, what is that there?
Is that a bloody five or a three?
925
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,480
It's a three.Well, it looks-
No, five.
926
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,000
Is it?I don't... Fucking try three.
CARDI: What you gonna say?
927
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,400
Is it?I don't... Fucking try three.
CARDI: What you gonna say?
928
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,680
(LINE RINGING)
I'm gonna style it out, like a boss.
929
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,520
I'll lay the bait,
he's gonna take nibble.
930
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,880
You gonna invite him to be in
Be My Bitch Volume Seven?
931
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:12,000
Just shut up, ya gob shite.
WOMAN: "Hello."Oh, shit.
932
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,160
Just shut up, ya gob shite.
WOMAN: "Hello."Oh, shit.
933
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,080
I'm looking to speak
to a Donald Randy?
934
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,840
"Don Randy?
Do I sound like Don Randy,
935
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:20,000
"you filthy fucking bastard."
Oh, I'm sorry love. (LINE BEEPS)
936
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,560
"you filthy fucking bastard."
Oh, I'm sorry love. (LINE BEEPS)
937
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,640
Oh, she's gone.
It must have been a five.
938
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,120
Do you think(?) You fucking lemon.
Alright. What?
939
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,000
Well, I got all geed up for it,
didn't I?Give it here.
940
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,360
Well, I got all geed up for it,
didn't I?Give it here.
941
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,160
You need to be more zen.
You get way too wound about things.
942
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:33,880
You need to be better at fives.
943
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,000
My girlfriend told me
to stop acting like a flamingo,
944
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:36,040
My girlfriend told me
to stop acting like a flamingo,
945
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,240
so I put my foot down.
(LAUGHS)Michael...
946
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,600
(LINE RINGING)
Honestly.
947
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,040
Weird timing.You'll change
your tune when I'm famous.
948
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,000
"Hello."
Oh, it's the same lady, man.
949
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:45,160
"Hello."
Oh, it's the same lady, man.
950
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,200
"You, you filthy bastard. Paul!
951
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,360
"This pervert keeps ringing me."
Don't tell Paul.
952
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,000
Don't tell Paul,
it's an honest mistake, love.
953
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:52,280
Don't tell Paul,
it's an honest mistake, love.
954
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,400
My mate's bad at fives. Listen...
955
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,240
someone, put the right fucking number
in this right fucking now.
956
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,800
Here, I'll try.
No, you fucking won't.Give it here.
957
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:00,000
Give it to me.Here you are.Go on.
Fucking thicks, the lot of you.
958
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,400
Give it to me.Here you are.Go on.
Fucking thicks, the lot of you.
959
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,920
Yeah?
(LINE RINGING)Here you go.
960
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,000
Yes, Carol.Right, go on.
Fuck, is it gonna be her again?
961
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:08,280
Yes, Carol.Right, go on.
Fuck, is it gonna be her again?
962
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,280
No. No, listen.Shit.
MAN: "Hello."
963
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,600
Now then... is that Don Randy?
964
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,640
"Who's asking?"
I fucking am.
965
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:16,000
And you are?
"Vincent O'Neill."
966
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,480
And you are?
"Vincent O'Neill."
967
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,360
I have been given this number,
968
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,640
apparently it's the number of
a very important entrepreneur
969
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:24,000
called Donald Randy.
"This is his phone."
970
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,680
called Donald Randy.
"This is his phone."
971
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:30,120
Fuck, doesn't answer his own phone,
that's classy that. Very classy..
972
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,000
What's the proposal?
I am a marijuana,
973
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,800
What's the proposal?
I am a marijuana,
974
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,280
er, botanist.
Ooh.
975
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:40,000
And I would like
to dis...discuss distribution.
976
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:40,840
And I would like
to dis...discuss distribution.
977
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,880
I'll ask.
(LINE DISCONNECTS) (CLICKS TONGUE)
978
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,560
He's just gone?He's just
fucked off. Oh... (SHUSHES).
979
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,840
(PHONE BUZZES)
(PHONE CLICKS)
980
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:48,000
Mr Randy.
MAN: "Who the fuck are you,
981
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,400
Mr Randy.
MAN: "Who the fuck are you,
982
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,000
you perv, ringing my bird
asking for John Randy?
983
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,960
Fucking Paul.It's Paul, in't it?
It's bloody Paul. Paul, listen,
984
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,920
it were a genuine mistake.
My mate's really bad at fives.
985
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,440
It's one fucking number.
We're looking for Donald Randy,
986
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,600
not fucking John Randy you turnip.
987
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:04,000
"Ring again..."Abort."..I'll come
over there and cut your cheek out!"
988
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,680
"Ring again..."Abort."..I'll come
over there and cut your cheek out!"
989
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,120
Do you know what, man,
it's a very strange threat.
990
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,760
You don't even know
where the fuck I am.
991
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,000
I'm on a mobile phone.
Where you gonna come to?
992
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,200
I'm on a mobile phone.
Where you gonna come to?
993
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,640
(LINE BEEPS)
"To where you are."
994
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,840
Fuck me hang on."I'll fucking kill
you!"What's going on there, then?
995
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,840
Paul, hang on a minute, love.
Is it call waiting?
996
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:20,000
What do you press now?
Hey up, Paul. Listen to me, love.
997
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,160
What do you press now?
Hey up, Paul. Listen to me, love.
998
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,720
your bird's having an affair,
in't she? She's cheating on ya.
999
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,320
"Fuck you!"See what's before
your eyes. Know what I mean? Chow.
1000
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,000
(POSH ACCENT) Hello?
MAN: "Vincent O'Neill?"
1001
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,440
(POSH ACCENT) Hello?
MAN: "Vincent O'Neill?"
1002
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,360
Er, this is his associate,
one Mr Shaftner.
1003
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,680
That's cool as fuck.He'll meet you
at midday tomorrow at Duffy's bar.
1004
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:36,000
Bring samples.
And sit by the window.
1005
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,440
Bring samples.
And sit by the window.
1006
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,920
We will do exactly that, thank you.
1007
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,800
(LAUGHS) Voila, we have a meeting.
Well in.
1008
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,000
One spliff I've got left. I were
fucking saving it for t'ferry.
1009
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,880
One spliff I've got left. I were
fucking saving it for t'ferry.
1010
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,000
I want you on your fucking best
behaviour. None of your nonsense.
1011
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:52,200
I want you on your fucking best
behaviour. None of your nonsense.
1012
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,200
Obviously not.
It's big deal, get in there.
1013
00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:55,320
Get the fuck in the pub.
1014
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,800
Ah ba-ba-ba, you're not
going nowhere, you piss head.
1015
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,680
You're not drinking-
I want a drink.Listen,
1016
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:00,000
it's a very serious situation
we're all in. I want you out here,
1017
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,280
it's a very serious situation
we're all in. I want you out here,
1018
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,800
chilling out, we can't go
in mobhanded. Fucking give over.
1019
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,960
We can't go in mobhanded.
Go on, fuck off.
1020
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,000
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1021
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,960
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1022
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,480
Shite, Vin...
1023
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,000
..there's no window seats left.
No, it's alright, we'll just...
1024
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,800
We'll just loiter here for a bit.
1025
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,320
He specifically said to find
a fucking window seat, didn't he?
1026
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:31,800
There's no window seats.
1027
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:32,000
Unless we ask one of these
starey bastards to move.
1028
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,120
Unless we ask one of these
starey bastards to move.
1029
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,920
Why does he want us sat near
a fucking window seat, anyway?
1030
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,000
The demand of a gangster. They need
to see people coming in and out.
1031
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,200
The demand of a gangster. They need
to see people coming in and out.
1032
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,800
I don't like this, Vin. We need
to get out of here.Don't be a...
1033
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,880
No, no, hang on.
Stop being a fucking tart, dude.
1034
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,440
What if he's correct? What if
Niall's got in over his head?
1035
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:48,000
What if this a fucking trap?
1036
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:48,720
What if this a fucking trap?
1037
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,880
What if this fucking Don Randy is,
1038
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,000
in fact, the Irish Don Corleone?
It's not gonna be Don Corleone,
1039
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,000
it's gonna be Donald.
Donald Corleone?
1040
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:56,040
it's gonna be Donald.
Donald Corleone?
1041
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,960
Not D...
Right, give over now, pair of ya.
1042
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,120
Look hard.Woah, woah, woah.
What? Oh, fuck me.
1043
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,000
Oh, he looks hard.He's a big lad.
Oh, he looks like a killer.
1044
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,040
Oh, he looks hard.He's a big lad.
Oh, he looks like a killer.
1045
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,200
(SHUSHES)
1046
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,920
(THICK IRISH ACCENT)
Vincent O'Neill!
1047
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,000
Er, D-Don Randy?
Vincent O'Neill?
1048
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:12,880
Er, D-Don Randy?
Vincent O'Neill?
1049
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,320
Oh, Don Randy?
Pleased to meet you, so I am.
1050
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:18,680
Alright, then.
Oh, get in there.
1051
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:20,000
Always good to get a new
business associate from the UK.
1052
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,160
Always good to get a new
business associate from the UK.
1053
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,840
OK.I see all the window seats
are taken, maybe we'll get a booth.
1054
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,240
Ciaran here'll get us a few pints.
You can drink your hole off. Come.
1055
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,000
What was any of that?
1056
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:28,960
What was any of that?
1057
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,720
He wants to get a pint
to drink our holes off.Gross dude.
1058
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,000
Now then,
get your laughing gear round that.
1059
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,000
Now honestly,
that is the finest plant
1060
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:36,960
Now honestly,
that is the finest plant
1061
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,120
you will ever fucking smoke
in your life.
1062
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,200
What I'm saying is, if you wanna
get in the weed business,
1063
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:44,000
we're good men
to get in business with.
1064
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:44,360
we're good men
to get in business with.
1065
00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:50,680
Ciaran.
Go easy, Ciaran, for fuck's sake.
1066
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,000
It's bloody strong.
I-I don't touch it myself.
1067
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,200
It's bloody strong.
I-I don't touch it myself.
1068
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:55,480
I like a brandy,
like to slip my shoes off at the end
1069
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,840
and I watch a police procedural
and sip away at a fine, fine brandy.
1070
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,000
Summat about brandy?
He likes a tipple in the evening
1071
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,080
Summat about brandy?
He likes a tipple in the evening
1072
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,360
and watches a cop show on telly.
Right, yes, yes, now listen, er..
1073
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,840
Now that your, er, beautiful
assistant has parted ways with us,
1074
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:08,000
perhaps we might pick your brains
about a person of interest to us,
1075
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:11,200
perhaps we might pick your brains
about a person of interest to us,
1076
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:13,440
who you might've run into
earlier today.
1077
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,000
And who's that then?
Niall Dennings.
1078
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,360
And who's that then?
Niall Dennings.
1079
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,000
Why do you wanna know?
1080
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,000
He's got something belonging to an
associate of ours. We want it back.
1081
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,240
I see.
1082
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,000
Yeah, that Niall is fucking idiot,
less brains than a slug,
1083
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:32,240
Yeah, that Niall is fucking idiot,
less brains than a slug,
1084
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,080
and he owed me money,
big, big money.
1085
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,920
Gambling debt.
He ran off back to England.
1086
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,960
So, I told Mardie Fisher
to tell him, if ever he come back,
1087
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,000
he's gonna lose both his testicles.
Testicles.
1088
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,560
he's gonna lose both his testicles.
Testicles.
1089
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,880
Mardie called me today
and said the gobshite is back,
1090
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,520
but he had my money. I arranged
to meet the fucker at Mardie's.
1091
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,000
None of it.
Niall owed Don Randy money,
1092
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,080
None of it.
Niall owed Don Randy money,
1093
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,720
so Mardie Fisher linked 'em
back up again.Right.
1094
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,320
What's he stolen from yer?
The fuck...
1095
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,000
(WHISPERS) The FA cup.
The what?
1096
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:56,520
(WHISPERS) The FA cup.
The what?
1097
00:38:56,560 --> 00:39:00,800
The fuck... The fucking original
FA cup, the cunt's got it.
1098
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,400
Have you seen him with it?
Trophy? No, didn't see that.
1099
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:04,000
He paid me what he owed me and went.
Fuck me.How much did he owe you?
1100
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,160
He paid me what he owed me and went.
Fuck me.How much did he owe you?
1101
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,200
Seven grand.
Seven... Seven grand, I got that.
1102
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:09,960
I got seven grand.
Where'd he get that?
1103
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,000
He said he got lucky,
at Micky Flanagan's sports bar.
1104
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:12,240
He said he got lucky,
at Micky Flanagan's sports bar.
1105
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,960
You know what I think,
he's full of shit. Still...
1106
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,040
I got my money, so you know,
he keeps his testicles.
1107
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,000
Testicles again.We need to get
to Mickey Flanagan's sports bar.
1108
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:20,080
Testicles again.We need to get
to Mickey Flanagan's sports bar.
1109
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,880
Alright.Alright, gentlemen.
I got bits.Mm.You're a good lad.
1110
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,960
# LEROY SIBBLES: Express Yourself #
1111
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,240
# Express yourself
1112
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,440
# Express yourself... #
1113
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,280
Keep your eyes out. It's gotta...
Fuck me. It's gotta be in here, man.
1114
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,000
It's gotta be, gotta be, got..
Oh, my God,
1115
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:44,760
It's gotta be, gotta be, got..
Oh, my God,
1116
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,040
It's right in front of us.
Dude. Michael, you fucking pleb.
1117
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,000
Not having a beer.
1118
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,000
Do you know what I mean?
TOMMO: Hello.
1119
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,080
Do you know what I mean?
TOMMO: Hello.
1120
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,400
It's that badger.
1121
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,480
Fucking it.
Uh-huh.
1122
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,000
"This is a life-size replica
of the original FA Cup from 1895.
1123
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,080
"This is a life-size replica
of the original FA Cup from 1895.
1124
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,760
"The original was stolen
and was never seen again."
1125
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,880
Fucking replica?
Motherfuckers.
1126
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,440
Excuse me, love.
1127
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:08,000
How long's that been in here?
1128
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,280
How long's that been in here?
1129
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,520
No idea,
they're always changing stuff round.
1130
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,800
Well, was it here last week,
this, duck?Don't think so.
1131
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,000
No? Well, that's fucking it! Innit?
I'll tell you what's happened here,
1132
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,720
No? Well, that's fucking it! Innit?
I'll tell you what's happened here,
1133
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,440
he's fucking sold it,
is what he's done.
1134
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,240
He's sold it to these fuckers.
1135
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,000
Now they're pretending
it's a shagging replica.
1136
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:24,280
Now they're pretending
it's a shagging replica.
1137
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,520
You know what I mean?
It's fucking real thing, innit?
1138
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,000
Alright, come here.
Oi, come here to me.
1139
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:32,240
Alright, come here.
Oi, come here to me.
1140
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,880
We're gonna have to nick it back.
How?What do you mean "how"?
1141
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,920
Method.
Listen to me.
1142
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,000
Hundred year ago, this fucking
thing here was robbed seamlessly.
1143
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:40,880
Hundred year ago, this fucking
thing here was robbed seamlessly.
1144
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,440
We're gonna do the very same thing.
We're gonna come in,
1145
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,640
under the cover of darkness. We're
gonna come through the fucking roof.
1146
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,000
Like Maurice's granddad.
Can I get a onetime? Come on.Yeah.
1147
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,280
Like Maurice's granddad.
Can I get a onetime? Come on.Yeah.
1148
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,520
# THE HIGH KEYS: Que Sera, Sera #
1149
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:55,800
# Hey
1150
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:56,000
# Get it set up
# Set up
1151
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,320
# Get it set up
# Set up
1152
00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:58,960
# (VOCALISING)
1153
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:12,000
# When I was just
1154
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,000
# When I was just
1155
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,000
# A little boy
1156
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,600
# I asked my mother
1157
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,120
# "What will I be?
1158
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,000
# "Will I be handsome?
1159
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,480
# "Will I be handsome?
1160
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,320
# "Will I be rich?"
1161
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,840
# This is what she said to me
1162
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,000
# "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera"
# Sera, sera
1163
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,280
# "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera"
# Sera, sera
1164
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,200
# "Whatever will be"
1165
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,000
# Sera, sera
# "Will be, will be
1166
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:36,160
# Sera, sera
# "Will be, will be
1167
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,640
# "The future's not ours to see"
# Sera, sera
1168
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,480
# "Que sera, sera"
# Que sera, sera
1169
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:44,000
# "What will be, will be"
# Que sera, sera
1170
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,120
# "What will be, will be"
# Que sera, sera
1171
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,040
# When I was just
1172
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,000
# A child in school
1173
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:52,680
# A child in school
1174
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,120
# I asked my teacher
1175
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:55,280
# "What should I try?"...
1176
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,880
(ALARM BLARES)
1177
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,800
# "Should I sing songs?"
1178
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:00,000
# This was her wise reply
1179
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,000
# This was her wise reply
1180
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:08,000
# "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera"
# Sera, sera
1181
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:08,640
# "Que-e-e-e sera, sera, sera"
# Sera, sera
1182
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,520
# "Whatever will be"
1183
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,480
# Sera, sera
# "Will be, will be
1184
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,960
# "The future's not ours to see"
# Sera, sera
1185
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,680
# "Que sera, sera"
# Que sera, sera...
1186
00:42:19,720 --> 00:42:22,160
(SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE)
1187
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,000
# Mamma, will I be a singer?
# Que sera, sera
1188
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,040
# Mamma, will I be a singer?
# Que sera, sera
1189
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,640
# Hey, hey, hey, hey
# Hey, hey, hey, hey...
1190
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,000
(SIRENS WAILING)
1191
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:32,960
(SIRENS WAILING)
1192
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:39,000
# Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
# Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... #
1193
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,000
(FEERY HORN BLOWS)
1194
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,720
(FEERY HORN BLOWS)
1195
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,920
(SEAGULLS CRY)
1196
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,720
# LINK WRAY: Black River Swamp #
1197
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,000
# There's a place...
1198
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:56,440
# There's a place...
1199
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,680
(GUNSHOT ECHOES)
1200
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,640
# Where the pine trees...
1201
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,000
(PHONE CLICKS)
1202
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:04,200
(PHONE CLICKS)
1203
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,160
# Grow so tall...
1204
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,000
No, let me have it a bit more,
will yer?Calm yourself, jeez.
1205
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,840
Bloody hell. Will you let me
have it a bit more?!No!
1206
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:12,000
Will you let me have it?
We're trying to take a photo.
1207
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,240
Will you let me have it?
We're trying to take a photo.
1208
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,080
Careful.
Stop.Mick.
1209
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,640
Let me have it.Oi, eh...
Let me have it!Stop, you'll drop...
1210
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,000
Ah, Mick!
Awww!
1211
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,480
Ah, Mick!
Awww!
1212
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,520
Fucking unreal.No, fuck!
1213
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:25,600
Dude...
What's going on?
1214
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,000
Are you fucking serious, man?
Ya fucking...It was Ashley.
1215
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,880
Horrible wankers is what you are.
What?
1216
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,200
Fucking trophy's
gone in the fucking sea.No!
1217
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,840
Oh, Tommo. It was Mick!
1218
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:36,000
Fucking hell!Fucking idiots.
Mind the pints. Three for a tenner.
1219
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,960
Fucking hell!Fucking idiots.
Mind the pints. Three for a tenner.
1220
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,320
Maurice is NOT gonna be
happy about this.
1221
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,000
Why did the captain leave the ship?
1222
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:44,560
Why did the captain leave the ship?
1223
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,280
Are you fucking joking?
Here's a fucking joke!
1224
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,400
(ALL ARGUING)
1225
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,160
It was fucking Ashley.
1226
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,000
(ARGUING CONTINUES)
1227
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,280
(ARGUING CONTINUES)
1228
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,800
# Down there
1229
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,000
# By the fishing hole
1230
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,760
# By the fishing hole
1231
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:06,160
(OVER SPEAKERS) # And the smell
of old Black River...
1232
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,000
I've already got one.
Oh, no, no, no.
1233
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:08,640
I've already got one.
Oh, no, no, no.
1234
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,720
This isn't the replica,
this is the original.
1235
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,160
Original my arse. How's a twat
like you got the original?
1236
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,000
I swear to you
on my Uncle Teagan's life.
1237
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,320
I swear to you
on my Uncle Teagan's life.
1238
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,080
This is from 1895.
1239
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,000
(HOLLOW THUD)
That's the real McCoy.
1240
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,080
(HOLLOW THUD)
That's the real McCoy.
1241
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,040
How much you looking for?
1242
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,120
For you... seven grand.
1243
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:32,000
You can get rid of
that replica there
1244
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:32,640
You can get rid of
that replica there
1245
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,080
and have the real thing on display.
You must be joking.
1246
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,720
This is going in my house.
1247
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,240
I don't know how you've got it,
1248
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,000
but this
is sporting fucking history,
1249
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,000
but this
is sporting fucking history,
1250
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,920
The replica stays where it is.
Mm-hm.
1251
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,960
Right, wait there...
1252
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,000
..I'll get your cash.
Good man yourself.
1253
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,560
..I'll get your cash.
Good man yourself.
1254
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,000
# I can hear them hound dogs howlin'
1255
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,480
# I can hear them hound dogs howlin'
1256
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:03,880
# Chasing that old fox
where I used to roam... #
1257
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:04,000
Where's Vincent?
1258
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,160
Where's Vincent?
1259
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,600
MONOLITO: You motherfuckers
underestimated me.
1260
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,320
Well now, you're gonna pay.
1261
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,000
Just come and f.. Ugh.
CARDI: Vin? Fuck!
1262
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,200
Just come and f.. Ugh.
CARDI: Vin? Fuck!
1263
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:15,240
ALL: Ah!
Put it down, what is ...?
1264
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:16,840
Who else knows about this?
1265
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,800
Unhand me! Oh!
Oh!
1266
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,000
This isn't normal, Vin.
1267
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:20,560
This isn't normal, Vin.
1268
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,560
Christ,
I know it's not fucking normal.
1269
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,000
# SIR JOE QUARTERMAN & FREE SOUL:
(I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind #
1270
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,320
# SIR JOE QUARTERMAN & FREE SOUL:
(I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind #
1271
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,280
# I got so much trouble in my mind
1272
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,000
# I got so much trouble in my mind
1273
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,320
# I got so much trouble in my mind
1274
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:48,480
# I got so much trouble in my mind
1275
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,000
# Give me the strength to carry on
1276
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,600
# Give me the strength to carry on
1277
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,720
# Give me the strength to carry on
1278
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,000
# Cos everything I got
is just about gone
1279
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,960
# Cos everything I got
is just about gone
1280
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,400
# And I think about it... #98456
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