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Well, it's been.
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00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:19,510
For a year. We all know why. This is in
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00:00:37,410 --> 00:00:41,550
the watching walk around.
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It's coming.
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Down
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the.
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Over the centuries imagination has
propelled man to levels of artistic
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excellence. The fine strokes,
the complexities of spacing,
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the ambient colors of a brilliant painting
underscore the epic achievements of
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humanity. Now,
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you too can experience these epic
wonders of mankind with big softy
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bathroom tissues. Like Rembrandt,
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big softies engineers have used their
imagination to create a bathroom tissue
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00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:04,980
that's soft, yet strong and pliable.
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So try big softy bathroom
tissues. After all,
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doesn't your bottom deserve a Rembrandt?
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So what do you think boys?
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What is this Rembrandt shit we're
pitching toilet paper, not art objects. I.
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Was merely equating the creative
genius of Rembrandt to the creative
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possibilities of personal hygiene.
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People don't care about Rembrandt. He
croaked without a dime in his pocket.
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Rembrandt was an artistic phenomenon.
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Morris, the guy was a
schmuck. If I had his talent,
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I would've died a billionaire.
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Well, you ought to be awarded the
Nobel Prize. The bottom line, Morris,
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is that sales are down Now. Those
creative campaigns are passe.
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The clients are interested
in the bottom line.
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You really went overboard this time.
Maybe you ought to take a rest.
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Of demonstrations.
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D old buddy. Set up the bar. Ice, water
and clean ashtrays for all my friends.
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That's what I like about you, Codman.
You're as generous as you're humble.
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Thank you. Leave the bus.
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Expected toted.
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00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,750
He turn it up. The tv, turn it up.
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Another financier from Wall Street was
arrested today at his office in downtown
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Manhattan. The arrest of Brendan Collins.
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As Brendan Collins.
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00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:49,720
It's very astute of you considering
they just announced his name. No, no.
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00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,570
I mean, I know him. Went to
business school with him.
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He finally caught the clever bastard.
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Here's the wallet.
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00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:42,700
Hey, look at this man.
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00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:50,170
It's a Rolex. No. Check out
this suit, man. Pierre Cardan.
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Hey, you think I look
good? Infant? Strong?
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Definitely. Yo,
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I like these shoes for the SOS.
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Theses.
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00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,273
Hmm.
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00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:23,720
It's a jungle out there. Well,
that must've been some putty.
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Yeah.
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Happy Hunter.
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Hey, this must have been good.
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Soft, soft.
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There. I.
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00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:03,373
So what's wrong?
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Truth, justice in the American way.
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I've been struggling my whole life to
maintain the shred of artistic integrity
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and nobody caress
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said my music wasn't commercial enough.
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Now my god damn commercials
aren't commercial enough.
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I can't win with this public.
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Then why don't you go back to music?
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Oh, please.
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00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,980
Advertising is only a
temporary thing anyway.
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Something that you could do just so you
can make enough money to do what you
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really wanted.
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00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:38,510
Please. We've been over
this a million times.
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I could never make it in a music business
with just some sweet teen dream never
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panned down. Good.
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Morris Codman. That is a defeatist
attitude and I won't tolerate it.
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You possess all of this creative
genius and it is being wasted on
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crap.
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00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:02,930
The world revolves around crap, darling,
and you just got to wallow in it.
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If you're going to make a buck.
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00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:05,360
You are making me.
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Nauseous. Well, you better get used to it.
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Because from now on you're going to see a.
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New Mors Codman.
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I'm going to play their game and I'm
going to play it so goddamn well,
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they're going to choke
on their own horseshit.
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Well then if that's the new Mors Codman,
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I don't want to have
anything to do with him.
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What? Wait, come here.
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I've had better days.
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00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:11,360
Policemen swinging riot sticks.
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00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,840
Stormed into a crowd of more than 2000
demonstrators in Prague Central Square
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today. Pinning me to the ground.
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00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:29,060
Hey Morris. Hey Morris.
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I haven't got all day wake up.
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There. Yeah.
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Why did you take a sort of a wild guess?
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You look like my old Latin
professor from Andover.
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I'm the Lord. You twit.
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00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:50,570
God. What are you doing on my TV set?
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Well, the burning bush
entrances are out this year.
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I have to compete prime time.
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That must be dreaming.
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00:09:08,910 --> 00:09:12,240
I think my backhand is really improving.
I'm sort of getting over on the ball,
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00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,870
sort of like, Yvonne, what do you think?
That's pretty good for a supreme being,
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00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:17,010
isn't it? Watch this. Look.
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00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,860
Can I help you with something? I
haven't done anything wrong, have I?
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00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:25,170
I'm not dead. Am I? Did
I drink too much scotch?
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00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:28,710
No, no, no. Nothing like that at all.
That'll all come a little bit later. No,
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00:09:28,715 --> 00:09:32,250
no. I'm here as a fellow Ivy
Leaguer to give you some advice.
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00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,780
Well, that's very considerate.
What should I do with my life?
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00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,260
Well, I think you ought
to go into business.
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My own business. Maybe
you're right. You think so?
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Do I think so? Of course.
I think so. I'm the Lord,
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capital L, capital H when him
is in the middle of a sentence.
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My own business, huh? Yeah.
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I think you should incorporate sub
chapter S under the federal code.
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00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,810
If you do that, it gives
you a better tax break.
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00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:07,321
You don't have to pay twice the taxes
you do in a regular corporation. Yeah.
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00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:09,270
Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.
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00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,170
Of course it makes sense.
You keep forgetting.
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I am the Lord.
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I'm not a second rate fly by night
public accountant. One other thing,
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don't take in any partners. You
don't see me with any partners,
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do you?
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00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:30,900
Right, right. No partners. What
kind of business should it be?
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00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:32,550
Well, I'm late.
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00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:35,820
I've got to go off and play tennis
with the c e O of General Motors.
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00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:41,940
I understand. Thank you.
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00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,190
Really. Thanks a lot
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00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,830
with the Reverend Billy Bob Mackelroy.
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Friends, my friends. God.
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00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:05,070
God is good. But most
importantly, as we all know,
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00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:09,690
he's a southerner. He's a white
Southerner and he's a Republican.
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00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,740
So today, my friends, I
want you to praise the Lord.
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00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:18,780
I want you to praise him by
holding hands. Come on, everybody.
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Grab hold of the person next
to you and close your eyes
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00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,780
and reach down into your soul.
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00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:33,570
Reach down into your soul. And
praise God Almighty, everybody.
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00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,450
For you, good people at home,
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00:11:36,690 --> 00:11:40,500
I want you to reach down into your soul,
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00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,220
reach down into your heart,
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00:11:45,060 --> 00:11:49,890
and reach down into your pocketbook
and send me the Reverend Billy
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00:11:49,895 --> 00:11:54,850
Bob McIlroy your check
for $25 and send $25
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00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,740
to my political action committee.
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00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,633
Remember,
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00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,740
we accept all Maia credit
cards from the holy.
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00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,890
Oh, hello, Mr. Kaman. How are you?
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00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:40,300
Fine her. How are you?
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00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:43,300
Oh, well, what can I do for you?
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00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:47,710
Well, first off, I'd like an accounting
in my personal assets, and secondly,
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I'd like to start a
corporate checking account.
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00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:50,950
Transferring what I've got
in my money market account.
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00:12:51,910 --> 00:12:54,400
Well first we'll need
some basic information.
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00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:59,350
What is the name of the corporation?
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00:13:00,220 --> 00:13:02,590
The name is Religion Incorporated.
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00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:08,110
Religion Incorporated. That's an odd name.
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00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,810
Will you be manufacturing
religious articles?
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00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:14,470
Oh, no. Nothing like that. It's
more of a service oriented company.
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00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,960
Oh really? What exactly will you be doing?
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00:13:18,370 --> 00:13:21,310
Well, I'm starting my own
Religion and Religion Inc.
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00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:22,510
Will be the corporate holding company.
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00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:23,793
I see.
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00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,210
Yes. Well, you see,
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00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:33,130
God spoke to me and told me to start
the corporation and subchapter ss.
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00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,550
Oh, God spoke to you and told
you Subchapter SS corporation.
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00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:43,030
Yes. Really nice guy, very wise in the
ways of business. Told me no partners,
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00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,390
which I interpret to me no voting
stock for anybody but myself.
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00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:47,440
Would you interpret it the same way?
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00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:52,570
Oh yes, of course I would. Would
you excuse me for a minute?
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00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,860
Certainly. Look, I know it sounds
weird, but I know what I'm doing.
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00:13:57,010 --> 00:14:00,760
Oh, I know you do. I'll be right back.
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00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:10,840
What is it? Whipple?
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00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,030
I need your Okay. In
this corporate account.
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00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:14,920
What's the problem?
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00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,930
That's Morris Codman.
He's a good customer.
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00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:26,943
I know, sir.
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00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:28,990
Well then what do you need me for?
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00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,080
I think Mr. Codman has
gone off the deep end.
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00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,270
Oh, really?
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00:14:35,350 --> 00:14:37,180
He wants to open account
for a new corporation.
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00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,620
That's not unusual.
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00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:39,940
I asked him what the company would do.
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00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,820
He said it's going to be a holding company
for a new religion that he's starting
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00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,740
and that God told him to do it. Oh,
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00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,560
and that God gave him what I would
call some very good tax advice.
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00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:51,800
That's unusual. What
was the initial deposit?
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00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,530
He's committed over a
quarter a million dollars.
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00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:56,330
What the hell is the problem?
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00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:59,510
I'd open an account for a guy
who thought he was Jesus Christ.
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00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,770
There's a quarter of
million dollars in it.
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00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:02,390
So you want me to open the account?
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00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:08,240
Hell yes. Besides those advertising
people are all kind of nuts. Who knows?
190
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:09,530
Maybe it's original work.
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00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:25,760
We'll just have you fill
out the signature cards
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00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:29,960
and a corporate resolution form
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00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,440
and we'll be all set. Thank you.
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00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,280
What kind of religion are you starting?
195
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:38,413
I'm not sure yet.
196
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:39,583
You're not sure yet?
197
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,610
Well, we'll be commissioning
a market study first, a poll.
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00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:48,620
We'll give an idea of what the majority
of religious consumers want and which
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00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:52,850
ideas will sell the best, and then as
usual, I'll come up with a great concept.
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00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,150
That's very interesting.
201
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,720
The bank would be most interested
in following your progress.
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00:15:59,810 --> 00:16:01,490
Well, I'll put you on our mailing list.
203
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,503
Thank you.
204
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,620
Debbie. Debbie.
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00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,660
Debbie. Hi. Hi.
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00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,000
Listen, I have to talk
to you. Let's go have.
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00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,580
Lunch. Morris. I'm really busy.
I have to be in court in an hour.
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00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:41,810
Are you defending another rapist?
209
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,393
It's not funny.
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00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:47,390
I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry.
I want to apologize for the last one.
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00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,900
Yeah, well, actions
speak louder than words.
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00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,040
Well, I'm done with advertising.
213
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:53,263
Oh, they fire you.
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00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:57,860
Let's just say the office was too
small to accommodate the number of egos
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00:16:57,860 --> 00:17:01,190
inhabiting it. Come on, I got you.
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00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:04,910
Run that by me. Again.
217
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,030
A religion. Look, I know it
sounds ridiculous, but you see,
218
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,210
I had a vision the other night after
you stormed out of the apartment. Oh, a.
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00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:12,043
Vision.
220
00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:15,140
I spoke to God. He told me what to do.
221
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,140
Morris, if this is another
one of your stupid jokes,
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00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:20,120
I fear you reached an ultimate low. I'm.
223
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,860
Serious and you can help me. I'll run
the business. You give me legal advice,
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00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:28,730
you'll make a bundle. God, man, how
the hell are you? Hey, Anderson,
225
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:32,150
how's it going for you?
Couldn't be better, but we
miss you back at the agency.
226
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:33,523
Yeah, bet.
227
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,990
I don't even know who you are anymore.
228
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,090
You're consumed by this desire
to vindicate yourself on society.
229
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,550
Don't give me your third grade
psychology. Okay? I mean,
230
00:17:46,555 --> 00:17:50,160
your idea of a perfect lover is somebody
who wages a one man crusade against the
231
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,870
system. I can't pretend
to do that anymore.
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00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:59,520
I'm going with the flow. I'm going
to give people what they want.
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00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:03,540
Immediate gratification. What a
fine contribution to humanity.
234
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:07,380
I don't call being a public defender.
The height of artistic awareness. Well,
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00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:11,250
at least I defend the poor
and the destitute. More
like the guilty and sleazy.
236
00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:13,890
You are an asshole. Come. Debbie. Debbie.
237
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:16,763
Debbie.
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00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,780
Women Sometimes you wish you had.
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00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:22,613
That extra rib.
240
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:35,100
Put it over there.
241
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,780
You put all the furniture over there
until they finish painting. Yeah, yeah,
242
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:43,350
yeah. Come on Debbie, where are you?
243
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:55,890
Shall I send the next
applicant in? Mr. Codman?
244
00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:58,530
Yes. And Peggy, you can call me Morris.
245
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:02,003
Next.
246
00:19:02,370 --> 00:19:07,200
Nerd Ball nerd Ball. Gee
247
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:13,980
nerd ball name.
248
00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:15,413
Bink Harrison.
249
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:17,933
Job experience.
250
00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:20,880
I was host of. Sell Your Dignity.
251
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:22,793
Sell Your Dignity.
252
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,720
Yes. It's the game show,
253
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,770
the one where the contestants have to
dress up and act like farm animals in
254
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:32,340
front of complete strangers in order
to win large sums of money and major
255
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:33,173
appliances.
256
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:34,920
Well, thank you.
257
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,680
Could you ask Peggy to send the
next applicant in on your way out?
258
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:41,700
I'm very versatile. Look,
I really need this job.
259
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,470
I even do impersonations.
You hugger. I know you're,
260
00:19:46,475 --> 00:19:47,550
but where am I at?
261
00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:50,580
Where's my hat? Us.
262
00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:53,280
On the floor. Don't just
take it when that happens.
263
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:56,970
Well, that's it.
264
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,620
No more. Thank God. How many did I see?
265
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:02,550
37.
266
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:07,440
Jesus. Now one of them fits the bill.
Alright, call the modeling agency.
267
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,000
Have 'em send over another batch tomorrow.
268
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,280
Right? If you don't mind me asking,
269
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,590
what exactly are you looking for?
270
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,140
Someone with a little charisma.
271
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,990
Someone who can act as the
spiritual leader of a religion.
272
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:23,663
Right?
273
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,150
You did say you had enough money to pay
my salary for six months, didn't you?
274
00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:32,310
You think I'm totally
irrational, don't you?
275
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,620
Oh no. I'd never think that about you.
276
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:38,670
Come on, I'm going to be working together
now. Let's be honest with each other.
277
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,260
You think I'm irrational, right?
278
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,210
Well, not irrational.
279
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,620
Then. What? Stupid.
280
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,143
No.
281
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,343
Possessed.
282
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:48,133
No.
283
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:49,173
Erratic.
284
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,673
No.
285
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:52,743
Crazy.
286
00:20:53,110 --> 00:20:54,460
Yeah, that's it. Crazy.
287
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,360
I knew it, but believe
me, I'm totally s Sapient.
288
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,460
I am as sane as the chairman
of the Board of General Motors.
289
00:21:03,970 --> 00:21:04,803
You'll see,
290
00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:10,540
As you can see on page 24, 80
9% responded in the affirmative.
291
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,570
So even with the error factor
of say plus or minus four,
292
00:21:13,660 --> 00:21:16,570
the wealth issue seems to dominate. Yes.
It's consistent with my data as well.
293
00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:17,463
Data. Data.
294
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,070
So what you're saying is that by cross
tabulating the data from the moral and
295
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:24,190
ethical questions in the poll with
the need and desire questions,
296
00:21:24,190 --> 00:21:27,730
the only issues that rate higher than
basic morality to the average Americans
297
00:21:27,730 --> 00:21:31,450
are wealth, success and power. Is
that correct? On a subconscious level,
298
00:21:31,810 --> 00:21:34,450
of course these findings
are very interesting. Yes.
299
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,580
Now what about the competition? Oh yes.
300
00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:40,600
The raw data for these questions appears
on pages 68 through 91 data data.
301
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,490
As best I can figure,
302
00:21:42,550 --> 00:21:45,550
you're up against some very entrenched
competition and that's not surprising
303
00:21:45,550 --> 00:21:47,890
considering most of these religions
have been around for centuries.
304
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:49,330
So what did all.
305
00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:49,840
That mean?
306
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,720
It means the foremost on people's minds
is the acquisition of wealth and power.
307
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:53,290
Sorry, you paid.
308
00:21:53,290 --> 00:21:55,510
12 Grand for them to tell you
that you could have asked me.
309
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:59,020
No. It also proves that people will
forsake morality to achieve that wealth.
310
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,960
That's news to you. You
must've lived a sheltered.
311
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,890
Life. No, you don't understand. Not only
does this poll prove it scientifically,
312
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,740
it shows me how and where to reach
these people and how to sway them most
313
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:09,573
efficiently.
314
00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:10,613
So.
315
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:17,620
So someone with intelligence and
socioeconomic savvy, me for instance,
316
00:22:17,830 --> 00:22:19,090
can with the right marketing,
317
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,910
capitalize on these emotions and
make history at the same time.
318
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,070
So what's this religion going to be about?
319
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,340
Well, the message will be
simple. It's okay to be selfish.
320
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,350
You should seek power, wealth,
321
00:22:29,355 --> 00:22:33,580
and status because personal selfishness
ultimately benefits the public interest.
322
00:22:33,580 --> 00:22:35,080
Yeah, it's perfect.
323
00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:37,660
It's like a combination of Adam Smith's
invisible hand concept and Newton's
324
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:39,610
theory of natural order. Who? What?
325
00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:43,300
It's like taking the worst of capitalism
and splicing it with the best of
326
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:44,133
Christianity.
327
00:22:44,290 --> 00:22:45,640
Christianity, right.
328
00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:48,430
Because in the process of being selfish,
329
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,670
you're actually helping your fellow
man a genetic miracle, if you will.
330
00:22:51,910 --> 00:22:56,140
We will create a new moral code that can
be used as a mental crutch to help ease
331
00:22:56,145 --> 00:22:57,520
the conscience of the average person.
332
00:22:58,030 --> 00:22:59,950
It sounds more like a genetic freak to me.
333
00:23:00,460 --> 00:23:02,590
What are you going to call
this Frankenstein monster?
334
00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:05,170
Well, let's see. Alright, let's see.
335
00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:10,120
Protestants are called such because they
protested the dominant religion of the
336
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:13,630
time. So in keeping with
that type of name, well,
337
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,720
since ours is a faith that
doesn't protest so much as it
338
00:23:18,010 --> 00:23:22,750
prefers, we'll call it
the preference church.
339
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,930
The preference church. God, it's
brilliant. It's also not copyrighted.
340
00:23:30,730 --> 00:23:33,010
You didn't hear that right?
341
00:23:33,490 --> 00:23:34,323
Why?
342
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,270
I hope my paycheck doesn't bounce.
343
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:47,630
Any models catch your eye today.
344
00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:49,100
Unfortunately not.
345
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,670
Well, we've just about covered
every modeling agency in New York.
346
00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:55,970
Maybe you're looking for your
spiritual leader in the wrong place.
347
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:57,530
Ever thought of trying Wall Street?
348
00:23:58,550 --> 00:23:59,390
That's very funny.
349
00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:01,790
Well, I'm going see you tomorrow.
350
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,780
Right? Listen, shut off the light on
your way out. I think better in the dark.
351
00:24:06,290 --> 00:24:07,190
Whatever you say.
352
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:10,993
He's Looney tunes.
353
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:28,910
That old time religion
354
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:34,190
gave me that old time religion.
355
00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:38,330
It was good enough for me.
356
00:24:43,270 --> 00:24:45,690
Let us pray to Afro.
357
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:48,950
Let us pray to Afro.
358
00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:55,340
She wears that See through
90 and that's good enough
359
00:24:55,430 --> 00:24:59,570
for me. Give me that old time religion.
360
00:24:59,930 --> 00:25:02,930
Give me that old time religion.
361
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,200
Give me that old time religion.
362
00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:09,330
It was good enough for me.
363
00:25:11,630 --> 00:25:12,463
It was very good.
364
00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:16,520
I didn't realize there was someone here.
365
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:19,190
Would you like me to come back
to clean the office? Oh no.
366
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,960
No. Come right in. What's your name?
367
00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:26,270
Ian. Ian what?
368
00:25:26,780 --> 00:25:27,770
Ian. Clarity.
369
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,920
My name is Morris Cotton. How do you do?
370
00:25:32,930 --> 00:25:33,763
Fine.
371
00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:48,830
Can I help you with anything or are
you just fascinated with people who are
372
00:25:48,830 --> 00:25:51,500
less fortunate on a socioeconomic level?
373
00:25:51,830 --> 00:25:54,320
Hey, did you graduate high school?
374
00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:56,960
High school? Shit,
375
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,100
I have a PhD in philosophy from N Y U.
376
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,640
You're kidding. What the hell
are you doing? Cleaning offices?
377
00:26:05,390 --> 00:26:06,500
It's a long story.
378
00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:11,390
Let's just say I was one of them naive
idealist who came of age during the
379
00:26:11,395 --> 00:26:15,260
sixties and when the seventies came
around I couldn't see it as a passing fad.
380
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,430
So rather than conform and become a
money hungry clone in a pinstripe,
381
00:26:19,435 --> 00:26:20,660
you decided to drop out.
382
00:26:21,350 --> 00:26:22,640
More like drop down.
383
00:26:25,010 --> 00:26:26,270
So how's it working out for you?
384
00:26:26,930 --> 00:26:31,340
Truthfully, one's dignity. It's pretty
vulnerable. Pushing the broom. I mean,
385
00:26:31,490 --> 00:26:36,050
being poor and humble isn't quite as
tranquil as I thought it would be.
386
00:26:38,210 --> 00:26:39,740
You're very distinguished looking.
387
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:43,190
One might even say you
have a certain charisma.
388
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,750
I wonder how you look without that beard.
389
00:26:48,510 --> 00:26:50,520
Are you queer or something? No.
390
00:26:52,530 --> 00:26:54,480
Maybe I should explain. You see,
391
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,620
I've got a job opening and it's got
certain requirements and I haven't met
392
00:26:58,625 --> 00:27:01,980
anyone who fits the bill. In
fact, you've come the closest.
393
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,073
A job.
394
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,660
Is it better than emptying
trash and dusting offices?
395
00:27:09,870 --> 00:27:11,370
I'd say so. See,
396
00:27:11,790 --> 00:27:16,380
I'm starting my own religion
and I need a spiritual leader to
397
00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:17,310
represent the faith.
398
00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:20,010
Your own religion.
399
00:27:24,540 --> 00:27:28,320
Men. That's the stupidest
idea I ever heard.
400
00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:31,170
Pays $50,000 a year.
401
00:27:31,620 --> 00:27:35,970
But then again, a lot of great men
were called stupid in their day.
402
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,640
What does spiritual leader entail?
403
00:27:39,030 --> 00:27:42,270
Making speeches, television
interviews, TV commercials,
404
00:27:42,270 --> 00:27:43,830
possibly your own TV show.
405
00:27:44,490 --> 00:27:48,720
Sounds dull. I'm used to the fast-paced
life of the janitorial service industry.
406
00:27:49,770 --> 00:27:51,690
Would I get paid vacation? Sure.
407
00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:53,070
But you got to shave that beard.
408
00:27:53,730 --> 00:27:58,020
It's a small amount. Sacrifice. What
sort of philosophy will I espouse?
409
00:27:58,350 --> 00:28:02,580
You're going to preach that it's okay
to be selfish and seek wealth status and
410
00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:06,090
fame because it ultimately
promotes the public interest.
411
00:28:06,570 --> 00:28:08,970
You're talking like laissez
fair capitalist theory.
412
00:28:09,630 --> 00:28:13,740
Shit sounds like a white man's religion.
I don't know if I should mention this,
413
00:28:13,740 --> 00:28:15,360
but have you noticed that I'm black.
414
00:28:15,930 --> 00:28:18,810
That's the beauty of it. With a
white guy preaching this crap,
415
00:28:18,810 --> 00:28:21,810
I'd alienate too many minorities,
but with you it's perfect.
416
00:28:22,470 --> 00:28:24,210
I'm going to get the white
people anyway, but with you,
417
00:28:24,210 --> 00:28:25,920
who knows what markets I could tap?
418
00:28:27,270 --> 00:28:29,070
Boy, you are nuts,
419
00:28:31,020 --> 00:28:35,670
but for 50 grand I'm willing to make an
ass out of myself for a little while.
420
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,620
You are a low level executive at a
major corporation. Around lunchtime,
421
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,760
you pass by a colleague's desk and notice
a memo nearly completed detailing a
422
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,410
brilliant idea that would boost sales.
423
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:57,420
You steal the idea and hand it in to
your boss as your own and now you feel
424
00:28:57,420 --> 00:29:01,830
guilty, but you shouldn't feel guilty
by looking out for your own interests.
425
00:29:02,070 --> 00:29:05,100
You are in fact helping
your fellow man. How?
426
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:09,840
Now you can send away for a new book
called 101 Ways to a Job Promotion,
427
00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:13,590
which gives you detailed information on
how to increase your status and salary
428
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:18,420
in 101 ways and explains why your own
advancement is in the public interest.
429
00:29:18,870 --> 00:29:23,790
Just send 7 95 to the preference Church
Printing House, Fox 5,000, New York,
430
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:28,080
New York, the preference church because
it's time to feel good about yourself.
431
00:29:35,310 --> 00:29:36,000
What do you think it.
432
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:36,930
Needs work? Who wrote it?
433
00:29:37,590 --> 00:29:38,490
You did Morris.
434
00:29:38,580 --> 00:29:40,410
Then again, I see it
having great potential.
435
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,930
Get abroad with bigger knockers next
time and have her use a camera that looks
436
00:29:43,930 --> 00:29:46,420
more phallic. I want this commercial
to have magical implications.
437
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,130
Okay, got it. What about the media buy.
438
00:29:48,430 --> 00:29:51,370
All TV stations in the tri-state
area air during primetime news,
439
00:29:51,375 --> 00:29:54,610
you know the demographics now any luck
in getting Ian a speaking engagement?
440
00:29:54,970 --> 00:29:58,270
Well so far the only two groups that
have shown interest are the young
441
00:29:58,330 --> 00:30:01,390
Republicans and the northern
chapter of the Kuku Klux plan.
442
00:30:02,170 --> 00:30:05,320
The clan? Yeah. Ian may be at a
slight disadvantage with them.
443
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:06,670
Let's go with the Republicans.
444
00:30:06,730 --> 00:30:07,563
Got it?
445
00:30:20,270 --> 00:30:24,430
Yeah, you look like a real class
act. I feel like an imposter.
446
00:30:24,790 --> 00:30:26,620
You're going to eat 'em
up when you get out there.
447
00:30:27,850 --> 00:30:31,450
Not with this speech. I want. This shit
reads like the Encyclopedia Botanical.
448
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,290
You just do the best job
you can and you'll remember
there's a big bonus lurking
449
00:30:35,290 --> 00:30:38,350
somewhere on the horizon
for you. How inspired.
450
00:30:40,450 --> 00:30:41,650
Ready? Yep.
451
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:46,473
Break.
452
00:30:49,090 --> 00:30:52,450
Can I have your attention
please? Ladies and gentlemen,
453
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:58,000
the Preference Church is proud
to introduce to you our spiritual
454
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,760
leader, Dr. Ian. Clarity.
455
00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:04,360
Thank you. Thank you so much.
456
00:31:07,630 --> 00:31:08,560
As you heard,
457
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:13,000
my name is Ian Clarity and
I'm here today to tell you
458
00:31:14,170 --> 00:31:16,510
about a new religion called
the Preference Church,
459
00:31:17,110 --> 00:31:20,620
which is spousals of philosophy
that you may find agreeable.
460
00:31:23,890 --> 00:31:27,760
The Preference Church was formed because
we believe there is a greater this
461
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:32,530
present between religious beliefs
and their practical applications.
462
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,590
We think the preference
church has bridged this gap.
463
00:31:36,130 --> 00:31:39,670
We believe that if an
individual truly acts selfishly,
464
00:31:40,180 --> 00:31:45,070
he would work toward producing
something that would be of
465
00:31:45,070 --> 00:31:45,910
value to others
466
00:31:48,310 --> 00:31:53,260
and that directly benefits
the public interest.
467
00:31:59,980 --> 00:32:00,813
Look,
468
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,770
for years I have been inflicted
with the religious dogma that
469
00:32:05,770 --> 00:32:08,200
religion and business don't mix.
470
00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:12,730
They say we must be fair with our fellow
businessmen that we must be honest and
471
00:32:12,730 --> 00:32:17,380
good, that we must forsake the
extra dollar for peace and harmony.
472
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,000
I forsake nothing.
473
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:24,610
Religion must and will embrace
the essence of business.
474
00:32:25,210 --> 00:32:26,170
He's deviating from the.
475
00:32:26,175 --> 00:32:27,730
Speech. That is why should we stop.
476
00:32:27,730 --> 00:32:28,390
Him?
477
00:32:28,390 --> 00:32:29,650
No, no, no, no. He's onto something.
478
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,030
We believe greed and
self-interests are beautiful.
479
00:32:35,530 --> 00:32:36,363
As a boy,
480
00:32:36,970 --> 00:32:41,180
the minister told me to give to others
that it brought you closer to God.
481
00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:46,430
I say poppycock. The
fact is we are selfish.
482
00:32:46,820 --> 00:32:50,690
I'm selfish. You are
selfish. It's in our nature.
483
00:32:51,290 --> 00:32:54,500
So let's stop fighting it and
start treating it like a friend.
484
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,400
We could use it to make our society
run better. The more selfish,
485
00:32:58,550 --> 00:33:02,660
the more we make, the better off we
feel, the better off our brethren be.
486
00:33:03,380 --> 00:33:04,790
So be selfish.
487
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:10,100
It's good and good for you and good for
488
00:33:10,105 --> 00:33:11,570
your fellow man.
489
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:22,460
Our country was made great because
men like Vanderbilt and Gould,
490
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:27,800
the rubber barons of our golden years
pursued self-interest and greed at the
491
00:33:27,805 --> 00:33:29,000
expense of the week.
492
00:33:29,750 --> 00:33:34,220
The game was survival and they brought
fantastic wealth into their lives
493
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:35,660
and into America.
494
00:33:36,110 --> 00:33:40,070
These men reached their potential
because they lacked conscience.
495
00:33:40,940 --> 00:33:43,970
Conscience, ladies and gentlemen,
is the sin of capitalism,
496
00:33:44,510 --> 00:33:45,890
the sin of the preference.
497
00:33:46,910 --> 00:33:51,860
Conscience is an artificial
intangible manufactured by
498
00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:56,750
established religions in order for
them to maintain their hold on society,
499
00:33:57,290 --> 00:34:02,120
I say that it is time
that we broke the shackles
500
00:34:02,390 --> 00:34:06,680
of the traditional religions
and believe in something that
501
00:34:06,685 --> 00:34:10,280
works. Join me, join me.
502
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,530
Forget about being true to God.
503
00:34:13,070 --> 00:34:17,750
Join the preference church
and be true and be true to
504
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:19,473
yourself.
505
00:34:34,190 --> 00:34:35,780
What exactly is this prayer book?
506
00:34:36,170 --> 00:34:40,400
That is a book with 365
individual thoughts for the day.
507
00:34:40,730 --> 00:34:45,590
The devout church member reads one a day
and each thought is an insightful quote
508
00:34:45,590 --> 00:34:48,290
from a famous preference
church. Prophet. Prophet.
509
00:34:49,070 --> 00:34:49,903
Like who?
510
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:54,560
Like John d Rockefeller, JP
Morgan, Adam Smith, Napoleon,
511
00:34:54,710 --> 00:34:55,610
Ronald Reagan.
512
00:34:55,610 --> 00:34:56,443
Hey, that's great.
513
00:34:56,570 --> 00:34:59,690
Yeah. Look, here's one,
an old English proverb,
514
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:02,690
a fool and his money are soon pardoned.
515
00:35:03,350 --> 00:35:05,750
I'll take one. How much do I owe you?
516
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:07,580
13, 9, 5.
517
00:35:07,700 --> 00:35:08,533
Oh.
518
00:35:08,990 --> 00:35:09,823
Thank you.
519
00:35:10,220 --> 00:35:14,690
So you see for an annual contribution
of $1,200 a preference church
520
00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:18,170
representative will come to your business
once a month and he'll preach to your
521
00:35:18,170 --> 00:35:21,320
employees and say whatever
it is you want them to hear.
522
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,690
I'd like to say from the
outset that though we espouse
certain beliefs about how
523
00:35:26,690 --> 00:35:28,820
to act towards your boss
and your fellow employees,
524
00:35:28,820 --> 00:35:32,480
I won't tolerate them in this
organization. Oh, in other words,
525
00:35:32,780 --> 00:35:35,270
practice what you preach
and you get fired.
526
00:35:38,850 --> 00:35:39,683
That's right.
527
00:35:40,410 --> 00:35:43,860
We're going to have staff meetings like
this from now on once a week so we all
528
00:35:43,860 --> 00:35:46,530
have a good handle on what's
going on. Okay, let's get started.
529
00:35:47,340 --> 00:35:48,810
We'll begin with the finance, Tom.
530
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,700
Alright, well gross receipts as
usual are on a steady increase.
531
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,400
Book sales are 30% over
last week. However,
532
00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,090
contributions after speaking engagements
ran even due to a plateau in the number
533
00:36:00,090 --> 00:36:00,750
of events.
534
00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:03,750
Well, that'll change when we can
schedule more events. Thanks Tom.
535
00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:04,770
Let's go to publishing, Dave.
536
00:36:05,340 --> 00:36:08,100
Well, as Tom says, book sales are booming,
537
00:36:08,105 --> 00:36:10,050
which means we'll have
to reprint fairly soon.
538
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:11,393
How do we stand?
539
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:15,480
Well, the book 101 Ways to a
Job Promotion is almost out.
540
00:36:15,780 --> 00:36:19,590
We've got 10,000 copies of
Extramarital Affairs a handbook.
541
00:36:20,070 --> 00:36:23,310
We're completely out of how to make
big bucks off the poor and destitute.
542
00:36:23,340 --> 00:36:25,080
Okay, reprint poor and
destitute immediately.
543
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:29,250
Let's start running those TV spots
again. Pull the spots on job promotion,
544
00:36:29,250 --> 00:36:34,140
reprint those, but keep running the ads
on extramarital until we run it right.
545
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:36,810
Sam, how are we doing on publicity?
546
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:38,333
Well, it's pretty good.
547
00:36:38,850 --> 00:36:41,670
Ian's speech to the Chamber of
Commerce was covered by local news.
548
00:36:42,060 --> 00:36:45,330
We've got articles coming out this
week in the Times and next week in the
549
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:48,900
Journal. I'm also working on
the editor of People Magazine.
550
00:36:49,780 --> 00:36:54,510
What's your name? Gladys. What
church did you belong to? Gladys.
551
00:36:54,660 --> 00:36:59,250
Well, I was a born again Christian.
Now you are preference. That's right.
552
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,470
What made you convert? Well,
553
00:37:01,860 --> 00:37:05,010
I had high blood pressure
and a weak heart.
554
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,710
When I walked I got out of breath
and my doctor said I was very
555
00:37:10,710 --> 00:37:15,450
sick and all the while I was
working down at that local
556
00:37:15,450 --> 00:37:18,090
charity trying to help out my fellow man.
557
00:37:23,580 --> 00:37:28,530
Then what happened? Well, I started
to look out for my own needs.
558
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:34,470
I stole from the charity.
Yes, I cheated on my husband.
559
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:39,180
Come on, come on. I sold my
body to a stranger. Alright.
560
00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:40,173
Yes.
561
00:37:40,620 --> 00:37:42,840
I spit on a blind person. All right,
562
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:49,890
well I can see you've gotten into the
spirit of being a true preference and
563
00:37:49,895 --> 00:37:53,250
how do you feel now? I feel great.
564
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:57,960
The doctor says I'm all cured.
He's a preference too. Oh,
565
00:37:58,020 --> 00:38:01,920
I owe it all to you,
Dr. Clarity. Amen. Oh,
566
00:38:02,340 --> 00:38:07,290
that's wonderful. Hallelujah. Why
don't you show us how healthy you are,
567
00:38:07,890 --> 00:38:10,400
John, for us with you. Come on, come on.
568
00:38:10,910 --> 00:38:12,560
Come on up there. Yes.
569
00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:33,360
Let's go with the cancer bit this time.
570
00:38:35,250 --> 00:38:36,083
Hallelujah.
571
00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:45,790
And what's your name
sir? My name is Joseph.
572
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,300
Well, Joseph, what church
did you belong to? Well,
573
00:38:49,300 --> 00:38:53,590
I was a Presbyterian and now
you preference why? Well,
574
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,460
my doctor told me that I had cancer.
I didn't have very long to live.
575
00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:02,860
Why were you sick, Joseph? Well, it's
because like you were saying before,
576
00:39:02,860 --> 00:39:06,070
I wasn't being true to myself.
You know, I'm a stockbroker,
577
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,920
but I always tried to get
my clients the best deal.
578
00:39:11,020 --> 00:39:15,130
Then what did you do? Well, I started
looking out for my own self-interest.
579
00:39:15,580 --> 00:39:18,310
If one client would phone me up and say
wanted to buy a thousand shares of a
580
00:39:18,315 --> 00:39:19,030
stock,
581
00:39:19,030 --> 00:39:21,880
I'd phone up another client and tell 'em
to sell a thousand shares of the same
582
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,270
stock one would buy, the other one
would sell. They both lose money,
583
00:39:25,275 --> 00:39:26,380
but I'd make two commissions.
584
00:39:30,940 --> 00:39:35,920
And my cancer is in remission.
585
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:50,280
I would.
586
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,890
Just like to say I came to New York
two weeks ago to drive taxi cab.
587
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:57,340
I couldn't speak any English and my
customers were ripping me off blind.
588
00:39:57,670 --> 00:40:01,270
That is when I decided to give up
Hindu Faith to join Preference church.
589
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:05,170
Thanks to the preference church
and not speak perfect English shit.
590
00:40:05,650 --> 00:40:07,270
Piss fucking son of a bitch.
591
00:40:07,540 --> 00:40:11,080
I got my green card because the
preference workshop taught me how to bribe
592
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:15,220
officials and now I make even more money
because I learned how to speed up meter
593
00:40:15,225 --> 00:40:18,400
machine in cab. Now I
can cheat my customers.
594
00:40:18,580 --> 00:40:21,940
I feel like real American citizen
thanks to you preference church.
595
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,171
Thank you so much. Thank you.
596
00:40:23,570 --> 00:40:25,720
Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you.
597
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,320
I dunno about you,
598
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,600
but I feel the power of
self-interest. Yes, I do.
599
00:40:34,060 --> 00:40:38,620
These people have been cured because they
600
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:43,330
believe in the miracle of self-interest.
I'm talking of a preference society,
601
00:40:43,780 --> 00:40:47,560
a utopian world. Never
help a fellow human being.
602
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:52,510
Never give charity unless of
course it's tax deductible.
603
00:40:55,030 --> 00:40:56,170
Remember.
604
00:40:56,290 --> 00:40:57,370
The road.
605
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,300
To utopia is caved with bad intentions.
606
00:41:03,670 --> 00:41:07,000
Now if you all believe, I
want you to do as I say,
607
00:41:08,020 --> 00:41:11,440
raise your left hand in the air. Come
on everybody raise them up. Come on,
608
00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:14,770
raise them up. Now with your right hand,
609
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,370
reach in your pocket and take out your
wallet and hold it out in front of you.
610
00:41:20,140 --> 00:41:24,280
Yes, and with this holy
water. Amen brother.
611
00:41:25,030 --> 00:41:29,830
I will come around to each and every
one of you and bless your wallets
612
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:34,220
individually, but first,
613
00:41:35,090 --> 00:41:39,950
take your left hand and reach in
your wallet and pull out a $10
614
00:41:39,950 --> 00:41:40,783
bill.
615
00:41:41,780 --> 00:41:46,480
You must sacrifice that 10 to prove you
616
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,120
believe in yourself.
617
00:41:51,130 --> 00:41:56,120
Thank you. Thank you.
That was terrific. Ian,
618
00:41:56,420 --> 00:42:00,200
that was great. Hey, hey, hey. Are
you all right? Yeah. No, listen,
619
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,910
you have to have this pain checked out.
620
00:42:02,870 --> 00:42:07,670
It's nothing. I used to
get a lot when I was a kid.
621
00:42:10,940 --> 00:42:14,180
Whipple, get in here. Yes sir.
622
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,160
Isn't that Morris Codman's outfit?
623
00:42:17,030 --> 00:42:17,863
That's right.
624
00:42:19,700 --> 00:42:21,350
And you didn't want to open a new account.
625
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:26,060
That's why you'll never succeed in life.
Whipple. Now get Codman on the phone.
626
00:42:30,770 --> 00:42:33,140
I want it all. Lord.
627
00:42:34,310 --> 00:42:38,150
Don't you think there's some worthy
humanitarian cause that we can devote our
628
00:42:38,150 --> 00:42:38,983
life to.
629
00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:39,800
Causes.
630
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:40,790
My middle name? Babe.
631
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,120
Remember Morris, tell me something dirty.
632
00:42:46,740 --> 00:42:50,300
Ah Morris, you're late for your luncheon.
633
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:52,753
Shit.
634
00:42:56,300 --> 00:42:57,590
Hope you don't mind sitting at the bar.
635
00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:58,670
I feel more at home somehow.
636
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,240
No problem. I like Morris too.
637
00:43:02,870 --> 00:43:03,800
Morris, how's it hanging?
638
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,150
De couldn't be better. How you doing?
639
00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:07,040
Good. Been shitfaced lately.
640
00:43:07,850 --> 00:43:09,560
Deep. This is my banker to a French.
641
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,510
Christ. Sorry buddy. What do you have.
642
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:14,593
Mike?
643
00:43:14,780 --> 00:43:15,613
This.
644
00:43:15,710 --> 00:43:17,540
So what do you want to talk about?
645
00:43:18,230 --> 00:43:21,620
Well, I hear you're doing
quite a business lately. Yeah.
646
00:43:21,620 --> 00:43:22,453
Sales are up.
647
00:43:25,130 --> 00:43:28,130
Watch the foam Joe. Beer mustache
a dead giveaway back at the office.
648
00:43:29,810 --> 00:43:32,090
You alright Joe? You want a heimlick?
649
00:43:32,420 --> 00:43:35,990
No. So sales are up, up, up, up. Yeah.
650
00:43:37,850 --> 00:43:39,350
I've seen is your bank statement here,
651
00:43:39,350 --> 00:43:42,890
your daily balance summaries are
on a healthy and steady increase.
652
00:43:43,310 --> 00:43:46,610
Oh, he needs a good idea Joe and the
ambition to follow through on it.
653
00:43:46,610 --> 00:43:47,540
This is America.
654
00:43:47,900 --> 00:43:50,720
America, yeah. Yeah, apparently.
655
00:43:50,725 --> 00:43:54,620
So I'd like to know more
about this religion E.
656
00:43:55,310 --> 00:43:57,560
Well, we're just in the initial
phase of the business plan.
657
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,260
Now we're test marketing
the religion in the region,
658
00:44:00,260 --> 00:44:03,380
but when finances weren't it,
we're going to go national.
659
00:44:08,450 --> 00:44:09,860
Anything wrong? You look so happy.
660
00:44:09,860 --> 00:44:11,990
Tell Tom and the rest of the people
from finance to get into my office.
661
00:44:12,110 --> 00:44:13,280
Morris Codman please.
662
00:44:13,970 --> 00:44:14,930
May I ask who's calling?
663
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:20,390
Morris Codman? Tell 'em it's his old
partner in crime. He'll know who it is.
664
00:44:24,230 --> 00:44:25,700
Brendan, you son of a bitch.
665
00:44:26,180 --> 00:44:27,440
Hey Cobin, what's going on?
666
00:44:27,980 --> 00:44:30,860
Well, you tell me. Last I read you were
going to prison for insider trading.
667
00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:33,870
Not old Brendan Collins.
That was just a minor scrape.
668
00:44:34,380 --> 00:44:35,670
Minor scrape shit.
669
00:44:35,670 --> 00:44:38,760
I thought Wall Street was going to be
run from Alcatraz there for a while.
670
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,850
I ratted in a few colleagues. They
let me off easy. No problem at all,
671
00:44:41,855 --> 00:44:42,688
my friend.
672
00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:44,640
Now you just sent a few of your
closest friends to prison, huh?
673
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,320
Well they were a bunch of shit bumps.
674
00:44:47,130 --> 00:44:48,510
Brendan, you are corrupt.
675
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,140
Thank you very much. But I
understand you're doing pretty well.
676
00:44:52,710 --> 00:44:53,880
Yeah, you could say that.
677
00:44:54,330 --> 00:44:55,163
Well listen,
678
00:44:55,350 --> 00:44:57,960
we've come a long way since you and
I were in Wharton school together.
679
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,300
Yep. Long way.
680
00:45:01,050 --> 00:45:02,850
What are you going to do with
this new religion of yours?
681
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:04,913
What do you mean?
682
00:45:05,250 --> 00:45:06,840
Well, how about taking it public,
683
00:45:07,470 --> 00:45:11,010
make a stock offering Amex over
the counter, something like that.
684
00:45:11,550 --> 00:45:13,260
Well the thought has occurred to me.
685
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,150
Let's have lunch and talk about it.
686
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:16,673
Alright.
687
00:45:18,990 --> 00:45:19,890
Morris, I got to go.
688
00:45:20,430 --> 00:45:21,450
Alright, I'll see you next week.
689
00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:22,763
Okay, bye.
690
00:45:22,830 --> 00:45:23,663
Bye.
691
00:45:25,230 --> 00:45:28,600
What a sleaze ball sucker. Jesus.
692
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,630
We realize this is a highly unusual move
holding a press conference to announce
693
00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:36,900
a new stock offering, but we
felt that since Religion Inc.
694
00:45:36,930 --> 00:45:40,980
Is the first corporation in the religious
business to go public that you might
695
00:45:40,980 --> 00:45:44,320
want an opportunity to ask
us questions directly. Miles.
696
00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:49,860
Thank you Mr. Codman. Simply what
is the initial share price set at.
697
00:45:50,460 --> 00:45:54,150
The initial share price will be $3 a
share that reflects a price earning ratio
698
00:45:54,150 --> 00:45:54,983
of five.
699
00:45:57,450 --> 00:46:01,140
Thank you. Mr. Collins, what role
do you play in this transaction?
700
00:46:02,850 --> 00:46:05,130
I'm merely a financial
advisor to the church,
701
00:46:05,580 --> 00:46:08,700
but I like to make one thing very
clear until I read about the preference
702
00:46:08,700 --> 00:46:11,430
church, I wasn't a very religious guy.
703
00:46:11,580 --> 00:46:15,870
Now I have something to believe in and
hell, if I can be converted, anybody can.
704
00:46:16,950 --> 00:46:19,440
Do you plan to buy
preference Church stock? As.
705
00:46:20,100 --> 00:46:23,070
You guys say about me in print, I
know a good deal when I see one.
706
00:46:25,230 --> 00:46:26,010
Dr. Clarity,
707
00:46:26,010 --> 00:46:29,640
don't you think that this is setting a
dangerous precedent by mixing religion
708
00:46:29,645 --> 00:46:30,478
and business?
709
00:46:31,770 --> 00:46:36,000
As far as I'm concerned, religion is
business. Like any other corporation,
710
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:40,530
we're simply providing a service that
satisfies our customer's desires.
711
00:46:41,010 --> 00:46:45,960
Besides we are just capitalizing on a
demand that's been around for a long time.
712
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:47,400
We wouldn't have been
so successful otherwise.
713
00:47:36,860 --> 00:47:37,280
Oh, good.
714
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:38,400
Morning, Mr. Codman.
715
00:47:42,910 --> 00:47:46,160
Good day Mr. Codman. Morning, Mr.
Codman. Good morning, Mr. Codman.
716
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,700
Good morning sir. How are
you Mr. Coley? This morning?
717
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:50,380
Morris.
718
00:47:50,380 --> 00:47:51,700
Don't disturb me. No calls.
719
00:48:04,720 --> 00:48:05,540
Debbie Cosgrove.
720
00:48:05,540 --> 00:48:08,020
Debbie, hi, it's me.
721
00:48:09,130 --> 00:48:09,963
Hi Mars.
722
00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:13,450
That's it. Hi Morriss. We haven't spoken
in months. All I get is a Hi Mars.
723
00:48:14,140 --> 00:48:14,973
What'd you expect?
724
00:48:15,580 --> 00:48:17,980
Well, congratulations.
Might be nice to start.
725
00:48:18,310 --> 00:48:20,710
I dunno if you've been reading the
papers lately, I've become quite famous.
726
00:48:21,670 --> 00:48:23,230
I know. I saw your face in business week.
727
00:48:23,830 --> 00:48:25,120
Yeah. Bad photograph, huh?
728
00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:28,810
No. I thought it was rather well
done. Made you look like an asshole.
729
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,090
Jealousy will get you nowhere. Deb.
730
00:48:31,930 --> 00:48:34,330
You know Morris, I used to
think that despite it all,
731
00:48:34,330 --> 00:48:38,950
there was an element of decency in
you, a possibility of redemption,
732
00:48:38,955 --> 00:48:42,310
but you know now I'm not so
sure. In fact, I rather doubt it.
733
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,090
You seem to get such a thrill out of
taking advantage of these poor people who
734
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:47,590
are too naive to know any better.
735
00:48:48,670 --> 00:48:52,840
Don't you realize that you could be using
your brains to educate these people on
736
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:56,080
the tragedy in this world instead
of promoting it to make a buck?
737
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,050
Come on babe, give me a break.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
738
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:04,480
You are impossible.
Don't ever call me again.
739
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,210
I suppose that means a dinner at
the plaza is out of the question.
740
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:08,553
Bingo.
741
00:49:14,050 --> 00:49:14,920
She really loves me.
742
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,130
You have some recent data
you want to go over with me?
743
00:49:33,550 --> 00:49:34,383
Yes, Cardinal.
744
00:49:35,830 --> 00:49:39,130
It seems the latest figures on church
attendance have dropped dramatically this
745
00:49:39,130 --> 00:49:42,640
month and this follows a
sharp decline last month.
746
00:49:44,530 --> 00:49:45,363
What are you saying?
747
00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:50,860
I'm saying there are fewer people going
to church and other research points to
748
00:49:50,865 --> 00:49:53,470
the fact that there are fewer Catholics
in the United States than there were a
749
00:49:53,470 --> 00:49:55,690
year ago. A lot fewer.
750
00:49:58,270 --> 00:49:59,170
What is the cause.
751
00:49:59,890 --> 00:50:01,480
According to the statistics we've seen,
752
00:50:02,110 --> 00:50:06,430
the only religion that's on the upswing
is this new one. The preference Church.
753
00:50:07,540 --> 00:50:12,400
Oh, those heretics. Oh
dear. What are we to do?
754
00:50:13,690 --> 00:50:17,920
Well, Catholicism isn't the only
religion that's seen a sharp decline.
755
00:50:19,990 --> 00:50:20,823
In fact,
756
00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:25,870
I've been in contact with
both Rabbi Bernstein and
Bishop Chauncey and they feel
757
00:50:25,870 --> 00:50:30,260
we ought to have a summit meeting of
representatives from all the traditional
758
00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:32,180
faiths to discuss this problem.
759
00:50:35,725 --> 00:50:40,670
Won't see me. That's right
Reverend. How can I help you?
760
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,120
That's how we can help
each other. How's that?
761
00:50:47,780 --> 00:50:48,613
Well, Billy Bob.
762
00:50:49,220 --> 00:50:53,900
I understand that contributions your
ministry are way, way down. Well,
763
00:50:53,900 --> 00:50:56,690
how in the hell you know that I got
my sources, but that's not important.
764
00:50:57,770 --> 00:51:00,800
What's important is that you're losing
parishioners left and right to the
765
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:01,640
preference church.
766
00:51:02,420 --> 00:51:05,690
That shit Digger Ian Clarity would
not know God if he bit him on the ass.
767
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,340
The point is Billy Bob,
768
00:51:07,340 --> 00:51:09,980
that if something disastrous
happened to the preference church,
769
00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:12,170
we could both make a
hell of a lot of money.
770
00:51:16,250 --> 00:51:18,110
Well now why would you
want that to happen?
771
00:51:18,115 --> 00:51:20,930
I thought you had lots of money
invested in this is true. This is true.
772
00:51:20,930 --> 00:51:22,880
I stand to make a little bit
of money if they do well,
773
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,910
but if I knew something bad was going to
happen and I knew when it was going to
774
00:51:25,910 --> 00:51:26,840
happen, well shit,
775
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,150
I'd just sell short and we'd both
make a hell of a lot of money.
776
00:51:30,470 --> 00:51:34,430
Why do you need me? You're the key. You
see, I could come up with my own scam,
777
00:51:34,435 --> 00:51:38,210
Billy Bob, but if the s e c ever traced
it back to me, they say, Brendan,
778
00:51:38,215 --> 00:51:39,620
you're fucking with
the stock market again.
779
00:51:39,620 --> 00:51:42,830
My friend and I can go to jail and Billy
Bob, I do not want to go back to jail.
780
00:51:43,430 --> 00:51:45,470
Well what's to stop me from
doing this without you?
781
00:51:46,100 --> 00:51:48,710
I'm going to cut you in
Big Billy Bob real big.
782
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:53,113
Well.
783
00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:58,100
Oh no, no, no, not me. Let me think
on it. Okay? Alright, sure. Good.
784
00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:01,700
God has spoke to me this,
785
00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:06,050
he told me about building his church
and they're trying to cut in on me.
786
00:52:06,050 --> 00:52:09,890
It's not fair baby. It's not
fair and the Lord has spoken.
787
00:52:09,895 --> 00:52:14,330
Hey River Lucas, where the hell you
been? I told you to be here an hour ago.
788
00:52:14,330 --> 00:52:18,140
I'm sorry. Reverend Billy. Bob. I was
stuck in traffic. Shut up. Cars out there.
789
00:52:18,140 --> 00:52:19,250
Shut up and listen.
790
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:23,990
Now as soon as we got ourselves a problem
with this clarity fella in this new
791
00:52:23,990 --> 00:52:27,410
fangled church, that boy's
giving me hemorrhoids.
792
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:29,030
He's got to go.
793
00:52:29,450 --> 00:52:33,320
I think you should get up there on TV
and insult the shit out of him. No, no,
794
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:37,790
no. I want you to find some dirt on
clarity even if you got to make it up.
795
00:52:38,510 --> 00:52:43,460
The boy's acting a little too white
for his own good. Sure day go up. Oh,
796
00:52:43,460 --> 00:52:47,660
Lucas, get some pictures.
797
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,890
We're going to hang this boy by
his nuts till he's singing soprano.
798
00:52:56,450 --> 00:53:00,620
It is great to be famous. Don't
let it get to your head too late.
799
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:07,850
You're Dr.
800
00:53:07,850 --> 00:53:11,240
Clarity, aren't you? That's right.
Well, I just want to thank you. Thank.
801
00:53:11,240 --> 00:53:16,160
You for your spiritual leadership. You
brought happiness in the filming. Oh,
802
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:17,060
it was my pleasure.
803
00:54:01,260 --> 00:54:02,093
By Wife Wallet.
804
00:54:03,830 --> 00:54:08,460
Holy shit. I knew we shouldn't have
walked down Wall Street. I'm protected.
805
00:54:09,570 --> 00:54:09,990
Today.
806
00:54:09,990 --> 00:54:14,940
Just think it wasn't long ago I was
cleaning out their offices and now I'm
807
00:54:14,940 --> 00:54:16,110
cleaning out their wallets.
808
00:54:33,750 --> 00:54:34,583
Don't be shy.
809
00:54:46,180 --> 00:54:47,640
Are any of you girls religious?
810
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:10,260
The long and short of the situation is
that the religion business is categorized
811
00:55:10,260 --> 00:55:14,460
in what we marketing people call a
mature industry. In a mature industry,
812
00:55:14,460 --> 00:55:18,240
there's very little, if any room
for market growth. Therefore,
813
00:55:18,240 --> 00:55:22,140
the only way to get more business is
to steal it away from the competition.
814
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,920
That is what the preference church did
to you in a very successful marketing
815
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,560
campaign and that is
what we must do to them.
816
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:32,130
Cardinal McCarthy is right in pointing
out that we should fight them as a group.
817
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:36,990
My staff and I are therefore
recommending that we call this group the
818
00:55:36,990 --> 00:55:39,960
Alliance Religions and our slogan,
819
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:43,680
which illustrates the basic
message of our ad campaign will be
820
00:55:45,690 --> 00:55:49,410
the Alliance religions because
God knows what he's doing.
821
00:55:50,250 --> 00:55:51,083
What about Allah?
822
00:55:51,900 --> 00:55:54,570
In certain niche markets will
replace the word God with Allah.
823
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:56,970
Also in a mature industry,
824
00:55:56,970 --> 00:56:01,740
it is very important to first run
promotions to lure prospective customers.
825
00:56:02,580 --> 00:56:04,230
This is big burger's Merry meal.
826
00:56:04,770 --> 00:56:08,010
It's sold in big burger restaurants
across the country as a smaller meal for
827
00:56:08,010 --> 00:56:08,843
children.
828
00:56:09,210 --> 00:56:13,290
We are currently in negotiation with
Big Burger Corporation to rename it.
829
00:56:13,890 --> 00:56:16,140
Big burgers Holy meal.
830
00:56:16,710 --> 00:56:21,390
These are meal cards to be passed
out in every church and temple
831
00:56:21,395 --> 00:56:25,480
across the country and stamped every
time a member of the congregation attends
832
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:28,630
services. When a member has six stamps,
833
00:56:28,690 --> 00:56:33,670
he or she will be able to redeem it
at any participating big burger for a
834
00:56:33,670 --> 00:56:35,980
free holy meal.
835
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,480
What is this merry meal? Is it kosher?
836
00:56:41,110 --> 00:56:46,000
Yes. Now another promotion we'll be
running are free trips to either Rome or
837
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:46,833
Jerusalem.
838
00:57:26,490 --> 00:57:30,430
Hi Reverend. You wanted me to check
in? No, I'm back at the hotel.
839
00:57:30,430 --> 00:57:33,730
He's having some party. No, there's
nothing worth photographing.
840
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,900
Just a lot of drinking drugs, tits and
ass. Nothing unusual for a preference,
841
00:57:38,770 --> 00:57:40,300
right? I'll call you if
you've got something bad.
842
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:46,550
Yes. Take me. Take me.
843
00:57:52,390 --> 00:57:56,650
Hi, I'm Jose Torres. As a former light
heavyweight jack champion of the world.
844
00:57:56,950 --> 00:58:01,360
I've knocked out some pretty tough
customers. Every time I threw a punch,
845
00:58:01,930 --> 00:58:04,030
I pray to God I connected.
846
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:07,990
That's why I simply pray to God.
847
00:58:08,650 --> 00:58:13,030
I'm not ashamed to say You
too can pray to God and get
848
00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:14,920
exactly the same results.
849
00:58:15,940 --> 00:58:20,920
Go to an alliance church
and pray for forgiveness of
850
00:58:20,980 --> 00:58:25,810
all your sins and also
become eligible to win
851
00:58:26,310 --> 00:58:30,220
a full free case of smelling salt
852
00:58:30,850 --> 00:58:33,610
autographed by me, Jose Torres.
853
00:58:35,110 --> 00:58:39,040
Alliance Religions, because
God knows what he's doing. It.
854
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:41,890
Looks like we've had a more profound
effect on society than I thought.
855
00:58:45,490 --> 00:58:50,030
Maybe too profound. You all
right? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
856
00:58:50,290 --> 00:58:53,590
I'm fine. Thank you. Yes,
857
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:56,313
thank you.
858
00:59:09,450 --> 00:59:10,283
You all right?
859
00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:28,670
It is not my appendix, is it Doug?
Pain's on the wrong side. Well,
860
00:59:28,670 --> 00:59:32,270
what do you think it is? From all
I can tell, there's nothing wrong.
861
00:59:33,110 --> 00:59:36,680
Say what? There's nothing
physically wrong with you, Dr.
862
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:39,620
Clarity and what are we doing to
boost donations at that level?
863
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:43,370
Well, we've initiated cocktail
hours after every sermon,
864
00:59:43,370 --> 00:59:45,140
which have proved enormously popular.
865
00:59:45,530 --> 00:59:48,980
It gives the minister a chance to mingle
with the congregation and by charging
866
00:59:48,980 --> 00:59:50,300
$4 a drink, we're making.
867
00:59:50,300 --> 00:59:53,360
A bundle. That's very good. And tell me,
868
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:55,460
is our mission in Beverly Hills
still our most profitable one?
869
00:59:55,850 --> 00:59:58,460
Oh yes, but the Greenwich
Connecticut mission is catching up.
870
00:59:59,660 --> 01:00:02,520
Morris, Peggy, I'm busy. What is it? You.
871
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:03,353
Have a visitor?
872
01:00:03,530 --> 01:00:06,650
A visitor. Peggy, you know better
than it's your mother. What
873
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,960
Mom? You look different.
874
01:00:12,140 --> 01:00:13,580
It's called age Morris.
875
01:00:13,580 --> 01:00:16,370
It's most noticeable when you
don't visit your mother too often.
876
01:00:16,790 --> 01:00:19,730
Now what is this about you being
on television and not telling me?
877
01:00:19,850 --> 01:00:23,330
I had to hear it for Mrs. Bentley.
Do you know how embarrassing that is?
878
01:00:24,980 --> 01:00:27,050
Gentlemen, could you excuse
us? I'll call you later.
879
01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:27,950
We'll finish up this meeting.
880
01:00:32,930 --> 01:00:36,520
Sorry Ma.
881
01:00:36,530 --> 01:00:38,810
You traveled 500 miles to tell me that.
882
01:00:38,930 --> 01:00:40,910
No, I came to see what you were up to.
883
01:00:40,910 --> 01:00:43,400
Well, as you can see, I'm
doing quite well. You.
884
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,640
Call this, well, who's your
decorator? What hideous taste?
885
01:00:47,030 --> 01:00:48,080
Where are you staying with.
886
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:48,913
You? Of course.
887
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:50,750
Ma. You wouldn't want to stay with me.
888
01:00:50,750 --> 01:00:53,210
I'm not going to be very
good company these days.
889
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:55,850
I wouldn't have it any other way.
890
01:00:59,780 --> 01:01:02,240
I'll lock the You're still blocked area.
891
01:01:04,370 --> 01:01:08,450
Hello, Mr. Washington. Debbie Cosgrove,
your court appointed attorney.
892
01:01:09,140 --> 01:01:10,910
I don't need no court appointed shit.
893
01:01:11,810 --> 01:01:12,643
Of course you do.
894
01:01:14,660 --> 01:01:16,970
You're facing some very
serious charges here.
895
01:01:17,660 --> 01:01:18,560
I'm innocent, baby.
896
01:01:22,310 --> 01:01:25,130
I'll be out of here tonight. My
bitches will get my bail. There is.
897
01:01:25,130 --> 01:01:27,260
No bail. This is your third offense.
898
01:01:27,350 --> 01:01:30,110
They caught you soliciting for two
prostitutes and when they searched your
899
01:01:30,110 --> 01:01:30,535
Cadillac.
900
01:01:30,535 --> 01:01:31,920
There ain't no Cadillac. That's a Lincoln.
901
01:01:32,390 --> 01:01:34,370
Whatever. When they searched your Lincoln,
902
01:01:34,370 --> 01:01:37,640
they found two ounces of cocaine in your
glove compartment and they've got you
903
01:01:37,645 --> 01:01:39,590
for possession and intent to distribute.
904
01:01:39,590 --> 01:01:41,060
Now that's a capital offense in the state.
905
01:01:42,380 --> 01:01:43,850
Don't sweet talk me mama.
906
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:46,920
You are going to have to take this
seriously, Mr. Washington sheriff call.
907
01:01:46,980 --> 01:01:50,400
Report, sheriff call report.
908
01:01:50,900 --> 01:01:54,680
Now we can either beat the drug charge
by claiming illegal search and seizure or
909
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:57,290
we can beat the distribution charge by
proving that the two ounces were for
910
01:01:57,290 --> 01:02:00,860
personal consumption. Point is, can
we prove that you're not a pimp?
911
01:02:01,340 --> 01:02:03,740
I ain't no pimp. I'm their manager.
912
01:02:04,010 --> 01:02:05,330
I don't care what you call it.
913
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,940
The judge is going to think that you're
a pimp and we have to prove that you're
914
01:02:07,940 --> 01:02:08,773
not.
915
01:02:09,170 --> 01:02:13,700
That judge is going to let me off, man,
and then he's going to shake my hand.
916
01:02:14,450 --> 01:02:16,400
Well, I'm so glad that
you're so confident.
917
01:02:16,430 --> 01:02:21,120
Sure, because I'm a religious
devote. So is that judge?
918
01:02:21,900 --> 01:02:25,080
You know Brother Ian,
clarity, he's my main dude.
919
01:02:26,730 --> 01:02:27,563
Excuse me.
920
01:02:27,930 --> 01:02:32,640
Brother Ian says that I ain't no pimp.
I'm just being a true preference baby.
921
01:02:33,150 --> 01:02:34,860
That's right. A true preference.
922
01:02:35,130 --> 01:02:38,520
And ain't no judge ever convicted
someone a practicing his religion, man.
923
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:43,770
And you know why? Religious freedom.
That's why religious freedom.
924
01:02:44,250 --> 01:02:45,870
That's why them pilgrims
came over here for.
925
01:02:45,990 --> 01:02:48,690
And that's what this country's all
about. Hey, hey, where you going?
926
01:02:48,810 --> 01:02:50,730
The court will appoint
you another attorney. Hey.
927
01:02:50,790 --> 01:02:54,090
No way. I want you. You fine looking.
928
01:02:54,570 --> 01:02:56,940
I mean you got a lot of
talent. I could manage you.
929
01:02:56,940 --> 01:02:59,460
We could make lots of money and
we could be helping society. I.
930
01:02:59,460 --> 01:03:01,950
Can't represent you. Conflict of interest.
931
01:03:02,430 --> 01:03:06,450
Conflict. This bitch. Nobody
says no to Leroy Washington.
932
01:03:06,540 --> 01:03:09,420
You done made a mistake,
baby. I got friends.
933
01:03:09,510 --> 01:03:13,530
Lots of friends on the outside to take
care of you. I don't get mad, baby.
934
01:03:14,430 --> 01:03:15,263
I just get even.
935
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:28,950
I always wonder when we are apart,
936
01:03:29,790 --> 01:03:33,840
is there something connecting
the heart Black, alive
937
01:03:36,570 --> 01:03:40,560
finds stronger than ring. You know,
938
01:03:41,150 --> 01:03:45,450
lost stand. I've been.
You've been on your own.
939
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:48,960
You work so hard. Just.
940
01:04:22,380 --> 01:04:24,060
Give me five bucks, man. I'm sick.
941
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:26,280
Give me a break. I'm sick.
942
01:04:26,490 --> 01:04:30,600
You're sick. I've got
wife five kids, mistress,
943
01:04:30,930 --> 01:04:34,800
gambling debts not for me. I'm your twin.
944
01:04:36,570 --> 01:04:37,530
I'm a torn in your side.
945
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:50,220
Talk to me wise, man. What do
you know about pains in my side?
946
01:04:51,060 --> 01:04:53,850
I am the ugly side of the truth.
The one you'd rather forget,
947
01:04:54,150 --> 01:04:56,760
but I'm staring at you now.
You've got to deal with me now.
948
01:04:57,270 --> 01:04:58,103
Truth prophet.
949
01:04:58,740 --> 01:05:02,820
The truth is that as every one of
us, that's what balances the soul.
950
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:04,860
Don't tip the balance.
951
01:05:05,940 --> 01:05:08,490
Either you're one smart con man
952
01:05:12,510 --> 01:05:13,590
or you are onto something.
953
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,120
I'm just living day by day.
954
01:05:17,140 --> 01:05:20,740
Well, let's have a good
day. Get it. It's yours.
955
01:05:20,740 --> 01:05:21,910
I'm getting too little of yours.
956
01:05:25,930 --> 01:05:28,240
Show me. Town wants to go
957
01:05:31,510 --> 01:05:32,480
show the whole town.
958
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:35,620
Isn't that what they call insider trading?
959
01:05:36,740 --> 01:05:38,360
That's such a nasty pictures.
960
01:05:44,180 --> 01:05:45,013
Oh.
961
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:49,510
Actually caught the song bitch. Giving
money to a beggar. Very, very good.
962
01:05:49,515 --> 01:05:54,010
We'll take 'em. The cleaners with this.
You really think so Brother Billy?
963
01:05:54,010 --> 01:05:56,980
You let old Brendan work his magic.
We'll let the media do our dirty work.
964
01:06:02,420 --> 01:06:04,480
Hey, sweet thing. Sweet thing.
965
01:06:06,940 --> 01:06:10,300
Leroy Washington told me to
pay his respects. He says,
966
01:06:10,305 --> 01:06:12,520
time to feel good about yourself.
967
01:06:31,870 --> 01:06:32,703
Dr. Becker.
968
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:46,600
Hi God. I'm so sorry. How do you feel.
969
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:51,550
Rio? Call on line five. Dr.
Biscaro, call on line five.
970
01:06:52,300 --> 01:06:53,800
One of your disciples did this.
971
01:06:56,650 --> 01:06:58,030
Well get out.
972
01:07:00,910 --> 01:07:02,460
I am out.
973
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:05,593
I'm sorry.
974
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:17,260
I always wonder when we apart,
975
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:20,860
if there is something
connect to the heart,
976
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:26,500
like a live where maybe a strength
that finds stronger than a way
977
01:07:26,950 --> 01:07:30,580
ring. You know you touch
me when you're far away.
978
01:07:31,570 --> 01:07:34,150
I feel your heart beating every day.
979
01:07:34,870 --> 01:07:37,300
And if I'm laying in my bed all alone,
980
01:07:38,535 --> 01:07:41,590
my heart is like a telephone or well,
981
01:07:41,590 --> 01:07:46,580
you know how lost and alone I've been
because you've been there on your
982
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:49,810
own. And so you work so hard.
983
01:07:55,460 --> 01:07:56,293
Bullshit.
984
01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:02,680
You'll be so glad you decided
to stay for what's a woman you
985
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:06,540
do like this.
986
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,180
What's a woman? You do
987
01:08:12,250 --> 01:08:14,740
like this? What's a.
988
01:08:14,740 --> 01:08:19,600
Woman like you doing in a part like this?
989
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:33,100
God, God, God, God,
990
01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:34,513
God.
991
01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:36,890
You want to listen?
992
01:08:37,460 --> 01:08:41,150
It's me. Morris Codman. Listen,
I got problems. We got to talk.
993
01:08:41,480 --> 01:08:46,010
Morris. Morris, I'll give you two
minutes. One would be much better.
994
01:08:46,310 --> 01:08:51,080
Thank you. You know that business that
I started, it hasn't worked out so well.
995
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:51,860
Oh.
996
01:08:51,860 --> 01:08:54,560
Yes. That business of yours. Yes.
I've been getting some complaints.
997
01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:58,100
Yeah. I started my own religion
and it really got out of hand.
998
01:08:58,550 --> 01:09:02,660
Oh, Morris, you've got to stay out of
the religion business. It'll hurt you.
999
01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:04,670
Look, it's done. Look
what it's done to me.
1000
01:09:05,270 --> 01:09:07,300
You told me to go into
business. You gave me signs.
1001
01:09:08,330 --> 01:09:11,240
Signs. Morris. I don't give signs.
1002
01:09:11,870 --> 01:09:16,130
People think I give signs and they
say the silliest things in my name.
1003
01:09:16,130 --> 01:09:18,350
It's really very
disconcerting and quite mean.
1004
01:09:20,480 --> 01:09:22,310
Well, how do I get out of this? Please?
1005
01:09:22,910 --> 01:09:26,030
I don't know how you rectify
that situation, Morris.
1006
01:09:26,390 --> 01:09:30,110
I having the slightest idea. New
people have to solve your own problems.
1007
01:09:30,620 --> 01:09:31,460
Now go away.
1008
01:09:37,550 --> 01:09:42,410
Morris. Morris. Hey man. How do
you feel? Better? Listen, Morris,
1009
01:09:42,980 --> 01:09:46,670
we've got to talk. I know
it's a pain in your side.
1010
01:09:46,670 --> 01:09:48,500
Your conscience giving it to
you. Huh? How do you know?
1011
01:09:49,940 --> 01:09:52,280
I think I'm starting to get the
same ailment except it's in my head.
1012
01:09:52,610 --> 01:09:56,360
It seems my better half is
haunting me. I know it. It's good.
1013
01:09:56,840 --> 01:09:58,090
You and I got a better half.
1014
01:09:59,870 --> 01:10:01,220
Join the preference church.
1015
01:10:03,380 --> 01:10:05,000
Come grow with us.
1016
01:10:09,410 --> 01:10:13,910
The preference church because it's
time to feel good about yourself.
1017
01:10:19,250 --> 01:10:20,083
Who is it?
1018
01:10:20,640 --> 01:10:24,080
It's Sam, Mr. I'm here to see Morris.
1019
01:10:24,710 --> 01:10:25,543
Sam,
1020
01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:29,720
the nice girl from the office aren't
just starting work a little early.
1021
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:30,620
This is an emergency.
1022
01:10:33,260 --> 01:10:36,170
So would you like a cup of coffee's.
1023
01:10:36,440 --> 01:10:37,717
Going on out here? Hey
Sam, what are we going.
1024
01:10:37,717 --> 01:10:38,550
To do?
1025
01:10:38,810 --> 01:10:39,643
About what?
1026
01:10:39,950 --> 01:10:43,820
This is a disaster. We
have to issue a statement.
1027
01:10:46,100 --> 01:10:49,670
Yeah, and I knew something like
this was going to happen. Alright,
1028
01:10:49,670 --> 01:10:50,510
we'll have a press conference.
1029
01:10:52,340 --> 01:10:52,850
What.
1030
01:10:52,850 --> 01:10:57,410
A kind gesture. I could
tell Ian was a nice man too.
1031
01:10:57,410 --> 01:10:59,600
Nice. You mean this is bad.
1032
01:11:01,610 --> 01:11:02,443
It's not good.
1033
01:11:02,810 --> 01:11:05,960
Since when is charity a sin? Since.
1034
01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:07,220
I advertised it as a sip.
1035
01:11:08,510 --> 01:11:10,640
Can you imagine Ian
giving money to the poor?
1036
01:11:11,420 --> 01:11:12,770
You wouldn't piss on a beggar if you.
1037
01:11:12,770 --> 01:11:13,860
Were on fire. Well.
1038
01:11:14,430 --> 01:11:18,000
I think you're going to see a new Ian
Clarity from now on and a new more is
1039
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:18,833
cutting.
1040
01:11:20,860 --> 01:11:21,390
Sam, what's.
1041
01:11:21,390 --> 01:11:21,980
You Pulper chair?
1042
01:11:21,980 --> 01:11:26,160
Yes, have a bagel. Have
a lemon. Come on Sam.
1043
01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:31,380
Thank you for coming. Dr. Clarity
was supposed to be here today,
1044
01:11:31,380 --> 01:11:35,160
but Mr. Codman insisted on
answering to these charges alone.
1045
01:11:36,090 --> 01:11:39,180
He'd like to make a brief statement to
you before answering your questions.
1046
01:11:44,820 --> 01:11:46,260
I suppose I should say that Dr.
1047
01:11:46,260 --> 01:11:50,910
Clarity had a brief lapse of bad
judgment when he gave to that beggar,
1048
01:11:52,230 --> 01:11:57,000
but that's not true. Now if anything,
Ian, clarity demonstrated. Good judgment.
1049
01:11:57,330 --> 01:12:00,990
See, Ian and I are nothing
but used car salesman.
1050
01:12:00,990 --> 01:12:02,370
Selling an inferior product
1051
01:12:04,440 --> 01:12:06,360
product looks awfully
good from the outside,
1052
01:12:06,930 --> 01:12:10,830
but there's no engine underneath
the hood. It can only go downhill.
1053
01:12:11,640 --> 01:12:16,260
And that's where we're all
going is downhill. Our society,
1054
01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:22,500
our quality of life has become
so bastardized by a need for
1055
01:12:22,500 --> 01:12:27,060
immediate gratification that we have
become susceptible to the greatest of.
1056
01:12:27,060 --> 01:12:28,620
Hoaxes, the worst.
1057
01:12:28,620 --> 01:12:29,460
Of motives.
1058
01:12:29,940 --> 01:12:33,030
Chucky Boy, send me the latest figures
in the preference church. With them gone.
1059
01:12:33,030 --> 01:12:34,590
It leaves the religion market wide open.
1060
01:12:34,980 --> 01:12:36,540
I want you to hire some marketing people.
1061
01:12:37,500 --> 01:12:41,130
We can start our own religion with all
the money we just made. Got that bub.
1062
01:12:42,690 --> 01:12:44,130
They're picketing us down there.
1063
01:12:44,370 --> 01:12:47,640
It's about time to Venice
with for the wrong reasons.
1064
01:12:51,810 --> 01:12:52,800
So what are you going to do? Now.
1065
01:12:53,520 --> 01:12:58,470
I'm thinking about maybe
getting the receptionist to
1066
01:12:58,470 --> 01:12:59,940
sleep with me out of sympathy.
1067
01:13:00,930 --> 01:13:03,540
That's executive thinking. Ian,
you've learned a lot about business.
1068
01:13:03,810 --> 01:13:05,700
Thanks with all to you. My pleasure.
1069
01:13:06,810 --> 01:13:07,740
What do you going to do after that?
1070
01:13:08,730 --> 01:13:12,630
I'm going to see if I can teach
philosophy. If any college you'll take me.
1071
01:13:14,430 --> 01:13:16,920
And what about yourself? Well.
1072
01:13:18,240 --> 01:13:20,860
You know me. I can't think
beyond tomorrow and when.
1073
01:13:20,860 --> 01:13:25,820
It's all sitting still the only
1074
01:13:28,170 --> 01:13:32,460
woman like you. Highest.
1075
01:13:32,465 --> 01:13:35,500
1220 UN talk radio today. The
topic is the preference church.
1076
01:13:36,030 --> 01:13:37,860
They espouse selfishness, but in the end,
1077
01:13:37,860 --> 01:13:39,601
they gave their assets to
the homeless scholar on.
1078
01:13:40,960 --> 01:13:41,660
Idiots.
1079
01:13:41,660 --> 01:13:44,850
I thought my money was going for green
and selfishness and instead they give it
1080
01:13:44,855 --> 01:13:47,370
to the homeless. Hell, they
don't even have houses.
1081
01:13:47,490 --> 01:13:49,740
Where do they think they're going
to buy with that money? Furniture.
1082
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:52,500
We get the best connections. We've got
the lowest prices from the Diamond Gyms,
1083
01:13:52,500 --> 01:13:53,400
jewelry warehouse.
1084
01:13:53,790 --> 01:13:57,360
Learn more about our home equity line
of we've taken the hatchets of prices at
1085
01:13:57,540 --> 01:14:00,660
Indian gyms. Have you tried new
raspberry spas with the fight?
1086
01:14:38,050 --> 01:14:38,740
Yes.
1087
01:14:38,740 --> 01:14:39,880
Hi, is Debbie here?
1088
01:14:40,570 --> 01:14:41,920
No, she doesn't live here anymore.
1089
01:14:42,550 --> 01:14:43,383
Where'd she go?
1090
01:14:43,690 --> 01:14:47,860
I don't know. She said something
about a foreign country. Hey,
1091
01:14:48,460 --> 01:14:52,510
aren't you Morris Codman, founder of
the Preference Church? Yeah. Listen,
1092
01:14:53,050 --> 01:14:56,590
I'm trying to screw my landlord out of
some rent money You have any suggestions?
1093
01:14:57,610 --> 01:14:58,443
I've got to go.
1094
01:15:00,760 --> 01:15:04,510
Passenger to the information
desk. Passenger Joanie Shay,
1095
01:15:04,690 --> 01:15:06,670
please come to the information desk.
1096
01:15:06,850 --> 01:15:09,270
Your name please? Morris Codman. Okay.
1097
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:15,633
Non-smoking.
1098
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:16,840
Thank.
1099
01:15:16,840 --> 01:15:17,673
You. Thank you.
1100
01:15:18,970 --> 01:15:19,803
Hello.
1101
01:15:20,770 --> 01:15:22,600
Tropic Tours. Flight 5 0 5,
1102
01:15:22,630 --> 01:15:26,680
now boarding at game 12 Tropic
Air towards flight oh five.
1103
01:15:26,710 --> 01:15:28,090
Now boarding at gate 12.
1104
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:33,153
God, I'm sorry.
1105
01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:36,220
Hi. What are you doing here?
1106
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:40,060
I don't know. I guess I just had this
burning desire to go someplace far,
1107
01:15:40,065 --> 01:15:41,080
far away from here.
1108
01:15:41,350 --> 01:15:44,050
You're kidding. I just bought a
ticket to the same port of call.
1109
01:15:44,320 --> 01:15:47,620
Flight 7 0 2. Claim your
baggage at carousel three.
1110
01:15:48,250 --> 01:15:50,740
Flight 7 0 2. Claim your baggage at.
1111
01:15:50,740 --> 01:15:51,490
Carousel three.
1112
01:15:51,490 --> 01:15:52,323
I love you.
1113
01:15:55,930 --> 01:15:56,763
Excuse me.
1114
01:16:01,250 --> 01:16:05,410
Listen, did you guys realize
that you have an image problem?
1115
01:16:06,430 --> 01:16:09,910
That's why your religion isn't growing.
Look, I can help you. Come here.
1116
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:17,710
You see, you look like a fool. Now. What
you need is a good marketing campaign.
1117
01:16:21,010 --> 01:16:24,730
You are right. I look
like an idiot. Precisely.
1118
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:29,320
I shouldn't be seen in public.
No. Wait, you need my advice.
1119
01:16:31,030 --> 01:16:31,863
Are you through?
1120
01:16:33,160 --> 01:16:33,993
Sorry.
1121
01:16:35,020 --> 01:16:35,853
Call.
1122
01:16:46,660 --> 01:16:48,630
Time religion. Give me that.
1123
01:16:49,420 --> 01:16:53,190
Time. Religion. That all. Time religion.
1124
01:16:53,940 --> 01:16:56,990
It's good. Let us pray.
1125
01:16:59,410 --> 01:17:00,370
Let us spray with a.
1126
01:17:01,990 --> 01:17:02,740
She wears.
1127
01:17:02,740 --> 01:17:05,740
That through 90 and that's good enough.
90141
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