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08 Deadpool - Action 2016 English
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[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SONG PLAYING IN HINDI]
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[WIND WHOOSHING]
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Kinda lonesome back here.
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[MUMBLING]
[GRUNTS] Yeah, little help.
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Okay, um, just, I have to keep
my hands on the wheel.
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[CONTINUES GRUNTING]
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Excuse me. Whoo!
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[CHUCKLES] Ah, Dopinder.
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Pool. Dead.
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Hmm, nice.
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[DOPINDER]
Smells good, no?
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Not the Daffodil Daydream.
The girl.
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Ah, yes. Gita.
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Hmm.
She is quite lovely.
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She would have made me
a very agreeable wife.
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But, um...
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Gita's heart has been stolen
by my cousin Bandhu.
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00:03:38,987 --> 00:03:42,722
He is as dish on our able
as he is attractive.
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Dopinder, I'm starting to think
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there's a reason
I'm in this cab today.
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Yeah, sir, you called for it,
remember?
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No, my slender brown friend.
Love is a beautiful thing.
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When you find it,
the whole world
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tastes like Daffodil Daydream.
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00:03:57,239 --> 00:03:58,549
[DOPINDER GRUNTS]
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So you gotta hold onto love
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tight!
Ah.
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00:04:01,977 --> 00:04:03,488
And never let go.
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Don't make
the same mistakes I did.
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Got it?
Yeah.
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00:04:07,749 --> 00:04:10,495
Or else the whole world tastes
like Mama June after hot yoga.
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[STUTTERS] Sir, what does
Miss Mama June taste like?
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00:04:12,854 --> 00:04:15,833
Like two hobos fucking in a shoe
filled with piss. Okay, enough.
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00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:18,769
I can go all day, Dopinder.
The point is, it's bad!
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Hmm, it's bad.
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Uh, why the fancy
red suit, Mr. Pool?
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00:04:23,732 --> 00:04:25,810
Oh, that's because
it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.
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00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:28,246
And I'm after someone
on my naughty list.
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I've been waiting one year,
three weeks
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six days and, oh
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14 minutes to make him fix
what he did to me.
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00:04:35,911 --> 00:04:38,189
And what did he do
to you, Mr. Pool?
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00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:39,746
This shit...
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00:04:40,882 --> 00:04:41,948
Boo!
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[CHOPPER BLADES WHIRRING]
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[SIGHS]
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They won't disappoint.
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00:05:04,639 --> 00:05:06,284
They'd better not.
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00:05:06,308 --> 00:05:08,853
And what about
next month's shipment?
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00:05:08,877 --> 00:05:10,588
There won't be one.
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You're not the only one
with a war to win.
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00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:14,881
That won't do.
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See, we've had
this small disruption
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to our supply chain...
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[CHOKING]
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We'd appreciate your patience.
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[GRUNTS] Okay.
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00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,211
We'll deliver in full
the following month.
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[GASPING]
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Pleasure doing
business with you.
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Fucking mutant.
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[ENGINES ROARING]
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Oh, shit!
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I forgot my ammo bag.
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00:05:57,826 --> 00:05:58,970
Shall we turn back?
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00:05:58,994 --> 00:06:00,338
No, no time.
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00:06:00,362 --> 00:06:02,039
Fuck it. I got this.
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00:06:02,063 --> 00:06:05,343
9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.
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00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:06,677
Right here!
[GRUNTS]
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00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,346
[TIRES SCREECHING]
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00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:11,048
That's, uh, $27.50.
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00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:12,850
I... I never carry a wallet
when I'm working.
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Ruins the lines of my suit.
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00:06:14,743 --> 00:06:15,853
Oh.
But, uh,
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00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:17,188
how about a crisp high five?
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00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:18,322
Okay.
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00:06:18,346 --> 00:06:20,992
Merry Christmas.
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00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:24,128
And a convivial Tuesday
in April to you too, Pool!
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00:06:24,152 --> 00:06:27,698
Hey, yeah I wanna shoop, baby
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[WADE SINGING]
Shoop shooop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop
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Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop
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00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:34,672
You're packed and you're
stacked 'specially in the back
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00:06:34,696 --> 00:06:37,308
Brother, wanna thank your
mother for a butt like that
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00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:39,877
Can I get some fries
with that shake-shake boobie?
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00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,079
If looks could kill
you would be an uzi
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You're a shotgun, bang!
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Wha... Oh!
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00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:48,753
Oh, hello. I know, right?
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00:06:48,777 --> 00:06:50,721
Whose balls did I have to fondle
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00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:52,356
to get my very own movie?
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00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:53,758
I can't tell you,
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00:06:53,782 --> 00:06:56,227
but it does rhyme
with Polverine.
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00:06:56,251 --> 00:06:59,079
And let me tell you,
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00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:01,932
he's got a nice pair of
smooth criminals down under.
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00:07:01,956 --> 00:07:06,103
Anyway, I got places to be,
a face to fix and, oh...
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00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:08,906
Bad guys to kill.
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00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,697
[POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
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Maximum effort.
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[GROANS]
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[GRUNTING]
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[WADE] Cock shot.
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00:07:28,817 --> 00:07:30,083
[SCREAMING]
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[MOCKINGLY] Ha!
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[GRUNTS]
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Rich Corinthian leather.
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00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:40,438
[WADE] I'm looking for Francis!
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Have you seen this man?
[GROANS]
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Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[RADIO STATIONS CHANGING]
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00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:52,149
[WADE] Ow. Ow!
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00:07:52,173 --> 00:07:53,250
Yanky, yanky!
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[GUN FIRES]
[SCREAMS]
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[MACHINE GUN FIRING]
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[WADE GASPS]
[GROANS]
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00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:07,298
[SCREAMS]
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[MAN GROANING]
[CAR ACCELERATING]
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[GRUNTING]
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[TIRES SCREECHING]
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00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:20,433
[CONTINUES GRUNTING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
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00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:28,314
[WADE] I've never said this,
but don't swallow.
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[MAN GROANING]
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[GUN COCKS]
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[GRUNTS]
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00:08:49,397 --> 00:08:51,475
Shit.
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00:08:51,499 --> 00:08:53,566
Did I leave the stove on?
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00:08:59,274 --> 00:09:00,339
[THUDS]
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00:09:03,344 --> 00:09:05,812
[TIRES SCREECHING]
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[REPORTER] Now, breaking news.
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A multi-car collision
turned shots fired
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00:09:14,956 --> 00:09:16,834
on the cross town expressway
this morning.
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00:09:16,858 --> 00:09:19,069
Gridlock has kept
police from the scene.
135
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:21,539
Residents are advised
to remain in their homes.
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00:09:21,563 --> 00:09:23,207
The assailant
appears to be armed,
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00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:24,809
dangerous, and wearing
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00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:26,265
a red suit.
A red suit.
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00:09:26,935 --> 00:09:28,145
Dead pool.
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00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:31,816
Negasonic!
Come, we have mission.
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00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,251
[NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD]
Colossus, wait up.
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00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:37,588
I've given Dead pool
every chance to join us,
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00:09:37,612 --> 00:09:39,957
but he'd rather
act like a child.
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00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:42,326
A heavily-armed child.
145
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:46,230
When will he grow up and see
benefits of becoming X-Man?
146
00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:48,365
Which benefits?
The matching unitards?
147
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:50,267
The house that blows up
every few years?
148
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:51,368
Please.
149
00:09:51,392 --> 00:09:54,271
House blowing up
builds character.
150
00:09:54,295 --> 00:09:56,207
You ate breakfast, yes?
151
00:09:56,231 --> 00:09:59,343
Breakfast is most
important meal of day.
152
00:09:59,367 --> 00:10:03,614
Here, protein bar.
Good for bones.
153
00:10:03,638 --> 00:10:06,283
Dead pool may try
to break yours.
154
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:07,907
[JET ENGINE ROARING]
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00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:14,625
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
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00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:16,093
[MAN] Get out of the way!
157
00:10:16,117 --> 00:10:17,477
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING
AND SCREAMING]
158
00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:35,012
[WADE] Hey! Whoo!
[GUNS FIRING]
159
00:10:35,036 --> 00:10:36,335
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
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00:10:46,114 --> 00:10:47,591
[WADE] Wait!
161
00:10:47,615 --> 00:10:49,894
You may be wondering,
Why the red suit?
162
00:10:49,918 --> 00:10:51,951
Well, that's so bad guys
can't see me bleed.
163
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:54,398
This guy's got the right idea.
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00:10:54,422 --> 00:10:55,955
He wore the brown pants.
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00:10:56,457 --> 00:10:57,635
[GUN FIRING]
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00:10:57,659 --> 00:11:00,004
Fine!
I only have 12 bullets,
167
00:11:00,028 --> 00:11:01,572
so you're gonna have to share!
168
00:11:01,596 --> 00:11:03,496
Let's count them down.
169
00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:05,464
[GUN FIRING]
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00:11:10,204 --> 00:11:11,270
[GROANING]
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00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,506
[FIRING CONTINUES]
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00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:19,045
[GROANS]
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00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,180
[TIRES SCREECHING]
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00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:24,083
Shit.
175
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,688
Motherfucker!
176
00:11:30,058 --> 00:11:31,190
10! Shit!
177
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:32,725
Nine. Fuck.
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00:11:33,194 --> 00:11:34,305
Eight.
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00:11:34,329 --> 00:11:35,372
Shit-fuck!
180
00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:36,462
[GRUNTS]
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00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,366
Bad Dead pool.
182
00:11:41,669 --> 00:11:44,048
Seven.
Good Dead pool.
183
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,171
[BULLETS RICOCHETING]
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00:11:55,516 --> 00:11:56,727
[GUN COCKS]
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00:11:56,751 --> 00:11:58,017
Oh!
186
00:12:03,091 --> 00:12:04,156
[GRUNTS]
187
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:07,470
[GUN CLICKING]
188
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,934
Someone's not counting. Six.
[GROANS]
189
00:12:18,673 --> 00:12:19,739
[GUN FIRING]
190
00:12:20,775 --> 00:12:22,541
[EXPLODING]
191
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:28,392
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
192
00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:30,016
[MACHINE GUN FIRING]
Oh!
193
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:37,234
[GROANS] Four...
194
00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:38,324
[GUN FIRES]
[GROANS]
195
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,137
Gotcha.
196
00:12:40,161 --> 00:12:41,572
[GRUNTS]
197
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:43,095
Right up main street.
198
00:12:47,068 --> 00:12:48,112
Three, two!
199
00:12:48,136 --> 00:12:50,102
Stupid! Worth it.
200
00:12:50,638 --> 00:12:52,038
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
201
00:13:03,351 --> 00:13:04,717
[GUN FIRES]
202
00:13:05,253 --> 00:13:06,530
[ALL GROANING]
203
00:13:06,554 --> 00:13:08,320
[CLINKS]
204
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:14,071
[SNIFFING]
205
00:13:14,095 --> 00:13:15,294
Ah!
206
00:13:16,397 --> 00:13:18,431
I'm touching myself tonight.
207
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,611
Francis!
208
00:13:20,635 --> 00:13:22,101
Francis...
209
00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:26,216
What the shit-biscuit!
210
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,074
Where you at, Francis?
211
00:13:28,509 --> 00:13:29,775
[GROANING]
212
00:13:32,547 --> 00:13:33,612
[GROANING LOUDLY]
213
00:13:36,784 --> 00:13:38,084
You're not Francis.
214
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,461
Really?
Rolling up the sleeves?
215
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:54,834
[GROANS]
216
00:13:58,706 --> 00:14:00,250
[WADE] You're probably thinking,
217
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,186
My boyfriend said
this was a superhero movie,
218
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:03,654
but that guy in the red suit
just turned
219
00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:06,190
that other guy
into a fucking kabab!
220
00:14:06,214 --> 00:14:10,761
Well, I may be super,
but I'm no hero.
221
00:14:10,785 --> 00:14:13,130
And yeah, technically,
this is a murder.
222
00:14:13,154 --> 00:14:15,399
But some of the best love
stories start with a murder.
223
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:18,469
And that's exactly
what this is, a love story.
224
00:14:18,493 --> 00:14:19,837
And to tell it right
225
00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:22,239
I gotta take you back
to long before
226
00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:25,676
I squeezed this ass
into red spandex.
227
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,412
[MERCHANT] Look, would it help
if I slow it down for you?
228
00:14:28,436 --> 00:14:30,781
I didn't order the pizza.
229
00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:34,718
Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
Are you Mr. Merchant?
230
00:14:34,742 --> 00:14:38,222
Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who
didn't order the fucking pie!
231
00:14:38,246 --> 00:14:39,411
Then who placed the call?
232
00:14:39,847 --> 00:14:41,358
[WADE] I did!
233
00:14:41,382 --> 00:14:42,681
[TOILET FLUSHING]
234
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:45,462
Pineapple and olive?
235
00:14:45,486 --> 00:14:48,432
Sweet and salty.
236
00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:49,600
The fuck are you?
237
00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:51,602
The fuck you doing in my crib...
238
00:14:51,626 --> 00:14:52,769
Is it burnt crust?
239
00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:54,705
I... God,
I hope not. Um...
240
00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:56,640
Whoa... Man, look,
if this is about that poker game.
241
00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:58,909
I told Howie, I told him that...
242
00:14:58,933 --> 00:15:02,913
Okay, uh, look,
just take whatever you want.
243
00:15:02,937 --> 00:15:05,149
Thanks.
244
00:15:05,173 --> 00:15:06,450
Sir, before you do
anything to him,
245
00:15:06,474 --> 00:15:08,185
do you mind if I get a big tip?
246
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:10,921
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, Jeremy, is it?
247
00:15:10,945 --> 00:15:12,578
Umm-hmm.
Wade. Wade Wilson.
248
00:15:13,648 --> 00:15:16,660
That is a no go
on the tiperoo, Jer.
249
00:15:16,684 --> 00:15:18,529
I'm not here for him.
250
00:15:18,553 --> 00:15:20,264
I'm here for you.
251
00:15:20,288 --> 00:15:21,798
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
252
00:15:21,822 --> 00:15:23,567
Okay, wow, dodged
a big-time bullet on that one.
253
00:15:23,591 --> 00:15:26,270
Not out of the woods yet.
[GROANS]
254
00:15:26,294 --> 00:15:28,605
You need to seriously ease up
on the bedazzling.
255
00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:30,607
They're jeans, not a chandelier.
256
00:15:30,631 --> 00:15:32,843
P.S. I'm keeping your wallet.
You did kinda give it to me.
257
00:15:32,867 --> 00:15:34,745
Okay, just look, man,
can I have my Sam's card
258
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:37,814
I will shoot your fucking cat!
259
00:15:37,838 --> 00:15:40,617
I don't really know what that means.
I don't have a cat.
260
00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:42,508
Then whose kitty litter
did I just shit in?
261
00:15:46,547 --> 00:15:48,692
Anyhoo, tell me something
262
00:15:48,716 --> 00:15:52,529
what situation
isn't improved by pizza?
263
00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:54,831
Do you happen to know
a Meghan Orflosky?
264
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:56,567
Getting that right?
Orflosky?
265
00:15:56,591 --> 00:15:58,891
Orlovsky? Yeah? Good.
266
00:16:00,228 --> 00:16:01,471
Because she knows you.
267
00:16:01,495 --> 00:16:03,707
Jeremy, I belong
to a group of guys
268
00:16:03,731 --> 00:16:05,842
who take a dime
to beat a fella down.
269
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:07,411
And little Meghan,
she's not made of money,
270
00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:08,712
but lucky for her
271
00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:10,747
I got a soft spot.
272
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:13,250
But I'm a...
A stalker.
273
00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:14,718
Threats hurt, Jer.
274
00:16:14,742 --> 00:16:18,388
Though not nearly as badly
as serrated steel.
275
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,491
So keep away from Meghan.
276
00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:22,559
Cool?
277
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:23,727
Yes, sir.
278
00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,229
Then we're done.
279
00:16:25,253 --> 00:16:27,331
Wait. [CHUCKLES SLOWLY]
We are?
280
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:29,600
Yeah. We're totally done.
[LAUGHS]
281
00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:31,235
You should've seen your face.
282
00:16:31,259 --> 00:16:32,669
I didn't know what to do.
I was so scared.
283
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:33,804
Soft spot, remember?
284
00:16:33,828 --> 00:16:35,339
[WHIMPERS]
285
00:16:35,363 --> 00:16:37,441
You even look in her
general direction again,
286
00:16:37,465 --> 00:16:38,942
and you will learn
in the worst of ways
287
00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:41,300
that I have some hard spots too.
288
00:16:43,037 --> 00:16:44,603
That came out wrong.
289
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,872
Or did it?
290
00:16:47,742 --> 00:16:48,752
[WHIMPERING]
291
00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:50,520
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
292
00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:52,256
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
293
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,646
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
294
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,020
Mmm... Meghan?
295
00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:06,012
You've heard the last
of Jeremy. He's sorry.
296
00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:08,460
No frigging way.
297
00:17:13,301 --> 00:17:14,411
Should've brought
my roller blades.
298
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:15,846
Show these kids how it's done.
299
00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:19,449
Oh. And that's why we do it.
But mostly the money.
300
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,418
Hey, think you could
fuck up my step-dad?
301
00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:22,919
I give a guy a pavement facial,
302
00:17:22,943 --> 00:17:24,063
it's because he's earned it.
303
00:17:24,679 --> 00:17:25,978
Hey, wait!
304
00:17:27,648 --> 00:17:28,892
You're my hero.
305
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:31,583
No-no-no-no.
That I ain't!
306
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:35,666
[WADE] Nope. Never will be.
307
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:37,668
Oh. Fuck you, Wade.
308
00:17:37,692 --> 00:17:41,360
I'm just a bad guy who gets
paid to fuck up worse guys.
309
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:44,541
Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
310
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:47,511
It's like a job fair
for mercenaries.
311
00:17:47,535 --> 00:17:49,446
Think of us as really
fucked up tooth fairies
312
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:52,015
except we knock out the teeth
and take the cash.
313
00:17:52,039 --> 00:17:55,085
You'd best hope we never see
your name on a gold card.
314
00:17:55,109 --> 00:17:57,454
Buck! Liefeld...
315
00:17:57,478 --> 00:17:58,722
BUCK: Hey, Wade!
316
00:17:58,746 --> 00:17:59,956
Wade Wilson,
patron saint of the pitiful.
317
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:01,825
What can I do for you?
318
00:18:01,849 --> 00:18:03,460
I'd love a Blow Job.
319
00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:04,661
Oh, God, me too.
320
00:18:04,685 --> 00:18:06,819
The drink, moose knuckle.
But first...
321
00:18:08,489 --> 00:18:10,500
Hey, and I ain't taking
any babysitting money, all right?
322
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,069
Make sure
that gets back to Ms...
323
00:18:12,093 --> 00:18:13,370
Orlovsky.
324
00:18:13,394 --> 00:18:14,438
Yeah, her.
325
00:18:14,462 --> 00:18:15,872
You sure?
Hmm.
326
00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:18,442
You know, for a merc,
you're pretty warm-blooded.
327
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:20,410
I bet you let
the kid off easy, too.
328
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:22,379
Oh, he's not a bad kid, Weas.
329
00:18:22,403 --> 00:18:23,613
Just a little light stalking.
330
00:18:23,637 --> 00:18:25,349
I was way worse than him
when I was his age.
331
00:18:25,373 --> 00:18:26,983
I was travelling to exotic places
332
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:29,753
Baghdad, Mogadishu,
Jacksonville,
333
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:31,655
meeting new and exciting
people. And then, uh...
334
00:18:31,679 --> 00:18:33,857
Killing them. Yeah,
I've seen your Instagram.
335
00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:36,393
So what was Special Forces doing
in Jacksonville, anyway?
336
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:37,894
That's classified.
337
00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:40,130
[WHISPERS] They have
a wonderful TGI Fridays.
338
00:18:40,154 --> 00:18:42,632
All right, Kahlua, Baileys and
339
00:18:42,656 --> 00:18:43,900
whipped cream.
340
00:18:43,924 --> 00:18:46,536
I give you a Blow Job.
341
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,904
Why do you make me make that?
342
00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:49,773
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
343
00:18:49,797 --> 00:18:51,375
Take that over to Buck please,
344
00:18:51,399 --> 00:18:53,143
and tell him it's from Boot he.
Little foreplay.
345
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:55,612
Remind me what good
will come of this?
346
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,681
I don't take the shits.
I just disturb them.
347
00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:58,982
BUCK: Boot he!
Oh!
348
00:18:59,006 --> 00:19:00,384
Easy, man.
Hold up! Hold up!
349
00:19:00,408 --> 00:19:01,451
What you want?
350
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,674
[GRUNTS]
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
351
00:19:04,078 --> 00:19:06,857
Cheers. To your health.
[WEASEL] Fuck you.
352
00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:09,025
[BOOTHE] Come here,
you fat fuck!
353
00:19:09,049 --> 00:19:10,727
That's a new stool.
354
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:11,984
[ALL CLAMORING]
355
00:19:15,523 --> 00:19:16,933
BUCK: Stay the fuck down.
356
00:19:16,957 --> 00:19:18,490
[GROANS]
357
00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:21,405
[MAN] Whoa! Took his ass out!
358
00:19:21,429 --> 00:19:23,073
[WEASEL] All right, move.
Move, move, move.
359
00:19:23,097 --> 00:19:24,463
Buck, go rest.
360
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:27,139
[MAN] Boot he got hit
then went down.
361
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:33,450
Yeah, he's still breathing.
362
00:19:33,474 --> 00:19:34,606
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
363
00:19:36,010 --> 00:19:37,621
Nobody wins today.
364
00:19:37,645 --> 00:19:39,423
Nice try, Wade.
365
00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,558
You got me.
I picked Boot he in the dead pool.
366
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:42,926
Who did you pick?
367
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,128
Yeah, Wade, about that, um...
368
00:19:45,152 --> 00:19:46,663
No.
369
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,620
You did not bet on me to die.
370
00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:53,570
You bet on me to die. Wow!
371
00:19:53,594 --> 00:19:55,439
Motherfucker, you're
the world's worst friend.
372
00:19:55,463 --> 00:19:57,674
Well, joke's on you.
I'm living to 102.
373
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,810
And then dying.
Like the city of Detroit.
374
00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:02,813
I'm sorry. I just...
I wanted to win money.
375
00:20:02,837 --> 00:20:04,114
I never win anything.
376
00:20:04,138 --> 00:20:05,215
Whatever.
377
00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:06,972
Soldiers of fortune,
drinks on me!
378
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:09,453
[ALL CHEERING]
379
00:20:09,477 --> 00:20:11,243
Domestic, nothing imported.
380
00:20:14,014 --> 00:20:15,625
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
381
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:19,218
Baby, are you sure you wanna
shoot your whole wad?
382
00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:22,621
Uh... Tight.
383
00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:26,503
Vanessa.
Wade.
384
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:28,727
What's a nice place like you
doing in a girl like this?
385
00:20:29,964 --> 00:20:31,230
I'd hit that.
386
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,478
Buck, you best
apologize before...
387
00:20:34,502 --> 00:20:36,880
[GASPS]
Yeah, that.
388
00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:38,648
Say the magic words,
Fat Gandalf.
389
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,484
I'm sorry.
Breathe through the nose.
390
00:20:40,508 --> 00:20:42,752
I don't have a filter
between my brain and my...
391
00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:44,754
Let go. Okay.
Hey, oh, oh, oh...
392
00:20:44,778 --> 00:20:45,856
Hakuna his tatas.
He's sorry.
393
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,190
I'm working on it.
394
00:20:47,214 --> 00:20:49,826
Get out of here.
Go. Go cast a spell.
395
00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:52,251
Hey. Hands off
the merchandise.
396
00:20:53,821 --> 00:20:55,232
Merchandise? Huh...
397
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,834
So you, uh
398
00:20:57,858 --> 00:20:59,202
bump fuzzies for money?
399
00:20:59,226 --> 00:21:01,271
Yep.
Rough childhood?
400
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:02,539
Rougher than yours.
401
00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:04,708
Daddy left before I was born.
402
00:21:04,732 --> 00:21:06,231
Daddy left before
I was conceived.
403
00:21:07,535 --> 00:21:09,079
Ever had a cigarette
put out on your skin?
404
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:10,580
Where else do you put one out?
405
00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:11,848
I was molested.
406
00:21:11,872 --> 00:21:13,650
Me too. Uncle.
407
00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:16,119
Uncles. They took turns.
408
00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:17,654
I watched my own birthday party
409
00:21:17,678 --> 00:21:18,855
through the keyhole
of a locked closet
410
00:21:18,879 --> 00:21:20,257
which also happens to be my...
411
00:21:20,281 --> 00:21:23,126
Your bedroom. Lucky.
I slept in a dishwasher box.
412
00:21:23,150 --> 00:21:25,729
[GASPS] You had a dishwasher.
413
00:21:25,753 --> 00:21:26,830
I didn't even know sleep.
414
00:21:26,854 --> 00:21:28,765
It was pretty much
24/7 ball gags,
415
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:30,233
brownie mix and clown porn.
416
00:21:30,257 --> 00:21:31,723
[LAUGHS]
417
00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:35,627
Who would do such a thing?
418
00:21:37,097 --> 00:21:40,732
Hopefully you, later tonight?
419
00:21:43,337 --> 00:21:48,340
Hey, what can I get for,
uh, $275 and a
420
00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:51,221
a Yogurtland rewards card?
421
00:21:51,245 --> 00:21:54,012
Baby, about 48 minutes of
whatever the fuck you want.
422
00:21:55,316 --> 00:21:57,182
And a low-fat dessert.
423
00:22:04,124 --> 00:22:06,625
Did she just put a gift card
in your mouth?
424
00:22:07,795 --> 00:22:09,928
It's time to put balls in holes.
425
00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,598
You said whatever I want.
426
00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:14,578
I get it.
427
00:22:14,602 --> 00:22:16,079
You love skee ball.
428
00:22:16,103 --> 00:22:18,348
Apparently more than
you love vagina.
429
00:22:18,372 --> 00:22:20,817
That's a tough call.
[SCOFFS]
430
00:22:20,841 --> 00:22:23,086
[STUTTERS] I just wanna get to
know the real you, you know.
431
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:25,088
Not the short-shorted,
two-dimensional
432
00:22:25,112 --> 00:22:27,057
sex object peddled by Hollywood.
433
00:22:27,081 --> 00:22:28,124
[VANESSA] Balls in holes.
434
00:22:28,148 --> 00:22:29,192
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
435
00:22:29,216 --> 00:22:30,260
Balls in holes.
436
00:22:30,284 --> 00:22:31,895
Prepare to lose tragically.
437
00:22:31,919 --> 00:22:33,029
Bring it, big man.
438
00:22:33,053 --> 00:22:34,119
Okay.
439
00:22:36,390 --> 00:22:37,756
[MOCKING SCOOBY-DOO]
Uh-oh.
440
00:22:38,158 --> 00:22:39,224
Uh-oh.
441
00:22:40,327 --> 00:22:41,905
The limited edition
442
00:22:41,929 --> 00:22:45,175
[VOLTRON] Defender of
the Universe ring, por favor.
443
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:48,745
Okay. Here we go.
444
00:22:48,769 --> 00:22:50,880
Had my eye on
this sucker for a while.
445
00:22:50,904 --> 00:22:52,816
And I will take
the pencil eraser.
446
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,217
[BOY] Okay.
447
00:22:54,241 --> 00:22:57,120
You are now the protector
of the planet Arus.
448
00:22:57,144 --> 00:22:59,122
And you can erase stuff
449
00:22:59,146 --> 00:23:00,890
written in pencil.
450
00:23:00,914 --> 00:23:02,258
M'lady?
451
00:23:02,282 --> 00:23:03,727
Well, I hate to break it to you,
452
00:23:03,751 --> 00:23:05,996
but your 48 minutes are up.
453
00:23:06,020 --> 00:23:08,898
Hey, how many more minutes
can I get for this?
454
00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:11,334
FYI, five mini lion-bots
come together
455
00:23:11,358 --> 00:23:13,770
to form one super-bot, so...
456
00:23:13,794 --> 00:23:16,873
Five mini lion-bots?
Three minutes.
457
00:23:16,897 --> 00:23:18,541
Deal.
458
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:20,805
What do we do with the remaining
two minutes, 37 seconds?
459
00:23:21,035 --> 00:23:22,100
Cuddle?
460
00:23:22,703 --> 00:23:24,180
[MOANING]
461
00:23:24,204 --> 00:23:26,316
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
462
00:23:26,340 --> 00:23:28,084
How long can you keep this up?
463
00:23:28,108 --> 00:23:29,419
All year?
464
00:23:29,443 --> 00:23:30,709
[CHUCKLES]
465
00:23:31,812 --> 00:23:33,412
[CONTINUES MOANING]
466
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,853
Happy Valentine's Day.
467
00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:51,041
Happy Chinese New Year.
468
00:23:51,065 --> 00:23:52,397
Year of the Dog.
469
00:23:55,335 --> 00:23:56,401
[EXHALES]
470
00:23:57,471 --> 00:23:59,249
Relax.
471
00:23:59,273 --> 00:24:01,440
And Happy
International Women's Day.
472
00:24:03,477 --> 00:24:04,743
[WHIP CRACKS]
473
00:24:05,979 --> 00:24:09,147
[GROANS] No. No. No.
474
00:24:11,385 --> 00:24:12,751
Happy Lent.
475
00:24:14,855 --> 00:24:16,466
[MOANING]
476
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,867
Ow, ow.
477
00:24:17,891 --> 00:24:19,135
Wade?
Sorry.
478
00:24:19,159 --> 00:24:20,737
Happy Halloween.
479
00:24:20,761 --> 00:24:21,871
Happy Halloween.
480
00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:22,961
[LAUGHS]
481
00:24:24,098 --> 00:24:25,964
[CONTINUES MOANING]
482
00:24:31,438 --> 00:24:33,305
Happy Thanksgiving.
483
00:24:35,242 --> 00:24:36,242
I love you.
484
00:24:40,247 --> 00:24:42,292
If your left leg
is Thanksgiving,
485
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,116
and your right leg is Christmas
486
00:24:45,319 --> 00:24:46,985
can I visit you
between the holidays?
487
00:24:47,788 --> 00:24:48,865
[CHUCKLES]
Oh!
488
00:24:48,889 --> 00:24:50,767
That sweater is terrible.
489
00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:51,868
[LAUGHS]
490
00:24:51,892 --> 00:24:53,303
But red looks good on you.
491
00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:54,738
Red's your colour.
492
00:24:54,762 --> 00:24:56,294
Brings out the bloodshot
in your eyes.
493
00:24:57,197 --> 00:24:58,274
Listen, I've been thinking...
494
00:24:58,298 --> 00:25:00,110
Really?
495
00:25:00,134 --> 00:25:02,178
About why we're
so good together.
496
00:25:02,202 --> 00:25:04,114
Why's that?
497
00:25:04,138 --> 00:25:08,118
Well, your crazy matches
my crazy. Big time.
498
00:25:08,142 --> 00:25:10,053
Hmm. [CHUCKLES]
499
00:25:10,077 --> 00:25:11,788
And, uh, we're like
two jigsaw pieces,
500
00:25:11,812 --> 00:25:13,389
you know,
the weird curvy edges...
501
00:25:13,413 --> 00:25:15,881
You put them together and you
can see the picture on top.
502
00:25:16,483 --> 00:25:17,816
Right.
503
00:25:18,218 --> 00:25:20,029
Wade
504
00:25:20,053 --> 00:25:22,465
there's something I've been
meaning to ask you.
505
00:25:22,489 --> 00:25:25,157
But only because you haven't
gotten around to asking me.
506
00:25:27,227 --> 00:25:28,360
Will you, uh
507
00:25:29,463 --> 00:25:31,429
stick it in my...
Marry me?
508
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:35,411
Uh... Jinx?
509
00:25:35,435 --> 00:25:37,280
Huh.
510
00:25:37,304 --> 00:25:38,448
Where were you hiding that?
511
00:25:38,472 --> 00:25:40,483
Nowhere.
512
00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:42,285
They say one month's salary.
So, uh...
513
00:25:42,309 --> 00:25:43,319
You mean?
514
00:25:43,343 --> 00:25:44,387
I do.
515
00:25:44,411 --> 00:25:45,477
That's my line.
516
00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:51,294
I love you, Wade Wilson.
517
00:25:51,318 --> 00:25:52,796
You're supposed to...
So that's a...
518
00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:54,252
Yes!
Whoo!
519
00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:56,099
Yes!
520
00:25:56,123 --> 00:25:58,168
[LAUGHS]
521
00:25:58,192 --> 00:26:00,036
I feel just like a little girl.
522
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,893
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
523
00:26:04,998 --> 00:26:07,310
What if I just held on
and never let go?
524
00:26:07,334 --> 00:26:10,046
Just ride a bitch's back,
like Yoda on Luke.
525
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:12,404
Oh, Star Wars jokes.
526
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:14,172
Empire.
527
00:26:15,475 --> 00:26:16,920
Jesus Christ.
528
00:26:16,944 --> 00:26:18,922
It's like I made you
in a computer.
529
00:26:18,946 --> 00:26:20,490
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
530
00:26:20,514 --> 00:26:21,580
Mmm.
531
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,149
Hey.
532
00:26:25,152 --> 00:26:26,551
Perfect.
[CAMERA CLICKS]
533
00:26:30,290 --> 00:26:31,935
Let's see.
All right, wee break.
534
00:26:31,959 --> 00:26:33,225
Shake it, yeah.
535
00:26:37,898 --> 00:26:39,342
[SIGHS]
536
00:26:39,366 --> 00:26:40,977
[WADE] Here's the thing.
537
00:26:41,001 --> 00:26:42,946
Life is an endless series
of train-wrecks
538
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:47,350
with only brief,
commercial-like breaks of happiness.
539
00:26:47,374 --> 00:26:50,153
This had been the ultimate
commercial break.
540
00:26:50,177 --> 00:26:51,376
[TOILET FLUSHING]
[SIGHS]
541
00:26:52,512 --> 00:26:53,990
Which meant
it was time to return
542
00:26:54,014 --> 00:26:55,892
to our regularly
scheduled program.
543
00:26:55,916 --> 00:26:57,627
What the...
[THUDS]
544
00:26:57,651 --> 00:26:58,984
Oh, my God. Wade?
545
00:27:05,158 --> 00:27:06,970
You're clowning.
546
00:27:06,994 --> 00:27:08,571
You're not clowning?
547
00:27:08,595 --> 00:27:11,023
I sense clowns.
548
00:27:11,047 --> 00:27:13,476
People react to news of
late-stage cancer differently.
549
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,379
There are certainly options
we can look into.
550
00:27:16,403 --> 00:27:18,270
New drugs are being
developed every day.
551
00:27:22,676 --> 00:27:24,320
So what do we do?
552
00:27:24,344 --> 00:27:27,924
Surely there is
something we can do.
553
00:27:27,948 --> 00:27:30,460
My uncle Ivan was diagnosed
with thyroid cancer,
554
00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:33,062
and there were all these new
experimental drugs from Germany.
555
00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:35,565
[WADE] Vanessa's already
working on Plan A, B,
556
00:27:35,589 --> 00:27:37,567
all the way through Z.
557
00:27:37,591 --> 00:27:41,938
Me? I'm memorizing
the details of her face.
558
00:27:41,962 --> 00:27:44,307
Like it's the first time
I'm seeing it.
559
00:27:44,331 --> 00:27:45,441
Or the last.
560
00:27:45,465 --> 00:27:47,110
[DOCTOR] Mr. Wilson
561
00:27:47,134 --> 00:27:48,945
Mr. Wilson?
562
00:27:48,969 --> 00:27:52,215
Take your time to process this.
563
00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:54,239
It's important not to
do anything rash.
564
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,579
[WADE GRUNTS]
565
00:28:04,518 --> 00:28:05,595
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
566
00:28:05,619 --> 00:28:08,364
Now, if I were a 200-pound sack
567
00:28:08,388 --> 00:28:11,034
of assholes named Francis,
where would I hide?
568
00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:13,058
[MOTORBIKE REVVING]
569
00:28:14,728 --> 00:28:15,994
Oh.
570
00:28:19,633 --> 00:28:20,699
[ENGINE ROARING]
571
00:28:21,635 --> 00:28:22,701
[GUN FIRING]
572
00:28:29,076 --> 00:28:30,141
[FRANCIS GRUNTS]
573
00:28:36,416 --> 00:28:38,328
[WADE] A hush falls
over the crowd
574
00:28:38,352 --> 00:28:40,630
as rookie sensation
Wade W. Wilson
575
00:28:40,654 --> 00:28:44,289
out of Regina, Saskatchewan,
lines up the shot.
576
00:28:46,093 --> 00:28:47,692
His form looks good.
577
00:28:48,528 --> 00:28:49,672
Oh!
578
00:28:49,696 --> 00:28:54,210
And that's why Regina
rhymes with fun.
579
00:28:54,234 --> 00:28:56,512
Ladies and gentlemen,
what you're witnessing
580
00:28:56,536 --> 00:28:59,004
is sweet dick-kicking revenge.
581
00:28:59,773 --> 00:29:01,651
Oh! Giving him the business.
582
00:29:01,675 --> 00:29:03,987
Incoming!
583
00:29:04,011 --> 00:29:07,657
This is taking unsportsmanlike
conduct to a whole new level!
584
00:29:07,681 --> 00:29:08,747
[FRANCIS GROANS]
585
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,098
Looking good, Francis.
Well rested.
586
00:29:15,122 --> 00:29:17,266
Like you've been pitching,
not catching.
587
00:29:17,290 --> 00:29:19,324
Ringing any bells? No?
588
00:29:24,264 --> 00:29:25,497
How about now?
589
00:29:27,667 --> 00:29:29,412
[CHUCKLES SLOWLY]
590
00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:31,636
Wade fucking Wilson.
591
00:29:34,174 --> 00:29:36,301
[FRANCIS] Well, hello, gorgeous.
592
00:29:36,325 --> 00:29:38,454
[WADE] Yeah, like I got bit
by a radioactive Shar-Pei.
593
00:29:38,478 --> 00:29:41,657
Yeah. And whose fault
is that, huh, Francis?
594
00:29:41,681 --> 00:29:43,693
Yeah, time to undo what
you did to this butter face.
595
00:29:43,717 --> 00:29:45,528
Please, you should thank me.
596
00:29:45,552 --> 00:29:47,163
Apparently, I made you immortal.
597
00:29:47,187 --> 00:29:48,698
I'm actually quite jealous.
598
00:29:48,722 --> 00:29:51,222
Yeah, but this ain't
a life worth living, is it?
599
00:29:53,193 --> 00:29:54,804
Now, I'm about to do to you
600
00:29:54,828 --> 00:29:57,340
what Limp Bizkit did to
music in the late 90s.
601
00:29:57,364 --> 00:29:58,496
[METAL CLANKS]
602
00:29:59,433 --> 00:30:00,498
Dad?
603
00:30:03,837 --> 00:30:06,582
[WADE] I think we can all agree
that shit just went sideways
604
00:30:06,606 --> 00:30:08,540
in the most colossal way.
605
00:30:09,509 --> 00:30:12,055
Well, maybe not the most.
606
00:30:12,079 --> 00:30:15,780
[WADE] Uh... This is
my most prized possession.
607
00:30:16,349 --> 00:30:17,427
[VANESSA] Wham?
608
00:30:17,451 --> 00:30:19,695
No, no, no. Wham!
609
00:30:19,719 --> 00:30:23,321
Make It Big is the album that George
and Andy earned the exclamation point.
610
00:30:24,324 --> 00:30:25,835
So, am I supposed to just smile
611
00:30:25,859 --> 00:30:27,303
and wave you out the door?
612
00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:28,704
Think of it like
spring cleaning.
613
00:30:28,728 --> 00:30:30,239
Only if spring was death.
614
00:30:30,263 --> 00:30:32,608
God, if I had a nickel
for every time
615
00:30:32,632 --> 00:30:35,211
I spanked it to
Bernadette Peters.
616
00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:37,447
Sounds like you do.
[COINS JINGLING]
617
00:30:37,471 --> 00:30:39,382
Bernadette is not
going anywhere,
618
00:30:39,406 --> 00:30:41,384
because you're not
going anywhere.
619
00:30:41,408 --> 00:30:42,685
Drink.
620
00:30:42,709 --> 00:30:44,087
You're right.
Cancer is only in my liver,
621
00:30:44,111 --> 00:30:45,388
lungs, prostate, and brain.
622
00:30:45,412 --> 00:30:46,644
All things I can live without.
623
00:30:47,747 --> 00:30:48,825
Ha.
624
00:30:48,849 --> 00:30:50,860
You belong here at home.
625
00:30:50,884 --> 00:30:52,495
Surrounded by your Voltron
626
00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:54,652
and your Bernadette,
and your me.
627
00:30:55,856 --> 00:30:59,491
Listen, we both know
that cancer is a shit-show.
628
00:31:01,161 --> 00:31:03,272
Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff-
opening-for-the
629
00:31:03,296 --> 00:31:06,164
Spin-Doctors-at-the-
Iowa-State-Fair shit-show.
630
00:31:08,168 --> 00:31:12,704
And under no circumstances
will I take you to that show.
631
00:31:13,907 --> 00:31:15,707
I want you to remember me.
632
00:31:17,244 --> 00:31:19,122
Not the ghost of Christmas me.
633
00:31:19,146 --> 00:31:21,357
Well, I wanna remember us.
634
00:31:21,381 --> 00:31:23,792
I swear to God, I will
find you in the next life,
635
00:31:23,816 --> 00:31:26,229
and I'm gonna boom-box
Careless Whisper outside your window.
636
00:31:26,253 --> 00:31:27,652
Wham!
637
00:31:30,924 --> 00:31:34,192
No one is boom-boxing shit.
Okay?
638
00:31:36,596 --> 00:31:38,196
We can fight this.
639
00:31:41,268 --> 00:31:44,247
Besides, I just
realized something.
640
00:31:44,271 --> 00:31:46,582
You win.
Your life is officially
641
00:31:46,606 --> 00:31:49,407
way more fucked up than mine.
642
00:31:50,610 --> 00:31:52,744
[WADE CHUCKLES]
643
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,746
I love you.
644
00:31:58,952 --> 00:32:00,618
[MUSIC PLAYING]
645
00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:07,625
Wade.
646
00:32:09,696 --> 00:32:11,240
Weas.
647
00:32:11,264 --> 00:32:13,543
You look like you need
a Blow Job and a shower.
648
00:32:13,567 --> 00:32:15,678
Though courtesy calls
for the latter first.
649
00:32:15,702 --> 00:32:17,446
How about three shots of Patron?
650
00:32:17,470 --> 00:32:21,284
Or how about Triticum aestivum,
wheat grass.
651
00:32:21,308 --> 00:32:22,618
Excellent for the immune system.
652
00:32:22,642 --> 00:32:24,720
Jesus Christ.
You sound like Vanessa.
653
00:32:24,744 --> 00:32:27,105
Here, check it out.
654
00:32:27,129 --> 00:32:29,492
She's sending away for all these
colourful clinic brochures.
655
00:32:29,516 --> 00:32:31,694
I'm sure they're
all FDA approved.
656
00:32:31,718 --> 00:32:34,697
Chechnya. Isn't that where
you go to get cancer?
657
00:32:34,721 --> 00:32:37,833
You got China
and Central Mexico.
658
00:32:37,857 --> 00:32:40,303
You know how they
say cancer in Spanish?
659
00:32:40,327 --> 00:32:41,837
No.
660
00:32:41,861 --> 00:32:43,573
El Cancer.
Oh.
661
00:32:43,597 --> 00:32:45,841
I could have guessed that.
662
00:32:45,865 --> 00:32:47,410
Look how happy you look here.
663
00:32:47,434 --> 00:32:48,978
Mind if I keep this?
Put it up,
664
00:32:49,002 --> 00:32:51,881
so I can remember
when you looked alive.
665
00:32:51,905 --> 00:32:53,883
At least now I'm gonna
win the dead pool.
666
00:32:53,907 --> 00:32:56,686
Now that you're gonna die
tragically of cancer.
667
00:32:56,710 --> 00:32:58,588
I got it, Weas. Thanks.
668
00:32:58,612 --> 00:33:00,990
Oh.
669
00:33:01,014 --> 00:33:03,693
And, uh, that guy over there
came in looking for you.
670
00:33:03,717 --> 00:33:06,629
Real Grim Reaper type.
671
00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:08,686
I don't know.
Might further the plot.
672
00:33:12,692 --> 00:33:13,769
Boot he.
673
00:33:13,793 --> 00:33:14,959
Wade.
674
00:33:18,698 --> 00:33:20,243
[WADE SIGHS]
675
00:33:20,267 --> 00:33:21,677
Mr. Wilson.
676
00:33:21,701 --> 00:33:22,878
How can I help you?
677
00:33:22,902 --> 00:33:25,648
Besides luring children
into a panel van.
678
00:33:25,672 --> 00:33:29,418
I understand you've recently
been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
679
00:33:29,442 --> 00:33:30,586
Stalker alert.
680
00:33:30,610 --> 00:33:33,489
It's my job.
Recruitment.
681
00:33:33,513 --> 00:33:36,926
I'm sorry you've had
such a tough go.
682
00:33:36,950 --> 00:33:39,395
But you're a fighter.
Special Forces.
683
00:33:39,419 --> 00:33:42,298
41 confirmed kills.
684
00:33:42,322 --> 00:33:43,666
One every seven weeks.
685
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:46,702
Same rate most folks
get a haircut. Hmm...
686
00:33:46,726 --> 00:33:47,970
It's to wash the taste out.
687
00:33:47,994 --> 00:33:51,540
It's tough to forget
being so impressive.
688
00:33:51,564 --> 00:33:53,576
And now you spend your days
689
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,578
sticking up for
the little people...
690
00:33:55,602 --> 00:33:57,580
People change.
What do you want?
691
00:33:57,604 --> 00:34:00,738
I represent an organization
that may be able to help.
692
00:34:02,609 --> 00:34:06,822
What if I told you
we can cure your cancer?
693
00:34:06,846 --> 00:34:11,015
And what's more, give you abilities
most men only dream of?
694
00:34:14,688 --> 00:34:16,565
I'd say that you sound
like an infomercial,
695
00:34:16,589 --> 00:34:18,734
but not a good one,
like Slap Chop.
696
00:34:18,758 --> 00:34:20,469
More Shake Weight-y.
697
00:34:20,493 --> 00:34:23,539
The world needs
extraordinary soldiers.
698
00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:25,675
We won't just make you better.
699
00:34:25,699 --> 00:34:28,766
We will make you
better than better.
700
00:34:29,703 --> 00:34:31,347
A superhero.
701
00:34:31,371 --> 00:34:34,083
Look, Agent Smith,
702
00:34:34,107 --> 00:34:36,719
I tried the hero business
and it left a mark.
703
00:34:36,743 --> 00:34:39,510
But if I ever hit fuck it,
I'll look you up.
704
00:34:40,013 --> 00:34:41,757
Oh, um...
705
00:34:41,781 --> 00:34:43,459
Shit. We're within
500 yards of a school,
706
00:34:43,483 --> 00:34:44,716
so you may wanna...
707
00:34:49,656 --> 00:34:50,922
His drinks on him.
708
00:34:56,596 --> 00:34:58,407
[WEASEL] What did he say?
709
00:34:58,431 --> 00:34:59,664
[THUNDERCLAP]
710
00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:02,967
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
711
00:35:08,908 --> 00:35:10,408
[SNIFFLES]
712
00:35:20,887 --> 00:35:22,598
[VANESSA] Hey, what's going on?
713
00:35:22,622 --> 00:35:25,022
[SNIFFLES] Hey. Sorry.
714
00:35:26,526 --> 00:35:29,405
I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
715
00:35:29,429 --> 00:35:30,873
I dreamt I kidnapped
his daughter
716
00:35:30,897 --> 00:35:32,630
and he just wasn't having it.
717
00:35:40,173 --> 00:35:45,488
Hey, uh, they've made
three of those movies.
718
00:35:45,512 --> 00:35:48,691
At some point you have
to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
719
00:35:48,715 --> 00:35:49,781
Hmm.
720
00:36:02,962 --> 00:36:06,942
[WADE] The worst part about cancer
isn't what it does to you,
721
00:36:06,966 --> 00:36:10,079
but what it does to
the people you love.
722
00:36:10,103 --> 00:36:12,782
Who knew if this guy
could save my life,
723
00:36:12,806 --> 00:36:15,918
but I knew there was only one
way that I could save hers.
724
00:36:15,942 --> 00:36:17,475
[DOOR CLOSES]
725
00:36:19,679 --> 00:36:21,946
Isn't that what superheroes do?
726
00:36:25,452 --> 00:36:26,517
[CARS HONKING]
727
00:36:29,889 --> 00:36:31,155
[PHONE RINGING]
728
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,496
[WADE] Okay. Let's pro-con
this superhero thing.
729
00:36:38,965 --> 00:36:40,142
[THUDS]
Ow.
730
00:36:40,166 --> 00:36:43,112
Pro: They pull down
a gaggle of ass.
731
00:36:43,136 --> 00:36:44,680
Local dry cleaning discounts.
732
00:36:44,704 --> 00:36:46,549
Lucrative film deals,
both origin stories
733
00:36:46,573 --> 00:36:48,717
and larger ensemble team movies.
734
00:36:48,741 --> 00:36:51,821
Con: They're all lame-ass
teacher's pets.
735
00:36:51,845 --> 00:36:53,689
You know, I can hear you.
736
00:36:53,713 --> 00:36:56,659
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to them.
737
00:36:56,683 --> 00:36:58,961
Stay right here.
738
00:36:58,985 --> 00:37:01,230
[COLOSSUS] You've been
warned before, Dead pool.
739
00:37:01,254 --> 00:37:04,967
This is a shameful and
reckless use of your powers.
740
00:37:04,991 --> 00:37:07,102
You will both be coming with us.
741
00:37:07,126 --> 00:37:09,038
[WADE] Look, Colossus,
I don't have time for
742
00:37:09,062 --> 00:37:11,140
the goody two-shoes
bullshit right now!
743
00:37:11,164 --> 00:37:13,097
And you are?
744
00:37:14,734 --> 00:37:16,612
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
745
00:37:16,636 --> 00:37:20,015
Negasonic Teenage...
What the shit?
746
00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:21,939
That's the coolest name ever!
747
00:37:23,276 --> 00:37:25,988
So, what, you're like,
uh, his sidekick?
748
00:37:26,012 --> 00:37:27,623
No. Trainee.
749
00:37:27,647 --> 00:37:29,024
Let me guess.
750
00:37:29,048 --> 00:37:31,660
X-Men left you behind
on what? Shit detail?
751
00:37:31,684 --> 00:37:33,411
What does that make you?
752
00:37:33,435 --> 00:37:35,164
Pretending you're not here,
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
753
00:37:35,188 --> 00:37:36,632
Can we trade names?
754
00:37:36,656 --> 00:37:38,133
[FRANCIS GROANS]
Can we go?
755
00:37:38,157 --> 00:37:40,669
[WADE] Look!
I'm a teenage girl.
756
00:37:40,693 --> 00:37:42,872
I'd rather be
anywhere than here.
757
00:37:42,896 --> 00:37:45,074
I'm all about
long sullen silences
758
00:37:45,098 --> 00:37:49,011
followed by mean comments,
followed by more silences.
759
00:37:49,035 --> 00:37:52,248
So what's it gonna be, huh?
Long sullen silence,
760
00:37:52,272 --> 00:37:54,972
or mean comment? Go on.
761
00:37:56,175 --> 00:37:57,520
You got me in a box here.
762
00:37:57,544 --> 00:37:58,621
Aha!
763
00:37:58,645 --> 00:38:00,623
We can't allow this, Dead pool.
764
00:38:00,647 --> 00:38:02,024
Please, come quietly.
765
00:38:02,048 --> 00:38:04,293
You big chrome cock-gobbler!
766
00:38:04,317 --> 00:38:05,744
[COLOSSUS] That's not nice.
767
00:38:05,768 --> 00:38:07,196
You're really gonna
fuck this up for me?
768
00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:11,767
Trust me, that wheezing bag
of dick-tips has it coming.
769
00:38:11,791 --> 00:38:14,703
He's pure evil.
770
00:38:14,727 --> 00:38:18,029
Besides...
Nobody's getting hurt.
771
00:38:19,666 --> 00:38:20,731
[THUDS]
772
00:38:23,202 --> 00:38:25,581
That guy was already up there
when I got here.
773
00:38:25,605 --> 00:38:28,817
Wade, you are better than this.
774
00:38:28,841 --> 00:38:31,186
Join us.
Use your powers for good.
775
00:38:31,210 --> 00:38:32,254
[WADE] Heads up.
776
00:38:32,278 --> 00:38:33,722
Be a superhero.
777
00:38:33,746 --> 00:38:35,490
[WADE] Listen!
778
00:38:35,514 --> 00:38:37,259
The day I decide to become a
crime-fighting shit-swizzler
779
00:38:37,283 --> 00:38:40,663
who rooms with a bunch of other little
whiners at the Never land mansion
780
00:38:40,687 --> 00:38:45,601
of some creepy, old, bald,
Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker
781
00:38:45,625 --> 00:38:47,269
on that day
782
00:38:47,293 --> 00:38:49,672
I'll send your shiny,
happy ass a friend request.
783
00:38:49,696 --> 00:38:52,141
But until then, I'mma do
what I came here to do.
784
00:38:52,165 --> 00:38:54,944
Either that or slap
the bitch outta you!
785
00:38:54,968 --> 00:38:56,211
[COLOSSUS] Wade...
Hey.
786
00:38:56,235 --> 00:38:57,580
Zip it, Sinead!
787
00:38:57,604 --> 00:38:58,647
Hey, douche-pool!
788
00:38:58,671 --> 00:38:59,949
And I hope you're watching...
789
00:38:59,973 --> 00:39:02,017
[MOTORBIKE REVVING]
790
00:39:02,041 --> 00:39:03,674
[GASPS LOUDLY]
791
00:39:04,711 --> 00:39:06,377
Quite unfortunate.
792
00:39:09,849 --> 00:39:12,161
That does it!
793
00:39:12,185 --> 00:39:13,362
[METAL CLANKS]
794
00:39:13,386 --> 00:39:14,830
Oh!
795
00:39:14,854 --> 00:39:17,922
[GROANS] Canada!
796
00:39:19,058 --> 00:39:20,102
That's not good.
797
00:39:20,126 --> 00:39:21,270
[COLOSSUS] Wade, please.
798
00:39:21,294 --> 00:39:24,173
[WADE] Cock shot!
[GROANS]
799
00:39:24,197 --> 00:39:26,008
Oh, your poor wife.
800
00:39:26,032 --> 00:39:28,243
You really should stop.
801
00:39:28,267 --> 00:39:29,700
[GROANING]
802
00:39:31,337 --> 00:39:33,938
All the dinosaurs
feared the T. rex.
803
00:39:35,308 --> 00:39:36,974
[WADE SCREAMS]
804
00:39:37,276 --> 00:39:38,821
[LAUGHS]
805
00:39:38,845 --> 00:39:40,756
[WADE] I promise this gets
worse for you, big boy!
806
00:39:40,780 --> 00:39:42,725
This is embarrassing.
[GROANS]
807
00:39:42,749 --> 00:39:45,394
Please, stay down.
808
00:39:45,418 --> 00:39:47,997
[WADE] You ever hear of the one-legged
man in the ass-kicking contest?
809
00:39:48,021 --> 00:39:49,398
Do you have off switch?
810
00:39:49,422 --> 00:39:51,166
Yeah, it's right next
to the prostate.
811
00:39:51,190 --> 00:39:52,301
Or is that the on switch?
812
00:39:52,325 --> 00:39:54,403
Enough!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
813
00:39:54,427 --> 00:39:56,171
[LAUGHS]
814
00:39:56,195 --> 00:39:57,828
[GROANING]
815
00:40:03,036 --> 00:40:05,280
[COLOSSUS] Let us go talk
to the Professor.
816
00:40:05,304 --> 00:40:07,149
McAvoy or Stewart?
817
00:40:07,173 --> 00:40:09,407
These timelines
are so confusing.
818
00:40:10,810 --> 00:40:13,355
Dead or alive,
you're coming with me!
819
00:40:13,379 --> 00:40:15,224
[COLOSSUS] You will
recover, Wade.
820
00:40:15,248 --> 00:40:16,947
You always do.
821
00:40:21,354 --> 00:40:24,989
You ever see 127 Hours?
Spoiler alert.
822
00:40:25,925 --> 00:40:27,258
[SQUISHING NOISE]
823
00:40:28,695 --> 00:40:29,860
Oh, my God.
824
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:34,642
Nasty.
825
00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,310
[WADE] Oh, there's
the money shot, baby.
826
00:40:35,334 --> 00:40:36,712
[RETCHING]
827
00:40:36,736 --> 00:40:38,469
Are You There God?
It's Me, Margaret.
828
00:40:44,077 --> 00:40:45,142
[TRUCK HORN HONKS]
829
00:40:49,449 --> 00:40:52,327
[WADE] Rock, meet bottom.
830
00:40:52,351 --> 00:40:55,764
And when life ends up
breathtakingly fucked
831
00:40:55,788 --> 00:40:59,968
you can generally trace it
back to one big, bad decision.
832
00:40:59,992 --> 00:41:03,172
The one that sent you
down the road to Shitsburgh.
833
00:41:03,196 --> 00:41:06,875
This? Well, this was mine.
834
00:41:06,899 --> 00:41:09,745
AGENT SMITH: Mr. Wilson.
835
00:41:09,769 --> 00:41:14,183
Nothing warms my heart more than
a change of someone else's.
836
00:41:14,207 --> 00:41:16,040
You finally hit fuck it.
837
00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,822
Just promise
you'll do right by me.
838
00:41:19,846 --> 00:41:21,890
So I can do right
by someone else.
839
00:41:21,914 --> 00:41:23,792
Of course.
840
00:41:23,816 --> 00:41:25,516
And please don't make
the super-suit green.
841
00:41:26,853 --> 00:41:28,319
Or animated.
842
00:41:30,123 --> 00:41:32,757
[MAN CHOKING]
843
00:41:34,861 --> 00:41:36,371
[MAN] Move it! Keep moving.
844
00:41:36,395 --> 00:41:37,995
[PATIENT SCREAMING]
845
00:41:48,407 --> 00:41:51,320
This place seems sanitary.
846
00:41:51,344 --> 00:41:53,522
My first request
is warmer hands.
847
00:41:53,546 --> 00:41:57,448
Oh! And, Jesus,
a warmer table.
848
00:41:59,018 --> 00:42:01,196
We should really come up
with a safe word, fellas.
849
00:42:01,220 --> 00:42:03,154
I'm thinking pork and beans.
850
00:42:06,425 --> 00:42:08,559
[GROANS] Easy.
851
00:42:10,496 --> 00:42:12,963
Aren't you a little
strong for a lady?
852
00:42:13,533 --> 00:42:15,244
I'm calling wang.
853
00:42:15,268 --> 00:42:17,168
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
854
00:42:18,971 --> 00:42:20,349
What's up with the matches?
855
00:42:20,373 --> 00:42:23,285
Oral fixation
or just a big Stallone fan?
856
00:42:23,309 --> 00:42:24,553
[MUFFLED GROAN]
857
00:42:24,577 --> 00:42:26,076
Patience, Angel.
858
00:42:26,979 --> 00:42:28,557
All in good time.
859
00:42:28,581 --> 00:42:30,581
Are you here for
the turn down service, or what?
860
00:42:32,185 --> 00:42:33,728
We have another talker.
861
00:42:33,752 --> 00:42:35,297
I'm just excited about my
first day at superhero camp.
862
00:42:35,321 --> 00:42:37,521
Shut the fuck up.
863
00:42:40,860 --> 00:42:42,893
Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.
864
00:42:43,863 --> 00:42:46,975
I manage this workshop.
865
00:42:46,999 --> 00:42:50,245
Ah, my welcome speech used to
be full of euphemisms like...
866
00:42:50,269 --> 00:42:51,880
This may hurt a little.
867
00:42:51,904 --> 00:42:53,949
This may cause you
some discomfort.
868
00:42:53,973 --> 00:42:56,251
But I've grown blunt.
869
00:42:56,275 --> 00:42:58,987
This workshop is not
a government-led program.
870
00:42:59,011 --> 00:43:02,524
It's a private institution that turns
reclamation projects like yourself
871
00:43:02,548 --> 00:43:06,083
into men of
extraordinary abilities.
872
00:43:07,553 --> 00:43:11,021
But if you think super-human
powers are acquired painlessly...
873
00:43:11,891 --> 00:43:13,268
Wrong.
[GROANS]
874
00:43:13,292 --> 00:43:14,937
I'm injecting you with a serum
875
00:43:14,961 --> 00:43:17,539
that activates any mutant
genes lurking in your DNA.
876
00:43:17,563 --> 00:43:21,565
For it to work we need to
subject you to extreme stress.
877
00:43:24,904 --> 00:43:27,049
[WADE GROANING]
878
00:43:27,073 --> 00:43:31,086
You've heard that whole make an omelet,
break some eggs bit, right?
879
00:43:31,110 --> 00:43:33,555
I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
880
00:43:33,579 --> 00:43:36,625
I was a patient here once
myself, you know.
881
00:43:36,649 --> 00:43:39,494
The treatment affects
everyone differently.
882
00:43:39,518 --> 00:43:42,631
It made Angel inhumanly strong.
883
00:43:42,655 --> 00:43:47,236
In my case,
it enhanced my reflexes.
884
00:43:47,260 --> 00:43:50,294
Also scorched my nerve endings,
so I no longer feel pain.
885
00:43:51,998 --> 00:43:55,933
And, in fact,
I no longer feel anything.
886
00:43:57,270 --> 00:43:58,936
[MUMBLING]
887
00:44:04,277 --> 00:44:07,322
Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.
888
00:44:07,346 --> 00:44:10,058
You have something
in your teeth.
889
00:44:10,082 --> 00:44:12,261
Right in the middle there.
Just, I don't...
890
00:44:12,285 --> 00:44:15,364
A little nugget of romaine
lettuce or something.
891
00:44:15,388 --> 00:44:17,199
[SIGHS]
892
00:44:17,223 --> 00:44:19,668
It's been bothering me
for a long time.
893
00:44:19,692 --> 00:44:21,103
[LAUGHS]
894
00:44:21,127 --> 00:44:22,371
Ah, made you look.
895
00:44:22,395 --> 00:44:24,139
Hey, is Ajax your actual name?
896
00:44:24,163 --> 00:44:25,974
Because it sounds
suspiciously made up.
897
00:44:25,998 --> 00:44:27,109
What is it, really?
898
00:44:27,133 --> 00:44:29,378
Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
899
00:44:29,402 --> 00:44:31,680
Mitch? The Rickster?
900
00:44:31,704 --> 00:44:33,548
[in British accent]
Is it Basil Fawlty?
901
00:44:33,572 --> 00:44:35,517
Oh, joke away.
902
00:44:35,541 --> 00:44:37,019
One thing that never
survives this place
903
00:44:37,043 --> 00:44:39,021
is a sense of humour.
904
00:44:39,045 --> 00:44:40,188
We'll see about that.
905
00:44:40,212 --> 00:44:41,578
I suppose we will.
906
00:44:43,049 --> 00:44:44,526
He's all yours.
907
00:44:44,550 --> 00:44:46,295
Oh, come on.
908
00:44:46,319 --> 00:44:47,696
You're gonna leave me
all alone here.
909
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:49,486
With less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
910
00:44:50,056 --> 00:44:51,121
[GROANS]
911
00:44:53,726 --> 00:44:56,004
[FRANCIS] This is how
it's going to work.
912
00:44:56,028 --> 00:44:59,508
Adrenaline acts as a catalyst
for the serum,
913
00:44:59,532 --> 00:45:02,199
so we're going
to have to make you suffer.
914
00:45:03,736 --> 00:45:05,714
[FRANCIS] If you're lucky,
the mutant genes will activate
915
00:45:05,738 --> 00:45:08,672
and manifest in
a spectacular fashion.
916
00:45:09,675 --> 00:45:10,741
[GASPS]
917
00:45:13,045 --> 00:45:15,724
[FRANCIS] If not, well, we'll
have to keep on hurting you...
918
00:45:15,748 --> 00:45:17,559
[WADE SHIVERING]
919
00:45:17,583 --> 00:45:18,994
In new and different ways,
920
00:45:19,018 --> 00:45:20,417
each more painful than the last
921
00:45:23,089 --> 00:45:25,422
until you finally mutate.
922
00:45:27,059 --> 00:45:28,292
Or die.
923
00:45:35,101 --> 00:45:36,611
[CUNNINGHAM]
You mean a bucket list?
924
00:45:36,635 --> 00:45:39,081
[WADE] Like a fuck-it list.
925
00:45:39,105 --> 00:45:40,349
I'd really like
to light a spliff
926
00:45:40,373 --> 00:45:42,284
off the Olympic torch.
927
00:45:42,308 --> 00:45:44,219
[CUNNINGHAM] Pass it
to me right after.
928
00:45:44,243 --> 00:45:47,622
Let's not forget naked
tandem base-jumping
929
00:45:47,646 --> 00:45:51,226
with the WNBA's
Sacramento Monarchs.
930
00:45:51,250 --> 00:45:54,730
Anything on my bucket list
would involve public nudity.
931
00:45:54,754 --> 00:45:58,066
Finally, giving Meredith
Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
932
00:45:58,090 --> 00:46:01,258
No. Receiving a Dutch oven
from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
933
00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:03,193
[LAUGHS]
934
00:46:05,731 --> 00:46:09,333
Making banana pancakes
for my kids.
935
00:46:12,638 --> 00:46:14,738
Vanessa.
936
00:46:18,277 --> 00:46:20,589
[WADE] I wanna see Vanessa.
937
00:46:20,613 --> 00:46:22,124
[FRANCIS] You're lovely.
938
00:46:22,148 --> 00:46:25,494
I don't know about
anyone else, but I'm touched.
939
00:46:25,518 --> 00:46:26,528
We were just joking.
940
00:46:26,552 --> 00:46:29,086
No, no. It's okay.
941
00:46:30,156 --> 00:46:32,501
I encourage distractions.
942
00:46:32,525 --> 00:46:34,803
Wouldn't want you giving up
on us, now would we?
943
00:46:34,827 --> 00:46:36,760
Hey, don't take any shit
from him, Cunningham.
944
00:46:37,696 --> 00:46:40,208
How tough can he be
945
00:46:40,232 --> 00:46:43,233
with a name like Francis?
946
00:46:43,636 --> 00:46:45,147
Francis?
947
00:46:45,171 --> 00:46:47,149
[WADE] That's his legal name.
948
00:46:47,173 --> 00:46:50,641
[CHUCKLING] He got Ajax
from the dish soap.
949
00:46:52,578 --> 00:46:56,346
F, R, A, N, C, I...
950
00:46:56,649 --> 00:46:58,215
Oops!
951
00:46:59,785 --> 00:47:02,753
Snagged the dry cleaning tag
off your lab coat.
952
00:47:04,590 --> 00:47:07,169
FYI, I could probably get you
the superhero discount.
953
00:47:07,193 --> 00:47:08,537
You are so
relentlessly annoying.
954
00:47:08,561 --> 00:47:09,571
Thanks.
955
00:47:09,595 --> 00:47:11,206
Never heard that before.
956
00:47:11,230 --> 00:47:14,276
Why don't you do us all
a favour and shut the fuck up?
957
00:47:14,300 --> 00:47:16,366
Or I'll sew
your pretty mouth shut.
958
00:47:16,669 --> 00:47:18,113
Oh
959
00:47:18,137 --> 00:47:19,714
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
960
00:47:19,738 --> 00:47:21,349
See, here's the problem with
961
00:47:21,373 --> 00:47:23,185
round-the-clock torture
962
00:47:23,209 --> 00:47:26,243
is that you can't really
step it up from there.
963
00:47:28,681 --> 00:47:31,215
Is that what you think?
964
00:47:36,355 --> 00:47:38,822
If this doesn't unlock
your mutation, then, well
965
00:47:39,625 --> 00:47:41,403
nothing will.
966
00:47:41,427 --> 00:47:42,920
Now, what we're going to do is
967
00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:44,439
lower the oxygen
concentration in the air
968
00:47:44,463 --> 00:47:47,342
to the exact point you feel
like you're suffocating.
969
00:47:47,366 --> 00:47:48,610
If your brainwaves slow,
970
00:47:48,634 --> 00:47:51,213
meaning you're about to pass out
971
00:47:51,237 --> 00:47:52,436
then we'll turn up the O2.
972
00:47:53,372 --> 00:47:54,749
If your heart rate slows
973
00:47:54,773 --> 00:47:57,552
meaning you're able
to catch your breath
974
00:47:57,576 --> 00:47:59,554
we'll turn it back down.
975
00:47:59,578 --> 00:48:01,223
And that's where
we'll leave you.
976
00:48:01,247 --> 00:48:03,592
Right there.
977
00:48:03,616 --> 00:48:05,861
Oh, and I thought
you guys were dicks before.
978
00:48:05,885 --> 00:48:09,197
[FRANCIS] You know
the funniest part of this?
979
00:48:09,221 --> 00:48:12,367
You still think we're making
you a superhero.
980
00:48:12,391 --> 00:48:15,826
You. A dish on our able discharge.
981
00:48:16,529 --> 00:48:18,662
Hip-deep in hookers.
982
00:48:19,365 --> 00:48:20,931
You're nothing.
983
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,246
Little secret, Wade.
984
00:48:24,270 --> 00:48:26,181
This workshop
doesn't make superheroes,
985
00:48:26,205 --> 00:48:29,384
we make super-slaves.
986
00:48:29,408 --> 00:48:31,219
We're gonna fit you
with a control collar
987
00:48:31,243 --> 00:48:33,788
and auction you off
to the highest bidder.
988
00:48:33,812 --> 00:48:36,191
Who knows what
they'll have you doing?
989
00:48:36,215 --> 00:48:39,616
Terrorizing citizens,
putting down freedom fighters.
990
00:48:41,687 --> 00:48:44,933
Maybe just mow
the occasional lawn.
991
00:48:44,957 --> 00:48:47,624
What the fuck is wrong with you?
992
00:48:52,765 --> 00:48:55,644
You're never going home
after this.
993
00:48:55,668 --> 00:48:57,901
Now there's a brave face.
994
00:48:58,837 --> 00:49:00,571
Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.
995
00:49:02,775 --> 00:49:06,777
Seriously, you actually have
something in your teeth now.
996
00:49:08,647 --> 00:49:10,425
Enjoy your weekend.
997
00:49:10,449 --> 00:49:12,227
Weekend? Back up.
998
00:49:12,251 --> 00:49:13,483
Weekend?
999
00:49:14,286 --> 00:49:15,886
[MACHINE HISSING]
1000
00:49:18,791 --> 00:49:20,368
[GASPING]
1001
00:49:20,392 --> 00:49:21,992
[CHOKING]
1002
00:49:30,469 --> 00:49:32,269
[EKG BEEPING]
1003
00:49:34,807 --> 00:49:36,473
[CHOKING]
[EKG BEEPING RAPIDLY]
1004
00:49:54,994 --> 00:49:57,272
[WADE] Did I say
this was a love story?
1005
00:49:57,296 --> 00:49:59,696
No, it's a horror movie.
1006
00:50:00,366 --> 00:50:01,898
[SCREAMING]
1007
00:50:11,877 --> 00:50:14,511
[GASPING]
1008
00:50:16,048 --> 00:50:18,360
[FRANCIS] Fucking hell.
1009
00:50:18,384 --> 00:50:21,630
Looks like someone lost his
shot at Homecoming King.
1010
00:50:21,654 --> 00:50:23,765
What have you done to me?
1011
00:50:23,789 --> 00:50:25,300
I've merely raised
your stress levels
1012
00:50:25,324 --> 00:50:27,035
high enough
to trigger a mutation.
1013
00:50:27,059 --> 00:50:29,904
You sadistic fuck!
1014
00:50:29,928 --> 00:50:32,374
I've cured you, Wade.
1015
00:50:32,398 --> 00:50:35,010
Now your mutated cells
can heal anything.
1016
00:50:35,034 --> 00:50:37,868
It's attacking your cancer
as fast as it can form.
1017
00:50:39,038 --> 00:50:41,738
Yeah, I've seen similar
side-effects before.
1018
00:50:42,941 --> 00:50:44,007
I could cure them,
1019
00:50:47,646 --> 00:50:49,446
but where's the fun in that?
1020
00:50:51,650 --> 00:50:54,351
Now, I'm gonna
shut you in again, Wade.
1021
00:50:55,921 --> 00:50:57,954
Not because I need to.
1022
00:51:01,827 --> 00:51:03,694
Because I want to.
1023
00:51:05,431 --> 00:51:07,564
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1024
00:51:17,976 --> 00:51:19,554
Oh, well.
1025
00:51:19,578 --> 00:51:20,811
Go ahead.
1026
00:51:23,782 --> 00:51:25,649
Oh, you smell like shit.
1027
00:51:26,819 --> 00:51:28,830
[GRUNTS]
Whoa! [LAUGHS]
1028
00:51:28,854 --> 00:51:30,799
ANGEL DUST: Motherfucker.
1029
00:51:30,823 --> 00:51:32,789
Hey, hey, hey.
It's all right, it's all right.
1030
00:51:33,826 --> 00:51:35,804
I think we owe him
that one, yeah?
1031
00:51:35,828 --> 00:51:38,395
You take off. Go on.
1032
00:51:38,964 --> 00:51:40,497
Off you go.
1033
00:51:51,443 --> 00:51:53,009
Quick question.
1034
00:51:55,147 --> 00:51:57,414
What's my name?
1035
00:52:02,988 --> 00:52:04,521
Didn't think so.
1036
00:52:06,158 --> 00:52:09,003
[WADE] Sorry, Francis.
My lips are sealed.
1037
00:52:09,027 --> 00:52:10,660
[GROANING]
1038
00:52:25,010 --> 00:52:27,177
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1039
00:52:57,943 --> 00:52:59,142
[EXPLODING]
1040
00:53:08,921 --> 00:53:11,621
[MEN SCREAMING
IN THE DISTANCE]
1041
00:53:14,226 --> 00:53:15,870
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
1042
00:53:15,894 --> 00:53:17,494
[MAN COUGHING]
1043
00:53:31,210 --> 00:53:32,476
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1044
00:53:43,722 --> 00:53:45,255
[GROANS]
1045
00:53:48,260 --> 00:53:49,526
[GRUNTING]
1046
00:54:00,138 --> 00:54:01,204
[GROANING]
1047
00:54:05,544 --> 00:54:06,855
You don't want to kill me.
1048
00:54:06,879 --> 00:54:09,190
I'm the only one
who can fix your ugly mug.
1049
00:54:09,214 --> 00:54:10,780
[GRUNTING]
1050
00:54:19,758 --> 00:54:21,102
[LAUGHS]
1051
00:54:21,126 --> 00:54:22,692
[GRUNTING]
1052
00:54:24,897 --> 00:54:26,830
[GROANING]
1053
00:54:45,183 --> 00:54:46,583
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
1054
00:54:47,586 --> 00:54:49,085
[RETCHING]
1055
00:54:50,055 --> 00:54:51,988
[GRUNTS AND LAUGHS]
1056
00:54:55,260 --> 00:54:56,993
[GRUNTING]
1057
00:54:59,765 --> 00:55:01,798
[WADE BREATHING HEAVILY]
1058
00:55:05,938 --> 00:55:07,604
What's my name?
1059
00:55:13,679 --> 00:55:14,878
[CUNNINGHAM] Wade.
1060
00:56:14,706 --> 00:56:15,939
[GROANS]
1061
00:56:22,114 --> 00:56:25,215
[WADE] I didn't just get
the cure to el cancer
1062
00:56:26,752 --> 00:56:29,352
I got the cure to el everything.
1063
00:56:33,025 --> 00:56:35,236
But there was only one thing
1064
00:56:35,260 --> 00:56:37,027
that really mattered.
1065
00:56:39,965 --> 00:56:42,699
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
1066
00:56:48,707 --> 00:56:50,206
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
1067
00:56:58,316 --> 00:57:00,717
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
1068
00:57:01,987 --> 00:57:03,086
[INFANT CRYING]
1069
00:57:06,324 --> 00:57:07,390
[WOMAN] Come on, let's go.
1070
00:57:12,864 --> 00:57:15,699
[WOMAN] Oh, that must hurt.
1071
00:57:16,435 --> 00:57:18,913
Thank you so much.
1072
00:57:18,937 --> 00:57:20,937
[INDISTINCT
CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE]
1073
00:57:29,948 --> 00:57:32,160
God, he's so fucking gnarly.
1074
00:57:32,184 --> 00:57:33,728
[WOMAN] Look at his face.
1075
00:57:33,752 --> 00:57:36,064
[MAN] Oh, my God. Poor guy.
1076
00:57:36,088 --> 00:57:37,198
[FEMALE PEDESTRIAN]
Honey, don't stare.
1077
00:57:37,222 --> 00:57:38,466
[MALE PEDESTRIAN] Freak.
1078
00:57:38,490 --> 00:57:39,801
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
1079
00:57:39,825 --> 00:57:41,024
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1080
00:57:58,844 --> 00:58:02,323
No way. I'm not making
her life as ugly as mine.
1081
00:58:02,347 --> 00:58:04,992
Come on, Wade,
it can't be that bad.
1082
00:58:05,016 --> 00:58:07,361
Ah, bullshit!
1083
00:58:07,385 --> 00:58:09,731
I'm a monster inside and out.
I belong in a fucking circus.
1084
00:58:09,755 --> 00:58:12,266
Wade, Vanessa loves you.
She doesn't care what you...
1085
00:58:12,290 --> 00:58:14,001
Oh! Oh.
1086
00:58:14,025 --> 00:58:15,169
Do you like what you see?
1087
00:58:15,193 --> 00:58:16,904
No.
1088
00:58:16,928 --> 00:58:18,372
You look like an avocado
1089
00:58:18,396 --> 00:58:20,942
had sex with an older,
more disgusting avocado.
1090
00:58:20,966 --> 00:58:22,110
Yeah.
1091
00:58:22,134 --> 00:58:24,178
Not gently.
Like it was hate-fucking.
1092
00:58:24,202 --> 00:58:26,114
There was something wrong
with the relationship,
1093
00:58:26,138 --> 00:58:28,049
and that was the only catharsis
1094
00:58:28,073 --> 00:58:29,951
that they could find
without violence.
1095
00:58:29,975 --> 00:58:32,353
And the only guy
who can fix this fugly mug
1096
00:58:32,377 --> 00:58:35,189
is the British shit stick
who ran the mutant factory.
1097
00:58:35,213 --> 00:58:37,125
And he's gone. Poof!
1098
00:58:37,149 --> 00:58:38,960
Yeah, well you gotta do
something to remedy this
1099
00:58:38,984 --> 00:58:40,094
because as of now,
1100
00:58:40,118 --> 00:58:41,996
you only have
one course of action.
1101
00:58:42,020 --> 00:58:43,231
Damn straight.
1102
00:58:43,255 --> 00:58:45,099
Find Francis.
Star in horror films.
1103
00:58:45,123 --> 00:58:46,200
What?
1104
00:58:46,224 --> 00:58:48,269
Star in your own horror films.
1105
00:58:48,293 --> 00:58:49,871
Because you look
like Freddy Krueger
1106
00:58:49,895 --> 00:58:53,107
face-fucked
a topographical map of Utah.
1107
00:58:53,131 --> 00:58:54,976
Here's what
I'm actually gonna do.
1108
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:56,110
I'm gonna work through his crew
1109
00:58:56,134 --> 00:58:58,095
until somebody gives up Francis
1110
00:58:58,119 --> 00:59:00,081
force him to fix this, then
put a bullet in his skull,
1111
00:59:00,105 --> 00:59:01,849
and fuck the brain hole.
1112
00:59:01,873 --> 00:59:04,986
I don't wanna see that
or think of it again.
1113
00:59:05,010 --> 00:59:07,088
But the douche bag does
thinks you're dead, right?
1114
00:59:07,112 --> 00:59:08,356
Yeah.
1115
00:59:08,380 --> 00:59:09,891
That's good.
You should keep it that way.
1116
00:59:09,915 --> 00:59:11,492
What, like, wear a mask?
1117
00:59:11,516 --> 00:59:14,517
Yes. A very thick mask.
All the time.
1118
00:59:15,153 --> 00:59:16,264
I am sorry
1119
00:59:16,288 --> 00:59:19,000
you are haunting.
1120
00:59:19,024 --> 00:59:21,002
Your face is
the stuff of nightmares.
1121
00:59:21,026 --> 00:59:22,303
Like a testicle with teeth.
1122
00:59:22,327 --> 00:59:24,138
You will die alone.
1123
00:59:24,162 --> 00:59:26,307
I mean, if you could die.
1124
00:59:26,331 --> 00:59:28,376
Ideally, for others' sake.
1125
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:30,011
That'll do.
1126
00:59:30,035 --> 00:59:31,879
All you need now is a suit
and a nickname
1127
00:59:31,903 --> 00:59:34,115
like Wade the Wisecracker,
1128
00:59:34,139 --> 00:59:37,273
or Scared evil,
Mr. Never die.
1129
00:59:37,909 --> 00:59:39,209
Oh, shit.
1130
00:59:39,578 --> 00:59:41,522
What?
1131
00:59:41,546 --> 00:59:43,558
I put all my money
on you and now
1132
00:59:43,582 --> 00:59:45,159
I just realized
I'm never gonna win the, uh...
1133
00:59:45,183 --> 00:59:46,282
Dead pool.
1134
00:59:50,188 --> 00:59:52,488
Captain Dead pool...
1135
00:59:54,326 --> 00:59:55,436
No, just...
1136
00:59:55,460 --> 00:59:57,271
Just Dead pool, yeah.
Just Dead pool.
1137
00:59:57,295 --> 00:59:59,440
To you, Mr. Pool.
1138
00:59:59,464 --> 01:00:00,842
Dead pool.
1139
01:00:00,866 --> 01:00:02,143
That sounds like
a fucking franchise.
1140
01:00:02,167 --> 01:00:03,233
[GLASSES CLINK]
1141
01:00:16,581 --> 01:00:19,327
This shit's gonna
have nuts in it.
1142
01:00:19,351 --> 01:00:20,984
[MAN GROANS]
Where's Francis?
1143
01:00:21,353 --> 01:00:23,286
[GRUNTING]
1144
01:00:25,924 --> 01:00:27,068
[GUN FIRING]
1145
01:00:27,092 --> 01:00:28,291
[GROANING]
1146
01:00:32,931 --> 01:00:33,997
[SIGHS]
1147
01:00:34,966 --> 01:00:36,566
[WADE] Where's Francis?
1148
01:00:44,976 --> 01:00:47,010
AL: Seltzer water
and lemon for blood.
1149
01:00:48,213 --> 01:00:51,180
Or wear red. Dumbass.
1150
01:00:56,655 --> 01:00:58,354
[ALL CHEERING]
1151
01:01:03,028 --> 01:01:04,594
[CLAMORING]
1152
01:01:07,265 --> 01:01:08,409
[GROANING]
1153
01:01:08,433 --> 01:01:09,677
[GUN FIRING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
1154
01:01:09,701 --> 01:01:11,334
[WADE] Don't make me ask twice.
1155
01:01:12,570 --> 01:01:14,115
Where
1156
01:01:14,139 --> 01:01:16,651
is Francis?
1157
01:01:16,675 --> 01:01:18,486
He made me ask twice.
1158
01:01:18,510 --> 01:01:20,576
Is the mask muffling my voice?
1159
01:01:25,317 --> 01:01:26,950
Where's Francis?
1160
01:01:27,552 --> 01:01:29,397
[GUN FIRING]
1161
01:01:29,421 --> 01:01:31,354
Where the fuck is Francis?
1162
01:01:31,990 --> 01:01:33,056
[GROANING]
1163
01:01:36,294 --> 01:01:37,538
[GROANING]
1164
01:01:37,562 --> 01:01:40,007
[WADE LAUGHING]
1165
01:01:40,031 --> 01:01:43,311
You're about to be killed
by a Zamboni.
1166
01:01:43,335 --> 01:01:44,545
Where's Francis?
1167
01:01:44,569 --> 01:01:46,013
[WOMAN WHIMPERS]
1168
01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,648
No! Please!
1169
01:01:47,672 --> 01:01:50,584
Oh, God! I'm so sorry!
1170
01:01:50,608 --> 01:01:51,652
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
1171
01:01:51,676 --> 01:01:54,555
Oh! You little
spider monkey!
1172
01:01:54,579 --> 01:01:56,012
[TOILET FLUSHING]
1173
01:01:57,449 --> 01:02:01,050
Where... is... Francis?
1174
01:02:02,153 --> 01:02:03,331
This is confusing.
1175
01:02:03,355 --> 01:02:04,665
Is it sexist to hit you?
1176
01:02:04,689 --> 01:02:06,334
Is it more sexist
to not hit you?
1177
01:02:06,358 --> 01:02:08,703
I mean, the line
gets real... blurry.
1178
01:02:08,727 --> 01:02:09,747
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
1179
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:11,000
Where is Francis?
1180
01:02:12,497 --> 01:02:14,542
Tell me where
your fucking boss is
1181
01:02:14,566 --> 01:02:16,410
or you're gonna die!
1182
01:02:16,434 --> 01:02:18,167
In five minutes!
1183
01:02:28,213 --> 01:02:30,113
[WHISPERS]
Don't hesitate to call me.
1184
01:02:45,530 --> 01:02:47,730
Nice to see you, Jared.
1185
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:50,611
I'll take the foot long...
1186
01:02:50,635 --> 01:02:51,701
Fully loaded.
1187
01:02:53,104 --> 01:02:54,270
[GRUNTING]
[GUNS FIRING]
1188
01:02:59,110 --> 01:03:00,309
[PANTING]
1189
01:03:02,414 --> 01:03:03,713
[GRUNTS]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
1190
01:03:05,784 --> 01:03:07,328
[GROANS] Whoa, whoa!
1191
01:03:07,352 --> 01:03:09,063
41 confirmed kills.
1192
01:03:09,087 --> 01:03:11,454
Now it's 89.
About to be 90.
1193
01:03:12,223 --> 01:03:13,334
Mr. Wilson?
1194
01:03:13,358 --> 01:03:14,457
Ding-ding.
1195
01:03:15,260 --> 01:03:17,538
You're looking very alive.
1196
01:03:17,562 --> 01:03:19,807
Ha! Only on the outside!
1197
01:03:19,831 --> 01:03:21,475
This is not going to
end well for me, is it?
1198
01:03:21,499 --> 01:03:22,777
This is not gonna
end well for you, no.
1199
01:03:22,801 --> 01:03:24,145
Where's your boss?
1200
01:03:24,169 --> 01:03:25,646
I can tell you exactly...
1201
01:03:25,670 --> 01:03:27,415
[SHUSHING MOCKINGLY]
1202
01:03:27,439 --> 01:03:29,784
Oh, you'll tell me.
But first...
1203
01:03:29,808 --> 01:03:32,253
You might wanna
look away for this.
1204
01:03:32,277 --> 01:03:33,554
Now this little piggy went to...
1205
01:03:33,578 --> 01:03:34,744
[AGENT SMITH SCREAMS]
1206
01:03:35,580 --> 01:03:38,081
[WADE] Thank you, Agent Smith.
1207
01:03:41,519 --> 01:03:42,585
Taxi!
1208
01:03:44,122 --> 01:03:46,400
Hop in! Great day for a ride.
1209
01:03:46,424 --> 01:03:48,269
[HINDI SONG PLAYING ON RADIO]
1210
01:03:48,293 --> 01:03:49,973
[WADE] And we all know
how this turned out.
1211
01:03:52,564 --> 01:03:54,797
Whoops!
You weren't meant to see that.
1212
01:04:02,707 --> 01:04:04,852
There. All caught up.
1213
01:04:04,876 --> 01:04:06,542
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
1214
01:04:12,550 --> 01:04:15,129
We're here.
1215
01:04:15,153 --> 01:04:18,521
[GROANS] Sorry about
bleeding in all your garbage.
1216
01:04:20,859 --> 01:04:22,525
[GRUNTS]
1217
01:04:24,696 --> 01:04:26,796
Seltzer water and
lemon for blood.
1218
01:04:27,298 --> 01:04:28,843
Whoo!
1219
01:04:28,867 --> 01:04:31,545
Some kinds of anger
can't be managed
1220
01:04:31,569 --> 01:04:33,714
like the kind where
your year-long plan
1221
01:04:33,738 --> 01:04:37,318
ends with the wrong guy
getting dismembered!
1222
01:04:37,342 --> 01:04:40,221
That said, when it comes time
to licking wounds,
1223
01:04:40,245 --> 01:04:42,456
there's no place like home.
1224
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,558
Ah, and I share that home
with someone you've met,
1225
01:04:44,582 --> 01:04:47,328
the old blind lady
from the laundromat, Al.
1226
01:04:47,352 --> 01:04:49,230
God, I miss cocaine.
1227
01:04:49,254 --> 01:04:51,715
Her.
1228
01:04:51,739 --> 01:04:54,201
[GASPS] Fourth-wall break
inside a fourth-wall break.
1229
01:04:54,225 --> 01:04:57,304
That's like 16 walls.
1230
01:04:57,328 --> 01:04:58,772
She's like Robin to my Batman,
1231
01:04:58,796 --> 01:05:02,710
except she's old,
and black, and blind.
1232
01:05:02,734 --> 01:05:04,745
And I think
she's in love with me.
1233
01:05:04,769 --> 01:05:08,349
[WADE] Wait, pretty sure
Robin loves Batman, too.
1234
01:05:08,373 --> 01:05:09,572
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1235
01:05:13,878 --> 01:05:15,278
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1236
01:05:16,814 --> 01:05:18,259
[AL GROANS]
1237
01:05:18,283 --> 01:05:19,348
[WADE] Al?
1238
01:05:21,619 --> 01:05:23,197
Morning, sleepyhead.
1239
01:05:23,221 --> 01:05:24,498
[GRUNTS]
1240
01:05:24,522 --> 01:05:26,667
It smells like
old lady pants in here.
1241
01:05:26,691 --> 01:05:28,669
Yes, I'm old.
I wear pants.
1242
01:05:28,693 --> 01:05:30,538
But you're no lady.
1243
01:05:30,562 --> 01:05:33,807
Oh! So comfy.
1244
01:05:33,831 --> 01:05:36,877
Upside of being blind:
I've never seen you in Crocs.
1245
01:05:36,901 --> 01:05:38,412
You mean my big,
rubber masturbating shoes?
1246
01:05:38,436 --> 01:05:39,914
AL: Yes, I know.
1247
01:05:39,938 --> 01:05:42,683
Downside of being blind
1248
01:05:42,707 --> 01:05:45,252
I hear everything
in this duplex.
1249
01:05:45,276 --> 01:05:46,342
[GROANS]
1250
01:05:47,312 --> 01:05:48,522
Sit on a stick.
1251
01:05:48,546 --> 01:05:49,557
Bactin?
1252
01:05:49,581 --> 01:05:53,716
Yeah. Bactin should do it.
1253
01:05:54,786 --> 01:05:56,564
How's that Kullen coming along?
1254
01:05:56,588 --> 01:05:58,666
IKEA doesn't assemble itself,
you know.
1255
01:05:58,690 --> 01:06:01,669
You're telling me.
I don't mind the Kullen.
1256
01:06:01,693 --> 01:06:04,305
It's an improvement
on the Hurdal.
1257
01:06:04,329 --> 01:06:06,840
Please. Anything's an
improvement over the Hurdal.
1258
01:06:06,864 --> 01:06:10,945
I'd have taken an Hemnes
or a Trysil over the Hurdal.
1259
01:06:10,969 --> 01:06:13,814
Oh, no, I didn't get excited
till I saw the Kullen.
1260
01:06:13,838 --> 01:06:14,982
Screw, please.
1261
01:06:15,006 --> 01:06:16,550
Here? Now?
Just kidding.
1262
01:06:16,574 --> 01:06:17,718
I know it's been decades.
1263
01:06:17,742 --> 01:06:18,908
You'd be surprised.
1264
01:06:19,611 --> 01:06:20,776
Pretty grossed out.
1265
01:06:22,714 --> 01:06:25,281
[GROANS] Ta... Da.
1266
01:06:30,855 --> 01:06:34,468
I wish I never heard
of Craigslist.
1267
01:06:34,492 --> 01:06:35,736
And I quote,
Looking for room-mate,
1268
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,004
blind to life's imperfections.
1269
01:06:37,028 --> 01:06:38,788
Must be good with hands.
1270
01:06:38,812 --> 01:06:40,574
Or would you rather I build
the IKEA, and you pay rent?
1271
01:06:40,598 --> 01:06:42,565
Why such a douche this morning?
1272
01:06:43,334 --> 01:06:45,011
Let's recap.
1273
01:06:45,035 --> 01:06:46,714
The cock thistle that
turned me into this freak
1274
01:06:46,738 --> 01:06:48,537
slipped through my arms today...
1275
01:06:50,008 --> 01:06:51,685
Arm.
1276
01:06:51,709 --> 01:06:53,020
Catching him was my only chance
1277
01:06:53,044 --> 01:06:54,855
to be hot again,
get my super sexy ex back,
1278
01:06:54,879 --> 01:06:57,324
and prevent this shit from
happening to someone else.
1279
01:06:57,348 --> 01:06:59,326
So, yeah,
today was about as much fun
1280
01:06:59,350 --> 01:07:00,983
as a sandpaper dildo.
1281
01:07:01,753 --> 01:07:02,863
[WADE FARTS]
1282
01:07:02,887 --> 01:07:04,553
Drive by.
1283
01:07:21,906 --> 01:07:23,939
Found out who our friend
in the red suit is.
1284
01:07:26,377 --> 01:07:29,023
Fucking Wade Wilson.
1285
01:07:29,047 --> 01:07:32,026
I suppose I'd wear a mask too
if I had a face like that.
1286
01:07:32,050 --> 01:07:33,716
I only wish I healed the same.
1287
01:07:37,655 --> 01:07:40,501
Still, we'll put him
out of our misery.
1288
01:07:40,525 --> 01:07:42,002
On our terms.
1289
01:07:42,026 --> 01:07:43,893
Right.
And when he heals?
1290
01:07:44,829 --> 01:07:46,006
He can't.
1291
01:07:46,030 --> 01:07:48,642
Not if there's nothing
left of him to heal.
1292
01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:52,702
You know, it's funny.
I almost miss the fucker.
1293
01:07:54,005 --> 01:07:55,604
I like a challenge.
1294
01:07:56,841 --> 01:07:58,952
But he's bad for business.
1295
01:07:58,976 --> 01:08:00,810
Now let's go find him.
1296
01:08:01,679 --> 01:08:02,745
Oh.
1297
01:08:03,681 --> 01:08:05,092
[WADE GRUNTS SLOWLY]
1298
01:08:05,116 --> 01:08:06,694
Tylenol PM?
1299
01:08:06,718 --> 01:08:09,596
You can stick that
where you stuck the Bactin.
1300
01:08:09,620 --> 01:08:11,965
I raided my stash
of wisdom tooth Percocet,
1301
01:08:11,989 --> 01:08:16,058
and I am orbiting
fucking Saturn right now.
1302
01:08:16,961 --> 01:08:18,839
[SIGHS]
1303
01:08:18,863 --> 01:08:21,809
But I appreciate the gesture.
1304
01:08:21,833 --> 01:08:26,413
Am I crazy,
or is your hand really small?
1305
01:08:26,437 --> 01:08:28,449
About the size of a KFC spork.
1306
01:08:28,473 --> 01:08:30,351
Ugh.
1307
01:08:30,375 --> 01:08:32,586
I get why you're so pissy,
1308
01:08:32,610 --> 01:08:34,121
but your mood's
never gonna brighten
1309
01:08:34,145 --> 01:08:35,589
till you find this woman,
1310
01:08:35,613 --> 01:08:36,957
and tell her how you feel.
1311
01:08:36,981 --> 01:08:38,659
What do I keep telling you,
Mrs. Magoo?
1312
01:08:38,683 --> 01:08:40,494
She wouldn't have me.
1313
01:08:40,518 --> 01:08:42,129
If you could see me,
you'd understand.
1314
01:08:42,153 --> 01:08:43,464
Looks aren't everything.
1315
01:08:43,488 --> 01:08:44,598
Looks are everything.
1316
01:08:44,622 --> 01:08:46,700
You ever heard
David Beckham speak?
1317
01:08:46,724 --> 01:08:49,036
It's like he mouth-sexed
a can of helium.
1318
01:08:49,060 --> 01:08:50,604
You think Ryan Reynolds
got this far
1319
01:08:50,628 --> 01:08:52,473
on his superior acting method?
1320
01:08:52,497 --> 01:08:53,741
Love is blind, Wade.
1321
01:08:53,765 --> 01:08:54,830
No.
1322
01:08:55,867 --> 01:08:57,778
You're blind.
1323
01:08:57,802 --> 01:09:00,748
So, you're just gonna
lie there and whimper?
1324
01:09:00,772 --> 01:09:02,850
No, I'm gonna wait till this
arm ploughs through puberty,
1325
01:09:02,874 --> 01:09:03,884
and then I'm gonna come up with
1326
01:09:03,908 --> 01:09:05,148
a whole new Christmas Day plan.
1327
01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:07,054
In the meantime,
1328
01:09:07,078 --> 01:09:09,056
you might wanna leave the room.
1329
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,680
I bet it feels huge
in this hand.
1330
01:09:12,917 --> 01:09:16,063
Go, go, go.
1331
01:09:16,087 --> 01:09:17,865
[WEASEL] So, the doctor says,
The bad news is
1332
01:09:17,889 --> 01:09:19,316
you don't have
that long to live.
1333
01:09:19,340 --> 01:09:20,768
So, the patient says,
How long do I have?
1334
01:09:20,792 --> 01:09:22,736
The doctor says, Five.
1335
01:09:22,760 --> 01:09:24,471
The guy says, Five what?
1336
01:09:24,495 --> 01:09:27,674
And the doctor says,
Four, three, two...
1337
01:09:27,698 --> 01:09:28,898
[ALL LAUGHING]
1338
01:09:35,540 --> 01:09:37,039
Can I help you ladies?
1339
01:09:39,677 --> 01:09:40,843
Oh, I do hope so.
1340
01:09:44,949 --> 01:09:46,560
I heard you might be
able to point me
1341
01:09:46,584 --> 01:09:49,663
in the direction
of a, um, friend of mine.
1342
01:09:49,687 --> 01:09:50,753
Name of Wade Wilson.
1343
01:09:52,123 --> 01:09:53,434
Sorry.
1344
01:09:53,458 --> 01:09:54,990
I don't know the name.
1345
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,733
Hey, you're not supposed
to be behind the bar.
1346
01:10:08,239 --> 01:10:10,184
I've seen this girl.
1347
01:10:10,208 --> 01:10:11,685
[FRANCIS]
Ah, this must be Vanessa.
1348
01:10:11,709 --> 01:10:12,908
I've heard so much about you.
1349
01:10:13,544 --> 01:10:14,610
[GROANING]
1350
01:10:17,114 --> 01:10:19,860
Um, sweetheart,
you might wanna look around.
1351
01:10:19,884 --> 01:10:22,651
This isn't really the place
to do something like that.
1352
01:10:23,888 --> 01:10:25,699
Easy, Angel.
1353
01:10:25,723 --> 01:10:27,089
Put the little man down.
1354
01:10:28,693 --> 01:10:30,804
We have everything we need now.
1355
01:10:30,828 --> 01:10:32,606
You sure?
1356
01:10:32,630 --> 01:10:35,709
You don't want any clothes
that are not monochromatic?
1357
01:10:35,733 --> 01:10:38,534
Have fun at your midnight
showing of Blade II.
1358
01:10:40,605 --> 01:10:41,982
Whoo.
1359
01:10:42,006 --> 01:10:43,839
Thanks for having my back, guys.
1360
01:10:48,779 --> 01:10:51,124
Wade, we have a fucking problem.
1361
01:10:51,148 --> 01:10:53,894
And by we, I mean you.
1362
01:10:53,918 --> 01:10:56,029
Ah, I can't believe
I'm doing this.
1363
01:10:56,053 --> 01:10:58,966
Is there a word for
half afraid, half angry?
1364
01:10:58,990 --> 01:11:01,134
Yeah, afrangry, I guess.
1365
01:11:01,158 --> 01:11:03,003
Have you decided what
you're gonna say to her?
1366
01:11:03,027 --> 01:11:04,271
Fuck me!
1367
01:11:04,295 --> 01:11:06,273
Uh, maybe not start with that.
1368
01:11:06,297 --> 01:11:08,130
[TRAP MUSIC PLAYING]
1369
01:11:12,136 --> 01:11:15,582
Hey, coming onto
our stage right now
1370
01:11:15,606 --> 01:11:17,784
give it up for Chastity!
1371
01:11:17,808 --> 01:11:19,108
[ALL CHEERING]
1372
01:11:21,612 --> 01:11:23,891
Or as I like to call her, Irony.
1373
01:11:23,915 --> 01:11:26,026
Better find her fast
before numb nuts does.
1374
01:11:26,050 --> 01:11:27,661
How do you know she's in here?
1375
01:11:27,685 --> 01:11:30,853
Because I'm constantly
stalking that fox.
1376
01:11:44,902 --> 01:11:48,704
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
1377
01:11:55,813 --> 01:12:00,060
[WADE] Every time I see her,
it's like the first time...
1378
01:12:00,084 --> 01:12:02,284
Especially from this angle.
1379
01:12:21,372 --> 01:12:22,683
[MUSIC FADES IN]
1380
01:12:22,707 --> 01:12:23,906
[MEN CHEERING]
1381
01:12:25,810 --> 01:12:27,087
[ANNOUNCER] You can't buy love,
1382
01:12:27,111 --> 01:12:29,912
but you can rent it
for three minutes.
1383
01:12:31,015 --> 01:12:32,081
[EXHALES]
1384
01:12:32,850 --> 01:12:35,651
Ah, you weak motherfucker!
1385
01:12:36,220 --> 01:12:37,286
Come on!
1386
01:12:38,389 --> 01:12:39,833
Come on, get it together.
1387
01:12:39,857 --> 01:12:41,924
This isn't about me,
this is about Vanessa.
1388
01:12:45,963 --> 01:12:47,296
Here we go.
1389
01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:51,667
Maximum effort.
1390
01:12:55,006 --> 01:12:56,171
Vanessa.
1391
01:12:58,743 --> 01:13:00,721
Someone out back asking for you.
1392
01:13:00,745 --> 01:13:02,911
Something about, uh,
an old boyfriend.
1393
01:13:30,141 --> 01:13:31,273
I knew it was you.
1394
01:13:33,077 --> 01:13:35,110
The weird, curvy edges.
1395
01:13:36,681 --> 01:13:38,414
Like a jigsaw puzzle.
1396
01:13:48,426 --> 01:13:50,392
You have Wade Wilson
to thank for this.
1397
01:13:53,097 --> 01:13:54,163
[VANESSA GROANS]
1398
01:13:59,336 --> 01:14:01,048
Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?
1399
01:14:01,072 --> 01:14:03,016
Uh, I saw her head to the back.
1400
01:14:03,040 --> 01:14:04,406
Go get her, tiger.
1401
01:14:27,364 --> 01:14:29,865
[SOFTLY] Fuck. Fuck!
1402
01:14:32,369 --> 01:14:34,181
Motherfucker!
1403
01:14:34,205 --> 01:14:35,315
Wait, wait.
Let's... Just...
1404
01:14:35,339 --> 01:14:36,382
Cock juggling...
1405
01:14:36,406 --> 01:14:37,451
We can talk about
what we're gonna...
1406
01:14:37,475 --> 01:14:38,485
Jiminy! Fuck face!
1407
01:14:38,509 --> 01:14:39,920
Okay, or you can hit that.
1408
01:14:39,944 --> 01:14:41,822
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck! Fuck!
1409
01:14:41,846 --> 01:14:43,190
No, no.
All right. Hey!
1410
01:14:43,214 --> 01:14:44,958
Fuck! Fuck!
1411
01:14:44,982 --> 01:14:46,493
Fuck!
Hey, um...
1412
01:14:46,517 --> 01:14:49,096
Whoa! Whoa!
Relax. Relax. Okay.
1413
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:50,397
Okay. I think
that's a good start.
1414
01:14:50,421 --> 01:14:52,466
Oh, I'm gonna rip
his mother fucking...
1415
01:14:52,490 --> 01:14:53,734
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Wait.
1416
01:14:53,758 --> 01:14:55,202
Find it! Find it.
What?
1417
01:14:55,226 --> 01:14:57,070
I'm gonna get angry.
Okay. All right.
1418
01:14:57,094 --> 01:14:58,939
All right. Okay. All right.
1419
01:14:58,963 --> 01:15:00,240
Here. This is Vanessa.
1420
01:15:00,264 --> 01:15:02,275
What?
No, wait. It's Francis.
1421
01:15:02,299 --> 01:15:05,078
He wants you to come to him.
1422
01:15:05,102 --> 01:15:06,847
What is that?
That's the shit emoji.
1423
01:15:06,871 --> 01:15:08,982
You know, it's the turd with
the smiling face and the eyes?
1424
01:15:09,006 --> 01:15:11,340
I thought it was chocolate
yogurt for so long.
1425
01:15:12,042 --> 01:15:13,253
I need guns.
1426
01:15:13,277 --> 01:15:14,387
Okay, which ones?
1427
01:15:14,411 --> 01:15:15,522
I need all the guns!
1428
01:15:15,546 --> 01:15:16,990
All right. Okay.
1429
01:15:17,014 --> 01:15:18,514
[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]
1430
01:15:37,468 --> 01:15:39,101
That's about 3,000 rounds.
1431
01:15:40,037 --> 01:15:42,382
We all know
what I can do with 12.
1432
01:15:42,406 --> 01:15:44,551
Hey, hey, careful with that,
Ronnie Milsap!
1433
01:15:44,575 --> 01:15:45,941
We're downrange.
1434
01:15:47,211 --> 01:15:48,855
I was gonna spend the night
1435
01:15:48,879 --> 01:15:51,992
assembling the Borje,
but this is holding my interest.
1436
01:15:52,016 --> 01:15:54,895
I told you, we're going with
the Urvaj, not the Borje.
1437
01:15:54,919 --> 01:15:56,897
Get it through your head
or get out of fuck town.
1438
01:15:56,921 --> 01:15:59,566
Shit. That's all the pieces
in the house.
1439
01:15:59,590 --> 01:16:01,902
Nah, nah... Come on.
Let's go. Cough it up.
1440
01:16:01,926 --> 01:16:03,392
Up, up, up.
1441
01:16:04,428 --> 01:16:05,939
Oh. Down, down, down.
1442
01:16:05,963 --> 01:16:07,029
Fuck you.
1443
01:16:08,833 --> 01:16:11,533
.45 cal. I like it.
1444
01:16:13,571 --> 01:16:15,003
Wade
1445
01:16:16,106 --> 01:16:18,974
I'd go with you,
but I don't want to.
1446
01:16:22,046 --> 01:16:23,323
Uh...
1447
01:16:23,347 --> 01:16:24,546
Listen, Al
1448
01:16:25,516 --> 01:16:28,161
if I never see you again,
1449
01:16:28,185 --> 01:16:31,598
I want you to know that
I love you very much.
1450
01:16:31,622 --> 01:16:35,468
And also, uh, there's
about 116 kilos of cocaine
1451
01:16:35,492 --> 01:16:37,003
buried somewhere
in the apartment
1452
01:16:37,027 --> 01:16:39,862
right next to the cure
for blindness. Good luck.
1453
01:16:45,202 --> 01:16:46,613
You wanna get fucked up?
1454
01:16:46,637 --> 01:16:48,303
[SEAGULLS SCREECHING]
1455
01:16:51,542 --> 01:16:54,076
([MAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER P.A.)
1456
01:16:54,945 --> 01:16:56,489
[MUMBLING]
1457
01:16:56,513 --> 01:16:58,180
Put her down over here.
1458
01:16:59,650 --> 01:17:00,916
[WHIMPERS]
1459
01:17:03,420 --> 01:17:05,187
[MUMBLING CONTINUES]
1460
01:17:08,259 --> 01:17:09,491
Go on then.
1461
01:17:11,996 --> 01:17:14,975
Thanks, dick less.
And I mean you.
1462
01:17:14,999 --> 01:17:18,278
Wow. You're a talker too.
You and Wade.
1463
01:17:18,302 --> 01:17:20,113
I've been trying
to tell you assholes,
1464
01:17:20,137 --> 01:17:21,514
you've got the wrong girl.
1465
01:17:21,538 --> 01:17:23,216
My old boyfriend, he's dead.
1466
01:17:23,240 --> 01:17:26,987
See, I thought that too.
But he keeps on coming back.
1467
01:17:27,011 --> 01:17:28,255
Like a cockroach,
1468
01:17:28,279 --> 01:17:30,523
but uglier.
1469
01:17:30,547 --> 01:17:35,161
Now, I may not feel,
but he does.
1470
01:17:35,185 --> 01:17:37,225
Let's see how he fights
with your head on the block.
1471
01:17:46,063 --> 01:17:47,529
Ripley, from Alien 3!
1472
01:17:48,165 --> 01:17:50,110
Fuck, you're old.
1473
01:17:50,134 --> 01:17:51,544
[CACKLES]
1474
01:17:51,568 --> 01:17:54,014
Fake laugh.
Hiding real pain.
1475
01:17:54,038 --> 01:17:55,348
Go get Silver Balls.
1476
01:17:55,372 --> 01:17:57,918
You guys going for a bite?
Early bird special?
1477
01:17:57,942 --> 01:17:59,152
Oh, like there's something wrong
1478
01:17:59,176 --> 01:18:00,687
with eating before sundown
or saving money.
1479
01:18:00,711 --> 01:18:04,246
No, you know that bad guy
that you let go?
1480
01:18:04,682 --> 01:18:06,593
He's got my girl.
1481
01:18:06,617 --> 01:18:08,428
You're gonna
help me get her back.
1482
01:18:08,452 --> 01:18:10,330
[COLOSSUS] Wade, is that you?
1483
01:18:10,354 --> 01:18:11,998
Yeah, it's me, Dead pool,
1484
01:18:12,022 --> 01:18:14,957
and I got an offer
that you can't refuse.
1485
01:18:17,461 --> 01:18:18,538
I'm gonna wait out here, okay?
1486
01:18:18,562 --> 01:18:20,106
It's a big house.
1487
01:18:20,130 --> 01:18:21,942
It's funny that I only
ever see two of you.
1488
01:18:21,966 --> 01:18:24,247
It's almost like the studio
couldn't afford another X-Man.
1489
01:18:27,604 --> 01:18:29,215
[WADE] And that is why,
in my opinion
1490
01:18:29,239 --> 01:18:32,953
the movie Cocoon
is pure pornography.
1491
01:18:32,977 --> 01:18:34,621
Who brought this twinkly man?
1492
01:18:34,645 --> 01:18:36,723
Twinkly, but deadly.
1493
01:18:36,747 --> 01:18:39,326
My chrome-penised
friend back there
1494
01:18:39,350 --> 01:18:41,428
has agreed to do me this solid.
1495
01:18:41,452 --> 01:18:43,430
In exchange, I said that I would
1496
01:18:43,454 --> 01:18:45,465
consider joining his boy band.
1497
01:18:45,489 --> 01:18:46,733
It's not boy band.
1498
01:18:46,757 --> 01:18:48,568
Sure it's not.
1499
01:18:48,592 --> 01:18:51,604
[SIGHS LOUDLY] So,
any luck winning Gita back?
1500
01:18:51,628 --> 01:18:54,207
I tried to hold on tight,
Mr. Pool,
1501
01:18:54,231 --> 01:18:58,445
but Bandhu is more craftier
and handsomer than me.
1502
01:18:58,469 --> 01:19:00,302
Well, I think you're
pretty darn cute.
1503
01:19:02,339 --> 01:19:03,516
[MAN SCREAMS]
1504
01:19:03,540 --> 01:19:04,780
[PUNJABI MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]
1505
01:19:06,143 --> 01:19:07,709
Dopinder.
Hmm?
1506
01:19:09,113 --> 01:19:10,178
What was that?
1507
01:19:10,748 --> 01:19:12,125
Uh...
1508
01:19:12,149 --> 01:19:17,719
That was Bandhu in the trunk.
1509
01:19:18,389 --> 01:19:20,433
Ban who?
1510
01:19:20,457 --> 01:19:22,502
My romantic rival Bandhu.
He's tied up in the trunk.
1511
01:19:22,526 --> 01:19:24,270
I'm doing as you said, DP.
1512
01:19:24,294 --> 01:19:26,272
I plan to gut him
like a tandoori fish,
1513
01:19:26,296 --> 01:19:28,196
then dump his carcass
on Gita's doorstep.
1514
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:31,144
I did not tell him to do that.
1515
01:19:31,168 --> 01:19:33,747
Absolutely not.
It got lost in translation.
1516
01:19:33,771 --> 01:19:37,150
Dopinder, this is no way
to win Gita's heart back!
1517
01:19:37,174 --> 01:19:38,784
[WHISPERS]
I'm so proud of you.
1518
01:19:38,808 --> 01:19:40,420
Drop Bandhu off,
safe and gentle-like.
1519
01:19:40,444 --> 01:19:41,488
[WHISPERS] Kill him.
1520
01:19:41,512 --> 01:19:43,656
And then, win Gita back
1521
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:46,526
the old fashioned way:
with your boyish charm.
1522
01:19:46,550 --> 01:19:48,150
[WHISPERS] Kidnap her.
1523
01:19:49,453 --> 01:19:50,652
He's super dead.
1524
01:19:51,188 --> 01:19:52,254
Whoa!
1525
01:19:56,160 --> 01:19:57,670
I presume a crisp high five?
1526
01:19:57,694 --> 01:20:00,540
For you? 10.
1527
01:20:00,564 --> 01:20:03,410
Okay, guys, let's get out there
and make a difference.
1528
01:20:03,434 --> 01:20:05,400
[WHISPERS]
You know what to do.
1529
01:20:06,303 --> 01:20:09,071
Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
1530
01:20:10,174 --> 01:20:12,240
Time to make
the chimi-fucking changas.
1531
01:20:13,577 --> 01:20:15,288
[WADE] Not often
a dude ruins your face
1532
01:20:15,312 --> 01:20:18,291
skull-stomps your sanity,
grabs your future baby mama,
1533
01:20:18,315 --> 01:20:20,060
and personally sees to four
1534
01:20:20,084 --> 01:20:22,462
of your five shittiest moments.
1535
01:20:22,486 --> 01:20:26,688
Let's just say it's beginning
to look a lot like Christmas.
1536
01:20:39,603 --> 01:20:41,081
[NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD]
Hey.
1537
01:20:41,105 --> 01:20:42,404
Where's your duffle bag?
1538
01:20:43,740 --> 01:20:45,273
[PHONE RINGING]
1539
01:20:46,510 --> 01:20:50,378
[HINDI SONG PLAYING ON RADIO]
1540
01:20:54,585 --> 01:20:55,717
[TRUCK HONKING]
1541
01:20:56,453 --> 01:20:57,564
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1542
01:20:57,588 --> 01:20:59,421
[THUDS]
[BANDHU SCREAMS]
1543
01:21:01,225 --> 01:21:04,170
[DOPINDER] Bandhu?
1544
01:21:04,194 --> 01:21:06,239
[DOPINDER] Leave a message
and have a happy day.
1545
01:21:06,263 --> 01:21:07,607
God damn it!
1546
01:21:07,631 --> 01:21:09,375
I'm gonna do this
the old fashioned way
1547
01:21:09,399 --> 01:21:12,834
with two swords
and maximum effort.
1548
01:21:13,770 --> 01:21:14,848
Cue the music.
1549
01:21:14,872 --> 01:21:17,172
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
1550
01:21:25,282 --> 01:21:26,581
[MUSIC STOPS]
1551
01:21:30,921 --> 01:21:33,900
[FRANCIS] Wade Wilson!
1552
01:21:33,924 --> 01:21:35,635
What's my name?
1553
01:21:35,659 --> 01:21:37,859
Oh, I'm a fucking
spell it out for ya.
1554
01:21:40,230 --> 01:21:41,341
Go get some.
1555
01:21:41,365 --> 01:21:42,509
Superhero landing.
1556
01:21:42,533 --> 01:21:43,643
She's gonna do
a superhero landing.
1557
01:21:43,667 --> 01:21:44,733
Wait for it.
1558
01:21:47,938 --> 01:21:49,215
[WADE] Whoo!
1559
01:21:49,239 --> 01:21:50,783
Superhero landing!
1560
01:21:50,807 --> 01:21:52,285
You know, that's really
hard on your knees.
1561
01:21:52,309 --> 01:21:54,254
Totally impractical.
They all do it.
1562
01:21:54,278 --> 01:21:57,524
You're a lovely lady, but
I'm saving myself for Francis.
1563
01:21:57,548 --> 01:21:58,825
That's why I brought him.
1564
01:21:58,849 --> 01:22:02,184
I prefer not to hit a woman,
so please...
1565
01:22:03,554 --> 01:22:05,587
[GROANS]
1566
01:22:09,293 --> 01:22:12,394
I mean,
that's why I brought her?
1567
01:22:13,797 --> 01:22:15,942
Oh, no, finish your tweet.
It's not... That's...
1568
01:22:15,966 --> 01:22:17,644
Just give us a second.
Yeah.
1569
01:22:17,668 --> 01:22:19,201
There you go.
Hashtag it.
1570
01:22:20,437 --> 01:22:22,370
Go get her, tiger.
1571
01:22:23,540 --> 01:22:25,407
[GROANS]
1572
01:22:28,845 --> 01:22:32,681
Oh, I so pity the dude who
pressures her into prom sex.
1573
01:22:33,417 --> 01:22:35,195
All right, then. Fire!
1574
01:22:35,219 --> 01:22:36,651
[GUNS FIRING]
1575
01:22:42,893 --> 01:22:43,959
[GRUNTS]
1576
01:22:46,630 --> 01:22:48,341
Finish fucking her the fuck up!
1577
01:22:48,365 --> 01:22:49,442
Language, please.
1578
01:22:49,466 --> 01:22:50,677
Suck a cock.
1579
01:22:50,701 --> 01:22:52,267
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1580
01:23:16,627 --> 01:23:18,426
Look away, child.
1581
01:23:18,929 --> 01:23:20,462
Look away!
1582
01:23:21,031 --> 01:23:22,530
[SCREAMING]
1583
01:23:27,671 --> 01:23:28,982
[WADE] Wait!
1584
01:23:29,006 --> 01:23:30,316
Wait!
1585
01:23:30,340 --> 01:23:31,351
Cease fire!
1586
01:23:31,375 --> 01:23:32,652
Cease fire!
1587
01:23:32,676 --> 01:23:34,309
[WADE] Fellas! Hey! Hey!
1588
01:23:35,545 --> 01:23:39,359
You only work for that
shit-speckled muppet fart.
1589
01:23:39,383 --> 01:23:41,527
So, I'm a give you a chance
1590
01:23:41,551 --> 01:23:43,396
for y'all to lay down
your firearms
1591
01:23:43,420 --> 01:23:46,466
in exchange for preferential,
bordering on gentle
1592
01:23:46,490 --> 01:23:50,036
possibly even
lover-like treatment.
1593
01:23:50,060 --> 01:23:51,871
[GUNS FIRING]
1594
01:23:51,895 --> 01:23:53,039
Fine.
1595
01:23:53,063 --> 01:23:54,362
Commando!
1596
01:23:55,032 --> 01:23:56,598
[GRUNTING]
1597
01:24:02,939 --> 01:24:04,372
[EXHALING]
1598
01:24:04,975 --> 01:24:06,474
[GRUNTING]
1599
01:24:08,545 --> 01:24:09,622
[COLOSSUS GRUNTS]
1600
01:24:09,646 --> 01:24:10,712
[ANGEL DUST GROANS]
1601
01:24:14,951 --> 01:24:16,584
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1602
01:24:29,066 --> 01:24:30,332
[GROWLS]
1603
01:24:30,701 --> 01:24:31,800
[MEN GROANING]
1604
01:24:46,850 --> 01:24:47,916
[GRUNTING]
1605
01:25:06,370 --> 01:25:07,502
Teabag!
1606
01:25:11,875 --> 01:25:12,941
Bob?
1607
01:25:13,877 --> 01:25:15,104
Wade?
1608
01:25:15,128 --> 01:25:16,356
Oh, my God,
I haven't seen you since...
1609
01:25:16,380 --> 01:25:18,680
Jacksonville. Fridays.
Since TGI Fridays.
1610
01:25:19,483 --> 01:25:21,694
Well, what the hell!
1611
01:25:21,718 --> 01:25:23,385
God, come here, you.
1612
01:25:23,653 --> 01:25:25,431
[GRUNTS]
1613
01:25:25,455 --> 01:25:27,834
How are the kids?
Good?
1614
01:25:27,858 --> 01:25:29,669
And Gail, she still fixing
that tuna casserole?
1615
01:25:29,693 --> 01:25:31,504
So good.
But bad for the waistline,
1616
01:25:31,528 --> 01:25:32,888
if you know what
I'm talking about.
1617
01:25:37,167 --> 01:25:39,379
Oh! [CLEARS THROAT]
1618
01:25:39,403 --> 01:25:42,715
Your... On the left.
You are beautiful woman.
1619
01:25:42,739 --> 01:25:43,983
That is so sweet.
1620
01:25:44,007 --> 01:25:45,118
Uh...
1621
01:25:45,142 --> 01:25:46,408
Thanks.
1622
01:25:46,676 --> 01:25:47,742
[GRUNTS]
1623
01:25:51,648 --> 01:25:52,714
[GROANS]
1624
01:25:58,488 --> 01:25:59,231
[WADE] Yoo-hoo!
1625
01:25:59,255 --> 01:25:59,999
[FRANCIS] Does he
write you notes too?
1626
01:26:00,023 --> 01:26:02,402
He's such a romantic.
1627
01:26:02,426 --> 01:26:03,866
[WADE] Don't worry, baby.
I'm coming.
1628
01:26:05,028 --> 01:26:06,539
Fire!
1629
01:26:06,563 --> 01:26:07,829
[GUNS FIRING]
1630
01:26:13,770 --> 01:26:15,515
[NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD]
Hey!
1631
01:26:15,539 --> 01:26:16,604
Climb on!
1632
01:26:18,108 --> 01:26:20,175
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
1633
01:26:27,717 --> 01:26:28,783
[SCREAMING]
1634
01:26:34,691 --> 01:26:36,191
[GROANING]
1635
01:26:53,577 --> 01:26:55,076
Mother fucking...
1636
01:27:06,490 --> 01:27:08,957
Motherfucker should have
worn his brown pants.
1637
01:27:11,728 --> 01:27:12,927
You were right, beautiful.
1638
01:27:13,763 --> 01:27:15,630
Red really is my colour.
1639
01:27:16,132 --> 01:27:17,243
Wade?
1640
01:27:17,267 --> 01:27:18,711
Don't worry, baby
1641
01:27:18,735 --> 01:27:21,113
I'm a get you out
of that shit-box.
1642
01:27:21,137 --> 01:27:23,549
What better way to crawl back
inside that head of yours?
1643
01:27:23,573 --> 01:27:25,485
Oh, you never left.
1644
01:27:25,509 --> 01:27:27,620
But you did, asshole!
1645
01:27:27,644 --> 01:27:29,077
Ah, deep breath, darling.
1646
01:27:30,647 --> 01:27:31,813
Oh, wait.
1647
01:27:32,849 --> 01:27:34,549
Wrong choice of words.
1648
01:27:35,585 --> 01:27:37,562
[CHOKING]
1649
01:27:37,586 --> 01:27:39,565
I hope they blocked pain
to your every last nerve.
1650
01:27:39,589 --> 01:27:40,722
'Cause I'm a go looking!
1651
01:27:41,992 --> 01:27:44,604
I hear you grow back
body parts now, Wade.
1652
01:27:44,628 --> 01:27:45,705
When I'm finished
1653
01:27:45,729 --> 01:27:47,607
parts will have
to grow back you.
1654
01:27:47,631 --> 01:27:48,796
Good one.
1655
01:27:49,666 --> 01:27:51,577
Yep, that was a good one.
1656
01:27:51,601 --> 01:27:52,667
Let's dance.
1657
01:27:53,904 --> 01:27:55,114
And by dance, I mean
1658
01:27:55,138 --> 01:27:56,749
let's try to kill each other.
1659
01:27:56,773 --> 01:27:58,106
[GRUNTING]
[METAL CLANKING]
1660
01:28:06,149 --> 01:28:07,793
[GASPING]
1661
01:28:07,817 --> 01:28:08,983
[GRUNTING]
1662
01:28:13,890 --> 01:28:14,956
[GROANS]
1663
01:28:33,310 --> 01:28:34,742
[COLOSSUS GROANING]
1664
01:28:38,682 --> 01:28:39,881
[CHOKING]
1665
01:28:50,961 --> 01:28:53,339
Fine. Fists.
1666
01:28:53,363 --> 01:28:55,575
Oh, sounds like
your last Saturday night.
1667
01:28:55,599 --> 01:28:56,998
[GRUNTING]
1668
01:29:22,025 --> 01:29:23,358
[GROANING]
1669
01:29:35,639 --> 01:29:36,904
[GRUNTING]
1670
01:29:41,978 --> 01:29:43,911
[VANESSA GROANS]
1671
01:30:17,180 --> 01:30:19,280
Asshole!
1672
01:30:25,755 --> 01:30:26,854
[FRANCIS GRUNTS]
1673
01:30:27,323 --> 01:30:28,890
[GROANS]
1674
01:30:37,100 --> 01:30:38,733
[GRUNTING]
1675
01:30:47,477 --> 01:30:48,743
[EXPLODING]
1676
01:30:58,455 --> 01:31:00,154
[GRUNTING]
1677
01:31:10,867 --> 01:31:11,933
[SCREAMS]
1678
01:31:15,505 --> 01:31:17,083
Hang in there, baby!
1679
01:31:17,107 --> 01:31:19,173
Wade!
I gotcha!
1680
01:31:22,412 --> 01:31:24,857
I got a plan.
You're not gonna like it.
1681
01:31:24,881 --> 01:31:26,013
[GRUNTING]
1682
01:31:35,125 --> 01:31:36,290
Shit! Shit! Shit!
1683
01:31:37,961 --> 01:31:40,061
[VANESSA SCREAMING]
1684
01:31:42,165 --> 01:31:44,832
Don't worry.
I'm totally on top of this.
1685
01:31:49,305 --> 01:31:51,072
[PANTING]
1686
01:31:59,916 --> 01:32:01,949
Ah! Damn it!
1687
01:32:02,786 --> 01:32:05,787
Maximum effort!
1688
01:32:06,923 --> 01:32:08,222
[VANESSA SCREAMS]
1689
01:32:25,008 --> 01:32:26,407
[RUMBLING]
1690
01:32:44,594 --> 01:32:46,027
[GRUNTS]
1691
01:32:48,031 --> 01:32:49,096
Thanks.
1692
01:32:54,037 --> 01:32:55,570
Just take it slow.
1693
01:33:02,278 --> 01:33:03,845
[WADE] Yoo-hoo!
1694
01:33:06,082 --> 01:33:08,828
Oh, my God! That was so...
1695
01:33:08,852 --> 01:33:10,017
[GRUNTING]
1696
01:33:36,246 --> 01:33:38,357
[EXHALING HEAVILY]
1697
01:33:38,381 --> 01:33:39,625
[FRANCIS LAUGHS]
1698
01:33:39,649 --> 01:33:42,328
There are no words!
1699
01:33:42,352 --> 01:33:46,087
Me and you are headed
to fix this butter face.
1700
01:33:46,656 --> 01:33:48,022
What?
1701
01:33:48,591 --> 01:33:50,236
[CHUCKLES]
1702
01:33:50,260 --> 01:33:53,372
You stupid fucking idiot.
1703
01:33:53,396 --> 01:33:58,099
Did you really think
there was a cure... for that?
1704
01:33:59,936 --> 01:34:01,280
What?
1705
01:34:01,304 --> 01:34:02,403
You heard me.
1706
01:34:04,173 --> 01:34:05,317
No.
1707
01:34:05,341 --> 01:34:06,552
No!
1708
01:34:06,576 --> 01:34:08,020
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1709
01:34:08,044 --> 01:34:09,610
[LAUGHING
AND COUGHING]
1710
01:34:13,917 --> 01:34:17,496
So, you mean to say
1711
01:34:17,520 --> 01:34:22,368
after all this,
you can't fix me?
1712
01:34:22,392 --> 01:34:24,503
It sounds even stupider
when you say it.
1713
01:34:24,527 --> 01:34:26,438
Like the kind of stupid
who admits
1714
01:34:26,462 --> 01:34:29,630
he can't do the one thing
I'm keeping him alive for?
1715
01:34:33,503 --> 01:34:35,369
Any last words?
1716
01:34:37,206 --> 01:34:38,339
What's my name?
1717
01:34:39,375 --> 01:34:40,486
Who fucking cares?
1718
01:34:40,510 --> 01:34:41,575
[COLOSSUS] Wade!
1719
01:34:43,212 --> 01:34:46,058
Four or five moments.
1720
01:34:46,082 --> 01:34:47,792
I'm sorry?
1721
01:34:47,816 --> 01:34:49,549
Four or five moments,
that's all it takes.
1722
01:34:50,186 --> 01:34:51,252
To?
1723
01:34:52,155 --> 01:34:53,487
Be a hero.
1724
01:34:54,090 --> 01:34:55,501
[GROANS]
1725
01:34:55,525 --> 01:34:58,404
Everyone thinks
it's a full-time job.
1726
01:34:58,428 --> 01:35:00,706
Wake up a hero,
brush your teeth a hero,
1727
01:35:00,730 --> 01:35:02,163
go to work a hero.
1728
01:35:02,498 --> 01:35:04,376
Not true.
1729
01:35:04,400 --> 01:35:07,579
Over a lifetime, there are
only four or five moments
1730
01:35:07,603 --> 01:35:10,215
that really matter.
1731
01:35:10,239 --> 01:35:12,651
Moments when you're
offered a choice.
1732
01:35:12,675 --> 01:35:15,421
To make a sacrifice,
conquer a flaw,
1733
01:35:15,445 --> 01:35:17,078
save a friend
1734
01:35:17,513 --> 01:35:20,659
spare an enemy.
1735
01:35:20,683 --> 01:35:22,249
In these moments
1736
01:35:23,019 --> 01:35:26,398
everything else falls away.
1737
01:35:26,422 --> 01:35:29,401
The way the world sees us.
1738
01:35:29,425 --> 01:35:30,491
The way we...
1739
01:35:31,394 --> 01:35:33,027
[RETCHING]
1740
01:35:34,630 --> 01:35:35,763
Why?
1741
01:35:37,033 --> 01:35:39,078
You were droning on.
1742
01:35:39,102 --> 01:35:42,147
Sure, I may be stuck looking
like pepperoni flatbread,
1743
01:35:42,171 --> 01:35:45,184
but at least fuck face
won't heal from that.
1744
01:35:45,208 --> 01:35:48,253
If wearing superhero tights
1745
01:35:48,277 --> 01:35:49,655
means sparing psychopaths
1746
01:35:49,679 --> 01:35:52,024
then maybe I wasn't
meant to wear 'em.
1747
01:35:52,048 --> 01:35:54,360
Not everyone monitors
a hall like you.
1748
01:35:54,384 --> 01:35:55,461
Just promise...
1749
01:35:55,485 --> 01:35:57,196
Yeah, yeah,
I'll be on the lookout
1750
01:35:57,220 --> 01:35:59,431
for the next four moments.
1751
01:35:59,455 --> 01:36:01,166
[WHISPERS] Oh, shit.
1752
01:36:01,190 --> 01:36:04,770
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm just a boy,
1753
01:36:04,794 --> 01:36:07,172
about to stand
in front of a girl,
1754
01:36:07,196 --> 01:36:08,474
and tell her...
1755
01:36:08,498 --> 01:36:10,542
What the fuck
am I gonna tell her?
1756
01:36:10,566 --> 01:36:14,035
Well, hmm,
you better figure it out.
1757
01:36:15,371 --> 01:36:16,615
I can't even tell you [GRUNTS]
1758
01:36:16,639 --> 01:36:18,484
I deserved that.
That, too.
1759
01:36:18,508 --> 01:36:20,252
No, no, no,
maybe not the nethers.
1760
01:36:20,276 --> 01:36:22,243
Start talking!
1761
01:36:24,213 --> 01:36:26,058
I'm sorry.
1762
01:36:26,082 --> 01:36:28,293
I'm so sorry.
1763
01:36:28,317 --> 01:36:30,818
[STUTTERS] For everything,
I'm sorry for leaving
1764
01:36:32,355 --> 01:36:34,433
I'm sorry for not
cowboying up sooner.
1765
01:36:34,457 --> 01:36:36,268
It's been rough couple of years.
1766
01:36:36,292 --> 01:36:37,358
Rough?
1767
01:36:45,134 --> 01:36:47,068
I live in a crack house.
1768
01:36:48,204 --> 01:36:49,537
With a family of 12.
1769
01:36:51,274 --> 01:36:52,718
Every night we spoon for warmth.
1770
01:36:52,742 --> 01:36:55,788
Everybody fights for Noelle.
She's the fattest.
1771
01:36:55,812 --> 01:36:57,556
There's nothing
that we don't share.
1772
01:36:57,580 --> 01:37:01,782
Floor space, dental floss,
even condoms.
1773
01:37:09,792 --> 01:37:12,193
So, you live in a house.
1774
01:37:20,803 --> 01:37:23,838
I should have come
and found you sooner.
1775
01:37:25,341 --> 01:37:26,652
But, baby,
the guy under this mask,
1776
01:37:26,676 --> 01:37:29,376
he ain't the same one
that you remember.
1777
01:37:33,616 --> 01:37:34,849
You mean this mask?
1778
01:37:54,904 --> 01:37:56,637
And this one.
1779
01:37:58,141 --> 01:37:59,840
In case the other fell off.
1780
01:38:02,745 --> 01:38:05,190
All right.
Yeah, just... Ow.
1781
01:38:05,214 --> 01:38:06,792
Like a Band-Aid,
just give it a...
1782
01:38:06,816 --> 01:38:09,128
Ow die 5,000.
1783
01:38:09,152 --> 01:38:10,284
Wait, wait, wait...
1784
01:38:12,155 --> 01:38:13,420
Are you sure?
1785
01:38:15,258 --> 01:38:16,323
I'm sure.
1786
01:38:26,536 --> 01:38:27,601
Wow.
1787
01:38:28,838 --> 01:38:30,204
Yeah.
1788
01:38:36,879 --> 01:38:38,412
Hey.
1789
01:38:40,550 --> 01:38:42,761
After a brief adjustment period,
1790
01:38:42,785 --> 01:38:44,785
and a bunch of drinks
1791
01:38:46,255 --> 01:38:48,289
it's a face
1792
01:38:52,595 --> 01:38:54,361
I'd be happy to sit on.
1793
01:39:01,671 --> 01:39:05,284
I'm not the same
underneath this suit, either.
1794
01:39:05,308 --> 01:39:06,718
No.
1795
01:39:06,742 --> 01:39:08,720
Super-penis.
1796
01:39:08,744 --> 01:39:10,822
[COLOSSUS]
Come on, Wade. Language.
1797
01:39:10,846 --> 01:39:12,413
Young one is present.
1798
01:39:13,416 --> 01:39:15,327
What are you still doing?
1799
01:39:15,351 --> 01:39:17,930
Get out of here.
Go make yourself useful!
1800
01:39:17,954 --> 01:39:20,799
You, go be a really
big brother to someone.
1801
01:39:20,823 --> 01:39:22,634
Tell Beast to stop
shitting on my lawn.
1802
01:39:22,658 --> 01:39:24,603
And you, chicken noodle...
1803
01:39:24,627 --> 01:39:26,505
Nothing compares to you.
1804
01:39:26,529 --> 01:39:28,607
Sinead O'Connor, 1990.
Sorry.
1805
01:39:28,631 --> 01:39:31,443
That's all right.
You're cool.
1806
01:39:31,467 --> 01:39:32,666
[GASPS]
1807
01:39:33,336 --> 01:39:34,913
What in the ass?
1808
01:39:34,937 --> 01:39:38,483
That was not mean.
I'm proud of you!
1809
01:39:38,507 --> 01:39:41,653
We will make an X-Man
of you yet, Wade.
1810
01:39:41,677 --> 01:39:42,955
For a second there,
1811
01:39:42,979 --> 01:39:44,790
it felt like we were
three mini-lion robots
1812
01:39:44,814 --> 01:39:47,248
coming together to form
one super robot.
1813
01:39:47,883 --> 01:39:49,261
There's a stupid.
1814
01:39:49,285 --> 01:39:50,384
Yeah.
1815
01:39:53,689 --> 01:39:58,259
And now, for the moment
I've all been waiting for.
1816
01:40:01,797 --> 01:40:02,963
Come here.
1817
01:40:05,901 --> 01:40:07,701
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
1818
01:40:10,940 --> 01:40:12,784
[LAUGHING]
1819
01:40:12,808 --> 01:40:15,843
Wham! As promised.
1820
01:40:21,017 --> 01:40:22,816
[MAN VOCALIZING]
1821
01:40:28,824 --> 01:40:30,402
[WADE] See?
1822
01:40:30,426 --> 01:40:33,672
You don't need to be
a superhero to get the girl.
1823
01:40:33,696 --> 01:40:36,975
The right girl will bring out
the hero in you.
1824
01:40:36,999 --> 01:40:40,612
Now, let's finish this
epic wide shot. Pull out.
1825
01:40:40,636 --> 01:40:42,314
There we go, that looks nice.
1826
01:40:42,338 --> 01:40:43,448
That's gonna be
about the only thing
1827
01:40:43,472 --> 01:40:44,750
that's pulling out tonight.
1828
01:40:44,774 --> 01:40:47,986
Who doesn't love
a happy ending, huh?
1829
01:40:48,010 --> 01:40:49,655
'Til next time, this is
1830
01:40:49,679 --> 01:40:51,890
your friendly neighbourhood
pool guy singing
1831
01:40:51,914 --> 01:40:54,393
I'm never gonna dance again
1832
01:40:54,417 --> 01:40:57,885
The way I danced with you
1833
01:46:53,208 --> 01:46:56,276
Captioned by Deluxe
1834
01:47:07,790 --> 01:47:09,356
You're still here?
1835
01:47:11,960 --> 01:47:15,062
It's over. Go home.
1836
01:47:16,765 --> 01:47:19,210
Oh, you're expecting
a teaser for Dead pool 2.
1837
01:47:19,234 --> 01:47:22,047
Well, we don't have
that kind of money.
1838
01:47:22,071 --> 01:47:25,083
What are you expecting?
Sam Jackson to show up?
1839
01:47:25,107 --> 01:47:27,852
With an eye patch and a saucy
little leather number?
1840
01:47:27,876 --> 01:47:29,443
Go. Go.
1841
01:47:34,783 --> 01:47:36,527
Oh.
1842
01:47:36,551 --> 01:47:38,296
But I can tell you one thing,
and it's a bit of a secret.
1843
01:47:38,320 --> 01:47:41,466
For the sequel,
we're gonna have Cable.
1844
01:47:41,490 --> 01:47:44,035
Amazing character.
Bionic arm, time travel.
1845
01:47:44,059 --> 01:47:45,203
We have no idea
who we're gonna cast yet,
1846
01:47:45,227 --> 01:47:46,337
but it could be anybody.
1847
01:47:46,361 --> 01:47:47,972
Just need a big guy
with a flat top.
1848
01:47:47,996 --> 01:47:49,774
Could be Mel Gibson,
Dolph Lundgren
1849
01:47:49,798 --> 01:47:52,210
Keira Knightley.
She's got range. Who knows.
1850
01:47:52,234 --> 01:47:53,778
Anyway, big secret. Shh...
1851
01:47:53,802 --> 01:47:55,814
Oh, and don't leave your
garbage all lying around.
1852
01:47:55,838 --> 01:47:58,238
It's a total dick move.
1853
01:47:59,141 --> 01:48:00,273
Go.
125332
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