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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:00,645
[camera record beeps]
2
00:00:01,046 --> 00:00:04,119
I'm Mark Hoagies
and this is "Human Cannonball."
3
00:00:04,353 --> 00:00:05,586
Ok, Hank. Get in.
4
00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:07,859
Uh... I don't know
about this Mark.
5
00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:08,494
It's fine Hank.
6
00:00:08,662 --> 00:00:09,929
There's a safety
net right there.
7
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:11,432
Uhhh... can we like maybe
8
00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:13,102
test it out first or something?
9
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:14,739
Oh my god you're killing
me here, Hank, okay?
10
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,676
I know what I'm doing.
I'm not Dick Cheney.
11
00:00:16,677 --> 00:00:19,615
But what if I like,
blow up or something?
12
00:00:19,616 --> 00:00:20,685
Okay, dammit! Cut!
13
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,855
Mernft, can you help me here?
Is Hank gonna blow up?
14
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,759
Ahh... Yeah.
I thought that was the point.
15
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,128
No it's not the... Okay,
16
00:00:26,129 --> 00:00:27,298
you know what
maybe we can try it
17
00:00:27,299 --> 00:00:28,134
with a crash test dummy.
18
00:00:28,134 --> 00:00:28,869
Oh no no.
19
00:00:29,102 --> 00:00:30,872
Those things are way
pricier than you think.
20
00:00:31,006 --> 00:00:32,608
Holy crap, a million dollars??
21
00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:34,412
You know, there's actually
something you could get
22
00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:35,915
that's a lot cheaper
23
00:00:35,916 --> 00:00:37,451
and way more realistic...
24
00:00:37,452 --> 00:00:39,087
I'm talkin' inside and out.
25
00:00:39,088 --> 00:00:40,724
Damn. That thing's no joke.
26
00:00:40,725 --> 00:00:43,664
Oh yeah the craftsmanship
on these things, incredible.
27
00:00:43,665 --> 00:00:46,468
I mean they get every detail
down to the fallopian tubes.
28
00:00:46,469 --> 00:00:47,104
Damn yo.
29
00:00:47,371 --> 00:00:49,041
This thing's gonna
be perfect for like,
30
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:51,045
simulating the aerodynamics.
31
00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:52,047
Alright, let's do it.
32
00:00:52,048 --> 00:00:53,216
Okay. I'm putting in the order.
33
00:00:53,217 --> 00:00:54,720
Yo Merf, you don't
think Tammy's like
34
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:55,521
gonna get the wrong idea
35
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,091
when this thing arrives
or nothing, right?
36
00:00:57,092 --> 00:00:58,861
Nah. Don't worry.
I got you.
37
00:00:59,229 --> 00:01:01,232
[doorbell]
38
00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:03,737
David Jinglebells?
39
00:01:03,738 --> 00:01:04,873
Uh. Yup that's me.
40
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,644
[crate opens]
41
00:01:08,581 --> 00:01:09,315
Oh my god.
42
00:01:09,316 --> 00:01:10,451
[♪]
43
00:01:10,752 --> 00:01:13,322
♪ Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory. ♪
44
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,327
♪ Until them
robots came along. ♪
45
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:17,064
♪ And now
there is no job for me ♪
46
00:01:17,198 --> 00:01:19,703
♪ But I get 3,000
bucks a month ♪
47
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:23,645
♪ Thanks to UBI
48
00:01:23,745 --> 00:01:27,652
♪ Now we're
Universal Basic Guys. ♪
49
00:01:27,653 --> 00:01:29,521
♪ It may not
sound like much. ♪
50
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:32,628
♪ But we're
still gonna try ♪
51
00:01:32,629 --> 00:01:37,706
♪ We're just
Universal Basic Guys ♪
52
00:01:41,948 --> 00:01:42,883
Yo... Mark.
53
00:01:42,983 --> 00:01:43,550
What's up hon?
54
00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:45,989
I'm sure you're doing
something very important
55
00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:47,257
but it would mean a lot to me
56
00:01:47,258 --> 00:01:48,727
if you could spend
some time with Darren.
57
00:01:48,728 --> 00:01:51,065
Oh absolutely, yeah.
I take a lot of pride
58
00:01:51,066 --> 00:01:51,935
in being an involved stepdad.
59
00:01:52,101 --> 00:01:53,938
When he gets back from his dad's
we'll hang out.
60
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:54,606
We'll do a little bonding.
61
00:01:54,607 --> 00:01:57,010
Uh. He's been here since April.
62
00:01:57,011 --> 00:01:58,546
Oh get out of here
are you serious?
63
00:01:58,547 --> 00:01:59,548
I didn't even notice him.
64
00:01:59,549 --> 00:02:01,319
Exactly. He's barely
left his room
65
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,555
in like three days.
66
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,558
I'm worried he's gonna spend
the whole summer up there
67
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:05,928
and not make any friends.
68
00:02:05,929 --> 00:02:07,197
No problem, Tam, okay.
69
00:02:07,198 --> 00:02:08,801
I'll hang out with him.
We'll get outside,
70
00:02:08,802 --> 00:02:11,071
we'll make some friends,
we'll get into some trouble.
71
00:02:11,072 --> 00:02:12,607
Okay maybe not that last part.
72
00:02:12,608 --> 00:02:14,044
C'mon, Tam.
Maybe the reason
73
00:02:14,045 --> 00:02:15,480
he's not making any friends
74
00:02:15,481 --> 00:02:16,983
is because you're a bit of a,
75
00:02:16,984 --> 00:02:18,620
you know, helicopter parent.
76
00:02:18,621 --> 00:02:19,422
I am not.
77
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:21,358
I just don't want yous
to do anything stupid.
78
00:02:21,359 --> 00:02:22,195
Cannon's loaded.
79
00:02:22,196 --> 00:02:24,665
Me? Do something stupid?!
PFFFFT!!!
80
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:25,901
I have fun, Tam,
81
00:02:25,902 --> 00:02:29,810
but I do not put the
people I love at risk.
82
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:30,912
[bang]!
83
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,383
[creaking]
84
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:36,356
- [crash]
- Woah.
85
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,326
That was awesome.
86
00:02:39,362 --> 00:02:40,298
What's up Buddy?
87
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:41,033
Hey Mark.
88
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,300
You got any interest in hanging
89
00:02:42,301 --> 00:02:43,671
out with me and Uncle Hank?
90
00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:44,172
No thanks.
91
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,540
I don't want to play with guns.
92
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:46,910
It's not a gun, Darren.
93
00:02:46,911 --> 00:02:47,445
It's a cannon.
94
00:02:47,446 --> 00:02:49,014
A cannon is a gun.
95
00:02:49,015 --> 00:02:50,449
No, it's a classic...
96
00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:52,621
medieval ball shooting... tool.
97
00:02:52,622 --> 00:02:53,490
Oh would you look at this?
98
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,562
A cannon is a 'large
caliber gun classified
99
00:02:56,563 --> 00:02:57,331
as a type of artillery.'
100
00:02:57,465 --> 00:02:59,134
Oh c'mon. You can't
trust the internet
101
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,136
Darren, okay?
102
00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,339
You know how you really learn?
103
00:03:01,340 --> 00:03:03,978
By going outside and
doing experiences.
104
00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:06,148
Yo. You wanna throw
this bad boy around?
105
00:03:06,149 --> 00:03:07,217
Please put that back.
106
00:03:07,218 --> 00:03:07,819
No Darren,
107
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:10,290
this boomerang is a classic toy.
We gotta play with it!
108
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,827
It's a decorative artifact.
109
00:03:11,828 --> 00:03:13,898
My dad got me that
when he was in Australia.
110
00:03:13,899 --> 00:03:15,467
Okay what's the point
of having a boomerang
111
00:03:15,468 --> 00:03:16,836
if you're not gonna
throw it Darren?
112
00:03:16,837 --> 00:03:18,841
If we do this,
will you leave me alone?
113
00:03:19,342 --> 00:03:20,344
Maybe.
114
00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:22,547
Andrea this is a mistake.
I swear.
115
00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:23,984
Uh can you just
leave it in the box?
116
00:03:23,985 --> 00:03:26,958
Oh no, sir.
You ordered white glove service.
117
00:03:27,258 --> 00:03:29,061
You don't even have
to touch the box...
118
00:03:29,362 --> 00:03:31,065
Well, this box.
119
00:03:31,066 --> 00:03:32,568
Huh... What?!
120
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:36,944
Are you trying to send
me a message, here?
121
00:03:36,945 --> 00:03:38,079
What? No!
122
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,249
You want it in the bedroom?
123
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,018
Can you just take it
back with you please?
124
00:03:41,019 --> 00:03:41,687
If you want to return it,
125
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,455
there's a QR code on the back
126
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:44,960
that you can get all the info.
127
00:03:44,961 --> 00:03:45,828
Oh my god.
128
00:03:45,829 --> 00:03:46,863
Maybe next time
129
00:03:46,864 --> 00:03:49,836
pick a delivery window
where your wife isn't home.
130
00:03:52,943 --> 00:03:54,411
It's gotta be some
kind of mistake
131
00:03:54,412 --> 00:03:55,915
or practical joke [click]
or something.
132
00:03:55,916 --> 00:03:57,718
Pretty expensive
practical joke...
133
00:03:57,719 --> 00:03:59,789
[movie starts]
"Hello David Jinglebells ".
134
00:03:59,790 --> 00:04:02,962
"Congratulations on
your new Real Babe,
135
00:04:02,963 --> 00:04:05,167
the ultimate pleasure
doll experience."
136
00:04:05,168 --> 00:04:05,601
Heh?!
137
00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:06,403
"We're going to walk you
138
00:04:06,838 --> 00:04:08,539
through all the intimate
details..."
139
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,275
Oh god. Skip!
140
00:04:09,677 --> 00:04:12,413
"Beneath the natural silicon
exterior is our new,
141
00:04:12,414 --> 00:04:14,051
state of the art self-heating,
142
00:04:14,052 --> 00:04:14,887
strawberry flavored..."
143
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:15,354
Skip!
144
00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:15,989
What? Ew.
145
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:16,790
Skip please! Uh,
146
00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,059
tell me how to send you back!
147
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:18,661
Send back!
148
00:04:18,928 --> 00:04:20,931
"Nano-fiber polyester
landing stri...
149
00:04:20,932 --> 00:04:22,234
Functional lactating...
150
00:04:22,235 --> 00:04:23,504
Tentacle attachments...
151
00:04:23,604 --> 00:04:25,006
Just load the milk
into the cartridge..."
152
00:04:25,007 --> 00:04:25,608
Wow David.
153
00:04:25,842 --> 00:04:27,712
Really splurged on
the trim package.
154
00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:30,651
"Enter promo code
MothersDay for 30% off
155
00:04:30,652 --> 00:04:33,222
our new pregnant
belly expansion pack!"
156
00:04:33,223 --> 00:04:34,826
So the fun thing
about a boomerang
157
00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:36,897
is that when you throw it,
it comes back.
158
00:04:36,898 --> 00:04:38,700
Which makes it a very
ironic gift choice
159
00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:39,568
coming from your father.
160
00:04:39,770 --> 00:04:41,639
Okay Darren so here's
what you're gonna do okay?
161
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,211
You want the flat side
against your palm.
162
00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:45,013
Just like this okay?
163
00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,282
And then you make sure
the curvature
164
00:04:46,549 --> 00:04:48,419
is facing the direction
you're looking to throw.
165
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,291
Okay, you angle your arm
45 degrees on release,
166
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,294
and then you're
just gonna let it
167
00:04:52,295 --> 00:04:53,930
roll off your fingers, okay?
168
00:04:53,931 --> 00:04:54,733
Here we go.
169
00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:56,703
Okay, there we go.
170
00:04:56,704 --> 00:04:58,405
Okay you see it?
No? Don't worry
171
00:04:58,406 --> 00:05:00,609
it's gonna come back so...
any minute now.
172
00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:01,446
Keep an eye out,
173
00:05:01,446 --> 00:05:02,382
keep an eye out.
174
00:05:02,515 --> 00:05:03,884
It'll sneak up on you.
175
00:05:04,452 --> 00:05:05,554
[window breaks]
176
00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:07,490
Ugh, that's the end of that.
177
00:05:07,491 --> 00:05:08,460
Thank you Mark.
178
00:05:08,461 --> 00:05:10,396
Uh uh.
No way, Jose.
179
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,434
We are going on an adventure!
180
00:05:12,435 --> 00:05:13,203
Ugh.
181
00:05:14,338 --> 00:05:15,875
If we somehow find this thing,
182
00:05:15,876 --> 00:05:17,444
it's going right
back on my wall.
183
00:05:17,445 --> 00:05:18,948
Uh uh. Attitude shift.
184
00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:19,582
We're gonna find it.
185
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,085
And then...
we're gonna throw it again.
186
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:24,025
[eerie music]
187
00:05:24,827 --> 00:05:25,461
Bingo.
188
00:05:25,462 --> 00:05:27,130
See that broken window up there?
189
00:05:27,131 --> 00:05:27,999
I bet it's in there.
190
00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:30,570
I gotta say, Darren, okay
that was a hell of a throw.
191
00:05:30,571 --> 00:05:32,340
If that damn house
wasn't in the way
192
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:33,576
it would have
definitely come back.
193
00:05:33,577 --> 00:05:34,445
This is so sketch.
194
00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:36,483
So we're just gonna
knock on the door?
195
00:05:36,718 --> 00:05:38,118
Yeah. What's the
worst that can happen,
196
00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,554
okay, we make some new friends?
197
00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:40,090
Now in sales,
198
00:05:40,692 --> 00:05:42,560
this is what we refer to as a
"cold call" okay?
199
00:05:42,561 --> 00:05:44,364
Hank is gonna make small talk
200
00:05:44,365 --> 00:05:45,801
while you and I,
we sneak upstairs
201
00:05:45,802 --> 00:05:46,971
and we get the boomerang.
202
00:05:47,071 --> 00:05:49,975
Or we can just apologize
and ask them to get it.
203
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:51,746
You want to let whatever
weirdos live in this house
204
00:05:51,747 --> 00:05:53,315
know we broke their window?
205
00:05:53,316 --> 00:05:54,885
Oh yo, wow!?
206
00:05:54,886 --> 00:05:55,621
I mean... hi.
207
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,990
I mean... hello, ma'am.
208
00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:58,425
My name's Mark. I was
just wondering if-
209
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:01,198
What did you say about a window?
210
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:02,300
Oh I was just saying that uh...
211
00:06:02,301 --> 00:06:04,304
You know I love some
of the trim work
212
00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:05,007
on these windows-
213
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:05,942
Go away!
214
00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:06,878
[door slams]
215
00:06:07,178 --> 00:06:09,047
Darren, now that's
called "playing hardball"
216
00:06:09,048 --> 00:06:09,783
no problem.
217
00:06:09,983 --> 00:06:12,154
Every "no" brings you
closer to a "yes."
218
00:06:13,992 --> 00:06:14,458
Yes?
219
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:15,728
Oh hey boss, so,
220
00:06:15,729 --> 00:06:17,030
you know we've been out hiking
221
00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:19,334
and I really gotta
use the bathroom, so...
222
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,039
Go in the woods!
223
00:06:21,406 --> 00:06:22,275
You know the thing is,
224
00:06:22,408 --> 00:06:25,413
it's kind of a number
two situation and um...
225
00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:27,116
and I'm allergic to leaves so.
226
00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:27,853
You are?
227
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:28,286
Hank!
228
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,990
One moment, please.
229
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,096
The man just wants
to use the bathroom.
230
00:06:33,097 --> 00:06:33,530
No!
231
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:34,799
Come on, Deborah.
232
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,938
We haven't had a guest in ages.
233
00:06:37,038 --> 00:06:38,338
Lest you forget,
234
00:06:38,339 --> 00:06:42,147
there's a reason we don't
have guests, Charles.
235
00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:43,651
Oh relax.
236
00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:45,386
Down the hall.
237
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:46,989
First door on your right.
238
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,829
Actually, is there a
upstairs bathroom I can use?
239
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:50,631
I need a little privacy.
240
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:52,835
I got a little, had
a whole two burgers
241
00:06:52,836 --> 00:06:54,638
for breakfast
situation happening,
242
00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:55,507
you know what I mean.
243
00:06:55,507 --> 00:06:55,942
No!
244
00:06:56,075 --> 00:06:57,812
Don't be rude, Deborah.
245
00:06:57,813 --> 00:07:01,585
You're welcome to use the
upstairs hallway bathroom.
246
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:02,655
Really appreciate it.
247
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,190
C'mon Dar.
248
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,460
Why does the boy need to come?
249
00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:07,029
Oh uh... Darren here?
250
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:08,032
He's my uh...
251
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:09,268
he's my wipe boy.
252
00:07:09,269 --> 00:07:10,536
Wipe boy?
253
00:07:10,537 --> 00:07:11,139
What?
254
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,476
I'd love to have a wipe boy.
255
00:07:13,477 --> 00:07:14,011
Eww!
256
00:07:14,479 --> 00:07:16,382
Andrea, how many times
do I have to tell you?
257
00:07:16,383 --> 00:07:17,752
I didn't order this, okay?!
258
00:07:17,753 --> 00:07:19,154
David, it's fine.
259
00:07:19,155 --> 00:07:21,693
In fact, I'm thinking about
ordering my own doll...
260
00:07:21,694 --> 00:07:24,197
Oh wow, this one looks
just like The Rock.
261
00:07:24,198 --> 00:07:25,499
Okay, enough. I'll throw it out.
262
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,136
Uh, you cannot put
that in our trash.
263
00:07:27,137 --> 00:07:27,939
Are you insane?
264
00:07:28,039 --> 00:07:30,076
Ok well I'll return
it this afternoon.
265
00:07:30,077 --> 00:07:31,046
Fine, but until then
266
00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:32,982
can you move it out
of the living room?
267
00:07:32,983 --> 00:07:35,186
The thing weighs
like 120 pounds.
268
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:36,389
Is it that unbearable to ju-
269
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,694
I will move it.
270
00:07:38,695 --> 00:07:39,896
Yes, I will move it.
271
00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:40,832
Argh!
272
00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:43,269
Come on, let's go.
273
00:07:43,503 --> 00:07:44,706
[foot tapping]
274
00:07:45,074 --> 00:07:46,075
Huh!
275
00:07:46,442 --> 00:07:47,345
Cool place.
276
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:48,180
Thanks.
277
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,481
So when was this built?
278
00:07:49,482 --> 00:07:51,484
Like the 50s or something?
279
00:07:51,485 --> 00:07:53,990
1730s actually.
280
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:55,594
Woah. 1730s?
281
00:07:55,795 --> 00:07:57,732
I didn't even know
houses were invented yet.
282
00:07:57,899 --> 00:08:00,269
So uh, what do you do for work?
283
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:04,344
We are the custodians
of something evil-
284
00:08:04,345 --> 00:08:04,980
Enough!
285
00:08:05,147 --> 00:08:07,417
What's taking your
friends so long?
286
00:08:07,986 --> 00:08:08,988
[creaking]
287
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:09,924
Yo Dar,
288
00:08:10,024 --> 00:08:11,224
that's gotta be the attic right?
289
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:11,927
Oh cool,
290
00:08:12,194 --> 00:08:13,730
the chained up room
in a creepy-ass house.
291
00:08:13,731 --> 00:08:15,165
Sounds like a great idea.
292
00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:15,868
C'mon, Darren.
293
00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:16,770
We're having an adventure.
294
00:08:17,137 --> 00:08:18,874
[voice from behind door]
"You looking for your boomerang?
295
00:08:19,175 --> 00:08:20,309
I got it in here.
296
00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:21,714
Just unlock the door."
297
00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,717
Ahh... Wh...
What was that?
298
00:08:23,718 --> 00:08:25,453
Darren, you heard
that creepy voice.
299
00:08:25,454 --> 00:08:26,657
It's got the boomerang.
300
00:08:27,324 --> 00:08:28,592
[chains rattling]
301
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,630
[Deborah]
"Everything okay up there?"
302
00:08:30,631 --> 00:08:32,100
Oh yeah! All good!
303
00:08:32,101 --> 00:08:32,903
All good! Sorry...
304
00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,105
just finishing wiping up.
305
00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:35,909
C'mon Darren!
306
00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:37,211
Get that dingleberry!
307
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,448
Alright let's see here.
308
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:40,851
[crash]!
309
00:08:41,653 --> 00:08:42,521
[Jersey Devil]
"See ya!"
310
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,291
[musical notes]
311
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,863
Oh my.
312
00:08:47,164 --> 00:08:48,399
[frantic panic]!
313
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:52,473
Welp. Happy, Charles?
314
00:08:52,474 --> 00:08:54,511
I told you this would happen!
315
00:08:54,512 --> 00:08:58,185
Do you have any idea
what you've done!?
316
00:08:58,186 --> 00:09:00,389
Uh. I guess I let your
pet goat bat thing out?
317
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:01,125
I mean who cares.
318
00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:02,395
No, you fool!
319
00:09:02,796 --> 00:09:04,564
You've just unleashed...
320
00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:07,070
The Jersey Devil!
321
00:09:08,955 --> 00:09:10,957
So when you say "unleashed
the Jersey Devil,"
322
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:12,528
is that like a good
thing or a bad thing?
323
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:14,230
The hellish beast
324
00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:17,170
will reign terror
upon our community.
325
00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:20,210
Its wrath knows no bounds!
326
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,913
Okay, so it's a bad thing.
327
00:09:21,914 --> 00:09:23,650
So uh...
what are we gonna do?
328
00:09:23,651 --> 00:09:26,321
The only way to catch this beast
329
00:09:26,322 --> 00:09:28,127
is through the dark sacrament.
330
00:09:28,495 --> 00:09:31,198
We must head to the
ceremonial circle
331
00:09:31,199 --> 00:09:33,703
and build a pyre of white cedar.
332
00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:36,676
The incantations
will lure the devil
333
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,145
to the blood sacrifice.
334
00:09:38,146 --> 00:09:38,681
What the hell...
335
00:09:38,682 --> 00:09:40,517
and upon his satiation
336
00:09:40,518 --> 00:09:43,022
he will sleep for three days-
337
00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:44,458
Pfft! Blood sacrifice?
338
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,827
Yeah, that's never gonna work.
339
00:09:45,828 --> 00:09:46,497
Oh yeah?
340
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,332
You're gonna tell us,
341
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:51,138
the guardian family
of this abomination
342
00:09:51,139 --> 00:09:52,507
for over 300 years,
343
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,445
how to find the Jersey Devil??
344
00:09:54,446 --> 00:09:55,514
Uh... I got news for you.
345
00:09:55,515 --> 00:09:57,284
It's a friggin
flying goat, okay?
346
00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:57,953
How hard can it be?
347
00:09:58,388 --> 00:10:00,223
You look in the sky for a
friggin goat with wings.
348
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,726
Ok genius.
349
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,798
Why don't you go do that?
350
00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,436
But since "You"
unleashed this horror,
351
00:10:06,437 --> 00:10:08,239
one of you must stay back...
352
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,744
for the sacrifice.
353
00:10:10,745 --> 00:10:12,314
Uh yeah, that's all you Mark.
354
00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:13,416
Okay whatever lady.
355
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,285
Okay Hank, can
you just deal with
356
00:10:14,386 --> 00:10:16,622
whatever cockamamie
nonsense they wanna do?
357
00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:17,759
You got it, Mark.
358
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:24,639
David.
359
00:10:24,806 --> 00:10:25,741
Focus.
360
00:10:29,950 --> 00:10:31,686
Argh... argh
361
00:10:33,223 --> 00:10:33,857
Next.
362
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,761
Sorry, it's a little heavy.
363
00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:37,464
Okay looks like we got a...
364
00:10:37,465 --> 00:10:39,402
- Real Babe doll?
- Uhp! Yes.
365
00:10:39,403 --> 00:10:41,473
It was shipped to me by mistake.
366
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,708
Hm. Sure.
367
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,146
So there's a whole
process for these things.
368
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:46,416
It's gonna be a few minutes.
369
00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:47,418
Connor!
370
00:10:47,419 --> 00:10:48,052
What's up?
371
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:48,654
I need a hand!
372
00:10:49,021 --> 00:10:51,727
I got a customer returning
a Real Babe Doll!
373
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:52,662
A what?
374
00:10:52,663 --> 00:10:54,030
A real babe doll.
375
00:10:54,031 --> 00:10:56,301
It's one of those
fancy lifelike sex-
376
00:10:56,302 --> 00:10:57,738
Hey could you not?
377
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,775
Can you just come
over here for a sec?
378
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,244
And bring the scissors.
379
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:02,414
Is this necessary?
380
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:04,418
If you want to return it, yes.
381
00:11:04,419 --> 00:11:05,955
Alright, let's just go.
382
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:07,892
[snip, snip, snip]
383
00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:11,198
[customers gasp and laugh]
384
00:11:11,199 --> 00:11:11,967
[click]
385
00:11:12,502 --> 00:11:14,071
So uh, where we headed?
386
00:11:14,271 --> 00:11:16,375
The ceremonial circle.
387
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,811
Ooh. Sounds fun.
388
00:11:17,812 --> 00:11:20,584
Well.
Sounds more fun than it is.
389
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,253
Will you shut up, Charles?
390
00:11:22,254 --> 00:11:22,889
What?
391
00:11:23,357 --> 00:11:26,262
It's nice to speak to someone
pleasant for a change.
392
00:11:26,763 --> 00:11:29,568
You don't name the chicken
you're going to slaughter.
393
00:11:29,569 --> 00:11:30,905
Get off my back.
394
00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:34,779
Well, here we are.
395
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,850
You sure this is the place?
396
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:40,691
So we know this thing
is half bat, half goat.
397
00:11:40,692 --> 00:11:42,995
Now what do bats eat?
Okay they eat berries.
398
00:11:42,996 --> 00:11:44,432
What do goats eat?
399
00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:45,034
Trash.
400
00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:48,238
So, what we need to do
is find a berry junkyard. Okay?
401
00:11:48,239 --> 00:11:50,076
Ooh... maybe a berry landfill?
402
00:11:50,511 --> 00:11:51,512
It's pointless.
403
00:11:51,513 --> 00:11:52,682
The thing is
probably deep in the
404
00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:53,817
Pine Barrens at this point.
405
00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:56,389
C'mon Darren, okay.
It's gonna take time and skill,
406
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:57,992
but we're gonna
hunt this thing down
407
00:11:57,993 --> 00:12:00,797
and get that boomerang back
if it's the last thing I do
408
00:12:00,798 --> 00:12:02,301
before I throw it again.
409
00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:03,069
[thump]
410
00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:05,239
Woah, yo!
Well speak of the devil!
411
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,676
I told you it'd be easy Dar!
412
00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:07,678
Sup dudes.
413
00:12:08,112 --> 00:12:09,748
Can I come in?
I got your boomerang?
414
00:12:09,749 --> 00:12:11,619
What do you think, Dar?
Gotta let him in, right?
415
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:13,054
Uh. No. Are you dumb?
416
00:12:13,055 --> 00:12:15,928
Come on. He can't be that bad.
He brought the boomerang.
417
00:12:15,929 --> 00:12:16,863
I gotcha.
418
00:12:17,465 --> 00:12:18,600
Please don't hurt us!
419
00:12:18,601 --> 00:12:19,769
Dude what? What're
you talking about?
420
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:20,671
Why would I hurt you?
421
00:12:21,272 --> 00:12:23,208
But aren't you like
the devil or something?
422
00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,180
Well you know I'm not
"the" devil.
423
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,182
That's my dad.
424
00:12:26,182 --> 00:12:26,550
Uh.
425
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:27,150
I just wanted to
426
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:28,586
thank you guys for freeing me.
427
00:12:28,587 --> 00:12:29,389
Ah. Least we could do.
428
00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:30,256
I mean your guardians
seemed like
429
00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:32,528
a couple of whack-a-doos,
you know what I mean?
430
00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:33,864
Oh dude, tell me about it.
431
00:12:34,031 --> 00:12:35,800
Yeah, they keep me
locked up in the attic
432
00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:36,737
away from people,
433
00:12:37,004 --> 00:12:38,473
so you know I never get
to make any friends.
434
00:12:38,474 --> 00:12:40,110
But you guys seem cool.
435
00:12:40,545 --> 00:12:44,485
That dingleberry bit that was...
oh my god, had me dying.
436
00:12:44,486 --> 00:12:45,720
- I was dying!
- Oh yeah, you like that?
437
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,223
Yo that was a good one, right?
438
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,093
You like that right?
439
00:12:48,093 --> 00:12:49,027
Yeah that was good.
440
00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:49,896
Yeah totally.
441
00:12:49,996 --> 00:12:52,635
So would it be cool if
I crash here for a bit?
442
00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:53,837
Ah no problem, yeah.
443
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:56,341
Um... are you sure
about this, Mark?
444
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:56,877
Yes Darren, okay.
445
00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,581
I know you're not used to
meeting new people "IRL"
446
00:12:59,582 --> 00:13:01,754
but this guy's obviously cool.
Don't worry,
447
00:13:01,887 --> 00:13:04,291
I'll talk to your mom.
You guys have fun.
448
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:05,527
I'll get out of your hair.
449
00:13:05,528 --> 00:13:06,897
Alright Mark, see ya.
450
00:13:07,164 --> 00:13:07,899
So, uh,
451
00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:09,903
what do you like to
do on your computer?
452
00:13:10,405 --> 00:13:11,339
Hey, hun.
453
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:12,841
So, how 'd it go today?
454
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,645
Let's see, we played outside,
455
00:13:14,646 --> 00:13:15,948
met some new neighbors...
456
00:13:15,949 --> 00:13:18,351
Oh, and ah...
Darren made a new friend.
457
00:13:18,352 --> 00:13:19,021
So yeah,
458
00:13:19,187 --> 00:13:20,089
you could say it
went pretty well.
459
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,859
Get out of here! That's great.
460
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:22,495
Who's the friend?
461
00:13:22,862 --> 00:13:24,865
He's some neighbor kid.
You know, seems cool.
462
00:13:24,866 --> 00:13:26,869
He's actually upstairs in
Darren's room right now.
463
00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:29,041
Oh wow!
I should make them some snacks.
464
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,044
You know if this kid's
got any allergies?
465
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:33,618
Nah. Seems like the kind
of guy who'll eat anything.
466
00:13:33,885 --> 00:13:35,319
Oh yeah this guy's pretty funny.
467
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,923
He mostly streams Farm Crossing
468
00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:38,693
but he's always
like, super baked.
469
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,129
Oh dude, that's hilarious.
470
00:13:40,130 --> 00:13:42,701
If you want I can send you a
bunch of my favorite streamers.
471
00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:43,437
Oh thanks man,
472
00:13:43,538 --> 00:13:45,373
but you know we
don't get internet
473
00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:46,643
at our creepy old house so.
474
00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:48,446
Hmmm. I mean you're
not that far away.
475
00:13:48,447 --> 00:13:49,382
I can just like,
476
00:13:49,383 --> 00:13:50,383
get a WiFi amplifier.
477
00:13:50,384 --> 00:13:52,688
Oh dude are you serious?
That would be sick!
478
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,224
Hey there kids I made you-
479
00:13:54,225 --> 00:13:54,860
Oh my god!
480
00:13:54,861 --> 00:13:56,529
Hey Mom! This is JD.
481
00:13:56,530 --> 00:13:57,665
Oh hey Ms. Hoagies.
482
00:13:57,666 --> 00:13:59,234
Uh... hi.
483
00:14:00,237 --> 00:14:00,972
Mark!?
484
00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:03,275
What is that "Thing"
in Darren's room?
485
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,914
It's not a "Thing" Tam.
It's the Jersey Devil.
486
00:14:05,915 --> 00:14:07,984
What!?
You left my son alone
487
00:14:07,985 --> 00:14:09,655
in a room with the Jersey Devil.
488
00:14:09,656 --> 00:14:12,361
Woah woah woah. That's not fair,
I consider him a son too, Tammy.
489
00:14:12,362 --> 00:14:15,367
Darren cannot be friends
with a "Satanic Beast "!
490
00:14:15,368 --> 00:14:15,968
C'mon Tam.
491
00:14:16,168 --> 00:14:17,237
You gotta keep an
open mind here.
492
00:14:17,505 --> 00:14:19,106
It's not like Darren's the
most normal kid either.
493
00:14:19,107 --> 00:14:20,242
What the hell does that mean?
494
00:14:20,243 --> 00:14:20,978
I'm just saying.
495
00:14:21,112 --> 00:14:23,181
He's not Zack
fricken Morris, okay?
496
00:14:23,182 --> 00:14:25,554
Hate to break it to you but
if you expect his friends
497
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:27,089
to look like AC Slater,
498
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:29,027
gonna be a little
disappointed Tam.
499
00:14:29,028 --> 00:14:29,596
Mark.
500
00:14:29,696 --> 00:14:30,897
Get up there and tell that
501
00:14:30,898 --> 00:14:32,401
thing it needs to leave.
502
00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:33,637
Ughh fine.
503
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,106
I'll be the bad cop.
504
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:36,376
Hey Dar?
505
00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:37,777
Can I talk to you for a sec?
506
00:14:37,778 --> 00:14:39,415
Uh, in private if that's cool.
507
00:14:39,416 --> 00:14:40,216
Oh yeah no problem.
508
00:14:40,451 --> 00:14:42,922
You know I was just about
to go hit the vape so.
509
00:14:43,658 --> 00:14:46,094
So your mother wants
me to talk to you
510
00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:49,133
because she feels that
certain friends of yours,
511
00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:51,906
new friends,
may not be the best kind of...
512
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:54,612
thing to be hanging out with.
You know your mother pfft.
513
00:14:54,613 --> 00:14:56,915
What!? Oh come on!
He's actually cool.
514
00:14:56,916 --> 00:14:58,586
Listen I hear you
buddy okay but-
515
00:14:58,587 --> 00:15:00,022
Ugh, I finally make a friend
516
00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:01,257
and now I can't be
friends with him!
517
00:15:01,258 --> 00:15:02,995
Listen, you know how your
mom is with the whole
518
00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:05,266
"I don't like the
devil" nonsense,
519
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:05,868
you know. Forget it!
520
00:15:05,869 --> 00:15:07,003
Screw you both!
521
00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:09,709
Tell mom I'm out
"doing" experiences.
522
00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:11,746
Ay come on Dar. Dar!
523
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:12,649
Come on JD!
524
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,884
Let's get out of here!
525
00:15:15,587 --> 00:15:17,256
Alright, you go
have fun alright?
526
00:15:17,257 --> 00:15:18,460
Crazy kids.
527
00:15:20,422 --> 00:15:22,192
Come on I got a
baloney in the car!
528
00:15:22,193 --> 00:15:26,133
Okay let's see here.
Okay, serial number is in.
529
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,368
Are we almost done?
530
00:15:27,369 --> 00:15:28,806
Almost. Connor,
531
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:31,377
can you go grab the
blacklight wand from the back.
532
00:15:31,378 --> 00:15:32,347
Blacklight wand? Why...
533
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,851
Yeah just gotta make
sure it hasn't been used.
534
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,022
Can't we just skip this part?
535
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,457
Listen man,
I don't make the rules.
536
00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:41,463
Okay so what you want to do
is just run that over the doll
537
00:15:41,464 --> 00:15:43,969
and look for any glowing spots.
538
00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:45,105
Got it.
539
00:15:45,239 --> 00:15:47,341
Wait, what do the
glowing spots mean?
540
00:15:47,342 --> 00:15:49,547
Just scan the damn
thing, Connor.
541
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:53,990
[scanning buzzes]
542
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:55,993
Okay. We're good.
543
00:15:55,994 --> 00:15:57,028
No no, no Connor.
544
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,297
All the way down.
545
00:15:58,298 --> 00:16:00,603
What?!
Come on, this is ridiculous.
546
00:16:00,871 --> 00:16:01,973
[scanning buzzes]
547
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,945
[dramatic music]
548
00:16:06,648 --> 00:16:07,149
Uh...
549
00:16:07,617 --> 00:16:09,453
what does it mean if
the feet are glowing?
550
00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:12,760
So? How 'd it go?
551
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:15,498
Eh not great. You know,
Darren climbed out the window
552
00:16:15,499 --> 00:16:16,667
and they flew away.
553
00:16:16,668 --> 00:16:17,337
What!?
554
00:16:17,337 --> 00:16:18,205
Are you kidding me!?
555
00:16:18,305 --> 00:16:20,274
Oh my god there's no
winning with you, Tam!
556
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:21,710
"Get him a friend" I do that.
557
00:16:21,711 --> 00:16:23,949
"Get him outta the
house" I did that.
558
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,284
Whatever I do it's wrong!
559
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,320
Mark, stop it.
560
00:16:26,321 --> 00:16:27,189
Just help me find him?
561
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,459
Alright Tam,
but it's like a whole ordeal.
562
00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:32,265
You gotta build like a
stone temple pilots thing
563
00:16:32,266 --> 00:16:34,102
and then do a blood sacrifice.
564
00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:35,839
Okay, I say you
just give him time.
565
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:36,842
This is classic,
566
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:39,179
healthy teenage
rebellion stuff, okay?
567
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,049
He'll be back.
568
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:41,116
They're in the woods.
569
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:42,887
Uh. Helicopter Parent Alert.
570
00:16:42,888 --> 00:16:43,922
You see this is the problem-
571
00:16:43,923 --> 00:16:45,258
In the car. Now.
572
00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:48,764
Sancta mater diaboli libera!
573
00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:49,300
Sorry.
574
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,501
Would you mind getting
575
00:16:50,502 --> 00:16:52,071
your other leg for me?
576
00:16:52,072 --> 00:16:53,507
Sure, no problem.
577
00:16:53,508 --> 00:16:56,581
[translation: Holy mother,
deliver the devil!]
578
00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,319
♪ and the bunny goes
round the loop . ♪
579
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,323
♪ And the loop goes
round the tree, ♪
580
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,127
♪ and the bunny goes
through the leg... ♪
581
00:17:03,128 --> 00:17:03,695
Charles!
582
00:17:03,896 --> 00:17:06,200
Are you chanting or chatting?
583
00:17:06,201 --> 00:17:06,701
Sorry.
584
00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:10,207
Sancta mater diaboli libera!
585
00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:13,481
♪ Sancta mater diaboli libera
586
00:17:13,482 --> 00:17:16,286
No no you don't sing it.
587
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:18,424
Oh I thought we
were singing a song.
588
00:17:18,425 --> 00:17:20,294
You got a real nice
voice by the way.
589
00:17:20,295 --> 00:17:20,830
Doesn't she?
590
00:17:20,963 --> 00:17:22,466
I always tell her she sounds
591
00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:24,102
just like Tom Waits.
592
00:17:24,103 --> 00:17:27,176
That's not a
compliment, Charles!
593
00:17:27,676 --> 00:17:29,546
I can't believe my parents
kicked you out like that.
594
00:17:29,547 --> 00:17:30,614
They don't even know you!
595
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:32,286
Oh it's fine. I'm used to it.
596
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:33,922
I hate them sometimes.
597
00:17:33,923 --> 00:17:34,724
You know, believe me,
598
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:37,495
parents can be a lot worse.
599
00:17:37,496 --> 00:17:39,699
Your dad seems
pretty cool actually.
600
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:40,235
Mark?
601
00:17:40,402 --> 00:17:42,305
He's my stepdad and believe me,
602
00:17:42,306 --> 00:17:43,374
he's not cool.
603
00:17:43,375 --> 00:17:44,543
He tries way too hard.
604
00:17:44,544 --> 00:17:46,014
Well at least he tries.
605
00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:48,317
And my mom is a total
hypocrite, okay.
606
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:49,821
First she wants
me to have friends
607
00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:51,891
and then she says you're
not good enough for her?
608
00:17:51,892 --> 00:17:52,693
Like seriously?
609
00:17:52,694 --> 00:17:54,395
She's not completely
wrong, Darren.
610
00:17:54,396 --> 00:17:56,533
My dad is literally the devil.
611
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,339
Who cares man?
That doesn't define you.
612
00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:01,979
There's a reason they
keep me chained up.
613
00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:04,282
Oh boy it's starting.
614
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:06,286
What's starting?
615
00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:08,091
"It Is Time "!
616
00:18:08,092 --> 00:18:09,726
Um... Time for what?
617
00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,865
"For The Sacrifice "!
618
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,902
Oh we're doing a campfire?
619
00:18:13,903 --> 00:18:16,039
I actually got a few
hot dogs in my pocket.
620
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,843
Or are you just happy to see me?
621
00:18:17,844 --> 00:18:18,780
[chuckling]
622
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:20,482
Knock it off and
get out of the way!
623
00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:23,186
Deborah, do we really
need to do this?
624
00:18:23,187 --> 00:18:24,890
He's a good guy.
625
00:18:24,891 --> 00:18:25,993
Yes, Charles.
626
00:18:25,994 --> 00:18:29,332
This is how it's been
done for over 300 years!
627
00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:30,568
But don't you ever feel like
628
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:33,273
we're perpetuating
this cycle of violence?
629
00:18:33,274 --> 00:18:35,779
I don't care what it feels like.
630
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:36,714
It works.
631
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:41,124
[dramatic music]
632
00:18:41,691 --> 00:18:43,094
What's gotten into you man??
633
00:18:43,095 --> 00:18:44,496
"I Must Feed "!
634
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:45,966
Uh, feed on what?
635
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:47,068
"Humans "!
636
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:47,636
Humans!?
637
00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:48,971
I can't be friends with someone
638
00:18:48,972 --> 00:18:50,074
who eats people,
639
00:18:50,075 --> 00:18:51,076
okay! Take me home!
640
00:18:51,077 --> 00:18:51,979
"Too Late, Darren "!
641
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,182
"I'm Blood-Lusting "!
642
00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:54,550
"The Signal "!
643
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,752
"Dinner Time "!
644
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,758
[dramatic music]
645
00:18:59,427 --> 00:19:02,165
[crunch]!
646
00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:05,004
Hm this body tastes different.
647
00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:06,106
It's not bad though.
648
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:07,475
There's like a hint of...
649
00:19:07,476 --> 00:19:08,378
what is that like,
650
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:09,446
strawberry?
651
00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:15,058
[dramatic music]
652
00:19:15,826 --> 00:19:17,428
[crackling fire]
653
00:19:17,429 --> 00:19:19,767
Oo, my toes feel nice and warm, thanks.
654
00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:21,671
That's it!
655
00:19:21,672 --> 00:19:23,942
I'm putting my foot down.
656
00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:25,780
You fool!
657
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:28,151
How else are we
going to lure the J-
658
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,288
Hank?
659
00:19:30,288 --> 00:19:30,890
Oh hey Darren!
660
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:32,592
We're doing s'mores and stuff.
661
00:19:32,593 --> 00:19:34,329
JD, you're early.
662
00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:36,400
We're still preheating the pyre.
663
00:19:36,401 --> 00:19:38,403
Nah. It's all good.
I'm full.
664
00:19:38,404 --> 00:19:40,408
What do you mean you're full?
665
00:19:40,409 --> 00:19:42,345
I found this awesome
meat substitute,
666
00:19:42,346 --> 00:19:44,349
it tastes just like
berries and trash.
667
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,484
What? But...
668
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,520
the ritual!
669
00:19:46,521 --> 00:19:48,291
Hey you know what?
Screw your ritual!
670
00:19:48,424 --> 00:19:49,894
You're a bunch of enablers!
671
00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:51,663
It's all that damn
chanting that makes me
672
00:19:51,664 --> 00:19:53,869
all bloodlust-y in
the first place.
673
00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:54,970
See?
674
00:19:54,971 --> 00:19:55,672
Yo Devil!
675
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,278
You think you can
steal my stepson?
676
00:19:58,478 --> 00:19:59,881
Not on my watch!
677
00:20:00,081 --> 00:20:01,818
[boomerang flies off]
678
00:20:02,018 --> 00:20:03,621
Darren! Mom!
679
00:20:03,622 --> 00:20:05,827
No more hanging
with devils, okay?
680
00:20:06,027 --> 00:20:07,561
But he's my friend, mom.
681
00:20:07,562 --> 00:20:09,132
You can't be friends with that!
682
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:09,767
Oh come on.
683
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:12,505
Mark is friends with Mernft Man.
He's way worse.
684
00:20:12,506 --> 00:20:13,307
We'll talk about it later,
685
00:20:13,441 --> 00:20:15,846
but for now you're
grounded for a month.
686
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:16,747
Okay. Sweet.
687
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,652
I guess being grounded
for 300 years
688
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,058
does seem a little excessive.
689
00:20:22,059 --> 00:20:24,563
Have you lost
your mind, Charles?
690
00:20:24,564 --> 00:20:26,400
He's the "Devil "!
691
00:20:26,401 --> 00:20:27,837
JD watch out!
692
00:20:28,973 --> 00:20:29,841
Darren!
693
00:20:31,144 --> 00:20:31,945
[thud]
694
00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,785
Boom. Headshot.
You like that, Tam?
695
00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:37,555
Saved your kid... I mean our kid.
696
00:20:37,556 --> 00:20:39,693
My kid.
I love you, Dave.
697
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,138
[knock, knock, knock]
698
00:20:44,507 --> 00:20:45,209
Mark?
699
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:46,444
Hey, David.
Did you happen to get
700
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,579
a delivery for me?
701
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,018
Maybe like a big
box or something?
702
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,058
Yeah, Mark. I did.
Was that for you?
703
00:20:53,059 --> 00:20:55,495
Yeah. Doin' a little project.
Didn't want, you know,
704
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:58,034
Tam to get the wrong idea.
You know what I mean?
705
00:20:58,268 --> 00:20:59,469
Mhm, I see.
706
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:00,638
Anyway, can I get that from you?
707
00:21:00,639 --> 00:21:01,908
Nope. It's gone.
708
00:21:02,343 --> 00:21:03,746
I destroyed it.
709
00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:07,119
Let me tell you, I absolutely
obliterated that thing.
710
00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:15,235
Aaaah David!
I bet you did, buddy!
711
00:21:15,236 --> 00:21:19,476
I bet you did! Yo!!
Yo, there it is!
712
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:22,249
Well I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Anyway, that was six grand
713
00:21:22,250 --> 00:21:24,353
so whenever you get a chance
you can just Venmo me.
714
00:21:24,403 --> 00:21:28,953
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