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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.MY-SUBS.com
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I can't believe he gets here tomorrow.
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00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,825
Where does the time go?
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00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,173
Seems like only yesterday
they sent us a picture
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of our little guy frolicking
in the Spanish highlands.
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00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:23,167
Aw. Did you guys sponsor a kid?
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Sort of. We bought a ham.
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Not just any ham.
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An 18-pound, acorn-fed
jamón ibérico from España.
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Cost as much as a laptop.
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00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,613
Yeah.
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Cool use of money.
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00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,851
Last summer I vacationed in Hartford.
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00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,674
So, what's the occasion?
15
00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:45,003
Excellent question.
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00:00:45,027 --> 00:00:47,291
You see, when Alan and I
attended Oxford together,
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00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:51,228
we sojourned in Spain and
enjoyed the most exquisite meal.
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00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,130
Ever since, we've been
trying to recreate
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00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,031
that epicurean perfection.
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00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,667
So, in order to celebrate
40 years of friendship...
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Wait, is this story just starting?
22
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,983
Yeah, no, I have other tables.
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00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,008
Well, I hope you'll join us for Ham Day.
24
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:08,678
Oh, I'd love to join you guys.
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00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,181
Ooh, I'll whip up
some of my famous sangria.
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00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,550
Ooh. Sangria.
27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,019
You know, perhaps we could
also pair our delicacy
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00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,912
with some cotton candy
and Rice Krispie Treats.
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00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,760
Staggering blow, Frasier. Well done.
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Thank you.
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00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,864
Hello, Professor Cornwall, Uncle.
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- Ah, David.
- And a good Ham Day Eve to you, David.
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00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,336
What have you got there?
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00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,038
Oh, these are liability release forms.
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00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,706
I'm spending the summer in Cameroon
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00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,732
tagging wild chimpanzees.
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00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:41,267
Is that just a...
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00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,582
...teensiest bit way out
of your comfort zone?
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00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,194
With the credits I have,
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00:01:47,218 --> 00:01:49,453
it was either a paid internship
at an ice cream factory
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00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,356
or dealing with hostile primates
in Central Africa.
42
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,857
Well, for you, that's obviously...
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00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,359
Not an easy decision, I know,
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00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,994
so I asked Professor Cornwall
what he thought
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00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,798
and he said in that
quirky British style of his,
46
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,624
"Indubitably."
47
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,370
It was his certainty that convinced me.
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00:02:06,395 --> 00:02:07,405
Ah.
49
00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:10,458
Well, that's a charming anecdote,
for your obituary.
50
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,779
- Another good one, Frasier.
- Yeah.
51
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,080
Hey, Dad.
52
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,617
Well, at least David consulted someone.
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00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,753
This one here chose to leave
Harvard without talking to anybody.
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00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,489
I'm fine, thanks for asking.
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00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,558
And that's not true.
I talked to a lot of people.
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00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,960
Really? You didn't talk to me.
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00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,721
Oh, nothing personal,
I just... didn't want to.
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00:02:34,966 --> 00:02:37,634
I did get some great advice
from one of my professors.
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00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,526
Really? Which one?
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,306
Uh...
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00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,374
I can't remember his name,
it was so long ago.
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00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,942
- What did he say?
- Mm.
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00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,977
It wasn't that it was
anything that profound,
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00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,480
it was just... he was so clear about it.
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00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,282
You know, I-I asked him
if I should drop out,
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00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,876
and he just simply said, "Indubitably."
67
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:12,001
You told Freddy to drop out of Harvard?
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00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,775
I can tell you're upset.
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00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,900
No. Upset? Why would I be upset?
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00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,810
My son came to you for advice,
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00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,112
and you simply shared
your wisdom with him.
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Thank you, I am grateful.
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Ah, wonderful. Well, I'll be on my way.
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00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,242
How dare you?!
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00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,187
You told my son to drop out of Harvard
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00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,956
and become a firefighter?!
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Which I am entirely okay with.
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00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,161
You could have told me
that he was considering
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00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,996
the noblest of professions,
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00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,333
but instead you hid from me
this rash decision
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to become the kind of hero that just...
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00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,805
makes my heart swell with pride.
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00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,540
I love you, Freddy.
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00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,900
You go to hell, Alan.
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00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,926
Oh, no. It's worse than I thought.
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00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,452
You're listening to jazz.
87
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,231
Obviously there are no rules
in friendship.
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00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,934
Why should there be rules in music?
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00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:22,038
Oh, come on, Dad, this is silly.
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00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,206
You and Alan
have been friends for decades.
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00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:25,565
Centuries?
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00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,301
Decades.
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00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,879
Which makes it even worse.
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00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,181
He knew that you were making
a life-altering decision,
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00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,751
yet he kept it from me for years.
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00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,377
How can I ever trust him again?
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00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,855
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
98
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,990
Sorry to barge in on you
like this, Frasier,
99
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,427
but I can't stand
seeing Alan without you.
100
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,862
Mostly because I can't
stand Alan without you.
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00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,457
Look, I-I'm sorry, I-I just
can't face him right now.
102
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,103
Listen, I don't like
giving Alan credit, but...
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00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,129
This might be the first time, actually.
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00:04:56,858 --> 00:04:59,242
But back when I began at Harvard,
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this guy I just started dating
was moving to California.
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00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:05,148
He wanted me to go with him, I was torn.
107
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,751
So I asked Alan if I should stay here.
108
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,510
And do you know what he said?
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00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,921
"Indubitably"?
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00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,624
No, he said, and I quote,
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00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,793
"Obviously, you bloody loon."
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It was exactly what I needed to hear.
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I was supposed to meet
Christopher at the airport
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00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,224
the next morning, but I did not go.
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Thank you, Olivia.
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That may be exactly
what I needed to hear.
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Hmm.
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00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,976
Wait, did I tell Christopher
that I wasn't...
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Shoot.
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See, Dad?
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00:05:36,897 --> 00:05:38,748
Alan can be oddly helpful
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00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,584
when you're wrestling
with a big decision.
123
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:43,620
Hmm. Maybe I did overreact.
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00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,822
Probably because I still feel guilty
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00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,548
that I wasn't here for you then.
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00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,293
Now's when you say
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00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,061
that I don't need to keep
feeling guilty about that.
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00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,963
I don't want to tell you
how to feel, Dad.
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00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,265
Yeah, all right.
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00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,935
Well, that's a relief.
Christopher landed on his feet.
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00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,939
Looks like he started a biotech company.
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00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,555
Oh, good for him. He looks happy.
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00:06:05,579 --> 00:06:08,035
Although it's hard to tell
in the shadow of that yacht.
134
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,947
Come on, Dad.
135
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,482
Alan's your best friend.
Just talk to him.
136
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,983
You know, neither of us
behaved perfectly.
137
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,619
Why should I have to apologize first?
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00:06:18,231 --> 00:06:20,075
Still, we do owe it to our friendship
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00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,578
to try to work things out.
140
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,460
Was that an alert
that your ham's just arrived?
141
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,983
Just cleared customs!
142
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,631
We got an hour to figure this out.
143
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,233
Okay, I'm headed to the station
to talk to some scouts,
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00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,200
I'll give you a ride.
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00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,469
Terrific. Come on, Olivia.
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00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,604
I dodged a bullet.
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00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,005
Look at this poor woman
with Christopher.
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00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,642
So bored, nothing to do but
sunbathe and drink champagne.
149
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,209
Does this look like
a girlfriend or a sister?
150
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,436
Well, they're kissing, so...
151
00:06:48,153 --> 00:06:49,798
Frasier.
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00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:51,658
Alan.
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00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,657
Oh, this is ridiculous.
154
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,892
- I'm working up to it, Freddy.
- No, the...
155
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,561
This photo of me on your desk.
156
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,520
I had frosted tips for like one week.
157
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,167
Alan...
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00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,233
I'm not entirely sure
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00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,072
that you completely deserved
all the vitriol
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00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,499
you may have received from me.
161
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,177
Shall I grab a pair of garden shears
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00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,446
so you can hedge your apology
a bit more?
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00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,315
I'm-I'm just hurt that you
didn't share that with me
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and you kept it from me all this time.
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00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,520
But Frederick explained to me
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00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,054
that he was very grateful
for your advice.
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00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,716
You should know I would never
offer my counsel capriciously.
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00:07:28,999 --> 00:07:30,333
Of course.
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00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:32,562
Thank you for helping my son.
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00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,397
I would do it again in heartbeat.
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00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,689
And I would ask that you not.
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00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,037
As long as we can
trust each other again.
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00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,772
Of course we can.
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00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,240
Aw.
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00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:48,612
You know, people joke about
the true meaning of Ham Day,
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00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,650
but this?
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00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,542
God bless us, every one.
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00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,888
Speaking of, any news
on our little friend?
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00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,158
Yes, yes. He's cleared customs,
the courier has collected him,
180
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,760
and David is standing by.
181
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,562
You know, I received
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00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,921
a tin of quince paste in a gift basket.
183
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,835
That would pair excellently
with our jamón.
184
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,103
Uh, why did you receive a gift basket?
185
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:17,140
Oh, it's, uh, condolences
on my mother's passing.
186
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,143
I, uh, had to cancel all my classes.
187
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,244
Oh, your mom died?
188
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,171
Mm. Fourth time this year.
189
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:28,117
I'll go and check the common area.
190
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,853
Right. I'll continue the search here.
191
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:34,347
Okay, well, I'm gonna destroy
all evidence of Malibu Freddy...
192
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,060
...and head to the station.
193
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,085
What's this?
194
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:44,167
Enchanted Snooker Ball.
195
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,036
Huh, so it's, what,
like some British knockoff
196
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,996
of a Magic 8 Ball?
197
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,441
"Have a spot of tea
and ask again later."
198
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,511
Yes, I suppose it is.
199
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,115
All right, well, I'm glad
you two are friends again.
200
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,743
After all, today is a day for ham.
201
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:04,788
Not beef.
202
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,979
Yes, off you go.
203
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:16,223
Has Frasier Crane still got it?
204
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,831
"Indubitably."
205
00:09:32,424 --> 00:09:34,469
Did Alan use a ridiculous toy
206
00:09:34,494 --> 00:09:37,164
to determine my son's future?
207
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,647
"Obviously, you bloody loon."
208
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,336
Delivery for Frasier Crane?
209
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,295
Yes, perfect.
210
00:09:56,322 --> 00:09:58,959
Screw those guys. I made sangria anyway.
211
00:09:58,984 --> 00:10:01,878
Ooh, is that the ham? Let me try it.
212
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,446
No, don't touch it.
213
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,348
My uncle doesn't think
I'm capable enough
214
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,150
to go to Cameroon.
215
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,218
So you're gonna prove him wrong by...
216
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,020
keeping his ham safe?
217
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,022
Not just safe.
218
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,782
Pristine.
219
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,898
Whoa, quite the spread.
220
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,934
Uh, yes, Uncle Frasier gathered
all the fixings
221
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,870
for a Ham Day feast.
222
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,305
Crusty bread, Manchego,
223
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,207
dessert, sangria.
224
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,351
Sangria?
225
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,611
Well, after you left,
226
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,846
he realized he liked the idea.
227
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,182
That son of a bitch.
228
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,250
Ooh, an instruction card.
229
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,551
I love these.
230
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,544
We have to follow this to the letter.
231
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,715
"Take the ham out of its packaging."
232
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,502
What is that?
233
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,304
It's called ambiance.
234
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,906
I'll dim the lights.
235
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,274
Why do you know how to romance
236
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,300
a pig and not a human woman?
237
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,984
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
238
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,320
- Oh, my God.
- Eve, what are you doing?
239
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,545
They'll be here...
240
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,482
Oh, wow.
241
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,452
This is better than sex.
242
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,588
Okay.
243
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,602
Can you at least tell us why we're here?
244
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,670
Yeah, Dad, the scouts were waiting.
245
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,772
Why'd you call us back?
246
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,640
Patience, please.
247
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,308
It's a no-go on the quince, Frasier.
248
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,710
I can't... Oh.
249
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,610
Ah.
250
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:45,739
Luckily, I have something
just as delicious to serve.
251
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,953
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, welcome back
252
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,688
to the room in which Alan
changed your lives forever.
253
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,423
Does it seem like
he's gearing up for something?
254
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,950
Yep. "Gonna be late."
255
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,763
What if I told you that the cautious,
256
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,765
well-reasoned advice
257
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,632
Alan espoused came not
258
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,125
from deliberate consideration,
but rather from...
259
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,796
an Enchanted Snooker Ball.
260
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,643
- A what?
- It's basically a Magic 8 Ball.
261
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,346
The so-called "advice guru"
262
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,382
is nothing more than
a charlatan, a, a fortune teller
263
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,541
with a pool hall oracle.
264
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,721
Oh, dear, that's Mother.
265
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,980
She hasn't been well.
266
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,027
Hold on! Hold on.
267
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,830
Are you telling me that...
268
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,565
I dumped Christopher...
my Christopher...
269
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,025
because of a toy?
270
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,994
An enchanted toy.
271
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,243
I realize the optics aren't in my favor,
272
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,412
but I do have an explanation.
273
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,504
"Maybe start without me."
274
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,384
It's called
"revealed preference theory."
275
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,986
Sometimes a life decision
276
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,882
is so momentous,
it can paralyze a person.
277
00:12:59,906 --> 00:13:02,491
So I gave Freddy and Olivia
278
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,993
clear, definitive advice
279
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,529
which allowed them
to finally move forward.
280
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,664
The theory says that if the subject made
281
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,633
the right decision,
their confidence will grow.
282
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,201
And if it's the wrong decision?
283
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,262
Yeesh.
284
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,107
Well, after a brief honeymoon period,
285
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,609
they start to feel regret
and ultimately realize
286
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,378
that the other path was the right one
287
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,880
and then reverse course.
288
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,549
Alan, if the answer doesn't matter,
289
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,984
then what's with the ball?
290
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,385
Why not just toss a coin?
291
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,644
Whimsy.
292
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,290
Works for me.
293
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,791
Here you go.
294
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,294
Well, it doesn't work for me.
295
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,329
My son...
296
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,965
came to you for advice, and you made him
297
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,867
the subject of a frivolous experiment.
298
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:46,169
There's nothing frivolous about
the Enchanted Snooker Ball.
299
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,028
I've just explained that.
300
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,674
He was in a time of crisis,
and you kept it from me.
301
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,877
How many years did we barely
speak with each other
302
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,111
after that?
303
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,588
Why? Why would you do that?
304
00:13:56,612 --> 00:13:58,972
Because you would've given
your son bad advice.
305
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,086
You would have completely
ignored what Freddy wanted
306
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,922
in deference
to your own expectations of him.
307
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,590
I gave him the strength to realize
308
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:11,151
what was important to him and
the confidence to follow through.
309
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,983
Well...
310
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,924
that was not your call to make.
311
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,836
You've crossed a line, Alan.
312
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,063
I don't know how we get past this.
313
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,209
I hate to say this, but Ham Day...
314
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,001
- Frasier, no.
- ...is canceled!
315
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,071
Half of that pig is mine!
316
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,323
Eve, look what you did,
now there's a bigger hole.
317
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,658
- This was my chance to prove myself.
- Okay.
318
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,793
It's okay, we can fix this.
319
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,162
I have a bag of fresh herbs.
320
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,622
How does you getting high
right now help, Eve?
321
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,702
No, to cover the spot... you know what?
322
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,900
Just put it on the jamonero.
I'll be right back.
323
00:15:00,313 --> 00:15:02,317
"Place ham on the jamonero."
324
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,181
"Handle with the utmost care."
325
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,140
♪
326
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,855
Oh, oh...
327
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,077
This was on the card?
328
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,064
So, while we work as a unit,
329
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,932
we're more like a family.
330
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,967
Okay, who's got questions?
331
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,502
How long have you been a firefighter?
332
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,438
Almost 15 years.
333
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,739
Did you always want to be one?
334
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,507
Uh, no, no, as a matter of fact,
335
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,743
I studied to become a doctor
before dropping out.
336
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,445
That sounds like a hard decision.
337
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,080
Yeah, yeah, it was.
338
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,614
It's funny,
I was just talking about this.
339
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,850
Luckily, I got some great advice
340
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,052
from one of my professors.
341
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,486
A professor's kind of like a teacher.
342
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,121
Teachers are so smart.
343
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,322
Aren't they?
344
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,623
Also, this is kind of funny.
345
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,559
I just found out he got his advice
346
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,927
from what's basically a Magic 8 Ball.
347
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,926
- The toy?
- Yeah.
348
00:17:00,950 --> 00:17:03,890
Your teacher asked a toy
if you should be a firefighter?
349
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,604
Well...
350
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,772
That's not funny.
351
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:10,806
You could die doing this job.
352
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,908
My grandpa died in a fire.
353
00:17:13,185 --> 00:17:15,321
What's funny about this?
354
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,481
I-I said "kind of funny."
355
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,516
What sort of terrible teacher
would do that?
356
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,209
Did you go to the worst college?
357
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:24,944
It was Harvard.
358
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,858
You dropped out of Harvard
359
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,858
to be a firefighter?
360
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,027
Yeah, 'cause of the advice.
361
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,397
- Because of an 8 ball?
- A Magic 8 Ball.
362
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,799
Is that supposed to be the funny part?
363
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,334
- Okay.
- Wait.
364
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,002
Why didn't you ask
your parents for advice?
365
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,470
Do they give bad advice?
366
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,372
These questions.
367
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,208
Uh, so no.
368
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,776
Uh, as a matter of fact, my
dad's famous for giving advice.
369
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,278
What? That's so dumb.
370
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,546
Do you hate your dad?
371
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,047
No.
372
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,182
I don't hate my dad.
373
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,617
In fact, I felt really bad
374
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,918
when he found out about this yesterday.
375
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,820
He found out yesterday?
376
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,271
What?
377
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,490
Okay, okay, we-we... we can calm down.
378
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,192
It's not like my dad's
mad at me or anything.
379
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,993
I mean, he's super mad
at his best friend.
380
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,395
Why is he mad at his best friend?
381
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,696
Oh, 'cau... uh,
'cause that was my professor.
382
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,565
You went to your dad's best friend
383
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,168
instead of him for advice
about dropping out of college
384
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,162
and only told him yesterday?
385
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,317
I didn't tell him. He figured it out.
386
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,009
He should be mad at you.
387
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,678
You're the coward who caused all this.
388
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,012
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
389
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,182
- Who wants to pet Sparky?
- Me!
390
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,907
Okay.
391
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,421
You're not doing it right.
392
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,923
And stop eating it
while we're trying to get...
393
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:38,318
Dude, I'm helping.
There's less to get out now.
394
00:18:49,021 --> 00:18:52,224
Well, at least the sangria's okay.
395
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,336
Oh, no.
396
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,250
All I am saying is that Christopher...
397
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,452
Oh, God, they're here. What do we do?
398
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,421
I have an idea. Just stall them.
399
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,789
Hey, everybody.
400
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,048
Be right back.
401
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,264
Tragic news, David.
402
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,300
Ham Day is canceled.
403
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,492
What? No.
404
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,838
I'm collecting my half and leaving.
405
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,072
Uh, what? No.
406
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,574
Look, i-if we're gonna split the ham,
407
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,476
we've got to do this
as fairly as possible.
408
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,645
I'm, uh, ordering
a kitchen scale and a bone saw.
409
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,113
Should be here by end of week.
410
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,148
- David, just get the ham.
- And hurry up.
411
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,418
I don't want to spend a second
longer here than I need to.
412
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,585
Agreed.
413
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,455
Guys, please, no more fighting.
414
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,824
- Are you okay?
- Not really.
415
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,592
I was just picked on by a bunch of kids
416
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,184
that couldn't make the soccer team.
417
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,897
Look, if you should be mad at anyone,
418
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,233
it should be me.
419
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,992
Right? I put you
in an impossible position
420
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,737
between me and my dad, and, Dad, I...
421
00:19:55,275 --> 00:19:57,930
shouldn't have made such
a huge decision without you.
422
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,843
Thank you, Freddy.
423
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,144
I appreciate that.
424
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,380
So come on...
425
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,581
You guys have been friends for decades,
426
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,384
so let's just sit down
and hash this out.
427
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,685
No.
428
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,692
I refuse to eat jamón
with this mountebank.
429
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,923
Will you two knock it off?
430
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,493
This was 15 years ago.
431
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,495
You don't see Christopher
dwelling on the fact
432
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,230
that I broke up with him and now
433
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,466
he has to drown his sorrows with a woman
434
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,625
who looks uncomfortably like me.
435
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,507
Anyway...
436
00:20:31,942 --> 00:20:34,176
maybe it would help
if you reminded yourselves
437
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,144
why this ham is so important.
438
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,514
I mean, come on, Dad, you've
told me that story a million times.
439
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,516
There's a Ham Day origin story?
440
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,509
Tell it and take as long as you like.
441
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,521
That's actually not a bad idea.
442
00:20:46,004 --> 00:20:47,538
Dad?
443
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,749
Alan?
444
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,510
We ate ham in Spain. End of story.
445
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,244
Come on, there's more to it than that.
446
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,179
How'd it start, Dad? You were, uh...
447
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,549
you were buying ladies' sandals.
448
00:21:13,819 --> 00:21:16,021
They were espadrilles.
449
00:21:17,784 --> 00:21:20,196
A classic Spanish shoe.
450
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,124
He convinced me to join him,
451
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,393
but we missed the bus
and walked for three hours,
452
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,061
trying to find our group from Oxford.
453
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:28,531
Yes, which I rather enjoyed
because of my espadrilles.
454
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:31,834
But Alan was whining like a goat,
455
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,327
which seemed to attract a-a wild ibex.
456
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:37,239
No, the eye-watering colors
457
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,908
of your bolero jacket
attracted the ibex.
458
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,878
- That's why it chased you up a tree.
- Yes.
459
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,714
I was stranded on a branch
when Alan left.
460
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,583
I thought he'd abandoned me, but...
461
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,485
But I'd gone scrambling for a rock.
462
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:53,055
Now, stone in hand, I launched,
knowing my aim was true...
463
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,515
And hit me square in the face.
464
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,387
Yes, but the scream you let out
frightened away the ibex.
465
00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:05,334
Alan helped me down from the tree.
466
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:10,172
We'd lost touch with our group,
so we wandered about
467
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:13,075
without provision, aimlessly, for hours.
468
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,778
And just as I was convinced
we would die out there,
469
00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:18,280
we spotted a taberna,
470
00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:21,249
rising like a mirage on the mesa.
471
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,452
And so we went in
472
00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,254
and ordered a bottle of local Rioja.
473
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:29,224
And we feasted on the most succulent,
474
00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:31,927
melt-in-the-mouth jamón ibérico.
475
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,530
And do you remember
the-the two señoritas
476
00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:35,831
that we met that night?
477
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:38,266
Oh, those dark-eyed sirens.
478
00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:41,203
Oh, they stole our hearts.
479
00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:42,929
- And wallets.
- Yeah.
480
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,733
- And my espadrilles.
- Mm.
481
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,446
We called our parents,
they paid for the meal,
482
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:51,814
they yelled at us.
483
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,982
I told Alan's parents
it was all my fault.
484
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:58,020
And I told Frasier's parents
it was all mine, and...
485
00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,413
we've been best friends ever since.
486
00:23:04,404 --> 00:23:06,567
I'm sorry.
I never should have doubted you.
487
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,631
You've always been there for me.
488
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,132
I'm sorry, too.
489
00:23:10,650 --> 00:23:13,368
I promise never to help your son again.
490
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,137
Well, then, that's settled.
491
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:17,305
I have to say, this-this,
492
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,676
this theory of yours,
it-it's the height of stupidity.
493
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,144
Well, not the height of stupidity.
494
00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:23,879
I mean, it-it worked
for Freddy and Olivia.
495
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,380
They wouldn't change anything.
496
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,073
- That's true.
- I would change everything.
497
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,352
All right.
498
00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:33,355
Who wants ham?
499
00:23:33,858 --> 00:23:35,824
Well, I must admit,
500
00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:37,693
Rodrigo looks delicious.
501
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:40,453
- Rodrigo?
- I begged you not to name him.
502
00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:44,032
Where did you find
another ibérico ham?
503
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,401
I didn't, I just had some Black
Forest left over from the deli.
504
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,703
You think that'll work?
505
00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:49,872
It's not like I remember it, but...
506
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:52,407
- Mmm.
- You know, I agree, but...
507
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,978
sharing it with you makes it okay.
508
00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:57,613
Yes, it does.
509
00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:59,982
Oh, my God, it's working.
510
00:24:00,006 --> 00:24:01,684
- I can't believe they're buying...
- Enough!
511
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:05,044
Stop turning the screws on me.
I confess.
512
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,656
To what?
513
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,924
I ruined the ham.
514
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,392
It's sitting in your kitchen
515
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:14,020
on a bed of shattered glass
and shameful lies.
516
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,192
Oh...
517
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:22,595
What rash and bloody deed is this?
518
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,775
It was greasy and it fell in the cake
519
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,811
and then it got stuck
in the garbage disposal,
520
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,312
and then Eve tried to get high.
521
00:24:30,336 --> 00:24:32,080
I... and I'm sorry, Dr. Cornwall,
522
00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:36,576
I know you believed in me,
but I-I can't go to Cameroon.
523
00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:39,712
See? Theory works.
524
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,394
And if it's any consolation, David,
525
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,517
I never believed in you.
526
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:48,970
That is such a relief. Thank you.
527
00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:51,983
You know, I was going to...
528
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,604
make a toast, but my sangria's
all over the floor.
529
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:58,765
Hmm, bummer. We have my sangria.
530
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,711
Very well. Uh...
531
00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:06,606
Everyone, to friendship...
532
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,192
...to forgiveness...
533
00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:13,026
and to the true spirit of Ham Day.
534
00:25:13,050 --> 00:25:15,247
Hey, Christopher.
535
00:25:16,155 --> 00:25:19,327
It's Livvy. I've been thinking, and...
536
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,654
I will go to California with you.
537
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,624
Freddy?
538
00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,727
God bless us, every one.
539
00:25:36,669 --> 00:25:39,381
Y'all know how this goes.
540
00:25:39,405 --> 00:25:42,184
♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
541
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,712
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
542
00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,825
♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪
543
00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:52,728
Yeah, maybe.
But I got you pegged.
544
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,865
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
545
00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:01,260
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
546
00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:04,463
♪ Life's callin' again. ♪
547
00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:09,301
And a happy Ham Day to all.
39334
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