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♪ Terrible Tudors, gorgeous
Georgians
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00:00:03,068 --> 00:00:05,012
♪ Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
3
00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:07,084
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,084 --> 00:00:10,072
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
5
00:00:10,072 --> 00:00:13,032
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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00:00:13,032 --> 00:00:14,084
♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
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00:00:14,084 --> 00:00:16,056
♪ Cavemen, savage, fierce and
toothless
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00:00:16,056 --> 00:00:19,004
♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:19,004 --> 00:00:20,076
♪ Gory stories, we do that
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00:00:20,076 --> 00:00:23,028
♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to...
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♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
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Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:36,012 --> 00:00:40,052
Staying fit and healthy has always
been important to us humans,
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00:00:40,052 --> 00:00:44,084
and one of the best ways to do it is
to keep your bits clean.
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00:00:44,084 --> 00:00:46,008
Ugg.
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00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,072
Are you a caveman using moss to wipe
your bum?
19
00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:54,016
Are you a Roman freshening up with a
shared poo stick?
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00:00:54,016 --> 00:00:57,040
Get out! Are you the Frenchman who
said the best thing to wipe your bum
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00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,032
with was a goose head?
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00:00:59,032 --> 00:01:02,088
Come on, it was a joke!
I use a cloth.
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00:01:02,088 --> 00:01:05,048
Who would actually use a goose?
24
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:07,032
GOOSE SQUAWKS
Shhh!
25
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:10,008
Then you need new toilet paper.
26
00:01:10,008 --> 00:01:11,096
What's toilet paper?
27
00:01:11,096 --> 00:01:13,084
What is a toilet?
28
00:01:13,084 --> 00:01:16,024
New toilet paper from China is
soft, disposable,
29
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and mass-produced in sheets.
30
00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:19,000
FART!
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00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,048
That sounds amazing. Count me in.
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What is a toilet? Keep your bottom
clean and healthy with new toilet
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paper, as used by the Chinese
emperor since 1391.
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Warning - original Chinese toilet
paper,
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00:01:30,044 --> 00:01:32,044
smallest size one metre squared.
36
00:01:32,044 --> 00:01:34,056
How big is the Chinese Emperor's
bum?
37
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,028
It's true. Toilet paper really was
38
00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:41,012
invented in China nearly 700 years
ago.
39
00:01:41,012 --> 00:01:44,024
We get tonnes of it down here in
the sewers.
40
00:01:44,024 --> 00:01:45,048
Frankly, it's not easy to stay
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00:01:45,048 --> 00:01:48,024
healthy when you live in a massive
bog pipe.
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That's why I'm on a health kick.
43
00:01:50,024 --> 00:01:53,032
Today, I am swimming 100 lengths of
the public toilets.
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I'm doing 50 tail squats, and I am
running...
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..to the doctors. Because just
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00:01:58,056 --> 00:02:01,028
thinking about all that exercise has
given me a headache.
47
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Maybe this next treatment could
help?
48
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:06,044
Are you the medicine woman?
49
00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:08,068
Yes, love. What can I do you for?
50
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:10,088
I've got a bad pain in this bit.
51
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Your head?
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You're the expert.
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Well, for a headache you've got two
options - "There, there,"
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or trepanning.
55
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Right. What is, "There, there?"
56
00:02:21,068 --> 00:02:25,080
Well, I gently pat the sore bit and
say, "There, there."
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00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,080
And what is trepanning?
58
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I grind this pointy rock into
your head, puncturing your skull,
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to let the bad out.
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Right, I think I'll go with
"There, there."
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00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:38,008
Oh, right you are, then.
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KNUCKLES CRACK
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There, there.
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00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,000
How's that? It's no different...
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00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,084
I mean, yeah, it's much better.
Thank you.
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00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:52,000
Are you sure I can't tempt you to a
bit of trepanning,
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just to make sure I've got all the
bad out?
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00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:55,096
No, I'm completely cured.
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00:02:55,096 --> 00:02:57,084
Goodbye.
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00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:59,080
Ow! Ooh. That looked nasty.
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00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,068
Pointy rock? No, no, I'm fine.
72
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:04,048
Oh, go on, just a little hole.
73
00:03:04,048 --> 00:03:06,032
It'll hurt even more.
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00:03:06,032 --> 00:03:09,084
All right, you big baby, I'll give
you an anaesthetic.
75
00:03:09,084 --> 00:03:12,064
OK. Right, count backwards from
ten for me.
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00:03:12,064 --> 00:03:15,036
Ten, seven, four...
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Sorry, should have used a bigger
dose.
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00:03:21,092 --> 00:03:24,004
Righty ho, then.
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00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,044
You should feel right as rain as
soon as you come around,
80
00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:29,064
although you might have a slight
headache.
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00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:34,096
I need trepanning like I need a hole
in the head!
82
00:03:34,096 --> 00:03:36,088
Although, come to think of it,
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00:03:36,088 --> 00:03:40,032
we Egyptians had some pretty strange
theories too.
84
00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:43,020
Especially when it came to being
pregnant.
85
00:03:46,004 --> 00:03:48,060
And how did you find out that you
were pregnant?
86
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:50,032
Just the usual way.
87
00:03:50,032 --> 00:03:52,044
I had a melon milkshake and
threw up.
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00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:54,004
ALL: Aww!
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00:03:54,004 --> 00:03:56,044
The milkshake test works every time.
90
00:03:56,044 --> 00:03:59,048
Oh, yes. My husband and I were out
for a romantic meal.
91
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:03,024
He ordered us both milkshake, and as
soon as I saw it,
92
00:04:03,024 --> 00:04:05,052
I just threw up all over him.
93
00:04:05,052 --> 00:04:06,092
It just kept coming.
94
00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:08,044
ALL: Aww!
95
00:04:08,044 --> 00:04:10,068
Yeah, it was the perfect moment.
96
00:04:10,068 --> 00:04:13,020
I can't wait to tell our son about
it when he's born.
97
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,096
So you know it's a boy?
98
00:04:14,096 --> 00:04:16,056
You must have done the urine test?
99
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,032
Oh, yeah, of course.
100
00:04:18,032 --> 00:04:21,048
I went and weed in a field, and
barley grew, so we know it's a boy.
101
00:04:21,048 --> 00:04:22,064
ALL: Awww!
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00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,060
Actually, do we have to make that
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00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:29,072
noise every time?
It's really annoying.
104
00:04:29,072 --> 00:04:35,024
Last time I weed in a field and
wheat grew, so I knew it was a girl.
105
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,088
ALL: Aww! Yes, we do.
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00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:41,076
Right, I am off to wee in a field.
107
00:04:41,076 --> 00:04:44,092
Congratulations! Are you pregnant
too?
108
00:04:44,092 --> 00:04:48,052
Oh, no, no. I just drank far too
much milkshake.
109
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,060
ALL: Awww!
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That sound goes through me quicker
than the milkshake!
111
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,072
Next...
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00:05:04,092 --> 00:05:08,016
Good morning, Doctor.
Please take a seat.
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00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,012
Now, what can I help you with?
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00:05:10,012 --> 00:05:12,020
I've got a bit of a sore throat.
115
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,088
Well, there's a very simple Mayan
cure for it,
116
00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:17,028
so if you'd just like to pop your
sandal off.
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00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,092
And do a little wee wee in it.
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00:05:23,024 --> 00:05:25,060
Excuse me? And now drink the
wee wee.
119
00:05:28,048 --> 00:05:31,004
Isn't there a herb I could chew or
something?
120
00:05:31,004 --> 00:05:34,052
No, sandal wee wee, twice a day.
You'll be better in no time.
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00:05:34,052 --> 00:05:36,064
Next!
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00:05:36,064 --> 00:05:40,000
I'll just drink some water,
lots of water.
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00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,072
Hello there, Doctor.
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00:05:41,072 --> 00:05:45,048
Hello. I've twisted my ankle, and I
wondered if you've got a bandage?
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00:05:45,048 --> 00:05:48,088
Well, we don't actually recommend
bandages anymore.
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00:05:48,088 --> 00:05:50,060
No, what we have is a more advanced
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00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:53,064
treatment that is at the forefront
of Myan medical science.
128
00:05:53,064 --> 00:05:55,044
Oh, that sounds great.
129
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:57,084
So if you'd just like to pop your
sandal off.
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00:05:57,084 --> 00:05:59,076
Take it off the good ankle.
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00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:01,076
Off she pops, there you go.
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00:06:01,076 --> 00:06:03,000
Do a little wee wee in it.
133
00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:05,080
Come again? And then drink it.
134
00:06:07,052 --> 00:06:09,004
What if that doesn't work?
135
00:06:09,004 --> 00:06:10,080
It will.
136
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,096
I think I might get a second
opinion.
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00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:14,024
Do you? I do.
138
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:16,048
Good day, Doctor.
139
00:06:16,048 --> 00:06:19,068
Weeing in a sandal. Some people
don't want to be helped, do they?
140
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,048
What a hectic morning. I have got a
banging headache.
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00:06:25,072 --> 00:06:27,060
I have just the cure for that.
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00:06:31,048 --> 00:06:33,040
I am feeling slightly sick, though.
143
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One cure...
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RETCHING
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Maybe not.
146
00:06:42,032 --> 00:06:45,076
Hello. I'm Richard the Lionheart,
King of England.
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00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:48,040
Wherever that is. I only went once
when I was king,
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00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,016
and I didn't much like it.
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00:06:50,016 --> 00:06:53,068
Instead, I went on the Third Crusade
to the Holy Land.
150
00:06:53,068 --> 00:06:57,000
But when I got there I got a horrid
disease called arnaldia.
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00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,072
But what did it do to me?
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00:06:58,072 --> 00:06:59,088
Did it...
153
00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:13,004
The answer is...
154
00:07:13,004 --> 00:07:15,012
B. It made my skin blotchy
155
00:07:15,012 --> 00:07:17,044
and my hair and fingernails fell
out.
156
00:07:17,044 --> 00:07:20,084
It's true. My hair and nails fell
off.
157
00:07:20,084 --> 00:07:23,072
I mean, my hair, fair enough, but my
nails...
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00:07:23,072 --> 00:07:25,052
I've never even bitten them.
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00:07:25,052 --> 00:07:27,036
Don't even suck my thumb.
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00:07:27,036 --> 00:07:28,052
Much.
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00:07:30,008 --> 00:07:33,032
Amazing. I've only been on my
fitness drive for three minutes,
162
00:07:33,032 --> 00:07:35,068
and already I have a six pack...
163
00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:37,000
Of pies!
164
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:40,048
There's a bit of nasty green
stuff on the top,
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00:07:40,048 --> 00:07:42,024
but you can soon wipe that off.
166
00:07:42,024 --> 00:07:45,036
Ah, yes, cleanliness is very
important to me.
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00:07:45,036 --> 00:07:47,024
I learned that from the Romans.
168
00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:49,044
They were very keen on personal
hygiene,
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00:07:49,044 --> 00:07:52,024
and had a very civilised approach
to washing,
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00:07:52,024 --> 00:07:55,052
although it could lead to some
rather embarrassing moments.
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00:07:55,052 --> 00:07:58,028
Welcome to Fitness Past...
172
00:07:58,028 --> 00:08:01,052
Like any young Roman, I like to hang
out in baths because it's fun,
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00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:04,044
I build up a sweat, and I get to
hang out with my friends.
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00:08:04,044 --> 00:08:09,040
Naked. At Fitness Past you can
exercise with your friends, naked.
175
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,008
I like steam rooms because I get to
relax, network,
176
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:13,092
and chat about current events...
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00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:17,004
Naked. Can we get a lot more steam
in here, please?
178
00:08:17,004 --> 00:08:20,088
Discuss the news with your friends,
and influential people, naked.
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00:08:20,088 --> 00:08:23,056
Hey, Caesar. How's it hanging?
180
00:08:23,056 --> 00:08:27,008
You know what? I think I'll come
back when it's a bit quieter.
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00:08:27,008 --> 00:08:30,052
Fitness Past, for people who like to
stay fit, naked.
182
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:33,056
Warning, bring a slave to guard your
clothes, or walk home naked too.
183
00:08:33,056 --> 00:08:34,084
Not again!
184
00:08:36,024 --> 00:08:38,056
Ooh...
185
00:08:38,056 --> 00:08:42,036
It's true. We Romans were obsessed
with baths.
186
00:08:42,036 --> 00:08:46,028
But not everyone in Rome thought
keeping clean was a good idea.
187
00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:49,060
When the Roman Empire became
Christian in the 4th century,
188
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:53,032
one man claimed that being dirty on
the outside, meant being
189
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,016
clean on the inside.
190
00:08:59,052 --> 00:09:02,016
♪ Yo word up brothers and sisters
of Rome
191
00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:04,032
♪ Got a message from your old mucker
St Jerome
192
00:09:04,032 --> 00:09:06,064
♪ I'm sayin' Rome's been Christian
since the 4th century
193
00:09:06,064 --> 00:09:09,020
♪ Takin' a bath that's just so BC
194
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:11,072
♪ Look at me and my posse of Roman
bellas
195
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,088
♪ This is Leah, this is Paula, and
this is Marcella
196
00:09:13,088 --> 00:09:16,024
♪ When I met 'em they was real
proper Roman Wags
197
00:09:16,024 --> 00:09:18,064
♪ Now they stink to high heaven and
they're wearing rags
198
00:09:18,064 --> 00:09:22,092
♪ It don't matter if your body
smells like something obscene
199
00:09:22,092 --> 00:09:27,072
♪ If the outside is dirty then the
inside is clean
200
00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:29,084
♪ That's grime
201
00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:31,072
♪ It ain't no crime
Grime
202
00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:33,080
♪ We're doing fine
That's grime
203
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,088
♪ We're doing fine
In our own grime
204
00:09:37,088 --> 00:09:40,072
♪ I'm a man and a monk and I'm mad
as a monkey
205
00:09:40,072 --> 00:09:43,040
♪ I don't care if folk'll swear I
smell a little bit funky
206
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,076
♪ All the guys who are gagging out
they won't be laughing
207
00:09:45,076 --> 00:09:48,044
♪ When they don't get into heaven
for too much barfing
208
00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:50,084
♪ Look them pagans all smell lovely
there ain't no denying
209
00:09:50,084 --> 00:09:53,032
♪ And I guess not washing does
increase your danger of dying
210
00:09:53,032 --> 00:09:56,012
♪ They got saunas and steam rooms
they're healthy and strong
211
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,092
♪ But we've got something better bro
and that's our pong
212
00:09:58,092 --> 00:10:00,088
♪ Grime
It ain't no crime
213
00:10:00,088 --> 00:10:02,052
♪ Grime
We're doing fine
214
00:10:02,052 --> 00:10:04,016
♪ That's grime
It ain't no crime
215
00:10:04,016 --> 00:10:06,084
♪ We're doing fine
In our own grime. ♪
216
00:10:11,012 --> 00:10:14,044
We Greeks were far more sensible.
217
00:10:14,044 --> 00:10:17,088
We are seen as the fathers of modern
medicine,
218
00:10:17,088 --> 00:10:19,076
and there was absolutely nothing
219
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:22,012
weird about our most famous health
nut...
220
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,096
It's the start of a new week,
221
00:10:23,096 --> 00:10:26,036
and having been rated epic failure
by Ofsted,
222
00:10:26,036 --> 00:10:28,008
headteacher Hannah Lawrence
223
00:10:28,008 --> 00:10:30,068
is looking to make some changes.
224
00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:33,060
This is Historical Educating.
225
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:37,092
-Monday morning, and class 7
-F
have a new biology teacher.
226
00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:41,012
Hypocrites? It's pronounced
Hippocrates, mate.
227
00:10:41,012 --> 00:10:43,020
The father of medicine.
228
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,084
Mr Hippocrates has come all the
way from ancient Greece,
229
00:10:45,084 --> 00:10:48,048
and I think he wants to make
learning fun.
230
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:51,028
He's told me he's going to bring
some humour into the lessons.
231
00:10:51,028 --> 00:10:53,012
What's that, sir?
232
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:55,084
Humour. Four humours, to be precise.
233
00:10:55,084 --> 00:10:59,068
Blood, yellow stomach bile,
234
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:02,080
black stomach bile,
235
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:06,028
and, of course,
my personal favourite...
236
00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:08,048
HE COUGHS AND SPITS
237
00:11:08,048 --> 00:11:10,028
..phlegm.
238
00:11:10,028 --> 00:11:13,048
Now, a good doctor always diagnoses
239
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:16,024
by investigating
the bodily symptoms.
240
00:11:17,088 --> 00:11:19,024
POP
241
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:25,080
Turgid, oily, and
with a hint of wee,
242
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:30,036
which is fascinating, children,
because that means his ear wax is...
243
00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:32,044
delicious.
244
00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:34,080
PUPILS VOMITING
245
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,076
I saved a bit for you.
246
00:11:38,048 --> 00:11:40,056
B minus.
247
00:11:40,056 --> 00:11:43,032
Mr Hippocrates is called
to the headteacher's office.
248
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:49,008
You look a bit peaky, Headteacher.
Tell me, have you done a wee today?
249
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:51,060
Because I have.
250
00:11:51,060 --> 00:11:54,092
Hippocrates, I hear you
made an entire class vomit.
251
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:58,000
Indeed. Most productive.
252
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,032
You're fired. What?
253
00:12:00,032 --> 00:12:02,004
I'm the father of medicine.
254
00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:05,012
Yes, well, it's been 2,000 years,
and medicine has moved on.
255
00:12:05,012 --> 00:12:08,052
Not true. Doctors still swear
my Hippocratic oath today.
256
00:12:08,052 --> 00:12:10,072
Yes, we've had several
parents complain...
257
00:12:10,072 --> 00:12:13,000
No, no, no, it's not
that kind of swearing.
258
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,068
It's a code of conduct for doctors,
259
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:18,056
and my method for curing sore
bottoms is still in use today.
260
00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:21,084
Really? Yes.
261
00:12:21,084 --> 00:12:25,012
Do you mind turning the cameras off
for a moment?
262
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,088
The thing is...
263
00:12:26,088 --> 00:12:30,040
Whatever you say,
Mr Hippo Crates, or Rhino Boxes,
264
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,084
or whatever you're called.
265
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:37,004
Now, I'm off for a healthy swim
in the local pool -
266
00:12:37,004 --> 00:12:38,072
the cesspool!
267
00:12:38,072 --> 00:12:40,092
Yes, swimming is a great way
to stay healthy,
268
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,072
but did you know that after
the Roman Empire was destroyed,
269
00:12:43,072 --> 00:12:48,020
people actually forgot how to do it
for over 600 years?
270
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:49,076
It wasn't until Tudor times
271
00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:53,080
that a new book led to swimming
becoming common again.
272
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,020
Oh, look, there's a couple of
brown noodles I can use!
273
00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:02,096
Gentlemen, this voyage will make
rich men of us all.
274
00:13:02,096 --> 00:13:04,088
Yes!
275
00:13:04,088 --> 00:13:08,000
But only if we make it back home
in one piece.
276
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,024
With that in mind, the captain has
instructed me, as first mate,
277
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,000
to give you
a health and safety briefing.
278
00:13:15,036 --> 00:13:17,076
You are absolutely joking me!
279
00:13:17,076 --> 00:13:22,040
As you have noticed, gentlemen,
we are on a...
280
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,040
On a high! On a ship!
281
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,032
Yes. And what is the most dangerous
thing that can happen to us
282
00:13:28,032 --> 00:13:30,052
when we're on a ship? Disease?
283
00:13:30,052 --> 00:13:32,060
No. Spaniards!
284
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:34,060
Low-flying albatrosses!
285
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:37,096
No, pretty sure
that only happened to you.
286
00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:42,000
No, no, the most dangerous thing
that can happen on a ship is...
287
00:13:44,012 --> 00:13:46,096
..falling off a ship.
Because what happens if you do?
288
00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:48,008
You... Float.
289
00:13:48,008 --> 00:13:49,028
No, the other one.
290
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:50,060
Drown. Well done.
291
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:53,008
You do drown. Good boy.
292
00:13:53,008 --> 00:13:57,076
But not any more, because now
we have this brand-new book,
293
00:13:57,076 --> 00:13:59,076
The Art Of Swimming.
294
00:13:59,076 --> 00:14:03,040
Right, the first one
we are going to do is...
295
00:14:04,068 --> 00:14:06,000
..breaststroke.
296
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,012
Watch my hands. What am I doing?
297
00:14:11,072 --> 00:14:13,072
All right,
I think we've got that one.
298
00:14:13,072 --> 00:14:15,048
Doggy paddle.
299
00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:17,024
Very simple...
300
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,080
Ruff!
301
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,048
OK.
302
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:24,016
Butterfly.
303
00:14:27,016 --> 00:14:29,048
Enough of this.
304
00:14:29,048 --> 00:14:33,088
Shipmates! We're overloaded.
Let's throw something overboard.
305
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:41,012
No, no running on deck!
It's slippery!
306
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:42,088
SPLASH!
307
00:14:42,088 --> 00:14:45,052
Help! Throw me something to
cling to!
308
00:14:46,088 --> 00:14:48,028
Ouch!
309
00:14:48,028 --> 00:14:49,052
It doesn't float!
310
00:14:49,052 --> 00:14:51,016
That's ironic.
311
00:14:54,088 --> 00:14:57,008
I'm a handsome doctor.
312
00:14:57,008 --> 00:15:01,060
And I've come to 17th-century France
to meet the famous King Louis XIV
313
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:04,000
at his royal palace in Versailles.
314
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,072
A tiny king with a big problem.
315
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,040
Excusez-moi, monsieur,
who are you calling tiny?
316
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,024
No, no, I am, how you would say?
317
00:15:11,024 --> 00:15:13,080
A big man.
With this wig and these heels
318
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:17,000
I must be at least six foot eight.
319
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,096
See how I tower over everyone
in my court.
320
00:15:22,016 --> 00:15:24,024
Why are you wearing wigs and heels
too?
321
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,020
Why must everyone copy me?
322
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:28,004
ALL: Why must everyone copy me?
323
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,048
I'm assuming the problem
is your bad breath.
324
00:15:31,048 --> 00:15:33,084
No. Your funky body odour?
325
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:36,076
Monsieur, I have had three baths
in my life, that is quite enough,
326
00:15:36,076 --> 00:15:39,016
thank you very much.
No, the problem is...
327
00:15:39,016 --> 00:15:40,080
HE SHOUTS
328
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,064
ALL MIMIC HIS SHOUT
329
00:15:43,064 --> 00:15:46,044
Now, the King suffers from what
we doctors call
330
00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:48,064
a really, really, sore bum bum.
331
00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:53,008
Luckily, help is at hand from local
hairdresser Charles-Francois Felix.
332
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,068
He's been developing a tool
for months now
333
00:15:57,068 --> 00:16:00,092
to remove that ouchy part from
the King's bottom.
334
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:03,024
Whoa!
335
00:16:03,024 --> 00:16:06,064
Best of luck, I'm right behind you,
mate. Merci.
336
00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:13,048
I mean, we're all right behind you.
337
00:16:13,048 --> 00:16:15,008
You don't mind if we watch, do you?
338
00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:20,036
HE YOWLS
339
00:16:20,036 --> 00:16:22,020
THEY MIMIC YOWLING
340
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:24,048
CONTINUED YOWLING
341
00:16:24,048 --> 00:16:26,020
It's a few days after the
operation,
342
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:28,040
and I've come to see
how Louis is getting on.
343
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,016
Ahhh.
344
00:16:31,064 --> 00:16:34,012
Bum bum and throne engaged.
345
00:16:36,008 --> 00:16:38,056
So the operation
was a complete success
346
00:16:38,056 --> 00:16:43,000
and has changed the face - and
the bum bum - of surgery for ever.
347
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,044
And the best part is, no-one
will want to copy me this time.
348
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,052
Well, you say that, but...
349
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:54,056
No, no! I will not operate on
your bottoms, you bunch of weirdos.
350
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,084
Please! I want to look like
the King!
351
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,056
PHONE RINGING
352
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:06,096
Horrible Histories Health Direct,
Tudor era.
353
00:17:08,024 --> 00:17:10,032
OK, so shave what's left of your
hair off,
354
00:17:10,032 --> 00:17:13,000
then smear your head
with fox grease,
355
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,092
and maybe a hint of garlic.
356
00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:17,028
And then just rinse it all off
with vinegar.
357
00:17:17,028 --> 00:17:20,000
Now, if that doesn't
cure your baldness...
358
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,044
Chocolate!
359
00:17:22,096 --> 00:17:25,036
My Mayan colleague is suggesting
chocolate,
360
00:17:25,036 --> 00:17:28,092
but then, he says that for
everything! Maybe try...
361
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:32,056
Chocolate! ..wearing a wig.
OK, you're welcome, bye.
362
00:17:32,056 --> 00:17:34,008
Horrible Histories Health Direct,
363
00:17:34,008 --> 00:17:35,092
you've come through to
the medieval era,
364
00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:38,012
what is the nature of
your medical complaint?
365
00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:41,072
I'm assuming it's the Black Death, -
it usually is in the Middle Ages.
366
00:17:42,088 --> 00:17:47,064
Have you considered rubbing
some scorpion oil on to the sores?
367
00:17:49,092 --> 00:17:52,040
All right, fine, no,
I don't suppose there are
368
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,092
many scorpions scuttling
around in Barnsley.
369
00:17:54,092 --> 00:17:56,012
OK, fine.
370
00:17:56,012 --> 00:17:58,048
I suppose you can have
a second opinion.
371
00:17:58,048 --> 00:18:00,040
A sensible one.
372
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,036
Pass him over, I know all about it.
373
00:18:02,036 --> 00:18:03,080
Transferring you now.
374
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,052
Yeah, Black Death?
375
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:09,040
Poor thing. Don't you worry -
we had a nasty dose of Black Death
376
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,016
in the Tudor times too.
377
00:18:11,016 --> 00:18:13,036
What I'm going to need you to do,
my love,
378
00:18:13,036 --> 00:18:15,088
is press a chicken's bum against
your armpits,
379
00:18:15,088 --> 00:18:17,024
could you do that for me?
380
00:18:17,024 --> 00:18:18,096
That's it, against the swellings,
yeah.
381
00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:20,040
It will help absorb the poison.
382
00:18:21,088 --> 00:18:24,016
That's what I said, a chicken's bum.
383
00:18:24,016 --> 00:18:26,088
A plucked chicken's bum.
384
00:18:26,088 --> 00:18:28,088
What do you mean you don't have one?
385
00:18:28,088 --> 00:18:32,000
What about the skull
of an executed man?
386
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:35,064
WHISPERS: I am not suggesting
chocolate!
387
00:18:35,064 --> 00:18:37,096
No, stronger cure for Black Death.
388
00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:41,004
Oh, we might have a winner here,
hold on.
389
00:18:41,004 --> 00:18:43,032
Well, my brother is a Mayan doctor,
390
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:47,044
and he suggests do a big old wee-wee
in a sandal, and then drink it.
391
00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:54,036
OK, have you tried chocolate?
392
00:18:54,036 --> 00:18:56,076
Chocolate!
393
00:18:56,076 --> 00:19:00,032
We Georgians weren't the cleanest of
people. It was a bit of a problem,
394
00:19:00,032 --> 00:19:02,044
because we did like to look good
too.
395
00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:05,056
Luckily, we had some rather
fashionable quick-fix solutions
396
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,096
to make ourselves look better again.
397
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:09,032
Oh, a beauty spot!
398
00:19:09,032 --> 00:19:11,004
Delightful.
399
00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:13,056
Oh, darling, they're so beautiful.
400
00:19:13,056 --> 00:19:16,028
The way they sparkle.
401
00:19:16,028 --> 00:19:18,052
They look so expensive.
402
00:19:18,052 --> 00:19:21,020
You are worth every centime,
my cherie.
403
00:19:22,084 --> 00:19:28,044
Bonjour. Bonjour.
I would like to buy something
404
00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:32,012
to celebrate my love for this
lovely little lady just here.
405
00:19:32,012 --> 00:19:35,048
And what could be more romantic
than a new pair of teeth?
406
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,096
Indeed, indeed.
407
00:19:36,096 --> 00:19:38,088
The gift that
keeps on chewing.
408
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:41,016
May I?
409
00:19:41,016 --> 00:19:42,084
Be my guest.
410
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,056
Ghastly stench.
411
00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:50,028
Rotten. Oh! I've got a loose one.
412
00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:54,068
Shall I...? Oh, no, no,
not just yet.
413
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,068
Suit yourself.
414
00:19:56,068 --> 00:20:00,076
Right, for you, madame,
I recommend a full set.
415
00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:05,028
we have everything from your
budget French peasant set,
416
00:20:05,028 --> 00:20:09,032
all the way up to these
genuine British teeth,
417
00:20:09,032 --> 00:20:11,096
pulled at the Battle of Waterloo.
418
00:20:11,096 --> 00:20:13,092
They're awfully big.
419
00:20:13,092 --> 00:20:17,040
All right, you've got me, they
might be slightly
420
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,052
from a horse.
What about these ones?
421
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:24,044
Oh, they might have been
the Duke of Wellington's teeth.
422
00:20:24,044 --> 00:20:27,032
Oh, yeah, yeah, possibly.
423
00:20:27,032 --> 00:20:29,056
He didn't die
at the Battle of Waterloo,
424
00:20:29,056 --> 00:20:31,036
but I think you should buy them.
425
00:20:31,036 --> 00:20:32,052
For eight times the price.
426
00:20:32,052 --> 00:20:34,048
Eight times the price,
you heard the teeth.
427
00:20:34,048 --> 00:20:36,024
What are YOU wearing?
428
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,096
These are special ones.
429
00:20:39,096 --> 00:20:42,028
They belonged to my dear old mum.
430
00:20:42,028 --> 00:20:44,064
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear
that she passed.
431
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:46,024
Oh, no, she hasn't, I'm just
432
00:20:46,024 --> 00:20:49,036
more front of house, you know,
so we swapped.
433
00:20:49,036 --> 00:20:51,056
Bonjour!
434
00:20:51,056 --> 00:20:54,016
Actually, they've never fitted her.
435
00:20:54,016 --> 00:20:56,064
Come here, Mum, give them to me.
436
00:20:57,092 --> 00:20:59,076
Here we go, oh, yes.
437
00:20:59,076 --> 00:21:01,040
Make me an offer.
438
00:21:03,016 --> 00:21:05,028
Would you prefer a ring, my love?
439
00:21:05,028 --> 00:21:06,072
Absolutely.
440
00:21:06,072 --> 00:21:08,096
Meanwhile, over in the US of A,
441
00:21:08,096 --> 00:21:11,072
we had our own health crazes,
and believe me,
442
00:21:11,072 --> 00:21:13,088
some of them were pretty weird.
443
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:17,004
Although, there is one that
you still eat today.
444
00:21:17,004 --> 00:21:20,008
Yes, you can thank us for
the humble cornflake.
445
00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,088
Oh, hi, friends.
446
00:21:22,088 --> 00:21:25,012
I'm John Harvey Kellogg,
447
00:21:25,012 --> 00:21:28,024
inventor of the world's most healthy
448
00:21:28,024 --> 00:21:30,092
and calming food - the cornflake.
449
00:21:30,092 --> 00:21:34,092
If this crazy century is leaving you
in a tizzy whizzy,
450
00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:39,068
what with the aeroplanes, the cars,
and the women being educated,
451
00:21:39,068 --> 00:21:44,000
then why not come and rest
a spell, here at the sanitarium?
452
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:48,004
Here at Battle Creek
we believe in the
simple things in life -
453
00:21:48,004 --> 00:21:51,092
praying, cornflakes,
vegetarianism,
454
00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:56,072
cornflakes, and never, ever
thinking about ladies.
455
00:21:56,072 --> 00:22:01,020
Ladies! Oh, cornflakes,
I meant cornflakes.
456
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:04,084
Here we follow three principles of
health.
457
00:22:04,084 --> 00:22:06,084
Number one, exercise.
458
00:22:06,084 --> 00:22:09,040
Number two, cornflakes.
459
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,072
And number three, enemas.
460
00:22:11,072 --> 00:22:13,032
What?
461
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:15,012
That's right - enemas.
462
00:22:15,012 --> 00:22:19,068
We start each day with a pint of
plain, dull, natural yoghurt.
463
00:22:19,068 --> 00:22:21,032
You eat half of it...
464
00:22:21,032 --> 00:22:22,076
Oh!
465
00:22:22,076 --> 00:22:25,020
..and stick the other half
up your bum bum.
466
00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:26,084
With a pipe.
467
00:22:26,084 --> 00:22:28,048
It's good for you.
468
00:22:28,048 --> 00:22:31,056
Good for me? Yeah, it's got
good germs and stuff.
469
00:22:31,056 --> 00:22:32,076
I don't know!
470
00:22:34,004 --> 00:22:35,088
I'm getting a little anxious.
471
00:22:35,088 --> 00:22:38,084
OK, just eat some more cornflakes.
472
00:22:38,084 --> 00:22:40,068
OK, nurse!
473
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:42,068
POP!
474
00:22:44,036 --> 00:22:50,000
Battle Creek sanitarium - exercise,
relaxation, cornflakes,
475
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,012
and putting yoghurt up your bum.
476
00:22:54,012 --> 00:22:56,016
Yes, we Victorians really felt like
477
00:22:56,016 --> 00:22:58,060
we'd got to the bottom
of staying healthy.
478
00:22:58,060 --> 00:23:02,024
But if I'm honest, not all
of them were completely successful.
479
00:23:02,024 --> 00:23:06,000
In fact, some of them might be
considered quite dangerous.
480
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,020
Good day.
481
00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:12,092
Welcome to QVC,
the Queen Victoria Channel,
482
00:23:12,092 --> 00:23:17,040
for our round-up of the hottest new
products from The Great Exhibition.
483
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,072
Now, what have you got me
wearing today, Constance?
484
00:23:20,072 --> 00:23:22,048
It's a corset, Verity.
485
00:23:22,048 --> 00:23:24,052
Oh, yawn, so last season.
486
00:23:24,052 --> 00:23:26,048
It's actually very much this season.
487
00:23:26,048 --> 00:23:30,004
It's electrical.
Electrical? How's that?
488
00:23:30,004 --> 00:23:31,080
Electricity occurs naturally
489
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,052
in a whole range of new
health-giving products,
490
00:23:34,052 --> 00:23:37,064
ready to buy for the canny
Victorian consumer.
491
00:23:38,064 --> 00:23:40,096
When I was struggling to
put this on this morning,
492
00:23:40,096 --> 00:23:43,084
you hooked it up to that battery,
didn't you?
493
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:50,020
What Verity is demonstrating is
designed to strengthen the chest.
494
00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:52,008
I can't see!
495
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,016
How does it feel? Shocking!
496
00:23:56,016 --> 00:23:59,052
We've also got this hairbrush...
497
00:23:59,052 --> 00:24:01,024
That's more like it.
498
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,052
Oh, why me?
499
00:24:05,052 --> 00:24:08,044
You just don't get these results
with a normal hairbrush.
500
00:24:12,028 --> 00:24:14,092
I think that's all we've got time
for on today's...
501
00:24:14,092 --> 00:24:17,036
You're forgetting
our lovely jewellery.
502
00:24:17,036 --> 00:24:19,000
Please, don't tell me...
503
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,064
Oh, gosh!
504
00:24:20,064 --> 00:24:24,044
Now, there are only a few of these
remaining, so you have to be quick.
505
00:24:24,044 --> 00:24:26,088
Don't tell me people
are actually buying these?
506
00:24:26,088 --> 00:24:29,004
No, they've mostly caught fire.
507
00:24:30,076 --> 00:24:33,096
Can someone grab the electrical
fire extinguisher, please?
508
00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:39,032
Eight...
509
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,048
Nine...
510
00:24:43,048 --> 00:24:45,028
WHISPER: Rattus! 100.
511
00:24:45,028 --> 00:24:46,068
And 99.
512
00:24:48,060 --> 00:24:51,024
1,000.
513
00:24:52,084 --> 00:24:55,020
That's it - I'm as fit as a flea.
514
00:24:55,020 --> 00:24:57,084
And I should know,
I've got plenty of them.
515
00:24:57,084 --> 00:25:00,004
From trepanning,
electric hairbrushes,
516
00:25:00,004 --> 00:25:04,008
and the thousands of other weird
and wacky ideas about health,
517
00:25:04,008 --> 00:25:06,068
it was these next three
huge discoveries
518
00:25:06,068 --> 00:25:10,000
that really changed
the world we live in today.
519
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,064
The amazing work of Edward Jenner,
520
00:25:12,064 --> 00:25:15,024
Louis Pasteur, and Alexander Fleming
521
00:25:15,024 --> 00:25:18,084
saved more lives than anything else
in history.
522
00:25:18,084 --> 00:25:21,040
You might not like
having your injections,
523
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:25,040
but they protect you from lots of
nasty illnesses and infections.
524
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:30,000
Thanks to them, we now all live
longer, healthier lives.
525
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,096
Take it away, boys.
526
00:25:31,096 --> 00:25:37,032
♪ I'm Edward Jenner and I was told
527
00:25:37,032 --> 00:25:44,016
♪ Mates who got cowpox once
never had another episode
528
00:25:44,016 --> 00:25:50,048
♪ So I-I-I injected James Phipps
with a strain
529
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,064
♪ He didn't catch smallpox
530
00:25:52,064 --> 00:25:56,004
♪ He was as right as rain
531
00:25:57,092 --> 00:26:01,008
♪ I gave him inoculations
532
00:26:01,008 --> 00:26:04,036
♪ Despite some protestation
533
00:26:04,036 --> 00:26:07,052
♪ It was the first vaccination
534
00:26:07,052 --> 00:26:10,044
♪ Led to his rehabilitation
535
00:26:10,044 --> 00:26:13,044
♪ Inoculation
Imagine my elation
536
00:26:13,044 --> 00:26:16,096
♪ Medication
At my creation
537
00:26:16,096 --> 00:26:20,084
♪ And so my vaccination
Vaccination
538
00:26:20,084 --> 00:26:23,060
♪ Led to experimentation... ♪
539
00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:25,008
By me!
540
00:26:25,008 --> 00:26:29,008
♪ Louis Pasteur, if you please
541
00:26:29,008 --> 00:26:32,020
♪ Thought if that worked
Surely you can vaccinate
542
00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:35,036
♪ Against all disease?
543
00:26:35,036 --> 00:26:38,008
♪ So I
544
00:26:38,008 --> 00:26:41,088
♪ Injected cholera into a hen
545
00:26:41,088 --> 00:26:43,048
♪ Turns out I was right
546
00:26:43,048 --> 00:26:47,056
♪ It lived to lay eggs again
547
00:26:49,028 --> 00:26:52,000
♪ I gave him immunisation
548
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,044
♪ It was a made-up inoculation
549
00:26:55,044 --> 00:26:59,000
♪ Bit like my vaccination
Vaccination
550
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,044
♪ But with a modification
Modification
551
00:27:02,044 --> 00:27:04,076
♪ Turns out this application
552
00:27:04,076 --> 00:27:08,036
♪ Was a critical transformation
553
00:27:08,036 --> 00:27:11,068
♪ It was a combination
554
00:27:11,068 --> 00:27:14,056
♪ Of scientific dedication...
555
00:27:18,028 --> 00:27:20,060
♪ Alexander Fleming
556
00:27:20,060 --> 00:27:23,044
♪ I invented penicillin
557
00:27:23,044 --> 00:27:26,064
♪ Accidentally
558
00:27:26,064 --> 00:27:29,064
♪ Like all the best discoveries
559
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:32,068
♪ Him And him And me
560
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:35,064
♪ Saved more lives
than anyone in history
561
00:27:35,064 --> 00:27:38,092
♪ End disease that's killing
562
00:27:38,092 --> 00:27:41,068
♪ With vaccinations and penicillin!
563
00:27:41,068 --> 00:27:45,024
♪ We gave you vaccination
Good, good, good, vaccination
564
00:27:45,024 --> 00:27:48,028
♪ Penicillin and immunisation
Immunisation
565
00:27:48,028 --> 00:27:51,068
♪ We gave you vaccination
Good, good, good, vaccination
566
00:27:51,068 --> 00:27:54,088
♪ Penicillin and immunisation
Vaccination
567
00:27:54,088 --> 00:27:57,092
♪ We gave you vaccination
Good, good, good vaccination
568
00:27:57,092 --> 00:28:01,048
♪ Penicillin and immunisation
Immunisation
569
00:28:01,048 --> 00:28:04,016
♪ We left a world that's cheerier
Vaccination
570
00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,004
♪ By dealing with bad bacteria. ♪
571
00:28:21,048 --> 00:28:23,040
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
572
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,096
♪ Hope you enjoyed
573
00:28:24,096 --> 00:28:28,016
♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
43604
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