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♪ Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians,
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♪ Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
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♪ Cavemen, savage,
fierce and toothless
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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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♪ Gory stories, we do that
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♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to...
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Horrible Histories presents...
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There are lots of different types of
rulers.
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In Britain we've had kings
and queens, Japan has an emperor,
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Luxembourg even has a grand duke.
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But in the USA they've had a long
line of presidents,
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45 of them so far.
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The very first of whom was...
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Now, let's see...
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President number one,
George Washington.
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Back in 1783, America was ruled by
Britain.
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But the Americas got fed up,
fought a war to be independent,
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led by a brilliant soldier
called George Washington.
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Yee-ha!
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And now, from Presidential
Publications,
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read for yourself how his tactics
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freed America from British rule.
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When I fought for the British,
they taught me how to fight.
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When I fought against them,
I taught them how to lose!
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Now you can read how I did it,
in my new book,
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George Washington's
Guide To Victory.
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I'll take you through the Battle of
Long Island.
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Men...we're outnumbered.
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Run away.
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Not forgetting the
nail-biting battle of Germantown.
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On my command...march!
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And the crucial battle of
White Plains,
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another tactical masterclass.
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There are 3,000 British troops
over in the bay.
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OK, what I want you to do is gather
all the troops you can,
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and on my command...
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run away.
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The British got so fed up of chasing
us all over the country and
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paying the Army, that they gave up,
went home!
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Buy it now! And remember,
if they can't catch you,
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they can't make you surrender.
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Aargh, a bee! Run away!
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Run away!
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It's true. President number one,
George Washington,
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won the war of independence,
the Brits went home,
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and he took charge of a newly named
United States of America.
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It was a brand-new country,
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and it needed a brand-new logo
to stamp on all the laws,
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money and passports.
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Something people would respect.
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Something that said...
nobility, heroism and grandeur.
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Something like...this.
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What? What?
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Well, their ideas weren't
much better.
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OK. Founding Fathers guys,
we've got this.
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Thomas Jefferson,
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Benjamin Franklin, John Adams,
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you need a coat of arms to represent
your new country!
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A coat of arms is crucial.
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The British have one
and they totally love it.
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You've got a unicorn,
you've got a lion.
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Just typical British animals.
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OK, so...here we go.
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The Great Seal of the United States
of America!
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Boom!
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No. No, I'm sorry, no,
that won't do.
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OK, let's throw some new ideas
around, there are no bad ideas.
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Alligator!
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Bad idea. Raccoon!
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Bad idea. Skunk.
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Bad idea. Alligator, raccoon and
skunk, all wearing hats - taxi!
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Very bad idea.
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Is it the hats? No, I don't like
the stupid animals.
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I quite like the hats, so...
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What I'm getting from you guys is,
you want...
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A bird. Gobble, gobble, boom, boom.
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Boom. I like the turkey.
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It has gravitas, it has pride,
it's the lion of the bird world.
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Benjamin, we are not having
a turkey.
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Long shot - bald...
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headed...eagle.
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Does it have to be bald?
Well, he can wear a hat.
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That way you wouldn't see that
he's...
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Bald. That is a good idea.
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00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,880
No, the eagle is a scavenger.
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He's a bully. It's not like my noble
turkey.
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I want my turkey. We have been
arguing about this for six years,
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OK? We have had three
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different committees with 14
different members.
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Now, we need to agree on something,
and the eagle works.
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Brilliant. Meeting over.
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Let's go play ping-pong.
I want my turkey.
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Where's my turkey? I want my turkey.
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It's turkey time! No, no, ssh...
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I just... I like turkeys.
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In my honour, our new capital city
was named Washington, DC.
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It was a gleaming example
to the world.
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But there was one small problem.
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Was it...
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The answer is...
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FLIES BUZZ
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Yes, part of the city was built
on a swamp.
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We may have defeated the British,
but...
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these mosquitoes are going to kill
us all.
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Run away!
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In the 1800s, the United States was
teeny-tiny compared to nowadays.
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Because a lot of what we think of as
America today was actually owned by
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France, including important
cities like New Orleans.
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But things were about to change.
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President number three,
Thomas Jefferson,
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knew a bargain when he saw it.
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Mesdames et messieurs, I am Napoleon
Bonaparte, the leader of France,
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and there must be something very
wrong with me because I am giving
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away New Orleans! That is right,
I am giving it away!
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For just $20 million.
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I got to get my mitts on this before
somebody else snaps it up.
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Ah, Monsieur President, mon plaisir!
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Yeah. Well, straight to the chase -
I want to buy New Orleans.
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Two million American dollars.
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Two million? I want 20!
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Two million is chump change.
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I have someone on the other line,
I will call you back.
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00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,240
Boney, old chap, just giving you
the heads-up,
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we're declaring a war on you next
Thursday.
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What? Anyway, just checking you've
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got the necessary wonga to fund a
jolly
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good war - can be rather expensive.
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Unless of course you want to give up
now?
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Never!
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BLOWS RASPBERRY
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How much money do I have?
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Oh, don't even have two beans
to rub together.
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Ah!
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Napoleon. Jefferson!
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I have been thinking.
I love the USA.
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I love it! Yes.
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Uncle Simon! Ha-ha!
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New Orleans is yours for just...
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$15 million. $10 million,
and that's my final offer.
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15...but I will throw in the rest
of the Louisiana Territory.
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Hot dang!
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That's a million square feet
of land.
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Oui. What the Americans call...
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going super-sized, non?
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You've got yourself a deal, Emperor.
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Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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Thomas, you are one cool customer.
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Oh... Oh, no!
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Bargain! They did a two-for-one
on whole states,
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and soon afterwards the United
States added Spanish Florida too.
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The USA was growing,
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and more and more people from around
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the world were heading there
to start new lives.
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It was an exciting time, but it
could be pretty confusing too,
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because not everyone spoke
the language you might expect.
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OLD-TIMEY WILD WEST PIANO
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SPITTOON DINGS
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HE HAWKS
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SPITTOON DINGS
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Guten Tag! Ich bin the Sheriff.
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Was kann ich fur Sie tun?
What in tarnation?
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Ah, yeah, yeah. Ingrid,
konnten Sie kommen hier, bitte?
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Ah! Guten Tag!
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Who are you, and what is this cowboy
talking about?
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Oh, we are speaking German.
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Join us. No, I will not join you.
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Why are you all speaking German?
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Cos German is the second most
popular language in America.
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That's hogwash.
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Er, was hat er gesagt?
I think you are...
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offering to wash his pig?
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Yes? Nein, danke! No!
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Soy un vaquero Espanol.
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Ah, now I don't understand that.
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I think it was Spanish?
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Si, si. Spain-ish?!
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Yes, people have come to America
from all over the world,
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not just England.
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Ahem!
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Und einige von uns waren schon hier!
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Yah, some of us were here already.
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Don't tell me he's German too!
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No, but some people make an effort
to learn a language.
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Well, German ain't the language
here.
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We speak American.
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00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,160
Take a look around you, lady,
this is the US of A.
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00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,840
I think you'll find it's English
we speak here, old bean.
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00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,560
I don't speak English, old bean.
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I speak the Queen's American.
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Was ist diese Idiot reden?
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00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,320
Did he just call me an idiot?
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00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,160
Ja, ja, ja! You see, now you are
learning the language.
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Clever, clever, clever. Oh!
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00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,840
Foreign cowboys ain't welcome here.
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So y'all can just saddle right
on up...
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..and have a lovely ride of your
horse amidst our beautiful scenery.
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00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,400
I mean, we're all
from somewhere, right?
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Live and let live.
I always say that.
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00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,320
I've had a hog killing time and all,
but by hook or by crook,
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00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,720
I've got to giddy on up and get
my chow from the chuck wagon.
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Well, see you all later, partners.
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Did anyone understand a word
of that?
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00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,960
I don't think he's from round here.
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00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,160
Music! Ah, sehr gut!
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00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,560
Time for another.
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00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,320
Ah, yes.
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00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,760
President number seven,
Andrew Jackson,
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00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,640
who was nicknamed Old Hickory,
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00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,080
because his soldiers thought he was
tough as hickory wood.
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00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,560
Jackson died in 1837,
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his funeral was a sombre affair
with one very badly behaved guest.
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00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,200
Good day!
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00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,000
On behalf of President Jackson's
family,
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00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,600
it's my honour to welcome you
on this sad day.
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00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,880
We're joined, of course, by
President Jackson's parrot, Paul,
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00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,960
who was by his side
throughout his long career,
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00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,520
and picked up many of the words
he used to say.
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00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,280
Andrew Jackson was a...
225
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,200
Nitwit! ..nitwit. Nit...not...
226
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,200
Not what I would call a dull man,
far from it.
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00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,600
He was a shining example to us all.
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00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,320
From a humble background he trained
hard to become a...
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00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,880
Loser! ..loser. Lawyer!
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00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,280
Lawyer. And was then elected to
government.
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00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:04,000
He co-founded the great city of
Memphis, Tennessee,
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00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,880
and loved nothing more to sit on his
veranda, sipping a glass of...
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00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,000
Wee-wee! Wee-wee...
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00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,800
WE all know he sipped iced tea.
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00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,040
I never knew a man with more
powerful...
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00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,320
Farts! ..farts. Faith! Than he.
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00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,920
He always travelled everywhere with
his battered old...
238
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,240
Bottom! Bible by his side
filled with...
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00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,280
Knickers! Wisdom!
240
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,480
Let's skip through to the
gun salute.
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00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,280
HE WHISTLES
242
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,480
Uh-oh!
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00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,520
GUNSHOTS
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00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,360
Let us pee... Pray! Pray.
245
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,880
Um, who's next?
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00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,320
President number 16,
Abraham Lincoln.
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00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,480
This great US president faced some
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00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,680
of the toughest challenges of any
American leader.
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00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,040
Luckily, he got lots of great
advice,
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00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,600
even though some of it came
from some rather unusual places.
251
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,880
Abraham Lincoln here.
252
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,440
Running for the job of the 16th
253
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,680
president of the
254
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,280
United States of America.
255
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,960
Oh, you want to see me? Yeah?
256
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,800
Oh, hey there!
257
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:15,080
I think you are a great man.
258
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,640
You are too kind.
259
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,720
But I don't like your face.
260
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,800
I withdraw my comment.
261
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,680
Would you like to know why?
262
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,080
"Would I like to know why?"
263
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,440
I've got a feeling you're going to
tell me anyway, Grace.
264
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:34,720
Your head is too skinny.
265
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:39,360
What can I do with that?
Yeah, OK, laugh it up, guys.
266
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,560
Yeah, skinny head, got it.
267
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,040
No, I don't look like a giraffe!
268
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,720
OK, let's just park that there.
269
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,520
There's not much I can do about
my head.
270
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,760
Grow some whiskers.
271
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,880
OK. Well, I'll consider it, Grace,
272
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,280
even though you can't vote for me
anyway, because you're a girl.
273
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,320
And you're 11.
274
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:06,080
At least I'm not a skinny head.
275
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,760
OK, I appreciate the feedback.
276
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:08,920
And you never know, Grace,
277
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,960
maybe next time you see me in
a photo I'll have some whiskers.
278
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,400
Of course, Abraham Lincoln was
famous for wanting to end slavery in
279
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,120
America, but not everyone in the US
agreed with him.
280
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,400
This led to the
outbreak of a civil war
281
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:31,960
between the northern and southern
states of the USA in 1861.
282
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,920
Southern states even declared their
own rival President,
283
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,720
and man called Jefferson Davis.
284
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:44,720
Yep, he's not in here, because
Lincoln and the North won the war.
285
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:49,000
And they had plenty of help doing it
from a very clever secret source,
286
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,640
the spy, Mary Bowser,
287
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,160
who pretended to be a slave
called Ellen
288
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,360
working for the rival President.
289
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,960
She was in great danger,
but for some reason,
290
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,640
the generals just couldn't believe
she was a spy.
291
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,280
Generals of the Confederate South.
292
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,200
Before I discuss our secret plans on
how to defeat the North,
293
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:15,400
I must tell you that I believe
that there is a traitor amongst us.
294
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,800
Ellen, confess!
295
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,960
You have forgotten
to top up my coffee!
296
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,560
Now, I must consider who this
traitor could possibly be.
297
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,160
Ellen!
298
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,000
You must be...
299
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,240
careful!
300
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:39,120
Now, if you try to even understand
one word of this very clever thing,
301
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,360
then it might blow
your tiny lady mind.
302
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,240
Oh, yes, sir. I don't even know how
to do no reading!
303
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,160
Run along and get some more bread
for the guys,
304
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,480
before any more of this highly
intelligent mind talk
305
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,000
sends your brain into a fizz.
306
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,680
Thomas, they still assume me
an uneducated slave girl.
307
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,320
But I may be in grave danger soon.
308
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,320
Make haste with these stolen secret
plans to President Lincoln at once.
309
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,480
Why, thank you, Thomas, these buns
sure do smell delicious.
310
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,240
I spy a traitor! Surely you are not
suggesting...
311
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,400
Let me finish. I spy a TRAY TO
put our empty cups on whilst we're
312
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,880
studying these plans.
313
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,560
Whoops!
314
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,480
Oh, crumbs.
315
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,240
Heavens, Ellen, now look at these...
316
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,240
these papers may seem like nothing
to a humble slave girl,
317
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:29,040
but these are top secret information
that must, under no circumstances,
318
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,840
find their ways into the hands of
our cunning enemy.
319
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,840
Might you
320
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,640
be that enemy,
321
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,840
Ellen?
322
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,000
THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
323
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,880
I do feel ever so clever for
having made
324
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,960
a joke as ridiculousness
as that one.
325
00:15:58,920 --> 00:15:59,960
Ellen!
326
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,240
Mary Bowser helped President Lincoln
and the North win the Civil War.
327
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,400
When it was over,
Lincoln abolished slavery.
328
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,640
Top work! But Lincoln still had his
enemies,
329
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,920
and so the first official secret
security service
330
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:19,040
was set up to protect America
by President Lincoln himself.
331
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:23,240
But they were never prepared for
this particular first day at work.
332
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,520
Best seats in the house, gentlemen.
333
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,280
First ever Secret Service social
night to commemorate
334
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,240
our first ever day in existence.
You know,
335
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,040
I know that we were only
created today,
336
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,560
but do you think, maybe, we should
337
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,480
stop calling ourselves
Secret Service?
338
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,920
You know, because we're supposed
to be...secret?
339
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,560
Good note. Thanks.
340
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,600
Ice cream!
341
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,840
Over here for the Secret Service,
you guys.
342
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,560
Gentlemen. Oh, sorry, wrong box.
343
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,360
Mister President! Oh!
344
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,880
I thought I was being attacked.
345
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,200
There is no danger of that, sir,
346
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,560
surrounded by your brand-new
Secret...
347
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,440
WHISPERS: Secret Service. It's us.
348
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,360
Yes, it's not actually your job to
protect the president, gentlemen.
349
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,120
You were set up to hunt down
forged money.
350
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,320
So let's all just relax.
351
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,360
Yes, sir! Oh!
352
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,160
Stop sneaking up on me like that!
353
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,200
Why do you keep touching your ear?
354
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,560
Sir, I have eczema.
It's really itchy.
355
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,680
Sorry to hear that.
Well, enjoy the show, boys.
356
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:20,720
I'll see you later.
357
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,600
We just met the President!
358
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:26,840
This is for the Civil...
359
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,560
Oh, excuse me, have you seen
the President?
360
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,680
Hey, wait a minute, pal.
361
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,960
What? Aren't you the famous actor
John Wilkes Booth?
362
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,760
Why, yes, I am.
363
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,800
I knew it was you!
364
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,880
Can I get your autograph?
365
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,800
I don't see why not. Make it out to
my daughter.
366
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,600
What's her name?
Her name is Special Agent Andrews.
367
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,080
That's your name...
368
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,920
Kiss, Kiss.
369
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,560
Yes, yes!
370
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,840
Hold it.
371
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:58,960
What?
372
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,640
You forgot your gun, dummy.
373
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,960
You big dumb-dumb!
John Wilkes Booth.
374
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,720
We just met John Wilkes Booth!
375
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,760
He's so famous, but he's so nice.
376
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,400
John Wilkes Booth. Boom!
377
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,080
The President. Boom!
378
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,240
This day could not get any better.
379
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,280
This is for the Civil War!
380
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,480
GUNSHOT
381
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,200
SCREAMING
382
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,960
Oh! John Wilkes Booth just shot
the President.
383
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,240
They should totally have, like, a
Secret Service that could deal with
384
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,640
stuff like that. Yeah.
385
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,600
Oh!
386
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,720
All right, so the agents weren't
actually at the theatre that night,
387
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,840
but the organisation was created on
388
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,520
the very same day Lincoln
was assassinated.
389
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,280
Time for another president.
390
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,080
President number 26.
391
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,240
Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt.
392
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,600
A tough outdoorsy kind of guy.
393
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,240
So it's kind of funny what he's best
known for.
394
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,200
Your coffee, madam.
395
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,960
Great job, thank you, Hartley.
396
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,240
One, two, three, four.
397
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,200
I knocked the fellow to the floor.
398
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,760
Teddy! Don't call me Teddy.
399
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,200
I'm a man. I'm a big man, with the
big cup of coffee.
400
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,040
Yes, Teddy... Theodore, I know you
are, honey.
401
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,400
Look! A present for you.
402
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,040
Oh! Ah!
403
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,240
It's probably some manly hunting
supplies, or a boxing trophy.
404
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,080
Here. Let me.
405
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,240
Oh, look, Teddy.
406
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,760
It's a cuddly bear.
407
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,360
Huh? Apparently they are making them
in your honour,
408
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:39,120
because you refused to shoot that
bear on your hunting trip.
409
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,760
They are calling them TEDDY bears.
410
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,480
Ain't that adorable? Adorable?
411
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,280
A cuddly bear in my honour.
412
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,240
But I'm a big, tough,
manly man's man,
413
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,520
not some cuddly-bear-hugging
mamma's boy.
414
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,480
I knew I should have killed
that darned bear.
415
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,400
Teddy! For the last time, Edith,
I'm Theodore Roosevelt.
416
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:01,400
Soldier, explorer, boxer, president
of the United States.
417
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,880
I don't want to be remembered as the
418
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,560
guy who gave the world the teddy
bear. Whatever you say, Ted...
419
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,440
Theodore. I'll have it sent back to
the manufacturers.
420
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,560
We'll demand to have the whole range
shredded.
421
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,280
Shredded! They can't do that.
422
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:17,080
All his flufty bobbles will fall
out and give him a poorly tum-tum.
423
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,080
I mean... Manly...
424
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,760
Don't worry, Mr Fluffy,
I'll look after you.
425
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,360
The wives of the presidents are
known as the first ladies.
426
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,520
And there were none stronger than
Eleanor Roosevelt.
427
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:39,200
She was the niece of president 26,
Teddy Roosevelt, and the wife of...
428
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,760
..president number 32,
Franklin D Roosevelt.
429
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:49,520
What she did changed the role of the
first lady for ever.
430
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,720
Welcome to the White House,
Mrs Roosevelt.
431
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,000
I'll be your personal aide.
432
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,600
I can provide absolutely anything
that you need.
433
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,120
How wonderful.
434
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,760
I have a selection of canapes
for you
435
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,400
to sample for tonight's
reception.
436
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,760
I am not interested in canapes.
437
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,960
It's 1933, we are in the middle of
the Great Depression.
438
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,880
Some people have no food at all,
you know.
439
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,520
Of course.
What about wardrobe, entertainment,
440
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,520
celebrity dinner guests?
441
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,840
I should like to meet some homeless
people, please.
442
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,080
What, ma'am? I'd like to know what
we can do to help them.
443
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,120
OK. Anything else?
444
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:26,240
Vets. Oh, is the White House
doggy sick?
445
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,680
No, Army veterans.
446
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,080
I want to know what we can do to
help them, too.
447
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,400
But Mrs Roosevelt,
what will you wear?
448
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,960
Why, clothes, I should imagine.
449
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,920
I have far more important things to
think about than dresses.
450
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,640
You're absolutely right.
451
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,200
Shoes. How can I think about shoes
when some people don't have any?
452
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,880
But Mrs Roosevelt, you must.
453
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,360
You're the first lady. You need to
be a beacon of style.
454
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,960
Why, the former first lady,
Dolly Madison,
455
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,440
spent $1,000 a year
on turbans alone.
456
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,920
And I'm sure she looked perfectly
pleasant, but I just want to help...
457
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,560
Help people, yeah, you said.
458
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,680
But please, Mrs Roosevelt, help me.
459
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,880
Can I at least show you
your wardrobe?
460
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,840
Fine. Where is it?
461
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,960
It's right here.
462
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,160
My word!
463
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,960
You could house a family of six
in there.
464
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,040
Please say you're not going to do
that.
465
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,960
Far out! Shame all the presidents
weren't like that lady.
466
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,800
Now, let's spin the wheel and see
who's next.
467
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:33,280
President number 35,
John F Kennedy.
468
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,440
The USA fell out with
its close neighbour Cuba
469
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,960
because Cuba was going to store
deadly nuclear missiles for Russia,
470
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,640
at the time, the USA's great enemy.
471
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,760
President Kennedy had to deal with
the threat,
472
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,200
and he targeted the Cuban leader,
Fidel Castro.
473
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,600
America's top-secret security
services
474
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,680
devised some cunning ways
to try and get rid of him.
475
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,960
I don't know, man, why can't people
just get along?
476
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,440
JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS
477
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,840
Sandra, send the guys through.
Right away, sir.
478
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,160
Ah, gentlemen.
479
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,160
I hope you don't mind
me eating, I'm a busy man.
480
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,640
Not at all, President Kennedy, sir.
481
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:07,880
This is Agent Bob.
482
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,520
Pleasure to meet you,
President Kenny.
483
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:10,960
RECORD SCRATCHES AND STOPS
484
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,240
It's Kennedy, Bob.
485
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,240
Pleasure to meet you President Kenny
Kennedy Bob, sir.
486
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,840
He's a maverick, sir. But he has the
reflexes of a cat.
487
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,440
I also lick myself clean like a cat,
sir.
488
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,840
Well, that's good to know.
489
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,280
Now. Listen, gentlemen, we have
a problem down there in Cuba.
490
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,640
That President Fidel Castro is
491
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,080
getting a little too cosy with
our enemies, the Russians.
492
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,600
What can you guys do about that?
493
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,880
Back at the CIA we refer to the
Cuban President Castro as The Beard.
494
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,400
We've made various attempts to
assassinate him,
495
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,800
all the time trying to make it look
like an accident.
496
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,040
So far, without success.
497
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,400
Cigar? Ah, cigar!
498
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,280
Clear.
499
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,280
I know smoking is bad for you,
but...
500
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,440
I'm sorry, sir,
501
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,840
we made two attempts to assassinate
The Beard using cigars.
502
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,120
That could have been an attempt
on your life, sir.
503
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,040
Well, in that case, good work,
Agent Bob.
504
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,760
You are welcome, Mister President
Kenny Kennedy Bob, sir.
505
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,760
Milkshake! Get down, Mister
President!
506
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,120
Don't tell me, you tried to kill
Castro, sorry, The Beard,
507
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,400
with a milkshake too?
A poisonous one, yes.
508
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,120
Target neutralised. Good work, Bob.
509
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,320
OK, Mister President, sir.
It's time to reveal our latest plan.
510
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,440
If you could demonstrate,
Agent Bob? Yes, sir, sir.
511
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,760
Before he comes back,
is there anything else I should
512
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,600
avoid mentioning that might set
him off?
513
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,320
Yeah, quite a few, sir.
514
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,400
Let me make a note. Not with a pen,
sir.
515
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:36,920
We used one to try and smuggle
a syringe full of poison into Cuba.
516
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,680
MUFFLED SPEECH
517
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,520
Bob, Bob, you need to take the...
Oh, sorry.
518
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,040
The Beard loves to scuba dive,
Mister President, sir.
519
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,600
So our plan is to line this
wet suit with a deadly disease,
520
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,680
and swap it with his...
521
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,640
Hey! Sir, what are you eating for
your main course?
522
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:55,880
A seafood platter.
523
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,280
Save yourself!
524
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,160
We packed a seashell with dynamite,
525
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,480
with the view that The Beard would
pick it up when he was diving.
526
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,120
Have you considered just shooting
him?
527
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,600
I might just write that down.
528
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,960
Shouldn't you...?
529
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,040
None of the assassination attempts
on Castro worked,
530
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,440
and he lived
to the ripe old age of 90.
531
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,800
Tragically, JFK himself was shot by
a gunman
532
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,600
just two years into his presidency.
533
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,600
But, for better or worse,
534
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,720
every president has shaped the USA
you know and love today.
535
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,280
As their reward, even when they've
retired and someone else is running
536
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,800
the country, they get to keep
the title Mister President
537
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,000
for the rest of their lives
538
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,280
Take it away, boys.
539
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:47,800
MUSIC: JIMI HENDRIX'S
THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER
540
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,200
♪ I'm George Washington
541
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,960
♪ Born and raised in Virginia
542
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,480
♪ From a slave-owning family
with a privileged upbringing
543
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,000
♪ I fought for the British but they
taxed our stamps and tea
544
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,360
♪ It got us kind of thinking
545
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:02,440
We want to be free!
546
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,760
♪ It all kicked off
at the Boston Tea Party
547
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,600
♪ We declared independence
and fought to victory
548
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,200
♪ Signed the Treaty of Paris 1783
549
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,760
♪ I wasn't great at affection
but my troops loved me
550
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,320
♪ I'm Abraham Lincoln
and I'm kind of pretty famous
551
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,280
♪ Led the North against the South
in the fight to end slavery
552
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,640
♪ They call me Honest Abe
cos I didn't like to lie
553
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,640
♪ But if you're messing
with this president
554
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,760
♪ I'm gonna make you cry!
555
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,080
♪ Had a pretty sweet beard and as
leader I impressed
556
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,840
♪ Man, you should have heard me
speaking at the Gettysburg Address
557
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,480
♪ When the Southern states
surrendered in 1865
558
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,200
♪ As the Northern Union Leader
it felt great to be alive
559
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,440
♪ Till John Wilkes Booth
went and blew me away
560
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,160
♪ But that pesky little coward
didn't get the final say
561
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,080
♪ They carved me on a mountain in
the U S of A!
562
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,240
♪ You call us Mister President
563
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,240
♪ If we was alive today
564
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,600
♪ Always Mister President
565
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,120
♪ The title never goes away
566
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,120
♪ Call us Mister President
567
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,960
♪ We made the USA!
568
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,880
♪ I was Thomas Jefferson
and really great at writing
569
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,480
♪ But I found public speaking
kind of very frightening
570
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,360
♪ The Declaration of Independence,
that was me
571
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:08,080
♪ I wrote All Men Are Equal
but my slaves were never free
572
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,560
♪ Franklin D Roosevelt,
president in the Great Depression
573
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,240
♪ My inaugural speech made a really
great impression
574
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,800
♪ America was down cos it squandered
all its wealth
575
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,280
♪ But I said, all we've got to
fear is fear itself
576
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,800
♪ You'd call us Mister President
577
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:21,920
♪ If we was alive today
578
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,040
♪ Always Mister President
579
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,200
♪ The title never goes away
580
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,240
♪ Call us Mister President
581
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,200
♪ We made the USA!
582
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,200
♪ The oldest ever president,
Ronald "Ronnie" Reagan
583
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,600
♪ I used to be an actor before
leading this fine nation
584
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,240
♪ Planned for lasers in space,
you think that was pretty sweet?
585
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,960
♪ Bought over three tonnes of jelly
beans
586
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,560
♪ For an election victory greet
587
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:48,720
♪ To lead the USA
588
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,200
♪ Don't forget the White House was
built by slaves
589
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,520
♪ So you want a healthcare plan?
Well, yes, we can
590
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,080
♪ You call us Mister President
591
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,000
♪ If we was alive today
592
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,640
♪ Always Mister President
593
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,680
♪ The title never goes away
594
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,960
♪ Call us Mister President
595
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,680
♪ We made the USA
596
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,920
♪ All Mister Presidents were
honoured to serve
597
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,560
♪ And you can take that to the bank
598
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:11,920
♪ Of the Federal Reserve! ♪
599
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:15,440
RAPID SPEECH
600
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,480
..clear!
601
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:17,520
What?
602
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,840
Just typical
British animals, ha-ha!
603
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,000
Sir, have a go.
604
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,280
LAUGHTER
605
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,640
♪ The past is no
longer a mystery
606
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,160
♪ Hope you enjoyed
607
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,040
♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
46938
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