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♪ Terrible Tudors,
Gorgeous Georgians
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00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,600
♪Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,000
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,720
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,360
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
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♪ Cavemen, savage,
fierce and toothless
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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760
♪ Gory stories, we do that
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00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280
♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to...
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♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
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Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,080
Since the dawn of time,
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00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,560
when humankind first set foot
outside Africa,
17
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,520
we have thirsted for
new lands and new adventures.
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Have you ever been here before?
No, never left the Middle East,
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none of us have.
I'm not sure I'd like the food.
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00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,840
Well, great, then I'm the first man
to set foot on this land.
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00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:00,760
I'm Ugg and
I have discovered Europe.
22
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:13,000
Hello. I think you are a Neanderthal
and I've just discovered you, so...
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00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,200
Humankind continued to spread across
the globe,
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00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,960
crossing mighty oceans,
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00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,160
discovering uninhabited new lands.
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I am the Viking Leif Erikson,
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00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:28,840
and I am the first man ever to step
foot on this new, undiscovered land.
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Oh, hello. Welcome to my home.
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Would you like anything? Water?
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We've got still or sparkling.
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Go away. Go away.
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00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,720
And so the story of human
exploration continues.
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00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,880
Hi, I'm Neil Armstrong, I'm the
first man ever to step...
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Hang on,
35
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,000
there's definitely no-one else here
already, is there?
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00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,280
It's me, Buzz Aldrin, second man on
the moon.
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Sorry, this bit is really about
first man, Buzz.
38
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A great name, though.
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00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,400
The explorers get ready for
the journey.
40
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,640
OK, that's it, go away to the Eagle.
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00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,200
Now.
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00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,440
Do you know, I don't know why
there's all this fuss
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00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:18,600
about visiting the moon.
44
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There's not much atmosphere.
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00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:21,800
Not much atmosphere.
46
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,120
OK, so we know all about the first
person to land on the moon,
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or cross the Atlantic, but no-one
seems to care about the first rats.
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That's why I'm going to become a
great explorer and find the source
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of ye ancient sewer pipe.
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00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,480
It's a bit like when the Roman
emperor Nero wanted to discover the
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00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,200
source of the River Nile in Africa.
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Imagine setting out on that journey
with no map, no sat nav,
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no idea what you might see.
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Turned out to be just as tricky as
it sounds.
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The first century AD,
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and with the mighty Roman Empire
covering the known world,
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its glorious emperor decides to send
his envoys into the unknown.
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Go forth and find the source of the
Nile.
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Claim it in the name of the emperor.
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00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,480
The glory of Rome, we will find
the source of the River Nile.
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00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,840
To the glory of... Are you good?
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00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:17,120
Yes, I'm all right. It's really
slippery...
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I got in my mouth.
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00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,520
For the glory of
Rome. For the glory of...
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00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,800
I think I've lost my helmet.
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I've lost my boots. I think.
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00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,080
For the love of...
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00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,040
I hate to be a stick in the mud,
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00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,040
but is it just me or have we not
actually moved?
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00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:52,320
For months? Yes, we've moved.
We've definitely moved.
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00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,560
Yes, that's my helmet, no, we
haven't moved.
72
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,640
We're never going to find the source
of the Nile.
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00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,440
Stick the standard in and let's go
home.
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00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,040
For the glory of Rome!
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00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,040
Done. Hometime.
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00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,840
Oh. These Romans are crazy.
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00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,920
He's got your boots on. Oi, come
back with those!
78
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,760
We Vikings wouldn't let a little mud
stop us on our travels across Europe
79
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:31,240
and beyond. We braved ice, oceans,
sea monsters.
80
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,480
OK, maybe not monsters,
81
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,960
but it was an incredible feat for
one people to achieve.
82
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,120
But then we weren't one people.
83
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:42,400
There were lots of different Vikings
from Sweden, Denmark and Norway.
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00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,800
People just couldn't tell us apart.
85
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Officer, my home, ruined by Vikings.
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00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,400
Now, don't you worry, madam.
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00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,040
Can you describe your pillager?
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00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:58,800
He was a big, blonde, hairy man with
a helmet.
89
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,720
Oh, great, this shouldn't take long.
90
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,440
Follow me, madam.
91
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,800
Can you identify the culprit from
this group of suspects?
92
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:10,200
You. Oh, it was you.
93
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,440
Oh, am I so sorry.
94
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,560
You. What you did to my...
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00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:17,880
You!
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00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,880
It's very confusing, isn't it?
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00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,680
They all look so similar.
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00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,840
That is very offensive.
99
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,800
It was him, he laid waste to the
whole east coast of England.
100
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,480
That is a filthy lie, I am a
Norwegian Viking,
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00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,360
we never pillage English towns.
102
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,760
Where were you, then?
Pillaging a Scottish village. OK.
103
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,480
It is the Swedes that attack the
English cities.
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00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,400
Who are you calling a Swede?
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00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,920
I am a Danish Viking.
106
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,760
Which one of you wears the helmets
with the horns,
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the horns coming out?
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00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,480
That is a stereotype. Yawn.
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00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,760
I am a Swedish Viking and will
never pillage England or Scotland.
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00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,920
Russia or Constantinople, yes, sure,
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00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,880
we always pillage these two
cities.
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00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,560
The east. We know which Vikings
only who go west.
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The east is just weird.
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00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,320
You are weird.
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00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,800
No, you are weird.
116
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,600
It takes one to know one.
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00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,080
All right, look, we know you are
completely different.
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00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,440
Yes, but which one of you pillaged
this lady's home?
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00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,960
It was him, the Swedish one.
120
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,400
No, I'm the Swedish one, here is
the Norwegian one.
121
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,600
How dare you call me Norwegian.
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00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,040
What's wrong with being Norwegian?
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00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,760
How about your face?
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00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,120
Take that. Don't flick me.
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Typical Vikings, they're all the
same.
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00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,400
Well, I found the source of the
sewer pipe.
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Just as someone flushed.
128
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,760
I think I will do my exploring at
sea next time.
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00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,520
We rats are great sailors, we've
travelled right across the world,
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00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,880
spreading goodwill and disease
wherever we go.
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00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,040
I've got everything it takes to be
a great sailor.
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00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,240
Courage, a boat, and I once lived in
Devon.
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00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,640
Oh, yes, way before Chris Martin and
Tom Daly conquered the world,
134
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,760
these other sons of Devon were
conquering the high seas.
135
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,400
Pa, I don't want to go to sea.
136
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:09,880
Don't be daft, the best navigators
in the world come from Devon.
137
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,000
Just like us. Come on, there are
some people I want you to meet.
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00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,560
Sir Walter Raleigh and
Sir Francis Drake.
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00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,600
It's me.
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00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:22,360
John Davies!
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00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,680
Discovered the Falkland Islands.
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00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:31,040
Oh, yes, the place with absolutely
no gold and lots of penguins.
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00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,840
And absolutely no gold.
144
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,240
Yes, I just said that. All right.
145
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,000
Oh, them penguins.
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00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,880
Better than gold, if anything, I
reckon.
147
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,240
Anyway, my son says he doesn't want
to go to sea, would you believe it?
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00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,440
I'm begging your pardon you what
now beg your pardon?
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00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,360
That's the best place for a fine
young Devon lad like
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00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,520
yourself. And we'll show you why.
Through a song.
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MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF I'VE GOT
A BRAND NEW COMBINE HARVESTER
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♪ I sailed right round the globe
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♪ And saw many a sight
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♪ Ooh arr, ooh arr
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00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,040
♪ I attacked Spanish ports
to show Queen Liz's might
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00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,800
♪ Ooh arr, ooh arr
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00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,280
♪ I sailed right back to England
with treasure in the hold,
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♪Ooh arr, ooh arr
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00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:18,000
♪ Spanish says I's a pirate
but I still got all their gold!
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00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,080
♪ Now I've got a brand-new land
to find,
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00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,840
♪ And you could come with me
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♪ We're going to make all
our fortunes,
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♪ When we cross the sea
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00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,440
♪ You can get a knighthood,
and I'll get more wealthy
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00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,040
♪ Oh I've got a brand-new land to
find,
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00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,880
♪ Just don't get dysentery!
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00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,040
HE BREAKS WIND
168
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:43,080
♪ I explored the New World
and set up colonies
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00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,400
♪ Ooh arr, ooh arr
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00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,160
♪ Brought back potatoes
but not the coconut
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00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,360
♪ That was me
# Ooh arr, ooh arr
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00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:54,320
♪ He fought in the Armada
and flirted with his Queen
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♪ Find El Dorado,
be the richest man ever seen
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00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,040
♪ Now I've got a brand-new land to
find
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00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,800
♪ So why don't you come with me?
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00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,760
♪ We're going to make all our
fortunes when we cross the sea
177
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:13,160
♪ You can get a knighthood
and I'll get more wealthy
178
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,680
♪ But don't forget to bring your
sword, cos nothing comes for free
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00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,880
♪ I saw the Falklands
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00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,920
♪ And discovered some penguins,
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00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,640
♪ Ooh arr, ooh arr...♪
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Guys? My verse?
183
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,280
Oh, come on, everyone loves
penguins.
184
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,760
Right?
185
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,680
Hello, I'm Queen Elizabeth I.
186
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,000
My courtiers were always trying to
impress me.
187
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,000
Of course they were, I'm the queen.
188
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,480
I can have their heads chopped off.
189
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:52,120
So, what did Sir Francis Drake give
me as a small token of his esteem
190
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,920
when he arrived back from his
sailing trip around the world?
191
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,800
The answer is C, a sack of pounds.
192
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,040
£160,000 to be precise.
193
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,320
That's more than half a billion in
your modern money.
194
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,120
I'd still like the pearls and
potatoes as well, though.
195
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,960
Chop chop, I am the queen.
196
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,280
That's a lot of gold.
197
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,760
Yes, exploring was often
about getting rich,
198
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,080
and Europeans were obsessed with
trying to find the legendary city of
199
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,280
El Dorado, which was supposedly made
entirely of gold.
200
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,640
Spanish explorers searched deep into
the rainforests of South America to
201
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,520
find it, attacking us locals as they
went.
202
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,520
But we had a pretty clever way of
getting rid of them.
203
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,640
Sorry, I'm late, babes. It's all
right, it's quiet.
204
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,680
Only a couple through so far.
205
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:59,800
Hold on, here comes another lot.
206
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,200
Still no sign of the cities of gold,
Gonzalo.
207
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,720
I'm beginning to doubt that they
even exist, to be honest.
208
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,200
But cities of solid gold, compadre,
209
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,000
why would the locals make that up?
210
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,320
I don't know, but either way,
211
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,200
I think that we should call off the
search
212
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,840
and just burn down the villages and
213
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,800
steal all their stuff, like normal,
please.
214
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,520
Greetings, godlike warriors.
215
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:26,120
Seek you the fabulous cities of gold
that shine like the sun?
216
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,600
All right, don't overcook it.
217
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,680
Si, I, Gonzalo Pizarro, seek
the legendary city of El Dorado.
218
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,800
I do that as well. He does too.
219
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,840
It's down that path away from our
village,
220
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:42,560
and then turn you left and walk for
about a week and then you climb over
221
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,120
the mountain, swim through
the malaria-infested water.
222
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,080
Don't worry about the name. And then
it's just up there on the right.
223
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,080
I'm going to be the richest man in
Spain.
224
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,320
Directions to the crocodile breeding
ground.
225
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,240
Nice touch.
226
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,920
Oi, oi. Incoming. Look, natives.
227
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,040
Let us torture them until they tell
us where it is.
228
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,360
No need, mighty masters.
229
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,200
For legend of your strength and
heroism has already reached us
230
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,280
and we are so afraid.
231
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,680
Excellent.
Ponce de Leon may be hunting for
232
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,000
the fountain of youth in the north,
233
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,040
like an idiota, but we, we hunt
a city made entirely of gold.
234
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,400
Which is way more believable.
235
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,600
Right, so, it's 100 miles that way,
turn right,
236
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,280
look for a tree and
Bob's your poncho.
237
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,360
What kind of a tree?
238
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,760
It's got a brown trunk and green
leaves, can't miss it.
239
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,760
Glory awaits. Gracias.
240
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,120
You sent us to the capital
of crocodile.
241
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,240
You said it was that way and then
right.
242
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,280
No, it was a left.
243
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,320
We've got to go unless we're never
going to find it.
244
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,120
Unless...
245
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,080
You aren't just giving us
the run-around to get rid of us?
246
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,880
No.
247
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,840
The gold city, that way.
248
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:05,000
Really? There is also a tribe of
Amazonian river women who really
249
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,160
like kissing. I like kissing too.
250
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,240
Come on, Gonzalo.
Which way from the path?
251
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,320
Right. Left.
Left. Right.
252
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,600
Left, then right.
253
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,000
Seems simple enough.
254
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,400
Let's go.
255
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:24,160
It is true, people really do think
the locals made up the stories about
256
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,680
the cities of gold just so that
explorers
257
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,480
would get lost in the
jungle and leave them alone.
258
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,680
Honestly, who would believe there
could be a city
259
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,400
made entirely of gold?
260
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,000
You'd have to be an idiot.
261
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,760
But a city made of cheese is totally
believable.
262
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:46,000
Yes, my search for the ancient realm
of El Double Gloucester
263
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,200
starts today.
264
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,640
And I know one person who won't be
asking for directions.
265
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,080
Christopher Columbus.
266
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,640
It's a new term, and head teacher
Hannah Lawrence has just two weeks
267
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,680
to turn around the school, whose
last Ofsted rating was OMG,
268
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,280
someone should flatten this place
and build a car park.
269
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,880
Welcome to Historical Educating.
270
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,880
I want the children to actually
connect with the subject,
271
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,520
so starting with Key stage two
geography,
272
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,320
I'm bringing in a teacher who really
knows his subject first hand.
273
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,080
-Class 7
-F's new teacher is
Christopher Columbus.
274
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:21,840
Ciao bambini, yes, it is I,
the famous Christopher Columbus.
275
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:22,880
Wrong way, sir.
276
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,560
You are sitting in the wrong place.
277
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,040
My geographical calculations clearly
show...
278
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,800
You should be over here.
279
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,320
OK, Mr Columbus doesn't have
classroom experience,
280
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,680
or a sense of direction,
281
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,320
but he discovered America for
goodness' sake.
282
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,400
The kids can look up to him and say,
"Hey,
283
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,880
"maybe one day I can discover
a continental landmass too."
284
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:50,040
Who can tell me where you get to if
you set out from Spain and
285
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,240
cross the mighty ocean?
286
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,240
America, sir. "America, sir."
287
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,200
No, no, never heard of it.
288
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,200
It goes Spain,
289
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:03,080
sea monsters, sea dragons, Japan.
290
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,560
That's not Japan, sir.
291
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:05,600
That's Cuba.
292
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:07,680
Cuba.
293
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,840
Mexico, Latin America.
294
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:15,080
No, no, this globe is all completely
wrong.
295
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,240
Luckily I brought my own.
296
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,480
Sir, that looks a lot like a pear.
297
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,640
Yes, just like the Earth itself.
298
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,520
Which is why when I went to Japan,
299
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,760
I had to sail uphill.
300
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:31,280
It is only 23 minutes into the new
term and Columbus is called into the
301
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:32,480
head teacher's office.
302
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,320
Peculiar, there's no-one here.
303
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,360
I'm over here.
304
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,920
Oh. Well, according to my
calculations,
305
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,000
you should not be there,
you should...
306
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,160
Apparently your calculations also
say that the world is
307
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,040
pear-shaped and there's no such
place as America.
308
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,360
America, again.
309
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,440
Look, there's no such place.
310
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,040
OK, I'll tell you what's gone pear
shaped, this job. You're fired.
311
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,000
Well, it's too late because I quit.
312
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,600
No, because I just fired you.
313
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,160
I can't hear what you're saying.
314
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,080
I am walking out of here already,
so...
315
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,600
That's a cupboard.
316
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,360
Not according to my calculations.
317
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,880
These great explorers brought back
boats
318
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:17,520
full of untold wealth and exotic
things. It wasn't just the jewels
319
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,440
people got excited about.
320
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,880
Do you think it suits me?
321
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,280
Hi, world. I'm here with my BFFs
Charlotte and Emily,
322
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,760
and we've come to my uncle's house
today because I heard a rumour
that...
323
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,480
..one of them is here.
324
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,240
OMG, they are so lush.
325
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,840
I'm so excited, I have never seen
one in real life.
326
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,560
Harriet is going to be well jel.
327
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,160
I hope I don't say something stupid.
328
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,800
I literally cannot believe it.
329
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,120
I love the hair so much.
330
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,280
It is so amazing.
331
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,280
A pineapple! A pineapple!
332
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,880
My uncle rented it so he could show
it off at his party this weekend.
333
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,240
We've never had one in Britain
before!
334
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,200
Charlotte.
335
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,600
I cannot believe the pineapple has
split up.
336
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,400
This is the worst day of my life.
337
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,240
This is so sad.
338
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:48,360
Oh, it's so good.
339
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,960
It's what he would have wanted.
340
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:56,000
It wasn't just the warm places
that the explorers braved.
341
00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,160
Once the oceans and continents had
been conquered,
342
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:05,160
they headed for the icy lands of
the North and South Pole.
343
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,400
It's no wonder that when
Ernest Shackleton
344
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,720
tried to cross the Antarctic by ship
345
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,680
for the first time, things didn't go
entirely to plan.
346
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,880
Men, our mission to cross
the Antarctic is in crisis.
347
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,680
Our ship is now sinking
348
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,160
and we are
stuck here on the ice.
349
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,320
I have decided, as leader, that we
should go for help.
350
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,320
It is a perilous journey and we may
not survive,
351
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,360
but just thinking of the hunger and
hardships that you will be
352
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:37,800
no doubt facing will spur us on in
the trials ahead, so...
353
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,120
Bye-bye. Bye. God speed.
354
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,440
Shut the door, shut the door,
shut the door.
355
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,640
Once alone on the ice,
the despair is overwhelming.
356
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,360
Still, who's up for a game of
football?
357
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,440
Oh, me, please.
358
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,160
Do we have a football?
359
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,400
We could make one out of ice.
360
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,440
Good plan.
361
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,000
Keep rowing, lads, we should be out
of this freezing,
362
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,760
cold sea in about three weeks.
363
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,120
It is only 800 miles,
364
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:20,520
just think of the poor wretches
we've left behind and row.
365
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,000
Penguin meat, anyone?
366
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,040
Is there any more dog?
367
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,760
That finished Friday last week.
368
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,520
Sausage dog.
369
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,280
How about a surprise slushy?
370
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,280
Oh, what's the surprise?
371
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,160
I've made it yellow.
372
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,040
Snow sprinkles?
373
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,240
We've finally made
it to South Georgia.
374
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,920
Unfortunately we are on the wrong
side of the wretched island.
375
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,200
We are going to have to climb over
the mountain to get to the port.
376
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,800
We'll be risking our lives, but
think of the poor men
377
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,560
we've left behind. It must be
a living hell.
378
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,560
All right.
379
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,480
I heard there are nibbles.
380
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:11,160
Yes, I can offer you frost bite, and
hope you like penguin.
381
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,200
Please, I am desperate,
382
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,200
I have travelled all across South
America and the South Atlantic
383
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,200
looking for a boat to rescue my men.
384
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,000
Please, if we do not leave now,
there'll be none left alive to save.
385
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,920
We are back.
386
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,800
Shacklesby.
Shackleton.
387
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,880
Right, sorry, sir, it's
been a while.
388
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,600
We've come back to rescue you.
389
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,960
Thank goodness you are here, we are
a man short for the footy.
390
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,040
We're travelled thousands of miles
to rescue you and take you back to
391
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,440
civilisation. Excellent.
392
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,600
I'm sick of penguin. And ice
football isn't great for the toes.
393
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,640
Plus, a sea lion has made off with
my banjo.
394
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,560
Then we've got here just in time.
395
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,160
Come on. Oh, remember, there is a
war on.
396
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,760
We can go home but as soon as we go
back,
397
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,880
we all have to head off and fight in
the trenches.
398
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:04,920
Right, we are staying.
399
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,120
Where is that sea lion with my
banjo?
400
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,400
I love this one.
401
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,800
Trapped in a snowstorm...
402
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,560
..with no way out,
403
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,800
Arctic explorer Peter Freuchen
will take
404
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,960
human ingenuity to
the limit and beyond.
405
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,800
I could just squeeze out a poo.
406
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:37,160
I could make a frozen chisel and dig
my way to freedom.
407
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,080
It's a true story, it's...
408
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,400
..a poo story.
409
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,360
It will warm your heart
and open your bottom.
410
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,160
MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF LET IT GO
411
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,600
♪ Let it go, let it go,
412
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:54,720
♪ Can't hold it in anymore,
let it go,
413
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,560
♪ Let it go,
let it curl up on the floor,
414
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,800
HE FARTS
415
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,840
♪ I've been trapped for several
hours underneath all this snow
416
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:09,080
♪ And maybe it's the frostbite
talking and the lack of air too
417
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:14,440
♪ Say goodbye to
the cold and the ice
418
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,360
♪ We don't have to stay here
anymore
419
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:24,640
♪ I'm going to make a door,
I'm going to make a door
420
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,160
♪With you
# With me
421
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,280
♪ With poo
# That's me
422
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,200
♪ With poo,
I'm going to make a door. ♪
423
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,200
Can I say something crazy?
424
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,920
Will you marry me?
425
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,840
Can I say something even crazier?
426
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,720
You are talking to a poo.
427
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,280
Frozen Freuchen, coming soon.
428
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,040
But I'd probably give it
five minutes, if I were you.
429
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,960
Hi, I'm the famous explorer
Ernest Shackleton and I simply
430
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,560
couldn't have survived without dogs.
431
00:22:56,520 --> 00:23:01,160
Out there in the snowy wastes of
Antarctica, dogs pulled our sleds,
432
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,120
they gave us warmth at night.
433
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,040
Above all, they gave us friendship.
434
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,680
That's why it was so hard to eat
them, but we were...
435
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,600
Cut. I'm standing in the right
place, aren't I?
436
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,200
Sorry, did you say you ate your dog?
437
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,240
Oh, yes. That is totally
inappropriate.
438
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,880
This is
The Historical Dogs Appreciation
Society.
439
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,160
Can you get him out of here? Get me
someone else, please.
440
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,320
I do appreciate, they were lovely,
a bit of lemon and black pepper.
441
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,000
Hi, I'm Lewis.
442
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:30,680
And I'm Clark. We explored Louisiana
and the vast wilderness of early
443
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,520
19th-century America for nearly two
years.
444
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,040
We faced a lot of hardships,
445
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,480
and there were times when we thought
we couldn't go on.
446
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,360
But if there's one thing that held
us together, it was our dogs.
447
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,280
They defended us, kept our spirits
high and when we were hungry,
448
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,720
they were totally, utterly
delicious.
449
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,480
Cut! I wouldn't have said delicious.
450
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,160
I mean, it was OK.
451
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,280
You ate your own dogs. It is not OK.
452
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,920
Is it too much to ask to get me
someone
453
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,320
who doesn't eat dogs, please?
454
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,880
Am I talking to myself?
455
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:58,920
She's stressed out.
456
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,520
OK. Captain Cook, just to confirm...
457
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,920
Yes, yes, I confirm that on my
historic voyage to Australia I did
458
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,000
not and have never eaten my own dog.
459
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,480
OK. And action.
460
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,320
I'm Captain James Cook...
461
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,800
No, I tell you a lie, we did eat the
ones they gave to us when we arrived
462
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,880
at Hawaii. We served them up as a
banquet, almost as nice as lamb.
463
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,360
Cut!
464
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,840
What is wrong with you people?
465
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,520
We were starving hungry.
466
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,640
You do things you regret when you're
desperate.
467
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,440
I didn't want to be rude.
468
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,480
What about cats?
Oh, I've never had cat.
469
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,360
Can you get them out of here,
please?
470
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,480
Humankind's curiosity next turned to
the stars,
471
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:43,240
and one of the bravest explorers of
all was the astronaut Alan Shepard,
472
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,040
the first American to travel into
space.
473
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,520
I just hope he didn't forget to do
something before he set off.
474
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,040
Readouts are at 100% efficiency.
475
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,400
The sensors in the space suit are
all working.
476
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,920
You guys. We are going to learn so
much about how the human body copes
477
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,440
in outer space. Houston, we have a
problem. Sorry, guys,
478
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,280
I'm going to
have to interrupt you here.
479
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,280
Hang on, Alan, won't be long now.
480
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,520
Now, all the electrodes are still
attached to his body, correct?
481
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,680
When we first talked about this
whole going into space caboodle,
482
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,360
we said it was going to take 15
minutes, so...
483
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,760
I've got a bit of a situation
in the bladder department.
484
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,360
Yes, Alan, that's right, we had to
delay because of the weather,
485
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,840
but we should be ready to launch
soon. So, just sit tight.
486
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,560
Sit tight, that is great advice,
thank you, Phil, but you see,
487
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,960
the thing is, I didn't think it
would take this long.
488
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,440
So I didn't go.
489
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,320
Sorry, go, go where?
490
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,320
To the little astronaut's room.
491
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,840
You want to go to the bathroom?
492
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,400
I really, really, really need
the toilet.
493
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,280
I mean, heavens to Betsy, I've been
in here for five hours.
494
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,320
Look, we can't stop the mission now,
Alan, just think of something.
495
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,600
You're an astronaut. Final checks.
496
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:52,960
Six, five...
497
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,880
No. What's going on?
498
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,960
Mission aborted. The suit's sensors
are short circuiting.
499
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,920
Alan, I don't how to tell you this,
but we've had a malfunction,
500
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,360
so we might have to abort.
501
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,200
Alan, did you go pee pee?
502
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,560
It's OK, you guys,
503
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,400
I'm ready for take-off.
504
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,320
Mr Shepherd and Russian
Yuri Gagarin
505
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,800
were the first men in space.
506
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,920
But I've discovered something that
makes me feel better about not
507
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:25,320
finding El Double Gloucester,
because two whole years before,
508
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,240
a rat called Hector got there first
in a French rocket.
509
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,720
And that is 100% accu-rat.
510
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,840
Of course, exploring wasn't just
about brave men and brave rats,
511
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,920
many female explorers have pushed
512
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,360
the boundaries of human discovery,
too.
513
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:44,120
They just don't make such a song and
dance about it.
514
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,160
Well, until now.
515
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,160
MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF KATY PERRY'S
ROAR
516
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,240
♪ Girls were told don't roam
got to stay at home
517
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,640
♪ Until the reign of Queen Victoria
518
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,480
♪ The establishment said women
are not meant
519
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,280
♪ To adventure and explore ya
520
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,320
♪ Gertrude Bell said,
"Poo, I can claim this too"
521
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,600
♪ Spoke Arabic, French and Persian,
522
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,560
♪ Good as any chaps
working out new maps
523
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,920
♪ On each Middle East excursion
524
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,920
♪ Nellie Bly made it
round the world
525
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:16,880
No flights!
526
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,000
♪ Isabella Bird reached
the rocky heights
527
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,400
♪ Lily Bristow kept going
until she dropped
528
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,480
♪ So many mountaineers reach the
top
529
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,920
♪ First lady to climb the Eiger
530
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:31,360
♪ Lucy Walker, mountaineer
531
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:34,360
♪ Female pioneer
532
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,400
♪ One of the great explorers
533
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,840
♪ Who travelled further than before
534
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,720
♪ Ascended the Matterhorn
535
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:49,640
♪ Oh, see me explore
536
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,160
♪ Having reached their peak,
women set to seek
537
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,160
♪ Bigger thrills
and more higher highs
538
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,640
♪ Each aeroplane Jane had
revered to gain
539
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,280
♪ They could match
their men in the skies
540
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:01,480
♪ Let's take for a start
541
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:02,800
♪ Amelia Earhart
542
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,640
♪ Wanted to be more romantic
543
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,440
♪ In a flying burst she will man
544
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,600
♪ The first solo flight across
Atlantic
545
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,120
♪ Amy Johnson's a world star,
no avoiding
546
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,200
♪ Not bad for a flyer who
started in Croydon!
547
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,200
♪ They had a
lust for adventure, danger
548
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:26,080
♪ First woman in space,
Valentina Tereshkova
549
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,080
♪ And we're going to explore
550
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,160
♪ Mountains, skies
and outer space
551
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,200
♪ There's
simply no place
552
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,000
♪ Off-limits
any more
553
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,680
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh
554
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,240
♪ See us explore. ♪
43819
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