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1
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,280
("MY LOVIN" ' BY EN VOGUE
PLAYING ON THE RADIO)
2
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,456
MAN: (ON RADIO) And now,
it's time for a breakdown.
3
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,232
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
4
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,591
(BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN" ' BY EN VOGUE)
5
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,796
Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah...
6
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,072
Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht
showers here during first period.
7
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,959
Why doesn't he just shower at home
like a normal person?
8
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,033
Look at him.
9
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,031
Does anything about that
look normal to you?
10
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,439
You know, he's actually
a pretty good dancer.
11
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,428
(BOB CONTINUES SINGING)
12
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,356
I mean, fuck that guy is different!
13
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,360
Let's wreck him.
14
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,870
- TREVOR: Hey, Weird Dick!
- (ALL LAUGH)
15
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,200
Come on.
16
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,840
Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen,
17
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,839
it is my pleasure
to announce that the winner
18
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,117
of the National High School
Student of the Year Award
19
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,799
is none other than your very own
20
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,837
two-time student body president,
21
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,470
the captain of
Central High's All Valley track team,
22
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,153
president of the drama club
23
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,756
and the senior voted
"Most Likely to Succeed."
24
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,468
I gotta tell you folks,
after 40 years as an educator,
25
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,471
he is my favorite student.
26
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,354
I wish he were my son
27
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,670
if I were medically able to have children.
28
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:41,840
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)
29
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,279
He's everybody's
favorite all-around guy...
30
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,317
Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on!
31
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,039
(ALL CHEERING)
32
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,799
(IN DISTINCT SHOUTING)
33
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,279
("UNBELIEVABLE" BY EMF PLAYING)
34
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,319
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
35
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,515
ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
36
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,679
Oh, my goodness.
37
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,515
Wow! Wow, guys.
38
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,478
Hey! How about a hand
for Principal Kent, huh?
39
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:21,675
Huh?
40
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,708
Honestly, if my mom
was into white guys, it would be you.
41
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,880
I know it would, okay?
42
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,553
(ALL LAUGH)
43
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,512
Well, as we all know,
this is our last assembly,
44
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,752
which means this is the last time
in front of you guys
45
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,480
that I'll be able to tell
the most beautiful girl in the world...
46
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,876
I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson,
47
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,555
that I love you. I love you, baby. I do.
48
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,551
I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
49
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,360
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- I'll save it.
50
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,480
Okay.
51
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,075
All right, guys. We're seniors now.
52
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,870
And once we get those diplomas,
53
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,998
the decisions that we make after that
are all up to us.
54
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,909
I don't know what path
life is gonna take me on.
55
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,593
But I can promise you all this...
56
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,438
That I, for one, will push myself
57
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,477
at every stage, at every step.
58
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,148
So, I got one question to ask.
59
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,756
I got one question for
the graduating class of 1996
60
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,194
and that's "Will you..."
61
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,958
(SHOUTS)
Check out my Weird Dick!
62
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,160
(BOYS GROAN)
63
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,273
(SQU EAKING)
64
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,760
(ALL GASPING)
65
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,796
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
66
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,278
Hey. Here, here, man.
67
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,873
(SOFTLY) Thank you.
68
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,040
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
69
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,269
- (LOCK RATTLES)
- (LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES)
70
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,955
Well, there's no coming back from that.
71
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:08,955
Calvin Joyner, everybody,
72
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,833
voted "Most Likely to Succeed."
73
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,635
ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
74
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,312
("JUMPMAN" BY DRAKE & FUTURE PLAYING)
75
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,195
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
76
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,635
(PHONE RINGING)
77
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,273
Yo. Check it.
78
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,416
Oh, come on, man.
I don't want to see that.
79
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,440
Oh, no, no, it's my dick.
80
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,320
I know what it is. I don't want to see it.
81
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,589
(LAUGHS) Hilarious.
82
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,360
No, I'm working on this new sexting app.
83
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,616
It's kind of like Instagram, right?
84
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,755
But, instead of filters,
85
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,280
it just makes your junk look huge.
86
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,317
Like, three to six inches bigger.
87
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,068
It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right?
88
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,400
- No, and here's why...
- Sorry, hang on, one second.
89
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,039
I'm just gonna...
90
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:29,840
What are you doing?
91
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,638
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
92
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,513
Okay, and send.
93
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,600
Sorry, you were saying something boring.
94
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:39,988
You just sent a dick pic.
95
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,760
It's called dating, grandma. Look it up.
96
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,990
Why are you all cranky-pants
this morning, huh?
97
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,594
Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted
instead of you?
98
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,875
Ethan got promoted?
99
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,376
(SIGHS) Youngest senior associate
in the history of the firm.
100
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,992
Corner office, the whole deal.
101
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,600
Didn't he used to be your assistant?
102
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,956
Who cares? Hey, you should
come to lunch with us.
103
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,696
We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh!
104
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,840
It'll probably be good for you
to kiss the ring a bit.
105
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,633
"Kiss the ring a bit"?
106
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,880
Hey, you play your chessboard
however you like, okay?
107
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,352
Me, lunch today?
I'm gonna French kiss that thing.
108
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,828
Aah...
109
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,278
I can't. I'm taking my wife
to lunch today, so...
110
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,714
All right. Bummer for you.
111
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,110
(SINGING)
112
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,075
Right?
113
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,799
(GRUNTS)
114
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,119
Can you just get out of my face?
115
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,793
#Blessed.
116
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,719
(LAUGHTER)
117
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,279
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
118
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,668
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
119
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,309
To a guy I not only consider my coworker,
120
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,873
but my personal friend.
121
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,037
- To Ethan!
- Cheers!
122
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,633
(ALL CHEERING)
123
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,616
Do you wanna move tables?
I know this kind of sucks.
124
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,358
No, no. It doesn't suck.
125
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,976
Hey, if I wanted to get
one of those ice teas
126
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,136
but I want most of it to be bourbon...
What is that called?
127
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,869
Okay. How about we change the topic
to something a little more fun?
128
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,798
Anything else, please.
129
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,149
Oh, how about...
130
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,390
This is the dress
that I'm thinking about wearing.
131
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,200
CALVIN: Oh!
132
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,576
Honey, I want every single girl
133
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,113
to be jealous tomorrow night.
134
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,635
Oh.
135
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960
What?
136
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,480
I just... I just don't want to go.
137
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,551
Calvin, it's our 20-year
high school reunion.
138
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:15,920
I'm not gonna go without you.
139
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,196
We agreed we were going. I RSVP'd for us.
140
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,999
I just changed my mind. That's all.
141
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,513
Okay. I see.
142
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,069
You're disappointed
about the promotion. I get it.
143
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,231
This is not about the promotion.
144
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,034
Okay, this has to do with me
not wanting to spend my Friday night
145
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,016
answering the
"What are you doing now?" question.
146
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,280
That's what I'll get all night.
147
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,216
"Hey, Calvin, what are you doing now?"
"I'm an accountant."
148
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,309
"An accountant? Really?
149
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,976
"I thought you would be the governor, man.
150
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,440
"Wait a minute. Didn't you get voted
'Most Likely to Succeed'?
151
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,913
"I guess we missed that one."
152
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,576
Is this why you've been
so weird and moody lately?
153
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,096
'Cause you're freaking out
about the reunion?
154
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,240
- No.
- And what's the matter
155
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,016
with being an accountant?
You love your job.
156
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,519
No, you love your job.
157
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,376
I'm good at my job.
It's not the same thing.
158
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,400
Honey, that's not fair.
159
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,198
You're a partner at your firm.
160
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,635
Instead, I work
in a building with a giant,
161
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,320
inflatable gorilla out in front of it.
162
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,336
Look, I don't want to be
the guy that peaked in high school
163
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,316
and, after he peaked,
his life went like this...
164
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,317
(IMITATES CRASH)
165
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,816
I don't know the sound
that that thing makes,
166
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:07,976
but you know what I'm trying to do.
167
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,320
I'm the guy that went down, okay?
168
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,395
- Yeah.
- Then my life
169
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,920
down here became a disappointment.
170
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,274
That's what I'll be.
171
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,440
(SOFTLY) Wow.
172
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,520
What?
173
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,056
I had no idea that your life with me
174
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,548
was such a soundless,
crashing disappointment!
175
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,358
- Don't do that.
- (IMITATES CRASH)
176
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,480
- That's not... Don't do that.
- That's the sound.
177
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,256
You want to know the sound
I'm about to make right now?
178
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,349
The sound of me not going.
179
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,919
That's the sound I'm making.
180
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,240
I'm not going.
181
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,240
Yeah.
182
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,878
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
183
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,040
No.
184
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,158
Not going to that.
185
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,835
(COMPUTER CHIMES)
186
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,269
Bob Stone?
187
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,789
Okay.
188
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,000
(PHONE RINGING)
189
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,718
(RINGING CONTINUES)
190
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,240
Hello?
191
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,795
- Hey.
- Girl, you scared me.
192
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,594
- I did?
- Yes. I thought that you were...
193
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,636
I just... On the...
194
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,959
Never mind. Hey, I'm glad you called.
195
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,390
I'm sorry about lunch today.
196
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,235
I'm an idiot, babe.
197
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,176
I don't even know
what's going on with me right now.
198
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,713
- I really don't.
- Yeah?
199
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,871
Actually, honey,
200
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,920
that's what I was calling
to talk to you about.
201
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,517
Look, honey, I think that
we should see someone.
202
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,552
What do you mean, "Someone"?
What do you mean?
203
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,830
See someone, like a therapist.
204
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,316
Honey, black people don't go to therapy.
205
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,559
We go to barbershops.
206
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,240
That's where we talk out our problems.
207
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,709
Or we watch the movie Barbershop.
One or the other.
208
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,438
Look, my parents were really unhappy
209
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,511
for a long time before they got divorced.
210
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,150
And maybe if they saw someone sooner,
they would still be married.
211
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,416
I just want to nip this thing in the bud,
whatever it is.
212
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,040
I don't want to end up like my parents.
213
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,118
Wassup?
214
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,835
MAGGIE: Please, just do it for me,
if not for you.
215
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,109
CALVIN: All right. Uh...
216
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,918
- When? When do you want to do it?
- MAGGIE: Really?
217
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,237
The doctor said
he could see us at 6:00 p.m.
218
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,275
Um... 6:00 p. m., when? Tonight?
219
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,271
Yeah. Yeah, is that a problem?
220
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,353
Holy shit! Robbie Wheirdicht?
221
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,879
Calvin, honey? Hello?
222
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,473
Um, yeah.
223
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,552
I can't. I already
made plans for tonight, baby.
224
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,950
- MAGGIE: Plans with who?
- With Bob Stone.
225
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,151
Who's Bob Stone?
That sounds like a fake name.
226
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,630
No, no. You remember
Robbie Wheirdicht, from high school?
227
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,800
No.
228
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,016
The guy who got beaten up
by Trisha Demarco at homecoming?
229
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,075
No.
230
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,696
The kid that tried to rap along to
Coolio's 1,2,3,4 at the talent show
231
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,456
but then he kinda lost his way,
midway through
232
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,256
so he just started bopping his head,
and he stood there?
233
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,793
No. Nothing.
234
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,296
The guy who got thrown out the gym,
butt-ass-naked, senior year?
235
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,320
Oh, my God, yeah!
236
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,118
Why wouldn't you start with that?
237
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,216
Because I thought that was kind of mean.
I don't know.
238
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,736
He never came back
to school after that, right?
239
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,955
Like, not for finals
or graduation or anything.
240
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,991
Didn't he join the military or something?
241
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,071
I'm not sure.
I don't know if he did or not,
242
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,595
but he changed his name to "Bob Stone"
243
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,960
and apparently he's in town
for the high school reunion.
244
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,216
He wants to go to dinner tonight,
and I kinda already said "yes."
245
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,376
- Okay.
- If you want me to cancel,
246
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,833
I will. You know?
247
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,520
If that's what you want, I don't mind.
248
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,150
Mmm-mmm. I mean,
it's a little weird, but whatever.
249
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,675
I'll just see if the doctor
can fit us in tomorrow.
250
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,956
- How about at lunch time?
- Okay. All right, fine.
251
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,348
Okay, good. I love you.
252
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,238
I love you, too, babe. I do.
253
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,400
("ME SO HORNY" BY 2 LIVE CREW
PLAYING ON COMPUTER)
254
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,976
- Oh, my...
- MAGGIE: What is that?
255
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,797
- Okay.
- Calvin? Are you...
256
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,960
Love you. Bye-bye.
257
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,080
No!
258
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,874
Stop, stop!
259
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,434
Hey, man. I...
260
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,676
Hey! What's up, guys?
261
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,794
Congratulations on that promotion, man.
262
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:22,960
It's quite the thing.
263
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,954
Thank you.
Hey, that's not work appropriate.
264
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,280
Yup.
265
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,032
Not cool, man. Not cool.
266
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:31,920
(SIGHS)
267
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,232
Hey, forward that to me.
268
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,072
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE)
269
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,000
MAN 1: For real man,
seriously?
270
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,752
MAN 2: Yeah. Watch it, punk.
271
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,639
Excuse you, too.
272
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,593
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
273
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,273
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
274
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,400
My man!
275
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,959
Back the fuck up!
276
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,153
- Whoa!
- Back up, man!
277
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,317
Fine. I'll give you these fists.
278
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,715
I'll fist your ass.
279
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,439
Calvin. It's me, Bob.
280
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,431
What? Sorry, do I know you?
281
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,400
Do you know...
282
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,552
Robbie Wheirdicht from high school!
283
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,392
Are you kidding? What?
284
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,269
- Wait, you're Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah!
285
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,713
God, man, look at you!
You've lost, like, 200 pounds!
286
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,472
I see you gained it back in muscle.
287
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,232
Oh, my God! You look great!
288
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,317
- No, you look great!
- Stop it.
289
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,835
No, you haven't changed
since high school, dude!
290
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,237
No, you're just sexy as dick right now.
291
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,436
You don't look somebody
in the eyes and say that.
292
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,635
Hey, let's get hammered.
293
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,036
I got an early day at work,
so I'll probably...
294
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,269
No, come on, I'm buying!
295
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,440
Oh, shit.
296
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000
Mmm.
297
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,028
I'm sorry, man. I am blown away right now.
298
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,391
- Dude, you used to be Fat Robbie.
- (LAUGHS)
299
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,870
Look at you!
This is like a total transformation.
300
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,678
You look like Hercules or somebody.
301
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,336
What did you do? Come on, give it to me.
302
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,316
- I didn't do much, really.
- Stop it.
303
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,831
All right. I just did one thing.
304
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,195
Come on, I need to know.
305
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,835
I worked out six hours a day, every day,
306
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,479
for the last 20 years straight.
307
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,634
- I mean, anybody can do it, right?
- Yeah.
308
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:31,554
Yeah. You know, I've gotten into hot yoga.
309
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000
(CLEARS THROAT)
310
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,639
I started doing some sessions.
311
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,800
Uh-huh.
312
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,468
Nice unicorn, man.
313
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,835
Oh, yeah,
I'm big-time into 'corns.
314
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,155
So magical, right?
315
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,515
You know, they're the most
lethal animal on the planet.
316
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,920
Here you go.
317
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,071
Guys, my name's Lexi.
318
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,656
Just let me know if you need anything.
319
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,829
Okay.
320
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,357
I mean, like, anything at all.
321
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,199
- Okie-dokie.
- (GIGGLES)
322
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,559
You're funny. Do you ever, like, Snapchat?
323
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,359
- Oh, no. You know...
- I wasn't talking to you.
324
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,160
No, no, no. I don't do that.
325
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,714
I'm just catching up
with an old friend from high school.
326
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,556
Aw. You're so sweet.
327
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,399
I think unicorns are sexy, too.
328
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,600
That must happen to you
all the time, right?
329
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,069
Ah, nah.
330
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,397
I mean, all that meaningless sex is just...
331
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,198
It's not my bag anymore, CJ.
332
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,720
No, now, I'm looking for
more of an emotional connection.
333
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:26,989
The next woman I lay with,
334
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,912
she's gonna be beautiful on the inside,
335
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,752
just as much as she is on the outside.
336
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,760
Hey, wait. Whatever happened
337
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,336
to that girl that you liked
in high school?
338
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,920
Oh, God, man. The "Doogie Howser" girl.
339
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,911
She was 14, but somehow she was a senior.
340
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,195
She wore a cape.
341
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,150
- Darla McGuckian.
- Darla McGuckian.
342
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,072
- "Yucky Gucky."
- (BOTH LAUGH)
343
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,749
- Didn't she have a lazy eye or something?
- Two of 'em.
344
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,240
Right.
345
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,456
Hey, but listen,
I don't wanna talk about me.
346
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,480
I wanna talk about you.
347
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,056
I heard that
you and Maggie Johnson got hitched.
348
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,593
(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah.
349
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,558
Yeah, man, right after college.
350
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,110
Wow! The prettiest girl in school,
and the coolest guy in school!
351
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,280
Oh, man, I got lucky.
352
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,896
I mean, you guys are like
a power couple, dude!
353
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,433
- No, no.
- Yes!
354
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,433
You're like Taylor Swift
and whoever she's dating right now.
355
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,068
- Power.
- Uh, thanks!
356
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,713
Yeah. You guys got kids?
357
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,273
No. No kids yet.
358
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,351
We planned on it after college,
359
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,557
but Maggie went to law school,
I kept changing jobs.
360
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,116
You know, having kids just
isn't in our cards right now.
361
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,416
Not at this point, that's all.
362
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,475
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
363
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:28,116
I don't wanna talk about
me and Maggie and myself.
364
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,680
What about you? What are you doing?
365
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,880
I didn't even ask you, man.
What do you do for work?
366
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,473
I'm a government contractor.
367
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,319
Okay, that's cool.
Like, what, buildings and stuff?
368
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,240
Yeah, sort of.
369
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,314
But I kinda just got fired.
370
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,596
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry, man.
- Oh, it's okay.
371
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,433
Screw those guys, anyway.
They're way too corporate.
372
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,478
'Cause dudes like me and you,
I mean, we're alpha dogs, right?
373
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,511
I mean, we're pathfinders
and trailblazers.
374
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,353
And we don't listen
to what anyone tells us, right?
375
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,239
- Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
376
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,837
I mean, come on, man,
I sorta path-find a little bit
377
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,118
along certain preapproved parameters
that are given to me.
378
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,670
I'm willing to path-find
but it's all about how it's set up.
379
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,231
But within the box that I have, I go nuts.
You'll be surprised.
380
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,776
I had a guy tell me the other day,
381
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,633
"Hey, Calvin, you know,
I need those accounting numbers back
382
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,199
"from, you know, the file."
383
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,198
- I said, "Go fuck yourself, Jim."
- Yeah.
384
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,591
I didn't say it
because I wasn't in my box,
385
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,591
- but I thought about it.
- Exactly! Yeah! Yeah!
386
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,639
I got an idea. Let's do shots!
387
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,869
No!
388
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,792
I'm sorry for saying it like that, but no.
389
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,720
I haven't had shots
in almost 10 years, man.
390
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,035
What? Come on, we have to!
We're celebrating!
391
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,040
Celebrating what?
392
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,496
Celebrating that I'm hanging
with the coolest kid in high school.
393
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,351
- Stop it.
- Calvin Joyner!
394
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,717
The Golden Jet.
395
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,679
You got to be shitting me. Wow!
396
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,118
I haven't... God!
397
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,711
It's been forever since I heard that, man!
398
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,920
- I'll do one.
- All right!
399
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,040
- One shot.
- Shots!
400
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,309
No. One shot.
401
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,550
Just one, okay? Bob, it's been a while.
402
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,936
("JUMP AROUND" BY
HOUSE OF PAIN PLAYING)
403
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,080
Oh, shit! You remember this?
404
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,713
This was the jammy-jam!
405
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,871
What's that? Is that a fanny pack, Bob?
406
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,559
Hell, yeah! Dude, you want one?
407
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,073
No, it's okay.
408
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,680
I got two at home. I'll hook you up.
409
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,030
Leather pack for The Jet.
410
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,235
Fanny!
411
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,674
Shit.
412
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,197
What the hell did I get myself into?
413
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,358
Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
414
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,399
Hey, sir, somebody's
actually sitting there.
415
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,750
- Yeah, someone was.
- No! Hey, man!
416
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,576
Hey, you don't see
the sweatshirt right here?
417
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,160
- Man, somebody's sitting here.
- Move your meat, lose your seat.
418
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,496
Dude, you don't
have to be a dick about it.
419
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,800
Somebody's sitting in the chair.
420
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,759
Bro, are you seriously
gonna go there, bro?
421
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,556
'Cause there's only one way back, bro.
422
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,836
Through intensive care, bro.
423
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,749
Was that the last "bro"?
'Cause if it was, then I'll talk.
424
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,194
That supposed to be funny?
425
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,759
- Dude...
- You a comedian now?
426
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,076
'Cause you don't look like
Dane Cook to me, bro.
427
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,719
Hey, now!
428
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,589
What's the rumpus?
429
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:57,976
CALVIN: You know...
There's no problem, man.
430
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,281
Let's just go to another table.
Get your jacket. Let's go.
431
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,816
- No, we're not gonna go anywhere.
- Listen to your pussy friend.
432
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,229
Those gym muscles
aren't scaring anybody, pal.
433
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,436
- Oh, these?
- Let's just go. It's okay.
434
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,108
No, we're not gonna go.
This man insulted you.
435
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,080
And we're not gonna leave
until he apologizes.
436
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,276
- It's okay.
- Hey, we got a problem here?
437
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,471
- No, no.
- Yeah, we got a big problem.
438
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,313
Your friend, here,
really insulted my friend
439
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,520
and he needs to apologize.
440
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,640
I don't think he does.
441
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:22,800
CALVIN: He doesn't.
442
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,837
Oh, you know what, man?
443
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,416
I think this whole situation's
getting a little out of control.
444
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,589
I can fix this whole thing.
445
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,115
I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions."
446
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,635
It's got four cheeses!
Let's eat 'em together.
447
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,960
You know what? You take them.
448
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,040
Let's go.
449
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,456
Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet.
450
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,080
This whole thing will be over in a jiff.
451
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,633
Hey, how about this?
452
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,308
Why don't you and your boyfriend
apologize to Big Rick here
453
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,675
and then go jerk each other
in the parking lot?
454
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,160
That's a lot...
455
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,315
Yeah. You're right, CJ.
456
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,119
That's a lot of homophobia
coming out of a very angry man.
457
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,800
You need to go get that looked at
by a trained professional.
458
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,155
But, since you have
escalated this whole scenario
459
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,799
by bringing what I can only assume
460
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,349
is an unlicensed firearm
into this public place,
461
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,670
endangering the lives
of all these innocent people,
462
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,638
I can no longer,
in good conscience, walk away
463
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,518
and jerk anyone off in the parking lot.
464
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,796
I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere.
465
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,336
It's time for you to get out of here, pal.
466
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,793
CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
467
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,431
There's four of us, tough guy.
468
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,599
Yeah. I got that.
469
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,856
All right. Before
this whole thing goes down,
470
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,096
you should know one thing about me.
471
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,120
What's that?
472
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,519
I don't like bullies.
473
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,669
(SCREAMS)
474
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,320
(GAGS)
475
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,073
(GROANS)
476
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,393
(BULLETS CLATTER)
477
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,029
Let's go, Jet.
478
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,348
Yes.
479
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,354
Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic.
480
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,555
(MEN GROANING)
481
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,873
Oh, my God!
482
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,513
What the hell was that?
483
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,696
Bob, that was amazing!
I've never seen anything like that!
484
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,440
You took the one guy,
you hit him like this.
485
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,896
He couldn't breathe. (IMITATES CHOKING)
486
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,319
I sat there, I'm looking at him...
487
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,896
You talkin' to him like,
"I don't like bullies."
488
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,616
I was like, "That's not a good line."
But it was!
489
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:03,816
I didn't even know you could fight!
490
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,559
You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack,
and it totally worked!
491
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,910
You were like Jason Bourne,
man, but with jorts!
492
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,389
How did you do that?
Where'd you learn that stuff?
493
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,397
I took a couple classes at work.
494
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:14,919
I hope I didn't go too far.
495
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,336
I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet.
496
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,238
Ruin my night?
No! It was the coolest thing ever, man!
497
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,839
- Really?
- Yes!
498
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,400
To see my boy go in and whoop ass
on those idiots back there.
499
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,629
Dude, that was amazing!
500
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,711
Wait, we're boys?
501
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:28,429
Yeah, we boys.
502
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,115
Wow. I...
503
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,000
Never had a boy.
504
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,835
- That's awesome! Come here!
- Oh, wait.
505
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,512
Stop. What's going on, man?
506
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,272
- I'm a hugger!
- What're you doing?
507
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,717
Hey! I got an idea.
Let's roll. Here's my bike.
508
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,029
Wait. That's your bike?
509
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,918
Yeah. Kawasaki 800!
510
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,513
I know what the bike is.
511
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,392
I had the same bike in high school, man.
512
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,192
- You still ride?
- No, man.
513
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,536
I haven't ridden a bike in years!
514
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,788
Come on, let's roll.
515
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,268
(SIGHS)
516
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,473
Where? Where you trying to go?
517
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,439
I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet.
518
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:09,959
You know, why not? Why not?
519
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,315
After this... Yeah, okay!
520
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,789
BOB: Let's roll.
521
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,816
- (TIRES SQUEAL)
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
522
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,991
CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow!
523
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,629
Bob, hey, hey!
524
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,837
God, this is so crazy, man.
525
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,718
This brings back so many memories.
526
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:32,880
(BOB SIGHS)
527
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,109
BOB: I don't know, CJ.
528
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,976
I mean, high school
wasn't easy for me, man.
529
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,136
I don't know if you know this,
530
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,800
but I didn't have many friends back then.
531
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,480
What?
532
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,678
- Really?
- No.
533
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,000
I don't know why I thought...
534
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,359
True story.
535
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,353
Man, I thought high school
was gonna be like Sixteen Candles
536
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,317
and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald.
537
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:51,616
Sure, things were difficult
in the beginning,
538
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,959
but then, by the end,
539
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,354
everything worked out.
540
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,590
And Jake Ryan picked her up
in that red Porsche.
541
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:57,829
What-what?
542
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,040
You ever see that movie?
543
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,356
I'm black, so I don't know the...
544
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,192
You gotta see it, dude.
545
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,352
Total classic.
It's my favorite all-time movie.
546
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,637
Then I realized high school
was nothing like Sixteen Candles.
547
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,711
And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald.
548
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,472
Yeah, well, depends on who you ask.
549
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,193
That's the thing. For me, I...
550
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,869
What's going on?
551
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,308
Oh, wow.
552
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,936
Hey, man, I just wanna say that
I'm really sorry
553
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,394
about what Trevor and those guys
did to you back then.
554
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,878
(ECHOING LAUGHTER)
555
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,993
(EXCLAIMS)
556
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,038
No biggie. I don't even
think about it anymore. No.
557
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,829
Okay, good.
558
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,856
Yeah. Here's the secret.
You know what I did, Jet?
559
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,314
I took all that stuff
and I balled it up real tight
560
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,994
and then I shoved it way down deep.
561
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,511
And I just pretty much ignore it.
562
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,713
You know, that sounds
really unhealthy, Bob.
563
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,228
Hey, I gotta tell you.
564
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,296
You were the only one
who helped me out that day.
565
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,878
In the gym? Remember that?
566
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,395
And you gave me your letterman's jacket!
567
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,637
Hey, not for nothing,
but I never got that jacket back, man.
568
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,080
Huh!
569
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,038
Really? Strange.
570
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,456
Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you
571
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:12,696
for what you did for me that day.
572
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,040
That was really cool of you, Jet.
573
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,120
Stop, man.
It was the right thing to do, you know?
574
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,554
(BOTH CHUCKLES)
575
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,155
- You wanna hear something weird?
- What?
576
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,038
I have not been naked since that day.
577
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,519
I mean, not in front of anyone.
578
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:24,989
Never.
579
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,896
So, you're telling me
that for the last 20 years,
580
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,751
you've never been seen
in your birthday suit?
581
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,678
- No.
- So, what about when you have sex?
582
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,230
I keep it pitch-black,
just like Vin Diesel.
583
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,800
What? (LAUGHS)
584
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,800
You know I've been wondering,
whatever happened to Trevor anyway?
585
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,679
Did he get hit by a bus
or ripped apart by dogs
586
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,876
or die slowly of anything?
587
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,868
No. No, no.
He's a bigtime investment banker downtown.
588
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,675
- Oh, hey, cool.
- Yeah.
589
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,159
Good for him, man.
590
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,074
Hey, Bob, look,
if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
591
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,198
So I don't mind, you know?
592
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,896
I don't mind at all, if you wanna...
593
00:25:58,920 --> 00:25:59,920
What?
594
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,072
Whoa. (LAUGHS)
595
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,155
This is all our stuff from our year!
596
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,153
Yeah. Must be getting ready
for the reunion tomorrow night.
597
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,496
Come on, man. Let's get out of here.
598
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,715
What? No! "Get out..."
Look, you're all over this!
599
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,230
Look at this.
Basketball, baseball, cross country.
600
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,628
Hamlet.
601
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:18,840
Prom King.
602
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,558
There's Darla McGuckian.
603
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,637
Synchronized swimming, that's so sexy.
604
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,480
This is like the Guinness Book
of Golden Jet Records right there.
605
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,560
(TAPS GLASS)
606
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:27,948
I see that.
607
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,720
To be honest with you,
I don't even recognize this guy anymore.
608
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,838
This guy, here, he was gonna...
609
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,877
He was gonna conquer the world.
610
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,032
If 18-year-old me could see me now,
611
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,912
he'd probably think I was a total loser.
612
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,111
What? That's crazy talk!
613
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,793
- You're The Golden Jet, dude!
- Stop.
614
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,793
Stop, Bob. Spare me
with The Golden Jet shit.
615
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,670
I'm not The Golden Jet, man.
I'm an accountant.
616
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,233
That's my reality.
617
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,192
(SIGHS) I just thought
I was meant for more, you know?
618
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,871
My life would be something special.
619
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,439
You know how they say every man
is the hero of his own story?
620
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,709
Was that in Twilight?
621
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,033
No, I don't think that's where it's from.
622
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,236
But those books are cool, right? Vampires!
623
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,431
And there's a wolf-boy.
624
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:21,390
I'm not... I'm not talking
about Twilight, Bob, okay?
625
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,856
I'm talking about the fact that
I don't feel like
626
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,632
I'm the hero of my own story. That's...
627
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,480
How are you not the hero
of your own story?
628
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,033
No one else can be!
629
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,952
Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man.
630
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,760
I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner
631
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,040
not feeling like he's a hero...
632
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,713
That's crazy talk, man.
633
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,832
No. No, it's not.
634
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,680
You were the best thing about high school.
635
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,399
I'll always believe in you.
636
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,869
Yo, do you remember
those backflips you used to do?
637
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,360
The crowd would go crazy!
I was there, too.
638
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,431
I was, like, "What? How's he do that?"
639
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,675
How did you do that?
640
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,232
I don't know. I just did it, man.
641
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,909
Exactly.
642
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,080
So, do it now.
643
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,872
No, no. You're crazy! No.
644
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,269
What's that?
645
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:01,616
What're you talking about? What's what?
646
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,232
- (SOFTLY) Golden Jet!
- No, stop it.
647
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,152
- Golden Jet!
- Okay, stop it!
648
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,833
- Golden Jet!
- All right.
649
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,319
Golden Jet!
650
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,358
I'm not gonna stop until
you do The Golden Jet flip!
651
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:12,520
Golden Jet!
652
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,910
All right, everybody, settle down.
Settle down!
653
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,594
If the crowd wants a Golden Jet flip,
654
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,478
then they gonna get a Golden Jet flip.
655
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:20,755
You go, girl!
656
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,677
(GROANS) Oh, God!
657
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,193
That was so close, Jet.
658
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,640
(GROANS)
659
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:30,800
Here, buddy. Come on.
660
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,560
They must have just waxed these floors.
661
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,592
That was definitely a first, man.
662
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:38,760
(BOB LAUGHS)
663
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,473
Oh, man, I am beat.
664
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,040
Oh.
665
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,075
Hey, Jet!
666
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,670
Man, I had a great time tonight.
667
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:49,840
Whoa!
668
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,471
You know what?
I had a good time, too, man.
669
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,080
I feel like I needed this, you know?
670
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,435
Yeah. Yeah. Me, too!
671
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:57,960
Thank you.
672
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,549
My pleasure, amigo. Any time.
673
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,110
Hey, if there's ever anything
I can do for you, just say the word.
674
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,794
Wow. You really mean that?
675
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,355
Yeah.
676
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,318
I wasn't gonna bring it up,
but I might as well.
677
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,637
Lately, I've been having this problem
with my payroll account. And...
678
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:16,520
It's all screwed up, somehow.
679
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,071
You know, I was overseas
working for a while before I got fired.
680
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,152
So, it's kinda like
a forensic international account thingy
681
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,557
which, I think,
is kind of your specialty, right?
682
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,600
Um...
683
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,788
Yeah, no, it is.
I'll take a look at that for you.
684
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,296
You would? You would do that for me?
685
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,834
I've got the login info,
if you wanna crack open your computer,
686
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,268
we can do this!
687
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,278
Oh, you mean now?
688
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,556
- That's awesome! Yeah!
- Okay.
689
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,392
- Look at this!
- Hey, Bob...
690
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,595
- Whoa!
- (SHUSHING)
691
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,136
Bob, you gotta keep your voice down!
692
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,275
(SOFTLY) Maggie's sleeping.
693
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:50,440
Wow.
694
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,311
This is a pretty serious international
account dossier you've got here.
695
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,637
Right? I just want to make sure
everything was hunky-dory.
696
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,918
(MUMBLING)
697
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,797
Going to your router.
698
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,394
Now you're talking to me.
699
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,950
Bingo. I'm in.
700
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,755
Oh. That's great, Jet.
Thank you, man!
701
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,471
I mean, just looking at it first-hand,
702
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,950
it kinda looks like it's a bunch of
off-shore escrow accounts.
703
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,633
These have been backwashed into
704
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,877
a series of domestic dummy accounts
for some reason.
705
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,600
I mean, the logs are all crazy, too.
You have China,
706
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:31,833
Syria, Iran.
707
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,673
This is an auction site, Bob!
708
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:35,840
(MUMBLES)
709
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,592
These are bids. All of these.
710
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,320
This is hundreds of millions
of dollars in bids, right here.
711
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:41,919
And judging by this clock, here,
712
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:43,520
it says it's all gonna end tomorrow.
713
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,755
- (COMPUTER BEEPS)
- Whoa!
714
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,957
- What the hell? Why?
- What did...
715
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,553
- Oh! I'm sorry, Jet!
- Bob!
716
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,393
Jet, I'm so sorry! Oh, man.
717
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,835
- I'm all thumbs.
- It's my computer!
718
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,553
- I'm sorry.
- No! Please, Bob.
719
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,096
- I'm sorry, Jet.
- Leave it. I got it.
720
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,475
It's fine, Bob. It's fine. Just leave it.
721
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,789
The worst!
722
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,229
God!
723
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,029
Hey! What the hell was that on that site?
724
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:07,960
That didn't have
anything to do with payroll.
725
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,271
I don't know. I've never seen that before.
726
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,440
That was crazy.
727
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,016
Let's figure it out tomorrow
when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
728
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,349
What do you say, CJ? I am beat.
729
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,513
Hey, do you mind if I crash here?
730
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,634
Um...
731
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:22,720
No.
732
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,117
Let me go grab some blankets.
733
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,229
Hey, thanks for the jammies, Jet.
734
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,159
Okay, well, you can keep those.
735
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,117
Those are... Those are officially yours.
736
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:41,959
Yeah.
737
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,597
- All right.
- Oh.
738
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,920
You gonna sleep with your fanny pack.
739
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,992
Golden Jet! Yeah, it's my baby.
740
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,440
(EXHALES)
741
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,797
You need anything else? You're okay?
742
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,150
I can't believe I'm having a sleepover
at Calvin Joyner's house right now.
743
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,828
This is blowing my mind!
(LAUGHS)
744
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,320
Okay.
745
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,880
Uh, good night, Bob.
746
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,029
Good night, Jet.
747
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:24,875
(FABRIC TEARING)
748
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,233
(SNORING)
749
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:39,800
- Me?
- (BOB SNORING)
750
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,714
Yeah, you.
751
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,879
What the fuck?
752
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,155
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
753
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,988
One second.
754
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:57,480
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
755
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:58,914
Hold on.
756
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,435
Uh, may I help you?
757
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,113
Mr. Joyner, my name is Pamela Harris,
758
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,555
I'm with the Central Intelligence Agency.
759
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,075
Have you had any contact with this man?
760
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,319
Uh, yeah, he's on my...
He's on my couch, sleeping.
761
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:15,480
Target's in the house.
762
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,875
What's going on? Hey!
763
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,474
Excuse me. Excuse me!
764
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:25,720
AGENT STAN: (INTO COMM) Target's fled.
765
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,989
Shit.
766
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,355
Target's on the move.
767
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:29,589
Excuse me! What...
768
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,597
Hello, hey! Excuse me!
769
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,976
- ...and voice chatter in the vicinity.
- CALVIN: Hello! Excuse me!
770
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,281
If he's in the wind again,
it's gonna be your ass. Go now.
771
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,550
- Hello!
- Alert Langley, asset uncontained.
772
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,914
Excuse me!
773
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:45,960
- Can I help you?
- Hello!
774
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,456
It's my house. Is something going on?
775
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,914
Well, Mr. Joyner,
your sleepover buddy, Robert Wheirdicht,
776
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,550
AKA Bob Stone, AKA Bob Golden,
AKA Bob Jet,
777
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,717
is wanted for murder and treason
778
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,519
and is presently in possession
of highly classified state secrets
779
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,392
which he intends to sell to our enemies.
780
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,635
What?
781
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,588
And if he succeeds, it's gonna spark
a chain reaction of geopolitical events
782
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,056
that most of our predictive models
783
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,833
place somewhere between
World War III and outright Armageddon.
784
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,309
So, yeah, I guess you could say
something is going on.
785
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:13,720
Oh, you mind?
786
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,000
Creamer's in the fridge. What?
787
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,679
I don't need it.
788
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,717
What I do need is information.
789
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,713
I need you to tell me
everything and anything
790
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,632
about your contact with Agent Stone.
791
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,114
- Agent Stone?
- Bob, your friend Bob.
792
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,077
Come on. Stay with me, please.
793
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,310
Okay, I think there's a misunderstanding.
794
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,630
No. No, he is not my friend.
795
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,576
Then why did he list you
as his emergency contact
796
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,749
in all his personnel forms?
797
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,109
I'm sorry... He what?
798
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,794
Bob Stone has no siblings, or parents,
or family of any kind.
799
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:46,235
You are the only person
800
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,595
he listed in his personal references.
801
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,028
Oh... (STAMMERS)
802
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,634
That's crazy, all right?
I barely even know the guy.
803
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,216
Then why was he sleeping on your couch?
804
00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:55,576
Because we went out
and had drinks last night.
805
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,560
Oh, so you went out drinking
with your non-friend?
806
00:34:58,440 --> 00:34:59,440
Okay.
807
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,439
All right, let's... You're not...
808
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:02,955
Time out.
809
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,559
I'm pressing the time out button.
810
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,156
Okay? You guys barged in my house.
I pay my taxes.
811
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,591
So you're not gonna come here
and treat me like I'm the enemy, okay?
812
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,136
That's the first thing.
Now, if you want to get into facts...
813
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,639
You wanna talk about facts?
814
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:16,840
This is Facebook's fault.
815
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,136
Are you familiar with Facebook?
816
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,195
We surveil it.
817
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:20,918
He sent me a friend request.
818
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,520
That's how this whole thing started.
819
00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:23,789
And you accepted?
820
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,238
Don't do that. Don't do that to me.
821
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,756
You give me a second. Okay?
Don't fire back like that.
822
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,036
First of all,
fuck Mark Zuckerberg, all right?
823
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,555
Now, I accepted because it was Facebook.
824
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:36,056
And it's rude when you don't accept it
825
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:37,376
and I don't know
if the person on the other end
826
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,709
can see me not accept it.
That's why I accepted.
827
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,359
Are you nervous, Mr. Joyner?
828
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,715
Is it hot?
829
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,757
Are you getting hot?
Because I'm getting hot.
830
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,239
I'm not gonna take off my jacket
831
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,038
because that makes me look guilty.
832
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,589
And that's what you guys look for. Hmm?
833
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,355
Is this what a guilty man would do?
834
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,909
Look how comfortable I am.
835
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,080
I'm gonna lean up against this counter,
and I'm not gonna sweat.
836
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,554
I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna look flustered at all.
837
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,591
I'm... Bring it.
838
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,234
What you want to know?
839
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,595
Hmm?
840
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,909
- Mr. Joyner.
- Yeah.
841
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,911
Bob Stone is a dangerous psychotic.
842
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,231
- You're lucky to be alive.
- Okay, listen to me.
843
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,238
Agent Harris, I don't know this man.
844
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,256
He's just a little weird kid
that I knew in high school.
845
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:20,936
He used to put Rice Krispies Treats
in my locker.
846
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,416
Sometimes I ate 'em, sometimes I didn't.
847
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:23,839
I wasn't in carbs back then
848
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,160
'cause I didn't want that weight
going to my hips.
849
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,600
As a man, you don't want big hips,
especially in high school.
850
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,069
Bottom line,
I have no allegiance to this man.
851
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:32,798
Zero ties, okay?
852
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,149
All ties are cut.
853
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,276
I cut them, so this is me and you.
854
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,432
So don't put me and him...
855
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,990
I ain't in this shit, okay?
856
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,075
All right, Mr. Joyner. Prove it.
857
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,552
Yeah, well, I need a second.
858
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,228
You gotta step outside.
I gotta take a shit.
859
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,594
This is a lot.
860
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,069
I got to go. Just give me a second, man!
861
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,836
- I'll be waiting.
- Jesus Christ!
862
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:03,640
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
863
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,953
All teams be advised,
we're Oscar Mike with the bait.
864
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,736
I'm sorry, did you just
call me "the bait"?
865
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:11,795
No.
866
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,176
Yeah, you did.
She just called me the bait.
867
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,200
Why am I the bait?
868
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,016
No, that doesn't sound like
something I'd ever say.
869
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,190
- You just said it.
- What's going on here? (LAUGHS)
870
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:19,998
Sir, I'm gonna need you to step aside.
871
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,310
- This is a matter of national security.
- (LAUGHS)
872
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,828
Yeah, right! I love it.
873
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,360
What is this? Like a strippergram thing
to suck up to Ethan?
874
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:27,999
Gotta love strippers. So dirty.
875
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,116
Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
876
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,999
(SINGSONG) Hey, let's see some titty!
877
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,354
- (TASER CRACKLES)
- (GROANS)
878
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:35,640
- (ALL GASPING)
- (THUDS)
879
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,156
- This you?
- Yeah, right here.
880
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,833
You did this to yourself.
881
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,000
(GROANING)
882
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,509
- Small.
- Yeah.
883
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,837
(PHONE RINGS)
884
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:55,680
It's my wife.
885
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,199
Mr. Joyner, it is my legal obligation
to inform you
886
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,079
that you are now a part of
a highly classified covert action.
887
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,470
So, say hello to your wife
and then get off the phone.
888
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,834
Am I clear?
889
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,513
Don't tell my wife shit. Got it.
890
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,475
Don't tell your wife shit.
891
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,472
- What line?
- Line one.
892
00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:16,760
Hey, Mags.
Hey, I can't really talk right now, babe.
893
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,673
- I got a lot going on.
- Okay, okay. I get it. You're hungover.
894
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,751
Listen, Dr. Dan can see us today at lunch.
895
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,514
- Wait a minute, Dr. Dan?
- The therapist, remember?
896
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,956
So, I'm thinking we should just
meet at home and go together. Thank you.
897
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,317
Go. Go on,
and I'll just see you there, okay?
898
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:32,640
But I got to really go, babe.
899
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,496
I'm slammed in here.
So, I gotta get off the phone.
900
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,120
- All right. Jeez! Is everything okay?
- Everything is fine, babe.
901
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,629
I gotta keep the line clear.
I love you. Bye, I gotta go.
902
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,149
Love you. Bye.
903
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:43,720
Hmm.
904
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,475
"Hmm." What?
905
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,438
I'm an expert in speech pathology
and psycho-lingual subtext.
906
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,750
Your wife is not fulfilled
in your relationship.
907
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,000
Wait, what?
908
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,759
Also, she wants to have a baby.
909
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,514
Where are you getting...
910
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,039
(PHONE RINGING)
911
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,713
Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
912
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,550
Hello? Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
913
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:07,320
BOB: Calvin?
914
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,750
(MOUTHING)
It's Bob! It's Bob!
915
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,148
(MOUTHING) Act natural.
916
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,436
BOB: Calvin. Is that you?
917
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:17,749
Are you there?
918
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,675
Well, hey. Well, yeah.
919
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,431
Yeah, wassup?
920
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,840
What up, Bobby-o?
921
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,195
Are you quite well?
922
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,429
I'm in big trouble.
923
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,875
Oh, God! I screwed up.
I screwed up big time.
924
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,156
We gotta talk. Can you meet me?
925
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,515
Sure. Yeah. Where?
Where do you want me to meet you?
926
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,880
I'm in the stairwell of your building,
two flights down.
927
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,274
- Stairwell?
- Hurry!
928
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,896
- He's in the stairwell, two flights down!
- Move, move!
929
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:45,989
Alert Charlie team.
930
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,151
Hold on. What's going on? Am I safe here?
931
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,256
As long as Bob Stone
is in the building, no one's safe.
932
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,157
Get back in your office now!
933
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:57,954
Okay!
934
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,196
Good news is we heard her, guys.
935
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,358
So, everybody, let's all just stay calm.
936
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,954
As long as... As long... Shit!
937
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,956
What the hell is going on?
938
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,269
- Relax.
- Hey.
939
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,120
Great job at
getting them out of here, Jet.
940
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,429
- Oh, Bob!
- That's teamwork!
941
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,480
Wait! How did you... What did you just do?
942
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,754
It's a tradecraft, buddy.
943
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,274
Spoiler alert...
944
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,595
I'm in the CIA.
945
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:22,829
Oh, no shit!
946
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,416
Hey, hey! What're you doing with my phone?
947
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,440
You about to turn my phone
into a bomb, aren't you?
948
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,516
I've seen Homeland.
So I know what they do.
949
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,314
(LAUGHS) Homeland?
No, I'm ordering us an Uber.
950
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,311
Six minutes. That's kinda tight.
951
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,792
I'm gonna need your tie.
952
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,515
You're gonna... No!
953
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,000
- Your necktie, take it off.
- No,
954
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:40,736
- I'm not taking my tie off!
- Come on, Jet!
955
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,400
- Don't do that. Don't do that.
- (LAUGHS)
956
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,696
That's good. Save it, save it, save it.
957
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,073
Save it, Jet.
958
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,216
- There we go, just right over here.
- Fine, take it, take it.
959
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:49,993
You can have it. Okay, that...
Listen to me. Listen.
960
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:51,195
Stop. Stop!
961
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,351
I need to know
what is happening, right now.
962
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,511
Okay, okay. You know what?
Moving too fast.
963
00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,871
Bottom line, are you in or you out?
964
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,016
What are you... In or out of what?
965
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,508
Mmm-mmm. No time
for questions, just action.
966
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,750
- In or out?
- Okay, then I'm out.
967
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,391
I'm sorry, Jet.
Actually, you're already in.
968
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:09,993
Then why would you ask me?
969
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,960
Because I thought
you would go, "I'm in, Bob!"
970
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,536
And we would've had a really cool moment,
971
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,040
but you kinda ruined the whole thing.
972
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,155
I ruined...
973
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,389
Okay, okay, okay.
974
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:18,959
Listen to me right now.
975
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,856
Bob, I don't know what it is
that you're into
976
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,313
but what I do know is that
977
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,359
I am really, really 100% out!
978
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:27,520
Do you understand that?
979
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,955
- God, you are good! (LAUGHS)
- What?
980
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,918
Calvin Joyner, president of the Drama Club
for a reason, folks!
981
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,800
- You're like a snack-size Denzel.
- Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
982
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,199
This is not a game.
983
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,873
I'm being serious right now.
984
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,560
I'm out!
985
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:45,314
Okay. Okay.
986
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,590
I can't say I'm not disappointed, Jet,
987
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:49,714
but if you're out, you're out.
988
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,757
Thank you! I'm out!
989
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,876
I'm just happy that we can communicate
990
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,678
openly and honestly.
991
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,798
I think it says a lot
about our relationship.
992
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,315
Wait, hold up, wait.
What're you doing? Oh, my God!
993
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:02,515
Here's the thing, though.
994
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,280
There's only one way for you to get out.
995
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,475
What's that?
996
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:06,834
You gotta get in first.
997
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,359
What is it that...
998
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,794
What-what! Take my gun, Jet,
999
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,513
we may have to kill some people.
1000
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,976
- Come on, it's not gonna bite you.
- I will do no such thing.
1001
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,000
I think you'll like it.
1002
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,600
- I will not!
- You're gonna need it.
1003
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,908
You're gonna need it! He's in here!
1004
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,120
Jet.
1005
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,840
He's in there! Bob's in there!
1006
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,275
He's got a gun! He's got a gun!
1007
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:27,959
(PEOPLE SCREAM)
1008
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,160
- Down, down, get down!
- Move, move, move!
1009
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,136
All right. I'm gonna need
your improv skills.
1010
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,160
What?
1011
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,794
- Hostage role-play, you ready?
- No!
1012
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,598
- Sweet, let's go.
- No, I said no!
1013
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:38,909
I said no!
1014
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,513
AGENT: He's got a hostage!
1015
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,560
No!
1016
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,551
No! Stop it, you gonna get me killed!
1017
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,309
Don't shoot!
1018
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,913
(AGENTS COUGHING)
1019
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:00,960
There we go, Jet!
1020
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,840
CALVIN: What are you doing?
1021
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:03,989
Oh! Shoot!
1022
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:06,840
Don't shoot!
1023
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,640
(GASPS)
1024
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,388
(SCREAMS)
1025
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,990
- Hang tight, Jet!
- No, I'm not doing anything!
1026
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,679
Stop including me in your stuff!
1027
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,238
Get him, Agent! Hit him with the stick!
1028
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,591
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1029
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:32,275
Oh!
1030
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,736
You're doing a great job, Jet.
Just give me a second, okay?
1031
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,795
What the fuck?
1032
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:37,840
He got a coffee pot!
1033
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:39,280
(SCREAMS)
1034
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:44,720
(GROANS)
1035
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,560
He got a banana!
1036
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,033
Oh! Oh!
1037
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,234
Freeze!
1038
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,880
(BONE CRACKING)
1039
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,278
Jet, help! (CHOKING)
1040
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:19,480
What?
1041
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,675
(STRAINING)
Golden Jet, help.
1042
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:24,000
No, man, I'm not helping you!
1043
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:28,000
Oh, shit.
1044
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:29,834
- Give me the gun!
- Stop it!
1045
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,320
- Stop resisting!
- No, let me go!
1046
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,071
Let me go! I'm trying to give it to you!
1047
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,394
Oh, shit!
1048
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:42,896
- That was an accident!
- Don't move!
1049
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,194
No, stop! Listen to me!
1050
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:47,909
Let's go.
1051
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,280
Wait, wait! Come on! What are you... Ah!
1052
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,028
Come on, man!
1053
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,156
This has gotta stop! Okay?
1054
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:55,679
(WHIMPERS)
1055
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,115
Shit!
1056
00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,838
(CALVIN SCREAMS)
1057
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:02,874
Don't shoot!
1058
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:05,791
- Oh, God!
- Show us your hands!
1059
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,393
- Drop your weapon!
- Do it now!
1060
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:17,080
Ow.
1061
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:18,880
Sorry, Jet.
1062
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,110
It's over, Bob. Give up.
1063
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,878
You know I can't do that, Pam.
1064
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,871
There's nowhere to run, Agent Stone.
1065
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:26,714
Just like Caracas.
1066
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:31,239
Uh, Caracas would've worked
if you trusted me like Calvin trusts me.
1067
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,549
No. No.
1068
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,472
That is not true. I do not trust him!
1069
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,710
I do not trust him at all.
As a matter of fact,
1070
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,416
this is a perfect time
for us to clear this up
1071
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,576
especially in the middle of this standoff.
I shouldn't be here!
1072
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,160
So I feel like me being
in the middle of this throws me in it.
1073
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:44,639
So let me exclude myself.
1074
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,512
- Hey, stay down!
- Don't move!
1075
00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,359
Okay, all right.
I'll stay in. I'll stay in.
1076
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:51,640
I got a plan.
1077
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:53,554
Might get us both killed
1078
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:55,536
but if it works,
it'll be a totally boss story.
1079
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,560
Cool?
1080
00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,676
- No! No, it's not cool!
- Cool.
1081
00:45:58,840 --> 00:45:59,989
No, I said it's not cool.
1082
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,673
(SOFTLY) I said it's not cool!
1083
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:02,989
Time's up.
1084
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:04,829
You're right, Pam.
1085
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:06,629
My time is up.
1086
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,836
In three, two,
1087
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:10,680
one.
1088
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:13,240
(ALARM RINGS)
1089
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,396
Bob, Bob, Bob!
1090
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,394
(SCREAMING) Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1091
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,234
Oh, shit!
1092
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,000
Whoo-hoo!
1093
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,878
- (CALVIN SCREAMS)
- (BOB WHOOPING)
1094
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:43,560
(BOB LAUGHS)
1095
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,717
Wow! Did you feel that, Jet?
1096
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,110
That was the balls right there!
1097
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,656
Hey, did you shit yourself a little bit?
1098
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:52,715
(GASPING)
1099
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,715
It's all right if you did. Totally cool.
I don't judge.
1100
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,030
(SCREAMING)
1101
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:02,200
CALVIN: Get it off!
1102
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:03,669
You guys order an Uber?
1103
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,108
(GUNS FIRING)
1104
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,549
What are you doing?
1105
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,816
You better get your tuches in the car.
1106
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:10,840
You're gonna get shot!
1107
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,149
Don't shoot me! Shoot him!
1108
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,834
Shoot him! I'm out! I'm out! I'm out!
1109
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,230
Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Go, Bob!
1110
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:18,759
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1111
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,073
Hey, that's my car!
1112
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:24,760
Fuck you!
1113
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,958
You get zero stars!
1114
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,195
Put the word out to all assets.
1115
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,918
I'm doubling the price on Bob's head.
1116
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,918
Hey, what the shit,
honey... (GROANS)
1117
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,200
(THUDS)
1118
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:36,873
Get Larry on it.
1119
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,235
Car, car, car!
1120
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,598
All right, here's the dilly-o, Jet.
1121
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,480
About three weeks ago,
an enemy of the state
1122
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:48,788
codenamed "The Black Badger"
1123
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,918
stole the encryption keys
to the entire US spy satellite program
1124
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:53,336
which he's gonna sell to a buyer
1125
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,256
from that auction site
on your computer last night.
1126
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,315
Bob...
1127
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,696
If we lose control of our satellites,
1128
00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,518
we're completely vulnerable
to any terrorist attacks.
1129
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,736
That's why I had to go back
to your office and get you, Jet.
1130
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,512
I need your super sweet accounting skills
1131
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,680
to help me figure out
the last piece of this puzzle
1132
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:08,990
which is the transaction number
from the winning bid.
1133
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,037
That'll tell us
where the deal is going down.
1134
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,036
That way, we can get The Black Badger.
1135
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:16,640
I can't do it without you, Jet.
1136
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,115
Are you kidding me? I'm not helping you.
1137
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,032
You attacked somebody with a banana.
1138
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,919
- A banana, force multiplier.
- What?
1139
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,280
Well, basically what that means
is anything in your hand
1140
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,993
is far more dangerous
than just your bare hands alone,
1141
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:30,160
including a banana.
1142
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:31,800
Oh!
1143
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,996
Oh! Ah!
1144
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,838
- A force multiplier!
- Yeah.
1145
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,479
Yeah, that's what it is.
1146
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,671
It makes so much more sense to me now.
1147
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,035
That's page-one CIA stuff.
1148
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,590
I almost forgot
that I wasn't in the fucking CIA!
1149
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:48,675
Stop the car.
1150
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,717
You stop the car right now! Stop the car!
1151
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:52,757
Okay, okay. That's a great idea, Jet.
1152
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,558
We should get off the grid right now.
1153
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,677
CALVIN: Whoa!
1154
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,670
All right. We're clear.
1155
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,669
Okay.
1156
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,350
Okay. Let's just take some deep breaths.
1157
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:16,033
Okay? Deep breaths.
1158
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,554
All you gotta do is get out of this car
1159
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:21,711
and have a rational conversation with Bob
1160
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:23,279
and he'll understand.
1161
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,873
Robert, I would like to
go home now, please.
1162
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,712
Buddy, you and me both.
1163
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,110
But until we clear our names,
there's no going home.
1164
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,475
I'm sorry, can you clarify
that last sentence for me?
1165
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:42,960
Yeah, well, now that you're in...
1166
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,236
Let me stop you right there. I'm not in.
1167
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,072
I never said that I was in.
1168
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:49,993
In fact, I expressly remember
saying that I was out!
1169
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,480
I know, but they think you're in.
1170
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:52,800
I am...
1171
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,231
I'm fucking out! I'm out!
1172
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,536
- What's left to tell?
- Hey, no, I get it.
1173
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,376
- I'm not in!
- I'm just saying they think you're in.
1174
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,358
- I'm not in! I am not in!
- I get it.
1175
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,591
I'm not in! I'm out!
1176
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,228
One sec, Jet, just gotta disable the GPS.
1177
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,680
Where did you...
1178
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:09,480
You wanna go under... That's fine!
1179
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:10,920
Wait a minute.
1180
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:12,400
You did this on purpose, didn't you?
1181
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,635
This whole thing was done on purpose.
1182
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,358
This is your plan!
1183
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,238
You tricked me!
1184
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,675
It's fine, but I know you tricked me.
1185
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,360
- Trick you?
- You tricked... Hey, boy!
1186
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,556
- What? What'd you just...
- (LAUGHS)
1187
00:50:25,720 --> 00:50:27,296
I didn't trick you,
you offered to help me.
1188
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,840
You know what's funny? Harris told me.
1189
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,439
She told me everything, man.
1190
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,158
She told me that you stole the codes.
1191
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,256
Let me tell you something about Harris.
You can't trust her.
1192
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,520
She's already trying to frame me
for my partner's murder!
1193
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,592
- You killed your partner?
- No.
1194
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:39,800
I would never do that.
1195
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:41,473
The Black Badger killed my partner.
1196
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,080
Let me explain to you something, dude.
This is what happened.
1197
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,240
After The Black Badger
stole the satellite encryption codes,
1198
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,875
my partner Phil and I
tracked him to a penthouse in Kiev.
1199
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:52,155
- Hey, Phil.
- Yeah.
1200
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,040
I'll see you on the other side.
1201
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,799
See you on the other side.
1202
00:50:58,120 --> 00:50:59,633
All right.
1203
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,313
God, I love that guy.
1204
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,976
BOB: He knew we were coming,
so he set a trap.
1205
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,036
Hey, Bob! Bob!
1206
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:06,269
No!
1207
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,954
BOB: Phil was my partner,
my teammate
1208
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,472
- and I couldn't save him.
- No!
1209
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:12,640
(EXPLOSION)
1210
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,878
It was awful, Cal.
1211
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,560
It was a setup, right from the get-go.
1212
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:20,115
Damn, man.
1213
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,976
The Black Badger was never there.
1214
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,275
I should've been the one
on that elevator, not Phil.
1215
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:25,795
God.
1216
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,355
Okay. Bob, please...
1217
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,790
I'm begging you, man.
Can you just let me go home?
1218
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,473
CJ, I totally understand.
1219
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,437
But right now,
Agent Harris and her taskforce
1220
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,318
has that place surveilled up the yin-yang.
1221
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,160
She's got contract killers looking for us.
1222
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,468
Your place isn't safe.
1223
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:41,312
Oh, my God. Maggie.
1224
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,675
Maggie! What the hell
am I supposed to do about Maggie?
1225
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,880
- (SHOUTS) Get down, Jet!
- (CALVIN SCREAMS)
1226
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:58,033
- Shit! Oh!
- (ENGINE REVS)
1227
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,000
Look out, Bob!
1228
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,633
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
1229
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,560
Who the hell is that? Who is that? Bob?
1230
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:15,948
Oh, shit.
1231
00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,240
Larry.
1232
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:26,594
Thought you retired.
1233
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:27,760
I did.
1234
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,436
But you're worth a lot of money,
Bob, dead or alive.
1235
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,148
Well, tough luck,
because I've got back up.
1236
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,389
Ain't that right, Jet?
1237
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,280
Jet!
1238
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,000
(GROANS)
1239
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:58,838
(PHONE RINGING)
1240
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,989
Hey, baby. I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
1241
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,270
The stupid Koplin deposition ran long.
1242
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,431
I'm leaving right now.
I'll meet you at the house.
1243
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,794
No, no, no! Don't go home!
1244
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:10,598
- Don't go home!
- Why? What's going on?
1245
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,513
Nothing! Nothing.
I'm just running late, too.
1246
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,114
So I was gonna say
let's just meet at Dr. Dan's office.
1247
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,316
Yeah. Okay. Is everything all right?
1248
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,789
Yeah! Yeah. Why?
1249
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,188
Everything's fine.
1250
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,776
Because you kind of sound
like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas.
1251
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,074
(LAUGHS) What?
1252
00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:30,356
That's so funny, babe.
That's such a good reference.
1253
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:32,312
That's classic Mags right there.
1254
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:35,273
So, okay. So you're not
gonna go home, right?
1255
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,708
Okay, fine. I won't go home.
1256
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,416
I'll meet you at Dr. Dan's. See you soon.
1257
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:39,555
Okay. All right, bye.
1258
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:40,755
All right, bye.
1259
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:04,880
Get in.
1260
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:25,949
(STAMMERING) I'm gonna
address the elephant in the room.
1261
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,430
Okay, first of all, you...
1262
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,433
You guys, I want to say sorry to.
1263
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,149
Because what you're probably thinking
is not what happened.
1264
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:37,355
Accidents!
1265
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:38,755
I know you're like,
1266
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,416
"How can you accidentally
pistol-whip somebody
1267
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,440
"and shoot somebody?"
1268
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:42,600
It can happen.
1269
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:46,435
Okay? Today is proof
that it can happen. So...
1270
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,431
I'm glad I got to get that off my chest.
1271
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:50,678
Relax, Mr. Joyner. I believe you.
1272
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,717
Okay, thank you.
1273
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,440
Trust me, I know a
scared-shitless civilian when I see one.
1274
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:56,868
You don't have to convince me.
1275
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,793
You got him over here. That is me.
1276
00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:01,791
Right now, I'm not comfortable.
1277
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,678
Okay, I am scared, okay?
1278
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,195
I don't have no shit in my system.
1279
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,356
If I sat down on a toilet,
nothing's coming out.
1280
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:09,669
Farts or just air.
1281
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:10,955
(SLOW WHISTLES)
1282
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,191
(HISSING)
1283
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:17,548
It'd sound like lasers.
1284
00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,153
Thank you for that description.
1285
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:21,472
Mr. Joyner, let me explain something.
1286
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:22,914
Bob's last forced psych eval
1287
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,992
show a person rapidly losing
his grip on reality.
1288
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,673
Bob became obsessed with a ghost,
1289
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:29,354
a figment of his imagination,
1290
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,158
he started calling "The Black Badger."
1291
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,311
This obsession led to an instability,
1292
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,153
first reported by his partner, Phil,
three weeks ago.
1293
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,834
Just before Phil was killed in the field.
1294
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,194
Do you know how Phil died?
1295
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,158
Yeah, Bob told me that
The Black Badger killed him.
1296
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:48,435
What?
1297
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:50,360
What?
1298
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,274
Mr. Joyner, Bob Stone is The Black Badger.
1299
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,394
Phil was Bob's partner of six years.
1300
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:58,560
His best friend.
1301
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,035
- See you on the other side.
- See you on the other side.
1302
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,519
Hey, Bob!
1303
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,000
AGENT HARRIS: After he stole
the satellite encryption codes
1304
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,269
Bob betrayed Phil.
1305
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:08,440
No!
1306
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,873
He killed him to cover his tracks.
1307
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,952
And, after that, Bob went rogue.
1308
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,918
This is all that's left of Phil.
1309
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,193
Um, this is PornHub.
1310
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,872
Oh, shit, shit, shit. Sorry.
1311
00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:32,720
There you go.
1312
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:36,636
Oh! Oh, God! Oh, I didn't see that coming.
1313
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:38,515
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Oh, man!
1314
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,150
- It's a hell of a way to go.
- Okay, wait a minute.
1315
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:44,776
Why wouldn't Bob just go sell
the satellite encryption codes himself?
1316
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,736
Because in a black market
blind-bidding situation,
1317
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,536
the buyer and the seller,
they don't know each other.
1318
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,080
They need the auction site
to tell them exactly where to meet up
1319
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,320
and when to make the exchange.
1320
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,912
The transaction number
from the auction site gives them that,
1321
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,071
which means Bob still needs you.
1322
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:00,216
Which is why we find ourselves
1323
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:02,549
in a little catch-and-release scenario.
1324
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,796
You are the only one Bob trusts.
1325
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,136
That's why we're putting you in the field.
1326
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:09,037
The next time you're with Bob,
1327
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:11,752
press this button.
1328
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,273
We're going to have him cold.
1329
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,357
Now, go take care of your marriage.
1330
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:24,432
One more thing. Don't tell your wife shit.
1331
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:26,919
All right.
1332
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:30,136
MAGGIE: I just don't know
what's wrong.
1333
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:31,673
I mean, the man that I married,
1334
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:33,916
the person I knew in high school,
1335
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:38,198
he was filled
with drive and desire. I mean...
1336
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:39,816
We used to sneak off every lunch hour
1337
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:41,320
and make out under the gym bleachers.
1338
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,396
Like, that guy, back then,
1339
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,750
- he wanted things, you know?
- DR. DAN: Hmm.
1340
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,195
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't find parking.
1341
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,336
Hi, no, no, it's okay.
We got started without you.
1342
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,191
Babe, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan.
1343
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:53,709
Hello, Calvin.
1344
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:55,996
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, jeez. What's the matter?
1345
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,430
- Holy shit! Get behind me!
- Honey... Calvin, what?
1346
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,875
It's okay, Maggie. It's okay. Just relax.
1347
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,361
This is a very common reaction
in the therapeutic process.
1348
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:04,520
- It is?
- What?
1349
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:05,680
It is. It absolutely is.
1350
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,957
Calvin, this is a very safe place.
Please, sit down.
1351
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:11,056
- This is not a safe place!
- No, no, no. Honey, it's a...
1352
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:12,696
No, this is most definitely
not a safe place!
1353
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:14,517
Me and my wife are leaving. Let's go.
1354
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,671
No, no, no! You are going to sit down,
1355
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:19,798
and we are going to go through
this therapeutic process...
1356
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:21,837
- Yes.
- ...together, as a couple.
1357
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,231
Um... Fine, fine, fine.
1358
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:25,879
Sit down. Thank you.
1359
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,075
Fine.
1360
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,994
Okay, guys. Why don't we start off
with a little bit of word association?
1361
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:32,195
Okay.
1362
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:33,400
This is exciting.
1363
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,516
I've heard this can
really open a couple up.
1364
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,636
Uh, Maggie, I'm going
to offer you a word,
1365
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,679
and you respond
however you're moved to from here.
1366
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:44,875
Okay.
1367
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,308
- Black.
- White.
1368
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,959
- Water.
- Ocean.
1369
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,350
- Sunshine.
- Happy.
1370
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,468
- I'm very impressed, Maggie.
- Really?
1371
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:54,914
You're very in tune.
1372
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:56,879
I'm very in tune.
1373
00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:59,110
Calvin, you're next.
1374
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:00,952
I do not want to do this.
1375
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:03,794
Relax, Calvin. There are no wrong answers.
1376
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:04,960
Up.
1377
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,675
Down.
1378
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:09,280
Mmm.
1379
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,394
"Mmm." What is that?
1380
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:12,776
What're you writing in your book?
1381
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,296
- It's fine. Don't freak out.
- Nobody's freaking out.
1382
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,096
I just don't understand
the rules to the game.
1383
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,314
Freaking out.
1384
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,191
Let's switch gears for a second, okay?
1385
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,312
Maggie, during lovemaking,
1386
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:27,992
have you ever placed anything
inside of Calvin's anus?
1387
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,479
What the hell did you just say?
1388
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,517
Well, yeah, there was this one time.
1389
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,016
- You remember? Game of Thrones finale.
- What are you talking about?
1390
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,076
I was Khaleesi, you were Littlefinger...
1391
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,879
- Okay, all right, stop. That's enough.
- Please, please, please.
1392
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,516
Why don't we try a simple
role-playing exercise?
1393
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:44,517
Calvin, you be Calvin
1394
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,109
and I will become Maggie.
1395
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:48,793
(GASPS) Mmm.
1396
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:50,839
I'm confused.
1397
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,192
It's called "soul gazing."
1398
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,995
Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
1399
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:03,597
- Maggie, this...
- Hey. Shh.
1400
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,830
There's no talking, and don't look away.
1401
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,353
(WHISPERS) Stare into my soul.
1402
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:08,995
You are not my...
1403
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,195
Shh. There's no talking.
1404
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,238
Babe, I'm not staring...
1405
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,672
(WHISPERS) Me and you.
Stay with me. I'm your wife.
1406
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:17,520
- You are not my wife.
- (BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1407
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:18,680
(GASPS)
1408
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:21,393
How could you hit your wife?
1409
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,228
How can I... How can I what?
1410
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:24,992
- You hit your wife!
- No...
1411
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:26,160
- He hit me!
- Okay.
1412
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:27,320
- He hit you!
- Okay.
1413
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:28,754
You hit us!
1414
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,216
- I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're doing.
1415
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,776
- I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're...
1416
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:37,800
Come here.
1417
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:39,509
Oh, my God!
1418
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:40,960
You...
1419
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,514
You know what? We're leaving! Let's go!
1420
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,638
This is not real.
1421
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,358
It's real to me.
1422
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:49,714
You know what, Calvin?
1423
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,030
If you can't commit
to working on our marriage,
1424
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,792
then you need to let me know.
1425
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,319
- Maggie, you...
- (DOOR OPENS)
1426
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:57,229
(CHUCKLING)
1427
01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,238
- What!
- Oh, my God!
1428
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:00,680
You're... Something's not right.
1429
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,718
Come on, Jet, listen.
Come on, come on, Jet!
1430
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:05,976
Now, I know things got
a little rough there at the end.
1431
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,376
But the truth is, with all the heat
that you have coming down on you,
1432
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:10,311
Maggie is definitely safer without you.
1433
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,675
And, trust me,
when this whole thing is said and done
1434
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,536
and you basically
save the entire free world,
1435
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,949
she's going to forgive you.
It'll all work itself out.
1436
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:19,553
It'll all work itself out?
1437
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,416
Okay, Bob, you know,
I'm sick of playing games with you.
1438
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:23,839
Where's the real Dr. Dan?
1439
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:25,669
- (MUMBLING)
- What-what?
1440
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:28,752
Oh, my... Dr. Dan,
I had nothing to do with this.
1441
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,376
He's fine. I'll get you some water
in a little bit.
1442
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:32,630
- Thanks, doc.
- You know...
1443
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,791
That's it. That is it.
1444
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,638
That is it.
1445
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:39,075
All right, Jet.
1446
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,231
I see that Harris has given you
a button to push.
1447
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,840
Relax, I would've taken the same deal,
too, if I was in your shoes.
1448
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,269
Otherwise, she wouldn't
let you out of her sight, right?
1449
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:48,873
It makes perfect sense.
1450
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:51,960
But you're not going to
press the button, right?
1451
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,156
You got the top-secret satellite codes?
1452
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:56,948
Yes or no?
1453
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:58,917
This ain't the time to bullshit me.
1454
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:00,798
Okay, my ass is sweating.
1455
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:02,200
I'm nervous. Don't bullshit me!
1456
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,470
Of course not, dude. Hey, hey, come on!
1457
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:05,960
Of course I don't have the codes.
1458
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,736
Why would I go through
all this trouble, then?
1459
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,990
I need your skill set, Jet, to help me get
1460
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,270
the bank transaction numbers
to the winning bid.
1461
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,112
We already know it's going down tonight
1462
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:15,720
from the countdown on your computer.
1463
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,279
Now, all we need is the "where."
1464
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:20,001
And the bank transaction numbers
will give us the "where."
1465
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,274
That's why I need you.
1466
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,793
Your job gives you access to
1467
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:24,678
exactly that kind of information.
1468
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:26,950
Then we can get The Badger,
we can get the buyer
1469
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:28,189
in one fell swoop.
1470
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,078
And it'll all be over tonight.
1471
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,474
Please, I swear.
1472
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:33,113
You gotta believe me.
1473
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,070
Can't you just get us
the transaction number?
1474
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,755
Not when the money
originates from an offshore account.
1475
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:48,920
When that happens,
1476
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:51,416
then only a certified international
banking official can access it.
1477
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,520
But, it shouldn't be a problem.
We just give this guy
1478
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:55,480
the offshore account numbers
that you gave me,
1479
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,216
then he can give us the transaction number
1480
01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:59,536
without knowing that
he's committing treason when he does it.
1481
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:00,754
Sound familiar?
1482
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:02,996
Ouch! Low blow, CJ.
1483
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,071
Hey, besides,
it's only treason if we're wrong.
1484
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:06,559
Who's this mystery man?
1485
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:08,960
It's Trevor.
1486
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:10,794
(LAUGHING)
1487
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:14,795
Trevor.
1488
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,320
TREVOR: This week
just keeps getting better.
1489
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:20,634
You know, I mean,
1490
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:24,316
Robbie Wheirdicht and Calvin
"The Golden Jet" Joyner in my office.
1491
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:26,436
Who would've thunk it? Not me.
1492
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,431
This is great, huh?
1493
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:30,591
Talk about caterpillar to the butterfly...
1494
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:32,671
What is this? P90X?
1495
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,718
More like "P1,000,000X," huh?
1496
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,438
Congratulations.
1497
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,359
CALVIN: (STAMMERS)
Hey, I, um...
1498
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,000
I really appreciate the help, Trevor.
1499
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:43,440
My client's all on me
to get this stuff handled right away.
1500
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,669
So, you know, if we could...
1501
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,791
Say no more.
It's my pleasure. I've been there.
1502
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,576
These international accounts
can be very, very tricky
1503
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:49,816
if you don't have the right clearances.
1504
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,592
You can get a bunch of digital red tape.
1505
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,956
I'm happy to help, you know?
1506
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,155
Robbie.
1507
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:57,117
You're such a blast from the past, buddy.
1508
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:58,416
How long has it been since I saw you?
1509
01:03:58,440 --> 01:03:59,475
Was it high school?
1510
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:01,520
(WHIMPERING)
1511
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:03,480
What's that?
1512
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,080
(STUTTERS) Um... How we doing
with those account access codes?
1513
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,416
- Are they coming?
- TREVOR: It's coming.
1514
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:08,800
- Everything's good?
- It's coming.
1515
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,416
I'm going as fast as I can. I know
you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry.
1516
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,476
Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs.
1517
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,393
Speaking of which, you guys are going
to the reunion tonight, right?
1518
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,158
No, I don't think so.
1519
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,616
- You're both going.
- (COMPUTER CHIMES)
1520
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,358
Here it is.
Here's your transaction number.
1521
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,256
You're both going
because you want to know what?
1522
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:26,560
Stinky Pete's going to be there.
1523
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,592
And Jimmy Longballs called me.
He's going to be hanging.
1524
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:33,272
Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll.
He's going to be there.
1525
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,791
You guys will be missing out on a big one.
1526
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:37,256
Plus you know what they're going to do?
1527
01:04:37,280 --> 01:04:39,416
They're going to vote on
homecoming king and queen again.
1528
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,200
Maybe you and Maggie
can make it two for two.
1529
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,510
Now, before you go,
stay seated one second.
1530
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:45,352
Give me two minutes, sit down.
1531
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,632
(SIGHS) Men,
1532
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,479
a few years ago...
1533
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,636
(SIGHS) I found the Lord Almighty.
1534
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:53,800
And, ever since then,
1535
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:56,793
my life has been
completely different. Okay?
1536
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,315
He's got a plan for
each and every one of us
1537
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,357
and, in his infinite wisdom,
1538
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,750
he makes no mistakes. Hmm?
1539
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:05,639
You're right about that.
1540
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:07,136
I think the Lord put you here because
1541
01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:08,656
he wants me to get something off my chest.
1542
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:10,040
He wants me to clear my conscience
1543
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:11,720
and he wants me to ask for forgiveness.
1544
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:12,880
Robert.
1545
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:15,514
What I did to you
at that rally in senior year
1546
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:17,153
was a cowardly act.
1547
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,675
It's something that
I've regretted every single day.
1548
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,832
Yeah. I mean,
bullying is a national crisis.
1549
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,357
It can leave people
with a lifetime of pain.
1550
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,956
And I just have no excuse
for what I did to you.
1551
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,536
I mean, I did grow up in a house
with a father who was physical,
1552
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:35,960
but that doesn't give me
the right to take it out on somebody
1553
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:38,508
who at the time
was weaker, you know? So...
1554
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:41,997
Calvin, with this particular
transgression,
1555
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,675
I not only embarrassed him
but I also ruined your final speech.
1556
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,478
- No, no.
- Yes, I did.
1557
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:50,096
- It's okay. No, it's okay.
- No, really, I stole your thunder.
1558
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:52,656
And it's another thing that
I've had to live with every single day.
1559
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:55,513
And I work through it
in individual therapy as well as group,
1560
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:57,392
and I pray about it.
1561
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:00,315
So...
1562
01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:07,918
I just want to say how truly sorry I am
1563
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:10,594
for what happened, you know.
1564
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:12,193
Or for what I did.
1565
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:13,680
It didn't just happen. I did it.
1566
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,559
I did it, and I wish to God
that I had not done it.
1567
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,197
So, I'm hoping that
you can find it in your heart
1568
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,277
to forgive me.
1569
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,196
I wasn't expecting this at all.
1570
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,032
Don't I know it. I know it.
1571
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:31,719
I'm just so happy.
1572
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:34,398
I don't know what to say.
1573
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:36,752
How about you say...
1574
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:42,199
"The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson."
1575
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,232
- What do you mean?
- (LAUGHING)
1576
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,674
Weird Dick!
1577
01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:58,432
You stupid ass!
1578
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,272
Good God, you're dumb!
1579
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:02,351
Dumber than ever, I guess!
1580
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:04,272
And you, too, Calvin!
1581
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,079
Look at that stupid look
on those two faces.
1582
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:10,073
"The Lord taught me to care."
Unbelievable.
1583
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:13,516
I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A."
1584
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:15,955
And thetan-free since 2003.
1585
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,120
Clear as shit.
1586
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:18,520
And "I'm sorry for what I did"?
1587
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:20,056
Let me tell you what I'm sorry about.
1588
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:22,616
I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass
out there three more times.
1589
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:24,000
It was the best senior prank ever.
1590
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:25,599
I still get emails about it.
1591
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:27,680
And if I'd had
one of these bad boys back then,
1592
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,200
I would have shot it, uploaded it,
1593
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:31,754
and it would have gone crazy viral,
a zillion hits.
1594
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:32,955
Know what?
1595
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,856
You're going to regret
you ever opened your mouth.
1596
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,269
- You hear me, Trevor?
- Yeah? How come, Calvin?
1597
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,056
Because he's about to
whoop your ass, that's why.
1598
01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:40,080
Who is?
1599
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:41,456
Bob, get up and whoop his ass.
1600
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:43,550
Here she comes!
Let me tell you something...
1601
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,598
Weird Dick can't chug
a bunch of fucking steroids and elk urine
1602
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:48,637
and suddenly be able to kick my ass.
1603
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:50,791
Fuck that! It ain't gonna happen.
1604
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:52,434
'Cause here's why.
1605
01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:57,355
Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.
1606
01:07:57,880 --> 01:07:58,995
Huh? Prove me wrong.
1607
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:00,800
Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar.
1608
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:13,710
Come on, hit me!
1609
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:16,155
And I'll sue your ass,
and take your fanny pack away.
1610
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:17,560
(BLOWS)
1611
01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:19,713
You got to make poopies?
1612
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:21,080
What's wrong, Bob?
1613
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:22,315
We got a john here.
1614
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:24,671
Or you got to change your rag?
1615
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:26,400
Maybe that's it.
1616
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:28,512
Jenny, you got an extra rag?
1617
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:31,711
- What's the matter with you?
- I just want to go.
1618
01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:33,154
She wants to go.
1619
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:35,871
Go ahead. There you go.
1620
01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:37,549
No, it's a push.
1621
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:39,915
Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that.
1622
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:41,399
At least you found the handle.
1623
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:44,028
Boy, he's still a scared little bitch.
1624
01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:45,560
You know, you're still an asshole.
1625
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,756
Yeah, well, you're still
shorter than my cat.
1626
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:49,800
Here's your transaction number.
1627
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:51,559
Hit it, dick licker.
1628
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,156
- (CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, Trevor.
- Yup.
1629
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:57,838
Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.
1630
01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:59,000
Bye-bye now.
1631
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:00,560
- Was it push or pull?
- Clean push.
1632
01:09:00,600 --> 01:09:02,296
- Which one is it?
- You want me to do it for you?
1633
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,320
Which one is it?
1634
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,120
Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner!
1635
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:08,429
Jenny!
1636
01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:11,478
Jenny, get the Windex!
And security for this one.
1637
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:13,915
Get your asshole off my door! That's it!
1638
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:17,357
Bob! Bob!
1639
01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:19,511
Bob! Bob! Bob!
1640
01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:21,640
(SIGHS)
1641
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:25,953
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1642
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,835
Mr. Joyner. Guess who
we're about to arrest
1643
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,956
for conspiracy to commit treason.
1644
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,188
That's right. Your lovely wife.
1645
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,152
So, here's what you're going to do.
1646
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,874
You're going to tell us
exactly where you and Bob are.
1647
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:43,496
Then you're going to go outside
and you're going to keep Bob on-site
1648
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:44,555
until we arrive.
1649
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:46,995
And if he leaves, you lose.
1650
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:49,318
Is that clear?
1651
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:55,840
Oh, hey.
1652
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:57,416
I don't know what happened in there,
1653
01:09:57,440 --> 01:09:58,589
and I just froze up.
1654
01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:00,432
I locked up. I'm sorry.
1655
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,035
Look, Bob, I...
1656
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,555
No, I gotta tell you something,
CJ, listen.
1657
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,600
You're the only one
who's ever been nice to me,
1658
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,637
the only one who's never laughed at me.
1659
01:10:08,800 --> 01:10:11,917
And you're the only one
in this whole world that I trust.
1660
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:14,036
And I know you have a lot of friends,
1661
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:17,635
but I don't.
1662
01:10:19,440 --> 01:10:20,793
You're my only friend, Calvin.
1663
01:10:21,480 --> 01:10:24,074
And I will never
let you down again, I promise.
1664
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,398
I'm sorry, man.
1665
01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:32,195
Sorry for what?
1666
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:34,032
I told Harris where we are.
1667
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:36,638
They were going to hurt Maggie.
1668
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,756
I had to. I didn't have a choice.
1669
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,395
I'm sorry.
1670
01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:43,790
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
1671
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,391
Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head!
1672
01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:48,560
Do it now!
1673
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:00,995
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
1674
01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:20,633
I know you know how this goes,
1675
01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:22,313
so I'll spare you the dramatics.
1676
01:11:22,480 --> 01:11:24,550
I'll ask you just once.
1677
01:11:24,720 --> 01:11:26,950
Where are the satellite encryption codes?
1678
01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:31,116
Aw. What's the matter, Bob?
1679
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:34,991
Are you upset that
your friend turned you in?
1680
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:37,198
I don't have any friends.
1681
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,032
Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys.
1682
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,599
Don't worry, it'll be over quick.
1683
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:42,318
She always gets them to break.
1684
01:11:42,520 --> 01:11:44,875
AGENT HARRIS: (ON SPEAKER)
Okay. You have it your way.
1685
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:46,632
We're going to do this old-school.
1686
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:56,591
Get the extraction tools.
1687
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:00,316
The extraction tools?
1688
01:12:00,680 --> 01:12:02,636
If you don't have the stomach for it,
you can go.
1689
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:04,919
Come on.
1690
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:08,595
Stop recording.
1691
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,151
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1692
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:20,920
Why am I coming here?
I was told I'd be able to leave.
1693
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,029
You can leave,
1694
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:23,680
when Agent Harris says you can leave,
1695
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:24,869
which might be never.
1696
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:26,433
I gotta watch this.
1697
01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:30,470
- (GROANING)
- (BONE SNAPS)
1698
01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:34,428
(BOB CONTINUES GROANING)
1699
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:36,313
(WHISPERS) I'm sorry, Bob.
1700
01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:38,074
I'm sorry, man.
1701
01:12:47,440 --> 01:12:48,839
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1702
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:50,759
(BOB CONTINUES GROANING)
1703
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:52,395
Oh, Jesus!
1704
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:01,240
What the hell?
1705
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:02,560
(GROANS)
1706
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,472
(EXCLAIMS) Hey! Hey!
1707
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:07,040
Don't move!
1708
01:13:07,200 --> 01:13:09,634
You get your hands off!
Get them off the keyboard!
1709
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:11,880
- What are you doing, Calvin?
- Give me your keycard!
1710
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,593
Give me your keycard!
1711
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:15,200
Give it to me.
1712
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:16,675
- Okay...
- Go sit down.
1713
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:18,432
(SOFTLY) Okay. Yeah.
1714
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:19,919
Sorry. I'm sorry.
1715
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:22,111
- Sit down! Sit down!
- Okay, okay, okay.
1716
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,838
(BOB BREATHING HEAVILY)
1717
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:25,360
You know, Bob?
1718
01:13:25,520 --> 01:13:28,159
This is actually
my favorite part of the job.
1719
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:30,550
Thank you for being so uncooperative.
1720
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:32,336
What do you think
your little buddy, Joyner,
1721
01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:33,960
would say if he could see you like this?
1722
01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:35,120
Two words.
1723
01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:36,315
I'm in.
1724
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:39,151
What-what?
1725
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:41,835
You're making a big mistake, Mr. Joyner.
1726
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:43,956
That's only if I'm wrong.
1727
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,313
Come on, Bob. Let's go!
1728
01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:49,351
What're you doing? Come on, man!
1729
01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:50,680
(PANTING)
1730
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:52,995
Okay, listen to me. Bob, I'm sorry.
1731
01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,116
I'm sorry I double-crossed you.
You hear me?
1732
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,496
I should've believed you,
I should've trusted you, and I didn't.
1733
01:13:57,520 --> 01:13:58,520
I'm sorry for that.
1734
01:13:58,680 --> 01:14:01,240
Listen to me. Bob,
we don't have time for this, man!
1735
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:03,516
I need you to tap into
that super-spy stuff
1736
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:06,592
and I need you to get us the hell
out of here right now. Do you hear me?
1737
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:08,592
I'm not a super spy, Calvin.
1738
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,796
I'm Robbie Wheirdicht, super tool.
1739
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:14,030
No, stop. You're not a super tool.
1740
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,589
You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
1741
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:18,920
- (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up.
- So what?
1742
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:21,400
- It's not real.
- What does that mean? What does that mean?
1743
01:14:21,440 --> 01:14:25,194
(STAMMERS) You think Mr. T and Sting
were born with those names?
1744
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:28,896
How do you think I got
the name "Golden Jet" at high school?
1745
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:31,832
- 'Cause you're awesome.
- No, that's not how.
1746
01:14:32,720 --> 01:14:35,359
In the eighth grade, I ran track.
It was my first race.
1747
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,398
Okay, the race came down
to me and this other kid.
1748
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,039
I wanted to win the race so damn bad
1749
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:42,390
that I ended up peeing in my pants
at the finish line.
1750
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:44,392
That's how I got the name "Golden Jet."
1751
01:14:45,120 --> 01:14:48,160
So, take it from a guy who's literally
pissed his pants in front of everybody
1752
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:49,553
just to win a race.
1753
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:51,711
You are who you decide to be.
1754
01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:54,993
And you chose to be
an international CIA spy.
1755
01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:57,320
Come on, man.
You get to kill people for a living.
1756
01:14:57,760 --> 01:14:58,760
How cool is that?
1757
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:03,115
I don't know. (LAUGHS)
1758
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:04,400
Kinda cool I guess.
1759
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,116
What do you mean "kinda cool"?
Ain't no kinda cool.
1760
01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:09,436
Stop it! It's awesome.
1761
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,079
Now, come on, man. We boys?
1762
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:13,760
- We're boys.
- Oh!
1763
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:16,440
Sorry, Jet.
1764
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:18,592
- (BONES CRACKING)
- Oh, God!
1765
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,520
- (GROANS)
- Oh, God!
1766
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,512
See? Good as new.
1767
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,631
Wow. Sorry, man.
1768
01:15:25,840 --> 01:15:27,159
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
1769
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:30,595
AGENT: Go, go!
1770
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:32,296
- (ALARM BLARING)
- Get me out!
1771
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,197
He got the jump on us. Give me the key.
1772
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:39,040
- (GRUNTING)
- CALVIN: Look out, Bob!
1773
01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,876
Here, Jet! Get him!
1774
01:15:42,040 --> 01:15:43,439
Watch out!
1775
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:50,308
(CHOKING)
1776
01:15:52,120 --> 01:15:53,473
Did you see that, Bob?
1777
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:55,710
I did the thing! I did the thing, Bob!
1778
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:56,880
Yeah! (LAUGHS)
1779
01:15:57,040 --> 01:15:58,951
Yeah! Yeah!
1780
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:00,640
- Come on! Follow me!
- Let's do it!
1781
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,320
No! What the fuck am I doing?
Here! You get the gun.
1782
01:16:03,480 --> 01:16:05,118
- I'm behind you. Go.
- All right.
1783
01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:08,992
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1784
01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:11,511
Oh, my God. There's two of them.
1785
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:14,114
Yeah, I'll distract them
and you open the door, okay?
1786
01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:15,679
- What? No!
- Let's roll.
1787
01:16:15,880 --> 01:16:16,915
No, no.
1788
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,154
Go, go!
1789
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:23,030
- Close in!
- Moving out!
1790
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,111
- Freeze, Bob!
- Sorry about this, guys.
1791
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:27,033
(MEN SCREAMING)
1792
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:29,838
- BOB: Nope, come here.
- (MAN SCREAMS)
1793
01:16:35,160 --> 01:16:36,160
(DOOR BEEPS)
1794
01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:41,194
Come on.
1795
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,590
Wrong keycard, pal. Turn around.
1796
01:16:45,680 --> 01:16:46,829
You needed this one.
1797
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,228
On the ground, now.
1798
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:49,674
Can I say something first?
1799
01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:51,398
- What?
- This is going to hurt.
1800
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:53,016
- (BOB GRUNTS)
- (CALVIN EXCLAIMS)
1801
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:54,040
(GROANS LOUDLY)
1802
01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,600
- Hey, get the keycard! Let's roll.
- All right, all right.
1803
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:00,474
Which car are we taking?
1804
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:03,555
Not that one.
1805
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:05,352
Oh, my God.
1806
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:07,717
Oh, God. Oh, sh...
1807
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:09,640
Oh.
1808
01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:11,154
Here we go, Jet.
1809
01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:15,720
- Bob, they are shooting at us!
- It's okay, it's bulletproof.
1810
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:16,880
Drive, drive!
1811
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:21,040
(WHISTLING)
1812
01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:29,954
(GRUNTS) Here you go, Jet.
1813
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:31,680
What's this?
1814
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,876
Bug-out bag, courtesy of the CIA.
1815
01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,536
Go ahead and grab that
encrypted phone in there.
1816
01:17:35,560 --> 01:17:36,560
For what?
1817
01:17:36,720 --> 01:17:38,360
You still have the bank transaction code?
1818
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,440
How are transaction numbers gonna help us
find out where the bad guys are?
1819
01:17:41,600 --> 01:17:44,200
Well, it's not bank transaction
numbers or codes, it's actually...
1820
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,793
Longitude and latitude.
1821
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:50,909
(LAUGHS) Look at the spy brain
on the Jet! What-what!
1822
01:17:51,240 --> 01:17:53,470
You're like a chocolate
Google. (MIMICS BEEPING)
1823
01:17:53,640 --> 01:17:55,676
- Bob, don't do that. Stop it. Stop it.
- (SIGHS)
1824
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:57,056
You're getting good at this, man.
1825
01:17:57,080 --> 01:17:59,056
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
It's longitude and latitude.
1826
01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:02,516
All you gotta do is plug those
digits into the GPS, and boom!
1827
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:05,280
We're gonna catch the buyer
and The Badger, just like that.
1828
01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:09,112
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Boston.
1829
01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:14,312
(SIGHS)
We're gonna need a plane.
1830
01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:28,994
You ever steal a plane before?
1831
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,435
- I stole some Starbursts one time.
- Mmm-hmm.
1832
01:18:31,880 --> 01:18:33,950
So I don't know
if that compares or anything,
1833
01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:35,553
but I wasn't successful with that.
1834
01:18:35,720 --> 01:18:36,920
On the way out, I dropped 'em.
1835
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,376
Dropped the whole bag. The guy caught me.
1836
01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,136
"What's that? " I just said, "A Starburst."
1837
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:42,151
Told him myself. It was a mess.
1838
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:44,560
(SNAPS FINGERS)
1839
01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:47,394
Check it out. The universe provides.
1840
01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:50,920
CALVIN: Oh.
1841
01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:53,880
Golden Jet.
1842
01:18:54,120 --> 01:18:55,519
- Golden Jet.
- Golden Jet.
1843
01:18:59,440 --> 01:19:01,317
- It's just one guard in there.
- All right.
1844
01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:03,118
90% of spy work is distraction.
1845
01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:04,456
You get in there and distract that guard,
1846
01:19:04,480 --> 01:19:05,549
I'm gonna get us a plane.
1847
01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,315
What?
1848
01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:10,760
I don't know what the hell you expect...
1849
01:19:13,080 --> 01:19:14,080
(WHISPERS) Bob!
1850
01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:15,880
Bob!
1851
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,555
Fuck!
1852
01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:19,229
Fuck you, Bob!
1853
01:19:20,640 --> 01:19:21,640
Damn it!
1854
01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:32,029
Hey, I need a plane.
1855
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:35,152
Sir, you cannot be in here.
This is a private airfield.
1856
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:37,834
I understand that but I have an organ
in this cooler right now
1857
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,031
that needs to get transported ASAP.
1858
01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:41,720
Really?
1859
01:19:41,920 --> 01:19:44,912
Because my sister-in-law
had a heart transplant last year
1860
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,913
and they did not bring it
in a Playmate lunch cooler.
1861
01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:49,877
I hate to break it to you,
1862
01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:51,758
but this is not a...
1863
01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:54,640
- This is not a heart.
- It's not a heart?
1864
01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,395
No, it's not.
1865
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:57,794
Hmm. What is it then?
1866
01:19:58,880 --> 01:20:01,030
- It's a dick.
- Okay.
1867
01:20:02,600 --> 01:20:04,477
I am made of questions right now.
1868
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:05,914
Well, you don't have to ask.
1869
01:20:06,080 --> 01:20:07,877
Last night, lady got into it with a man.
1870
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,712
She ended up cutting his pecker off.
1871
01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:11,757
She left with it, got in a car, drove,
1872
01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:13,876
got on 95, threw it out the window.
1873
01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:17,073
The second largest penis hunt
in the state history.
1874
01:20:17,240 --> 01:20:18,696
The man was Korean, so you better believe
1875
01:20:18,720 --> 01:20:19,994
it took a long time to find.
1876
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,477
JARED: You're stereotyping Korean dicks.
1877
01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:23,709
That's racist.
1878
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:25,638
I've seen Korean dicks bigger than you.
1879
01:20:25,840 --> 01:20:28,354
Okay, after finding it,
the guy brought it to me,
1880
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:31,496
and he said, "Do your due diligence in
getting this dick where it's got to go."
1881
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:32,794
That's what I do.
1882
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:35,269
I'm a dick deliverer specialist.
1883
01:20:35,720 --> 01:20:36,720
Oh, DDS?
1884
01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:38,552
Like a dentist but for dicks.
1885
01:20:39,320 --> 01:20:40,320
Uh...
1886
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,798
So, people are like,
"Here's a dick. Find a plane."
1887
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:46,710
That's how you do it?
You're like an Uber for dicks?
1888
01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:48,680
Where do you get these jobs?
On Craigslist?
1889
01:20:48,840 --> 01:20:50,840
Okay, sir, we don't need
to demean each other here.
1890
01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:52,400
I don't believe a word you're saying.
1891
01:20:52,920 --> 01:20:54,194
Let me see it.
1892
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,552
I have no problem showing you this.
1893
01:20:56,720 --> 01:20:59,154
So if you wanna see it
then get ready to see.
1894
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:01,431
- Here I go.
- Go for it.
1895
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:05,593
- (HISSING)
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1896
01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:08,194
(SCREAMS)
I'm just kidding. This is my friend.
1897
01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:10,232
- Oh!
- It's my buddy.
1898
01:21:10,480 --> 01:21:12,277
His name's Snake Gyllenhaal.
1899
01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:14,471
- He guards my lunch.
- Okay, that's enough.
1900
01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:39,599
It's gotta be Harris, right?
1901
01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:41,915
What do you mean?
1902
01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:43,720
I mean, she's gotta be The Black Badger.
1903
01:21:43,800 --> 01:21:45,096
It's the only thing that makes sense.
1904
01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:47,000
I mean, she's had access
to the encryption codes
1905
01:21:47,040 --> 01:21:49,720
and she's so hot and bothered about
pinning this whole thing on you.
1906
01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:50,949
It's gotta be her!
1907
01:21:51,120 --> 01:21:52,633
(SIGHS) I don't know, Jet.
1908
01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:54,720
I'm pretty sure she thinks
I'm The Black Badger.
1909
01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:57,056
She worked me over pretty good
in that interrogation room.
1910
01:21:57,080 --> 01:21:59,496
- (ENGINE SPUTTERING)
- Hold on, wait, wait... What's going on?
1911
01:21:59,520 --> 01:22:01,954
What's that?
What's going on right now, Bob?
1912
01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:04,401
- (ALARM BLARING)
- No biggie. We're completely outta gas.
1913
01:22:04,480 --> 01:22:05,959
Oh, my... Oh!
1914
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,720
(SCREAMING)
1915
01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:10,195
We're going down, Jet!
There's nothing I can do!
1916
01:22:10,400 --> 01:22:12,994
- Oh, shit!
- Really quickly...
1917
01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:16,755
What's the one thing
you wish you'd done in your life?
1918
01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:19,416
The one thing I wish I hadn't done
is not get in a plane with a guy
1919
01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,351
who didn't check the goddamned fuel!
1920
01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:24,478
- Why wouldn't you check the fuel?
- No, something that's real.
1921
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,074
What's the one thing
you regret not doing for you?
1922
01:22:27,240 --> 01:22:29,390
Oh, my God! I think we're gonna die!
1923
01:22:29,760 --> 01:22:31,193
(WAILING)
1924
01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:36,076
Not having a kid, man!
1925
01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:37,794
Not being a father!
1926
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:40,315
I regret not being a father!
1927
01:22:40,480 --> 01:22:42,357
Maggie, I should've gave you a kid!
1928
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,994
I should've gave you my seed, Maggie!
1929
01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:46,559
I should've!
1930
01:22:46,720 --> 01:22:48,073
I'm so selfish!
1931
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:49,240
(ENGINE TURNS ON)
1932
01:22:49,480 --> 01:22:51,471
I'm sorry, Maggie!
(CONTINUES CRYING)
1933
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:54,200
(SIGHS)
1934
01:22:55,640 --> 01:22:57,915
- That wasn't so hard, right?
- What?
1935
01:22:58,080 --> 01:22:59,798
Hey, just for the record,
1936
01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:01,632
I think you'd make a great dad.
1937
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:04,077
Did you just fake this whole thing?
1938
01:23:04,760 --> 01:23:05,760
Yeah, kinda.
1939
01:23:05,920 --> 01:23:07,558
You gotta be shitting me glory!
1940
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:09,199
No, not at all.
1941
01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:11,576
I just thought that maybe a
facing-your-own-death situation
1942
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:14,672
might help motivate you
to clarify some of your goals in life.
1943
01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:16,393
And, hey, between me and you,
1944
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,560
I know you've been struggling
a little bit.
1945
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,195
You know what I'm struggling with
right now, Bob?
1946
01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:22,839
Not whooping your ass.
1947
01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:25,216
(CHUCKLES) Okay, Jet.
Hey, you're really cute when you cry.
1948
01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:27,151
Stop it! Enough!
1949
01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:41,994
I don't get it.
1950
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:43,376
I mean, if these coordinates are correct,
1951
01:23:43,400 --> 01:23:45,470
we should be standing right on top of it.
1952
01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,518
The deal doesn't go down
for another 30 minutes, Jet,
1953
01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:51,194
- so we're kinda early.
- No!
1954
01:23:51,360 --> 01:23:52,896
Why would you do it
out in the open like this?
1955
01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:54,433
Why would you take that risk?
1956
01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:56,272
Just doesn't make any sense, man.
1957
01:23:57,600 --> 01:23:59,272
Shit! Come on.
1958
01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:02,355
Wait.
1959
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:05,917
Oh, wait.
It's not happening up here.
1960
01:24:07,720 --> 01:24:09,119
No, it's not. It's...
1961
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,560
Oh, it's happening beneath us. Look.
1962
01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:16,597
It's an underground parking garage.
1963
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:18,953
Yeah, that's a good eye, Jet.
1964
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,710
Why don't you stay up here?
Keep overwatch.
1965
01:24:21,880 --> 01:24:23,480
I'll go down there and check things out.
1966
01:24:23,520 --> 01:24:25,351
Wait, what? No, I'm going with you.
1967
01:24:25,520 --> 01:24:28,273
You can't go with me.
The smarter play is if we split up.
1968
01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:29,634
Smarter play for who?
1969
01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:31,896
Do you know what happens
when people split up, Bob?
1970
01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:32,955
Somebody dies!
1971
01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:34,560
I'd be the one to die. You know why?
1972
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,160
Because I don't have a bulletproof vest
and I don't have a gun!
1973
01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:39,000
Which means that you
are my bulletproof vest!
1974
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:41,576
My little black ass is gonna stay
behind you, you're not leaving me!
1975
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:43,477
That's exactly why
you should stay up here.
1976
01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:46,136
Look, if you went down
in that garage and you got shot to death,
1977
01:24:46,160 --> 01:24:47,320
you know how hurt I would be?
1978
01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:49,160
I'd be super bummed out!
I don't want that.
1979
01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:50,872
It's safer for you up here.
1980
01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:53,056
If something happened up here,
what am I supposed to do, Bob?
1981
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:55,196
How do I get your attention?
Make a bird call?
1982
01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:56,799
(SQUAWKING)
1983
01:24:57,520 --> 01:24:59,590
Does that sound like a bird to you? Huh?
1984
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:01,776
That's my biggest weakness!
I can't make bird noises.
1985
01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:02,835
I never could.
1986
01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:04,752
So if that's what
I gotta depend on to live,
1987
01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:07,753
it means I'm gonna die!
I'mma die up here, by myself
1988
01:25:07,920 --> 01:25:10,229
sounding like a dead-ass pigeon.
1989
01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:11,680
(CAWS)
1990
01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,594
- I have no idea what a pigeon...
- Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet!
1991
01:25:14,760 --> 01:25:16,432
You don't have to make bird noises.
1992
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:17,736
You don't have to sound like a pigeon.
1993
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:20,593
All you gotta do
is call me on the encrypted phone
1994
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,597
that's in your hand.
1995
01:25:27,200 --> 01:25:28,553
- Okay?
- Okay, yeah.
1996
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,393
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
1997
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:31,749
All right?
1998
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,194
Oh, Jet.
1999
01:25:34,720 --> 01:25:36,392
I'll see you on the other side.
2000
01:25:37,240 --> 01:25:38,240
Yeah.
2001
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:39,560
Yeah.
2002
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:45,880
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
2003
01:25:48,040 --> 01:25:49,553
(GUN COCKS)
2004
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:06,789
You're early.
2005
01:26:07,480 --> 01:26:09,072
So are you.
2006
01:26:11,720 --> 01:26:13,073
(EXHALES) Come on.
2007
01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:25,079
(WHISPERS)
Oh, my God!
2008
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:30,797
Oh, my God.
2009
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:32,640
I knew it.
2010
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:35,155
I knew it. I knew
she was The Black Badger!
2011
01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:36,958
Oh, my God!
2012
01:26:37,480 --> 01:26:39,600
- Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.
- (LINE RINGS)
2013
01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:40,760
BOB: Yello?
2014
01:26:40,960 --> 01:26:43,554
Bob, Harris is The Black Badger!
2015
01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:44,760
Hello?
2016
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:46,519
Harris is The Black Badger!
2017
01:26:46,720 --> 01:26:47,755
I can't hear you.
2018
01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:49,751
Harris is The Black Badger!
2019
01:26:49,920 --> 01:26:50,920
(BOB LAUGHS)
2020
01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,634
Just kidding! I'm not here.
Leave a message at the beep.
2021
01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:54,920
- What?
- (POP MUSIC PLAYING)
2022
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:55,995
(BEEPING)
2023
01:26:58,680 --> 01:26:59,795
(GRUNTING)
2024
01:27:05,120 --> 01:27:06,633
Oh. Harris is
The Black Badger!
2025
01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:08,438
Harris is The Black Badger!
2026
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:10,909
I knew it. I knew it.
Harris is The Black Badger!
2027
01:27:12,120 --> 01:27:14,236
Bob! Harris is The...
2028
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:15,400
(GUNS COCKING)
2029
01:27:15,720 --> 01:27:16,720
Who is he?
2030
01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:18,160
That's my partner.
2031
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:33,598
I don't like splitting my fees.
2032
01:27:35,280 --> 01:27:38,431
The package. Please.
2033
01:27:39,600 --> 01:27:41,238
Thought you'd never ask.
2034
01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:44,870
Wait! You're making a mistake.
2035
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:48,112
Hello, Bob.
2036
01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:51,392
But you're dead.
2037
01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:53,596
Not as much as people think.
2038
01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:57,113
Look, he's not The Black Badger...
2039
01:27:57,800 --> 01:27:58,800
I am.
2040
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:01,116
And those aren't the encryption codes,
2041
01:28:01,280 --> 01:28:02,599
these are.
2042
01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:03,875
He's lying to you.
2043
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:05,519
This man is a CIA agent,
2044
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,480
and he's trying to sell you bogus plans.
2045
01:28:11,800 --> 01:28:13,358
(GROANING SOFTLY)
2046
01:28:14,720 --> 01:28:15,755
Damn.
2047
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:19,039
Ow, ow.
2048
01:28:22,640 --> 01:28:23,709
He shot me.
2049
01:28:27,640 --> 01:28:29,790
These are the real codes
2050
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:32,232
and I am the real Black Badger.
2051
01:28:36,360 --> 01:28:37,839
(QUIETLY)
Bob is The Black Badger.
2052
01:28:39,520 --> 01:28:40,816
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
Bob is The Black Badger.
2053
01:28:40,840 --> 01:28:42,910
I am The Black Badger.
2054
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,594
Phil?
2055
01:28:45,840 --> 01:28:48,400
No, I'm The Black Badger.
2056
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:51,552
I'm starting to think
I might be The Black Badger.
2057
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:53,079
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2058
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:55,438
Here's the thing.
2059
01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:58,712
I have no idea
who is the real Black Badger.
2060
01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:01,273
And I don't care.
2061
01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:02,959
'Cause I'm The Honey Badger.
2062
01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:05,031
And The Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.
2063
01:29:05,200 --> 01:29:06,792
The Honey Badger's nasty.
2064
01:29:06,960 --> 01:29:09,633
He's so nasty, he'll take them both.
2065
01:29:10,160 --> 01:29:11,480
- (GUNS COCKING)
- Hand them over.
2066
01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:13,915
Phil, when this thing is over,
2067
01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:18,119
I'm going to rip your throat out
like Patrick Swayze in Road House.
2068
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,760
PHIL: Oh, my God. You and Road House.
2069
01:29:19,800 --> 01:29:20,835
Get over that movie.
2070
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:22,758
It sucked then, it sucks now.
2071
01:29:23,280 --> 01:29:24,599
Fuck Patrick Swayze!
2072
01:29:25,600 --> 01:29:26,715
How dare you!
2073
01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:33,439
Drop your weapons!
2074
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:37,350
(MEN GROANING)
2075
01:29:39,200 --> 01:29:40,235
Oh! Oh, shit!
2076
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:53,709
The codes.
2077
01:29:54,120 --> 01:29:55,235
Don't do it.
2078
01:29:55,880 --> 01:29:56,949
Stupid.
2079
01:29:57,400 --> 01:29:58,400
(EXHALES)
2080
01:29:59,400 --> 01:30:00,400
Okay.
2081
01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:01,995
One,
2082
01:30:03,040 --> 01:30:04,040
two,
2083
01:30:05,400 --> 01:30:06,400
three! Shit!
2084
01:30:08,600 --> 01:30:09,715
(CALVIN YELLS)
2085
01:30:11,720 --> 01:30:13,392
Uh-oh! Oh!
2086
01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:14,920
No!
2087
01:30:15,400 --> 01:30:16,515
He's got the codes!
2088
01:30:19,360 --> 01:30:20,360
(GRUNTING)
2089
01:30:22,760 --> 01:30:23,760
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2090
01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:28,512
- (PANTING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
2091
01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:30,640
(GRUNTING)
2092
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,675
- (PANTING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
2093
01:30:39,720 --> 01:30:41,392
(GRUNTING)
2094
01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:48,600
(YELLS)
2095
01:30:51,520 --> 01:30:52,520
Whoo!
2096
01:30:52,960 --> 01:30:54,598
I mean, this is crazy, right?
2097
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:56,256
You stay the hell away from me, Bob!
2098
01:30:56,280 --> 01:30:57,554
You shot me in the neck!
2099
01:31:00,600 --> 01:31:01,600
Jet!
2100
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:03,160
(GROANS)
2101
01:31:15,200 --> 01:31:17,350
(PANTING)
2102
01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:23,915
Okay.
2103
01:31:28,320 --> 01:31:30,470
Golden Jet for the win! (LAUGHS)
2104
01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:33,633
No. Shit!
2105
01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:35,193
Drop your weapon, Bob.
2106
01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:37,400
Oh, shit!
2107
01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:39,118
Get behind me, Mr. Joyner.
2108
01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:40,913
Ah, you don't wanna do that, Jet.
2109
01:31:41,160 --> 01:31:42,434
It's obvious he's the bad guy.
2110
01:31:42,640 --> 01:31:44,216
I'm the good guy. You wanna get behind me.
2111
01:31:44,240 --> 01:31:46,071
Agent Harris had me go dark
2112
01:31:46,240 --> 01:31:49,312
to get Bob to reveal himself
as The Black Badger.
2113
01:31:49,520 --> 01:31:51,256
You don't seriously
believe this guy, do you?
2114
01:31:51,280 --> 01:31:52,440
You wanna get behind me, Jet.
2115
01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:54,318
You betrayed your nation, Bob.
2116
01:31:54,680 --> 01:31:56,989
You betrayed your partner, Phil.
2117
01:31:57,160 --> 01:32:00,516
Okay, no, wait! Everybody just stop!
2118
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:01,715
Cut the shit!
2119
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,918
I'mma cut the line right now!
2120
01:32:04,120 --> 01:32:05,473
I cut the shit!
2121
01:32:05,640 --> 01:32:07,517
Hear me? Now I don't care
who betrayed who.
2122
01:32:07,680 --> 01:32:09,113
Okay? I just don't wanna get hurt!
2123
01:32:09,560 --> 01:32:12,074
- So there ain't gonna be no... Shit!
- (GUNS FIRING)
2124
01:32:20,960 --> 01:32:21,960
(SOFTLY) Come on.
2125
01:32:22,640 --> 01:32:23,640
(GRUNTING)
2126
01:32:37,840 --> 01:32:38,840
Shi...
2127
01:32:43,520 --> 01:32:44,520
(SLOWLY) Shit.
2128
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:55,320
(GROANS)
2129
01:33:00,600 --> 01:33:02,591
(PANTING)
2130
01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:05,310
Smart move, Mr. Joyner.
2131
01:33:05,480 --> 01:33:07,755
You've done your country a great service.
2132
01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,115
Now, hand me the firearm
2133
01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:13,511
and we'll turn over
the satellite codes together.
2134
01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:17,515
Stay right there, man.
Don't you take another step.
2135
01:33:17,760 --> 01:33:20,069
Just because I shot him
does not mean I trust you.
2136
01:33:20,480 --> 01:33:21,629
We don't have time for this.
2137
01:33:21,840 --> 01:33:24,593
- Stop! I said, "Stop."
- (GUN CLICKS)
2138
01:33:25,360 --> 01:33:27,112
Aw, whoopsie.
2139
01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:30,995
(GRUNTS)
2140
01:33:31,320 --> 01:33:33,356
(SCOFFS) Nice throw, bitch.
2141
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:42,596
You wanna know why your pal Bob
could never have been The Black Badger?
2142
01:33:43,760 --> 01:33:45,876
It's because he's too weak.
2143
01:33:46,040 --> 01:33:48,349
And if I had to hear
another goddamned story
2144
01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:51,717
about Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner
2145
01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:54,030
and how awesome you were in high school
2146
01:33:54,200 --> 01:33:56,794
and how you were
this big idiot's best friend,
2147
01:33:56,960 --> 01:33:58,473
(CHUCKLES) I was just gonna lose it.
2148
01:33:59,760 --> 01:34:03,070
Looking at you right now,
you don't seem so cool.
2149
01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:06,716
You just seem like a regular guy.
2150
01:34:07,160 --> 01:34:08,593
An everyday Joe.
2151
01:34:09,480 --> 01:34:13,075
You know, faking my own death
was the easy part.
2152
01:34:13,960 --> 01:34:17,236
But dealing with Bob, day after day,
was the hard part.
2153
01:34:17,400 --> 01:34:18,400
Hey, Phil.
2154
01:34:18,560 --> 01:34:19,629
What, Bob?
2155
01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:22,391
I'll see you on the other side.
2156
01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:25,389
(STUTTERS) No, I hope we don't. All right?
2157
01:34:25,560 --> 01:34:27,118
Just, no. Bye, bye, bye.
2158
01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:28,280
Just go.
2159
01:34:28,440 --> 01:34:31,159
I made up the Black Badger,
rigged up a blood bag
2160
01:34:31,320 --> 01:34:32,480
and that big dummy bought it.
2161
01:34:32,640 --> 01:34:33,789
- Bob!
- (ALARM BLARING)
2162
01:34:34,000 --> 01:34:35,911
No, no! (GRUNTING) Hang on, buddy.
2163
01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:38,040
No, there's some sort of bomb in here.
2164
01:34:38,080 --> 01:34:39,957
You're pushing it closed, I think.
2165
01:34:40,120 --> 01:34:42,190
- No, no, no. Sorry.
- No, don't give up!
2166
01:34:42,400 --> 01:34:43,400
Bye, Bob.
2167
01:34:44,440 --> 01:34:46,749
PHIL: I'm getting away with
a half a billion dollars.
2168
01:34:46,920 --> 01:34:50,356
And Boy Scout Bob is gonna
spend his life in prison.
2169
01:34:50,520 --> 01:34:52,112
Ain't America great?
2170
01:34:52,920 --> 01:34:57,436
So now you're gonna be
the second partner of Bob's to die.
2171
01:34:57,600 --> 01:34:58,600
Just relax.
2172
01:34:58,760 --> 01:35:01,354
On your knees, Golden Jet.
2173
01:35:07,880 --> 01:35:09,233
(GROANS)
2174
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:12,274
What the hell was that?
2175
01:35:14,120 --> 01:35:15,758
Golden Jet flip.
2176
01:35:16,280 --> 01:35:19,192
Yeah? Well, you really suck at it.
2177
01:35:19,400 --> 01:35:20,628
I know.
2178
01:35:20,800 --> 01:35:22,472
Then why'd you do it?
2179
01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:23,640
Distraction.
2180
01:35:23,880 --> 01:35:25,472
(GRUNTS)
2181
01:35:25,760 --> 01:35:27,318
(GASPING)
2182
01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:29,080
Oh, you just pulled his throat out!
2183
01:35:31,480 --> 01:35:33,198
I'll see you on the other side.
2184
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:40,056
Jet, come here.
Give me your hand, old buddy.
2185
01:35:40,080 --> 01:35:41,798
Oh, shit! Get that away from me!
2186
01:35:42,000 --> 01:35:43,149
Sorry, Jet.
2187
01:35:44,200 --> 01:35:46,475
Come here, Jet.
That was a trachea. (GROANS)
2188
01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:48,153
Great distraction, man!
2189
01:35:48,320 --> 01:35:49,753
Sorry I had to shoot you, Jet.
2190
01:35:49,920 --> 01:35:51,638
It was the only way
I could save your life.
2191
01:35:51,800 --> 01:35:53,995
But when you shot me
to get Phil to confess
2192
01:35:54,160 --> 01:35:55,479
that he was The Black Badger,
2193
01:35:55,680 --> 01:35:57,636
that was some next-level-type shit!
2194
01:35:57,800 --> 01:36:01,554
Yeah, no.
I'm glad you see it the way I saw it.
2195
01:36:01,720 --> 01:36:03,676
That was my plan the whole time. So...
2196
01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,512
You are a natural for this line of work.
2197
01:36:05,680 --> 01:36:07,176
I mean, you're smart,
you got the skill set,
2198
01:36:07,200 --> 01:36:08,235
you're a people person
2199
01:36:08,400 --> 01:36:11,676
and you already got a dope-ass code name,
"The Golden Jet!" What?
2200
01:36:11,840 --> 01:36:13,736
But in the meantime,
we gotta get those encryption codes
2201
01:36:13,760 --> 01:36:15,680
over to Harris right away
or we're gonna be late.
2202
01:36:15,840 --> 01:36:18,195
What are you talking about? Late for what?
2203
01:36:20,200 --> 01:36:25,115
The reunion, dude. What-what!
(CHUCKLES) This shit's on!
2204
01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:29,036
Bob. (SIGHS) Damn it.
2205
01:36:30,160 --> 01:36:31,195
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2206
01:36:52,560 --> 01:36:53,560
Bob!
2207
01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:54,720
One more thing.
2208
01:36:54,880 --> 01:36:56,480
Thanks for securing the satellite codes.
2209
01:36:56,640 --> 01:36:58,153
You really saved my ass.
2210
01:36:58,320 --> 01:36:59,389
Your country thanks you.
2211
01:37:00,000 --> 01:37:01,000
Just doing my job.
2212
01:37:01,040 --> 01:37:03,918
I'm really sorry about your hand.
I hope you know that wasn't personal.
2213
01:37:04,080 --> 01:37:05,800
Oh, no hard feelings at all, Pam.
(CHUCKLES)
2214
01:37:06,200 --> 01:37:07,679
Besides, everybody makes mistakes.
2215
01:37:07,880 --> 01:37:09,871
Calvin, here, thought
you were The Black Badger.
2216
01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:11,555
(STAMMERS)
2217
01:37:11,840 --> 01:37:13,080
I don't... No, I don't think...
2218
01:37:13,120 --> 01:37:15,616
When we were in the plane,
you said, "Hey, Harris is the Black..."
2219
01:37:15,640 --> 01:37:17,520
I think you should... Maybe I...
(CLEARS THROAT)
2220
01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:20,553
Mr. Joyner, it was a pleasure
working with you.
2221
01:37:20,720 --> 01:37:23,439
If you ever want a career change,
you give me a call.
2222
01:37:24,160 --> 01:37:26,496
If I were to give you a call,
how would I get in touch with you?
2223
01:37:26,520 --> 01:37:28,351
Just pick up any phone in your house.
2224
01:37:28,520 --> 01:37:29,635
They're all bugged.
2225
01:37:29,920 --> 01:37:30,920
(CHUCKLES)
2226
01:37:31,320 --> 01:37:33,038
You're crazy. Hey, you're crazy!
2227
01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:35,511
(CHUCKLES)
That's a good one.
2228
01:37:35,680 --> 01:37:38,114
Calvin! I got your text
and came right over.
2229
01:37:38,280 --> 01:37:41,397
Where the hell have you been?
Why did you get out of a helicopter?
2230
01:37:41,840 --> 01:37:43,398
Hey, uh, Maggie.
2231
01:37:43,560 --> 01:37:44,675
Uh, hi!
2232
01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:46,712
Babe, why is Dr. Dan with you?
2233
01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:48,155
Well... Uh...
2234
01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:49,873
That's not Dr. Dan.
2235
01:37:50,040 --> 01:37:52,315
Allow me to properly introduce myself.
2236
01:37:52,480 --> 01:37:53,629
My name is Bob Stone,
2237
01:37:54,200 --> 01:37:56,873
the artist formerly known as
Robbie Wheirdicht.
2238
01:37:57,040 --> 01:37:58,075
I work for the CIA.
2239
01:37:58,240 --> 01:38:00,376
I roped your husband
into helping me track down a traitor,
2240
01:38:00,400 --> 01:38:03,198
who was gonna sell
military state secrets to a terrorist.
2241
01:38:03,360 --> 01:38:04,918
We did all that, we stopped them,
2242
01:38:05,080 --> 01:38:07,196
we saved the free world, and here we are.
2243
01:38:07,440 --> 01:38:08,555
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
2244
01:38:09,040 --> 01:38:10,393
What the hell is going on?
2245
01:38:10,560 --> 01:38:12,198
Okay, listen, listen.
2246
01:38:12,400 --> 01:38:14,391
I've been a fool. All right?
2247
01:38:14,560 --> 01:38:16,551
I thought that my life was a failure.
2248
01:38:16,720 --> 01:38:19,029
I thought that it wasn't special.
But it is special.
2249
01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:21,071
It's special because I have you in it.
2250
01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:24,391
You are my world.
You are what makes me special!
2251
01:38:24,960 --> 01:38:27,110
You're everything to me, Mags.
2252
01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:28,554
I love you.
2253
01:38:29,240 --> 01:38:30,389
I love you.
2254
01:38:35,080 --> 01:38:36,080
BOB: Okay.
2255
01:38:37,240 --> 01:38:39,071
Here come the waterworks.
2256
01:38:39,240 --> 01:38:41,231
I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
2257
01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:45,751
- Come on, come on.
- Okay.
2258
01:38:48,720 --> 01:38:50,438
- That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah.
2259
01:38:50,600 --> 01:38:53,433
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2260
01:39:12,800 --> 01:39:13,994
- Hi, Brian.
- Hi, Gail.
2261
01:39:14,160 --> 01:39:16,276
Guys, this isn't a good idea.
You know what?
2262
01:39:16,440 --> 01:39:18,749
I'll just meet you later.
I shouldn't have come.
2263
01:39:18,920 --> 01:39:19,920
Wait, wait, wait.
2264
01:39:20,080 --> 01:39:23,117
Bob, calm down, okay? Listen to me.
2265
01:39:23,280 --> 01:39:25,776
Tonight is not gonna be
how high school was for you 20 years ago.
2266
01:39:25,800 --> 01:39:26,994
I promise.
2267
01:39:27,160 --> 01:39:29,628
HOSTESS: Attention, por favor.
2268
01:39:29,840 --> 01:39:30,989
And now,
2269
01:39:31,160 --> 01:39:33,799
for the moment
you've all been waiting for,
2270
01:39:33,960 --> 01:39:38,511
tonight's vote for the reunion
homecoming king and queen!
2271
01:39:38,680 --> 01:39:40,352
We'll announce the queen in one moment.
2272
01:39:40,520 --> 01:39:42,954
But first, without further ado...
2273
01:39:43,480 --> 01:39:45,311
The new homecoming king
2274
01:39:45,480 --> 01:39:49,155
for the Central High School Centaurs,
Class of 1996 is...
2275
01:39:49,480 --> 01:39:50,674
I really gotta pee, Jet.
2276
01:39:50,840 --> 01:39:52,319
Bob Stone!
2277
01:39:52,480 --> 01:39:53,520
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
2278
01:39:54,840 --> 01:39:56,398
Do we have a Bob Stone?
2279
01:39:56,560 --> 01:39:58,869
Here he is, Bob Stone, huh!
2280
01:39:59,600 --> 01:40:00,760
- Yeah!
- (SCATTERED CLAPPING)
2281
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,876
Go on, get your rock-hard ass up there.
2282
01:40:04,600 --> 01:40:05,600
For reals?
2283
01:40:05,760 --> 01:40:07,910
For reals, for reals. Go ahead, man.
2284
01:40:08,520 --> 01:40:09,520
Whoo!
2285
01:40:09,760 --> 01:40:11,273
You did it, big guy!
2286
01:40:12,000 --> 01:40:14,070
(SCATTERED CLAPPING)
2287
01:40:14,560 --> 01:40:16,278
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
2288
01:40:17,280 --> 01:40:20,352
How did Bob Stone win homecoming king?
2289
01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:22,915
I hacked into the votes on the flight in.
2290
01:40:23,120 --> 01:40:26,078
Calvin Joyner, forensic accountant,
at your service.
2291
01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,280
(CHUCKLES)
2292
01:40:27,440 --> 01:40:29,749
I had no idea you could do that.
2293
01:40:30,520 --> 01:40:33,637
There's a lot of things
that you don't know about me, Maggie.
2294
01:40:34,240 --> 01:40:35,400
No, scratch that I said that.
2295
01:40:35,560 --> 01:40:37,256
It was supposed to
come out cool. It didn't.
2296
01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:38,656
It was something I thought of,
it was like a...
2297
01:40:38,680 --> 01:40:39,715
Forget it.
2298
01:40:41,120 --> 01:40:42,951
TREVOR: Well, well, let's hear it for him!
2299
01:40:43,120 --> 01:40:44,599
Fat Robbie made good.
2300
01:40:44,760 --> 01:40:48,036
King Robbie Weird Dick, our naked mascot.
2301
01:40:48,680 --> 01:40:50,376
Why don't you just
get out of the way, Trevor?
2302
01:40:50,400 --> 01:40:51,719
Or what, Golden Jet?
2303
01:40:51,880 --> 01:40:53,256
You're gonna hop up here
and punch me in the belt?
2304
01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:54,395
Simmer down, Ant-Man.
2305
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:56,790
- You know what? That's it. That's it.
- It's okay.
2306
01:40:56,960 --> 01:40:58,136
- It's all right.
- No, I've had it!
2307
01:40:58,160 --> 01:40:59,752
- I got it, Jet. It's okay.
- It's okay.
2308
01:40:59,920 --> 01:41:01,035
I'll handle it.
2309
01:41:01,320 --> 01:41:05,233
Whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'm not buying
this whole transformation
2310
01:41:05,400 --> 01:41:06,992
from ugly duckling into swan.
2311
01:41:07,200 --> 01:41:08,200
No one in here is.
2312
01:41:08,360 --> 01:41:11,796
You can fly in, in a bunch of helicopters
and dress up in a thousand suits,
2313
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:15,595
but to everybody, including me,
you'll always just be the fat kid.
2314
01:41:15,920 --> 01:41:17,558
(LAUGHTER)
2315
01:41:18,880 --> 01:41:20,600
I've been thinking
about this a lot, Trevor.
2316
01:41:21,520 --> 01:41:23,112
And the only thing I want to say to you
2317
01:41:23,760 --> 01:41:24,760
is I forgive you.
2318
01:41:25,320 --> 01:41:27,834
You forgive me! Oh, boy! For what?
2319
01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:29,513
For being rad as shit.
2320
01:41:29,680 --> 01:41:30,874
Fuck you, fat boy.
2321
01:41:31,080 --> 01:41:32,560
Still a scared little bitch. (GROANS)
2322
01:41:32,680 --> 01:41:34,079
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
2323
01:41:36,800 --> 01:41:37,994
I don't like bullies.
2324
01:41:38,400 --> 01:41:39,799
(CROWD CHEERING)
2325
01:41:41,800 --> 01:41:44,030
And the name is Bob Stone, bitch!
2326
01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:45,360
Whoo-whoo!
2327
01:41:46,000 --> 01:41:47,399
Come on, baby. Step over.
2328
01:41:51,360 --> 01:41:52,509
Hi, everybody!
2329
01:41:53,480 --> 01:41:56,950
Most of you knew me back in high school as
2330
01:41:57,920 --> 01:41:59,399
Robbie Wheirdicht.
2331
01:41:59,600 --> 01:42:01,511
- MAN 1: That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- No way!
2332
01:42:01,680 --> 01:42:03,716
I wore prescription pants every day.
2333
01:42:05,800 --> 01:42:08,030
Twenty years ago, in this gym,
2334
01:42:09,240 --> 01:42:11,196
I stood in front of you all
2335
01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:13,155
naked
2336
01:42:13,880 --> 01:42:15,279
and embarrassed.
2337
01:42:16,240 --> 01:42:18,151
Some of you might remember that day.
2338
01:42:19,360 --> 01:42:21,476
A lot of you probably even laughed.
2339
01:42:22,480 --> 01:42:24,118
But that's okay.
2340
01:42:25,240 --> 01:42:27,834
Tonight's gonna be different because
2341
01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:31,072
my best friend is here with me.
2342
01:42:33,240 --> 01:42:38,394
And he taught me what it means
to be the hero of your own story.
2343
01:42:41,160 --> 01:42:42,560
Would you hold this for me, please?
2344
01:42:44,240 --> 01:42:46,151
Being the hero of your own story
2345
01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:50,677
isn't about stopping bad guys
or climbing mountains.
2346
01:42:50,840 --> 01:42:53,957
It's about overcoming bullies
in your life,
2347
01:42:54,120 --> 01:42:57,032
whatever or whomever they may be.
2348
01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:00,673
It's about putting it all out there
2349
01:43:01,360 --> 01:43:02,395
for everyone
2350
01:43:03,760 --> 01:43:04,909
to see.
2351
01:43:05,760 --> 01:43:07,591
And it's realizing that, in life,
2352
01:43:07,760 --> 01:43:10,115
the most important thing that you can be
2353
01:43:11,240 --> 01:43:12,309
is yourself.
2354
01:43:13,080 --> 01:43:17,392
So, Central High, Class of 1996,
2355
01:43:18,360 --> 01:43:21,238
this is me, Robbie Wheirdicht.
2356
01:43:23,440 --> 01:43:25,078
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
2357
01:43:30,440 --> 01:43:31,714
(GASPING)
2358
01:43:32,520 --> 01:43:35,114
Oh, my God! Bob just went commando!
2359
01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:38,552
Yes! Yes!
2360
01:43:39,640 --> 01:43:41,153
(CHEERING)
2361
01:43:43,000 --> 01:43:44,592
CALVIN: Way to go, Bob!
2362
01:43:45,480 --> 01:43:46,708
Be you!
2363
01:43:47,240 --> 01:43:49,310
(CHANTING) Robbie!
Robbie! Robbie!
2364
01:43:49,480 --> 01:43:52,472
ALL: Robbie! Robbie! Robbie!
2365
01:43:58,000 --> 01:43:59,149
- Hey, man!
- (LAUGHS)
2366
01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:01,515
Dude, this is amazing!
I'm so happy for you!
2367
01:44:01,680 --> 01:44:03,398
Thank you, Jet! I feel so free!
2368
01:44:03,920 --> 01:44:04,955
- Come here.
- No, no, no.
2369
01:44:05,120 --> 01:44:06,872
Your junk is out.
2370
01:44:07,240 --> 01:44:09,800
- Oh. Sorry, Jet.
- Excuse me.
2371
01:44:12,240 --> 01:44:13,593
Hi, Robbie.
2372
01:44:14,680 --> 01:44:16,750
- You probably don't remember me.
- Darla.
2373
01:44:18,000 --> 01:44:20,036
- Is that Darla McGuckian?
- Yeah.
2374
01:44:20,200 --> 01:44:22,475
Wow! She looks great!
2375
01:44:22,840 --> 01:44:24,240
Didn't she used to have a lazy eye?
2376
01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,719
- Two of them.
- Wow.
2377
01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:27,950
I can't believe you remember me.
2378
01:44:28,120 --> 01:44:29,599
Remember you?
2379
01:44:29,760 --> 01:44:31,318
How could I forget you?
2380
01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:35,788
You still have the same sweet smile,
the same sweet face.
2381
01:44:36,360 --> 01:44:39,193
But your hair's changed.
You used to wear it curlier.
2382
01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,588
I like it though.
2383
01:44:41,040 --> 01:44:42,678
You haven't changed at all.
2384
01:44:42,880 --> 01:44:44,393
Oh, I don't know.
2385
01:44:50,520 --> 01:44:52,351
You're still as beautiful as ever.
2386
01:44:52,680 --> 01:44:53,680
Oh.
2387
01:44:55,800 --> 01:44:57,392
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
2388
01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,758
- Yeah, Bob!
- Go, Bob!
2389
01:45:05,760 --> 01:45:07,239
No, no, no.
2390
01:45:07,640 --> 01:45:09,471
(ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING)
2391
01:45:14,480 --> 01:45:16,550
Oh, I got spinny.
2392
01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:18,557
Super spinny.
2393
01:45:21,160 --> 01:45:22,957
Yeah, that's nice.
2394
01:45:23,640 --> 01:45:26,393
- Can I take you to get ice-cream...
- Yes.
2395
01:45:27,240 --> 01:45:29,231
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
2396
01:45:29,840 --> 01:45:32,832
Super lactose intolerant, but that's okay.
Let's roll the dice.
2397
01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:34,913
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2398
01:45:35,840 --> 01:45:36,840
That's my jam!
2399
01:45:37,000 --> 01:45:38,040
Go show them what you got.
2400
01:45:38,240 --> 01:45:40,071
- All right, Darla.
- Okay.
2401
01:45:40,400 --> 01:45:42,391
Darla, hi. Calvin.
2402
01:45:42,600 --> 01:45:44,238
Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you.
2403
01:45:44,840 --> 01:45:46,751
- Calvin.
- And Maggie.
2404
01:45:46,920 --> 01:45:48,592
Maggie, hi!
2405
01:45:48,760 --> 01:45:51,069
Hi. You look so good.
2406
01:45:51,280 --> 01:45:53,589
- My gosh, you look the same.
- You do too.
2407
01:45:53,760 --> 01:45:54,760
Oh, I don't know.
2408
01:45:54,920 --> 01:45:57,036
You probably remember me
as The Golden Jet.
2409
01:45:57,240 --> 01:45:59,834
Your name's Golden Jeff? Hi, Jeff.
2410
01:46:00,600 --> 01:46:02,272
It's okay. Good to see you.
2411
01:46:04,000 --> 01:46:05,520
(BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN" ' BY EN VOGUE)
2412
01:46:05,680 --> 01:46:08,114
- Good going, Bob!
- Come on, Bob!
2413
01:46:08,480 --> 01:46:10,198
(ALL CHEERING)
2414
01:46:23,840 --> 01:46:25,353
- All right.
- Good luck!
2415
01:46:25,560 --> 01:46:26,788
- Love you.
- I love you.
2416
01:46:26,960 --> 01:46:28,837
I love you, too, little Golden Jet!
2417
01:46:29,000 --> 01:46:30,000
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2418
01:46:31,520 --> 01:46:32,520
Mmm...
2419
01:46:32,680 --> 01:46:33,749
Okay. Uh...
2420
01:46:34,840 --> 01:46:36,398
How long do you think he's been there?
2421
01:46:37,160 --> 01:46:38,957
MAGGIE: Hmm, probably since last night.
2422
01:46:39,560 --> 01:46:41,000
All right, babe, I'll see you later.
2423
01:46:41,160 --> 01:46:42,878
Have fun with your friend!
2424
01:46:48,480 --> 01:46:49,480
(MOUTHING) Who, me?
2425
01:46:49,640 --> 01:46:50,914
Yes, you.
2426
01:47:00,120 --> 01:47:01,439
(LAUGHS) Wow, Jet!
2427
01:47:01,640 --> 01:47:03,312
You look amazing!
2428
01:47:03,520 --> 01:47:05,272
- Do you think?
- Oh, what? Yes!
2429
01:47:05,480 --> 01:47:07,311
I just didn't know
the kind of look to go for
2430
01:47:07,520 --> 01:47:08,656
on my first day at the agency.
2431
01:47:08,680 --> 01:47:10,716
You look like a black Will Smith,
or something.
2432
01:47:10,920 --> 01:47:12,600
Okay, I'm not sure
if that's racist or not,
2433
01:47:12,760 --> 01:47:13,936
but I'll take it as a compliment.
2434
01:47:13,960 --> 01:47:15,359
All right, cool. Yeah, come on!
2435
01:47:15,520 --> 01:47:16,669
Okay. (LAUGHS)
2436
01:47:17,320 --> 01:47:18,514
All right. Don't be nervous.
2437
01:47:18,680 --> 01:47:20,520
You are gonna do great.
They're gonna love you!
2438
01:47:20,600 --> 01:47:21,999
Oh, Jet, Jet, Jet!
2439
01:47:22,200 --> 01:47:23,320
Um, before we go, man, uh...
2440
01:47:24,760 --> 01:47:25,875
I got a surprise for you.
2441
01:47:27,120 --> 01:47:29,031
Okay. What's the surprise?
2442
01:47:29,200 --> 01:47:31,839
Well, you gotta close your eyes first.
2443
01:47:33,520 --> 01:47:34,669
Eyes are closed.
2444
01:47:34,880 --> 01:47:35,880
No peeking.
2445
01:47:41,360 --> 01:47:42,509
Open your eyes.
2446
01:47:46,840 --> 01:47:49,195
Is that my... Is that my jacket?
2447
01:47:49,360 --> 01:47:50,395
Yes!
2448
01:47:50,560 --> 01:47:52,551
- Bob, is that my jacket?
- Yes!
2449
01:47:52,720 --> 01:47:54,153
- No, wait a minute.
- Yes!
2450
01:47:54,360 --> 01:47:56,032
Oh, my God!
2451
01:47:56,400 --> 01:47:57,656
Dude, where'd you get this from?
2452
01:47:57,680 --> 01:48:01,309
Well, I sleep in it most nights,
but it's clean now, totally good. Yeah!
2453
01:48:01,480 --> 01:48:04,074
Man! You are the man! Yes!
2454
01:48:04,240 --> 01:48:07,118
- Family hug! What?
- Ooh. Okay.
2455
01:48:09,200 --> 01:48:10,315
All right, let's go!
2456
01:48:10,480 --> 01:48:11,799
- Okay.
- All right.
2457
01:48:12,040 --> 01:48:14,554
("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING)
2458
01:48:26,200 --> 01:48:28,156
- You still ride?
- (ALARM BLARING)
2459
01:48:28,680 --> 01:48:30,910
DIRECTOR: Cut! The fire department's here.
2460
01:48:31,200 --> 01:48:33,589
All right. That's our cue, guys!
2461
01:48:34,520 --> 01:48:36,400
BOTH: Here we are
shooting Central Intelligence.
2462
01:48:36,440 --> 01:48:38,351
They shut us down.
The fire trucks are out here.
2463
01:48:38,520 --> 01:48:40,336
- Shut the fuck up!
- Will you get the fuck out of my video?
2464
01:48:40,360 --> 01:48:41,496
I'mma slap the dogshit out of you.
2465
01:48:41,520 --> 01:48:42,656
Why do you do your video behind me?
2466
01:48:42,680 --> 01:48:44,016
- I'm trying to do my video!
- This is my video!
2467
01:48:44,040 --> 01:48:45,656
- You're in my fucking video!
- I'm pissed off.
2468
01:48:45,680 --> 01:48:47,296
Watch your mouth,
I'll slap the shit out of you.
2469
01:48:47,320 --> 01:48:48,320
Fuck you!
2470
01:48:49,280 --> 01:48:51,794
Okay. You have it your way.
2471
01:48:52,760 --> 01:48:54,751
You leave me no choice.
2472
01:48:56,040 --> 01:48:57,040
Pam...
2473
01:48:57,200 --> 01:48:58,200
(LAUGHING)
2474
01:48:58,360 --> 01:48:59,360
Tickler! Tickler!
2475
01:48:59,520 --> 01:49:02,034
Where are the codes? Where are the codes?
2476
01:49:03,040 --> 01:49:04,519
(CHUCKLES) It's just nice.
2477
01:49:06,200 --> 01:49:08,760
In here and it's kind of all...
2478
01:49:09,080 --> 01:49:10,080
(LAUGHING)
2479
01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:11,679
- Oh, my God.
- Sorry.
2480
01:49:13,720 --> 01:49:15,517
(ALL LAUGHING)
2481
01:49:16,280 --> 01:49:17,633
- Can you do both?
- Yeah.
2482
01:49:18,000 --> 01:49:19,115
- (EXCLAIMS)
- Oh, my God!
2483
01:49:19,560 --> 01:49:20,788
(ALL LAUGHING)
2484
01:49:22,360 --> 01:49:24,157
It's called "soul gazing."
2485
01:49:24,320 --> 01:49:27,869
Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
2486
01:49:28,080 --> 01:49:29,520
- Come in. Shh.
- You're not my wife!
2487
01:49:29,680 --> 01:49:31,079
Oh, that's it.
2488
01:49:31,560 --> 01:49:32,675
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2489
01:49:32,960 --> 01:49:34,359
- Bob, I'm gonna...
- Shh.
2490
01:49:35,480 --> 01:49:37,240
- I promise you'll never...
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
2491
01:49:38,160 --> 01:49:39,832
Let's keep on, keep on.
2492
01:49:40,000 --> 01:49:41,400
DIRECTOR: Okay, for real this time.
2493
01:49:42,160 --> 01:49:44,151
It's for real.
This is for real, guys, yeah.
2494
01:49:44,680 --> 01:49:45,795
- That's it!
- Oh.
2495
01:49:45,960 --> 01:49:47,473
One more. Come on.
2496
01:49:47,680 --> 01:49:48,936
- I can't do this, I'm not...
- Shh.
2497
01:49:48,960 --> 01:49:51,633
Oh, my God. I've fucking had it.
2498
01:49:51,800 --> 01:49:52,936
Lock it! We're professionals.
2499
01:49:52,960 --> 01:49:54,880
- This is what we do. You ready?
- Come on, baby!
2500
01:49:54,920 --> 01:49:56,638
I'm gonna hit you. I told you!
2501
01:49:56,800 --> 01:49:57,994
- Fuck!
- (CREW LAUGHING)
2502
01:49:59,960 --> 01:50:00,960
Are you not a super tool?
2503
01:50:01,120 --> 01:50:03,395
You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
2504
01:50:04,120 --> 01:50:05,776
- (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up.
- So what?
2505
01:50:05,800 --> 01:50:07,320
- It's not real.
- What does that mean?
2506
01:50:07,440 --> 01:50:11,319
(STAMMERS) What, you think Mr. T and Sting
2507
01:50:11,480 --> 01:50:12,708
and The Rock...
2508
01:50:12,880 --> 01:50:14,359
You think those guys are real?
2509
01:50:14,520 --> 01:50:17,512
That's a bunch of dumbass nicknames
by a bunch of dumbass people.
2510
01:50:17,680 --> 01:50:19,159
(ALL LAUGHING)
2511
01:50:21,680 --> 01:50:23,159
("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING)
2512
01:56:02,720 --> 01:56:03,994
BOB: Fanny!
183660
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