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1
00:00:03,633 --> 00:00:05,833
(male narrator)
Previously, on a very
special Clone High...
2
00:00:05,833 --> 00:00:08,167
Cleo was left alone,
3
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:12,133
and Gandhi's misbehavior
made him the class clone.
4
00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:13,567
See what I did there?
5
00:00:13,567 --> 00:00:15,600
That wasn't just a rhyme;
it was a play on words.
6
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,767
Get used to it.
7
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,300
I do that sort of thing
all the time.
8
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,933
My friends call me pun dog.
9
00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,833
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s
10
00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:27,767
* Secret government employees
11
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:30,667
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *
12
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,700
* And made amusing
genetic copies *
13
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,500
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *
14
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,333
* They're gonna make it
if they try *
15
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:42,233
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *
16
00:00:42,233 --> 00:00:48,567
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *
17
00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:51,300
* Clone High
18
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:57,000
* Clone High
19
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,633
[rock music]
20
00:00:58,633 --> 00:00:59,833
[all speaking at once]
21
00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:02,800
[loud screeching]
22
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:07,367
This is Principal Scudworth
with an important announcement.
23
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,533
The PXJT is upon us!
24
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,633
[pencil clatters]
25
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:16,067
Fail the PXJT and your life
will be ruined forever!
26
00:01:17,633 --> 00:01:20,500
But win or lose, remember,
27
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,067
the most important thing
in life
28
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:26,633
is to use
a number two pencil.
29
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:29,533
[growling] Number two.
30
00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:31,167
Good luck and good day.
31
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,067
[loud screeching]
32
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,900
[grunts]
33
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:38,300
[crying]
34
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,333
[gasps]
35
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,833
Here, let me help you.
36
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,400
Abe, it's the PXJTs.
37
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,467
Everyone expects me to ace them
and get into Clone State,
38
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,800
but ever since I broke up
with JFK for real again,
39
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,100
there's no one
to provide me
40
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,167
with emotional
and physical support.
41
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,367
[tender acoustic music]
42
00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:58,367
Is there any way
I can help you emotionally...
43
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,600
or physically?
44
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,700
I guess I could use
a study buddy for the PXJTs.
45
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,600
Great! I'll go pick up
some flash cards at lunch.
46
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,833
You're so great, Abe.
47
00:02:09,833 --> 00:02:11,767
And would you get me a latte
on your way back?
48
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:13,733
That would rock.
49
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,067
Nonfat, 'kay?
50
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:18,167
[rock music]
51
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:21,067
This is a very tough time
for me.
52
00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:23,900
Without Cleo,
I'm a broken man.
53
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,833
Hey, let's all go swimming
in my pool.
54
00:02:27,833 --> 00:02:30,067
And by "pool,"
I mean "bathtub."
55
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,567
And by "swimming,"
I mean "sex!"
56
00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:36,867
That PXJT crap is useless
in the real world.
57
00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:39,633
Everything I need to know
I learned on the streets.
58
00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:41,767
- So you suck at taking tests?
- Yeah.
59
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,067
You could take a prep course.
60
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:45,400
School after school?
No way.
61
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,100
I mean, one school's enough
for the G man,
62
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,567
but two schools
is like, "What?"
63
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:50,667
Oh, here comes Abe.
64
00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:52,167
Quick, pretend I said
something funny.
65
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,500
Oh.
Hey, you just farted?
66
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,067
That's hilarious!
You farted!
67
00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:58,300
[thud]
Ow!
68
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,400
I haven't slept
in two days.
69
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,067
Abe, the PXJTs are coming up.
You need sleep.
70
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,367
Come on, Joan.
71
00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:06,067
I've got a list
of a million things to do.
72
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:09,733
Sleep ought to be the number one
thing on that list, pal.
73
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,433
[slurps]
74
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:14,267
I was in my 18-wheeler
late one night...
75
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,667
[slurps]
76
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,300
Right about the sleepy hour...
77
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,300
[slurps]
78
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,533
When I come upon a cop car
79
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,633
swerving around
in the suicide lane.
80
00:03:23,633 --> 00:03:26,300
And I could tell he was
too sleepy to be driving
81
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,700
right then and there.
82
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,700
[slurps]
83
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,733
So I get up next to him
84
00:03:30,733 --> 00:03:33,500
and try to guide him
off the road with my rig.
85
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:34,900
[truck bangs]
86
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:38,267
But I cut it a little too hard
and sent that cop sailing
87
00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:39,700
right off a cliff.
88
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:42,633
[laughing]
89
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,667
Did you kill him?
90
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,867
Kill him?
91
00:03:48,867 --> 00:03:51,300
I saved his life.
92
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:53,667
Course, he's a cripple now.
93
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,700
[slurps]
94
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:57,067
Dang.
95
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:58,867
Is that your rig?
Sweet!
96
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,967
Man, trucking
must be the life.
97
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:03,333
Whizzing in a bottle,
solving mysteries,
98
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,700
not having to take
the PXJTs all the time.
99
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,233
[spitting]
100
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:11,300
Did you say PXJTs?
101
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,500
[slurps]
102
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,067
Bubala, you haven't
touched your kugel.
103
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,433
Don't crowd the boy!
104
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,833
Can't you see he's worried
about the PXJTs?
105
00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:22,567
Mom, Dad, I'm at
a turning point in life,
106
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:25,400
and today I've made
a life-changing decision
107
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,700
based on very poor information.
108
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,400
I'm going to be a trucker.
109
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,900
I'm going to hang myself.
110
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:35,967
I have no son!
111
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:38,600
(Mom)
I'm getting out
the good noose!
112
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,333
(Shadowy Figure)
First off,
we want to thank you
113
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,533
for your help
with our conspiracy.
114
00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,100
(Principal Scudworth)
Sure!
115
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:47,767
Kids will be buying number two
pencils by the bucket load!
116
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,733
[laughing maniacally]
117
00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,133
Why are we doing this again?
118
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:55,067
(Scangrade)
Infidel!
119
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:59,633
It is I,
Scangrade the Magnificent,
120
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,367
a test grading/
world domination device.
121
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,233
The PXJTs were created
to provide me
122
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,367
with my energy source--
123
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:09,067
lead from the number two pencil.
124
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:10,933
After over 50 years of testing,
125
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:13,400
his power will finally
be great enough to...
126
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,367
Take over the world!
127
00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:20,267
[electronic voice] Oh, yeah.
That's a great [bleep] idea.
128
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:22,933
Mr. B!
Language!
129
00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:26,467
Mr. B,
I hardly recognized you.
130
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:29,233
I see you've put
on some weight.
131
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,100
It's so cool, Joan.
132
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,833
Cleo and I
are getting really close.
133
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,733
Abe, your cart.
It's rolling!
134
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:40,600
Abe, It's gonna hit
that Animal Cracker display!
135
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,800
Abe, it's moving
really slowly!
136
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,500
Just step forward
and grab the handle, Abe!
137
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,500
[dramatic music]
138
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,233
*
139
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:52,233
[cart taps]
140
00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,667
[boxes thud]
141
00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:57,067
Abe, you're too tired
to be grocery shopping.
142
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,467
Your reflexes are shot.
143
00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:00,733
My reflexes are fine.
144
00:06:00,733 --> 00:06:03,667
In three seconds, I'm going
to slap you across the face.
145
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,167
Oof!
146
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,433
You have a problem!
147
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:12,200
You see,
I have a secret, Abe,
148
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,733
and it's time I told you
that secret.
149
00:06:16,733 --> 00:06:17,767
Oh, I can't!
150
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:20,300
It's such a big secret!
151
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,667
Perhaps I'll tell you later.
152
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,500
All I can say right now
is you need to sleep.
153
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,400
I don't take orders
from you or anyone.
154
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,567
[cell phone rings]
155
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:30,400
Hi, Cleo.
Sure, I'll take your order.
156
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,733
Spicy tuna roll,
California roll.
157
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,367
Okay.
Got it.
158
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:37,067
Yeah, yeah, oh, I always ask
for more ginger.
159
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,200
Now I'm getting in the car.
160
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,667
You can't drive!
161
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,267
What if there had been
real animals inside this box?
162
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:47,067
Yeah, Joan, I'm gonna crash
into a big box of animals.
163
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:49,567
All right,
that's the last one.
164
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:52,133
Literally all the pandas
in existence
165
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:55,300
are on this truck,
so be extra careful
166
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,300
and watch out for drivers
that are sleepy...
167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,067
[echoing]
Sleepy...
168
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,633
(man on radio)
[suavely] Oh, yeah, baby.
169
00:07:01,633 --> 00:07:05,200
You're listening to KSLP,
the quiet storm--
170
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,267
monotonous jams
that get inside your head
171
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:10,233
and make you less alert.
172
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,967
[screaming]
173
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,700
[all screaming]
174
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,367
[tires screeching]
175
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,600
[truck horn blaring]
176
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,400
[rock music]
177
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,967
Cleo, I almost hit
a truckload of pandas.
178
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,967
Oh, my God!
179
00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:30,600
You didn't take my cat
to the speech therapist?
180
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,600
No, Cleo.
181
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,467
This was a wake-up call,
182
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:36,467
a wake-up call
about needing to sleep.
183
00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:39,433
I'm so sorry you need to sleep,
'cause tonight I was hoping
184
00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:41,867
we could spend
the night together.
185
00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:44,933
You know, pull an all-nighter
studying for the PXJTs tomorrow?
186
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:46,267
But if you can't stay up,
187
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,100
I'm sure there's
someone else who can.
188
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,567
I can stay up
all night long!
189
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:55,267
I accentuated the "up"
and also the "long"
190
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,400
for what I hope
are obvious reasons.
191
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,633
So let's get back together
and bone up on the PXJTs!
192
00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:03,867
Ha-ha!
193
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:06,100
[whispering] Guess what
the P stands for.
194
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,200
Penis!
195
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,467
[guffaws]
196
00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,133
Wait, wait, when I said
that I needed sleep,
197
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:12,067
I meant that I didn't
need sleep.
198
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,133
Great!
199
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:16,467
Then we'll do it
at my place.
200
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:21,100
Oh, Mr. Butlertron, I've become
a pencil pusher, literally!
201
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,300
[giggling]
202
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,067
Remind me to send that one
to Leno.
203
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:28,367
Yeah, [bleep] hilarious.
204
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,667
Mr. B, what's your damage?
205
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,467
Ever since Scangrade got here,
206
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:34,867
you've been acting
like such a little bitch-bot.
207
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:38,700
That Scangrade is just
such a mother[bleep] showboat.
208
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:41,833
He's been this way
since Amherst.
209
00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:43,533
Infidels!
210
00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:49,133
It is I,
Scangrade the Magnificent!
211
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:50,467
[cackles]
212
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:52,667
Oh, hello, B.
213
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,867
That's a nice apron
you're wearing.
214
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,133
I believe Mrs. Scangrade
has the same one at home.
215
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:02,600
[cackling]
216
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,533
Man, this is
so much more fun
217
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:07,567
than studying
for those wack PXJTs.
218
00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:09,767
Hey, let's pick up
some lady hitchhikers, huh?
219
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,867
Gandhi, being a trucker's
not just about sleeping
220
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:14,567
with random women.
221
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:18,267
I mean, that's
a huge part of it.
222
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,633
It's also about making choices,
223
00:09:20,633 --> 00:09:23,233
multiple choices.
224
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:25,700
You mean, like, which
random women to sleep with?
225
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,167
Bingo.
226
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,533
Let's say our truck
leaves Chicago at 9:00 a.m.
227
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:32,167
traveling east
at 50 miles per hour.
228
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:35,100
Lonely housewife in Boston,
900 miles away,
229
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,900
travels west
at 65 miles per hour.
230
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,867
That's a guaranteed Bravo Juliet
for the both of us.
231
00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:44,467
But where and when, Gandhi?
Where and when?
232
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:45,567
[murmuring]
Let's see.
233
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:49,367
Conneaut, Ohio.
5:33 p.m.
234
00:09:49,367 --> 00:09:50,633
Step on it!
235
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,367
Cleo, we need to talk.
236
00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:54,667
Abe's not sleeping.
237
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,433
You got to cut down
on his hours, capisce?
238
00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:59,100
Somebody's jealous.
239
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:02,700
Normally, yes, but there's
something you don't know, Cleo,
240
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,067
something that happened,
241
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,200
something personal.
242
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,467
It happened to me...
243
00:10:08,467 --> 00:10:09,667
personally.
244
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,133
But there's no time
to explain that now,
245
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,167
because we need to help Abe!
246
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,833
[mocking] Because we
need to help Abe.
247
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,767
Phew, ch-ooh, boy,
248
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,167
I don't know if I want
a hamburger, a hot dog,
249
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:22,567
chili, or all of the above.
250
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,833
Can you eliminate
two of the options?
251
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,800
If you can, just go ahead
and take a guess.
252
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,867
Chances are,
that's what you wanted.
253
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:34,200
It makes sense
because it's real.
254
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,067
[groaning]
255
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:38,400
So here's what I was thinking.
256
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,700
You'll read the prep book to me
while I catch some shut-eye.
257
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,933
But...I was
kind of hoping we could--
258
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,400
I can't wait
until this test is over.
259
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,967
We'll finally have
some time just to talk
260
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,333
and snuggle and stuff.
261
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,500
Chapter one....
262
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,533
[whirring]
263
00:10:52,533 --> 00:11:00,067
Pi equals 3.141592659589793...
264
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:01,967
The end.
265
00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:05,300
Oh, morning.
266
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:06,533
Huh.
267
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,367
I don't think
I retained anything.
268
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:12,367
[energetic rock music]
269
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,433
*
270
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:15,633
[air brakes hiss]
271
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,833
What are we doing here?
272
00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:19,733
Dropping off
some precious cargo.
273
00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,467
What?
What is it?
274
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,467
Your future, Gandhi.
275
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:24,733
Oh, man.
276
00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:26,233
You mean there's nothing
on this truck
277
00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,133
but a stinking metaphor?
278
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,633
I expected more veracity
279
00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,933
from such a sagacious hauler
of commodities.
280
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:33,067
[gasps]
281
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,233
Oh, my God.
282
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:37,333
Those were some bona fide
PXJT words.
283
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,067
[slurps]
284
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,633
Now if you'll excuse me,
I just ate a chili dog,
285
00:11:42,633 --> 00:11:45,633
so I got to drop off
some more precious cargo.
286
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:48,600
[twangy musical flourish]
287
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,200
(Principal Scudworth)
Students, I hope you've all
288
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,333
come prepared
with number two pencils.
289
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,133
[giggles]
290
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,800
Mr. B, no one suspects
the slightest.
291
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,300
[echoing]
Slightest...
292
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,067
Abe, did you get
any sleep?
293
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:05,367
[groaning]
294
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:06,367
Yipe!
295
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,667
All-nighter with Cleo.
296
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,967
[groans]
PXJTs important.
297
00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:14,633
[gasps]
Must not listen to body.
298
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,333
[chattering]
299
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,767
[thud]
300
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,767
[ominous music]
301
00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:26,067
*
302
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:30,200
[pencil shattering]
303
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,700
Hmm?
304
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,700
[whispers] Abe.
305
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,533
Abe.
306
00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:37,067
[screeching whisper]
Abe!
307
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:39,633
[pencils scratching]
308
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,700
Come out, Abe.
We need to talk.
309
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:45,900
(Abe)
No!
310
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,400
I slept through
the whole PXJT!
311
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,233
I just need
to date a guy
312
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:52,067
who's gonna get in
to Clone State.
313
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:55,200
Cleo, did you see me
on that test?
314
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,667
I smoked it.
315
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,133
I can't wait
to see my time.
316
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:00,233
(Abe)
Beat it, JFK.
317
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:01,267
The girl is mine.
318
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:04,900
No, no.
The doggone girl is mine!
319
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,833
We appear to be
at an impasse.
320
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:11,100
Then we'll settle this
like gentlemen--
321
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,100
with a drag race!
322
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,167
Cleo's not some prize
you can win in a drag race.
323
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,533
This isn't the 1950s.
324
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,167
Or is it?
I'm really tired!
325
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,600
Guys, I'm a modern woman
who makes decisions for herself,
326
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,233
and this decision will be based
on who can drive faster.
327
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:28,233
Then we'll race
tonight!
328
00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:31,233
At Dead Man's Slick
Mountain Cliff Road!
329
00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:33,400
Until then.
330
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,600
[locker bangs]
331
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,133
(Scangrade)
Ah! Oh, yeah.
332
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:40,900
I can feel the power
of the number two pencil lead
333
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,800
coursing through my circuits.
334
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,933
[coughing]
335
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,200
What's this?
336
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,300
Some infidel did not use
a number two pencil!
337
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,433
Oh, my.
338
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:54,467
Is this a number three pencil?
339
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,467
My bad.
340
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:59,867
Mr. B!
I should have known it was you.
341
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,933
Who else would know
that the number three pencil
342
00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:03,767
makes me all gassy?
343
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:05,700
[electronic warble]
344
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:09,300
Prepare to die!
345
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,433
[door creaks]
346
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,633
What's going on here?
347
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:16,067
Are you guys having
a pillow fight?
348
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,067
I wish.
349
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,467
[slurps]
350
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:19,933
I wish.
351
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:22,267
This is an intervention,
Abe.
352
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:24,833
You have a problem,
and it needs to stop.
353
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:27,100
I just need to stay up
a few more hours.
354
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,067
So you can stay up
a few more hours after that.
355
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,500
I'll sleep when I die.
356
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,567
You'll die
if you don't sleep!
357
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,667
[sniffling]
358
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,967
Abe, remember how
I was so excited
359
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,633
about seeing the movie
American Pie
360
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:40,867
that I couldn't sleep
the night before?
361
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:44,567
And remember that scene where
the guy has sex with the pie?
362
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,233
Well, I don't,
363
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:50,167
because I fell asleep
in the theater.
364
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:51,767
Why didn't you just rent it?
365
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,800
[door bangs,
footsteps squeaking]
366
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,167
I've got a story too, Abe,
367
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:01,300
a delicious story that I've
been tantalizingly close
368
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,200
to revealing for too long.
369
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,067
Are you ready?
370
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,133
Here it comes.
371
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,433
[tender piano music]
372
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,133
[driving rock music]
373
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:11,467
[screeching]
374
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,200
[electronic warbling]
375
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,433
More tea, Wesley?
376
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:18,067
Ah!
377
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:19,567
Chamomile!
378
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:20,833
*
379
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:24,300
[hammer banging]
380
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,867
[bang]
381
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:27,600
Ah!
382
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,600
Dust!
383
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,967
*
384
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:31,067
[whirring]
385
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,400
[clink]
386
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,133
[speaking gibberish]
387
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,800
[cackling]
388
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,633
[saw buzzing]
389
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:41,833
Okay.
390
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:44,067
Here's my story.
391
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,933
You know how I was
at camp last summer?
392
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,700
It was a sleepaway camp.
393
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,100
- [gasps]
- That's right.
394
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,233
A camp for people
with sleeping problems.
395
00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,967
At first, I used to stay up
just socially,
396
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:57,067
but--but then I'd cut class
to sneak out
397
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,067
to the parking lot
and stay awake.
398
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:02,800
Finally, they found me one day,
faceup in the gutter,
399
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,667
wide awake!
400
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,433
And there's something else.
401
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,967
There's--
[gasps]
402
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,400
There's this.
403
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,800
My judgment was so poor
due to sleep deprivation
404
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,300
that I actually paid money
for this!
405
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:19,267
Joan, I had no idea.
406
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,667
Give me that pillow.
407
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:23,833
[gentle music]
408
00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:26,700
*
409
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,233
Why is he looking
at that pie all funny?
410
00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:30,867
[zipper buzzes]
- Oh, my God!
411
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:32,833
Oh, no, he didn't!
412
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:37,200
[laughing]
413
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,100
Oh, you fool!
414
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,200
[laughing]
415
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,833
I'm gonna go check
on Abe.
416
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:44,467
[gasps]
417
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,867
[dramatic musical flourish]
418
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,433
[wind whistles]
419
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:48,933
*
420
00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:51,067
[tender piano music]
421
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:54,233
[Scangrade cackling]
422
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:56,933
I have one final request.
423
00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,067
Can you answer
a multiple-choice question?
424
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:03,433
I'm Scangrade!
I grade tests for a living.
425
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,100
Are you, "A," handsome,
426
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,733
B, smart,
427
00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:09,500
C, scrap metal,
428
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,467
or, D, all of the above?
429
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:13,900
That's easy!
430
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:17,833
I'm A and B
but not C,
431
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,067
so I can't be all of the above.
432
00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:21,567
But...
433
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:24,167
you can't fill in two ovals!
434
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,900
No!
435
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:30,567
[gagging]
436
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:31,767
[tear squeaks]
437
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,400
[explosion booms]
438
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,933
The answer is C,
439
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,467
you [bleep] wad.
440
00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:40,200
[energetic music]
441
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,800
(Cleo)
First one
to cross the finish line
442
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,833
gets a date with me.
443
00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:43,967
[engine revving]
444
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:45,967
If you both die,
I will mourn the corpse
445
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,767
closest to the finish line.
446
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,900
[engines revving]
447
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,133
Abe, you haven't slept.
448
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,867
You'll kill yourself.
449
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,333
This is the last thing
I have to do.
450
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:55,600
Whoo!
451
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,200
[tires squealing]
452
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,767
Or the last thing
you'll ever do.
453
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,833
*
454
00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:02,967
[rock music]
455
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:05,100
He was too sleepy
to be driving.
456
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,867
He's a cripple now.
457
00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:10,733
A cripple...
458
00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:13,733
I never saw him
have sex with a pie.
459
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:15,067
Sex with a pie.
460
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:18,100
Sex...pie...
461
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,600
Wazzup?
462
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,333
Wazzup?
463
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,733
Wazzup?
464
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,367
*
465
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,100
Maybe I do have a problem.
466
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,467
[echoing]
Problem...
467
00:18:31,467 --> 00:18:33,700
[upbeat rock music]
468
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,367
[snoring]
469
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,067
Swee, swee, swee-swee-swee-swee,
swee-swee-swee.
470
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:42,400
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
471
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,667
Nothing bad ever happens
to the Kennedys!
472
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:46,667
Whoa!
473
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,067
[crash]
474
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:50,667
[wind whistling]
475
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,067
[crickets chirping]
476
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,900
[bright orchestral music]
477
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:55,933
[yawns]
478
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:57,700
[engine turns over]
479
00:18:57,700 --> 00:19:00,767
[upbeat music]
480
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:03,733
*
481
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:06,067
[crowd cheering]
482
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,600
Abe, you won!
483
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,300
I'm all yours.
484
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,667
I did win
485
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,533
because I did
the right thing.
486
00:19:12,533 --> 00:19:14,967
I pulled over,
and I took a nap.
487
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:17,467
And I owe it all
to my pal Joan.
488
00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:20,200
Thanks, Joan,
wherever you are.
489
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,833
I'm right here.
490
00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:25,767
So you are, Joan.
So you are.
491
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,433
So what do you want
to do on our date?
492
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:32,467
I was thinking
we could sleep together.
493
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:35,433
[both laughing]
494
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:37,467
Oh, funny.
495
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,567
No, seriously,
can we sleep together?
496
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:41,767
Hey, creepy trucker.
497
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,600
I aced the PXJTs.
498
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,967
I aced 'em!
499
00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:47,433
Maybe some day you'll be
a Rhodes scholar
500
00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:48,433
like me.
501
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:50,300
Ha-ha, good pun.
502
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,600
Pun?
Heck, no.
503
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,633
I studied at Oxford.
504
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:57,167
Truckers don't make puns,
Gandhi.
505
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:58,400
We make deliveries.
506
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,800
But wait.
I never got your name.
507
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,633
The name's...
508
00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:03,800
[echoing]
Prepcourse.
509
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,967
But...
510
00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:08,400
Doug Prepcourse died
40 years ago.
511
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,200
[gasps]
512
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,200
[eerie music]
513
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,567
*
514
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,067
[echoing]
Keep on truckin', Gandhi.
515
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,033
[slurps]
516
00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:22,367
Keep on truckin'.
517
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:27,567
(narrator)
Next week, on a very special
Clone High...
518
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:30,167
A mysterious male stranger
comes to town,
519
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,867
and he's brought
a surprise ending with him
520
00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,433
that will shock you.
521
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,667
Will her secret--
wait, did I just say "her"?
522
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:40,033
Oh, boy, that was the one thing
I wasn't supposed to tell you.
523
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:41,500
I ruin everything!
524
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,267
Like when I spoiled
The Sixth Sense
525
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:44,633
for my friend Steve.
526
00:20:44,633 --> 00:20:47,367
He specifically asked me
to not reveal the end.
527
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:51,133
Stupid, really stupid!
528
00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:53,367
Why do we do this live?
529
00:20:53,367 --> 00:20:56,000
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s
530
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,933
* Secret government
employees *
531
00:20:58,933 --> 00:21:01,733
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *
532
00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:04,733
* And made amusing
genetic copies *
533
00:21:04,733 --> 00:21:07,633
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *
534
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,600
* They're gonna make
it if they try *
535
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,467
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *
536
00:21:13,467 --> 00:21:19,700
* Time to laugh and
shiver and cry *
537
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,867
* Clone High
33258
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