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1
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,967
(male narrator)
Previously, on a very special
Clone High:
2
00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:07,533
Tempers flared,
3
00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:09,633
robotic butlers cared,
4
00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:11,667
saliva was shared,
5
00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:15,833
and you, the audience,
were moved very, very deeply.
6
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:16,833
**
7
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,400
[whispering]
Trust me.
8
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,033
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s
9
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:23,967
* Secret government employees
10
00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:26,867
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *
11
00:00:26,867 --> 00:00:29,900
* And made amusing
genetic copies *
12
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,700
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *
13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,533
* They're going to make it
if they try *
14
00:00:35,533 --> 00:00:38,533
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *
15
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:44,767
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *
16
00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:47,500
* Clone High
17
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:53,200
* Clone High
18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,433
*
19
00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,500
All students are special
at Clone High,
20
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,467
but only some students
are ostracized
21
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:00,200
because they're special.
22
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,267
That is why it is
my great pleasure,
23
00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:03,900
as president
of the student body,
24
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:06,233
to officially dedicate
this impassable moat,
25
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,367
protecting us from
the special ed. classroom.
26
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,767
[applause]
27
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:12,800
Surprised Cleopatra didn't
fill the moat with acid.
28
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,433
Actually, Cleo says it
would kill the piranhas.
29
00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,267
Joan of Arc, don't think
about the moat
30
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,300
in terms of its
divisive ignorance,
31
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,967
think of it as an opportunity
for building community.
32
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,100
Hey, community!
33
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,233
Skinny-dipping in
the piranha moat!
34
00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:25,233
Yow!
35
00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:27,833
Everybody get
naked!
36
00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:29,467
Whoo!
[splash]
37
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:30,867
Finally,
38
00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:33,500
I won't be running
for re-election this year.
39
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,200
[voice breaking]
This is probably
the last time
40
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,500
I'll ever use these oversized
novelty scissors.
41
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,833
Unless a giant
needs a haircut.
42
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:43,467
Oh, God.
43
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:45,600
I've got to go
console her.
44
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,767
Abe Lincoln, don't.
45
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,067
She's just trying
to get attention
46
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,633
and you're falling for it.
47
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:52,333
Ugh, it makes me so mad
I could kiss you.
48
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,533
What was that
last part?
49
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:55,967
I'm sorry, what?
50
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:59,533
[stammering]
No, I said I could piss glue.
51
00:01:59,533 --> 00:02:00,900
As in,
52
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,900
"Oh, I'm so angry
I could piss glue."
53
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,133
I've never
heard of that.
54
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,167
Well, it's a very common
expression.
55
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,333
Huh.
56
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:09,667
Well,
see ya.
57
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:10,667
[exhales]
58
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,600
Stupid, Joan.
59
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,600
Real stupid.
60
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,767
[piranhas chomping]
61
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:15,867
[plop]
62
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:18,900
[sobbing]
Oh, JFK.
63
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:20,700
I can't bear
to talk about it.
64
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,333
Thank God, because I
hate it when--
65
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,300
It all started
freshman year.
66
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,067
I was elected
president.
67
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,067
But now...
68
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,633
[sobbing]
Oh, JFK.
69
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:32,067
There, there.
70
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,933
It's term limits,
Jack.
71
00:02:33,933 --> 00:02:36,500
Dirty, dirty
term limits.
72
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,933
[cheery]
My only hope is if someone,
73
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:38,933
and I have
no idea who,
74
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,167
could run for president,
win,
75
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:41,433
abolish term limits,
resign,
76
00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:42,967
and endorse me as his
replacement.
77
00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:44,200
But who?
78
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,267
Who?
79
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,267
Huh?
80
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,500
Oh, thank you, JFK.
81
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,867
Thank you
for your courage.
82
00:02:50,867 --> 00:02:52,667
Can we make out now?
83
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:55,300
Totally.
84
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,800
[moaning]
85
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,167
Hey, Cleo.
86
00:02:58,167 --> 00:02:59,600
[Cleopatra and JFK making out]
87
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,667
Oh.
88
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:05,900
(Principal Scudworth)
Your secret army
of clone historical figures
89
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,500
is maturing according
to schedule.
90
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,200
I'm sorry, Scudworth,
is that a scale model
91
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,200
behind you labeled
"Dr. Scudworth's Evil Plan"?
92
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:15,667
Say!
93
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,800
Where'd you get those
fresh Pumas, bro?
94
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,067
Actually, we're sponsored
by Puma.
95
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,667
These bad boys
are catalogue only.
96
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,433
If you're implying
that I intend
97
00:03:24,433 --> 00:03:26,067
to steal the clones
away from you
98
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,633
and use them in an expensive
clone theme amusement park,
99
00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:30,067
then shame on you.
100
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:32,100
By the by,
could I have $2 million?
101
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,933
[laughs]
You know...
102
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,967
for dry-erase markers
and such.
103
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,767
They've got some
keen new colors.
104
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:42,467
There's kiwi and...
105
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:43,733
mango.
106
00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:46,067
For giggles, I'm going
to keep saying "no"
107
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,600
until you
turn the TV off.
108
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,800
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no--
109
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,833
[electronic whirring]
110
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,067
[sighs]
111
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,533
Perhaps you could get
112
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:56,933
Clone High
a corporate sponsor.
113
00:03:56,933 --> 00:04:00,133
Those Pumas
were rather fresh.
114
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,200
Sell out?
115
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,633
And turn the school
into an ad
116
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,200
for some profit-hungry
corporation?
117
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,967
Why, that idea's
as foolish
118
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:11,833
as getting new brakes
from anywhere but Midas.
119
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:15,200
(Joan)
I can't believe JFK
is running unopposed.
120
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,733
I mean, you'd think with
a school full of world leaders
121
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,600
someone would be into
student government.
122
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,967
Well, I'm a genetic duplicate
of Abe Lincoln
123
00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,267
and I'm not fit
to be president.
124
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:25,100
If I only knew
what fears
125
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:27,367
and insecurities
were holding me back.
126
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,967
[slurping]
127
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:30,100
Abe, you should run.
128
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,500
I'll manage your campaign.
129
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,567
Together, we'll fight
for things that really matter,
130
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,367
like new bishops
for the chess club.
131
00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,867
So what you're
saying is,
132
00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,533
if I run for president,
I can get Cleo to like me.
133
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:41,067
That's why
she likes JFK,
134
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,500
because he's
a natural leader.
135
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,967
Great idea, Joan.
136
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:45,967
[yells]
137
00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:47,567
[crash]
138
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:48,800
Clumsy, Joan.
139
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,300
Really clumsy.
140
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,300
(Scudworth)
So...
141
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,167
your product is called--
142
00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:55,400
X-Stream Blu!
143
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,733
It's a power snack!
144
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,467
Stick it in
your face hole!
145
00:04:58,467 --> 00:04:59,733
This is something
you eat?
146
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,367
[whispering]
It's really just pancake batter
147
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,900
mixed with blue house paint
in a sports bottle.
148
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:03,900
Sick!
Tight!
149
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,233
Cyber awesome!
150
00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:08,200
I see.
151
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,900
Now, for allowing you
to test market
152
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,700
this X-Stream Blu
on my students,
153
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,567
I am willing to be paid
$2 million.
154
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:16,100
Allow me to confer
with my associates.
155
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,133
[screams]
156
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,667
- To the max!
- Literally!
157
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,100
I have low
self-esteem!
158
00:05:22,433 --> 00:05:23,933
We accept
your offer.
159
00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:26,167
[gasps]
Dead presidents, Mr. B.
160
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:27,667
[squeaks]
161
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:30,200
(JFK)
Ask not what
your student body president
162
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,600
can do for you,
163
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,333
ask what you can do
164
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,567
to your
student body president's body.
165
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:36,867
[cheering]
166
00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,567
Okay, there's nothing
to worry about.
167
00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:40,167
He's just making
empty promises
168
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,867
and detailing
his workout routine.
169
00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:45,267
And on Fridays,
I do abs and legs,
170
00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:47,433
but not calves.
171
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,067
As you recall,
172
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:53,500
I do those with my lats
on Wednesdays!
173
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,500
[cheering]
174
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,500
Thank you!
175
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,633
Good luck.
176
00:05:56,633 --> 00:06:00,867
[audience cheering]
177
00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:02,200
[Cleopatra and JFK
making out]
178
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,133
My name is Abraham Lincoln
179
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:07,300
and I'm running
for student body president.
180
00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,167
(woman screaming)
I love you, JFK!
181
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:17,067
We've got a lot of tough issues
facing us right now,
182
00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:20,333
such as adding a second section
of AP calculus
183
00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:22,867
for those who have a conflict
between that class
184
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:24,533
and AP physics.
185
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:25,567
[clapping]
186
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,067
But first and foremost,
187
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:30,367
we must get tinted windows
for the albino wing.
188
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:31,467
[clapping]
189
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,400
Whoo!
190
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,833
Okay, you're done.
191
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,967
Young men and women,
please give it up for
192
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,400
the X-Stream Blu mega crew!
193
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,567
[rock music]
194
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:47,133
[audience cheering]
195
00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:48,467
Hey, everyone!
196
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,100
I'm Tyler,
that's Paco,
197
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,800
and we want you to
get up out of your seats
198
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,067
and clap your hands
to the beat.
199
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:55,800
[clapping]
200
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,667
(Tyler)
'Cause we're gonna tell you
about X-Stream Blu,
201
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,533
a new max wicked food product
202
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,733
that lives where
extreme meets blue.
203
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:05,967
It comes in a totally sick
wide-mouth squeeze bottle!
204
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,833
[squish]
205
00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:09,267
[plop]
206
00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:10,267
Email!
207
00:07:10,267 --> 00:07:12,300
That looks
so good!
208
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,300
What's in it?
209
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,067
Great question!
210
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,067
Have a t-shirt.
211
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:18,600
[boom]
212
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,400
That totally
answers my question!
213
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,433
Man, the audience
was not having that.
214
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:25,433
Huh, guys?
215
00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:26,800
Um, Abe?
216
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,433
Just give me a few
more minutes of denial.
217
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:39,733
[banging]
218
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,067
Abe, Abe,
219
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,967
your speech wasn't
that bad.
220
00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:47,633
Okay, maybe the encore
wasn't the best idea,
221
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,633
but the speech
itself--
222
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:49,633
Whoo!
223
00:07:49,633 --> 00:07:50,933
What stinks
in here, man?
224
00:07:50,933 --> 00:07:53,067
Oh yeah,
it's your campaign.
225
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,467
You died out there.
226
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,633
I mean, that assembly was like
this, boom, this!
227
00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:57,767
You're the boom.
228
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:58,767
[thud]
229
00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:00,800
No matter how hard I try
230
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,067
to live up
to the real Abe Lincoln,
231
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,400
I always fail.
232
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,400
Hey, don't worry,
man.
233
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,867
Your problems
are answered.
234
00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:09,233
See, I met these really cool
guys after the assembly
235
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:10,600
that will so get you.
236
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,833
Guys, come on
in here, man!
237
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:12,867
[screams]
238
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,600
X-Stream Blu
in the hizz-ouse!
239
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,900
Flip an ollie and turn it up!
240
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,367
Lincoln and X-Stream Blu
241
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,500
will literally crunch
the googly to the max!
242
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,800
(all)
Hot sauce!
243
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,800
See, they want
to sponsor your campaign.
244
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,267
And all you gotta do
is abandon your values
245
00:08:27,267 --> 00:08:28,633
and promote
their product
246
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,267
by doing some dangerous, extreme
sports-related stunts.
247
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:33,333
Just sign this legit-ass
contract!
248
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,167
And totally initial
article seven.
249
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:38,100
My son won't even look me
in the eye anymore!
250
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,300
Wait, what about
the issues, Abe?
251
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,433
What about the carpet
in the library?
252
00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:45,433
[mocking]
Ooh, Abe's big choice.
253
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,533
Ooh,
I wonder what it'll be.
254
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:48,600
I'm so worried, ooh.
255
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:50,667
[TV clicks on]
256
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:51,700
[wind blowing]
257
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:52,767
[all laughing]
258
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,333
*
259
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,300
I'll never make it.
260
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,300
[laser zaps]
261
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,300
Maybe I can help,
slice dog!
262
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,667
Blushie!
263
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,433
But I'm no match
for that gang of snow sharks.
264
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,700
Don't worry, bro!
265
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,067
Blushie gonna
stream it hardcore!
266
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,400
[squishes]
267
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,767
No way!
268
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,733
Hop on,
extreme sports youth!
269
00:09:12,733 --> 00:09:14,167
[yells]
270
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:15,167
[water crashes]
271
00:09:15,167 --> 00:09:16,233
[exploding]
272
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,233
[women laughing]
273
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:18,400
Hey!
274
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,133
Let's go surf
the Internet!
275
00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:23,100
What should we do
with all this X-Stream Blu?
276
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,800
(Abraham and Blushie)
Spray it in your face
277
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,467
and slam it!
278
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,167
[TV clicks off]
279
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:30,367
You think
it's too much?
280
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,500
[inhales]
281
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,533
(Gandhi)
Abe, I just polled everyone
282
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:34,633
in the girls' bathroom.
283
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:35,967
You're ahead!
284
00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,067
I knew the poll--
did you say I was winning?
285
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,233
Straight up,
man.
286
00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:40,700
Numbers don't lie.
287
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,733
I'm the number five.
288
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,233
Cleo, why are
you crying?
289
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:48,067
[sobbing]
I just don't think
290
00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:50,067
things are going
to work out with JFK.
291
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,067
[sighs]
292
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,067
[whispering]
Wah-hoo.
293
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,467
I am so sorry.
294
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,300
I need someone
to comfort me.
295
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,533
Someone who's
leading the polls
296
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,600
and is named Abe.
297
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,167
Wait,
you're named Abe.
298
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,267
Aren't you,
Abe?
299
00:10:04,267 --> 00:10:06,100
To the max,
Cleo.
300
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,667
To the max.
301
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:09,233
That's it.
302
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:12,200
All of the pictures I have of
him over my bed are coming down.
303
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,700
Except for that one
where he's under the tree
304
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,767
with his shirt off.
305
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,767
[moans]
306
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,267
We're rich, Mr. B!
307
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:22,700
Bling, bling.
308
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,200
But shouldn't you be saving
some of this money
309
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,033
for your secret plan instead
of having me gold plated
310
00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:29,933
and lowered?
311
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,900
Don't get all up in my business,
312
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:34,300
my hydraulically outfitted
friend.
313
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,067
Why, I watched the first 2/3
314
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:37,967
of the MC Hammer
Behind the Music.
315
00:10:37,967 --> 00:10:40,000
And if there's one thing
I've learned about money,
316
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,367
it's that it never runs out.
317
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:47,267
(JFK)
Hey, gay foster dads.
318
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:49,767
How do I get everyone
to like me?
319
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:53,467
Baby, a lot of people
liked the original JFK
320
00:10:53,467 --> 00:10:55,167
because he was
such a caring leader
321
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:57,600
and he inspired
a generation of young people.
322
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,367
I thought he was
a macho womanizing stud
323
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:03,100
who conquered the moon.
324
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,600
[knocking on door]
325
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,200
Hark, that sounds
like the gentle knock
326
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,667
of a vulnerable teenage girl.
327
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:10,667
[door creaks]
328
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:11,967
*
329
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:13,200
You're wet.
330
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,333
Allow me
to dry you off...
331
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:17,667
with my pants!
332
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,233
I want to manage
your campaign.
333
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,067
Hey,
whatever you're into.
334
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,133
Dads,
I'm gonna be busy
335
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,667
nailing this kinky broad
for the next 15 minutes.
336
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,467
Would you shut up?
337
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:30,167
I'm here because I can't stand
Abe being Cleo's puppet
338
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,067
and you can't win the election
without my help.
339
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,333
Here's what
we're gonna do...
340
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,300
[inaudible whispering]
341
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,667
And then...
342
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:39,500
[inaudible whispering]
343
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,500
Well how about...
344
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500
[inaudible whispering]
345
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,767
Dental dam...
346
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,300
[inaudible whispering]
347
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,300
[smack]
Bobby!
348
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,667
Okay,
no dental dam.
349
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:51,167
Folks, for my next totally
outrageous campaign stunt,
350
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,767
I will ride this wind surfboard,
351
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:56,300
which is connected
by a bungee cord
352
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,167
to this monster truck,
353
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,500
which my friend Gandhi
will drive back and forth
354
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,467
on this half-pipe,
355
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,767
just like the real Abe Lincoln
would've done,
356
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,767
had he the tools to do so.
357
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,067
[engine revs]
358
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,133
[engine roars]
359
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:10,067
[metal clangs]
360
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:13,433
[cheering]
361
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,967
Hey everybody,
362
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:18,500
something is on
the closed-circuit TV.
363
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,300
[cheering]
364
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,967
(announcer)
Abraham Lincoln.
365
00:12:23,967 --> 00:12:25,500
Honest Abe.
366
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,667
Or so he'd have you believe.
367
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,800
Last year, Abe said
he was 15 years old.
368
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,433
Now he claims to be 16.
369
00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,900
Which is it, Abe?
370
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,467
Better keep your story straight.
371
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:38,100
[baby cries]
372
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,067
He'd also like you to believe
he's not a baby eater.
373
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,567
But he's never gone on record
saying he isn't.
374
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,400
Maybe he's too busy
eating babies.
375
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,700
I can't wait to eat this--
376
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,700
[tape whines]
377
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,067
baby.
378
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,100
[all gasp]
379
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,100
[gags]
380
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,833
[slurping]
381
00:12:52,833 --> 00:12:54,567
(announcer)
When is it gonna stop, Abe?
382
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:56,733
Not voting for Abe:
383
00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:58,733
it just makes sense.
384
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:01,767
How did JFK get
my spaghetti video?
385
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,067
[dramatic music]
386
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,567
[whooshing]
387
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:11,733
Hey, turn that frown
upside down, Abe.
388
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:12,833
[squish]
389
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,633
At least it can't
get any worse.
390
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,800
How many times have
I told you not to say that?
391
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,733
Now something worse
is gonna happen,
392
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:20,333
I've seen it
on Happy Days, watch:
393
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,333
In three,
394
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,333
two,
395
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,333
one.
396
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,800
Abe.
397
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,467
I'm really confused about
my feelings right now.
398
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:29,333
I think I just...
399
00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:30,700
need some time
to be alone...
400
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,267
*
401
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,300
with JFK.
402
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,900
Wait.
403
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,700
At least it can't
get any better.
404
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,333
It doesn't work
that way, Gandhi.
405
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:43,300
[fluttering]
406
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:49,200
(female singer)
* The heart in my mind
has been hoping *
407
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,900
*
408
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:56,200
* And the mind in my heart
has been wishing *
409
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,733
*
410
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:58,733
Abe?
411
00:13:58,733 --> 00:14:00,267
What are you
doing here?
412
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:02,667
I come out here
to think sometimes.
413
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:03,900
Me too.
414
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,467
Well, right now all
I can think about
415
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,633
is not thinking about you over
there on your thinking dock
416
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:08,900
thinking about
what you did.
417
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,067
I was only trying
to help, Abe.
418
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,767
You don't know
what you're getting into.
419
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,567
What she's
getting you into.
420
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,533
You don't know what
you're getting into.
421
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:18,867
And that's out of
my friendship.
422
00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:21,067
And you know what
hurts the most, Joan?
423
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,400
This nail I just
stepped on.
424
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,733
[ding]
425
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,733
But there's a metaphorical nail
in my other foot
426
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:26,933
that hurts the second most,
427
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:28,667
and it's from you
backstabbing me.
428
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,533
So, maybe instead of
the nail metaphor,
429
00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:32,300
I should've used
a stabbing metaphor,
430
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,967
but it's too late for that now,
isn't it?
431
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,367
I guess it is.
432
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:37,600
That's where you're wrong, Joan.
433
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,067
Because I'm gonna win
that election
434
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,767
with the most
dangerous campaign stunt
435
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,267
since Dukakis jumped
the Snake River Canyon.
436
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:45,667
Goodbye, Joan.
437
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,200
[splash]
438
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:50,567
Goodbye, Joan.
439
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,967
*
440
00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:58,767
[intense music]
441
00:14:58,767 --> 00:14:59,833
(all)
Hut, hut, hut, hut--
442
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,333
Hello, Clone High!
443
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,067
X-Stream Blu presents:
444
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:06,967
the X-Stream Blu high school
presidential debate,
445
00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:09,533
with celebrity panelists
Marilyn Manson,
446
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,900
Mena Suvari,
and introducing
447
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,067
Murray T. Wayans.
448
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:15,433
[blows raspberry]
449
00:15:15,433 --> 00:15:18,667
And now, he risks his ass
to thrill his class:
450
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,833
Abe Lincoln.
451
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:22,833
[door crashes]
452
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:23,833
[roars]
453
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:24,833
[boom]
454
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,233
[cheering]
455
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,233
[thud]
456
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,633
[audience cheering]
457
00:15:28,633 --> 00:15:30,067
Woo-hoo!
458
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:35,100
And on this podium,
captain of the football team
459
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:39,100
and el capitán
of the fútbol team,
460
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,733
JFK.
461
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,900
Woo-hoo!
462
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,400
I can't see
463
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,067
due to the glare from
Mena Suvari's enormous forehead.
464
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,133
[whirring]
465
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:51,900
(Manson)
Next question is for JFK.
466
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,067
How do you respond
to the criticism that,
467
00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:55,833
unlike Abe and myself,
468
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,733
you won't put yourself
at risk of physical harm
469
00:15:57,733 --> 00:15:59,133
in order to gain approval?
470
00:15:59,133 --> 00:16:03,367
That is a good question,
scary androgynous white guy.
471
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:07,067
And I would like to reply
by taking my shirt off.
472
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,400
[girls screaming]
473
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,200
My bare-chested opponent
raises a good point,
474
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,400
but he's avoiding the fact
that X-Stream Blu
475
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,700
is mad-packed with all nine
essential nutri-mites
476
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,300
to fortify your X-Zone.
477
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,233
(JFK)
May I respond to that?
478
00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:20,233
Yes, you may.
479
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:21,633
Abe's a tot-muncher.
480
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:22,967
Oh, yeah?
481
00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:25,500
For my rebuttal,
I'd like to dramatically gesture
482
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:28,500
to this giant death-defying
skateboard ramp behind me.
483
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,500
[metal whirring]
484
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:30,567
[fire whooshing]
485
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,567
[thud]
486
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:32,567
[alligators crunching]
487
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:33,567
[dolphin chatters]
488
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,933
I intend to ride said ramp.
489
00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:36,933
Gandhi.
490
00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,133
[groans]
491
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:41,100
You may now attach
the skateboard...
492
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,300
to my head.
493
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:44,300
[metal whirring]
494
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,300
[alligators crunching]
495
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,600
[dolphin chatters]
496
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,600
[all gasp]
497
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,667
[intense music]
498
00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:52,200
Abe, it all
comes down to...
499
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:58,200
[slow motion]
this.
500
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,500
[all gasp]
501
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:03,200
[slow motion]
Gan...
502
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,200
[slow motion]
dhi!
503
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,200
[thud]
504
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,133
[gurgle]
505
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,500
[squish]
506
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,500
[audience gasps]
507
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,500
Marilyn Manson?
508
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,833
Yes.
509
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,167
It is my professional opinion
as a rock star
510
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:17,367
and a licensed doctor,
511
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,067
that this student
is suffering from
512
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,267
malnutrition.
513
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:23,500
Mena, I'm going to need
one milligram
514
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,833
of sub-q glucagon, stat.
515
00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,100
How can
this be?
516
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:33,200
*
517
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,100
What have I done?
518
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:39,667
Fellow students,
X-Stream Blu is a sham.
519
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,167
For four days straight,
520
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,433
Gandhi ate nothing
but pancake batter
521
00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:44,800
and blue house paint.
522
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,967
A shallow ploy by
Racist Mammy Breakfast Foods
523
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,800
to jazz up an old product
with extreme marketing,
524
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,400
the same marketing scheme
I used to win your votes.
525
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,967
Well, I don't deserve
your votes.
526
00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:57,967
I suck.
527
00:17:57,967 --> 00:18:01,933
[audience booing]
528
00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:03,300
[rock music]
529
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,433
[exclaims]
530
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:07,967
There goes our ghetto fabulous
lifestyle.
531
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,933
Bling, bling.
532
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,567
Wait, everyone.
533
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:14,267
You should vote for Abe,
534
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,733
because a real leader does
what Abe just did,
535
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,100
and what he always does.
536
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,933
He stands up for
the right thing
537
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,700
even if it makes him
look like a jackass.
538
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,433
That's the kind of jackass
I want in my corner.
539
00:18:25,433 --> 00:18:29,500
[audience applauding]
540
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:32,967
That's the highest score yet
on the applause-o-meter,
541
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:36,833
the official voting system
of Clone High.
542
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,633
Looks like Lincoln
is your new president.
543
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:42,100
You're gonna make
a great-ass president.
544
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,500
Thanks, Joan,
545
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,167
for showing me how
to be a real-ass leader.
546
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,300
(man)
Hey, check out
that stray puppy.
547
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,600
Oh, my God,
he is so cute.
548
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,167
(man)
And it's licking
that dead Smurf's face.
549
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,567
(all)
Aww.
550
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:57,733
[crash]
551
00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,133
Fine, whatever.
552
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,400
This random dog
is your new president.
553
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,267
Hey, new president.
554
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,767
That's a cute collar.
555
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:06,800
[slurping]
556
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,467
Well, we sure learned
a lot today.
557
00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:11,100
I'll say.
558
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,133
But there's just one thing
I don't understand, Dr. Manson.
559
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:18,067
How does a growing boy like me
eat a healthy, balanced diet?
560
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,733
Well, Gandhi,
I'll tell you
561
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:22,800
the only way
I know how.
562
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:27,533
* The ancient pharaohs were not
too bright, they say *
563
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,333
* But they made
one contribution *
564
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:33,300
* That I live by to this day
565
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,733
* It's the food pyramid *
566
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,367
* And it's approved
by the USDA *
567
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:41,367
[upbeat music]
568
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:42,600
*
569
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,467
* Whole grains
are the foundation *
570
00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,500
* So please take my advice
571
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:50,700
* Have 5 to 11 servings
of bread, cereal, or rice *
572
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,567
* 3 to 5 of vegetables
573
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,400
* And four of fruits is best
574
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,300
* Their antioxidants and fiber
help you to digest *
575
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:02,767
* Three servings
of yogurt, milk, and cheese *
576
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,900
* Will help your bones
577
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,900
* And subsidize
the cattle industries *
578
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,633
**
579
00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:10,633
* A body needs to grow
580
00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:12,400
* And growing takes proteins
581
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,667
* That's why meat
can be a tasty treat *
582
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,400
* Like fish or human beings
583
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,400
[chomps]
584
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,933
* When you eat your sweets
585
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,633
* Make sure you try
586
00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:23,167
* To limit your servings
587
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:24,200
* Or you'll *
588
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,033
[heavy metal music]
* Die
589
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:29,300
Everybody!
590
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,200
[upbeat music]
* My body's a pyramid *
591
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,333
* That's made of healthy food *
592
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,833
* So do what we say
593
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,833
(all)
* Yeah
594
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,300
* Eat right every day
595
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,300
(all)
* Food
596
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,633
* I
597
00:20:39,633 --> 00:20:41,567
* Love
598
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:44,033
* You
599
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,233
Buy American.
600
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:49,167
Well, I guess we
did learn that.
601
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,800
*
602
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,900
(announcer)
Next time, on a very special
Clone High,
603
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,600
someone open-mouth kisses
someone else.
604
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,467
So set your VCRs for stunned,
605
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,133
because you will be.
606
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,100
Oh, you will be.
607
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,067
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s
608
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,933
* Secret government employees
609
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:12,833
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *
610
00:21:12,833 --> 00:21:15,867
* And made amusing
genetic copies *
611
00:21:15,867 --> 00:21:18,667
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *
612
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:21,500
* They're going to make it
if they try *
613
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,500
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *
614
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:30,733
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *
615
00:21:30,733 --> 00:21:33,533
* Clone High
37818
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