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Now, for reasons
which will become very clear,
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00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:11,000
we're going to use first names only.
3
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,870
Would you please
introduce yourselves?
4
00:00:12,870 --> 00:00:14,830
Misty. Vicky.
5
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:16,910
Sonya. Simone.
6
00:00:16,910 --> 00:00:18,500
Misty, what do you do?
7
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:19,750
I'm a bank teller.
8
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,250
And Vicky? Cosmetician.
9
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:23,830
Sonya? Hairdresser.
10
00:00:23,830 --> 00:00:25,750
Window display.
11
00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:28,040
Are those your own eyelashes?
12
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,000
Nope.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,080
And, Sonya, is that your own hair?
14
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,620
No.
15
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:37,330
That's a very lovely dress, too,
that you're wearing, Simone.
16
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:40,160
Where did you buy it?
Oh, I made it myself.
17
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:44,410
Ladies and gentlemen, the reason
for using first names only
18
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:47,000
for these very, very charming
contestants
19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,660
is that right now, each
one of them is breaking the law.
20
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:55,460
You see, each of our contestants
is a man.
21
00:00:57,870 --> 00:01:00,790
MUSIC: But Not For Me
by Jackie Gleason
22
00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:37,870
I would think that
none of these trees
23
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:41,000
had even started growing
when I was last here.
24
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,250
The times I was here
were very good times.
25
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,960
Yes, that's the house.
26
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,580
When I went there...
27
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,290
..there was a swing hanging
in the end of the veranda.
28
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:11,660
This was the old barn where
the theatricals took place.
29
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,710
Halloween, 1962.
30
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,870
I was being a little swan
in Swan Lake.
31
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:32,500
Susanna was doing erotic dancing,
South American dancing,
32
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:36,000
and three of my friends were being
the Andrews Sisters.
33
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:40,160
It looks as good as it did then.
34
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,540
We all used to have our meals there
35
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:52,620
and people used to sit out the front
on the veranda, on the lawn.
36
00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:55,580
People used to do gardening work.
37
00:03:55,580 --> 00:04:01,250
I just loved it, being here,
because they had total freedom,
38
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:07,290
total... chance to be themselves
for a change.
39
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:13,040
The weekend of Halloween 1962
40
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,290
was when Virginia Prince
41
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:19,370
formed a national sorority of
cross-dressers
42
00:04:19,370 --> 00:04:22,250
called FPE,
43
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:25,330
which was for Full Personality
Expression.
44
00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:32,710
And it was a very interesting
weekend, to say the very least.
45
00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:36,580
There were psychiatrists
from the Kinsey Institute,
46
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:39,120
there were people from all over.
47
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,580
There were over 100 people
there that weekend.
48
00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:46,120
But it's... it's much the same.
49
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,160
SHIP'S HORN BLOWS
50
00:04:56,040 --> 00:05:00,710
Visiting Casa Susanna was almost
a necessity for me.
51
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:05,120
I had to leave my family
in Australia and come to America,
52
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,210
because I needed to know
more about myself.
53
00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:12,620
I needed to know what it
would be like to live as a woman
54
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:15,160
for an extended period,
55
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:20,040
and, in the back of my mind,
I thought, if I go to Casa Susanna
56
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:25,290
and I find that I am more woman
inside than I am man,
57
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:28,870
that might be the point
where my new life starts.
58
00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:33,540
I think there were very few
people like me,
59
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:37,120
because I was a white child
with a single sibling
60
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,960
living on a coral island
in the middle of the Pacific.
61
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:45,500
I can remember as far back
as about five,
62
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:49,540
my sister dressing me
in one of her old dresses.
63
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:53,330
The fact that I absolutely adored
the feeling and wanted it to go on,
64
00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:56,330
wished it could happen every day...
65
00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:58,620
..wished that when my father came
home from the sea,
66
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:01,160
I could say,
"You've got two daughters now."
67
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,410
One doesn't know
where these thoughts start.
68
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:11,120
It wasn't until a lot of years later
that I had that experience of joy,
69
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:15,460
of sheer joy at being able
to walk among people
70
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:18,000
and talk to them without hesitation,
71
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,330
to know that they understood
the person I was.
72
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:25,210
No matter what I looked like inside,
I was a real woman
73
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,120
and I wanted them to know it,
and they did know it.
74
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:39,540
Between my third
grade and fourth grade,
75
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:44,370
I would go to sleep at night praying
that I would wake up as a girl.
76
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:49,160
And I would pray hard, you know?
77
00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:56,120
It was a secret that I had,
78
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,830
and mostly because I was very active
79
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:01,960
and I was very social
and very out there.
80
00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:07,620
It didn't have much impact in terms
of what it appeared,
81
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:10,870
but I knew that it was... there was
something down inside of me
82
00:07:10,870 --> 00:07:12,710
that was not right.
83
00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:15,500
That was... That was not who I was.
84
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,580
And there was... And there was no
way to make it right.
85
00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:22,460
I don't... I think it's very hard
to kind of have an appreciation
86
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:27,120
for the difference for me,
87
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,370
isolated in Iowa,
88
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:36,460
where literally, you cannot talk
to anyone about this at all.
89
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,580
You have to kind of understand
90
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:42,500
that my mother was very seriously
Lutheran,
91
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:45,790
which is a very literal
Christianity.
92
00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:49,460
The Bible, the Earth
was created in six days.
93
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:54,330
So, when I began to have feelings
about wishing that I were a girl,
94
00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:57,790
there was just no way
that could possibly be OK.
95
00:07:57,790 --> 00:08:01,540
And I kept thinking
I would grow out of it.
96
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:06,290
And, you know, there was a kind
of almost optimism about it
97
00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:10,710
in the face of pretty dark
frustration.
98
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:16,460
That, OK, you'll get through this.
99
00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:20,750
Just... Just go to school,
do your school,
100
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,830
do your college, get married,
101
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:28,830
and this will go away.
102
00:08:28,830 --> 00:08:31,620
And it never did go away.
103
00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:39,660
That thing was always there,
and there was no way to express it.
104
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,830
There was nobody,
there was no information.
105
00:08:41,830 --> 00:08:43,830
There was no library I could go to.
106
00:08:43,830 --> 00:08:45,870
There was just no place.
107
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:47,620
And that was the real darkness,
108
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:51,710
that there was kind of nothing
to help me think about it, even.
109
00:08:51,710 --> 00:08:54,080
You know, what must this be?
110
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,710
What is this that could be going
on with me
111
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,160
that makes me have these feelings?
112
00:09:05,330 --> 00:09:08,080
ARCHIVE: Christine Jorgensen,
who used to answer to George,
113
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,620
creates quite a stir as she returns
home to New York from Copenhagen.
114
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:14,500
Christine hit the headlines
following the series of operations
115
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,960
in Denmark that transformed
her from a boy into a girl,
116
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,790
all of which made her a celebrity
to meet and talk to
117
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:24,040
when she stepped off the plane
at International Airport.
118
00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:27,540
Gentlemen, please give her
a chance to talk.
119
00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:29,540
REPORTERS SHOUT
120
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:33,580
I'm very impressed
by everyone coming.
121
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,370
Christine, are you happy to be home?
122
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,410
Yes, of course.
123
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,330
What American wouldn't be?
124
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,410
Have you been offered
a movie contract?
125
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:46,710
Yes, but I haven't accepted it.
126
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:49,330
Do you... Do you have any plans
regarding the theatre?
127
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:51,540
No, I don't think so.
128
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,750
Are you going to go on
with your photography?
129
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,040
I hope so, yes.
130
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,210
I see.
131
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:58,040
I'm very happy to be back,
132
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,790
and I don't have any plans
at the moment,
133
00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:04,830
and I thank you all for coming,
but I think it's too much.
134
00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:06,540
Fine. Thank you very much.
135
00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:12,580
I was a paper boy
and I carried the paper.
136
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,750
And when I went down to pick
up the papers,
137
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:17,250
there was Christine Jordans
on the front page.
138
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:21,000
And I think I sat down
and I read the story.
139
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,290
I read it avidly...
140
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,080
..and that was it.
141
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,160
There was nobody
I could talk to about it.
142
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,660
If I were to talk about it,
"Oh, this is horrible."
143
00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:35,370
That would be that, you know,
this horrible, sinful thing
144
00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:38,910
that this person did to themselves,
145
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:41,460
and they will be damned to hell,
146
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:45,160
and all my friends
would just make fun of it.
147
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,290
Talking to my parents
would be a disaster.
148
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:53,120
It was illegal in this country.
149
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,750
So almost everybody in the country
thought it was wrong.
150
00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:00,660
All the doctors thought
it was wrong. It was all wrong.
151
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,330
It was just barely beginning
to be contemplated
152
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:10,460
as something that was plausible,
might be conceivable.
153
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:18,210
I was pretty sure that my mother
154
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,710
would try to do something
pretty radical
155
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,910
if she thought
that that was how I was,
156
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:29,620
put me away in an institution or do
electroshock or pretty bad things.
157
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,460
Because she sort of believed
158
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:35,080
in how people who have these kinds
of thoughts are treated,
159
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:39,000
that they...they must be sick,
and they must be fixed.
160
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,460
I kind of knew that could be
really bad if I exposed myself.
161
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,830
So by the time I was in high
school, I was a good athlete
162
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:52,370
and I was a pretty good student
and I played the trumpet
163
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:55,870
and I played football
and I sang in the choir
164
00:11:55,870 --> 00:12:00,160
and I grew up playing the game,
and I played it very well.
165
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,580
When I got a scholarship
to Valparaiso University,
166
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:11,500
I got into the theatre department
and I met Julie.
167
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:14,830
And through the years
we got closer and closer
168
00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:19,210
and it became kind
of like, "We should...
169
00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:21,080
"We should probably get married.
170
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,500
"We should probably..."
171
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,370
I think, you know, we thought
we loved one another.
172
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,210
And I told Julie about...
173
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:34,960
..that I had this problem,
and it was just like, "Oh, well, OK,
174
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,960
"so you have this little
feminine side" sort of thing.
175
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,660
It was not anything very
substantial about it.
176
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:44,580
But, "I'm glad you told me."
177
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,960
It's a very frustrating thing
178
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,870
when you... when people speak
as though this is not a problem,
179
00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:54,500
all you have to do
is change your mind,
180
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:59,830
and I... and I say,
"OK, when will my mind change?"
181
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:03,410
You know, "How does it change?
What makes it change?"
182
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:07,000
Well, you just don't think about it.
183
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:12,080
None of those things are even close
to relevant, in my estimation,
184
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,870
and they certainly
didn't work for me.
185
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:36,710
Around 1994, my mother was
about to go into surgery.
186
00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:40,620
It was a 50-50 chance that
she might die on the table.
187
00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:46,500
That weekend, that Saturday,
she started to tell me everything.
188
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:54,500
She brought out
boxes of photographs.
189
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,330
She brought out the book my father
had written,
190
00:13:57,330 --> 00:14:00,660
A Year Among The Girls
by Darrell G Raynor,
191
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:04,910
a book that nobody realises he wrote
except my mother.
192
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,790
I was fascinated.
193
00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:10,080
Suddenly, everything seemed
to snap into place.
194
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:15,120
I suddenly realised that the church
architect in California
195
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,620
that we... that I was so fond of,
was so fun,
196
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,710
he was one of the cross-dressers.
197
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:23,000
People I had stayed with in Ireland,
198
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,410
he was a cross-dresser.
199
00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:29,330
Everybody that my parents
were most close to
200
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:31,460
was in the transvestite scene.
201
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:37,330
I suddenly realised why I went
to summer camp for two months
202
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:41,870
every single year, starting when I
was seven - two entire months away -
203
00:14:41,870 --> 00:14:45,120
so my father could go up
to Casa Susanna and dress.
204
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:50,160
My mother drove him there and stayed
with him because he couldn't drive.
205
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,540
A lot of women were up there,
too, the wives,
206
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:55,460
and I think they hung out together.
207
00:14:55,460 --> 00:15:00,870
But my mother drove him to Casa
Susanna every weekend of the summer,
208
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:05,710
and I know that, because that's why
I went to summer camp
209
00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:07,830
for eight years.
210
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,620
My father was Donald A Wollheim.
211
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:16,460
He was one of the founders of
the entire science fiction industry.
212
00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:20,500
He wrote 18 science fiction novels
213
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,460
in a world where people had never
even heard that term.
214
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,250
He grew up in Manhattan.
215
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:33,330
My grandparents owned a townhouse
on 81st and York,
216
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:38,580
and his childhood was extremely
complicated and Gothic.
217
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:42,000
My grandfather was a doctor.
218
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,500
He graduated from Columbia Medical
School in 1903,
219
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:48,750
and he practised on the second floor
of the house -
220
00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:51,910
and in a brownstone, you have to
walk through an entire floor
221
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,500
to get to the next staircase.
222
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:57,870
So his children had to walk
through his medical offices
223
00:15:57,870 --> 00:15:59,790
to get to their bedrooms.
224
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:02,080
And my grandfather was a specialist.
225
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,000
He was a urologist who specialised
in venereal disease,
226
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,460
syphilis and gonorrhoea, which at
that time was incurable and deadly.
227
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:12,660
So, he was terrified
228
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:17,620
that his children would,
running through the second floor,
229
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:20,620
touch a wet door knob,
put their hand in their mouth
230
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:22,620
and get gonorrhoea of the mouth.
231
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:25,910
So he filled his children
with a terror
232
00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:29,580
of the human body, really,
and of germs.
233
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:33,620
And I think that moulded
his personality his whole life.
234
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:40,460
He was a very isolated introvert.
235
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,580
So, you know, he really wasn't...
236
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:45,250
He wasn't really a naturally
social creature.
237
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,080
He was a shy man.
238
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,460
I'm sure he felt ugly.
239
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:56,000
I think he had no relationship with
women at all until he met my mother.
240
00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,120
Their first date,
241
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:04,750
they met at the Tyrannosaurus Rex
in the Museum of Natural History,
242
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:10,830
and she was two hours late and my
father was still sitting there.
243
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,620
And when she saw him sitting there,
she burst into tears
244
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,960
because she realised
he was really interested.
245
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,830
Otherwise he would have left.
246
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:22,790
I think she loved my father.
247
00:17:22,790 --> 00:17:24,960
I mean, clearly she loved him
unconditionally.
248
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,870
Otherwise she would never
have driven him every single weekend
249
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,620
up to the Catskills.
250
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,160
I'm sure that she realised
very early
251
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,290
all about his cross-dressing,
252
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:38,660
for the simple reason that when I
was seven, eight, nine,
253
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:42,370
my girlfriends and I would play
in the house when my mother was out
254
00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:44,960
and we would all put
on her negligees,
255
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,910
and there was one negligee
that was six feet long -
256
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:51,750
was the prettiest one -
six feet long,
257
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,870
and it had a kind of drawstring
at the chest
258
00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:57,210
so you could expand the chest.
259
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,580
And we all wanted to wear that one.
260
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,460
Of course, this was
my father's nightgown.
261
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:09,330
And one year my father said he was
going to have a "dress rehearsal",
262
00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:12,580
because he was going
to dress up as his sister
263
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:14,960
for Halloween the next day.
264
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:22,040
So, I was 12 and my father
was in the bathroom for five hours,
265
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:28,330
and even at 12 I realised
that wasn't usual
266
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:32,160
for somebody just getting ready
for a Halloween party.
267
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,910
And when he came out, I was really
quite frightened,
268
00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:38,000
because he looked
very ghoulish to me.
269
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,120
He had shaved his arms,
his legs, his chest.
270
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,040
He had taped up his face.
271
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,620
I ran into my bedroom
and slammed the door
272
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:49,500
because I was, like,
momentarily shocked.
273
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:55,250
I knew pretty immediately
that he was really into this.
274
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:57,540
I just didn't know the extent.
275
00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:11,160
"My wife and I drove up
Saturday morning.
276
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,620
"The weather was clear and
cloudless.
277
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,250
"There was a sharp chill in the air
278
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:18,620
"and it was a three-hour drive
upstate.
279
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:23,750
"Last part of the drive took us
along precipitous winding roads
280
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,910
"near the edges of cliffs and higher
and higher into the mountains.
281
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,160
"Were we nervous? Of course.
282
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,580
"Who would not be?
283
00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:36,250
"Were we afraid? No.
284
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:39,210
"From these people,
we had nothing to fear -
285
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,830
"but there was still
that thrilling little tang
286
00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:45,000
"in doing something secretive,
287
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,290
"something the rest of the world
knew nothing about,
288
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:52,040
"something which might have
an element of danger about it."
289
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:08,870
Kate! Hello, beautiful.
290
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:09,960
Hi!
291
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:14,660
It's so good to see you again.
292
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:18,290
It's so good to see your friends
from so long ago.
293
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:21,250
I know. I love hearing your voice.
294
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,460
So how have you been?
295
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:33,500
I take about seven pills
in the morning
296
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:36,330
and two in the middle of the day
and one in the afternoon.
297
00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:37,620
It makes you feel any better,
298
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,750
I take 14 pills every night
when I go to bed!
299
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,870
So... You seem to be all right now!
300
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:46,160
God, I felt like it's been forever
since we've seen each other.
301
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,460
You were such a good friend.
302
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:51,580
Yes. I mean, I remember you,
I remember you coming to the house.
303
00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:54,710
I remember your eldest,
when she was four.
304
00:20:54,710 --> 00:21:00,620
What... What did you think about my
dad during this time?
305
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:02,750
I always found him an admirable man.
306
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:05,460
He knew a lot.
307
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:10,120
He spoke very intelligently
about any topic you cared to raise!
308
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,580
Yeah.
309
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:13,540
He never talked about sex.
310
00:21:14,710 --> 00:21:16,660
Understandable enough between men.
311
00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:18,080
They don't talk about sex.
312
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,620
Of course they do,
but he never did,
313
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:26,160
and so I never made that link.
314
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,000
He did tell me once about
the nightdress
315
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,370
and how he couldn't really be happy
316
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:34,250
unless he was sleeping
in the nightdress... Yeah.
317
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:38,460
..but that was something
that maybe I inferred,
318
00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:45,080
maybe he implied,
that this happened in adulthood.
319
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,290
That's what I assumed.
320
00:21:46,290 --> 00:21:47,710
And he said on one occasion
321
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:50,080
that he never even thought
of cross-dressing
322
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,410
until one time when he was
particularly down,
323
00:21:52,410 --> 00:21:55,160
and your mother encouraged him to.
324
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,410
That's really nice to hear.
325
00:21:57,410 --> 00:21:59,870
Yeah, she was sad
when she told me about it,
326
00:21:59,870 --> 00:22:02,160
but I think she was just
a very romantic person,
327
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,000
and my father was probably the least
romantic man that ever drew breath!
328
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,210
So...
329
00:22:08,210 --> 00:22:11,790
Although, in his book
he says they were in love,
330
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,040
and I'm surprised to see,
331
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,080
I'm really surprised to see that
he said that.
332
00:22:17,410 --> 00:22:23,210
Because I never experienced...
I knew he loved my mother deeply,
333
00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:26,620
but I didn't see the in-love part.
334
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,540
After I had completed all
the possible qualifications
335
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:39,460
for librarianship, which was my
profession in Australia,
336
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:44,040
I had to choose a place where I could
go to add to the theory.
337
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,290
At that time, I had also made
contact with cross-dressers
338
00:22:47,290 --> 00:22:49,660
in the United States and Canada,
mainly,
339
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:52,960
through a magazine
called Transvestia,
340
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,870
and all of my friends
that I'd been corresponding with
341
00:22:55,870 --> 00:22:58,120
said, "Do come. We'd love to see you.
342
00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,830
"Love to know you."
343
00:22:59,830 --> 00:23:03,870
And so I found myself on a ship
to Canada.
344
00:23:03,870 --> 00:23:06,460
A ship! Remember ships?!
345
00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:09,790
Yes, I was on a ship to Canada
by way of Miami,
346
00:23:09,790 --> 00:23:11,870
and I was engaged at the time,
347
00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:15,830
so I had the double confusion
348
00:23:15,830 --> 00:23:22,000
as to whether I would go to Canada
and come back and be a normal man
349
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,460
and just get married and live
a normal life,
350
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:29,750
or whether, in fact,
I would stay in North America
351
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,540
and take the full change.
352
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,460
I didn't know, myself.
353
00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:37,580
And, so, when... very soon after
I arrived in Canada,
354
00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:39,500
Irene, my apartment mate,
355
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:43,710
said, "Why don't we go down
for the weekend to the Casa Susanna?"
356
00:23:43,710 --> 00:23:46,040
I was extremely interested.
357
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,160
And so we went down
and Irene had warned people
358
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,870
that I was coming with her,
359
00:23:50,870 --> 00:23:55,160
and so there were a select gathering
of people at the resort
360
00:23:55,160 --> 00:24:00,710
waiting to meet this strange
marsupial transdresser
361
00:24:00,710 --> 00:24:03,460
who was coming so far
around the world.
362
00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:07,830
When we arrived at the resort,
363
00:24:07,830 --> 00:24:09,660
it was dark by then.
364
00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:14,960
Marie was playing a card game
with Gail,
365
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,660
and there was a Lee,
who was a city engineer I met
366
00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:21,500
through the magazine Transvestia,
367
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:23,870
and there was, of course, Susanna.
368
00:24:25,210 --> 00:24:28,460
Marie cooked a huge meal of spaghetti
369
00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:32,710
and we sat around and talked
and played card games
370
00:24:32,710 --> 00:24:36,500
and talked about each other
and talked about ourselves,
371
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,870
and for the very first time
in my life,
372
00:24:39,870 --> 00:24:43,830
I could talk to anyone
I wanted to talk to.
373
00:24:43,830 --> 00:24:46,250
I could talk to them about subjects
374
00:24:46,250 --> 00:24:50,370
that the average person had never
even thought of as existing,
375
00:24:50,370 --> 00:24:54,120
let alone as a difficulty in society.
376
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:59,080
You could actually react
with people on a one-to-one basis
377
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,410
without there being any
misunderstanding,
378
00:25:02,410 --> 00:25:06,120
without there being any need to say,
"I know I sound like a man
379
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,830
"and I probably don't look much
like a woman,
380
00:25:08,830 --> 00:25:10,870
"but deep down inside, I'm a woman,
381
00:25:10,870 --> 00:25:12,960
"and I want you to treat me
like a woman."
382
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,460
There was no need for any of that.
383
00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,500
The rest of the weekend,
384
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:20,660
a lot of people got into groups
and said, "Why me?
385
00:25:20,660 --> 00:25:22,580
"Why am I like this?"
386
00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:25,080
What was this thing,
and why was it us,
387
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,500
and how is it different
from being gay
388
00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:29,460
and how is it different from...?
389
00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:32,160
Well, in those days we thought
we were just cross-dressers.
390
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:36,160
So, how was that different
from being a transgender person
391
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,460
who really wanted to change?
392
00:25:38,460 --> 00:25:40,750
It was a very difficult situation
393
00:25:40,750 --> 00:25:45,080
to try and sort out these different
classifications of people.
394
00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:59,710
The Catskills were a getaway
for people from the city,
395
00:25:59,710 --> 00:26:03,540
go up to the country, enjoy
swimming and fishing and boating
396
00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:06,410
and recreation,
especially in the fall.
397
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,210
The country place that became known
as Casa Susanna
398
00:26:14,210 --> 00:26:18,330
was initially an incredible property
called Chevalier D'Eon,
399
00:26:18,330 --> 00:26:22,160
which had a creek on it, a pond.
400
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,040
As a child, I got to romp
through the woods.
401
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:26,870
We had a cornfield.
402
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:31,290
We had cows, because my grandmother
leased out some of the fields
403
00:26:31,290 --> 00:26:32,910
for them to graze on.
404
00:26:32,910 --> 00:26:34,290
It was magical.
405
00:26:36,410 --> 00:26:39,120
Maria was my grandmother,
406
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:41,790
an incredibly strong lady.
407
00:26:41,790 --> 00:26:44,870
She came over from Italy
to bring back her father,
408
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:48,080
who had come to America
and become successful,
409
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:52,500
and somehow he got killed
and all the money was stolen,
410
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,830
and then Marie was left here
as a child of 15,
411
00:26:55,830 --> 00:27:00,210
and she managed to get a job
and worked real hard
412
00:27:00,210 --> 00:27:04,040
and finally built this wig shop
on Fifth Avenue
413
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,750
called Maria's, of course.
414
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:17,040
Maria was from a very traditional
Italian churchgoing family,
415
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,790
always went to church on Sunday.
416
00:27:20,790 --> 00:27:23,910
Every weekend we'd come
and go over to her house
417
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,870
and she'd cook a big dinner,
418
00:27:25,870 --> 00:27:28,120
and family was very important
to her,
419
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:31,460
and there'd be three different
types of pasta
420
00:27:31,460 --> 00:27:34,330
and artichokes,
421
00:27:34,330 --> 00:27:37,370
and I remember those meals,
they were absolute feasts
422
00:27:37,370 --> 00:27:40,370
and the entire family came
over and partook of them.
423
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,790
And then one day she met Tito,
424
00:27:44,790 --> 00:27:47,460
this gentleman
who came into the shop
425
00:27:47,460 --> 00:27:51,790
and was trying on wigs
and pretending it was for his sister
426
00:27:51,790 --> 00:27:55,120
or his niece or something like that,
427
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,910
and... she basically outed him
428
00:27:57,910 --> 00:28:02,000
and said, "Oh, come on,
I know this is for you,"
429
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:09,250
and he was rather shocked, and...
but she did it in a loving way.
430
00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:15,330
And Tito told me later that he was
so impressed by her openness
431
00:28:15,330 --> 00:28:17,960
and by her acceptance of him
432
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:23,710
that, you know, she was the one
and special person in his life.
433
00:28:23,710 --> 00:28:27,710
Tito was very affable and energetic.
434
00:28:27,710 --> 00:28:30,040
He was a radio commentator
435
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:34,540
for the Latin American station
in the United States.
436
00:28:35,660 --> 00:28:38,660
He used to come up to the country
place for us,
437
00:28:38,660 --> 00:28:42,040
and he used to dress as a woman
and become Susanna.
438
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:46,160
And we weren't supposed
to know that, and...
439
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:50,620
So, one day I was at the porch
in the country,
440
00:28:50,620 --> 00:28:56,870
and Susanna grabbed me and sat down
and had a conversation
441
00:28:56,870 --> 00:28:59,120
and revealed himself to me.
442
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,410
And at the end of the conversation,
443
00:29:01,410 --> 00:29:04,330
I said to him, "You know,
if my grandmother loves you,
444
00:29:04,330 --> 00:29:06,120
"then you are OK with me,"
445
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,460
and he was very touched by that.
446
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,580
And then we found out that they were
getting married
447
00:29:13,580 --> 00:29:16,460
and went to the wedding,
and it was...
448
00:29:16,460 --> 00:29:18,830
You know, I was very happy
for Maria,
449
00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:21,580
because she seemed very
happy at the time,
450
00:29:21,580 --> 00:29:23,870
and I could see the sparkle
in her eyes
451
00:29:23,870 --> 00:29:27,370
and I could see that they both
cared and loved each other.
452
00:29:27,370 --> 00:29:31,460
But on the other hand, my mom,
Yolanda, Maria's only child,
453
00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:33,410
thought morally, it was wrong.
454
00:29:33,410 --> 00:29:35,160
She didn't understand it.
455
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,500
No matter how many times Tito,
Susanna,
456
00:29:38,500 --> 00:29:40,910
tried to explain it to her -
457
00:29:40,910 --> 00:29:43,160
but then again,
she couldn't avoid it,
458
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,160
because Maria said, you know,
"This is what's going to happen,
459
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:47,660
"this is what it's going to be,
460
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:52,580
and we're going to create a club
in the Catskills
461
00:29:52,580 --> 00:29:58,620
"for... female impersonator shows,"
which she did.
462
00:29:59,790 --> 00:30:01,830
And, you know, every Saturday night
463
00:30:01,830 --> 00:30:04,080
they'd throw
female impersonator shows
464
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,000
and numbers and numbers of
performers would come in
465
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,960
and do different acts,
466
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,120
and it actually was, you know,
quite a success up there,
467
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:16,750
and every Saturday night they'd get,
you know, 50, 75 people
468
00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:20,210
in the Wigwam, including
the mayor of the local town,
469
00:30:20,210 --> 00:30:25,250
who would actually come to the show,
which we thought was hilarious.
470
00:30:25,250 --> 00:30:28,710
And, of course, we weren't allowed
to be anywhere close to that,
471
00:30:28,710 --> 00:30:32,870
but what we did as precocious
children was sneak around
472
00:30:32,870 --> 00:30:36,250
and stand on soapboxes
and peek in the windows
473
00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:39,870
and then get found out and dragged
back to the house,
474
00:30:39,870 --> 00:30:44,080
and ten minutes later, we'd be back
to watch the show again.
475
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,580
So, she wasn't too happy about that,
476
00:30:46,580 --> 00:30:49,370
but this was a part of
Maria's world,
477
00:30:49,370 --> 00:30:52,370
and it was part
of her husband's world,
478
00:30:52,370 --> 00:30:55,330
so she embraced it wholeheartedly,
479
00:30:55,330 --> 00:30:57,960
and was very supportive
in any endeavour
480
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,120
that he wanted to get into with her.
481
00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:05,870
The property was a
beautiful place, very private.
482
00:31:05,870 --> 00:31:08,500
So a lot of people could go there
483
00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:11,540
and be who they were,
and who they are.
484
00:31:11,540 --> 00:31:16,080
So, we would have 10, 12, 15 people
coming up every weekend
485
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,540
to stay at the bungalow colony,
which is what it was back then,
486
00:31:20,540 --> 00:31:22,910
and do a show every week.
487
00:31:22,910 --> 00:31:26,540
MUSIC: Concerto for Violin and Cello
in B-flat major, RV 547 by Vivaldi
488
00:31:38,750 --> 00:31:40,410
I have mixed feelings about that,
489
00:31:40,410 --> 00:31:42,540
because there was, you know,
peer pressure
490
00:31:42,540 --> 00:31:46,410
and there was a couple of incidents
where some of my local friends
491
00:31:46,410 --> 00:31:48,660
would come over and said,
"Oh, guess what I saw today!"
492
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:49,910
and I said, "What?"
493
00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:53,210
"I saw this big, burly guy
in the hardware store
494
00:31:53,210 --> 00:31:55,790
"wearing a dress and a wig
and make-up.
495
00:31:55,790 --> 00:31:57,330
And I said, "Oh, yeah, really?"
496
00:31:57,330 --> 00:32:00,250
In the meantime, you know, the
gentleman was staying at our house,
497
00:32:00,250 --> 00:32:04,210
so I was somewhat mortified by that.
498
00:32:04,210 --> 00:32:06,160
But I came to a resolution
of that,
499
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,710
that, you know, I wasn't
going to be ashamed,
500
00:32:08,710 --> 00:32:11,120
that this was who they were
and who they are,
501
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,410
and if that's what they wanted
to do and be,
502
00:32:14,410 --> 00:32:17,540
and it made them happy,
who was I to judge them?
503
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,460
OK, passengers,
this stop, Hunter, New York.
504
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,370
Hey! Hey!
505
00:32:47,660 --> 00:32:49,330
Good to see you.
506
00:32:49,330 --> 00:32:51,710
Wonderful to see you, too.
507
00:32:51,710 --> 00:32:53,370
I'll give you a hug.
508
00:32:53,370 --> 00:32:54,500
Oh, man.
509
00:32:56,710 --> 00:32:58,540
God, it's just unbelievable.
510
00:32:58,540 --> 00:33:00,330
Did you ever meet Don Wollheim?
511
00:33:00,330 --> 00:33:02,370
I met Don Wollheim once.
512
00:33:02,370 --> 00:33:04,750
This is Betsy.
Hi! Great to meet you.
513
00:33:04,750 --> 00:33:06,290
Very glad to meet you.
514
00:33:06,290 --> 00:33:10,460
You remember, probably
even better than I do.
515
00:33:10,460 --> 00:33:12,870
You and I met in 1962.
516
00:33:12,870 --> 00:33:14,750
That was '62...
517
00:33:14,750 --> 00:33:18,460
So, I must have been 24 -
23, 24, maybe 25.
518
00:33:18,460 --> 00:33:20,540
That's the year my father
wrote about. Ah.
519
00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:23,500
He said it was absolutely freezing.
Exactly!
520
00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:25,830
But the cold didn't even affect me.
521
00:33:25,830 --> 00:33:27,830
What cold? What cold?
522
00:33:27,830 --> 00:33:30,210
He said everyone was sleeping
with all their male clothes
523
00:33:30,210 --> 00:33:32,370
and all of their female clothes on.
524
00:33:32,370 --> 00:33:33,710
That's how cold it was.
525
00:33:33,710 --> 00:33:36,540
It was very cold. Wearing all the
blankets I could find! Absolutely -
526
00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:37,830
and he said he believed
527
00:33:37,830 --> 00:33:40,370
that that was the greatest group
of transvestites
528
00:33:40,370 --> 00:33:43,000
that had ever
gathered in the history of humanity,
529
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,580
which is absolutely...
There were a lot of people,
530
00:33:45,580 --> 00:33:47,580
but I don't think it was
a world record!
531
00:33:47,580 --> 00:33:50,370
You know, my father said
it was wonderful. It was.
532
00:33:50,370 --> 00:33:53,080
I mean, it was certainly
an incredible experience for me,
533
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,250
but it was almost
an out-of-body experience.
534
00:33:55,250 --> 00:33:59,830
I mean, you know, it was so,
so powerful.
535
00:33:59,830 --> 00:34:01,620
That weekend, for the first time,
536
00:34:01,620 --> 00:34:03,460
an attempt was being made to take
537
00:34:03,460 --> 00:34:06,710
all these disparate little groups
of cross-dressers
538
00:34:06,710 --> 00:34:09,120
and form them
into a national sorority.
539
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,660
Right. And that was the work
of Virginia Prince.
540
00:34:11,660 --> 00:34:13,500
Yeah. She was a scientist.
541
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:15,330
She lived on the West Coast.
542
00:34:15,330 --> 00:34:17,830
She was a very forceful personality.
543
00:34:17,830 --> 00:34:20,580
She was a pain in the neck
sometimes.
544
00:34:20,580 --> 00:34:26,750
And she had the drive and she had
the organisational skills
545
00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:29,330
to contact many of these
small groups.
546
00:34:29,330 --> 00:34:34,660
And, of course, Virginia went
on editing the magazine Transvestia.
547
00:34:34,660 --> 00:34:39,250
It was partly wish fulfilment
fiction, badly written,
548
00:34:39,250 --> 00:34:43,410
and partly stuff stolen
from scientific magazines
549
00:34:43,410 --> 00:34:45,660
on cross-dressing.
550
00:34:45,660 --> 00:34:48,910
And there was a large social section.
551
00:34:48,910 --> 00:34:51,910
"Would you like to meet other
people who cross-dress?"
552
00:34:51,910 --> 00:34:55,710
And so people made their own little
internal networks as well.
553
00:34:55,710 --> 00:34:58,460
Yes, that's how I did, too. Yeah.
554
00:34:58,460 --> 00:35:00,290
And so that is the reason
555
00:35:00,290 --> 00:35:03,660
why all those people finished up
at that resort.
556
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:15,540
You didn't get more involved
in the Casa Susanna, did you?
557
00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:17,710
No. No, I didn't.
558
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:23,870
As I say, I mostly stayed away
from the culture.
559
00:35:23,870 --> 00:35:25,370
Yeah.
560
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,290
I mean, mostly it's not
so much staying away
561
00:35:33,290 --> 00:35:34,960
as not participating, you know?
562
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,080
I mean... Sure, I understand.
563
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,040
I never adopted people
because they were trans.
564
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,960
Uh-huh. I adopted people because
I liked them.
565
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,750
Yes! Yes.
566
00:35:46,330 --> 00:35:49,210
So I want to go look
inside of one of these.
567
00:35:49,210 --> 00:35:51,960
I don't remember...
See what they look like.
568
00:36:03,580 --> 00:36:08,160
This is the one deluxe,
the one with the green side.
569
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,290
Yes, indeed. That's our specialty.
570
00:36:10,290 --> 00:36:12,080
I wonder if there were 100...
571
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,790
I mean, putting 100 people in there,
that's a pretty...
572
00:36:14,790 --> 00:36:16,500
Well, for an audience, you can do it,
573
00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:18,910
because you've got ten rows of ten.
Yeah. That's easy -
574
00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:23,160
but to accommodate them overnight,
that's more of a difference.
575
00:36:25,250 --> 00:36:26,790
Touch wood.
576
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:34,870
You bet. You bet.
577
00:36:34,870 --> 00:36:38,250
You know, two women standing here
leaning up against the wall,
578
00:36:38,250 --> 00:36:40,790
you never know what kind
of trouble we can get into.
579
00:36:40,790 --> 00:36:42,160
Well, we can try.
580
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,500
LAUGHTER
581
00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,160
# Completely round
is the perfect pearl... #
582
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,710
I'll hit you with my stick
if you sing that awful song!
583
00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:53,790
LAUGHTER
584
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,040
I sang it quite well, I think.
585
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,290
Oh, you sang it well.
586
00:37:00,290 --> 00:37:01,870
The lyrics are silly.
587
00:37:01,870 --> 00:37:04,540
They're very silly.
They're supposed to be silly.
588
00:37:04,540 --> 00:37:05,790
LAUGHTER
589
00:37:08,620 --> 00:37:12,370
I don't even know how I got
invited to Casa Susanna.
590
00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:15,960
I desperately, of course, wanted
to go to this Halloween party,
591
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:20,620
and I had no idea
how I would ever pull it off,
592
00:37:20,620 --> 00:37:24,250
but I sort of got Julie to agree
that it was a...
593
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,460
..you know, it would be...
594
00:37:26,460 --> 00:37:28,370
..it would be OK for me to do that,
595
00:37:28,370 --> 00:37:31,040
to maybe find some stuff out
about myself.
596
00:37:32,580 --> 00:37:36,210
So, off I went, and it was an
incredibly dangerous adventure,
597
00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:38,710
with a big suitcase,
stood on the highway,
598
00:37:38,710 --> 00:37:43,160
and I hitchhiked from Valparaiso,
Indiana to Casa Suzanna.
599
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:52,580
The first thing that happened was,
I think we went into the main house
600
00:37:52,580 --> 00:37:56,040
and there was somebody there
who would set my hair.
601
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,830
Now, I'd never had my hair curled,
ever,
602
00:37:59,830 --> 00:38:03,120
and it was just the most
exciting experience!
603
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,830
It was unbelievable to me. It was...
604
00:38:05,830 --> 00:38:09,660
It's so unbelievable to me
what those small pleasures,
605
00:38:09,660 --> 00:38:13,160
you know, how thrilling they were.
606
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,960
I mean, it all seems kind
of silly and funny...
607
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:23,160
..and it is, I mean, even then
it was done with a light heart,
608
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:28,830
but it was also very piquant,
very poignant.
609
00:38:28,830 --> 00:38:31,660
And one of the cross-dressers,
Gloria,
610
00:38:31,660 --> 00:38:35,500
gave me this wonderful pair of shoes
that had these high heels
611
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:38,410
that were just spectacular -
and they fit -
612
00:38:38,410 --> 00:38:40,660
and I was pretty successful.
613
00:38:40,660 --> 00:38:43,410
So they were all kind of
oohing and aahing,
614
00:38:43,410 --> 00:38:45,330
and that was, you know,
great support.
615
00:38:45,330 --> 00:38:48,120
It made me feel really authentic,
you know,
616
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,540
made me feel like, "Wow, this is..."
617
00:38:50,540 --> 00:38:53,210
you know,
"I could really be like this."
618
00:38:53,210 --> 00:38:56,620
I remember that there were a lot
of people,
619
00:38:56,620 --> 00:38:59,410
but individuals are not
so clear to me,
620
00:38:59,410 --> 00:39:02,870
and I don't think that it's so much
that I didn't interact
621
00:39:02,870 --> 00:39:04,750
with the people in fun ways,
622
00:39:04,750 --> 00:39:06,710
but I was so out of myself,
623
00:39:06,710 --> 00:39:08,870
it was just so incredible
624
00:39:08,870 --> 00:39:13,960
that that remembrance is not a part
of what it felt like.
625
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,830
It's more, really, a feeling,
626
00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:21,500
this incredible feeling of
exultation that was... sublime.
627
00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:25,120
It was... I mean,
it was unreal, obviously,
628
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:26,790
I mean, there was something that...
629
00:39:26,790 --> 00:39:30,410
it's just that something
I would never have...
630
00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:32,910
..hoped could happen.
631
00:39:34,460 --> 00:39:38,580
Oh, I remember that night.
I did The Dance of the Little Swans.
632
00:39:38,580 --> 00:39:41,750
I had done a bit of training
as a classical ballerina.
633
00:39:41,750 --> 00:39:45,710
So, yes, I could dance on toe
for... for 20 seconds.
634
00:39:47,250 --> 00:39:49,960
Some of the cross-dressers
were excellent.
635
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,500
Some of them were very well done,
636
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:55,870
well made up, well dressed,
good taste.
637
00:39:55,870 --> 00:39:58,790
But on the other hand, of course,
there were some
638
00:39:58,790 --> 00:40:03,000
who looked like Donald Duck in a
drunken orgy or something like this,
639
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:08,250
but everyone wanted to just join in
and be another woman amongst women.
640
00:40:08,250 --> 00:40:13,460
The style of Casa Susanna
wasn't vampy or very sexy.
641
00:40:13,460 --> 00:40:17,290
They were dressing up
as middle-class women
642
00:40:17,290 --> 00:40:22,080
that would be putting on their
Sunday best and their finery.
643
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,410
And it wasn't like they wanted
to be a Bettie Page
644
00:40:25,410 --> 00:40:26,710
or something like that.
645
00:40:26,710 --> 00:40:32,120
They wanted to be an accepted person
of the female persuasion in society.
646
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,460
And the transformation
for most of them
647
00:40:37,460 --> 00:40:40,580
wasn't an easy thing to accomplish.
648
00:40:40,580 --> 00:40:45,460
It took hours to get to the point
where they were satisfied
649
00:40:45,460 --> 00:40:47,210
with their look.
650
00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:56,330
To become Susanna took hours.
651
00:40:56,330 --> 00:40:59,870
I mean, Tito was a perfectionist.
652
00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:03,750
When he was becoming Susanna,
653
00:41:03,750 --> 00:41:07,710
I mean, I saw him tweeze
every hair on his face,
654
00:41:07,710 --> 00:41:10,660
which was an incredibly
long process -
655
00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:14,040
and I asked him, you know, I mean...
656
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,790
.."It takes a long
for you to transform,"
657
00:41:16,790 --> 00:41:19,290
and his answer was,
"Well, it's worth it."
658
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,210
She loved to play the starring role,
659
00:41:26,210 --> 00:41:30,620
and aside from the cross-dressing
shows that we did at the Wigwam,
660
00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:35,080
and then when she was
the grande dame at Casa Susanna,
661
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,750
loved to be up front and a
performer,
662
00:41:39,750 --> 00:41:44,660
and she just had this incredible
personality
663
00:41:44,660 --> 00:41:47,580
that just spilt over everything.
664
00:41:50,750 --> 00:41:54,910
Susanna is owed the respect
that is due her.
665
00:41:54,910 --> 00:41:58,160
She told me a story once
that she was growing up in Chile,
666
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,580
where she was from,
667
00:41:59,580 --> 00:42:03,500
and that she always knew that she
wanted to be a woman,
668
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:07,460
so this was not something
that was a fad or a fixture.
669
00:42:10,250 --> 00:42:12,660
And Tito felt actually blessed
670
00:42:12,660 --> 00:42:15,460
that he didn't have to hide
it from Maria,
671
00:42:15,460 --> 00:42:18,540
that she was accepting of it and
made his life a joy,
672
00:42:18,540 --> 00:42:22,250
rather than constant paranoia
of - "Who's going to find out,
673
00:42:22,250 --> 00:42:26,000
"am I going to lose my job,
am I going to lose my family?"
674
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,620
Which was what happened back then.
675
00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:47,750
These have seen better days.
676
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,410
ARCHIVE: The big cities attract
homosexuals,
677
00:42:52,410 --> 00:42:55,870
and the liberal law has made here
the biggest magnet in the nation.
678
00:42:55,870 --> 00:42:59,160
The city can offer anonymity
and permissiveness.
679
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,290
The city's downtown Tenderloin
district is the home ground
680
00:43:02,290 --> 00:43:03,910
of the always-visible segment
681
00:43:03,910 --> 00:43:06,290
of the city's
homosexuals and transvestites.
682
00:43:06,290 --> 00:43:09,370
The drag queens are here
at Turk and Taylor.
683
00:43:09,370 --> 00:43:12,370
So frequent were the fights between
screaming queens
684
00:43:12,370 --> 00:43:13,790
in the 2am to 3am period
685
00:43:13,790 --> 00:43:17,120
that police had had enough
and asked an all-night cafeteria
686
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,790
to close by midnight.
687
00:43:25,910 --> 00:43:30,120
One thing you have to remember is
that we are talking about the 1960s,
688
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:34,040
when the cross-dressers were in some
places illegal
689
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:38,290
and certainly in many places
looked down upon and bullied
690
00:43:38,290 --> 00:43:40,160
and had a bad time.
691
00:43:41,710 --> 00:43:46,410
It was a very hard time back then
to know who to trust.
692
00:43:46,410 --> 00:43:48,660
Where do you get your information
from?
693
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:54,410
One of the reasons why there are
relatively few photographs
694
00:43:54,410 --> 00:43:58,080
taken at the Chevalier D'Eon Resort
695
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:03,210
and at the, er,
at the Casa Susanna...
696
00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:07,460
..people didn't like to have to...
697
00:44:07,460 --> 00:44:10,500
They didn't like to lose control
of the photographs
698
00:44:10,500 --> 00:44:12,330
that were taken of them.
699
00:44:12,330 --> 00:44:15,290
You'd be very unlikely
to have someone come up and say,
700
00:44:15,290 --> 00:44:18,040
"Would you take a photograph of me
on your camera?"
701
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,790
Because they would know then
that that negative, that camera
702
00:44:21,790 --> 00:44:23,290
would go away somewhere,
703
00:44:23,290 --> 00:44:26,370
that person could do anything
with those photos,
704
00:44:26,370 --> 00:44:29,080
and we were all a little bit paranoid
705
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,910
about having our
reputations destroyed
706
00:44:32,910 --> 00:44:36,500
or having blackmail exercised on us.
707
00:44:41,500 --> 00:44:44,870
And because of the prejudice
against gay people,
708
00:44:44,870 --> 00:44:47,830
they wanted
to differentiate themselves.
709
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:53,000
So the resort was designed
for cross-dressing men
710
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,210
who were exclusively heterosexual.
711
00:44:58,500 --> 00:45:01,960
They wanted their wives to be
part of the organisation.
712
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:15,540
Well, they labelled themselves
as cross-dressers.
713
00:45:15,540 --> 00:45:19,500
They didn't label themselves
as gay or transsexual.
714
00:45:19,500 --> 00:45:24,000
Most of them claimed
that they were totally heterosexual.
715
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,410
The times were the middle '50s
through '60s,
716
00:45:27,410 --> 00:45:33,120
which reigned of McCarthyism,
of anti-communist sentiment.
717
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,500
You know, if someone was perceived
as being gay,
718
00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:39,040
it was, you know, just, um,
it was a crime.
719
00:45:40,290 --> 00:45:42,790
Let's face it, you could go to jail
for that.
720
00:45:42,790 --> 00:45:47,290
In that context, not only do you
come out and be a cross-dresser,
721
00:45:47,290 --> 00:45:49,580
but then you're gay on top of that,
722
00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:53,500
so that's like strike two,
you know, so you're getting,
723
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:57,910
you know, a double whammy
from the, um,
724
00:45:57,910 --> 00:46:00,210
you know, from the religious front,
725
00:46:00,210 --> 00:46:04,660
from the moral majority back then.
726
00:46:04,660 --> 00:46:08,250
And that was a moral majority
back then.
727
00:46:08,250 --> 00:46:10,250
I have approached many numerous
firms
728
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:13,710
asking them for any kind
of work that they had to offer.
729
00:46:13,710 --> 00:46:17,000
Over a period of eight months,
the same response -
730
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,710
"We can't hire
anybody of your calibre.
731
00:46:19,710 --> 00:46:22,790
"We don't want any of your people
working for us."
732
00:46:22,790 --> 00:46:25,960
So what else was I supposed to do
when you get damn hungry?
733
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,460
I'm not up here tonight
for criticism.
734
00:46:28,460 --> 00:46:30,410
I'm up here for help.
735
00:46:30,410 --> 00:46:33,410
Now, I know about, roughly about
20 of us girls
736
00:46:33,410 --> 00:46:36,580
who are very well
qualified to do work.
737
00:46:37,710 --> 00:46:40,290
Legitimate work.
We don't want to hustle.
738
00:46:40,290 --> 00:46:41,790
We hate hustling.
739
00:46:42,790 --> 00:46:44,080
I do.
740
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:45,870
I hate it very bitterly.
741
00:46:45,870 --> 00:46:49,290
But when I get starving for two
and three days
742
00:46:49,290 --> 00:46:51,410
and somebody comes along,
743
00:46:51,410 --> 00:46:54,910
I'm going to take a meal off them
if it's the only means available.
744
00:46:54,910 --> 00:46:59,210
Not only did you have two strikes
on you,
745
00:46:59,210 --> 00:47:01,460
but you were then
a total degenerate.
746
00:47:01,460 --> 00:47:05,290
So I think they wanted to skirt
that issue
747
00:47:05,290 --> 00:47:08,000
in order to again get a certain
amount
748
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,460
of acceptability or tolerance -
749
00:47:10,460 --> 00:47:14,080
let's use that word instead
of acceptability. Tolerance.
750
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:19,120
Maria wanted to become the
landing pad, so to speak,
751
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,540
and she walked a very fine line
752
00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:26,000
because these people
were major film directors,
753
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:30,660
they were attorneys,
they were tug boat captains,
754
00:47:30,660 --> 00:47:32,370
there were airplane pilots,
755
00:47:32,370 --> 00:47:36,660
there was all sorts of professions
756
00:47:36,660 --> 00:47:40,540
that people reached, you know,
the pinnacle of their careers,
757
00:47:40,540 --> 00:47:44,290
where they were making good money,
had great jobs.
758
00:47:44,290 --> 00:47:48,870
It must have been an extremely
strong desire to do this
759
00:47:48,870 --> 00:47:51,500
because they were rolling the dice
760
00:47:51,500 --> 00:47:54,370
every time that they became
their alter ego.
761
00:47:55,750 --> 00:48:01,620
And then, IF found out, the downside
of it was horrendous, you know,
762
00:48:01,620 --> 00:48:06,500
I mean, who'd want to be brought
into jail dressed as a woman
763
00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:08,160
in your community?
764
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,660
I mean, it would have been front
page anywhere in the United States.
765
00:48:11,660 --> 00:48:17,250
So they risked a lot
for doing what they wanted to do.
766
00:48:19,290 --> 00:48:22,790
That is Irene,
who was an aeronautical engineer.
767
00:48:22,790 --> 00:48:26,210
She also was one who swore
that she would never go anywhere
768
00:48:26,210 --> 00:48:27,460
near sex change.
769
00:48:27,460 --> 00:48:31,210
She said, "Certainly not.
What an idea. Disgusting.
770
00:48:31,210 --> 00:48:35,410
"I am a cross-dresser and
I will remain a cross-dresser."
771
00:48:35,410 --> 00:48:38,330
And a couple of years
after I returned to Australia,
772
00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:41,040
I had a letter saying,
"Sit down before you read this.
773
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,790
"I've just had the operation."
774
00:48:43,790 --> 00:48:47,790
Felicity was an airline pilot
with many years' experience.
775
00:48:47,790 --> 00:48:51,370
She had intended to be
the first person to fly solo
776
00:48:51,370 --> 00:48:53,120
across the Atlantic. Wow.
777
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,250
But Lindbergh beat her to it. Yeah.
778
00:48:56,330 --> 00:48:59,120
Gail. I miss him so much.
779
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:04,210
Gail was the first person I met
who used the technique of glueing
780
00:49:04,210 --> 00:49:08,790
elastic to the skin and then pulling
it back to give a false
781
00:49:08,790 --> 00:49:11,620
and temporary safe face-lift.
782
00:49:11,620 --> 00:49:14,370
Yeah. I learnt many things from Gail
783
00:49:14,370 --> 00:49:17,870
and one of the first was that there
was someone else in the world
784
00:49:17,870 --> 00:49:20,370
like me,
which was very important to know.
785
00:49:20,370 --> 00:49:23,500
That's Downtown Group.
Downtown Branch.
786
00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:25,960
Donna is the only one I recognised.
787
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,250
Donna, I thought, was quite
beautiful. And elegant, too.
788
00:49:29,250 --> 00:49:31,620
She wasn't just beautiful,
she was elegant. She...
789
00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:33,580
Yeah, she could definitely pass.
790
00:49:35,620 --> 00:49:39,040
That's Donna in male mode.
791
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:43,750
I have never seen Donna as Don.
Ever.
792
00:49:43,750 --> 00:49:45,660
Had she transitioned?
793
00:49:45,660 --> 00:49:48,830
She had transitioned
and she had de-transitioned.
794
00:49:48,830 --> 00:49:51,080
Oh. Why do you think?
I don't know.
795
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,790
Maybe she saw herself deteriorating,
796
00:49:53,790 --> 00:49:57,500
maybe she thought she was no longer
the person that she could have been.
797
00:49:57,500 --> 00:50:00,500
Sadly, she decided just to walk
back down that path
798
00:50:00,500 --> 00:50:02,790
she had just climbed her way up.
799
00:50:04,370 --> 00:50:06,540
It's a fabulous dress.
800
00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:11,500
Gloria was large. She was about
6ft 4, and she had a stroke,
801
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:14,460
so she was paralysed on one side.
802
00:50:14,460 --> 00:50:19,540
But she did her best
with her accumulated wealth to help
803
00:50:19,540 --> 00:50:21,750
other transgendered people.
804
00:50:21,750 --> 00:50:24,660
I read about that, yeah. And she
paid for their operations
805
00:50:24,660 --> 00:50:30,330
and she looked after them until they
felt free to go out into society.
806
00:50:30,330 --> 00:50:33,960
When she died, the minister
who conducted the ceremony
807
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,710
had a problem because they had
invited a lot of people,
808
00:50:37,710 --> 00:50:41,000
some of whom knew Rex
and some of whom knew Gloria. Yeah.
809
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,000
And so they put the Gloria people
on one side of the church
810
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,960
and the Rex people on the other,
811
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,410
and the minister had to stumble
his way through the eulogy saying,
812
00:50:49,410 --> 00:50:53,460
"This, uh, um, person was a fine
p-person,
813
00:50:53,460 --> 00:50:57,660
"and we should all...we should all
honour this, um, person.
814
00:50:59,790 --> 00:51:02,620
Oh, that's me! Is that you?
That's me.
815
00:51:02,620 --> 00:51:07,210
And that's the wig that Marie
put together for me. Mm-hm.
816
00:51:07,210 --> 00:51:09,580
I love that photo.
Me in a swimming pool.
817
00:51:09,580 --> 00:51:12,710
I love that photo. ..a swimming
costume and garter.
818
00:51:12,710 --> 00:51:15,080
You've got great legs there.
Oh, great legs.
819
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:18,580
Of course, I admit that - honesty
forces me to admit that!
820
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:21,710
Oh, dear.
821
00:51:21,710 --> 00:51:26,410
Bad. That was taken in my family home
in Sydney.
822
00:51:26,410 --> 00:51:30,370
That was what I used to do for myself
with my little home-made
823
00:51:30,370 --> 00:51:35,040
self-timer on the camera,
and I would stand in the corner
824
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,460
and take photographs, and
all the doors were deadlocked.
825
00:51:38,460 --> 00:51:41,500
I love the photos with you
with your natural hair.
826
00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:43,290
You look more like yourself.
827
00:51:43,290 --> 00:51:44,710
And I like that.
828
00:51:46,870 --> 00:51:48,410
I love that photo.
829
00:51:48,410 --> 00:51:50,120
I love that photo!
830
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,410
Don't laugh, I LOVE that photo!
831
00:51:52,410 --> 00:51:53,830
It's the sheepdog.
832
00:51:53,830 --> 00:51:55,870
I know, but it's very...
833
00:51:55,870 --> 00:51:59,250
The way it covers one of your eyes
is very fetching.
834
00:52:01,210 --> 00:52:03,660
I like it. Veronica Lake...
835
00:52:03,660 --> 00:52:05,080
I LOVE that photo.
836
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,370
I love this one, too,
cos you're so young.
837
00:52:08,370 --> 00:52:10,620
Another one taken from my home.
838
00:52:10,620 --> 00:52:12,040
How old were you there?
839
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,750
Well, that would have been
at university, so somewhere
840
00:52:14,750 --> 00:52:16,710
between 16 and 20.
841
00:52:16,710 --> 00:52:19,330
So young. That is my father.
842
00:52:21,370 --> 00:52:23,330
That's in my mother's house.
843
00:52:23,330 --> 00:52:26,250
Is it? And there he is again.
844
00:52:26,250 --> 00:52:30,540
There's more of him around
in a dress than I knew of.
845
00:52:30,540 --> 00:52:34,120
Oh, yes. There are many, many photos
of him in dresses.
846
00:52:35,370 --> 00:52:38,210
I'm learning things about your father
every minute.
847
00:52:38,210 --> 00:52:40,540
Oh, yes. And there's my dad again.
848
00:52:40,540 --> 00:52:42,580
That's him again. Yes.
849
00:52:44,580 --> 00:52:49,210
And again. That's him again
with my mom. With some short woman.
850
00:52:49,210 --> 00:52:51,790
I love that. She always has a look
of adoration
851
00:52:51,790 --> 00:52:54,040
whenever she looks at him, you know?
852
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,910
So you didn't really see him
dress much? No.
853
00:52:57,910 --> 00:52:59,790
Well, only once ever, I think.
854
00:52:59,790 --> 00:53:02,250
Oh, my God,
there's many, many photos of him.
855
00:53:02,250 --> 00:53:04,080
There he is again.
856
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,830
I'm certainly surprised
because I had always
857
00:53:06,830 --> 00:53:09,460
been under the impression
that he suppressed
858
00:53:09,460 --> 00:53:11,210
it as much as possible,
859
00:53:11,210 --> 00:53:15,000
that it was all going on in his head,
but not in real life.
860
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,040
I think that was true
for a few years.
861
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:18,960
And then it just popped out.
862
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:20,370
Yeah.
863
00:53:20,370 --> 00:53:22,960
Look, he has good legs too. Yeah.
864
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,790
I don't know where these clothing
were cos they certainly
865
00:53:25,790 --> 00:53:27,790
weren't in our house.
866
00:53:27,790 --> 00:53:31,460
My mother always said that my father
was a pure clothing fetishist.
867
00:53:32,710 --> 00:53:36,370
But seeing all these photos,
I can't help but wonder,
868
00:53:36,370 --> 00:53:38,540
was there more involved?
869
00:53:38,540 --> 00:53:40,660
Do you...what do you think?
870
00:53:40,660 --> 00:53:42,790
What is your take on this?
871
00:53:42,790 --> 00:53:45,290
My take on this is
that no-one knows.
872
00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:50,040
No-one will ever know
what goes on in some of the depths
873
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,040
of someone's mind.
874
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,540
Who knows? The shadow knows.
Only the shadow knows. Yes.
875
00:53:55,540 --> 00:53:57,000
Only the shadow knows.
876
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,870
Who is that? I don't know.
877
00:53:59,870 --> 00:54:01,410
Quite attractive, though.
878
00:54:01,410 --> 00:54:02,500
Yeah.
879
00:54:04,870 --> 00:54:06,620
Is this a...?
880
00:54:06,620 --> 00:54:08,660
Where? Is that me?
881
00:54:08,660 --> 00:54:10,080
Is that really me?
882
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:12,620
Are you sure?
883
00:54:12,620 --> 00:54:14,960
Somebody said so, huh?
884
00:54:16,250 --> 00:54:17,660
Is that really me?
885
00:54:19,830 --> 00:54:21,750
Where would that have been?
886
00:54:27,500 --> 00:54:29,830
Oh, God, I can't stand it.
887
00:54:31,460 --> 00:54:34,040
This is unbelievable.
I don't believe that's me.
888
00:54:35,250 --> 00:54:38,160
Is that really me?
Oh, wait a minute.
889
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,290
"Diana and Dee." That's not me.
This is not me.
890
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:45,160
That's not me.
891
00:54:46,250 --> 00:54:47,790
That's not me.
892
00:54:47,790 --> 00:54:49,540
These are not me.
893
00:54:50,910 --> 00:54:52,370
That could be me.
894
00:54:53,870 --> 00:54:56,870
This is kind of an embarrassing
picture, but it says my name right
895
00:54:56,870 --> 00:54:59,750
on the back. So it must be me.
896
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:01,330
THIS is me.
897
00:55:02,540 --> 00:55:04,370
These are definitely me.
898
00:55:04,370 --> 00:55:06,620
Those three are definitely me.
899
00:55:06,620 --> 00:55:09,410
My hair had grown quite long
by that time.
900
00:55:10,620 --> 00:55:14,000
This was right around
when I got the surgery.
901
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,910
And, um...
902
00:55:18,710 --> 00:55:21,410
I was...I was feeling my oats.
903
00:55:23,460 --> 00:55:25,080
I was pretty happy here.
904
00:55:26,250 --> 00:55:27,960
Very, very happy.
905
00:55:29,870 --> 00:55:35,250
Coming here made me realise
that this was really how I needed
906
00:55:35,250 --> 00:55:38,040
to be, and I had to face up to that.
907
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:41,160
This was so powerful for me
and so important
908
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:45,250
that I had to figure out a way to...
909
00:55:45,250 --> 00:55:48,160
..um, to allow it to...
910
00:55:50,620 --> 00:55:52,080
..bloom.
911
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:57,410
So after this Halloween party,
we went to Gail's place in the city.
912
00:55:57,410 --> 00:56:01,160
So I stayed there for a couple
of days. Always as Diana.
913
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:03,210
It was Diana the whole time.
914
00:56:03,210 --> 00:56:06,160
Then I got this call from Julie.
915
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:10,040
And the sad part was
that she had had a miscarriage.
916
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:13,210
That was like a real, uh...
917
00:56:13,210 --> 00:56:16,460
..kick in the head because,
you know,
918
00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:19,830
kind of almost the worst thing
that you can imagine happening
919
00:56:19,830 --> 00:56:22,710
when you're in the middle
of this blissful pleasure
920
00:56:22,710 --> 00:56:25,910
and your...and your beloved is
having a miscarriage,
921
00:56:25,910 --> 00:56:28,620
there's just something
kind of very dissonant
922
00:56:28,620 --> 00:56:30,830
about that, and very unhappy.
923
00:56:35,830 --> 00:56:39,210
When I went back to Australia
after my degree,
924
00:56:39,210 --> 00:56:41,290
I was determined to marry.
925
00:56:41,290 --> 00:56:44,040
I was determined to give up
cross-dressing and I thought
926
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:47,750
it would be almost automatic.
Very many cross-dressers think,
927
00:56:47,750 --> 00:56:50,120
"Oh, once I get married,
it'll all go away.
928
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,870
"I won't need this imaginary woman
929
00:56:52,870 --> 00:56:56,120
"that inhabits half my body and most
of my mind."
930
00:56:57,540 --> 00:57:00,040
But it didn't work out that way.
931
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:04,040
I still had the urges to dress,
even when I was engaged,
932
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:09,460
and as the marriage drew closer and
closer, and finally I had decided,
933
00:57:09,460 --> 00:57:13,120
I really, in fairness,
had to tell her about myself
934
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:14,830
before we got married.
935
00:57:14,830 --> 00:57:18,370
And at that point, her father was
killed in a road accident.
936
00:57:18,370 --> 00:57:20,080
So I couldn't tell her,
937
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:24,580
I couldn't bring two tragedies
into her life so close together.
938
00:57:24,580 --> 00:57:27,290
So I determined instead to give up
939
00:57:27,290 --> 00:57:31,790
anything to do with cross-dressing
for a full year.
940
00:57:31,790 --> 00:57:35,330
And maybe I could give it up
completely then,
941
00:57:35,330 --> 00:57:38,750
and at least I wouldn't have
committed myself to life,
942
00:57:38,750 --> 00:57:44,960
I would be able to either renew
my vow of...masculinity
943
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,500
or else I would...give way
944
00:57:48,500 --> 00:57:51,370
and go forward towards
being feminine.
945
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:58,080
So one year after we were married,
I told my wife about myself,
946
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:02,210
and she was quite naturally
very upset.
947
00:58:02,210 --> 00:58:07,210
But in a few days' time, she came
back to me and said that we would try
948
00:58:07,210 --> 00:58:12,000
and make it work because
that's what marriage was about.
949
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:16,750
And we did make it work,
through three children and 25 years.
950
00:58:20,620 --> 00:58:24,160
In the early sixties, my father's
obsession was getting worse.
951
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,500
So he flew out to the West Coast
to meet Virginia.
952
00:58:27,500 --> 00:58:31,540
He wanted somebody to talk to
about this very secret
953
00:58:31,540 --> 00:58:34,370
subject, completely undercover.
954
00:58:34,370 --> 00:58:39,540
And so Virginia suggested
Susanna and Gail.
955
00:58:39,540 --> 00:58:46,660
Gail and Susanna both had,
um, meeting places
956
00:58:46,660 --> 00:58:49,370
for men of this nature,
957
00:58:49,370 --> 00:58:51,290
of this ilk.
958
00:58:52,710 --> 00:58:56,410
Gail was in the village,
so she's the "Downtown Group".
959
00:58:56,410 --> 00:59:00,290
And Susanna was in midtown,
so she was the Midtown Group.
960
00:59:00,290 --> 00:59:04,160
So my father wrote a letter
to Susanna and Gail.
961
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:08,210
Gail answered within a week,
and they both just hit it off.
962
00:59:09,370 --> 00:59:12,830
He would say he was going
book hunting on Saturday,
963
00:59:12,830 --> 00:59:15,580
but I really think
a lot of those times,
964
00:59:15,580 --> 00:59:17,500
he didn't come back with books.
965
00:59:17,500 --> 00:59:21,000
He came back occasionally
with books, but not usually.
966
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:25,710
And I think he went to Gail's house
on 11th Street.
967
00:59:25,710 --> 00:59:28,960
But he knew
he would have to tell my mother,
968
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,410
and he asked advice from Virginia.
969
00:59:32,410 --> 00:59:34,660
And Virginia said,
"Come at it slowly."
970
00:59:34,660 --> 00:59:36,460
And so he did.
971
00:59:36,460 --> 00:59:40,620
He, you know, he started to wear
nylon tricot,
972
00:59:40,620 --> 00:59:43,620
and he eventually went nightgown
shopping with my mother.
973
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,500
When I was 12, it was 1964.
974
00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:52,290
So I think that was about the time
975
00:59:52,290 --> 00:59:56,870
when he might have opened
the WHOLE door to her
976
00:59:56,870 --> 01:00:01,620
cos I think she felt it was just
something between them originally,
977
01:00:01,620 --> 01:00:04,370
but when she discovered the network
978
01:00:04,370 --> 01:00:09,040
and she realised it wasn't going to
stop, it wasn't a phase,
979
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:12,250
there was some watershed moment
for my mother.
980
01:00:19,500 --> 01:00:22,660
Julie and I, we loved one another,
and the love
981
01:00:22,660 --> 01:00:26,750
was beyond all the other things
about ourselves.
982
01:00:26,750 --> 01:00:29,040
But we were innocent in some ways
983
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:32,120
about life and about how people
are and can be.
984
01:00:33,750 --> 01:00:37,370
So we thought that New York would be
a place where I could learn
985
01:00:37,370 --> 01:00:39,580
how I really was.
986
01:00:39,580 --> 01:00:44,040
And it wasn't so much
that it would all be healed,
987
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:46,790
but if there were any place
where it COULD be healed,
988
01:00:46,790 --> 01:00:49,500
it would be someplace like New York.
989
01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:54,500
Her hope was that it would be...
it would be something
990
01:00:54,500 --> 01:00:56,290
we could live with.
991
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,580
And that was my hope, too.
992
01:01:00,580 --> 01:01:06,710
So we decided to move to New York
and go visit Harry Benjamin
993
01:01:06,710 --> 01:01:10,500
and see if there's anything
to be done for me.
994
01:01:11,870 --> 01:01:16,710
At that time, anybody who was even
remotely thinking of surgery
995
01:01:16,710 --> 01:01:19,040
had to see Harry Benjamin.
996
01:01:20,710 --> 01:01:22,580
I didn't dress all that much,
997
01:01:22,580 --> 01:01:25,370
I don't think.
Julie and I would visit Gail
998
01:01:25,370 --> 01:01:28,160
and we would visit Susanna.
999
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:32,870
Julie was very much a part, although
she was often tortured by it
1000
01:01:32,870 --> 01:01:34,830
because she didn't understand it.
1001
01:01:34,830 --> 01:01:36,540
It was not pleasant for her.
1002
01:01:38,790 --> 01:01:41,080
But she was willing to go along
with it
1003
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:43,790
because she wanted...
she wanted this to turn out...
1004
01:01:45,540 --> 01:01:48,460
..OK, for both of us.
1005
01:01:49,500 --> 01:01:52,210
And then I started to take hormones.
1006
01:01:52,210 --> 01:01:57,000
I started to develop a little bit,
and it became apparent
1007
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,330
that that was what I wanted.
1008
01:01:59,330 --> 01:02:03,790
So we came to realise
that this really couldn't work.
1009
01:02:05,870 --> 01:02:10,250
She moved back to Valparaiso,
where a good friend of ours, Paul,
1010
01:02:10,250 --> 01:02:12,210
asked her to marry him.
1011
01:02:15,330 --> 01:02:17,330
So Julie and I were separated.
1012
01:02:17,330 --> 01:02:20,000
I was working
at a public relations place.
1013
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,710
I was taking hormones.
1014
01:02:21,710 --> 01:02:23,710
I was doing electrolysis.
1015
01:02:23,710 --> 01:02:24,870
And I was...
1016
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:30,870
It was...it became more and more
known that I wanted to have surgery,
1017
01:02:30,870 --> 01:02:34,830
but there didn't seem any way
for me possibly to do it
1018
01:02:34,830 --> 01:02:36,960
because it was thousands of dollars.
1019
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,540
But then Gloria did call.
1020
01:02:40,870 --> 01:02:45,210
We went out to dinner and...he said,
1021
01:02:45,210 --> 01:02:49,790
"Well, if you really want to do
this, I'll help you out.
1022
01:02:49,790 --> 01:02:51,910
"I'll take you to California
1023
01:02:51,910 --> 01:02:54,660
"and we'll find a place
for you to do this.
1024
01:02:54,660 --> 01:02:58,160
"I'll pay for it
and you can stay with me."
1025
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:04,660
So I resigned and I tried
to pull everything together.
1026
01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:10,290
I changed to Diana
the night before the flight.
1027
01:03:11,790 --> 01:03:14,750
And, um...
1028
01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:17,040
And that was the last time
I was David.
1029
01:03:19,910 --> 01:03:23,620
It was a very rough flight
to California.
1030
01:03:23,620 --> 01:03:27,410
I thought that I was going to die
and God would have gotten me!
1031
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,210
And my mother was right all along!
1032
01:03:32,330 --> 01:03:34,370
But fortunately, the plane landed.
1033
01:03:35,870 --> 01:03:39,500
And we just kind of leisurely
made our way across the country.
1034
01:03:40,540 --> 01:03:42,830
And then we went to Tijuana.
1035
01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:49,370
In the United States,
this was illegal.
1036
01:03:49,370 --> 01:03:52,620
Everybody agreed that it was right
that it was illegal.
1037
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:57,250
There was no way to find
a moral place to stand.
1038
01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,750
And that's a very isolating
experience for any human being,
1039
01:04:00,750 --> 01:04:05,500
I think, that to feel like
who you are is against the law.
1040
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:12,870
There's still a little bit of anger
in me even now
1041
01:04:12,870 --> 01:04:17,410
that I actually had to leave the
country to have the surgery done.
1042
01:04:18,790 --> 01:04:20,750
I feel wronged about that.
1043
01:04:25,210 --> 01:04:28,120
I woke up,
and it was pretty fierce pain.
1044
01:04:29,460 --> 01:04:35,330
And my surgery was certainly not
the most refined of the surgeries.
1045
01:04:35,330 --> 01:04:38,750
I would have wished that I'd been
able to go in other places,
1046
01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:41,160
Casablanca was the place
at the time.
1047
01:04:42,500 --> 01:04:47,960
But I DIDN'T have that and I...I was
very grateful that I got what I got.
1048
01:04:49,580 --> 01:04:51,460
But it was very painful.
1049
01:04:51,460 --> 01:04:54,540
It was in a hospital
where nobody spoke,
1050
01:04:54,540 --> 01:04:56,750
well, everybody spoke Spanish.
1051
01:04:56,750 --> 01:05:00,210
So I learned "mucho dolor"...
1052
01:05:01,870 --> 01:05:04,540
..and "agua caliente".
1053
01:05:14,790 --> 01:05:19,080
Then we decided we should drive back
to Pennsylvania,
1054
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:23,410
and on the way we should stop
in Iowa and visit my parents.
1055
01:05:25,330 --> 01:05:28,580
We drove across the country,
Gloria and I.
1056
01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:34,370
And we stopped in Omaha
and my father came to meet us.
1057
01:05:35,660 --> 01:05:38,790
And I remember I was in the room
and my hair was in curlers.
1058
01:05:38,790 --> 01:05:41,540
And he came into the room.
1059
01:05:41,540 --> 01:05:46,210
He just came across the room
and gave me a big hug and said,
1060
01:05:46,210 --> 01:05:47,580
"I'm so glad to see you."
1061
01:05:48,580 --> 01:05:50,040
And it was...
1062
01:05:51,540 --> 01:05:56,290
..you know, it was truly an amazing,
amazing gift of love.
1063
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:06,160
He was an incredible kind of
marriage of strength and...softness.
1064
01:06:07,870 --> 01:06:13,830
He was both an incredibly strong,
masculine man,
1065
01:06:13,830 --> 01:06:18,620
but he was an incredibly gentle soul
as well.
1066
01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:21,660
And, um...
1067
01:06:23,870 --> 01:06:25,210
Uh...
1068
01:06:27,460 --> 01:06:29,710
That's...
1069
01:06:29,710 --> 01:06:34,580
That's always been a model
for how people should be,
1070
01:06:34,580 --> 01:06:38,710
um, that they should...
1071
01:06:43,710 --> 01:06:46,790
..have a zest for life
1072
01:06:46,790 --> 01:06:50,290
and a love
for the excitement of life,
1073
01:06:50,290 --> 01:06:52,540
but a willingness to...
1074
01:06:55,410 --> 01:06:57,790
..to give and to...
1075
01:06:58,910 --> 01:07:02,870
..and to, uh, have vulnerability.
1076
01:07:02,870 --> 01:07:05,040
To be vulnerable.
1077
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:06,460
And, um...
1078
01:07:08,040 --> 01:07:11,000
And my dad was just an incredibly...
1079
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,710
He crossed all of those.
1080
01:07:13,710 --> 01:07:16,500
And I don't... He was a simple man.
1081
01:07:16,500 --> 01:07:21,370
He was not, he was
not some super-educated or...
1082
01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:23,960
But he was just...
1083
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:26,910
He was just a very good being.
1084
01:07:28,870 --> 01:07:32,750
But that didn't produce a super-good
relationship with my parents,
1085
01:07:32,750 --> 01:07:36,290
because my mother was just...
it was just too much.
1086
01:07:36,290 --> 01:07:38,870
You know, they were in a small town,
1087
01:07:38,870 --> 01:07:41,370
it was...it was embarrassing -
quotes -
1088
01:07:41,370 --> 01:07:45,000
"embarrassing" to them
for me to show up, to be around.
1089
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,040
I was an embarrassment, you know.
1090
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:50,410
So it was...it was just as well
to them that I was...
1091
01:07:50,410 --> 01:07:52,120
..kind of disappeared.
1092
01:07:54,750 --> 01:07:58,290
My relationship with my wife
was never the kind of secret
1093
01:07:58,290 --> 01:08:01,080
that is hidden away in a closet.
1094
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:05,040
Back in Australia, when I went
to a dinner or a party,
1095
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:08,540
she knew where I was going
and who I was going to be with.
1096
01:08:08,540 --> 01:08:13,040
And, in fact, she even came
to a few of the functions with me.
1097
01:08:14,500 --> 01:08:17,620
When we moved back to America
after a few years,
1098
01:08:17,620 --> 01:08:21,080
we met Downtown Branch
and sometimes others.
1099
01:08:22,290 --> 01:08:26,870
But after, I don't know,
four or five times, she said
1100
01:08:26,870 --> 01:08:30,580
she would really rather not come
because she was afraid of hurting
1101
01:08:30,580 --> 01:08:33,710
people's feelings
by calling them by the wrong name.
1102
01:08:35,370 --> 01:08:38,210
So from then on,
I would go by myself.
1103
01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:44,160
In those days, I should add,
that we didn't visit Casa Susanna,
1104
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:47,120
mainly because the resort had
disappeared.
1105
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,660
I would ask how, "How's Marie,"
1106
01:08:49,660 --> 01:08:52,660
and people would say,
"We think she's dead."
1107
01:08:52,660 --> 01:08:56,080
And I'd ask,
"What about the resort?"
1108
01:08:56,080 --> 01:09:00,710
And they'd say, "Oh, it closed
years ago. We don't know."
1109
01:09:00,710 --> 01:09:06,120
So although it was only four or five
years since I'd been there,
1110
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:10,710
it was nonetheless as if the resort
had been all imagination
1111
01:09:10,710 --> 01:09:12,620
and had never existed.
1112
01:09:12,620 --> 01:09:16,210
And it was strange
because no-one knew.
1113
01:09:16,210 --> 01:09:18,960
You imagined that someone
at least would have known
1114
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:20,330
the truth about something.
1115
01:09:20,330 --> 01:09:22,750
Whereas, Tito, nobody knows.
1116
01:09:22,750 --> 01:09:25,290
But that was only one part
of our lives anyway.
1117
01:09:25,290 --> 01:09:29,290
And I was too busy with myself.
1118
01:09:29,290 --> 01:09:32,660
It wasn't so much that
the urge was increasing,
1119
01:09:32,660 --> 01:09:35,410
but that time was passing.
1120
01:09:35,410 --> 01:09:41,080
And I knew that the proportion of my
life that I would have to spend
1121
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:46,290
as a woman was diminishing compared
to the proportion of my life
1122
01:09:46,290 --> 01:09:51,710
that I had already spent
and would spend as a man.
1123
01:09:51,710 --> 01:09:54,620
And so the pressure became greater.
1124
01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:56,160
I kept wanting more and more.
1125
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:57,910
I wanted to dress more frequently.
1126
01:09:57,910 --> 01:10:00,580
I wanted to dress with more freedom.
1127
01:10:00,580 --> 01:10:04,870
I felt that I'd spent the first
third of my life being the person
1128
01:10:04,870 --> 01:10:07,410
that my family wanted me to be.
1129
01:10:07,410 --> 01:10:11,040
And the second third of my life,
I had spent being who my marital
1130
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,870
family wanted me to be.
1131
01:10:12,870 --> 01:10:18,080
And I wanted time for myself
to be the person I wanted it to be.
1132
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:22,790
And, of course, several
of my friends committed suicide.
1133
01:10:22,790 --> 01:10:25,330
And I thought,
is this the way I have to go?
1134
01:10:25,330 --> 01:10:29,460
Is this the only way that I'll ever
get away from this circle
1135
01:10:29,460 --> 01:10:33,540
of being John then Katherine
then John then Katherine?
1136
01:10:33,540 --> 01:10:38,040
Maybe I have to break the marriage
or commit suicide.
1137
01:10:39,410 --> 01:10:46,370
And when I went to my wife
and told her that I needed to try
1138
01:10:46,370 --> 01:10:53,040
living as a woman, she seemed to be
very sympathetic and say,
1139
01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:57,250
"Well, we can't have anything
else happening that's worse."
1140
01:10:57,250 --> 01:10:59,460
Because I think I've raised it,
1141
01:10:59,460 --> 01:11:03,410
"I have to try living as a woman
or do something sillier,"
1142
01:11:03,410 --> 01:11:04,910
was my phrase.
1143
01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:07,960
And she said,
"Well, we can't have that."
1144
01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:14,210
And we obviously both were talking
about suicide and I thought
1145
01:11:14,210 --> 01:11:16,370
it was all going to be all right.
1146
01:11:16,370 --> 01:11:18,790
I told my family.
1147
01:11:18,790 --> 01:11:23,160
My eldest daughter burst into tears
and said, "Is that all it is?"
1148
01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:27,910
Because they'd seen the distress
that I was under and stress
1149
01:11:27,910 --> 01:11:33,370
that my wife was under,
and they had assumed that like every
1150
01:11:33,370 --> 01:11:36,710
second family around us,
I was having an affair with some
1151
01:11:36,710 --> 01:11:41,290
other woman, of which I was,
of course, but it was me.
1152
01:11:41,290 --> 01:11:45,330
So that was the situation.
1153
01:11:45,330 --> 01:11:48,000
That was really what pushed me
over the edge.
1154
01:11:51,210 --> 01:11:54,370
I had the operation early
in February, and at the end
1155
01:11:54,370 --> 01:11:56,290
of the operation I felt marvellous.
1156
01:11:56,290 --> 01:12:01,540
I felt that for the first time
in my life I was the real person
1157
01:12:01,540 --> 01:12:07,290
and that I had discarded those bits
of me that weren't necessary.
1158
01:12:07,290 --> 01:12:11,250
And I had gained those bits
of me that were.
1159
01:12:11,250 --> 01:12:15,500
But when I told my family,
it was such a shock to them
1160
01:12:15,500 --> 01:12:20,080
that there weren't really any
questions that I could answer.
1161
01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:23,040
One daughter has been
my best friend
1162
01:12:23,040 --> 01:12:26,250
virtually ever since the operation.
1163
01:12:26,250 --> 01:12:30,960
The other two don't want
to know me as Katherine.
1164
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:34,250
One of them I haven't seen
for many years.
1165
01:12:34,250 --> 01:12:39,210
The other one wrote me a letter
of hope when I had my
1166
01:12:39,210 --> 01:12:40,870
first heart operation.
1167
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,370
Hope that I would recover soon
and be well, and so on.
1168
01:12:45,370 --> 01:12:48,500
I thought, here is an opportunity
I can take.
1169
01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:53,290
It will have been worth having my
triple bypass if I can make
1170
01:12:53,290 --> 01:12:55,660
a contact with my daughter.
1171
01:12:55,660 --> 01:12:59,120
And so I wrote back to her
and thanked her and said,
1172
01:12:59,120 --> 01:13:02,120
"Maybe when I come out of
the hospital, we could sit
1173
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:04,660
"down for coffee and have a talk."
1174
01:13:04,660 --> 01:13:09,250
And I received a reply which said,
1175
01:13:09,250 --> 01:13:11,620
"It's too soon."
1176
01:13:11,620 --> 01:13:14,000
So I still haven't seen her.
1177
01:13:22,290 --> 01:13:26,750
I drove home calm and filled
with thoughts of the astonishing
1178
01:13:26,750 --> 01:13:29,460
secret world I had come into.
1179
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:36,290
I had heard some astonishing
stories, but I could not visualise
1180
01:13:36,290 --> 01:13:39,250
myself taking part in such
adventures.
1181
01:13:39,250 --> 01:13:44,160
There is indeed a certain dead end
element in Gail's life.
1182
01:13:44,160 --> 01:13:48,750
It was evident in everything he said
and did that he looked back on each
1183
01:13:48,750 --> 01:13:51,460
episode as something guilt ridden.
1184
01:13:51,460 --> 01:13:56,750
He was like a man on a toboggan
slide, enjoying the sensation,
1185
01:13:56,750 --> 01:14:02,500
unable to get off, and having no
idea of what cliff or wall might lie
1186
01:14:02,500 --> 01:14:04,040
at the bottom.
1187
01:14:04,040 --> 01:14:09,290
I saw Gail as a man laughing
to cover up a desire to scream
1188
01:14:09,290 --> 01:14:12,250
as joking to keep from crying,
1189
01:14:12,250 --> 01:14:16,000
as running to avoid having to
stop and look at himself.
1190
01:14:25,210 --> 01:14:30,790
My father was somebody, I think,
who really couldn't change...
1191
01:14:32,710 --> 01:14:35,160
..even as Doris.
1192
01:14:35,160 --> 01:14:37,750
My father was still Donald.
1193
01:14:37,750 --> 01:14:44,960
I have a letter from him to my
mother from 1942 where he says,
1194
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:46,580
"This is the way I am.
1195
01:14:48,710 --> 01:14:51,080
"I am prone to moods.
1196
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:56,160
"I wake up in the morning one
morning and everything is shit
1197
01:14:56,160 --> 01:15:01,870
"and all people are crap, and
there's no good place for anything
1198
01:15:01,870 --> 01:15:05,210
"and nothing good can ever happen,
and that's the way I feel.
1199
01:15:05,210 --> 01:15:12,710
"And then I wake up another morning
and everything seems fine and fun
1200
01:15:12,710 --> 01:15:15,710
"and nice and interesting."
1201
01:15:15,710 --> 01:15:17,750
And that's the way he was
his whole life.
1202
01:15:19,330 --> 01:15:25,080
After they had me, things were
really happy for the first ten,
1203
01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:27,410
maybe, years of my life.
1204
01:15:27,410 --> 01:15:34,160
But as I started to go through
puberty, my father started to get
1205
01:15:34,160 --> 01:15:39,080
insulting and say things like,
1206
01:15:39,080 --> 01:15:42,910
"Looks like me, poor kid."
1207
01:15:42,910 --> 01:15:48,370
He said things to me that were
absolutely unforgivable.
1208
01:15:48,370 --> 01:15:50,250
Unforgivable.
1209
01:15:50,250 --> 01:15:54,870
When I was 12 years old, I was 12 -
I was in sixth grade, 12 -
1210
01:15:54,870 --> 01:15:57,960
he said I was a liar, a cheat
and a fraud.
1211
01:15:59,410 --> 01:16:01,330
How could a 12-year-old be a fraud?
1212
01:16:01,330 --> 01:16:02,620
And I never lied.
1213
01:16:02,620 --> 01:16:04,080
I told my mother everything.
1214
01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:07,660
My friends would tease me
that I'd tell Mommy everything.
1215
01:16:07,660 --> 01:16:11,540
So, you know, I didn't lie.
1216
01:16:11,540 --> 01:16:14,120
I didn't cheat because I was
the smartest kid in school.
1217
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:16,160
So who would I cheat from?
1218
01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:18,960
And, you know,
I wasn't a fraud because
1219
01:16:18,960 --> 01:16:21,330
what 12-year-old could be a fraud?
1220
01:16:21,330 --> 01:16:24,290
It's ridiculous. Impossible.
1221
01:16:24,290 --> 01:16:27,080
And it took me another...
1222
01:16:28,790 --> 01:16:33,460
..over 20 years to realise that
that was all
1223
01:16:33,460 --> 01:16:36,370
projection of how he felt
about himself.
1224
01:16:37,580 --> 01:16:42,580
He obviously had a lot of
self-hatred, which was like a black
1225
01:16:42,580 --> 01:16:47,960
cloud in our household,
like a hole, like a cloud.
1226
01:16:47,960 --> 01:16:53,500
My father was somebody who opened
his mouth and said things that most
1227
01:16:53,500 --> 01:16:56,370
people would consider unsayable.
1228
01:16:56,370 --> 01:16:57,830
Really, unsayable.
1229
01:16:59,040 --> 01:17:02,500
He would just say it like that,
no problem.
1230
01:17:02,500 --> 01:17:06,370
He told me I had no worth
as a person, that basically
1231
01:17:06,370 --> 01:17:08,160
I was just a broodmare.
1232
01:17:08,160 --> 01:17:10,540
I was a worthless piece of crap.
1233
01:17:10,540 --> 01:17:12,830
I mean, I really loved my father.
1234
01:17:12,830 --> 01:17:14,910
I worshipped him. I adored him.
1235
01:17:14,910 --> 01:17:17,540
I loved him. I idolised him.
1236
01:17:17,540 --> 01:17:22,080
So every single nasty thing
he said to me, I bought it.
1237
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:23,750
I bought it all.
1238
01:17:23,750 --> 01:17:25,660
I believed it.
1239
01:17:25,660 --> 01:17:30,210
And I'm still trying to rid myself
of some of these beliefs
1240
01:17:30,210 --> 01:17:31,580
now at age 70.
1241
01:17:32,830 --> 01:17:37,080
I wonder if his own hatred
for his father -
1242
01:17:37,080 --> 01:17:40,120
he just assumed that I would hate
him because he was the father.
1243
01:17:40,120 --> 01:17:41,870
I don't know, I have no idea.
1244
01:17:41,870 --> 01:17:44,620
Maybe he hated me because I was
the girl that looked like him.
1245
01:17:44,620 --> 01:17:46,330
I really don't know.
1246
01:17:46,330 --> 01:17:47,710
I don't know.
1247
01:17:49,210 --> 01:17:54,960
So anything that made him happy
was a happy thing for our household.
1248
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:59,040
That's why I feel happiness
1249
01:17:59,040 --> 01:18:03,660
that he got pleasure
from cross-dressing,
1250
01:18:03,660 --> 01:18:08,040
because that was, like, if you made
a chart and there was a negative
1251
01:18:08,040 --> 01:18:10,960
side and a positive side,
there were so many negatives
1252
01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:14,330
and that cross-dressing,
he was happy.
1253
01:18:14,330 --> 01:18:15,710
He was happy.
1254
01:18:15,710 --> 01:18:19,540
When I walked around yesterday,
I looked around here and I could
1255
01:18:19,540 --> 01:18:23,710
think, I could imagine
all of them, you know,
1256
01:18:23,710 --> 01:18:27,460
going through the grass in their
high heels, you know, coming
1257
01:18:27,460 --> 01:18:28,710
from the cabins.
1258
01:18:28,710 --> 01:18:31,410
And I could imagine them
all so happy.
1259
01:18:31,410 --> 01:18:35,040
And I thought, my father must
have been so happy here.
1260
01:18:38,460 --> 01:18:44,210
He had found a group that accepted
him with all of his quirks,
1261
01:18:44,210 --> 01:18:46,460
even his most outrageous quirk.
1262
01:18:46,460 --> 01:18:49,250
And he says in his book
that he bonded
1263
01:18:49,250 --> 01:18:51,500
with people immediately.
1264
01:18:51,500 --> 01:18:54,790
My father wasn't like that
with other people.
1265
01:18:54,790 --> 01:18:56,910
He really wasn't.
1266
01:18:56,910 --> 01:19:00,460
He could be very cruel.
He was very, very cruel.
1267
01:19:00,460 --> 01:19:02,250
He was cruel to my mother.
1268
01:19:02,250 --> 01:19:03,910
He was cruel to me.
1269
01:19:03,910 --> 01:19:06,330
He was cruel to a lot
of his authors.
1270
01:19:06,330 --> 01:19:08,120
He wasn't cruel at all to others.
1271
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:10,790
It really depended
on their personality.
1272
01:19:10,790 --> 01:19:15,460
And I don't think he was ever cruel
1273
01:19:15,460 --> 01:19:19,580
to his fellow transvestites, ever.
1274
01:19:19,580 --> 01:19:24,290
He loved them and he bonded
with them in a way that he bonded
1275
01:19:24,290 --> 01:19:25,580
with nobody else.
1276
01:19:52,660 --> 01:19:56,710
I didn't feel love for my father,
until recently.
1277
01:19:56,710 --> 01:19:59,910
I'm almost 70, but just recently
1278
01:19:59,910 --> 01:20:03,210
I'm beginning to feel like
1279
01:20:03,210 --> 01:20:06,410
I remember the love I felt
as a child.
1280
01:20:09,210 --> 01:20:10,750
I can feel it again.
1281
01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:14,120
But really, it took decades.
1282
01:20:30,750 --> 01:20:33,710
Then it was time for me to sort
of imagine, how would I get out
1283
01:20:33,710 --> 01:20:34,910
into the world?
1284
01:20:34,910 --> 01:20:38,620
And one of the things that I wanted
to do was get married.
1285
01:20:38,620 --> 01:20:42,160
I even thought at the beginning
that I would love to have children.
1286
01:20:42,160 --> 01:20:44,910
And much of that was realised.
1287
01:20:47,330 --> 01:20:49,710
I was married to a man for a while.
1288
01:20:49,710 --> 01:20:53,250
And I had very traditional
ideas about...
1289
01:20:54,870 --> 01:20:59,040
..I think both of us did, actually,
about how it would be.
1290
01:20:59,040 --> 01:21:03,250
You know, he took me to meet
his parents and they were lovely
1291
01:21:03,250 --> 01:21:05,080
people and we had a wonderful time.
1292
01:21:05,080 --> 01:21:08,330
And his mother was
a Tupperware salesman.
1293
01:21:08,330 --> 01:21:11,160
And I got lots of Tupperware
and it was wonderful.
1294
01:21:11,160 --> 01:21:16,330
So for the first couple of years,
it really was just me kind
1295
01:21:16,330 --> 01:21:20,960
of learning how to be a homemaker,
getting to know his mother,
1296
01:21:20,960 --> 01:21:24,790
having that relationship with his
mother, just being domestic.
1297
01:21:24,790 --> 01:21:28,460
And I would have been very happy
to be just a housewife.
1298
01:21:28,460 --> 01:21:30,660
But it was not to be that way.
1299
01:21:30,660 --> 01:21:34,000
So eventually we split
and I had to find work.
1300
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:40,370
And that became a whole new career,
and it was quite an exciting career.
1301
01:21:40,370 --> 01:21:44,660
And it had almost nothing to do
with being transgender.
1302
01:21:44,660 --> 01:21:48,960
It had a lot to do with
being a woman working in computers.
1303
01:21:48,960 --> 01:21:53,160
When I got to Xerox, the place
was just beaming with excitement
1304
01:21:53,160 --> 01:21:55,120
and energy and fun.
1305
01:21:55,120 --> 01:21:59,500
It was just outrageous
in a New Agey way.
1306
01:21:59,500 --> 01:22:01,580
So I sort of went
from being a secretary
1307
01:22:01,580 --> 01:22:02,960
to being a research scientist.
1308
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:04,290
It was very funny.
1309
01:22:04,290 --> 01:22:07,500
We began to develop this language
called Smalltalk.
1310
01:22:07,500 --> 01:22:11,000
That was a big thing in the day,
and it did have a large impact
1311
01:22:11,000 --> 01:22:15,660
on a lot of the software
that exists to this day.
1312
01:22:15,660 --> 01:22:18,120
And here I was, a woman
in this research centre
1313
01:22:18,120 --> 01:22:19,830
that was mostly all men.
1314
01:22:19,830 --> 01:22:21,710
And they let me play.
1315
01:22:21,710 --> 01:22:23,040
There was no problem, you know?
1316
01:22:23,040 --> 01:22:28,830
It was just, welcome to the clan.
1317
01:22:28,830 --> 01:22:33,500
And still, it was hard for me
to tell people who I am.
1318
01:22:33,500 --> 01:22:38,120
I think there is a piece of me
that feels some regret, or kind
1319
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:43,460
of sadness, because it's truly
very much a part of who I am.
1320
01:22:43,460 --> 01:22:47,620
My whole goal was to not be afraid.
1321
01:22:47,620 --> 01:22:49,290
I didn't want to be afraid.
1322
01:22:49,290 --> 01:22:50,620
I wanted to...
1323
01:22:50,620 --> 01:22:58,120
I wanted to be just a human being,
an alive human being,
1324
01:22:58,120 --> 01:23:03,790
having a fun, interesting,
useful life.
1325
01:23:03,790 --> 01:23:07,750
And then Carol Shapiro
walked into my life.
1326
01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:11,540
She put her hand up on the couch
and I put my hand on the back
1327
01:23:11,540 --> 01:23:12,830
of the couch.
1328
01:23:12,830 --> 01:23:16,250
And the next thing we knew,
we were kissing.
1329
01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:20,660
You have to get the idea
that that was not a common thing.
1330
01:23:20,660 --> 01:23:25,210
And we were not... That was not
our normal way of being.
1331
01:23:25,210 --> 01:23:29,330
I mean, you know,
our relationship, even to this day,
1332
01:23:29,330 --> 01:23:31,620
is just spectacular.
1333
01:23:31,620 --> 01:23:34,460
And it has nothing to do with
small talk and it has nothing
1334
01:23:34,460 --> 01:23:37,290
to do with transgender,
and it doesn't...
1335
01:23:37,290 --> 01:23:41,040
Now, Carol is actually
very proud of me.
1336
01:23:41,040 --> 01:23:45,750
And even my transgender past,
1337
01:23:45,750 --> 01:23:49,500
she thinks that, wow,
that's pretty incredible.
1338
01:24:08,580 --> 01:24:13,160
Maria sold this property
because it was just becoming
1339
01:24:13,160 --> 01:24:14,910
too large to manage.
1340
01:24:14,910 --> 01:24:17,660
I mean, again,
it's 288 acres of land.
1341
01:24:17,660 --> 01:24:21,120
There's always something
that needed to be done.
1342
01:24:21,120 --> 01:24:25,620
So she downsized a little bit
and moved a couple of miles away
1343
01:24:25,620 --> 01:24:31,870
to a 188-acre property,
which became known as Casa Susanna,
1344
01:24:31,870 --> 01:24:35,000
which was a totally different
operation.
1345
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:38,750
They didn't do cross-dressing shows,
but it became like the bed
1346
01:24:38,750 --> 01:24:43,750
and breakfast of the cross-dressing
community where people could come
1347
01:24:43,750 --> 01:24:47,710
and stay and enjoy themselves
for the time that they were here.
1348
01:24:51,870 --> 01:24:54,210
That was another magical place.
1349
01:24:54,210 --> 01:24:59,870
And Susanna spent a lot of time of
her life up there and would go out
1350
01:24:59,870 --> 01:25:04,000
regularly to the store
or to parties.
1351
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:08,540
She was her own individual
and wasn't sheltered to the house
1352
01:25:08,540 --> 01:25:10,410
and hiding undercover there.
1353
01:25:10,410 --> 01:25:13,500
She was quite flamboyant.
1354
01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:16,040
And she actually enjoyed
the property a lot more
1355
01:25:16,040 --> 01:25:17,540
than Tito did.
1356
01:25:20,540 --> 01:25:22,910
They were separate individuals.
1357
01:25:22,910 --> 01:25:28,290
Tito was a person who worked
for radio for years,
1358
01:25:28,290 --> 01:25:34,710
had his own show, and Susanna got
into the translation business
1359
01:25:34,710 --> 01:25:35,960
at the UN.
1360
01:25:35,960 --> 01:25:42,710
So she was also eventually
able to support herself.
1361
01:25:42,710 --> 01:25:46,960
Again, they were both separate
and individual people.
1362
01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:53,040
Although I think that Tito was
taking hormones to grow breast,
1363
01:25:53,040 --> 01:25:57,790
to transform and live as Susanna
full time.
1364
01:25:57,790 --> 01:26:00,500
I did, spoke to her about that
and I said,
1365
01:26:00,500 --> 01:26:04,210
"Well, you know,
suppose you became a woman.
1366
01:26:04,210 --> 01:26:09,040
"Would you want, you know,
the comfort of a man?"
1367
01:26:09,040 --> 01:26:10,910
And she said "No."
1368
01:26:10,910 --> 01:26:16,710
So she was pretty adamant
about her relationship with Maria.
1369
01:26:16,710 --> 01:26:19,040
So I guess that would make
them a lesbian couple.
1370
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:31,750
This used to be the old
swimming hole down here.
1371
01:26:31,750 --> 01:26:33,960
We used to come here
almost every day.
1372
01:26:33,960 --> 01:26:37,620
My grandmother used to dam up
so we could get a big, deep
1373
01:26:37,620 --> 01:26:39,620
swimming pool here.
1374
01:26:39,620 --> 01:26:44,660
And then every year in the fall,
the water would just wash everything
1375
01:26:44,660 --> 01:26:47,460
away and we'd have to put
a new dam in every year.
1376
01:26:47,460 --> 01:26:49,660
I can see some of the rocks
that are still there
1377
01:26:49,660 --> 01:26:51,830
from when we used to do that.
1378
01:27:12,580 --> 01:27:16,040
What's remarkable is my family
used to own that mountain.
1379
01:27:18,870 --> 01:27:21,160
Maria was up in the house in Mount
1380
01:27:21,160 --> 01:27:23,540
Vernon because we had moved there
1381
01:27:23,540 --> 01:27:26,210
and I was actually staying
1382
01:27:26,210 --> 01:27:29,210
at her house on 103rd Street.
1383
01:27:29,210 --> 01:27:32,540
So my brother Richard called me
1384
01:27:32,540 --> 01:27:34,250
and said that she had fallen
1385
01:27:34,250 --> 01:27:36,040
down a flight of stairs
1386
01:27:36,040 --> 01:27:38,710
and that she had, you know, cracked
1387
01:27:38,710 --> 01:27:41,370
open her skull and was unconscious.
1388
01:27:41,370 --> 01:27:43,000
And he didn't know for how long
1389
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:44,580
she was lying there
1390
01:27:44,580 --> 01:27:46,210
and called an ambulance
1391
01:27:46,210 --> 01:27:48,410
and brought her to the hospital.
1392
01:27:49,620 --> 01:27:52,120
But she was seriously hurt.
1393
01:27:52,120 --> 01:27:54,210
She had to have three burr holes
1394
01:27:54,210 --> 01:27:56,160
cut into her skull to relieve
1395
01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:58,120
the pressure from the haematoma
1396
01:27:58,120 --> 01:27:59,870
that was growing under there
1397
01:27:59,870 --> 01:28:01,710
and the bleeding,
1398
01:28:01,710 --> 01:28:03,710
and had a very long
1399
01:28:03,710 --> 01:28:06,330
convalescence after that.
1400
01:28:06,330 --> 01:28:10,120
And not only did we have to
1401
01:28:10,120 --> 01:28:13,120
go through that, helping
1402
01:28:13,120 --> 01:28:14,710
her with her convalescence,
1403
01:28:14,710 --> 01:28:16,040
but the hospital bills
1404
01:28:16,040 --> 01:28:19,460
from that incident were astronomical
1405
01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:21,460
and put an extreme
1406
01:28:21,460 --> 01:28:25,040
financial pressure on the family,
1407
01:28:25,040 --> 01:28:28,290
and especially on Tito.
1408
01:28:28,290 --> 01:28:31,410
You know, he had to take care of his
family and that's what he did.
1409
01:28:31,410 --> 01:28:36,870
And that became his motivation
1410
01:28:36,870 --> 01:28:40,290
in every waking minute,
1411
01:28:40,290 --> 01:28:43,080
and all of his energy
was put into that.
1412
01:28:43,080 --> 01:28:47,160
So they had to sell Casa Susanna
1413
01:28:47,160 --> 01:28:49,290
and that was the end of
the property.
1414
01:28:56,460 --> 01:29:01,250
And then I would say
in the '80s, my grandmother
1415
01:29:01,250 --> 01:29:04,620
was getting worse and worse
and then starting to get
1416
01:29:04,620 --> 01:29:06,710
into her hoarding phase.
1417
01:29:06,710 --> 01:29:11,370
She had a eight-room Upper West Side
apartment in the city,
1418
01:29:11,370 --> 01:29:15,750
and there was barely a path to walk
from the kitchen to the bedroom
1419
01:29:15,750 --> 01:29:17,830
to the bathroom.
1420
01:29:17,830 --> 01:29:24,710
So Susanna got her own apartment
on 42nd Street and started living
1421
01:29:24,710 --> 01:29:26,290
as Susanna full time.
1422
01:29:28,290 --> 01:29:33,250
And she slowly but surely
created her identity and got
1423
01:29:33,250 --> 01:29:36,620
a driver's licence
and a Social Security card.
1424
01:29:38,210 --> 01:29:40,330
But also during that time,
1425
01:29:40,330 --> 01:29:42,750
Susanna had developed
a brain tumour
1426
01:29:42,750 --> 01:29:48,500
which was inoperable, and eventually
she was going to die from it.
1427
01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:50,790
So Maria was a hoarder,
1428
01:29:50,790 --> 01:29:53,410
Susanna had brain cancer,
1429
01:29:53,410 --> 01:29:58,710
and their lives physically
were separated.
1430
01:29:58,710 --> 01:30:02,040
But they were always
in communication with each other.
1431
01:30:02,040 --> 01:30:05,290
And I would sometimes overhear
their conversations.
1432
01:30:05,290 --> 01:30:08,910
And they were very endearing
and always ending with, you know,
1433
01:30:08,910 --> 01:30:10,460
"I love you, I miss you.
1434
01:30:10,460 --> 01:30:14,500
"Lots of kisses, and someday soon
we'll be back together again,"
1435
01:30:14,500 --> 01:30:17,290
which was incredibly sweet,
I thought.
1436
01:30:18,790 --> 01:30:20,210
But they couldn't.
1437
01:30:22,290 --> 01:30:26,910
In fact, when Marie died,
Susanna was in such a state
1438
01:30:26,910 --> 01:30:30,460
that she couldn't move
from that apartment.
1439
01:30:30,460 --> 01:30:33,460
And she passed the week
after Maria died.
1440
01:30:35,620 --> 01:30:39,960
We were told she was laying
on the bed fully dressed as Susanna.
1441
01:30:55,960 --> 01:30:58,080
I loved your grandmother, Maria.
1442
01:30:58,080 --> 01:30:59,660
She was an incredible woman.
1443
01:30:59,660 --> 01:31:01,250
She was such a strong woman.
1444
01:31:01,250 --> 01:31:05,080
And I know she put you all to work
immediately when you got here.
1445
01:31:05,080 --> 01:31:07,370
There were some cross-dressers
who just wanted to get
1446
01:31:07,370 --> 01:31:10,000
into the washing-up
and scrubbing the floor.
1447
01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:12,710
That wasn't me. I was the
perch on the bar stool one.
1448
01:31:12,710 --> 01:31:14,000
THEY LAUGH
1449
01:31:14,000 --> 01:31:16,250
I mean, that building was fantastic.
1450
01:31:16,250 --> 01:31:19,040
There were so many, you know,
incredibly talented people
1451
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:20,210
that came here.
1452
01:31:20,210 --> 01:31:23,160
For a long time,
for some time anyway,
1453
01:31:23,160 --> 01:31:26,960
there was the sort of belief that
you really didn't find
1454
01:31:26,960 --> 01:31:31,620
that community unless you were
intelligent and educated
1455
01:31:31,620 --> 01:31:35,250
and inquiring and, you know,
all these things.
1456
01:31:35,250 --> 01:31:37,960
It wasn't that at all, actually.
It was just communication.
1457
01:31:37,960 --> 01:31:40,160
You weren't allowed to put an ad
in the paper saying,
1458
01:31:40,160 --> 01:31:43,540
"Cross-dressers interested in
running a resort at the Catskills."
1459
01:31:43,540 --> 01:31:45,410
You just couldn't do that.
1460
01:31:45,410 --> 01:31:49,660
So it all had to be word of mouth and
word of mouth people
1461
01:31:49,660 --> 01:31:54,290
tended to be university
graduates and the professionals.
1462
01:31:54,290 --> 01:31:56,870
So, yes, it was a select group
that used to come here,
1463
01:31:56,870 --> 01:31:59,160
and it was a very interesting group.
Great to listen to.
1464
01:31:59,160 --> 01:32:01,160
So how old were you at that time?
1465
01:32:01,160 --> 01:32:04,410
I was, again, anywhere from five...
1466
01:32:04,410 --> 01:32:06,250
I was born in 1951.
1467
01:32:06,250 --> 01:32:07,910
So...
1468
01:32:07,910 --> 01:32:11,000
So you were just a kid?
I was just a kid. I know.
1469
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:13,660
I mean, we couldn't come
and see the shows, so we'd peek
1470
01:32:13,660 --> 01:32:15,330
through the window
until we got called.
1471
01:32:15,330 --> 01:32:16,870
That's perfect.
1472
01:32:16,870 --> 01:32:20,540
So if you're born in the '50s,
I'm well ahead of you cos I'm 86.
1473
01:32:20,540 --> 01:32:22,330
God bless you.
Look at that.
1474
01:32:23,750 --> 01:32:30,710
So, you know, I want to
tell you both something because,
1475
01:32:30,710 --> 01:32:37,210
you know, it's long been a dream
or even a quest of mine,
1476
01:32:37,210 --> 01:32:42,620
because I actually am the holder
of Susanna, Maria's
1477
01:32:42,620 --> 01:32:45,160
and Yolanda's ashes.
1478
01:32:45,160 --> 01:32:48,370
And I've have always wanted to
1479
01:32:48,370 --> 01:32:52,580
bring them here and...
Excuse me.
1480
01:32:52,580 --> 01:32:56,620
..and pass them out,
1481
01:32:56,620 --> 01:33:00,250
cos I think that this is the place
for them to be, you know?
1482
01:33:00,250 --> 01:33:02,370
It seems like the perfect place.
1483
01:33:02,370 --> 01:33:04,580
Seems like the perfect place.
1484
01:33:04,580 --> 01:33:09,000
I would be honoured if you two
would help me do that.
1485
01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:10,620
It would be my great honour.
1486
01:33:11,710 --> 01:33:13,210
It would be my great honour.
1487
01:33:14,710 --> 01:33:16,830
So how do we go about that?
1488
01:33:16,830 --> 01:33:20,290
Yeah, I was going to do it
over by that tree over there.
1489
01:33:20,290 --> 01:33:21,370
OK.
1490
01:33:21,370 --> 01:33:23,830
Because it has some colour.
1491
01:33:23,830 --> 01:33:29,250
And I just think
that they should be here.
115970
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