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1
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♪ ♪
2
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I can't believe
he gets here tomorrow.
3
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,716
Where does the time go?
4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,685
Seems like only yesterday
they sent us a picture
5
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:21,222
of our little guy frolicking
in the Spanish highlands.
6
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,057
Aw. Did you guys sponsor a kid?
7
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,758
Sort of. We bought a ham.
8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,027
FRASIER:
Not just any ham.
9
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:32,866
An 18-pound, acorn-fed
jamón ibérico from España.
10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,568
Cost as much as a laptop.
11
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,636
Yeah. (laughs)
12
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,205
Cool use of money.
13
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,742
Last summer
I vacationed in Hartford.
14
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,777
So, what's the occasion?
15
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,313
Excellent question.
16
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,215
You see, when Alan and I
attended Oxford together,
17
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:51,152
we sojourned in Spain and
enjoyed the most exquisite meal.
18
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,154
Ever since, we've been
trying to recreate
19
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,922
that epicurean perfection.
20
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,591
So, in order to celebrate
40 years of friendship...
21
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,127
Wait, is this story
just starting?
22
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,530
Yeah, no, I have other tables.
23
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,932
Well, I hope you'll join us
for Ham Day.
24
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,702
Oh, I'd love to join you guys.
25
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,205
Ooh, I'll whip up
some of my famous sangria.
26
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,441
Ooh. Sangria.
27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,943
You know, perhaps we could
also pair our delicacy
28
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,912
with some cotton candy
and Rice Krispie Treats.
29
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,684
Staggering blow, Frasier.
Well done.
30
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,085
(chuckles) Thank you.
31
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,755
Hello, Professor Cornwall,
Uncle.
32
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:31,091
- Ah, David.
- And a good Ham Day Eve
to you, David.
33
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,360
(chuckles)
What have you got there?
34
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,928
Oh, these are
liability release forms.
35
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,730
I'm spending
the summer in Cameroon
36
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,732
tagging wild chimpanzees.
37
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,934
Is that just a...
38
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,473
...teensiest bit way out
of your comfort zone?
39
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,475
With the credits I have,
40
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,377
it was either a paid internship
at an ice cream factory
41
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,280
or dealing with hostile primates
in Central Africa.
42
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,881
Well, for you,
that's obviously...
43
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,383
Not an easy decision, I know,
44
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,918
so I asked Professor Cornwall
what he thought
45
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,722
and he said in that
quirky British style of his,
46
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,624
"Indubitably."
47
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,494
It was his certainty
that convinced me.
48
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,428
Ah.
49
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,062
Well, that's a charming anecdote
50
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,531
for your obituary.
51
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,703
- Another good one, Frasier.
- (laughs) Yeah.
52
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,104
FREDDY:
Hey, Dad.
53
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,508
Well, at least David
consulted someone.
54
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,042
This one here
chose to leave Harvard
55
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,677
without talking to anybody.
56
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,413
I'm fine, thanks for asking.
57
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,582
And that's not true.
I talked to a lot of people.
58
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,851
Really? You didn't talk to me.
59
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,721
Oh, nothing personal,
I just... didn't want to.
60
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,558
I did get some great advice
from one of my professors.
61
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,260
Really? Which one?
62
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,230
Uh...
63
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,298
I can't remember his name,
it was so long ago.
64
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,866
- What did he say?
- Mm.
65
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,868
It wasn't that it was
anything that profound,
66
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,404
it was just...
he was so clear about it.
67
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,206
You know, I-I asked him
if I should drop out,
68
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,876
and he just simply said,
"Indubitably."
69
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,892
You told Freddy
to drop out of Harvard?
70
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,296
I can tell you're upset.
71
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,365
No. Upset?
Why would I be upset?
72
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,701
My son came to you for advice,
73
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,036
and you simply shared
your wisdom with him.
74
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,738
Thank you, I am grateful.
75
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,540
Ah, wonderful.
Well, I'll be on my way.
76
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,242
How dare you?!
77
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,111
You told my son
to drop out of Harvard
78
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,980
and become a firefighter?!
79
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,916
Which I am entirely okay with.
80
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,085
You could have told me
that he was considering
81
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,920
the noblest of professions,
82
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,357
but instead you hid from me
this rash decision
83
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,959
to become the kind of hero
that just...
84
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,829
makes my heart swell with pride.
85
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,431
I love you, Freddy.
86
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,900
You go to hell, Alan.
87
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,579
(jazz music playing)
88
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,850
Oh, no.
It's worse than I thought.
89
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,452
You're listening to jazz.
90
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,155
Obviously there are no rules
in friendship.
91
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,858
Why should there
be rules in music?
92
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:18,859
(music stops)
93
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,929
Oh, come on, Dad, this is silly.
94
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,731
You and Alan
have been friends for decades.
95
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,165
Centuries?
96
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,301
Decades.
97
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,770
Which makes it even worse.
98
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,105
He knew that you were making
a life-altering decision,
99
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,642
- yet he kept it
from me for years.
- (knock at door)
100
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,377
How can I ever trust him again?
101
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,779
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
102
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,914
Sorry to barge in on you
like this, Frasier,
103
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,351
but I can't stand
seeing Alan without you.
104
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,786
Mostly because I can't
stand Alan without you.
105
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,457
Look, I-I'm sorry, I-I just
can't face him right now.
106
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,994
Listen, I don't like
giving Alan credit, but...
107
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,129
This might be
the first time, actually.
108
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,166
But back when I began
at Harvard,
109
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,469
this guy I just started dating
was moving to California.
110
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:05,072
He wanted me to go with him,
I was torn.
111
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,675
So I asked Alan
if I should stay here.
112
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,510
And do you know what he said?
113
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,845
"Indubitably"?
114
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,815
(chuckling):
No, he said, and I quote,
115
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,717
"Obviously, you bloody loon."
116
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,621
(laughs) It was exactly
what I needed to hear.
117
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,222
I was supposed to meet
Christopher at the airport
118
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,224
the next morning,
but I did not go.
119
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,494
Thank you, Olivia.
120
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,762
That may be exactly
what I needed to hear.
121
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:29,730
Hmm.
122
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,900
Wait, did I tell Christopher
that I wasn't...
123
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,402
Shoot.
124
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,970
See, Dad?
125
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,672
Alan can be oddly helpful
126
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,608
when you're wrestling
with a big decision.
127
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:43,511
Hmm. Maybe I did overreact.
128
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,746
Probably because
I still feel guilty
129
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,548
that I wasn't here for you then.
130
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,183
Now's when you say
131
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,985
that I don't need to keep
feeling guilty about that.
132
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,854
I don't want to tell you
how to feel, Dad.
133
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,189
Yeah, all right.
134
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,859
Well, that's a relief.
Christopher landed on his feet.
135
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,863
Looks like he started
a biotech company. (chuckles)
136
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,699
Oh, good for him.
He looks happy.
137
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,035
Although it's hard to tell
in the shadow of that yacht.
138
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,871
Come on, Dad.
139
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,506
Alan's your best friend.
Just talk to him.
140
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,907
You know, neither of us
behaved perfectly.
141
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,543
Why should I have
to apologize first?
142
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,844
(phone dings)
143
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,113
Still, we do owe it
to our friendship
144
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,582
to try to work things out.
145
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,383
Was that an alert
that your ham's just arrived?
146
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,385
Just cleared customs!
147
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,555
We got an hour
to figure this out.
148
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,157
Okay, I'm headed to the station
to talk to some scouts,
149
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,124
I'll give you a ride.
150
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,392
Terrific. Come on, Olivia.
151
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,528
(laughs) I dodged a bullet.
152
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,029
Look at this poor woman
with Christopher.
153
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,666
So bored, nothing to do but
sunbathe and drink champagne.
154
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,133
Does this look like
a girlfriend or a sister?
155
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,436
Well, they're kissing, so...
156
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,577
Frasier.
157
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,545
Alan.
158
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,581
Oh, this is ridiculous.
159
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,783
- I'm working up to it, Freddy.
- No, the...
160
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,485
This photo of me on your desk.
161
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,520
I had frosted tips
for like one week.
162
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,091
Alan...
163
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,594
I'm not entirely sure
164
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,962
that you completely deserved
all the vitriol
165
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,499
you may have received from me.
166
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,101
Shall I grab a pair
of garden shears
167
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,369
so you can hedge your apology
a bit more?
168
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,239
I'm-I'm just hurt that you
didn't share that with me
169
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,141
and you kept it from me
all this time.
170
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,443
But Frederick explained to me
171
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,078
that he was very grateful
for your advice.
172
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,716
You should know I would never
offer my counsel capriciously.
173
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,050
Of course.
174
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,452
Thank you for helping my son.
175
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,321
I would do it again
in heartbeat.
176
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,689
And I would ask that you not.
177
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,961
As long as we can
trust each other again.
178
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,663
Of course we can.
179
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,164
Aw.
180
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:48,536
You know, people joke about
the true meaning of Ham Day,
181
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,171
but this?
182
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,542
God bless us, every one.
183
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,912
Speaking of, any news
on our little friend?
184
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,082
Yes, yes. He's cleared customs,
the courier has collected him,
185
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,684
and David is standing by.
186
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,485
You know, I received
187
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,921
a tin of quince paste
in a gift basket.
188
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,759
That would pair excellently
with our jamón.
189
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,127
Uh, why did you receive
a gift basket?
190
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:17,030
Oh, it's, uh, condolences
on my mother's passing.
191
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,067
I, uh, had to cancel
all my classes.
192
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,268
Oh, your mom died?
193
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,171
Mm. Fourth time this year.
194
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,008
I'll go and check
the common area.
195
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,777
Right. I'll continue
the search here.
196
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:34,347
Okay, well, I'm gonna destroy
all evidence of Malibu Freddy...
197
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:36,984
...and head to the station.
198
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,552
What's this?
199
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:44,057
Enchanted Snooker Ball.
200
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,960
Huh, so it's, what,
like some British knockoff
201
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,996
- of a Magic 8 Ball?
- (chuckles)
202
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,465
"Have a spot of tea
and ask again later."
203
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,402
Yes, I suppose it is. (laughs)
204
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,039
All right, well, I'm glad
you two are friends again.
205
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,743
After all,
today is a day for ham.
206
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:04,712
Not beef.
207
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,979
Yes, off you go.
208
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:16,223
Has Frasier Crane still got it?
209
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,831
"Indubitably."
210
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,441
Did Alan use a ridiculous toy
211
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,244
to determine my son's future?
212
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,647
"Obviously, you bloody loon."
213
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,724
(knock at door)
214
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,260
Delivery for Frasier Crane?
215
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,295
Yes, perfect.
216
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,066
Screw those guys.
I made sangria anyway.
217
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,600
Ooh, is that the ham?
218
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,802
Let me try it.
219
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,370
No, don't touch it.
220
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,372
My uncle doesn't think
I'm capable enough
221
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,074
to go to Cameroon.
222
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,142
So you're gonna
prove him wrong by...
223
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,944
keeping his ham safe?
224
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,946
Not just safe.
225
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,782
Pristine.
226
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,922
Whoa, quite the spread.
227
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,825
Uh, yes, Uncle Frasier gathered
all the fixings
228
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,794
for a Ham Day feast.
229
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,229
Crusty bread, Manchego,
230
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,131
dessert, sangria.
231
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,199
Sangria?
232
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,502
Well, after you left,
233
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,770
he realized he liked the idea.
234
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,106
That son of a bitch.
235
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,274
Ooh, an instruction card.
236
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,575
I love these.
237
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,544
We have to follow this
to the letter.
238
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,715
"Take the ham
out of its packaging."
239
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,722
(grunts)
240
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,624
(romantic music playing)
241
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,426
What is that?
242
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,194
It's called ambiance.
243
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,830
I'll dim the lights.
244
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,198
Why do you know how to romance
245
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,300
a pig and not a human woman?
246
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,875
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
247
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,244
- Oh, my God.
- Eve, what are you doing?
248
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,545
They'll be here...
249
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,482
Oh, wow.
250
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,452
This is better than sex.
251
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,588
Okay.
252
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,526
Can you at least tell us
why we're here?
253
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,561
Yeah, Dad,
the scouts were waiting.
254
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,695
Why'd you call us back?
255
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,564
Patience, please.
256
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,332
It's a no-go
on the quince, Frasier.
257
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,633
I can't-- Oh.
258
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,534
Ah.
259
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,536
Luckily, I have something
260
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,739
just as delicious to serve.
261
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,877
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, welcome back
262
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,612
to the room in which Alan
changed your lives forever.
263
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,347
Does it seem like
he's gearing up for something?
264
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,950
Yep. "Gonna be late."
265
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,686
What if I told you
that the cautious,
266
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,688
well-reasoned advice
267
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,556
Alan espoused came not
268
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,292
from deliberate consideration
269
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,627
but rather from...
270
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,630
an Enchanted Snooker Ball.
271
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,667
- A what?
- It's basically a Magic 8 Ball.
272
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,370
The so-called "advice guru"
273
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,272
is nothing more than
a charlatan, a, a fortune teller
274
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,541
with a pool hall oracle.
275
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,612
Oh, dear, that's Mother.
276
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,980
She hasn't been well.
277
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,918
Hold on! Hold on.
278
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,854
Are you telling me that...
279
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,489
I dumped Christopher--
my Christopher--
280
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,025
because of a toy?
281
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,994
An enchanted toy.
282
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,134
I realize the optics
aren't in my favor,
283
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,302
but I do have an explanation.
284
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,504
"Maybe start without me."
285
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,275
It's called
"revealed preference theory."
286
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,910
Sometimes a life decision
287
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,447
is so momentous,
it can paralyze a person.
288
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,415
So I gave Freddy and Olivia
289
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,917
clear, definitive advice
290
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,453
which allowed them
to finally move forward.
291
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,588
The theory says
that if the subject made
292
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,557
the right decision,
their confidence will grow.
293
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,125
(voice breaking):
And if it's the wrong decision?
294
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,160
Yeesh.
295
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,998
Well,
after a brief honeymoon period,
296
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,500
they start to feel regret
and ultimately realize
297
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,302
that the other path
was the right one
298
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,904
and then reverse course.
299
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,573
Alan,
if the answer doesn't matter,
300
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,908
then what's with the ball?
301
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,309
Why not just toss a coin?
302
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,644
Whimsy.
303
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,181
Works for me.
304
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,682
Here you go.
305
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,218
FRASIER:
Well, it doesn't work for me.
306
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,253
My son...
307
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,855
came to you for advice,
and you made him
308
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,790
the subject
of a frivolous experiment.
309
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:46,093
There's nothing frivolous about
the Enchanted Snooker Ball.
310
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,028
I've just explained that.
311
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,598
He was in a time of crisis,
and you kept it from me.
312
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,800
How many years did we barely
speak with each other
313
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,035
after that?
314
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,736
Why? Why would you do that?
315
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,972
Because you would've given
your son bad advice.
316
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,010
You would have completely
ignored what Freddy wanted
317
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,845
in deference
to your own expectations of him.
318
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,514
I gave him
the strength to realize
319
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,516
what was important to him
and the confidence
320
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,151
to follow through.
321
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,821
Well...
322
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,924
that was not your call to make.
323
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,760
You've crossed a line, Alan.
324
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,063
I don't know
how we get past this.
325
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,133
I hate to say this,
but Ham Day...
326
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,001
- Frasier, no.
- ...is canceled!
327
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,071
Half of that pig is mine!
328
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,213
Eve, look what you did,
now there's a bigger hole.
329
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,549
- This was my chance
to prove myself.
- Okay.
330
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,717
It's okay, we can fix this.
331
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,053
I have a bag of fresh herbs.
332
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,622
How does you getting high
right now help, Eve?
333
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,626
No, to cover the spot--
you know what?
334
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,827
Just put it on the jamonero.
335
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,130
I'll be right back.
336
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,969
"Place ham on the jamonero."
337
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,072
"Handle with the utmost care."
338
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,140
*
339
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,002
♪ ♪
340
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,107
(groans)
341
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,284
(grunting)
342
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,855
Oh, oh...
343
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,397
(sighs)
344
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,003
(garbage disposal grinding)
345
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,077
This was on the card?
346
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,987
So, while we work as a unit,
347
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,822
we're more like a family.
348
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,891
Okay, who's got questions?
349
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,426
How long have you been
a firefighter?
350
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,362
Almost 15 years.
351
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,763
Did you always want to be one?
352
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,431
Uh, no, no, as a matter of fact,
353
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,667
I studied to become a doctor
before dropping out.
354
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,369
That sounds
like a hard decision.
355
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,003
Yeah, yeah, it was.
356
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,538
It's funny,
I was just talking about this.
357
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,774
Luckily, I got some great advice
358
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:48,975
from one of my professors.
359
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,377
A professor's
kind of like a teacher.
360
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,045
Teachers are so smart.
361
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,246
Aren't they?
362
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,647
Also, this is kind of funny.
363
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,483
I just found out
he got his advice
364
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,951
from what's
basically a Magic 8 Ball.
365
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,388
- The toy?
- (laughs): Yeah.
366
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,890
Your teacher asked a toy
if you should be a firefighter?
367
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,528
Well...
368
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,696
That's not funny.
369
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:10,830
You could die doing this job.
370
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,832
My grandpa died in a fire.
371
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,068
What's funny about this?
372
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,405
I-I said "kind of funny."
373
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,440
What sort of terrible teacher
would do that?
374
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,209
Did you go to the worst college?
375
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:24,944
It was Harvard.
376
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,248
You dropped out of Harvard
377
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,782
to be a firefighter?
378
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,951
Yeah, 'cause of the advice.
379
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,321
- Because of an 8 ball?
- A Magic 8 Ball.
380
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,723
Is that supposed to be
the funny part?
381
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,225
- Okay.
- Wait.
382
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,026
Why didn't you ask
your parents for advice?
383
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,394
Do they give bad advice?
384
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,263
(laughs)
These questions.
385
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,098
Uh, so no.
386
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,700
Uh, as a matter of fact, my
dad's famous for giving advice.
387
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,202
What? That's so dumb.
388
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,437
Do you hate your dad?
389
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,971
No. (laughs)
390
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,072
I don't hate my dad.
391
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,541
In fact, I felt really bad
392
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,842
when he found out
about this yesterday.
393
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,744
He found out yesterday?
394
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,612
KIDS:
What?
395
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,414
Okay, okay, we-we...
we can calm down.
396
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,082
It's not like my dad's
mad at me or anything.
397
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,017
I mean, he's super mad
at his best friend.
398
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,319
Why is he mad
at his best friend?
399
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,587
Oh, 'cau-- uh,
'cause that was my professor.
400
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,489
You went to your dad's
best friend
401
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,091
instead of him for advice
about dropping out of college
402
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,162
and only told him yesterday?
403
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,165
I didn't tell him.
He figured it out.
404
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,933
He should be mad at you.
405
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,602
You're the coward
who caused all this.
406
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,036
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
407
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,105
- Who wants to pet Sparky?
- KIDS: Me!
408
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,907
Okay.
409
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,312
- (grunts)
- You're not doing it right.
410
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,814
And stop eating it
while we're trying to get...
411
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:38,318
Dude, I'm helping.
There's less to get out now.
412
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,355
(grunting)
413
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,131
Well, at least
the sangria's okay.
414
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,336
Oh, no.
415
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,174
All I am saying
is that Christopher...
416
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,376
Oh, God, they're here.
What do we do?
417
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,312
I have an idea. Just stall them.
418
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,679
Hey, everybody.
419
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,048
Be right back.
(whistling)
420
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,188
- (door closes)
- Tragic news, David.
421
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,224
Ham Day is canceled.
422
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,492
What? No.
423
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,762
I'm collecting my half
and leaving.
424
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,096
Uh, what? No.
425
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,498
Look, i-if we're gonna
split the ham,
426
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,367
we've got to do this
as fairly as possible.
427
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,569
I'm, uh, ordering
a kitchen scale and a bone saw.
428
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,037
Should be here by end of week.
429
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,039
- David, just get the ham.
- ALAN: And hurry up.
430
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,342
I don't want to spend a second
longer here than I need to.
431
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,509
Agreed.
432
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,379
Guys, please, no more fighting.
433
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,714
- Are you okay?
- Not really.
434
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,516
I was just picked on
by a bunch of kids
435
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,184
that couldn't make
the soccer team.
436
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,821
Look, if you should be mad
at anyone,
437
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,156
it should be me.
438
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,424
Right? I put you
in an impossible position
439
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,661
between me and my dad,
and, Dad, I...
440
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:57,930
shouldn't have made such
a huge decision without you.
441
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,767
Thank you, Freddy.
442
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,034
I appreciate that.
443
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,304
So come on...
(stammers)
444
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,505
You guys have been friends
for decades,
445
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,308
so let's just sit down
and hash this out.
446
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,609
No.
447
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,312
I refuse to eat jamón
with this mountebank.
448
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,847
Will you two knock it off?
449
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,417
This was 15 years ago.
450
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,419
You don't see Christopher
dwelling on the fact
451
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,153
that I broke up with him and now
452
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,390
he has to drown his sorrows
with a woman
453
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,625
(high-pitched):
who looks uncomfortably like me.
454
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,431
Anyway...
455
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,100
maybe it would help
if you reminded yourselves
456
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,168
why this ham is so important.
457
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,169
I mean, come on, Dad,
you've told me
458
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,405
that story a million times.
459
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,440
(stammers)
There's a Ham Day origin story?
460
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,509
Tell it
and take as long as you like.
461
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,412
That's actually not a bad idea.
462
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,079
Dad?
463
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,483
Alan?
464
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,052
(sighs)
465
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,434
We ate ham in Spain.
End of story.
466
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,168
Come on,
there's more to it than that.
467
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,203
How'd it start, Dad?
You were, uh...
468
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,473
you were buying ladies' sandals.
469
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,775
They were espadrilles.
470
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,279
A classic Spanish shoe.
471
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,048
He convinced me to join him,
472
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,317
but we missed the bus
and walked for three hours,
473
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,952
trying to find our group
from Oxford.
474
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:28,455
Yes, which I rather enjoyed
because of my espadrilles.
475
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:31,758
But Alan was whining
like a goat,
476
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,327
which seemed to attract
a-a wild ibex.
477
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:37,263
No, the eye-watering colors
478
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,832
of your bolero jacket
attracted the ibex.
479
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,802
- That's why it chased you
up a tree.
- Yes.
480
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,738
I was stranded on a branch
when Alan left.
481
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,507
I thought
he'd abandoned me, but...
482
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,409
But I'd gone scrambling
for a rock.
483
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:53,079
Now, stone in hand, I launched,
knowing my aim was true...
484
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,515
And hit me square in the face.
485
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,387
Yes, but the scream you let out
frightened away the ibex.
486
00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:05,257
Alan helped me down
from the tree.
487
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:10,096
We'd lost touch with our group,
so we wandered about
488
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:12,999
without provision, aimlessly,
for hours.
489
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,802
And just as I was convinced
we would die out there,
490
00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:18,170
we spotted a taberna,
491
00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:21,273
rising like a mirage
on the mesa.
492
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,342
FRASIER (chuckles):
And so we went in
493
00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,178
- and ordered a bottle
of local Rioja.
- (chuckles)
494
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:29,148
And we feasted
on the most succulent,
495
00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:31,851
melt-in-the-mouth jamón ibérico.
496
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,454
And do you remember
the-the two señoritas
497
00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:35,755
that we met that night?
498
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:38,290
Oh, those dark-eyed sirens.
499
00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:41,127
Oh, they stole our hearts.
500
00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:42,929
- And wallets.
- Yeah.
501
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,733
- And my espadrilles.
- Mm.
502
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,369
We called our parents,
they paid for the meal,
503
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:51,838
they yelled at us.
504
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,873
I told Alan's parents
it was all my fault.
505
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:57,910
And I told Frasier's parents
it was all mine, and...
506
00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,413
we've been best friends
ever since.
507
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:02,949
(laughs softly)
508
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:07,253
I'm sorry.
I never should have doubted you.
509
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,555
You've always been there for me.
510
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,056
I'm sorry, too.
511
00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:13,292
I promise never
to help your son again.
512
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,061
Well, then, that's settled.
513
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:17,229
I have to say, this-this,
514
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,600
this theory of yours,
it-it's the height of stupidity.
515
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,068
Well, not the height
of stupidity.
516
00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:23,803
I mean, it-it worked
for Freddy and Olivia.
517
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,271
They wouldn't change anything.
518
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,073
- That's true.
- I would change everything.
519
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,276
All right.
520
00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:33,279
Who wants ham?
521
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,748
Well, I must admit,
522
00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:37,617
Rodrigo looks delicious.
523
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:40,453
- Rodrigo?
- I begged you not to name him.
524
00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,956
Where did you find
another ibérico ham?
525
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,425
I didn't, I just had some Black
Forest left over from the deli.
526
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,727
You think that'll work?
527
00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:49,796
It's not like
I remember it, but...
528
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:52,331
- Mmm.
- You know, I agree, but...
529
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,902
sharing it with you
makes it okay.
530
00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:57,537
Yes, it does.
531
00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:59,906
(whispers):
Oh, my God, it's working.
532
00:24:00,006 --> 00:24:01,608
- I can't believe
they're buying...
- Enough!
533
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:05,044
Stop turning the screws on me.
I confess.
534
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,580
To what?
535
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,848
I ruined the ham.
536
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,416
It's sitting in your kitchen
537
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:14,020
on a bed of shattered glass
and shameful lies.
538
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,258
Oh...
539
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:22,595
What rash and bloody deed
is this?
540
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,699
It was greasy
and it fell in the cake
541
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,701
and then it got stuck
in the garbage disposal,
542
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,236
and then Eve tried to get high.
543
00:24:30,336 --> 00:24:32,104
I-- and I'm sorry, Dr. Cornwall,
544
00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:36,576
I know you believed in me,
but I-I can't go to Cameroon.
545
00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:39,712
See? Theory works.
546
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,481
And if it's
any consolation, David,
547
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,517
I never believed in you.
548
00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:49,021
That is such a relief.
Thank you.
549
00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:52,358
You know, I was going to...
550
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,628
make a toast, but my sangria's
all over the floor.
551
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:58,765
Hmm, bummer. We have my sangria.
552
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,635
Very well. Uh...
553
00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:06,606
Everyone, to friendship...
554
00:25:07,473 --> 00:25:10,042
...to forgiveness...
555
00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:12,545
and to the true spirit
of Ham Day.
556
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:15,247
Hey, Christopher.
557
00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:19,351
It's Livvy.
I've been thinking, and...
558
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,654
I will go to California
with you.
559
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,624
Freddy?
560
00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,727
God bless us, every one.
561
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,669
("Tossed Salads
and Scrambled Eggs" playing)
562
00:25:36,669 --> 00:25:39,271
FRASIER:
Y'all know how this goes.
563
00:25:39,405 --> 00:25:42,208
♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
564
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,712
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
565
00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,749
♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪
566
00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:52,619
Yeah, maybe.
But I got you pegged.
567
00:25:52,752 --> 00:25:54,654
(chuckles)
568
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,756
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
569
00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:01,260
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
570
00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:04,463
♪ Life's callin' again. ♪
571
00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:09,301
And a happy Ham Day to all.
572
00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:13,673
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
41012
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