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1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,270
(LUGHTER)
2
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:10,390
I'm glad you liked that one.
It's a long time since I told a joke in public.
3
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:14,951
The bad news is
I might develop a taste for it.
4
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,350
There's a lot more where that came from.
5
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:27,078
A lot of you have been asking me -
in different ways...
6
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Just trying to survive this next bit.
7
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,555
..what the hell
I've been up to all these years.
8
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I'd like to answer that question
but I'll do it in my own way -
9
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,831
with a few digressions, stories...
10
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Jesus.
11
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..another joke or two.
12
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,996
I have a selection of jokes
about the family.
13
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,639
Excuse me.
14
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,635
Some of them are old, given that
I haven't been near any of you for ages.
15
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:02,793
They're what you might call vintage jokes.
16
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:10,036
There is one about Ernest and his visit
to a safari park, which is quite good.
17
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,998
It's more of a story than a joke.
18
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It was on his 55th birthday....
19
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:21,433
- Are you going in, sir?.
- That is my father up there.
20
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-..He went in the wrong entrance...
- Thought I'd skip this part.
21
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,591
- It's the worst, parents making speeches.
- The stuff of nightmares.
22
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,194
- He's doing OK.
- So far.
23
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I want to take you back...
No, this won't take long.
24
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,153
I've a feeling the best is yet to come.
25
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:44,791
- Is this a wedding, then?.
- No. It's a gathering.
26
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,997
This is my family, you see.
27
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:52,517
Everyone on the family tree.
They invited the lot - even us.
28
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:57,629
- I didn't know them before this weekend.
- Have you found anybody worth it?.
29
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,839
Anybody you'd cross the street for
if it weren't family?.
30
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,515
A good question.
31
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:12,878
..As Charles said,
we're all involved in the family karaoke...
32
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I so nearly didn't come.
33
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,958
- Raymond!
- Raymond!
34
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,151
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
35
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Raymond!
36
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,439
Jesus!
37
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,955
Hi, Mum. Hi, Uncle Bill.
38
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,953
- I thought I'd miss all this.
- No chance.
39
00:02:54,120 --> 00:03:00,593
We were in the car ready to leave, then your
father says he's having second thoughts.
40
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,436
- Never thought he'd get this far.
- I've been in there three times.
41
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,956
- You try and get him out.
- Right.
42
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:32,312
You look ridiculous. Why do you
get yourself all dressed up for them?.
43
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,678
One of us had to go like this
and I knew it wouldn't be you.
44
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,198
Come on! You know you want to go.
45
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,797
That certainly is not true.
They haven't been near us for years.
46
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,795
It's two nights in a prime West End hotel,
free of charge. Can't be bad.
47
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,430
They'll probably put us
in the broom cupboard.
48
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:59,038
The whole Hillingdon contingent
on a different floor - above the kitchens.
49
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,475
You're winding yourself up.
50
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:08,551
- What are you laughing at in this?.
- Haven't the foggiest.
51
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,875
- Why do you have it up?.
- I like the stone beasts.
52
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,952
I don't believe you're not a bit curious.
53
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,471
Food should be good.
54
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,110
- Is Uncle Bill behind?.
- Yup. He's right there.
55
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:33,034
The Hillingdon contingent
is going to arrive together.
56
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:40,876
You've had no contact with the family?.
There's nothing you haven't told me?.
57
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,359
No.
58
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,229
So why are they having this reunion now?.
59
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:51,713
I think the old bastard Ernest suddenly got
interested in family - roots, genealogy.
60
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,350
He wants to bring everyone together.
61
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,991
It must be costing him a lot.
You can do that when you're rich.
62
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,837
- Will you have trouble recognising them?.
- Maybe. But ignorance has a certain charm.
63
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:11,757
We won't know whose marriage
has broken up or who's got off with whom.
64
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:17,472
Yeah, you're right.
Very few of them will know who I am.
65
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,598
Or rather nobody will know what I do.
66
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:25,959
I could be anything. I could pass myself
off as something completely different.
67
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:30,989
- (HORN HONKS)
- Bill! Where's he going?.
68
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,436
Wise bugger. Thought better of it.
69
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,592
He obviously knows something we don't.
70
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:46,359
Where the hell's the bloody entrance?.
That car's going to be clamped. Ridiculous!
71
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:07,829
Jesus! Trying to find somewhere to park
is impossible. We've been round in circles.
72
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:13,074
We can arrange to have your car taken
to our car park, sir. I just need your name.
73
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,791
Symon - with a Y.
Yet another Symon. Raymond Symon.
74
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,475
I'm part of this family gathering
you're having.
75
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,438
- You are having one?.
- Very much so, sir.
76
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,994
Mr Raymond Symon.
You don't seem to be here, sir.
77
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:41,032
I've got Mr Ronald Symon and Mr Reginald
Symon, but no Raymond Symon.
78
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:50,634
No, I don't have you here. Not on the main
list and not even on the supplementary list.
79
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:57,035
Splendid. I can go home. Come on, you lot.
Incredible good luck. We can go home.
80
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:01,716
It's all right. This gentleman here...
It is Raymond, isn't it?.
81
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:06,271
I'm Poppy, married to Tony.
I'll show you how we join up in a moment.
82
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:12,515
He's on the appendix - labelled "assorted
extras" because he was so late replying.
83
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,911
We like everybody to do this.
84
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:21,200
According to Stephen,
we met when I was a child, you and me.
85
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,512
I can't remember it.
Funny what you remember, isn't it?.
86
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,798
Some things stick forever,
others leave no impression at all.
87
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,157
Blimey!
I had no idea how far the family went.
88
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,959
Red pins indicate those already here,
89
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:41,716
yellow those that are expected,
blue - cancellations or refusals.
90
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,348
No drawing pin means you're dead!
91
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:49,799
We have to own up to a cancellation.
My brother Bill sadly couldn't make it.
92
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:54,829
In that case, if you could
put a blue one in there, please?. Daniel?.
93
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,152
You'll find him over there.
Are you all right, Mr Degazi?.
94
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,232
Mr Degazi's waiting for his printout.
95
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,632
Everyone has a printout -
a list of the people who want to meet you.
96
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:11,271
Because of the shortage of time,
we thought it was a good idea.
97
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:16,878
Ernest has cast the net very wide,
which has made our job rather difficult.
98
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,470
Goodness, you are popular, Mr Degazi.
99
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:27,112
Here's your schedules.
As you can see, there's a lot going on.
100
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:32,559
Only a couple of things are a three-line
whip - buffet tonight, banquet tomorrow.
101
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:39,068
And Stephen Symon, family archivist -
meeting him. There's a slot for you at 6.15.
102
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:43,233
Will you try to make that?.
He puts so much effort into it.
103
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,915
And you'll need one of these -
a family tree.
104
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,753
They come in two sizes. You can choose.
105
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,469
- Most people prefer the big one.
- A big one's fine.
106
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,713
You can pin it up in your room.
We've hung boards especially.
107
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,440
And you'll need plenty of these.
108
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,550
Oh, dear. Only one name on each of these.
109
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,792
Never mind. You were very late in replying.
110
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,999
It's just up here. There's one tiny problem.
111
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,039
Not everyone's staying here, but a lot are,
112
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,875
so it wasn't possible
to get you rooms together.
113
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:30,033
One room is on the main floor
where most of the family are.
114
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,476
The other rooms
are in another part of the hotel.
115
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:38,350
The big room's very nice,
so you may want to take that.
116
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,796
One room's near the family
and the other one isn't?.
117
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,997
We'll take the one that's miles away.
118
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:50,280
Maybe that is best. Let another couple
who know the family better have it.
119
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,591
- Daniel, why don't you take the big room?.
- Really?.
120
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,548
- Pity to waste it.
- OK. With pleasure.
121
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,238
(PHONE RINGS)
122
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:05,191
- (RAYMOND) We're in the broom cupboard.
- You wanted it that way.
123
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,955
You wanted a small room
so you could complain.
124
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:15,434
Absolutely. This is infinitely preferable.
We don't get loads of relatives popping in.
125
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:20,116
- Your room's fantastic, is it?
- It is stunning, yeah.
126
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,909
(WAILING CRY)
127
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,392
Who's on your printout?
The one who's panting to see you.
128
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:33,429
The person who can't wait to see me
is ernest's son - the son and heir.
129
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,991
Can 't imagine why he'd want to do that.
Who have you got?
130
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,031
- Daniel?.
- Oh, it's... Hang on.
131
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,715
Irving. Irving Matthew Symon.
Know who he is?.
132
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,316
(WAILING CONTINUES)
133
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:55,110
- Give me your number. I'll call you back.
- Busy already?
134
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:59,831
- No. I've just got to do something.
- 128.
135
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,635
No!.
136
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,197
Sorry. I thought it was for me.
137
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,511
I was just...
138
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,872
(KNOCKING)
139
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:46,676
(MAN) Great. Just stick it over there.
That'd be marvellous.
140
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,839
I'm Rebecca. Who are you?.
141
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,037
I'm Daniel. I'm next-door, just here.
142
00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,316
- Daniel Symon.
- Ooh! So you are family, great.
143
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:07,234
Daniel?. Right. We must work out
how exactly we're connected in a moment.
144
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,675
Have you been done yet?.
145
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,150
- Processed by Poppy.
- Just now.
146
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:17,677
You've got your red drawing pins, then?.
I'd be lost without mine.
147
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:23,472
I expect we get fined if we don't pin
our trees up. Poppy probably inspects!
148
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,108
What were you doing loitering in the hall?.
149
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:31,479
- I heard something. A noise.
- A noise?. That sounds exciting.
150
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:37,158
I love the things you hear in hotels,
don't you?. Other people's moans of passion.
151
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,552
- Who are you talking to?
- Daniel. He's next-door.
152
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,957
Come in and meet my brother Charles.
153
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,191
I didn't mean to interrupt.
154
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:56,071
Nothing to interrupt. We're just waiting
for the next moment on the schedule.
155
00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:01,268
They put me next door,
but Rebecca's been given the nicer room.
156
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,908
- Please.
- Oh.
157
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,391
Our tree is scandalously still lying there.
158
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,990
- Daniel?.
- Sorry. I was just...
159
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:34,996
Thinking how great it is there are some
people under 60. That's what I'm thinking.
160
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:40,154
We keep bumping into oddly-shaped people
who claim to be our relations.
161
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,757
I feel Daniel may be thinking,
how come we don't know each other?.
162
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,388
We're close in age, but we've never met.
163
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,473
- Yes. I know why we haven't.
- Still weird though.
164
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,549
So we really should do
the ceremonial pinning up.
165
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,871
Well...I'm Raymond's son.
166
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,715
We're the ones
who live in remotest Hillingdon.
167
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,190
Ah-ha. Yes.
168
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,079
Black sheep. That great phrase.
169
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:18,031
Wasn't somebody the black sheep?. Your
grandfather?. Went off and did his own thing?.
170
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,632
I believe so.
171
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,438
So what do you do, Daniel from Hillingdon?.
172
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,957
- What do I do?.
- Yes.
173
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:38,316
You don't seem sure. Are you changing
or were you going to make something up?.
174
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:45,270
It had crossed my mind I might do that.
No. I'm a surveyor.
175
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,591
Really?. A surveyor of property?. Truly?.
176
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,797
- Yes.
- That's really interesting.
177
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,111
- That's not how most people react.
- It is interesting.
178
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,989
Going into other people's homes,
seeing how they live,
179
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:03,711
going into their bedrooms,
looking at their photos.
180
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,593
Come on, Charles.
Crack open the mini-bar for Daniel.
181
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,320
(PHONE RINGS)
182
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,072
Hello?.
183
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,112
- It's for you.
- For me?.
184
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,948
- How does anybody know I'm here?.
- Probably cameras.
185
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,192
Ernest is probably sitting somewhere
186
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,114
watching hundreds of screens,
zooming in and out.
187
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,275
- Hello.
- Daniel Symon?
188
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:40,797
- Yes.
- It's Irving Symon. I'd like to meet you.
189
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,953
We are going to meet at 6.45.
You're on the printout.
190
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,237
- Why wait till then?
- Irving Symon?.
191
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,676
Don't let him try to sell you anything.
192
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,833
It's just I've got this appointment
with Stephen at 6.15.
193
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,594
It'll be over by then. Take ten minutes.
194
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:03,151
You can't miss Stephen.
Poppy will never forgive you.
195
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:08,314
115 minutes max and I'll be out of the way.
You can forget all about it.
196
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,878
Where are you?.
197
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,191
Hi! Daniel. Irving.
198
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:19,114
Thought we'd get it over with
before it gets dark.
199
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,078
Come in. Come in.
200
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,957
Come in.
201
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:38,631
What are you doing over there?.
It's not what it looks like.
202
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,758
Those are some things I have in transit.
203
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:48,153
They're waiting to be shipped out. All
I have to decide is where they're going.
204
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,790
- They're samples.
- Are you in fashion?.
205
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,270
Amongst other things. You'll have a drink?.
206
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,834
- I've got this appointment.
- Oh, the appointment.
207
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,869
Yes. I believe the schedule's quite tight.
You know, Poppy's schedule.
208
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,312
Right. Since you have an appointment...
209
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:15,198
Since you have so little time,
we'd better take a short cut.
210
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,555
Where are we going?.
211
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,634
- It'll take two ticks.
- I'm not sure I've got time.
212
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,635
This is my short cut. Chop chop.
You won't regret it.
213
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,479
This family once had properties
all over London.
214
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,235
- Prime sites.
- I didn't know that.
215
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:45,030
I'm very ignorant about family history.
We've been in Hillingdon.
216
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:50,194
Up to 11 properties in the glory days -
up to the early '80s, in fact.
217
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:55,036
Everywhere you look, property.
I was no part of that. I'm self-made.
218
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,239
Almost entirely,
for better or worse - mostly for worse.
219
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,551
You'll be wondering, "Self-made at what??'
220
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:07,840
Well, it's a bit of a meld.
A total meld - comes together sometimes.
221
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:13,757
Sometimes it's a whole bloody disaster -
edge of the cliff stuff. You any the wiser?.
222
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:21,958
- Irving! We should do this another time.
- Rubbish! It's not much further.
223
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,151
Here we are.
224
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,278
Quick butcher's in here...
225
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,271
..and we're through.
226
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,557
So...there's no electricity.
227
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,793
We'll have to be quick,
before darkness falls.
228
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,552
- Irving...
- You'll have to get cracking.
229
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,712
No need for any preamble. Just get weaving.
230
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,111
At what?.
231
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,750
Bloody hell!
Do I have to spell it out to you?.
232
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,151
You're the surveyor
and I've bought this building,
233
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,950
which could be a reasonable investment
or a total bloody disaster.
234
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:17,955
I've had it surveyed, but all surveyors
are liars, all architects, all builders.
235
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,715
But you're family - you wouldn't lie to me.
236
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,792
Come on. What's your opinion?.
237
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:30,114
- That's why you wanted to see me?.
- What other reason could there be?.
238
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,152
The floor I'm particularly worried about.
239
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:47,592
Couldn't believe my luck. A surveyor
who's a cousin - what could be better?.
240
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,880
Now I'll get the truth. And these walls.
Are these joists OK?.
241
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:57,113
The all-important words,
"Nothing structurally wrong."
242
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,477
You're family and you'll tell me.
243
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,838
- Is everything all right, sir?.
- You're late, Daniel.
244
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,359
You're so late they gave away our slot.
245
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,593
- We have to wait our turn.
- Sorry. I had to go on an excursion.
246
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:25,914
- I was hoping we could skip it.
- But your mother was rather keen to stay.
247
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:30,153
Perhaps you could wait outside
if you're going to talk?.
248
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:36,077
No, no, it's quite all right. We don't
mind at all. Please talk if you want.
249
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:41,392
It's Raymond, isn't it?.
Hasn't it been years?.!
250
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,791
As there are only a few more, we'll proceed.
251
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,632
(WHISPERING)
I think she's rather enjoying this.
252
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,032
- Are you sure, dear?.
- Yes. Look...
253
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:04,518
There we are. Do you remember that studio?.
What a business it was, wasn't it?.
254
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:11,310
Do you want a chocolate?.
We have absolutely loads here.
255
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,468
- They're the boots.
- Oh, yes.
256
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,997
Goodness,
do you remember the fuss about our boots?.
257
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,952
Right.
258
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:34,112
Thank you, Stephen. Thank you so much
for that. That was extremely interesting.
259
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:39,229
We're so very grateful, aren't we, Edith?.
And I'm sure Grace is too.
260
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,756
See you later. It'll be lovely to catch up.
261
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,751
Come on, dear.
262
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:56,908
Ernest is disposing of the remaining
two family properties in London.
263
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,073
We want to find out whether
there's anything Ernest has
264
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:05,631
that other members
of the family have not seen,
265
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,270
which feature them
or may be of interest to them.
266
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,431
- Is that clear?.
- Yes.
267
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:18,392
Since I have taken on the role
of family archivist, I am Archive Man!
268
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,633
So that's why I'm up here
and you're down there.
269
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,190
I've a rather pitiful amount
for you, Raymond.
270
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:32,515
Your father's lack of contact after a point
will make this a rather quick showing.
271
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,708
Tomorrow I'm doing a talk for people
who want to pursue their pedigree,
272
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,838
aimed at those
who have married into the family
273
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,879
because obviously
I don't have much for them.
274
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,397
So...what do I have for you?.
275
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,039
Raymond.
276
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,836
- This is you, Raymond.
- We've seen that one.
277
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,713
- Again, this is you.
- We've got this.
278
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,789
Maybe he's got what you're looking at.
Have you got what they're looking at?.
279
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,350
We may indeed
have what you were looking at.
280
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,316
Who's that?.
281
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,869
- Your grandfather.
- I don't remember him like that.
282
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:24,511
I can't remember him much,
but I'm sure he never looked like that.
283
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:30,073
He certainly never looked like that.
I don't remember him ever being like that.
284
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:35,792
I don't think there's a possibility that
we were looking at him in the other photo.
285
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,838
I'd never have forgotten that.
286
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,434
What's he doing?.
287
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,319
The hat!
288
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,158
There you are, Raymond, with your father.
289
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,912
You see...he was dancing for you.
290
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:37,717
For you, Daniel... I'm sorry, we don't
seem to have been properly introduced.
291
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,714
For you, it's just a few versions
of the same picture.
292
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,633
- Who's that?.
- It is you.
293
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,994
- Is it me?.
- Yes.
294
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,675
- God knows where you are.
- It must be a party.
295
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:59,310
I've no memory
of taking you like that to any party.
296
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,789
(RAYMOND) Nope. Nor me.
297
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,714
(DANIEL) It's a fantastic picture.
298
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,474
But I never wore anything like that.
I wish I could remember where it was.
299
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:20,990
Oh, those shoes. If I'd seen those wonderful
shoes, I'm sure I would have remembered.
300
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,948
It says, "Black Lodge 1970-something"
with a smudge.
301
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:29,079
But I don't think it is.
I think it's Grosvenor Place.
302
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,198
- Are you sure it's me?.
- Don't be silly.
303
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,353
Best leave all that behind.
304
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,069
Time for food, for the compulsory buffet.
305
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,632
Daniel?.
306
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,829
I'll see you at the buffet.
307
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,030
Hi, Daniel.
308
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,157
- Are you ready for the buffet?.
- The ordeal.
309
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,313
- Are you prepared to meet "the family"?.
- Will it be that bad?.
310
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,233
You've done Stephen and Irving. How was it?.
311
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,951
Did he make you a partner in
one of his businesses?. He usually offers.
312
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:18,750
Irving was weird, but Stephen
was interesting - very funny, great.
313
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,753
Great?. Stephen will be thrilled.
Not many people say that.
314
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,956
- Did he have anything for you?.
- Yes.
315
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:29,999
It wasn't you on the beach.
He specialises in beach shots.
316
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:34,995
Yes. Awful pictures of one as a toddler
with this huge pot belly sticking out.
317
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:41,235
No. No beach shots, but he did have
these fantastic pictures of me as a boy.
318
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:46,394
- But I have no memory of them being taken.
- Did you ask him for a copy?.
319
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,714
- He could probably do you a postcard.
- I might just do that.
320
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,668
I feel I ought to change
after crawling around with Irving.
321
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,150
- Does it show?.
- No, you look lovely.
322
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:04,952
I know it says the buffet isn't black tie,
but I've only brought two suits with me
323
00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:08,635
and this is one of them, so I...
324
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,791
- I've got to change.
- You'd better hurry.
325
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:16,157
By Poppy's schedule,
you have three and a half minutes.
326
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,188
(QUIET TAP)
327
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,228
- (WOMAN) Who is it?
- It's Daniel.
328
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,233
Daniel Symon. I got a message.
329
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:48,679
I told you you had plenty of time.
I'm still thinking about what you told me.
330
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,675
Could be we may have
a little bit of business to discuss.
331
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,151
Thank you for coming.
332
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:03,950
This isn't all for me.
Ernest's suite is through there.
333
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,715
- (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
- The suites open into each other.
334
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:12,078
They do that, I'm told,
so if a sultan comes with his entourage
335
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:17,394
they need never got out into the passage
and so can avoid getting bumped off.
336
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:21,269
- Oh, right.
- I've been given all these flowers.
337
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:25,558
I don't think people feel comfortable
giving Ernest flowers.
338
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,915
- You haven't met him?.
- No.
339
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,469
When you do, you'll see what I mean.
340
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,871
- Wondering why you're here?.
- No. Well...
341
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:39,433
I just wanted to say hello because
we've never met. You look disappointed.
342
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,151
No. That's not me looking disappointed.
I'm delighted to meet you.
343
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,834
Good. And me you.
344
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:54,235
You were so prompt at answering my note,
I haven't quite finished doing this, so...
345
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,914
- You don't mind?.
- Of course not.
346
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:02,200
Please help yourself to a drink.
The mini-bar's open. Take anything.
347
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,270
I'll just have some water.
348
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,638
- I'm sure we'll be drinking down there.
- I'm sure we will.
349
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:16,074
I like to bring my own music - one of the
few things I have with me wherever I go.
350
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:23,639
It's been years since I've seen your
parents. You're an only child, aren't you?.
351
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,279
Yes.
352
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,470
- Seen anything interesting yet?.
- Sorry.
353
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:39,870
I can't help it, really.
It's my training. I'm a surveyor.
354
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:45,874
- Are you ready to meet "the family"?.
- That makes it sound like a threat.
355
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:51,433
It must be rather odd for you. All these
people you don't know who you're related to.
356
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:56,879
It is a bit weird. I seem to have met the
more eccentric members of the family so far.
357
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,669
- Right.
- Apart from you, of course.
358
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,833
- You've also met Rebecca and Charles.
- Yes, I have.
359
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:09,790
It's like we've known each other
all our lives. I can't explain it.
360
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,110
Not yet, anyway.
361
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,756
I hope you don't think
this is too "organised"?.
362
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:21,357
No. I like it being organised.
It gives one a chance to find out things.
363
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,712
Precisely.
364
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:30,756
Mind you, if I'd been
totally in charge of the arrangements,
365
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:35,277
it might have been more fun -
more like a party.
366
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,395
I still love dancing.
367
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:44,751
- I must ask you a little favour.
- Of course. What can I do?.
368
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,554
I wondered if you'd be my escort
down to the buffet.
369
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,751
It would be an honour.
370
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,351
- We look OK, don't we?.
- Yeah. I think we look great.
371
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,158
Right.
372
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,397
So here's your family, Daniel.
373
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,348
(NOISY HUBBUB OF VOICES)
374
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,992
So that's what he's been up to.
375
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,428
- Remember anybody?.
- Possibly.
376
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:47,196
A few faces from my childhood,
which was the last time I saw anybody.
377
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,794
A few little twinges.
378
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,874
Stick close to me. Maybe I can
be of some use. Guide you through.
379
00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:00,477
Raymond?. Raymond. It's been years.
380
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:07,110
- Is everything OK with you?.
- Everything's fine.
381
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,953
Things... Things...
382
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,519
Yes?.
383
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,114
Things... You know...
384
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,750
-..on the up now?.
- Never been better.
385
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,037
See you later. Let's make a start here.
386
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,591
We need to borrow you, Alice.
You've got to come and hear this.
387
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:32,869
It's Jeremy. We haven't seen each other for
eight years and yet we go to the same gym.
388
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,794
And we go to the same dentist.
Jeremy! Jeremy!
389
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,992
That's Ernest, if you're wondering.
390
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,196
- That's our host?.
- Yes.
391
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:04,434
Ernest and Alice are our hosts.
He's not much to look at, is he?.
392
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,433
He's the one who's made all this possible.
393
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:12,037
The moon-shaped overgrown schoolboy
is his son, Peter.
394
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,988
I'm Sidney. Don't worry. I know who you are.
395
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:21,995
- You're looking distinctly lost.
- Yes. I've been parted from my guide.
396
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:27,439
- So I was wondering...
-..How to reach the other side of the room.
397
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:31,832
How to get across there
and make a real pig of yourself.
398
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,510
That's what we're all wondering.
399
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,036
Raymond, it's so marvellous you're here.
400
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,795
I'm always saying,
"We haven't heard from Raymond."
401
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:46,430
Or saying,
"I wonder if Raymond is all right."
402
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:51,469
Wasn't there something...?.
I mean...is everything OK?.
403
00:34:52,240 --> 00:34:58,190
Oh, I'm sure it is. You know life's
little ups and downs. We all have them.
404
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,636
Is everything OK now, Raymond?.
405
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:07,477
There have been plenty of ups because
Hillingdon is the happiest place in Britain.
406
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:11,633
It's true. There's been a survey
and Hillingdon was on top.
407
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:16,794
- Good Lord! Hillingdon?. Are you sure?.
- Yes. Positive.
408
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,679
If you'll excuse me?.
409
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,400
Can't they think of anything else to ask?.
410
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,393
- It's all right.
- It's not all right.
411
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:34,516
I was worried this room would be too small.
We should have taken the Eisenhower Room.
412
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,992
It's great everyone being squashed together.
Makes it more lively.
413
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,116
Irving. Sidney.
Still hanging around together?.
414
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,589
We hardly see each other.
415
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:52,437
I've seen your boy. Seems to know what he's
talking about. I may be making him an offer.
416
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,114
An offer?. What kind of offer?.
417
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,398
No. It has to be under wraps at the moment.
418
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,758
So, Raymond, is...everything fine?.
419
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:08,994
Are things better now?.
You should have given me a call.
420
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,277
It's been years, Raymond.
Never been in touch.
421
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,591
I heard one or two things. Difficulties?.
422
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:20,470
You've been experiencing
business problems, have you not?.
423
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,948
A bit hellish, was it?.
424
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:28,272
You should have given me a shout.
I would have helped.
425
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:34,913
Actually, the last couple of years have
been fantastic. They've been stupendous.
426
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,594
Best years of my life.
427
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,753
You two should be mingling.
428
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,391
But we're next to the most desirable thing
in the room here.
429
00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:51,232
Are you already an authority on everybody?.
430
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:55,279
No. I was about to be.
Alice was going to be my guide.
431
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,670
Alice?. That was quick work.
432
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,479
- You got separated?.
- Yeah.
433
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:06,196
Doesn't it make you feel great to think
these people are your flesh and blood?.
434
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,033
Excuse me. Just got to get some pudding.
435
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:14,593
It feels like I'm on duty the whole time.
Glad you're hard at it though.
436
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,593
- Once you get started, it's fun.
- Fun?.
437
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,390
Sometimes it's a bit more serious than that.
Not all fun and games.
438
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:27,472
We have something in common here.
Daniel, this is our mother.
439
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,916
Hello. Such a squash.
440
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:38,197
Poppy with all her schedules and charts
and yet she can't hire a big enough room.
441
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:42,797
You'd think they'd know how many
were coming. It's a shambles.
442
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,791
I'm going to get some air.
443
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,358
Short and sweet. That's our mother.
444
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,551
Raymond, how nice to see you.
Everything OK?.
445
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,039
- No.
- Oh?.
446
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,193
- Just kidding. Everything's marvellous.
- Very good.
447
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:06,275
You know my son Peter?.
And my wife Nazik.
448
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,432
Of course you do.
When did you last meet them?.
449
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,831
- It must be years.
- Excuse us.
450
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,629
(SHE SPEAKS FRENCH)
451
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:23,468
I believe we have a meeting tomorrow.
The only appointment I've got.
452
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,951
Is that a yes?.
453
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,634
Great. I'm looking forward to it.
454
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:33,952
- Do you see that man with the bald head?.
- Yeah.
455
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:37,715
That's Henry. Shall I tell you about Henry?.
456
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,359
Yes.
457
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,512
He walked out on his family four years ago.
458
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:47,515
His wife said that supper was on the table.
You know, "Supper's ready!"
459
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,478
And she heard the door close,
460
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,919
then four years later he turns up working
as a doorman in a nightclub in Luton.
461
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,231
"Supper's ready!" And he was gone.
462
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,072
Amazing.
463
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:04,437
Just like that. The missing man.
464
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,712
Sometimes I think
it must be marvellous to do that.
465
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,030
Vanish.
466
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,640
Please don't drink too much.
467
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,319
- He can get quite merry.
- That's all right.
468
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,519
No. It's not so good
when he gets really merry.
469
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,319
I'd hate him to disrupt things.
470
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,232
It'll be OK.
471
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,591
(INAUDIBLE)
472
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,432
There.
473
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:17,199
If you think you're the only one,
you're crazy.
474
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,319
Alice...
475
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,195
Alice is ernest's sister-in-law.
476
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:38,954
- And Sidney... Where is Sidney?
- (PHONE RINGS)
477
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,119
Hello.
478
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,430
- Have you got some milk?
- What?.
479
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,751
You said you had a fantastic room.
480
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:51,071
No doubt it's fully-stocked,
so have you got milk?.
481
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,755
- Yes, but...
- Good. Bring it along.
482
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,354
You can buzz over with it.
483
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:04,675
- It's really late. Ring for room service.
- Bollocks. It'll take hours. Troll over.
484
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,751
You can have a hot chocolate.
485
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,913
(WOMAN WEEPS AND MOANS)
486
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:20,833
Oh, sorry.
I thought it might be something for me.
487
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:29,353
(INDISTINCT VOICES)
488
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,911
It's not for me.
489
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,558
Daniel?.
490
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,878
Daniel?. Are you doing room service?.
491
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:47,192
In a way. It's my father.
He's too impatient to wait.
492
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,954
Quite right. We're off. Do you want to come?.
493
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,430
Sure. I mean, it depends where to.
My father...
494
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:57,195
We're going to the house
at 40 Grosvenor Street.
495
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:02,593
40 Grosvenor Street?. Yes, I would like to
go there. Why now?. It's one in the morning.
496
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:08,835
Minty looks after it and she's fussed about
setting the alarm, so we said we'd check it.
497
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,595
- And let Minty go on enjoying herself here.
- You coming?.
498
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,476
(KNOCKING)
499
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,434
- There it is.
- There it is.
500
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:36,710
Oh. This is Rebecca and Charles,
my cousins... Our cousins.
501
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:38,552
- Hi.
- Hello.
502
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:42,918
If we've ever met before,
you were probably babies.
503
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:47,232
- Come along in.
- No. We can't. See you in the morning.
504
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:51,712
You can have tea or hot chocolate.
Come into my palatial room.
505
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:56,749
We're going somewhere.
I've already held them up. Gotta go.
506
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:03,632
Too busy for hot chocolate, eh?.
All right. Off you go. Dance the night away.
507
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,716
I might do the same.
508
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:13,750
Minty! Ridiculous, aren't they,
all the old family names?.
509
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,388
- Wasn't there a Babar?.
- Yeah.
510
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,758
And didn't Ernest have a driver called Jugs?.
511
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,959
- And a nanny called Blutie.
- Yes. All the old retainers.
512
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:29,432
And there was a Smidger
and a Cogger and a Peterbin...
513
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,639
- Smooth Harry.
- Never met him. Wonder who he was.
514
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:37,349
Short cut. Quickest way to the house.
515
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,758
There.
516
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,229
Come on. It's not far.
517
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,990
I'm surprised they're not calling now.
518
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:03,756
"Is everything OK?.
Are things on the up at last??'
519
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,992
One of the jolly sisters
will probably pop by.
520
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:11,755
Just leave it.
They're only making small talk.
521
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,391
Difficult to know what to say when
you haven't seen someone for 20 years.
522
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,599
I don't find it difficult.
I don't see why they should.
523
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,752
What they really want to say is,
"We heard you were bankrupt.
524
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,912
"Amazed you haven't topped yourself."
525
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,548
It doesn't matter.
526
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:36,557
- Yes, it does!
- What are you doing?.
527
00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:41,589
I have a craving which if it doesn't
get satisfied will have huge consequences.
528
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,757
Nearly there.
529
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,597
There we are.
530
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:55,799
(ALARM SOFTLY BEEPS)
531
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:02,354
(REBECCA) Jesus, it's cold in here.
Much colder in here than it is out there.
532
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:06,229
- Charles, stop that.
- Minty's code is simple.
533
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,358
9-9-9... Er...
534
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,797
- Oh, yeah. 9.
- (BEEPING STOPS)
535
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,235
- Alice's flat first.
- Alice's?.
536
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,153
- This is her London home.
- Except tonight.
537
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,595
Everyone has to be together tonight.
538
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,039
Right...
539
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,268
Are you looking for anything in particular?.
540
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:35,149
Anything intriguing. Any surprises.
541
00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:40,952
Daniel's used to going
into other people's houses.
542
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:45,238
- Any sign of lovers, for instance?.
- Yeah.
543
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:52,078
Alice and lovers. That's interesting.
Don't worry, it's OK - she's a widow.
544
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:54,754
You mean she's allowed a lover?.
545
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,673
- Daniel doesn't approve.
- Quite right. We'll stop.
546
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,070
We've drawn a blank anyway.
547
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,912
This is the bit that's been locked up.
548
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,474
(CHILDReN'S LAUGHTeR)
549
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:31,196
This is where it was. The picture!
550
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:36,708
- This is where I was.
- You've been here before?.
551
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,711
He's been here before.
552
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,994
Can you remember what was happening?.
553
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,190
No. It won't come back.
554
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:17,830
Ah. I'm looking for some scrambled eggs.
How do I get them at this time of night?.
555
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:22,278
Can you help me?. Most kind. Thank you.
556
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,508
It's in a dreadful state.
557
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,199
They managed to turn it
into somewhere really sad.
558
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,716
Bloody hell. Hideous thing.
559
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:50,670
There's something terrible about houses
that are waiting to be disposed of.
560
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,037
Waiting to have their insides torn out.
561
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:58,352
Minty's hardly been dusting it very hard.
562
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,478
My God.
563
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,153
Wow.
564
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:14,189
This used to be the centre of everything.
The great town house.
565
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,557
They thought
they'd be a power in London life -
566
00:48:17,720 --> 00:48:23,317
political circles, the arts, members
of government - sort of mini-Rothschilds.
567
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:27,075
Sometimes they got close,
but it never quite happened.
568
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:31,153
- Ernest has still got loads of money.
- God, yes.
569
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:35,552
His second wife had her own fortune,
so they're still drowning in money -
570
00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:37,711
pots and pots.
571
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:43,758
It's amazing the sort of squalor
really rich people will tolerate.
572
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,036
(REBECCA) Money.
573
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:52,115
- You wouldn't mind some money?.
- Certainly not. I wouldn't mind at all.
574
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:58,392
Surveying properties in Hillingdon
and Isleworth is surprisingly interesting,
575
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:02,758
but some serious money,
I wouldn't say no to that.
576
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:07,871
- Your grandfather had money, didn't he?.
- Yeah.
577
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,155
My dad lost it all.
578
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:15,199
You never know,
you might be Ernest's bastard son.
579
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:23,239
- Think what Stephen would make of these.
- Stephen?. "Archive Man"?.
580
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,750
It's not all fun and games, you know.
Far from it.
581
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,718
These are all too stained for him.
582
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,792
Wouldn't meet his standards.
583
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:53,115
- Great leather coat. From the '80s.
- Have it.
584
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:56,078
- No.
- It's not stealing.
585
00:49:56,240 --> 00:50:00,870
- I can hardly see Ernest wearing it.
- Try it on.
586
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,638
It really suits you.
587
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,554
How about some boots?.
588
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,272
Jesus, look at this.
589
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,830
This is the shoe I wore in the picture.
590
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:42,957
I was here.
591
00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:57,316
- You again?. You're on 24 hours a day?.
- How can I help you, sir?.
592
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:01,712
- I have a desire that I need to satisfy.
- And what might that be?.
593
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:05,873
Scrambled eggs.
Room service can't cope with that.
594
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:09,191
If room service can't help,
we may have a problem.
595
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:14,593
Alice. You here?.
It's nearly two o'clock in the morning.
596
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:20,756
I never need much sleep. I often go
for a walk late at night, but it's raining.
597
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,753
I was waiting, hoping it would stop.
598
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:28,668
- Right.
- And what about you?.
599
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:34,631
I'm trying to get some scrambled eggs,
but apparently it's a crazy request.
600
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:39,316
A club sandwich can be arranged, sir,
or even a turkey baguette.
601
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,995
- Shall I try?.
- You try?. Why not?.
602
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:50,712
She's here to ask for some scrambled eggs.
Think very carefully before you answer.
603
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:55,032
Maybe it would be easier to do it
without an audience.
604
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:59,512
OK. I'll shove off over there.
If possible, really buttery.
605
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,952
- They'll be along soon.
- Just like that.
606
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:17,270
Extraordinary. What's your secret?.
607
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:23,515
- I've stayed here before once or twice.
- And you're not wearing a dressing gown.
608
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:27,593
- We could be waiting here for hours.
- We'll see.
609
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,358
Thank you anyway.
610
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,990
The last time I saw you,
you were a young woman
611
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:37,789
Iying on a lawn
with your shoes off reading "Punch".
612
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:42,556
- Don't put a date to it.
- I was rather terrified of you.
613
00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:46,269
So you didn't talk to me.
That's why I don't remember.
614
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:51,992
- You're right. I daren't approach.
- Do you think it's terrible, this weekend?.
615
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:56,472
- Do you think it's a big mistake?.
- No, not terrible.
616
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,949
- But for me...
- Yes?.
617
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:03,511
You know...people keep asking for news.
618
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:09,235
- You haven't. Everyone else has.
- And that's difficult?.
619
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:13,109
- You don't know?.
- No.
620
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,074
I had a little business difficulty.
621
00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:21,711
My father had this furniture business.
Surely you remember?.
622
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,793
My rebel father setting up in Hillingdon.
623
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:30,078
A Utopian firm -
stylish office furniture for the masses.
624
00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:34,916
When he died, I had some very good offers.
I refused.
625
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,834
During the recession
I poured in all the money he left me.
626
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:44,154
I insisted on only having workers over 50
because of long-term unemployment.
627
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:49,189
In the teeth of all prevailing fashion,
I was determined to make it work.
628
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:54,477
We went bust. We lost everything.
They all lost their jobs.
629
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:59,634
Some were worse off than before
because they'd taken out mortgages.
630
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:06,512
Some marriages broke up.
It was purely and simply a disaster.
631
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,912
But a defiant one -
a gesture against the times.
632
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,470
Yes.
633
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,632
Something your father
would have understood.
634
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:22,238
Maybe.
635
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,791
That's amazing.
636
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:52,157
Alice, that's a true achievement.
637
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:05,077
That is supremely wonderful.
638
00:55:05,240 --> 00:55:09,631
- Thank you.
- You'll have to call off your walk.
639
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:12,871
Becks, look.
640
00:55:14,720 --> 00:55:18,713
- What a weird thing to find.
- Isn't it just?.
641
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:22,031
Maybe they had secret jamming sessions!
642
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:28,309
Yeah! Ernest on lead guitar, Violet on
the keyboards! Maybe Stephen on the drums.
643
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:32,473
Irving would have been lead singer -
kind of Meatloaf.
644
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:37,270
Alice would have been on the tambourine -
kind of genteel.
645
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:45,231
If we burrow around hard enough,
we might find another shoe.
646
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,709
Maybe even the whole costume.
647
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:51,873
Rebecca, didn't you ever come here
for a children's party?.
648
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:54,918
We might have been here together.
649
00:55:55,080 --> 00:56:00,791
I don't remember coming here. If I had,
you would have been a very tiny boy.
650
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,952
If I'd been eight, you would have been four.
651
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,432
- Judging by the photo, I was about five.
- Then I was nine.
652
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:14,596
There's such a difference at that age.
I wouldn't have talked to a five-year-old.
653
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:28,835
When you look at the family, Raymond,
it's such an extraordinary mix.
654
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:33,471
- You can say that again!
- Does it make sense to bring it together?.
655
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,393
The Jewish core's been diluted for ages.
656
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,916
Several of my husband's siblings
married non-Jews.
657
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,674
So did my father. So did I.
658
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:47,630
And as for my husband, he tried so hard
to play the country squire.
659
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:52,952
You should have seen him hunting
in his scarlet tunic.
660
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:58,513
He was quite portly,
so he had to squeeze - really squeeze.
661
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:04,389
His tunic seemed to be a brighter
shade of scarlet than anybody else's,
662
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:09,156
so you could always pick him out,
even at a distance.
663
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:12,517
My bobbing, bright-red husband.
664
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:21,070
So we've done that.
No need to do it again for another 20 years.
665
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:24,038
- Why do you say that?.
- 'Cause it's true.
666
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,875
I doubt I'll be around the family after this.
667
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,350
So it is that bad, being here?.
668
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:37,914
Yes. It was very kind of you to pretend
to know so little about my problems.
669
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,992
- I wasn't pretending...
- Please.
670
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:49,472
(CHARLES) Does anybody fancy breakfast?.
(DANIEL) Where?. Here?.
671
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:54,675
You work here, don't you?. In one of these.
672
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,915
The Treasury?. The Foreign Office?.
673
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,071
Which one?.
674
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:04,997
- Foreign Office.
- Not bad.
675
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:07,674
I'm either right or I'm not.
676
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,673
I was right! Do you work here too?.
677
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:17,039
No. I'm buried away
in a sleepy stately home outside London,
678
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,760
monitoring foreign broadcasts.
679
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:24,516
- Oh, a spy. That's what you are.
- No. If only.
680
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:29,948
So... What have we got here?.
681
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:34,352
Coffee - the only drinkable coffee
in the Foreign Office.
682
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:41,392
And some grapefruits...and the inevitable
white wine, which I'm going to have.
683
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:52,879
- Great office.
- Nice doors. The rest is crap.
684
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:57,591
Charles is head of all things European -
very cutting edge.
685
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,751
Not quite all things.
686
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,514
I'd been abroad a lot.
687
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:11,758
I was due to do my two years desk bound,
so here I am.
688
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:15,913
This is what I imagined.
I've been trying to guess what you did.
689
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:22,030
Of course it had to be public service.
Speaking languages. Big desk, powerful job.
690
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:25,715
- Grapefruit?.
- It's so right for you, Charles.
691
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:29,031
And he's only known me a few hours.
692
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:33,398
I'm sorry, I didn't ask.
Does anybody want any wine?.
693
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:35,710
No.
694
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:47,792
I'm much too old to stay up all night.
695
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:57,839
It's amazing.
We're alone apart from the security guards.
696
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:02,630
I know it's Sunday,
but there's no round-the-clock working.
697
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:27,715
You really want this house, don't you?.
You want it to be yours.
698
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,953
(WAILING)
699
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:55,911
(DANIEL) Of course.
700
01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:58,990
I knew it was you.
701
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:09,711
Bad dream?.
702
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:14,274
- No. Quite the contrary.
- Coffee's ready.
703
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,478
Do I have any takers for grapefruit?.
704
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:24,873
Oh. Apparently not.
705
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:29,277
Thank you.
706
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:40,232
- We'd better say goodbye.
- Goodbye?.
707
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:45,192
I've got to leave. There's trouble at work.
708
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:48,909
- It's Sunday.
- I'm sure we'll keep in touch.
709
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:51,674
- You can't go.
- I can't?.
710
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:54,877
Not before the banquet. It is forbidden.
711
01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:01,076
- I've got special permission.
- Stephen has something for you.
712
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:06,551
- What sort of thing?.
- Something as good as my picture.
713
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:11,157
I haven't seen your picture.
I can't deal with Stephen today.
714
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:15,199
I'll get it for you.
You just have to promise to stay for it.
715
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:23,956
Many people think of pedigree hunters
as detectives,
716
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:27,635
except we start with the present
and work backwards.
717
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:31,236
And there is sometimes a thrill attached.
718
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:36,997
Just like detectives,
we can be seduced by false trails.
719
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:43,632
We are now very familiar with how
the Internet helps with our family trees,
720
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,439
but the same mistakes occur there too.
721
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:51,833
Just because it's the same surname
and the right region of the country
722
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,195
doesn't mean you're related.
723
01:02:55,320 --> 01:03:01,190
People have travelled the world in search
of lost relations and been disappointed.
724
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:09,751
- You looked really into it.
- You've been watching me?.
725
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:13,913
- You're turning into a student.
- Stephen let me have these.
726
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,753
So what's this?.
727
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:18,717
Excuse me.
728
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:22,911
Got to dash.
729
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:26,436
Stephen?. Stephen.
I need to ask you something.
730
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:32,277
Bit of a rush now. Need to have a wash,
so if you don't mind seeing that...
731
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:42,595
- I loved the pictures you found of me.
- Good.
732
01:03:42,760 --> 01:03:45,558
They're the only ones we have of you...
733
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:50,556
..but they are corkers, yes.
734
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,393
I'm amazed you've brought all this.
735
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:59,509
I do like to have things...
736
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,789
..at my fingertips.
737
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:07,470
That's better.
738
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:11,959
So...
739
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:17,317
..what did you need to see me about?.
740
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:22,838
I wondered - or rather Rebecca wondered...
She's having a mini-crisis at work.
741
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:27,516
..whether you had anything for her
as good as my pictures.
742
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:30,911
Something startling that she doesn't know.
743
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:34,231
- Something startling?.
- Yeah.
744
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:40,349
I only answer questions from the person
involved to protect confidentiality.
745
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:43,557
This is a direct request. It's just via me.
746
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:49,471
Do you want to know what
the most startling thing in the room is?.
747
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:53,076
- Yes, of course.
- Then it's about me.
748
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:56,599
- About you?.
- Without a doubt.
749
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:02,630
- That's not what you wanted to hear.
- No. That's great.
750
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,997
I'm trying to think
what you're referring to.
751
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:10,913
Over there. That book.
752
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:13,310
No. The green one.
753
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,831
Open it.
754
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:23,158
Careful.
755
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:35,710
- Is this is?. What's so surprising?.
- Because it's all lies.
756
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:39,270
- All lies?.
- What does it tell you?.
757
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,750
Looks like maybe the work of a child.
758
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:49,314
When in the last 100 years would you really
want to make up a whole family tree?.
759
01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:53,758
Oh, of course. In Nazi Germany.
760
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:56,637
Ingeborg.
761
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,832
Wie hie denn deine Mutter mit Madchennamen
und wo kam sie hier?.
762
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,072
- Caroline Ma, sie kam aus Berlin.
- Heinz?.
763
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,834
- Maria Muller, hie sie.
- Renate.
764
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,309
Karen Behrens und sie kam aus Dusseldorf.
765
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:14,270
Ifyou're a Jewish family in Nazi Germany
just before the outbreak of war
766
01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:17,000
and you don't look particularly Jewish,
767
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:21,199
then a false identity's a possibility -
a new genealogy.
768
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,157
It's risky, of course.
769
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:24,799
Marti n!
770
01:06:25,560 --> 01:06:27,596
Wie hei t denn dei ne Mutter
mit Madchennamen?.
771
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:32,038
He had to know it off by heart,
but not so well it seemed glib.
772
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:39,396
Your father's name and birthplace was easy.
So was your mother's maiden name.
773
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:43,109
But what about her mother's maiden name?.
774
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:46,078
Und wie heit deren Mutter?.
775
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:49,630
Sie heit...Christine....
776
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:52,995
Christine Huber.
777
01:06:53,160 --> 01:06:56,038
Und sie kommt... Sie kommt aus...
778
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:59,396
Meisenheim.
779
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,478
Martin, komm mal her.
780
01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:20,109
Kinder, hier habt ihr ein Prachtexemplar.
781
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:26,196
He says this is a wonderful example
of an Aryan head.
782
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:30,316
It's using a family tree as a weapon.
783
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:33,711
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
784
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:38,114
A priest teaches at the school.
785
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:40,271
Religious instruction.
786
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:45,309
He comes upon the boy reading a book -
a book about giraffes.
787
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:48,916
The priest befriends the boy.
788
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:55,078
Gute Arbeit, mei n Junge.
789
01:07:55,240 --> 01:07:59,711
The priest needed somebody to help him,
but he liked the company
790
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:05,352
as he spends a lot of time making a register
of all the parishioners' antecedents.
791
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:11,878
The authorities were determined to know the
descent of every citizen in public service.
792
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:17,558
And the boy wanted to keep the priest
company because he loved books,
793
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:20,712
especially the beautiful old animal books.
794
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:28,356
He didn't tell the priest?.
He can't have told the priest the truth?.
795
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:37,957
Was ist heute los mit dir?.
Du bist so bedruckt.
796
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:42,955
He told the priest
because he wanted to tell someone.
797
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:47,072
It was too big a secret.
798
01:08:47,240 --> 01:08:49,470
- Ja.
- Und...
799
01:08:51,480 --> 01:08:53,835
Ich... Ich...
800
01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,519
Ich komme aus einer judischen Familie.
801
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:05,396
Three days later,
whether it is a complete coincidence or not,
802
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:09,473
the boy is coming back from school
with his young sister.
803
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:14,712
- He tells the little girl to run away.
- Why didn 't they both run?
804
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:20,318
Would you have left your parents?
It's easier to tell someone else to.
805
01:09:20,480 --> 01:09:26,077
The little girl disappears,
and although the police search, she'd gone.
806
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:28,879
Vanished off the face of the earth.
807
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:34,034
She hadn 't gone far, in fact.
She'd had the most amazing piece of luck.
808
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:36,998
She'd ran into a flat
809
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:40,072
and the elderly lady there had hidden her.
810
01:09:40,240 --> 01:09:43,915
A few hours later,
the lady took her to her sister -
811
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:48,551
her childless sister
who had always longed for children.
812
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:52,759
This woman fell in love with the girl,
passed her off as her niece,
813
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,435
but became the little girl's mother.
814
01:09:56,600 --> 01:10:00,115
Unbelievable good fortune. But...
815
01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:04,032
What the little girl still had to do...
816
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:09,750
She had to teach herself
a whole new family tree.
817
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:15,634
(SHE MURMURS NAMES SOFTLY)
818
01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:27,313
(DANIeL) Dieter Rohl...
819
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:30,833
So this is the girl's tree?.
820
01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:36,950
Dieter Wetter...
821
01:10:37,120 --> 01:10:39,588
Petra Wetter...
822
01:10:40,800 --> 01:10:43,792
She was your mother, wasn't she?.
823
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:48,398
Yes, indeed, she was my mother.
824
01:11:06,480 --> 01:11:11,600
Did the boy survive?.
Did he?. Because the book is here.
825
01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:15,673
- He did, didn't he?
- No. The rest of the family were killed.
826
01:11:17,120 --> 01:11:21,875
The book is here because after the war...
827
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:29,919
Gott ist fur sie da...
828
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:06,989
Entschuldigung, kann ich ihnen
vielleicht dieses Modebuch...
829
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:08,957
Nein, danke.
830
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:13,551
- Bitte.
- Danke.
831
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:31,352
I never really talked to my mother
about the story till she was dying.
832
01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:41,714
It's quite amazing
how one leaves these things too late.
833
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:50,032
That's why I have become a pedigree hunter -
the Archive Man of the family.
834
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:54,153
I have the zeal of a convert.
835
01:12:56,920 --> 01:13:02,153
Anyway, that's the story.
That's the best I can do for you, Daniel.
836
01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:04,117
Thank you.
837
01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:08,551
Thank you.
838
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,398
- And Rebecca?.
- Not today.
839
01:13:16,880 --> 01:13:19,189
Not before the banquet.
840
01:13:58,160 --> 01:14:02,631
I had no idea where I was then
or what was happening.
841
01:14:05,480 --> 01:14:08,278
- What time is it?.
- Time you were ready.
842
01:14:08,440 --> 01:14:10,317
Now?.
843
01:14:11,840 --> 01:14:14,308
I thought it was about lunchtime.
844
01:14:15,720 --> 01:14:19,998
Means I've missed my appointment with Peter.
845
01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:23,197
I was having the most extraordinary dream.
846
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:26,958
About my parents.
847
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,838
Everybody was shouting.
848
01:14:32,160 --> 01:14:34,958
Surprised I've got any voice left.
849
01:14:42,600 --> 01:14:45,592
Jesus, these are boringly arranged.
850
01:14:53,600 --> 01:15:00,631
Come on, Sid. Come and have a tipple.
Help you through the banquet.
851
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:03,758
Excellent. I thought one might be on offer.
852
01:15:04,440 --> 01:15:10,549
Amazing who you're pleased to discover
you're related to - and who you're not.
853
01:15:10,720 --> 01:15:13,553
And who you've forgotten all about.
854
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:24,590
Careful. Don't turn into a pushy little shit.
855
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:29,116
But then one never knows.
856
01:15:35,960 --> 01:15:40,750
Have you seen the seating plan?.
Poppy can't even get the names right.
857
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,798
Somebody's had to change the numbers.
858
01:15:43,960 --> 01:15:47,077
Stephen wouldn't give me anything for you.
859
01:15:47,240 --> 01:15:50,073
You've kept me here under false pretences?.
860
01:15:50,240 --> 01:15:53,038
Actually, Charles said I had to be here.
861
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:57,239
I've got my lucky charm.
Somebody might remember it.
862
01:15:57,400 --> 01:16:02,554
Like Cinderella in reverse. You know
who it fits, but not who gave it to you.
863
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:06,518
Sorry. Hang on. I'm so sorry. Sorry.
864
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:08,477
Excuse me.
865
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:16,678
- There's nothing I could do about it.
- What's all the fuss?.
866
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:20,879
- You're going to change.
- I never wear a dinner jacket.
867
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:24,350
You are going to change!
868
01:16:24,520 --> 01:16:28,513
I cannot believe you.
What were you trying to prove?.
869
01:16:28,680 --> 01:16:33,390
Can you pass me the dead thing?.
The squashed thing?.
870
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:37,870
- What?. The tie?.
- Yes.
871
01:16:38,040 --> 01:16:42,636
Do you mean the tie?.
You can't even say that. Stand up.
872
01:16:42,800 --> 01:16:47,271
For God's sake. How have
you managed to drink so much already?.
873
01:16:56,040 --> 01:17:01,034
I'm very pleased to find you at this table,
but we don't know each other.
874
01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:05,716
I'm Daniel, Raymond's son.
We live outside London.
875
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:13,830
People are sitting at the wrong tables.
876
01:17:15,160 --> 01:17:18,197
I spent so much time on the right groupings.
877
01:17:18,360 --> 01:17:22,194
Poppy thinks someone's
been changing her table plan.
878
01:17:22,360 --> 01:17:24,669
She should be on table seven.
879
01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:28,992
How childish.
Why should anybody do a thing like that?.
880
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:32,516
Who knows?. Fortunate for me though.
881
01:17:32,680 --> 01:17:36,389
So I was wrong. We're sharing another meal.
882
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:39,472
Yes. I'm very pleased, naturally.
883
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:42,279
I don't think she expected us at her table.
884
01:17:42,440 --> 01:17:48,675
I don't know why you should feel that.
It is a surprise - a good one, of course.
885
01:17:52,680 --> 01:17:55,478
Thank you very much.
886
01:17:55,640 --> 01:18:02,352
I'm here because, as you all know, Ernest
our host doesn't like making speeches.
887
01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:05,034
Although we'll see about that!
888
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,875
I hope you will take this opportunity
of doing so.
889
01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:13,670
The idea here is sort of a family karaoke.
890
01:18:14,840 --> 01:18:18,879
What's been happening to you?.
Come up here and tell us.
891
01:18:19,040 --> 01:18:23,556
With a family so rich in history and events,
we should have a great time.
892
01:18:23,720 --> 01:18:28,999
So who's going to be really brave?.
Who's going to be first?.
893
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:32,873
Don't be shy. Come on. Someone?.
894
01:18:41,160 --> 01:18:42,957
Hello.
895
01:18:43,120 --> 01:18:45,156
- Hello, everyone.
- Hello.
896
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:47,390
I'll be first.
897
01:18:47,560 --> 01:18:52,190
I want to tell you all how full and exciting
my life is at the moment.
898
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:57,957
What with the swimming and the modelling
I've been doing, the dancing and the riding.
899
01:18:58,120 --> 01:19:00,270
And, of course, the studying.
900
01:19:00,440 --> 01:19:03,512
- Such a modest girl.
- You should be up there.
901
01:19:03,680 --> 01:19:08,151
I'll begin by talking about
my wonderful fiancé and how we met.
902
01:19:13,240 --> 01:19:17,119
- Where do you think it happened?.
- Marvellous.
903
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:23,838
It was actually, and very appropriately,
at my absolutely favourite restaurant.
904
01:19:27,360 --> 01:19:29,351
Well done.
905
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:37,755
So... Seeing me up here,
I know a lot of you will be thinking,
906
01:19:37,920 --> 01:19:44,029
"We may find out what he really does with
his time. What he actually gets up to."
907
01:19:44,200 --> 01:19:49,638
Well, I would hate to dispel the faint air
of mystery that I seem to give off,
908
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:52,360
so I'm not going to.
909
01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:57,310
Except to say
that things continue to go well.
910
01:19:57,480 --> 01:20:04,397
But I am going to give the family two little
slices of advice of a financial nature.
911
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:07,358
Absolutely free of charge.
912
01:20:07,520 --> 01:20:11,638
The first is keep an eye on Malaya.
913
01:20:11,800 --> 01:20:15,634
- Malaya?.
- That is my first hot tip.
914
01:20:15,800 --> 01:20:23,070
The second is never ever underestimate
people's desire to buy property near water.
915
01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:29,713
Take advantage of flooding. Nobody ever
went broke thinking about houses and water.
916
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:34,670
So what today might seem
like a stagnant pond or a sewer of a canal,
917
01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:37,308
tomorrow could be liquid gold.
918
01:20:37,480 --> 01:20:41,758
So my second red-hot tip
is sniff out that water.
919
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:44,388
(LAUGHTER)
920
01:20:51,960 --> 01:20:57,193
Thank you, Irving. Any more takers?.
We seem to be doing rather well.
921
01:20:57,360 --> 01:21:01,831
Amazing, the brother and sister.
Golden children, aren't they?.
922
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:04,798
He's so charming and all the rest of it.
923
01:21:04,960 --> 01:21:07,474
..People I haven't seen for years...
924
01:21:07,640 --> 01:21:10,029
(RAYMOND) And she's fantastic.
925
01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:14,318
But the mother is quite
the dullest person here.
926
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,754
Looks like my son's in there.
Quick work, mate.
927
01:21:19,920 --> 01:21:23,071
Yes. I noticed that too.
928
01:21:24,120 --> 01:21:27,874
Come on. Let's keep the ball rolling.
Anyone else?.
929
01:21:28,040 --> 01:21:31,350
What about someone from this side?.
930
01:21:31,520 --> 01:21:33,238
God, no.
931
01:21:33,400 --> 01:21:36,517
Stop him. Please don't let this happen.
932
01:21:36,680 --> 01:21:40,309
Who's going to be next?. Anyone?.
933
01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:43,270
You won't rugby tackle him?.
934
01:21:50,960 --> 01:21:55,590
So... I'm Raymond.
Haven't seen you lot for a while.
935
01:21:56,360 --> 01:22:00,478
Some of you may remember
my father Lionel pretty vividly.
936
01:22:00,640 --> 01:22:07,159
Yes, I see you do. My papa made the
dramatic decision to settle in Hillingdon.
937
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:13,236
I know a lot of you will not be able
to place Hillingdon, so...the Underground map.
938
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:18,110
Picture the Underground map and then go up.
939
01:22:18,280 --> 01:22:22,671
No. Further. Up, up and away
as far as you can imagine.
940
01:22:22,840 --> 01:22:28,119
Up to the thinnest branches,
to Pinner and beyond. Now even further.
941
01:22:28,280 --> 01:22:33,149
To Ruislip Manor and the magical Hillingdon!
942
01:22:33,320 --> 01:22:36,710
(LAUGHTER)
943
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:39,519
It's not a bad place, actually.
944
01:22:40,680 --> 01:22:45,674
I want us to return to that question -
"Is everything OK??'
945
01:22:46,520 --> 01:22:50,672
We're all family, after all,
even though it's been many years.
946
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:55,630
As Charles has said, we're all involved
in the family karaoke here
947
01:22:55,800 --> 01:23:03,514
and as we've had some pretty easy listening
so far, maybe it's time for some hard rock.
948
01:23:03,680 --> 01:23:08,470
A lot of you would have heard
about the bold experiment that went wrong.
949
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:13,111
There's no shame in that,
I hear you say, and that's true,
950
01:23:13,280 --> 01:23:16,431
so why do I mention it now?.
951
01:23:16,600 --> 01:23:19,797
I became obsessed with age...
952
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:25,720
Looking round this room,
I thought that might be of some interest.
953
01:23:25,880 --> 01:23:31,876
People are ending their working lives earlier -
51, 52 and on the scrap heap.
954
01:23:32,040 --> 01:23:36,556
That's not a place
that most of you are familiar with,
955
01:23:36,720 --> 01:23:39,234
but it exists, oh, yes.
956
01:23:39,400 --> 01:23:45,270
People are told, "You're too old.
You're far too old. You're incredibly too old."
957
01:23:46,640 --> 01:23:48,915
But I hired them...
958
01:23:49,920 --> 01:23:51,956
..and it was great.
959
01:23:52,120 --> 01:23:57,956
But when I tried to borrow some more money,
I was told, "You're far too old!
960
01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:04,752
"You foolish shit! Crawl away, old man!"
961
01:24:04,920 --> 01:24:12,873
Or words to that effect.
# Foolish, I was always foolish... #
962
01:24:18,280 --> 01:24:24,628
Charles has said that there's a lot
of history here. You can say that again.
963
01:24:24,800 --> 01:24:30,272
And that uncorked something.
Now, I want to take you back...
964
01:24:30,440 --> 01:24:32,510
This won't take long.
965
01:24:32,680 --> 01:24:37,196
My father sent me to a rather sad
old boarding school when I was eight.
966
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:44,277
Lovely old house in the country. It had
an orchard that was full of hedgehogs.
967
01:24:44,440 --> 01:24:47,318
Like a storybook England.
968
01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:53,396
Hedgehogs with apples sticking
on their backs. Like Beatrix... Beatrix...
969
01:24:54,480 --> 01:24:57,313
- Blyton?. No... Beatrix.
- Potter!
970
01:24:57,480 --> 01:24:59,471
- Beatrix...
- Potter.
971
01:24:59,640 --> 01:25:02,108
You know what I mean!
972
01:25:03,400 --> 01:25:06,631
The headmaster of the school
was a real prick.
973
01:25:06,800 --> 01:25:12,989
So for a dare one day I got a hedgehog
and went into school with it under my jumper,
974
01:25:13,160 --> 01:25:16,709
along the corridor, into his private study.
975
01:25:17,920 --> 01:25:20,832
Nobody there. It was wonderfully easy.
976
01:25:21,000 --> 01:25:26,438
The idea was to put it in the drawer
of his desk. Boring old fart.
977
01:25:26,600 --> 01:25:30,878
Just as I was doing this - horror of horror...
978
01:25:32,080 --> 01:25:38,519
..the door flies open -
and this is absolutely and totally true...
979
01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:43,913
..and there are my parents
with the headmaster.
980
01:25:45,200 --> 01:25:50,911
And I'm standing there
in the most forbidden place in the school...
981
01:25:52,560 --> 01:25:56,109
..with a hedgehog
just pulled out of my jumper
982
01:25:56,280 --> 01:26:00,876
and the bloody animal
is peeing and shitting all over his papers
983
01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:04,953
and there's nothing,
absolutely nothing I can do.
984
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:07,475
I'm helpless.
985
01:26:08,480 --> 01:26:10,789
I'm transfixed.
986
01:26:13,520 --> 01:26:15,795
My father...
987
01:26:22,800 --> 01:26:27,920
And my parents, who up to that moment
thought I was a model pupil,
988
01:26:28,080 --> 01:26:30,594
are, of course, stunned.
989
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:37,432
And I felt so foolish, so utterly foolish.
990
01:26:37,600 --> 01:26:40,239
♪ Fool... Foolish
991
01:26:40,400 --> 01:26:43,597
♪ I was always fool... ♪
992
01:26:54,760 --> 01:26:59,117
I never did discover
what they were doing there.
993
01:27:01,160 --> 01:27:03,151
My parents.
994
01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:09,432
Can we do depression?.
995
01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:13,639
Karaoke depression and despair?.
996
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:17,472
I'd like to be able to do that.
997
01:27:18,480 --> 01:27:20,948
There ought to be a way.
998
01:27:25,440 --> 01:27:29,353
Not just happy-pappy things, but...
999
01:27:29,520 --> 01:27:34,071
But saying I too have been there...
1000
01:27:37,280 --> 01:27:39,748
..in hell.
1001
01:27:44,920 --> 01:27:50,472
Do I have anything up my jumper tonight?.
I hear you ask.
1002
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:56,878
Up my shirt is the secret of everything.
1003
01:28:05,720 --> 01:28:10,032
I just can't remember what you call it.
1004
01:28:21,080 --> 01:28:26,234
You must excuse me. I have to make a call.
1005
01:28:46,680 --> 01:28:49,353
He's there. Don't worry.
1006
01:28:49,520 --> 01:28:51,715
He's fine. He's just there.
1007
01:28:58,720 --> 01:29:03,157
They're calling a doctor.
I think he may have had a stroke.
1008
01:29:03,320 --> 01:29:05,629
C-Come here.
1009
01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:07,392
What?.
1010
01:29:10,000 --> 01:29:13,788
I've always wondered
what those things are called.
1011
01:29:13,960 --> 01:29:17,350
What things?. You mean these things?.
1012
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:22,479
Excuse me. Excuse me!
1013
01:29:22,640 --> 01:29:25,438
Could I have everyone out of here?.
1014
01:29:48,360 --> 01:29:52,399
He'll be OK, won't he?. He has to be OK.
1015
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:57,953
I thought it was a good speech.
I might be the only one, but I did.
1016
01:29:58,120 --> 01:30:03,274
If you have to stay around for a bit,
that's no great hardship, is it?.
1017
01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:10,354
Just remember one thing, Daniel.
Everybody always lies.
87632
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