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1
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,249
("MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE
PLAYING ON THE RADIO)
2
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,329
MAN: (ON RADIO)
And now, it's time for a breakdown.
3
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,244
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
4
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,603
(BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE)
5
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,808
Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah...
6
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,083
Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht
showers here during first period.
7
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,971
Why doesn't he just shower at home
like a normal person?
8
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,045
Look at him.
9
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,043
Does anything about that
look normal to you?
10
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,451
You know, he's actually
a pretty good dancer.
11
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,440
(BOB CONTINUES SINGING)
12
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,368
I mean, fuck that guy is different!
13
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,361
Let's wreck him.
14
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,882
- TREVOR: Hey, Weird Dick!
- (ALL LAUGH)
15
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,201
Come on.
16
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,810
Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen,
17
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,851
it is my pleasure
to announce that the winner
18
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,129
of the National High School
Student of the Year Award
19
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,810
is none other than your very own
20
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,849
two-time student body president,
21
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,482
the captain of
Central High's All Valley track team,
22
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,165
president of the drama club
23
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,767
and the senior voted
"Most Likely to Succeed."
24
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,480
I gotta tell you folks,
after 40 years as an educator,
25
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,483
he is my favorite student.
26
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,366
I wish he were my son
27
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,682
if I were medically able to have children.
28
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:41,841
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)
29
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,291
He's everybody's
favorite all-around guy...
30
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,329
Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on!
31
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,050
(ALL CHEERING)
32
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,810
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
33
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,290
("UNBELIEVABLE" BY EMF PLAYING)
34
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,331
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
35
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,527
ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
36
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,691
Oh, my goodness.
37
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,527
Wow! Wow, guys.
38
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,490
Hey! How about a hand
for Principal Kent, huh?
39
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:21,687
Huh?
40
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,720
Honestly, if my mom
was into white guys, it would be you.
41
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,881
I know it would, okay?
42
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,565
(ALL LAUGH)
43
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,524
Well, as we all know,
this is our last assembly,
44
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,763
which means this is the last time
in front of you guys
45
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,321
that I'll be able to tell
the most beautiful girl in the world...
46
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,888
I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson,
47
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,567
that I love you. I love you, baby. I do.
48
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,563
I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
49
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,324
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- I'll save it.
50
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,481
Okay.
51
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,087
All right, guys. We're seniors now.
52
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,882
And once we get those diplomas,
53
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,010
the decisions that we make after that
are all up to us.
54
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,921
I don't know what path
life is gonna take me on.
55
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,605
But I can promise you all this...
56
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,450
That I, for one, will push myself
57
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,489
at every stage, at every step.
58
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,160
So, I got one question to ask.
59
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,768
I got one question for
the graduating class of 1996
60
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,206
and that's "Will you..."
61
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,969
(SHOUTS) Check out my Weird Dick!
62
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,161
(BOYS GROAN)
63
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,284
(SQUEAKING)
64
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,761
(ALL GASPING)
65
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,808
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
66
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,290
Hey. Here, here, man.
67
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,885
(SOFTLY) Thank you.
68
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,041
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
69
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,281
- (LOCK RATTLES)
- (LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES)
70
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,967
Well, there's no coming back from that.
71
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:08,966
Calvin Joyner, everybody,
72
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,845
voted "Most Likely to Succeed."
73
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,647
ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet!
Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
74
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,324
("JUMPMAN" BY DRAKE & FUTURE PLAYING)
75
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,207
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
76
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,647
(PHONE RINGING)
77
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,285
Yo. Check it.
78
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,290
Oh, come on, man.
I don't want to see that.
79
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,441
Oh, no, no, it's my dick.
80
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,290
I know what it is. I don't want to see it.
81
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,601
(LAUGHS) Hilarious.
82
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,250
No, I'm working on this new sexting app.
83
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,481
It's kind of like Instagram, right?
84
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,766
But, instead of filters,
85
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,251
it just makes your junk look huge.
86
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,329
Like, three to six inches bigger.
87
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,080
It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right?
88
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,322
- No, and here's why...
- Sorry, hang on, one second.
89
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,051
I'm just gonna...
90
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:29,841
What are you doing?
91
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,650
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
92
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,524
Okay, and send.
93
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,445
Sorry, you were saying something boring.
94
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,000
You just sent a dick pic.
95
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,730
It's called dating, grandma. Look it up.
96
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,002
Why are you all cranky-pants
this morning, huh?
97
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,606
Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted
instead of you?
98
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,886
Ethan got promoted?
99
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,248
(SIGHS) Youngest senior associate
in the history of the firm.
100
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,004
Corner office, the whole deal.
101
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,321
Didn't he used to be your assistant?
102
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,968
Who cares? Hey, you should
come to lunch with us.
103
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,565
We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh!
104
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,688
It'll probably be good for you
to kiss the ring a bit.
105
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,645
"Kiss the ring a bit"?
106
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,848
Hey, you play your chessboard
however you like, okay?
107
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,364
Me, lunch today?
I'm gonna French kiss that thing.
108
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,840
Aah...
109
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,290
I can't. I'm taking my wife
to lunch today, so...
110
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,726
All right. Bummer for you.
111
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,121
(SINGING)
112
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,087
Right?
113
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,811
(GRUNTS)
114
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,130
Can you just get out of my face?
115
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,805
# Blessed.
116
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,730
(LAUGHTER)
117
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,291
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
118
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,680
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
119
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,321
To a guy I not only consider my coworker,
120
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,885
but my personal friend.
121
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,049
- To Ethan!
- Cheers!
122
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,645
(ALL CHEERING)
123
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,489
Do you wanna move tables?
I know this kind of sucks.
124
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,369
No, no. It doesn't suck.
125
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,846
Hey, if I wanted to get
one of those ice teas
126
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,923
but I want most of it to be bourbon...
What is that called?
127
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,881
Okay. How about we change the topic
to something a little more fun?
128
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,810
Anything else, please.
129
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,161
Oh, how about...
130
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,402
This is the dress
that I'm thinking about wearing.
131
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,201
CALVIN: Oh!
132
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,125
Honey, I want every single girl
to be jealous tomorrow night.
133
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,647
Oh.
134
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,961
What?
135
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,451
I just... I just don't want to go.
136
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,563
Calvin, it's our 20-year
high school reunion.
137
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:15,921
I'm not gonna go without you.
138
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,208
We agreed we were going. I RSVP'd for us.
139
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,011
I just changed my mind. That's all.
140
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,525
Okay. I see.
141
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,081
You're disappointed
about the promotion. I get it.
142
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,242
This is not about the promotion.
143
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,046
Okay, this has to do with me
not wanting to spend my Friday night
144
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,884
answering the
"What are you doing now?" question.
145
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,087
That's what I'll get all night.
146
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,049
"Hey, Calvin, what are you doing now?"
"I'm an accountant."
147
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,321
"An accountant? Really?
148
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,845
"I thought you would be the governor, man.
149
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,401
"Wait a minute. Didn't you get voted
'Most Likely to Succeed'?
150
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,925
"I guess we missed that one."
151
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,451
Is this why you've been
so weird and moody lately?
152
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,965
'Cause you're freaking out
about the reunion?
153
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,167
- No.
- And what's the matter
154
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,890
with being an accountant?
You love your job.
155
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,530
No, you love your job.
156
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,250
I'm good at my job.
It's not the same thing.
157
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,401
Honey, that's not fair.
158
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,210
You're a partner at your firm.
159
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,245
Instead, I work in a building with a giant,
inflatable gorilla out in front of it.
160
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,209
Look, I don't want to be
the guy that peaked in high school
161
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,328
and, after he peaked,
his life went like this...
162
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,329
(IMITATES CRASH)
163
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,650
I don't know the sound
that that thing makes,
164
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:07,841
but you know what I'm trying to do.
165
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,161
I'm the guy that went down, okay?
166
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,407
- Yeah.
- Then my life
167
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,846
down here became a disappointment.
168
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,286
That's what I'll be.
169
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,441
(SOFTLY) Wow.
170
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,521
What?
171
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,560
I had no idea that your life with me was
such a soundless, crashing disappointment!
172
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,370
- Don't do that.
- (IMITATES CRASH)
173
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,443
- That's not... Don't do that.
- That's the sound.
174
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,125
You want to know the sound
I'm about to make right now?
175
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,361
The sound of me not going.
176
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,931
That's the sound I'm making.
177
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,241
I'm not going.
178
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,241
Yeah.
179
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,889
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
180
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,041
No.
181
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,169
Not going to that.
182
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,846
(COMPUTER CHIMES)
183
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,281
Bob Stone?
184
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,801
Okay.
185
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,001
(PHONE RINGING)
186
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,730
(RINGING CONTINUES)
187
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,241
Hello?
188
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,807
- Hey.
- Girl, you scared me.
189
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,606
- I did?
- Yes. I thought that you were...
190
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,648
I just... On the...
191
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,971
Never mind. Hey, I'm glad you called.
192
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,401
I'm sorry about lunch today.
193
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,247
I'm an idiot, babe.
194
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,050
I don't even know
what's going on with me right now.
195
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,725
- I really don't.
- Yeah?
196
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,882
Actually, honey,
197
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,889
that's what I was calling
to talk to you about.
198
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,529
Look, honey, I think that
we should see someone.
199
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,564
What do you mean, "Someone"?
What do you mean?
200
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,842
See someone, like a therapist.
201
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,328
Honey, black people don't go to therapy.
202
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,571
We go to barbershops.
203
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,245
That's where we talk out our problems.
204
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,721
Or we watch the movie Barbershop.
One or the other.
205
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,450
Look, my parents were really unhappy
206
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,523
for a long time before they got divorced.
207
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,162
And maybe if they saw someone sooner,
they would still be married.
208
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,090
I just want to nip this thing in the bud,
whatever it is.
209
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,601
I don't want to end up like my parents.
210
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,130
Wassup?
211
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,847
MAGGIE: Please, just do it for me,
if not for you.
212
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,121
CALVIN: All right. Uh...
213
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,930
- When? When do you want to do it?
- MAGGIE: Really?
214
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,249
The doctor said
he could see us at 6:00 p.m.
215
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,287
Um... 6:00 p.m., when? Tonight?
216
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,283
Yeah. Yeah, is that a problem?
217
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,365
Holy shit! Robbie Wheirdicht?
218
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,891
Calvin, honey? Hello?
219
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,485
Um, yeah.
220
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,564
I can't. I already
made plans for tonight, baby.
221
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,961
- MAGGIE: Plans with who?
- With Bob Stone.
222
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,162
Who's Bob Stone?
That sounds like a fake name.
223
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,642
No, no. You remember
Robbie Wheirdicht, from high school?
224
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,801
No.
225
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,809
The guy who got beaten up
by Trisha Demarco at homecoming?
226
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,087
No.
227
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,561
The kid that tried to rap along to
Coolio's 1,2,3,4 at the talent show
228
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,324
but then he kinda lost his way,
midway through
229
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,130
so he just started bopping his head,
and he stood there?
230
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,805
No. Nothing.
231
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,162
The guy who got thrown out the gym,
butt-ass-naked, senior year?
232
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,321
Oh, my God, yeah!
233
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,130
Why wouldn't you start with that?
234
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,890
Because I thought that was kind of mean.
I don't know.
235
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,605
He never came back
to school after that, right?
236
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,967
Like, not for finals
or graduation or anything.
237
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,003
Didn't he join the military or something?
238
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,607
I'm not sure. I don't know if he did or not,
but he changed his name to "Bob Stone"
239
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,842
and apparently he's in town
for the high school reunion.
240
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,048
He wants to go to dinner tonight,
and I kinda already said "yes."
241
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,241
- Okay.
- If you want me to cancel,
242
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,845
I will. You know?
243
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,365
If that's what you want, I don't mind.
244
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,162
Mmm-mmm. I mean,
it's a little weird, but whatever.
245
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,687
I'll just see if the doctor
can fit us in tomorrow.
246
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,968
- How about at lunch time?
- Okay. All right, fine.
247
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,360
Okay, good. I love you.
248
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,249
I love you, too, babe. I do.
249
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:03,771
("ME SO HORNY" BY 2 LIVE CREW
PLAYING ON COMPUTER)
250
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,842
- Oh, my...
- MAGGIE: What is that?
251
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,809
- Okay.
- Calvin? Are you...
252
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,961
Love you. Bye-bye.
253
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,081
No!
254
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,886
Stop, stop!
255
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,446
Hey, man. I...
256
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,688
Hey! What's up, guys?
257
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,806
Congratulations on that promotion, man.
258
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:22,961
It's quite the thing.
259
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,966
Thank you.
Hey, that's not work appropriate.
260
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,281
Yup.
261
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,044
Not cool, man. Not cool.
262
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:31,921
(SIGHS)
263
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,244
Hey, forward that to me.
264
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,084
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE)
265
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,921
MAN 1: For real man, seriously?
266
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,764
MAN 2: Yeah. Watch it, punk.
267
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,651
Excuse you, too.
268
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,605
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
269
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,285
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
270
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,401
My man!
271
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,971
Back the fuck up!
272
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,165
- Whoa!
- Back up, man!
273
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,329
Fine. I'll give you these fists.
274
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,726
I'll fist your ass.
275
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,451
Calvin. It's me, Bob.
276
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,442
What? Sorry, do I know you?
277
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,401
Do you know...
278
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,564
Robbie Wheirdicht from high school!
279
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,404
Are you kidding? What?
280
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,281
- Wait, you're Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah!
281
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,725
God, man, look at you!
You've lost, like, 200 pounds!
282
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,484
I see you gained it back in muscle.
283
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,244
Oh, my God! You look great!
284
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,329
- No, you look great!
- Stop it.
285
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,847
No, you haven't changed
since high school, dude!
286
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,249
No, you're just sexy as dick right now.
287
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,448
You don't look somebody
in the eyes and say that.
288
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,647
Hey, let's get hammered.
289
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,048
I got an early day at work,
so I'll probably...
290
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,281
No, come on, I'm buying!
291
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,441
Oh, shit.
292
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,001
Mmm.
293
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,040
I'm sorry, man. I am blown away right now.
294
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,402
- Dude, you used to be Fat Robbie.
- (LAUGHS)
295
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,881
Look at you!
This is like a total transformation.
296
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,690
You look like Hercules or somebody.
297
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,205
What did you do? Come on, give it to me.
298
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,328
- I didn't do much, really.
- Stop it.
299
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,842
All right. I just did one thing.
300
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,207
Come on, I need to know.
301
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,847
I worked out six hours a day, every day,
302
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,490
for the last 20 years straight.
303
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,646
- I mean, anybody can do it, right?
- Yeah.
304
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:31,566
Yeah. You know, I've gotten into hot yoga.
305
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,001
(CLEARS THROAT)
306
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,651
I started doing some sessions.
307
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,801
Uh-huh.
308
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,480
Nice unicorn, man.
309
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,847
Oh, yeah, I'm big-time into 'corns.
310
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,166
So magical, right?
311
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,527
You know, they're the most
lethal animal on the planet.
312
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,921
Here you go.
313
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,082
Guys, my name's Lexi.
314
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,446
Just let me know if you need anything.
315
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,841
Okay.
316
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,369
I mean, like, anything at all.
317
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,211
- Okie-dokie.
- (GIGGLES)
318
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,571
You're funny. Do you ever, like, Snapchat?
319
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,371
- Oh, no. You know...
- I wasn't talking to you.
320
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,041
No, no, no. I don't do that.
321
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,726
I'm just catching up
with an old friend from high school.
322
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,568
Aw. You're so sweet.
323
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,411
I think unicorns are sexy, too.
324
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,609
That must happen to you
all the time, right?
325
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,081
Ah, nah.
326
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,409
I mean, all that meaningless sex is just...
327
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,210
It's not my bag anymore, CJ.
328
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,721
No, now, I'm looking for
more of an emotional connection.
329
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,001
The next woman I lay with,
330
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,924
she's gonna be beautiful on the inside,
331
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,764
just as much as she is on the outside.
332
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,086
Hey, wait. Whatever happened to that
girl that you liked in high school?
333
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,931
Oh, God, man. The "Doogie Howser" girl.
334
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,923
She was 14, but somehow she was a senior.
335
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,206
She wore a cape.
336
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,161
- Darla McGuckian.
- Darla McGuckian.
337
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,084
- "Yucky Gucky."
- (BOTH LAUGH)
338
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,761
- Didn't she have a lazy eye or something?
- Two of 'em.
339
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,127
Right.
340
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,321
Hey, but listen,
I don't wanna talk about me.
341
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,481
I wanna talk about you.
342
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,926
I heard that
you and Maggie Johnson got hitched.
343
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,605
(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah.
344
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,569
Yeah, man, right after college.
345
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,122
Wow! The prettiest girl in school,
and the coolest guy in school!
346
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,281
Oh, man, I got lucky.
347
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,771
I mean, you guys are like
a power couple, dude!
348
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,445
- No, no.
- Yes!
349
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,444
You're like Taylor Swift
and whoever she's dating right now.
350
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,080
- Power.
- Uh, thanks!
351
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,725
Yeah. You guys got kids?
352
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,285
No. No kids yet.
353
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,363
We planned on it after college,
354
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,569
but Maggie went to law school,
I kept changing jobs.
355
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,128
You know, having kids just
isn't in our cards right now.
356
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,281
Not at this point, that's all.
357
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,487
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
358
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:28,128
I don't wanna talk about
me and Maggie and myself.
359
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,691
What about you? What are you doing?
360
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,444
I didn't even ask you, man.
What do you do for work?
361
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,485
I'm a government contractor.
362
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,331
Okay, that's cool.
Like, what, buildings and stuff?
363
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,241
Yeah, sort of.
364
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,326
But I kinda just got fired.
365
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,608
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry, man.
- Oh, it's okay.
366
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,445
Screw those guys, anyway.
They're way too corporate.
367
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,490
'Cause dudes like me and you,
I mean, we're alpha dogs, right?
368
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,523
I mean, we're pathfinders
and trailblazers.
369
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,365
And we don't listen
to what anyone tells us, right?
370
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,251
- Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
371
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,849
I mean, come on, man,
I sorta path-find a little bit
372
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,130
along certain preapproved parameters
that are given to me.
373
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,682
I'm willing to path-find
but it's all about how it's set up.
374
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,243
But within the box that I have, I go nuts.
You'll be surprised.
375
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,646
I had a guy tell me the other day,
376
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,644
"Hey, Calvin, you know,
I need those accounting numbers back
377
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,211
"from, you know, the file."
378
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,210
- I said, "Go fuck yourself, Jim."
- Yeah.
379
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,603
I didn't say it
because I wasn't in my box,
380
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,603
- but I thought about it.
- Exactly! Yeah! Yeah!
381
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,650
I got an idea. Let's do shots!
382
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,881
No!
383
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,804
I'm sorry for saying it like that, but no.
384
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,644
I haven't had shots
in almost 10 years, man.
385
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,047
What? Come on, we have to!
We're celebrating!
386
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,041
Celebrating what?
387
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,362
Celebrating that I'm hanging
with the coolest kid in high school.
388
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,363
- Stop it.
- Calvin Joyner!
389
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,729
The Golden Jet.
390
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,691
You got to be shitting me. Wow!
391
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,129
I haven't... God!
392
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,722
It's been forever since I heard that, man!
393
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,881
- I'll do one.
- All right!
394
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,041
- One shot.
- Shots!
395
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,321
No. One shot.
396
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,562
Just one, okay? Bob, it's been a while.
397
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,721
("JUMP AROUND" BY HOUSE OF PAIN PLAYING)
398
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,007
Oh, shit! You remember this?
399
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,725
This was the jammy-jam!
400
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,882
What's that? Is that a fanny pack, Bob?
401
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,570
Hell, yeah! Dude, you want one?
402
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,085
No, it's okay.
403
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,685
I got two at home. I'll hook you up.
404
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,042
Leather pack for The Jet.
405
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,247
Fanny!
406
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,686
Shit.
407
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,209
What the hell did I get myself into?
408
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,370
Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
409
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,411
Hey, sir, somebody's
actually sitting there.
410
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,762
- Yeah, someone was.
- No! Hey, man!
411
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,411
Hey, you don't see
the sweatshirt right here?
412
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,648
- Man, somebody's sitting here.
- Move your meat, lose your seat.
413
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,361
Dude, you don't
have to be a dick about it.
414
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,601
Somebody's sitting in the chair.
415
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,771
Bro, are you seriously
gonna go there, bro?
416
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,568
'Cause there's only one way back, bro.
417
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,848
Through intensive care, bro.
418
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,761
Was that the last "bro"?
'Cause if it was, then I'll talk.
419
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,206
That supposed to be funny?
420
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,771
- Dude...
- You a comedian now?
421
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,088
'Cause you don't look like
Dane Cook to me, bro.
422
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,730
Hey, now!
423
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,601
What's the rumpus?
424
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:57,841
CALVIN: You know...
There's no problem, man.
425
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,082
Let's just go to another table.
Get your jacket. Let's go.
426
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,523
- No, we're not gonna go anywhere.
- Listen to your pussy friend.
427
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,241
Those gym muscles
aren't scaring anybody, pal.
428
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,448
- Oh, these?
- Let's just go. It's okay.
429
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,120
No, we're not gonna go.
This man insulted you.
430
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,089
And we're not gonna leave
until he apologizes.
431
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,288
- It's okay.
- Hey, we got a problem here?
432
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,482
- No, no.
- Yeah, we got a big problem.
433
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,325
Your friend, here,
really insulted my friend
434
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,481
and he needs to apologize.
435
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,641
I don't think he does.
436
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:22,801
CALVIN: He doesn't.
437
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,849
Oh, you know what, man?
438
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,287
I think this whole situation's
getting a little out of control.
439
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,601
I can fix this whole thing.
440
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,127
I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions."
441
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,647
It's got four cheeses!
Let's eat 'em together.
442
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,847
You know what? You take them.
443
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,041
Let's go.
444
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,326
Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet.
445
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,970
This whole thing will be over in a jiff.
446
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,645
Hey, how about this?
447
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,320
Why don't you and your boyfriend
apologize to Big Rick here
448
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,687
and then go jerk each other
in the parking lot?
449
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,127
That's a lot...
450
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,327
Yeah. You're right, CJ.
451
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,131
That's a lot of homophobia
coming out of a very angry man.
452
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,807
You need to go get that looked at
by a trained professional.
453
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,167
But, since you have
escalated this whole scenario
454
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,810
by bringing what I can only assume
455
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,361
is an unlicensed firearm
into this public place,
456
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,682
endangering the lives
of all these innocent people,
457
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,650
I can no longer,
in good conscience, walk away
458
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,529
and jerk anyone off in the parking lot.
459
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,808
I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere.
460
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,166
It's time for you to get out of here, pal.
461
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,805
CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
462
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,443
There's four of us, tough guy.
463
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,611
Yeah. I got that.
464
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,961
All right. Before this whole thing goes down,
you should know one thing about me.
465
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,121
What's that?
466
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,530
I don't like bullies.
467
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,681
(SCREAMS)
468
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,321
(GAGS)
469
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,085
(GROANS)
470
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,405
(BULLETS CLATTER)
471
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,041
Let's go, Jet.
472
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,360
Yes.
473
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,366
Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic.
474
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,567
(MEN GROANING)
475
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,885
Oh, my God!
476
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,525
What the hell was that?
477
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,569
Bob, that was amazing!
I've never seen anything like that!
478
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,404
You took the one guy,
you hit him like this.
479
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,721
He couldn't breathe. (IMITATES CHOKING)
480
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,331
I sat there, I'm looking at him...
481
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,720
You talkin' to him like,
"I don't like bullies."
482
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,490
I was like, "That's not a good line."
But it was!
483
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:03,641
I didn't even know you could fight!
484
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,571
You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack,
and it totally worked!
485
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,922
You were like Jason Bourne,
man, but with jorts!
486
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,401
How did you do that?
Where'd you learn that stuff?
487
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,409
I took a couple classes at work.
488
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:14,931
I hope I didn't go too far.
489
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,206
I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet.
490
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,250
Ruin my night?
No! It was the coolest thing ever, man!
491
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,851
- Really?
- Yes!
492
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,321
To see my boy go in and whoop ass
on those idiots back there.
493
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,641
Dude, that was amazing!
494
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,723
Wait, we're boys?
495
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:28,441
Yeah, we boys.
496
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,127
Wow. I...
497
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,001
Never had a boy.
498
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,847
- That's awesome! Come here!
- Oh, wait.
499
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,524
Stop. What's going on, man?
500
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,284
- I'm a hugger!
- What're you doing?
501
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,729
Hey! I got an idea.
Let's roll. Here's my bike.
502
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,041
Wait. That's your bike?
503
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,929
Yeah. Kawasaki 800!
504
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,525
I know what the bike is.
505
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,404
I had the same bike in high school, man.
506
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,204
- You still ride?
- No, man.
507
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,361
I haven't ridden a bike in years!
508
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,800
Come on, let's roll.
509
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,280
(SIGHS)
510
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,485
Where? Where you trying to go?
511
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,451
I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet.
512
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:09,970
You know, why not? Why not?
513
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,327
After this... Yeah, okay!
514
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,801
BOB: Let's roll.
515
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,641
- (TIRES SQUEAL)
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
516
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,003
CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow!
517
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,641
Bob, hey, hey!
518
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,849
God, this is so crazy, man.
519
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,729
This brings back so many memories.
520
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:32,881
(BOB SIGHS)
521
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,121
BOB: I don't know, CJ.
522
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,850
I mean, high school
wasn't easy for me, man.
523
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,685
I don't know if you know this,
but I didn't have many friends back then.
524
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,481
What?
525
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,690
- Really?
- No.
526
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,887
I don't know why I thought...
527
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,371
True story.
528
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,364
Man, I thought high school
was gonna be like Sixteen Candles
529
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,329
and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald.
530
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,971
Sure, things were difficult
in the beginning, but then, by the end,
531
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,366
everything worked out.
532
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,602
And Jake Ryan picked her up
in that red Porsche.
533
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:57,841
What-what?
534
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,041
You ever see that movie?
535
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,368
I'm black, so I don't know the...
536
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,204
You gotta see it, dude.
537
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,364
Total classic.
It's my favorite all-time movie.
538
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,649
Then I realized high school
was nothing like Sixteen Candles.
539
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,723
And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald.
540
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,484
Yeah, well, depends on who you ask.
541
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,205
That's the thing. For me, I...
542
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,881
What's going on?
543
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,320
Oh, wow.
544
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,804
Hey, man, I just wanna say that
I'm really sorry
545
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,406
about what Trevor and those guys
did to you back then.
546
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,890
(ECHOING LAUGHTER)
547
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,005
(EXCLAIMS)
548
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,050
No biggie. I don't even
think about it anymore. No.
549
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,841
Okay, good.
550
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,730
Yeah. Here's the secret.
You know what I did, Jet?
551
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,326
I took all that stuff
and I balled it up real tight
552
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,006
and then I shoved it way down deep.
553
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,522
And I just pretty much ignore it.
554
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,725
You know, that sounds
really unhealthy, Bob.
555
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,240
Hey, I gotta tell you.
556
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,050
You were the only one
who helped me out that day.
557
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,890
In the gym? Remember that?
558
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,407
And you gave me your letterman's jacket!
559
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,649
Hey, not for nothing,
but I never got that jacket back, man.
560
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,081
Huh!
561
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,049
Really? Strange.
562
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,561
Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you
for what you did for me that day.
563
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,006
That was really cool of you, Jet.
564
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,083
Stop, man.
It was the right thing to do, you know?
565
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,566
(BOTH CHUCKLES)
566
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,167
- You wanna hear something weird?
- What?
567
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,049
I have not been naked since that day.
568
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,531
I mean, not in front of anyone.
569
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,001
Never.
570
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,730
So, you're telling me
that for the last 20 years,
571
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,763
you've never been seen
in your birthday suit?
572
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,689
- No.
- So, what about when you have sex?
573
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,242
I keep it pitch-black,
just like Vin Diesel.
574
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,801
What? (LAUGHS)
575
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,811
You know I've been wondering,
whatever happened to Trevor anyway?
576
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,691
Did he get hit by a bus
or ripped apart by dogs
577
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,888
or die slowly of anything?
578
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,880
No. No, no.
He's a bigtime investment banker downtown.
579
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,687
- Oh, hey, cool.
- Yeah.
580
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,171
Good for him, man.
581
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,086
Hey, Bob, look,
if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
582
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,210
So I don't mind, you know?
583
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,767
I don't mind at all, if you wanna...
584
00:25:58,920 --> 00:25:59,921
What?
585
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,084
Whoa. (LAUGHS)
586
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,167
This is all our stuff from our year!
587
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,164
Yeah. Must be getting ready
for the reunion tomorrow night.
588
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,367
Come on, man. Let's get out of here.
589
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,727
What? No! "Get out..."
Look, you're all over this!
590
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,242
Look at this.
Basketball, baseball, cross country.
591
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,640
Hamlet.
592
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:18,841
Prom King.
593
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,570
There's Darla McGuckian.
594
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,649
Synchronized swimming, that's so sexy.
595
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,366
This is like the Guinness Book
of Golden Jet Records right there.
596
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,561
(TAPS GLASS)
597
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:27,960
I see that.
598
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,607
To be honest with you,
I don't even recognize this guy anymore.
599
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,850
This guy, here, he was gonna...
600
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,889
He was gonna conquer the world.
601
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,044
If 18-year-old me could see me now,
602
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,924
he'd probably think I was a total loser.
603
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,123
What? That's crazy talk!
604
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,805
- You're The Golden Jet, dude!
- Stop.
605
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,804
Stop, Bob. Spare me
with The Golden Jet shit.
606
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,682
I'm not The Golden Jet, man.
I'm an accountant.
607
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,245
That's my reality.
608
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,204
(SIGHS) I just thought
I was meant for more, you know?
609
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,882
My life would be something special.
610
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,451
You know how they say every man
is the hero of his own story?
611
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,721
Was that in Twilight?
612
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,045
No, I don't think that's where it's from.
613
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,248
But those books are cool, right? Vampires!
614
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,442
And there's a wolf-boy.
615
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:21,401
I'm not... I'm not talking
about Twilight, Bob, okay?
616
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,721
I'm talking about the fact that
I don't feel like
617
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,644
I'm the hero of my own story. That's...
618
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,450
How are you not the hero
of your own story?
619
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,045
No one else can be!
620
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,964
Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man.
621
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,645
I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner
622
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,040
not feeling like he's a hero...
623
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,725
That's crazy talk, man.
624
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,844
No. No, it's not.
625
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,570
You were the best thing about high school.
626
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,411
I'll always believe in you.
627
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,881
Yo, do you remember
those backflips you used to do?
628
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,284
The crowd would go crazy!
I was there, too.
629
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,442
I was, like, "What? How's he do that?"
630
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,687
How did you do that?
631
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,244
I don't know. I just did it, man.
632
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,921
Exactly.
633
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,081
So, do it now.
634
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,884
No, no. You're crazy! No.
635
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,281
What's that?
636
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:01,487
What're you talking about? What's what?
637
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,244
- (SOFTLY) Golden Jet!
- No, stop it.
638
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,164
- Golden Jet!
- Okay, stop it!
639
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,845
- Golden Jet!
- All right.
640
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,331
Golden Jet!
641
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,370
I'm not gonna stop until
you do The Golden Jet flip!
642
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:12,521
Golden Jet!
643
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,921
All right, everybody, settle down.
Settle down!
644
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,606
If the crowd wants a Golden Jet flip,
645
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,489
then they gonna get a Golden Jet flip.
646
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:20,766
You go, girl!
647
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,689
(GROANS) Oh, God!
648
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,205
That was so close, Jet.
649
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,641
(GROANS)
650
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:30,801
Here, buddy. Come on.
651
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,570
They must have just waxed these floors.
652
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,604
That was definitely a first, man.
653
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:38,761
(BOB LAUGHS)
654
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,485
Oh, man, I am beat.
655
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,041
Oh.
656
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,087
Hey, Jet!
657
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,682
Man, I had a great time tonight.
658
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:49,841
Whoa!
659
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,482
You know what?
I had a good time, too, man.
660
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,085
I feel like I needed this, you know?
661
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,447
Yeah. Yeah. Me, too!
662
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:57,961
Thank you.
663
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,561
My pleasure, amigo. Any time.
664
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,122
Hey, if there's ever anything
I can do for you, just say the word.
665
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,806
Wow. You really mean that?
666
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,367
Yeah.
667
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,330
I wasn't gonna bring it up,
but I might as well.
668
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,649
Lately, I've been having this problem
with my payroll account. And...
669
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:16,521
It's all screwed up, somehow.
670
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,083
You know, I was overseas
working for a while before I got fired.
671
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,164
So, it's kinda like
a forensic international account thingy
672
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,569
which, I think,
is kind of your specialty, right?
673
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,601
Um...
674
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,800
Yeah, no, it is.
I'll take a look at that for you.
675
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,161
You would? You would do that for me?
676
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,846
I've got the login info,
if you wanna crack open your computer,
677
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,280
we can do this!
678
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,290
Oh, you mean now?
679
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,568
- That's awesome! Yeah!
- Okay.
680
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,404
- Look at this!
- Hey, Bob...
681
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,607
- Whoa!
- (SHUSHING)
682
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,006
Bob, you gotta keep your voice down!
683
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,286
(SOFTLY) Maggie's sleeping.
684
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:50,441
Wow.
685
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,323
This is a pretty serious international
account dossier you've got here.
686
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,649
Right? I just want to make sure
everything was hunky-dory.
687
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,929
(MUMBLING)
688
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,809
Going to your router.
689
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,406
Now you're talking to me.
690
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,962
Bingo. I'm in.
691
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,767
Oh. That's great, Jet. Thank you, man!
692
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,482
I mean, just looking at it first-hand,
693
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,962
it kinda looks like it's a bunch of
off-shore escrow accounts.
694
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,645
These have been backwashed into
695
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,889
a series of domestic dummy accounts
for some reason.
696
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,611
I mean, the logs are all crazy, too.
You have China,
697
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:31,845
Syria, Iran.
698
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,685
This is an auction site, Bob!
699
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:35,841
(MUMBLES)
700
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,604
These are bids. All of these.
701
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,331
This is hundreds of millions
of dollars in bids, right here.
702
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,411
And judging by this clock, here,
it says it's all gonna end tomorrow.
703
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,767
- (COMPUTER BEEPS)
- Whoa!
704
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,969
- What the hell? Why?
- What did...
705
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,565
- Oh! I'm sorry, Jet!
- Bob!
706
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,405
Jet, I'm so sorry! Oh, man.
707
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,847
- I'm all thumbs.
- It's my computer!
708
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,565
- I'm sorry.
- No! Please, Bob.
709
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:57,926
- I'm sorry, Jet.
- Leave it. I got it.
710
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,487
It's fine, Bob. It's fine. Just leave it.
711
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,801
The worst!
712
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,241
God!
713
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,041
Hey! What the hell was that on that site?
714
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:07,770
That didn't have
anything to do with payroll.
715
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,282
I don't know. I've never seen that before.
716
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,441
That was crazy.
717
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,881
Let's figure it out tomorrow
when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
718
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,361
What do you say, CJ? I am beat.
719
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,525
Hey, do you mind if I crash here?
720
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,646
Um...
721
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:22,721
No.
722
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,129
Let me go grab some blankets.
723
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,241
Hey, thanks for the jammies, Jet.
724
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,171
Okay, well, you can keep those.
725
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,129
Those are... Those are officially yours.
726
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:41,971
Yeah.
727
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,609
- All right.
- Oh.
728
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,930
You gonna sleep with your fanny pack.
729
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,004
Golden Jet! Yeah, it's my baby.
730
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,441
(EXHALES)
731
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,809
You need anything else? You're okay?
732
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,162
I can't believe I'm having a sleepover
at Calvin Joyner's house right now.
733
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,840
This is blowing my mind! (LAUGHS)
734
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,321
Okay.
735
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,881
Uh, good night, Bob.
736
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,041
Good night, Jet.
737
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:24,887
(FABRIC TEARING)
738
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,245
(SNORING)
739
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:39,801
- Me?
- (BOB SNORING)
740
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,726
Yeah, you.
741
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,890
What the fuck?
742
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,166
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
743
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,000
One second.
744
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:57,481
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
745
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:58,926
Hold on.
746
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,447
Uh, may I help you?
747
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,125
Mr. Joyner, my name is Pamela Harris,
748
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,567
I'm with the Central Intelligence Agency.
749
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,087
Have you had any contact with this man?
750
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,331
Uh, yeah, he's on my...
He's on my couch, sleeping.
751
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:15,481
Target's in the house.
752
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,887
What's going on? Hey!
753
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,486
Excuse me. Excuse me!
754
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:25,247
AGENT STAN: (INTO COMM) Target's fled.
755
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,001
Shit.
756
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,366
Target's on the move.
757
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:29,601
Excuse me! What...
758
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,609
Hello, hey! Excuse me!
759
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,848
- ...and voice chatter in the vicinity.
- CALVIN: Hello! Excuse me!
760
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,241
If he's in the wind again,
it's gonna be your ass. Go now.
761
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,562
- Hello!
- Alert Langley, asset uncontained.
762
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,926
Excuse me!
763
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:45,882
- Can I help you?
- Hello!
764
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,320
It's my house. Is something going on?
765
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,926
Well, Mr. Joyner, your sleepover buddy,
Robert Wheirdicht,
766
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,562
AKA Bob Stone, AKA Bob Golden,
AKA Bob Jet,
767
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,729
is wanted for murder and treason
768
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,531
and is presently in possession
of highly classified state secrets
769
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,404
which he intends to sell to our enemies.
770
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,647
What?
771
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,600
And if he succeeds, it's gonna spark
a chain reaction of geopolitical events
772
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:06,921
that most of our predictive models
773
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,845
place somewhere between
World War III and outright Armageddon.
774
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,321
So, yeah, I guess you could say
something is going on.
775
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:13,721
Oh, you mind?
776
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,011
Creamer's in the fridge. What?
777
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,690
I don't need it.
778
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,729
What I do need is information.
779
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,724
I need you to tell me
everything and anything
780
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,644
about your contact with Agent Stone.
781
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,126
- Agent Stone?
- Bob, your friend Bob.
782
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,089
Come on. Stay with me, please.
783
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,322
Okay, I think there's a misunderstanding.
784
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,642
No. No, he is not my friend.
785
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,761
Then why did he list you as his emergency
contact in all his personnel forms?
786
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,121
I'm sorry... He what?
787
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,806
Bob Stone has no siblings, or parents,
or family of any kind.
788
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,607
You are the only person he listed
in his personal references.
789
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,040
Oh... (STAMMERS)
790
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,646
That's crazy, all right?
I barely even know the guy.
791
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,086
Then why was he sleeping on your couch?
792
00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:55,446
Because we went out
and had drinks last night.
793
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,250
Oh, so you went out drinking
with your non-friend?
794
00:34:58,440 --> 00:34:59,441
Okay.
795
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,451
All right, let's... You're not...
796
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:02,967
Time out.
797
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,571
I'm pressing the time out button.
798
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,167
Okay? You guys barged in my house.
I pay my taxes.
799
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,603
So you're not gonna come here
and treat me like I'm the enemy, okay?
800
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,888
That's the first thing.
Now, if you want to get into facts...
801
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,650
You wanna talk about facts?
802
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:16,841
This is Facebook's fault.
803
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,001
Are you familiar with Facebook?
804
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,207
We surveil it.
805
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:20,930
He sent me a friend request.
806
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,525
That's how this whole thing started.
807
00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:23,801
And you accepted?
808
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,249
Don't do that. Don't do that to me.
809
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,768
You give me a second. Okay?
Don't fire back like that.
810
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,048
First of all,
fuck Mark Zuckerberg, all right?
811
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,567
Now, I accepted because it was Facebook.
812
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,206
And it's rude when you don't accept it and I
don't know if the person on the other end
813
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,721
can see me not accept it.
That's why I accepted.
814
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,370
Are you nervous, Mr. Joyner?
815
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,727
Is it hot?
816
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,769
Are you getting hot?
Because I'm getting hot.
817
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,251
I'm not gonna take off my jacket
818
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,050
because that makes me look guilty.
819
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,601
And that's what you guys look for. Hmm?
820
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,367
Is this what a guilty man would do?
821
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,921
Look how comfortable I am.
822
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,086
I'm gonna lean up against this counter,
and I'm not gonna sweat.
823
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,566
I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna look flustered at all.
824
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,603
I'm... Bring it.
825
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,246
What you want to know?
826
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,607
Hmm?
827
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,921
- Mr. Joyner.
- Yeah.
828
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,923
Bob Stone is a dangerous psychotic.
829
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,242
- You're lucky to be alive.
- Okay, listen to me.
830
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,250
Agent Harris, I don't know this man.
831
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,090
He's just a little weird kid
that I knew in high school.
832
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:20,805
He used to put Rice Krispies Treats
in my locker.
833
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,291
Sometimes I ate 'em, sometimes I didn't.
834
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,009
I wasn't in carbs back then 'cause I
didn't want that weight going to my hips.
835
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,441
As a man, you don't want big hips,
especially in high school.
836
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,081
Bottom line,
I have no allegiance to this man.
837
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:32,810
Zero ties, okay?
838
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,161
All ties are cut.
839
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,288
I cut them, so this is me and you.
840
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,444
So don't put me and him...
841
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,002
I ain't in this shit, okay?
842
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,087
All right, Mr. Joyner. Prove it.
843
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,564
Yeah, well, I need a second.
844
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,240
You gotta step outside.
I gotta take a shit.
845
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,606
This is a lot.
846
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,081
I got to go. Just give me a second, man!
847
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,848
- I'll be waiting.
- Jesus Christ!
848
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:03,641
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
849
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,965
All teams be advised,
we're Oscar Mike with the bait.
850
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,605
I'm sorry, did you just
call me "the bait"?
851
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:11,807
No.
852
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,047
Yeah, you did.
She just called me the bait.
853
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,201
Why am I the bait?
854
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:15,850
No, that doesn't sound like
something I'd ever say.
855
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,202
- You just said it.
- What's going on here? (LAUGHS)
856
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,010
Sir, I'm gonna need you to step aside.
857
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,322
- This is a matter of national security.
- (LAUGHS)
858
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,840
Yeah, right! I love it.
859
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,367
What is this? Like a strippergram thing
to suck up to Ethan?
860
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,010
Gotta love strippers. So dirty.
861
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,128
Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
862
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,011
(SINGSONG) Hey, let's see some titty!
863
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,366
- (TASER CRACKLES)
- (GROANS)
864
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:35,641
- (ALL GASPING)
- (THUDS)
865
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,168
- This you?
- Yeah, right here.
866
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,845
You did this to yourself.
867
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,001
(GROANING)
868
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,521
- Small.
- Yeah.
869
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,849
(PHONE RINGS)
870
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:55,681
It's my wife.
871
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,211
Mr. Joyner, it is my legal obligation
to inform you
872
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,091
that you are now a part of
a highly classified covert action.
873
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,481
So, say hello to your wife
and then get off the phone.
874
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,846
Am I clear?
875
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,525
Don't tell my wife shit. Got it.
876
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,486
Don't tell your wife shit.
877
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,484
- What line?
- Line one.
878
00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:16,688
Hey, Mags.
Hey, I can't really talk right now, babe.
879
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,684
- I got a lot going on.
- Okay, okay. I get it. You're hungover.
880
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,763
Listen, Dr. Dan can see us today at lunch.
881
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,526
- Wait a minute, Dr. Dan?
- The therapist, remember?
882
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,968
So, I'm thinking we should just
meet at home and go together. Thank you.
883
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,329
Go. Go on,
and I'll just see you there, okay?
884
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:32,606
But I got to really go, babe.
885
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,364
I'm slammed in here.
So, I gotta get off the phone.
886
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,091
- All right. Jeez! Is everything okay?
- Everything is fine, babe.
887
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,641
I gotta keep the line clear.
I love you. Bye, I gotta go.
888
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,161
Love you. Bye.
889
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:43,721
Hmm.
890
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,487
"Hmm." What?
891
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,450
I'm an expert in speech pathology
and psycho-lingual subtext.
892
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,762
Your wife is not fulfilled
in your relationship.
893
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,001
Wait, what?
894
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,771
Also, she wants to have a baby.
895
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,526
Where are you getting...
896
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,051
(PHONE RINGING)
897
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,725
Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
898
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,562
Hello? Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
899
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:07,321
BOB: Calvin?
900
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,762
(MOUTHING) It's Bob! It's Bob!
901
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,160
(MOUTHING) Act natural.
902
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,448
BOB: Calvin. Is that you?
903
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:17,761
Are you there?
904
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,687
Well, hey. Well, yeah.
905
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,443
Yeah, wassup?
906
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,851
What up, Bobby-o?
907
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,207
Are you quite well?
908
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,441
I'm in big trouble.
909
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,887
Oh, God! I screwed up.
I screwed up big time.
910
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,168
We gotta talk. Can you meet me?
911
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,527
Sure. Yeah. Where?
Where do you want me to meet you?
912
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,250
I'm in the stairwell of your building,
two flights down.
913
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,286
- Stairwell?
- Hurry!
914
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,768
- He's in the stairwell, two flights down!
- Move, move!
915
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,001
Alert Charlie team.
916
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,163
Hold on. What's going on? Am I safe here?
917
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,089
As long as Bob Stone
is in the building, no one's safe.
918
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,169
Get back in your office now!
919
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:57,966
Okay!
920
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,208
Good news is we heard her, guys.
921
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,370
So, everybody, let's all just stay calm.
922
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,966
As long as... As long... Shit!
923
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,968
What the hell is going on?
924
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,281
- Relax.
- Hey.
925
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,124
Great job at
getting them out of here, Jet.
926
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,441
- Oh, Bob!
- That's teamwork!
927
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,370
Wait! How did you... What did you just do?
928
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,766
It's a tradecraft, buddy.
929
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,286
Spoiler alert...
930
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,606
I'm in the CIA.
931
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:22,841
Oh, no shit!
932
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,240
Hey, hey! What're you doing with my phone?
933
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,169
You about to turn my phone
into a bomb, aren't you?
934
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,528
I've seen Homeland.
So I know what they do.
935
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,326
(LAUGHS) Homeland?
No, I'm ordering us an Uber.
936
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,323
Six minutes. That's kinda tight.
937
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,804
I'm gonna need your tie.
938
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,526
You're gonna... No!
939
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:38,886
- Your necktie, take it off.
- No,
940
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:40,605
- I'm not taking my tie off!
- Come on, Jet!
941
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,285
- Don't do that. Don't do that.
- (LAUGHS)
942
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,566
That's good. Save it, save it, save it.
943
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,085
Save it, Jet.
944
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,083
- There we go, just right over here.
- Fine, take it, take it.
945
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:50,005
You can have it. Okay, that...
Listen to me. Listen.
946
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:51,207
Stop. Stop!
947
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,362
I need to know
what is happening, right now.
948
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,522
Okay, okay. You know what?
Moving too fast.
949
00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,883
Bottom line, are you in or you out?
950
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:00,886
What are you... In or out of what?
951
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,520
Mmm-mmm. No time
for questions, just action.
952
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,762
- In or out?
- Okay, then I'm out.
953
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,402
I'm sorry, Jet.
Actually, you're already in.
954
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,005
Then why would you ask me?
955
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,969
Because I thought
you would go, "I'm in, Bob!"
956
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,971
And we would've had a really cool moment,
but you kinda ruined the whole thing.
957
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,167
I ruined...
958
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,401
Okay, okay, okay.
959
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:18,971
Listen to me right now.
960
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,325
Bob, I don't know what it is that
you're into but what I do know is that
961
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,371
I am really, really 100% out!
962
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:27,521
Do you understand that?
963
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,967
- God, you are good! (LAUGHS)
- What?
964
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,930
Calvin Joyner, president of the Drama Club
for a reason, folks!
965
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,811
- You're like a snack-size Denzel.
- Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
966
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,211
This is not a game.
967
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,885
I'm being serious right now.
968
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,561
I'm out!
969
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:45,326
Okay. Okay.
970
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,602
I can't say I'm not disappointed, Jet,
971
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:49,726
but if you're out, you're out.
972
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,769
Thank you! I'm out!
973
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,888
I'm just happy that we can communicate
974
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,690
openly and honestly.
975
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,810
I think it says a lot
about our relationship.
976
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,327
Wait, hold up, wait.
What're you doing? Oh, my God!
977
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:02,527
Here's the thing, though.
978
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,205
There's only one way for you to get out.
979
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,486
What's that?
980
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:06,846
You gotta get in first.
981
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,371
What is it that...
982
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,806
What-what! Take my gun, Jet,
983
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,525
we may have to kill some people.
984
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,842
- Come on, it's not gonna bite you.
- I will do no such thing.
985
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,001
I think you'll like it.
986
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,491
- I will not!
- You're gonna need it.
987
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,920
You're gonna need it! He's in here!
988
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,121
Jet.
989
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,851
He's in there! Bob's in there!
990
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,287
He's got a gun! He's got a gun!
991
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:27,971
(PEOPLE SCREAM)
992
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,164
- Down, down, get down!
- Move, move, move!
993
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,001
All right. I'm gonna need
your improv skills.
994
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,161
What?
995
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,806
- Hostage role-play, you ready?
- No!
996
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,610
- Sweet, let's go.
- No, I said no!
997
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:38,921
I said no!
998
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,525
AGENT: He's got a hostage!
999
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,561
No!
1000
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,563
No! Stop it, you gonna get me killed!
1001
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,321
Don't shoot!
1002
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,925
(AGENTS COUGHING)
1003
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:00,961
There we go, Jet!
1004
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,761
CALVIN: What are you doing?
1005
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,001
Oh! Shoot!
1006
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:06,841
Don't shoot!
1007
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,641
(GASPS)
1008
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,400
(SCREAMS)
1009
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,001
- Hang tight, Jet!
- No, I'm not doing anything!
1010
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,690
Stop including me in your stuff!
1011
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,250
Get him, Agent! Hit him with the stick!
1012
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,603
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1013
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:32,287
Oh!
1014
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,602
You're doing a great job, Jet.
Just give me a second, okay?
1015
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,807
What the fuck?
1016
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:37,841
He got a coffee pot!
1017
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:39,281
(SCREAMS)
1018
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:44,721
(GROANS)
1019
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,561
He got a banana!
1020
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,045
Oh! Oh!
1021
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,246
Freeze!
1022
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,881
(BONE CRACKING)
1023
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,289
Jet, help! (CHOKING)
1024
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:19,481
What?
1025
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,687
(STRAINING) Golden Jet, help.
1026
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:23,966
No, man, I'm not helping you!
1027
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:28,001
Oh, shit.
1028
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:29,846
- Give me the gun!
- Stop it!
1029
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,331
- Stop resisting!
- No, let me go!
1030
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,082
Let me go! I'm trying to give it to you!
1031
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,406
Oh, shit!
1032
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:42,766
- That was an accident!
- Don't move!
1033
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,206
No, stop! Listen to me!
1034
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:47,921
Let's go.
1035
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,091
Wait, wait! Come on! What are you... Ah!
1036
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,040
Come on, man!
1037
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,168
This has gotta stop! Okay?
1038
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:55,691
(WHIMPERS)
1039
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,127
Shit!
1040
00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,849
(CALVIN SCREAMS)
1041
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:02,886
Don't shoot!
1042
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:05,803
- Oh, God!
- Show us your hands!
1043
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,405
- Drop your weapon!
- Do it now!
1044
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:17,081
Ow.
1045
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:18,881
Sorry, Jet.
1046
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,122
It's over, Bob. Give up.
1047
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,890
You know I can't do that, Pam.
1048
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,883
There's nowhere to run, Agent Stone.
1049
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:26,726
Just like Caracas.
1050
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:31,251
Uh, Caracas would've worked
if you trusted me like Calvin trusts me.
1051
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,561
No. No.
1052
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,484
That is not true. I do not trust him!
1053
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,722
I do not trust him at all.
As a matter of fact,
1054
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,285
this is a perfect time
for us to clear this up
1055
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,442
especially in the middle of this standoff.
I shouldn't be here!
1056
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,171
So I feel like me being
in the middle of this throws me in it.
1057
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:44,651
So let me exclude myself.
1058
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,524
- Hey, stay down!
- Don't move!
1059
00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,371
Okay, all right.
I'll stay in. I'll stay in.
1060
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:51,607
I got a plan.
1061
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,370
Might get us both killed but if it works,
it'll be a totally boss story.
1062
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,561
Cool?
1063
00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,688
- No! No, it's not cool!
- Cool.
1064
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,001
No, I said it's not cool.
1065
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,685
(SOFTLY) I said it's not cool!
1066
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,001
Time's up.
1067
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:04,841
You're right, Pam.
1068
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:06,641
My time is up.
1069
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,848
In three, two,
1070
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:10,681
one.
1071
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:13,241
(ALARM RINGS)
1072
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,408
Bob, Bob, Bob!
1073
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,406
(SCREAMING) Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1074
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,246
Oh, shit!
1075
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,001
Whoo-hoo!
1076
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,889
- (CALVIN SCREAMS)
- (BOB WHOOPING)
1077
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:43,561
(BOB LAUGHS)
1078
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,729
Wow! Did you feel that, Jet?
1079
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,121
That was the balls right there!
1080
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,446
Hey, did you shit yourself a little bit?
1081
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:52,727
(GASPING)
1082
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,727
It's all right if you did. Totally cool.
I don't judge.
1083
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,042
(SCREAMING)
1084
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:02,201
CALVIN: Get it off!
1085
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:03,681
You guys order an Uber?
1086
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,120
(GUNS FIRING)
1087
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,561
What are you doing?
1088
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,685
You better get your tuches in the car.
1089
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:10,841
You're gonna get shot!
1090
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,161
Don't shoot me! Shoot him!
1091
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,846
Shoot him! I'm out! I'm out! I'm out!
1092
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,241
Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Go, Bob!
1093
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:18,771
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1094
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,085
Hey, that's my car!
1095
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:24,761
Fuck you!
1096
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,969
You get zero stars!
1097
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,207
Put the word out to all assets.
1098
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,930
I'm doubling the price on Bob's head.
1099
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,930
Hey, what the shit, honey... (GROANS)
1100
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,201
(THUDS)
1101
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:36,885
Get Larry on it.
1102
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,247
Car, car, car!
1103
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,609
All right, here's the dilly-o, Jet.
1104
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,410
About three weeks ago,
an enemy of the state
1105
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:48,800
codenamed "The Black Badger"
1106
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,930
stole the encryption keys
to the entire US spy satellite program
1107
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:55,124
which he's gonna sell to a buyer from that
auction site on your computer last night.
1108
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,327
Bob...
1109
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,561
If we lose control of our satellites,
1110
00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,530
we're completely vulnerable
to any terrorist attacks.
1111
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,603
That's why I had to go back
to your office and get you, Jet.
1112
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,524
I need your super sweet accounting skills
1113
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,603
to help me figure out
the last piece of this puzzle
1114
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,001
which is the transaction number
from the winning bid.
1115
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,049
That'll tell us
where the deal is going down.
1116
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,048
That way, we can get The Black Badger.
1117
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:16,401
I can't do it without you, Jet.
1118
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,127
Are you kidding me? I'm not helping you.
1119
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,044
You attacked somebody with a banana.
1120
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,931
- A banana, force multiplier.
- What?
1121
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,162
Well, basically what that means
is anything in your hand
1122
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,161
is far more dangerous than just your
bare hands alone, including a banana.
1123
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:31,801
Oh!
1124
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,008
Oh! Ah!
1125
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,850
- A force multiplier!
- Yeah.
1126
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,490
Yeah, that's what it is.
1127
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,682
It makes so much more sense to me now.
1128
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,047
That's page-one CIA stuff.
1129
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,602
I almost forgot
that I wasn't in the fucking CIA!
1130
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:48,686
Stop the car.
1131
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,729
You stop the car right now! Stop the car!
1132
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:52,769
Okay, okay. That's a great idea, Jet.
1133
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,570
We should get off the grid right now.
1134
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,689
CALVIN: Whoa!
1135
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,682
All right. We're clear.
1136
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,681
Okay.
1137
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,362
Okay. Let's just take some deep breaths.
1138
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:16,045
Okay? Deep breaths.
1139
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,566
All you gotta do is get out of this car
1140
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:23,291
and have a rational conversation
with Bob and he'll understand.
1141
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,884
Robert, I would like to
go home now, please.
1142
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,724
Buddy, you and me both.
1143
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,121
But until we clear our names,
there's no going home.
1144
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,487
I'm sorry, can you clarify
that last sentence for me?
1145
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:42,926
Yeah, well, now that you're in...
1146
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,248
Let me stop you right there. I'm not in.
1147
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,084
I never said that I was in.
1148
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:50,005
In fact, I expressly remember
saying that I was out!
1149
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,241
I know, but they think you're in.
1150
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:52,801
I am...
1151
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,243
I'm fucking out! I'm out!
1152
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,401
- What's left to tell?
- Hey, no, I get it.
1153
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,244
- I'm not in!
- I'm just saying they think you're in.
1154
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,370
- I'm not in! I am not in!
- I get it.
1155
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,602
I'm not in! I'm out!
1156
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,240
One sec, Jet, just gotta disable the GPS.
1157
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,681
Where did you...
1158
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:09,451
You wanna go under... That's fine!
1159
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:10,807
Wait a minute.
1160
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:11,961
You did this on purpose, didn't you?
1161
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,647
This whole thing was done on purpose.
1162
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,370
This is your plan!
1163
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,249
You tricked me!
1164
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,687
It's fine, but I know you tricked me.
1165
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,285
- Trick you?
- You tricked... Hey, boy!
1166
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,568
- What? What'd you just...
- (LAUGHS)
1167
00:50:25,720 --> 00:50:26,801
I didn't trick you,
you offered to help me.
1168
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,845
You know what's funny? Harris told me.
1169
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,451
She told me everything, man.
1170
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,170
She told me that you stole the codes.
1171
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,129
Let me tell you something about Harris.
You can't trust her.
1172
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,487
She's already trying to frame me
for my partner's murder!
1173
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,604
- You killed your partner?
- No.
1174
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:39,801
I would never do that.
1175
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:41,485
The Black Badger killed my partner.
1176
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,569
Let me explain to you something, dude.
This is what happened.
1177
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,121
After The Black Badger
stole the satellite encryption codes,
1178
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,887
my partner Phil and I
tracked him to a penthouse in Kiev.
1179
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:52,166
- Hey, Phil.
- Yeah.
1180
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,006
I'll see you on the other side.
1181
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,810
See you on the other side.
1182
00:50:58,120 --> 00:50:59,645
All right.
1183
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,325
God, I love that guy.
1184
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,845
BOB: He knew we were coming,
so he set a trap.
1185
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,048
Hey, Bob! Bob!
1186
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:06,281
No!
1187
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,966
BOB: Phil was my partner, my teammate
1188
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,484
- and I couldn't save him.
- No!
1189
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:12,641
(EXPLOSION)
1190
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,890
It was awful, Cal.
1191
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,485
It was a setup, right from the get-go.
1192
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:20,127
Damn, man.
1193
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,841
The Black Badger was never there.
1194
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,287
I should've been the one
on that elevator, not Phil.
1195
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:25,807
God.
1196
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,367
Okay. Bob, please...
1197
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,801
I'm begging you, man.
Can you just let me go home?
1198
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,485
CJ, I totally understand.
1199
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,449
But right now,
Agent Harris and her taskforce
1200
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,329
has that place surveilled up the yin-yang.
1201
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,050
She's got contract killers looking for us.
1202
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,480
Your place isn't safe.
1203
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:41,324
Oh, my God. Maggie.
1204
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,687
Maggie! What the hell
am I supposed to do about Maggie?
1205
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,366
- (SHOUTS) Get down, Jet!
- (CALVIN SCREAMS)
1206
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:58,045
- Shit! Oh!
- (ENGINE REVS)
1207
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,001
Look out, Bob!
1208
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,645
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
1209
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,571
Who the hell is that? Who is that? Bob?
1210
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:15,960
Oh, shit.
1211
00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,241
Larry.
1212
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:26,606
Thought you retired.
1213
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:27,761
I did.
1214
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,448
But you're worth a lot of money,
Bob, dead or alive.
1215
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,160
Well, tough luck,
because I've got back up.
1216
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,401
Ain't that right, Jet?
1217
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,281
Jet!
1218
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,001
(GROANS)
1219
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:58,850
(PHONE RINGING)
1220
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,001
Hey, baby. I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
1221
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,282
The stupid Koplin deposition ran long.
1222
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,442
I'm leaving right now.
I'll meet you at the house.
1223
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,806
No, no, no! Don't go home!
1224
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:10,610
- Don't go home!
- Why? What's going on?
1225
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,525
Nothing! Nothing.
I'm just running late, too.
1226
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,126
So I was gonna say
let's just meet at Dr. Dan's office.
1227
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,328
Yeah. Okay. Is everything all right?
1228
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,801
Yeah! Yeah. Why?
1229
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,200
Everything's fine.
1230
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,522
Because you kind of sound
like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas.
1231
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,086
(LAUGHS) What?
1232
00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:30,368
That's so funny, babe.
That's such a good reference.
1233
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:32,324
That's classic Mags right there.
1234
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:35,285
So, okay. So you're not
gonna go home, right?
1235
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,720
Okay, fine. I won't go home.
1236
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,245
I'll meet you at Dr. Dan's. See you soon.
1237
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:39,566
Okay. All right, bye.
1238
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:40,767
All right, bye.
1239
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:04,881
Get in.
1240
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:25,961
(STAMMERING) I'm gonna
address the elephant in the room.
1241
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,442
Okay, first of all, you...
1242
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,444
You guys, I want to say sorry to.
1243
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,161
Because what you're probably thinking
is not what happened.
1244
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:37,367
Accidents!
1245
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:38,767
I know you're like,
1246
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,441
"How can you accidentally pistol-whip
somebody and shoot somebody?"
1247
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:42,601
It can happen.
1248
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:46,446
Okay? Today is proof
that it can happen. So...
1249
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,443
I'm glad I got to get that off my chest.
1250
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:50,689
Relax, Mr. Joyner. I believe you.
1251
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,729
Okay, thank you.
1252
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,451
Trust me, I know a
scared-shitless civilian when I see one.
1253
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:56,880
You don't have to convince me.
1254
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,805
You got him over here. That is me.
1255
00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:01,803
Right now, I'm not comfortable.
1256
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,689
Okay, I am scared, okay?
1257
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,207
I don't have no shit in my system.
1258
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,368
If I sat down on a toilet,
nothing's coming out.
1259
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:09,681
Farts or just air.
1260
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:10,967
(SLOW WHISTLES)
1261
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,202
(HISSING)
1262
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:17,560
It'd sound like lasers.
1263
00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,165
Thank you for that description.
1264
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:21,484
Mr. Joyner, let me explain something.
1265
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:22,926
Bob's last forced psych eval
1266
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,004
show a person rapidly losing
his grip on reality.
1267
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,685
Bob became obsessed with a ghost,
1268
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:29,366
a figment of his imagination,
1269
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,170
he started calling "The Black Badger."
1270
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,322
This obsession led to an instability,
1271
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,165
first reported by his partner, Phil,
three weeks ago.
1272
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,846
Just before Phil was killed in the field.
1273
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,206
Do you know how Phil died?
1274
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,170
Yeah, Bob told me that
The Black Badger killed him.
1275
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:48,447
What?
1276
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:50,361
What?
1277
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,286
Mr. Joyner, Bob Stone is The Black Badger.
1278
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,406
Phil was Bob's partner of six years.
1279
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:58,561
His best friend.
1280
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,047
- See you on the other side.
- See you on the other side.
1281
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,530
Hey, Bob!
1282
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,967
AGENT HARRIS: After he stole
the satellite encryption codes
1283
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,281
Bob betrayed Phil.
1284
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:08,441
No!
1285
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,885
He killed him to cover his tracks.
1286
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,963
And, after that, Bob went rogue.
1287
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,929
This is all that's left of Phil.
1288
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,205
Um, this is PornHub.
1289
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,884
Oh, shit, shit, shit. Sorry.
1290
00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:32,721
There you go.
1291
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:36,648
Oh! Oh, God! Oh, I didn't see that coming.
1292
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:38,526
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Oh, man!
1293
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,162
- It's a hell of a way to go.
- Okay, wait a minute.
1294
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:44,641
Why wouldn't Bob just go sell
the satellite encryption codes himself?
1295
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,609
Because in a black market
blind-bidding situation,
1296
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,410
the buyer and the seller,
they don't know each other.
1297
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,961
They need the auction site
to tell them exactly where to meet up
1298
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,246
and when to make the exchange.
1299
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,923
The transaction number
from the auction site gives them that,
1300
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,082
which means Bob still needs you.
1301
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,561
Which is why we find ourselves
in a little catch-and-release scenario.
1302
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,808
You are the only one Bob trusts.
1303
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,011
That's why we're putting you in the field.
1304
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:09,049
The next time you're with Bob,
1305
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:11,764
press this button.
1306
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,285
We're going to have him cold.
1307
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,369
Now, go take care of your marriage.
1308
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:24,444
One more thing. Don't tell your wife shit.
1309
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:26,931
All right.
1310
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:30,001
MAGGIE: I just don't know what's wrong.
1311
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,928
I mean, the man that I married,
the person I knew in high school,
1312
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:38,210
he was filled
with drive and desire. I mean...
1313
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,285
We used to sneak off every lunch hour
and make out under the gym bleachers.
1314
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,408
Like, that guy, back then,
1315
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,762
- he wanted things, you know?
- DR. DAN: Hmm.
1316
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,207
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't find parking.
1317
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,164
Hi, no, no, it's okay.
We got started without you.
1318
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,203
Babe, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan.
1319
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:53,721
Hello, Calvin.
1320
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,008
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, jeez. What's the matter?
1321
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,441
- Holy shit! Get behind me!
- Honey... Calvin, what?
1322
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,887
It's okay, Maggie. It's okay. Just relax.
1323
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,367
This is a very common reaction
in the therapeutic process.
1324
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:04,521
- It is?
- What?
1325
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:05,681
It is. It absolutely is.
1326
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,969
Calvin, this is a very safe place.
Please, sit down.
1327
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:10,929
- This is not a safe place!
- No, no, no. Honey, it's a...
1328
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:12,570
No, this is most definitely
not a safe place!
1329
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:14,529
Me and my wife are leaving. Let's go.
1330
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,682
No, no, no! You are going to sit down,
1331
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:19,810
and we are going to go through
this therapeutic process...
1332
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:21,849
- Yes.
- ...together, as a couple.
1333
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,243
Um... Fine, fine, fine.
1334
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:25,890
Sit down. Thank you.
1335
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,087
Fine.
1336
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:31,006
Okay, guys. Why don't we start off
with a little bit of word association?
1337
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:32,207
Okay.
1338
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:33,401
This is exciting.
1339
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,528
I've heard this can
really open a couple up.
1340
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,648
Uh, Maggie, I'm going to offer you a word,
1341
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,691
and you respond
however you're moved to from here.
1342
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:44,887
Okay.
1343
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,320
- Black.
- White.
1344
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,970
- Water.
- Ocean.
1345
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,361
- Sunshine.
- Happy.
1346
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,480
- I'm very impressed, Maggie.
- Really?
1347
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:54,926
You're very in tune.
1348
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:56,891
I'm very in tune.
1349
00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:59,122
Calvin, you're next.
1350
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:00,964
I do not want to do this.
1351
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:03,806
Relax, Calvin. There are no wrong answers.
1352
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:04,961
Up.
1353
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,687
Down.
1354
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:09,281
Mmm.
1355
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,406
"Mmm." What is that?
1356
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:12,647
What're you writing in your book?
1357
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,131
- It's fine. Don't freak out.
- Nobody's freaking out.
1358
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:15,970
I just don't understand
the rules to the game.
1359
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,326
Freaking out.
1360
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,203
Let's switch gears for a second, okay?
1361
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,324
Maggie, during lovemaking,
1362
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:28,003
have you ever placed anything
inside of Calvin's anus?
1363
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,491
What the hell did you just say?
1364
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,529
Well, yeah, there was this one time.
1365
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,887
- You remember? Game of Thrones finale.
- What are you talking about?
1366
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,088
I was Khaleesi, you were Littlefinger...
1367
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,891
- Okay, all right, stop. That's enough.
- Please, please, please.
1368
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,528
Why don't we try a simple
role-playing exercise?
1369
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:44,529
Calvin, you be Calvin
1370
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,121
and I will become Maggie.
1371
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:48,805
(GASPS) Mmm.
1372
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:50,851
I'm confused.
1373
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,204
It's called "soul gazing."
1374
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:01,007
Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
1375
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:03,609
- Maggie, this...
- Hey. Shh.
1376
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,842
There's no talking, and don't look away.
1377
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,365
(WHISPERS) Stare into my soul.
1378
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:09,006
You are not my...
1379
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,207
Shh. There's no talking.
1380
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,250
Babe, I'm not staring...
1381
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,684
(WHISPERS) Me and you.
Stay with me. I'm your wife.
1382
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:17,530
- You are not my wife.
- (BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1383
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:18,681
(GASPS)
1384
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:21,405
How could you hit your wife?
1385
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,240
How can I... How can I what?
1386
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,004
- You hit your wife!
- No...
1387
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:26,161
- He hit me!
- Okay.
1388
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:27,321
- He hit you!
- Okay.
1389
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:28,766
You hit us!
1390
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,084
- I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're doing.
1391
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,651
- I'm swaddling you.
- I know what you're...
1392
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:37,801
Come here.
1393
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:39,521
Oh, my God!
1394
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:40,961
You...
1395
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,526
You know what? We're leaving! Let's go!
1396
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,650
This is not real.
1397
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,370
It's real to me.
1398
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:49,726
You know what, Calvin?
1399
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,042
If you can't commit
to working on our marriage,
1400
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,804
then you need to let me know.
1401
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,331
- Maggie, you...
- (DOOR OPENS)
1402
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:57,241
(CHUCKLING)
1403
01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,250
- What!
- Oh, my God!
1404
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:00,526
You're... Something's not right.
1405
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,730
Come on, Jet, listen.
Come on, come on, Jet!
1406
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:05,848
Now, I know things got
a little rough there at the end.
1407
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,241
But the truth is, with all the heat
that you have coming down on you,
1408
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:10,323
Maggie is definitely safer without you.
1409
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,687
And, trust me,
when this whole thing is said and done
1410
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,410
and you basically
save the entire free world,
1411
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,961
she's going to forgive you.
It'll all work itself out.
1412
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:19,565
It'll all work itself out?
1413
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,283
Okay, Bob, you know,
I'm sick of playing games with you.
1414
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:23,851
Where's the real Dr. Dan?
1415
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:25,681
- (MUMBLING)
- What-what?
1416
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:28,764
Oh, my... Dr. Dan,
I had nothing to do with this.
1417
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,251
He's fine. I'll get you some water
in a little bit.
1418
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:32,641
- Thanks, doc.
- You know...
1419
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,803
That's it. That is it.
1420
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,650
That is it.
1421
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:39,087
All right, Jet.
1422
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,242
I see that Harris has given you
a button to push.
1423
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,806
Relax, I would've taken the same deal,
too, if I was in your shoes.
1424
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,281
Otherwise, she wouldn't
let you out of her sight, right?
1425
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:48,885
It makes perfect sense.
1426
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:51,764
But you're not going to
press the button, right?
1427
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,168
You got the top-secret satellite codes?
1428
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:56,960
Yes or no?
1429
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:58,929
This ain't the time to bullshit me.
1430
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:00,809
Okay, my ass is sweating.
1431
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:02,200
I'm nervous. Don't bullshit me!
1432
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,482
Of course not, dude. Hey, hey, come on!
1433
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:05,971
Of course I don't have the codes.
1434
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,610
Why would I go through
all this trouble, then?
1435
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:10,001
I need your skill set, Jet, to help me get
1436
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,282
the bank transaction numbers
to the winning bid.
1437
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,124
We already know it's going down tonight
1438
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:15,645
from the countdown on your computer.
1439
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,290
Now, all we need is the "where."
1440
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:19,927
And the bank transaction numbers
will give us the "where."
1441
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,286
That's why I need you.
1442
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,805
Your job gives you access to
1443
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:24,689
exactly that kind of information.
1444
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:26,962
Then we can get The Badger,
we can get the buyer
1445
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:28,201
in one fell swoop.
1446
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,089
And it'll all be over tonight.
1447
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,486
Please, I swear.
1448
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:33,125
You gotta believe me.
1449
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,082
Can't you just get us
the transaction number?
1450
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,767
Not when the money
originates from an offshore account.
1451
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:51,287
When that happens, then only a certified
international banking official can access it.
1452
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,522
But, it shouldn't be a problem.
We just give this guy
1453
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:55,444
the offshore account numbers
that you gave me,
1454
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,090
then he can give us the transaction number
1455
01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:59,402
without knowing that
he's committing treason when he does it.
1456
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:00,766
Sound familiar?
1457
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,008
Ouch! Low blow, CJ.
1458
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,083
Hey, besides,
it's only treason if we're wrong.
1459
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:06,571
Who's this mystery man?
1460
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:08,961
It's Trevor.
1461
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:10,806
(LAUGHING)
1462
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:14,806
Trevor.
1463
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,170
TREVOR: This week
just keeps getting better.
1464
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:24,328
You know, I mean, Robbie Wheirdicht and
Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner in my office.
1465
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:26,448
Who would've thunk it? Not me.
1466
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,443
This is great, huh?
1467
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:30,602
Talk about caterpillar to the butterfly...
1468
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:32,683
What is this? P90X?
1469
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,730
More like "P1,000,000X," huh?
1470
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,450
Congratulations.
1471
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,370
CALVIN: (STAMMERS) Hey, I, um...
1472
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:40,965
I really appreciate the help, Trevor.
1473
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:43,361
My client's all on me
to get this stuff handled right away.
1474
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,681
So, you know, if we could...
1475
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,803
Say no more.
It's my pleasure. I've been there.
1476
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,450
These international accounts
can be very, very tricky
1477
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:49,647
if you don't have the right clearances.
1478
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,604
You can get a bunch of digital red tape.
1479
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,968
I'm happy to help, you know?
1480
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,167
Robbie.
1481
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:57,129
You're such a blast from the past, buddy.
1482
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:58,281
How long has it been since I saw you?
1483
01:03:58,440 --> 01:03:59,487
Was it high school?
1484
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:01,521
(WHIMPERING)
1485
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:03,481
What's that?
1486
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,086
(STUTTERS) Um... How we doing
with those account access codes?
1487
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,287
- Are they coming?
- TREVOR: It's coming.
1488
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:08,680
- Everything's good?
- It's coming.
1489
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,286
I'm going as fast as I can. I know
you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry.
1490
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,488
Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs.
1491
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,405
Speaking of which, you guys are going
to the reunion tonight, right?
1492
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,169
No, I don't think so.
1493
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,481
- You're both going.
- (COMPUTER CHIMES)
1494
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,369
Here it is.
Here's your transaction number.
1495
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,124
You're both going
because you want to know what?
1496
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:26,520
Stinky Pete's going to be there.
1497
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,604
And Jimmy Longballs called me.
He's going to be hanging.
1498
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:33,284
Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll.
He's going to be there.
1499
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,802
You guys will be missing out on a big one.
1500
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:37,121
Plus you know what they're going to do?
1501
01:04:37,280 --> 01:04:39,282
They're going to vote on
homecoming king and queen again.
1502
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,044
Maybe you and Maggie
can make it two for two.
1503
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,522
Now, before you go,
stay seated one second.
1504
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:45,364
Give me two minutes, sit down.
1505
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,644
(SIGHS) Men,
1506
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,491
a few years ago...
1507
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,648
(SIGHS) I found the Lord Almighty.
1508
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:53,801
And, ever since then,
1509
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:56,804
my life has been
completely different. Okay?
1510
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,327
He's got a plan for
each and every one of us
1511
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,369
and, in his infinite wisdom,
1512
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,761
he makes no mistakes. Hmm?
1513
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:05,651
You're right about that.
1514
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:08,525
I think the Lord put you here because he
wants me to get something off my chest.
1515
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:11,685
He wants me to clear my conscience
and he wants me to ask for forgiveness.
1516
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:12,881
Robert.
1517
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:17,165
What I did to you at that rally
in senior year was a cowardly act.
1518
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,687
It's something that
I've regretted every single day.
1519
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,844
Yeah. I mean,
bullying is a national crisis.
1520
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,369
It can leave people
with a lifetime of pain.
1521
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,967
And I just have no excuse
for what I did to you.
1522
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,407
I mean, I did grow up in a house
with a father who was physical,
1523
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:35,881
but that doesn't give me
the right to take it out on somebody
1524
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:38,520
who at the time
was weaker, you know? So...
1525
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:42,009
Calvin, with this particular
transgression,
1526
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,687
I not only embarrassed him
but I also ruined your final speech.
1527
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,490
- No, no.
- Yes, I did.
1528
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,961
- It's okay. No, it's okay.
- No, really, I stole your thunder.
1529
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:52,521
And it's another thing that
I've had to live with every single day.
1530
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:57,404
And I work through it in individual therapy
as well as group, and I pray about it.
1531
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:00,326
So...
1532
01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:07,930
I just want to say how truly sorry I am
1533
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:10,606
for what happened, you know.
1534
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:12,205
Or for what I did.
1535
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:13,686
It didn't just happen. I did it.
1536
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,571
I did it, and I wish to God
that I had not done it.
1537
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,209
So, I'm hoping that
you can find it in your heart
1538
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,289
to forgive me.
1539
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,208
I wasn't expecting this at all.
1540
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,044
Don't I know it. I know it.
1541
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:31,730
I'm just so happy.
1542
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:34,410
I don't know what to say.
1543
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:36,764
How about you say...
1544
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:42,211
"The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson."
1545
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,244
- What do you mean?
- (LAUGHING)
1546
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,686
Weird Dick!
1547
01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:58,444
You stupid ass!
1548
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,284
Good God, you're dumb!
1549
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:02,363
Dumber than ever, I guess!
1550
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:04,284
And you, too, Calvin!
1551
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,091
Look at that stupid look
on those two faces.
1552
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:10,084
"The Lord taught me to care."
Unbelievable.
1553
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:13,528
I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A."
1554
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:15,967
And thetan-free since 2003.
1555
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,121
Clear as shit.
1556
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:18,520
And "I'm sorry for what I did"?
1557
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:19,926
Let me tell you what I'm sorry about.
1558
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:22,447
I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass
out there three more times.
1559
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:23,971
It was the best senior prank ever.
1560
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:25,610
I still get emails about it.
1561
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:27,683
And if I'd had
one of these bad boys back then,
1562
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,171
I would have shot it, uploaded it,
1563
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:31,766
and it would have gone crazy viral,
a zillion hits.
1564
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:32,967
Know what?
1565
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,724
You're going to regret
you ever opened your mouth.
1566
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,281
- You hear me, Trevor?
- Yeah? How come, Calvin?
1567
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:38,930
Because he's about to
whoop your ass, that's why.
1568
01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:40,081
Who is?
1569
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:41,327
Bob, get up and whoop his ass.
1570
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:43,562
Here she comes!
Let me tell you something...
1571
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,610
Weird Dick can't chug a bunch
of fucking steroids and elk urine
1572
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:48,649
and suddenly be able to kick my ass.
1573
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:50,802
Fuck that! It ain't gonna happen.
1574
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:52,446
'Cause here's why.
1575
01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:57,367
Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.
1576
01:07:57,880 --> 01:07:59,006
Huh? Prove me wrong.
1577
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:00,730
Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar.
1578
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:13,722
Come on, hit me!
1579
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:16,167
And I'll sue your ass,
and take your fanny pack away.
1580
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:17,561
(BLOWS)
1581
01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:19,725
You got to make poopies?
1582
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:21,081
What's wrong, Bob?
1583
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:22,327
We got a john here.
1584
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:24,683
Or you got to change your rag?
1585
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:26,401
Maybe that's it.
1586
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:28,524
Jenny, you got an extra rag?
1587
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:31,722
- What's the matter with you?
- I just want to go.
1588
01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:33,166
She wants to go.
1589
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:35,882
Go ahead. There you go.
1590
01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:37,561
No, it's a push.
1591
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:39,927
Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that.
1592
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:41,411
At least you found the handle.
1593
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:44,040
Boy, he's still a scared little bitch.
1594
01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:45,531
You know, you're still an asshole.
1595
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,768
Yeah, well, you're still
shorter than my cat.
1596
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:49,721
Here's your transaction number.
1597
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:51,570
Hit it, dick licker.
1598
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,168
- (CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, Trevor.
- Yup.
1599
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:57,849
Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.
1600
01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:59,001
Bye-bye now.
1601
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:00,446
- Was it push or pull?
- Clean push.
1602
01:09:00,600 --> 01:09:02,125
- Which one is it?
- You want me to do it for you?
1603
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,321
Which one is it?
1604
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,131
Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner!
1605
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:08,441
Jenny!
1606
01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:11,490
Jenny, get the Windex!
And security for this one.
1607
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:13,927
Get your asshole off my door! That's it!
1608
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:17,369
Bob! Bob!
1609
01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:19,523
Bob! Bob! Bob!
1610
01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:21,641
(SIGHS)
1611
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:25,965
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1612
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,847
Mr. Joyner. Guess who
we're about to arrest
1613
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,968
for conspiracy to commit treason.
1614
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,200
That's right. Your lovely wife.
1615
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,164
So, here's what you're going to do.
1616
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,886
You're going to tell us
exactly where you and Bob are.
1617
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:44,567
Then you're going to go outside and you're
going to keep Bob on-site until we arrive.
1618
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:47,007
And if he leaves, you lose.
1619
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:49,330
Is that clear?
1620
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:55,841
Oh, hey.
1621
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:58,601
I don't know what happened
in there, and I just froze up.
1622
01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:00,444
I locked up. I'm sorry.
1623
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,047
Look, Bob, I...
1624
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,567
No, I gotta tell you something,
CJ, listen.
1625
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,569
You're the only one
who's ever been nice to me,
1626
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,649
the only one who's never laughed at me.
1627
01:10:08,800 --> 01:10:11,929
And you're the only one
in this whole world that I trust.
1628
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:17,647
And I know you have a lot
of friends, but I don't.
1629
01:10:19,440 --> 01:10:20,805
You're my only friend, Calvin.
1630
01:10:21,480 --> 01:10:24,086
And I will never
let you down again, I promise.
1631
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,410
I'm sorry, man.
1632
01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:32,206
Sorry for what?
1633
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:34,044
I told Harris where we are.
1634
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:36,650
They were going to hurt Maggie.
1635
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,768
I had to. I didn't have a choice.
1636
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,406
I'm sorry.
1637
01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:43,801
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
1638
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,403
Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head!
1639
01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:48,561
Do it now!
1640
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,007
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
1641
01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:22,325
I know you know how this goes,
so I'll spare you the dramatics.
1642
01:11:22,480 --> 01:11:24,562
I'll ask you just once.
1643
01:11:24,720 --> 01:11:26,961
Where are the satellite encryption codes?
1644
01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:31,128
Aw. What's the matter, Bob?
1645
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:35,003
Are you upset that
your friend turned you in?
1646
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:37,210
I don't have any friends.
1647
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,044
Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys.
1648
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,611
Don't worry, it'll be over quick.
1649
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:42,330
She always gets them to break.
1650
01:11:42,520 --> 01:11:44,887
AGENT HARRIS: (ON SPEAKER)
Okay. You have it your way.
1651
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:46,644
We're going to do this old-school.
1652
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:56,603
Get the extraction tools.
1653
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:00,328
The extraction tools?
1654
01:12:00,680 --> 01:12:02,648
If you don't have the stomach for it,
you can go.
1655
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:04,930
Come on.
1656
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:08,607
Stop recording.
1657
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,163
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1658
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:20,802
Why am I coming here?
I was told I'd be able to leave.
1659
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,041
You can leave,
1660
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:24,881
when Agent Harris says you can leave,
which might be never.
1661
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:26,445
I gotta watch this.
1662
01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:30,482
- (GROANING)
- (BONE SNAPS)
1663
01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:34,440
(BOB CONTINUES GROANING)
1664
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:36,325
(WHISPERS) I'm sorry, Bob.
1665
01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:38,086
I'm sorry, man.
1666
01:12:47,440 --> 01:12:48,851
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1667
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:50,771
(BOB CONTINUES GROANING)
1668
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:52,406
Oh, Jesus!
1669
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:01,241
What the hell?
1670
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:02,561
(GROANS)
1671
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,484
(EXCLAIMS) Hey! Hey!
1672
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:07,041
Don't move!
1673
01:13:07,200 --> 01:13:09,646
You get your hands off!
Get them off the keyboard!
1674
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:11,768
- What are you doing, Calvin?
- Give me your keycard!
1675
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,605
Give me your keycard!
1676
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:15,201
Give it to me.
1677
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:16,687
- Okay...
- Go sit down.
1678
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:18,444
(SOFTLY) Okay. Yeah.
1679
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:19,931
Sorry. I'm sorry.
1680
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:22,122
- Sit down! Sit down!
- Okay, okay, okay.
1681
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,850
(BOB BREATHING HEAVILY)
1682
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:25,361
You know, Bob?
1683
01:13:25,520 --> 01:13:28,171
This is actually
my favorite part of the job.
1684
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:30,561
Thank you for being so uncooperative.
1685
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:33,771
What do you think your little buddy, Joyner,
would say if he could see you like this?
1686
01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:35,121
Two words.
1687
01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:36,327
I'm in.
1688
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:39,163
What-what?
1689
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:41,847
You're making a big mistake, Mr. Joyner.
1690
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:43,968
That's only if I'm wrong.
1691
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,325
Come on, Bob. Let's go!
1692
01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:49,363
What're you doing? Come on, man!
1693
01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:50,647
(PANTING)
1694
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:53,007
Okay, listen to me. Bob, I'm sorry.
1695
01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,128
I'm sorry I double-crossed you.
You hear me?
1696
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,368
I should've believed you,
I should've trusted you, and I didn't.
1697
01:13:57,520 --> 01:13:58,521
I'm sorry for that.
1698
01:13:58,680 --> 01:14:01,251
Listen to me. Bob,
we don't have time for this, man!
1699
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:03,528
I need you to tap into
that super-spy stuff
1700
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:06,604
and I need you to get us the hell
out of here right now. Do you hear me?
1701
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:08,604
I'm not a super spy, Calvin.
1702
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,808
I'm Robbie Wheirdicht, super tool.
1703
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:14,042
No, stop. You're not a super tool.
1704
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,601
You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
1705
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:18,884
- (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up.
- So what?
1706
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:21,281
- It's not real.
- What does that mean? What does that mean?
1707
01:14:21,440 --> 01:14:25,206
(STAMMERS) You think Mr. T and Sting
were born with those names?
1708
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:28,763
How do you think I got
the name "Golden Jet" at high school?
1709
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:31,844
- 'Cause you're awesome.
- No, that's not how.
1710
01:14:32,720 --> 01:14:35,371
In the eighth grade, I ran track.
It was my first race.
1711
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,410
Okay, the race came down
to me and this other kid.
1712
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,050
I wanted to win the race so damn bad
1713
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:42,402
that I ended up peeing in my pants
at the finish line.
1714
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:44,404
That's how I got the name "Golden Jet."
1715
01:14:45,120 --> 01:14:48,044
So, take it from a guy who's literally
pissed his pants in front of everybody
1716
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:49,565
just to win a race.
1717
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:51,723
You are who you decide to be.
1718
01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:55,005
And you chose to be
an international CIA spy.
1719
01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:57,283
Come on, man.
You get to kill people for a living.
1720
01:14:57,760 --> 01:14:58,761
How cool is that?
1721
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:03,127
I don't know. (LAUGHS)
1722
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:04,401
Kinda cool I guess.
1723
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,128
What do you mean "kinda cool"?
Ain't no kinda cool.
1724
01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:09,448
Stop it! It's awesome.
1725
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,091
Now, come on, man. We boys?
1726
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:13,761
- We're boys.
- Oh!
1727
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:16,441
Sorry, Jet.
1728
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:18,604
- (BONES CRACKING)
- Oh, God!
1729
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,521
- (GROANS)
- Oh, God!
1730
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,524
See? Good as new.
1731
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,643
Wow. Sorry, man.
1732
01:15:25,840 --> 01:15:27,171
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
1733
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:30,607
AGENT: Go, go!
1734
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:32,167
- (ALARM BLARING)
- Get me out!
1735
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,209
He got the jump on us. Give me the key.
1736
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:38,647
- (GRUNTING)
- CALVIN: Look out, Bob!
1737
01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,888
Here, Jet! Get him!
1738
01:15:42,040 --> 01:15:43,451
Watch out!
1739
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:50,320
(CHOKING)
1740
01:15:52,120 --> 01:15:53,485
Did you see that, Bob?
1741
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:55,722
I did the thing! I did the thing, Bob!
1742
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:56,881
Yeah! (LAUGHS)
1743
01:15:57,040 --> 01:15:58,963
Yeah! Yeah!
1744
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:00,605
- Come on! Follow me!
- Let's do it!
1745
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,331
No! What the fuck am I doing?
Here! You get the gun.
1746
01:16:03,480 --> 01:16:05,130
- I'm behind you. Go.
- All right.
1747
01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:09,004
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1748
01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:11,523
Oh, my God. There's two of them.
1749
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:14,126
Yeah, I'll distract them
and you open the door, okay?
1750
01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:15,691
- What? No!
- Let's roll.
1751
01:16:15,880 --> 01:16:16,927
No, no.
1752
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,166
Go, go!
1753
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:23,042
- Close in!
- Moving out!
1754
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,123
- Freeze, Bob!
- Sorry about this, guys.
1755
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:27,045
(MEN SCREAMING)
1756
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:29,850
- BOB: Nope, come here.
- (MAN SCREAMS)
1757
01:16:35,160 --> 01:16:36,161
(DOOR BEEPS)
1758
01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:41,206
Come on.
1759
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,601
Wrong keycard, pal. Turn around.
1760
01:16:45,680 --> 01:16:46,841
You needed this one.
1761
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,240
On the ground, now.
1762
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:49,686
Can I say something first?
1763
01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:51,410
- What?
- This is going to hurt.
1764
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:52,841
- (BOB GRUNTS)
- (CALVIN EXCLAIMS)
1765
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:54,041
(GROANS LOUDLY)
1766
01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,442
- Hey, get the keycard! Let's roll.
- All right, all right.
1767
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:00,486
Which car are we taking?
1768
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:03,567
Not that one.
1769
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:05,364
Oh, my God.
1770
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:07,729
Oh, God. Oh, sh...
1771
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:09,641
Oh.
1772
01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:11,166
Here we go, Jet.
1773
01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:15,726
- Bob, they are shooting at us!
- It's okay, it's bulletproof.
1774
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:16,881
Drive, drive!
1775
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:21,041
(WHISTLING)
1776
01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:29,966
(GRUNTS) Here you go, Jet.
1777
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:31,681
What's this?
1778
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,888
Bug-out bag, courtesy of the CIA.
1779
01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,411
Go ahead and grab that
encrypted phone in there.
1780
01:17:35,560 --> 01:17:36,561
For what?
1781
01:17:36,720 --> 01:17:38,370
You still have the bank transaction code?
1782
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,444
How are transaction numbers gonna help us
find out where the bad guys are?
1783
01:17:41,600 --> 01:17:44,126
Well, it's not bank transaction
numbers or codes, it's actually...
1784
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,805
Longitude and latitude.
1785
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:50,921
(LAUGHS) Look at the spy brain
on the Jet! What-what!
1786
01:17:51,240 --> 01:17:53,481
You're like a chocolate
Google. (MIMICS BEEPING)
1787
01:17:53,640 --> 01:17:55,688
- Bob, don't do that. Stop it. Stop it.
- (SIGHS)
1788
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:56,921
You're getting good at this, man.
1789
01:17:57,080 --> 01:17:58,923
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
It's longitude and latitude.
1790
01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:02,527
All you gotta do is plug those
digits into the GPS, and boom!
1791
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:05,291
We're gonna catch the buyer
and The Badger, just like that.
1792
01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:09,124
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Boston.
1793
01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:14,324
(SIGHS) We're gonna need a plane.
1794
01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:29,006
You ever steal a plane before?
1795
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,447
- I stole some Starbursts one time.
- Mmm-hmm.
1796
01:18:31,880 --> 01:18:33,962
So I don't know
if that compares or anything,
1797
01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:35,565
but I wasn't successful with that.
1798
01:18:35,720 --> 01:18:36,846
On the way out, I dropped 'em.
1799
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,206
Dropped the whole bag. The guy caught me.
1800
01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,004
"What's that?" I just said, "A Starburst."
1801
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:42,162
Told him myself. It was a mess.
1802
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:44,561
(SNAPS FINGERS)
1803
01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:47,406
Check it out. The universe provides.
1804
01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:50,921
CALVIN: Oh.
1805
01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:53,881
Golden Jet.
1806
01:18:54,120 --> 01:18:55,531
- Golden Jet.
- Golden Jet.
1807
01:18:59,440 --> 01:19:01,329
- It's just one guard in there.
- All right.
1808
01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:03,130
90% of spy work is distraction.
1809
01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:05,561
You get in there and distract that guard,
I'm gonna get us a plane.
1810
01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,327
What?
1811
01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:10,650
I don't know what the hell you expect...
1812
01:19:13,080 --> 01:19:14,081
(WHISPERS) Bob!
1813
01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:15,881
Bob!
1814
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,567
Fuck!
1815
01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:19,241
Fuck you, Bob!
1816
01:19:20,640 --> 01:19:21,641
Damn it!
1817
01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:32,041
Hey, I need a plane.
1818
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:35,164
Sir, you cannot be in here.
This is a private airfield.
1819
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:37,846
I understand that but I have an organ
in this cooler right now
1820
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,042
that needs to get transported ASAP.
1821
01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:41,721
Really?
1822
01:19:41,920 --> 01:19:44,924
Because my sister-in-law
had a heart transplant last year
1823
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,924
and they did not bring it
in a Playmate lunch cooler.
1824
01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:49,889
I hate to break it to you,
1825
01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:51,769
but this is not a...
1826
01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:54,081
- This is not a heart.
- It's not a heart?
1827
01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,407
No, it's not.
1828
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:57,806
Hmm. What is it then?
1829
01:19:58,880 --> 01:20:01,042
- It's a dick.
- Okay.
1830
01:20:02,600 --> 01:20:04,489
I am made of questions right now.
1831
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:05,926
Well, you don't have to ask.
1832
01:20:06,080 --> 01:20:07,889
Last night, lady got into it with a man.
1833
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,724
She ended up cutting his pecker off.
1834
01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:11,769
She left with it, got in a car, drove,
1835
01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:13,888
got on 95, threw it out the window.
1836
01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:17,084
The second largest penis hunt
in the state history.
1837
01:20:17,240 --> 01:20:20,006
The man was Korean, so you better
believe it took a long time to find.
1838
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,489
JARED: You're stereotyping Korean dicks.
1839
01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:23,721
That's racist.
1840
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:25,649
I've seen Korean dicks bigger than you.
1841
01:20:25,840 --> 01:20:28,366
Okay, after finding it,
the guy brought it to me,
1842
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:31,364
and he said, "Do your due diligence in
getting this dick where it's got to go."
1843
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:32,806
That's what I do.
1844
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:35,281
I'm a dick deliverer specialist.
1845
01:20:35,720 --> 01:20:36,721
Oh, DDS?
1846
01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:38,564
Like a dentist but for dicks.
1847
01:20:39,320 --> 01:20:40,321
Uh...
1848
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,810
So, people are like,
"Here's a dick. Find a plane."
1849
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:46,722
That's how you do it?
You're like an Uber for dicks?
1850
01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:48,684
Where do you get these jobs?
On Craigslist?
1851
01:20:48,840 --> 01:20:50,763
Okay, sir, we don't need
to demean each other here.
1852
01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:52,285
I don't believe a word you're saying.
1853
01:20:52,920 --> 01:20:54,206
Let me see it.
1854
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,564
I have no problem showing you this.
1855
01:20:56,720 --> 01:20:59,166
So if you wanna see it
then get ready to see.
1856
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:01,443
- Here I go.
- Go for it.
1857
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:05,604
- (HISSING)
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1858
01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:08,206
(SCREAMS)
I'm just kidding. This is my friend.
1859
01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:10,244
- Oh!
- It's my buddy.
1860
01:21:10,480 --> 01:21:12,289
His name's Snake Gyllenhaal.
1861
01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:14,482
- He guards my lunch.
- Okay, that's enough.
1862
01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:39,611
It's gotta be Harris, right?
1863
01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:41,927
What do you mean?
1864
01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:43,645
I mean, she's gotta be The Black Badger.
1865
01:21:43,800 --> 01:21:44,961
It's the only thing that makes sense.
1866
01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:46,884
I mean, she's had access
to the encryption codes
1867
01:21:47,040 --> 01:21:49,691
and she's so hot and bothered about
pinning this whole thing on you.
1868
01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:50,961
It's gotta be her!
1869
01:21:51,120 --> 01:21:52,645
(SIGHS) I don't know, Jet.
1870
01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:54,729
I'm pretty sure she thinks
I'm The Black Badger.
1871
01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:56,928
She worked me over pretty good
in that interrogation room.
1872
01:21:57,080 --> 01:21:59,162
- (ENGINE SPUTTERING)
- Hold on, wait, wait... What's going on?
1873
01:21:59,520 --> 01:22:01,966
What's that?
What's going on right now, Bob?
1874
01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:04,282
- (ALARM BLARING)
- No biggie. We're completely outta gas.
1875
01:22:04,480 --> 01:22:05,970
Oh, my... Oh!
1876
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,721
(SCREAMING)
1877
01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:10,207
We're going down, Jet!
There's nothing I can do!
1878
01:22:10,400 --> 01:22:13,006
- Oh, shit!
- Really quickly...
1879
01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:16,767
What's the one thing
you wish you'd done in your life?
1880
01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:19,287
The one thing I wish I hadn't done
is not get in a plane with a guy
1881
01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,363
who didn't check the goddamned fuel!
1882
01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:24,490
- Why wouldn't you check the fuel?
- No, something that's real.
1883
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,086
What's the one thing
you regret not doing for you?
1884
01:22:27,240 --> 01:22:29,402
Oh, my God! I think we're gonna die!
1885
01:22:29,760 --> 01:22:31,205
(WAILING)
1886
01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:36,088
Not having a kid, man!
1887
01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:37,806
Not being a father!
1888
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:40,327
I regret not being a father!
1889
01:22:40,480 --> 01:22:42,369
Maggie, I should've gave you a kid!
1890
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:45,006
I should've gave you my seed, Maggie!
1891
01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:46,571
I should've!
1892
01:22:46,720 --> 01:22:48,085
I'm so selfish!
1893
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:49,241
(ENGINE TURNS ON)
1894
01:22:49,480 --> 01:22:51,482
I'm sorry, Maggie! (CONTINUES CRYING)
1895
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:54,201
(SIGHS)
1896
01:22:55,640 --> 01:22:57,927
- That wasn't so hard, right?
- What?
1897
01:22:58,080 --> 01:22:59,809
Hey, just for the record,
1898
01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:01,644
I think you'd make a great dad.
1899
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:04,089
Did you just fake this whole thing?
1900
01:23:04,760 --> 01:23:05,761
Yeah, kinda.
1901
01:23:05,920 --> 01:23:07,570
You gotta be shitting me glory!
1902
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:09,210
No, not at all.
1903
01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:11,442
I just thought that maybe a
facing-your-own-death situation
1904
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:14,683
might help motivate you
to clarify some of your goals in life.
1905
01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:16,405
And, hey, between me and you,
1906
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,564
I know you've been struggling
a little bit.
1907
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,207
You know what I'm struggling with
right now, Bob?
1908
01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:22,850
Not whooping your ass.
1909
01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:25,082
(CHUCKLES) Okay, Jet.
Hey, you're really cute when you cry.
1910
01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:27,163
Stop it! Enough!
1911
01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:42,006
I don't get it.
1912
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:45,482
I mean, if these coordinates are correct,
we should be standing right on top of it.
1913
01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,530
The deal doesn't go down
for another 30 minutes, Jet,
1914
01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:51,206
- so we're kinda early.
- No!
1915
01:23:51,360 --> 01:23:52,725
Why would you do it
out in the open like this?
1916
01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:54,445
Why would you take that risk?
1917
01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:56,284
Just doesn't make any sense, man.
1918
01:23:57,600 --> 01:23:59,284
Shit! Come on.
1919
01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:02,367
Wait.
1920
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:05,929
Oh, wait. It's not happening up here.
1921
01:24:07,720 --> 01:24:09,131
No, it's not. It's...
1922
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,571
Oh, it's happening beneath us. Look.
1923
01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:16,609
It's an underground parking garage.
1924
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:18,965
Yeah, that's a good eye, Jet.
1925
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,721
Why don't you stay up here?
Keep overwatch.
1926
01:24:21,880 --> 01:24:23,370
I'll go down there and check things out.
1927
01:24:23,520 --> 01:24:25,363
Wait, what? No, I'm going with you.
1928
01:24:25,520 --> 01:24:28,285
You can't go with me.
The smarter play is if we split up.
1929
01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:29,646
Smarter play for who?
1930
01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:31,730
Do you know what happens
when people split up, Bob?
1931
01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:32,967
Somebody dies!
1932
01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:34,531
I'd be the one to die. You know why?
1933
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,081
Because I don't have a bulletproof vest
and I don't have a gun!
1934
01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:38,890
Which means that you
are my bulletproof vest!
1935
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:41,441
My little black ass is gonna stay
behind you, you're not leaving me!
1936
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:43,489
That's exactly why
you should stay up here.
1937
01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:46,001
Look, if you went down
in that garage and you got shot to death,
1938
01:24:46,160 --> 01:24:47,321
you know how hurt I would be?
1939
01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:49,130
I'd be super bummed out!
I don't want that.
1940
01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:50,884
It's safer for you up here.
1941
01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:52,929
If something happened up here,
what am I supposed to do, Bob?
1942
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:55,208
How do I get your attention?
Make a bird call?
1943
01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:56,811
(SQUAWKING)
1944
01:24:57,520 --> 01:24:59,602
Does that sound like a bird to you? Huh?
1945
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:01,649
That's my biggest weakness!
I can't make bird noises.
1946
01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:02,847
I never could.
1947
01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:04,764
So if that's what
I gotta depend on to live,
1948
01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:07,764
it means I'm gonna die!
I'mma die up here, by myself
1949
01:25:07,920 --> 01:25:10,241
sounding like a dead-ass pigeon.
1950
01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:11,681
(CAWS)
1951
01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,606
- I have no idea what a pigeon...
- Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet!
1952
01:25:14,760 --> 01:25:16,444
You don't have to make bird noises.
1953
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:17,601
You don't have to sound like a pigeon.
1954
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:22,609
All you gotta do is call me on
the encrypted phone that's in your hand.
1955
01:25:27,200 --> 01:25:28,565
- Okay?
- Okay, yeah.
1956
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,405
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
1957
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:31,761
All right?
1958
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,206
Oh, Jet.
1959
01:25:34,720 --> 01:25:36,404
I'll see you on the other side.
1960
01:25:37,240 --> 01:25:38,241
Yeah.
1961
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:39,561
Yeah.
1962
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:45,881
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
1963
01:25:48,040 --> 01:25:49,565
(GUN COCKS)
1964
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:06,801
You're early.
1965
01:26:07,480 --> 01:26:09,084
So are you.
1966
01:26:11,720 --> 01:26:13,085
(EXHALES) Come on.
1967
01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:25,091
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God!
1968
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:30,809
Oh, my God.
1969
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:32,641
I knew it.
1970
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:35,167
I knew it. I knew
she was The Black Badger!
1971
01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:36,970
Oh, my God!
1972
01:26:37,480 --> 01:26:39,608
- Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.
- (LINE RINGS)
1973
01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:40,761
BOB: Yello?
1974
01:26:40,960 --> 01:26:43,566
Bob, Harris is The Black Badger!
1975
01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:44,761
Hello?
1976
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:46,531
Harris is The Black Badger!
1977
01:26:46,720 --> 01:26:47,767
I can't hear you.
1978
01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:49,763
Harris is The Black Badger!
1979
01:26:49,920 --> 01:26:50,921
(BOB LAUGHS)
1980
01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,646
Just kidding! I'm not here.
Leave a message at the beep.
1981
01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:54,801
- What?
- (POP MUSIC PLAYING)
1982
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:56,007
(BEEPING)
1983
01:26:58,680 --> 01:26:59,806
(GRUNTING)
1984
01:27:05,120 --> 01:27:06,645
Oh. Harris is The Black Badger!
1985
01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:08,450
Harris is The Black Badger!
1986
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:10,921
I knew it. I knew it.
Harris is The Black Badger!
1987
01:27:12,120 --> 01:27:14,248
Bob! Harris is The...
1988
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:15,401
(GUNS COCKING)
1989
01:27:15,720 --> 01:27:16,721
Who is he?
1990
01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:18,161
That's my partner.
1991
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:33,610
I don't like splitting my fees.
1992
01:27:35,280 --> 01:27:38,443
The package. Please.
1993
01:27:39,600 --> 01:27:41,250
Thought you'd never ask.
1994
01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:44,882
Wait! You're making a mistake.
1995
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:48,124
Hello, Bob.
1996
01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:51,404
But you're dead.
1997
01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:53,608
Not as much as people think.
1998
01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:57,125
Look, he's not The Black Badger...
1999
01:27:57,800 --> 01:27:58,801
I am.
2000
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:01,128
And those aren't the encryption codes,
2001
01:28:01,280 --> 01:28:02,611
these are.
2002
01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:03,886
He's lying to you.
2003
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:05,530
This man is a CIA agent,
2004
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,370
and he's trying to sell you bogus plans.
2005
01:28:11,800 --> 01:28:13,370
(GROANING SOFTLY)
2006
01:28:14,720 --> 01:28:15,767
Damn.
2007
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:19,051
Ow, ow.
2008
01:28:22,640 --> 01:28:23,721
He shot me.
2009
01:28:27,640 --> 01:28:29,802
These are the real codes
2010
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:32,244
and I am the real Black Badger.
2011
01:28:36,360 --> 01:28:37,850
(QUIETLY) Bob is The Black Badger.
2012
01:28:39,520 --> 01:28:40,681
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
Bob is The Black Badger.
2013
01:28:40,840 --> 01:28:42,922
I am The Black Badger.
2014
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,606
Phil?
2015
01:28:45,840 --> 01:28:48,411
No, I'm The Black Badger.
2016
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:51,564
I'm starting to think
I might be The Black Badger.
2017
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:53,091
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2018
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:55,450
Here's the thing.
2019
01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:58,723
I have no idea
who is the real Black Badger.
2020
01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:01,285
And I don't care.
2021
01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:02,970
'Cause I'm The Honey Badger.
2022
01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:05,043
And The Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.
2023
01:29:05,200 --> 01:29:06,804
The Honey Badger's nasty.
2024
01:29:06,960 --> 01:29:09,645
He's so nasty, he'll take them both.
2025
01:29:10,160 --> 01:29:11,161
- (GUNS COCKING)
- Hand them over.
2026
01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:13,927
Phil, when this thing is over,
2027
01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:18,130
I'm going to rip your throat out
like Patrick Swayze in Road House.
2028
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,645
PHIL: Oh, my God. You and Road House.
2029
01:29:19,800 --> 01:29:20,847
Get over that movie.
2030
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:22,769
It sucked then, it sucks now.
2031
01:29:23,280 --> 01:29:24,611
Fuck Patrick Swayze!
2032
01:29:25,600 --> 01:29:26,726
How dare you!
2033
01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:33,451
Drop your weapons!
2034
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:37,362
(MEN GROANING)
2035
01:29:39,200 --> 01:29:40,247
Oh! Oh, shit!
2036
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:53,721
The codes.
2037
01:29:54,120 --> 01:29:55,246
Don't do it.
2038
01:29:55,880 --> 01:29:56,961
Stupid.
2039
01:29:57,400 --> 01:29:58,401
(EXHALES)
2040
01:29:59,400 --> 01:30:00,401
Okay.
2041
01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:02,007
One,
2042
01:30:03,040 --> 01:30:04,041
two,
2043
01:30:05,400 --> 01:30:06,401
three! Shit!
2044
01:30:08,600 --> 01:30:09,726
(CALVIN YELLS)
2045
01:30:11,720 --> 01:30:13,404
Uh-oh! Oh!
2046
01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:14,921
No!
2047
01:30:15,400 --> 01:30:16,526
He's got the codes!
2048
01:30:19,360 --> 01:30:20,361
(GRUNTING)
2049
01:30:22,760 --> 01:30:23,761
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2050
01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:28,524
- (PANTING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
2051
01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:30,641
(GRUNTING)
2052
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,687
- (PANTING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
2053
01:30:39,720 --> 01:30:41,404
(GRUNTING)
2054
01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:48,601
(YELLS)
2055
01:30:51,520 --> 01:30:52,521
Whoo!
2056
01:30:52,960 --> 01:30:54,610
I mean, this is crazy, right?
2057
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:56,121
You stay the hell away from me, Bob!
2058
01:30:56,280 --> 01:30:57,566
You shot me in the neck!
2059
01:31:00,600 --> 01:31:01,601
Jet!
2060
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:03,161
(GROANS)
2061
01:31:15,200 --> 01:31:17,362
(PANTING)
2062
01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:23,927
Okay.
2063
01:31:28,320 --> 01:31:30,482
Golden Jet for the win! (LAUGHS)
2064
01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:33,645
No. Shit!
2065
01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:35,205
Drop your weapon, Bob.
2066
01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:37,401
Oh, shit!
2067
01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:39,130
Get behind me, Mr. Joyner.
2068
01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:40,925
Ah, you don't wanna do that, Jet.
2069
01:31:41,160 --> 01:31:42,446
It's obvious he's the bad guy.
2070
01:31:42,640 --> 01:31:44,085
I'm the good guy. You wanna get behind me.
2071
01:31:44,240 --> 01:31:46,083
Agent Harris had me go dark
2072
01:31:46,240 --> 01:31:49,323
to get Bob to reveal himself
as The Black Badger.
2073
01:31:49,520 --> 01:31:51,124
You don't seriously
believe this guy, do you?
2074
01:31:51,280 --> 01:31:52,441
You wanna get behind me, Jet.
2075
01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:54,329
You betrayed your nation, Bob.
2076
01:31:54,680 --> 01:31:57,001
You betrayed your partner, Phil.
2077
01:31:57,160 --> 01:32:00,528
Okay, no, wait! Everybody just stop!
2078
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:01,727
Cut the shit!
2079
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,930
I'mma cut the line right now!
2080
01:32:04,120 --> 01:32:05,485
I cut the shit!
2081
01:32:05,640 --> 01:32:07,529
Hear me? Now I don't care
who betrayed who.
2082
01:32:07,680 --> 01:32:09,125
Okay? I just don't wanna get hurt!
2083
01:32:09,560 --> 01:32:12,086
- So there ain't gonna be no... Shit!
- (GUNS FIRING)
2084
01:32:20,960 --> 01:32:21,961
(SOFTLY) Come on.
2085
01:32:22,640 --> 01:32:23,641
(GRUNTING)
2086
01:32:37,840 --> 01:32:38,841
Shi...
2087
01:32:43,520 --> 01:32:44,521
(SLOWLY) Shit.
2088
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:55,321
(GROANS)
2089
01:33:00,600 --> 01:33:02,602
(PANTING)
2090
01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:05,322
Smart move, Mr. Joyner.
2091
01:33:05,480 --> 01:33:07,767
You've done your country a great service.
2092
01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,127
Now, hand me the firearm
2093
01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:13,523
and we'll turn over
the satellite codes together.
2094
01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:17,527
Stay right there, man.
Don't you take another step.
2095
01:33:17,760 --> 01:33:20,081
Just because I shot him
does not mean I trust you.
2096
01:33:20,480 --> 01:33:21,641
We don't have time for this.
2097
01:33:21,840 --> 01:33:24,605
- Stop! I said, "Stop."
- (GUN CLICKS)
2098
01:33:25,360 --> 01:33:27,124
Aw, whoopsie.
2099
01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:31,007
(GRUNTS)
2100
01:33:31,320 --> 01:33:33,368
(SCOFFS) Nice throw, bitch.
2101
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:42,608
You wanna know why your pal Bob
could never have been The Black Badger?
2102
01:33:43,760 --> 01:33:45,888
It's because he's too weak.
2103
01:33:46,040 --> 01:33:48,361
And if I had to hear
another goddamned story
2104
01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:51,729
about Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner
2105
01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:54,042
and how awesome you were in high school
2106
01:33:54,200 --> 01:33:56,806
and how you were
this big idiot's best friend,
2107
01:33:56,960 --> 01:33:58,485
(CHUCKLES) I was just gonna lose it.
2108
01:33:59,760 --> 01:34:03,082
Looking at you right now,
you don't seem so cool.
2109
01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:06,727
You just seem like a regular guy.
2110
01:34:07,160 --> 01:34:08,605
An everyday Joe.
2111
01:34:09,480 --> 01:34:13,087
You know, faking my own death
was the easy part.
2112
01:34:13,960 --> 01:34:17,248
But dealing with Bob, day after day,
was the hard part.
2113
01:34:17,400 --> 01:34:18,401
Hey, Phil.
2114
01:34:18,560 --> 01:34:19,641
What, Bob?
2115
01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:22,403
I'll see you on the other side.
2116
01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:25,401
(STUTTERS) No, I hope we don't. All right?
2117
01:34:25,560 --> 01:34:27,130
Just, no. Bye, bye, bye.
2118
01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:28,281
Just go.
2119
01:34:28,440 --> 01:34:31,171
I made up the Black Badger,
rigged up a blood bag
2120
01:34:31,320 --> 01:34:32,401
and that big dummy bought it.
2121
01:34:32,640 --> 01:34:33,801
- Bob!
- (ALARM BLARING)
2122
01:34:34,000 --> 01:34:35,923
No, no! (GRUNTING) Hang on, buddy.
2123
01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:37,931
No, there's some sort of bomb in here.
2124
01:34:38,080 --> 01:34:39,969
You're pushing it closed, I think.
2125
01:34:40,120 --> 01:34:42,202
- No, no, no. Sorry.
- No, don't give up!
2126
01:34:42,400 --> 01:34:43,401
Bye, Bob.
2127
01:34:44,440 --> 01:34:46,761
PHIL: I'm getting away with
a half a billion dollars.
2128
01:34:46,920 --> 01:34:50,367
And Boy Scout Bob is gonna
spend his life in prison.
2129
01:34:50,520 --> 01:34:52,124
Ain't America great?
2130
01:34:52,920 --> 01:34:57,448
So now you're gonna be
the second partner of Bob's to die.
2131
01:34:57,600 --> 01:34:58,601
Just relax.
2132
01:34:58,760 --> 01:35:01,366
On your knees, Golden Jet.
2133
01:35:07,880 --> 01:35:09,245
(GROANS)
2134
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:12,286
What the hell was that?
2135
01:35:14,120 --> 01:35:15,770
Golden Jet flip.
2136
01:35:16,280 --> 01:35:19,204
Yeah? Well, you really suck at it.
2137
01:35:19,400 --> 01:35:20,640
I know.
2138
01:35:20,800 --> 01:35:22,484
Then why'd you do it?
2139
01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:23,641
Distraction.
2140
01:35:23,880 --> 01:35:25,484
(GRUNTS)
2141
01:35:25,760 --> 01:35:27,330
(GASPING)
2142
01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:29,011
Oh, you just pulled his throat out!
2143
01:35:31,480 --> 01:35:33,209
I'll see you on the other side.
2144
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:39,924
Jet, come here.
Give me your hand, old buddy.
2145
01:35:40,080 --> 01:35:41,809
Oh, shit! Get that away from me!
2146
01:35:42,000 --> 01:35:43,161
Sorry, Jet.
2147
01:35:44,200 --> 01:35:46,487
Come here, Jet.
That was a trachea. (GROANS)
2148
01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:48,165
Great distraction, man!
2149
01:35:48,320 --> 01:35:49,765
Sorry I had to shoot you, Jet.
2150
01:35:49,920 --> 01:35:51,649
It was the only way
I could save your life.
2151
01:35:51,800 --> 01:35:54,007
But when you shot me
to get Phil to confess
2152
01:35:54,160 --> 01:35:57,648
that he was The Black Badger,
that was some next-level-type shit!
2153
01:35:57,800 --> 01:36:01,566
Yeah, no.
I'm glad you see it the way I saw it.
2154
01:36:01,720 --> 01:36:03,688
That was my plan the whole time. So...
2155
01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,524
You are a natural for this line of work.
2156
01:36:05,680 --> 01:36:08,247
I mean, you're smart, you got
the skill set, you're a people person
2157
01:36:08,400 --> 01:36:11,688
and you already got a dope-ass code name,
"The Golden Jet!" What?
2158
01:36:11,840 --> 01:36:13,604
But in the meantime,
we gotta get those encryption codes
2159
01:36:13,760 --> 01:36:15,683
over to Harris right away
or we're gonna be late.
2160
01:36:15,840 --> 01:36:18,207
What are you talking about? Late for what?
2161
01:36:20,200 --> 01:36:25,127
The reunion, dude. What-what!
(CHUCKLES) This shit's on!
2162
01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:29,048
Bob. (SIGHS) Damn it.
2163
01:36:30,160 --> 01:36:31,207
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2164
01:36:52,560 --> 01:36:53,561
Bob!
2165
01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:54,721
One more thing.
2166
01:36:54,880 --> 01:36:56,484
Thanks for securing the satellite codes.
2167
01:36:56,640 --> 01:36:58,165
You really saved my ass.
2168
01:36:58,320 --> 01:36:59,401
Your country thanks you.
2169
01:37:00,000 --> 01:37:00,842
Just doing my job.
2170
01:37:01,040 --> 01:37:03,930
I'm really sorry about your hand.
I hope you know that wasn't personal.
2171
01:37:04,080 --> 01:37:05,684
Oh, no hard feelings at all, Pam.
(CHUCKLES)
2172
01:37:06,200 --> 01:37:07,690
Besides, everybody makes mistakes.
2173
01:37:07,880 --> 01:37:09,882
Calvin, here, thought
you were The Black Badger.
2174
01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:11,566
(STAMMERS)
2175
01:37:11,840 --> 01:37:12,966
I don't... No, I don't think...
2176
01:37:13,120 --> 01:37:15,441
When we were in the plane,
you said, "Hey, Harris is the Black..."
2177
01:37:15,640 --> 01:37:17,404
I think you should... Maybe I...
(CLEARS THROAT)
2178
01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:20,565
Mr. Joyner, it was a pleasure
working with you.
2179
01:37:20,720 --> 01:37:23,451
If you ever want a career change,
you give me a call.
2180
01:37:24,160 --> 01:37:26,367
If I were to give you a call,
how would I get in touch with you?
2181
01:37:26,520 --> 01:37:28,363
Just pick up any phone in your house.
2182
01:37:28,520 --> 01:37:29,646
They're all bugged.
2183
01:37:29,920 --> 01:37:30,921
(CHUCKLES)
2184
01:37:31,320 --> 01:37:33,049
You're crazy. Hey, you're crazy!
2185
01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:35,523
(CHUCKLES) That's a good one.
2186
01:37:35,680 --> 01:37:38,126
Calvin! I got your text
and came right over.
2187
01:37:38,280 --> 01:37:41,409
Where the hell have you been?
Why did you get out of a helicopter?
2188
01:37:41,840 --> 01:37:43,410
Hey, uh, Maggie.
2189
01:37:43,560 --> 01:37:44,686
Uh, hi!
2190
01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:46,724
Babe, why is Dr. Dan with you?
2191
01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:48,167
Well... Uh...
2192
01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:49,885
That's not Dr. Dan.
2193
01:37:50,040 --> 01:37:52,327
Allow me to properly introduce myself.
2194
01:37:52,480 --> 01:37:56,885
My name is Bob Stone, the artist
formerly known as Robbie Wheirdicht.
2195
01:37:57,040 --> 01:37:58,087
I work for the CIA.
2196
01:37:58,240 --> 01:38:00,242
I roped your husband
into helping me track down a traitor,
2197
01:38:00,400 --> 01:38:03,210
who was gonna sell
military state secrets to a terrorist.
2198
01:38:03,360 --> 01:38:07,208
We did all that, we stopped them,
we saved the free world, and here we are.
2199
01:38:07,440 --> 01:38:08,566
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
2200
01:38:09,040 --> 01:38:10,405
What the hell is going on?
2201
01:38:10,560 --> 01:38:12,210
Okay, listen, listen.
2202
01:38:12,400 --> 01:38:14,402
I've been a fool. All right?
2203
01:38:14,560 --> 01:38:16,562
I thought that my life was a failure.
2204
01:38:16,720 --> 01:38:19,041
I thought that it wasn't special.
But it is special.
2205
01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:21,083
It's special because I have you in it.
2206
01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:24,403
You are my world.
You are what makes me special!
2207
01:38:24,960 --> 01:38:27,122
You're everything to me, Mags.
2208
01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:28,566
I love you.
2209
01:38:29,240 --> 01:38:30,401
I love you.
2210
01:38:35,080 --> 01:38:36,081
BOB: Okay.
2211
01:38:37,240 --> 01:38:39,083
Here come the waterworks.
2212
01:38:39,240 --> 01:38:41,242
I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
2213
01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:45,763
- Come on, come on.
- Okay.
2214
01:38:48,720 --> 01:38:50,449
- That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- Yeah.
2215
01:38:50,600 --> 01:38:53,444
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2216
01:39:12,800 --> 01:39:14,006
- Hi, Brian.
- Hi, Gail.
2217
01:39:14,160 --> 01:39:16,288
Guys, this isn't a good idea.
You know what?
2218
01:39:16,440 --> 01:39:18,761
I'll just meet you later.
I shouldn't have come.
2219
01:39:18,920 --> 01:39:19,921
Wait, wait, wait.
2220
01:39:20,080 --> 01:39:23,129
Bob, calm down, okay? Listen to me.
2221
01:39:23,280 --> 01:39:25,647
Tonight is not gonna be
how high school was for you 20 years ago.
2222
01:39:25,800 --> 01:39:27,006
I promise.
2223
01:39:27,160 --> 01:39:29,640
HOSTESS: Attention, por favor.
2224
01:39:29,840 --> 01:39:33,811
And now, for the moment
you've all been waiting for,
2225
01:39:33,960 --> 01:39:38,522
tonight's vote for the reunion
homecoming king and queen!
2226
01:39:38,680 --> 01:39:40,364
We'll announce the queen in one moment.
2227
01:39:40,520 --> 01:39:42,966
But first, without further ado...
2228
01:39:43,480 --> 01:39:45,323
The new homecoming king
2229
01:39:45,480 --> 01:39:49,166
for the Central High School Centaurs,
Class of 1996 is...
2230
01:39:49,480 --> 01:39:50,686
I really gotta pee, Jet.
2231
01:39:50,840 --> 01:39:52,330
Bob Stone!
2232
01:39:52,480 --> 01:39:53,481
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
2233
01:39:54,840 --> 01:39:56,410
Do we have a Bob Stone?
2234
01:39:56,560 --> 01:39:58,881
Here he is, Bob Stone, huh!
2235
01:39:59,600 --> 01:40:00,761
- Yeah!
- (SCATTERED CLAPPING)
2236
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,888
Go on, get your rock-hard ass up there.
2237
01:40:04,600 --> 01:40:05,601
For reals?
2238
01:40:05,760 --> 01:40:07,922
For reals, for reals. Go ahead, man.
2239
01:40:08,520 --> 01:40:09,521
Whoo!
2240
01:40:09,760 --> 01:40:11,285
You did it, big guy!
2241
01:40:12,000 --> 01:40:14,082
(SCATTERED CLAPPING)
2242
01:40:14,560 --> 01:40:16,289
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
2243
01:40:17,280 --> 01:40:20,363
How did Bob Stone win homecoming king?
2244
01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:22,927
I hacked into the votes on the flight in.
2245
01:40:23,120 --> 01:40:26,090
Calvin Joyner, forensic accountant,
at your service.
2246
01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,281
(CHUCKLES)
2247
01:40:27,440 --> 01:40:29,761
I had no idea you could do that.
2248
01:40:30,520 --> 01:40:33,649
There's a lot of things
that you don't know about me, Maggie.
2249
01:40:34,240 --> 01:40:35,401
No, scratch that I said that.
2250
01:40:35,560 --> 01:40:37,130
It was supposed to
come out cool. It didn't.
2251
01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:38,520
It was something I thought of,
it was like a...
2252
01:40:38,680 --> 01:40:39,727
Forget it.
2253
01:40:41,120 --> 01:40:42,963
TREVOR: Well, well, let's hear it for him!
2254
01:40:43,120 --> 01:40:44,610
Fat Robbie made good.
2255
01:40:44,760 --> 01:40:48,048
King Robbie Weird Dick, our naked mascot.
2256
01:40:48,680 --> 01:40:50,250
Why don't you just
get out of the way, Trevor?
2257
01:40:50,400 --> 01:40:51,731
Or what, Golden Jet?
2258
01:40:51,880 --> 01:40:53,120
You're gonna hop up here
and punch me in the belt?
2259
01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:54,406
Simmer down, Ant-Man.
2260
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:56,801
- You know what? That's it. That's it.
- It's okay.
2261
01:40:56,960 --> 01:40:58,007
- It's all right.
- No, I've had it!
2262
01:40:58,160 --> 01:40:59,764
- I got it, Jet. It's okay.
- It's okay.
2263
01:40:59,920 --> 01:41:01,046
I'll handle it.
2264
01:41:01,320 --> 01:41:05,245
Whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'm not buying
this whole transformation
2265
01:41:05,400 --> 01:41:07,004
from ugly duckling into swan.
2266
01:41:07,200 --> 01:41:08,201
No one in here is.
2267
01:41:08,360 --> 01:41:11,807
You can fly in, in a bunch of helicopters
and dress up in a thousand suits,
2268
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:15,607
but to everybody, including me,
you'll always just be the fat kid.
2269
01:41:15,920 --> 01:41:17,570
(LAUGHTER)
2270
01:41:18,880 --> 01:41:20,291
I've been thinking
about this a lot, Trevor.
2271
01:41:21,520 --> 01:41:24,761
And the only thing I want to say
to you is I forgive you.
2272
01:41:25,320 --> 01:41:27,846
You forgive me! Oh, boy! For what?
2273
01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:29,525
For being rad as shit.
2274
01:41:29,680 --> 01:41:30,886
Fuck you, fat boy.
2275
01:41:31,080 --> 01:41:32,491
Still a scared little bitch. (GROANS)
2276
01:41:32,680 --> 01:41:34,091
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
2277
01:41:36,800 --> 01:41:38,006
I don't like bullies.
2278
01:41:38,400 --> 01:41:39,811
(CROWD CHEERING)
2279
01:41:41,800 --> 01:41:44,041
And the name is Bob Stone, bitch!
2280
01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:45,361
Whoo-whoo!
2281
01:41:46,000 --> 01:41:47,411
Come on, baby. Step over.
2282
01:41:51,360 --> 01:41:52,521
Hi, everybody!
2283
01:41:53,480 --> 01:41:56,962
Most of you knew me back in high school as
2284
01:41:57,920 --> 01:41:59,410
Robbie Wheirdicht.
2285
01:41:59,600 --> 01:42:01,523
- MAN 1: That's Robbie Wheirdicht?
- No way!
2286
01:42:01,680 --> 01:42:03,728
I wore prescription pants every day.
2287
01:42:05,800 --> 01:42:08,041
Twenty years ago, in this gym,
2288
01:42:09,240 --> 01:42:11,208
I stood in front of you all
2289
01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:13,166
naked
2290
01:42:13,880 --> 01:42:15,291
and embarrassed.
2291
01:42:16,240 --> 01:42:18,163
Some of you might remember that day.
2292
01:42:19,360 --> 01:42:21,488
A lot of you probably even laughed.
2293
01:42:22,480 --> 01:42:24,130
But that's okay.
2294
01:42:25,240 --> 01:42:27,846
Tonight's gonna be different because
2295
01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:31,083
my best friend is here with me.
2296
01:42:33,240 --> 01:42:38,406
And he taught me what it means
to be the hero of your own story.
2297
01:42:41,160 --> 01:42:42,525
Would you hold this for me, please?
2298
01:42:44,240 --> 01:42:46,163
Being the hero of your own story
2299
01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:50,689
isn't about stopping bad guys
or climbing mountains.
2300
01:42:50,840 --> 01:42:53,969
It's about overcoming bullies
in your life,
2301
01:42:54,120 --> 01:42:57,044
whatever or whomever they may be.
2302
01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:00,685
It's about putting it all out there
2303
01:43:01,360 --> 01:43:02,407
for everyone
2304
01:43:03,760 --> 01:43:04,921
to see.
2305
01:43:05,760 --> 01:43:07,603
And it's realizing that, in life,
2306
01:43:07,760 --> 01:43:10,127
the most important thing that you can be
2307
01:43:11,240 --> 01:43:12,321
is yourself.
2308
01:43:13,080 --> 01:43:17,404
So, Central High, Class of 1996,
2309
01:43:18,360 --> 01:43:21,250
this is me, Robbie Wheirdicht.
2310
01:43:23,440 --> 01:43:25,090
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
2311
01:43:30,440 --> 01:43:31,726
(GASPING)
2312
01:43:32,520 --> 01:43:35,126
Oh, my God! Bob just went commando!
2313
01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:38,564
Yes! Yes!
2314
01:43:39,640 --> 01:43:41,165
(CHEERING)
2315
01:43:43,000 --> 01:43:44,604
CALVIN: Way to go, Bob!
2316
01:43:45,480 --> 01:43:46,720
Be you!
2317
01:43:47,240 --> 01:43:49,322
(CHANTING) Robbie! Robbie! Robbie!
2318
01:43:49,480 --> 01:43:52,484
ALL: Robbie! Robbie! Robbie!
2319
01:43:58,000 --> 01:43:59,161
- Hey, man!
- (LAUGHS)
2320
01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:01,527
Dude, this is amazing!
I'm so happy for you!
2321
01:44:01,680 --> 01:44:03,409
Thank you, Jet! I feel so free!
2322
01:44:03,920 --> 01:44:04,967
- Come here.
- No, no, no.
2323
01:44:05,120 --> 01:44:06,884
Your junk is out.
2324
01:44:07,240 --> 01:44:09,811
- Oh. Sorry, Jet.
- Excuse me.
2325
01:44:12,240 --> 01:44:13,605
Hi, Robbie.
2326
01:44:14,680 --> 01:44:16,762
- You probably don't remember me.
- Darla.
2327
01:44:18,000 --> 01:44:20,048
- Is that Darla McGuckian?
- Yeah.
2328
01:44:20,200 --> 01:44:22,487
Wow! She looks great!
2329
01:44:22,840 --> 01:44:24,205
Didn't she used to have a lazy eye?
2330
01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,731
- Two of them.
- Wow.
2331
01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:27,962
I can't believe you remember me.
2332
01:44:28,120 --> 01:44:29,610
Remember you?
2333
01:44:29,760 --> 01:44:31,330
How could I forget you?
2334
01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:35,800
You still have the same sweet smile,
the same sweet face.
2335
01:44:36,360 --> 01:44:39,204
But your hair's changed.
You used to wear it curlier.
2336
01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,600
I like it though.
2337
01:44:41,040 --> 01:44:42,690
You haven't changed at all.
2338
01:44:42,880 --> 01:44:44,405
Oh, I don't know.
2339
01:44:50,520 --> 01:44:52,363
You're still as beautiful as ever.
2340
01:44:52,680 --> 01:44:53,681
Oh.
2341
01:44:55,800 --> 01:44:57,404
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
2342
01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,769
- Yeah, Bob!
- Go, Bob!
2343
01:45:05,760 --> 01:45:07,250
No, no, no.
2344
01:45:07,640 --> 01:45:09,483
(ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING)
2345
01:45:14,480 --> 01:45:16,562
Oh, I got spinny.
2346
01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:18,569
Super spinny.
2347
01:45:21,160 --> 01:45:22,969
Yeah, that's nice.
2348
01:45:23,640 --> 01:45:26,405
- Can I take you to get ice-cream...
- Yes.
2349
01:45:27,240 --> 01:45:29,242
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
2350
01:45:29,840 --> 01:45:32,844
Super lactose intolerant, but that's okay.
Let's roll the dice.
2351
01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:34,925
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2352
01:45:35,840 --> 01:45:36,841
That's my jam!
2353
01:45:37,000 --> 01:45:38,047
Go show them what you got.
2354
01:45:38,240 --> 01:45:40,083
- All right, Darla.
- Okay.
2355
01:45:40,400 --> 01:45:42,402
Darla, hi. Calvin.
2356
01:45:42,600 --> 01:45:44,250
Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you.
2357
01:45:44,840 --> 01:45:46,763
- Calvin.
- And Maggie.
2358
01:45:46,920 --> 01:45:48,604
Maggie, hi!
2359
01:45:48,760 --> 01:45:51,081
Hi. You look so good.
2360
01:45:51,280 --> 01:45:53,601
- My gosh, you look the same.
- You do too.
2361
01:45:53,760 --> 01:45:54,761
Oh, I don't know.
2362
01:45:54,920 --> 01:45:57,048
You probably remember me
as The Golden Jet.
2363
01:45:57,240 --> 01:45:59,846
Your name's Golden Jeff? Hi, Jeff.
2364
01:46:00,600 --> 01:46:02,284
It's okay. Good to see you.
2365
01:46:04,000 --> 01:46:05,490
(BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE)
2366
01:46:05,680 --> 01:46:08,126
- Good going, Bob!
- Come on, Bob!
2367
01:46:08,480 --> 01:46:10,209
(ALL CHEERING)
2368
01:46:23,840 --> 01:46:25,365
- All right.
- Good luck!
2369
01:46:25,560 --> 01:46:26,800
- Love you.
- I love you.
2370
01:46:26,960 --> 01:46:28,849
I love you, too, little Golden Jet!
2371
01:46:29,000 --> 01:46:30,001
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2372
01:46:31,520 --> 01:46:32,521
Mmm...
2373
01:46:32,680 --> 01:46:33,761
Okay. Uh...
2374
01:46:34,840 --> 01:46:36,410
How long do you think he's been there?
2375
01:46:37,160 --> 01:46:38,969
MAGGIE: Hmm, probably since last night.
2376
01:46:39,560 --> 01:46:40,971
All right, babe, I'll see you later.
2377
01:46:41,160 --> 01:46:42,889
Have fun with your friend!
2378
01:46:48,480 --> 01:46:49,481
(MOUTHING) Who, me?
2379
01:46:49,640 --> 01:46:50,926
Yes, you.
2380
01:47:00,120 --> 01:47:01,451
(LAUGHS) Wow, Jet!
2381
01:47:01,640 --> 01:47:03,324
You look amazing!
2382
01:47:03,520 --> 01:47:05,284
- Do you think?
- Oh, what? Yes!
2383
01:47:05,480 --> 01:47:08,521
I just didn't know the kind of look
to go for on my first day at the agency.
2384
01:47:08,680 --> 01:47:10,728
You look like a black Will Smith,
or something.
2385
01:47:10,920 --> 01:47:13,807
Okay, I'm not sure if that's racist
or not, but I'll take it as a compliment.
2386
01:47:13,960 --> 01:47:15,371
All right, cool. Yeah, come on!
2387
01:47:15,520 --> 01:47:16,681
Okay. (LAUGHS)
2388
01:47:17,320 --> 01:47:18,526
All right. Don't be nervous.
2389
01:47:18,680 --> 01:47:20,444
You are gonna do great.
They're gonna love you!
2390
01:47:20,600 --> 01:47:22,011
Oh, Jet, Jet, Jet!
2391
01:47:22,200 --> 01:47:23,326
Um, before we go, man, uh...
2392
01:47:24,760 --> 01:47:25,886
I got a surprise for you.
2393
01:47:27,120 --> 01:47:29,043
Okay. What's the surprise?
2394
01:47:29,200 --> 01:47:31,851
Well, you gotta close your eyes first.
2395
01:47:33,520 --> 01:47:34,681
Eyes are closed.
2396
01:47:34,880 --> 01:47:35,881
No peeking.
2397
01:47:41,360 --> 01:47:42,521
Open your eyes.
2398
01:47:46,840 --> 01:47:49,207
Is that my... Is that my jacket?
2399
01:47:49,360 --> 01:47:50,407
Yes!
2400
01:47:50,560 --> 01:47:52,562
- Bob, is that my jacket?
- Yes!
2401
01:47:52,720 --> 01:47:54,165
- No, wait a minute.
- Yes!
2402
01:47:54,360 --> 01:47:56,044
Oh, my God!
2403
01:47:56,400 --> 01:47:57,526
Dude, where'd you get this from?
2404
01:47:57,680 --> 01:48:01,321
Well, I sleep in it most nights,
but it's clean now, totally good. Yeah!
2405
01:48:01,480 --> 01:48:04,086
Man! You are the man! Yes!
2406
01:48:04,240 --> 01:48:07,130
- Family hug! What?
- Ooh. Okay.
2407
01:48:09,200 --> 01:48:10,326
All right, let's go!
2408
01:48:10,480 --> 01:48:11,811
- Okay.
- All right.
2409
01:48:12,040 --> 01:48:14,566
("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING)
2410
01:48:26,200 --> 01:48:28,168
- You still ride?
- (ALARM BLARING)
2411
01:48:28,680 --> 01:48:30,921
DIRECTOR: Cut! The fire department's here.
2412
01:48:31,200 --> 01:48:33,601
All right. That's our cue, guys!
2413
01:48:34,520 --> 01:48:36,249
BOTH: Here we are
shooting Central Intelligence.
2414
01:48:36,440 --> 01:48:38,363
They shut us down.
The fire trucks are out here.
2415
01:48:38,520 --> 01:48:40,204
- Shut the fuck up!
- Will you get the fuck out of my video?
2416
01:48:40,360 --> 01:48:41,361
I'mma slap the dogshit out of you.
2417
01:48:41,520 --> 01:48:42,521
Why do you do your video behind me?
2418
01:48:42,680 --> 01:48:43,886
- I'm trying to do my video!
- This is my video!
2419
01:48:44,040 --> 01:48:45,530
- You're in my fucking video!
- I'm pissed off.
2420
01:48:45,680 --> 01:48:47,170
Watch your mouth,
I'll slap the shit out of you.
2421
01:48:47,320 --> 01:48:48,321
Fuck you!
2422
01:48:49,280 --> 01:48:51,806
Okay. You have it your way.
2423
01:48:52,760 --> 01:48:54,762
You leave me no choice.
2424
01:48:56,040 --> 01:48:57,041
Pam...
2425
01:48:57,200 --> 01:48:58,201
(LAUGHING)
2426
01:48:58,360 --> 01:48:59,361
Tickler! Tickler!
2427
01:48:59,520 --> 01:49:02,046
Where are the codes? Where are the codes?
2428
01:49:03,040 --> 01:49:04,530
(CHUCKLES) It's just nice.
2429
01:49:06,200 --> 01:49:08,771
In here and it's kind of all...
2430
01:49:09,080 --> 01:49:10,081
(LAUGHING)
2431
01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:11,691
- Oh, my God.
- Sorry.
2432
01:49:13,720 --> 01:49:15,529
(ALL LAUGHING)
2433
01:49:16,280 --> 01:49:17,645
- Can you do both?
- Yeah.
2434
01:49:18,000 --> 01:49:19,126
- (EXCLAIMS)
- Oh, my God!
2435
01:49:19,560 --> 01:49:20,800
(ALL LAUGHING)
2436
01:49:22,360 --> 01:49:24,169
It's called "soul gazing."
2437
01:49:24,320 --> 01:49:27,881
Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.
2438
01:49:28,080 --> 01:49:29,525
- Come in. Shh.
- You're not my wife!
2439
01:49:29,680 --> 01:49:31,091
Oh, that's it.
2440
01:49:31,560 --> 01:49:32,686
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2441
01:49:32,960 --> 01:49:34,371
- Bob, I'm gonna...
- Shh.
2442
01:49:35,480 --> 01:49:36,720
- I promise you'll never...
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
2443
01:49:38,160 --> 01:49:39,844
Let's keep on, keep on.
2444
01:49:40,000 --> 01:49:41,047
DIRECTOR: Okay, for real this time.
2445
01:49:42,160 --> 01:49:44,162
It's for real.
This is for real, guys, yeah.
2446
01:49:44,680 --> 01:49:45,806
- That's it!
- Oh.
2447
01:49:45,960 --> 01:49:47,485
One more. Come on.
2448
01:49:47,680 --> 01:49:48,806
- I can't do this, I'm not...
- Shh.
2449
01:49:48,960 --> 01:49:51,645
Oh, my God. I've fucking had it.
2450
01:49:51,800 --> 01:49:52,801
Lock it! We're professionals.
2451
01:49:52,960 --> 01:49:54,769
- This is what we do. You ready?
- Come on, baby!
2452
01:49:54,920 --> 01:49:56,649
I'm gonna hit you. I told you!
2453
01:49:56,800 --> 01:49:58,006
- Fuck!
- (CREW LAUGHING)
2454
01:49:59,960 --> 01:50:00,961
Are you not a super tool?
2455
01:50:01,120 --> 01:50:03,407
You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht.
You're Bob Stone!
2456
01:50:04,120 --> 01:50:05,645
- (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up.
- So what?
2457
01:50:05,800 --> 01:50:07,290
- It's not real.
- What does that mean?
2458
01:50:07,440 --> 01:50:11,331
(STAMMERS) What, you think Mr. T and Sting
2459
01:50:11,480 --> 01:50:12,720
and The Rock...
2460
01:50:12,880 --> 01:50:14,370
You think those guys are real?
2461
01:50:14,520 --> 01:50:17,524
That's a bunch of dumbass nicknames
by a bunch of dumbass people.
2462
01:50:17,680 --> 01:50:19,170
(ALL LAUGHING)
2463
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("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING)
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BOB: Fanny!
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