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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,249 ("MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE PLAYING ON THE RADIO) 2 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,329 MAN: (ON RADIO) And now, it's time for a breakdown. 3 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,244 (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 4 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,603 (BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE) 5 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,808 Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah... 6 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,083 Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht showers here during first period. 7 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,971 Why doesn't he just shower at home like a normal person? 8 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,045 Look at him. 9 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,043 Does anything about that look normal to you? 10 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,451 You know, he's actually a pretty good dancer. 11 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,440 (BOB CONTINUES SINGING) 12 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,368 I mean, fuck that guy is different! 13 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,361 Let's wreck him. 14 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,882 - TREVOR: Hey, Weird Dick! - (ALL LAUGH) 15 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,201 Come on. 16 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,810 Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen, 17 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,851 it is my pleasure to announce that the winner 18 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,129 of the National High School Student of the Year Award 19 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,810 is none other than your very own 20 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,849 two-time student body president, 21 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,482 the captain of Central High's All Valley track team, 22 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,165 president of the drama club 23 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,767 and the senior voted "Most Likely to Succeed." 24 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,480 I gotta tell you folks, after 40 years as an educator, 25 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,483 he is my favorite student. 26 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,366 I wish he were my son 27 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,682 if I were medically able to have children. 28 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:41,841 (AUDIENCE CHUCKLES) 29 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,291 He's everybody's favorite all-around guy... 30 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,329 Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on! 31 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,050 (ALL CHEERING) 32 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,810 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 33 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,290 ("UNBELIEVABLE" BY EMF PLAYING) 34 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,331 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 35 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,527 ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet! 36 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,691 Oh, my goodness. 37 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,527 Wow! Wow, guys. 38 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,490 Hey! How about a hand for Principal Kent, huh? 39 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:21,687 Huh? 40 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,720 Honestly, if my mom was into white guys, it would be you. 41 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,881 I know it would, okay? 42 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,565 (ALL LAUGH) 43 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,524 Well, as we all know, this is our last assembly, 44 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,763 which means this is the last time in front of you guys 45 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,321 that I'll be able to tell the most beautiful girl in the world... 46 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,888 I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson, 47 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,567 that I love you. I love you, baby. I do. 48 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,563 I'm gonna put it in my pocket. 49 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,324 - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) - I'll save it. 50 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,481 Okay. 51 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,087 All right, guys. We're seniors now. 52 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,882 And once we get those diplomas, 53 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,010 the decisions that we make after that are all up to us. 54 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,921 I don't know what path life is gonna take me on. 55 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,605 But I can promise you all this... 56 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,450 That I, for one, will push myself 57 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,489 at every stage, at every step. 58 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,160 So, I got one question to ask. 59 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,768 I got one question for the graduating class of 1996 60 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,206 and that's "Will you..." 61 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,969 (SHOUTS) Check out my Weird Dick! 62 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,161 (BOYS GROAN) 63 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,284 (SQUEAKING) 64 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,761 (ALL GASPING) 65 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,808 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 66 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,290 Hey. Here, here, man. 67 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,885 (SOFTLY) Thank you. 68 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,041 (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) 69 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,281 - (LOCK RATTLES) - (LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES) 70 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,967 Well, there's no coming back from that. 71 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:08,966 Calvin Joyner, everybody, 72 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,845 voted "Most Likely to Succeed." 73 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,647 ALL: (CHANTING) Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet! 74 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,324 ("JUMPMAN" BY DRAKE & FUTURE PLAYING) 75 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,207 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 76 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,647 (PHONE RINGING) 77 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,285 Yo. Check it. 78 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,290 Oh, come on, man. I don't want to see that. 79 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,441 Oh, no, no, it's my dick. 80 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,290 I know what it is. I don't want to see it. 81 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,601 (LAUGHS) Hilarious. 82 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,250 No, I'm working on this new sexting app. 83 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,481 It's kind of like Instagram, right? 84 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,766 But, instead of filters, 85 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,251 it just makes your junk look huge. 86 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,329 Like, three to six inches bigger. 87 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,080 It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right? 88 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,322 - No, and here's why... - Sorry, hang on, one second. 89 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,051 I'm just gonna... 90 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:29,841 What are you doing? 91 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,650 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) 92 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,524 Okay, and send. 93 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,445 Sorry, you were saying something boring. 94 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,000 You just sent a dick pic. 95 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,730 It's called dating, grandma. Look it up. 96 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,002 Why are you all cranky-pants this morning, huh? 97 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,606 Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted instead of you? 98 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,886 Ethan got promoted? 99 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,248 (SIGHS) Youngest senior associate in the history of the firm. 100 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,004 Corner office, the whole deal. 101 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,321 Didn't he used to be your assistant? 102 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,968 Who cares? Hey, you should come to lunch with us. 103 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,565 We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh! 104 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,688 It'll probably be good for you to kiss the ring a bit. 105 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,645 "Kiss the ring a bit"? 106 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,848 Hey, you play your chessboard however you like, okay? 107 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,364 Me, lunch today? I'm gonna French kiss that thing. 108 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,840 Aah... 109 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,290 I can't. I'm taking my wife to lunch today, so... 110 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,726 All right. Bummer for you. 111 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,121 (SINGING) 112 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,087 Right? 113 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,811 (GRUNTS) 114 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,130 Can you just get out of my face? 115 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,805 # Blessed. 116 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,730 (LAUGHTER) 117 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,291 (MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) 118 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,680 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 119 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,321 To a guy I not only consider my coworker, 120 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,885 but my personal friend. 121 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,049 - To Ethan! - Cheers! 122 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,645 (ALL CHEERING) 123 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,489 Do you wanna move tables? I know this kind of sucks. 124 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,369 No, no. It doesn't suck. 125 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,846 Hey, if I wanted to get one of those ice teas 126 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,923 but I want most of it to be bourbon... What is that called? 127 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,881 Okay. How about we change the topic to something a little more fun? 128 00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,810 Anything else, please. 129 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,161 Oh, how about... 130 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,402 This is the dress that I'm thinking about wearing. 131 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,201 CALVIN: Oh! 132 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,125 Honey, I want every single girl to be jealous tomorrow night. 133 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,647 Oh. 134 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,961 What? 135 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,451 I just... I just don't want to go. 136 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,563 Calvin, it's our 20-year high school reunion. 137 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:15,921 I'm not gonna go without you. 138 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,208 We agreed we were going. I RSVP'd for us. 139 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,011 I just changed my mind. That's all. 140 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,525 Okay. I see. 141 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,081 You're disappointed about the promotion. I get it. 142 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,242 This is not about the promotion. 143 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,046 Okay, this has to do with me not wanting to spend my Friday night 144 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,884 answering the "What are you doing now?" question. 145 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,087 That's what I'll get all night. 146 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,049 "Hey, Calvin, what are you doing now?" "I'm an accountant." 147 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,321 "An accountant? Really? 148 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,845 "I thought you would be the governor, man. 149 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,401 "Wait a minute. Didn't you get voted 'Most Likely to Succeed'? 150 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,925 "I guess we missed that one." 151 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,451 Is this why you've been so weird and moody lately? 152 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,965 'Cause you're freaking out about the reunion? 153 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,167 - No. - And what's the matter 154 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,890 with being an accountant? You love your job. 155 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,530 No, you love your job. 156 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,250 I'm good at my job. It's not the same thing. 157 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,401 Honey, that's not fair. 158 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,210 You're a partner at your firm. 159 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,245 Instead, I work in a building with a giant, inflatable gorilla out in front of it. 160 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,209 Look, I don't want to be the guy that peaked in high school 161 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,328 and, after he peaked, his life went like this... 162 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,329 (IMITATES CRASH) 163 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,650 I don't know the sound that that thing makes, 164 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:07,841 but you know what I'm trying to do. 165 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,161 I'm the guy that went down, okay? 166 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,407 - Yeah. - Then my life 167 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,846 down here became a disappointment. 168 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,286 That's what I'll be. 169 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,441 (SOFTLY) Wow. 170 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,521 What? 171 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,560 I had no idea that your life with me was such a soundless, crashing disappointment! 172 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,370 - Don't do that. - (IMITATES CRASH) 173 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,443 - That's not... Don't do that. - That's the sound. 174 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,125 You want to know the sound I'm about to make right now? 175 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,361 The sound of me not going. 176 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,931 That's the sound I'm making. 177 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,241 I'm not going. 178 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,241 Yeah. 179 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,889 Mmm-mmm-mmm. 180 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,041 No. 181 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,169 Not going to that. 182 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,846 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 183 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,281 Bob Stone? 184 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,801 Okay. 185 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,001 (PHONE RINGING) 186 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,730 (RINGING CONTINUES) 187 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,241 Hello? 188 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,807 - Hey. - Girl, you scared me. 189 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,606 - I did? - Yes. I thought that you were... 190 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,648 I just... On the... 191 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,971 Never mind. Hey, I'm glad you called. 192 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,401 I'm sorry about lunch today. 193 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,247 I'm an idiot, babe. 194 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,050 I don't even know what's going on with me right now. 195 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,725 - I really don't. - Yeah? 196 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,882 Actually, honey, 197 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,889 that's what I was calling to talk to you about. 198 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,529 Look, honey, I think that we should see someone. 199 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,564 What do you mean, "Someone"? What do you mean? 200 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,842 See someone, like a therapist. 201 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,328 Honey, black people don't go to therapy. 202 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,571 We go to barbershops. 203 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,245 That's where we talk out our problems. 204 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,721 Or we watch the movie Barbershop. One or the other. 205 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,450 Look, my parents were really unhappy 206 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,523 for a long time before they got divorced. 207 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,162 And maybe if they saw someone sooner, they would still be married. 208 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,090 I just want to nip this thing in the bud, whatever it is. 209 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,601 I don't want to end up like my parents. 210 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,130 Wassup? 211 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,847 MAGGIE: Please, just do it for me, if not for you. 212 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,121 CALVIN: All right. Uh... 213 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,930 - When? When do you want to do it? - MAGGIE: Really? 214 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,249 The doctor said he could see us at 6:00 p.m. 215 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,287 Um... 6:00 p.m., when? Tonight? 216 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,283 Yeah. Yeah, is that a problem? 217 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,365 Holy shit! Robbie Wheirdicht? 218 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,891 Calvin, honey? Hello? 219 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,485 Um, yeah. 220 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,564 I can't. I already made plans for tonight, baby. 221 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,961 - MAGGIE: Plans with who? - With Bob Stone. 222 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,162 Who's Bob Stone? That sounds like a fake name. 223 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,642 No, no. You remember Robbie Wheirdicht, from high school? 224 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,801 No. 225 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,809 The guy who got beaten up by Trisha Demarco at homecoming? 226 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,087 No. 227 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,561 The kid that tried to rap along to Coolio's 1,2,3,4 at the talent show 228 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,324 but then he kinda lost his way, midway through 229 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,130 so he just started bopping his head, and he stood there? 230 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,805 No. Nothing. 231 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,162 The guy who got thrown out the gym, butt-ass-naked, senior year? 232 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,321 Oh, my God, yeah! 233 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,130 Why wouldn't you start with that? 234 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,890 Because I thought that was kind of mean. I don't know. 235 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,605 He never came back to school after that, right? 236 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,967 Like, not for finals or graduation or anything. 237 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,003 Didn't he join the military or something? 238 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,607 I'm not sure. I don't know if he did or not, but he changed his name to "Bob Stone" 239 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,842 and apparently he's in town for the high school reunion. 240 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,048 He wants to go to dinner tonight, and I kinda already said "yes." 241 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,241 - Okay. - If you want me to cancel, 242 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,845 I will. You know? 243 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,365 If that's what you want, I don't mind. 244 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,162 Mmm-mmm. I mean, it's a little weird, but whatever. 245 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,687 I'll just see if the doctor can fit us in tomorrow. 246 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,968 - How about at lunch time? - Okay. All right, fine. 247 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,360 Okay, good. I love you. 248 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,249 I love you, too, babe. I do. 249 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:03,771 ("ME SO HORNY" BY 2 LIVE CREW PLAYING ON COMPUTER) 250 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,842 - Oh, my... - MAGGIE: What is that? 251 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,809 - Okay. - Calvin? Are you... 252 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,961 Love you. Bye-bye. 253 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,081 No! 254 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,886 Stop, stop! 255 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,446 Hey, man. I... 256 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,688 Hey! What's up, guys? 257 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,806 Congratulations on that promotion, man. 258 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:22,961 It's quite the thing. 259 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,966 Thank you. Hey, that's not work appropriate. 260 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,281 Yup. 261 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,044 Not cool, man. Not cool. 262 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:31,921 (SIGHS) 263 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,244 Hey, forward that to me. 264 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,084 (SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE) 265 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,921 MAN 1: For real man, seriously? 266 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,764 MAN 2: Yeah. Watch it, punk. 267 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,651 Excuse you, too. 268 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,605 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 269 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,285 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 270 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,401 My man! 271 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,971 Back the fuck up! 272 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,165 - Whoa! - Back up, man! 273 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,329 Fine. I'll give you these fists. 274 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,726 I'll fist your ass. 275 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,451 Calvin. It's me, Bob. 276 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,442 What? Sorry, do I know you? 277 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,401 Do you know... 278 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,564 Robbie Wheirdicht from high school! 279 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,404 Are you kidding? What? 280 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,281 - Wait, you're Robbie Wheirdicht? - Yeah! 281 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,725 God, man, look at you! You've lost, like, 200 pounds! 282 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,484 I see you gained it back in muscle. 283 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,244 Oh, my God! You look great! 284 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,329 - No, you look great! - Stop it. 285 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,847 No, you haven't changed since high school, dude! 286 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,249 No, you're just sexy as dick right now. 287 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,448 You don't look somebody in the eyes and say that. 288 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,647 Hey, let's get hammered. 289 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,048 I got an early day at work, so I'll probably... 290 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,281 No, come on, I'm buying! 291 00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,441 Oh, shit. 292 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,001 Mmm. 293 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,040 I'm sorry, man. I am blown away right now. 294 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,402 - Dude, you used to be Fat Robbie. - (LAUGHS) 295 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,881 Look at you! This is like a total transformation. 296 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,690 You look like Hercules or somebody. 297 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,205 What did you do? Come on, give it to me. 298 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,328 - I didn't do much, really. - Stop it. 299 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,842 All right. I just did one thing. 300 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,207 Come on, I need to know. 301 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,847 I worked out six hours a day, every day, 302 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,490 for the last 20 years straight. 303 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,646 - I mean, anybody can do it, right? - Yeah. 304 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:31,566 Yeah. You know, I've gotten into hot yoga. 305 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,001 (CLEARS THROAT) 306 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,651 I started doing some sessions. 307 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,801 Uh-huh. 308 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,480 Nice unicorn, man. 309 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,847 Oh, yeah, I'm big-time into 'corns. 310 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,166 So magical, right? 311 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,527 You know, they're the most lethal animal on the planet. 312 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,921 Here you go. 313 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,082 Guys, my name's Lexi. 314 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,446 Just let me know if you need anything. 315 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,841 Okay. 316 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,369 I mean, like, anything at all. 317 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,211 - Okie-dokie. - (GIGGLES) 318 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,571 You're funny. Do you ever, like, Snapchat? 319 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,371 - Oh, no. You know... - I wasn't talking to you. 320 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,041 No, no, no. I don't do that. 321 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,726 I'm just catching up with an old friend from high school. 322 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,568 Aw. You're so sweet. 323 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,411 I think unicorns are sexy, too. 324 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,609 That must happen to you all the time, right? 325 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,081 Ah, nah. 326 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,409 I mean, all that meaningless sex is just... 327 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,210 It's not my bag anymore, CJ. 328 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,721 No, now, I'm looking for more of an emotional connection. 329 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,001 The next woman I lay with, 330 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,924 she's gonna be beautiful on the inside, 331 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,764 just as much as she is on the outside. 332 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,086 Hey, wait. Whatever happened to that girl that you liked in high school? 333 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,931 Oh, God, man. The "Doogie Howser" girl. 334 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,923 She was 14, but somehow she was a senior. 335 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,206 She wore a cape. 336 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,161 - Darla McGuckian. - Darla McGuckian. 337 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,084 - "Yucky Gucky." - (BOTH LAUGH) 338 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,761 - Didn't she have a lazy eye or something? - Two of 'em. 339 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,127 Right. 340 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,321 Hey, but listen, I don't wanna talk about me. 341 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,481 I wanna talk about you. 342 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,926 I heard that you and Maggie Johnson got hitched. 343 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,605 (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. 344 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,569 Yeah, man, right after college. 345 00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,122 Wow! The prettiest girl in school, and the coolest guy in school! 346 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,281 Oh, man, I got lucky. 347 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,771 I mean, you guys are like a power couple, dude! 348 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,445 - No, no. - Yes! 349 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,444 You're like Taylor Swift and whoever she's dating right now. 350 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,080 - Power. - Uh, thanks! 351 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,725 Yeah. You guys got kids? 352 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,285 No. No kids yet. 353 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,363 We planned on it after college, 354 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,569 but Maggie went to law school, I kept changing jobs. 355 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,128 You know, having kids just isn't in our cards right now. 356 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,281 Not at this point, that's all. 357 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,487 - Oh, okay. - Yeah. 358 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:28,128 I don't wanna talk about me and Maggie and myself. 359 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,691 What about you? What are you doing? 360 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,444 I didn't even ask you, man. What do you do for work? 361 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,485 I'm a government contractor. 362 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,331 Okay, that's cool. Like, what, buildings and stuff? 363 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,241 Yeah, sort of. 364 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,326 But I kinda just got fired. 365 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,608 - Oh, shit! I'm sorry, man. - Oh, it's okay. 366 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,445 Screw those guys, anyway. They're way too corporate. 367 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,490 'Cause dudes like me and you, I mean, we're alpha dogs, right? 368 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,523 I mean, we're pathfinders and trailblazers. 369 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,365 And we don't listen to what anyone tells us, right? 370 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,251 - Yeah, right. - Yeah. 371 00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,849 I mean, come on, man, I sorta path-find a little bit 372 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,130 along certain preapproved parameters that are given to me. 373 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,682 I'm willing to path-find but it's all about how it's set up. 374 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,243 But within the box that I have, I go nuts. You'll be surprised. 375 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,646 I had a guy tell me the other day, 376 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,644 "Hey, Calvin, you know, I need those accounting numbers back 377 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,211 "from, you know, the file." 378 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,210 - I said, "Go fuck yourself, Jim." - Yeah. 379 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,603 I didn't say it because I wasn't in my box, 380 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,603 - but I thought about it. - Exactly! Yeah! Yeah! 381 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,650 I got an idea. Let's do shots! 382 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,881 No! 383 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,804 I'm sorry for saying it like that, but no. 384 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,644 I haven't had shots in almost 10 years, man. 385 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,047 What? Come on, we have to! We're celebrating! 386 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,041 Celebrating what? 387 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,362 Celebrating that I'm hanging with the coolest kid in high school. 388 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,363 - Stop it. - Calvin Joyner! 389 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,729 The Golden Jet. 390 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,691 You got to be shitting me. Wow! 391 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,129 I haven't... God! 392 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,722 It's been forever since I heard that, man! 393 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,881 - I'll do one. - All right! 394 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,041 - One shot. - Shots! 395 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,321 No. One shot. 396 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,562 Just one, okay? Bob, it's been a while. 397 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,721 ("JUMP AROUND" BY HOUSE OF PAIN PLAYING) 398 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,007 Oh, shit! You remember this? 399 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,725 This was the jammy-jam! 400 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,882 What's that? Is that a fanny pack, Bob? 401 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,570 Hell, yeah! Dude, you want one? 402 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,085 No, it's okay. 403 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,685 I got two at home. I'll hook you up. 404 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,042 Leather pack for The Jet. 405 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,247 Fanny! 406 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,686 Shit. 407 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,209 What the hell did I get myself into? 408 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,370 Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm. 409 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,411 Hey, sir, somebody's actually sitting there. 410 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,762 - Yeah, someone was. - No! Hey, man! 411 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,411 Hey, you don't see the sweatshirt right here? 412 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,648 - Man, somebody's sitting here. - Move your meat, lose your seat. 413 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,361 Dude, you don't have to be a dick about it. 414 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,601 Somebody's sitting in the chair. 415 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,771 Bro, are you seriously gonna go there, bro? 416 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,568 'Cause there's only one way back, bro. 417 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,848 Through intensive care, bro. 418 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,761 Was that the last "bro"? 'Cause if it was, then I'll talk. 419 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,206 That supposed to be funny? 420 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,771 - Dude... - You a comedian now? 421 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,088 'Cause you don't look like Dane Cook to me, bro. 422 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,730 Hey, now! 423 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,601 What's the rumpus? 424 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:57,841 CALVIN: You know... There's no problem, man. 425 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,082 Let's just go to another table. Get your jacket. Let's go. 426 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,523 - No, we're not gonna go anywhere. - Listen to your pussy friend. 427 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,241 Those gym muscles aren't scaring anybody, pal. 428 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,448 - Oh, these? - Let's just go. It's okay. 429 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,120 No, we're not gonna go. This man insulted you. 430 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,089 And we're not gonna leave until he apologizes. 431 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,288 - It's okay. - Hey, we got a problem here? 432 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,482 - No, no. - Yeah, we got a big problem. 433 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,325 Your friend, here, really insulted my friend 434 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,481 and he needs to apologize. 435 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,641 I don't think he does. 436 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:22,801 CALVIN: He doesn't. 437 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,849 Oh, you know what, man? 438 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,287 I think this whole situation's getting a little out of control. 439 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,601 I can fix this whole thing. 440 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,127 I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions." 441 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,647 It's got four cheeses! Let's eat 'em together. 442 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,847 You know what? You take them. 443 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,041 Let's go. 444 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,326 Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet. 445 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,970 This whole thing will be over in a jiff. 446 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,645 Hey, how about this? 447 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,320 Why don't you and your boyfriend apologize to Big Rick here 448 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,687 and then go jerk each other in the parking lot? 449 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,127 That's a lot... 450 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,327 Yeah. You're right, CJ. 451 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,131 That's a lot of homophobia coming out of a very angry man. 452 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,807 You need to go get that looked at by a trained professional. 453 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,167 But, since you have escalated this whole scenario 454 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,810 by bringing what I can only assume 455 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,361 is an unlicensed firearm into this public place, 456 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,682 endangering the lives of all these innocent people, 457 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,650 I can no longer, in good conscience, walk away 458 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,529 and jerk anyone off in the parking lot. 459 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,808 I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere. 460 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,166 It's time for you to get out of here, pal. 461 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,805 CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 462 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,443 There's four of us, tough guy. 463 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,611 Yeah. I got that. 464 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,961 All right. Before this whole thing goes down, you should know one thing about me. 465 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,121 What's that? 466 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,530 I don't like bullies. 467 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,681 (SCREAMS) 468 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,321 (GAGS) 469 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,085 (GROANS) 470 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,405 (BULLETS CLATTER) 471 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,041 Let's go, Jet. 472 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,360 Yes. 473 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,366 Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic. 474 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,567 (MEN GROANING) 475 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,885 Oh, my God! 476 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,525 What the hell was that? 477 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,569 Bob, that was amazing! I've never seen anything like that! 478 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,404 You took the one guy, you hit him like this. 479 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,721 He couldn't breathe. (IMITATES CHOKING) 480 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,331 I sat there, I'm looking at him... 481 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,720 You talkin' to him like, "I don't like bullies." 482 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,490 I was like, "That's not a good line." But it was! 483 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:03,641 I didn't even know you could fight! 484 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,571 You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack, and it totally worked! 485 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,922 You were like Jason Bourne, man, but with jorts! 486 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,401 How did you do that? Where'd you learn that stuff? 487 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,409 I took a couple classes at work. 488 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:14,931 I hope I didn't go too far. 489 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,206 I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet. 490 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,250 Ruin my night? No! It was the coolest thing ever, man! 491 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,851 - Really? - Yes! 492 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,321 To see my boy go in and whoop ass on those idiots back there. 493 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,641 Dude, that was amazing! 494 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,723 Wait, we're boys? 495 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:28,441 Yeah, we boys. 496 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,127 Wow. I... 497 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,001 Never had a boy. 498 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,847 - That's awesome! Come here! - Oh, wait. 499 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,524 Stop. What's going on, man? 500 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,284 - I'm a hugger! - What're you doing? 501 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,729 Hey! I got an idea. Let's roll. Here's my bike. 502 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,041 Wait. That's your bike? 503 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,929 Yeah. Kawasaki 800! 504 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,525 I know what the bike is. 505 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,404 I had the same bike in high school, man. 506 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,204 - You still ride? - No, man. 507 00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,361 I haven't ridden a bike in years! 508 00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,800 Come on, let's roll. 509 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,280 (SIGHS) 510 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,485 Where? Where you trying to go? 511 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,451 I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet. 512 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:09,970 You know, why not? Why not? 513 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,327 After this... Yeah, okay! 514 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,801 BOB: Let's roll. 515 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,641 - (TIRES SQUEAL) - (CAR HORN HONKING) 516 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,003 CALVIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow! 517 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,641 Bob, hey, hey! 518 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,849 God, this is so crazy, man. 519 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,729 This brings back so many memories. 520 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:32,881 (BOB SIGHS) 521 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,121 BOB: I don't know, CJ. 522 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,850 I mean, high school wasn't easy for me, man. 523 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,685 I don't know if you know this, but I didn't have many friends back then. 524 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,481 What? 525 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,690 - Really? - No. 526 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,887 I don't know why I thought... 527 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,371 True story. 528 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,364 Man, I thought high school was gonna be like Sixteen Candles 529 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,329 and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald. 530 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,971 Sure, things were difficult in the beginning, but then, by the end, 531 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,366 everything worked out. 532 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,602 And Jake Ryan picked her up in that red Porsche. 533 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:57,841 What-what? 534 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,041 You ever see that movie? 535 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,368 I'm black, so I don't know the... 536 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,204 You gotta see it, dude. 537 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,364 Total classic. It's my favorite all-time movie. 538 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,649 Then I realized high school was nothing like Sixteen Candles. 539 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,723 And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald. 540 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,484 Yeah, well, depends on who you ask. 541 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,205 That's the thing. For me, I... 542 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,881 What's going on? 543 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,320 Oh, wow. 544 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,804 Hey, man, I just wanna say that I'm really sorry 545 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,406 about what Trevor and those guys did to you back then. 546 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,890 (ECHOING LAUGHTER) 547 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,005 (EXCLAIMS) 548 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,050 No biggie. I don't even think about it anymore. No. 549 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,841 Okay, good. 550 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,730 Yeah. Here's the secret. You know what I did, Jet? 551 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,326 I took all that stuff and I balled it up real tight 552 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,006 and then I shoved it way down deep. 553 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,522 And I just pretty much ignore it. 554 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,725 You know, that sounds really unhealthy, Bob. 555 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,240 Hey, I gotta tell you. 556 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,050 You were the only one who helped me out that day. 557 00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,890 In the gym? Remember that? 558 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,407 And you gave me your letterman's jacket! 559 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,649 Hey, not for nothing, but I never got that jacket back, man. 560 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,081 Huh! 561 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,049 Really? Strange. 562 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,561 Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you for what you did for me that day. 563 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,006 That was really cool of you, Jet. 564 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,083 Stop, man. It was the right thing to do, you know? 565 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,566 (BOTH CHUCKLES) 566 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,167 - You wanna hear something weird? - What? 567 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,049 I have not been naked since that day. 568 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,531 I mean, not in front of anyone. 569 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,001 Never. 570 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,730 So, you're telling me that for the last 20 years, 571 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,763 you've never been seen in your birthday suit? 572 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,689 - No. - So, what about when you have sex? 573 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,242 I keep it pitch-black, just like Vin Diesel. 574 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,801 What? (LAUGHS) 575 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,811 You know I've been wondering, whatever happened to Trevor anyway? 576 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,691 Did he get hit by a bus or ripped apart by dogs 577 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,888 or die slowly of anything? 578 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,880 No. No, no. He's a bigtime investment banker downtown. 579 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,687 - Oh, hey, cool. - Yeah. 580 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,171 Good for him, man. 581 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,086 Hey, Bob, look, if you ever wanna talk, I'm here. 582 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,210 So I don't mind, you know? 583 00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,767 I don't mind at all, if you wanna... 584 00:25:58,920 --> 00:25:59,921 What? 585 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,084 Whoa. (LAUGHS) 586 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,167 This is all our stuff from our year! 587 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,164 Yeah. Must be getting ready for the reunion tomorrow night. 588 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,367 Come on, man. Let's get out of here. 589 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,727 What? No! "Get out..." Look, you're all over this! 590 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,242 Look at this. Basketball, baseball, cross country. 591 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,640 Hamlet. 592 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:18,841 Prom King. 593 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,570 There's Darla McGuckian. 594 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,649 Synchronized swimming, that's so sexy. 595 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,366 This is like the Guinness Book of Golden Jet Records right there. 596 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,561 (TAPS GLASS) 597 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:27,960 I see that. 598 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,607 To be honest with you, I don't even recognize this guy anymore. 599 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,850 This guy, here, he was gonna... 600 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,889 He was gonna conquer the world. 601 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,044 If 18-year-old me could see me now, 602 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,924 he'd probably think I was a total loser. 603 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,123 What? That's crazy talk! 604 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,805 - You're The Golden Jet, dude! - Stop. 605 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,804 Stop, Bob. Spare me with The Golden Jet shit. 606 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,682 I'm not The Golden Jet, man. I'm an accountant. 607 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,245 That's my reality. 608 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,204 (SIGHS) I just thought I was meant for more, you know? 609 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,882 My life would be something special. 610 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,451 You know how they say every man is the hero of his own story? 611 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,721 Was that in Twilight? 612 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,045 No, I don't think that's where it's from. 613 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,248 But those books are cool, right? Vampires! 614 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,442 And there's a wolf-boy. 615 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:21,401 I'm not... I'm not talking about Twilight, Bob, okay? 616 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,721 I'm talking about the fact that I don't feel like 617 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,644 I'm the hero of my own story. That's... 618 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,450 How are you not the hero of your own story? 619 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,045 No one else can be! 620 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,964 Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man. 621 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,645 I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner 622 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,040 not feeling like he's a hero... 623 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,725 That's crazy talk, man. 624 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,844 No. No, it's not. 625 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,570 You were the best thing about high school. 626 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,411 I'll always believe in you. 627 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,881 Yo, do you remember those backflips you used to do? 628 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,284 The crowd would go crazy! I was there, too. 629 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,442 I was, like, "What? How's he do that?" 630 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,687 How did you do that? 631 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,244 I don't know. I just did it, man. 632 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,921 Exactly. 633 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,081 So, do it now. 634 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,884 No, no. You're crazy! No. 635 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,281 What's that? 636 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:01,487 What're you talking about? What's what? 637 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,244 - (SOFTLY) Golden Jet! - No, stop it. 638 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,164 - Golden Jet! - Okay, stop it! 639 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,845 - Golden Jet! - All right. 640 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,331 Golden Jet! 641 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,370 I'm not gonna stop until you do The Golden Jet flip! 642 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:12,521 Golden Jet! 643 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,921 All right, everybody, settle down. Settle down! 644 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,606 If the crowd wants a Golden Jet flip, 645 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,489 then they gonna get a Golden Jet flip. 646 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:20,766 You go, girl! 647 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,689 (GROANS) Oh, God! 648 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,205 That was so close, Jet. 649 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,641 (GROANS) 650 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:30,801 Here, buddy. Come on. 651 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,570 They must have just waxed these floors. 652 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,604 That was definitely a first, man. 653 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:38,761 (BOB LAUGHS) 654 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,485 Oh, man, I am beat. 655 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,041 Oh. 656 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,087 Hey, Jet! 657 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,682 Man, I had a great time tonight. 658 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:49,841 Whoa! 659 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,482 You know what? I had a good time, too, man. 660 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,085 I feel like I needed this, you know? 661 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,447 Yeah. Yeah. Me, too! 662 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:57,961 Thank you. 663 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,561 My pleasure, amigo. Any time. 664 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,122 Hey, if there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word. 665 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,806 Wow. You really mean that? 666 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,367 Yeah. 667 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,330 I wasn't gonna bring it up, but I might as well. 668 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,649 Lately, I've been having this problem with my payroll account. And... 669 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:16,521 It's all screwed up, somehow. 670 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,083 You know, I was overseas working for a while before I got fired. 671 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,164 So, it's kinda like a forensic international account thingy 672 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,569 which, I think, is kind of your specialty, right? 673 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,601 Um... 674 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,800 Yeah, no, it is. I'll take a look at that for you. 675 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,161 You would? You would do that for me? 676 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,846 I've got the login info, if you wanna crack open your computer, 677 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,280 we can do this! 678 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,290 Oh, you mean now? 679 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,568 - That's awesome! Yeah! - Okay. 680 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,404 - Look at this! - Hey, Bob... 681 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,607 - Whoa! - (SHUSHING) 682 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,006 Bob, you gotta keep your voice down! 683 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,286 (SOFTLY) Maggie's sleeping. 684 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:50,441 Wow. 685 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,323 This is a pretty serious international account dossier you've got here. 686 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,649 Right? I just want to make sure everything was hunky-dory. 687 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,929 (MUMBLING) 688 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,809 Going to your router. 689 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,406 Now you're talking to me. 690 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,962 Bingo. I'm in. 691 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,767 Oh. That's great, Jet. Thank you, man! 692 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,482 I mean, just looking at it first-hand, 693 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,962 it kinda looks like it's a bunch of off-shore escrow accounts. 694 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,645 These have been backwashed into 695 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,889 a series of domestic dummy accounts for some reason. 696 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,611 I mean, the logs are all crazy, too. You have China, 697 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:31,845 Syria, Iran. 698 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,685 This is an auction site, Bob! 699 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:35,841 (MUMBLES) 700 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,604 These are bids. All of these. 701 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,331 This is hundreds of millions of dollars in bids, right here. 702 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,411 And judging by this clock, here, it says it's all gonna end tomorrow. 703 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,767 - (COMPUTER BEEPS) - Whoa! 704 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,969 - What the hell? Why? - What did... 705 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,565 - Oh! I'm sorry, Jet! - Bob! 706 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,405 Jet, I'm so sorry! Oh, man. 707 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,847 - I'm all thumbs. - It's my computer! 708 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,565 - I'm sorry. - No! Please, Bob. 709 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:57,926 - I'm sorry, Jet. - Leave it. I got it. 710 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,487 It's fine, Bob. It's fine. Just leave it. 711 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,801 The worst! 712 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,241 God! 713 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,041 Hey! What the hell was that on that site? 714 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:07,770 That didn't have anything to do with payroll. 715 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,282 I don't know. I've never seen that before. 716 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,441 That was crazy. 717 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,881 Let's figure it out tomorrow when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 718 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,361 What do you say, CJ? I am beat. 719 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,525 Hey, do you mind if I crash here? 720 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,646 Um... 721 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:22,721 No. 722 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,129 Let me go grab some blankets. 723 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,241 Hey, thanks for the jammies, Jet. 724 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,171 Okay, well, you can keep those. 725 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,129 Those are... Those are officially yours. 726 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:41,971 Yeah. 727 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,609 - All right. - Oh. 728 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,930 You gonna sleep with your fanny pack. 729 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,004 Golden Jet! Yeah, it's my baby. 730 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,441 (EXHALES) 731 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,809 You need anything else? You're okay? 732 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,162 I can't believe I'm having a sleepover at Calvin Joyner's house right now. 733 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,840 This is blowing my mind! (LAUGHS) 734 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,321 Okay. 735 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,881 Uh, good night, Bob. 736 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,041 Good night, Jet. 737 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:24,887 (FABRIC TEARING) 738 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,245 (SNORING) 739 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:39,801 - Me? - (BOB SNORING) 740 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,726 Yeah, you. 741 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,890 What the fuck? 742 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,166 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 743 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,000 One second. 744 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:57,481 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 745 00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:58,926 Hold on. 746 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,447 Uh, may I help you? 747 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,125 Mr. Joyner, my name is Pamela Harris, 748 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,567 I'm with the Central Intelligence Agency. 749 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,087 Have you had any contact with this man? 750 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,331 Uh, yeah, he's on my... He's on my couch, sleeping. 751 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:15,481 Target's in the house. 752 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,887 What's going on? Hey! 753 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,486 Excuse me. Excuse me! 754 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:25,247 AGENT STAN: (INTO COMM) Target's fled. 755 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,001 Shit. 756 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,366 Target's on the move. 757 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:29,601 Excuse me! What... 758 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,609 Hello, hey! Excuse me! 759 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,848 - ...and voice chatter in the vicinity. - CALVIN: Hello! Excuse me! 760 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,241 If he's in the wind again, it's gonna be your ass. Go now. 761 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,562 - Hello! - Alert Langley, asset uncontained. 762 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,926 Excuse me! 763 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:45,882 - Can I help you? - Hello! 764 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,320 It's my house. Is something going on? 765 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,926 Well, Mr. Joyner, your sleepover buddy, Robert Wheirdicht, 766 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,562 AKA Bob Stone, AKA Bob Golden, AKA Bob Jet, 767 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,729 is wanted for murder and treason 768 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,531 and is presently in possession of highly classified state secrets 769 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,404 which he intends to sell to our enemies. 770 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,647 What? 771 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,600 And if he succeeds, it's gonna spark a chain reaction of geopolitical events 772 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:06,921 that most of our predictive models 773 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,845 place somewhere between World War III and outright Armageddon. 774 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,321 So, yeah, I guess you could say something is going on. 775 00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:13,721 Oh, you mind? 776 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,011 Creamer's in the fridge. What? 777 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,690 I don't need it. 778 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,729 What I do need is information. 779 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,724 I need you to tell me everything and anything 780 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,644 about your contact with Agent Stone. 781 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,126 - Agent Stone? - Bob, your friend Bob. 782 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,089 Come on. Stay with me, please. 783 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,322 Okay, I think there's a misunderstanding. 784 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,642 No. No, he is not my friend. 785 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,761 Then why did he list you as his emergency contact in all his personnel forms? 786 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,121 I'm sorry... He what? 787 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,806 Bob Stone has no siblings, or parents, or family of any kind. 788 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,607 You are the only person he listed in his personal references. 789 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,040 Oh... (STAMMERS) 790 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,646 That's crazy, all right? I barely even know the guy. 791 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,086 Then why was he sleeping on your couch? 792 00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:55,446 Because we went out and had drinks last night. 793 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,250 Oh, so you went out drinking with your non-friend? 794 00:34:58,440 --> 00:34:59,441 Okay. 795 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,451 All right, let's... You're not... 796 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:02,967 Time out. 797 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,571 I'm pressing the time out button. 798 00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,167 Okay? You guys barged in my house. I pay my taxes. 799 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,603 So you're not gonna come here and treat me like I'm the enemy, okay? 800 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,888 That's the first thing. Now, if you want to get into facts... 801 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,650 You wanna talk about facts? 802 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:16,841 This is Facebook's fault. 803 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,001 Are you familiar with Facebook? 804 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,207 We surveil it. 805 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:20,930 He sent me a friend request. 806 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,525 That's how this whole thing started. 807 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:23,801 And you accepted? 808 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,249 Don't do that. Don't do that to me. 809 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,768 You give me a second. Okay? Don't fire back like that. 810 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,048 First of all, fuck Mark Zuckerberg, all right? 811 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,567 Now, I accepted because it was Facebook. 812 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,206 And it's rude when you don't accept it and I don't know if the person on the other end 813 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,721 can see me not accept it. That's why I accepted. 814 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,370 Are you nervous, Mr. Joyner? 815 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,727 Is it hot? 816 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,769 Are you getting hot? Because I'm getting hot. 817 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,251 I'm not gonna take off my jacket 818 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,050 because that makes me look guilty. 819 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,601 And that's what you guys look for. Hmm? 820 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,367 Is this what a guilty man would do? 821 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,921 Look how comfortable I am. 822 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,086 I'm gonna lean up against this counter, and I'm not gonna sweat. 823 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,566 I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna look flustered at all. 824 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,603 I'm... Bring it. 825 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,246 What you want to know? 826 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,607 Hmm? 827 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,921 - Mr. Joyner. - Yeah. 828 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,923 Bob Stone is a dangerous psychotic. 829 00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,242 - You're lucky to be alive. - Okay, listen to me. 830 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,250 Agent Harris, I don't know this man. 831 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,090 He's just a little weird kid that I knew in high school. 832 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:20,805 He used to put Rice Krispies Treats in my locker. 833 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,291 Sometimes I ate 'em, sometimes I didn't. 834 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,009 I wasn't in carbs back then 'cause I didn't want that weight going to my hips. 835 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,441 As a man, you don't want big hips, especially in high school. 836 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,081 Bottom line, I have no allegiance to this man. 837 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:32,810 Zero ties, okay? 838 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,161 All ties are cut. 839 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,288 I cut them, so this is me and you. 840 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,444 So don't put me and him... 841 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,002 I ain't in this shit, okay? 842 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,087 All right, Mr. Joyner. Prove it. 843 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,564 Yeah, well, I need a second. 844 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,240 You gotta step outside. I gotta take a shit. 845 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,606 This is a lot. 846 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,081 I got to go. Just give me a second, man! 847 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,848 - I'll be waiting. - Jesus Christ! 848 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:03,641 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) 849 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,965 All teams be advised, we're Oscar Mike with the bait. 850 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,605 I'm sorry, did you just call me "the bait"? 851 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:11,807 No. 852 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,047 Yeah, you did. She just called me the bait. 853 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,201 Why am I the bait? 854 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:15,850 No, that doesn't sound like something I'd ever say. 855 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,202 - You just said it. - What's going on here? (LAUGHS) 856 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,010 Sir, I'm gonna need you to step aside. 857 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,322 - This is a matter of national security. - (LAUGHS) 858 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,840 Yeah, right! I love it. 859 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,367 What is this? Like a strippergram thing to suck up to Ethan? 860 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,010 Gotta love strippers. So dirty. 861 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,128 Show us your tits! Show us your tits! 862 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,011 (SINGSONG) Hey, let's see some titty! 863 00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,366 - (TASER CRACKLES) - (GROANS) 864 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:35,641 - (ALL GASPING) - (THUDS) 865 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,168 - This you? - Yeah, right here. 866 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,845 You did this to yourself. 867 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,001 (GROANING) 868 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,521 - Small. - Yeah. 869 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,849 (PHONE RINGS) 870 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:55,681 It's my wife. 871 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,211 Mr. Joyner, it is my legal obligation to inform you 872 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,091 that you are now a part of a highly classified covert action. 873 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,481 So, say hello to your wife and then get off the phone. 874 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,846 Am I clear? 875 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,525 Don't tell my wife shit. Got it. 876 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,486 Don't tell your wife shit. 877 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,484 - What line? - Line one. 878 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:16,688 Hey, Mags. Hey, I can't really talk right now, babe. 879 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,684 - I got a lot going on. - Okay, okay. I get it. You're hungover. 880 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,763 Listen, Dr. Dan can see us today at lunch. 881 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,526 - Wait a minute, Dr. Dan? - The therapist, remember? 882 00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,968 So, I'm thinking we should just meet at home and go together. Thank you. 883 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,329 Go. Go on, and I'll just see you there, okay? 884 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:32,606 But I got to really go, babe. 885 00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,364 I'm slammed in here. So, I gotta get off the phone. 886 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,091 - All right. Jeez! Is everything okay? - Everything is fine, babe. 887 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,641 I gotta keep the line clear. I love you. Bye, I gotta go. 888 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,161 Love you. Bye. 889 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:43,721 Hmm. 890 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,487 "Hmm." What? 891 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,450 I'm an expert in speech pathology and psycho-lingual subtext. 892 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,762 Your wife is not fulfilled in your relationship. 893 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,001 Wait, what? 894 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,771 Also, she wants to have a baby. 895 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,526 Where are you getting... 896 00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,051 (PHONE RINGING) 897 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,725 Calvin Joyner, Accounting. 898 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,562 Hello? Calvin Joyner, Accounting. 899 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:07,321 BOB: Calvin? 900 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,762 (MOUTHING) It's Bob! It's Bob! 901 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,160 (MOUTHING) Act natural. 902 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,448 BOB: Calvin. Is that you? 903 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:17,761 Are you there? 904 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,687 Well, hey. Well, yeah. 905 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,443 Yeah, wassup? 906 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,851 What up, Bobby-o? 907 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,207 Are you quite well? 908 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,441 I'm in big trouble. 909 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,887 Oh, God! I screwed up. I screwed up big time. 910 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,168 We gotta talk. Can you meet me? 911 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,527 Sure. Yeah. Where? Where do you want me to meet you? 912 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,250 I'm in the stairwell of your building, two flights down. 913 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,286 - Stairwell? - Hurry! 914 00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,768 - He's in the stairwell, two flights down! - Move, move! 915 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,001 Alert Charlie team. 916 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,163 Hold on. What's going on? Am I safe here? 917 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,089 As long as Bob Stone is in the building, no one's safe. 918 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,169 Get back in your office now! 919 00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:57,966 Okay! 920 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,208 Good news is we heard her, guys. 921 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,370 So, everybody, let's all just stay calm. 922 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,966 As long as... As long... Shit! 923 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,968 What the hell is going on? 924 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,281 - Relax. - Hey. 925 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,124 Great job at getting them out of here, Jet. 926 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,441 - Oh, Bob! - That's teamwork! 927 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,370 Wait! How did you... What did you just do? 928 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,766 It's a tradecraft, buddy. 929 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,286 Spoiler alert... 930 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,606 I'm in the CIA. 931 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:22,841 Oh, no shit! 932 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,240 Hey, hey! What're you doing with my phone? 933 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,169 You about to turn my phone into a bomb, aren't you? 934 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,528 I've seen Homeland. So I know what they do. 935 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,326 (LAUGHS) Homeland? No, I'm ordering us an Uber. 936 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,323 Six minutes. That's kinda tight. 937 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,804 I'm gonna need your tie. 938 00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,526 You're gonna... No! 939 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:38,886 - Your necktie, take it off. - No, 940 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:40,605 - I'm not taking my tie off! - Come on, Jet! 941 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,285 - Don't do that. Don't do that. - (LAUGHS) 942 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,566 That's good. Save it, save it, save it. 943 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,085 Save it, Jet. 944 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,083 - There we go, just right over here. - Fine, take it, take it. 945 00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:50,005 You can have it. Okay, that... Listen to me. Listen. 946 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:51,207 Stop. Stop! 947 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,362 I need to know what is happening, right now. 948 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,522 Okay, okay. You know what? Moving too fast. 949 00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,883 Bottom line, are you in or you out? 950 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:00,886 What are you... In or out of what? 951 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,520 Mmm-mmm. No time for questions, just action. 952 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,762 - In or out? - Okay, then I'm out. 953 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,402 I'm sorry, Jet. Actually, you're already in. 954 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,005 Then why would you ask me? 955 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,969 Because I thought you would go, "I'm in, Bob!" 956 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,971 And we would've had a really cool moment, but you kinda ruined the whole thing. 957 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,167 I ruined... 958 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,401 Okay, okay, okay. 959 00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:18,971 Listen to me right now. 960 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,325 Bob, I don't know what it is that you're into but what I do know is that 961 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,371 I am really, really 100% out! 962 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:27,521 Do you understand that? 963 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,967 - God, you are good! (LAUGHS) - What? 964 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,930 Calvin Joyner, president of the Drama Club for a reason, folks! 965 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,811 - You're like a snack-size Denzel. - Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it. 966 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,211 This is not a game. 967 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,885 I'm being serious right now. 968 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,561 I'm out! 969 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:45,326 Okay. Okay. 970 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,602 I can't say I'm not disappointed, Jet, 971 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:49,726 but if you're out, you're out. 972 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,769 Thank you! I'm out! 973 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,888 I'm just happy that we can communicate 974 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,690 openly and honestly. 975 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,810 I think it says a lot about our relationship. 976 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,327 Wait, hold up, wait. What're you doing? Oh, my God! 977 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:02,527 Here's the thing, though. 978 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,205 There's only one way for you to get out. 979 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,486 What's that? 980 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:06,846 You gotta get in first. 981 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,371 What is it that... 982 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,806 What-what! Take my gun, Jet, 983 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,525 we may have to kill some people. 984 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,842 - Come on, it's not gonna bite you. - I will do no such thing. 985 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,001 I think you'll like it. 986 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,491 - I will not! - You're gonna need it. 987 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,920 You're gonna need it! He's in here! 988 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,121 Jet. 989 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,851 He's in there! Bob's in there! 990 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,287 He's got a gun! He's got a gun! 991 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:27,971 (PEOPLE SCREAM) 992 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,164 - Down, down, get down! - Move, move, move! 993 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,001 All right. I'm gonna need your improv skills. 994 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,161 What? 995 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,806 - Hostage role-play, you ready? - No! 996 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,610 - Sweet, let's go. - No, I said no! 997 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:38,921 I said no! 998 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,525 AGENT: He's got a hostage! 999 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,561 No! 1000 00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,563 No! Stop it, you gonna get me killed! 1001 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,321 Don't shoot! 1002 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,925 (AGENTS COUGHING) 1003 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:00,961 There we go, Jet! 1004 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,761 CALVIN: What are you doing? 1005 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,001 Oh! Shoot! 1006 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:06,841 Don't shoot! 1007 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,641 (GASPS) 1008 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,400 (SCREAMS) 1009 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,001 - Hang tight, Jet! - No, I'm not doing anything! 1010 00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,690 Stop including me in your stuff! 1011 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,250 Get him, Agent! Hit him with the stick! 1012 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,603 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1013 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:32,287 Oh! 1014 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,602 You're doing a great job, Jet. Just give me a second, okay? 1015 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,807 What the fuck? 1016 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:37,841 He got a coffee pot! 1017 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:39,281 (SCREAMS) 1018 00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:44,721 (GROANS) 1019 00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,561 He got a banana! 1020 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,045 Oh! Oh! 1021 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,246 Freeze! 1022 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,881 (BONE CRACKING) 1023 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,289 Jet, help! (CHOKING) 1024 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:19,481 What? 1025 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,687 (STRAINING) Golden Jet, help. 1026 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:23,966 No, man, I'm not helping you! 1027 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:28,001 Oh, shit. 1028 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:29,846 - Give me the gun! - Stop it! 1029 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,331 - Stop resisting! - No, let me go! 1030 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,082 Let me go! I'm trying to give it to you! 1031 00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,406 Oh, shit! 1032 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:42,766 - That was an accident! - Don't move! 1033 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,206 No, stop! Listen to me! 1034 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:47,921 Let's go. 1035 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,091 Wait, wait! Come on! What are you... Ah! 1036 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,040 Come on, man! 1037 00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,168 This has gotta stop! Okay? 1038 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:55,691 (WHIMPERS) 1039 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,127 Shit! 1040 00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,849 (CALVIN SCREAMS) 1041 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:02,886 Don't shoot! 1042 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:05,803 - Oh, God! - Show us your hands! 1043 00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,405 - Drop your weapon! - Do it now! 1044 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:17,081 Ow. 1045 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:18,881 Sorry, Jet. 1046 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,122 It's over, Bob. Give up. 1047 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,890 You know I can't do that, Pam. 1048 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,883 There's nowhere to run, Agent Stone. 1049 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:26,726 Just like Caracas. 1050 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:31,251 Uh, Caracas would've worked if you trusted me like Calvin trusts me. 1051 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,561 No. No. 1052 00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,484 That is not true. I do not trust him! 1053 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,722 I do not trust him at all. As a matter of fact, 1054 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,285 this is a perfect time for us to clear this up 1055 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,442 especially in the middle of this standoff. I shouldn't be here! 1056 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,171 So I feel like me being in the middle of this throws me in it. 1057 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:44,651 So let me exclude myself. 1058 00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,524 - Hey, stay down! - Don't move! 1059 00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,371 Okay, all right. I'll stay in. I'll stay in. 1060 00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:51,607 I got a plan. 1061 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,370 Might get us both killed but if it works, it'll be a totally boss story. 1062 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,561 Cool? 1063 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,688 - No! No, it's not cool! - Cool. 1064 00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,001 No, I said it's not cool. 1065 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,685 (SOFTLY) I said it's not cool! 1066 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,001 Time's up. 1067 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:04,841 You're right, Pam. 1068 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:06,641 My time is up. 1069 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,848 In three, two, 1070 00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:10,681 one. 1071 00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:13,241 (ALARM RINGS) 1072 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,408 Bob, Bob, Bob! 1073 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,406 (SCREAMING) Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1074 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,246 Oh, shit! 1075 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,001 Whoo-hoo! 1076 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,889 - (CALVIN SCREAMS) - (BOB WHOOPING) 1077 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:43,561 (BOB LAUGHS) 1078 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,729 Wow! Did you feel that, Jet? 1079 00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,121 That was the balls right there! 1080 00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,446 Hey, did you shit yourself a little bit? 1081 00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:52,727 (GASPING) 1082 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,727 It's all right if you did. Totally cool. I don't judge. 1083 00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,042 (SCREAMING) 1084 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:02,201 CALVIN: Get it off! 1085 00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:03,681 You guys order an Uber? 1086 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,120 (GUNS FIRING) 1087 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,561 What are you doing? 1088 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,685 You better get your tuches in the car. 1089 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:10,841 You're gonna get shot! 1090 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,161 Don't shoot me! Shoot him! 1091 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,846 Shoot him! I'm out! I'm out! I'm out! 1092 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,241 Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Go, Bob! 1093 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:18,771 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1094 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,085 Hey, that's my car! 1095 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:24,761 Fuck you! 1096 00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,969 You get zero stars! 1097 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,207 Put the word out to all assets. 1098 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,930 I'm doubling the price on Bob's head. 1099 00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,930 Hey, what the shit, honey... (GROANS) 1100 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,201 (THUDS) 1101 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:36,885 Get Larry on it. 1102 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,247 Car, car, car! 1103 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,609 All right, here's the dilly-o, Jet. 1104 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,410 About three weeks ago, an enemy of the state 1105 00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:48,800 codenamed "The Black Badger" 1106 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,930 stole the encryption keys to the entire US spy satellite program 1107 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:55,124 which he's gonna sell to a buyer from that auction site on your computer last night. 1108 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,327 Bob... 1109 00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,561 If we lose control of our satellites, 1110 00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,530 we're completely vulnerable to any terrorist attacks. 1111 00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,603 That's why I had to go back to your office and get you, Jet. 1112 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,524 I need your super sweet accounting skills 1113 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,603 to help me figure out the last piece of this puzzle 1114 00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,001 which is the transaction number from the winning bid. 1115 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,049 That'll tell us where the deal is going down. 1116 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,048 That way, we can get The Black Badger. 1117 00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:16,401 I can't do it without you, Jet. 1118 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,127 Are you kidding me? I'm not helping you. 1119 00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,044 You attacked somebody with a banana. 1120 00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,931 - A banana, force multiplier. - What? 1121 00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,162 Well, basically what that means is anything in your hand 1122 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,161 is far more dangerous than just your bare hands alone, including a banana. 1123 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:31,801 Oh! 1124 00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,008 Oh! Ah! 1125 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,850 - A force multiplier! - Yeah. 1126 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,490 Yeah, that's what it is. 1127 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,682 It makes so much more sense to me now. 1128 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,047 That's page-one CIA stuff. 1129 00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,602 I almost forgot that I wasn't in the fucking CIA! 1130 00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:48,686 Stop the car. 1131 00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,729 You stop the car right now! Stop the car! 1132 00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:52,769 Okay, okay. That's a great idea, Jet. 1133 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,570 We should get off the grid right now. 1134 00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,689 CALVIN: Whoa! 1135 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,682 All right. We're clear. 1136 00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,681 Okay. 1137 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,362 Okay. Let's just take some deep breaths. 1138 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:16,045 Okay? Deep breaths. 1139 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,566 All you gotta do is get out of this car 1140 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:23,291 and have a rational conversation with Bob and he'll understand. 1141 00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,884 Robert, I would like to go home now, please. 1142 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,724 Buddy, you and me both. 1143 00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,121 But until we clear our names, there's no going home. 1144 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,487 I'm sorry, can you clarify that last sentence for me? 1145 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:42,926 Yeah, well, now that you're in... 1146 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,248 Let me stop you right there. I'm not in. 1147 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,084 I never said that I was in. 1148 00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:50,005 In fact, I expressly remember saying that I was out! 1149 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,241 I know, but they think you're in. 1150 00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:52,801 I am... 1151 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,243 I'm fucking out! I'm out! 1152 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,401 - What's left to tell? - Hey, no, I get it. 1153 00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,244 - I'm not in! - I'm just saying they think you're in. 1154 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,370 - I'm not in! I am not in! - I get it. 1155 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,602 I'm not in! I'm out! 1156 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,240 One sec, Jet, just gotta disable the GPS. 1157 00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,681 Where did you... 1158 00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:09,451 You wanna go under... That's fine! 1159 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:10,807 Wait a minute. 1160 00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:11,961 You did this on purpose, didn't you? 1161 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,647 This whole thing was done on purpose. 1162 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,370 This is your plan! 1163 00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,249 You tricked me! 1164 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,687 It's fine, but I know you tricked me. 1165 00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,285 - Trick you? - You tricked... Hey, boy! 1166 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,568 - What? What'd you just... - (LAUGHS) 1167 00:50:25,720 --> 00:50:26,801 I didn't trick you, you offered to help me. 1168 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,845 You know what's funny? Harris told me. 1169 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,451 She told me everything, man. 1170 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,170 She told me that you stole the codes. 1171 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,129 Let me tell you something about Harris. You can't trust her. 1172 00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,487 She's already trying to frame me for my partner's murder! 1173 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,604 - You killed your partner? - No. 1174 00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:39,801 I would never do that. 1175 00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:41,485 The Black Badger killed my partner. 1176 00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,569 Let me explain to you something, dude. This is what happened. 1177 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,121 After The Black Badger stole the satellite encryption codes, 1178 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,887 my partner Phil and I tracked him to a penthouse in Kiev. 1179 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:52,166 - Hey, Phil. - Yeah. 1180 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,006 I'll see you on the other side. 1181 00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,810 See you on the other side. 1182 00:50:58,120 --> 00:50:59,645 All right. 1183 00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,325 God, I love that guy. 1184 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,845 BOB: He knew we were coming, so he set a trap. 1185 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,048 Hey, Bob! Bob! 1186 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:06,281 No! 1187 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,966 BOB: Phil was my partner, my teammate 1188 00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,484 - and I couldn't save him. - No! 1189 00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:12,641 (EXPLOSION) 1190 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,890 It was awful, Cal. 1191 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,485 It was a setup, right from the get-go. 1192 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:20,127 Damn, man. 1193 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,841 The Black Badger was never there. 1194 00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,287 I should've been the one on that elevator, not Phil. 1195 00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:25,807 God. 1196 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,367 Okay. Bob, please... 1197 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,801 I'm begging you, man. Can you just let me go home? 1198 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,485 CJ, I totally understand. 1199 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,449 But right now, Agent Harris and her taskforce 1200 00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,329 has that place surveilled up the yin-yang. 1201 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,050 She's got contract killers looking for us. 1202 00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,480 Your place isn't safe. 1203 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:41,324 Oh, my God. Maggie. 1204 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,687 Maggie! What the hell am I supposed to do about Maggie? 1205 00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,366 - (SHOUTS) Get down, Jet! - (CALVIN SCREAMS) 1206 00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:58,045 - Shit! Oh! - (ENGINE REVS) 1207 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,001 Look out, Bob! 1208 00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,645 (SCREAMS AND GROANS) 1209 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,571 Who the hell is that? Who is that? Bob? 1210 00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:15,960 Oh, shit. 1211 00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,241 Larry. 1212 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:26,606 Thought you retired. 1213 00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:27,761 I did. 1214 00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,448 But you're worth a lot of money, Bob, dead or alive. 1215 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,160 Well, tough luck, because I've got back up. 1216 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,401 Ain't that right, Jet? 1217 00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,281 Jet! 1218 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,001 (GROANS) 1219 00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:58,850 (PHONE RINGING) 1220 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,001 Hey, baby. I know. I'm sorry I'm late. 1221 00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,282 The stupid Koplin deposition ran long. 1222 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,442 I'm leaving right now. I'll meet you at the house. 1223 00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,806 No, no, no! Don't go home! 1224 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:10,610 - Don't go home! - Why? What's going on? 1225 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,525 Nothing! Nothing. I'm just running late, too. 1226 00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,126 So I was gonna say let's just meet at Dr. Dan's office. 1227 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,328 Yeah. Okay. Is everything all right? 1228 00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,801 Yeah! Yeah. Why? 1229 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,200 Everything's fine. 1230 00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,522 Because you kind of sound like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas. 1231 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,086 (LAUGHS) What? 1232 00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:30,368 That's so funny, babe. That's such a good reference. 1233 00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:32,324 That's classic Mags right there. 1234 00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:35,285 So, okay. So you're not gonna go home, right? 1235 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,720 Okay, fine. I won't go home. 1236 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,245 I'll meet you at Dr. Dan's. See you soon. 1237 00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:39,566 Okay. All right, bye. 1238 00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:40,767 All right, bye. 1239 00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:04,881 Get in. 1240 00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:25,961 (STAMMERING) I'm gonna address the elephant in the room. 1241 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,442 Okay, first of all, you... 1242 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,444 You guys, I want to say sorry to. 1243 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,161 Because what you're probably thinking is not what happened. 1244 00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:37,367 Accidents! 1245 00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:38,767 I know you're like, 1246 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,441 "How can you accidentally pistol-whip somebody and shoot somebody?" 1247 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:42,601 It can happen. 1248 00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:46,446 Okay? Today is proof that it can happen. So... 1249 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,443 I'm glad I got to get that off my chest. 1250 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:50,689 Relax, Mr. Joyner. I believe you. 1251 00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,729 Okay, thank you. 1252 00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,451 Trust me, I know a scared-shitless civilian when I see one. 1253 00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:56,880 You don't have to convince me. 1254 00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,805 You got him over here. That is me. 1255 00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:01,803 Right now, I'm not comfortable. 1256 00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,689 Okay, I am scared, okay? 1257 00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,207 I don't have no shit in my system. 1258 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,368 If I sat down on a toilet, nothing's coming out. 1259 00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:09,681 Farts or just air. 1260 00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:10,967 (SLOW WHISTLES) 1261 00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,202 (HISSING) 1262 00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:17,560 It'd sound like lasers. 1263 00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,165 Thank you for that description. 1264 00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:21,484 Mr. Joyner, let me explain something. 1265 00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:22,926 Bob's last forced psych eval 1266 00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,004 show a person rapidly losing his grip on reality. 1267 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,685 Bob became obsessed with a ghost, 1268 00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:29,366 a figment of his imagination, 1269 00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,170 he started calling "The Black Badger." 1270 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,322 This obsession led to an instability, 1271 00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,165 first reported by his partner, Phil, three weeks ago. 1272 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,846 Just before Phil was killed in the field. 1273 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,206 Do you know how Phil died? 1274 00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,170 Yeah, Bob told me that The Black Badger killed him. 1275 00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:48,447 What? 1276 00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:50,361 What? 1277 00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,286 Mr. Joyner, Bob Stone is The Black Badger. 1278 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,406 Phil was Bob's partner of six years. 1279 00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:58,561 His best friend. 1280 00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,047 - See you on the other side. - See you on the other side. 1281 00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,530 Hey, Bob! 1282 00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,967 AGENT HARRIS: After he stole the satellite encryption codes 1283 00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,281 Bob betrayed Phil. 1284 00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:08,441 No! 1285 00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,885 He killed him to cover his tracks. 1286 00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,963 And, after that, Bob went rogue. 1287 00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,929 This is all that's left of Phil. 1288 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,205 Um, this is PornHub. 1289 00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,884 Oh, shit, shit, shit. Sorry. 1290 00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:32,721 There you go. 1291 00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:36,648 Oh! Oh, God! Oh, I didn't see that coming. 1292 00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:38,526 (BREATHES HEAVILY) Oh, man! 1293 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,162 - It's a hell of a way to go. - Okay, wait a minute. 1294 00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:44,641 Why wouldn't Bob just go sell the satellite encryption codes himself? 1295 00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,609 Because in a black market blind-bidding situation, 1296 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,410 the buyer and the seller, they don't know each other. 1297 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,961 They need the auction site to tell them exactly where to meet up 1298 00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,246 and when to make the exchange. 1299 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,923 The transaction number from the auction site gives them that, 1300 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,082 which means Bob still needs you. 1301 00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,561 Which is why we find ourselves in a little catch-and-release scenario. 1302 00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,808 You are the only one Bob trusts. 1303 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,011 That's why we're putting you in the field. 1304 00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:09,049 The next time you're with Bob, 1305 00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:11,764 press this button. 1306 00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,285 We're going to have him cold. 1307 00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,369 Now, go take care of your marriage. 1308 00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:24,444 One more thing. Don't tell your wife shit. 1309 00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:26,931 All right. 1310 00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:30,001 MAGGIE: I just don't know what's wrong. 1311 00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,928 I mean, the man that I married, the person I knew in high school, 1312 00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:38,210 he was filled with drive and desire. I mean... 1313 00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,285 We used to sneak off every lunch hour and make out under the gym bleachers. 1314 00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,408 Like, that guy, back then, 1315 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,762 - he wanted things, you know? - DR. DAN: Hmm. 1316 00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,207 Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. I couldn't find parking. 1317 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,164 Hi, no, no, it's okay. We got started without you. 1318 00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,203 Babe, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan. 1319 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:53,721 Hello, Calvin. 1320 00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,008 - Oh, shit! - Oh, jeez. What's the matter? 1321 00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,441 - Holy shit! Get behind me! - Honey... Calvin, what? 1322 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,887 It's okay, Maggie. It's okay. Just relax. 1323 00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,367 This is a very common reaction in the therapeutic process. 1324 00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:04,521 - It is? - What? 1325 00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:05,681 It is. It absolutely is. 1326 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,969 Calvin, this is a very safe place. Please, sit down. 1327 00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:10,929 - This is not a safe place! - No, no, no. Honey, it's a... 1328 00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:12,570 No, this is most definitely not a safe place! 1329 00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:14,529 Me and my wife are leaving. Let's go. 1330 00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,682 No, no, no! You are going to sit down, 1331 00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:19,810 and we are going to go through this therapeutic process... 1332 00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:21,849 - Yes. - ...together, as a couple. 1333 00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,243 Um... Fine, fine, fine. 1334 00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:25,890 Sit down. Thank you. 1335 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,087 Fine. 1336 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:31,006 Okay, guys. Why don't we start off with a little bit of word association? 1337 00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:32,207 Okay. 1338 00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:33,401 This is exciting. 1339 00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,528 I've heard this can really open a couple up. 1340 00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,648 Uh, Maggie, I'm going to offer you a word, 1341 00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,691 and you respond however you're moved to from here. 1342 00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:44,887 Okay. 1343 00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,320 - Black. - White. 1344 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,970 - Water. - Ocean. 1345 00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,361 - Sunshine. - Happy. 1346 00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,480 - I'm very impressed, Maggie. - Really? 1347 00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:54,926 You're very in tune. 1348 00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:56,891 I'm very in tune. 1349 00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:59,122 Calvin, you're next. 1350 00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:00,964 I do not want to do this. 1351 00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:03,806 Relax, Calvin. There are no wrong answers. 1352 00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:04,961 Up. 1353 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,687 Down. 1354 00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:09,281 Mmm. 1355 00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,406 "Mmm." What is that? 1356 00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:12,647 What're you writing in your book? 1357 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,131 - It's fine. Don't freak out. - Nobody's freaking out. 1358 00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:15,970 I just don't understand the rules to the game. 1359 00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,326 Freaking out. 1360 00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,203 Let's switch gears for a second, okay? 1361 00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,324 Maggie, during lovemaking, 1362 00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:28,003 have you ever placed anything inside of Calvin's anus? 1363 00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,491 What the hell did you just say? 1364 00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,529 Well, yeah, there was this one time. 1365 00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,887 - You remember? Game of Thrones finale. - What are you talking about? 1366 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,088 I was Khaleesi, you were Littlefinger... 1367 00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,891 - Okay, all right, stop. That's enough. - Please, please, please. 1368 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,528 Why don't we try a simple role-playing exercise? 1369 00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:44,529 Calvin, you be Calvin 1370 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,121 and I will become Maggie. 1371 00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:48,805 (GASPS) Mmm. 1372 00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:50,851 I'm confused. 1373 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,204 It's called "soul gazing." 1374 00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:01,007 Stare into my soul and I'll stare into yours. 1375 01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:03,609 - Maggie, this... - Hey. Shh. 1376 01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,842 There's no talking, and don't look away. 1377 01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,365 (WHISPERS) Stare into my soul. 1378 01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:09,006 You are not my... 1379 01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,207 Shh. There's no talking. 1380 01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,250 Babe, I'm not staring... 1381 01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,684 (WHISPERS) Me and you. Stay with me. I'm your wife. 1382 01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:17,530 - You are not my wife. - (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1383 01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:18,681 (GASPS) 1384 01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:21,405 How could you hit your wife? 1385 01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,240 How can I... How can I what? 1386 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,004 - You hit your wife! - No... 1387 01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:26,161 - He hit me! - Okay. 1388 01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:27,321 - He hit you! - Okay. 1389 01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:28,766 You hit us! 1390 01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,084 - I'm swaddling you. - I know what you're doing. 1391 01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,651 - I'm swaddling you. - I know what you're... 1392 01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:37,801 Come here. 1393 01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:39,521 Oh, my God! 1394 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:40,961 You... 1395 01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,526 You know what? We're leaving! Let's go! 1396 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,650 This is not real. 1397 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,370 It's real to me. 1398 01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:49,726 You know what, Calvin? 1399 01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,042 If you can't commit to working on our marriage, 1400 01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,804 then you need to let me know. 1401 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,331 - Maggie, you... - (DOOR OPENS) 1402 01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:57,241 (CHUCKLING) 1403 01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,250 - What! - Oh, my God! 1404 01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:00,526 You're... Something's not right. 1405 01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,730 Come on, Jet, listen. Come on, come on, Jet! 1406 01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:05,848 Now, I know things got a little rough there at the end. 1407 01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,241 But the truth is, with all the heat that you have coming down on you, 1408 01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:10,323 Maggie is definitely safer without you. 1409 01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,687 And, trust me, when this whole thing is said and done 1410 01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,410 and you basically save the entire free world, 1411 01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,961 she's going to forgive you. It'll all work itself out. 1412 01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:19,565 It'll all work itself out? 1413 01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,283 Okay, Bob, you know, I'm sick of playing games with you. 1414 01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:23,851 Where's the real Dr. Dan? 1415 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:25,681 - (MUMBLING) - What-what? 1416 01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:28,764 Oh, my... Dr. Dan, I had nothing to do with this. 1417 01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,251 He's fine. I'll get you some water in a little bit. 1418 01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:32,641 - Thanks, doc. - You know... 1419 01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,803 That's it. That is it. 1420 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,650 That is it. 1421 01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:39,087 All right, Jet. 1422 01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,242 I see that Harris has given you a button to push. 1423 01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,806 Relax, I would've taken the same deal, too, if I was in your shoes. 1424 01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,281 Otherwise, she wouldn't let you out of her sight, right? 1425 01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:48,885 It makes perfect sense. 1426 01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:51,764 But you're not going to press the button, right? 1427 01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,168 You got the top-secret satellite codes? 1428 01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:56,960 Yes or no? 1429 01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:58,929 This ain't the time to bullshit me. 1430 01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:00,809 Okay, my ass is sweating. 1431 01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:02,200 I'm nervous. Don't bullshit me! 1432 01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,482 Of course not, dude. Hey, hey, come on! 1433 01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:05,971 Of course I don't have the codes. 1434 01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,610 Why would I go through all this trouble, then? 1435 01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:10,001 I need your skill set, Jet, to help me get 1436 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,282 the bank transaction numbers to the winning bid. 1437 01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,124 We already know it's going down tonight 1438 01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:15,645 from the countdown on your computer. 1439 01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,290 Now, all we need is the "where." 1440 01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:19,927 And the bank transaction numbers will give us the "where." 1441 01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,286 That's why I need you. 1442 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,805 Your job gives you access to 1443 01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:24,689 exactly that kind of information. 1444 01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:26,962 Then we can get The Badger, we can get the buyer 1445 01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:28,201 in one fell swoop. 1446 01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,089 And it'll all be over tonight. 1447 01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,486 Please, I swear. 1448 01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:33,125 You gotta believe me. 1449 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,082 Can't you just get us the transaction number? 1450 01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,767 Not when the money originates from an offshore account. 1451 01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:51,287 When that happens, then only a certified international banking official can access it. 1452 01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,522 But, it shouldn't be a problem. We just give this guy 1453 01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:55,444 the offshore account numbers that you gave me, 1454 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,090 then he can give us the transaction number 1455 01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:59,402 without knowing that he's committing treason when he does it. 1456 01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:00,766 Sound familiar? 1457 01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,008 Ouch! Low blow, CJ. 1458 01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,083 Hey, besides, it's only treason if we're wrong. 1459 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:06,571 Who's this mystery man? 1460 01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:08,961 It's Trevor. 1461 01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:10,806 (LAUGHING) 1462 01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:14,806 Trevor. 1463 01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,170 TREVOR: This week just keeps getting better. 1464 01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:24,328 You know, I mean, Robbie Wheirdicht and Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner in my office. 1465 01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:26,448 Who would've thunk it? Not me. 1466 01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,443 This is great, huh? 1467 01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:30,602 Talk about caterpillar to the butterfly... 1468 01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:32,683 What is this? P90X? 1469 01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,730 More like "P1,000,000X," huh? 1470 01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,450 Congratulations. 1471 01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,370 CALVIN: (STAMMERS) Hey, I, um... 1472 01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:40,965 I really appreciate the help, Trevor. 1473 01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:43,361 My client's all on me to get this stuff handled right away. 1474 01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,681 So, you know, if we could... 1475 01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,803 Say no more. It's my pleasure. I've been there. 1476 01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,450 These international accounts can be very, very tricky 1477 01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:49,647 if you don't have the right clearances. 1478 01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,604 You can get a bunch of digital red tape. 1479 01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,968 I'm happy to help, you know? 1480 01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,167 Robbie. 1481 01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:57,129 You're such a blast from the past, buddy. 1482 01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:58,281 How long has it been since I saw you? 1483 01:03:58,440 --> 01:03:59,487 Was it high school? 1484 01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:01,521 (WHIMPERING) 1485 01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:03,481 What's that? 1486 01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,086 (STUTTERS) Um... How we doing with those account access codes? 1487 01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,287 - Are they coming? - TREVOR: It's coming. 1488 01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:08,680 - Everything's good? - It's coming. 1489 01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,286 I'm going as fast as I can. I know you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry. 1490 01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,488 Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs. 1491 01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,405 Speaking of which, you guys are going to the reunion tonight, right? 1492 01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,169 No, I don't think so. 1493 01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,481 - You're both going. - (COMPUTER CHIMES) 1494 01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,369 Here it is. Here's your transaction number. 1495 01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,124 You're both going because you want to know what? 1496 01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:26,520 Stinky Pete's going to be there. 1497 01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,604 And Jimmy Longballs called me. He's going to be hanging. 1498 01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:33,284 Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll. He's going to be there. 1499 01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,802 You guys will be missing out on a big one. 1500 01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:37,121 Plus you know what they're going to do? 1501 01:04:37,280 --> 01:04:39,282 They're going to vote on homecoming king and queen again. 1502 01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,044 Maybe you and Maggie can make it two for two. 1503 01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,522 Now, before you go, stay seated one second. 1504 01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:45,364 Give me two minutes, sit down. 1505 01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,644 (SIGHS) Men, 1506 01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,491 a few years ago... 1507 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,648 (SIGHS) I found the Lord Almighty. 1508 01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:53,801 And, ever since then, 1509 01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:56,804 my life has been completely different. Okay? 1510 01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,327 He's got a plan for each and every one of us 1511 01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,369 and, in his infinite wisdom, 1512 01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,761 he makes no mistakes. Hmm? 1513 01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:05,651 You're right about that. 1514 01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:08,525 I think the Lord put you here because he wants me to get something off my chest. 1515 01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:11,685 He wants me to clear my conscience and he wants me to ask for forgiveness. 1516 01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:12,881 Robert. 1517 01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:17,165 What I did to you at that rally in senior year was a cowardly act. 1518 01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,687 It's something that I've regretted every single day. 1519 01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,844 Yeah. I mean, bullying is a national crisis. 1520 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,369 It can leave people with a lifetime of pain. 1521 01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,967 And I just have no excuse for what I did to you. 1522 01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,407 I mean, I did grow up in a house with a father who was physical, 1523 01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:35,881 but that doesn't give me the right to take it out on somebody 1524 01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:38,520 who at the time was weaker, you know? So... 1525 01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:42,009 Calvin, with this particular transgression, 1526 01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,687 I not only embarrassed him but I also ruined your final speech. 1527 01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,490 - No, no. - Yes, I did. 1528 01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,961 - It's okay. No, it's okay. - No, really, I stole your thunder. 1529 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:52,521 And it's another thing that I've had to live with every single day. 1530 01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:57,404 And I work through it in individual therapy as well as group, and I pray about it. 1531 01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:00,326 So... 1532 01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:07,930 I just want to say how truly sorry I am 1533 01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:10,606 for what happened, you know. 1534 01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:12,205 Or for what I did. 1535 01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:13,686 It didn't just happen. I did it. 1536 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,571 I did it, and I wish to God that I had not done it. 1537 01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,209 So, I'm hoping that you can find it in your heart 1538 01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,289 to forgive me. 1539 01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,208 I wasn't expecting this at all. 1540 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,044 Don't I know it. I know it. 1541 01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:31,730 I'm just so happy. 1542 01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:34,410 I don't know what to say. 1543 01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:36,764 How about you say... 1544 01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:42,211 "The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson." 1545 01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,244 - What do you mean? - (LAUGHING) 1546 01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,686 Weird Dick! 1547 01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:58,444 You stupid ass! 1548 01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,284 Good God, you're dumb! 1549 01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:02,363 Dumber than ever, I guess! 1550 01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:04,284 And you, too, Calvin! 1551 01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,091 Look at that stupid look on those two faces. 1552 01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:10,084 "The Lord taught me to care." Unbelievable. 1553 01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:13,528 I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A." 1554 01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:15,967 And thetan-free since 2003. 1555 01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,121 Clear as shit. 1556 01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:18,520 And "I'm sorry for what I did"? 1557 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:19,926 Let me tell you what I'm sorry about. 1558 01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:22,447 I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass out there three more times. 1559 01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:23,971 It was the best senior prank ever. 1560 01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:25,610 I still get emails about it. 1561 01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:27,683 And if I'd had one of these bad boys back then, 1562 01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,171 I would have shot it, uploaded it, 1563 01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:31,766 and it would have gone crazy viral, a zillion hits. 1564 01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:32,967 Know what? 1565 01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,724 You're going to regret you ever opened your mouth. 1566 01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,281 - You hear me, Trevor? - Yeah? How come, Calvin? 1567 01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:38,930 Because he's about to whoop your ass, that's why. 1568 01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:40,081 Who is? 1569 01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:41,327 Bob, get up and whoop his ass. 1570 01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:43,562 Here she comes! Let me tell you something... 1571 01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,610 Weird Dick can't chug a bunch of fucking steroids and elk urine 1572 01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:48,649 and suddenly be able to kick my ass. 1573 01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:50,802 Fuck that! It ain't gonna happen. 1574 01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:52,446 'Cause here's why. 1575 01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:57,367 Once a fat kid, always a fat kid. 1576 01:07:57,880 --> 01:07:59,006 Huh? Prove me wrong. 1577 01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:00,730 Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar. 1578 01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:13,722 Come on, hit me! 1579 01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:16,167 And I'll sue your ass, and take your fanny pack away. 1580 01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:17,561 (BLOWS) 1581 01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:19,725 You got to make poopies? 1582 01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:21,081 What's wrong, Bob? 1583 01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:22,327 We got a john here. 1584 01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:24,683 Or you got to change your rag? 1585 01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:26,401 Maybe that's it. 1586 01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:28,524 Jenny, you got an extra rag? 1587 01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:31,722 - What's the matter with you? - I just want to go. 1588 01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:33,166 She wants to go. 1589 01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:35,882 Go ahead. There you go. 1590 01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:37,561 No, it's a push. 1591 01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:39,927 Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that. 1592 01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:41,411 At least you found the handle. 1593 01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:44,040 Boy, he's still a scared little bitch. 1594 01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:45,531 You know, you're still an asshole. 1595 01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,768 Yeah, well, you're still shorter than my cat. 1596 01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:49,721 Here's your transaction number. 1597 01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:51,570 Hit it, dick licker. 1598 01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,168 - (CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, Trevor. - Yup. 1599 01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:57,849 Glad to see you haven't changed a bit. 1600 01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:59,001 Bye-bye now. 1601 01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:00,446 - Was it push or pull? - Clean push. 1602 01:09:00,600 --> 01:09:02,125 - Which one is it? - You want me to do it for you? 1603 01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,321 Which one is it? 1604 01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,131 Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner! 1605 01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:08,441 Jenny! 1606 01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:11,490 Jenny, get the Windex! And security for this one. 1607 01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:13,927 Get your asshole off my door! That's it! 1608 01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:17,369 Bob! Bob! 1609 01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:19,523 Bob! Bob! Bob! 1610 01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:21,641 (SIGHS) 1611 01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:25,965 (CELL PHONE BUZZING) 1612 01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,847 Mr. Joyner. Guess who we're about to arrest 1613 01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,968 for conspiracy to commit treason. 1614 01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,200 That's right. Your lovely wife. 1615 01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,164 So, here's what you're going to do. 1616 01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,886 You're going to tell us exactly where you and Bob are. 1617 01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:44,567 Then you're going to go outside and you're going to keep Bob on-site until we arrive. 1618 01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:47,007 And if he leaves, you lose. 1619 01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:49,330 Is that clear? 1620 01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:55,841 Oh, hey. 1621 01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:58,601 I don't know what happened in there, and I just froze up. 1622 01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:00,444 I locked up. I'm sorry. 1623 01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,047 Look, Bob, I... 1624 01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,567 No, I gotta tell you something, CJ, listen. 1625 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,569 You're the only one who's ever been nice to me, 1626 01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,649 the only one who's never laughed at me. 1627 01:10:08,800 --> 01:10:11,929 And you're the only one in this whole world that I trust. 1628 01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:17,647 And I know you have a lot of friends, but I don't. 1629 01:10:19,440 --> 01:10:20,805 You're my only friend, Calvin. 1630 01:10:21,480 --> 01:10:24,086 And I will never let you down again, I promise. 1631 01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,410 I'm sorry, man. 1632 01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:32,206 Sorry for what? 1633 01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:34,044 I told Harris where we are. 1634 01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:36,650 They were going to hurt Maggie. 1635 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,768 I had to. I didn't have a choice. 1636 01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,406 I'm sorry. 1637 01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:43,801 - (TIRES SCREECHING) - (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 1638 01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,403 Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head! 1639 01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:48,561 Do it now! 1640 01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,007 (INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) 1641 01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:22,325 I know you know how this goes, so I'll spare you the dramatics. 1642 01:11:22,480 --> 01:11:24,562 I'll ask you just once. 1643 01:11:24,720 --> 01:11:26,961 Where are the satellite encryption codes? 1644 01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:31,128 Aw. What's the matter, Bob? 1645 01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:35,003 Are you upset that your friend turned you in? 1646 01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:37,210 I don't have any friends. 1647 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,044 Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys. 1648 01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,611 Don't worry, it'll be over quick. 1649 01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:42,330 She always gets them to break. 1650 01:11:42,520 --> 01:11:44,887 AGENT HARRIS: (ON SPEAKER) Okay. You have it your way. 1651 01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:46,644 We're going to do this old-school. 1652 01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:56,603 Get the extraction tools. 1653 01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:00,328 The extraction tools? 1654 01:12:00,680 --> 01:12:02,648 If you don't have the stomach for it, you can go. 1655 01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:04,930 Come on. 1656 01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:08,607 Stop recording. 1657 01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,163 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1658 01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:20,802 Why am I coming here? I was told I'd be able to leave. 1659 01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,041 You can leave, 1660 01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:24,881 when Agent Harris says you can leave, which might be never. 1661 01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:26,445 I gotta watch this. 1662 01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:30,482 - (GROANING) - (BONE SNAPS) 1663 01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:34,440 (BOB CONTINUES GROANING) 1664 01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:36,325 (WHISPERS) I'm sorry, Bob. 1665 01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:38,086 I'm sorry, man. 1666 01:12:47,440 --> 01:12:48,851 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1667 01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:50,771 (BOB CONTINUES GROANING) 1668 01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:52,406 Oh, Jesus! 1669 01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:01,241 What the hell? 1670 01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:02,561 (GROANS) 1671 01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,484 (EXCLAIMS) Hey! Hey! 1672 01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:07,041 Don't move! 1673 01:13:07,200 --> 01:13:09,646 You get your hands off! Get them off the keyboard! 1674 01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:11,768 - What are you doing, Calvin? - Give me your keycard! 1675 01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,605 Give me your keycard! 1676 01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:15,201 Give it to me. 1677 01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:16,687 - Okay... - Go sit down. 1678 01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:18,444 (SOFTLY) Okay. Yeah. 1679 01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:19,931 Sorry. I'm sorry. 1680 01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:22,122 - Sit down! Sit down! - Okay, okay, okay. 1681 01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,850 (BOB BREATHING HEAVILY) 1682 01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:25,361 You know, Bob? 1683 01:13:25,520 --> 01:13:28,171 This is actually my favorite part of the job. 1684 01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:30,561 Thank you for being so uncooperative. 1685 01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:33,771 What do you think your little buddy, Joyner, would say if he could see you like this? 1686 01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:35,121 Two words. 1687 01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:36,327 I'm in. 1688 01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:39,163 What-what? 1689 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:41,847 You're making a big mistake, Mr. Joyner. 1690 01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:43,968 That's only if I'm wrong. 1691 01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,325 Come on, Bob. Let's go! 1692 01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:49,363 What're you doing? Come on, man! 1693 01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:50,647 (PANTING) 1694 01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:53,007 Okay, listen to me. Bob, I'm sorry. 1695 01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,128 I'm sorry I double-crossed you. You hear me? 1696 01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,368 I should've believed you, I should've trusted you, and I didn't. 1697 01:13:57,520 --> 01:13:58,521 I'm sorry for that. 1698 01:13:58,680 --> 01:14:01,251 Listen to me. Bob, we don't have time for this, man! 1699 01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:03,528 I need you to tap into that super-spy stuff 1700 01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:06,604 and I need you to get us the hell out of here right now. Do you hear me? 1701 01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:08,604 I'm not a super spy, Calvin. 1702 01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,808 I'm Robbie Wheirdicht, super tool. 1703 01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:14,042 No, stop. You're not a super tool. 1704 01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,601 You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht. You're Bob Stone! 1705 01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:18,884 - (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up. - So what? 1706 01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:21,281 - It's not real. - What does that mean? What does that mean? 1707 01:14:21,440 --> 01:14:25,206 (STAMMERS) You think Mr. T and Sting were born with those names? 1708 01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:28,763 How do you think I got the name "Golden Jet" at high school? 1709 01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:31,844 - 'Cause you're awesome. - No, that's not how. 1710 01:14:32,720 --> 01:14:35,371 In the eighth grade, I ran track. It was my first race. 1711 01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,410 Okay, the race came down to me and this other kid. 1712 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,050 I wanted to win the race so damn bad 1713 01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:42,402 that I ended up peeing in my pants at the finish line. 1714 01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:44,404 That's how I got the name "Golden Jet." 1715 01:14:45,120 --> 01:14:48,044 So, take it from a guy who's literally pissed his pants in front of everybody 1716 01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:49,565 just to win a race. 1717 01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:51,723 You are who you decide to be. 1718 01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:55,005 And you chose to be an international CIA spy. 1719 01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:57,283 Come on, man. You get to kill people for a living. 1720 01:14:57,760 --> 01:14:58,761 How cool is that? 1721 01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:03,127 I don't know. (LAUGHS) 1722 01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:04,401 Kinda cool I guess. 1723 01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,128 What do you mean "kinda cool"? Ain't no kinda cool. 1724 01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:09,448 Stop it! It's awesome. 1725 01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,091 Now, come on, man. We boys? 1726 01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:13,761 - We're boys. - Oh! 1727 01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:16,441 Sorry, Jet. 1728 01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:18,604 - (BONES CRACKING) - Oh, God! 1729 01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,521 - (GROANS) - Oh, God! 1730 01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,524 See? Good as new. 1731 01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,643 Wow. Sorry, man. 1732 01:15:25,840 --> 01:15:27,171 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 1733 01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:30,607 AGENT: Go, go! 1734 01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:32,167 - (ALARM BLARING) - Get me out! 1735 01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,209 He got the jump on us. Give me the key. 1736 01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:38,647 - (GRUNTING) - CALVIN: Look out, Bob! 1737 01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,888 Here, Jet! Get him! 1738 01:15:42,040 --> 01:15:43,451 Watch out! 1739 01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:50,320 (CHOKING) 1740 01:15:52,120 --> 01:15:53,485 Did you see that, Bob? 1741 01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:55,722 I did the thing! I did the thing, Bob! 1742 01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:56,881 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 1743 01:15:57,040 --> 01:15:58,963 Yeah! Yeah! 1744 01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:00,605 - Come on! Follow me! - Let's do it! 1745 01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,331 No! What the fuck am I doing? Here! You get the gun. 1746 01:16:03,480 --> 01:16:05,130 - I'm behind you. Go. - All right. 1747 01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:09,004 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1748 01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:11,523 Oh, my God. There's two of them. 1749 01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:14,126 Yeah, I'll distract them and you open the door, okay? 1750 01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:15,691 - What? No! - Let's roll. 1751 01:16:15,880 --> 01:16:16,927 No, no. 1752 01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,166 Go, go! 1753 01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:23,042 - Close in! - Moving out! 1754 01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,123 - Freeze, Bob! - Sorry about this, guys. 1755 01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:27,045 (MEN SCREAMING) 1756 01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:29,850 - BOB: Nope, come here. - (MAN SCREAMS) 1757 01:16:35,160 --> 01:16:36,161 (DOOR BEEPS) 1758 01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:41,206 Come on. 1759 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,601 Wrong keycard, pal. Turn around. 1760 01:16:45,680 --> 01:16:46,841 You needed this one. 1761 01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,240 On the ground, now. 1762 01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:49,686 Can I say something first? 1763 01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:51,410 - What? - This is going to hurt. 1764 01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:52,841 - (BOB GRUNTS) - (CALVIN EXCLAIMS) 1765 01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:54,041 (GROANS LOUDLY) 1766 01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,442 - Hey, get the keycard! Let's roll. - All right, all right. 1767 01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:00,486 Which car are we taking? 1768 01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:03,567 Not that one. 1769 01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:05,364 Oh, my God. 1770 01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:07,729 Oh, God. Oh, sh... 1771 01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:09,641 Oh. 1772 01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:11,166 Here we go, Jet. 1773 01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:15,726 - Bob, they are shooting at us! - It's okay, it's bulletproof. 1774 01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:16,881 Drive, drive! 1775 01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:21,041 (WHISTLING) 1776 01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:29,966 (GRUNTS) Here you go, Jet. 1777 01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:31,681 What's this? 1778 01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,888 Bug-out bag, courtesy of the CIA. 1779 01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,411 Go ahead and grab that encrypted phone in there. 1780 01:17:35,560 --> 01:17:36,561 For what? 1781 01:17:36,720 --> 01:17:38,370 You still have the bank transaction code? 1782 01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,444 How are transaction numbers gonna help us find out where the bad guys are? 1783 01:17:41,600 --> 01:17:44,126 Well, it's not bank transaction numbers or codes, it's actually... 1784 01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,805 Longitude and latitude. 1785 01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:50,921 (LAUGHS) Look at the spy brain on the Jet! What-what! 1786 01:17:51,240 --> 01:17:53,481 You're like a chocolate Google. (MIMICS BEEPING) 1787 01:17:53,640 --> 01:17:55,688 - Bob, don't do that. Stop it. Stop it. - (SIGHS) 1788 01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:56,921 You're getting good at this, man. 1789 01:17:57,080 --> 01:17:58,923 Yeah, you're absolutely right. It's longitude and latitude. 1790 01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:02,527 All you gotta do is plug those digits into the GPS, and boom! 1791 01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:05,291 We're gonna catch the buyer and The Badger, just like that. 1792 01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:09,124 - (PHONE CHIMES) - Boston. 1793 01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:14,324 (SIGHS) We're gonna need a plane. 1794 01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:29,006 You ever steal a plane before? 1795 01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,447 - I stole some Starbursts one time. - Mmm-hmm. 1796 01:18:31,880 --> 01:18:33,962 So I don't know if that compares or anything, 1797 01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:35,565 but I wasn't successful with that. 1798 01:18:35,720 --> 01:18:36,846 On the way out, I dropped 'em. 1799 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,206 Dropped the whole bag. The guy caught me. 1800 01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,004 "What's that?" I just said, "A Starburst." 1801 01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:42,162 Told him myself. It was a mess. 1802 01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:44,561 (SNAPS FINGERS) 1803 01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:47,406 Check it out. The universe provides. 1804 01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:50,921 CALVIN: Oh. 1805 01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:53,881 Golden Jet. 1806 01:18:54,120 --> 01:18:55,531 - Golden Jet. - Golden Jet. 1807 01:18:59,440 --> 01:19:01,329 - It's just one guard in there. - All right. 1808 01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:03,130 90% of spy work is distraction. 1809 01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:05,561 You get in there and distract that guard, I'm gonna get us a plane. 1810 01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,327 What? 1811 01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:10,650 I don't know what the hell you expect... 1812 01:19:13,080 --> 01:19:14,081 (WHISPERS) Bob! 1813 01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:15,881 Bob! 1814 01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,567 Fuck! 1815 01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:19,241 Fuck you, Bob! 1816 01:19:20,640 --> 01:19:21,641 Damn it! 1817 01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:32,041 Hey, I need a plane. 1818 01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:35,164 Sir, you cannot be in here. This is a private airfield. 1819 01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:37,846 I understand that but I have an organ in this cooler right now 1820 01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,042 that needs to get transported ASAP. 1821 01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:41,721 Really? 1822 01:19:41,920 --> 01:19:44,924 Because my sister-in-law had a heart transplant last year 1823 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,924 and they did not bring it in a Playmate lunch cooler. 1824 01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:49,889 I hate to break it to you, 1825 01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:51,769 but this is not a... 1826 01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:54,081 - This is not a heart. - It's not a heart? 1827 01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,407 No, it's not. 1828 01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:57,806 Hmm. What is it then? 1829 01:19:58,880 --> 01:20:01,042 - It's a dick. - Okay. 1830 01:20:02,600 --> 01:20:04,489 I am made of questions right now. 1831 01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:05,926 Well, you don't have to ask. 1832 01:20:06,080 --> 01:20:07,889 Last night, lady got into it with a man. 1833 01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,724 She ended up cutting his pecker off. 1834 01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:11,769 She left with it, got in a car, drove, 1835 01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:13,888 got on 95, threw it out the window. 1836 01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:17,084 The second largest penis hunt in the state history. 1837 01:20:17,240 --> 01:20:20,006 The man was Korean, so you better believe it took a long time to find. 1838 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,489 JARED: You're stereotyping Korean dicks. 1839 01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:23,721 That's racist. 1840 01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:25,649 I've seen Korean dicks bigger than you. 1841 01:20:25,840 --> 01:20:28,366 Okay, after finding it, the guy brought it to me, 1842 01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:31,364 and he said, "Do your due diligence in getting this dick where it's got to go." 1843 01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:32,806 That's what I do. 1844 01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:35,281 I'm a dick deliverer specialist. 1845 01:20:35,720 --> 01:20:36,721 Oh, DDS? 1846 01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:38,564 Like a dentist but for dicks. 1847 01:20:39,320 --> 01:20:40,321 Uh... 1848 01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,810 So, people are like, "Here's a dick. Find a plane." 1849 01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:46,722 That's how you do it? You're like an Uber for dicks? 1850 01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:48,684 Where do you get these jobs? On Craigslist? 1851 01:20:48,840 --> 01:20:50,763 Okay, sir, we don't need to demean each other here. 1852 01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:52,285 I don't believe a word you're saying. 1853 01:20:52,920 --> 01:20:54,206 Let me see it. 1854 01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,564 I have no problem showing you this. 1855 01:20:56,720 --> 01:20:59,166 So if you wanna see it then get ready to see. 1856 01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:01,443 - Here I go. - Go for it. 1857 01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:05,604 - (HISSING) - Oh, shit! Oh, shit. 1858 01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:08,206 (SCREAMS) I'm just kidding. This is my friend. 1859 01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:10,244 - Oh! - It's my buddy. 1860 01:21:10,480 --> 01:21:12,289 His name's Snake Gyllenhaal. 1861 01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:14,482 - He guards my lunch. - Okay, that's enough. 1862 01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:39,611 It's gotta be Harris, right? 1863 01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:41,927 What do you mean? 1864 01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:43,645 I mean, she's gotta be The Black Badger. 1865 01:21:43,800 --> 01:21:44,961 It's the only thing that makes sense. 1866 01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:46,884 I mean, she's had access to the encryption codes 1867 01:21:47,040 --> 01:21:49,691 and she's so hot and bothered about pinning this whole thing on you. 1868 01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:50,961 It's gotta be her! 1869 01:21:51,120 --> 01:21:52,645 (SIGHS) I don't know, Jet. 1870 01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:54,729 I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm The Black Badger. 1871 01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:56,928 She worked me over pretty good in that interrogation room. 1872 01:21:57,080 --> 01:21:59,162 - (ENGINE SPUTTERING) - Hold on, wait, wait... What's going on? 1873 01:21:59,520 --> 01:22:01,966 What's that? What's going on right now, Bob? 1874 01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:04,282 - (ALARM BLARING) - No biggie. We're completely outta gas. 1875 01:22:04,480 --> 01:22:05,970 Oh, my... Oh! 1876 01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,721 (SCREAMING) 1877 01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:10,207 We're going down, Jet! There's nothing I can do! 1878 01:22:10,400 --> 01:22:13,006 - Oh, shit! - Really quickly... 1879 01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:16,767 What's the one thing you wish you'd done in your life? 1880 01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:19,287 The one thing I wish I hadn't done is not get in a plane with a guy 1881 01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,363 who didn't check the goddamned fuel! 1882 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:24,490 - Why wouldn't you check the fuel? - No, something that's real. 1883 01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,086 What's the one thing you regret not doing for you? 1884 01:22:27,240 --> 01:22:29,402 Oh, my God! I think we're gonna die! 1885 01:22:29,760 --> 01:22:31,205 (WAILING) 1886 01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:36,088 Not having a kid, man! 1887 01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:37,806 Not being a father! 1888 01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:40,327 I regret not being a father! 1889 01:22:40,480 --> 01:22:42,369 Maggie, I should've gave you a kid! 1890 01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:45,006 I should've gave you my seed, Maggie! 1891 01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:46,571 I should've! 1892 01:22:46,720 --> 01:22:48,085 I'm so selfish! 1893 01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:49,241 (ENGINE TURNS ON) 1894 01:22:49,480 --> 01:22:51,482 I'm sorry, Maggie! (CONTINUES CRYING) 1895 01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:54,201 (SIGHS) 1896 01:22:55,640 --> 01:22:57,927 - That wasn't so hard, right? - What? 1897 01:22:58,080 --> 01:22:59,809 Hey, just for the record, 1898 01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:01,644 I think you'd make a great dad. 1899 01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:04,089 Did you just fake this whole thing? 1900 01:23:04,760 --> 01:23:05,761 Yeah, kinda. 1901 01:23:05,920 --> 01:23:07,570 You gotta be shitting me glory! 1902 01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:09,210 No, not at all. 1903 01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:11,442 I just thought that maybe a facing-your-own-death situation 1904 01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:14,683 might help motivate you to clarify some of your goals in life. 1905 01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:16,405 And, hey, between me and you, 1906 01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,564 I know you've been struggling a little bit. 1907 01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,207 You know what I'm struggling with right now, Bob? 1908 01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:22,850 Not whooping your ass. 1909 01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:25,082 (CHUCKLES) Okay, Jet. Hey, you're really cute when you cry. 1910 01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:27,163 Stop it! Enough! 1911 01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:42,006 I don't get it. 1912 01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:45,482 I mean, if these coordinates are correct, we should be standing right on top of it. 1913 01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,530 The deal doesn't go down for another 30 minutes, Jet, 1914 01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:51,206 - so we're kinda early. - No! 1915 01:23:51,360 --> 01:23:52,725 Why would you do it out in the open like this? 1916 01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:54,445 Why would you take that risk? 1917 01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:56,284 Just doesn't make any sense, man. 1918 01:23:57,600 --> 01:23:59,284 Shit! Come on. 1919 01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:02,367 Wait. 1920 01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:05,929 Oh, wait. It's not happening up here. 1921 01:24:07,720 --> 01:24:09,131 No, it's not. It's... 1922 01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,571 Oh, it's happening beneath us. Look. 1923 01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:16,609 It's an underground parking garage. 1924 01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:18,965 Yeah, that's a good eye, Jet. 1925 01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,721 Why don't you stay up here? Keep overwatch. 1926 01:24:21,880 --> 01:24:23,370 I'll go down there and check things out. 1927 01:24:23,520 --> 01:24:25,363 Wait, what? No, I'm going with you. 1928 01:24:25,520 --> 01:24:28,285 You can't go with me. The smarter play is if we split up. 1929 01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:29,646 Smarter play for who? 1930 01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:31,730 Do you know what happens when people split up, Bob? 1931 01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:32,967 Somebody dies! 1932 01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:34,531 I'd be the one to die. You know why? 1933 01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,081 Because I don't have a bulletproof vest and I don't have a gun! 1934 01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:38,890 Which means that you are my bulletproof vest! 1935 01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:41,441 My little black ass is gonna stay behind you, you're not leaving me! 1936 01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:43,489 That's exactly why you should stay up here. 1937 01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:46,001 Look, if you went down in that garage and you got shot to death, 1938 01:24:46,160 --> 01:24:47,321 you know how hurt I would be? 1939 01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:49,130 I'd be super bummed out! I don't want that. 1940 01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:50,884 It's safer for you up here. 1941 01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:52,929 If something happened up here, what am I supposed to do, Bob? 1942 01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:55,208 How do I get your attention? Make a bird call? 1943 01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:56,811 (SQUAWKING) 1944 01:24:57,520 --> 01:24:59,602 Does that sound like a bird to you? Huh? 1945 01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:01,649 That's my biggest weakness! I can't make bird noises. 1946 01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:02,847 I never could. 1947 01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:04,764 So if that's what I gotta depend on to live, 1948 01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:07,764 it means I'm gonna die! I'mma die up here, by myself 1949 01:25:07,920 --> 01:25:10,241 sounding like a dead-ass pigeon. 1950 01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:11,681 (CAWS) 1951 01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,606 - I have no idea what a pigeon... - Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet! 1952 01:25:14,760 --> 01:25:16,444 You don't have to make bird noises. 1953 01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:17,601 You don't have to sound like a pigeon. 1954 01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:22,609 All you gotta do is call me on the encrypted phone that's in your hand. 1955 01:25:27,200 --> 01:25:28,565 - Okay? - Okay, yeah. 1956 01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,405 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 1957 01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:31,761 All right? 1958 01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,206 Oh, Jet. 1959 01:25:34,720 --> 01:25:36,404 I'll see you on the other side. 1960 01:25:37,240 --> 01:25:38,241 Yeah. 1961 01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:39,561 Yeah. 1962 01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:45,881 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 1963 01:25:48,040 --> 01:25:49,565 (GUN COCKS) 1964 01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:06,801 You're early. 1965 01:26:07,480 --> 01:26:09,084 So are you. 1966 01:26:11,720 --> 01:26:13,085 (EXHALES) Come on. 1967 01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:25,091 (WHISPERS) Oh, my God! 1968 01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:30,809 Oh, my God. 1969 01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:32,641 I knew it. 1970 01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:35,167 I knew it. I knew she was The Black Badger! 1971 01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:36,970 Oh, my God! 1972 01:26:37,480 --> 01:26:39,608 - Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. - (LINE RINGS) 1973 01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:40,761 BOB: Yello? 1974 01:26:40,960 --> 01:26:43,566 Bob, Harris is The Black Badger! 1975 01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:44,761 Hello? 1976 01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:46,531 Harris is The Black Badger! 1977 01:26:46,720 --> 01:26:47,767 I can't hear you. 1978 01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:49,763 Harris is The Black Badger! 1979 01:26:49,920 --> 01:26:50,921 (BOB LAUGHS) 1980 01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,646 Just kidding! I'm not here. Leave a message at the beep. 1981 01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:54,801 - What? - (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 1982 01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:56,007 (BEEPING) 1983 01:26:58,680 --> 01:26:59,806 (GRUNTING) 1984 01:27:05,120 --> 01:27:06,645 Oh. Harris is The Black Badger! 1985 01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:08,450 Harris is The Black Badger! 1986 01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:10,921 I knew it. I knew it. Harris is The Black Badger! 1987 01:27:12,120 --> 01:27:14,248 Bob! Harris is The... 1988 01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:15,401 (GUNS COCKING) 1989 01:27:15,720 --> 01:27:16,721 Who is he? 1990 01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:18,161 That's my partner. 1991 01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:33,610 I don't like splitting my fees. 1992 01:27:35,280 --> 01:27:38,443 The package. Please. 1993 01:27:39,600 --> 01:27:41,250 Thought you'd never ask. 1994 01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:44,882 Wait! You're making a mistake. 1995 01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:48,124 Hello, Bob. 1996 01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:51,404 But you're dead. 1997 01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:53,608 Not as much as people think. 1998 01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:57,125 Look, he's not The Black Badger... 1999 01:27:57,800 --> 01:27:58,801 I am. 2000 01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:01,128 And those aren't the encryption codes, 2001 01:28:01,280 --> 01:28:02,611 these are. 2002 01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:03,886 He's lying to you. 2003 01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:05,530 This man is a CIA agent, 2004 01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,370 and he's trying to sell you bogus plans. 2005 01:28:11,800 --> 01:28:13,370 (GROANING SOFTLY) 2006 01:28:14,720 --> 01:28:15,767 Damn. 2007 01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:19,051 Ow, ow. 2008 01:28:22,640 --> 01:28:23,721 He shot me. 2009 01:28:27,640 --> 01:28:29,802 These are the real codes 2010 01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:32,244 and I am the real Black Badger. 2011 01:28:36,360 --> 01:28:37,850 (QUIETLY) Bob is The Black Badger. 2012 01:28:39,520 --> 01:28:40,681 (BREATHING DEEPLY) Bob is The Black Badger. 2013 01:28:40,840 --> 01:28:42,922 I am The Black Badger. 2014 01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,606 Phil? 2015 01:28:45,840 --> 01:28:48,411 No, I'm The Black Badger. 2016 01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:51,564 I'm starting to think I might be The Black Badger. 2017 01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:53,091 (ALL CHUCKLING) 2018 01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:55,450 Here's the thing. 2019 01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:58,723 I have no idea who is the real Black Badger. 2020 01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:01,285 And I don't care. 2021 01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:02,970 'Cause I'm The Honey Badger. 2022 01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:05,043 And The Honey Badger doesn't give a shit. 2023 01:29:05,200 --> 01:29:06,804 The Honey Badger's nasty. 2024 01:29:06,960 --> 01:29:09,645 He's so nasty, he'll take them both. 2025 01:29:10,160 --> 01:29:11,161 - (GUNS COCKING) - Hand them over. 2026 01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:13,927 Phil, when this thing is over, 2027 01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:18,130 I'm going to rip your throat out like Patrick Swayze in Road House. 2028 01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,645 PHIL: Oh, my God. You and Road House. 2029 01:29:19,800 --> 01:29:20,847 Get over that movie. 2030 01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:22,769 It sucked then, it sucks now. 2031 01:29:23,280 --> 01:29:24,611 Fuck Patrick Swayze! 2032 01:29:25,600 --> 01:29:26,726 How dare you! 2033 01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:33,451 Drop your weapons! 2034 01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:37,362 (MEN GROANING) 2035 01:29:39,200 --> 01:29:40,247 Oh! Oh, shit! 2036 01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:53,721 The codes. 2037 01:29:54,120 --> 01:29:55,246 Don't do it. 2038 01:29:55,880 --> 01:29:56,961 Stupid. 2039 01:29:57,400 --> 01:29:58,401 (EXHALES) 2040 01:29:59,400 --> 01:30:00,401 Okay. 2041 01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:02,007 One, 2042 01:30:03,040 --> 01:30:04,041 two, 2043 01:30:05,400 --> 01:30:06,401 three! Shit! 2044 01:30:08,600 --> 01:30:09,726 (CALVIN YELLS) 2045 01:30:11,720 --> 01:30:13,404 Uh-oh! Oh! 2046 01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:14,921 No! 2047 01:30:15,400 --> 01:30:16,526 He's got the codes! 2048 01:30:19,360 --> 01:30:20,361 (GRUNTING) 2049 01:30:22,760 --> 01:30:23,761 (TIRES SCREECHING) 2050 01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:28,524 - (PANTING) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 2051 01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:30,641 (GRUNTING) 2052 01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,687 - (PANTING) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 2053 01:30:39,720 --> 01:30:41,404 (GRUNTING) 2054 01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:48,601 (YELLS) 2055 01:30:51,520 --> 01:30:52,521 Whoo! 2056 01:30:52,960 --> 01:30:54,610 I mean, this is crazy, right? 2057 01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:56,121 You stay the hell away from me, Bob! 2058 01:30:56,280 --> 01:30:57,566 You shot me in the neck! 2059 01:31:00,600 --> 01:31:01,601 Jet! 2060 01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:03,161 (GROANS) 2061 01:31:15,200 --> 01:31:17,362 (PANTING) 2062 01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:23,927 Okay. 2063 01:31:28,320 --> 01:31:30,482 Golden Jet for the win! (LAUGHS) 2064 01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:33,645 No. Shit! 2065 01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:35,205 Drop your weapon, Bob. 2066 01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:37,401 Oh, shit! 2067 01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:39,130 Get behind me, Mr. Joyner. 2068 01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:40,925 Ah, you don't wanna do that, Jet. 2069 01:31:41,160 --> 01:31:42,446 It's obvious he's the bad guy. 2070 01:31:42,640 --> 01:31:44,085 I'm the good guy. You wanna get behind me. 2071 01:31:44,240 --> 01:31:46,083 Agent Harris had me go dark 2072 01:31:46,240 --> 01:31:49,323 to get Bob to reveal himself as The Black Badger. 2073 01:31:49,520 --> 01:31:51,124 You don't seriously believe this guy, do you? 2074 01:31:51,280 --> 01:31:52,441 You wanna get behind me, Jet. 2075 01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:54,329 You betrayed your nation, Bob. 2076 01:31:54,680 --> 01:31:57,001 You betrayed your partner, Phil. 2077 01:31:57,160 --> 01:32:00,528 Okay, no, wait! Everybody just stop! 2078 01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:01,727 Cut the shit! 2079 01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,930 I'mma cut the line right now! 2080 01:32:04,120 --> 01:32:05,485 I cut the shit! 2081 01:32:05,640 --> 01:32:07,529 Hear me? Now I don't care who betrayed who. 2082 01:32:07,680 --> 01:32:09,125 Okay? I just don't wanna get hurt! 2083 01:32:09,560 --> 01:32:12,086 - So there ain't gonna be no... Shit! - (GUNS FIRING) 2084 01:32:20,960 --> 01:32:21,961 (SOFTLY) Come on. 2085 01:32:22,640 --> 01:32:23,641 (GRUNTING) 2086 01:32:37,840 --> 01:32:38,841 Shi... 2087 01:32:43,520 --> 01:32:44,521 (SLOWLY) Shit. 2088 01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:55,321 (GROANS) 2089 01:33:00,600 --> 01:33:02,602 (PANTING) 2090 01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:05,322 Smart move, Mr. Joyner. 2091 01:33:05,480 --> 01:33:07,767 You've done your country a great service. 2092 01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,127 Now, hand me the firearm 2093 01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:13,523 and we'll turn over the satellite codes together. 2094 01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:17,527 Stay right there, man. Don't you take another step. 2095 01:33:17,760 --> 01:33:20,081 Just because I shot him does not mean I trust you. 2096 01:33:20,480 --> 01:33:21,641 We don't have time for this. 2097 01:33:21,840 --> 01:33:24,605 - Stop! I said, "Stop." - (GUN CLICKS) 2098 01:33:25,360 --> 01:33:27,124 Aw, whoopsie. 2099 01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:31,007 (GRUNTS) 2100 01:33:31,320 --> 01:33:33,368 (SCOFFS) Nice throw, bitch. 2101 01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:42,608 You wanna know why your pal Bob could never have been The Black Badger? 2102 01:33:43,760 --> 01:33:45,888 It's because he's too weak. 2103 01:33:46,040 --> 01:33:48,361 And if I had to hear another goddamned story 2104 01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:51,729 about Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner 2105 01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:54,042 and how awesome you were in high school 2106 01:33:54,200 --> 01:33:56,806 and how you were this big idiot's best friend, 2107 01:33:56,960 --> 01:33:58,485 (CHUCKLES) I was just gonna lose it. 2108 01:33:59,760 --> 01:34:03,082 Looking at you right now, you don't seem so cool. 2109 01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:06,727 You just seem like a regular guy. 2110 01:34:07,160 --> 01:34:08,605 An everyday Joe. 2111 01:34:09,480 --> 01:34:13,087 You know, faking my own death was the easy part. 2112 01:34:13,960 --> 01:34:17,248 But dealing with Bob, day after day, was the hard part. 2113 01:34:17,400 --> 01:34:18,401 Hey, Phil. 2114 01:34:18,560 --> 01:34:19,641 What, Bob? 2115 01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:22,403 I'll see you on the other side. 2116 01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:25,401 (STUTTERS) No, I hope we don't. All right? 2117 01:34:25,560 --> 01:34:27,130 Just, no. Bye, bye, bye. 2118 01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:28,281 Just go. 2119 01:34:28,440 --> 01:34:31,171 I made up the Black Badger, rigged up a blood bag 2120 01:34:31,320 --> 01:34:32,401 and that big dummy bought it. 2121 01:34:32,640 --> 01:34:33,801 - Bob! - (ALARM BLARING) 2122 01:34:34,000 --> 01:34:35,923 No, no! (GRUNTING) Hang on, buddy. 2123 01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:37,931 No, there's some sort of bomb in here. 2124 01:34:38,080 --> 01:34:39,969 You're pushing it closed, I think. 2125 01:34:40,120 --> 01:34:42,202 - No, no, no. Sorry. - No, don't give up! 2126 01:34:42,400 --> 01:34:43,401 Bye, Bob. 2127 01:34:44,440 --> 01:34:46,761 PHIL: I'm getting away with a half a billion dollars. 2128 01:34:46,920 --> 01:34:50,367 And Boy Scout Bob is gonna spend his life in prison. 2129 01:34:50,520 --> 01:34:52,124 Ain't America great? 2130 01:34:52,920 --> 01:34:57,448 So now you're gonna be the second partner of Bob's to die. 2131 01:34:57,600 --> 01:34:58,601 Just relax. 2132 01:34:58,760 --> 01:35:01,366 On your knees, Golden Jet. 2133 01:35:07,880 --> 01:35:09,245 (GROANS) 2134 01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:12,286 What the hell was that? 2135 01:35:14,120 --> 01:35:15,770 Golden Jet flip. 2136 01:35:16,280 --> 01:35:19,204 Yeah? Well, you really suck at it. 2137 01:35:19,400 --> 01:35:20,640 I know. 2138 01:35:20,800 --> 01:35:22,484 Then why'd you do it? 2139 01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:23,641 Distraction. 2140 01:35:23,880 --> 01:35:25,484 (GRUNTS) 2141 01:35:25,760 --> 01:35:27,330 (GASPING) 2142 01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:29,011 Oh, you just pulled his throat out! 2143 01:35:31,480 --> 01:35:33,209 I'll see you on the other side. 2144 01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:39,924 Jet, come here. Give me your hand, old buddy. 2145 01:35:40,080 --> 01:35:41,809 Oh, shit! Get that away from me! 2146 01:35:42,000 --> 01:35:43,161 Sorry, Jet. 2147 01:35:44,200 --> 01:35:46,487 Come here, Jet. That was a trachea. (GROANS) 2148 01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:48,165 Great distraction, man! 2149 01:35:48,320 --> 01:35:49,765 Sorry I had to shoot you, Jet. 2150 01:35:49,920 --> 01:35:51,649 It was the only way I could save your life. 2151 01:35:51,800 --> 01:35:54,007 But when you shot me to get Phil to confess 2152 01:35:54,160 --> 01:35:57,648 that he was The Black Badger, that was some next-level-type shit! 2153 01:35:57,800 --> 01:36:01,566 Yeah, no. I'm glad you see it the way I saw it. 2154 01:36:01,720 --> 01:36:03,688 That was my plan the whole time. So... 2155 01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,524 You are a natural for this line of work. 2156 01:36:05,680 --> 01:36:08,247 I mean, you're smart, you got the skill set, you're a people person 2157 01:36:08,400 --> 01:36:11,688 and you already got a dope-ass code name, "The Golden Jet!" What? 2158 01:36:11,840 --> 01:36:13,604 But in the meantime, we gotta get those encryption codes 2159 01:36:13,760 --> 01:36:15,683 over to Harris right away or we're gonna be late. 2160 01:36:15,840 --> 01:36:18,207 What are you talking about? Late for what? 2161 01:36:20,200 --> 01:36:25,127 The reunion, dude. What-what! (CHUCKLES) This shit's on! 2162 01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:29,048 Bob. (SIGHS) Damn it. 2163 01:36:30,160 --> 01:36:31,207 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 2164 01:36:52,560 --> 01:36:53,561 Bob! 2165 01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:54,721 One more thing. 2166 01:36:54,880 --> 01:36:56,484 Thanks for securing the satellite codes. 2167 01:36:56,640 --> 01:36:58,165 You really saved my ass. 2168 01:36:58,320 --> 01:36:59,401 Your country thanks you. 2169 01:37:00,000 --> 01:37:00,842 Just doing my job. 2170 01:37:01,040 --> 01:37:03,930 I'm really sorry about your hand. I hope you know that wasn't personal. 2171 01:37:04,080 --> 01:37:05,684 Oh, no hard feelings at all, Pam. (CHUCKLES) 2172 01:37:06,200 --> 01:37:07,690 Besides, everybody makes mistakes. 2173 01:37:07,880 --> 01:37:09,882 Calvin, here, thought you were The Black Badger. 2174 01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:11,566 (STAMMERS) 2175 01:37:11,840 --> 01:37:12,966 I don't... No, I don't think... 2176 01:37:13,120 --> 01:37:15,441 When we were in the plane, you said, "Hey, Harris is the Black..." 2177 01:37:15,640 --> 01:37:17,404 I think you should... Maybe I... (CLEARS THROAT) 2178 01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:20,565 Mr. Joyner, it was a pleasure working with you. 2179 01:37:20,720 --> 01:37:23,451 If you ever want a career change, you give me a call. 2180 01:37:24,160 --> 01:37:26,367 If I were to give you a call, how would I get in touch with you? 2181 01:37:26,520 --> 01:37:28,363 Just pick up any phone in your house. 2182 01:37:28,520 --> 01:37:29,646 They're all bugged. 2183 01:37:29,920 --> 01:37:30,921 (CHUCKLES) 2184 01:37:31,320 --> 01:37:33,049 You're crazy. Hey, you're crazy! 2185 01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:35,523 (CHUCKLES) That's a good one. 2186 01:37:35,680 --> 01:37:38,126 Calvin! I got your text and came right over. 2187 01:37:38,280 --> 01:37:41,409 Where the hell have you been? Why did you get out of a helicopter? 2188 01:37:41,840 --> 01:37:43,410 Hey, uh, Maggie. 2189 01:37:43,560 --> 01:37:44,686 Uh, hi! 2190 01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:46,724 Babe, why is Dr. Dan with you? 2191 01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:48,167 Well... Uh... 2192 01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:49,885 That's not Dr. Dan. 2193 01:37:50,040 --> 01:37:52,327 Allow me to properly introduce myself. 2194 01:37:52,480 --> 01:37:56,885 My name is Bob Stone, the artist formerly known as Robbie Wheirdicht. 2195 01:37:57,040 --> 01:37:58,087 I work for the CIA. 2196 01:37:58,240 --> 01:38:00,242 I roped your husband into helping me track down a traitor, 2197 01:38:00,400 --> 01:38:03,210 who was gonna sell military state secrets to a terrorist. 2198 01:38:03,360 --> 01:38:07,208 We did all that, we stopped them, we saved the free world, and here we are. 2199 01:38:07,440 --> 01:38:08,566 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 2200 01:38:09,040 --> 01:38:10,405 What the hell is going on? 2201 01:38:10,560 --> 01:38:12,210 Okay, listen, listen. 2202 01:38:12,400 --> 01:38:14,402 I've been a fool. All right? 2203 01:38:14,560 --> 01:38:16,562 I thought that my life was a failure. 2204 01:38:16,720 --> 01:38:19,041 I thought that it wasn't special. But it is special. 2205 01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:21,083 It's special because I have you in it. 2206 01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:24,403 You are my world. You are what makes me special! 2207 01:38:24,960 --> 01:38:27,122 You're everything to me, Mags. 2208 01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:28,566 I love you. 2209 01:38:29,240 --> 01:38:30,401 I love you. 2210 01:38:35,080 --> 01:38:36,081 BOB: Okay. 2211 01:38:37,240 --> 01:38:39,083 Here come the waterworks. 2212 01:38:39,240 --> 01:38:41,242 I promised myself I wouldn't do this. 2213 01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:45,763 - Come on, come on. - Okay. 2214 01:38:48,720 --> 01:38:50,449 - That's Robbie Wheirdicht? - Yeah. 2215 01:38:50,600 --> 01:38:53,444 - (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) - (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 2216 01:39:12,800 --> 01:39:14,006 - Hi, Brian. - Hi, Gail. 2217 01:39:14,160 --> 01:39:16,288 Guys, this isn't a good idea. You know what? 2218 01:39:16,440 --> 01:39:18,761 I'll just meet you later. I shouldn't have come. 2219 01:39:18,920 --> 01:39:19,921 Wait, wait, wait. 2220 01:39:20,080 --> 01:39:23,129 Bob, calm down, okay? Listen to me. 2221 01:39:23,280 --> 01:39:25,647 Tonight is not gonna be how high school was for you 20 years ago. 2222 01:39:25,800 --> 01:39:27,006 I promise. 2223 01:39:27,160 --> 01:39:29,640 HOSTESS: Attention, por favor. 2224 01:39:29,840 --> 01:39:33,811 And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for, 2225 01:39:33,960 --> 01:39:38,522 tonight's vote for the reunion homecoming king and queen! 2226 01:39:38,680 --> 01:39:40,364 We'll announce the queen in one moment. 2227 01:39:40,520 --> 01:39:42,966 But first, without further ado... 2228 01:39:43,480 --> 01:39:45,323 The new homecoming king 2229 01:39:45,480 --> 01:39:49,166 for the Central High School Centaurs, Class of 1996 is... 2230 01:39:49,480 --> 01:39:50,686 I really gotta pee, Jet. 2231 01:39:50,840 --> 01:39:52,330 Bob Stone! 2232 01:39:52,480 --> 01:39:53,481 (INDISTINCT MURMURING) 2233 01:39:54,840 --> 01:39:56,410 Do we have a Bob Stone? 2234 01:39:56,560 --> 01:39:58,881 Here he is, Bob Stone, huh! 2235 01:39:59,600 --> 01:40:00,761 - Yeah! - (SCATTERED CLAPPING) 2236 01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,888 Go on, get your rock-hard ass up there. 2237 01:40:04,600 --> 01:40:05,601 For reals? 2238 01:40:05,760 --> 01:40:07,922 For reals, for reals. Go ahead, man. 2239 01:40:08,520 --> 01:40:09,521 Whoo! 2240 01:40:09,760 --> 01:40:11,285 You did it, big guy! 2241 01:40:12,000 --> 01:40:14,082 (SCATTERED CLAPPING) 2242 01:40:14,560 --> 01:40:16,289 (INDISTINCT MURMURING) 2243 01:40:17,280 --> 01:40:20,363 How did Bob Stone win homecoming king? 2244 01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:22,927 I hacked into the votes on the flight in. 2245 01:40:23,120 --> 01:40:26,090 Calvin Joyner, forensic accountant, at your service. 2246 01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,281 (CHUCKLES) 2247 01:40:27,440 --> 01:40:29,761 I had no idea you could do that. 2248 01:40:30,520 --> 01:40:33,649 There's a lot of things that you don't know about me, Maggie. 2249 01:40:34,240 --> 01:40:35,401 No, scratch that I said that. 2250 01:40:35,560 --> 01:40:37,130 It was supposed to come out cool. It didn't. 2251 01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:38,520 It was something I thought of, it was like a... 2252 01:40:38,680 --> 01:40:39,727 Forget it. 2253 01:40:41,120 --> 01:40:42,963 TREVOR: Well, well, let's hear it for him! 2254 01:40:43,120 --> 01:40:44,610 Fat Robbie made good. 2255 01:40:44,760 --> 01:40:48,048 King Robbie Weird Dick, our naked mascot. 2256 01:40:48,680 --> 01:40:50,250 Why don't you just get out of the way, Trevor? 2257 01:40:50,400 --> 01:40:51,731 Or what, Golden Jet? 2258 01:40:51,880 --> 01:40:53,120 You're gonna hop up here and punch me in the belt? 2259 01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:54,406 Simmer down, Ant-Man. 2260 01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:56,801 - You know what? That's it. That's it. - It's okay. 2261 01:40:56,960 --> 01:40:58,007 - It's all right. - No, I've had it! 2262 01:40:58,160 --> 01:40:59,764 - I got it, Jet. It's okay. - It's okay. 2263 01:40:59,920 --> 01:41:01,046 I'll handle it. 2264 01:41:01,320 --> 01:41:05,245 Whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'm not buying this whole transformation 2265 01:41:05,400 --> 01:41:07,004 from ugly duckling into swan. 2266 01:41:07,200 --> 01:41:08,201 No one in here is. 2267 01:41:08,360 --> 01:41:11,807 You can fly in, in a bunch of helicopters and dress up in a thousand suits, 2268 01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:15,607 but to everybody, including me, you'll always just be the fat kid. 2269 01:41:15,920 --> 01:41:17,570 (LAUGHTER) 2270 01:41:18,880 --> 01:41:20,291 I've been thinking about this a lot, Trevor. 2271 01:41:21,520 --> 01:41:24,761 And the only thing I want to say to you is I forgive you. 2272 01:41:25,320 --> 01:41:27,846 You forgive me! Oh, boy! For what? 2273 01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:29,525 For being rad as shit. 2274 01:41:29,680 --> 01:41:30,886 Fuck you, fat boy. 2275 01:41:31,080 --> 01:41:32,491 Still a scared little bitch. (GROANS) 2276 01:41:32,680 --> 01:41:34,091 (CROWD EXCLAIMS) 2277 01:41:36,800 --> 01:41:38,006 I don't like bullies. 2278 01:41:38,400 --> 01:41:39,811 (CROWD CHEERING) 2279 01:41:41,800 --> 01:41:44,041 And the name is Bob Stone, bitch! 2280 01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:45,361 Whoo-whoo! 2281 01:41:46,000 --> 01:41:47,411 Come on, baby. Step over. 2282 01:41:51,360 --> 01:41:52,521 Hi, everybody! 2283 01:41:53,480 --> 01:41:56,962 Most of you knew me back in high school as 2284 01:41:57,920 --> 01:41:59,410 Robbie Wheirdicht. 2285 01:41:59,600 --> 01:42:01,523 - MAN 1: That's Robbie Wheirdicht? - No way! 2286 01:42:01,680 --> 01:42:03,728 I wore prescription pants every day. 2287 01:42:05,800 --> 01:42:08,041 Twenty years ago, in this gym, 2288 01:42:09,240 --> 01:42:11,208 I stood in front of you all 2289 01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:13,166 naked 2290 01:42:13,880 --> 01:42:15,291 and embarrassed. 2291 01:42:16,240 --> 01:42:18,163 Some of you might remember that day. 2292 01:42:19,360 --> 01:42:21,488 A lot of you probably even laughed. 2293 01:42:22,480 --> 01:42:24,130 But that's okay. 2294 01:42:25,240 --> 01:42:27,846 Tonight's gonna be different because 2295 01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:31,083 my best friend is here with me. 2296 01:42:33,240 --> 01:42:38,406 And he taught me what it means to be the hero of your own story. 2297 01:42:41,160 --> 01:42:42,525 Would you hold this for me, please? 2298 01:42:44,240 --> 01:42:46,163 Being the hero of your own story 2299 01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:50,689 isn't about stopping bad guys or climbing mountains. 2300 01:42:50,840 --> 01:42:53,969 It's about overcoming bullies in your life, 2301 01:42:54,120 --> 01:42:57,044 whatever or whomever they may be. 2302 01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:00,685 It's about putting it all out there 2303 01:43:01,360 --> 01:43:02,407 for everyone 2304 01:43:03,760 --> 01:43:04,921 to see. 2305 01:43:05,760 --> 01:43:07,603 And it's realizing that, in life, 2306 01:43:07,760 --> 01:43:10,127 the most important thing that you can be 2307 01:43:11,240 --> 01:43:12,321 is yourself. 2308 01:43:13,080 --> 01:43:17,404 So, Central High, Class of 1996, 2309 01:43:18,360 --> 01:43:21,250 this is me, Robbie Wheirdicht. 2310 01:43:23,440 --> 01:43:25,090 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 2311 01:43:30,440 --> 01:43:31,726 (GASPING) 2312 01:43:32,520 --> 01:43:35,126 Oh, my God! Bob just went commando! 2313 01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:38,564 Yes! Yes! 2314 01:43:39,640 --> 01:43:41,165 (CHEERING) 2315 01:43:43,000 --> 01:43:44,604 CALVIN: Way to go, Bob! 2316 01:43:45,480 --> 01:43:46,720 Be you! 2317 01:43:47,240 --> 01:43:49,322 (CHANTING) Robbie! Robbie! Robbie! 2318 01:43:49,480 --> 01:43:52,484 ALL: Robbie! Robbie! Robbie! 2319 01:43:58,000 --> 01:43:59,161 - Hey, man! - (LAUGHS) 2320 01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:01,527 Dude, this is amazing! I'm so happy for you! 2321 01:44:01,680 --> 01:44:03,409 Thank you, Jet! I feel so free! 2322 01:44:03,920 --> 01:44:04,967 - Come here. - No, no, no. 2323 01:44:05,120 --> 01:44:06,884 Your junk is out. 2324 01:44:07,240 --> 01:44:09,811 - Oh. Sorry, Jet. - Excuse me. 2325 01:44:12,240 --> 01:44:13,605 Hi, Robbie. 2326 01:44:14,680 --> 01:44:16,762 - You probably don't remember me. - Darla. 2327 01:44:18,000 --> 01:44:20,048 - Is that Darla McGuckian? - Yeah. 2328 01:44:20,200 --> 01:44:22,487 Wow! She looks great! 2329 01:44:22,840 --> 01:44:24,205 Didn't she used to have a lazy eye? 2330 01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,731 - Two of them. - Wow. 2331 01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:27,962 I can't believe you remember me. 2332 01:44:28,120 --> 01:44:29,610 Remember you? 2333 01:44:29,760 --> 01:44:31,330 How could I forget you? 2334 01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:35,800 You still have the same sweet smile, the same sweet face. 2335 01:44:36,360 --> 01:44:39,204 But your hair's changed. You used to wear it curlier. 2336 01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,600 I like it though. 2337 01:44:41,040 --> 01:44:42,690 You haven't changed at all. 2338 01:44:42,880 --> 01:44:44,405 Oh, I don't know. 2339 01:44:50,520 --> 01:44:52,363 You're still as beautiful as ever. 2340 01:44:52,680 --> 01:44:53,681 Oh. 2341 01:44:55,800 --> 01:44:57,404 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 2342 01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,769 - Yeah, Bob! - Go, Bob! 2343 01:45:05,760 --> 01:45:07,250 No, no, no. 2344 01:45:07,640 --> 01:45:09,483 (ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING) 2345 01:45:14,480 --> 01:45:16,562 Oh, I got spinny. 2346 01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:18,569 Super spinny. 2347 01:45:21,160 --> 01:45:22,969 Yeah, that's nice. 2348 01:45:23,640 --> 01:45:26,405 - Can I take you to get ice-cream... - Yes. 2349 01:45:27,240 --> 01:45:29,242 Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 2350 01:45:29,840 --> 01:45:32,844 Super lactose intolerant, but that's okay. Let's roll the dice. 2351 01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:34,925 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 2352 01:45:35,840 --> 01:45:36,841 That's my jam! 2353 01:45:37,000 --> 01:45:38,047 Go show them what you got. 2354 01:45:38,240 --> 01:45:40,083 - All right, Darla. - Okay. 2355 01:45:40,400 --> 01:45:42,402 Darla, hi. Calvin. 2356 01:45:42,600 --> 01:45:44,250 Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you. 2357 01:45:44,840 --> 01:45:46,763 - Calvin. - And Maggie. 2358 01:45:46,920 --> 01:45:48,604 Maggie, hi! 2359 01:45:48,760 --> 01:45:51,081 Hi. You look so good. 2360 01:45:51,280 --> 01:45:53,601 - My gosh, you look the same. - You do too. 2361 01:45:53,760 --> 01:45:54,761 Oh, I don't know. 2362 01:45:54,920 --> 01:45:57,048 You probably remember me as The Golden Jet. 2363 01:45:57,240 --> 01:45:59,846 Your name's Golden Jeff? Hi, Jeff. 2364 01:46:00,600 --> 01:46:02,284 It's okay. Good to see you. 2365 01:46:04,000 --> 01:46:05,490 (BOB SINGING "MY LOVIN'" BY EN VOGUE) 2366 01:46:05,680 --> 01:46:08,126 - Good going, Bob! - Come on, Bob! 2367 01:46:08,480 --> 01:46:10,209 (ALL CHEERING) 2368 01:46:23,840 --> 01:46:25,365 - All right. - Good luck! 2369 01:46:25,560 --> 01:46:26,800 - Love you. - I love you. 2370 01:46:26,960 --> 01:46:28,849 I love you, too, little Golden Jet! 2371 01:46:29,000 --> 01:46:30,001 (BOTH LAUGHING) 2372 01:46:31,520 --> 01:46:32,521 Mmm... 2373 01:46:32,680 --> 01:46:33,761 Okay. Uh... 2374 01:46:34,840 --> 01:46:36,410 How long do you think he's been there? 2375 01:46:37,160 --> 01:46:38,969 MAGGIE: Hmm, probably since last night. 2376 01:46:39,560 --> 01:46:40,971 All right, babe, I'll see you later. 2377 01:46:41,160 --> 01:46:42,889 Have fun with your friend! 2378 01:46:48,480 --> 01:46:49,481 (MOUTHING) Who, me? 2379 01:46:49,640 --> 01:46:50,926 Yes, you. 2380 01:47:00,120 --> 01:47:01,451 (LAUGHS) Wow, Jet! 2381 01:47:01,640 --> 01:47:03,324 You look amazing! 2382 01:47:03,520 --> 01:47:05,284 - Do you think? - Oh, what? Yes! 2383 01:47:05,480 --> 01:47:08,521 I just didn't know the kind of look to go for on my first day at the agency. 2384 01:47:08,680 --> 01:47:10,728 You look like a black Will Smith, or something. 2385 01:47:10,920 --> 01:47:13,807 Okay, I'm not sure if that's racist or not, but I'll take it as a compliment. 2386 01:47:13,960 --> 01:47:15,371 All right, cool. Yeah, come on! 2387 01:47:15,520 --> 01:47:16,681 Okay. (LAUGHS) 2388 01:47:17,320 --> 01:47:18,526 All right. Don't be nervous. 2389 01:47:18,680 --> 01:47:20,444 You are gonna do great. They're gonna love you! 2390 01:47:20,600 --> 01:47:22,011 Oh, Jet, Jet, Jet! 2391 01:47:22,200 --> 01:47:23,326 Um, before we go, man, uh... 2392 01:47:24,760 --> 01:47:25,886 I got a surprise for you. 2393 01:47:27,120 --> 01:47:29,043 Okay. What's the surprise? 2394 01:47:29,200 --> 01:47:31,851 Well, you gotta close your eyes first. 2395 01:47:33,520 --> 01:47:34,681 Eyes are closed. 2396 01:47:34,880 --> 01:47:35,881 No peeking. 2397 01:47:41,360 --> 01:47:42,521 Open your eyes. 2398 01:47:46,840 --> 01:47:49,207 Is that my... Is that my jacket? 2399 01:47:49,360 --> 01:47:50,407 Yes! 2400 01:47:50,560 --> 01:47:52,562 - Bob, is that my jacket? - Yes! 2401 01:47:52,720 --> 01:47:54,165 - No, wait a minute. - Yes! 2402 01:47:54,360 --> 01:47:56,044 Oh, my God! 2403 01:47:56,400 --> 01:47:57,526 Dude, where'd you get this from? 2404 01:47:57,680 --> 01:48:01,321 Well, I sleep in it most nights, but it's clean now, totally good. Yeah! 2405 01:48:01,480 --> 01:48:04,086 Man! You are the man! Yes! 2406 01:48:04,240 --> 01:48:07,130 - Family hug! What? - Ooh. Okay. 2407 01:48:09,200 --> 01:48:10,326 All right, let's go! 2408 01:48:10,480 --> 01:48:11,811 - Okay. - All right. 2409 01:48:12,040 --> 01:48:14,566 ("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING) 2410 01:48:26,200 --> 01:48:28,168 - You still ride? - (ALARM BLARING) 2411 01:48:28,680 --> 01:48:30,921 DIRECTOR: Cut! The fire department's here. 2412 01:48:31,200 --> 01:48:33,601 All right. That's our cue, guys! 2413 01:48:34,520 --> 01:48:36,249 BOTH: Here we are shooting Central Intelligence. 2414 01:48:36,440 --> 01:48:38,363 They shut us down. The fire trucks are out here. 2415 01:48:38,520 --> 01:48:40,204 - Shut the fuck up! - Will you get the fuck out of my video? 2416 01:48:40,360 --> 01:48:41,361 I'mma slap the dogshit out of you. 2417 01:48:41,520 --> 01:48:42,521 Why do you do your video behind me? 2418 01:48:42,680 --> 01:48:43,886 - I'm trying to do my video! - This is my video! 2419 01:48:44,040 --> 01:48:45,530 - You're in my fucking video! - I'm pissed off. 2420 01:48:45,680 --> 01:48:47,170 Watch your mouth, I'll slap the shit out of you. 2421 01:48:47,320 --> 01:48:48,321 Fuck you! 2422 01:48:49,280 --> 01:48:51,806 Okay. You have it your way. 2423 01:48:52,760 --> 01:48:54,762 You leave me no choice. 2424 01:48:56,040 --> 01:48:57,041 Pam... 2425 01:48:57,200 --> 01:48:58,201 (LAUGHING) 2426 01:48:58,360 --> 01:48:59,361 Tickler! Tickler! 2427 01:48:59,520 --> 01:49:02,046 Where are the codes? Where are the codes? 2428 01:49:03,040 --> 01:49:04,530 (CHUCKLES) It's just nice. 2429 01:49:06,200 --> 01:49:08,771 In here and it's kind of all... 2430 01:49:09,080 --> 01:49:10,081 (LAUGHING) 2431 01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:11,691 - Oh, my God. - Sorry. 2432 01:49:13,720 --> 01:49:15,529 (ALL LAUGHING) 2433 01:49:16,280 --> 01:49:17,645 - Can you do both? - Yeah. 2434 01:49:18,000 --> 01:49:19,126 - (EXCLAIMS) - Oh, my God! 2435 01:49:19,560 --> 01:49:20,800 (ALL LAUGHING) 2436 01:49:22,360 --> 01:49:24,169 It's called "soul gazing." 2437 01:49:24,320 --> 01:49:27,881 Stare into my soul and I'll stare into yours. 2438 01:49:28,080 --> 01:49:29,525 - Come in. Shh. - You're not my wife! 2439 01:49:29,680 --> 01:49:31,091 Oh, that's it. 2440 01:49:31,560 --> 01:49:32,686 (BOTH LAUGHING) 2441 01:49:32,960 --> 01:49:34,371 - Bob, I'm gonna... - Shh. 2442 01:49:35,480 --> 01:49:36,720 - I promise you'll never... - (BOTH LAUGHING) 2443 01:49:38,160 --> 01:49:39,844 Let's keep on, keep on. 2444 01:49:40,000 --> 01:49:41,047 DIRECTOR: Okay, for real this time. 2445 01:49:42,160 --> 01:49:44,162 It's for real. This is for real, guys, yeah. 2446 01:49:44,680 --> 01:49:45,806 - That's it! - Oh. 2447 01:49:45,960 --> 01:49:47,485 One more. Come on. 2448 01:49:47,680 --> 01:49:48,806 - I can't do this, I'm not... - Shh. 2449 01:49:48,960 --> 01:49:51,645 Oh, my God. I've fucking had it. 2450 01:49:51,800 --> 01:49:52,801 Lock it! We're professionals. 2451 01:49:52,960 --> 01:49:54,769 - This is what we do. You ready? - Come on, baby! 2452 01:49:54,920 --> 01:49:56,649 I'm gonna hit you. I told you! 2453 01:49:56,800 --> 01:49:58,006 - Fuck! - (CREW LAUGHING) 2454 01:49:59,960 --> 01:50:00,961 Are you not a super tool? 2455 01:50:01,120 --> 01:50:03,407 You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht. You're Bob Stone! 2456 01:50:04,120 --> 01:50:05,645 - (EXCLAIMS) I made that name up. - So what? 2457 01:50:05,800 --> 01:50:07,290 - It's not real. - What does that mean? 2458 01:50:07,440 --> 01:50:11,331 (STAMMERS) What, you think Mr. T and Sting 2459 01:50:11,480 --> 01:50:12,720 and The Rock... 2460 01:50:12,880 --> 01:50:14,370 You think those guys are real? 2461 01:50:14,520 --> 01:50:17,524 That's a bunch of dumbass nicknames by a bunch of dumbass people. 2462 01:50:17,680 --> 01:50:19,170 (ALL LAUGHING) 2463 01:50:21,680 --> 01:50:23,170 ("THE BOOGIE" BY OUTASIGHT PLAYING) 2464 01:56:02,720 --> 01:56:04,006 BOB: Fanny! 179794