All language subtitles for 3 Quitandolo hacia el oeste 1990 Takin It Off Out West (eng)

Taking it off out west,

any excuse to undress.

Doing what they do best,
just wearing it all

for the guests.

A can can bump and a grind.

Lodi these stairs will find.

They'll drive you right out
of your mind just taking it

off out west.

Well, you know, out here,
there ain't no women, so a

man gets mighty low.

You get dressed up with
money in your pockets, but

you've got no place to

go.

And then one day, these
beautiful ladies came

riding into town where
there was street and soft.

And when they took it off
our world turned upside

down because now they're
taking it off our way.

Visions of loveliness

in

Jesus, channabe.

Get back in here.

I think in there,

you were taking off your clothes
and all the men were going wild.

Then you came up to me
and said, miss Blue,

you reckon I could
be a stripper?

Enthusiast.

Oh, enthusiast is just a
fancy word for stripper, Sal.

Virgil had to come up with that
hundred dollar name before the

government would
send us out here.

I swear.

But old queen can't snatch a
few seconds sleeping out of

some twitty pot
tumbling into trouble.

That was my best
camisole, mister Nellie.

I bought that just before
we left Saint Louis.

I've told you and
told you, honey.

No camisole washing
in the drinking water.

And after spending what seems
to be several lifetimes in this

torture chamber on wheels,

Couldn't you bring
yourself to call me Virgil?

Virginia, perhaps.

Virgil.

Suppose that would be stretching

Anyway, not to worry.

See, the handsome young marshal
is saving your delicate,

unmentionable, isn't it?

Yes.

Clustered whole girls.

Hurry up.

Woah.

Is that what I think it is?

Oh, that's the ghost
town the government owns.

Our last stop before the
mining camp, Pelvis Gulch.

I haven't got water.

If I feel positively grimy.

I can ride low on water.

Simple. Genevieve keeps washing
her undies out in the wagon.

Idiot.

Oh, look at that. Water.
I wanna get in right now.

Graduated for the marshall?
We're almost spilling.

I'm getting wet now.

Oh, mister Nellie, Virgil,

isn't Marshall quite the most
handsomest thing you ever seen?

Well, there was that
gambler in the Big Easy.

What a full house he

had.

Why, thank you, marshall

How clumsy of me to
love my my, well,

you know Yep

Guess what, Marshall?

Water?

Water?

Don't you cute my laundry?

Here.

Water out of water. Thank god.

I can wash my undies
as much as I want to.

Water out of water.

Water.

Sorry, Marshall. I forgot.

You get embarrassed with
the sight of exposed flesh.

Yep.

And why are you escorting a
wagonload of strippers, excuse

me, enthusiasts in
the mining camps?

Because it's my job?

Yep.

Oh, Jimmy.

I want you to hear this
new music that I picked up just

before we left civilization.

I haven't even heard it myself,

but I think it's going
to be all the rage.

Look at that

Crap. Pure crap.

Now this is the music.

Yep. They're fixing
to spend the night.

What do you see,
Pepe? What do you see?

I just told you, Pink.

I said they's fixing
to spend the night.

How do you know, Pepe?

What do you see? Can I see?

No, you can't see. Just
take my word on it, okay?

You know, them stopping for spells
just might work out if they see who

I think they is.

And what I see just now makes
me sure they really is exactly

who we think they is.

They better be who we
think they is, Pappy.

We've been following them long enough
for them to be who we think they is.

Who do we think they is, Pappy?

Never mind, Pappy. Never mind.

About time for your brother
Purple to be showing up.

I told him sundown the latest.

Well, so long way up to
the mining camp, Pappy,

especially without a horse.

I wish you didn't sell
the horses, Pappy.

Will you stop
complaining? Uh-huh.

And you know damn well I had
to trade off them horses.

I had to trade them for this here
wishing stone for our future.

Hell's fire, boy.

Horse can only take you
one spot to the next.

Now wishing stone, a wishing stone
can take you as far as

your wildest dreams.

Well, now my wildest dream is to
have a horse so I can get from one

place to another without
my feet hurting, pappy.

You stop complaining.

You're a putz boy.

A good putz don't ever complain.

Why can't you be more
like your brother, Purple?

Now he rode all the way
up that mining camp.

He wasn't complaining.

I got this feeling like
there's somebody watching us,

and it's not the same feeling I
get when I take off my clothes.

Oh, it's creepy.

Oh my

god.

You got my throat dirty.
I'm sorry? You, you slut.

Girl. Girl. No. Why?

I'll show you
sorry, you old sal.

Hey. We're home. We're home.
Patty, pappy. They're painting?

Them beans do smell
good. They is.

What'd you find out
up there, purple?

Tell y'all about pappy as
soon as I feed old paint.

Oh, he ain't got

it.

So what that fella down at Skunk
Crossing's told me is true, is it?

That's right, Patrick.
It's a government project.

Mine up there named Marshmallow
Malone's the one been dealing with them.

From what I hear tell,

the miners is paying top dollar
for their next dizzy asses,

five hundred dollars a day.

Five hundred dollars?

Oh, I told you this here wishing
stone was gonna make us rich.

Purple, did you find out
what the next dizziness is?

Hell, yes.

The Now now now now, Purple,

there ain't no reason to burden
your brother's tiny little

brain with too many details.

No.

What we're gonna think
on now is getting rich.

Rich.

I don't get it, Pappy.

How we gonna get rich just
because the government decides

to send down a bunch of girls to
take off their clothes for a bunch?

Damn you, girl. Damn
you. Damn you. Damn you.

Now you know your
brother's condition.

You know he gets up stuff
anytime he even thinks about a

girl taking off her clothes.

Damn you. Now come
on. Give me a hand.

Pink.

Pink, it's alright.
It's okay, Pink.

Your brother was just funny.

You was just funny
me? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

Well, you ain't
fun. It ain't fun.

Hush up. Quit flipping around
your scare off old paint.

Now, boys. There ain't no paint.

Happy trading them off. Faze
till you take that back. Boys.

Don't take nothing back.
None of us have any horse.

Happy trading them off. Did not.

This. This. This. This.
And I, Pappy. Pappy.

Don't tell me you're sorry.
Now you tell each other.

Now you go on. You shake hands
and you say you're sorry.

Sorry, Purple. Sorry, Pink.

It's gotta be your mama's fault.

Your brains was born in your
butts. It's just gotta be.

Debbie, why'd your name
miss Pink and Purple?

I told you a hundred times,
Pink. I had no choice.

Already had a dog
named Blue at the time.

Boys, we gotta talk business.
What kind of business, Pappy?

The business of getting rich,

business of letting this here
Wishingstone do its work.

When I get rich, Pappy,

can I buy You can buy
anything you want, baby?

I mean, I'm gonna
get rich, Pappy.

I swear, Purple of
Brains was bullshit.

You couldn't fertilize
a blade of grass.

We gonna take over
the ex dizzyasses.

You mean the strip?

I mean the ex
dizzyasses, purple.

Well, but but they
belong to the government.

Well, they do right now.

But we take them over,
they gonna belong to us.

That's stealing, Pappy. I
told you and I told you.

It ain't stealing when you
take from the government.

It's,

exercising your right as
a United States citizen.

They got a US marshal
guarding them, Clyde Earp,

one of the Earp brothers.

That's what I hear tell
up at the mining camp.

You just said it, purple
one. There's one of him.

There's three us.

And what we're gonna do,
we're gonna wait till they sleeping.

We're gonna go up
that ghost town,

and we're gonna take
out the marshal.

And then what, Tati?

Then we're gonna take them ex
dizzy asses up the mining camp.

We're gonna collect that five
hundred dollars for our own selves.

Hell, gum woman ain't got no business
messing in free enterprise nohow.

Pappy, now tell me,
what's the new busiest?

Don't matter what they is.

The important thing is
they're gonna be ours.

We're gonna be rich. Rich.

Happy.

That looks like Just think
on him as merchandise, son.

You charge in and
take over now, Pappy?

Not yet, purple.

We gotta wait till
the marshal's bedded down.

He ain't here yet.

Must be in the barn
feeding his horse.

Virgil.

Well, I hope he's big and
broad shouldered. And clean.

Good night, girls.

Yep.

Marshall's bedding down, Patty.

Maybe if we're lucky, the
marshal will have a change of

Yeah.

And maybe a frog will jump out
of the trough and turn into a

prince with a big Yeah.

Now, Pappy?

Not yet, purple.

Get your gun ready, Pinky.

What, Pappy? So we
can shoot the marshal.

Why are we gonna
shoot the marshal?

So we can get rich.

I'm gonna buy a horse
when I get rich.

I'm gonna buy a hat.
Already got a horse.

Wake up and die, Marshall.
Nothing personal.

Oh, merciful heavens, we've
been beset by bandits.

Anything you wanna say before
I say you need to meet your

maker, Marshall?

Nope.

My god. Somebody do something.

Not peasy, Bart. Not peasy.

Nobody move.

Nobody move.

Throw away, Marshall.

Follow me, darling.

Here. Yep.

Down.

Yep.

Oh,

well,

nice meeting y'all.

Thanks. Did you see it?

Yeah. Yeah. I see it. I see it.

You gotta get over
this shit, son.

Your condition's keeping
us from getting rich.

Why don't you try playing
with yourself or something?

Did you hear any
of them, Marshall?

Nope.

Do you think he'll be back? Yep.

Have you ever been accused
of talking too much? Nope.

I got the guns, Patrick. Purple.

Did you see that?

You took your time of
getting here, Purple.

Good. Platts is always on
time. Hope you know that.

Who in the hell were those guys?

I don't know, but the one who
grabbed me had muscles as steel.

The one jumping
around was real cute.

Maybe with the dots on it.

Girls. Girls. Girls. Now this
is no time for window shopping.

There's real danger here.

I have guns in the wagon.
Should I arm everyone?

Yep.

May we all think of another
way of getting rich?

You mean give up? You're a
putz boy. You act like one.

The putz don't never give up.

It's just gonna take a
little longer than I figured.

Well, we ain't got time, Pap.

They're gonna be pulling
out in the morning.

Then I'll just have to think on a way
to keep them from moving out so fast.

Now won't I?

Do you know who they
are, Marshall? Yep.

The Putz gang. Pappy,
pink and purple.

I wonder which putz is pink
and which putz is purple.

Maybe a little soap and water.

Why would anyone name
their kids pink and purple?

Well, it says here
Pappy had no choice.

He had a dog named
Blue at the time.

Please.

Hurry.

Your brother ain't smart enough
to pretend these three people

out there shooting
in the dark forever.

Okay, son. Let it down easy.

Sounds like we
hit one hole. Yep.

Oh, that?

And there's a detestable

pups, I hope you didn't
hit anything important.

Well, at least they
stopped shooting. Yep.

Well, girls, you have
to get some sleep.

Now we simply must get
out of here tomorrow.

We can't do a show immediately
upon arriving in that mining camp.

We have to rehearse and you
haven't even tried on the

outfits we got from Europe.

Oh, so much to do
with so little time.

Marshall, would you like me
to take the first watch? Nope.

Wonderful.

I have to get some sleep or
look like the living dead.

Now come on, girls.
Back back to bed. Bye.

Whoever was sounded awful.

I wonder where
whoever was got hit.

I don't know, kid. All
I know is I feel lousy.

What do you mean how do
I feel? I feel lousy.

You pussy, eaters,
dumb, son of a bitch.

It's a good thing we
only got beans, Pappy,

because you ain't ever gonna
be eating Gorda the Cive again.

I'm awful sorry, Pappy.
You said put it down.

Easy. I said put it down easy.

What are we gonna do now, Pappy?

What do you mean
what are we gonna do?

We gonna shoot the Marshal.

What about the
other fella, Pappy?

One who prances around
like a mare in heat.

Well, Well, if he gets it
the way, you can shoot him,

but just don't neither one of
you bend over near him till

you're sure he's dead.

But don't hit none of
the ex dizzy asses.

We show up to the mining camp
with merchandise full of holes

that they won't do
no business with us.

Oh, oh, damn. That hurts.

Give me that bottle of whiskey.

Boys,

I'm gonna be laid
up for a spell.

You're gonna have to do
this job by your own self.

Just keep sneaking into town
till you get a clear shot at him.

We got time.

Long we got that wagon tongue,
he ain't going nowhere.

What do you mean we're
not going anywhere?

I mean, we simply must
leave immediately.

We haven't tried
on the new outfits.

We have to rehearse and
for heaven's sake, sweetie,

put it back in this pan or
pasteurize it before you make

me swear off milk forever
and tell me what happened.

They stole our wagon tongue.

You know, the long
thing that goes to me?

Stop TriNet. Fight me and
just tell me what happened.

I am. They stole our wagon
tongue. We can't go anywhere.

Does the marshal know?

Yeah.

He's out there now cutting
down a tree to make a new one,

but it's gonna take a while.

How much about wild?

She does the marshal.
A couple yeps?

Sal translates that to days.

Well, I suppose we could
rehearse here and try on the

outfits, but oh, fuck up.

Those bandits that
attacked us last night,

any sign of them this morning?

Not yet.

I been standing guard while
Sal and Genevieve get dressed.

Well, I suppose I could take
over for a little while.

Although, if I did come face to
face with those villains, I'd

probably just wanna
faint and shit my night

shirt and not necessarily

in

that

order.

It's okay, kids. Virgil's up.

He's standing guard so quiet
that's back with the tray.

You mean I can take a bath?

I rigged up this really neat
shower over at the other troughs.

I guess so, but stay close.

Remember those bad
guys are out there.

Well, at least two of them are.

Just because they shot at us
and stole our wagon tongue and

tried to kill the marshal
doesn't make them bad guys.

We don't even know what
they want. I'm hungry.

Why don't you go stand guard
while Virgil gets dressed?

I'm gonna go build a fire.

I'm going to take a shower. I'm
going to take a shower. Yeah.

I can't wait. I'm
going to take a shower.

Okay. Real slow now,
Hanson. Give me the gun.

Yes, ma'am.

Keep your hands up?

Yes, ma'am.

What are you doing here?

I'm coming to shoot
the marshmallows.

What for?

Pappy told me to.

You always do what your
pappy tells you to do?

Yes, ma'am.

Turn around.

Hold this.

Would you do everything
I told you to do?

Probably.

Probably.

Wagon Tom, Victor
Marshall? Nope.

Decide to take a break,
make sure the camp's secure? Yep.

It's just simply no use, honey.

You can't put twenty pounds
of beauty in a five pound bag.

Boy, I sure ain't never done
anything like that in jail.

I gotta tell you, ma'am.

I mean, Sam, that sure was more
fun than shooting a marshal.

Would you hand me my shirt?

Thank you.

What's this?

Some papers my mom gave me before
she ran off with the preacher man.

Your mom ran off
with the preacher?

Yeah.

I guess she felt like she
needed living on the other

side, living with Pappy
like living with the devil.

Your Pappy sounds like
a very bitter old man.

No, ma'am. He's just mean.
Meaner than a sidewinder snake.

You know what he done?

What'd he do?

He traded off paint.

Paid for the house?

No. He ain't got no house.

Paint was my horse, my favorite.

He's my only horse,

and Pappy went off and traded
him for a dumb old rock.

Oh, Purple. I'm so sorry.

Sometimes I pretend
I still got them.

That way it don't hurt so bad.

Another time,

like, now.

Why do you stay with
him if he's so mean?

Because he's my pappy.

I gotta go.

Why, ma'am, ask you.

Often, I think of a beautiful
town that is seated by the sea.

Often, thoughts go up and
down, the pleasant streets

of that dear old

oh, my god.

It's one of the
bandits. He's got cells.

I heard a shot.
One of you hit him?

Not me, Pappy. Maybe
maybe it was purple.

Here he comes.

Why didn't you shoot the
fool? He's my brother, Pappy.

Not that fool. You fool the
fool marshal fool. How come?

My gun go wet, Pappy. I
fell in a watering trough.

Did you have another
one of your spells?

Sorta. Damn it, old boy.

Why didn't you try playing with
yourself like I told you to?

Russell.

Did you shoot the marshal?

No. It didn't pass him.
Why not? Something came up.

Oh my god.

You're worthless.
Just both of you.

My gun got wet. It fell
in the watering trough.

Something came up.

I can't rely on
either one of you.

Well, now you listen to me,
and you listen to me good.

Come tomorrow, whether my
mouth is healed or not, we are

shooting that marshal.

Do you hear me?

Yes. I have been.

It's worthless.

Both of you.

It's her fault.

I met one of those eight
dizzy asses. She's nice.

Yeah? Me too. Her too.

Want me to help
you feel old pain?

I know I ain't got no horse,
Pank. Pappy trading them.

I think being one of those
big dizzy has helped my condition.

I'm glad, Pank.

I wanna shoot the
Marshall purple.

I can't say I'm crazy
about the idea myself.

If Pappy says we got him,
we got him. He is our Pappy.

Oh, Genevieve. You got all
dirty when we took that fall.

Oh, just a little dirt.
I'll wash it off later.

Are you feeling okay?

I feel wonderful.

I found the pink puff. And
I found the purple one.

You really helped him
get away, didn't you?

Yes, but

what's that?

I didn't realize I had this.

There's a letter
from his mom in here.

I'll never touch another
firearm again as long as I live.

You're simply gonna have
to defend the ladies all by

yourself, Marshall.

You do understand,
don't you? Yep.

Oh my god.

Stranding out here in the
middle of the east bum fucking.

I've tried to be brave.

I really have.

Well, you won't mind if
I see, would you? Nope.

We're really pissed off with
you, marshmallow Malone.

I mean, stupendously,

colossally,

caliphically, castratedly

pissed off.

Damn it, Malone.

You swore them strippers
would be here by now.

You tell him, Jack.
That's what he told us.

Now we give you our
money, Marshmallow.

Hard earned money we
dug from the ground.

Now where's them strippers?

I I know you did, Snuffy.

And and I sent it
to the government.

Don't don't pass the
buck to the government,

Marshmallow Malone.

It was you we gave the money to.

You tell him, Tom Beaver.

You may be dealing
with the government,

but we's dealing with you.

And you ain't got no right
taking our money and building

up our hopes like that.

And then not delivering.

Hellsfire, Marshmallow.

You know how long it's been
since we've even seen a woman

in these here parts.

Except in your
knees, contestant.

Kate,

she don't count.

Hell no. Why the thought of
her even being female is debatable.

Last poor fella that had
anything to do with Erbil.

He walked straight since.

Poor old Gill and Bill.

Oh. Hold on, boys.

We don't know they ain't coming.

I sent Kate down the mountain to see
if she could spot any side of them.

Now why don't you all just
go back to work? Hey, Snuffy.

Let me show you a card
trick I made up last night.

Magic, why don't you shove
them cards up your ass?

How'd you know the trick? I
just made it up last night.

Here comes Tate now.

But I sure the hell
don't see no strippers.

Kate.

It's all right. These
are coming, ain't they?

Sorry, uncle Marshmallow.

I've seen five skunks,
couple wild cats, an eagle,

and three or four coyotes.

The four legged kind.

Ain't seen a sign of
a wagon full of flus.

The peppers, drippers.

Actually, the word's
act easiest. It's Greek.

Don't make a shit what you
call them. They ain't coming.

You're a pessimist, Snuffy.

I ain't. I'm Methodist.

And ain't no call to bring
religion in on this, Malone.

We swindled this
pure and proper.

And what we ought to do is pound
you in a hammered out shit.

First man who wants
little holes in his belly,

raise his right hand.

Easy, Kate. These
are our friends.

They look a hell of a lot
friendlier six foot under.

Now hold on, Kate. Listen,
we got a right to be right.

We pay good money for
them government strippers.

Then take it up with the
government and leave my uncle

be, Tom Beaver.

Hey, Jigs. Take it easy. We
don't wanna hurt your uncle.

We just want what's
robbery coming to.

Ain't that right, boys?

Tell you what I'll do.
Maybe the floozies.

How about strippers
strippers, Keith?

Yeah.

Like dizzy as Floozies

broke down in the valley.

And I think it's sick
of each and every one of

you to pay good
money just so you

can see them all naked.

And that includes you,
uncle Marshmallow.

But since you're all so fired
up about the whole thing,

I'll ride out to the valley
as far as Pelvis Gulch,

and I'll see if I can find them.

Okay?

Oh, what do you think, boys?

It's a real good thing you'll
be doing here, of course, Kate.

Good thing you're scrawny ass.

I think the whole
thing's immoral.

But since you're
all so set on it,

I'll go down and I'll see
if I can sniff him out.

But you listen to me and
you listen to me good.

If I come back and I find one
hair hurt on my bad uncle hair.

You're all grass and I'm a
prairie fire. You got that?

And that goes for those
jackasses back at camp too.

You tell them. Goodbye,
Uncle Marshmallow.

Good luck, Kate.

Hell, with any luck,
I'll find him all dead.

And then the government
can refund your money,

and you could get back to work.

The whole idea is sick.

Kate will find them strippers
and bet on it. Actisius.

Any way you cut it, we're
talking tits and ass.

I hope they didn't
run into Indians.

Nothing. I got
another new cartridge.

You're

mine.

No. No. No. No.

You're supposed to
look sensual, girl,

not like you're in canes.

Outfits, Virgil. They're
pretty. They just don't work.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

If you want anything done right,

you simply have
to do it yourself.

I'll be right back.

Is anyone out there, Marshmies?

Yep.

I think somebody's coming.

Is that one of the men who
tried to kill us the other day?

Nope.

Well, he looks awful mean to me.

Now, if you'll watch me closely.

Well, no doubt about it.

I found the floozes.
Now see here.

What the hell are you?

I was just about to ask
you the same question.

Well, I'm Kate Malone
from the mining camp.

You're Marshmallow Malone? Kate
Malone, Marshmallow's niece.

He sent me.

You're a girl?

Of course. What the
hell did you think?

Well, that perhaps your maker hadn't yet
decided what to call this chunk of mud.

That ten star make you in charge
of this gum woman skin scam?

Yep.

The way you say that makes
me think you might be

what?

Yep.

Daddy, are you okay?

Hell no. I ain't
okay. My mouth hurts.

I just swallowed a fly,

and I wake up to find my two idiot
sons trying to beat me to death.

What the hell are you
doing here anyway?

Why ain't you out shooting the
marching like I told you to?

We was going to, Pappy,

but someone just rode into
the ex dizzy ass's camp.

Let me see that.

Get out of the way.

Who is that fella?

Believe it or not, Pappy,
that ain't no fella.

That's a girl, a mean girl.

I saw her whomp the hell out
of three fellas when I was up

scouting the mining camp.

That's catastrophe Kate,
Marshmallow Malone's niece.

He said a feller made a deal
with the government to bring in

the exudes he asked.

From the mining
camp? Yes, Pappy.

Must have rode down to find out how
come the merchandise ain't showed up.

We gotta move, boys.

We gotta shoot that marshal now.

You mean you've been pinned
down here all this time?

Yep.

There's a fort, a
day's ride away.

Why didn't you send someone?

A fort with soldiers
and everything.

Did you know that, marshal? Yep.

You knew that and you
didn't send someone?

Who's he gonna send?
One of us girls?

Well, he could have sent

point taken.

Bandits ain't your only problem.

Coming down, I see an
Indian camp up there.

Indians.

At least one.

It was too far away to make out,

but it was an
Indian camp alright.

Do you know that, Marshall?

Yep.

Why didn't you tell us?
That we're all in danger?

Yep.

Pinned down by bandits.

Indians watching you.
A wagon that won't go.

I'd say danger is
a good word for it.

Serves you right.

Coming all the way out here,
filling miners' heads with

crazy thought.

You're just a bunch
of cheap floozies.

I resent that remark.

Hell, you don't
even resemble it.

The stench of this whole
setup makes me sick.

If you smell anything, bitch,
it must be your raunchy armpit.

You took a bath once in a while,

and you'd look more like
a woman than range kill.

I'll show you.

Just save me, Marshall. Help.

Step aside, Marshall. I'm
gonna kill me a varmint.

Nope.

Damn. You're fast.

Fast as I am.

Yep.

You really plan on helping these
godless heathens, don't you?

Yep.

You think what they're
doing is right?

Taking their clothes
off for strangers?

Filling men's heads with
immoral thoughts? Nope.

Well, then why in the hell are
you bringing them down here?

Just because the
government said to?

Yep.

It's the code of the west.

A man's gotta do what
a man's gotta do.

Yep.

Well, I think you're wrong.

But at least you do
what you think is right,

And that means you're
not a total gunman

man.

And if you don't bring
those strippers down there,

my uncle's in deep shit.

I guess I'm gonna
have to help you.

As soon as I water my horse,
I ride to the fort for help.

This water trough has
sort of holes in it,

but there's another over in the
alley beside the old boarding house.

I sure hope you can hold
out till I get back.

I don't much care what
happens to these fluses.

You're kinda nice.

You knew I was a gal all
along, didn't you, Marshall?

Nope.

Oh.

That felly wall looks
like like a stud's gone.

We better move now.

Now remember, boys, the
marshal's our target.

Whatever you do, don't
hit none of this.

We won't, Pappy.

Please don't shoot.

I was just trying to What
the hell are you doing, Flus?

They're spying on me.
I brought you these.

You're welcome to take a
shower. I made it myself.

I saw the look on your face
when the marshal didn't know if

you were a a girl.

What the hell? Business
isn't of yours anyway.

Think I care what that
gumament flunk is, thanks? Yes.

Well, your brain's no bigger than
that little outfit you're wearing.

You're wrong.

Go on. Get out of here.

Go on.

I think it should
fit now, Marshall.

Virgil must be really scared.

He's out there doing
manual labor to help Quiet.

We're all worried. We gotta
get out of here quick.

Sal, what are you doing?

Just reading something
I lost the other day.

I found it in the jail.

Look, I'm glad you
found whatever it is,

but please hurry and drive.

I'm headed to the fort now.
Hold out till I get back.

Don't let him shoot you quiet.

I'll be back at the cavalry.

No doubt anymore.
That's a girl. Right?

She's a beautiful, clean
girl. I hope she makes it.

What do you think, Marshall?

I think that may be the most
beautiful gal I've ever seen in

my entire fucking life.

Okay. There's a
marshal over there.

He's working on that new
wagon town. You see him?

Yes, sir. Well,
you pay attention.

Here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna work my way down around
the other side of the saloon.

See?

Now I want you boys
to go up there,

and you hide in that alley
beside the old boarding house.

Now when I start shooting at
him, he's bound to come after me.

And you two just step
out in the street,

and you shoot him in the back.

Okay?

Yes, sir. Okay, Ping?

Yes, Pappy.

Don't let me know him, boys.
Remember, I am your Pappy.

Please, Pink. Don't let
your brother shoot me.

Oh, ma'am. I just come in
and shoot some art. Why?

Because that'd be sad.

Neither a patent.

Well, maybe this letter that Sal
found of Joe will change the line.

Dear purple, I should
have told you before,

but I was afraid of Pappy.

If you can get
somebody to read this,

then you and Pink
will know the truth.

Pappy Putts, not your father.

Your real father drowned in
a beer barrel in Abilene.

His name was Abner Pecker.

Love, your mammy.

Puce, pecker, putts.

Does this mean what
I think it means?

What is me, purple?

Means we gotta listen
to patting on them.

We ain't puttses. We're
peckers. Hackers, purple?

Hackers, man.

Hackers.

Let's go shoot us a putt.
I'm right behind you, Harper.

It's okay, Marshall. No
whereabouts now. Step aside.

Pink. Purple. What
the hell you doing?

You're supposed to be
shooting the marshal, not me.

We ain't doing nothing you say
anymore, you toothless old fart.

You lied to us. But
you ain't our pappy.

We ain't putts as we're peckers.

Run, you god darn old putts.

Nothing. Pick the car. Get
away from me. Just Nothing.

I can't pick a car.

So that's the story.
It's been hell.

But if the Indians don't
attack us, I think we should.

Kate said she spotted an Indian
camp out at the top of the hill.

Up there?

Hell, that ain't no Indian.

That's where mad Mary Monahan
hangs out when there's folks

come passing through here.

You mean mad? Like in crazy?

No.

He means mad as in pissed off,
and I mean really pissed off.

I ain't pissed off.

Sorry, ma'am. I didn't
mean to fuck up dog dirty.

No offense, I'm taking.

Anyhow, Mary Monahan,

her husband used to live
in this shared town before the

gold ran out.

That's true.

Pretty little thing she was.

Still is, I reckon.

Her husband was too, sissy
for the life out here.

No offense, mister
Nellie. Offense taken.

He didn't even run off to the
mountains like the rest of us.

Oh, he went back
east and married.

Well, she decided she was gonna stay
and try to keep her homestead rights.

But since she was a woman,
the government said no.

Because she was a woman,

the government wouldn't
let her keep her home?

That's about the size
of it, ma'am. Yes.

See, the railroad's supposed to
come through here one of these days.

Boy, that'll bring this
old town back to life.

Back to life?

You know, them
government parasites.

Government's fucked.

No argument from us, ma'am.

Anyhow, that's how
come mad Mary's so mad.

But don't let that fool
you. She's really harmless.

We offered to take her
back up to the camp,

but she insists on staying to
protect what she feels is her

god forsaken town.

Damn right the
government's fucked,

and it's gonna get more
fucked if you ask me.

Nobody did, did, Stuffy.

You see my niece,

rode off to the fort to
bring back the cavalry.

That's right. Guess she
made the ride for nothing.

Feel kinda bad.

Well, the hell, Kate.

Let's talk tits and ass. You
can't. Now we wanna see a show.

It's an ass.

You know what

I mean? Yeah. That's it.

You boys wanna see a show?
Why not? You must show, busty.

Why not? Tits and
ass coming right up.

Maybe it's a gentleman
direct from London.

Hey. You ain't got no tits.

You ain't got much
of an ass neither.

A crazy spell.

Get off of there.

I'm dreaming about you, baby.

Stand over the other way.

Oh,

need

Oh, that sorta looks like
my niece, but it can't be.

That's Kate. Alright.
Prettiest thing I ever saw.

Well, it's certainly not the cavalry
she's bringing back with her.

Who is that sexy man in the hat?

Well, that's Hat
Masterson, US marshal.

I saw him once at Kansas City.

What the hell is he
doing way out here?

I don't know.

But if the size of his hat's any
indication of the rest of him

Sorry, Quiet.

I got to the fort and found out that
they're not authorized to save you.

You are no longer a
government project.

What? Well, perhaps
I can explain.

That's master's

Sweet Jesus.

Forgive me. I think I'm in law.

You see, the wives of the
politicians objected to the use of

strippers for
government revenue.

Objected very
strongly, it seems.

And our new
lieutenant's wife, Nan,

threatened to cut him off
if he came to your rescue.

So the project's been canceled.

Is there a,

marshmallow Malone out here?

Well, that'd be me.

I'm authorized to refund your
advance payment for one night of,

five hundred dollars.

What's going on here?

Oh, the marshal just gave us
our five hundred dollars back.

Pat Masterson, ma'am.

Marshall Masterson says you're
no longer a government project.

I don't know what to do.

Hell, Marshmello,
you're free enterprise.

Take the five hundred dollars.

Five hundred dollars?

Government was only
paying us two hundred.

Standard, Marshall, ma'am.

Until you invent the income tax.

Tell you what, Marshall.

You give us three
hundred a show,

we'll go up to the camp and
stay as long as you like.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Okay. Certainly.

Hey, marshmallow.

You let her get any closer,
she's gonna roast you.

Hey, Marshmallow, Smell.
Getting all creepy.

So we got a deal, Marshall?

A deal? A deal?

Yeah. Certainly. Certainly.

Hey.

When we get up to camp, I'd
sure love to show you my load.

My load's bigger than his is.

I think I'm gonna
like it out west.

Let's get back to
the show, boys.

Nice meeting you, Marshall

Masterson.

Get out the rest
of James, buddy.

It seems like the government's
made another mistake.

I came out here with a
notice for a, Mary Monahan.

Seems like she's the,

owner of this property again now that
the railroad's not coming through.

I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Could you find some place to
tack this up where she'd be

sure to find it?

Certainly. I'm gonna catch
the rest of the show.

It's wonderful to have you back.

Every moment you're away
was exquisite torture.

I thought of you constantly.
Did you think of me?

Yep. Marshall, Herb.

I'm on my way to Tombstone.

Seems your brothers are set
up to fight the Clantons.

Care to come along
and join the fun?

Hell no, Masterson.

I'm tired of building those loud
mouthed idiots out of trouble.

For the first time in my life,
I've got something better to do.

Right?

So I figured Oregon's the
place, the Christmas Valley.

Maybe run a few head of horses,
a few thousand head of cattle,

have a few babies.

Sound good to you?

Yeah.

Then after the first year,

I think I'll plant
a field of clover.

We can make eleven of clover
every night. Then maybe corn.

Do you think making eleven
cornfield might be fun?

Yep.

You get dressed up with
money in your pockets, but

you got no place to go.

And then one day, these
beautiful ladies came

riding into

town.

Well, I never did see
a curse that was clean.

And peckers don't
have to be mean.

Don't have to be bad.

Make other folks sad.

No, they can be good
like a good echo should.

Well, I never did
know a Pudz Fooka

count and had or
subtract any amounts.

But a pecker can dance

right out of his pants.

Yeah.

He can dance good like
a good hater should.