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Twas the night before Christmas, on the realm they call Earth
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and in Yonderland too, tis the season of mirth.
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It’s Thanktival Eve, with its wreaths and its bunting
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and love and good feeling and some drunken fumbling.
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But amongst this joy lurks something malicious.
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For presents bring he who finds them delicious.
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Well, it hasn’t been delivered.
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No, I need it today, it’s a Christmas present.
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Yes, I know I’ve left it a bit late you passive aggressive little sh-
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Sugar paste and three egg whites. Should be perfect for the cake. Okay, Sue. Bye.
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Should we put the mince pies in the oven? We did put “from seven” on the invites.
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Yeah, look, Pete. You know how I said that I would buy your mum and dad’s Christmas present this year...
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Yes! And it’s a great idea.
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Now I know you’ve never quite, you know, clicked
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but they were so touched when I told them that you’d picked out something special.
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You’ve told them?
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Well...I thought that was the point!
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You know, you and them bonding et cetera.
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Are you worried it’s not enough?
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You could say that I’m concerned about the amount of it I have.
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Debs, it’ll be perfect. Because you are perfect.
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Merry Christmas.
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Is that coriander?
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Yeah, shop was shut.
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See the white bits there? Jelly beans.
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Hm. Bit soggy.
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What are you doing here? I’m off until after Boxing Day.
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Is that a real thing? Thought you were joking.
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How is that funny?
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Well it’s not but have you heard your jokes?
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Look, what do you want because I’m busy?
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- The Elders want to see you. - Well, is it urgent?
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Um...either I didn’t ask or I didn’t listen.
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Go on.
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Mince pies, mince pies.
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Pete, I’m just popping out to...deliver these cards. I won’t be long.
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- Oh! Pick up some Amaretto for mum! - Okay!
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Otherwise she’ll get on the gin. And we know how that ends.
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ALL: The Chosen One!
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Okay, look, is this urgent because there’s a thing where I’m from called Christmas?
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ALL: Happy Thanktival!
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What’s Thanktival?
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What’s Chrizmans?
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So, the baby Jesus climbs down the chimney...
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No, that’s Santa.
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And who is it disrobes under the mistletoes?
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No one. We just kiss.
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- Sometimes more at office parties. - Oh.
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What is Thanktival?
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It’s a very special day where we give our loved ones presents
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to thank them for their love and friendship throughout the year.
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- That’s lovely. - Well, keeps the murder rate down.
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That’s why we asked you here, Debbie. To give you your Thanktival pressie.
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And I see you’ve brought Christiformas gifts for us.
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- Oh goodie! - Oh. No, no, no.
56
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They’re very thin. I wonder what’s inside them.
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Maybe don’t open them just yet.
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Open them? (THEY LAUGH)
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Why is that funny?
60
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We don’t open our presents, Debbie.
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What, not at all?
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On Thanktival Eve we lay out the presents.
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And when you wake on Thanktival Day, they’re all gone.
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Eaten.
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By Chompus.
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- Chompus? - Yes. A demon, some say.
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A spirit, some say.
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A goat with two winkies, some say.
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Well, Les from the pub said that.
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(THEY GROAN) Les again.
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Why don’t you open all your presents now before Chompus can eat them?
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Because then Chompus would eat us instead.
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Besides, having your presents eaten is all part of the tradition.
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Weird tradition.
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And a fat man coming down the chimney and stuffing presents in a sock is dead normal is it?
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Okay, I get your point.
77
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But if you never open the presents why do you give them in the first place?
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We have a saying here, Debbie.
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The emotion behind the gesture of giving the present
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is more important than the manifest gift in and of itself.
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“It’s the thought that counts”.
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That is better. Write that down.
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However, Deb-beh, we have thought of a Thanktival gift for you that Chompus cannot consume.
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Guys, that’s really lovely, but I really have to...
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Comes in the form of a song.
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Yeah, seriously, I really have to...
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Sung by our very own children.
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It can wait.
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May we present the Elders' Youngers with The Days of Thanktival.
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(OUT OF TUNE) # On the first day of Thanktival I climbed a verdant tree
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(OUT OF TUNE) # To get a better view of thee
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(OUT OF TUNE) # On the second day of Thanktival
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Could someone with fingers put them in my ears if I have ears
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How many days of Thanktival are there?
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- 143 - Excellent.
96
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Humbug!
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One each. I just put them in big boxes.
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Happy Thanktival.
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Happy Thanktival!
100
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Are those for me?
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No. They’re for us.
102
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- Who from? - Just the guys.
103
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Boris the doorman, Tim and Eric, Big Mike, Slightly Smaller Mike.
104
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Alright, alright, I didn’t ask for your life story.
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I didn’t want any presents anyway because I’m evil, yeah?
106
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And if my father taught me one thing it’s that bad children don’t get pressies.
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Or praise. Or a bed.
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It’s you lot that have messed up by getting me something. You did get me something didn’t you?
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I got you a helmet with spikes on.
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I’ve got one of those.
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Really? Where?
112
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What about you two?
113
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I got you two tickets to Wrestle-to-Death Macho Mania!
114
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Oh, that would have been amazing! I could have taken my best friend
115
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Steve...floor...demon.
116
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Steven Flordimon! Great guy. One of the best.
117
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Rita, what did you get me?
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My Lips Are Sealed.
119
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No talky lip glue! Every hobby torturer’s dream!
120
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Oh, this is so unfair. Decent pressies for once and that flipping monster’s gonna scoff the lot.
121
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Unless...
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- Ooh! - He’s hatching an evil plan!
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Or he needs a wee.
124
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Bit of both actually. But plan first.
125
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We capture Chompus before he has a chance to eat our pressies. That way we get to keep them.
126
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Oh, I lied about the humbugs. Those are just empty boxes.
127
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Right then. Let’s catch ourselves a monster.
128
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Yeah!
129
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But first, I really do need that wee.
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(OUT OF TUNE) # On the 133rd day of Thanktival, I knocked this song upon the head
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(OUT OF TUNE) # 'Cos I'd been singing so long that you were dead!
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Well that was, that was wonderful. And Merry Thanktival to you all.
133
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Did you hear that? She loved it.
134
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Yes, maybe they really will win.
135
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I’m sorry. Win? What exactly do you think that’s gonna win?
136
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The Thanktival Song Contest.
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Every year we enter and every year we’re defeated by that dreadful Johnny Cash.
138
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Johnny Cash?
139
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Well, not his real name, obviously. His real name’s Alan Money.
140
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Choirmaster, property developer and the most arrogant man in the realm.
141
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You’re right to clap. I am amazing.
142
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- Unbelievable man. - Terrible person.
143
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With his groups in the contest, we’ve never stood a chance.
144
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So we’ve decided to enter the children.
145
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And, well, you heard the results.
146
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Yes. Yes, I did. And you might just wanna make a few little changes.
147
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Like what?
148
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Er, well, maybe the song?
149
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- I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. - No.
150
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And, um, maybe the singers?
151
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Deb-beh hates us!
152
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Now, now, I didn’t say hate.
153
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And that’s not how you pronounce my name.
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(ALL TALK AT ONCE)
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Let’s just get out of here. Family row. It’s always the same at Thanktival.
156
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Listen, we just won’t enter the competition this year. It’s no big deal.
157
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Actually it, it is kind of a big deal.
158
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What have you done, mate?
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- I had a couple of drinks... - Oh...
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Let me guess, you bet all your realmly possessions on the Youngers beating Johnny Cash?
161
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No, I didn’t actually.
162
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Well thank goodness for that!
163
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I bet the deeds to the chamber.
164
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What?!
165
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So now we have to win otherwise we’ll be homeless for Thanktival!
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ALL: Debbie! Debbie!
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I’m back!
168
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- Great timing, my mum and dad are here! - Great!
169
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There she is!
170
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Hi, Barbara.
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Ooh, they look nice. So dark and crispy.
172
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- Mind your backs. - Oh, wow. That's a lot of presents.
173
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- Pete! Help your dad! - I am!
174
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Jesus, Dad. We said Lego not lead.
175
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It’s your mothers fault, she’s gone mad.
176
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Oh, give over. If you had your way the kids would get walnuts and a ball of string.
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But a little birdie tells me they’re not the only ones being spoiled this year.
178
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There’s talk of a special something from a certain special someone.
179
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Well, it’s the thought that counts. Nigel, how was the journey?
180
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Well, the SatNav lady said M40, M6 but clearly she’s never seen a contraflow at Quinton’s
181
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So there I was on the A435...
182
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Right, if I’m going to hear this again, I will have to have a drink.
183
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Now, have you got that stuff that tastes like almonds?
184
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- Yeah, I think we have. - No. Sorry, I forgot.
185
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I’ll have a gin then.
186
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Make it a double, love.
187
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So, did you decide on the fancy dress or is that just something that you wear?
188
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I’m sorry?
189
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Ah, there she is. Go and get her!
190
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Well I can’t just stroll in there, she’s got company.
191
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But this is urgent.
192
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Hang on. I might have an idea.
193
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No, I said “festive dress” which could be a costume or... Oh, my God!
194
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Hello!
195
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I’m Ted...Higgins from number 73.
196
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Ah, yes. Of course. Ted. So glad you could make it.
197
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Well it’s a pleasure Deb-bie.
198
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Er, Ted, this is Pete, my husband and his parents.
199
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- Hello. - Hello. - Oh! Snap.
200
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Actually, where did I put mine? (DOORBELL)
201
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- Pete could you get that while I fix Ted a drink? - Yeah.
202
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Well, a sherry would be marvellous.
203
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What the hell are you doing here?
204
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It’s an emergency! Elder Pressley has bet our chamber on the outcome of the song contest.
205
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What? Why?
206
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The old demon drink, I'm afraid.
207
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Now, where’s that sherry?
208
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No. We have to fix this. We can’t both go, it’ll look too suspicious.
209
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I will go back to Yonderland and see what I can do.
210
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You stay here but you talk to no one. Now who do you talk to?
211
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No one?
212
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Er, Pete? I’m just gonna pop out and get that Amaretto. Won’t be long.
213
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Oh, hi. I’m Noah.
214
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No one? I believe I’m supposed to talk to you.
215
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So how’s everything in your world?
216
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Look, I said I was sorry. Would you have rather I walked out there?
217
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Alright. Can they get out of this deal? Undo the bet?
218
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No way. The paperwork’ll be watertight. His lawyer’s a fish.
219
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Well, we’ll just have to make sure the Elders' Youngers are good enough to win.
220
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Great! I’ll go get them.
221
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No, no, no. I'm not doing it.
222
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My choir teacher used to pay me to mime.
223
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Come on. There must be a vocal coach in Yonderland.
224
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- Well there was someone but I think he’s retired. - Oh.
225
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- And he’s mad. - Oh.
226
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- And possibly dead. - Oh, keeps getting better.
227
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Look, where can I find him if he is alive?
228
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Come on, I’ll show you.
229
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Er, no, no. You’re gonna have to help me with Christmas.
230
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I need you to find presents for Pete’s parents.
231
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Piece of cake.
232
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Great. What were you thinking?
233
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I just said. Piece of cake?
234
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No. Much better than that.
235
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And do they have Amaretto here?
236
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Course. We’re not animals.
237
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- Okay. Which way? - Oh, right.
238
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- Mummy. - Uh oh. That’s not good.
239
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What? What’s the matter?
240
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Hibernation. His winter sleep. It can last for days.
241
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,940
Can’t wake him, can’t move him and I can’t close the portal.
242
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,820
Oh, for the love... wait there.
243
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,500
- Right. - What’s that?
244
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:10,260
This is part of Pete’s costume from his am-dram version of Miss Saigon.
245
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:12,780
So it’s only the second weirdest thing it’s ever been used for.
246
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,440
There. See? You’d never know. Now who am I looking for?
247
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,880
Maverick Bojangles?
248
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,860
Who wants to know?
249
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,520
Well, I don’t know about you lot, but I’m really tired.
250
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,780
- Me too. - Absolutely. - I’m not.
251
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:44,440
We’re not really going to sleep, you idiot. We had this conversation about three minutes ago.
252
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,000
Not ringing any bells.
253
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,340
Chompus won’t come while we’re awake.
254
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:53,080
So we pretend to be asleep then get him when he goes for our pressies.
255
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,760
I’ll grab him, you lot get him in the sack.
256
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,860
(LAUGHS) In the sack!
257
00:13:57,860 --> 00:13:59,400
- Grow up, Neil! - Sorry.
258
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,880
Okay. Night, guys!
259
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,400
Night, boss!
260
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,460
Now!
261
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:40,120
Demons! Demons! Demons!
262
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,220
Wake up! Wake up, you idiots!
263
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:50,020
Lady, I got one word for you: hell-no.
264
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,460
It’s hyphenated.
265
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,520
Come on, please. You were a choirmaster.
266
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,740
And I’ve heard you were good.
267
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:56,900
I was the best.
268
00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:00,440
That was a long time ago.
269
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:06,240
These days it’s just me, few pieces of wood
270
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:11,140
and blissful silence except the sound of the wind.
271
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:17,920
And the birds. Flutterbugs. And the bats.
272
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,940
And will you guys shut the hell up!
273
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,660
What happened to you?
274
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,660
I don’t like to talk about it.
275
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:27,960
- Okay. Okay, no that’s... - It was the winter of ’69.
276
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,820
That year I had a dream group.
277
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,960
Finest singers in Yonderland.
278
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,800
They called them The Rat Pack. Never knew why.
279
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,120
If your date don’t see eye to eye
280
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,640
There’s no point in hanging around
281
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,200
Man, they were good.
282
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,860
The harmonies, the rhythm.
283
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:53,900
The ability to clean themselves with their tongues.
284
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:58,480
That year the contest was ours for the taking. And then it happened.
285
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,880
Jimmy went down first.
286
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,780
By a semitone, maybe more.
287
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,560
That’s when Bobby got hit.
288
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:14,420
One by one they all went down.
289
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,620
Auralgeddon, some called it.
290
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,120
Others called it the Apoc-ear-lpyse.
291
00:16:30,340 --> 00:16:33,400
Or just the Apocalips because lips, singing.
292
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,900
Yep, I get it.
293
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,220
I can still hear the screams.
294
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,300
Oh, no, that’s that.
295
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,120
What made them go out of tune?
296
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,180
Not a day goes by I didn’t wonder that.
297
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,380
We were cheated for sure, but how?
298
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:58,320
That question haunts my dreams, my nightmares, my anecdotes.
299
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:03,620
All I know is I haven’t been able to listen to music since.
300
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:07,700
So, like I said. I can’t help you.
301
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,320
Okay. Then I guess Johnny Cash wins.
302
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,220
Johnny Cash?
303
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,540
The hell’s Johnny Cash got to do with the price of grease lightning?
304
00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:16,120
I heard he’s the competition.
305
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,320
Why? Do you know him?
306
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,620
I know him alright.
307
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,200
Hates to see anybody else doing well.
308
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,520
So jealous and spiteful.
309
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,680
I’ll never forget his face that fateful night.
310
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,600
Laughing and pointing.
311
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:35,080
While good men lost their lives!
312
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,520
No, not lives. Pitch.
313
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,040
Well, you know. He’s gonna be laughing again in a few hours so...
314
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,640
Not if I can help it.
315
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:45,760
You mean...
316
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,580
I may be as much use as a bladdered goose in a cock house
317
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:55,000
but if it means getting Cash back, you got yourself a choirmaster.
318
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,820
There. We got him in the end.
319
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:05,080
Are you alright?
320
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:10,160
Do I look alright? This ruddy monster’s drool has bleached my damn beard!
321
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,280
It’s possible we went a bit method with our sleep acting.
322
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,180
You think?
323
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:21,440
Still, he won’t be gobbling my gifts this year. Will you, Mr Big Mouth?
324
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:31,580
Yeah. Looks like this bad boy’s gonna be getting himself some presents.
325
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,500
- Well, everyone is. - What?
326
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,340
Well, if it’s him who eats everyone’s presents
327
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,980
and he’s in there then everyone gets to keep their presents, right?
328
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:45,720
You...are a genius, Jeffrey!
329
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,220
That’s what my mum says.
330
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:52,860
There’s a whole realm full of pressies out there just waiting for someone to take them.
331
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:53,900
Yeah!
332
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:58,520
I could be rich beyond my wildest dreams!
333
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,220
In terms of gifts and vouchers.
334
00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:09,300
Demons! Fire up the mobility sled. This year, Thanktival belongs to me!
335
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,880
I'd say I’m a civil servant too.
336
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,460
I sit in a room full of idiots trying to keep the evil forces at bay.
337
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:18,960
Same as all of us, mate. Same as all of us.
338
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,740
Ooh, sorry. Ooh! Look at you.
339
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,940
Like a sexy Des Lynam.
340
00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:26,980
Oh, God. Someone give her more gin.
341
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:30,200
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
342
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,500
- Hey, Dad. - No, not Dad! I’m Santa.
343
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,560
But you said the real Santa doesn’t come unless we go to sleep.
344
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,260
Well, don’t believe everything your old dad told you about me.
345
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,980
Does that mean we get presents even if we’ve been bad?
346
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:47,400
No, it doesn’t. And can you both please go upstairs and put your pyjamas on. Thank you.
347
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,640
Right. Merry Christmas!
348
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,320
Got something in here for you.
349
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:58,060
You must be quite the hunter, red man.
350
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,860
- I was on the A435... - Merry Christmas!
351
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:05,180
Fat balls.
352
00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:08,560
Oh, for the birds! I just tend to put seeds out.
353
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,680
I think blue tits like a bit of fat at this time of year.
354
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:14,320
And coal tits, great tits...
355
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,340
Where do you stand on fat balls?
356
00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:19,540
I beg your pardon?
357
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:22,080
Well, I’m a fat ball man myself. Birds love them.
358
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,820
Pop them out in the garden, after thirty seconds I can’t move for tits.
359
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:32,140
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
360
00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:34,040
Any sign of that almond stuff?
361
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,480
Gin goes right to your mother’s libido.
362
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,640
I will pay you never to say that sentence ever again.
363
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,720
Hey, Mary-Sue.
364
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,940
It’s been a while.
365
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:02,200
Alright, let’s give this a whirl.
366
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,280
One, two, three.
367
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,960
- # On... - No! All wrong!
368
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,480
He’s flat! She’s reedy!
369
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,660
And his timing is way off!
370
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,480
Well, I tried. I’m sorry, Debbie. Goodnight.
371
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,700
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look.
372
00:21:16,180 --> 00:21:19,260
Look I know it’s difficult after everything that’s happened but
373
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,520
don’t you want music back in your life?
374
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,340
You make it sound easy.
375
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,260
You weren’t there, ma’am. You weren’t there.
376
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,780
I know. But imagine the look on Johnny Cash’s face.
377
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,900
I meant imagine the look if we win.
378
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,560
Sorry, I should have made that clearer.
379
00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,560
- Okay. - Yeah?
380
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,780
Guys, one more time from the top.
381
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,900
Only you, pitch up.
382
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,960
You, more gusto. And you...
383
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:51,840
Just mime.
384
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,480
And one, two, three.
385
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,700
# On the first day of Thanktival
386
00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:59,720
See now that’s sounding better already.
387
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,140
I mean it’s not amazing but it’s definitely better
388
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:13,560
I can’t do it! I just can’t do it!
389
00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:17,100
Good news! I’ve sorted out the pressies.
390
00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:19,900
Bad time?
391
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:40,440
Yes, this is my best plan ever! (LAUGHS)
392
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,620
Ooh, nice camouflage, guys.
393
00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:46,020
Jeff, what’s with the er...
394
00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:47,460
Well it’s dark out.
395
00:22:47,460 --> 00:22:49,100
Not very evil though, is it?
396
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,340
Oh, give me a sec.
397
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,260
- How’s that? - Much better.
398
00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:55,500
Pull!
399
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,300
Out into the night! More pressies!
400
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:02,240
I want more pressies! Ha ha ha!
401
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,200
Why can’t I do it?
402
00:23:11,380 --> 00:23:14,320
Why can’t I just face the music?
403
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,260
Please, Gods!
404
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,740
Show me how to break this curse!
405
00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:23,200
Give me a sign!
406
00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:25,900
Show me the light!
407
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,820
Wow, you’re kind of literal, ain’t ya?
408
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,440
Maverick!
409
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,640
Maverick!
410
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,820
Debbie, wait!
411
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,960
Listen. I’ll look for Maverick, you need to get back.
412
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,140
Yeah, okay.
413
00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,900
So...Amaretto.
414
00:23:57,900 --> 00:23:59,440
Oh! Great, thank you.
415
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,300
- And for Bob’s dad... - Peter.
416
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,560
Bob’s dad Peter, I’ve got tie and complimentary handkerchief.
417
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:06,820
That’s actually quite nice.
418
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,260
Likewise. (SHE SCREAMS)
419
00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:09,600
It speaks!
420
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,080
Yeah, it’s complimentary.
421
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,140
Oh, I love your shoes.
422
00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:13,880
No, nothing that speaks!
423
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,760
Fine, I’ll take it back.
424
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,280
For the mum, perfume.
425
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:21,100
It’s called wild snorchid. It’s meant to be relaxing.
426
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,980
Bit too relaxing if anything.
427
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,340
Look, Maverick was here.
428
00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:29,960
So he couldn’t have gone far.
429
00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:32,080
Oh no.
430
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,220
Yeah, you go...and...
431
00:24:36,220 --> 00:24:38,220
And I’ll go...
432
00:24:39,860 --> 00:24:40,940
My head.
433
00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:47,740
Okay, everyone. Come to the front door. There’s singers!
434
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,080
(ECHOES) There’s singers!
435
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,740
No! Please.
436
00:24:57,060 --> 00:24:59,700
No. You don’t understand.
437
00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:09,060
# Silent night, holy night.
438
00:25:09,060 --> 00:25:12,380
# All is calm...
439
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:13,860
All is calm.
440
00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:16,900
# All is bright.
441
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:17,980
It is.
442
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,120
Maverick. You okay?
443
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:23,960
It’s beautiful.
444
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,400
I don’t hear screams or laughter.
445
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,740
Just melody.
446
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,320
- What is it? - Carols.
447
00:25:34,020 --> 00:25:36,420
Well she’s one very talented lady.
448
00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:38,460
Oh no no no no she’s not...
449
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:42,280
You know she might let you borrow one.
450
00:25:43,580 --> 00:25:44,920
So, you gonna sing this year?
451
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,500
No, no. Mojo’s got laryngitis so...
452
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,620
Oh and nits so don’t hug me.
453
00:25:50,460 --> 00:25:54,060
Hang on. Looks like there’s been a change of venue. Come on.
454
00:25:54,580 --> 00:25:57,160
After you. After you.
455
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:04,480
# Sleep in heavenly peace.
456
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,400
Hoorah! Hoorah for singing!
457
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,980
More! The same again!
458
00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:11,360
Who the hell are they?
459
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,580
- Fireworks! - Debs?
460
00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:15,580
It’s fireworks time, everyone. In the garden.
461
00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:18,000
Debs, where the hell have you been?
462
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,940
Oh, Amaretto. I had to go all the way to Barton Road.
463
00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:22,680
Oh, you really do make the effort, you know?
464
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,440
I know, I really do. Now go on, ‘cause you’re in charge of lighting.
465
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,940
Okay. Ooh, this way, this way.
466
00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:31,820
That’s it. Ah-ah-ah this way.
467
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,920
No, no, no. This way.
468
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,120
Come on, Barbara. Into the garden.
469
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:39,220
- Would you mind holding onto my fat balls? - Sorry?
470
00:26:39,220 --> 00:26:42,380
My hands are sweating. They just crumble so easily.
471
00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:45,160
Oh, right. Yes, of course.
472
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,740
No, I’m the Grinch.
473
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:49,920
- And you’re from? - Yonderland!
474
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,360
Never seen it.
475
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,980
Ah-ah! Oh no. Off you go. That way.
476
00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:56,860
Everyone back to their own world!
477
00:26:56,860 --> 00:26:58,700
Go on. Go, go, go!
478
00:27:03,340 --> 00:27:04,980
Perfect. Right.
479
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:07,780
Deddie!
480
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,940
Deddie, there’s a rumour that you’ve got some...
481
00:27:10,940 --> 00:27:13,060
Ooh! There it is.
482
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,780
That’ll put hairs on your chest.
483
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:29,580
Right, now then. Fireworks!
484
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,160
Fireworks!
485
00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:37,200
Where could Vex have got to?
486
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,700
Clearly he can’t find Debbie.
487
00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,720
Then this chamber is doomed!
488
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,960
No, 'domed'. It’s pronounced ‘domed’.
489
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,120
I can’t help but feel this is all my fault.
490
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,300
- ALL: It is! - Oh, well that would explain it.
491
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:52,820
Well, we can’t wait for Vex. We need to get to the contest!
492
00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:56,660
And someone should tell the Youngers what’s riding on their performance.
493
00:27:56,660 --> 00:27:57,980
They need to know!
494
00:27:57,980 --> 00:28:01,780
I’ll go. After all I sort of feel like this is my fault.
495
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:02,800
ALL: It is!
496
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,800
Yes, alright. I’m sorry I forgot again.
497
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,960
It’s track four and I will be there as soon as I can.
498
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,760
Thank you, Debbie. And you thank Carol for me too.
499
00:28:12,340 --> 00:28:14,140
Yeah, okay. I will do.
500
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,960
Debbie! There you go, presents sorted.
501
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,560
Got them both eye watches.
502
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,920
Well, that sounds...
503
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,360
Too good to be true.
504
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,500
Look, I’d avoid any technology with a heartbeat, okay?
505
00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:27,540
Anything else?
506
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,000
Just keep trying!
507
00:28:31,340 --> 00:28:33,480
Children, I’m sorry.
508
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,040
I’m so very sorry.
509
00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:40,940
I...I was hypnotised by a mad criminal.
510
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:43,880
(DISTANT SINGING)
511
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,060
It’s a Thanktival miracle!
512
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,240
I must tell the others.
513
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,100
No, wait. I’ve got a better idea.
514
00:28:57,580 --> 00:29:04,040
# Holy infant so tender and mild...
515
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:06,480
Beautiful. Ain’t it?
516
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,200
Just listen to that rhythm.
517
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,740
Oh yeah. Still got it.
518
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,260
(SQUAWKING)
519
00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:19,860
Polly want a cracker?
520
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:23,300
(SCREECHING)
521
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:26,040
Ah-ah-ah-ah. Don’t wanna spoil you.
522
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,900
Might need you hungry.
523
00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:33,500
Knock, knock, Cash!
524
00:29:33,860 --> 00:29:37,400
Oh, it’s you. Come to beg me to cancel the bet, eh?
525
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,700
Double or nothing.
526
00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:43,520
- What? - I’ve heard our song for this year and you’re never gonna beat it, Cash.
527
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,220
I'd put Yonderland on it.
528
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:53,320
Are you sure the Elders won’t be back?
529
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,460
No, they’re all at the stupid singing contest.
530
00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:59,880
Which means their pressies are now my pressies.
531
00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:03,840
Look at this. It’s just a folded bit of card.
532
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,820
What a rubbish present. Who would want that?
533
00:30:05,820 --> 00:30:07,640
- It’s from Debbie. - Give it to me!
534
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,800
Who the heck’s this berk?
535
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,480
Says his name’s San-ta Cl-a-us.
536
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,100
Here’s another one!
537
00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:18,600
It seems he’s coming to fill some stockings.
538
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,000
- Fill with what? - Severed limbs most likely.
539
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,840
No. With presents.
540
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,720
And there doesn’t appear to be anyone there who eats them.
541
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,140
- You know what this means, don’t you? - Probably not.
542
00:30:29,140 --> 00:30:34,060
It means that Debbie’s world is full of pressies just waiting for me to steal them.
543
00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:37,040
- We just need to find the portal. - Precisely!
544
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:42,220
You’ve met your match this time San-ta Cl-a-us.
545
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,800
This garden’s bigger than it looks.
546
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,820
Ooh. Fireworks?
547
00:30:53,820 --> 00:30:56,280
Yeah, they’re on first. (CHEERING)
548
00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:03,220
Thank you, thank you so much. Always wonderful to see so many friendly faces here.
549
00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:09,200
And some other types of faces for this Yonderland’s annual...
550
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,300
Nice to see you. Ooh, hello.
551
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:13,620
Fireworks.
552
00:31:13,620 --> 00:31:16,480
Well, they’re just up there on the stage, so...
553
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,960
But don’t actually- Oh! Hello, Susan.
554
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,960
The Fireworks! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
555
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,720
Hey! Alright?
556
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,580
It’s Thanktival!
557
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,140
He looks vaguely familiar.
558
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,680
From the neck up.
559
00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:42,960
I think the undressing rooms are this way.
560
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,700
- Well, if the stage is... - Woah there, ladies.
561
00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:48,260
Come to wish your awful offspring luck, eh?
562
00:31:48,260 --> 00:31:51,400
It’s good to see your lack of talent hasn’t skipped a generation.
563
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,320
Oh zip it, Cash! The show’s not over ’till the fat lady sings!
564
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,280
And she’s not coming because she’s dead.
565
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,480
- Cholesterol. - Oh...
566
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:01,680
She was massive.
567
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,500
And you’ll hate owning our chamber.
568
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:06,460
The heating bills are through the roof and there’s a hole in the ceiling.
569
00:32:06,460 --> 00:32:07,780
They might be related, you know?
570
00:32:07,780 --> 00:32:09,220
Gonna knock it down anyway.
571
00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:13,060
It’ll make an excellent rubbish dump in my new land.
572
00:32:14,180 --> 00:32:16,280
- In your...what are you talking about? - What do you mean “new land”?
573
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,160
Oh sorry, didn’t you hear?
574
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,460
Your drunken dummy doubled the bet.
575
00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:25,600
That means, when I win tonight, Yonderland will be mine!
576
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,480
Woah, woah, wait you can’t just say that. What do you mean?
577
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,500
There you are!
578
00:32:30,180 --> 00:32:31,720
Have you heard the good news?
579
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:36,000
(ALL SHOUT ANGRILY)
580
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,660
What? It’s fine.
581
00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:39,660
Yonderland is perfectly safe.
582
00:32:39,660 --> 00:32:41,540
I heard the kids rehearsing.
583
00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:45,600
They’re absolutely amazing! Check it out.
584
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:52,040
(OFF-KEY SINGING)
585
00:32:53,860 --> 00:32:56,720
Shall we do resignation first or...
586
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,560
skip straight to the beating?
587
00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:02,780
I wish it could be Thanktival
588
00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:06,660
more frequentlier often than it is.
589
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,900
Top up time!
590
00:33:24,540 --> 00:33:25,640
Oh!
591
00:33:28,980 --> 00:33:33,720
Ooh, now. What I need is a sit down.
592
00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:41,040
Right, that is everyone.
593
00:33:41,620 --> 00:33:43,500
Well, she’s not up there!
594
00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:46,960
I’ve lost her.
595
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,020
(SNORING)
596
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,540
There she is.
597
00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:53,440
Come on, love.
598
00:33:55,220 --> 00:33:56,500
Time for bed.
599
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,960
Oh, did somebody bring a dog?
600
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,640
- What a night. - Yes.
601
00:34:10,220 --> 00:34:11,440
I think I’m gonna turn in.
602
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,720
Well, I’ll follow you up. I’m just gonna deal with the empties.
603
00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:19,040
Oh, it’s lovely party!
604
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:19,860
Come on, you.
605
00:34:20,460 --> 00:34:26,360
I wish it could be Thanktival more frequently more often
606
00:34:33,380 --> 00:34:36,400
Yes! She’s left the portal open!
607
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,300
Heh, who’s the idiot now?
608
00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:40,940
Still you, Jeffrey, but I take your point. Come on.
609
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,420
One, two, three.
610
00:34:43,420 --> 00:34:45,780
(OUT OF TUNE) # Silent night
611
00:34:45,780 --> 00:34:48,480
No, no, no! Not like that.
612
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,780
Singing is about trust.
613
00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:54,380
You! Tell them something you ain’t told nobody before.
614
00:34:55,460 --> 00:34:56,840
Fine, I’ll start.
615
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,760
I spend my nights crying.
616
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:06,020
And I wipe away the tears with the dirty underwear
617
00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:10,000
I wore last time I won this contest.
618
00:35:13,140 --> 00:35:15,700
Fifteen years of pink eye right there!
619
00:35:17,940 --> 00:35:19,500
Now, you.
620
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:21,660
Once I shaved a donkey
621
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,900
and stuck the hair to my chest
622
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,300
so I would look like my dad.
623
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:30,980
I like to take off my clothes.
624
00:35:30,980 --> 00:35:34,180
I like looking at pictures of nude crones.
625
00:35:34,260 --> 00:35:35,480
I’m a boy!
626
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,360
I once killed a man!
627
00:35:38,020 --> 00:35:40,240
(THEY CRY)
628
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:45,380
Fragile, messed up, emotionally unstable?
629
00:35:45,380 --> 00:35:48,240
Now you’re more like a band!
630
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,060
Now shall we try that song one more time from the top?
631
00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:53,780
One, two, three.
632
00:35:53,780 --> 00:35:56,040
Alrighty Richard!
633
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,940
So, Youngers to stage left. You’re on in five.
634
00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:07,540
So, would you please welcome to the stage, the fifteen time reigning champion
635
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,900
it’s Johnny Cash and the Posteriors!
636
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,020
# Ow, ow. Ow, ow. Ow. Ow.
637
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,080
# Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow.
638
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:22,060
# Ow (BURPS)
639
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,980
(THEY 'OW' IN HARMONY)
640
00:36:26,980 --> 00:36:29,760
Oh Gods, this is a disaster.
641
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,900
Oh, I think he’s rather good.
642
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,420
Yes! That’s why it’s a disaster.
643
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,520
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get you.
644
00:36:41,820 --> 00:36:45,480
Wow. This Cl-a-us guy does not mess around.
645
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,340
This is the motherload.
646
00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:51,480
In, in. Quick, quick!
647
00:36:52,820 --> 00:36:53,700
(GASP)
648
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:55,360
Santa!
649
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,520
Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen.
650
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,560
Do I really look like a "Donna"?
651
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,820
That’s us.
652
00:37:04,820 --> 00:37:06,700
Off you go then. Back to bed.
653
00:37:07,180 --> 00:37:09,060
Can you tell me what I’m getting?
654
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,580
Um, slight change of plan this year, little one.
655
00:37:13,580 --> 00:37:17,080
Um, we’re taking pressies rather than giving them.
656
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,700
Mix things up a bit.
657
00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:21,880
You mean I’m not getting any presents for Christmas?
658
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,480
You’re there. Bye then.
659
00:37:25,940 --> 00:37:27,240
Have I been bad?
660
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,840
Bad boy, Negatus.
661
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,680
Such a bad lad. You’ve been very, very bad.
662
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,600
No pressies for you!
663
00:37:39,860 --> 00:37:43,000
I’m sorry. I’ll try harder next year.
664
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,260
(SHE CRIES)
665
00:37:52,780 --> 00:37:53,700
Put them back.
666
00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:55,200
- What - What?
667
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,260
You heard. We’re putting them back.
668
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,040
All of them.
669
00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,020
Ow!
670
00:38:03,020 --> 00:38:06,140
# Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow
671
00:38:06,140 --> 00:38:08,100
# Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
672
00:38:08,100 --> 00:38:18,080
# Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow
673
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:22,740
# Ow! Oww, oww!
674
00:38:22,740 --> 00:38:25,560
Let’s see what the judges have to say about that.
675
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,920
Nines across the whole board!
676
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,900
That puts him right in the lead and there’s only one act left.
677
00:38:31,900 --> 00:38:36,500
So, without further ado, it’s the Elders' Youngers.
678
00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:40,640
(APPLAUSE)
679
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,980
(CHEERING)
680
00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:51,580
(CHEERS TURN INTO SCREAMS)
681
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:15,320
# Silent night, holy night
682
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:23,700
# All is calm, all is bright
683
00:39:23,700 --> 00:39:30,980
# Round yon virgin, mother and child
684
00:39:31,580 --> 00:39:39,260
# Holy infant so tender and mild
685
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,500
(SCREECHING)
686
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:44,840
You want some of this?
687
00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,180
Then you know what to do.
688
00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:55,840
# Sleep in heavenly peace
689
00:39:56,020 --> 00:40:04,500
(OFF KEY) # Silent night, holy night
690
00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:12,180
(OFF KEY) # Shepherds pray at the sight
691
00:40:12,180 --> 00:40:17,640
(OFF KEY) # Glory streams from heaven afar
692
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,420
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)
693
00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,240
Hey! Ssh!
694
00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:24,280
Shut up!
695
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,000
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)
696
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,160
(OFF KEY) # Holy night. Shepheds pray...
697
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,400
Hey. Hey, look! Want a fat ball?
698
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:49,260
# Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah
699
00:40:49,260 --> 00:40:56,580
# Sleep in heavenly peace
700
00:40:57,180 --> 00:41:02,720
# Sleep in heavenly peace
701
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,180
That’s my boy!
702
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,220
That was unbelievable!
703
00:41:13,220 --> 00:41:15,180
Let’s see what the judges have to say.
704
00:41:15,580 --> 00:41:18,140
Ten! Ten! Ten!
705
00:41:18,140 --> 00:41:23,360
That means the Elders' Youngers have won the Thanktival Song Contest!
706
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,360
Oh, well done!
707
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:28,420
Holy f-f-flutterbug!
708
00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:32,100
There you are!
709
00:41:32,980 --> 00:41:34,200
A flatfinch!
710
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,700
I thought they were extinct.
711
00:41:35,700 --> 00:41:36,780
Flatfinch?
712
00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:41,700
When it’s hungry it gives off a call so shrill it impairs all sense of pitch and tune.
713
00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:42,900
Cash.
714
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,240
Going somewhere?
715
00:41:46,860 --> 00:41:49,100
You lost two million big ones.
716
00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:51,320
Cash or cheque, Cash?
717
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,620
Funny, yeah.
718
00:41:54,420 --> 00:41:56,620
Looks like I win, Cash.
719
00:41:56,620 --> 00:42:00,680
Don’t worry. Nobody goes home empty handed.
720
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,340
You’ll find they’re real absorbent.
721
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,340
Do you always carry bird food around?
722
00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:10,300
Oh, no. That’s Pete’s dad’s. He’s got a thing for birds.
723
00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:12,680
If I was a blue tit, we’d have bonded years ago.
724
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,220
Really?
725
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,660
Well, that’s an idea.
726
00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:21,220
Er, Mr Bojangles? You know your woodwork...
727
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,820
Ho, ho, ho!
728
00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:46,980
ALL: Presents!
729
00:42:46,980 --> 00:42:49,060
Presents! - But Santa said...
730
00:42:49,060 --> 00:42:52,500
Oh, it was just a nightmare, sweetheart. There’s presents for everyone.
731
00:42:52,500 --> 00:42:53,580
Morning.
732
00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:54,740
More or less.
733
00:42:56,180 --> 00:42:58,580
Oh. One too many gins, Barbara?
734
00:42:58,820 --> 00:43:02,040
Oh, I’ve no idea, love. Can’t remember a thing.
735
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,900
Actually, Barbara, I wanted to have a quiet word about your present.
736
00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:08,060
(THUD) What was that?
737
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,340
I didn’t hear anything.
738
00:43:09,340 --> 00:43:11,080
Sounded like it came from in there.
739
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,040
It’s probably just the pickled onions expanding.
740
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,040
Honestly, Nigel, I wouldn’t even bother opening the door.
741
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,640
Oh my word! That’s...
742
00:43:19,740 --> 00:43:23,040
Lovely! Babs, take a look at this.
743
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:28,720
It’s a bird house.
744
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:33,440
“To a Mum and Dad, love from Debbie
745
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,440
and the other ones”!
746
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,820
That’s very...special.
747
00:43:37,820 --> 00:43:39,120
“Mum and dad”?
748
00:43:39,580 --> 00:43:41,980
Is that how you see us?
749
00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:43,100
Well, I...
750
00:43:43,100 --> 00:43:47,560
You’re like the daughter I’ve never had, Debbie. You really are.
751
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,080
We’re gonna go shopping.
752
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,420
Get our nails done.
753
00:43:54,420 --> 00:43:56,180
And go to the cinema.
754
00:43:56,180 --> 00:43:59,080
And how about a spa weekend?
755
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,000
I know this fabulous place in Cornwall.
756
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,280
Opening actual presents.
757
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,560
I never thought I’d see the day.
758
00:44:08,220 --> 00:44:09,460
Thank you, Ho-Tan!
759
00:44:09,460 --> 00:44:10,400
Handmade.
760
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,340
Oh!
761
00:44:12,420 --> 00:44:14,140
Bring back Chompus I say.
762
00:44:14,140 --> 00:44:15,540
Tell me about it.
763
00:44:15,540 --> 00:44:17,780
It’s like nobody knows me at all.
764
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:19,360
Happy Thanktival, everyone!
765
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:22,200
ALL: Happy Thanktival!
766
00:44:25,220 --> 00:44:27,800
Best Thanktival ever!
767
00:44:29,060 --> 00:44:30,600
Well, don’t get used to it.
768
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,700
Next year we’re back to humbugs.
769
00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:34,740
Now, where were we?
770
00:44:34,740 --> 00:44:38,940
"Apply glue directly to victims lips."
771
00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:42,620
And the moral of this story is
772
00:44:42,620 --> 00:44:46,040
even monsters have soft sides.
773
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,500
Apart from me.
774
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,780
I...will...eat you!
775
00:44:52,780 --> 00:44:54,600
(LAUGHS)
58357
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