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1
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GENTLE SNORING
2
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,160
SCRABBLING
3
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,640
Negatus.
4
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,280
Pete, it's three in the mor...
5
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,880
Hello.
6
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,120
I didn't put that there.
That's been moved.
7
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,760
Pete, you're being paranoid.
8
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,720
That's what they want you to think.
9
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,800
Do you seriously think
a rat came up the stairs,
broke into the bathroom cabinet
10
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,640
and tried to make off
with your razor?
11
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,360
Why would it? To sculpt
its little "downstairs"
into the shape of Australia
12
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,280
That was one time,
and it was supposed to be a heart.
13
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,960
I suppose you're right. A rat
couldn't lift that up, could it?
14
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,600
Good night, Pete.
15
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,320
Yeah, I'm just being ridiculous.
16
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,520
We've got a ghost.
Oh, my God...!
17
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,120
'Far, far ago,
18
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,720
'the ancients wrote
upon the scrolls
19
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,920
'that dark forces
would sweep our realm,
20
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,440
'until only Yonderland remained.
21
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:24,080
'But they telled also of a saviour,
come from a distant world,
22
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,120
'to save us from the shadows,
23
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,560
'which is nice.'
24
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,120
HE YAWNS
25
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,600
HE SNORES
26
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,520
Weirdo.
27
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,000
Good morning, sir.
Up bright and early, I see.
28
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,280
Yeah, yeah. Small talk, banter.
29
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,760
Urgh!
30
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,120
CHEWS AND GULPS
31
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,640
Where's the mint?
32
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,360
Thank you.
33
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,720
Agh...
34
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,720
ALARM SOUNDS
35
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,000
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh...
36
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,240
I must warn you, I have demons.
37
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:47,000
We've all got demons, mate.
My wife made me dress up as a...
No, I think he means actual demons.
38
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,560
I know!
39
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,160
Look, just take the cash.
40
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:56,280
The safe combination is 1, 2, 3...
You might want to write this down.
41
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,520
Do we look like
common thieves to you?
42
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,600
Well... HE does a bit.
43
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,200
Why? Because I don't wear
name brands?
44
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,920
Shut up!
45
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,560
My name is Ellis.
Ellis of Woolworth.
46
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,920
Ring any bells?
47
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,000
Is this about child maintenance?
48
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,880
No. This is about
my beloved twin brother.
49
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,480
We used to be like
two peas in a pod,
50
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,200
bedfellows, bunkmates,
double trouble, dual fuel...
51
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,480
Yeah, OK, I get it. You were close.
52
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,800
Oh, that's happened.
Like boobies in a bra.
53
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,240
And then you killed him
54
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,000
to make way for your champion
in the grand tournament.
55
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,520
And now I shall exact my revenge.
56
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
57
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,960
You're Philip's brother!
Philip of Woolworth!
58
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,680
I didn't kill him. Maddox did.
59
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,560
-Who?
-Debbie. Of Maddox.
60
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,320
You know. The Chosen One.
61
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,440
Where have you guys been living?
On the moons?
62
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,440
We have been bravely fighting
foul foe in the Afarlands.
63
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,240
My page - Marks.
My page - Spencer.
64
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,360
It's an unpaid internship.
Shut up.
65
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,320
Negatus. I don't have a page.
66
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,200
Though I do have a guy
who cleans my helmet, so...
67
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,920
Well, she may have a name
that suggests great legs,
68
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,920
but this Debbie
shall still taste the bitter sting
of my terrible vengeance.
69
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,240
Look, I hate to be
frying your ointment here,
70
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,880
but killing this Maddox woman
is kind of my job.
71
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,120
I sort of promised the boss
that I would...
72
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,160
Noooooo...
73
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,880
Excuse me?
These men will eliminate Maddox.
74
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,200
You're staying here, with me.
75
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,200
The time has come
to make some changes.
76
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,240
I thought you were just here
-to observe.
-Not any more.
77
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,200
-Get off!
-But it's my turn!
78
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,520
Ow! I told you to leave that!
79
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,680
Go and get your swimming stuff,
quick!
80
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,760
Is this you watching them
Mm-hm.
81
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,760
Now, according to Derek Acorah's
Ghost Facts... Oxymoron.
82
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,920
He is a bit,
but his facts are really good.
83
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,360
He reckons most hauntings occur...
Aw, Pete! We've been in this house
for six years,
84
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,800
and the only terrifying spirit
we've encountered is that stuff
your dad brought back from Greece.
85
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,280
We absolutely, categorically
-do not have a ghost.
-OK, OK.
86
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,960
But there is definitely something
weird going on in this house.
87
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,560
Take that cupboard.
The light is always...
88
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,920
Although...no-one really knows
what's going on with the afterlife.
89
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,480
Who am I to say
what does and doesn't exist?
90
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,800
Maybe you do get
nice, friendly ghosts.
91
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,280
Like Casper, but older.
Needing a shave.
92
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,680
-He hit me!
-She broke my car!
93
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,320
Ben, we don't hit.
94
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,280
-See?
-Er, we don't hit!
-Except for muggers.
-Thank you!
95
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,760
Oh, look!
96
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,520
Right, no-one's going swimming.
What?!
97
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,400
Actually, you know what?
Swimming's back on.
98
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,520
Hooray! Come on.
Quick, before I change my mind!
99
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,840
What are you doing here?!
It's Sunday!
100
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,000
Don't tell me you've forgotten.
SHE GASPS
101
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,920
-Oh, God!
-How could you forget?!
102
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,720
Maybe 'cause I've got two lives?
103
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,160
And a husband who thinks we've got
a ghost because of the mythical
creature that lives on my fridge.
104
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,040
-What is a fridge?
-A cold cupboard.
How did you get that?
105
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,240
-We need to go.
-Where are we going?
You're not going anywhere.
106
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,480
And stop taking stuff!
But I need battery for projector!
107
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,520
No projector, no message.
108
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,120
What about that?
Yes! Even better! Give!
109
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,320
Fine, but put it back before Pete
comes home. And stay out of sight.
110
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,760
-OK. Shall we go?
-Yes.
111
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,960
Oh, two secs.
Let me pop in the shed.
112
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,600
She's going to pop, in the shed?!
113
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,840
Nah. She says that
but she never does.
114
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,520
What is all this? What's happening?
115
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,640
Oh, no! Fire!
116
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,280
Surprise!
Oh, no.
117
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:47,720
Whilst it is not our usual custom
to mark the incremental journey
towards death,
118
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,280
Debbie...
The Chosen One!
119
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,440
Yes, felt we would be remiss
not to celebrate
120
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:58,440
the fact that Nicholas here
is 400 years old!
121
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,320
Don't remind me.
122
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,160
Well, blow them out, then.
123
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,040
-This is nice, isn't it?
-Nice?
124
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320
I've been kidnapped,
reminded I'm ancient,
125
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,960
and presented with
the burning effigy of a loved one.
126
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,960
But you do get presents. Look!
127
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,840
-What is it?
-Wood preserver.
128
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,240
No. I don't go in
for all that nonsense.
129
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,240
I'll just
grow moss gracefully and...
130
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,000
Ahhh! That is first class!
131
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,960
Happy birthday, stickhead.
132
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,760
-Ow!
-Ha-ha-ha!
133
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,480
Splinter?
134
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:34,400
NEGATUS:'Right. If you want to
find Maddox, there's this tavern
that's probably your best bet.
135
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:51,240
'You can't miss Maddox.
Leggy, blonde, attractive...
136
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,000
'if you like that sort of thing.'
137
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,040
Mmm!
138
00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,360
'Though I should warn you,
you'll need all your guile
and cunning to capture her.
139
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:05,440
'She's outsmarted me
on several occasions -
if you can believe that!'
140
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,040
WIND HOWLS
DOOR CREAKS
141
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,440
'Ahem! Anyway, good luck.
You'll need it.'
142
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:17,360
♪ For he's a pretty good stick
143
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,320
♪ For he's a pretty good stick
144
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,120
♪ And so say all of us
145
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,320
♪ And so say all of us
146
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,640
♪ And so say all of us
147
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,360
♪ For he's a pretty good stick... ♪
148
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,560
CHEERING
149
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,920
SWISH OF METAL
150
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,880
I'm tired.
151
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,720
Like a charm.
152
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,360
Look, I'm all for change,
but I need this stuff.
153
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,960
This is all vital to the running
of an evil dominion.
154
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,880
What even is that?!
155
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,840
-Destroy.
-Goodbye, Toby.
156
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,440
Instructions For A Font Of Oris?
157
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,480
It's a security monitor,
but it also doubles as a bath,
158
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,240
so in terms of value for money...
159
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,360
Destroy.
160
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,080
Wooh! That can go.
Talk about dense!
161
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,400
Keep.
162
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,040
I'm getting the impression
I'm not really being listened to
right now, yeah?
163
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,720
And if I'm not being listened to,
why am I here?
164
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,960
What a good question!
165
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,800
I'll put it in my report.
166
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,080
What report?
I'm merely here to inspect.
167
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,440
I'm just a tool.
You said it, mate.
168
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,720
Imperatrix herself
will decide your fate
169
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,040
based upon the findings of
an objective report compiled by me.
170
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,960
And I don't like you.
171
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,280
Oh!
172
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,120
Wow. Well, er...
HE CHUCKLES
173
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,560
..that's out there.
174
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,800
Erm... OK.
175
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,880
No, no, no, no.
That's cool, that's cool.
176
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,280
I like a man who speaks his brains.
177
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,520
But I warn you, if it comes down to
my word against yours,
178
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,920
I've got a whole legion of loyal
minions who would back me to the...
179
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,360
Your tea, O grandest of pianos.
180
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,200
You were saying?
181
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,120
Hmmm...
182
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,520
Aha!
183
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,800
-It wakes!
-Hmm?
184
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,800
Ah, you're not the only woman
to wake up next to this face.
185
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,360
Because I sleep with women.
186
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,960
Philip of Woolworth?
But...you're dead.
187
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,960
A confession! Excellent.
188
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,000
But I'm not Philip.
I'm Ellis, his twin.
189
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,200
We were like two peas in a pod,
190
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,160
a fat lady's thighs,
clickety-clack, two nuts in a sack.
191
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,880
-What do you want?
-In a word, your
-life.
-That's two words, isn't it?
192
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,320
Nobody kills my brother
and gets away with it,
193
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,880
no matter how objectively
attractive they are.
194
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,200
Looks her up and down,
like you do with girls.
195
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,800
But I didn't kill Philip!
It was an accident!
196
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,240
HE CHUCKLES
197
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,520
Nice try, you saucy harridan,
198
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,360
but your fate is sealed.
199
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:03,800
You shall be taken to the Forest of
Chronos, where you will learn a new
definition of pain and suffering
200
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,920
as I cast you
into the Vicious Circle!
201
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,680
My friends know this realm
better than any creature alive.
202
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,760
They'll see I've been taken and,
mark my words, they won't rest
until they have me back!
203
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,440
DRUNKEN SLURRING
So he's the drummer, right,
204
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,320
but he's also the singer!
205
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,200
Yeah, well, how does he...?
He's got this headset and...
206
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,520
HE GASPS
We should go on a road trip!
207
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,480
-What?!
-Me and you!
208
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,320
We could go to the Forest
of Chronos, see your family tree...
209
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,440
Oh, no.
I'm miserable enough as it is.
210
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,200
It'll be fun!
Get back to your roots!
211
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,760
HE GIGGLES
212
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,200
That's a tree joke!
213
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,560
Doesn't matter.
214
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,840
Right, come on.
Let's leave these squares to it.
215
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,240
What is it with us?
216
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,120
-Your jokes are racist.
-Mmm.
217
00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,400
DOOR OPENS
Right. Go and shower properly
or your hair will turn green.
218
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,040
-Yay!
No, that's not a good thing!
219
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,000
Hmm?
220
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,600
My liege, we're being followed!
My liege, we're being followed!
221
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,120
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
222
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,520
I can hear him!
223
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,200
See? You're in trouble now.
224
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,960
While you stand here blabbering,
my friends are already planning
their attack.
225
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,120
ELF HUMS
But you only just went!
226
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,160
Well, I'm going again!
227
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,280
Ah...
228
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,160
Oh, no. Shoe.
229
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,960
So would you like to go back
and vanquish the foul foe, sire?
230
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,400
Oh, yes!
231
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,240
As much as I like to kiss ladies.
232
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,040
But, alas, I have to stay here
and guard my quarry,
233
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,240
as the Codes of the Cross dictate.
234
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,240
Or we could look after her for you.
What, and break the Codes?!
235
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,520
Don't you remember what happened
to Alan of Spar when he broke
the Code of the Green Cross?
236
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,400
If only he'd listened...
and stopped and looked.
237
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:28,520
Marks and Spencer, find this
harpy's cohorts and take them out!
238
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,800
-Make a meal of it.
-No, wait...
239
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,640
Too late! Your friends
are about to find out
240
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,200
that nobody closes down
the Woolworths!
241
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,040
♪ There's my feet
242
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,880
♪ That's your feet... ♪
243
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,320
TIPSY GIGGLING
244
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,120
HE GASPS
245
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,200
There you go. One last wineapple.
246
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,840
You're so lovely!
247
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,480
Not at all. It's been a pleasure
taking you out.
248
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,920
Now, you boys
have got a tree to find, eh?
249
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,640
Or we could just...not.
250
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,680
No, come on.
251
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,440
Seriously? You're really
letting them go?
252
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480
Spencer, I will not tell you again.
253
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,920
It was a specific order -
"Take them out. Make a meal of it."
254
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,720
Yeah, as in "Take them out
and bury them in the woods"!
255
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,240
Why on realm would
a perfectly reasonable knight
256
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080
want us to track down the allies
of his mortal enemy,
257
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,880
take them to a quiet spot,
kill them and... Oh, God!
258
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,360
HE SIGHS
259
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:30,320
So... I come back?
No. That's what "fired" means.
260
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,720
See ya! Ha-ha-ha!
261
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,360
That's the last of the minions,
O biggest of bangs.
262
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,800
Strange. There are
three more names on my list.
263
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,600
THEY GASP
Right.
264
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,320
No. No!
265
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,800
Those snivelling, two-faced little
turncoats are the beating heart
of this heart operation -
266
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,800
of this operation.
267
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:54,080
I mean, how am I supposed to run
an outpost without any staff?
268
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:58,920
I don't think that will be
your problem much longer.
269
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,240
Behold, the Vicious Circle!
270
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,280
A fate worse than death,
271
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,640
followed by death.
272
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,280
So, very much the worst
of both worlds.
273
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,120
No, no, Ellis! Don't do this.
You're not your brother.
274
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,040
How dare you?!
275
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:22,040
We were like two peas in a pod,
a couple of swells, a pair
of very tight shorts.
276
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,880
But you're better than him.
What?!
277
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,720
My sword was the first thing
he noticed...after my bum.
278
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,520
But he was a bad man.
You're not like him.
279
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,480
Yes, I am. I love bums!
280
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,440
I meant the sword.
281
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,080
You just don't seem like
much of a fighter to me.
282
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,440
Why get dumb and dumber
to fight your battles for you?
283
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,120
Like I said, the Codes of the Cross
dictate that I...
284
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,960
If you want revenge,
why not just take it, right now,
285
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,600
instead of throwing me in there?
286
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,040
Come on. When was the last time
you actually killed anything?
287
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,480
I mean you personally.
288
00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,560
Ho-ho. Nice try, Maddox.
289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,760
I would say,
"Better luck next time,"
but there's not gonna be one.
290
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,600
SHE SCREAMS
Now go on, get stuck in!
291
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,240
HE LAUGHS
292
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,600
SHE GASPS
293
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,840
SINISTER CREATURE CALLS
294
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,560
Fresh meat!
THEY CACKLE
295
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,080
That's taught you,
hasn't it, Maddox!
296
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:33,120
If there's one man around here who
likes killing, it's yours truly!
297
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,000
GAGGING Oh, no... Oh, no...!
298
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,480
HE GASPS
Oh!
299
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,520
Oh! I'm so sorry!
300
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,920
I... I can't feel my stem.
301
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,840
Look, it was an accident!
302
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,160
I never meant to...
Just tell my cuttings I love them.
303
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,360
No! No, not like this!
304
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,400
FLOWER WHIMPERS
305
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,320
I haven't killed anything
in four years.
306
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,040
I'm not about to start again now.
307
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,880
Please, just live.
308
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,680
Live!!!
309
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,920
Oooh! Someone's put on
a few pounds!
310
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,240
-What?
-Still haven't lost
that baby weight, have you?
311
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,640
I've been busy!
Not busy buying clothes, clearly!
312
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,120
THEY CACKLE
Who did your hair? Vidal Baboon?
313
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,440
THEY CACKLE
Get him to shave your top lip!
314
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,160
Who'd you inherit
your moustache from? Your dad?
315
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,040
THEY CACKLE
316
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,000
I don't know. I was adopted.
317
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,360
SUDDEN SILENCE
318
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,360
-Sorry about that.
-Yeah.
319
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,880
She's got weird feet!
THEY CACKLE
320
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,480
Seriously?
I survived year 10 with Gabby
Parker. This is a piece of cake.
321
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,800
Oh, you'll crumble
soon enough, angel.
322
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,040
They all do!
323
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,720
THEY CACKLE
324
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,520
-You can tell him.
-No, you tell him.
That's an order, or you're fired!
325
00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,040
Then I resign.
No! I order you to unresign!
326
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,320
Erm...
327
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,960
My liege... Erm...
His liege.
328
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,400
About this whole
taking-them-out thing,
329
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,520
well, it got a bit messy.
330
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,400
No.
331
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,040
-What have you done?!
-We...
332
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,800
I... Erm, I messed up.
333
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,760
Long story short,
we didn't kill them.
334
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,880
Why, you little...
335
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,080
beauties!
336
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,600
Mwah!
337
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,160
Debbie was right.
We're not killers!
338
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,000
We're useless at this!
339
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,280
FAINT SHRIEK
340
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,520
I couldn't even
pull a petal off a fl...
341
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,440
Debbie.
342
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320
Here. Take this.
343
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,920
Whatever you do, don't let it die!
344
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,280
HE RUNS OFF
345
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,360
So where's your babies?
Yeah! Why aren't you at home?
346
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,800
Shut up. Don't you dare tell me...
Ooh! Now we're getting somewhere!
347
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,280
Shall we take a closer look,
ladies?
348
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,720
SNARLING
349
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,880
No, you shan't!
350
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,200
-Ellis!
-Agh!
351
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:19,120
Debbie, you were right. I was just
pretending to be someone I'm not.
352
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,960
I was trapped, and now I...
353
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000
Oh. How ironic.
354
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,760
He could do better!
355
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,000
That's not the husband.
You filthy slapper!
356
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,440
Some rescue
357
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,360
I think we've established
that I'm a pretty useless knight.
358
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,440
All I used to do was try
to be brave - which is a lie -
359
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,280
and flirt with girls -
which is a...
360
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,040
-That's it!
-What's what?
361
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,240
They're bullies! They want us
to hate them! To hate ourselves!
362
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,680
This whole place,
it feeds on hate!
363
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,400
So what do we do?
The last thing they're expecting.
364
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,520
We show them some love.
Oh, yes. Ha-ha!
365
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,240
You've come to the brother
of the right guy.
366
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,960
Excuse me! You in the middle!
367
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,720
-Me?
-Tell me, did it hurt?
368
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,120
What are you on about?
When you fell from the heavens.
369
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,320
-Ooh!
-Oh!
THEY GIGGLE
370
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,240
And...did you lose your rosette?
371
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,560
-What rosette?
-I'm assuming
you just won a beauty competition.
372
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,760
THEY GASP AND WHOOP
373
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,320
Do me! Do me!
Chance would be a fine thing!
374
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,840
THEY SQUEAL WITH DELIGHT
We did it!
375
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,640
I'm gonna ring that fella I know!
376
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,120
We did it.
377
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,200
And as for you, I'd like to
run you a hot bath and...
378
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,760
Ellis...
379
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,440
Sorry. Force of habit.
380
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,800
TIPSY VOICE
♪ And so the elves went
fiddle-di-diddle-di-di! ♪
381
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,640
Well, here we are.
382
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,680
My family tree!
383
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,960
Let me see. I can take it.
384
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,600
Oh, mate, I'm so sorry.
385
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,960
I know there's nothing
I can say but...
386
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,760
Ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...
387
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,360
Nick, are you all right?
NICK LAUGHS
388
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,040
I'm better than all right.
389
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,680
I just counted the rings.
390
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,640
I'm only 399!
391
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,720
THEY BOTH LAUGH
392
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,560
I'll drink to that!
393
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,520
MIMICS FRANK SPENCER
Oh, Betty! What are you doing here?
394
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,960
You are terrible friends.
395
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,040
What?
HE HICCUPS
396
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,680
Oh...
397
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,160
So you're saying we've got
a poltergeist...who fixes toys?
398
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,720
Well, not just toys.
399
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,160
What about the spoons?
And the TV?
400
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,320
So it's a bit playful. At least
it's helping out around the place.
401
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:28,080
It could be
one of those evil spirits that
goes around smashing things up.
402
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,800
CRASH
403
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,480
And personal hygiene issues aside,
404
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:41,520
it is quite clear to me that
Negatus is unfit to hold command
405
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:46,400
and, in my opinion, should be
relieved of his duty immediately.
406
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,360
That should cover it.
407
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,360
Unless, of course,
you have something to add.
408
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,880
Well? Do you?
409
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,440
Boy?
410
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,040
Well, just popping in
to say good...
411
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,520
I may have made
a small tactical error.
412
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,760
Subtitles by Ericsson
413
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,680
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