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1
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,120
'And welcome back, everyone. Great
to see you here, back playing Ladder.
2
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,800
'Four contestants, four questions,
but only one way...'
3
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,800
HE GASPS
4
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,920
'..Jenny here has got
an incredible 27 points.'
5
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,880
This cannot be.
6
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,360
I know - two for one
on bedding plants.
7
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,160
Far, far ago,
the ancients wrote upon the scrolls
8
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,920
that dark forces
would sweep our realm,
9
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,240
until only Yonderland remained,
10
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,480
but they told also of a saviour,
come from a distant world,
11
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,640
to save us from Imperatrix,
12
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,480
who believes it is she
who is destined to rule.
13
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,920
This cannot BE!
14
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,160
Oh, I was wondering when
you were going to show yourself...
15
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,440
into the cupboard.
To look at the light.
16
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,040
To look at the light, yes...
17
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,680
I mean, no, come on, Pete,
out of there.
18
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,600
We discussed this last night -
there's nothing wrong with the light.
19
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,280
What about those blue sparks?
I think you'd eaten some cheese.
20
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,240
OK, look, don't touch
the light bulb in there,
21
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,440
and don't touch the switch.
22
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,040
Mm-hmm.
If you see anything strange,
23
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,440
anything at all... Mm-hmm.
..no matter how small,
24
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,800
then just call me at work, OK?
I will do. Have a good day.
25
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,720
All right.
Oh, and I might get an electrician
26
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,720
to have a look at it.
-Whatever you think.OK, bye-bye!
-Bye.
27
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,560
-What's up with Bob?
-Peter.
28
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,800
He thinks that...
29
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,960
What's happened to your face?
What? Oh, that.
30
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,560
-Cut myself shaving.
-Huh?
31
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,800
So, come on then. Who was it?
32
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,160
Who was what?
Last night, in Negatus' lair,
33
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,960
with the veil - bridezilla.
34
00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,680
Oh, her.
35
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,080
Up until yesterday,
36
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,680
her very existence
was myth and rumour.
37
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,000
The ruler of the overlords.
They call her...
38
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,400
Imperatrix! I saw her with my
own eyes, right here in Yonderland.
39
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,520
Oh, my days, Imperatrix is here!
HE SLURPS
40
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,040
Imperatrix?
41
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,200
I hear she has
the head of a snake...
42
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,600
But her body's made of splinters,
43
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,240
and if you look into her eyes...
44
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,440
You see, like, the worst things
imaginable, like spider's eggs...
45
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:25,880
Yeah, or a farmer's bum.
46
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,680
-I heard she's got both sets.
-Oh.
47
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,840
I heard she sleeps for
only three seconds a day.
48
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,200
And they say
she has worms for fingers!
49
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,600
How does she sign cheques?
50
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,000
So she is here!
I knew I sensed something.
51
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,600
"Sensed something"?
The whole building shook...
52
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,920
Judith died.
53
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,320
Hmm.
54
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,920
No wonder the people are panicking.
55
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,560
Yonderland is in chaos!
56
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,160
What shall we do?!
57
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,040
Well, I think I do know a thing...
I like that...
58
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,160
Gentlemen, please.
59
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,640
In the event of public unrest,
the procedure is quite clear...
60
00:02:58,680 --> 00:02:59,920
We must take off our robes.
61
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,520
No...
62
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,560
We must implement
emergency protocol seven.
63
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,120
-No, brother. No.
-Have you
completely lost all your marbles?
64
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,680
No-no-no-no-no, he's right!
65
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,640
If we do not act,
we ourselves may be in danger.
66
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,320
We must immediately start acting.
67
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,480
Very well...
68
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,800
Implement protocol seven!
69
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,920
There - that should keep them out.
70
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Now then,
who's for a game of charades?
71
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,200
Oh, yes.
72
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,200
I'll go first!
73
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,960
Is it Boogie Nights?
74
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,440
So the overlords each have a land,
75
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,080
but it's this Imperatrix
-who pulls the strings?
-What strings?
76
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,240
Well, if they were puppet...
77
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,560
It doesn't matter.
-She's the boss, yeah?
-Exactly,
78
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,280
and if she starts taking a personal
interest in Yonderland, well...
79
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,360
there'd be panic on the streets.
80
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,720
But, hey,
let's not worry about that just yet.
81
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,640
Chances are she would have just gone
straight back to the Darklands,
82
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,720
and word wouldn't have even got out.
83
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,240
Word got out.
84
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,280
HE WHIMPERS
85
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,320
Well, the good news is
someone has called the sheriff.
86
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,280
The bad news is, I'm the sheriff,
87
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,600
and the last vestige of
law and order is about to disappear.
88
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,640
How do you know?
89
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,640
Because someone has hold of my leg.
90
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,960
Whoa!
91
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,360
Hey, hey! Look, look, look!
There's no laws or anything.
92
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,760
It's so cool!
93
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,000
Ah, that is so cool!
94
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,800
We can do anything we like without,
like, any repercussions.
95
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,840
Yeah.
96
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,000
-Is that not what you meant?
-No.
97
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,360
GLASS SMASHES
98
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,320
Yes! I've always wanted
one of these.
99
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,360
It's OK. We'll be safe now.
100
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,440
This is insane.
Do the Elders know about this?
101
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,440
There's civil unrest and
they're not here. So... probably.
102
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,240
What, you mean they're just going to
bury their heads in the sand?
103
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,640
No - why would they
bury their heads in sand?
104
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,200
Well, mark my words -
they've got another think coming!
105
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,880
How's that even a sentence?
106
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,480
She just makes stuff up.
107
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,320
Absolute kaffledecack.
108
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,440
I'm telling you,
there is no death certificate.
109
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,120
I've checked the chronicles,
the safe, under the bed...
110
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,400
Silence.
111
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,800
You will find the record
of my sister's death
112
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,320
or face the consequences.
113
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,920
No, no, I'll check again,
but, what if there just...
114
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,000
was no death to record?
115
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,320
Do not waste oxygen on riddles.
116
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,680
I did find this under the bed.
117
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,400
Your mother told the news dragon
that your sister died
118
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,640
with your father,
in a ballooning accident,
119
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,160
but some doubted
elements of her story.
120
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,520
What elements?
121
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,200
She told them the reason
bodies were never found
122
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,600
because they landed in the mouth
of a great white Rhinocodile,
123
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,600
which chewed them so hard
it caught fire, and then exploded,
124
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,840
and the ash was sucked
into the nose of a Hipposquito,
125
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,600
which then fell into a blender and...
126
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,480
She lied. My sister is alive.
MAN CHOKES
127
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,560
It was her I saw.
128
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,880
Anous, release the...
SQUELCH
129
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,600
As you were.
130
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,240
While this Chosen One lives,
131
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,000
your rule will never be complete,
your eminence.
132
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,760
Then it is time that death
caught up with her.
133
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,960
Who is available?
134
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,760
Our best generals are quelling
unrest in their own lands.
135
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,680
It seems her very presence
has caused
136
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,640
excitement among the masses.
137
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:37,640
These are desperate times
which call for desperate measures.
138
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,920
Well, I'm honoured.
139
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,800
And when you say,
"money no object"...?
140
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,600
I'm giving you carte blanche.
141
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,920
Mmm...
142
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,000
-The ice cream?
-No, you fool.
143
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,120
Listen!
144
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,240
Whatever the cost,
Maddox dies today.
145
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:58,080
At last, the gloves are off.
146
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,760
No, they're not.
147
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,000
No, not literally, Jeff,
I just meant... Erm...
148
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,360
Come here.
149
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,480
Oh! Oh, that hurt more than usual.
150
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,840
Precisely.
151
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,520
So, what's the plan,
oh, Thunderous Wind?
152
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:19,400
Hmm....
Who's up for a day at the fair?
153
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,360
ALL: Yay!
154
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,840
ALL: Aw...
155
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,880
Ow, ow, ow...
156
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,440
Why don't they have a back door?
Why don't you use the buzzer?
157
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,200
Why don't you suggest
that five minutes ago?
158
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,200
-Hold that.
-That?!
159
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,280
INTERCOM BUZZES
160
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,160
Oh, my God! It's Lord of the Flies!
161
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,160
What? How did he get in there?
162
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:47,160
We all want to be free, but what
about after the robes come off?
163
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,880
I mean, don't people look?
164
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,920
Let them look.
I mean, we're all the same, right?
165
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,080
I suppose so, more or less...
166
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,840
Actually,
I might just keep this on...
167
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,520
Get out of it!
168
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,200
Why can I smell cheese?
Are you hiding food?
169
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,360
I don't know what you're
talking about, old boy.
170
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,000
-What's this then?
-Well, no,
171
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,720
that's just a cheese-shaped,
cheese-scented candle.
172
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,040
Well, then you won't mind
if I do this.
173
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,080
No-no-no, no!
174
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,280
-Blurgh.
-Well, I did try to warn you.
175
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,440
-The Chosen One.
-Debbie.
176
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,320
What the hell do you all think
you're doing?
177
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,600
Your people need you.
178
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,320
Have they stopped rioting yet?
179
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,120
Well, no,
but this isn't the way to...
180
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,320
Ah!
181
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,120
Emergency protocol seven forbids
contact with the outside world!
182
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,040
They've cut me off! Hello?
183
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,240
Looks like we'll have to quench
the flames of anarchy
184
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,760
and restore order to
Yonderland ourselves...
185
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,600
again.
186
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,960
Now we should just sit tight
until this all blows over.
187
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,040
What about food?
I'm almost down to the wick here.
188
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,200
All you need is love, brothers...
189
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,400
Oh, and food.
Yeah, you do need food.
190
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,400
We'll think of something.
191
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,360
Or someone...
192
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,640
Bad day to be made of jelly.
193
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,600
No, no, too small.
194
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,560
Not bangy enough.
GUNFIRE AND SCREAMING
195
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,920
Don't you have the one that goes
196
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,040
boof, zoof,
197
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,600
zing, pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
198
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,400
boof, oof...?
199
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,960
Yeah, doesn't exist.
200
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,560
Here, fella, check these out.
201
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:28,240
Latest technologies -
-night-vision goggles, eh? Yeah.
-Oh.
202
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,080
Erm, can't see anything.
203
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,880
Exactly...just like night.
204
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,080
Wow! Amazing! I'll take them.
205
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,440
Course you will. Cheers.
HE CHUCKLES
206
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,520
Now no-one will see me coming.
207
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,800
-Well, I did.What?
-Nothing.
208
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,560
Got to have something
better than these.
209
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,960
I'm looking to blow some
serious cash here.
210
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,040
Look, bulletproof trousers.
If you get shot, a hole appears...
211
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,840
so there's proof of the bullet.
212
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:59,240
Right, what you've got there,
Jeffery, is just some trousers.
213
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,400
Your handsomeness,
a gun that shoots round corners.
214
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,000
Ooh, clever.
215
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,640
So that's one useful thing,
one utterly useless thing.
216
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,640
I wonder which way
Neil is going to tip this one...
217
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,760
Look, sire - night-vision goggles!
218
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,920
-Ow!
-Yep, thought so.
219
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,280
At least he's got
something he likes.
220
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,040
I haven't found anything that
tickles my fancy...
221
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,200
Oh...
222
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,120
ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
223
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,240
You want to buy? It's very nice.
224
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,600
LIFE SUPPORT MACHINE BEEPS
225
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,200
HE GROANS
226
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,200
Be very careful...
227
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,720
MACHINE BEEPS
228
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,200
MACHINE BEEPS FASTER
229
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,280
Henry?
230
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,400
ONE LONG BEEP
Henry?!
231
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,040
Well, the Elders were no help,
so what's the plan?
232
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,280
Well, with any luck, things will have
calmed down a bit while we were...
233
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,600
CROWD YELLS
After you.
234
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,880
GLASS BREAKS
235
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,280
Down! Imperatrix is here.
236
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,360
She's 50 foot tall
with guns for thumbs.
237
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:33,280
No, she's not. She's like my
height with...thumbs for thumbs.
238
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,960
You've never actually seen her,
-have you?
-And hope I never do.
239
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,320
I heard if you look straight at her,
you turn into socks.
240
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,360
HE GASPS
Well, that's not how I want to go.
241
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,120
That's why I've lodged
this suicide pill
242
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,480
between my wisdom tooth and...
243
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,200
Oh, where's it gone?
244
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,200
Oh, no.
245
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,160
THUD
I know what this is.
246
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,880
-Dead body.
-No, I mean all of this.
247
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,640
Have you ever heard
of the rumour mill?
248
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,560
Yeah, they knocked it down.
No money in it.
249
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,600
No, it's not an actual mill.
When I was in Year 7,
250
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,760
Dean Froggett said Nicola Stockton
had a fake foot
251
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,520
but it was actually a verruca sock -
though Gabbi Parker reckoned
252
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,160
that she stole it. It doesn't matter.
253
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,800
The point is, it was just gossip.
254
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,040
What happened with the foot?
255
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,760
A police dog came into assembly...
Ah... That's not the point.
256
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,000
The point is -
I know how to fix this.
257
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,520
Watch this.
GLASS SMASHES
258
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,240
So, have you heard?
259
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:16,920
Imperatrix isn't actually here.
260
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,320
Word on the street is that
we should all stop rioting,
261
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,880
cos otherwise she's, like,
already won.
262
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,400
Oh, right. Here, Tosh,
have you heard...?
263
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,240
Now we just wait for the rumour to
spread and Bob's your uncle.
264
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280
No - Bob's your husband.
265
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,080
What?! Ah!
Imperatrix has already won!
266
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,680
HE YELLS
267
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,280
Well, that went well.
268
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,040
-It changes.
-What does?
269
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,040
The rumour - the truth gets lost
as the word spreads.
270
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,600
We just need to find
a way to speak to
271
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,000
everyone at the same time.
272
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,800
And, as the flammable
member of the group,
273
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,680
can I ask that we do this quickly?
274
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,520
And that was Ram Raid
by The Kiss Pistols.
275
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,920
So that music's not in my head?
276
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,040
All right, you're listening to
DJ Chaos on Panic FM -
277
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,160
smashing hits
while you smash windows.
278
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,720
MUSIC PAUSES
Hey!
279
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,720
Follow me. I think I've got a lead.
280
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,000
It's a shielded cable.
Joke doesn't work... Hmm.
281
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,440
Hello?
282
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,640
Why is it so dark?
283
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,720
MEN YELL
284
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,080
BLOB GURGLES IN FEAR
Kill the Blob!
285
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,400
Smash him in!
ELDERS: Kill the Blob!
286
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:27,880
Gouge his eyes! Eat his face!
287
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,080
SILENCE
Hey, whoa-whoa-whoa,
I thought you were a vegetarian.
288
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,760
Is he not a vegetable?
289
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,320
Grey area, like fish.
290
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,240
MEN: Kill the Blob! Smash his head!
291
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,560
Silence, I've got the conch.
292
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,880
ALL: Oh, the conch.
Oh, the sacred conch!
293
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,720
We must respect our quarry.
294
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:50,600
Trevor, is there any particular way
you'd like to be cooked?
295
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,880
I don't want to be cooked!
296
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,040
Can you eat it raw?
297
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,360
Like a sushi-type-thing?
298
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,840
Or with a nice plum jus?
299
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,640
Go well, wouldn't it?
300
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:03,120
Stop! Stop this lunacy.
301
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,360
What are we - animals?
302
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,640
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
303
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,000
Trevor is our comrade...
304
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,640
our friend...
305
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,360
..and should be parboiled
with garlic and lemon
306
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,480
before can we even
think about a gravy.
307
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:20,640
Prepare the pot!
308
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,520
Yeah!
309
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,840
Wait, where's he gone?
310
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,760
BLOB GURGLES
He's escaped. After him!
311
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,160
THEY YELL
312
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,880
Yeah, best add the codpiece -
protect the old...cod.
313
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,320
I'll take the laser sighting,
the photon pistol,
314
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,040
a power-punch, yes...
315
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,400
You've got to be careful,
you don't want to overload it.
316
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,440
It says here "ask about voices".
What's that all about?
317
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,360
Oh, yeah, that is
for the control system.
318
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,640
You can have Champion Man,
Tough Trooper, Compactor...
319
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,880
Compactor? Ooh, that sounds
pretty tough - I'll take that.
320
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,320
And what's a "follicle airgun"?
321
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,960
That's for inside the helmet.
You know, the bzzz...
322
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,800
You mean a hairdryer?
DEMONS GIGGLE
323
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,480
So you don't get the helmet hair
324
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,680
but you probably don't
want that feature...
325
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,400
No, no, why would I want that?
326
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,040
Yeah, I do, I do.
I really want that.
327
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,400
Sure, you're the boss.
328
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,440
YELLING AND SCREAMING
329
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880
This is Burn It Up by The Smash.
330
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,040
Cos I'm the Chaos DJ -
I play what I like,
331
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,840
don't care what ya say!
I'll deal with him.
332
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,000
-Smash it up!
-You try and find
some less rioty music.
333
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,440
-Yeah, all right!Hey.
-Ugh!
334
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,960
Sweet...table of decks.
335
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,520
Do you think I could have a spin?
336
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,160
Ha! I ain't letting you
touch my decks.
337
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:42,320
I'm the Chaos DJ - the minister of
mayhem - the rage they cannot cage.
338
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,120
It's just I think
I just saw your mum over there.
339
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,320
Oh, no!
I'm supposed to be at my nan's.
340
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,040
HE SOBS
Oh, God, I'm in so much trouble...
341
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,280
You kept this quiet.
342
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,000
It was a phase.
343
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,320
MUSIC STOPS
344
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,800
YELLING
345
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,600
EASY LISTENING MUSIC PLAYS
We were at number one
346
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,480
for a quillenia, so you can shut up.
347
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,360
OK, everyone, just stop rioting -
just for a second.
348
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,840
Take five, yeah?
349
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,880
Yeah, I wouldn't mind
a baguette actually.
350
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,000
Look, I know what you've heard,
but look around you.
351
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,640
Imperatrix isn't here,
352
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,520
but all of this - the chaos,
the riots - this is what she wants.
353
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,200
But there's no need to panic.
354
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,280
You just need to calm down and...
carry on.
355
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,440
Oh, with the riot?
No-no-no-no, no!
356
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,560
With whatever you normally do.
357
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,440
Does make sense when you hear it
like that, yeah, I mean...
358
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,680
Back to work then, I suppose.
359
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,200
We were quite eclectic.
360
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,760
-PETER:
-OK, thanks!
361
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,800
There ain't nothing wrong
in here, mate.
362
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,480
-Are you sure?
-Yes.
363
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,920
Right, right, this little gizmo
picks up spikes like I pick up birds.
364
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,560
-What does that mean?
-Means I pick up
a lot of birds, doesn't it?
365
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,640
No, the spikes.
What do the spikes mean?
366
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,680
Oh...electrical surges, you know,
fluctuating current, anything weird,
367
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,680
and I ain't getting nothing in there.
368
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,760
Hmm. Is cheque OK?
No, I prefer cash, actually.
369
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,920
MACHINE CRACKLES
370
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,280
Get your Debbie mugs!
Get your Debbie tea towels!
371
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,320
See? Storm in a teacup.
372
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,080
But it wouldn't fit...
373
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,680
Why do you say these things?
374
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,800
Debbie mugs! Get your Debbie mugs!
375
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,880
OK, I'm in. Initiate visor downment.
376
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,040
VISOR WHIRS
Cool.
377
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,720
Compactor, do you read me?
378
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:44,840
Oh, hello.
379
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,640
Yeah, but I might have to pop out
if my agent calls,
380
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,600
cos I'm up for this sitcom and they
can only do auditions on Wednesdays.
381
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,800
Oh, Gods,
they've given me Camp Actor.
382
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,400
I mean, this is fine for a day job,
383
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,240
but if I could get
some stage work...
384
00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,400
Shut up!
385
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,120
Patch in Imperatrix.
386
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,760
Is it done? Is she dead?
387
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,240
Almost, your eminence.
388
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,400
BLOB GURGLES IN FEAR
ELDERS: Eat him up!
389
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,640
Kill the Blob! Eat him up!
390
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,880
Kill the Blob!
391
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,760
Save me his eyes.
392
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,560
I think I've got him.
393
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,960
ELDERS YELL
394
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,520
Oh, decided to come out, have we?
395
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,640
They tried to eat me.
396
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,920
Is this true?
397
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,320
Well...a bit.
398
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,560
So the world hasn't ended?
399
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,360
No. No thanks to you.
400
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,840
It is possible we lost
a little perspective.
401
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,600
Mmm.
402
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,520
Let us put on our cumbersome robes.
403
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,280
Oh, look! It's the Chosen One.
404
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,480
Oh, this is perfect.
The Elders are here too.
405
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,880
Two birds with one bone.
406
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,440
Perhaps there is hope for you yet.
Take them out -
407
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,440
take them all out.
408
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,040
My pleasure.
409
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,880
Power up the laser guns.
410
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,200
Engage the nucleator.
411
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,960
Switch to loudspeakers, please.
412
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000
MACHINE BEEPS
Right, I'm not being funny,
413
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,160
but the battery's saying...
Just do it.
414
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,160
Debbie of Maddox!
415
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,720
Hope you've had a nice day...
416
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,560
cos it was your last.
417
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,560
Lock on targets.
418
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,680
Nobody move.
419
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,240
Does that include running away?
420
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,720
Activate pulse cannons.
421
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,240
Prime photon grenade.
422
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,680
-COMPACTOR:
-Battery warning!
Battery warning!
423
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,120
You may have made a mockery of me
424
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,280
in the past,
425
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,000
but when a great man falls,
426
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,120
he always gets back up.
427
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,560
TRIGGER CLICKS
-COMPACTOR:
-Oh, I did warn you.
428
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,120
Huh?
429
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,840
HE GROANS
430
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,480
Ow.
431
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,600
Well, don't just stand
there, you cretins.
432
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,040
-Eat lead!
-Ow!
433
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,760
So, my trousers say I've
been shot...
434
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,280
Oh...
435
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,280
Ah-hah! I'll get them! Charge!
436
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,320
Ugh.
THEY GASP
437
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,400
Ugh...
438
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,120
THUD
439
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,360
MACHINE HUMS
440
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,040
Let me deal with him, your eminence.
441
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,720
I will not fail you.
442
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,600
Good, for I do not tolerate failure.
443
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,000
Anyway,
we should return to the chamber.
444
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,280
This land won't run itself.
445
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,160
Well, technically, it just did.
446
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,320
So what do we need you for,
you know what I'm saying?
447
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,200
Erm, who will...
448
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,240
give you...?
449
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,920
Public holidays.
450
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:54,320
Yes, like today, which shall
henceforth be known as,
451
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,040
erm...
452
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,160
No, I've gone blank.
453
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,480
-Blank holiday!Yes.
-Yes.
454
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,640
Today is a blank holiday.
455
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,920
CHEERING
A whole day off! No work!
456
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,160
We can do anything we want, man.
457
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,120
Yeah!
458
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,320
Why would you...?
459
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,400
I don't know.
460
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,480
We're cousins.
461
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,680
Yeah, I know, it's weird.
Damn right, it's weird.
462
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,480
Well, Yonderland
may be safe for now,
463
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,720
but we must be on our guard.
464
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,480
For as sure as the moons rise,
465
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,400
she will return.
466
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,280
Oh, scary, wasn't it?
467
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,200
So, Trevor.
468
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,040
We're still cool, right?
469
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,960
No, we are not cool!
470
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,360
Oh, be like that.
471
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,320
Hello.
472
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,920
Ow!
473
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,400
Why's dad in the cupboard?
474
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,160
No-one knows. He lives there now.
475
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,960
Mum, what's this?
476
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,840
Yeah, that came for you earlier.
477
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,840
Well, if it's not the electrics,
then it really is a mystery.
478
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,320
I won't be a sec.
479
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,120
"There are more things
in heaven and earth, Horatio,
480
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,840
"than are dreamt of in
all your philosophies."
481
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,880
THEY GASP
Oh, that is so much better!
482
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,280
I have been in here forever.
483
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,440
You must be Debbie.
484
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,560
No?
485
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,600
Subtitles by Ericsson
486
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,640
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35351
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