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1
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,400
Hi. Here. mate. Erm...here...
2
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:20,160
MEN: Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you!
3
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:24,440
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you!
4
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,920
-Thank you!
-So, literally,
a thousand thank yous?
5
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,760
Of course. You have finally taught
us how to fend for ourselves,
6
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,800
so we will come straight to you with
any other problems we might have.
7
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,720
Great! Well, at least that's the end
of the flesh dragon.
8
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,040
Yeah, cos they never come back to
-life.What?Nothing!
-I'm sick!
9
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,560
I was... I was going to go swimming,
10
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,040
but then the man was sick all over
my hand.
11
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,720
Come on, Gwennit!
I love you, Debbie. Thank you.
12
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,280
Why do you have to overdo it every
time we have visitors?
13
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,120
HE CHUNDERS
Oh, great!
14
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:58,520
Far, far ago, the ancients wrote
upon the scrolls
15
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,440
that dark forces
would sweep our realm
16
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,240
until only Yonderland remained.
17
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,360
But they telled also of a saviour,
18
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:13,080
come from a distant world to save us
from the shadows... I reckon.
19
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,320
CHILDREN CHATTER
No! Shoes on feet, please.
20
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,280
Hi, Debs, it's me.
21
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,160
Erm... I'm just about to take
the twins to...
22
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,480
Yeah, but I can't find any of
their erm...
23
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,320
Hm. OK.
24
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,920
Oh, OK, doesn't matter.
25
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,600
Anyway...their race starts at
three o'clock
26
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,520
and then the mums' race starts at
ten to, so I assume you're going to
be going straight there from...
27
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,000
cro...croc-het...crochet!
28
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,240
I've never seen that
written down before.
29
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,640
Anyway, I'll see you later.
Don't be late.
30
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,000
Hm. Yeah, you too.
31
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,760
OK, look, we get this sword back
to thingy the whatsit and then I have
to go.
32
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,520
What's the rush? It's only a sports
-day.
-Right, you know those kids I
had?
33
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,280
Ohh! Them again!
34
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,640
Well, they're kind of important.
If they're in a race,
I'm going to be there.
35
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,600
Plus they've got a mums' race.
We've got a mums' race.
A whole tribe of mums, no men.
36
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,440
We don't know how they do it.
37
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,640
I've heard rumours.
HE LAUGHS
38
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,560
Oh, what?! I'm ruining this jacket!
39
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,520
It's new! It's North Face!
40
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,280
-The God of war?What?
-What?
BUGLE SOUNDS
41
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:23,960
Oh!
42
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,160
BUGLE
43
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,200
Whoa, there.
44
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:33,160
'Attention. This knight is
reversing.'
45
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,160
Fair maiden.
46
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,560
Tell me, did it hurt?
Oh, no, it's just a snag.
47
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,120
When you fell from the heavens.
-Ha! Classic!
-Oh, God.
48
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,360
Did they catch the thief who stole
the stars and put them in your eyes?
49
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,800
Because I'd like to shake his hand.
50
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,640
Then again, he's a thief and
I'm against that, so...
51
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,840
How do I feel about this guy?
I'm sure you think you're very
charming...
52
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,560
My face leaves in five minutes...
Don't. Come on, let's go.
53
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,880
I like your spirit...and bottom.
Have you ever heard of "sexism"?
54
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:06,720
Mm! I'm looking right at it.
That's a "no" then.
55
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,160
I see you are a warrior. This sword
was forged in the fires of Banthia.
56
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,480
And you wear the mark of the war
-god.
-No, it's from Millets.
57
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,400
And I'm returning the sword,
-so give it back.
-A quest you say?
58
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,160
Then you shall need a brave
-companion.
-Er...
59
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,920
Then I, Philip of Woolworth,
shall return this sword
60
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,680
to its rightful owner,
or I shall die trying...
61
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:31,640
Whoa! It's OK, I don't think it
went all the way through.
62
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,200
BRANCH CRACKS
My mistake.
63
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:40,920
Oh, no! Oh, no!
64
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,520
Yes! Get...in!
65
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,920
Get right in!
66
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,840
♪ So happy
Do the zing-a-ling! ♪
67
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,400
With Philip of Woolworth...
68
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,800
Oh, God! Haven't done that
for a while.
69
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,960
I'll be sick a bit.
70
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,280
With Philip of Woolworth dead
the tournament's wide open
71
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,320
for the first time in centuri!
72
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,000
We can finally avenge Todd.
73
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,960
And Martin, Carl.
Haven't forgotten you, Avril.
74
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,440
They let me down,
so I had to kill them all.
75
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:19,640
Does this mean you'll be
competing yourself,
oh, lithe and limber one?
76
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:26,880
Of course. I absolutely...would
if it wasn't for my wretched knee.
77
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,920
But, luckily, I have people to
do my bidding for me.
78
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,280
-Helmet guy.
-All right?
79
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,120
HE WHISTLES
80
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,360
And I do feel bad about it, really,
81
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,320
but...technically, it
wasn't even my sword.
82
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,560
Oh, it's too complicated,
-let's kill her!ALL:
-Yes!
83
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,120
It was an accident, honestly!
84
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,280
He was sort of flirting with me
-and... ALL:
-Oh!
85
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,760
Honestly, who does he think he is?
Yeah, it worked on me....twice!
86
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,720
Where have you been all my life?
I'm five, mate.
87
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,440
Sirs and siresses,
what about grand tournament?
88
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:08,280
It's a sort of Olympics for knights.
Philip of Woolworth has been realm
champion for 7,000 centuri.
89
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,600
That's about 51⁄2 years.
He was our Monpompee!
90
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,360
-No idea.
-Pride of our people,
strongest of our race!
91
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,720
-Ohh!
-Who will defend the title now?
92
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,880
Erm...
93
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:26,200
-No!
-But you are the Chosen One!
Ohh! That changes things on
so many levels.
94
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:30,200
But hang on, I'm not a knight!
I can't literally fight
your battles for you!
95
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,720
ALL SIGH
96
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:36,000
-Bye!
-Then I guess Negatus will win.
Negatus?
97
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,840
He always enters someone in the
tournament. He's obsessed with it.
98
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,360
After all, everyone loves a winner.
99
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,320
How are we for time? If the kid's
race is at three my time?
100
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,000
Three o'clock your time? Tomorrow
afternoon here. Loads of time!
101
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,440
OK, fine. OK, fine... I can help.
102
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,960
-ALL:Yes!
-A thousand thanks yous!
103
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,440
Don't. But, listen, who's like the
second strongest?
104
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,080
FANFARE
No!
105
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,160
So it's like a sleepover, but
it's...
106
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,000
What?
107
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,920
Of course, to claim the
ultimate prize will require
the ultimate warrior.
108
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:27,920
And I, don't tell the boss,
have managed to lay my
hands on...quite a good one.
109
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:33,320
Finally returned from the 99 Years
War... Oh, so close!
110
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:38,200
I give you the most feared fighter
this realm has e'er known...
111
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,000
Emmanuel!
ALL GASP
112
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,160
THEY LAUGH
Ssh!
113
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,440
Oh, no, the boss!
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
114
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,640
Get him out of here!
Get him out of here!
115
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,960
Your Eminence, what a pleasant
surprise.
116
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,320
I wasn't expecting... Who relieved
Emmanuel of his command?
117
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,200
-I did, Your Eminence.
-What?!
118
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,520
I need him to compete...
119
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,680
Er.. complete-ly destroy that woman
I was telling you about.
120
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,920
Calls herself the Chosen One,
has her eye on the
realm so I've heard.
121
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:28,920
-This realm shall be mine.
-Well,
yeah, that's what I thought, so...
122
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:33,520
Very well, have Emmanuel
neutralise this... pretender!
123
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,280
As you command, Your Eminence.
124
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,200
And let nothing distract him from
-this task.
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
125
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,280
Absolutely. Absolutely.
126
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,080
-Come on.
-That's it! Keep up the
energy! That's it!
127
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,120
WHISTLE
CHEERING
128
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,760
Star jump. Star jump. Star jump!
129
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,520
CHEERING
130
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,400
That's it. More from the shoulder.
-More aggression.
-That's it.
131
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,200
And knee to the elbow.
Knee to the elbow.
132
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,040
Knee to the elbow.
Knee to the elbow.
133
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,400
CHEERING
134
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:08,360
There's your motivation.
Yeah, that's it. Oh!
135
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,800
And snaky head. And snaky head.
And snaky head.
136
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:16,280
-That's it!That's it!Yes!
-Go on!
137
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,120
CHEERING
138
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:23,120
Yes!
139
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,680
HE GRUNTS
140
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,880
Only 1.3 off Sir Phillip's record.
We might just have a chance.
141
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,920
We? We?! Why, you impertinent...
142
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,240
No, no, I meant "you". I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
143
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,760
-What's wrong with beefcake?
-It's my
fault, I spoke above my class.
144
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:42,440
What is this, Downton?
He's a noble, I'm a humble page,
he's better. It's written.
145
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,840
And you're all right with that?
You get used to it.
146
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,240
You, come talc my downstairs.
Well...most of it.
147
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,400
Right, great news!
148
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:56,160
By my calculations, we can watch
most of the tournament and still
have you home in time for this race.
149
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,240
No, I'm not cutting it fine.
150
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,520
What if it starts early, Ben
wins silver and I miss it?
Off the top of my head?
151
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:05,560
Spread a doping rumour about
the kid who came first,
-demand a restart.
-Elf.
152
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,040
Oh, come on! We need to
get behind meathead.
153
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,880
You saw him out there, he could take
on 20 demons and not break a sweat.
ELF SIGHS
154
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,040
He doesn't need me any more.
ELF GASPS
155
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,800
Oh, no! A flesh dragon! Should have
-kept the sword!
-Extra! Extra!
156
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,080
-No, hang on.
-Get your news!
157
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,040
It's a news dragon.
You all right? You want some news?
158
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,800
-We'll have some news.
-Left wing or
-right wing?
-Erm...right wing.
159
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,640
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Negatus, the much-loved
philanthropist and fundraiser...
160
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:36,480
-Left wing.
-All right then, left wing.
161
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,280
Power-hungry villain Negatus
162
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:43,600
today announced suspected war
criminal Emmanuel will be his
entrant to the grand tournament,
163
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,400
despite...
164
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,040
HE SIGHS
165
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:55,120
-I'll come back.
-Oh, no! This is bad.
This is...really bad!
166
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,400
Why? Is Emmanuel any good?
-Is he any good?!
-You've
never heard of Emmanuel?
167
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,560
You've never heard of socks!
Ha! Owned!
168
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,000
Oh, come off it, ladies, he can't be
all that bad.
169
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,960
HE GASPS
170
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000
HE WHIMPERS
171
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,640
HE SCREAMS
172
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,400
So the big purple fella has cut the
little fella's arm off.
173
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,440
-Oh!
-And his other arm.
174
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,640
And a leg. And... Oh, look, a
flutterbug!
175
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,240
Waste of time, can't get 'em to
-focus.
-Hm.
176
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,200
SCREAMING
BOTH GASP
177
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,520
Oh!
178
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,200
Yeah, he's pretty good!
179
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,720
He's a psychopath.
We don't stand a chance.
180
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:46,360
He is good, sir. But with my
training and your natural bravery...
181
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,240
HE WHIMPERS
182
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,680
He'll be back.
He just needs some time...
183
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,320
EXPLOSION
BEEFCAKE WHIMPERS
184
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,480
Well, you are really screwed now.
185
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,760
My career's over!
186
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,520
I'm going to have to sell my ass...
187
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,880
and I love that donkey.
188
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,360
No, look, it won't come to that.
189
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,320
We'll just find another champion.
Tournament's tomorrow!
190
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,360
OK, well, what about you?
191
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,800
HE SNIGGERS
192
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,080
THEY LAUGH
193
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,400
ALL LAUGH
194
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,520
Only nobles can compete.
-It's written.
-Written, I know.
195
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,880
A page's place is to serve,
196
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:45,640
to train...and, occasionally,
if they get lonely, to...
197
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:49,360
Erm...no page has ever appeared
in a tournament, ever.
198
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,960
Maybe it's time for a change.
Like when women got the vote.
199
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,760
HE LAUGHS
200
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,960
Are you telling me that women...?
Yeah, one thing at a time, eh?
201
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,680
Look, we're just going to
have to face it, Negatus
will take ultimate prize
202
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,600
and there's nothing we can do
-about it.
-Oh, yes, we can.
203
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,520
The show's not over till the
-fat lady sings.Who?
-What
-fat lady?
-Are you on drugs?
204
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:13,760
How long have you been training
-champions?
-Since the moon
was in the seventh house.
205
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:18,200
-A long time.
-Well, exactly.
So no-one knows more about
this tournament than you.
206
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,040
But it's written!
The Da Vinci Code was written,
doesn't mean it's any good.
207
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,840
-You could be an inspiration!
-To who?
SHE SIGHS
208
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,200
LAUGHTER
209
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,760
Imagine it now,
a page on that podium.
210
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,760
There's so much more to you than
talcing someone's...downstairs.
211
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,720
And I can...
212
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,280
Are you certain I'd have
-time?
-What for the
-tournament?Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
213
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,840
Oh, well, that's it then. I'll come
and help. I will be your page.
214
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:50,440
-My page?
-Yeah. Show those
smug idiots in there that
times are changing.
215
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,640
But I'm going to draw the line at the
talc thing, OK? What do you say?
216
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,760
You...
217
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,840
Oh, I don't know!
218
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,400
SHE SIGHS
What about wood?
219
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,520
-What?
-Can wood vote where you're
-from?
-No!
220
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,640
Typical. Woodism!
SHE SIGHS
221
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:15,120
HE SIGHS
Got me nuts, got me grapple juice.
222
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,480
Mm! Afternoon of games.
'Hello there.'
223
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:24,200
Well, the big news overnight is
that Negatus has entered Emmanuel
into this grand tournament,
224
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,240
prompting all other
competitors to pull out.
225
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,400
I'm joined here by former champion,
Sir Ian of Mace.
226
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,360
Ian, how will this development
affect the tournament?
227
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,120
The difference with these games
is there won't be any games,
228
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,880
there's going to be an opening
ceremony, a closing ceremony,
229
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,640
and then home in time for
highlights.
230
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,720
Assuming there are any.
Right. Which there won't be.
231
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,080
Well, with nothing more to discuss,
let's go over to the stadium,
232
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:51,840
where the Chief of the Council
of Elders will now formally
open proceedings.
233
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,800
Council of Idiots more like!
234
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,520
HE LAUGHS WEAKLY
It's times like these,
you wish you had buddies.
235
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,680
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
236
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,440
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
237
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,360
Go!
CHEERING
238
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,800
And with the tournament now
officially open, all that remains
is the closing ceremony.
239
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,920
-Ian, thoughts?
-No.
240
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,240
BOOING
241
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:23,400
Not a popular winner, Ian.
No, well, he did try and wipe
out the Elephantians,
242
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,800
and those guys never forget.
243
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,320
There's the teapot.
244
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,840
I taught him that.
245
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,560
But he's our winner and we've all
just got to accept it.
246
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,560
Er...no. I'm going to have to stop
you there, Ian,
247
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,920
because it looks like... Yes!
We have another competitor!
248
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,560
CHEERING
249
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,560
Who is this?
250
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,040
A new page.
251
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,760
Cos I'm a page and also you turn a
-page.
-I know, I get it. Go on!
252
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,840
-A page?!
-But it is written...
253
00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,000
-Shouldn't be allowed!
-Is it a child?
254
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,560
I dunno, mate, but he's really,
really skinny.
255
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,680
Judge me not!
256
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,240
I mean, do not judge me!
257
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:12,400
I know what is written,
I've read it. We all have.
258
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,360
-I haven't.
-It's OK, I've read it
-twice.
-Oh, aye.
259
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,600
But just because something is
written, does that mean it's right?
260
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:25,440
No! Cos Kevin's not even allowed
in the woods...and Mahoney's
my favourite.
261
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,400
When you going to marry me, Linda?
262
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:33,920
Look, all I'm saying is we can't
just let Negatus take ultimate
prize without a fight.
263
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,280
-What?
-And if no-one else will
face Emmanuel,
264
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,000
then should a few ancient words on
some dusty old parchment
265
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,760
stop a humble page from trying?
266
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,080
Well, he makes a fair point.
267
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,040
Could it be re-written?
What if robes were optional?
268
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,640
-No.
-Oh.
269
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,040
What say ye?
270
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,080
I mean, what do ye say. You.
271
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,600
Erm...it is...
272
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,920
It is decided.
273
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,120
The page...
274
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:09,240
-..may compete!
-Well, he's an
unlikely champion, Ian,
275
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,360
but, unless I'm very much mistaken,
we have ourselves a tournament!
276
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,880
Yeah, but, Gary, he's no knight.
277
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:18,520
Question is, has he the globes to
master the four heraldic
disciplines.
278
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,480
I'm talking about archery,
279
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,400
swordplay, brute strength
280
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,960
-and my favourite...kissing.
-Yeah.
281
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,960
Ah, this newcomer must really be
feeling the pressure
282
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,920
as he steps up to the mark.
283
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,920
Wait a minute...this kid could
actually be good.
284
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,920
Need a kebab!
ALL GASP
285
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,920
HE LAUGHS
Tough luck, buddy!
286
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,400
So, I suppose what I'm asking,
Miss Fanshawe...
287
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,360
Rachel...
SHE GASPS
288
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,880
is...
ARROW THUDS
289
00:16:58,920 --> 00:16:59,920
HE WHIMPERS
290
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,040
HE SCREAMS
291
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,440
CHEERING
292
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,400
So... I've signed you up for the
-mums' race.
-Lovely.
293
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,480
And...the twins are
up shortly after that.
294
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,280
But they are running slightly
ahead of schedule, so...
295
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:20,120
Well, just don't cut it too fine.
Oh, and you have got
to see Oli's mum's hair.
296
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,560
OK, bye.
297
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,040
Well, after his crushing defeat
in the weightlifting,
298
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,920
it's great to see such valiant
swordplay from our plucky page there.
299
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,440
Yeah, but with one event to
go, it's just too little
too late for me, mate.
300
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,120
Ah, the kissing. My favourite round.
301
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:42,480
Although the kissing attracts the
big points, it's those extra marks
for style, persistence,
302
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,720
flirtation that can really make
the difference out there.
303
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:51,240
So it's not just kissing a lady.
Not this lady, Gary. She's a pro.
304
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,800
25 five years on the...in the game
and I tell you what,
305
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,320
for five of those years, well, she
certainly taught me a thing or two.
306
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,080
MAN HOLLERS
307
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,400
There he is... Emmanuel, big fella.
308
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,280
Let's hope he's brought his A game.
We'll, they're ready to go.
309
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:10,160
She just needs to...give him the eye.
310
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,720
WOLF WHISTLE
311
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,680
-And the clock's ticking!
-She's
headed straight to the kissing gate.
312
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,560
The question is, will he follow?
313
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,840
-He's making a move!
-No!
314
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,360
-Oh!
-That's gotta hurt!
SHE GIGGLES
315
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,760
If I were Emmanuel, I'd head
straight for the wall.
316
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,080
And he has! That is straight out of
the training manual.
317
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,200
SHE GASPS
But he's spooked her!
318
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,480
He has spooked her! Fact is, mate,
the clock is ticking.
319
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,000
You know, he's gotta go for it!
Move in. Move in. Move in.
320
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,880
CROWD GASPS
Yes! Nice move.
321
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,160
And what's this?!
322
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,120
I don't believe it! That's a little
bit old school for me.
323
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,720
What are you talking about
old school, that's classic!
324
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:54,000
OK, he's moving in. It looks big.
It's a huge score!
325
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,760
What's our underdog got in reply.
Beat that, skinny boy!
326
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaking of which,
where is our underdog?
327
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,760
CROWD SLOW-HAND CLAPS
328
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,880
Hey, what are you doing? You've got
to get out there.
329
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,840
-I can't do it.
-Yes, you can.
You're doing really well.
330
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,880
No, I can't do...that.
331
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,880
I've... I've never...
332
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,520
Kissed?!
SHE SIGHS
333
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,880
Look, it's not difficult,
I promise you.
334
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,600
It just sort of happens.
Like when you love someone,
335
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,200
or you meet a friend,
-or just for luck.
-For luck?
336
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,560
Yeah, sometimes...
337
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,640
God this place is weird!
338
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,360
For luck.
339
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,960
Where is he?!
340
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,560
CHEERING
341
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,640
Well, he's out Gary, but
he's got no time to use
the course. He's blown it.
342
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,240
He's got nothing!
343
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,720
CHEERING
344
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:53,680
-What on realm is he doing?!
-I've no
idea, mate, but this is madness!
345
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,920
Er...!
346
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,840
Where did he learn to
kiss like that?!
347
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,400
CHEERING
348
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,680
Debbie!
349
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,040
SHE GASPS
350
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,920
CHEERING
351
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,200
-No!Oh!
-Ripper!
352
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,640
Nobody saw that one coming!
353
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:19,040
Well, somebody seems happy
with the result. Yeah, the
crowd are going crazy!
354
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,640
-Wonderful scenes.
-Let's go.
Emmanuel's back-room team need
to carefully consider....
355
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:28,200
HE LAUGHS
..need to carefully consider how to
come back from this one.
356
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,840
And now I shall have to kill him.
357
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,840
Ow!
358
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,280
'Mums are under starter's orders.'
359
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,960
'And they're off!'
360
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,640
CHEERING
361
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:46,120
'Which brings us to our final event
today...'Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
362
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,440
-Hey.
-Oh, you missed the mums.
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
363
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,200
'Are we ready there with year one?'
This is them, the twins.
364
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,960
Yeah. Wouldn't miss it for a
world...the world. The world.
365
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,720
WHISTLE
Go, Hayley! Go, Ben!
366
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,960
Come on, Ben! Come on, Hayley!
367
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,360
BOTH: Yes! Yes!
368
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:09,560
'And first place goes to Hayley
Maddox! Well done, Hayley!'
369
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,040
Well, I don't think anyone will
forget this tournament in a hurry.
370
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,680
That's right, I mean it's great
to see the little guy take
the ultimate prize,
371
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,640
but I think the real winner today is
equality. What do you reckon, mate?
372
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,120
Well, I'm not really a
people person.
373
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,120
Well, I agree, Ian.
374
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:30,760
And with that sentiment in mind,
perhaps it's also time we
finally gave women the vote.
375
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,480
ALl LAUGH
376
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,520
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