All language subtitles for The.Grand.Tour.2016.S06E01.One.for.the.Road.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,880
Hello and welcome
to our last-ever Grand Tour.
2
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,920
Because this is the last time that James,
Richard and I will ever work together,
3
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,200
Mr Wilman said
we should do something important.
4
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,360
He said we should each buy
a medium-sized electric car
5
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,400
and then see how many laps
of the M25 we could do in it
6
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,320
on one charge.
7
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,840
And we decided to ignore him
and come here.
8
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,240
Yep.
9
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,120
So, welcome, everyone, to Zimbabwe.
10
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,320
And we won't be driving
crummy electric cars either.
11
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,680
Instead, the three of us
decided that we would simply buy
12
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,480
things we've always wanted.
13
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,400
And that's why I bought this.
14
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,240
It's a Triumph Stag.
15
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,800
I've always loved the Stag.
I've loved it since I was a small boy.
16
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,600
But I never actually thought I'd own one.
17
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,920
To be honest,
I didn't think I was allowed to own one.
18
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,520
Only people like David Niven
could own a Stag.
19
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,920
I'd never even driven one,
in accordance with the rule
20
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,120
that you should never meet your hero.
21
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,080
But now I have, I'm delighted to say,
22
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,320
it's absolutely lovely.
23
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:02,560
Oh yeah.
24
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,120
At this point,
Lewis Collins arrived.
25
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,360
Oh yeah!
26
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,800
Yep.
27
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,880
I am now the proud owner
of a three-litre Mark One Ford Capri.
28
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:20,800
Is it a GT?
29
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,520
No, GXL.
30
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,800
- Why didn't you get a GT?
- 'Cause this is better.
31
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,320
Not really.
32
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,480
Before I had a chance
to argue, Clarkson arrived,
33
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,760
having already made a mistake.
34
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:41,880
What do you think of that?
35
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,040
Why have you bought a Lancia?
36
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,200
Because!
37
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,640
Twenty or so years ago,
I used one to drive across Botswana,
38
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,480
and proved
it was the ideal car for Africa.
39
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,960
But it broke down all the time.
40
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,800
Yes, it did.
41
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,320
But, that was front-engined.
42
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,200
This, mid-engined. It's a Montecarlo.
43
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,320
And I've made several modifications
to suit the conditions.
44
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,360
Let me talk you through them, if I may.
45
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,640
At the back here,
46
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,360
308 Ferrari tail lights.
47
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,840
They look good.
48
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,720
- Quad tail pipes.
- Nice.
49
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,080
Delta Integrale wheels.
50
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,360
Delta Integrale headlamps and grill.
51
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,200
And then, Lotus Blue paintwork.
52
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,760
Wow. Does any of that
make it more reliable?
53
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,480
And you know we've been doing this for...
54
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,680
112 years.
55
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,320
Yeah, 112 years.
I've learned a few lessons.
56
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,600
So, inside,
57
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:40,200
I have replaced the leather seats,
which get hot, with cloth seats.
58
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,480
Yes.
59
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,040
And a sort
of Alcantara racing steering wheel.
60
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,120
And, if you look down there,
61
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,120
I've removed the glove box
and replaced it with...
62
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,920
- Is that a fridge?
- Yes.
63
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,640
For my cold beverages.
For my zesty drink fridge.
64
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,240
- Wow.
- That is actually quite good.
65
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,776
Does any of that
make it more reliable?
66
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,200
No, but I'll be more comfortable.
67
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,536
You will have a cold drink
whilst you wait at the side of the road.
68
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,600
It makes the many breakdowns
more bearable.
69
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,360
- No, it's pretty.
- It is absolutely breathtaking.
70
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,520
It's beautiful.
71
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,360
I've modified my Capri too,
before shipping it here.
72
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,920
- Have you?
- I've painted the bonnet black.
73
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,320
Because, look at it, it's beautiful.
74
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,880
- Is it a GT?
- No, GXL.
75
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,720
- Why didn't you get a GT?
- 'Cause this is better.
76
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,720
- It isn't.
- Well, it is. It's like a GT,
77
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,000
which is good,
but with more, which is better.
78
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,920
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
79
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,560
I remember that from the GXL
80
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,320
'cause they had put
the wood-look dashboard in it.
81
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,800
Correct.
82
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,296
- We've discussed this in the past.
- We have.
83
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,680
The GT is for sport,
the GXL is for meetings.
84
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,880
This is exactly right. You need
to understand your Ford-badge hierarchy.
85
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:51,200
My dad had a GXL Cortina
because he was a managing director.
86
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,200
My dad had a GXL Cortina.
87
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,416
- Both of your...
- Manager?
88
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,600
- Yeah.
- Both of your dads, powerful,
89
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,896
influential men who picked
from the very top of the tree.
90
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:58,920
And you know...
91
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,200
You know how
it's almost become a running joke,
92
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,920
my stereo has never worked...
93
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,080
Yeah.
94
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,680
On any one of these trips
we've done. Well, this time, it does.
95
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,880
Bear with. Wait for the lyrics.
96
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,680
I used to be a DJ, I can do this.
Here they come. Now.
97
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,200
♪ Mark One Ford Capri ♪
98
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,840
"Mark One Ford Capri." Voilà.
99
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,040
♪ It's got everything I need ♪
100
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,160
"Got everything I need."
Which it has because it's a GXL.
101
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,440
- I do like a Capri.
- You've got to, it's the law.
102
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,040
Everybody likes a Capri.
103
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,600
- Modifications, James, to your Stag?
- None.
104
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,400
- What?
- None whatsoever.
105
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,520
- Why would you?
- Wait a minute.
106
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,096
You're not telling me
it's still got the original engine?
107
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:40,920
It has.
108
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,040
Mr Clarkson raises a good point there!
109
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,600
It's not every single Stag,
110
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:50,000
but most Stags, I would guess,
have had the original engine taken out
111
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,400
and the Rover V8 put in.
112
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,840
- Yes.
- Which is more reliable.
113
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,160
Yeah. The original Triumph Stag V8
is incredible
114
00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,720
because it's found
so many ways of overheating
115
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,920
and destroying itself,
'cause it's not just one.
116
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:07,120
Casting sand left in the blocks fills
the galleyways and then, bang, overheats.
117
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:11,080
They overbored it. They bored it out
which made all the waterways smaller.
118
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,760
- So it overheats and goes back.
- Yeah. That's two ways.
119
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,040
The clever thing is,
two banks of cylinders.
120
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,000
- Yeah.
- V8.
121
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,000
They only put a temperature sender
on one bank.
122
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,960
So at least you don't know
when it's overheating.
123
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,040
So if the other bank overheated,
the first you'd know of it was the bang.
124
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,360
- If you're on an aeroplane.
- Yeah.
125
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,800
Being piloted directly at some mountains.
126
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,856
- Would you want to know?
- Actually, probably not.
127
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:31,920
Why would you wanna know?
128
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,000
You're having your gin and tonic,
watching a movie, having a nice time...
129
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,520
Boom. Nothing...
130
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,640
I don't wanna raise that submarine,
'cause that's sick. They didn't know!
131
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,576
At least it's the last programme
we'll ever do!
132
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,320
- Well, I mean...
- We don't give a anymore!
133
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,856
How much solace did we take
from the fact that they didn't know?
134
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,096
It was, "Oh, we're having a nice time
under the sea..." Boom.
135
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:50,920
Yeah, exactly.
136
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,880
You can write, call us,
by all means, to complain.
137
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,376
But you'll get a recorded message saying:
138
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,640
"We are not interested in your call."
139
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,120
Or simply dial 0800 Bugger Off.
140
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,280
"We're not here anymore!"
141
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,440
We're not even there!
142
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,080
We can say whatever we want.
143
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,080
How do you open the bonnet on this?
144
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,360
- Round this side.
- Look at the wear on that handle.
145
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,800
It's worn the badge off
with the picture of a bonnet over it.
146
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,696
- Pull it from the middle.
- Shit, it is the original Triumph engine.
147
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,880
That's a rarity.
148
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,560
Ladies and gentlemen, come and look.
It's the last time you're gonna see that.
149
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,160
Original but still shit.
150
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,000
Oh wait, a text.
151
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,480
- Oh, Mr Wilman.
- Oh.
152
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,760
Oh, Lord.
153
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,160
"Now that you've charged your electric
cars, report to South Mimms Services."
154
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,800
He doesn't know we're here.
155
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,040
He doesn't, no, he doesn't!
156
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,120
And it doesn't matter anyway,
because, actually,
157
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,200
we've already worked out
a challenge on our own.
158
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,640
We are currently
on the far eastern side of Zimbabwe,
159
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,280
and we're gonna travel
1,200 miles to the far western side.
160
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,080
And that's it.
161
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:05,880
That's it!
162
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,480
- Just one thing still concerns me.
- What?
163
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,040
Mountains? All that.
164
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,640
Well, I'm not worried because,
let's not forget,
165
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,120
this spawned the 037 Lancia,
166
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,280
which was the last two-wheel-drive car
to win the World Rally Championship,
167
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,600
beating the Audi Quattro.
168
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,480
There wasn't a lot of that in it,
was there?
169
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:23,760
Well...
170
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,856
What they actually did was
they said we can make this the basis
171
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,880
of a fantastic rally car
with a few modifications,
172
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,640
and they cut the badge off there,
173
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,000
and then everything
from there backwards was new.
174
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:39,320
With no further ado, we fired up
our fifty-year-old sports cars
175
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,960
and set off to cross
the rugged heart of Africa.
176
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,640
So, for the last time...
177
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:00,960
here we go.
178
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,840
This is the perfect car
for me to take on this trip.
179
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,440
My first car was nearly a Capri.
180
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,000
It was advertised in the local paper.
181
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,640
I kept the picture of it next to the till
182
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,120
in the petrol station
where I worked in Ripon.
183
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,040
I was just coming on 18.
184
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,720
It was gonna be my first car.
My parents were buying it for me.
185
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,640
But when we inspected it,
186
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,720
it turned out to have been stolen.
187
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,280
So I got
an old 1976 Toyota Corolla instead.
188
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,000
For a trip like this,
this car is perfect. It's light.
189
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,720
It's just a shade over a metric ton.
190
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,720
Plenty of grunt and power.
191
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,360
Three-litre Essex V6 up front.
Rear-wheel drive.
192
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,280
Brakes. Pft... That's it!
193
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,560
I love that the rev counter
says 1,000, 2,000, 3,000.
194
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,960
It doesn't work, but if it did,
you'd see it indicated in thousands.
195
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,640
'Cause that sounds better.
196
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:43,040
Back in the 80s, I never used to drive
into Central London on the M4 motorway.
197
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:47,600
I always used
the old Great West Road instead,
198
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,640
because on the Great West Road,
199
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,960
there was a car dealership
called the Chequered Flag
200
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,640
and sometimes in the window,
they'd have a Montecarlo.
201
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:02,000
And if there was one,
I'd pull over and stare at it,
202
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,520
for hours, dreaming.
203
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,760
And now I'm in one.
204
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,120
And it's mine.
205
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,480
It's mine!
206
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,720
As for me,
I had just one thing to say.
207
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,200
Triumph Stag.
208
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,440
Holy Moly, look at that view!
209
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,400
I don't know what it is
but something
210
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,640
is making we want a cup of tea.
211
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,440
What...
212
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,000
What's that about?
213
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,000
Oh, you're joking.
214
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,880
Chaps? No other way
to put this, I'm breaking down.
215
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,520
I'm sorry?
216
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,320
- Oh.
- Well, this is exciting.
217
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,880
It's extraordinary because the Capri
has the same number of moving parts
218
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,840
as this bottle of water.
219
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,040
How can you possibly
break down in a Capri?
220
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,600
- Oh, I know what that is.
- What?
221
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,840
The engine's not working.
222
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,240
- I think it's the engine as well.
- Yeah.
223
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,640
- And we're experts.
- Mine was the first bonnet to go up.
224
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,200
- What would we do in this situation?
- Well, let's think.
225
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,680
What would we normally do?
226
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,720
Lean on the car.
227
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,176
- That's very hot.
- Just for once.
228
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,840
Shall we change
the habit of a lifetime?
229
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,080
- Yeah.
- And help him.
230
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,080
Yes, for once.
231
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,840
I'm gonna say... no.
232
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,440
Bye!
233
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,600
Still a bastard, after all these years.
234
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:03,560
Right, 15 miles we've done,
and we're down to two men.
235
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,960
Oh! One thing.
236
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:12,440
It's not just the Ford
that has its own music.
237
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,040
This does as well.
238
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,840
Time, I think, to treat myself
to a little bit of Struggle Jennings
239
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,120
and "Monte Carlo". Here we go.
240
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,440
♪ Some young souls on a lonely road ♪
241
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,280
♪ Had no fathers to follow ♪
242
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,680
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
243
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,440
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
244
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,200
A few miles later, though,
245
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,600
a new instrument joined in
with the rhythm section,
246
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,040
and it wasn't very rhythmical.
247
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,480
A little misfire there.
248
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,160
Misfire.
249
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,280
Misfire. Misfire. Cows.
250
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,240
This is just shit.
251
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,840
There's a big puff
of smoke coming from your car now.
252
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,760
Oh, Christ Almighty.
253
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,880
Yeah...
254
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,800
Smoke, fire.
255
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:26,640
It's the engine.
256
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,680
Yeah. Hmm...
257
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,640
Yeah.
258
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,440
I'd love to help, but I don't know much
259
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:37,120
about the Italian Twin-Cam engines,
and mine is working perfectly.
260
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,960
If you break down
who's gonna leave you behind?
261
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,520
Well, that's my biggest worry.
I'll have to leave myself behind.
262
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,080
Temperatures and pressures good.
263
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:04,480
Only one car is still going,
a full 32 miles into the journey.
264
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,840
Stag.
265
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,320
Several miles back,
266
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:14,960
I'd managed to work out that
the Capri's issue was the fuel pump.
267
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,320
Slight problem here.
268
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,720
I've never seen inside
one of these when it is working
269
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,320
to know how it should look and
how it should compare with when it isn't.
270
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,640
Meanwhile,
I had deployed my genius
271
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,000
and already worked out
how to solve the Lancia's problem.
272
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,640
This thing on the end was loose.
273
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,440
If I tighten that up,
274
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,480
that'll spark properly
and the misfire will go away,
275
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,760
and the unburnt fuel
will stop getting into the exhaust pipe
276
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,600
and catching fire
and setting fire to my Lancia.
277
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,000
A ticking sound. What's that ticking?
278
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,080
Ow!
279
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,880
As I am used
to being electrocuted these days,
280
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,440
I used my genius again,
281
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,000
replaced the HT leads...
282
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,080
And soon, I was underway.
283
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,640
Oh! She purrs like a kitten.
284
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:32,760
Oh yes.
285
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:43,520
I set off in pursuit of James,
not sure which was more surprising,
286
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,960
the quality of the road
or the endlessly changing scenery.
287
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,000
These are pine trees!
288
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,520
In Africa.
289
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,560
We were literally on a tea plantation
290
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,920
and now there are pine trees.
291
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,200
If someone beamed me into there and said,
292
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,680
"Where are you in the world?"
you'd say Scotland.
293
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,560
By the time
I caught up with James...
294
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,320
James May!
295
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,000
He was
in the foothills of the mountains,
296
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,320
where the lovely road
soon became a dirt track.
297
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,920
Well, I knew that was too good to last.
298
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,520
Dust, dust.
299
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,880
Agh!
300
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,040
My mouth is filling with dust.
301
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,560
But then I remembered
that for the first time ever,
302
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,560
we were in control of our destiny.
303
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,320
Stop. Stop whenever we want.
Mr Wilman's not here. Brilliant.
304
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,280
No point driving beyond...
Well, it's four o'clock now.
305
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,560
A few miles later,
we saw a sign to some lodgings,
306
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,720
dropped Hammond a pin,
307
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,440
and decided to knock off for the day.
308
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,800
I don't imagine this'll be
the best hotel in the world.
309
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,080
I mean, we are in the middle of Zimbabwe,
310
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,200
in the middle of a forest
on top of a mountain.
311
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,560
But, you know...
312
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,200
Thankfully, I was wrong.
313
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,160
Very wrong.
314
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,360
It's even
a perfect temperature, isn't it?
315
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,480
Hmm...
316
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,456
- It's pretty special, isn't it?
- It's not bad.
317
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,480
You see those mountains there,
the far ones? They're Mozambique.
318
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,920
There was always a reason
why we couldn't come to Zimbabwe.
319
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,800
All those years we were at the BBC,
320
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,000
you couldn't come here
because the BBC was banned.
321
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,080
Yeah.
322
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,680
'Cause if you think about today,
we got up in a very agreeable place.
323
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,080
- Mm-hmm.
- Drove on a very agreeable road.
324
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,520
- Yep.
- To a very agreeable hotel.
325
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,800
It's better than Mr Wilman's idea,
isn't it?
326
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,496
Why have we listened to him
all these years?
327
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,520
I don't know.
328
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,496
Although he will argue that,
without his presence,
329
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,240
two of the cars went wrong
within the first 25 miles.
330
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,560
That, then, got us nattering
about our cars' stats.
331
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,040
I was quite surprised how much we paid.
332
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,080
You paid, James May,
as I'm sure you know, 26,500 pounds.
333
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,320
I did.
334
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:25,320
Richard Hammond, for his GXL,
the wrong Capri, 25,000 pounds.
335
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,560
- Really?
- 25 for a GXL.
336
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,920
For a knackered Capri?
337
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,440
- Montecarlo.
- Mm-hmm?
338
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,560
79,050.
339
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,320
- Bargain.
- That is a bargain.
340
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,440
Ours are 0 to 60,
in give or take nine seconds.
341
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,400
Hammond's, give or take eight seconds.
342
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,880
- Well, not at the moment.
- No.
343
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,760
Happily, I was now on the move.
344
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,560
But on the dirt road,
I was starting to worry
345
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,280
that the Capri
hadn't been the wisest choice.
346
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,000
♪ Mark One for Capri ♪
347
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,160
Ah!
348
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,800
That was a bit groundy-outy.
349
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,280
With hindsight,
350
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,400
I should have gone for something
with better ground clearance
351
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:12,920
than a 1974 three-litre
Ford Capri Mark One GXL.
352
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,240
And that would include pretty
much anything, as it turns out.
353
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,800
I think it's time for me
to just clear the windscreen a bit.
354
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,240
Oh. Oh no, that... Oh.
355
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,200
Ow!
356
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,960
Oh.
357
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,720
Er, I've just removed my exhaust.
358
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,760
And there is literally
nothing I can do about that right now.
359
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,920
Predictably,
when I finally arrived,
360
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,920
my colleagues
were brimming with sympathy.
361
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,720
We stopped work at four o'clock.
362
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,120
- Did you?
- Yes.
363
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,856
In the sunshine, at four o'clock.
It was quite warm then. Less so now.
364
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,320
- We've had eight of these.
- Yeah. Can I have one of those?
365
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,680
- They've just run out.
- Have they?
366
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:08,880
- It's incredible.
- Right.
367
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,680
He's gone to the shops.
Unfortunately, they're 30 miles away.
368
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,960
After not having a beer...
369
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,200
Hammond ruined the nocturnal
African soundtrack...
370
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:24,360
Ooh!
371
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,120
By noisily
sorting out his exhaust.
372
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,000
And the next morning,
373
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:43,280
James ruined the dawn chorus
by turning into Mrs Overall.
374
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,600
- Morning.
- Morning.
375
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,200
Erm, how empty does your mind
have to be for you to think
376
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,600
"I could look at the view
and listen to the birdsong
377
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,080
but instead I'm going to vacuum my car"?
378
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,976
I've been up for four hours, looked at
the view and listened to the birdsong,
379
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,320
and now I've made
this thing of beauty more beautiful.
380
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,280
Ooh, hang on, sorry.
381
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,000
Guess what?
382
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,200
- A text from Mr Wilman.
- Go on.
383
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,280
Ooh, he's cross.
384
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,840
- Has he rumbled us?
- I think so.
385
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:20,120
"Right. I've just found out you've taken
three classic cars to Zimbabwe.
386
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,240
And as it's fairly certain
one of them will break down..."
387
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,400
- Oh dear.
- Yep.
388
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,560
"I've asked my local contacts
to send you a backup car."
389
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:31,360
Really?
390
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,600
Gotta be.
391
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,160
Oh...
392
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,720
Oh, God.
393
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,040
Oh!
394
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,440
Oh, shit!
395
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,240
It's awful!
396
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,400
Is it?
I haven't seen one for years, actually.
397
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,560
- It is...
- It's a vase.
398
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,080
Oh, I forgot about the vase.
399
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,960
You're supposed to put a little flower
in it because you're a hippie.
400
00:23:56,360 --> 00:24:00,080
Well, I'll tell you what. You know that
village just coming five miles back?
401
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,320
- Yeah?
- Why don't I take this into the village
402
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,136
and I'll sell it or give it away?
I'll get rid of it.
403
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:04,960
Yes, get rid.
404
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,880
Do you want something
to put over your head?
405
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,840
It's the definition of hateful.
406
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:17,520
Just round the corner,
though, things went terribly wrong.
407
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,360
Hammond, I am in a right old pickle here.
408
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,000
What's happened?
409
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,240
I've had the most extraordinary accident,
okay?
410
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,600
I lost it, and I've ended up here
on this cliff edge.
411
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,800
- Look.
- Oh yeah.
412
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,960
And it gets worse.
A brick is now on the accelerator,
413
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,880
the engine's screaming away,
it's in gear,
414
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,200
it's in first,
415
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,280
and there's a broom handle
holding the clutch pedal down
416
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,320
'cause it's wedged against the seat.
417
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,680
Wait, so everything's okay?
418
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,880
Well, yes. Except, somehow,
God knows where it came from,
419
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,320
a bit of rope
has attached itself at one end
420
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,600
to the broom handle
and at the other end to that dog.
421
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,040
Jesus!
422
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,120
Now, at the moment,
the situation is stable.
423
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,560
But, over there,
424
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,600
as you can see,
James May is opening a tin of dog food.
425
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,960
Now, if the dog sees that,
426
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,200
we're in a world of trouble.
427
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:22,160
And I just don't know what to do.
428
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,240
I can't think of a solution.
429
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,000
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've got a plan.
430
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,640
No, it won't work.
431
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,320
Have you got anything?
432
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,240
I've got nothing.
433
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,840
Don't notice James May.
Don't notice James. Look at me.
434
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,600
No, don't. Look at me.
435
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,080
Oh no!
436
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,440
It's still going, isn't it?
437
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,000
It's still going!
438
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:43,720
I think it's finished.
439
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,560
That's quite a big accident.
440
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,440
Well, look at it this way.
At least Mr Wilman now has his trailer.
441
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,400
We didn't need
Mr Wilman's wretched backup car anyway,
442
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,160
because we'd brought our own.
443
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:05,840
And here it is,
a Rover SD1 Vanden Plas EFi.
444
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,680
190 horsepower of golden glory.
445
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,960
It is golden glory.
And it's golden glory everywhere.
446
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,240
Oh it is, yes.
447
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,760
Whoever resprayed this
did a magnificent job.
448
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,280
- Yeah.
- He didn't just spray the body.
449
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,640
- Even the aerial there.
- I have covered this car.
450
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,480
But it is still magnificent.
451
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,560
It's the only time we've had
a backup car that we'd like to be in.
452
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,680
We all like it.
My grandfather had one of these.
453
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,240
My dad had one. Two, in fact.
454
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,680
There was one of them in one drive
on a suburban street in Birmingham.
455
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,440
And we would go silent
as we walked past it out of respect.
456
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,880
And, the really good thing is,
from your point of view,
457
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,840
the engine from this,
458
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,680
as we know because almost every Stag
owner in the world has already done it,
459
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,720
fits perfectly into your car.
460
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,681
Can I suggest a modification
that you and I, Jeremy, make to this car?
461
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:52,600
Mm-hmm?
462
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,360
A little padlock on the bonnet.
463
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,600
Just so that...
We'll have the key.
464
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,600
When you need the engine,
which you will, ask.
465
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,160
Or we could find the man
who did this bit of welding.
466
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,696
- It's beautiful.
- Ooh, that's good.
467
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,360
And weld the bonnet shut.
468
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,520
Actually, that's probably the factory.
469
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,120
Yeah, probably
how it came out of Longbridge!
470
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,200
"I think I'll finish that now, hey."
471
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:12,920
"You can't see it. Look. Gone."
472
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,600
With Golden Glory
taking up the rear,
473
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,640
we set off west once more
in our quest to get over the mountains.
474
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,680
Hey, look at this.
These are road-repair people
475
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,800
but they're having an impromptu
sort of dance-club thing.
476
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,960
I wish road workers
back at home did that.
477
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,080
But I suppose they'd have
to be there to start with, wouldn't they?
478
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,520
It's going down a bit now.
479
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,920
Having done a bit of paddling,
we started to climb.
480
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:09,040
And the incredible
Zimbabwean landscape changed once again.
481
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,440
Look at that, meadows. You expect
to see cows with bells on them.
482
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,760
And Julie Andrews, giving it "Doe A Deer"
and all the rest of it.
483
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,640
So we've done tea plantation
484
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,600
and now we're in Austria.
485
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,160
Then, it changed again.
486
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,840
What? Hold on a minute.
487
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,080
To my right,
488
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,920
the most spectacular valley
I've ever seen in my life.
489
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,480
To my left...
490
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:47,800
Ireland.
491
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,040
I know what happened.
492
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,560
God had done
all the other countries in the world
493
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,880
and he'd got to the end of the alphabet,
he got to Z,
494
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,840
he got to Zimbabwe,
495
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,640
and he thought,
right, this is gonna be my best work,
496
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,360
this is gonna be my greatest hits.
497
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,960
You've got "Your Song",
"Tiny Dancer", "Bennie and the Jets".
498
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,800
It's stunning.
499
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,920
And it just changes all the time.
500
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:30,000
Sadly, in my low-slung Capri,
I couldn't look at the view
501
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,120
because I was too busy
looking at the road surface.
502
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,960
They didn't drive Capris this way
in The Professionals, as I recall.
503
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:47,920
It was all a bit more lively.
504
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,040
I'm enjoying this. It's fun.
You know, it's what I wanna do.
505
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:56,920
Oh my God, look at that one.
506
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,960
I was suffering
none of Hammond's problems
507
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,240
because my little Lancia
had been a sensible choice.
508
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:15,560
This really is the ideal car
for rough-road African exploration
509
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,440
because the engine is behind me,
510
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,800
so there's no prop shaft,
there are no exhausts,
511
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,640
there's nothing
to snag on the road surface.
512
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,640
I could therefore push on
at a respectable lick...
513
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,960
until something
did snag on the road surface.
514
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,360
Oh. F... hell.
515
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,040
That was a big one.
516
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,040
What is that?
517
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,120
These are bits of Lancia. Oh, joy!
518
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,400
Thank you, thank you. I needed that.
519
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,120
I do need that. Thank you.
520
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:14,600
Oh...
521
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,400
Do you not want us to go down the front?
522
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,016
No, there's nothing to see
at the front of my car.
523
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,520
Because there's no front of your car!
524
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,440
But this is all I need.
525
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,080
With a bit of superglue.
'Cause we're tenting tonight.
526
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,480
Nothing to do when you're tenting
other than glue your car back together.
527
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,040
We continued onwards.
528
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,360
Oh, God.
529
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,480
Wow, that was a thumb breaker.
530
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:43,440
And then, once again,
we stopped continuing onwards.
531
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,400
Oh.
532
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,200
Oh no.
533
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,920
I think my exhaust has come off again.
534
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,600
Having a spot of bother, sir?
535
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,040
That is an extended exhaust system.
536
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,400
Very low. You'll catch that
on the ground if you're not careful.
537
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,360
Why can't you just drive up the road
like the rest of us are?
538
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,720
I can't drive with it like that.
I need to remove it.
539
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,201
Have you played your Capri
music, would that cheer you up?
540
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,240
♪ Ba, ba, Ford Capri ♪
541
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,520
"It's got everything I need
except the exhaust pipe."
542
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,040
I need, I'm gonna say,
a 11 mm spanner.
543
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,240
Oh, now, hang on.
544
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,240
I've got some antibiotics,
545
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:29,880
for something I don't have any more.
546
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,680
- I don't think...
- I've got this, Hammond.
547
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,720
- Bernie Taupin's autobiography.
- I've heard that's really good.
548
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,480
Very good. I'm reading it.
Would that help you?
549
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,720
I don't think
it would actually help, no.
550
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,720
I'm gonna say, again, 11 mm spanner.
551
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,056
What's particularly irritating is
552
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,000
this car was in brilliant condition
when I bought it.
553
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:51,720
- Yes!
- I mean, genuinely.
554
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,920
So was that Rimac.
555
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,320
Low blow. Very good.
556
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,360
That was a bit harsh!
But I can't deny it's true.
557
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,600
It was, yeah, until then.
558
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,640
Eager to reach
the top of the mountain before nightfall,
559
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,760
we left our colleague behind.
560
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,160
Honestly, if Richard Hammond
was a block of flats, he'd be condemned.
561
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,280
Mother! Come on!
562
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,520
Further ahead,
the climb was starting to get so tough
563
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,080
you'd think twice
about taking a Land Rover up it,
564
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,920
leave alone a brittle Italian sports car.
565
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,920
Oh, God, bloody stone there.
566
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:42,680
We started at 6,000 feet.
We must be pushing 7,000 or 8,000 now.
567
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Agh! I can't even get it into second.
It's so steep.
568
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,280
I mean, the fact of the matter is,
if you drive relentlessly uphill
569
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,840
in first gear
570
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,320
at the beginning of the African summer,
571
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,800
a car is likely to overheat.
And it is...
572
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,000
Oh my God.
573
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,600
Right. Erm, I fixed it.
574
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,600
Well, when I say "fixed",
quite a lot of it...
575
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,400
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry...
576
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,000
We're back on the road now, Essex.
577
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,760
Let's go.
578
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:35,080
Ooh.
579
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,760
Get you to camp this evening.
580
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,640
We can have
a nice old session putting you right.
581
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:42,800
Oof!
582
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,400
Whilst Hammond
was missing another sunset,
583
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:52,800
James and I reached the summit
of the mountain and decided, yet again,
584
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,000
that we'd had enough for the day.
585
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,640
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
586
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,880
Oh. That's nice.
587
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,160
And after enjoying
a refreshing golden-hour beer,
588
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,000
I set about reassembling
the Lancia's face.
589
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,120
This is like watching a dog
try to learn a card trick.
590
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,760
A little bit of glue
and this is literally as good as new.
591
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,520
By the time
Hammond reached our campsite,
592
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,160
it was completely dark.
593
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,480
Oh... Right.
594
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,600
This is the most woeful arrival!
595
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,280
22 years. You'd think
we'd know how to do it. But no.
596
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:49,800
Here he comes.
597
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,800
With one and a half headlamps!
598
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,320
Essex is here!
599
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,840
Hammond, however,
wasn't the only one having problems.
600
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,280
Were you having a nice moment?
601
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,200
Well, no, I'm not having
a very nice moment.
602
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:04,960
No, he's glued his finger
to the table.
603
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,600
I've glued myself
to the table with superglue.
604
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:08,560
Yeah?
605
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:10,080
How do you drive
a Lancia Montecarlo
606
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:11,616
when you've got a table glued
to your finger?
607
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,040
Are you going to glue... Oh, I see!
608
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,080
You could slide a razor blade
609
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,320
between your finger and the table.
It's a bit risky.
610
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:18,760
- Can you?
- Yeah.
611
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,016
But very carefully.
Would you like me to do it for you?
612
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,000
James, he's glued the tip of his finger.
613
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,280
No, my fingerprint.
614
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,080
Well, it's the sort of pad.
615
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,440
So if you cut it at the first joint...
616
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,360
- Thank you, Hammond.
- Have I misunderstood?
617
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,480
Then we could graft
a biro onto it.
618
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,560
- Lovely.
- Then he'd always have a pen.
619
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,640
Or a bottle opener!
620
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,520
I'm not listening to you.
621
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,880
Replace it with a corkscrew!
622
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,040
Opener o'nuckle.
623
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,160
"Oh, brilliant."
624
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,600
Doink.
625
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,360
This is the first time I've ever glued
anything to anything, ever.
626
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,800
I'll get this off.
Can we just cut, please?
627
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,480
- Yeah, I can cut.
- Ooh. Interesting.
628
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,360
- I can cut.
- Give me that. Give me that.
629
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,080
It's Mark Sowerman's new knife.
He's very, very proud of it.
630
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,136
- Yes, I'm not interested.
- It's incredibly sharp.
631
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:06,160
Good.
632
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:07,800
How sharp is... Ooh.
633
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,200
Yes, it's... "Ooh", it is.
634
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,080
- Ah, but look how much...
- Ah-ha, this is working!
635
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,520
Do we look like one of those Dutch
paintings with businessmen in big hats?
636
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,200
It's working. It's working.
637
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:21,760
- Look.
- This is in the trailer.
638
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:22,920
Definitely.
639
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,640
- Look at that!
- Yes! There you go!
640
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,496
A grown man unglued his finger
from the table.
641
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,480
Mark?
I've glued your knife to the table.
642
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:46,520
The next morning, after
a terrible and cold night under canvas,
643
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,600
I proudly showed off my workmanship.
644
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,680
Look how well a job I've done there.
645
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:57,080
I thought you'd got
a new part from a shop.
646
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,680
- Where is the repair?
- The brackets that hold it on.
647
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,160
- Yes?
- They're brok-ed.
648
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,360
So I need to find some place
where I can buy
649
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:10,400
basically new brackets and bolts and
things to get it fastened back on again.
650
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,320
I feel I ought to apologise, viewers,
for having a slightly boring car.
651
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,200
The others spend their evenings,
you know, putting exhaust pipes back on,
652
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,136
making a jigsaw puzzle
out of a front bumper.
653
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,480
All I can really do
is give mine a bit of a clean.
654
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,480
Still,
at least we were now going downhill.
655
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:46,320
And soon, things got even better.
656
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,080
Oh yes.
657
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,120
Look at this.
658
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,640
Look at it.
659
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,040
Oh!
660
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,280
There is a God.
661
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,360
And God has provided tarmac.
662
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,536
It's good 'cause now we're on a road
we can actually look at...
663
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,960
Why did my windscreen wipers go on then?
664
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:15,280
What this meant is
we'd crossed the Irish Alps
665
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,080
and entered actual Africa.
666
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,360
It's completely changed again,
the terrain.
667
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:27,640
Look at that.
668
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,920
Jesus wept, it's pretty.
669
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,680
We're on a Star Trek set now.
Oh, look at the red...
670
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,400
Look at that acacia with the red flowers.
671
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:44,040
And then
we saw something even better.
672
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,040
Ooh!
673
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,880
I love a scrapyard.
674
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,920
We pulled in to see
if they had the spare parts we needed.
675
00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:00,280
But soon we were distracted
by all the treasures.
676
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,080
This is a very good test
of our motoring knowledge.
677
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,480
Is that a Cresta behind that?
678
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,960
I think it is.
A Cresta shooting brake.
679
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,640
Shooting brake.
680
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,400
As my mother
always used to call them.
681
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,480
In what special
did you drive one of these?
682
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,400
- Bolivia! Yeah!
- He's right.
683
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,160
He's remembered something!
684
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,800
That genuinely is worth restoring.
685
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,640
- It's gorgeous.
- Hey, look at this one.
686
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,400
- That's an Austin Cambridge!
- It is indeed an Austin Cambridge.
687
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,760
With writing. What's that? RSR.
688
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,920
That means it was when this was Rhodesia.
689
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,960
- Oh, is that what it means?
- Yeah, so that's been off the road
690
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,280
- a long time.
- That's been there a while.
691
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,056
Excuse me?
Are you trying to make this go?
692
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:43,880
Yeah.
693
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,440
- Yes?
- Nearly there.
694
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,960
- Good luck.
- Nearly there.
695
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,160
Yeah, nearly there.
696
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,200
Erm, you may think it's a joke.
697
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,560
The best-selling car in Zimbabwe
698
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,480
in the sort of 60s was...?
699
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,200
Where do they... It was French.
700
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,360
- Four, Renault Four.
- Oh!
701
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:03,976
- There is one over there.
- Yes, there, look.
702
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,600
Yeah, Renault Four. Do you know
what the 5th best-selling car was?
703
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,856
- The Lancia Montecarlo?
- It wasn't a Lancia Montecarlo, was it?
704
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,640
- Close.
- I'll bet it was an Alfa Romeo.
705
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,160
Alfa Romeo Giulia.
706
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:13,160
Was it?
707
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,096
- That's 'cause they made them here.
- They made them in South Africa.
708
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,760
- In South Africa, rather, yeah.
- And a friend of mine's dad
709
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,920
ran the Ford factory in Harare.
710
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,480
And they used to smuggle parts of Alfas
711
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,360
out of South Africa
712
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,480
and then build Alfas
in the Ford factory and sell them!
713
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,520
- As Alfas?
- Yeah, as Alfas.
714
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,416
But they also used to build them
in the French factories here.
715
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,920
There were Alfa Romeos running here
that Alfa Romeo didn't know they'd built.
716
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:36,456
But all the VIN numbers would be wrong.
717
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:37,960
VIN numbers, VIN numbers!
718
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,760
I'm just saying.
719
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,400
Annoyingly, the scrapyard
didn't have any bumper mounts
720
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,560
for a Lancia Montecarlo
721
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:52,840
or exhaust brackets for a 1974 Capri GXL.
722
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,200
So Hammond decided
to bodge another repair,
723
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,000
while I took the roof off my Montecarlo.
724
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,920
- The air con is just useless.
- Is it?
725
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,456
Honestly, it's like being
in the Black Hole of Calcutta in there.
726
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:08,680
You can't say that.
727
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,200
- Er...
- Why not?
728
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,760
I just don't think you can.
729
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,616
Well, all right, if you object to me
saying the "Black Hole of Calcutta"...
730
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,080
- I don't object to it.
- Not you.
731
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,656
I'm talking to the ladies and gentlemen
at home. If anybody wants to write in
732
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,320
and say they object to that,
you go right ahead.
733
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:24,920
I'm gone. I'm done.
734
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,440
- Can you just pull the lever?
- Dial...
735
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,560
It's 0800 Off Sod.
736
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,120
Off Sod. And then
you'll get a recorded message saying:
737
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,680
- "We do not value your call."
- Yes, "Your call is not important to us."
738
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,160
"Your call... Your..."
739
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,440
Just pull the lever again 'cause
there's another little latch bit here.
740
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:42,600
- Here?
- Yeah.
741
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:43,680
Look!
742
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,920
- Yes, there you go.
- The thing has disintegrated.
743
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,520
How did you make...?
And then what happens?
744
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:50,720
Well, I think...
745
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,680
Well, why does that bit...?
746
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,200
That doesn't... But how does that...
747
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,480
But why does that bit unlatch then?
748
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,800
- Do these now just clip back...
- Oh wait. If that goes...
749
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,160
- Do you think this goes under?
- I do.
750
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,160
- Like that?
- Yeah.
751
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,200
Well, to stop... Oh, I see. Oh.
752
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,240
- Ah!
- There. No.
753
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,920
- But nearly.
- But possibly.
754
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,200
- There you go.
- Do you think that's...?
755
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:25,880
And in just 24 minutes,
756
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,640
we've converted the Lancia
Montecarlo into a convertible.
757
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,360
James, thank you for your help.
758
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,000
We then had a gossip
about our colleague.
759
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,560
Captain Exhaust Pipe is going to attempt,
760
00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,080
apparently,
to put straight-through exhausts.
761
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:42,856
- Oh really?
- Out of the side of the car.
762
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,280
So he'll have basically like stacks,
like a Kenworth truck.
763
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:47,840
Well, I've got a suggestion.
764
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:49,720
- We leave him behind.
- Yes, exactly.
765
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,200
I also don't like people with tattoos.
766
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,120
These fully-grown men
go and draw on themselves.
767
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,520
I've noticed. It's the name
of his programme he does.
768
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,560
The Smallest Cog.
He's had his television...
769
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,360
Well, what happens when that gets canned?
770
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,720
I mean, what if I'd had Top Gear
tattooed on my arm?
771
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,200
Yes, exactly.
772
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,840
He'll have to cross it out and write
773
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,000
"I'm appearing as Buttons
at Swindon Wyvern."
774
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,520
- Yeah, which is a lot of work.
- Which he will be, one day.
775
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,840
- Write "Buttons."
- Or maybe just "Buttons," yeah.
776
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,160
- Put it there, really.
- Buttons!
777
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:28,560
After this,
the Ghosts of Christmas Future set off.
778
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,520
- See you, Hammond.
- Yeah.
779
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:31,880
Bye.
780
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,640
Happy travels.
781
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,760
While Hammond banged
and clanged away,
782
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:51,040
James and I headed
towards the capital city of Harare.
783
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:05,680
And now we were on tarmac,
we made good time getting there.
784
00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:24,040
I'm gonna miss driving
through cities like this.
785
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,600
God, they're colourful and fun.
786
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:31,120
Check out the policeman, James.
787
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,640
Look at him! He's magnificent!
788
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,560
Is he having
any effect at all on the traffic?
789
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,720
No,
but he cheers everybody up immensely.
790
00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:52,120
As we headed for
the city centre, we came across a market.
791
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,360
A big one.
792
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,680
Jesus, this is enormous.
793
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,200
Okay!
794
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,760
And soon, I had an idea.
795
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,640
Right, as this is
the last time we ever work together,
796
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,160
shall we see
if we can help Richard Hammond
797
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,920
and see if we can actually buy him
an exhaust pipe for his car?
798
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,720
Yeah, okay, why not.
799
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:32,360
To speed up the shopping,
I fired up another modification,
800
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,280
my onboard public-address system.
801
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:41,440
Does anybody have
an exhaust system for a Ford Capri
802
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,800
Mark One three-litre GXL?
803
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:47,400
On the left, exhaust systems.
804
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,120
Oh yes.
805
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,560
Do you think
any of them will fit a Mark One V6 GXL?
806
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,880
I expect they'll fit as well
as the ones that are currently on there.
807
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,200
And on that point,
many miles back...
808
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,280
Like a glove.
809
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,240
Sidewinder! Yeah!
810
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,120
That sounds even better!
811
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,600
Road Warrior coming through. Oh yeah.
812
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,360
We were now on foot
as we searched for an exhaust.
813
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:46,920
Shock-absorbers shop, look.
814
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,920
Shocks and springs.
815
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,200
Tail lights.
816
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,280
- They have got your names in the paper.
- Huh?
817
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,520
They have got your names in the paper.
818
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,440
Oh shit.
819
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,040
We're in the paper? Oh wow!
820
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,120
We are literally
front-page news.
821
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,520
"Top Gear legends."
822
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:11,240
- Yeah, look.
- Here we are again.
823
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,920
You see, "Superstars
who they made their name in Top Gear..."
824
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,480
and then blew it.
825
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,920
"The most recognisable figures
when it comes to motoring on television."
826
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:24,200
That's a narrow band.
827
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,520
Yeah, it is a bit.
828
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,680
Look, this is getting
more promising.
829
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,720
I think it's fair to say
that if our colleague had known
830
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:37,360
we were exhaust shopping,
he'd have been very grateful.
831
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:47,320
Okay, I'll be honest, had enough now.
832
00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:01,640
Darkness had fallen by the time
I arrived at our peaceful boutique hotel.
833
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,680
Chaps!
834
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:16,616
- Well done!
- Have you had a rotten day?
835
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,800
- Aw! Thank you.
- I've got you a beer.
836
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,160
But I think more important than that...
837
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:25,480
And yes, it is a correct set, look.
838
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,240
- For the GXL.
- It is for the GXL.
839
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:29,496
- I don't wanna be...
- Not the GT.
840
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,160
- Is this a cruel joke?
- No.
841
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:32,320
- Really?
- Yeah.
842
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,600
Oh, my God!
843
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,240
Look what that means!
844
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,960
- Feel that.
- Quiet.
845
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:39,720
It means you're getting no sleep
tonight.
846
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:40,760
Oh, I don't care!
847
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,760
Hammond, it doesn't stop there.
848
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,160
- What?
- It doesn't stop there.
849
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,320
This is embarrassing now
but I'm very grateful.
850
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,440
Oh, my Lord.
851
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,840
- Oh, my Lord!
- That's a rear spoiler.
852
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,416
- Not just any rear spoiler.
- No, but a Richard Grant rear...
853
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,080
- You remember Richard Grant spoilers?
- The actor?
854
00:50:58,840 --> 00:50:59,640
No, well...
855
00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:03,200
That's the thing,
the Richard Grant spoilers were on XR2s
856
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:04,840
all through the 70s and 80s.
857
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,080
Turns out Richard E. Grant,
who did Withnail and I...
858
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,080
- He did!
- He did. He then started
859
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:10,800
a car accessory business.
860
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,056
But because he didn't want
to damage his acting career,
861
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:14,160
he dropped the "E".
862
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,800
Chaps, er,
863
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,840
this is genuinely all spectacular news
and I'm very, very happy.
864
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,160
So you can fit that tonight.
865
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,200
I feel terrible.
I haven't got you any...
866
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:24,920
Of course you haven't got me anything.
867
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:25,880
I haven't got you any gifts.
868
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:28,280
When have you ever,
you two, ever bought me...
869
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,440
You bought me
a shit oil painting in Vietnam.
870
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:33,800
- It was lovely!
- Shit.
871
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,440
And you've never bought me anything.
872
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:36,936
- Have I never bought you anything?
- Never.
873
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:38,720
- Have I never bought you a gift?
- No!
874
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,040
I bought you a galleon
in Vietnam to put on your motorcycle.
875
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:45,800
That night,
we polished our cars,
876
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,520
did all the necessary repairs...
877
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:56,360
And then met up for the sort of breakfast
Mr Wilman never provided.
878
00:51:58,440 --> 00:51:59,440
Is that my coffee?
879
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:00,480
Yes.
880
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,200
- You ordered me a coffee?
- Yes.
881
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,400
It's nearly a present.
882
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:06,880
- Hey.
- What.
883
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,600
I went to the bar last night.
884
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,560
- Yeah?
- Got talking to a man.
885
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:12,880
And I bought this from him.
886
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,280
- What is it?
- Silver.
887
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:19,400
Actual silver.
888
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,640
- Is it?
- Nuggets of it, yes.
889
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,640
60 cents a gram.
890
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,176
'Cause, turns out,
you know we've been driving along...
891
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,640
On the surface there's all
the fruit and crops and so on.
892
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,680
- Yeah.
- Bread basket of Africa.
893
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:33,400
Dig down...
894
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:37,600
Gold, silver, manganese, lithium,
895
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,560
diamonds, coal, iron ore.
896
00:52:40,720 --> 00:52:42,840
So you're ploughing a field
to get your pineapples in,
897
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,640
or your tea or your bananas
or whatever it might be,
898
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,360
and there's just diamonds and lithium.
899
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,800
- Jewels.
- Yeah, jewels and lithium and cobalt
900
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,600
just pouring out.
901
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,400
And I was thinking,
you know people when they go on...
902
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,856
Well, we go on these trips,
we always go home with a stupid souvenir.
903
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,000
Well, instead of buying
some crappy nonsense,
904
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:01,280
why don't we get some silver?
905
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,480
- 60 cents?
- 60 cents!
906
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:04,680
- A gram?
- A gram.
907
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:09,000
We then rushed immediately
into town and went shopping.
908
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,040
And we didn't hold back.
909
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:18,040
So this is 45 kilograms of silver.
910
00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:19,760
- The best souvenir ever.
- I know.
911
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,480
We could have gone back
with an awful painting of a sunset.
912
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,160
This is going to affect my weight
distribution, I've gotta be honest.
913
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,120
This is gonna add
to the downforce from my wing.
914
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,800
I'm just trying to work out
how much that cost.
915
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:33,800
Not a lot, according to you.
916
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,520
- Well, it's sixty cents a gram.
- Yes.
917
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:39,400
But we got a discount on the quantity.
And then the change he gave me was this.
918
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:41,200
So I paid in US...
919
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,240
What is that?
920
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:47,840
- 50... 50 million?
- Mm-hmm.
921
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:49,360
50 million dollars.
922
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:52,680
When they had really big hyperinflation,
it was a million percent, wasn't it?
923
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:54,080
Something like that, yeah.
924
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,720
And at one point,
I think with a 50 million-dollar note,
925
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,040
it was cheaper
to wipe your bottom with this
926
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,440
than it was to use one single sheet
of lavatory paper.
927
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,496
- It was actually cheaper?
- 'Cause that was more valuable.
928
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,296
That's why if people ordered a coffee,
they paid for it when they got it
929
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,696
rather than after they'd drunk it
'cause it would have gone up.
930
00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:11,000
- Anyway.
- Enough financial matters.
931
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:16,040
- So we've got 45 kilograms of silver...
- Yes.
932
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,080
And 50 million dollars.
933
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,640
We are in a good place.
934
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,560
Having fired up
our fully repaired silver machines,
935
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:26,760
we headed out of town,
936
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:32,680
fairly convinced that no city on earth
gives better avenue.
937
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,920
Those purple trees are breathtaking.
938
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,080
Are these really Jacaranda trees?
939
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:41,680
Yeah, they are.
Look at that. They're beautiful.
940
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,720
Oh, look at this.
941
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,920
That's the most beautiful avenue of trees
I think I've ever seen.
942
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,360
With Jeremy
on map-reading duties,
943
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:10,240
we headed due west
on a rather brilliant ribbon of tarmac.
944
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,920
The road is good,
scenery is good,
945
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,240
things are good.
946
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,160
For hours,
the journey was completely trouble-free.
947
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:46,520
And it continued to be trouble-free
till I stopped to check the map.
948
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:51,080
Then it wasn't trouble-free any more.
949
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:52,840
Shit.
950
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,600
Wherefore have you stopped?
951
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,360
- Good news.
- Go on.
952
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,720
Good news. Very good news.
953
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,440
Er, I know exactly which road we're on.
954
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,320
- There is some bad news.
- Yes.
955
00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:07,480
It's the wrong road.
956
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,680
- What's happened?
- We're on the wrong road.
957
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,616
Who said they knew where they were going?
Oh, I know.
958
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,520
- Er, was it... I...
- It wasn't you.
959
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,040
- No, it was like another voice.
- And it wasn't me, was it?
960
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:19,720
Let's not get bogged down
in who turned left and who turned right.
961
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,320
- It was you.
- It was me.
962
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,680
So, you've got us on the wrong road
leaving Harare.
963
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,600
We should be heading west.
We're not. We're heading north.
964
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,200
- Show me.
- We face a choice. We can either
965
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,200
go all the way back to Harare.
966
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:34,040
No.
967
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:35,536
And take that turning,
which we should have done.
968
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,960
- Okay.
- Or...
969
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:40,000
If we keep heading north and then...
970
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,000
- On the wrong road.
- Yeah.
971
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,320
If we keep heading north, we will
eventually get to the Zambezi, okay?
972
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:45,880
Which is the border with Zambia.
973
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:47,640
Big river. Can't miss it.
974
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:51,760
Hang a left, we know we're going west.
975
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,640
Well, 'cause the river goes
like that and the road goes like that.
976
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,480
So, there we are.
977
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,880
Having processed
the fact that instead of doing this,
978
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,920
we'd been doing this,
979
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:11,200
we soldiered on.
980
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,720
I think we'll make it
to the Zambezi by nightfall.
981
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,560
We could camp by the Zambezi.
982
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:22,080
How cool would that be?
983
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:24,960
But then...
984
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:26,840
the tarmac ran out.
985
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:33,560
Oh no!
986
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,240
Oh please, don't let this be washboard.
Oh God!
987
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:39,160
It is!
988
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,200
Oh!
989
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:46,760
Chaps, it's about 40 miles
to the river now, 40 miles.
990
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,400
- 14 miles?
- No, no, James.
991
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,840
40 miles, four zero miles.
992
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:53,320
40?
993
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,200
Yes, I'm afraid
that's about the sum of it, yes.
994
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,520
They're never gonna hold together.
995
00:58:02,720 --> 00:58:05,840
Oh, that was a really bad bit.
996
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,680
Oh, wait, I'm stopping. What?
997
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,440
Chaps, er, I'm breaking down.
998
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,320
It's okay, mine's fine.
999
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,320
Oh no... I smell fuel.
1000
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,760
First job is put something white on
1001
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:27,400
because the tsetse flies
are attracted to blue and black.
1002
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:30,960
Oh, shit!
1003
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,440
All my petrol is falling out.
1004
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:35,600
Oh no, that's bad.
1005
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:40,640
This is the fuel pipe,
and this is the fuel.
1006
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:45,360
That's your... Thank you.
1007
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:46,920
- Well...
- What I could do...
1008
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,040
- Is petrol coming out of your hot car?
- Yeah.
1009
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:50,000
Is this a good idea?
1010
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:51,200
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
1011
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,056
Would one of you fancy standing here
with their finger on the end of this?
1012
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:55,080
- Not really.
- No.
1013
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:57,000
Just try to explain so I can understand.
1014
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:58,000
It's come off.
1015
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:02,120
The line from the petrol tank
up to the engine goes to there...
1016
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,880
So there must be a pipe from...
Has it just snapped?
1017
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,720
- No, it's come undone.
- Why are you helping him?
1018
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:11,280
I want him to survive otherwise we can't
see him as Buttons in the pantomime.
1019
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:12,520
Oh, please!
1020
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,760
Stop it with the Buttons!
1021
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,600
Oh no we won't.
1022
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:20,320
How long before he is appearing
as Buttons at the Swindon Wyvern?
1023
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:21,600
- One year.
- Please, stop!
1024
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:26,520
No, I think he's got enough pride
to make him last two years.
1025
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,040
So this one goes out in 2024,
this programme,
1026
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,800
so I think it'll be 2025.
1027
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:32,800
Possibly Guildford.
1028
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,200
God, I'm soaked in petrol!
1029
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:36,496
Guildford's quite a big theatre, though.
1030
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:38,776
I know... I think the Swindon Wyvern
is where he's gonna be.
1031
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:39,920
It's about 200 people.
1032
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,680
The cast, here it is.
1033
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,520
Ainsley Harriott,
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen,
1034
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:46,000
Julian Clary, Richard Hammond.
1035
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:48,000
That is a star-studded line-up.
1036
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,480
"Gloria Hunniford and,
it is a lot of 'and', Richard Hammond..."
1037
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:53,280
"As Buttons!"
1038
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:58,080
"Following his illustrious career
travelling the globe."
1039
00:59:58,240 --> 00:59:59,680
Will it say
"TV's Richard Hammond"?
1040
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:00,640
"TV's", yeah!
1041
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:04,280
Because he's done enough programmes
for him to be "TV's Richard Hammond."
1042
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:06,480
I tell you,
Hammond, we're gonna come and see you.
1043
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:08,240
- I'm gonna say...
- On your first night,
1044
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,880
there will be two elderly gentlemen
in the front row.
1045
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:12,040
Every night.
1046
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,680
I mean, I hate panto
but I'm going to that one.
1047
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,176
Think of the Premier Inn reward points
you're going to get.
1048
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:20,240
Oh God!
1049
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,800
With the Sunday matinee,
you can have the carvery special.
1050
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:26,960
Predicting
that this wouldn't be the last time
1051
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,720
we'd be standing around a broken Capri,
1052
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:33,120
I went to put on
my anti-tsetse fly shirt.
1053
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:36,920
And then, I spotted something
in the undergrowth.
1054
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,120
Ooh, hello. Ooh!
1055
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:43,840
I've got a bonnet ornament, guys.
1056
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:45,920
Remember on the old Lancia?
1057
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,680
Oh wow.
1058
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:49,120
Look at that.
1059
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,080
- That's brilliant.
- I know.
1060
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,640
Eventually,
Buttons was back on the road.
1061
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,720
I'm just checking my fuel gauge.
I lost a fair bit.
1062
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:04,880
And then, with 30 miles to go,
1063
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:06,760
the washboard became so vicious...
1064
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:09,120
Oh!
1065
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,160
It even started to play havoc
1066
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,240
with the normally bulletproof Stag.
1067
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,880
The windscreen wipers randomly come on.
1068
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,320
Stop it, windscreen wipers!
1069
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,720
Stop wiping the windscreen,
you stupid rubber bastards!
1070
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:35,240
It was as if the washboard,
1071
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:38,640
our nemesis for the last 20 years,
1072
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:42,080
knew it was its last chance to break us.
1073
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,760
Ooh!
1074
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:01,280
It's on full... Christ,
what the hell's happened here?
1075
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:03,120
I have no throttle control.
1076
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:07,920
Yeah, my foot's not
on the accelerator now
1077
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,760
and we're just driving along.
1078
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,600
I've put it under the accelerator
to lift it off.
1079
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:19,040
This has properly, properly
started to break my Lancia...
1080
01:02:19,560 --> 01:02:20,640
and me.
1081
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:24,120
Oh, God. Oh no!
1082
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,800
However,
despite their great age,
1083
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,680
our cars held together
until eventually...
1084
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,760
we reached the banks of the Zambezi.
1085
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:39,960
Oh God.
1086
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:44,520
Where Mother Nature
had laid on quite a reception.
1087
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:18,640
It's not a bad spot.
1088
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,160
After dinner,
we had a lovely pudding.
1089
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:27,320
Cheesecake.
1090
01:03:28,160 --> 01:03:30,400
And, this being Zimbabwe...
1091
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,640
Now, would you like some gold on it?
1092
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:34,760
- Erm, yeah, I would actually.
- Oh, yes please.
1093
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,600
I got it when we were in Harare.
1094
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:40,160
The great thing about it as well is you
do a golden turd the next day.
1095
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:41,920
- That's true.
- And it becomes valuable.
1096
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:46,200
This is just extravagant.
Thanks, Hammond.
1097
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:48,080
- I'm now worth more than I was.
- May?
1098
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,360
- Yes, please.
- 'Cause if you think about it,
1099
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,080
they grow everything here.
And then you dig a hole in the ground
1100
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,080
for your pudding, which is gold.
1101
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:56,840
Hey, that gives me an idea.
1102
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:00,560
- Why don't we melt our silver?
- Hmm.
1103
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,280
And then we can make gift items
to take home with us.
1104
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:05,400
Out of our souvenir silver?
1105
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:07,840
- Do you have to make a mould?
- Hmm.
1106
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:11,320
Are you proposing that we do craft?
1107
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:16,280
Well, what else can we do? It's 6:20.
1108
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:17,640
Drinking is going well.
1109
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:20,480
Yes, drinking's good.
But eventually...
1110
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,920
you'll be wrestling a baboon.
You always do that sort of thing.
1111
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,080
In a state of deep joy,
1112
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:32,720
James quickly built all that we needed
to start smelting our silver.
1113
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,320
He is Victorian.
1114
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,040
- Very happy.
- So happy.
1115
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:48,680
And two small drinks later,
things were looking good.
1116
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:52,040
There you go, chaps.
Look at that.
1117
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,200
Holy cow!
1118
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:58,240
So now we can make anything.
Literally anything that we can cast.
1119
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:01,480
- Yes, so you make a hole in something.
- Yes?
1120
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,280
Pour that in, let it solidify.
1121
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,160
- And then you've got a thing in silver.
- Right!
1122
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:10,480
Come on, then.
Gentlemen, let's get to work.
1123
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:14,560
I'll mend my throttle,
then I'll make something silvery.
1124
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:19,320
Actually, no, I'll make the mould,
put the silver in it, let it solidify.
1125
01:05:19,480 --> 01:05:21,160
- Exactly.
- And while it's solidifying,
1126
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:22,800
I'll mend my throttle linkage.
1127
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:26,040
Welcome to a world of ordered thinking.
1128
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:38,720
The next morning,
1129
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:42,720
the banks of the Zambezi were carpeted
with many different animals...
1130
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:45,800
and Roger Moore.
1131
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:49,360
Have you had that made?
1132
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,560
Yep.
1133
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:52,280
And whose measurements did you send?
1134
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:55,160
- Jon Bon Jovi's.
- I was a little ambitious.
1135
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:58,256
You know how it is, when the doctor says,
how many units of alcohol do you drink
1136
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:00,520
and when somebody says:
"What are your measurements?"
1137
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,440
"Definitely thirty-inch waist,
forty-inch chest." I lied.
1138
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,240
Have you noticed what he's done here?
1139
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:09,760
- Very flamboyant buttons.
- Buttons, yes.
1140
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,600
It's like he's easing himself
into the role.
1141
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:17,040
Can we just move on
from his sartorial faux pas?
1142
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:18,680
Isn't it magnificent?
1143
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:20,216
Is that what you made
out of your silver?
1144
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:21,800
- Oh, yeah.
- That's startling.
1145
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,640
Why has nobody... Well.
I wonder why nobody's done that before.
1146
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,000
Your steering wheel's actually
a solid-silver steering wheel!
1147
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,200
That's another £900,000.
1148
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,200
I mean, it does look pretty cool,
doesn't it?
1149
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,880
But, talking of bling. Bonnet ornament.
1150
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:37,016
- Is it the bonnet?
- It's not on the bonnet though.
1151
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:39,560
It is on... But you see...
Ah, but it is the bonnet.
1152
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:43,280
This is at the back. Does it
become an engine cover, not a bonnet?
1153
01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:45,920
- You can't say "engine cover ornament".
- No, you can't.
1154
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,040
- I love it. It looks brilliant.
- I mean, look at that.
1155
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:51,760
That is an impala on a Montecarlo.
1156
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:53,800
So I'm basically
a Chevrolet advertisement.
1157
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,160
Isn't it remarkable
what makes sense in our world?
1158
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:58,120
- What?
- That doesn't.
1159
01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:01,200
- I saw it as I looked up then.
- Check it out. Come on.
1160
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,680
Stuart Little spoiler,
ladies and gentlemen.
1161
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:06,840
Oh, the width, yeah.
That's all the silver I had.
1162
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:09,400
It's quite... It's Stuart Little spoiler!
1163
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:12,360
Anyway...
1164
01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:13,960
we now have
1165
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,400
silver adornments
1166
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:17,040
to our cars.
1167
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,320
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Hmm?
1168
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:20,960
Keep the river on your right.
1169
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,800
It's not
navigationally challenging, is it?
1170
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:24,200
Navigation is not a problem today.
1171
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:25,960
- And we know we are heading West.
- Yes.
1172
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:30,120
And we know if we keep heading West,
we'll get to the other side of Zimbabwe.
1173
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:32,720
And we know we're gonna look good
doing it!
1174
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:05,080
A big skid!
1175
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,680
A big skid on the Zambezi.
1176
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:15,640
That might be
my last-ever televised skid.
1177
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:17,816
It's strange when you think about it,
1178
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:21,280
because everybody
does everything in their life
1179
01:08:21,440 --> 01:08:23,560
for the last time at some point.
1180
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:25,120
The last time you dive off a boat.
1181
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:26,720
The last time you kick a football.
1182
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:30,000
The last time you do sex.
1183
01:08:30,160 --> 01:08:33,320
But you don't know, when you're doing it,
1184
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,680
that you're doing it for the last time.
1185
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,800
So I shall remember that skid.
1186
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:46,720
After a spirited
morning drive...
1187
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:50,800
we got back on tarmac.
1188
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:56,560
Which had yellow lines and everything.
1189
01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:00,320
This is like the Stelvio Pass.
1190
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,040
What a road!
1191
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:10,160
And the little Montecarlo
was lapping it up.
1192
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:12,080
I've said it before,
1193
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:16,000
if you absolutely must do
African exploration,
1194
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:20,280
you absolutely must have a Lancia.
1195
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:23,800
Oh, it's jumped out of gear.
1196
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,280
Oh, God, it's back in again.
1197
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,920
Still popping and banging nicely
from the back. Can you hear that?
1198
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:39,200
Love that sound.
1199
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:43,520
And all you lot growing up today
with your electric cars,
1200
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,400
you're never gonna hear it.
1201
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:50,880
There are lots of reasons
why we're jacking this show in.
1202
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:53,600
But for me, one of the main ones is:
1203
01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:57,920
I'm simply not interested
in electric cars.
1204
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,240
They are just white goods.
1205
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:03,520
They're washing machines.
They're microwave ovens.
1206
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:06,320
And you can't review those.
You can't enjoy them.
1207
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,000
They are just shit.
1208
01:10:10,600 --> 01:10:14,440
Chaps, I've done
something for the first time in my life.
1209
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:16,600
Masturbated on television?
1210
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:20,760
No, it's worse. I've put on
a pair of string-back driving gloves.
1211
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:22,560
Why have you done that?
1212
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:25,680
My silver-bling steering wheel is great.
1213
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:28,160
But now the sun's on it,
it gets a bit hot.
1214
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:35,680
We carried on driving
along the lovely road
1215
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:40,200
until the lovely road suddenly stopped.
1216
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:42,840
Erm...
1217
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:45,040
Oh.
1218
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:54,520
Hmm.
1219
01:10:57,800 --> 01:11:01,440
You total plum sack.
1220
01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:02,640
It's a lake.
1221
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:03,520
- Yes.
- Is it?
1222
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:05,280
- Well, I saw it on...
- You're kidding?
1223
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:06,880
I saw it on the map.
1224
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,640
I just assumed there'd be
a road round it and there isn't.
1225
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:12,720
Erm...
1226
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,000
Why isn't there a road round it?
1227
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:16,760
Oh, God.
1228
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,920
So, wait a minute. You went wrong
in Harare. Let's establish that.
1229
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:23,240
You chose the wrong road. There were
only two, you chose the wrong one.
1230
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:25,800
You then doggedly made us...
1231
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:28,680
Beautiful bit,
like the Nürburgring, that last bit.
1232
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:32,280
Nice bit at the end.
But it turned out to be the end.
1233
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:42,760
We can't turn right because literally,
just there, it's Zambia.
1234
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:44,200
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
1235
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:47,000
- We can't go left.
- 'Cause there isn't a road.
1236
01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:49,160
- There isn't a road.
- Yes.
1237
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:50,320
So...
1238
01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:53,800
- We'll just float across.
- Don't be ridiculous.
1239
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:58,320
Honestly, we've done enough car boats,
boat cars, flasks, floating.
1240
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,520
We're not building boats. It never works.
1241
01:12:01,680 --> 01:12:05,000
I've got a better idea:
buy a boat. Buy three boats.
1242
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,200
- We've got to get the cars on.
- Yes, exactly.
1243
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,680
- Buy boats?
- They've got boats. Look.
1244
01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:11,920
- They're peoples' boats.
- Well, we'll buy them.
1245
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:13,840
I've got a wedge.
1246
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:15,520
Ten trillion.
1247
01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:17,360
- Fifty billion?
- Yeah, why not?
1248
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:19,320
Yeah,
I'll have another fifty billion.
1249
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:22,160
A hundred billion.
Three hundred and fifty billion.
1250
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:24,240
Four hundred billion.
1251
01:12:24,360 --> 01:12:28,240
Ten trillion
four hundred billion and twenty.
1252
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:31,200
This is absolutely idiotic.
1253
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:32,560
Right. Boat buying.
1254
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:41,240
Having spent the morning
rootling around the local boatyards,
1255
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:43,360
we reconvened with our purchases.
1256
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:48,000
James had gone
for an old sardine fishing boat.
1257
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:51,880
I'd bought an aquatic hatchback.
1258
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:54,760
And Jeremy, naturally,
1259
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:57,920
had purchased a floating drinks cabinet.
1260
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:00,320
You've bought a bar.
1261
01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:02,280
- It's also the bridge.
- Oh, I see!
1262
01:13:02,400 --> 01:13:04,880
You steer it from the bar.
1263
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:07,920
Once we'd loaded up our cars...
1264
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:15,160
To me!
1265
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:19,120
We assembled
on HMS Sardine for a map chat.
1266
01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:22,040
Are they nautical charts?
1267
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:23,600
No, it's a road map.
1268
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:25,656
Right, we're going to sea
with a road map.
1269
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:27,560
- So here's the lake.
- Yes.
1270
01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:29,120
We're going to...
1271
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:33,120
What?
1272
01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:36,080
- Here's the lake.
- Yes. Here's the lake.
1273
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:42,000
- What's that?
- Bloody hell.
1274
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,800
That's the rest.
1275
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:45,320
Yes.
1276
01:13:46,200 --> 01:13:47,680
That goes to there.
1277
01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:49,240
Okay.
1278
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,440
It's about 180 miles.
1279
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:53,920
It's a 175 miles.
1280
01:13:54,080 --> 01:13:55,200
That's all right, then!
1281
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,720
Right, thank God we haven't got
to do that extra 5 miles.
1282
01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:00,840
It's the world's largest
man-made lake.
1283
01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:04,040
I am genuinely sorry about this.
1284
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,880
I had looked at...
Look, you can see the problem.
1285
01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:09,296
We've driven all the way, I've just
been using this side of the map.
1286
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:12,200
No, no, no, Jeremy,
we can see the problem.
1287
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:13,640
It's there, pointing at the map.
1288
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:15,816
- The map is accurate.
- There's no problem with the map.
1289
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:18,496
- You didn't look at the other side.
- But it was all folded up in such a way
1290
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:19,720
that you didn't see...
1291
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,960
How fast does your boat go?
1292
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:24,056
Well, I don't know yet.
But not very I'm gonna guess.
1293
01:14:24,080 --> 01:14:26,760
I think we're talking about a brisk walk.
1294
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,080
Even if they do ten knots,
which I doubt...
1295
01:14:29,240 --> 01:14:32,800
Let's say 10 miles an hour.
That's eighteen hours.
1296
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:34,400
That's overnight.
1297
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:36,040
Yes.
1298
01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:39,400
I then did a bit more research.
1299
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:41,880
And that wasn't a great move either.
1300
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:43,320
It gets worse.
1301
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:44,920
Why?
1302
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:47,320
Guess how many crocodiles
are in that lake?
1303
01:14:47,520 --> 01:14:48,960
I don't know.
1304
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:53,960
Somewhere between one hundred
and two hundred and fifty thousand.
1305
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:57,160
Crocodiles?
1306
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,400
Two weeks ago,
they had to shoot a man-eater.
1307
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,080
Would you like to see it?
1308
01:15:03,680 --> 01:15:04,440
Jeez, that is...
1309
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:05,680
Look at it!
1310
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:08,120
- Can they be this big?
- It could eat this boat.
1311
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:13,320
On average, 47 people a year
are killed by crocodiles.
1312
01:15:13,560 --> 01:15:16,720
And there aren't that many people here,
to start with.
1313
01:15:23,280 --> 01:15:24,840
On that sombre note,
1314
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,520
we set off...
1315
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:33,920
HMS Shitfaced is underway.
1316
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:39,240
Under the watchful eye
of the lake's residents.
1317
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:46,080
I think of this not so much as water
as just a solid lump of crocodiles.
1318
01:15:54,440 --> 01:15:57,560
Right. Safety checks complete.
1319
01:15:58,200 --> 01:15:59,840
There's only one thing I can think to do.
1320
01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:04,920
I believe Jeremy's
already poured himself a drink.
1321
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:09,120
Mr Slowly driving HMS Eco.
1322
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:18,960
What a bloody racket!
1323
01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:27,440
It's extraordinary to think that in 1955,
1324
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:30,280
this didn't exist,
it was just normal Africa.
1325
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:34,960
Then the British came and said: "We're
gonna build a dam across the Zambezi
1326
01:16:35,600 --> 01:16:40,240
to create hydroelectric power
for Zambia and Zimbabwe."
1327
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:42,800
And this was the result.
1328
01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:54,080
The biggest man-made lake
the world has ever seen.
1329
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:12,160
We've done some daft things in our time,
but I'm really enjoying this one.
1330
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:15,520
I'm sailing a bar with a Lancia on it.
1331
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:19,640
And I've got a lot of drink
to get through.
1332
01:17:21,320 --> 01:17:25,960
So much, in fact, that I invited
Buttons and Greta Thunberg over...
1333
01:17:27,680 --> 01:17:29,040
to share the workload.
1334
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:32,080
- Gentlemen.
- I like the look of that.
1335
01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:34,960
I've a wide range of drinks
from the 1970s,
1336
01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,800
including the much-missed Galliano.
1337
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:40,120
- Nice.
- Nice. A step back in time.
1338
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:42,856
- A gin and tonic, sir?
- I would love a gin and tonic, thank you.
1339
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,160
Coming right up.
And you, sir? A Chablis, I'm guessing.
1340
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:48,520
Thank you.
1341
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:50,440
Ice and a slice of gold, perhaps?
1342
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:52,200
Ice and a slice of gold
would be wonderful.
1343
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:58,320
So if you go in that water, basically,
you are going to be eaten by a crocodile.
1344
01:17:58,560 --> 01:17:59,320
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1345
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:04,160
And I can't think of a death
I would enjoy less.
1346
01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:07,240
Yeah, it's not the agony, actually.
Well, no.
1347
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,800
- It is the agony. But it's the indignity.
- It is the agony.
1348
01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:11,640
It's ignominium.
1349
01:18:11,840 --> 01:18:15,520
Crocodile comes along. You're there,
dangling your feet in the water,
1350
01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:19,520
thinking about life, filled with hopes,
expectations, loves, dreams,
1351
01:18:20,200 --> 01:18:21,200
thoughts of the universe.
1352
01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,640
Crocodile says: "I'll have that."
Bang. Gone.
1353
01:18:24,840 --> 01:18:26,720
- You know peanuts on a bar?
- Yeah.
1354
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:29,136
You're having a drink with some friends
and you see some peanuts.
1355
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,120
You take a couple of peanuts and you...
1356
01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:32,720
That is what you are.
1357
01:18:32,920 --> 01:18:34,920
Do you know what makes it worse?
1358
01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:36,560
A crocodile is prehistoric.
1359
01:18:36,720 --> 01:18:38,640
So it was mates with T-Rex.
1360
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,840
It's two 250 million years old.
1361
01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:43,880
And humanity's what?
150, 200 thousand?
1362
01:18:44,080 --> 01:18:47,800
And civilisation is only
about 6,000 years old.
1363
01:18:47,960 --> 01:18:50,440
So everything from the first
cave paintings to the present day,
1364
01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,600
in the timespan of evolution,
1365
01:18:53,760 --> 01:18:56,560
that has all happened while the crocodile
has been scratching its arse.
1366
01:18:56,680 --> 01:19:00,800
After an hour or so
of drinking and chatting and sailing,
1367
01:19:00,960 --> 01:19:02,560
but mostly drinking,
1368
01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:06,320
the conversation started to take
a bit of a dip.
1369
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:07,840
I've got
1370
01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:10,080
three quarters of a bottle of vodka,
1371
01:19:10,240 --> 01:19:12,600
half a bottle of gin.
No. No, that's not gin.
1372
01:19:12,760 --> 01:19:14,360
What is that? I don't know. I can't see.
1373
01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:17,120
This is a blended brandy.
1374
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:20,360
- And I also have here a blended whisky.
- Hammond, your boat's buggered off.
1375
01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:23,920
That's got my passport on it.
1376
01:19:24,600 --> 01:19:26,200
- Shall I go?
- You're going to have
1377
01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:27,360
to leave my bar.
1378
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:29,560
Do you want to come with me,
Hammond, or stay here?
1379
01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,040
This is more manoeuvrable.
1380
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:33,880
So we'll manoeuvre this up to mine
and I'll get off this onto mine.
1381
01:19:36,040 --> 01:19:38,720
Right, now, here we go.
International Rescue.
1382
01:19:38,920 --> 01:19:40,960
Please, catch my Capri.
1383
01:19:41,120 --> 01:19:42,880
I'll give it my best work.
1384
01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:47,640
Don't fall in the water.
1385
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:49,440
Crocodiles. Definite death.
1386
01:19:50,800 --> 01:19:51,800
I left the gin.
1387
01:19:51,840 --> 01:19:53,136
Would you like another one before you go?
1388
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:54,440
I'd bloody love one, yes.
1389
01:19:58,400 --> 01:20:00,560
We continued
with our long journey.
1390
01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:02,680
And as darkness fell,
1391
01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:05,800
we realised we were a bit peckish.
1392
01:20:09,080 --> 01:20:10,720
So, to catch some supper,
1393
01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:13,400
James lowered his sardine nets.
1394
01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:16,840
And...
1395
01:20:18,760 --> 01:20:20,360
There we are at depth.
1396
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:23,520
I don't mind if it isn't sardines,
if it's just like general fish,
1397
01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:24,840
but I'd really like sardines.
1398
01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:28,720
Well, it should be sardines.
This is a sardine boat.
1399
01:20:35,040 --> 01:20:36,320
Here we go.
1400
01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:41,920
Bollocks.
1401
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:45,640
I'm starving.
1402
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,560
- I know, I'm starving as well.
- No, I'm beyond hungry.
1403
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:52,960
It's crisps, isn't it?
1404
01:20:53,160 --> 01:20:54,800
- It's crisps.
- It's crisps.
1405
01:20:55,560 --> 01:20:58,920
And, as if things
couldn't get any worse...
1406
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,920
I've now run out of ice.
1407
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:12,840
So, we recharged our glasses
with warm drink.
1408
01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:15,160
And, fuelled by that,
1409
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:18,520
crisps and some wistful memories,
1410
01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:21,120
we sailed on.
1411
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:26,120
It's gonna be a long night.
1412
01:21:28,320 --> 01:21:29,600
Not our first.
1413
01:21:29,960 --> 01:21:32,080
Ordinarily, I'd say not our last.
1414
01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:35,040
Maybe it is.
1415
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,880
Oh, stop saying those things, Richard.
1416
01:21:54,640 --> 01:21:56,680
What a job this has been.
1417
01:21:57,040 --> 01:21:58,320
What a career.
1418
01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:35,920
Sorry.
1419
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:47,320
That was a long night. A very long night.
1420
01:22:56,440 --> 01:22:59,560
I'm deaf.
1421
01:23:01,280 --> 01:23:04,640
There was, however,
some good news.
1422
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:08,240
The little blue dot, that's us.
1423
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:11,400
We are nearing the end of the lake.
1424
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:14,840
And because
we were nearing shore,
1425
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:18,320
we were surrounded by our chompy friends,
1426
01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:23,400
which made the sudden message from
our director on our camera tracking boat
1427
01:23:24,080 --> 01:23:25,520
all the more alarming.
1428
01:23:26,160 --> 01:23:27,520
Phil to Hammond.
1429
01:23:27,680 --> 01:23:31,040
You've got a problem with your boat.
Your boat is sinking, Hammond.
1430
01:23:31,240 --> 01:23:33,400
Shit, you are.
You're going down at the stern, Hammond.
1431
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:35,160
- Go to the shore.
- What?
1432
01:23:35,320 --> 01:23:36,600
Give it some power, full power.
1433
01:23:39,560 --> 01:23:44,280
To the left,
to the left. Copy that. To the left.
1434
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:48,920
Repeat.
1435
01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:53,120
To the left. To the left.
1436
01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:54,880
You are definitely going down, mate.
1437
01:23:55,040 --> 01:23:57,160
You are definitely going down.
1438
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:59,240
Yeah, my engine's going under.
1439
01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:03,080
Ramming speed.
1440
01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:20,200
Right, you've saved the Capri.
1441
01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:23,200
Sorry, I've only just heard,
'cause of the noise of the engine.
1442
01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:24,400
What's happened?
1443
01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:27,800
His boat, if you look,
it was definitely sinking from the rear.
1444
01:24:27,960 --> 01:24:31,560
The whole of the back of his pontoons
were underwater.
1445
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,360
Do not try and come in here.
1446
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:36,280
Because I came over sandbanks.
1447
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:38,200
I literally just hammered straight over
1448
01:24:38,360 --> 01:24:39,840
low ground to get here.
1449
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:44,880
James and I arrived
at another spot along the shore.
1450
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,080
There's a ramp.
1451
01:24:47,600 --> 01:24:49,640
And once we'd all disembarked...
1452
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:52,600
I've definitely arrived.
1453
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,160
I called another map meeting,
1454
01:24:55,320 --> 01:24:59,560
because during the night,
I had had a brainwave.
1455
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:01,800
So we've just come across Kariba.
1456
01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:03,000
Yep.
1457
01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:05,680
When we reach the border here
and cross it,
1458
01:25:06,400 --> 01:25:09,080
we have gone all the way across Zimbabwe,
1459
01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:10,600
which is what we set out to do,
1460
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:11,880
and we finish the programme.
1461
01:25:12,040 --> 01:25:13,440
- Yeah.
- Well done, us.
1462
01:25:13,640 --> 01:25:15,920
In our three improbable cars.
1463
01:25:16,120 --> 01:25:17,120
However,
1464
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,040
on the other side of the border
is Botswana.
1465
01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:23,200
So, if you just turn the map over,
1466
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:24,936
- which I've learnt to do now.
- Well done.
1467
01:25:24,960 --> 01:25:26,000
- Oh yes.
- Good technique.
1468
01:25:26,320 --> 01:25:29,520
If you look, this is
the Makgadikgadi, yeah? Salt pans.
1469
01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:31,320
And there is Kubu Island.
1470
01:25:31,560 --> 01:25:33,640
And that is where we began.
1471
01:25:33,800 --> 01:25:35,680
That's where we did
our very first special,
1472
01:25:36,520 --> 01:25:38,200
- 17 years ago.
- Wow.
1473
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:42,840
We've always said this is one
of our favourite places anywhere
1474
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:44,040
we've ever encountered.
1475
01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:46,040
- And it's where the baobab trees are.
- Yeah.
1476
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:48,880
- I'd like to finish there.
- Yeah, I think that's right.
1477
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:51,680
And it's only...
That's only... Woah.
1478
01:25:51,840 --> 01:25:53,360
- It's a hundred K.
- 120 miles or so.
1479
01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:54,640
- Yeah.
- I'm up for that.
1480
01:25:54,840 --> 01:25:56,960
So we end this programme here,
1481
01:25:57,640 --> 01:26:00,360
and we wrap The Grand Tour up there.
1482
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:03,160
I think that's
a tremendous idea. It's fitting.
1483
01:26:06,760 --> 01:26:08,320
With our new plan agreed on,
1484
01:26:08,440 --> 01:26:12,920
we set a course for the border,
feeling pretty good.
1485
01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:17,720
Well, this is wonderful, viewers.
We're back on proper tarmac.
1486
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:21,280
The sun isn't above my head yet,
so my steering wheel hasn't heated up.
1487
01:26:21,720 --> 01:26:23,120
I love this moment.
1488
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:30,240
Boot?
1489
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:39,240
But, a couple of miles later,
the jolliness came to an abrupt end.
1490
01:26:40,920 --> 01:26:41,920
Jeez.
1491
01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:48,120
Oh, God, this is gonna be pothole hell.
1492
01:26:51,720 --> 01:26:52,960
Oh no!
1493
01:26:53,440 --> 01:26:55,560
I don't believe my tyres
survived that one.
1494
01:26:56,080 --> 01:26:59,600
The potholes, which were
nearly as bad as the ones in England,
1495
01:26:59,760 --> 01:27:03,360
were not good news
for the most fragile car here.
1496
01:27:05,560 --> 01:27:07,560
Oh, shit.
1497
01:27:17,080 --> 01:27:18,080
Ooh!
1498
01:27:18,120 --> 01:27:19,440
Oh, shit.
1499
01:27:20,560 --> 01:27:21,960
I am, for the first time,
1500
01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:25,880
seriously starting to wonder
if this car can take it...
1501
01:27:26,760 --> 01:27:28,240
and if it's gonna get there.
1502
01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,680
Bugger.
1503
01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:37,600
There's something very much amiss
1504
01:27:37,800 --> 01:27:39,240
on the rear axle.
1505
01:27:40,000 --> 01:27:42,120
Sounds like a bag of cutlery.
1506
01:27:42,800 --> 01:27:44,056
I hate to say
I think I should just
1507
01:27:44,080 --> 01:27:47,680
have a quick look just to make sure
the back axle's not gonna come off.
1508
01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:53,880
The news
from underneath my car wasn't good.
1509
01:27:54,080 --> 01:27:55,080
Right.
1510
01:27:56,760 --> 01:27:57,760
There.
1511
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:00,280
That's one shock absorber.
1512
01:28:00,440 --> 01:28:04,040
- It's not connected at that end any more.
- Yes, I see the problem, sir.
1513
01:28:04,200 --> 01:28:07,200
Every time the axle comes up,
that was going up,
1514
01:28:07,360 --> 01:28:08,480
punching a hole in the body.
1515
01:28:08,640 --> 01:28:10,400
- Have you actually made holes?
- Yes.
1516
01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:12,200
So, I'm gonna have to run without it.
1517
01:28:12,600 --> 01:28:14,920
This young guy is saying
that if it had been him,
1518
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:18,480
he would have bought the 2.8 Injection,
not the three-litre GXL.
1519
01:28:18,640 --> 01:28:20,360
- Is that... Is he?
- Yeah.
1520
01:28:21,240 --> 01:28:22,760
He says it's got a much stronger axle.
1521
01:28:24,560 --> 01:28:28,920
Annoyingly, the other
shock absorber had to come off as well.
1522
01:28:29,840 --> 01:28:31,600
So you're just running
on leaf springs, yeah?
1523
01:28:31,680 --> 01:28:32,480
Yeah.
1524
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:35,240
Like, it is exactly the same
as a medieval ox cart.
1525
01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:36,400
Yeah.
1526
01:28:40,280 --> 01:28:41,760
For Jeremy and me, though,
1527
01:28:41,920 --> 01:28:46,120
it was much more entertaining
than a medieval ox cart.
1528
01:28:54,160 --> 01:28:55,600
I'm gonna crash!
1529
01:28:59,920 --> 01:29:03,040
Well, if you wanted to know
what a shock absorber does,
1530
01:29:03,240 --> 01:29:05,240
it stops cars doing that.
1531
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:09,960
Oh, yeah. I'm still in it.
1532
01:29:12,760 --> 01:29:14,760
Representing Great Britain
in car trampoline,
1533
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:17,320
it's Richard Hammond from Ross-on-Wye.
1534
01:29:19,480 --> 01:29:23,240
Sadly, the Ford's space-hopper
entertainment soon came to an end,
1535
01:29:23,400 --> 01:29:25,960
because Zimbabwe changed again
1536
01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:28,200
and we could no longer see it.
1537
01:29:33,880 --> 01:29:34,880
Smoke.
1538
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:38,800
God.
1539
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:41,120
I can't breathe.
1540
01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:47,760
All right, so, everything's
now covered with a veneer of coal dust,
1541
01:29:48,480 --> 01:29:51,040
because we're in the coal-mining area.
1542
01:29:53,280 --> 01:29:56,680
That's why all the trees
and everything are black.
1543
01:29:57,240 --> 01:29:59,120
Oh, come on.
1544
01:30:00,320 --> 01:30:01,320
Come on.
1545
01:30:03,600 --> 01:30:07,280
If it's like this
all the way to the border, well, Jesus.
1546
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:11,680
Then, through the choking dust,
1547
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:15,560
I spotted what could be our salvation.
1548
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:24,080
This road is intolerable.
Would you not agree?
1549
01:30:24,240 --> 01:30:25,800
It's quite bad.
It's not the best.
1550
01:30:25,960 --> 01:30:28,440
Since we got
off the boats this morning,
1551
01:30:28,600 --> 01:30:31,120
I have been shaken to pieces.
1552
01:30:31,320 --> 01:30:32,960
My car is falling to pieces.
1553
01:30:33,160 --> 01:30:35,840
That's a particularly virulent
type of dust as well.
1554
01:30:36,480 --> 01:30:37,840
And I'm looking at this.
1555
01:30:39,160 --> 01:30:42,560
- Well, that's not bumpy, is it?
- Well, no, it's a railway line.
1556
01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:46,840
So why don't we convert our cars
to run on the railway lines?
1557
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:48,080
We've done it before.
1558
01:30:48,240 --> 01:30:49,720
- Ah, yes.
- We've done it before.
1559
01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:52,280
- Yes, we have.
- What other group of blokes
1560
01:30:52,480 --> 01:30:54,560
can actually say with experience
1561
01:30:54,760 --> 01:30:56,880
- that it can be done? We've done it.
- We've done it.
1562
01:30:57,760 --> 01:31:00,120
We'd have to check the train timetables.
1563
01:31:00,840 --> 01:31:02,560
That sort of thing's really important.
1564
01:31:02,720 --> 01:31:06,280
We'd also need to find a workshop where
we could make the modifications necessary
1565
01:31:06,480 --> 01:31:07,480
to our cars.
1566
01:31:07,640 --> 01:31:09,096
Yeah, we'd need a big town
and a lot of machinery.
1567
01:31:09,120 --> 01:31:10,720
Well, Vic Falls isn't far away.
1568
01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:12,640
Oh.
1569
01:31:15,440 --> 01:31:16,440
It's not one of ours.
1570
01:31:16,600 --> 01:31:18,840
Oh, shit.
1571
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,320
Carry on.
They're quite pleased anyway.
1572
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,176
Right, so you've called
some locals knob heads.
1573
01:31:26,200 --> 01:31:28,000
- I just called him a dickhead.
- Yeah.
1574
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:30,200
And they're coming out
to beat the crap out of you.
1575
01:31:30,320 --> 01:31:31,320
Hello. How are you guys?
1576
01:31:31,440 --> 01:31:33,760
- Hi, everybody.
- He said you're the knob heads.
1577
01:31:33,960 --> 01:31:36,640
This traditional
English greeting...
1578
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:38,720
That's fine. This is your home.
1579
01:31:38,880 --> 01:31:40,440
- Hey. How are you?
- Nice to see you.
1580
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:42,040
Good to meet you.
1581
01:31:42,240 --> 01:31:45,400
Once Kofi Clarkson
had repaired diplomatic relations,
1582
01:31:47,240 --> 01:31:51,240
we set off
on our detour to Victoria Falls.
1583
01:32:01,600 --> 01:32:02,920
And now,
1584
01:32:04,400 --> 01:32:05,480
everything's on fire.
1585
01:32:05,680 --> 01:32:08,440
Yeah. Oh, my God,
absolutely everything is on fire.
1586
01:32:08,640 --> 01:32:09,640
Bloody Nora.
1587
01:32:10,960 --> 01:32:13,400
We are having
some obstacles today, aren't we?
1588
01:32:17,160 --> 01:32:19,200
Once we reached Vic Falls,
1589
01:32:19,400 --> 01:32:21,680
our thoughts turned
to the matter of accommodation.
1590
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:26,600
And since the tight-fisted Mr Wilman
wasn't with us...
1591
01:32:34,960 --> 01:32:35,960
Afternoon.
1592
01:32:36,000 --> 01:32:38,480
Thank you.
Could we have three suites, please?
1593
01:32:38,960 --> 01:32:41,560
And if you could have my tailor sent up,
that would be tremendous.
1594
01:32:42,360 --> 01:32:44,120
That's what Bond always says.
1595
01:32:44,880 --> 01:32:47,880
Then, after we'd washed
the coal dust out of our ears,
1596
01:32:48,080 --> 01:32:49,200
we found a workshop
1597
01:32:50,560 --> 01:32:51,760
and cued the music.
1598
01:33:27,960 --> 01:33:31,600
A couple of days later,
the work was complete.
1599
01:33:31,760 --> 01:33:34,240
And we met in the local rail yard
1600
01:33:34,440 --> 01:33:36,840
to compare our contraptions.
1601
01:33:38,680 --> 01:33:41,200
Surprisingly simple job.
1602
01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:44,800
I've put the front wheels
in a sort of animal feed trough,
1603
01:33:44,960 --> 01:33:48,080
which has little railway wheels
on the bottom. Okay?
1604
01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:52,080
At the back, rear wheels drive
that sort of belt system
1605
01:33:52,240 --> 01:33:54,960
which then drives the railway wheels.
1606
01:33:55,120 --> 01:33:57,120
It's simple and it's elegant.
1607
01:33:58,680 --> 01:34:00,800
- Unlike that.
- Let me talk you through this.
1608
01:34:00,960 --> 01:34:03,640
Mine's quite elaborate,
and I suspect you're not interested,
1609
01:34:03,800 --> 01:34:06,720
but I based it on
the diesel-hydraulic locomotives
1610
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:08,800
of England's western region.
1611
01:34:08,960 --> 01:34:12,160
It's hydraulic drive.
The engine merely drives a pump
1612
01:34:12,360 --> 01:34:15,096
which charges the hydraulic reservoir
which is what then drives the wheels,
1613
01:34:15,120 --> 01:34:17,800
giving you massive torque at standstill
1614
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:18,840
from zero revs.
1615
01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:20,120
How does it work?
1616
01:34:20,280 --> 01:34:22,280
- That's how it works.
- I didn't understand.
1617
01:34:22,480 --> 01:34:24,400
James, what the bloody hell's that?
1618
01:34:24,560 --> 01:34:25,640
Yeah, well, I did warn you.
1619
01:34:25,680 --> 01:34:29,200
Oh, my Lord! There's a whole...
What's all that?
1620
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:30,400
That's a hydraulic pump.
1621
01:34:31,120 --> 01:34:32,320
This is a hydraulic reservoir.
1622
01:34:32,920 --> 01:34:33,920
These are pipes.
1623
01:34:34,600 --> 01:34:36,880
Those are gauges that warn you
of the pressures.
1624
01:34:37,080 --> 01:34:39,640
How will you see them
when you're driving along?
1625
01:34:39,800 --> 01:34:41,440
As long as they're right when I set off.
1626
01:34:41,600 --> 01:34:43,520
Unless you've got a co-pilot
who is a giraffe.
1627
01:34:44,040 --> 01:34:47,080
The point about the hydraulic
system is it's the transmission.
1628
01:34:47,240 --> 01:34:50,040
This is how they built real locomotives,
so this is proven technology.
1629
01:34:50,240 --> 01:34:51,920
It doesn't look like a real locomotive.
1630
01:34:52,080 --> 01:34:54,240
- Well, it does, actually.
- No, it doesn't.
1631
01:34:54,400 --> 01:34:55,600
It looks like a Triumph Stag.
1632
01:34:55,760 --> 01:34:58,520
I'm visualising the Flying Scotsman,
the Mallard.
1633
01:34:58,680 --> 01:35:00,896
- Got it? Open your eyes.
- They're not hydraulic locomotives.
1634
01:35:00,920 --> 01:35:02,080
- Is it made real?
- No.
1635
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:04,560
- No.
- Yours looks even easier than mine.
1636
01:35:04,760 --> 01:35:05,976
You don't even need
to go over there.
1637
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:08,360
Sits on rollers,
back wheels turn rollers,
1638
01:35:08,520 --> 01:35:10,480
rollers turn wheel,
it goes along, end of.
1639
01:35:10,640 --> 01:35:12,160
So it's just like
a rolling road?
1640
01:35:12,360 --> 01:35:13,720
Yeah, it's like a running machine.
1641
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:18,560
Well, James, Hammond and I have proved
there's a very easy way of doing this.
1642
01:35:18,760 --> 01:35:22,080
But you've got
to manipulate your clutch,
1643
01:35:22,280 --> 01:35:23,976
your throttle, your break pedal.
All I have to do...
1644
01:35:24,000 --> 01:35:26,120
- Very much like driving a car.
- Driving, yes.
1645
01:35:26,280 --> 01:35:27,936
Yeah, but it's not a car, you see?
It's a locomotive.
1646
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:30,440
All I have to do is set the engine revs
1647
01:35:30,600 --> 01:35:32,616
and then I simply move a lever
backwards and forwards,
1648
01:35:32,640 --> 01:35:35,080
the very thing that made
those early locomotives so appealing
1649
01:35:35,240 --> 01:35:37,160
to people who'd grown up on steam.
1650
01:35:40,280 --> 01:35:42,016
- Shall we do this? I'm excited.
- They'll miss me when I'm gone,
1651
01:35:42,040 --> 01:35:43,600
which is in a few days' time.
1652
01:35:45,280 --> 01:35:46,960
We boarded our trains,
1653
01:35:47,760 --> 01:35:49,680
ready for the off.
1654
01:35:50,240 --> 01:35:51,760
Hydraulic pressure is building.
1655
01:35:54,400 --> 01:35:59,160
The train now departing
platform 1 is the Montecarlo Express,
1656
01:35:59,360 --> 01:36:01,880
direct service to Botswana.
1657
01:36:03,920 --> 01:36:04,920
Here we go.
1658
01:36:12,720 --> 01:36:13,720
I'm going along!
1659
01:36:20,800 --> 01:36:22,240
And it works.
1660
01:36:25,320 --> 01:36:26,520
Right, we're away.
1661
01:36:28,520 --> 01:36:29,520
What?
1662
01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:30,880
No, I'm in...
1663
01:36:36,240 --> 01:36:37,840
It makes very authentic train noises.
1664
01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:39,840
Did you hear the little "gadunk gadunk"?
1665
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:43,120
Oh, God.
1666
01:36:53,840 --> 01:36:55,760
Er, I've derailed.
1667
01:36:56,120 --> 01:36:57,120
Oh, dear.
1668
01:37:00,120 --> 01:37:02,640
I'm going to have to reverse
to see what his problem is.
1669
01:37:04,680 --> 01:37:05,680
Oh yes!
1670
01:37:05,800 --> 01:37:09,560
The Montecarlo Express
goes forwards and backwards.
1671
01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:10,720
Look at that.
1672
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:14,040
What a machine I have built here.
1673
01:37:19,960 --> 01:37:23,560
This meant that James and I
had both derailed.
1674
01:37:24,720 --> 01:37:26,240
But it could be worse.
1675
01:37:28,000 --> 01:37:30,080
Oh, bugger.
1676
01:37:31,000 --> 01:37:33,400
So that wheel turns that way,
1677
01:37:33,560 --> 01:37:37,640
which turns these wheels the other way,
1678
01:37:38,200 --> 01:37:40,840
which means it goes the other way
1679
01:37:41,000 --> 01:37:43,160
to the way these wheels are turning.
1680
01:37:44,280 --> 01:37:45,280
Er...
1681
01:37:46,400 --> 01:37:47,400
right.
1682
01:37:48,800 --> 01:37:52,120
Luckily,
as we hadn't actually left the station,
1683
01:37:52,320 --> 01:37:56,880
there was a telehandler on hand
to help sort out our problems.
1684
01:37:57,720 --> 01:38:00,640
Er, I'm gonna pick it up
and turn it around,
1685
01:38:00,800 --> 01:38:04,200
so that when it's going backwards,
it's going forwards.
1686
01:38:04,880 --> 01:38:07,160
So what this means is I've now got
1687
01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:11,640
four reverse gears
that make me go forwards.
1688
01:38:14,000 --> 01:38:18,000
Right.
Now, simply put it back on the track.
1689
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:22,520
No problem. Everything's under control.
1690
01:38:24,040 --> 01:38:27,040
And, when all of us
were back on tracks,
1691
01:38:27,200 --> 01:38:29,080
we set off once more.
1692
01:38:47,040 --> 01:38:50,720
Isn't it funny,
you make one little error,
1693
01:38:50,880 --> 01:38:53,640
miscalculation,
and then your life is this.
1694
01:38:56,760 --> 01:39:00,960
Even though Hammond wasn't
bringing much dignity to the situation,
1695
01:39:01,120 --> 01:39:03,360
this was still quite a moment.
1696
01:39:05,440 --> 01:39:08,080
Because we were now grand touring
1697
01:39:08,280 --> 01:39:12,080
on one of the world's
most iconic railway lines.
1698
01:39:13,840 --> 01:39:15,120
It is remarkable that today,
1699
01:39:15,280 --> 01:39:18,080
we can't build a railway line
in Britain from...
1700
01:39:18,760 --> 01:39:20,080
London to Manchester,
1701
01:39:21,200 --> 01:39:24,080
whereas 150 years ago someone said:
1702
01:39:24,280 --> 01:39:27,440
"Let's build a railway line
from Cape Town to Cairo",
1703
01:39:27,600 --> 01:39:32,880
7,000 miles across the spine of Africa.
1704
01:39:33,800 --> 01:39:35,920
And they went:
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can do that."
1705
01:39:36,080 --> 01:39:38,800
And then someone said: "But there's
a bloody great gorge in the way."
1706
01:39:38,960 --> 01:39:41,296
And they said: "Well, it doesn't matter,
here's what we'll do.
1707
01:39:41,320 --> 01:39:44,480
We'll build a bridge in Darlington,
1708
01:39:44,680 --> 01:39:45,880
ship it out there,
1709
01:39:46,040 --> 01:39:48,280
and we'll assemble it in situ
and it'll fit."
1710
01:39:48,440 --> 01:39:49,480
And it did.
1711
01:39:50,160 --> 01:39:51,600
And here it is!
1712
01:39:57,560 --> 01:39:59,080
Oh, my God.
1713
01:40:00,840 --> 01:40:02,280
Driving a Lancia Montecarlo
1714
01:40:04,680 --> 01:40:06,960
on the Victoria Falls bridge.
1715
01:40:13,000 --> 01:40:17,800
We are 420 feet above the gorge.
1716
01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:20,840
Let's just take a moment.
1717
01:40:48,040 --> 01:40:50,880
I shall certainly miss
doing this sort of thing.
1718
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:58,800
Having ticked off
this unexpected bucket-list moment...
1719
01:41:03,080 --> 01:41:07,560
We trundled along with our minds
firmly set on the goal.
1720
01:41:08,920 --> 01:41:10,920
So, if we can use the railway now
1721
01:41:11,120 --> 01:41:14,080
to get us past that sort
of coal-mining area,
1722
01:41:14,280 --> 01:41:15,280
yeah,
1723
01:41:16,120 --> 01:41:17,560
it's a home run then.
1724
01:41:33,240 --> 01:41:35,480
I once went on the Orient Express
with my wife in India.
1725
01:41:35,640 --> 01:41:37,160
We had a brilliant time.
1726
01:41:38,560 --> 01:41:39,600
Very similar.
1727
01:41:52,320 --> 01:41:54,840
This is more
comfortable than the roads, isn't it?
1728
01:41:55,280 --> 01:41:56,120
And the other thing as well.
1729
01:41:56,280 --> 01:41:58,880
For the first time,
I've been able to look at the views
1730
01:41:59,080 --> 01:42:00,760
rather than the road ahead.
1731
01:42:00,960 --> 01:42:04,120
Yeah, I'm looking at the views
as they recede.
1732
01:42:04,320 --> 01:42:06,880
Can we call you
the Disorientated Express?
1733
01:42:10,120 --> 01:42:15,760
As we chatted away,
I had just one small niggle on my mind.
1734
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:20,040
I've been assured that no train
is coming in the other direction.
1735
01:42:21,880 --> 01:42:23,720
But what if one is?
1736
01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:28,040
It's one of those things
you cannot get out of your mind
1737
01:42:28,200 --> 01:42:30,760
when you're on
a single-track railway like this.
1738
01:42:32,440 --> 01:42:36,320
And then,
that niggle was joined by another one.
1739
01:42:37,440 --> 01:42:40,360
Oh! I've got a high-temperature
warning here.
1740
01:42:40,560 --> 01:42:45,080
I don't think my engine
is cooling quite like it should be.
1741
01:42:45,280 --> 01:42:46,320
For some reason.
1742
01:42:48,000 --> 01:42:50,880
Could it be that I've converted my car
into a train?
1743
01:42:52,240 --> 01:42:54,240
My solution was
to lift the bonnet
1744
01:42:54,400 --> 01:42:56,600
and then call on my old friends,
1745
01:42:57,200 --> 01:42:58,640
Speed and Power.
1746
01:43:07,120 --> 01:43:08,920
Indicated: 40 miles an hour.
1747
01:43:10,040 --> 01:43:12,840
It isn't 40 miles an hour,
but that's what it says.
1748
01:43:13,760 --> 01:43:17,120
The airflow is good now at this speed,
very good.
1749
01:43:20,520 --> 01:43:22,760
Okay,
my right leg's going numb now.
1750
01:43:26,080 --> 01:43:27,840
By mid-afternoon,
1751
01:43:28,040 --> 01:43:31,880
we were confident
we'd actually achieved something.
1752
01:43:37,600 --> 01:43:39,640
I reckon we've passed
the end of the dusty road
1753
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:41,080
and all that rough stuff.
1754
01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:43,880
Yeah, I think we have.
We've passed the coal mine for sure.
1755
01:43:45,160 --> 01:43:47,960
We therefore pulled over
at a level crossing,
1756
01:43:48,680 --> 01:43:51,880
to do a job
which we'd been avoiding thinking about.
1757
01:43:58,000 --> 01:43:59,240
How do we get them off?
1758
01:43:59,800 --> 01:44:02,840
I suppose the approaching
freight train could do the job for you.
1759
01:44:03,040 --> 01:44:06,440
Right, what you need to do first,
using the adjustable spanner...
1760
01:44:06,600 --> 01:44:08,520
I cannot count on us
using an adjustable spanner.
1761
01:44:08,600 --> 01:44:09,400
Slacken the lock nuts.
1762
01:44:09,560 --> 01:44:11,280
Why can't you use one of these?
1763
01:44:11,440 --> 01:44:13,560
Because it is the tool of a charlatan.
1764
01:44:13,720 --> 01:44:15,760
- You don't mean "charlatan", do you?
- I do.
1765
01:44:15,960 --> 01:44:19,080
You mean someone who just has
one tool instead of three hundred.
1766
01:44:19,280 --> 01:44:21,296
- Undo the lock nuts first.
- What are talking about?
1767
01:44:21,320 --> 01:44:22,320
What's the lock nut?
1768
01:44:22,720 --> 01:44:23,840
That is a lock nut.
1769
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:25,680
This spanner's too big.
1770
01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:29,360
We don't all have to go
to the same old folks home, do we?
1771
01:44:29,520 --> 01:44:30,720
No.
1772
01:44:30,880 --> 01:44:33,520
I mean, it's not obligatory
after this that we all, the next day...
1773
01:44:33,680 --> 01:44:36,040
He said he's deleting
our numbers as soon as we finish.
1774
01:44:37,160 --> 01:44:40,000
And we finish, delete, now they've gone.
1775
01:44:40,680 --> 01:44:41,680
Oh, God.
1776
01:44:41,760 --> 01:44:43,376
Quite easy to do,
they're next to each other.
1777
01:44:43,400 --> 01:44:45,080
World's smallest cun,
world's biggest cun.
1778
01:44:45,240 --> 01:44:46,320
We've stalled.
1779
01:44:47,960 --> 01:44:50,080
That's actually true as well.
It's not a lie.
1780
01:44:50,240 --> 01:44:51,240
It is true.
1781
01:44:53,280 --> 01:44:55,200
- I've had an idea.
- What?
1782
01:44:55,400 --> 01:44:59,480
Why don't we go to a screen now that says
"Fifteen minutes later"?
1783
01:44:59,640 --> 01:45:00,440
Yeah?
1784
01:45:00,600 --> 01:45:02,760
Get the production people
to get them off.
1785
01:45:02,960 --> 01:45:04,680
- And then...
- It looks like we've done it.
1786
01:45:04,840 --> 01:45:06,120
It looks like we've done it.
1787
01:45:06,560 --> 01:45:08,280
And then, we'll have
a line of voice-over:
1788
01:45:08,440 --> 01:45:11,080
"Soon, all the cars were off
the railway line."
1789
01:45:14,720 --> 01:45:17,840
Soon,
all the cars were off the railway line.
1790
01:45:21,080 --> 01:45:25,280
And, as the border with Botswana
was just under 40 miles away,
1791
01:45:25,440 --> 01:45:28,000
we had nearly completed our mission.
1792
01:45:30,160 --> 01:45:34,520
And for that,
we had three little heroes to thank.
1793
01:45:37,800 --> 01:45:40,760
I am amazed
that the Ford Capri is still running.
1794
01:45:40,960 --> 01:45:42,040
I really am.
1795
01:45:42,200 --> 01:45:45,360
But I'm more amazed
by the Stag and the Montecarlo,
1796
01:45:45,520 --> 01:45:48,640
because almost anyone who knows
anything about cars would say
1797
01:45:48,840 --> 01:45:53,080
those two are
the most unreliable cars ever made.
1798
01:45:53,520 --> 01:45:55,760
And here they are, soldiering along.
1799
01:45:59,080 --> 01:46:02,800
And, we really did
save the best till last...
1800
01:46:14,840 --> 01:46:20,560
Because Zimbabwe has provided
the perfect backdrop
1801
01:46:21,480 --> 01:46:23,480
for our final motoring adventure.
1802
01:47:26,040 --> 01:47:27,320
Amazing cars!
1803
01:47:27,520 --> 01:47:29,480
Amazing, amazing cars
1804
01:47:30,080 --> 01:47:33,640
have survived
this amazing, amazing country.
1805
01:47:38,160 --> 01:47:39,480
Essex!
1806
01:47:42,760 --> 01:47:44,440
Triumph Stag.
1807
01:47:47,200 --> 01:47:50,560
Overheating, my arse.
1808
01:48:01,600 --> 01:48:03,120
Well done, Lancia.
1809
01:48:03,320 --> 01:48:06,240
I can actually see the customs post.
1810
01:48:07,120 --> 01:48:09,680
You fantastic little car, you've done it.
1811
01:48:10,040 --> 01:48:11,040
You've done it.
1812
01:48:12,960 --> 01:48:14,720
Before going up
to the checkpoint,
1813
01:48:14,880 --> 01:48:18,480
we pulled over to reflect on the moment.
1814
01:48:19,880 --> 01:48:23,800
We have crossed Zimbabwe
and you don't know.
1815
01:48:24,000 --> 01:48:27,200
No, barely tell from the...
"Did you use these cars to do it?"
1816
01:48:27,400 --> 01:48:30,080
Yeah, quite.
I would love to keep this.
1817
01:48:30,240 --> 01:48:31,240
Yeah.
1818
01:48:31,280 --> 01:48:33,120
I would properly love to keep it,
actually.
1819
01:48:33,320 --> 01:48:35,176
All we need is three bags
to take 'em home with.
1820
01:48:35,200 --> 01:48:37,720
I mean, this is, I think,
restorable.
1821
01:48:37,880 --> 01:48:40,160
I think mine is.
It'd have to completely come apart.
1822
01:48:40,960 --> 01:48:41,960
Anyway, listen.
1823
01:48:42,000 --> 01:48:44,840
We must plough on, 'cause obviously,
we've finished the programme,
1824
01:48:45,000 --> 01:48:46,280
now we've gotta finish the show.
1825
01:48:46,400 --> 01:48:49,320
- The whole thing.
- So... Oh.
1826
01:48:50,680 --> 01:48:51,680
What?
1827
01:48:53,640 --> 01:48:54,440
What?
1828
01:48:54,640 --> 01:48:56,120
We've got a small problem.
1829
01:48:56,600 --> 01:48:58,160
- What?
- Well, that's silver.
1830
01:49:00,080 --> 01:49:02,000
- Oh, yeah.
- We've got to get across the border.
1831
01:49:02,680 --> 01:49:04,640
- The silver.
- We've got a lot of silver.
1832
01:49:05,720 --> 01:49:08,080
I mean, if we go through with them,
that's smuggling.
1833
01:49:08,240 --> 01:49:09,240
It is, yes.
1834
01:49:09,280 --> 01:49:10,520
Shall we remove it?
1835
01:49:10,720 --> 01:49:12,040
- No.
- No, that would be...
1836
01:49:12,200 --> 01:49:14,160
- Well...
- Well, you really can't!
1837
01:49:14,360 --> 01:49:17,200
- You'd have no more downforce.
- Yes.
1838
01:49:17,400 --> 01:49:20,120
- What do we do? Style it out.
- Style it out.
1839
01:49:20,320 --> 01:49:22,400
- Relaxed.
- Relax is the way.
1840
01:49:22,600 --> 01:49:23,600
Job's a good 'un.
1841
01:49:33,120 --> 01:49:34,520
- Hello.
- How are you?
1842
01:49:34,720 --> 01:49:36,200
Very well. How are you?
1843
01:49:36,400 --> 01:49:39,120
Do you have anything to declare?
1844
01:49:39,600 --> 01:49:40,600
No.
1845
01:49:44,600 --> 01:49:47,040
- Can you step outside, please?
- Yes.
1846
01:49:48,640 --> 01:49:50,200
He's trying to look normal.
1847
01:49:51,480 --> 01:49:53,920
Can you help us
to open the bonnet?
1848
01:49:59,240 --> 01:50:01,480
Don't go round
the back of his car.
1849
01:50:03,360 --> 01:50:04,360
Alright.
1850
01:50:04,640 --> 01:50:06,360
Alright, thank you for your cooperation.
1851
01:50:06,520 --> 01:50:07,560
You can go through.
1852
01:50:07,760 --> 01:50:08,440
Thank you very much.
1853
01:50:08,640 --> 01:50:09,360
Thank you, sir.
1854
01:50:09,520 --> 01:50:10,520
Thank you.
1855
01:50:12,840 --> 01:50:13,840
Thank you.
1856
01:50:19,720 --> 01:50:22,960
Yes! Yes!
1857
01:50:25,400 --> 01:50:29,200
I'm just gonna play it as
I'm just like a quiet,
1858
01:50:30,160 --> 01:50:31,640
softly spoken...
1859
01:50:32,680 --> 01:50:34,640
just a fairly miserable guy.
I'm just not...
1860
01:50:34,800 --> 01:50:36,960
I'm not gonna be
my bouncy self, 'cause I'll overdo it.
1861
01:50:40,800 --> 01:50:42,040
- Good day, sir.
- Good day.
1862
01:50:42,200 --> 01:50:43,616
- How are you?
- Very well, thank you.
1863
01:50:43,640 --> 01:50:46,680
You have reached the Pandamatenga
border post into Botswana.
1864
01:50:47,040 --> 01:50:48,040
What?
1865
01:50:48,120 --> 01:50:50,320
You have reached
the Pandamatenga
1866
01:50:50,520 --> 01:50:53,120
- border post into Botswana.
- Yes, yeah.
1867
01:50:53,320 --> 01:50:55,520
- Do you have anything to declare?
- No.
1868
01:50:55,720 --> 01:50:57,760
Can you come and open the boot for us?
1869
01:51:02,200 --> 01:51:04,880
- Please, can you move with us?
- Yep.
1870
01:51:05,080 --> 01:51:07,040
That's not very promising, is it?
1871
01:51:16,640 --> 01:51:18,640
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome, thank you.
1872
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:21,800
Enjoy Botswana.
1873
01:51:22,480 --> 01:51:23,760
- And have fun.
- I will.
1874
01:51:23,920 --> 01:51:24,920
Thank you.
1875
01:51:28,120 --> 01:51:29,240
Yeah, I killed it.
1876
01:51:30,440 --> 01:51:33,400
Please can you come
and open the bonnet?
1877
01:51:36,040 --> 01:51:38,456
You'll notice, when I open this
bonnet, this is the original Stag engine
1878
01:51:38,480 --> 01:51:41,280
and not the transplanted Rover one.
1879
01:51:43,920 --> 01:51:46,120
Open the door for me.
1880
01:51:52,080 --> 01:51:54,480
So there are quite a lot
of empty drinks tins.
1881
01:52:03,840 --> 01:52:04,880
Alright, sir.
1882
01:52:05,040 --> 01:52:07,000
You can close the door.
1883
01:52:07,680 --> 01:52:08,680
Thank you.
1884
01:52:12,440 --> 01:52:14,320
Oh, shit, the steering wheel's hot.
1885
01:52:14,480 --> 01:52:17,240
The steering wheel's hot,
but don't draw attention to it.
1886
01:52:18,520 --> 01:52:19,320
Thank you.
1887
01:52:19,480 --> 01:52:20,600
Thank you, sir.
1888
01:52:21,320 --> 01:52:24,600
Knee steer. Knee steer.
1889
01:52:28,000 --> 01:52:29,200
Ow.
1890
01:52:36,280 --> 01:52:37,800
Us three smugglers
1891
01:52:38,000 --> 01:52:41,080
were now on our final drive together.
1892
01:52:46,280 --> 01:52:51,280
Heading to our favourite place
in the world.
1893
01:52:57,640 --> 01:53:02,760
We've travelled thousands
and thousands and thousands of miles
1894
01:53:02,960 --> 01:53:07,200
and had thousands and thousands
and thousands of adventures.
1895
01:53:10,120 --> 01:53:12,920
And we're gonna end up
right where we started.
1896
01:53:17,400 --> 01:53:22,000
Never thought
that what we do together would...
1897
01:53:22,680 --> 01:53:25,760
would go on as it has.
1898
01:53:28,680 --> 01:53:31,720
I was excited when I got the job,
way back.
1899
01:53:32,320 --> 01:53:33,560
Very excited.
1900
01:53:34,400 --> 01:53:37,440
But I never dreamed
it would grow into a career
1901
01:53:37,600 --> 01:53:39,600
and life-defining adventure.
1902
01:53:39,760 --> 01:53:44,080
And, occasionally,
nearly career and life-ending adventure.
1903
01:53:48,640 --> 01:53:52,280
I can't pretend it isn't gonna be
a wrench, ending this.
1904
01:53:53,920 --> 01:53:55,000
'Cause it is.
1905
01:54:01,080 --> 01:54:03,040
22 years.
1906
01:54:03,680 --> 01:54:05,600
More than a third of my life.
1907
01:54:10,640 --> 01:54:13,160
This is going to hit me
in quite small ways.
1908
01:54:13,720 --> 01:54:16,080
Like there's a green bag,
I have a green holdall
1909
01:54:16,240 --> 01:54:18,840
that I've used
since the very first special in Botswana.
1910
01:54:19,040 --> 01:54:22,320
I've always used it for specials,
but I've never taken it anywhere else.
1911
01:54:23,480 --> 01:54:25,280
So what will I do with that green bag?
1912
01:54:25,440 --> 01:54:30,040
One day, I'll come across it
in that cupboard where we keep the bags.
1913
01:54:30,600 --> 01:54:32,080
And I'll think: "Oh, yeah."
1914
01:54:34,400 --> 01:54:35,680
And it will come back.
1915
01:54:42,200 --> 01:54:43,200
Anyway.
1916
01:54:43,680 --> 01:54:44,680
I hope
1917
01:54:45,760 --> 01:54:49,080
we've brought you
a little bit of happiness.
1918
01:54:55,600 --> 01:54:59,400
Several miles further on,
Hammond broke down again.
1919
01:55:02,200 --> 01:55:04,160
Er, my car isn't starting.
1920
01:55:05,480 --> 01:55:08,400
And even though
this was our last-ever drive,
1921
01:55:08,560 --> 01:55:12,520
we felt duty bound
to react in the usual manner.
1922
01:55:12,680 --> 01:55:14,880
We shall leave you to the wolves.
1923
01:55:19,160 --> 01:55:21,960
And, as the tarmac surface
was about to stop...
1924
01:55:24,280 --> 01:55:27,320
I decided to give
my feisty little Twin Cam
1925
01:55:27,520 --> 01:55:29,400
one last blast.
1926
01:55:29,600 --> 01:55:30,880
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
1927
01:55:31,040 --> 01:55:33,000
♪ Stood tall on that concrete ♪
1928
01:55:33,200 --> 01:55:34,880
♪ With a heart of gold
and some lead feet ♪
1929
01:55:34,960 --> 01:55:36,600
♪ Kids to feed, give 'em what they need ♪
1930
01:55:36,760 --> 01:55:38,216
♪ 'Cause I refuse to be
another dead beat ♪
1931
01:55:38,240 --> 01:55:39,920
♪ Now, lesson learned
As the tires burned ♪
1932
01:55:40,080 --> 01:55:41,656
♪ Been a long road full of sharp turns ♪
1933
01:55:41,680 --> 01:55:43,576
♪ Catching all the curves
Give it gas and swerve ♪
1934
01:55:43,600 --> 01:55:45,920
♪ Eyes on the journey
till it's all a blur ♪
1935
01:55:48,400 --> 01:55:51,200
Right, now,
finally heading through the bush
1936
01:55:51,400 --> 01:55:52,880
to the Makgadikgadi.
1937
01:55:54,280 --> 01:55:56,120
Sand roads. I remember those.
1938
01:55:56,280 --> 01:55:58,280
God, they were so good.
1939
01:55:58,720 --> 01:55:59,960
So comfortable.
1940
01:56:04,680 --> 01:56:05,680
The hell?
1941
01:56:14,760 --> 01:56:15,760
No way.
1942
01:56:21,840 --> 01:56:23,720
Holy shit.
1943
01:56:30,920 --> 01:56:32,000
It's my car.
1944
01:56:32,600 --> 01:56:34,520
It's my car from the very first special.
1945
01:56:40,720 --> 01:56:43,080
Is that...? It can't be James' Merc.
1946
01:56:46,920 --> 01:56:48,720
I don't believe it.
1947
01:56:51,120 --> 01:56:52,840
The Lite Bite Cafe.
1948
01:56:55,120 --> 01:56:56,480
That is astonishing.
1949
01:56:56,640 --> 01:56:58,800
I'm... I'm... I'm slightly
1950
01:56:59,920 --> 01:57:01,120
choked up.
1951
01:57:05,080 --> 01:57:06,200
Hang on a minute.
1952
01:57:06,760 --> 01:57:09,240
The doors were off. No, were they? Yes.
1953
01:57:09,840 --> 01:57:11,720
Someone's found the doors
1954
01:57:12,440 --> 01:57:15,080
that we took off
to cross the Makgadikgadi.
1955
01:57:16,400 --> 01:57:17,200
What's up?
1956
01:57:17,360 --> 01:57:19,080
You're not going to believe this.
1957
01:57:19,280 --> 01:57:21,680
You are not going to believe this.
1958
01:57:24,480 --> 01:57:25,720
Jeez, is it?
1959
01:57:25,880 --> 01:57:26,880
It's my car.
1960
01:57:28,040 --> 01:57:29,520
It's my old Lancia.
1961
01:57:30,280 --> 01:57:32,720
- Is that my Mercedes?
- I think that's your Mercedes.
1962
01:57:33,840 --> 01:57:35,360
I'll know if this is mine,
1963
01:57:35,560 --> 01:57:36,560
because
1964
01:57:37,560 --> 01:57:40,360
it'll have the five-speed gear knob
on the four-speed box.
1965
01:57:43,240 --> 01:57:44,640
Christ, it is!
1966
01:57:46,360 --> 01:57:50,760
I'm... I'm... I'm absolutely...
My heart's just gone kinda nuts.
1967
01:57:51,360 --> 01:57:54,200
Look, yeah, the badge is gone,
which I took as a souvenir.
1968
01:57:54,400 --> 01:57:56,080
- Souvenir?
- Yes.
1969
01:57:56,600 --> 01:57:59,720
You know what I've kept
as a souvenir on every single special?
1970
01:57:59,880 --> 01:58:02,160
Every single special,
I've had it with me.
1971
01:58:02,320 --> 01:58:04,920
- Yes! Yes!
- I've got it with me now. Hang on.
1972
01:58:05,120 --> 01:58:06,200
Where is it?
1973
01:58:06,360 --> 01:58:08,960
It's in my suitcase.
It's always in my suitcase.
1974
01:58:11,080 --> 01:58:12,080
Sorry, everyone.
1975
01:58:21,320 --> 01:58:22,880
That was my souvenir.
1976
01:58:23,040 --> 01:58:24,440
Let's stick it in.
1977
01:58:26,480 --> 01:58:28,560
I'm sure I took it from here.
1978
01:58:28,760 --> 01:58:29,880
There you go.
1979
01:58:30,040 --> 01:58:31,960
It's got its eye back!
1980
01:58:32,480 --> 01:58:35,400
So somebody found...
They must be the same doors.
1981
01:58:35,600 --> 01:58:36,856
Somebody found those
and stuck 'em back on.
1982
01:58:36,880 --> 01:58:38,680
We left them...
I remember, we had to lighten.
1983
01:58:38,960 --> 01:58:41,160
I think we left the doors
with that bloke.
1984
01:58:41,320 --> 01:58:42,320
Noah.
1985
01:58:42,360 --> 01:58:43,960
- That's right.
- Noah the bush mechanic.
1986
01:58:44,120 --> 01:58:46,920
I wonder if Noah went and recovered
the cars and put the doors back on.
1987
01:58:47,440 --> 01:58:48,840
He probably did.
1988
01:59:07,440 --> 01:59:08,520
Okay.
1989
01:59:10,400 --> 01:59:11,520
Incredible.
1990
01:59:26,880 --> 01:59:29,880
Having spent the night
in a luxury camp,
1991
01:59:30,040 --> 01:59:33,400
we met for breakfast
with our minds all focused
1992
01:59:34,120 --> 01:59:35,560
on the same thing.
1993
01:59:43,720 --> 01:59:45,280
Have you heard anything
from Amazon?
1994
01:59:45,440 --> 01:59:47,920
- Yeah, I got an email here.
- Have you?
1995
01:59:50,280 --> 01:59:51,760
They want their laptops back.
1996
01:59:53,680 --> 01:59:56,280
So no big fat cheque?
No contract?
1997
01:59:56,440 --> 01:59:59,040
No letter pleading with us to keep going?
1998
01:59:59,960 --> 02:00:01,200
No, I got nothing.
1999
02:00:01,680 --> 02:00:03,496
Right, well, this really is
our last breakfast then, isn't it?
2000
02:00:03,520 --> 02:00:04,520
Yeah.
2001
02:00:06,240 --> 02:00:07,240
This is it.
2002
02:00:08,120 --> 02:00:10,280
Have you seen this, Hammond?
2003
02:00:11,000 --> 02:00:12,480
When you broke down yesterday,
2004
02:00:13,160 --> 02:00:14,480
we were driving along.
2005
02:00:18,360 --> 02:00:19,760
Wait, are those...?
2006
02:00:20,400 --> 02:00:22,616
Are they your cars from when
we were last here? Seriously?
2007
02:00:22,640 --> 02:00:24,136
Yeah. They were just
at the side of the road.
2008
02:00:24,160 --> 02:00:25,680
It's definitely the same ones.
2009
02:00:25,880 --> 02:00:27,720
So they've been here ever since.
Driving about.
2010
02:00:27,920 --> 02:00:29,800
It still smells the same, the Mercedes.
2011
02:00:30,000 --> 02:00:31,080
And talking of which,
2012
02:00:32,320 --> 02:00:34,480
we've got the final push today.
2013
02:00:34,920 --> 02:00:37,160
A short journey to Kubu Island.
2014
02:00:37,320 --> 02:00:38,120
Mm-hmm.
2015
02:00:38,320 --> 02:00:39,960
Across the salt pans.
2016
02:00:40,160 --> 02:00:41,680
Why don't we do it
2017
02:00:42,640 --> 02:00:44,000
Makgadikgadi style?
2018
02:01:05,560 --> 02:01:07,160
This is it.
2019
02:01:07,360 --> 02:01:09,360
This is how we did it the last time.
2020
02:01:09,840 --> 02:01:10,840
No doors!
2021
02:01:12,760 --> 02:01:14,880
What a way to end The Grand Tour!
2022
02:01:15,400 --> 02:01:16,440
What a place!
2023
02:02:23,120 --> 02:02:27,360
♪ These mist-covered mountains ♪
2024
02:02:29,560 --> 02:02:32,520
♪ Are a home now for me ♪
2025
02:02:35,880 --> 02:02:39,920
♪ But my home is the lowlands ♪
2026
02:02:41,960 --> 02:02:44,960
♪ And always will be ♪
2027
02:02:48,160 --> 02:02:52,360
♪ Someday you'll return to ♪
2028
02:02:54,760 --> 02:02:58,120
♪ Your valleys and your farms ♪
2029
02:03:01,360 --> 02:03:07,400
♪ And you'll no longer burn
to be brothers in arms ♪
2030
02:03:24,040 --> 02:03:25,080
There it is.
2031
02:03:26,760 --> 02:03:28,120
Kubu Island.
2032
02:03:29,240 --> 02:03:30,600
Oh, God, I think that's it.
2033
02:03:32,400 --> 02:03:33,440
That is it.
2034
02:03:42,600 --> 02:03:44,760
There's our tree.
2035
02:03:47,960 --> 02:03:50,240
It just remains for me to say,
2036
02:03:51,400 --> 02:03:54,680
thank you very, very much for watching.
2037
02:03:56,320 --> 02:03:57,320
Thank you.
2038
02:04:00,760 --> 02:04:01,760
It means a lot.
2039
02:05:49,360 --> 02:05:50,360
Poof.
2040
02:05:51,680 --> 02:05:52,920
And, er...
2041
02:05:53,960 --> 02:05:54,960
That's it.
2042
02:06:28,400 --> 02:06:30,480
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2043
02:06:32,000 --> 02:06:34,520
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2044
02:06:36,440 --> 02:06:38,680
♪ I really want to see you ♪
2045
02:06:40,600 --> 02:06:43,000
♪ Really want to be with you ♪
2046
02:06:44,600 --> 02:06:49,960
♪ Really want to see you, Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord ♪
2047
02:06:51,760 --> 02:06:54,320
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2048
02:06:56,160 --> 02:06:58,600
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2049
02:07:00,280 --> 02:07:02,920
♪ I really wanna see you ♪
2050
02:07:04,560 --> 02:07:06,960
♪ Really wanna see you ♪
2051
02:07:08,520 --> 02:07:11,280
♪ Really wanna see you, Lord ♪
2052
02:07:13,000 --> 02:07:17,880
♪ Really wanna see you, Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord ♪
2053
02:07:18,040 --> 02:07:19,480
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2054
02:07:19,640 --> 02:07:21,680
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2055
02:07:21,840 --> 02:07:23,520
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2056
02:07:23,680 --> 02:07:25,640
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2057
02:07:25,800 --> 02:07:27,440
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2058
02:07:27,640 --> 02:07:29,680
♪ My, my, my Lord ♪
2059
02:07:29,840 --> 02:07:31,840
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2060
02:07:32,000 --> 02:07:33,640
♪ I really wanna know you ♪
2061
02:07:33,800 --> 02:07:36,400
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2062
02:07:36,600 --> 02:07:40,080
♪ Really wanna go with you
Hallelujah ♪
2063
02:07:40,240 --> 02:07:42,560
♪ Really wanna show you, Lord ♪
2064
02:07:42,720 --> 02:07:45,520
♪ That it won't take long, my Lord ♪
2065
02:07:45,680 --> 02:07:48,200
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2066
02:07:48,360 --> 02:07:49,440
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2067
02:07:49,600 --> 02:07:51,440
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2068
02:07:51,600 --> 02:07:54,480
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2069
02:07:56,440 --> 02:07:58,000
{\an8}Are we ready, gentlemen?
2070
02:07:58,400 --> 02:08:00,680
{\an8}Honestly, I don't know.
2071
02:08:02,920 --> 02:08:05,200
{\an8}- He's on it!
- I'm on the shunter!
2072
02:08:05,400 --> 02:08:08,960
{\an8}A properly
three-legged old man went past!
2073
02:08:10,760 --> 02:08:12,600
{\an8}Maybe leaking slightly.
2074
02:08:13,400 --> 02:08:14,400
{\an8}What a moron.
2075
02:08:17,040 --> 02:08:20,200
{\an8}There must have been 40 people
in the room when the police arrived.
2076
02:08:20,400 --> 02:08:22,200
{\an8}Woah!
2077
02:08:22,360 --> 02:08:24,560
{\an8}Clarkson!
2078
02:08:26,960 --> 02:08:29,080
{\an8}Sideways in linen.
2079
02:08:31,760 --> 02:08:34,440
{\an8}Bollocks.
2080
02:08:36,520 --> 02:08:40,920
{\an8}Get out of the way,
get out of the way, I'm in a race.
2081
02:08:43,600 --> 02:08:45,760
{\an8}- Let's sing a song.
- No.
2082
02:08:48,560 --> 02:08:50,200
{\an8}There's no dignity in that,
is there?
2083
02:08:50,400 --> 02:08:51,400
{\an8}Nah.
2084
02:08:54,760 --> 02:08:56,200
{\an8}Okay, it's time now
2085
02:08:57,000 --> 02:08:59,200
{\an8}and, nobody's ever said this
on a car show before,
2086
02:09:00,040 --> 02:09:01,800
{\an8}save the world.
2087
02:09:04,040 --> 02:09:07,520
{\an8}We don't all have to go
to the same old folk's home, do we?
2088
02:09:07,680 --> 02:09:09,360
{\an8}No.
162569
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.