All language subtitles for The Lieutenant Wore Skirts English

Woman: THIS
IS CALIFORNIA.

OR TO BE MORE EXACT,

THIS IS THE PART
OF CALIFORNIA

KNOWN AS BEVERLY HILLS.

A LOT OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE
LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS.

FOR INSTANCE...

THIS HOUSE ON
ROXBURY DRIVE

BELONGS TO JACK BENNY
AND MARY LIVINGSTON.

AND HERE
ON SUNSET BOULEVARD

IS THE HOUSE THAT BELONGS
TO DEBORAH KERR.

A FEW BLOCKS AWAY
ON BEVERLY DRIVE

IS THE HOUSE THAT BELONGS
TO JEAN SIMMONS.

AND THIS BEAUTIFUL HOUSE
UP ON LAUREL WAY

BELONGS TO BOB CUMMINGS.

THIS HOUSE BELONGS

TO THE SUNSET
MORTGAGE COMPANY.

THIS IS WHERE I LIVE.

THIS IS ME.

AT LEAST PART OF ME.

THE PART THAT FIRST
ATTRACTED MY HUSBAND

ON THAT WINDY DAY WE MET.

IT WAS LOVE
AT FIRST SIGHT.

THIS IS MY HUSBAND.

I'M A VERY, VERY
LUCKY WOMAN.

I'VE GOT THE DREAM HUSBAND
OF ALL TIME.

HIS NAME IS GREGORY...

NOT PECK.

GREG IS A LITTLE
OLDER THAN I AM,

BUT THAT
DOESN'T MATTER.

I'M A LITTLE YOUNGER
THAN HE IS,

SO WE'RE EVEN.

GREG'S AN AUTHOR

AND DOES MOST OF HIS WORK
IN THIS STUDY.

WELL, MAYBE GREG ISN'T
EXACTLY AN AUTHOR.

HE WRITES FOR TELEVISION.

I LOVE HIM ANYWAY.

BUT BACK
BEFORE I KNEW HIM,

HE REALLY WAS AN AUTHOR.

HE WROTE
A BEST-SELLER THEN.

GREG'S BOOK WAS
THE TRUE STORY

OF HOW HE
DROPPED A BOMB

AND SANK
THAT JAPANESE BATTLESHIP

IN WORLD WAR II.

HE WAS A HERO
BACK IN THOSE DAYS.

I'M THE ONLY ONE
WHO KNOWS IT NOW.

HE'S STILL A HERO.

THIS IS THE WINDY DAY
I MENTIONED.

I HAD JUST RETURNED
FROM DUTY IN KOREA

WHEN I MET GREG.

THAT WAS 3 YEARS AGO,

AND TONIGHT WE'RE HAVING
OUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY PARTY.

AT LEAST WE WERE
UNTIL A LETTER ARRIVED.

IT WAS BROUGHT
BY HENRY GAXTON,

GREG'S LITERARY AGENT,
WHO CAME TO PICK UP

A TV SCRIPT
GREG HAD JUST WRITTEN.

GOOD MORNING, KATY.

DID HE FINALLY
FINISH IT?

SHH, HE'S ASLEEP.

HOW IS IT?

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
THE ENDING.

GREAT. MAKES IT PERFECT
FOR LIVE TELEVISION.

SPONSORS LIKE THE STORIES
TO BE CONFUSING.

Both: THEN THE COMMERCIALS
MAKE MORE SENSE.

HERE. I PICKED UP
YOUR MAIL.

THANKS. COFFEE?

MM, PLEASE.

"FROM THE CONTINENTAL
AIR COMMAND,

AIR RESERVE
RECORD CENTER."

NOW, WHY WOULD GREG
BE GETTING A LETTER

FROM THE AIR FORCE?

HUH? AIR FORCE?

IT CAN'T BE.

THIS'LL MAKE

THE FIFTH CLIENT
I'VE LOST.

STEAM IT OPEN.

STEAM IT OPEN?

I DON'T STEAM
MY HUSBAND'S LETTERS.

THERE MAY BE A LOT
OF STEAM IN THAT ONE.

OPEN IT.

I HAVE NEVER OPENED
GREGORY'S LETTERS

AND I'M CERTAINLY
NOT STARTING NOW.

DRINK YOUR COFFEE.

NEVER MIND THE COFFEE.

STEAM IT.

I'M TELLING YOU,

GREG'S IN
THE AIR FORCE RESERVES.

I'M SURE
THEY'RE RECALLING HIM.

HENRY, IF THEY REALLY
WANT HIM BACK,

IS THERE ANY WAY
TO KEEP HIM OUT?

SURE.

WITH INFLUENCE,
YOU CAN BUY A GUN,

SHOOT HIM IN THE FOOT.

AIM HIGH.

BOTH FEET.

HENRY, THIS IS AWFUL.

HE HAS TO REPORT
FOR EXAMINATION TOMORROW.

Man: KATY!

SLEEPING BEAUTY'S UP.

I'M IN HERE, GREG.

I CAN'T TELL HIM NOW.

I WANT HIM TO ENJOY
THE PARTY TONIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO HIDE THIS
WHERE IT'S SAFE.

KATY!

OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD
A MAN'S VOICE.

WE ALL
MAKE MISTAKES.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
DARLING.

OH, GREG!

YOU DIDN'T THINK
I'D FORGET

OUR ANNIVERSARY,
DID YOU?

OPEN IT.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING
FOR YOU, TOO.

I HAVE MUCH MORE
THAN I DESERVE.

Henry: HEAR, HEAR.

OH, GREG.

THERE'S
AN INSCRIPTION, TOO.

"TO KATY, WE WILL
NEVER BE APART."

GREG...

OH, GREG!

[SOBBING]

DON'T CRY, HONEY.

THOSE ARE
REAL DIAMONDS, HONEST.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER,
KATY.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

IDEA ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT GIVING YOU
BEAUTY TREATMENTS.

I'M GONNA
CALL THE VET.

I'LL SEE YOUR AGENT
TO THE DOOR.

FINE. AND LOCK IT
BEHIND HIM.

VET!

WHAT'S THE IDEA?

SHH. OUTSIDE.

I SIGNED UP
BARNEY SLOAN LAST WEEK.

CAPTAIN BARNEY SLOAN.

SLOAN?

YOU KNOW, THE JET ACE

WHO BROKE A COUPLE
OF SOUND BARRIERS.

ONE OF THEM THEY DIDN'T
EVEN KNOW WAS THERE.

FINE. WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO
WITH MY HAPPY HOME?

EVERYTHING.

I NEED A GHOST WRITER
TO DO BARNEY'S LIFE STORY.

NOW IF I CAN GET
GREG TO DO THE GHOSTING,

THE AIR FORCE
MIGHT CONSIDER

THE WRITING OF A BOOK
ABOUT ONE OF THEIR ACES

IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO
GIVE GREG A DEFERMENT.

HENRY, I MAY START A RUMOR
THAT YOU'RE BRILLIANT.

YEAH, WE HAVE
ONE PROBLEM.

BARNEY HAS TO OK WHO
WRITES HIS STORY.

HE'LL HAVE TO LIKE GREG,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

BRING HIM ALONG TONIGHT.
HE'LL LIKE GREG.

YEAH, SURE, SURE.
BUT YOU CAN HELP.

BE CHARMING.

MAKE A BIG FUSS
OVER HIM.

BARNEY LIKES GIRLS.

GIRLS?
I'M A MARRIED WOMAN.

JUST DON'T
LET IT SHOW.

I'LL SEE YOU
TONIGHT.

♪ FOR THEY'RE
A JOLLY GOOD COUPLE ♪

♪ WHICH NOBODY CAN DENY ♪

♪ WHICH NOBODY
CAN DENY ♪

[LAUGHTER]

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.

WE OF THE CLAN
OF WHITCOMB

WELCOME YOU
TO OUR THIRD

NUPTIAL CELEBRATION.

IT WAS ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO
ON A WINDY DAY,

I WAS WALKING DOWN A--

NO SPEECHES.
[LAUGHTER]

REMEMBER ME?

YOU DO
LOOK FAMILIAR.

I AM FAMILIAR.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

SAVED BY THE BELL!

HA HA HA!

WHO WANTS
TO BE SAVED?

[LAUGHTER]

ALL RIGHT. NOW, WHO'S
FOR A PIECE OF CAKE,

AND WHO WOULD LIKE
A FEW MORE DRINKS?

OH, NO, NO. NO CAKE!

HENRY, COME IN.

GOOD EVENING, KATY.
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE.

I, UH, I BROUGHT
SOME FRIENDS.

GOOD.

THIS IS--

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

NO NAMES, HONEY.

THE PLACE
MAY BE RAIDED.

WE JUST MET.

I THINK
SHE'S SUFFERING

FROM MALNUTRITION.

CAPTAIN SLOAN,

THIS IS
KATY WHITCOMB.

HAPPY TO KNOW YOU,
CAPTAIN.

I'M CERTAINLY HAPPY
TO KNOW YOU, KATY.

THANK YOU.
THE DRINKS ARE IN THERE.

THANKS.

MAY I TAKE YOUR THINGS?

WHERE DO YOU STORE

THE POWDER PUFFS,
DEARIE?

THE STOREROOM'S FIRST DOOR
TO THE LEFT.

HMM. THANK YOU.

BOURBON AND SODA?

THANKS A LOT.

MR. CURTIS TOLD ME
YOU WERE A HERO.

I'M AFRAID
MR. CURTIS

HAS BEEN DRINKING
A WEE BIT.

MR. CURTIS SAID

YOU BOMBED A PIER
OR SOMETHING.

I NEVER MET
A HERO BEFORE.

HOW OLD WOULD YOU SAY
MR. CURTIS IS?

MR. CURTIS IS MY DATE.

HE'S ABOUT 65.

HONEY,
YOU'VE MET A HERO.

TELL MY LITTLE BABY
ALL ABOUT IT,

WILL YOU, GREG?

THERE'S NOT MUCH
TO TELL, CURTIS.

AH, NOW YOU WOULDN'T

MAKE A LIAR OUT OF ME,
WOULD YOU, GREG?

THERE'S REALLY
NOTHING TO TELL.

IT WAS
OFF GUADALCANAL,

A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S IN VENICE.

VENICE?

OH, CANAL!

NO. GUADALCANAL.

THAT'S IN
THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

AND IT WASN'T
A PIER.

IT WAS MORE LIKE

A BRAND-NEW BATTLESHIP
OR SOMETHING.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IT WAS THE KUNA,

THE BIGGEST AND NEWEST
JAPANESE DREADNAUGHT--

THE FLAGSHIP OF
THE IMPERIAL NAVY.

I GOT HER WITH
A SINGLE BOMB,

DOWN HER SMOKESTACK.

BLEW HER TO BITS.

[GUESTS MURMURING]

HA HA.

AH...IT'S ALL
ANCIENT HISTORY NOW.

OH, NO, NO.
WE WANT TO HEAR IT.

Guests: COME ON!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

YOU SEE, THE KUNA
WAS LEADING

THIS JAP TASK FORCE
ON ITS WAY

TO GIVE US
A LITTLE TROUBLE.

IT SO HAPPENED THAT
AT THE SAME TIME,

I WAS AMBLING ALONG
AT ABOUT 20,000,

ON ROUTINE PATROL.

SUDDENLY THE CLOUDS
OPENED,

AND WAY DOWN BELOW,

I SAW
THIS JAP TASK FORCE

SITTING FAT AND SASSY
ON THE WATER,

LIKE DUCKS ON A POND.

THIS WAS IT.

I ONLY HAD
ONE BOMB LEFT,

BUT THERE WAS
NO TIME TO LOSE.

I BANKED MY SHIP,

GOT THE SUN
AT MY BACK,

AND STARTED TO DIVE.

[MAKING AIRPLANE SOUNDS]

[LAUGHTER]

OH, HELLO, CAPTAIN.

I'M GREGORY WHITCOMB.

BARNEY SLOAN.

OH, GOOD TO KNOW YOU,
CAPTAIN SLOAN.

I'VE BEEN READING
A LOT ABOUT YOU LATELY.

I USED TO DO
A LITTLE FLYING MYSELF.

WHITCOMB.
UH-HUH.

ARE YOU RELATED TO THE
GOOD-LOOKING BLONDE?

WELL, KIND OF.

SHE'S MY WIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

SHE'S YOUR WIFE?

HOW'D YOU DO IT?

ON NO-CAL
AND YAMI YOGURT.

[LAUGHTER]

GO ON WITH YOUR DIVE,
OLD-TIMER.

I KNOW HOW IT IS.

MY FATHER WAS THE SAME

WITH HIS BATTLE
OF THE BULGE STORY.

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL BET YOU SANK
AT LEAST 10 BATTLESHIPS.

YOU LOOK LIKE A HERO.

WHAT HERO THING

DID YOU GET
THAT ONE FOR, CAPTAIN?

OH, THAT'S
THE SILVER STAR.

GAVE IT TO ME IN SEOUL
A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK.

QUITE A PRESENTATION
IT WAS.

WHO PRESENTED IT
TO YOU, CAPTAIN?

OH, THAT WOULD BE
GENERAL DOOLITTLE.

I THINK
GENERAL DOOLITTLE

HAD RETIRED BY THEN,
OLD-TIMER.

[GUESTS CHUCKLING]

I HEARD IT WAS
PRETTY RUGGED OUT THERE.

IT WAS, BUT WE CLEANED IT UP
BEFORE WE LEFT.

TELL US ABOUT SEOUL.

I HEARD THE PLACE
WAS FULL OF RATS.

NOT ANYMORE.

[LAUGHTER]

Katy:
NOT ANY MORE?

OF COURSE
THERE'S MORE.

THERE'S A WHOLE CASE
ON THE SERVICE PORCH.

COME ON, DARLING, NOW.
I'LL SHOW YOU.

Curtis: THE PAPER
SAID YOU HAD 12 MIGS

TO YOUR CREDIT, CAPTAIN.

11 SURE. I DON'T COUNT
THE PROBABLES.

THERE WERE 8 PROBABLES,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.

PROBABLY 8 PROBABLES,
PROBABLY.

DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S PROBABLY

PROBABLE PROBABLES?

GREG, STOP THAT.
HE'S GOT EARS.

AND SPACE BETWEEN THEM.

WHERE'D HE COME FROM,
ANYHOW?

HE CAME WITH HENRY.
NOW BEHAVE YOURSELF.

HANK? HOW COME
HE INVITES PEOPLE

WHO ARE NOT INVITED?

HENRY ASKED IF HE
COULD BRING HIM.

OH, SO YOU KNEW
HE WAS COMING?

WELL, YES.
I JUST FORGOT

TO MENTION IT,
THAT'S ALL.

NOW BEHAVE YOURSELF.

HE'S A GUEST
IN OUR HOUSE.

WELL, STAY AWAY
FROM HIM.

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY

HE JUST DIVE-BOMBED
YOUR DRESS.

SHH.

MRS. WHITCOMB,
MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

IF YOUR HUSBAND
DOESN'T MIND.

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY.

EVERYTHING'S
ON THE HOUSE.

THANKS, OLD-TIMER.

HOW ABOUT MIXING
YOUR AGENT A DRINK?

HOW ABOUT MIXING ME
A NEW AGENT?

WELL,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I JUST ASKED YOU
TO MIX ME A DRINK.

YOU MIX ME ONE.
STRAIGHT SCOTCH.

MIX STRAIGHT SCOTCH?

THAT'S SCOTCH
OVER SCOTCH.

EXCUSE ME.

DO THAT.

MAY I?

WELL, NO--

THANKS.

THANKS FOR THE RESCUE.

HE WAS COMING IN HIGH
AT 12 O'CLOCK.

[HICCUPS]

HERO.

[DOOR CLOSES]

OH, THERE
YOU ARE, DEAR.

OH, THERE I AM,
DEAR.

ABOUT TO BE
A HERO AGAIN.

AN OLDER-TYPE HERO,

BUT NEVERTHELESS
A HERO.

YOU LIKE HEROES,
DON'T YOU, KATY, DEAR?

TAKE IT EASY, PLEASE.

EASY? IT'S NO TROUBLE
AT ALL.

JUST GOTTA
PIN 'EM ON.

GOTTA WEAR MEDALS
TO IMPRESS MY WIFE.

YOU FORGOT YOU WERE
MARRIED TO A HERO,

DIDN'T YOU, KATY?

NO, I DIDN'T.

STEP RIGHT UP, FOLKS!

YOU CAN'T--OUCH!

THE PLAYERS WITHOUT
THEIR MEDALS.

YOU DON'T THINK I WAS
ENCOURAGING THAT BOY, DO YOU?

BOY? THAT'S IT--BOY.

HE'S JUST ABOUT
THE RIGHT AGE FOR YOU,

ISN'T HE, KATY?

"GOOD CONDUCT."

I WON'T NEED
THAT TONIGHT.

YOU'RE BEHAVING
LIKE A CHILD.

COMES NATURAL.
I MARRIED ONE.

NOW, TAKE THOSE OFF.
DON'T EMBARRASS YOURSELF.

TAKE THEM OFF?

IF THIS DOESN'T WORK,

I'M LIABLE TO PUT ON
MY OLD UNIFORM

AND SHOW THAT KID
A THING OR TWO.

WHERE DOES HE GET OFF

WITH HIS PROBABLE
PROBABLE MIGS?

I GOT A WHOLE BATTLESHIP
WITH ONE BOMB

RIGHT DOWN THE OLD
KUNA SMOKESTACK.

BOOM!

I BETTER GET BACK
TO OUR GUESTS.

YEAH, YOU BETTER DO THAT.

BOOM!

WHAT'S THE BOOM-BOOMS
ABOUT?

HE'S GONNA SINK
OUR DEFERMENT.

GET THE CAPTAIN
OUT OF HERE QUICK.

OH, DON'T WORRY.

BARNEY AGREED
TO LET GREG DO HIS STORY.

YOU MADE A REAL HIT
WITH HIM.

FINE. NOW
LET'S GET HIM OUT

BEFORE HE'S
REAL HIT AGAIN.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

HUH?

HI, MR. WHITCOMB.
OH, HI.

YOUR WIFE CALLED
FOR MORE LIQUOR.

HUH?

HEY, ARE THOSE REAL?

THEY ARE, BUT I'M NOT.

PUT IT DOWN HERE.

SURE THING, SIR.

WELL, THAT'S OK,
MR. WHITCOMB.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
WAIT.

MY WIFE HAS SOME MONEY
IN HER PURSE.

MM.

THERE YOU ARE.

GEE, THANKS,
MR. WHITCOMB.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

THANKS.

HMM.

"TO MAJOR GREGORY WHITCOMB."

[AIR FORCE SONG PLAYS]

GOOD NIGHT.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]

AAH!

WHAT IS IT?!

THERE WAS A SOLDIER
IN HERE.

A SOLDIER?
YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.

HONEY, I KNOW A SOLDIER
WHEN I SEE ONE.

WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?

I DIDN'T SEE
HIS FACE GOOD.

HE HAD
HIS PANTS OFF.

HIS PANTS OFF?!

AND HE JUMPED
OUT THE WINDOW.

Sam: THERE'S NO ONE
OUT HERE.

Barney: I DON'T
SEE ANYBODY.

Henry: SHE'S LOADED.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT SHE'S SAYING.

Katy: MAYBE SHE DOES.

GREG? GREG,
WHERE ARE YOU?

COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.

COME OUT, COME OUT--OOH!

HE'S OUT.

HE'S ASLEEP.

ASLEEP?

HE'S STONE COLD.

HE FOUND THE LETTER.

[CUP RATTLES]

[GROANS]

SO YOU SEE,
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

WE WERE TRYING
TO FIND A WAY

TO KEEP YOU
OUT OF SERVICE.

I BROUGHT BARNEY HERE
FOR THAT REASON.

AND I WASN'T FLIRTING.

I WAS JUST BEING NICE

SO HE'D OK
YOU BEING A GHOST,

AND, DARLING, FORGIVE ME
FOR OPENING YOUR LETTER.

I THINK
WHEN THE AIR FORCE

HEARS YOU'RE WRITING
BARNEY'S STORY,

YOU'LL BE OUT.

I'M NOT WRITING
BARNEY'S STORY.

BUT, DARLING--

I KNOW. AND I APPRECIATE
YOUR WANTING TO KEEP ME HOME.

BUT I CAN'T DO IT.

IF THE AIR FORCE WANTS ME,
THEY MUST NEED ME.

YOU MEAN
YOU WANT TO LEAVE?

GIVE HIM
MORE COFFEE.

HE'S SUFFERING
FROM SHOCK.

IT'S NOT THAT I WANT
TO LEAVE YOU.

YO KNOW THAT.
AND I'M NOT BEING PATRIOTIC.

BROTHER, I DON'T
LIKE APRIL 15th

ANY BETTER THAN
THE REST OF THE GUYS.

IT'S JUST THAT...

NOW, DON'T TAKE THIS
PERSONAL, KATY.

WELL, HOW SHOULD I TAKE IT?

IF YOU WANT TO GO BACK
IN THE SERVICE, THEN--

WHATEVER HAPPENS,

WE WON'T BE
SEPARATED, HONEY.

AS SOON AS
I GET MY ORDERS,

I'LL SEND FOR YOU.

WILL YOU, GREG?

YOU'LL BE WITH ME
WHEREVER I'M STATIONED.

THAT'S ALL I WANT.

KATY
A CAMP FOLLOWER?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOU MAY BE STATIONED
IN THE ALEUTIANS.

I DON'T CARE.

I'LL PLAY CANASTA
WITH THE ESKIMOS.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

YOU KNOW, HANK,
I THINK I'M A WRITER.

NOW, HOW DO YOU
SUPPOSE I FEEL

WRITING THOSE PSYCHOLOGICAL
STORIES OF MIXED UP FAMILIES

FOR LIVE TV?

I WROTE A BEST-SELLER WHEN
I WAS IN THE SERVICE BEFORE.

I MAY COME OUT OF THIS
WITH A NEW EXPERIENCE,

AN EXPERIENCE
WORTH WRITING ABOUT,

AN EXPERIENCE OF MY OWN

INSTEAD OF GHOSTING
THAT BIG ACE'S PROBABLE.

OH, DARLING, I KNOW
IT'LL WORK OUT.

EASY, HONEY.

MY HEADS HURT.

LOOKS LIKE THE GOOD HUMOR MAN
ON A HOT DAY.

NOPE. STREETCAR CONDUCTOR,
ANY DAY.

[LAUGHS] THAT'S MY BOY.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.

NO MORE COFFEE.

I'M STILL SLOSHING
WHEN I WALK.

IT FITS ME LIKE
A GLOVE, DOESN'T IT?

ALMOST, EXCEPT YOUR THUMB
IS STICKING OUT.

OH, COME ON, NOW.

I'LL BET YOU COULDN'T
GET INTO YOUR OLD OUTFIT.

I BET YOU'RE RIGHT.

I BETTER LET THAT JACKET
OUT BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

HAVEN'T THE TIME.
GOT TO BE THERE AT 10:00.

KATHERINE, I'M VERY MUCH
IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU TOOK THE WORDS
RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

EVEN THOUGH
YOU DO SNEAK IN

ON STRANGE WOMEN
AT NIGHT.

FORGIVE ME
FOR BEING AN IDIOT?

MM-HMM.

I THINK SHE WAS
A FOOL TO SCREAM.

HENRY, COME IN.

HELLO, KATY.
IS GREG BACK?

NOT YET.
THEY KEPT HIM OVERNIGHT.

HE'LL BE HERE
SOMETIME TODAY.

EXCUSE ME,
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT
YOU'RE WEARING?

WE'VE DECIDED TO
TAKE IT, MRS. WHITCOMB.

MY FIANCE LOVES IT.

IT'LL BE A WONDERFUL
HOUSE FOR A HONEYMOON.

Katy: I KNOW.
I TRIED IT.

Man: WE'LL MOVE IN
RIGHT AFTER OUR WEDDING.

OH. HERE ARE
THE EXTRA KEYS.

THANKS, MRS. WHITCOMB.

I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE
OF YOUR FURNITURE.

ALL YOU CAN DO IS ADD
SCRATCHES TO THE SCRATCHES.

OH, THIS IS MR. GAXTON.

DON'T WORRY, HE DOESN'T
COME WITH THE HOUSE.

Man: BYE.

Katy: BYE.

Woman: THANKS,
MRS. WHITCOMB.

[DOOR CLOSES]

WELL, TAKE A GUESS.

WELL, THERE ARE NO WOMEN
IN THE FOREIGN LEGION.

YOU MUST BE A LIEUTENANT
IN THE AIR FORCE.

TO THE HEAD OF THE CLASS,
MR. GAXTON.

THANKS. NOW, DON'T
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

NATURALLY,
I'M NOT INTERESTED.

SIMPLE, HENRY.

I SIGNED UP.

AS YOU SAID, GREG MIGHT
BE STATIONED IN AN IGLOO.

NO PLACE FOR ME,

SO, I FIGURED
SOMETHING ELSE.

WELL, YOU FIGURED THE
HARD WAY, DIDN'T YOU?

REMEMBER THE LAST WAR?

MAJOR BAXTER IN TOKYO

REQUESTED ME ON HIS STAFF
WHEN I WAS THERE.

GREG'S A MAJOR.

HE CAN REQUEST ME
ON HIS STAFF.

THAT WAY WE'LL BE TOGETHER.

I RENTED THE HOUSE
TO THAT HONEYMOON COUPLE.

THAT TAKES CARE OF
THE SUNSET MORTGAGE COMPANY.

GREG AND I HAVEN'T
GOT A WORRY IN THE WORLD.

IT MAKES SENSE.

BUT WHENEVER ANYTHING
MAKES SENSE,

I START WORRYING.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

[HONK HONK]

THAT'S HIM.

DON'T TELL HIM
I'M BACK IN.

I WANT TO FRESHEN UP
AND SURPRISE HIM.

HE DOESN'T KNOW?

KATY!

KATY! WHERE ARE YOU?!

WHERE IS SHE?

SHE'S AT THE FORTIFICATIONS
FRESHENING UP.

WHAT'S THE EXCITEMENT?

BOY,
HAVE I GOT NEWS.

COME ON,
LET'S CELEBRATE!

DON'T TELL ME THEY MADE YOU
A 4-STAR GENERAL.

[LAUGHS]
BETTER THAN THAT.

THEY GAVE YOU
THE POWDERED EGG CONCESSION?

YOU KNOW, HANK,

I GUESS THE REAL REASON
I WANTED TO GO BACK

WAS SOME CRAZY IDEA THAT
I'D BE A HERO AGAIN,

SO THAT I COULD
IMPRESS KATY,

SHOW HER THAT I COULD
COMPETE WITH THE YOUNGSTERS.

BUT WHEN I SAW THOSE KIDS,
I FORGOT THAT FAST.

AND BETWEEN US,

I SURE MISSED HER.

WELL, DRINK TO THE HERO'S
RETURN FROM THE WAR.

RETURN?
YOU DIDN'T GO YET.

THEY DIDN'T WANT ME.
HAPPY DAYS.

HAPPY DAY--

THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU?

I COULDN'T PASS
THE PHYSICAL.

OH, IT'S
NOTHING SERIOUS,

JUST THIS BAD KNEE
OF MINE.

SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH IT.

THEY'RE AFRAID IT
MIGHT BUCKLE ON ME

AT ANY TIME.

THEY CAN'T EVEN
LET ME FLY A PLANE.

I MIGHT KILL
EVERYBODY IN IT.

WELL, DRINK UP.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

MAKE MINE A DOUBLE.

YOU'LL NEED IT.

Katy: MAJOR WHITCOMB?

LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB
REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR.

GREG!

WHAT'S HE DOING
DOWN THERE?

EITHER
HIS LEG GAVE OUT

OR HE LIKES
TO DRINK ALONE.

YES, GENERAL.

YES. YES,
I'LL DO THAT, GENERAL.

SO, YOU SEE, IT'S
ALL BEEN A MISTAKE,

CAPTAIN BRIGGS.

THIS WHOLE THING
HAPPENED

BECAUSE WE COULDN'T
STAND BEING APART.

KATY'S
A WONDERFUL GIRL.

SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS
DOING THE RIGHT THING.

I AGREE, MR. WHITCOMB.

LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB
IS A WONDERFUL GIRL.

SHE SERVED WITH ME
4 YEARS AGO.

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T
KEEP CALLING MY WIFE

"LIEUTENANT," CAPTAIN.

I KNOW WHAT A FINE OFFICER
SHE WAS THEN.

I'M MORE THAN PLEASED
TO HAVE HER WITH ME AGAIN.

THAT'S JUST IT.

NOW, YOU'RE HER FRIEND.

WHY DON'T YOU FORGET
SHE EVER CAME TO SEE YOU?

TEAR UP THE PAPERS, HMM?

MR. WHITCOMB...

OF ALL PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD BE
AWARE OF MILITARY REGULATIONS.

ONCE LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB
TOOK THE OATH,

SHE AUTOMATICALLY
BECAME A MEMBER

OF THE UNITED STATES
AIR FORCE RESERVE.

SHE'S LEAVING FOR HAWAII
TOMORROW.

EVEN THOUGH SHE JOINED
TO BE NEAR YOU,

THAT DOES NOT ALTER
THE CASE.

I JOINED TO BE NEAR
MY HUSBAND,

AND WITH HIM IN KOREA,
I RARELY SEE HIM!

I DON'T BLAME HIM.

MR. WHITCOMB, I'M WARNING
YOU NOT TO INTERFERE

WITH YOUR WIFE'S ORDERS!

I'M WARNING YOU,
CAPTAIN!

I'LL INTERFERE
WITH HER ORDERS

RIGHT TO THE TOP
IN WASHINGTON!

SERGEANT!

MR. WHITCOMB
IS JUST LEAVING.

P.A.: FLIGHT 709
LEAVING FOR HAWAII.

DARLING, I THOUGHT
YOU WOULDN'T MAKE IT.

I RUSHED.

I EVEN FORGOT TO BRING
YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.

GREG, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU SO.

I'M STILL WORKING
ON WASHINGTON

TRYING TO SPRING YOU,
BUT TO BE HONEST,

MY SPRING
IS KIND OF SPRUNG.

LET IT GO.

I'M IN NOW
AND I'VE GOT TO DO MY JOB.

YOUR JOB
IS TO BE WITH ME.

I'LL GET YOU OUT.

GREG?

YES, DEAR?

I LEFT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

OH, THE LIST?
I FOUND IT.

I ALREADY GOT
YOUR CERISE DRESS

FROM THE CLEANERS,

AND I'LL GET
THE MOTHBALLS

TO STORE YOUR FUR.

I DEFROSTED
THE REFRIGERATOR,

AND I'LL REMEMBER
TO CANCEL--

NO.

IN THE HALL TABLE
I LEFT SOMETHING.

LEFT WHAT?

MY WILL.

YOUR WILL?

I LEFT EVERYTHING TO YOU,

EXCEPT MY FUR.

[CRYING]
THAT'S FOR MOTHER.

AND MY BABY PICTURES,
THE ONES ON THE BEAR RUG--

YOU WOULDN'T WANT THOSE.

THE BEAR ONES?

OH, SURE, I WOULD.

OH, KATY, DON'T TALK
LIKE THAT.

[CRYING]

I'VE GOT ONE MORE
GENERAL TO CALL.

HE'LL GET YOU OUT.

MR. WHITCOMB!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB?

DOING? H-HELLO,
CAPTAIN. NOTHING.

ABSOLUTELY
DOING NOTHING.

JUST LEAVING
THE LIEUTENANT

A TEETHBRISH--
UH, TOOTHBRUSH.

P.A.: FLIGHT 709
LEAVING FOR HAWAII.

DON'T RUN!

REMEMBER
YOUR BAD KNEE!

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
WANTED IT ANYHOW!

THEY ONLY HAD
MEDIUM-HARD!

OLD-TIMER, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MY WIFE'S LEAVING.

ON MY PLANE?

YOUR PLANE?

YOU'RE ON THAT PLANE?!

CHEER UP, DAD.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF HER.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[PUNCH]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

COMING.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

GREG.

MAY I COME IN?

WELL, OF COURSE COME IN.

KATY RENTED THE HOUSE.

I REMEMBER.

I DIDN'T.

GREG?

[SIGHS]

YOU SURE DO SLEEP
PRETTY, LIEUTENANT.

YOU SURE DO CREEP PRETTY,
CAPTAIN.

HAVE YOU BEEN THERE
ALL NIGHT?

I PROMISED YOUR HUSBAND
I'D TAKE CARE OF YOU.

WELCOME TO THE ISLAND
OF OAHU.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A LOT OF FUN DOWN THERE,

STARTING WITH MY BUYING
YOUR BREAKFAST

AND YOUR LUNCH
AND DINNER.

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.
I'M ON A DIET,

A COMPLETE DIET,
FOR THE DURATION.

BUT, GENERAL,
I THOUGHT YOU--

THANK YOU, GENERAL.

ANY LUCK?

NOT WITH THE
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE

AND THAT WAS
MY LAST CHANCE,

UNLESS YOU HAPPEN
TO KNOW THE PRESIDENT.

HMM.

HANK, HOW DO YOU STAND
LIVING ALONE?

OH, YOU GET USED TO IT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I ENJOY BEING A BACHELOR.

IT'S...LONELY SOMETIMES.

MORNING, HANK.

MORNING, GLORIA.

BUT LIVING ALONE
ISN'T SO BAD, GREG,

AT LEAST AS FAR
AS I'M CONCERNED.

IT'S QUIET, NO PROBLEMS.

I CAN DO WHAT I WANT
WHEN I WANT.

THANK YOU, HANKIE.

OK.

BEING A BACHELOR
HAS SOME GOOD POINTS.

HEY. WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT?

OH, THAT.
THAT'S GLORIA.

SHE LIVES UPSTAIRS.
NO KITCHEN FACILITIES.

I KEEP HER MELONS
AND THINGS COLD.

YEAH? CAREFUL
YOU DON'T FREEZE 'EM.

AT FIRST
YOU'LL BE LONELY,

BUT YOU'LL
GET USED TO IT.

YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE.

I'M A CRACKERJACK

IN THE CULINARY
DEPARTMENT.

IT'S NOT KATY'S COOKING
I'LL MISS.

IT'S THE COMPANIONSHIP.

THE COMPANIONSHIP
OF BEING IN...

WELL, YOU KNOW,
BEING SO CLOSE

FOR 3 WONDERFUL YEARS.

WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED
TO THE RIGHT WOMAN,

A WOMAN YOU RESPECT
AS WELL AS LOVE,

WELL, AFTER A WHILE,

YOU LOSE YOURSELF.

YOU FORGET YOUR IDENTITY.

SHE BECOMES YOU,
YOU BECOME HER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO GET ALONG WITHOUT KATY.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

IT'S TOUGH NOW.

YOU'LL GET USED TO
LIVING ALONE.

GOOD MORNING, HANKIE.

GOOD MORNING, SANDY.

GLORIA SAID YOU HAD
A CUTE GUEST.

SANDRA ROBERTS,
THIS IS GREGORY WHITCOMB.

HOW DO YOU DO--

WHERE IS HE?

HUH? OH, HE'S--

HE MUST HAVE GONE
TO THE SHOWER.

MAYBE WE CAN
DOUBLE DATE SOMETIME.

GLORIA SAID
HE LOOKED VERY SHORT.

IS HE?

HE WRITES FOR TELEVISION.

I SUPPOSE YOU
JUST KEEP HER MILK COLD?

EXACTLY.

HANK, HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU DON'T MIND LIVING ALONE?

YOU HAVEN'T TRIED IT.

OHH, WE'RE
ONE BIG FAMILY

IN THIS
APARTMENT HOUSE.

THEY'RE NICE KIDS,

ALL OF THEM TRYING
TO GET IN PICTURES

AND TELEVISION.

THEY WAY THEY GET IN HERE,
IT SHOULD BE EASY.

MIND IF I LOCK IT?

[ALL WHISTLE CATCALLS]

LIEUTENANT?

HERE'S SOME MORE.

Henry: BUT, BABY,
YOU'VE GOTTA BELIEVE ME.

HONEST, I'VE GOT THEM
IN THE FREEZING COMPARTMENT.

YES, THEY'RE
NICE AND RIPE.

HEH! DON'T WORRY
ABOUT A THING.

[TYPEWRITER CLICKING]

HELLO.

YOU MUST BE
HANKIE'S GUEST.

I'M THE FREELOADER.

I'M SANDY.

HOW DO YOU DO?

I BELONG UPSTAIRS.

OH.

OH, ARE YOU BUSY?

WELL, I'M WRITING
A LETTER TO MY WIFE.

THEN YOU'RE MARRIED.

YES.

FOR 3 YEARS I'M MARRIED.

[BLOWS]

BUT IF YOU'RE
WRITING TO YOUR WIFE,

SHE MUST BE AWAY.

YES. I USUALLY DON'T WRITE
TO HER WHEN SHE'S HERE.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WONDERFUL?
WHAT'S WONDERFUL?

TO BE MARRIED
AND HAVE YOUR WIFE AWAY.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST
LIKE A MOVIE I SAW.

THE GIRL LIVED UPSTAIRS
AND USED TO COME DOWN

AND VISIT THE MAN
DOWNSTAIRS

AND AIR CONDITION
HERSELF OFF

WITH HIS
AIR CONDITIONER.

HIS WIFE WAS AWAY, TOO.

I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVIE.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

DO YOU MIND
IF I LAY DOWN?

UH, WHAT?

TO GET SOME SUN.

HANKIE ALWAYS LETS ME
USE HIS TERRACE.

IT'S HIS TERRACE.

BESIDES NO REFRIGERATOR,

WE HAVEN'T
ANY TERRACE, EITHER.

OF COURSE, I COULD
LAY UP ON THE ROOF

IF I'M BOTHERING YOU.

BUT THE ROOF
ISN'T SO GOOD.

YOU SEE,
THE SUN HEATS UP

THE TAR PAPER
ON THE ROOF.

I SAT ON IT ONCE AND I
GOT STUCK IN THE TAR.

DID YOU EVER GET
STUCK IN TAR?

NOT LATELY.

PLEASE,
USE THE TERRACE, HUH?

THANK YOU.

WHERE IS SHE?

HMM?

YOUR WIFE.

OH, UM...

SHE'S IN HAWAII.

HAWAII?!

MM-HMM.

WHAT A PLACE!
I WAS THERE ONCE.

THAT'S NICE.

BOY, DID I
HAVE A TIME.

I THINK A WOMAN
CAN HAVE MORE FUN

IN HAWAII
THAN ANYWHERE ELSE.

I'M SURE SHE ISN'T
HAVING MUCH FUN.

AREN'T THE SOLDIERS
AND SAILORS

STATIONED THERE ANYMORE?

UH, LAST I HEARD
THEY WERE.

THEN SHE'S HAVING FUN.

SHE'S HAVING
A KINE PUPU.

KINE PUPU?

KINE PUPU.

THAT MEANS "BALL."

WAHINE KU OO LEINA

HU AH KI-KINE PUPU.

SHE'S HAVING A BALL.

HAWAII.

WHAT A...[PURRS]

PLACE FOR WOMEN.

WHAT'S SO...

[IMITATES PURRING]

ABOUT IT?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THERE MUST BE 40 MEN
TO EVERY WOMAN THERE.

THAT'S THE KIND OF ODDS
A WOMAN CAN BET ON.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?

WHEN I WAS IN HAWAII,
I USED TO HAVE SOMETIMES

8 DIFFERENT DATES
IN ONE NIGHT.

THAT'S THE PLACE.

WAIKIKI BEACH
IN THE MOONLIGHT.

THE SOUND OF UKULELES
IN YOUR HAIR.

IT'S REALLY SOMETHING.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU MEAN...
KINE PUPU?

UH-HUH.

WOULD YOU MIND?

HMM?

I DON'T WANT TO BURN.

OH, SURE, SURE.

IS--IS IT REALLY
LIKE THAT NOW?

I MEAN NOW THAT
THERE'S NO WAR GOING ON,

IS IT REALLY LIKE THAT
FOR A GIRL OVER THERE?

40 TO 1?

OH, IS IT!

IF A WAHINE'S GOT LOOKS,
SHE CAN DOUBLE THAT.

AH, HAWAII!

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T
SAY IT LIKE THAT.

OH, THAT'S THE ONLY
WAY TO SAY IT.

I WANT TO GO BACK THERE
AS SOON AS I CAN.

A WOMAN GETS TO FEEL

LIKE SHE'S GOT ORCHIDS
GROWING OUT OF HER HEAD.

I GUESS IT'S THE MOST
MAN-AND-WOMAN PLACE

IN THE WHOLE WORLD...
I GUESS.

OF COURSE, THERE'D BE

NO REASON FOR ME
TO GO BACK THERE.

THE WEATHER CAN BE
JUST AS WARM HERE

IF YOU'RE WITH
THE RIGHT--

Henry: GREG!

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

YOU AND SANDY?

ME AND SANDY?
I'M JUST OILING HER.

I'M SURPRISED.

OILING ME?!

YOU DUMPED IT
ALL OVER ME!

OHH!

I'M SORRY!

HONEST, I'M SORRY.

SAY, YOU HAVEN'T GOT
SOME WILD IDEA

ABOUT THAT KID
AND ME?

NOW, NOW, GREG,
I'M NOT KNOCKING IT.

YOU DON'T
REALLY THINK

I'M INTERESTED
IN THAT CHILD?

IF THAT'S A CHILD,
I'M GETTING ME A BASSINET.

YOU KNOW I'M IN LOVE
WITH MY WIFE.

NOW, GREG, TAKE IT EASY.
WE'RE BOTH MEN OF THE WORLD.

WELL, IF WE ARE,
IT SO HAPPENS

I'M IN THE WRONG
PART OF THE WORLD.

RELAX! I'M NOT GONNA
TELL KATY.

THANKS FOR THE USE OF
THE CROWDED HALL, HANK.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO HAWAII! TO THAT
MAN-AND-WOMAN PLACE

TO GET MY WOMAN!

TELL ME, WHY, WITH A FACE
LIKE MINE, WOULD THAT CHILD

PAY ATTENTION TO ME?
TELL ME WHY!

SHE'S PROBABLY BEEN OUT
IN THE SUN TOO LONG!

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE I'M MARRIED,
THAT'S WHY.

AND BECAUSE MY WIFE'S
AWAY, THAT'S WHY.

WHENEVER MARRIED
PEOPLE ARE APART,

OTHER PEOPLE
TRY TO MOVE IN

AND TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THEIR LONELINESS.

I'M BRINGING KATY BACK HOME
WHERE SHE BELONGS.

BELONGS? SHE BELONGS

TO THE UNITED STATES
AIR FORCE.

SHE BELONGS TO ME.

SHE'S MY WIFE!

WELL, GRANTED!

BUT YOU CAN'T FIGHT
THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE!

I'M NOT GONNA
FIGHT THEM.

I'M GONNA SNEAK UP
BEHIND THEM

AND DROP A BOMB!

KINE PUPU!

♪ ALOHA OE ♪

♪ IKE ONAONE NOHO ♪

♪ I KA LIPO ♪

♪ ONE FOND EMBRACE... ♪

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

SECURITY OFFICE.
LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB SPEAKING.

THIS IS THE GATE,
LIEUTENANT.

THERE'S A GUY HERE
SAYS HE'S YOUR HUSBAND.

THAT CAN'T BE.
MY HUSBAND'S IN CALIFORNIA.

I FIGURED
THIS GUY COULDN'T BE

YOUR HUSBAND,
LIEUTENANT.

HE'S GOT A KISSER LIKE
A SPRINGER SPANIEL.

SPRINGER SPANIEL?!

THAT'S HIM!
THAT'S MY HUSBAND!

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT!

HI, GREGORY!

KATY! HEY!

COME ON, KATY!

HI, DARLING!

DARLING!

OHH, KATY!

MMM!

HMM?

MAYBE YOU TWO BETTER
GO IN THERE.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE MARRIED.

THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

I'VE GOT A CAB.
COME ON, HONEY.

LET'S GO
SOMEWHERE QUIET.

DARLING, WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME

YOU WERE COMING?

OH, I CAN'T
LEAVE THE BASE.

I'M THE SECURITY
OFFICER.

COME ON.

BUT I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
IT'S IMPORTANT.

I CAN'T GET OFF
UNTIL SUNDAY.

THEN WE'LL HAVE
THE WHOLE DAY ALONE.

WHOLE DAY? YOU CAN BE OUT OF
HERE FOR GOOD BY SUNDAY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

COME HERE.

I GOT IT
ALL FIGURED OUT.

I KNOW HOW TO GET YOU
OUT OF THIS.

GREG, YOU TRIED.

YOU KNOW
YOU CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T, BUT YOU CAN.

I SHOULD'VE COME UP
WITH THIS BEFORE.

YOU CAN GET OUT
ON A DISCHARGE.

HERE. I MADE A LIST
COMING OVER.

I FIGURED OUT 15 WAYS

FOR YOU TO BREAK
REGULATIONS. 15!

ANY ONE OF THEM
WILL GET YOU

BOUNCED OUT
OF THE AIR FORCE.

GREG,
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

THAT WOULD MEAN
A DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE.

YOU DON'T WANT US
TO BE APART

FOR 2 WHOLE YEARS,
DO YOU?

WE DON'T HAVE TO
BE APART.

WE CAN BE TOGETHER
HERE IN HAWAII,

LIKE ANOTHER
HONEYMOON.

ME LIVE HERE?

WELL, IF IT ISN'T
THE OLD-TIMER.

HI.

PAYING US A VISIT, EH?

IT'S MORE LIKE I'M PAYING
MY WIFE A VISIT.

DON'T BE TOO LONG.

WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH,
LIEUTENANT,

BRING THE SECURITY FILE
ON MURRAY JARVIS TO MY OFFICE.

YES, CAPTAIN.

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

OH,
HE'S STATIONED HERE.

I THINK MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT ME LIVING HERE.

YOU MAKE THE ARRANGEMENTS.
I'LL MOVE RIGHT IN.

MOVE IN?
HONEY, I DIDN'T MEAN

FOR YOU
TO LIVE ON THE BASE.

I MEANT FOR YOU TO RENT
AN APARTMENT FOR US.

RENT AN APARTMENT?

BUT IF YOU'RE
THE SECURITY OFFICER,

HOW OFTEN
WOULD I SEE YOU?

WHENEVER
I CAN GET OFF.

ONCE A WEEK,
PROBABLY.

6 NIGHTS A WEEK
WITHOUT YOU?

[CHUCKLES] NO.
I'LL MOVE IN HERE.

BUT...YOU'RE THE MAN
IN THE FAMILY.

I DON'T WANT YOU
LIVING IN QUARTERS

LIKE YOU'RE MY WIFE.

I DON'T CARE IF I'M
LIVING IN QUARTERS

LIKE I'M YOUR
OLD MAIDEN AUNT.

UNLESS THERE'S SOME REASON
YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND.

YOU KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT.

I HAVE TO GO NOW,
DARLING.

FIND A PLACE AND LET ME
KNOW WHERE IT IS.

I'LL BE THERE SUNDAY--
WITHOUT MY UNIFORM.

THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING
YOU GOT THERE, MISTER.

DON'T I KNOW IT.

SEE YOU MONDAY.

I'LL BE MOVING IN
THEN.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT WHERE ARE WE?

IT'S SOMEWHERE
AROUND HERE.

IT'S THE BEST PLACE
GREG COULD FIND.

EVERYTHING ELSE WAS
TAKEN BY TOURISTS.

HE WAS LUCKY ENOUGH

TO GET A NATIVE
COOK, THOUGH.

MUST HAVE HER OWN
HELICOPTER.

HEY THERE!

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
THE WHITCOMB PLACE IS?

DR. LIVINGSTONE,
I PRESUME.

[BRITISH ACCENT]
THE TOP OF THE MORNING

TO YOU, CAPTAIN.

SO LONG, KATY.
PICK YOU UP LATER.

Katy:
THANKS, CAPTAIN.

DROP IN FOR TIFFIN
ANYTIME.

HA HA HA!

OH, HONEY!

AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.

I'D BE GLAD
TO SEE YOU, TOO,

IF I WAS SURE
IT WERE YOU.

OH, THE BEARD.
[CHUCKLES]

ALL I HAD WAS
AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

THERE ISN'T ANY
ELECTRICITY UP HERE.

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S
ANY HOUSE UP HERE?

OH, IT'S NOT BAD.

IT'S GOT SOUTHERN EXPOSURE
ON ALL SIDES.

IS THAT THE BEST
YOU COULD FIND?

THAT'S IT.

THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE
WOULD BE

FOR ME TO MOVE IN
AT THE BASE.

OF COURSE, THAT JUST
WOULDN'T WORK OUT.

YOU'RE RIGHT, KATY.
I'M NOT THE WIFE TYPE.

YOU SURE AREN'T.

AREN'T YOU GOING
TO SHOW ME

THE INSIDE
OF OUR HOUSE?

MM-HMM!

NOT NOW.

WE WOULDN'T BE ALONE.

THE COOK'S WORKING
ON LUNCH.

OH.

COME ON,
LET'S TAKE A SWIM.

WE'LL BUILD UP
AN APPETITE, HUH?

MY APPETITE'S
IN GOOD SHAPE.

LUNCH. WHO WANTS LUNCH?

[CHUCKLING]
I TOLD YOU.

THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE A FAST DIP

TO WORK UP
AN APPETITE.

NO, SIR.

COME ON, HONEY,
LUNCH IS READY.

WHO ISN'T?

WE HAVE TO HAVE IT
WHILE IT'S HOT.

I'M WITH YOU.

SIT DOWN, DEAR.

I BET YOU MUST BE
AS STARVED AS I AM.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA
ENJOY THIS.

AHH. OH, YOU'LL LOVE
HER COOKING.

SHE'S A WONDERFUL
NATIVE WOMAN.

QUIET, TOO.

DOESN'T SAY A WORD.

JUST DUSTS AND COOKS.

COOKS, COOKS, COOKS
ALL THE TIME.

SHE MAKES
FISH AND POI

FOR A LATE
EVENING SNACK

THAT WOULD MAKE
YOUR MOUTH WATER.

WHAT FISH. WHAT POI.

WHAT HOME COOKING.

YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, KATY,

REQUESTING BASE QUARTERS
FOR A HUSBAND

IS A BIT IRREGULAR.

YES, CAPTAIN.

TO MY KNOWLEDGE, THIS HAS
NOT BEEN DONE BEFORE.

YES, CAPTAIN.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

DIDN'T HE LIKE
THE PLACE HE FOUND?

IT ISN'T THAT.

IT'S THE FOOD
SITUATION, CAPTAIN.

YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND IS
USED TO HOME COOKING,

AND I WANT IT
TO STAY THAT WAY.

WHO'S THAT?
HAS HE GOT A PASS?

HE'S GOT SOMETHING.

OH, YES, SIR.
HE HAD A PASS.

[GREG TYPING]

SURE GLAD YOU CHANGED
YOUR MIND, DARLING.

THIS WILL WORK OUT
JUST FINE.

I'LL BE ABLE TO GET
A LOT OF WORK DONE HERE.

YOU'LL HAVE
ALL DAY TO WORK.

YOU KNOW I WORK
BETTER AT NIGHT.

WHY, LIEUTENANT...

HOW YOU'VE CHANGED.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE FELT LIKE SALUTING YOU.

YOU WERE SAYING?

OH, YES.
I LOVE WORKING...

DURING THE DAY.

GREG, YOU'RE NOT TIRED
OF MY COOKING, ARE YOU?

YOU'RE MY FAVORITE
BLUE PLATE.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY HERE,
WON'T YOU?

I MEAN, YOU'RE ALL OVER
THAT SILLY IDEA

OF ME GETTING
A DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE.

HONEY,
IT'S ALL FORGOTTEN.

HONEST,
IT'S ALL FORGOTTEN.

[BUGLE PLAYING REVEILLE]

BYE, DEAR.

HI.

GOOD-BYE.

GOOD MORNING.

HI.
HI.

WHO'S THAT?

MY HUSBAND.

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

Katy: HE LIVES
WITH HIS WIFE.

THERE'S A LAW
AGAINST IT?

NOT AS LONG AS HE
DOESN'T LIVE

TO GET
TOO NEIGHBORLY.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

HELLO.
YES?

I'M JOAN SWEENEY.
I LIVE NEXT DOOR.

OH, HOW DO YOU DO?

THE GIRLS AND I WERE
JUST WONDERING IF--

GIRLS?

BETTY SMALLEY
AND MARIE TWITCHELL.

WE WERE JUST WONDERING
IF BY ANY CHANCE

YOU PLAY BRIDGE.

WE'VE NEEDED
A FOURTH FOR MONTHS,

AND NONE OF
THE OTHER GIRLS

AROUND HERE CAN PLAY.

I'M SORRY. I REALLY HAVE
A LOT OF WORK TO DO. I--

I'D LOVE TO.

YOU WOULD?! HE WILL!

YEAH.

OH,
THAT'S WONDERFUL!

WE'RE PLAYING
AT MY PLACE TODAY,

AND GAME TIME'S
11:30.

WE'LL HAVE LUNCH
THERE.

FINE. SEE YOU.

FINE. BYE.

BYE.

Betty: PASS.

George: BY ME.

WOULD YOU GET IT,
MR. WHITCOMB?

SURE.

HELLO?

Sweeney on telephone: HELLO?

HELLO?

IS THIS HONOLULU 1-2784?

Greg on telephone:
THAT'S IT.

HONOLULU 1-2784.

WHO'S THIS?

GREGORY WHITCOMB.
WHO DO YOU WANT?

I WANT MY WIFE!
WHERE IS SHE?

SHE'S BUSY
LAYING DOWN A HAND.

SHE'S WHAT?!

SHE'S LAYING
DOWN A...

JUST A MINUTE.

IT'S YOUR HUSBAND.

WELL, I'M BUSY.
TELL HIM TO CALL ME BACK.

SHE'S BUSY.
WILL YOU CALL BACK?

SECURITY OFFICE.

LET ME SPEAK
TO LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB.

GREG?

GREG?

GREG.

HI, HONEY!

ANYONE I KNOW?

THAT'S A PRIZE.

I WON IT
PLAYING BRIDGE.

OH, I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

DID YOU HAVE A HARD DAY
AT THE OFFICE, HONEY?

I HAD A VERY HARD DAY.

AND WHO WERE YOU
BRIDGING WITH?

OH, SOME OF THE GIRLS
NEXT DOOR.

WATCH.

YOU SEE, SHE, UH, SHAKES
WHEN YOU PLUG HER IN.

[PLAYING HAWAIIAN TUNE]

WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME
WHY I HAD A HARD DAY?

OH, I KNOW WHY.
IT'S BEING HERE.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY SUITED
TO MILITARY LIFE.

YOU SHOULD BE BACK HOME.

MAYBE I'M JUST NOT SUITED
TO MILITARY HUSBANDS

CALLING ME UP AND HAVING
MY HEAD FOR LUNCH.

BUT, DARLING,
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

MRS. SWEENEY'S HUSBAND
DIDN'T LIKE THE IDEA

OF YOU PLAYING KNEESIES
WITH HIS WIFE ALL DAY,

AND SO DIDN'T
MRS. TWITCHELL'S HUSBAND

AND MRS. SMALLEY'S
HUSBAND,

AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
SO DIDN'T YOUR WIFE.

BUT, DARLING,
IT WAS ONLY

AN INNOCENT
GAME OF BRIDGE.

THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG

WITH THAT, IS THERE?

[LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN!

[BUBBLES GURGLING]

OF COURSE, IT'S NONE OF
MY BUSINESS, KATY,

BUT I THINK YOU MADE
A BIG MISTAKE

MOVING HIM ON THE BASE.

WHAT COULD I DO,
LET HIM GO NATIVE

OUT IN THE JUNGLE
WITH THAT GLAMOR COOK?

THAT GAL
COULD FRY CHICKEN

BY JUST LOOKING AT IT.

I NEVER HEARD OF A COOK
LOOKING THAT GOOD.

WELL, THIS ONE DID.

SHE LOOKED
AS GOOD AS THAT...

I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[CRASH, HORN HONKS]

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO SEE A DISH ABOUT
SOME FISH AND POI.

♪ AND WHENEVER
THOSE DRUMS BEGIN ♪

♪ LIKE A TIDAL WAVE
ROLLIN' IN ♪

♪ SHE GOES AROUND
THE ISLAND ♪

♪ ROLLS AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ AND ALL THOSE KANES
FORGET THEIR FISH AND POI ♪

♪ AKENUI AKENU ♪

♪ SHE'S EAGER ♪

♪ AKENUI AKENU ♪

♪ IT MEANS EAGER ♪

♪ AKENUI AKENUI ♪

♪ AND HOW SHE SHOWS
HER GRATITUDE ♪

♪ BOTH LONGITUDE
AND LATITUDE ♪

♪ EVERYBODY COMES OUT
TO SEE ♪

♪ WHEN THE LADY
FROM WAIKIKI ♪

♪ GOES AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ ROLLS AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ AND ALL THOSE ISLANDS
ROCK, ROCK, ROCK WITH JOY ♪

[BONGOS BEATING]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

OUT OF THE WAY,
GENERAL!

OH, SORRY! SORRY!

♪ AKENUI AKENUI ♪

♪ AKENUI AKENU ♪

♪ SHE'S PAU ♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]

HOW'S THE FISH
AND POI, COOKIE?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU BETTER KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

OR I'LL SAUTE
YOUR SARONG, SISTER.

GET OUT OF HERE!

OK, START TALKING, HIPPY.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING DOWN
IN SWEET LEILANI COUNTRY

WITH MY HUSBAND?

TAKE IT EASY.
I WASN'T DOING

ANYTHING
WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

HE PAID ME TO PRETEND
I WAS A COOK.

THAT'S ALL IT WAS,
HONEST.

KATY?

Katy: I'M IN
THE KITCHEN, DARLING.

I'VE BEEN DOWN
AT THE LIBRARY

GETTING SOME
RESEARCH WORK DONE.

CAN I HELP YOU?

NO, DARLING.
DINNER'S ABOUT READY.

SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN?

WHAT'S THIS?

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYS]

WHAT'S THIS?

FISH AND POI. TRY IT.

TRY IT!

[SPITS]

UGH!

IT TASTES LIKE
WALLPAPER PASTE.

IT IS WALLPAPER PASTE.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO DO, POISON ME?!

AND WHAT'S THIS
SILLY TABLECLOTH

YOU'VE GOT ON?

TABLECLOTH? PLEASE!

KATY, WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO?

EXCUSE ME. I FEEL A LATE
EVENING SNACK COMING ON.

KATY!

[RECORD PLAYING]

♪ AKE NUI,
AKE NUI NUI... ♪

KATY, STOP IT!
THAT'S NOT DECENT!

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

DON'T YOU LIKE
KINE PUPU AT HOME?

IT'S PART OF
THE DO-IT-YOURSELF CRAZE.

KATY!

♪ THERE'S A LADY
FROM WAIKIKI ♪

♪ DOES A WIGGLE
THAT YOU SHOULD SEE ♪

♪ SHE GOES
AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ ROLLS AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ AND ALL THOSE ISLANDS... ♪

KATY, STOP IT!

DO I ROLL LIKE
THE BLUE PACIFIC

OR LIKE THE ATLANTIC?

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
I FEEL LIKE THE ROCKS

FROM THE STRAITS
OF GIBRALTAR.

KATY, STOP IT!

♪ ROLLS AROUND THE ISLAND ♪

♪ AND ALL THOSE KANES
FORGET THEIR FISH AND POI ♪

♪ AKE NUI NUI ♪

♪ SHE'S EAGER, AKE NUI ♪

♪ AKE NUI, I MEAN EAGER,
AKE NUI, AKE NUI ♪

♪ AND HOW SHE SHOWS
HER GRATITUDE ♪

♪ BOTH LONGITUDE
AND LATITUDE... ♪

NOW, WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT?

I THOUGHT YOU LIKED
THE THEATER.

ISN'T THAT WHERE YOU GO
TO GET YOUR COOKS?!

ALL RIGHT, I DID GO,

BUT I DIDN'T GO
TO SEE HER DANCE.

NO?

OH, I SUPPOSE YOU THOUGHT
WITH HER MANEUVERS,

YOU COULD SAVE
ON A MIXMASTER!

KATY, I--

KATY,
I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I'LL BE HONEST.

I DID PAY HER
TO PLAY COOK,

BUT ONLY
FOR ONE REASON.

TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS

SO YOU'D LET ME
MOVE ON THE BASE.

AND WHY DID YOU WANT
TO MOVE ON THE BASE?

I'LL TELL YOU.

TO EMBARRASS ME.

AND WHY DID YOU WANT
TO EMBARRASS ME?

I'LL TELL YOU.

TO GET ME OUT
OF THE AIR FORCE.

YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP
ON THAT, HAVE YOU?

WELL, IT ISN'T
GONNA WORK.

I WOULDN'T LEAVE
THE AIR FORCE NOW

IF THEY WANTED TO USE ME
FOR TARGET PRACTICE!

BUT WHY DO YOU
WANT TO STAY?

♪ AND ALL THOSE KANES
FORGET THEIR FISH AND POI ♪

BECAUSE IT'S MY DUTY.
I HAVE A JOB TO DO.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

YOUR DUTY?

DO YOU HAVE
SOME WILD IDEA

THE AIR FORCE WOULD
MISS YOU IF YOU LEFT?

I DON'T KNOW
IF THE AIR FORCE

WOULD MISS ME.

BUT I DO KNOW I FEEL
I'M IMPORTANT TO THEM.

KATY...

I DIDN'T MEAN IT
THAT WAY.

I--

BUT, KATY,
YOU'RE IMPORTANT,

VERY IMPORTANT
TO ME,

TO OUR HOME.

RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS OUR HOME.

EXCUSE ME
WHILE I SHOWER

AND REMOVE
THE EXCESS POI.

MAYBE I'M JUST
GETTING THE POINT.

TELL ME THE TRUTH.

DO YOU STILL
LOVE ME, KATY?

SURE, I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU A LOT!

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU,
GREG?

DO YOU CALL LOVE
EMBARRASSING ME

AND MAKING A FOOL
OF YOURSELF?

GREG, YOU GOT ME
SO ON EDGE

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING.

I WORK HARD ALL DAY.
I CAN'T COME HOME AND--

AND KEEP HOUSE AND COOK
AND GO TO THE MARKET

AND WORRY ABOUT YOU
AND HOOTCHY DANCERS.

IT'S TOO MUCH.

KATY...
YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

YOU'VE GOT
A JOB TO DO.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE HOUSE.

STARTING TOMORROW,
I'LL DO MY PART.

MAKE YOUR BREAKFAST,
FEED THE FISH,

DO THE HOUSEWORK,

TAKE CARE
OF THE LAUNDRY.

THE AFTERNOONS,
I'LL WRITE.

THEN I'LL GET
DINNER READY,

WASH THE DISHES,
SCRUB THE FLOORS--

DON'T LET IT
CUT INTO YOUR BRIDGE.

I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

I'LL BE THE BEST
DARN WIFE

YOU EVER HAD!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

OH, JOANIE.

FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

NO. NO BRIDGE.

[CHUCKLES]
NOT TODAY.

NO, I'M BUSY
WITH MY HOUSEWORK.

A WOMAN'S WORK
IS NEVER DONE.

[CRYING]

MOMMY, THAT LADY
LOOKS LIKE A MAN.

SHH!
SHE'LL HEAR YOU.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

HELLO?

HANK!

WELL, HOW ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE? WHERE?

TROPICANA, BUNGALOW 3.

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER--

AS SOON AS I FINISH K.P.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[CLEARS THROAT]
PARDON ME.

WHICH IS
BUNGALOW 3?

THANK YOU.

HANK!

GREG!

OH, GOOD TO SEE YOU!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

HOW'S KATY?

OH, FINE.

WONDERFUL.

IT DIDN'T TAKE YOU LONG
TO GO NATIVE.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

OH, JUST A LITTLE
BUSINESS AND PLEASURE.

OH.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

FINE.

I ALMOST FELL OVER
WHEN YOU CALLED UP.

BUSINESS
AND PLEASURE, HUH?

WHAT BUSINESS
AND WHAT PLEASURE?

OH, A COUPLE OF THINGS.

ONE, I HAD TO SEE
BARNEY ABOUT HIS BOOK.

BARNEY? OH.

WELL, TELL ME,
YOU DOING ANY WRITING?

MM-MMM.
NOT MUCH.

I REALLY HAVEN'T
THE TIME.

I STAY PRETTY BUSY
DURING THE DAY,

AND AT NIGHT
I'M TOO TIRED

TO THINK UP
FICTIONAL PROBLEMS.

HELLO, MR. WHITCOMB.

HELLO, SANDY.

WELL, YOU'VE
GOT TO WRITE, LAD.

YOU'VE GOT
TO THINK OF ME.

WHO'S GOING TO PAY
FOR MY TRIP?

I'LL GET TO IT
EVENTUALLY.

IT'S JUST THAT
THE SETUP HERE

IS DIFFERENT--

[COUGHS]

HANK.
YEAH?

MAKE IT GOOD,
BUT TELL ME,

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

SHE'S THE BUSINESS
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE JUST
KEEPING HER MILK COLD.

YOU KNOW, I DISCOVERED
SHE DOESN'T DRINK IT.

SHE USES IT FOR FACIALS.

HENRY!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

SHE'S A CHILD!

NOT ANYMORE,
MR. WHITCOMB.

THANK YOU, DEAR.
HAVE A NICE FACIAL.

I WILL, SWEETHEART.

HENRY,
YOU'RE MARRIED?!

PLEASE, IT'S NOT
A 4-LETTER WORD.

WELL, COME TO THINK
OF IT, IT IS.

L-O-V-E.

THAT SPELLS LOVE,
DOESN'T IT?

CONGRATULATIONS.

WHY, YOU SLY OLD
SON OF A GUN.

BUT YOU WERE
A HAPPY BACHELOR.

YOU LIKED
LIVING ALONE.

YOU WERE A GOOD COOK
AND YOU HAD--

WHAT HAPPENED?

QUOTE,
"IT'S THE COMPANIONSHIP.

"THE COMPANIONSHIP
OF BEING IN LOVE

AND CLOSE TO SOMEONE
FOR 3 WONDERFUL YEARS."

END QUOTE.

YOU MADE ME
WANT THAT, GREG.

YOU MADE IT WORK.

AN OLDER MAN MARRIED
TO A YOUNGER WOMAN.

IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH
FOR MY FAVORITE CLIENT,

IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR
MY FAVORITE AGENT. DRINK UP.

I MUST HAVE BEEN DRUNK
WHEN I SPOUTED THAT.

COLD SOBER.

YOU'D GONE THROUGH
A POT OF COFFEE ALREADY.

WELL, IT DOESN'T WORK.
IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL.

WHEN YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED,

YOU'VE ALSO GOT SOMETHING
YOU WORRY ABOUT LOSING.

THAT'S ANOTHER LITTLE
QUOTE TO REMEMBER.

YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN SMART

AND MARRIED A WOMAN
YOUR OWN AGE.

MY OWN AGE?
REVOLTING.

IF I COULD ONLY
GET KATY BACK HOME

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
KIDDING ABOUT THAT.

HAVE YOU TRIED
GETTING HER OUT?

EVERYTHING BUT
BLOWING UP THE BASE.

THERE'S A THING KNOWN
AS SECTION 8.

YES, SECTION 8.

REMEMBER?

ARMY SLANG FOR INSANITY.

SURE, MAKE HER THINK
HER ROCKER IS LOOSE

AND LET THE AIR FORCE
PSYCHIATRIST SEND HER HOME.

OF COURSE.

IF KATY'S ROCKER
WAS LOOSE...

[SNAPS FINGERS]
YOU'RE A GENIUS.

YOU MUST BE TAKING
THE MILK FACIALS, TOO.

IT'LL WORK.
I KNOW IT WILL!

OH, NO.

ONLY A CAD WOULD TRY
TO DRIVE HIS WIFE CRAZY.

I COULDN'T DO THAT.
I--

I KNOW.

MEET A CAD.

ONE OF THE STINKINGEST.

[PLAYING REVEILLE]

GREG?

HMM?

TIME TO GET UP, HONEY.
I JUST HEARD REVEILLE.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

ITS ONLY 2:30.

I COULD SWEAR
I JUST HEARD THE BUGLE.

I KNOW I DID.

YOU JUST
IMAGINED IT, DEAR.

[YAWNS]

I JUST IMAGINED IT.

[PLAYING REVEILLE]

GREG, WAKE UP.

I REALLY HEARD
REVEILLE THAT TIME.

HMM?

WHAT?

SWEETHEART,
IT'S ONLY 3:45.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

I TELL YOU,
I HEARD IT.

YOU JUST THOUGHT
YOU HEARD IT.

NOW, HONEY,

YOU'VE GOT A HARD DAY
AHEAD OF YOU TOMORROW.

I'D BETTER
GET YOU A PILL.

[YAWNS]

BUT HOW CAN I HEAR
THINGS THAT AREN'T?

TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK,
YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS

FOR QUITE A WHILE.

HEARING THINGS,
TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP.

YOU EVEN GET UP
AND GO FOR WALKS.

GO FOR WALKS
IN MY SLEEP?

[P.A. PLAYING REVEILLE]

Katy: GREG!

Katy: GREG!

GREG!

OOH! OH!

GREG! GREG!
HUH?

HOW DID I GET OUTSIDE?

OUTSIDE?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

I WOKE UP OUTSIDE
IN A JOOP.

JOOP?

I MEAN A JEEP.

WHAT WAS I DOING
OUT THERE WITH THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE YOU THOUGHT
IT WAS EASTER.

DID YOU HAVE ANOTHER
DREAM ABOUT EGGS?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

I JUST WOKE UP OUT--

ANOTHER DREAM?!

A COUPLE
OF NIGHTS AGO,

I FOUND YOU
OUT ON THE LAWN.

YOU WERE LOOKING
FOR WORMS.

YOU WERE CACKLING...

[IMITATES CHICKEN]

AND THEN SCRATCHING

AND SAYING YOU HAD
LAID THE EGGS.

GREG, WHAT MAKES ME
DO THESE THINGS?

IT'S MY FAULT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE
GONE TO SLEEP.

I SHOULD HAVE...
LOOKED OUT FOR YOU.

I'M SORRY, DARLING.

BUT LET'S NOT
TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU TAKE A NICE
WARM SHOWER

AND--AND
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

HEY, JOANIE!

WHERE ARE MY NEW SOCKS?

STOP YELLIN',
WILL YA?

CAN'T YOU ANSWER
A CIVIL QUESTION?

NOW, WHERE DID YOU
PUT MY NEW SOCKS?

THEY'RE UNDER
YOUR OLD COMIC BOOKS

WHERE YOU LEFT THEM.

VERY FUNNY.

WOULD YOU STEP
ON THIS, PLEASE?

SURE.

OW!

YOU!

ISN'T PLAYING
BRIDGE ENOUGH?

OR DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE
BATHS WITH MY WIFE?

Greg: OH,
I'M SORRY, LIEUTENANT.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS
THE MEN'S SHOWER.

GREG, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST EXPLAINING
TO THE LIEUTENANT

THAT YOU WANTED
SWEET POTATOES--

WELL, COME INSIDE
AND EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

EXCUSE ME, LIEUTENANT.

NOW, DARLING,
YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND--

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
GREG, I'M NERVOUS!

I HAVEN'T SLEPT!

WHY DO YOU
DO THIS TO ME?

THAT'S WHY I DID IT.
I WAS JUST STANDING IN LINE

TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU
LIKE I SAID.

TO MAKE SURE YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING...STRANGE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'LL GET IT.

ARE YOU
THE PEEPING TOM?

PEEPING TOM?

HAVE YOU BEEN TO
THE LADIES' BATHS LATELY?

OH, YES.

OH, THAT.
I--I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.

YEAH.
COME ON, BUSTER.

IN OTHER WORDS,
YOU DO ALL THE WOMAN'S WORK

IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD?

[SIGHS]

I'D RATHER NOT
TALK ABOUT IT.

I'D RATHER NOT.

THEN SUPPOSE I TALK
TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT IT?

OH, NO!
DON'T DO THAT, DOCTOR!

DON'T BOTHER KATY
WITH QUESTIONS.

SHE MAY GET VIOLENT!

I SHOULDN'T HAVE
SAID THAT.

IS IT YOUR WIFE'S IDEA
FOR YOU TO ACT THE WIFE?

WELL, YES.

YOU SEE, KATY ISN'T--

I MEAN,
SHE HEARS THINGS,

LIKE BUGLES BLOWING
ALL NIGHT.

AND SHE'S AFRAID
THE AIR FORCE

WILL DISMISS HER.

SHE'S VERY DUTY-MINDED.

SHE HEARS BUGLES?

YES.

NEVER TAPS,
JUST REVEILLE.

SHE TALKS IN HER SLEEP,
WALKS IN HER SLEEP.

SHE'S LIKE A PACK RAT.
SHE SECRETES THINGS.

EGGS IN BED,

SWEET POTATOES
IN HER POCKET.

EGGS IN BED,

SWEET POTATOES
IN HER POCKET.

I CAN'T LET HER
OUT OF MY SIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I LINED UP

WITH THE GIRLS--
TO WATCH HER.

TO SEE SHE DIDN'T
START SMOKING

A CIGAR OR SOMETHING.

DON'T YOU THINK I'D
BETTER SEE YOUR WIFE?

OH, NO.
IF SHE EVER KNEW--

SUPPOSE I COME
TO DINNER AT YOUR PLACE?

I COULD OBSERVE HER
WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE.

IF SHE IS
UNDER A STRAIN,

IT MIGHT BE BETTER
TO RELIEVE HER

OF HER DUTIES.

YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

BUT DON'T TELL HER
YOU'RE A PSYCHIATRIST.

I WON'T.

TONIGHT, SAY, UH, 7:30?

FINE.

AND THANK YOU,
DOCTOR.

I'LL TRY TO PREPARE
A NICE DINNER.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

SECURITY OFFICE,
LIEUTENANT WHITCOMB.

Greg: KATY.

GREG, WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M HOME, DARLING.

WHAT HAPPENED?
I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED.

THEY ASKED
A LOT OF QUESTIONS

AND THEY FINALLY TOLD ME

TO TAKE MY BATHS
AT THE YMCA.

ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

DON'T WORRY,
SWEETHEART.

OH, BY THE WAY,
I'M HAVING AN OLD FRIEND

OVER FOR DINNER.

I'M SO TIRED.
I DIDN'T SLEEP

WITH THAT BUGLE
GOING ALL NIGHT.

I'LL--I'LL SEE YOU
LATER.

BYE, GREG.

GOOD-BYE.

BUGLE?

WHAT BUGLE?

I GOT A BUGLE
IN MY HEAD.

IT GOES OFF
AND WAKES ME UP

LIKE AN ALARM CLOCK.

DON'T YOU THINK PERHAPS
YOU NEED A CHANGE, KATY?

I NEED A NEW HEAD.

I THINK I'M HAVING
A BREAKDOWN.

NERVOUS, I MEAN.

I COULD ARRANGE
A TRANSFER FOR YOU, KATY.

SAY A QUIET PLACE LIKE
WIESBADEN, GERMANY.

NICE MOUNTAIN AIR,
DO YOU GOOD.

GET YOU AWAY
FROM YOUR TROUBLE.

IT'S IN MY HEAD.
I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THAT.

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING WRONG
WITH YOUR HEAD

AND YOU AREN'T
HEARING BUGLES.

NOW GIVE ME A MATCH.

I HEARD ONE.
HONEST.

2 TIMES...

AND THEN I WOKE UP
IN A JEEP,

WITH 3 EGGS
IN MY LAP.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU'RE A PERFECTLY
NORMAL GIRL.

WELL, WHAT I'LL DO,
DOCTOR,

IS TO INTRODUCE YOU
AS AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE

FROM GUADALCANAL--

GEORGE SMITHERS.

FINE.
GEORGE SMITHERS.

WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE,
SCOTCH OR BOURBON?

SCOTCH IS FINE.

WATER OR SODA?

WATER.

SIT DOWN...
GEORGIE.

[CLANKING]

[CLANK]

I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT 2 BOTTLES
AT THE LIQUOR STORE, AND...

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THEY ARE.

[SIGHS]

NOW, WHERE DID KATY
PUT THAT SCOTCH?

SHE HIDES EVERYTHING.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

SHE PUTS THINGS IN
THE DARNEDEST PLACES.

NO SCOTCH,

BUT HERE'S
THE CHASER.

COME HERE,
LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANYONE
WOULD DO A THING LIKE THIS?

BELIEVE ME, I CAN
HARDLY BELIEVE IT.

I BET I KNOW WHERE
SHE PUT THE BOOZE.

COME ON.

[SNIFFS]

[SNIFFS]

ONCE BEFORE,
I SMELLED HER EARLOBES.

STRAIGHT BOURBON.

"HEAVENLY NIGHT."

80 PROOF.

SHE REALLY DOES
NEED CARE,

DOESN'T SHE, DOCTOR?

OBVIOUSLY.

THAT'S HER.

PLAY IT STRAIGHT,
GEORGIE.

DON'T WORRY, I WILL.

HELLO, DARLING.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I'M KIND OF
TIRED, GREG.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU WORK TOO HARD.

OH, HONEY, THIS IS
AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE,

MAJOR GEORGE SMITHERS,
FROM GUADAL--

HOW DO YOU DO,
MAJOR?

HOW DO YOU DO,
LIEUTENANT?

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'LL FRESHEN UP A BIT.

DID YOU GET THE GROCERIES?

GROCERIES?
WHAT GROCERIES?

WELL, I GAVE YOU
THE LIST THIS MORNING.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
YOU PUT IT IN YOUR BAG.

I'D RATHER NOT
LOOK IN MY BAG.

I'LL GET THE GROCERIES,
DEAR.

NO, I'LL GO
GET THEM.

YOU MIX THE DRINKS,
GREG.

I'LL DRIVE YOUR WIFE DOWN
AND GET THE GROCERIES.

GOOD IDEA.

GIVE YOU TWO A CHANCE
TO GET ACQUAINTED.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING?

YES.

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

I'M THE BASE
PSYCHIATRIST,

AND THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

COME ON.

[HUMMING]

DON'T BE SURPRISED
IF YOUR COLD CREAM

IS RATHER
LUMPY TONIGHT.

WELL, WHAT'S
HE DOING THAT FOR?

SHH!

HE'S CRAZY.

HE'S DRINKING
MY TEMPTATION.

WELL, THAT MUST
BE THE SCOTCH.

THE BOURBON WAS IN
HEAVENLY NIGHT.

WELL, STOP HIM.
HE'LL GET SICK.

HE IS SICK.

[HUMMING]

♪ LA DA DA TA TA ♪

HE'S PUTTING EGGS
IN THERE.

ALL MEN DREAM
OF HAVING

A LITTLE CHICKEN
RANCH SOMEDAY.

[HUMMING]

[HUMMING]

HAS HE BEEN BLOWING
THAT BUGLE?

I'M AFRAID SO.

[HUMMING]

[CLUCKING AND CROWING]

[CLUCKING]

[LAUGHING]

[HUMMING]

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SICK, SICK, SICK.

HE'S IN LOVE,
LIEUTENANT.

HMM. YOU CALL THAT LOVE,

MAKING ME THINK
MY BOLTS ARE LOOSE?

HE WROTE A STORY
LIKE THAT ONCE

FOR TELEVISION.

ABOUT A HUSBAND
WHO MADE HIS WIFE THINK

SHE WAS READY FOR THE...
FUNNY FARM.

LOVE TAKES STRANGE FORMS,
LIEUTENANT.

IN THIS CASE,

YOUR HUSBAND'S AFRAID
OF LOSING YOU.

I GOT A T.L.

HE DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE AFRAID ANYMORE.

HE HAS.

LET'S GET
TO THE MARKET. HMM?

THEN YOU REALLY THINK

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG,
DOCTOR?

OH, DEFINITELY.

MM-HMM.

OH...
SPLIT PERSONALITY.

SPLIT 4 WAYS.

THAT BAD, HUH?

MM-HMM.
YES.

BETWEEN US,

SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO
MOVE OFF THE BASE.

GOOD.

BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT

WHY SHE WANTED TO DRESS UP
AND COOK DINNER TONIGHT.

SHE'S ALWAYS INSISTED
I DO IT.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSED
SHE'S BECOMING NORMAL AGAIN?

I'M SURE SHE'S
FAR FROM NORMAL NOW.

THERE'S BOUND TO BE
ANOTHER DISTURBANCE.

IF I WERE YOU,
I'D BE PREPARED.

[PLAYS CALL TO POST]

[PLAYS JAZZY VERSION OF
CALL TO POST]

DINNER'S READY, BOYS!

SHE FOUND MY BUGLE.

YOUR BUGLE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

UH--I MEAN, UH...

WHERE DID SHE GET
THAT BUGLE?

WELL, ON THE WAY BACK
FROM THE GROCERY,

SHE BOUGHT ONE.

SHE TOLD ME
SHE WAS HARRY JAMES.

HARRY JAMES?

OH, DOC,
I'VE GONE TOO FAR.

[HUMMING]

♪ DO DO LA DE DO DO... ♪

HARRY. I--I MEAN KATY.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

♪ DO DO... ♪

[SIGHS] SIT DOWN, BETTY.

DINNER'S READY.

[HUMMING]

SHE'S REALLY CRACKING NOW.

NOW?

YOU SAID SHE CRACKED
BEFORE.

UH--OH--I MEAN,
I SAID I THOUGHT SHE HAD.

NOW I'M WORRIED.

♪ MM LA DA DA DA DUM ♪

♪ DO DO LA DA DA ♪

OOH, I DO WISH
THEY'D FIX THIS ROOF.

DRIP, DRIP, DRIP, DRIP,

DRIP...DRIP!

SIT DOWN, GENTLEMEN.

KATY, YOU BETTER
GO TO BED.

OH, NO.

IT'S BAD LUCK TO GO TO BED
WITH AN UMBRELLA.

SIT DOWN. HUMOR HER.

OH, YES, SURE, SURE.

LET ME FRESHEN
YOUR DRINKS.

[SNICKERS]

[HUMMING]

OH, DOC,
I'VE GONE TOO FAR.

I'VE DRIVEN HER
OUT OF HER MIND.

KATY--OH...

DARLING...

THIS MAN ISN'T
A FRIEND OF MINE.

HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST.

HE CAN BE
A FRIEND TO YOU.

LAY DOWN, SWEETHEART.

TALK TO HIM.

HE CAN HELP YOU.

DO YOU KNOW, DOCTOR,

I LOVE THE SMELL OF RUM.

[SNIFFS]

IT'S SO SEXY.

[SNIFFS]

THAT'S TOO SEXY.

HAVE AN EGG SHAMPOO.

YIH--KATY!

OH, DEAR ME.

I FORGOT THE CORN.

IT'S CREAMED CORN,
DARLING.

OHH!

THE WAY YOU LIKE IT.

WE MUST HAVE
OUR DINNER MUSIC.

I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.

I'LL PUT ON A PLATTER.

I DON'T LIKE
THIS PLATTER.

UHH! KATY!

AND I DON'T LIKE YOU.

GOOD-BYE, MR. WHITCOMB.

YOU CAN HAVE CUSTODY
OF THE EGGS,

THE SWEET POTATOES,

AND THE BUGLE.

YOU CAN COOK, BLOW,

AND HATCH YOURSELF
CRAZY.

WIESBADEN,
HERE I COME.

KATY!

KATY, COME BACK!

COME BACK!

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING
BLUE MOON]

I'LL SEE YOU WHEN
I GET BACK FROM TOKYO.

IT'S TOO BAD
YOU'RE NOT GOING THERE.

GREAT PLACE, TOKYO.

I SPENT A WONDERFUL
LEAVE THERE.

IT WAS RIGHT AFTER
I GOT MY 10th MIG.

DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY 10th MIG?

I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, I WAS ON PATROL,

AMBLING ALONG
AT ABOUT 12,000 FEET,

WHEN I SPOTTED 6 MIGs
AT 11 O'CLOCK.

WELL, I BANKED AROUND
SHARPLY AND--

ONE SIDE, SON.

YES, SIR!

I'D LIKE TO DANCE
WITH MY WIFE.

OF COURSE, SIR.

NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?

A LAST DANCE WITH MY WIFE.

ANY HARM IN THAT?

NOT THAT I CARE ANYMORE,

YOU MIGHT GET 20 YEARS FOR
IMPERSONATING AN OFFICER.

IT'S WORTH IT
TO TELL YOU THAT...

I'M SORRY, KATY.

REALLY SORRY FOR
EVERY FOOL THING I DID.

OH, PLEASE, GREG,
LEAVE ME ALONE.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE LEAVING
FOR GERMANY TOMORROW.

WILL YOU SEE MY LAWYERS,

OR SHALL I SEE YOURS?

WE'LL SEE YOURS.

I DON'T SPEAK GERMAN.

GOOD-BYE, LIEUTENANT.

THANK YOU FOR THE DANCE.

GOOD-BYE.

ATTENTION!

YOU BETTER TALK
TO YOUR CLIENT.

HE'S BEEN HERE
IMPERSONATING AN OFFICER.

KATY, HE IS AN OFFICER.

WHAT?

YES, HE'S BACK IN.

HE PASSED HIS PHYSICAL.

IT'S OFFICIAL.

WASHINGTON OK'd
HIS REACTIVATION HERE.

BUT HIS KNEE.

STRANGE ABOUT HIS KNEE.

TURNS OUT
IT'S PSYCHOSOMATIC.

SEEMS HE'S ALWAYS BEEN
AFRAID OF LOSING YOU,

AND EVERY TIME
HE THOUGHT HE WAS,

WELL...
THE KNEE GAVE OUT.

HE PROBABLY WANTED YOU
TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,

SO HE'D BRING OUT
THE MOTHER IN YOU.

HE DOES THE SAME THING
IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

DON'T YOU, HANKIE?

YES, MOTHER.

ANYWAY, IT'S WHAT
THE PSYCHIATRIST SAID.

BUT NOW THAT GREG'S
FACED LOSING YOU

AND KNOWS THAT IT'S FINAL,
HE'S ADJUSTED TO IT

AND HIS KNEE IS CURED.

YOU MEAN I GAVE HIM
THE BAD KNEE.

OH, NOT INTENTIONALLY,

BUT PSYCHOLOGICALLY,

HIS KNEE JOINT
WAS AFFECTED.

I NEED A DRINK, PLEASE.

HAVE A MILK PUNCH.

IT'S GOOD.

P.A.: FLIGHT 606

LEAVING FOR WIESBADEN, GERMANY.

WELL, MAJOR...

OH, CAPTAIN.

YOU WON.

WON?

YOU WON YOUR WAR
WITH THE AIR FORCE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T
KNOW IT YET,

BUT SHE ISN'T GOING
TO WIESBADEN.

SHE'S NOT?

SHE DIDN'T PASS
HER OVERSEAS PHYSICAL.

TO BE BRUTALLY FRANK,
MAJOR,

UH, THERE WAS A RABBIT
INVOLVED IN HER TESTS.

SAID RABBIT CONFESSED ALL.

HERE'S THE MEDICAL REPORT.

YOU MEAN I'M A--

CONGRATULATIONS, DAD.

YOU OWE ME A CIGAR.

DO YOU WANT TO TELL HER
OR SHALL I?

I'M--

KATY!

KATY!

KATY!

KATY.

EXCUSE ME, MAJOR.
I'M ABOUT TO BECOME--

OH, HOW RIGHT YOU ARE.

OH, KATY, LISTEN TO ME.

CAPTAIN BRIGGS TOLD ME--

CAPTAIN BRIGGS TOLD ME
ABOUT YOUR MEDICAL REPORT!

ABOUT THE RABBIT!
THE RABBIT!

KATY! YOU AND ME!

ME?! ME?!

YOU'RE A MOTHER!
I'M A FATHER!

US!

ME?

A BABY?
A BABY!

Katy: THIS IS BEVERLY HILLS.

THIS IS THE HOUSE
THAT BELONGS TO JACK BENNY.

THIS IS THE HOUSE
THAT BELONGS TO DEBORAH KERR.

THIS HOUSE BELONGS
TO JEAN SIMMONS.

THIS HOUSE BELONGS
TO BOB CUMMINGS.

THIS HOUSE BELONGS TO US.

IT BELONGS TO ME,

A W.A.F. OF THE KOREAN WAR,

AND IT BELONGS TO HIM,

A HERO OF
THE SECOND WORLD WAR.

AND IT CERTAINLY
BELONGS TO HIM...

THE HERO
OF OUR LAST ENCOUNTER.