Original subtitles

Gorgeous Georgians,

fierce and toothless

BOTH:

Horrible Histories presents our...

show as a song

BOTH: some historical hits

our best musical bits

and gore.

FARTS

Oh, not bad

It's really unfortunate he ended up pooing himself to death.

Hello, doctor.

Oh, Mabel, good to see you. How's the family?

Oh, oh...

Dead. Yeah, a lot of that contagious plague going around.

But enough about them.

I've got these funny lumps and I wondered if you knew what they were.

I've got a poo sample to help with the diagnosis.

in the flesh

their prognosis

Ooh!

on your armpits

Is it serious?

in hard lumps

SNEEZES

Oh, the plague! I thought I'd managed to avoid

the old Black Death. What do you reckon caused it?

causing fatal tumours...

Are there any cures?

with puppy's blood

Urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh. Urgh.

Bath full of wee. I've been thinking of getting one of those,

thanks, doctor.

Oh, be careful who you talk to, they might catch it.

Urgh!

Urgh!

I feel slightly sick

BOTH:

the best for their kids

Triangle? Not yet.

One, two, three.

Coincidence.

I fought for my grandson too.

was marry them all off

Admittedly, it didn't play out perfectly.

hey, votta 'bout you?

to all the mothers out there

your children back

to making sure it never happens

Wow! My attempts at matchmaking feel kind of weak right now.

we do what we can.

From 20th century Germany comes the musical tale

of the Dassler Brothers, whose conflict changed the world's...

..sports footwear.

Horrible Historical Musicals presents...

in Herzogenaurach

go fast

BOTH: in Bavaria

AIR RAID SIRENS

Two brothers, whose friendship was ended when Rudi went away to war

and Adi stayed home to run the company.

I'm running this company on my own while Rudi is away.

Maybe I should always run ze company on my own.

my soul says no to share it...

And so Adidas shoes were born.

But when Rudi returned from the war, a rivalry was forged.

I will create a rival shoe company right here in Bavaria

and guess what I'm gonna call it? Ya, what is that?

Oh!

Ruda shoes! Hmm...

How about Puma?

Sounds more "Rrarrr!"

No? Ya, fair enough.

it's safe to assuma

just can't get enough

and I can play rough

BOTH: that you're so tough...

The epic tale of the brothers whose rivalry created

two of the biggest shoe companies in the world.

BOTH:

a brand-new pair

The musical with sole.

Mine are still better than yours.

a family fight

IN HARMONY:

Ah, Monopoly!

Football! Oh, yeah, sorry.

more than goals

football's more than goals

CROWD CHEERS

CAR HORNS BLARE

whilst stuck in traffic

And look at us now!

more than goals

We know that

Football's more than goals

Football feels like home

Not sure what I'm here for

Playground or World Cup

When your team is winning

There's no better buzz

Than when your fans are singing.

ALL: Yeah!

Kick that ball!

High five. Ha-ha!

Yeah! Yeah.

CROWD CHEERS

Yeah!

Ahhh!

traditionally where one would go

yeah, this water's so cold!

to make your gout go

Now it's COOL to be by the sea

this vacation by the sea

bucket-and-spading. Oh, yeah!

we're paddling and wading

Break by the ocean

DONKEY BRAYS

maybe

Break by the ocean

BONES CRUNCH

HE STIFLES A YELL

like to be beside

I could provide

supplied

cos I named it after me

Obviously, for a fee! KER-CHING!

and their babies

Wish that we could stay

Break by the ocean

Shall we all go and get fish and chips?!

Yeah! Yeah! CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

to call your own

the kitchen is its heart

over the years

IN HARMONY: to the staa-aa-aa-art!

I was harmonising! Well, that's one word for it!

Mmm! Somethin' smells good!

Wow!

TICKING

SNORING

TICKING DING!

Hey, shall I take 'em to the fridge?

Take 'em to the fridge!

To my brand-new fridge?

And do you like my washin' machine, huh?!

Mm-hm!

Yeah, tell 'em!

Whoo!

And a dishwasher too

BOTH: a '50s house

Whoo!

This all seems like a lotta effort to be honest.

Woo-woo-woo!

Oh and don't forget to take out the trash.

Papa's got a black bin bag.

for crimes against music!

just run away actually

is a foolish thing to do

could come after you.

Oohh! Yeah.

FABRIC TEARS

Oi! You! Come back here!

WHISTLE You'll never catch me, copper!

thought I'd do meself a favour

being a criminal myself

be a lot better for my health

Aha, aha

it's pretty gritty.

my minimum income

being a policeman

part of the new norm

A nice new woollen uniform

Aha, aha

RECORD SCRATCHES

for our zero hours contract

Out of my way, Peelers!

compulsory whiskers!

Aha, aha.

Aha.

GATE CLANGS

and the rest was a prison

went missing

all of these terrible days

Jane Grey

Jane Grey

must have thought she was made

WHISTLING

and lions' den

swam in the Thames

was a prison

it'll stand proudly

it'll end badly

the historical things

and the case was so thin

WHISTLING

went up in smoke

- that's quite a sick joke

come from?

I don't know, but that sounds like a cue for a song!

but was doomed to fail

BANG!

Oh, this really help seems to help my psoriasis!

an eczema cure

that terrified and frightened folk

with Wei Boyang's powdered mix

zoom, zoom, zoom

it's boom, boom, boom

the room, room, room

can resume, zoom, zoom

did not go bang

EXPLOSIONS

you'll end up in AandE

in need of medical attention

a special mention

my moment in the spotlight

DRUM ROLL Yeah!

PRRRP! Oh!

Oh!

and it's pretty great

operating theatre let's go

now I'm really in the zone

and you can soon go home

I'm ready

it don't cost you money

we'll fix you up

and when you grow up

Great, so let's go.

ALL: won his fight

gets treated right

from the young up to the old

all right

Whoa!

here is your medicine

for you all

you're ready

Woohoo!

and fix whatever feels funny

even when you throw up

BLEURGH!

and I feel all right!

and now I'll take my baby home

right through the night?

Whoa-ho!

Na-na-na

Look-look-look

Whoa-ho!

you could all access

and it's still going real strong

to the NHS.

FIRECRACKERS POP

Aa-aa-nd cut there!

Dan's still rolling!

LAUGHTER

Horrible Histories.