All language subtitles for Horrible.Histories.S10E06.Ruinous.Rivals.1080p.iP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

# Woeful wars, ferocious fights

# Dingy castles, daring knights

# Horrors that defy description

# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes

# Punishment from ancient times

# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless

# Cavemen, savage, fearsome,
toothless

# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages

# Mean and measly Middle Ages

# Gory stories, we do that

# And your host, a talking rat

# The past is no longer a mystery

# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #

Horrible Histories presents...

From 20th-century Germany

comes the musical tale of the
Dassler brothers,

whose conflict changed the world's...

..sports footwear.

Horrible Historical Musicals
presents...

# We make our shoes in
Herzogenaurach

# Our shoes, they make Jesse Owens
go fast

# Won the gold medal in '36

# Ein hundred metres in Dassler
kicks

# We make these shoes in Bavaria

# Just me and you in Bavaria

# Brothers unite in Bavaria.

# We never fight in Bavaria. #

Two brothers, whose friendship was
ended when Rudi went away to war

and Adi stayed home to run the
company.

I'm running the company on my own,
while Rudi is away.

Maybe I should always run the
company on my own.

# Not right

# Not right

# He's gone away to fight

# From heel to toe my soul says,
"No," to sharing. #

And so, Adidas shoes were born.

But when Rudi returned from the war,
a rivalry was forged.

I will create a rival shoe company
right here in Bavaria.

And guess what I'm going to call it?
Ja, was ist das?

Oh?

Ruda Shoes. Uh...

How about Puma?

Sounds more, "Rargh!"

Hmm? Ja, fair enough.

# Now I'm called Puma it's safe to
assume-a

# That all my consumers just can't
get enough

# You wanna bet, yeah, bruv, you
ain't no threat, yeah

# Adidas is better and I can play
rough

# You think that you're so tough. #

The epic tale of the brothers

whose rivalry created two of the
biggest shoe companies in the world.

# There's a shoe for you

# Plimsolls, sneakers, trainers too

# We'll sell you all a brand new pair

# Our shoes available everywhere

# Footwear

# Footwear. #

The musical with sole.

Mine are still better than yours.

It's true.

A rivalry between brothers really did
create two famous shoe companies.

A rivalry is when two sides fight it
out for the same thing.

Like Ratchester City and Ratchester
United

competing to be the best football
team in the whole sewer.

Or me and Cattus fighting over the
same bins outside the sausage shop.

MIAOW
Oh, I'm watching you, Cattus.

Yes, rivalries have been rife
throughout history,

and they can go on for years.

They can even result in war,

not that those wars end the beef.

William the Conqueror found that out

when he killed his rival, King
Harold, at the Battle of Hastings,

which only made him a powerful new
English enemy,

Harold's mum.

Hello?

I am King William of England.

I know you're in there.

We're not scared of you, William.

Guys, seriously, I am not OK about
this rebellion.

I just conquered you.

I'm so peeved, I literally just
poked this guy's eyes out.

There was a whole battle

near Hastings, remember?

My rival, King Harold, and all his
brothers,

were killed or captured. I mean,

there's literally no-one else from
the royal family

left to lead you.

Move it, sunshine.

Go away!

Oh, for crying out loud. Look who it
is.

Yeah, I would if you hadn't poked
my eyes out. Oh, sorry, yeah.

It's the old King Harold's mum,
Gytha. Oh.

Yeah. You forgot about mummy, didn't
you?

Look, it would be better for
everybody

if we ended all this rivalry and you
just surrendered.

So, what do you say?

Why's it all gone quiet?

Hang on. Something's happening.

Oh, I think he's getting his bum
out.

Fire! But why?

BREAKING WIND
Ah! Oh!

Don't worry about it, Your Majesty,

everyone does it when they get
nervous.

That wasn't me, it was them.

Oh, sure it was.

That's our answer.

The sound of a mother's rage.

BREAKING WIND AGAIN
And by the smell of it...

..cabbage.

Oh, gosh that is strong.

BREAKING WIND AGAIN
Ugh!

Maybe you should go and change your
chain mail.

It wasn't me. Do you want me to poke
something else out?

Yeah, can you start with my nose?
Uh.

Hit him again.

BREAKING WIND AGAIN
Ugh!

I know you have them surrounded, but
maybe it's time we retreated.

Yeah, it stinks.

That's right.

Fear our power...

BREAKING WIND AGAIN
..and smell it too.

Oh, I could smell that one from
France.

We'll be back.

Right, that's enough.

BREAKING WIND AGAIN

Oh!

Introducing great historical
rivals...

Hi, I'm Boudicca,

warrior queen of the Iceni Tribe of
Britain,

and pain in the Emperor Nero's
backside.

I led a rebellion against Rome and
it went so well

that Nero nearly abandoned his
invasion of Britain altogether.

That would have been great.

Sadly, there's something I did that
people say convinced Nero

to keep his armies in Britain and
destroy me.

What was it? Did I...

Well, I did burn down a few of the
Roman temples,

but it wasn't an accident.

So, the answer is

C, I criticised his musical skills.

I never met Nero, but I heard his
lyre playing was shocking

and I didn't mind saying so.

It's like listening to an angry cat

complain about the size of the
sardines.

Right, that's it.

We will destroy you with the full
might of the Roman legions.

It'd be a welcome relief from
listening to that racket.

Cor!

Sometimes a rivalry between nations
could be ended with love, not war.

And one way of stopping the fighting
was to arrange a marriage

between the two warring parties.

That's what happened here in Ancient
Egypt,

when the Hittite leader, Hattusili
III,

arranged for his eldest daughter to
marry his archrival,

Pharaoh Ramesses II.

It was one of the first peace
treaties in history.

And really, who needs romance when
you've got a war to stop?

Um, can somebody help me down?

I'm afraid of heights.

They say there is a wafer-thin line
between love and hate.

So, is it any wonder that when two
warring rivals look for peace,

it is l'amour that shows the way.

Pharaoh Ramesses II is looking for
love,

or an end to war. One of the two.

I hope I like her.

I hope my wives like her, as well.

Hey, do people normally bring their
wives on dates?

Serious question.

You don't mind, do you?

Yeah, she don't mind.

OK.

His date is the eldest daughter of
the king of the Hittites.

You must be Ramesses II,

my name is... I don't care what your
name is.

Imma call you Maathorneferure.

It means she who beholds the falcon.

That is the visible splendour of Ra.

Yeah, right, I'm wicked with names,
innit?

Is he allowed to do that? I mean, I
know he's a pharaoh,

and I've heard he can do whatever
he likes,

but is he literally allowed to
change my name?

Things are off to a bad start
because,

while Ramesses is Pharaoh of the
Upper Nile,

he's, on this occasion, also king of
the utter vile.

You need some oil, babes? No,
thanks, babe.

Oh, apologies, my bad. You need some
oil, babes.

Hold on, no, what, what? Stop. What
are you doing?

The oil was there to banish the
netherworld

and keep you safe from evil. You're
welcome.

I know that ditching this date could
restart a war between our kingdoms,

but right now, that seems like a
price worth paying.

Hey, hey, hey. Look, look, look. We
both know

that our marriage is just there to
keep the peace.

But look, let's just put all of that
aside, yeah?

Let's just talk about our hopes
and our dreams.

I'd like that.

So, how much am I getting? Huh?

Think of world peace. Think of world
peace.

It's called a dowry.

Her dad has to give me a load of
stuff when I marry her.

It's a standard thing at regular
weddings,

let alone ones being arranged to end
a war.

Ain't that right? I got bear coins
off of these lot.

So, I get the gold, yeah? Silver.

The slaves, the horses and the cows.
Is that all?

And me, of course.
HE LAUGHS

Yeah, of course.

How could I forget that? That's mad.

Imma put you down under the horses.

And they say romance is dead.

OFF SCREEN: So, do you think you'll
see each other again?

Sure. I mean, we'll have to, innit?

If we don't get married,

then the war between our rival
kingdoms may well start up again.

Bruh, I ain't got no choice.

The words every bride longs to hear.

Don't worry, babes, we'll look after
you.

There you go. Wives, let's go.

You need to learn some manners.

Just ignore him, we do.

Yeah. I'll catch you back at the
palace.

Yeah.

You know, I might have to be back
next week,

because five wives ain't enough.
You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

Cor, what an awful man.

And I thought I was the only rat on
the show.

Still, it's good to see some rivals
putting their troubles behind them

and solving their issues in a
calm....

GASPING
Oi! I knew it.

Cattus has been at the sausage bin.

That is it.

This rivalry has gone far enough.

It's time to settle it once and for
all.

And back in history, rivals had a way
of settling things called a duel.

It was a one-on-one fight, sometimes
to the death.

And the hotheaded Russian poet,
Alexander Pushkin,

tried to have 22 of them.

Of course, I'm not challenging her to
a duel.

I shall take the more mature approach
to settling our problems,

I'll blow a raspberry and run away.

BLOWS RASPBERRY, CAT SCREECHING
Oh!

So, what do you fancy doing tonight?

I thought we could hang out with
Pushkin.

Oh, really? Pushkin? You know what
he's like. He's a genius.

People say he's one of the world's
greatest poets.

Yes, but he's always starting fights
with people.

You remember what happened with his
uncle?

So I say to this man...

Oh, Pushkin. How lovely to see you.

Uncle, you knew I had feelings for
this woman.

I go to toilet and now you are
ruining my chances.

You are doing that all yourself.

We were just chatting, nephew.

There is only one way to settle
this.

Bring me my swords, Uncle...

..a duel.

Perhaps we better avoid parties.
But come on,

how much trouble could Pushkin get
into at dinner? Really?

And then Pushkin tells the police
officer,

"Hey, those aren't my trousers."

LAUGHING

A delightful story.

You are funny, Pushkin.

You make me sound like a buffoon
and you are terrible at anecdotes.

I demand a duel.

Definitely not dinner. Hmm.

Oh, the theatre. After last time?

That play was terrible.

How could you tell? You were
shouting all the way through.

Rude!

A duel.

How many duels has Pushkin gotten
himself into now?

21 and counting.

Who wants a duel?

A duel with this entire group of
people.

A duel right now.

Civelle. Oh, hey, Pushkin.

A duel.

You know what?

Maybe we don't invite Pushkin.

Hey, gang, what we up to tonight?

Um... Hold that thought. I got a
duel.

You there, prepare to...
GUNSHOTS

Oh! Oh, uh.

Greatest friends,

I have been killed by a duel.

Who could have foreseen such an end
for me?

Um...

Everyone? Yeah, literally everyone.

You're always fighting people.

How dare you speak to me like that.

I challenge you both to a d...

Dinner? Oh, yeah.

Bonjour, I am Frederic Cournet,
French war hero,

and I am fighting a duel against
Emmanuel Barthelemy...

..because I said some naughty things
about him that he did not like.

My tip for you is to fight your
duelling rival

like a gentleman.

GUNSHOT
Ah! I missed.

But he still has a loaded gun

and tradition says that I cannot
fire again.

So, if I'm honest with you,

it does not look good for me.

Hey, my gun does not work.

That sounds like good news.

But, as a gentlemen, I must allow my
rival to take his turn,

so I will lend him my gun.

Oh, thank you very much.

Hi, guys. Hey.

So, I will assume the position.
LAUGHING

But of course, he is also a
gentleman,

so he will deliberately miss.

It is the honourable thing to...Ah!
GUNSHOT

Huh.

Maybe being a gentleman is not
all it is cracked up to be.

SINGING: I won the duel, you silly,
silly boy.

Barthelemy wins by total knockout.

Remember to follow me at...

It is a pun, a play on words.

Sometimes the fiercest beefs in
history

weren't just between the actual
rivals themselves.

Their fans also got involved.

Believe it or not, there was quite
a bit of fan-feuding

in the world of 18th-century opera.

Basically, picture the Swifties going
up against the Stylers,

but with bigger wigs and more
hissing.

Oh!

Oh, Lord Beddingham,

I am so looking forward to this
opera.

I couldn't agree more, Lady Rupoll,

there's so much to enjoy.

The singing, the drama, the
artistry. So true.

But most of all, what I love

is cheering on my favourite opera
singer, Francesca Cuzzoni,

as she crushes her rival, Faustina
Bordoni.

CHANTING: Cuzzoni! Cuzzoni! Cuzzoni!

Oh, I love my girl, Cuzzoni, she's
so much better than that

screeching, rubbish Faustina. Ugh!

CHANTING: We hate you, Faustina, we
do!

Don't look now, Lord Beddingham,

but there's a couple of Faustina
fans on the approach.

Well, if it isn't the KLUTZ-zoni
squad. Oh! Good one.

Yeah, OK.

Hi there, FRAUD-stinas.

I'll have you know that Faustina is
the future of opera singing.

She's modern, she's agile,

and she can sing fast, challenging
music.

And your Cuzzoni is just a slow
has-been.

How dare you? She's a classic.

I've heard that Cuzzoni is so
uncooperative,

that Handel had to threaten to throw
her out the window

to get her to do anything.

I'll throw you out the window in a
second.

And my son, Horace, says she's short
and squat with a dough crust face.

You're short and squat with a
dough crust face.

Hey, don't say that. Why not?

Because you're my wife, and it's
hurtful.

When Faustina comes out on stage,
I'm going to hiss at her.

Every time Cuzzoni gets on stage,
I'm going to hiss at her.

HISSING

You hiss like Faustina sings.

Absolute rubbish, mate. Oi, what?
Hold me back.

CHANTING: Oh, you're going home in a
horse-drawn ambulance.

GASPING
Look, over there.

It's Cuzzoni and Faustina.

CHANTING: You're good at opera,
you're good at opera.

Oh, no, it's those weird opera fans
who think we hate each other.

Well, we have to pretend.

This rivalry's great for selling
tickets.

Oh, I hate you, Faustina!

You tell her, Cuzzoni!

Not as much as I hate you.

CHANTING: We love you, Faustina, we
do!

We love you, Faustina, we do!

Oh, I love a bit of opera.

Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro.

Oh!
CAT SCREECHING

Oh, ugh!

Cattus!

Never appreciated art, that cat.

Well, married couples really did
fight

over those rival opera singers.

But then, sadly, sometimes even
the best of friends can fall out

and become frenemies.

As King Henry II found out

when he decided to make his friend,
Thomas Becket,

the Archbishop of Canterbury,
in 1162.

That did not end well. Mm, mm, mm.

Henry number two here, calling
broseph number one.

And have I got some news for you?

Oh, I've done it.

I've made you, Thomas Becket,

my bestest bud in the whole wide
world,

Archbishop of Canterbury.

Or should that be Archbishop of
BANTER-bury? Am I right?

Henners, oh, you have no idea how
much this means to me.

Running this church comes before
everything.

Oh, some papers from you.

I'll get straight on them, boss.

Well, you're not really my boss
now, are you?

It's the big man upstairs.

But you'll always be my bestie.

BABY CRYING
I've just, um, sorry. I'm...

No, I'm not sad, um, I promise.

I'm very happy.

Trish, can you help me with this?
Trish?

Bro, Tom,

um, you know, the whole point
of giving you the church job

was so you'd run it, sort of, how I
wanted.

Could you maybe start doing
that, please?

Thanks.

I'm really hurt.

I assumed I got this job because you
thought I'd be good at it,

not because you thought that I'd
just do whatever you said.

Back it up.

BABY LAUGHING
Don't... No.

I'm not supposed to be happy, I'm
supposed to be moody.

Trish, help me with this.

Tommy, dude, the whole point of me
changing the rules

so clergymen could be tried in my
courts, not your church courts,

was to increase my power and raise
me money.

If you undo that, you are costing me
big time.

Hurry up, Henry! Got to go.

I'm giving young Henry a bit of a
coronation.

Look, I'll talk to you when you're
back.

Still BFFs and all that, you know.

Love you, blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, no-one rid me of this
turbulent priest?

He's becoming a right pain in my
royal butt.

That's weird.

Where they going? You know that
thing's still on?

Oh, no!

So, Henry, it's come to this. Open
up in the name of the King.

You send your knights to arrest me

cos you're too chicken to face me
yourself.

Well, open the door, Trish.

I've got nothing to be afraid of.

Right. Come here.
HE SCREAMS

These knights are really scary.
Quiet you.

No. Henry, send help.

DOG BARKING
Oh, not that again.

Trish!

Hey, Becket, dude.

To be honest, I'm not sure you'll
get this where you are.

I just wanted to say super soz about
what happened

with, you know, my knights killing
you.

But, on the plus side, I hear the
Pope's making you a saint,

which is... Wow.

And, yeah, maybe I'll dedicate that
new London bridge

I'm thinking of building, to you.

So...we good?

Yeah?

Please don't haunt me.

Cool.

Oh. Ah!

Eleanor, how do I change the filter?

This summer comes a rivalry

65 million years in the making.

Two dinosaur-bone hunters,

Edward Drinker Cope and Othniel
Charles Marsh,

are the best of friends.

I'm going to name this dinosaur
Ptyonius marshii.

Oh, after me?

Well, I'm naming this one after you.

HE GASPS
It's called Edward? Uh, no.

Mosasaurus copeanus.

Oh, well, I guess that's good too.

Thank you, friend.

But when Cope takes his friend to a
quarry in New Jersey

searching for fossils,

a rivalry is born.

What?

POUNDING FOOTSTEPS

I've got a bone to pick with you.

You asked the quarry workers

to tell you about their fossil finds
before me.

You can't prove a thing.

Mr Marsh, we discovered something.
Shh!

And you asked us to tell you before
we told him.

A betrayal that leads to fierce
competition.

Well, I had to rush it, but I've
done it.

My drawing of a Elasmosaurus

has been printed in a very important
journal.

Shame you put the head at the wrong
end.

Oh, my reputation!

I'll have to try and buy up all the
copies,

just so nobody can see my shame.

When a friendship becomes a rivalry,

strife finds a way.

Dear sir, I have a story for your
newspaper

about a certain Edward Drinker Cope.

Oh, and I don't suppose you know
where I can hire a spy?

How dare you spy on me? Well, what
are you doing right now?

Rivalry in tooth and claw.

It'll be DINO-mite.

We Royals were also prone to the odd
rivalry,

which meant things could get a bit
icky between us.

And by icky, I mean massive
invasion-y.

Although, of course, it never had
anything to do with me.

Sorting out the beefs of the past...

Pharaoh Khufu, don't tell me how to
run my great courtroom.

I don't tell you how to build a
great pyramid.

..with the justice of today.

Although, pointy side up, just
saying.

Welcome to...

Empress Dowager Cixi of the Qing
Dynasty, China,

is going up against her frenemy and
royal rival Queen Victoria,

regarding a rebellion taking place in
China in 1899.

Right, now, you might be the
combined rulers

of over 800 million people,

but in this courtroom, I'm in
charge.

Now, Empress, what's the issue?

We're having a slight disagreement

about how her country won't stop
invading mine.

Oh, here we go.

Uh, talking. Shh!

It all started with the Boxers. Oh,
I love boxers.

Let's get ready to Rinder. No, no,
no.

Not that kind of boxer, babe.

The Boxers are a secret society of
people in China,

and they started a rebellion.

Now Britain is using that as an
excuse to invade.

Ha, ha, ha! Classic us.

So, I sent telegrams to Queen
Victoria,

reminding her of our special
connection.

We're both older leaders, ruling
over vast populations.

She is obsessed with me.

Apparently, she has a portrait of me
in her room. Just a small one.

You see? Well, at least I run my
empire.

You have hardly anything to do with
your country's decisions.

I am just as much of an empress
as you are.

Then will you stop invading my
country and stealing things?

Oh, how dare you? I do not steal
things.

Oh, yeah? Tell him about the dog.

SHE GASPS
What about the dog?

Well, your lovely Rinder-sty,

one of my returning soldiers

brought me back a darling little
Pekinese from China,

which it just so happened, had been
looted from her palace.

But how was I to know it had been
looted?

They called the dog Looty.

Yeah, maybe she likes playing the
lute?

She stole the dog from me. I want a
dog from her.

What? Give me a dog.

Right, we're obviously not going to
sort this out today.

I suggest we adjourn and come back
tomorrow.

No, soz, babes. I'm not available
tomorrow.

Why on earth not? We're invading
China.

You see? Unbelievable.

So, if we've learned anything,

it's that rivalries don't often lead
to things improving.

And that's why Cattus and I have made
up.

Oh, strokey, strokey.

BFFs forever.

Yes, it's always better to settle
your differences in a friendly way.

Not that these two ever paid any
attention to that.

Royal rivals King Philip II of
Spain and Queen Elizabeth I

continued to annoy each other
throughout their lives

in pretty much any way they could.

# I'm Philip the second, I'm the
king of Spain

# I'm Liz the first and over
England I reign

# I married your sister, Mary one

# But I'm queen now that she has
gone

# I need a new wife, you're the
perfect fit

# Apart from the not being a
Catholic bit

# If we get together our countries
can be friends

# And if I say, "No?"

# The friendship ends

# I get everything I'm looking for,
it's an easy decision

# All you gotta do is change your
religion

# You know what, Philip, I'll take
my chances

# I'm not interested in having
romances

# Europe ain't big enough for the
both of us

# If that's the way you want it,
I can cause a fuss

# I got the power of a Spanish
empire, I can deploy, yeah

# Well, I'll do everything I can
just to annoy ya. #

Yeah

# You and me, a rivalry

# A war of words, a war unseen

# I'll send Francis Drake to steal
your treasure

# I'll back your enemies for good
measure

# I'll be supporting loads of
Catholic plots

# To have you replaced with Mary
Queen of the Scots

# Do what you like, that don't scare
me much

# I'll get you involved in a war
with the Dutch

# Let's see how you cope with my
Spanish Armada

# Ha, is that all you've got? You're
gonna have to try harder. #

Ha, ha, ha. Yeah.

# OK, so my Armada turned out not
to be a threat

# And actually landed me in quite a
bit of debt

# We'll turn the screw and send our
own fleet

# And lose 40 ships and have to
retreat

# Is this constant warring ever
gonna end?

# Could've been so different if we
could have been friends

# So, let's both die before
hostilities cease

# And leave it to our successors to
work out peace

# Yeah

# You and me, a rivalry

# A war of words

# A war unseen

# Protestant Liz

# Catholic Phil

# Both going in for the kill. #