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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,640 # Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,080 # Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,720 # Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,520 # Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,280 # Romans rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,120 # Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,720 # Gory stories, we do that 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,280 # And your host, a talking rat 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,160 # The past is no longer a mystery 10 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,560 # Welcome to... 11 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,960 # Horrible Histories. # 12 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,520 Horrible Histories presents... 13 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,280 Since the dawn of time... 14 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,360 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS Argh! 15 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,320 ..fathers have helped look after their young, 16 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,640 passing down vital survival skills 17 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,280 such as making fire... 18 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,440 Ugh. Ah! Oh! 19 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,520 Hee-hee! Ha! Heh! 20 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,680 BEAR ROARS Oh! 21 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,080 Ah! 22 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,680 ..and running away. 23 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,520 He will teach them how to make tools, 24 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,560 the shaping of flints... 25 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,400 Oh! 26 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,760 ..and also... 27 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,120 BEAR ROARS Argh! 28 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,400 ..running away. 29 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,440 And he will pass on vital knowledge 30 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,920 for choosing what is safe to eat 31 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,960 and what is not... 32 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,120 HE CHEWS LOUDLY 33 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,480 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS 34 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,800 Whoa! Argh! 35 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,360 ..and running away. 36 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,280 There's a lot of running away. 37 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,120 And with every dad 38 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,360 comes that greatest of inventions - 39 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:38,760 the dad joke... 40 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,200 Rah! Argh! 41 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,440 BOTH SOB 42 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,080 ..which often misfires, upsetting everyone. Shh! 43 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,400 But despite his mistakes, the father will do his best 44 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,280 to teach his children the skills they need to succeed in life... 45 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,720 BOTH LAUGH, BEAR ROARS 46 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,360 Huh? Argh! 47 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,760 ALL SCREAM 48 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,120 ..like running away. 49 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,920 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS, ALL SCREAM 50 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,320 Oh! So much running away. 51 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,560 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS, BEAR ROARS 52 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,320 ALL SCREAM 53 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:21,200 Welcome to a celebration of dads throughout history. 54 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,440 And who better to help out than my dad? 55 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,560 Hello, son. All right, Dad. 56 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,320 Now, most fathers love all their children equally. 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,080 I do, and I've got 50. 58 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,240 Er, no. Er...60. 59 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,880 No, no, 50. Hang on. 60 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,320 There's Rattus, Ratistotle, Ratigail, Ratilda... 61 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,120 HE STAMMERS Don't name them all! 62 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,240 Anyway, not every dad in history was as loving as mine. 63 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,840 King Henry VIII wasn't very kind to his daughters. 64 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,760 Not only did he take the title of princess away 65 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,360 from his daughter Mary, 66 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,480 but he might not even have known how many kids he actually had. 67 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,840 HE GASPS 68 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,840 Yeah, first few days with the new wife 69 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,600 and things seem to be going well. 70 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,920 Jane...something. 71 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,680 This is my third and final wife. 72 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:16,160 Henry VIII and his three wives, people will say. 73 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,840 Oh-ho-ho! Big hug! 74 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,240 You know what would be, like, really, really amazing? Yeah? 75 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,800 Getting the whole family together, 76 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,240 like a big kind of get-to-know-you party. 77 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,840 Really? Will there be food? Yeah, sure. 78 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,720 Then brilliant idea, yeah. Invite everyone. OK! 79 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,880 Hey! I'm here! 80 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,320 Jane, quick, get in. 81 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,360 Argh! 82 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,800 Stepmother, dear? Yeah? 83 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,200 Why don't you let me send out all the invites to the party? 84 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,200 Oh, Mary! That is so sweet of you. Do you know what? 85 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,160 I was actually a tiny little bit concerned 86 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,520 that you might be a bit angry, 87 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,800 what with Henry saying that you weren't a princess any more. Ha! 88 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,160 Er... Oh, no! As if! 89 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,320 That's all ancient history. LAUGHING: Yeah! 90 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,760 Phew! SHE LAUGHS 91 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,360 Hands in for family! 92 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,840 One, two, three. Happy family! Happy family! 93 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,720 Well, this is nice, isn't it? 94 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,000 Family's all here, food's all here. 95 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,280 Bonzer! Let's eat. 96 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,880 Actually, Dad...not everyone is here. 97 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,240 Really? 98 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,720 Jane's here. Hello! 99 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,320 You're here, Elizabeth is here. 100 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,480 I'm assuming my exes aren't turning up because I... 101 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,480 Sorry, I know that's insensitive. 102 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,600 No offence, girls. They were your mums. 103 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,840 But we're not all your children, are we? 104 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,840 Henry FitzRoy in the house! 105 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,920 Hey, Dad! I got the invite! 106 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,200 Well, I did say I'd invite everyone, didn't I? 107 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,840 Yeah, so...Henry is my son. 108 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,000 I wasn't married to his mum, so he technically can't be king, 109 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,400 although he is awesome. 110 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,960 So, if we don't have a son, 111 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960 then I'd want him to be king over the girls. 112 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,800 Again, no offence, girls. Let's eat. 113 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,120 But still, not everyone. Really? 114 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,520 We're just getting started. 115 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,240 Hi, Dad. 116 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,000 Hi...Thomas... 117 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,360 ...Stukley. Stukers! 118 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,400 So, I knew Thomas Stukley's mum...quite well. 119 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,040 Well, very well, actually. 120 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,000 I...I mean, it's pure speculation, obviously. 121 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,600 I mean, no-one can be sure. Shall we eat? 122 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,200 Don't get too comfortable, Daddy. 123 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:22,680 I've just started. 124 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,840 It's Catherine and Henry Carey. 125 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,160 Look, Elizabeth, it's your cousins, 126 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,520 or potentially half-siblings. 127 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,920 Two of them! Ha! 128 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,160 HE GROANS 129 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,160 This is going to be a really long evening for me. 130 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,720 Everybody knows I went on a couple of dates with Anne Boleyn's sister Mary. 131 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,080 It's not a secret. 132 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,080 Also, sorry, how do they have beards? 133 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,920 They're 11-year-old children and one of them's a girl! 134 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,560 The glue-on beards were my idea. 135 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,120 Nice touch, don't you think? 136 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,840 Well, this is nice. 137 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,280 Shall we eat? 138 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,560 Mm-mm. 139 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Oh, look. It's Audrey Malte and John Perrot. 140 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,640 JANE: How many children do you have? HENRY CLEARS THROAT 141 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,480 Look, Jane, I'm a complicated guy. 142 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,640 I may have had a few... COUGHING: Lots. 143 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,920 ..lots of kids who can't technically be royals 144 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,840 because I wasn't married to their mums 145 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,440 and I may have disinherited Mary from her right to the throne 146 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,720 and I'm going to do the same to Elizabeth, probably. 147 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:22,160 But does that all really make me a...bad dad? 148 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,200 Yeah. Yeah, it does. 149 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,360 Shall we eat? 150 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400 So nice to meet you all. Hm. 151 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,680 Hi, I'm Ramses II, 152 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,200 ancient Egyptian pharaoh and terrible dad. Mm! 153 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,240 I've got about 100 kids at home. 154 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,920 Ha! Honestly, you'd expect there to be problems now and again, 155 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,880 but what you don't expect is for the River Nile itself 156 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:48,960 to get upset. 157 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,440 Honestly, yesterday, it was in floods! 158 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,240 DRUM HIT Ha-ha-ha! Aw, Dad! 159 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,000 Cos, you know, like, cos the floods, not the tears, 160 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,080 but like...cos it's a river. You know, floods? 161 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,040 CHILD LAUGHS Yeah, you get it! 162 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,000 Yeah! Thank you! That's what I'm saying. 163 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,080 Finally get it now. 164 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,000 See, I knew you two were my favourites. 165 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,200 CHILD GUFFAWS 166 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,040 # Yeah! # HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS 167 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,680 Ramses II really did have over 100 kids. 168 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,960 Oh, never mind that. 169 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,040 Play that music again! 170 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,440 # Yeah! # HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS 171 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,280 Oh, yeah! What a banger. 172 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,600 Wha... What are you doing? 173 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,800 Dad dancing! We all do it. 174 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,400 Ugh! HE SIGHS 175 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,320 Sometimes dads just aren't cool. 176 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,120 I don't know what you mean. 177 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,640 HE FARTS LOUDLY 178 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,680 Whoops. That one sneaked out with all the effort. 179 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,640 Ugh! Honestly. 180 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,760 Dads have been embarrassing us like this for centuries. 181 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,440 Even in the Viking times, 182 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,720 some of their sagas said that kids of Viking warriors 183 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,320 thought going raiding with Dad was uncool. 184 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:58,720 Hi, son. 185 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,400 Me and some of the other guys were going on a quick raid 186 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,200 and, yeah, wondered if you wanted to join for a bit of fresh air, 187 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,720 hang out with your... Obviously not. You're so boring! 188 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,160 Calm yourself. He's a sensitive boy. 189 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,560 HE INHALES 190 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,440 So... Ahem. ..how's it hanging? 191 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,800 "How is it hanging?" 192 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,480 Literally no-one says that any more, Dad. 193 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,520 HE SIGHS 194 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,760 What're you playing, a little bit of naffle-taffle? 195 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,480 That's not naffle-taffle, OK? That's so eighth-century. 196 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,280 I'm playing chess! Choss! Yeah, cool. 197 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,920 What does this guy...? I'm sorry. Dad! Come on! 198 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,760 Sorry! It's hard to keep up with all this choss technology. 199 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,880 They keep releasing a new one. It's a board! 200 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,480 What do you say? 201 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,320 Little bit of outside time with your old dad? 202 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,800 Couple of guys, 203 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:47,320 stalking the land, sailing the ships, crossing the wild oceans 204 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,680 and unleashing fury on unsuspecting English villagers 205 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,920 and burning them to the ground! 206 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,680 No. It's really not my thing. 207 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,400 OK. That's right, yeah. 208 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,120 MOCKING: Kids today, they're not so keen on pillaging. 209 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,720 You know, it could be fun to, I don't know... 210 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,840 ..prove yourself as a man or whatever. 211 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,480 What does that even mean, a man? 212 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,120 Talking about a Viking man, 213 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,520 a mighty warrior who stands over his fallen enemies, 214 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,600 proving himself to be fierce and brave enough to reach Valhalla! 215 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,960 Dad...I'm 12. 216 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,280 Yeah, well, I had a beard when I was nine. 217 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,120 No, you didn't. No, I didn't. 218 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,560 But I made a toy one out of wool and I put it on my face, 219 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:30,760 and though it was scratchy, it made me look very, very distinguished. 220 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,440 You are so uncool, Dad. 221 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,920 Fine. You don't have to come on the raid with me. 222 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,040 I, er, respect your choices. Thank you. 223 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,680 Even though it's going to be awesome tearing through the land. Nope. 224 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,480 Burning down the monasteries. No. 225 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,360 Listening to all the little monks scream and run around. No, Dad! 226 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,560 No? Fine. OK. You stay here. Great. Thanks. Finally. 227 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,280 I'll be gone for about six months, 228 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,200 and I hope that no-one attacks the village whilst we're gone. 229 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,800 Bye! 230 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,880 Attacks? What do you mean by that? 231 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,800 Dad? Dad? 232 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,920 Er, room for one more? 233 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,480 Dad, you're not embarrassing! 234 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,720 In the past, dads often didn't spend much time with their children, 235 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,480 but that all started changing around my era in the 18th century, 236 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,760 when parents started to think hanging out with us 237 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,080 might be a good thing. 238 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,040 Take my dad. He offered to play hide and seek. 239 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,120 I haven't been able to find him for four hours. 240 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,960 Ah-ha! Meow! CAT PURRS 241 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,640 Oh. He's gone out, hasn't he? Meow. 242 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,080 Unbelievable. 243 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,280 Er, would you fetch our guests a cup of tea, please? 244 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,320 Thank you. 245 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,640 Thank you for asking me to do your new portrait. 246 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,600 I'm looking forward to using some of the latest fashions 247 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,120 in portrait painting to bring out the warmth of your relationship. 248 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,440 Yes, well, I was thinking something like this. 249 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,280 Er...that's exactly the same as last year. 250 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,080 Oh. 251 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,000 How about this? 252 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,400 Yep. Still the same. 253 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,880 It's not the same at all. 254 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,640 Last year, my vibe was all, you know, master and son of the house, 255 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,600 whereas this year, I'm giving it "owner and heir to my land" vibes. 256 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,920 Oh. Father, maybe we should try something... 257 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,280 Silence, child! If I wanted your help coming up with something 258 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,840 that showed the warmth of our relationship, I would ask for it. 259 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,320 You know, it is the 1800s, 260 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,560 and the role of the father is changing. 261 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,880 Modern fathers, they show affection and tenderness to their children. 262 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,720 Good heavens. Why? 263 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,120 Well... OK, let's... Er... There you are. 264 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,160 There. Father and son. 265 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,320 Right. Get him off. Oh, excellent! 266 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,360 Well, I hope you have everything you need. 267 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,520 Er, you'll need to stay in that position for at least a few hours. 268 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,600 Look, I'm not being funny. 269 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,040 Erm...is there any way we could use the dog? 270 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,320 I don't think that's possible 271 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,560 if we want to bring out your fatherly warmth. 272 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,320 Is that something we want to bring out? 273 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,040 It is meant to be a father and son portrait. 274 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,520 Er, how about a hug? 275 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,640 Fine, if you think it'll help. 276 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,360 Oh, I meant with your son. 277 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,960 Oh. Um...no, thank you. 278 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,400 Look, I'm happy to look like a loving father, 279 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,400 I just don't want to actually be one. 280 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,440 It's all...modern nonsense. So, can you help me or not? 281 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,680 Uh... 282 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,760 Hmm. I think I may have an idea. 283 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,720 Yes, this is working well. 284 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,040 Excellent. And you can just paint in the boy's head afterwards? Mm-hm. 285 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,600 Oh, there may be something to this new, loving relationship after all. 286 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,320 And down it goes. 287 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,280 Oh, come on, Charles. We mustn't be late for our friends, 288 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,720 especially after we cancelled dinner last time. 289 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,200 Must we go, Catherine? 290 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,560 What on earth do you want to do instead? 291 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,080 You're not writing another novel? No, it's not that. 292 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,080 You don't want to stay home and play with the children's toys again? 293 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,520 I have no idea what you're talking about. Come off it, Charles. 294 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,640 You bought that model toy theatre for little Charlie, 295 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,040 and then you and your friend Mr Stanfield practically built 296 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,960 the whole thing yourself while little Charlie watched! 297 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,080 Yes, but then we all had a wonderful time playing with it afterwards! 298 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,280 Oh, come on, Catherine. Let's stay home. 299 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,880 We can hang out with the children. 300 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,960 Can't say you don't love being a dad. 301 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,720 Flaster Floby. Mild Glo'ster. 302 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,400 Lucifer Box. 303 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,880 Must you give our children such strange nicknames? 304 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,520 Ah, children! Who's up for some fun? 305 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,400 # It might seem silly what I'm 'bout to say 306 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,360 # I know I'm a grown-up but I want to play 307 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,280 # I would rather see them than some old man's face 308 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,520 # I don't care if we don't go there 309 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,480 # Catherine, let's just stay. 310 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,000 # Cos I'm their daddy Clap along 311 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,680 # Play charades 312 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,880 # I bought a doll's house for you 313 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,240 # Cos I'm your daddy It's a model theatre 314 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,680 # Will you let me play with it, too? 315 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,440 # Yes, I'm your daddy 316 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,920 # I will use a funny voice whenever I talk to you 317 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,520 # Cos I'm your daddy 318 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,720 # And you'll know from my tone which one of you I'm talking to 319 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,600 # Daddy, Daddy, Daddy... # 320 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,080 Come on, Catherine. 321 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,800 I've won you round. 322 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,640 # Yes, he's your daddy 323 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,880 # People might invite me out but I'd rather stay home with you 324 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,360 # Yes, he's your daddy 325 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,880 # Let's all play a parlour game and sing a song or two 326 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,560 # He's your daddy 327 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,680 # Clap along, sing some songs with your daddy and mummy, too 328 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,200 # Yes, he's your daddy 329 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,320 # We don't need to leave the house 330 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,040 # I just want to stay home with you. # 331 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,720 LOUD SNORING Aw! 332 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,440 Shall I wake them up to play a game? No. 333 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,480 Charles Dickens really did love playing with his kids 334 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,880 when they were little. 335 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,360 And I loved playing with you when you were little, too. 336 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,520 You did? Oh, yeah. 337 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,800 I used to tickle him until he wee'd himself. 338 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,440 Dad, don't embarrass me. 339 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,880 Sorry, Rattus. I won't do it again. 340 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,640 He'd also fart if you tickled him long enough. 341 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,280 HE LAUGHS 342 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,640 So embarrassing! 343 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,400 But at least we were having fun, I suppose. 344 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,320 Some dads in history were just plain scary. 345 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,840 Especially if you were dating their daughter. 346 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,880 Tickle, tickle, tickle. 347 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,400 HE FARTS Stop it! 348 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,640 You'll ruin Mr Dickens' toy theatre. 349 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,640 HE FARTS AND LAUGHS 350 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,800 Svetlana is the one that the talented Russian film-maker 351 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,000 Aleksei Kapler wants to marry. 352 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,520 But before he can even think about popping the question, Aleksei 353 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,120 needs to meet her father. 354 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:32,680 Hi, Daddy. 355 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,800 Your dad is Joseph Stalin? 356 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,400 It's the shock comedy of the year. 357 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,280 Meet The Stalins. 358 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,520 Come in. Let's get to know each other so I can decide 359 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,840 whether to have you killed or not. 360 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,080 STALIN LAUGHS 361 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,280 Don't worry. I've already decided. 362 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,120 And that decision was? 363 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,640 Let's have a drink. 364 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,720 Aleksei... 365 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,080 ..I want to have a little father, son-to-be chitchat with you. 366 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,800 I'm going to ask you a few simple questions. 367 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,240 It's just you and me. 368 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,840 And all of them, obviously. 369 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,240 Can Aleksei win over Dad-to-be? 370 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,880 You know, when I first heard that you were dating my daughter, 371 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,080 I was kind of angry. How angry? 372 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,160 Well, I blamed it on my son, Vasily. 373 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,720 So I had him fired and locked in the guardhouse for nine days. 374 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,320 Ten days. You want to go down salt mine, Vasily?! 375 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,400 No. Yeah, I thought so. 376 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,680 Why did you call me an old fart? 377 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,520 I would never call you an old fart. 378 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:36,000 ALEKSEI: So, Svetlana, when do I meet the old fart? 379 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,240 Oh! 380 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,360 I did not know my phone was being bugged. 381 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,960 Chill out, man! 382 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,120 Take a chill pill. Huh? 383 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,120 I want you to relax, Aleksei. 384 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,920 It's almost like the fact that I am brutal leader with the blood 385 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:53,480 of millions of people on my hands is stressing you out or something. 386 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,640 You did great. Honestly. I thought you'd be dead by now. 387 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,920 It's tough to be a dad, but it's tougher to be Aleksei Kapler. 388 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,280 Wait, what did you say? 389 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,640 Good news. I'm sending you on holiday. 390 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,080 Oh, wow. Great. 391 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,560 HE LAUGHS 392 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,320 Isn't this a forced labour camp? 393 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,200 I don't think Svetlana will enjoy it. 394 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,240 She is not going. 395 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,240 Aleksei Kapler... 396 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,040 ..Svetlana Stalin... 397 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,040 Daddy, did you send my boyfriend to the labour camp? 398 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,960 ..and Joseph Stalin... 399 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,360 Whoops! What am I like?! 400 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,680 ..star in... HE LAUGHS 401 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,880 ..Meet The Stalins. 402 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,320 Five years is a very long holiday. 403 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,800 Er, I'm still in here. 404 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,760 Hello? Hello? 405 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,360 Hi, guys. I'm William the Conqueror, 406 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,600 King of England, Duke of Normandy, 407 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,560 and terrible dad 408 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,840 to my son, Rob here. 409 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,440 So terrible, in fact, 410 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,640 I make fun of him all the time. 411 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,440 You know, people say to me, 412 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,160 "What's Rob short for?!" 413 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,720 And I say, 414 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,840 "Because he's got stumpy, little legs." 415 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,800 HE LAUGHS 416 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,640 We call him Robert Curthose. 417 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,080 It means "short trousers". 418 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,200 I'm going to rebel and start a civil war. 419 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,440 Ah, brilliant! 420 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,720 Wait, what? 421 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,840 Some dads take their children with them into the family business. 422 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,920 And depending on what your dad does, that could be a good or a bad thing. 423 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,680 I followed my dad into pig farming, 424 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,200 which means cleaning up after this lot. 425 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,760 What?! All of you at the same time? 426 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,280 Seriously?! 427 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,000 Oh! When King Edward I was dying, he wanted his son, 428 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,360 Prince Edward, to take over the royal business. 429 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,120 But the prince wasn't keen. 430 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,320 I don't know why. I'd swap with him. 431 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,160 Right, time to clean up. 432 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,160 Oh, I'm going to need a bigger bucket. 433 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,960 HE WHEEZES 434 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,360 Prince Edward, His Majesty King Edward has battled hard in his fight 435 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,120 against dysentery... 436 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,280 HE FARTS 437 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,840 ..but he does not have long left. FART 438 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,880 He wishes to speak with you. 439 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,560 Yes, Father? What is it? 440 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,720 Son, my time is close at hand. 441 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,120 I want you to promise me one thing. Of course, Father. Anything. 442 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:26,360 I want you to continue my war in Scotland. 443 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,720 Are you sure? We're not doing very well in the war. 444 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,160 This is my one dying wish. Yeah. OK. Of course. Sorry. 445 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,520 HE SIGHS 446 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,960 I really hate the Scottish, son. 447 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,240 I know you do. 448 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,040 HE FARTS 449 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,240 Father? Father! 450 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,720 SQUEAKY FART RELEASES 451 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,000 EDWARD SOBS 452 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,280 He's gone. 453 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,320 There's one other thing. Oh! 454 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,600 Yes, Father, what is it? 455 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,200 When I die, I want you to take my body. Of course. 456 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,120 And I want you to boil it so that all the flesh falls off. 457 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,080 Boil it? Then I want you to bury the flesh in the ground. OK. Right. 458 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,280 But preserve the bones separately. 459 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,600 Keep them out. Sorry, Father. 460 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,400 Where do you want me to keep your bones? Just somewhere convenient. 461 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,760 Like a chest, maybe. Right. 462 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,400 I feel like I'm going to regret asking this, but why do you want me 463 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,280 to keep your bones somewhere convenient? 464 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,920 So that when the Scottish rebel again, which they will, 465 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,040 you can go up to Scotland with my bones 466 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,640 and ride with them into war. 467 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,480 OK, yep. I do regret asking that, actually. 468 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,600 As long as you have my bones with you, son, 469 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,960 you can never be defeated by the Scots! 470 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,640 HE FARTS 471 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,920 SQUEAKY FART RELEASES 472 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,200 I can feel the light fading. 473 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,160 I'm passing. 474 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,880 HE FARTS Ah! 475 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,520 Tell my people I died as I lived. 476 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,800 LOUD RUMBLING, FARTING 477 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,840 What, hating Scottish people and farting? 478 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,640 PARP 479 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,800 Father? Father! 480 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,640 He's gone. 481 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,600 DRAWN-OUT FART 482 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,400 Oh! How is he still farting when he's dead?! 483 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,480 Sorry. That one was actually me. 484 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,960 Hi, I'm Genghis Khan, Mongolian warlord and terrible dad. 485 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,240 When my daughter's husband was killed in a rebellion 486 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,680 in Nishapur, I let her reduce the city to little more than 487 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,000 rubble and a pile of heads. Many leaders can't do that. 488 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,640 But Genghis CAN. 489 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,240 Because my name is Genghis Khan. 490 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,080 Well, Genghis "carn". 491 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,480 But I think it still works. I do spoil her a bit. 492 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,760 Probably can't let her destroy a whole city again. 493 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,320 Maybe I Genghis can. 494 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,520 "Carn". It definitely works. 495 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,240 Hey, it's your boy, Ferdinand. 496 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,400 Wassup! It's Bring Your Child To Work Day. 497 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,880 And since my dad is Christopher Columbus, guess who's going with him 498 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,200 on his fourth voyage to the New World? 499 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,840 Say hi, Dad. Yeah, hi. 500 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,520 I'm kind of in the middle of something. 501 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,400 Whatever. So let me fill you in. 502 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,080 Voyage number one, Dad discovered the New World. 503 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,560 Voyage number two, Dad took our religion to the Americas. 504 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,880 Voyage number three... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 505 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280 We don't need to talk about number three, do we? 506 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,440 Is that the one where you got arrested and deported 507 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,880 from your own colony in Hispaniola? Yeah, it is that one. Awkward! 508 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,960 So this is voyage number four, which we're calling Columbus and Son. 509 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,760 I'm not calling it that. 510 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,440 He will...in time. 511 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,320 Voyage, baby! Let's go! 512 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,440 It is day 50-something, so I guess Bring Your Child To Work Day 513 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,560 will last until Dad can get me home again. 514 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,800 But we've arrived at Hispaniola. 515 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,160 Dad's old stomping ground. 516 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,360 The only problem is... they won't let us in. 517 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,000 Guys, please! 518 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,200 It's me, Columbus! 519 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,280 And his son! 520 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,520 Is this because you got arrested on your third voyage? 521 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,040 I-I-I thought we weren't mentioning that. 522 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,360 Whatever. We'll just head back out to sea. 523 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,400 There's nothing that Columbus and Son can't handle. 524 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,000 THUNDER RUMBLES 525 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,560 Oh, a storm! 526 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,240 Looks like Dad's LIGHTNING up. 527 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:31,400 So it's Bring Your Child To Work Day 60-something, and the storm 528 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,040 is really bad. 529 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,360 But it's OK because Dad is bossing it! 530 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,680 Does anyone actually know how to steer a ship? 531 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,800 Because if you do, DM me, please. 532 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,960 HE LAUGHS 533 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,240 So it's day 320-something. 534 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,080 We've managed to find sanctuary up a river in Panama. 535 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,280 When we arrived, this local tribe tried to stop us 536 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,640 coming up the river. But Dad captured their leader. Ha! 537 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,200 We've got him tied to the mast. 538 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,720 Brilliant. Columbus and Son strike again. 539 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,920 Oh. 540 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,640 Dad! The chief escaped! 541 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,760 OK. OK. Stay calm. 542 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,160 For him to pose any threat, he'd have to come back here 543 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,760 with his entire village. 544 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,560 Oh, look who's back. And he's brought his entire village. 545 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,480 Got to go. See you. Peace! 546 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,200 The good news is, we were able to escape 547 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,160 from those angry tribespeople. 548 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,560 The bad news was we got caught in a storm and we got shipwrecked. 549 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,880 So I guess we just wait here until someone finds us. 550 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,120 Please stop talking. 551 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,320 Columbus and Son. 552 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:36,480 Like and follow. DM us if you've got any idea where we are. 553 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,960 HE COUGHS 554 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,320 Well, that's it for our historic celebration of dads. 555 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,280 We've met some of history's daftest and greatest dads. 556 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,000 And some of history's not so great ones, too. 557 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,280 That's true. 558 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:54,200 So let's end by giving a massive thanks to all the great dads out 559 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,280 there, and a slightly less massive thanks to the ones like Henry VIII, 560 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,120 William the Conqueror, and Ramses II. 561 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,400 I'd like to hear what they've got to say for themselves. 562 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:05,760 Then you're in luck. 563 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,720 Here they are to play us out. 564 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,360 Thanks for helping me, Dad. You rock. 565 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,080 Shall I do my dance again? 566 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,560 Please don't. I'll do it anyway. 567 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,680 HE HUMS 568 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,000 # One, two, three, four 569 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,520 # We want a crown that says "World's Greatest Dad" 570 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,760 # Quite rightly, it's something we've never had 571 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,160 # If you ask our children they'll certainly agree 572 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,120 # There's some great dads out there Just not us three 573 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,840 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 574 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,160 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 575 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,600 # Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad 576 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:38,840 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 577 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,280 # I was a father 578 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,720 # Who wanted a son 579 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,040 # When I had two daughters 580 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,400 # I dispatched their mums 581 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,920 # Then got a boy with wife number three 582 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,520 # Edward's my man 583 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,280 # Forget Liz and Mary 584 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,760 # Cos being a dad ain't easy 585 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,120 # Feels like you can't do enough 586 00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,960 # I desert my daughters and send them away 587 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,640 # Maybe I was a little bit tough 588 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,760 # Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad 589 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,360 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 590 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,640 # Robert, my eldest 591 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,200 # I used to call names 592 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,880 # Fat legs and short pants Ha-ha! 593 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,200 # Such fun and games 594 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,880 # Then we fell out Dad, dad, dad, dad 595 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,000 # Had a big barney Dad, dad, dad, dad 596 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,360 # I thought we were close Dad, dad, dad, dad 597 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,720 # But he deserted my army Dad, dad, dad, dad 598 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,320 # No, being a dad ain't easy 599 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,880 # Sometimes you just can't agree 600 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,760 # You end up at war on opposite sides 601 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,360 # Or maybe that was just me 602 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,960 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 603 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,240 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 604 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:50,520 # I'm just a typical family guy 605 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:55,520 # Around 100 children by eight different wives. 606 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,200 # It's hard being a dad Dad, dad, dad, dad 607 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,640 # With eight wives in the mix Dad, dad, dad, dad 608 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,200 # I thought I did well Dad, dad, dad, dad. 609 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,680 # And I only had six Dad, dad, dad, dad 610 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,200 # No, being a dad ain't easy 611 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,560 # There's no tougher job on the earth 612 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,360 # It's really much harder than being a mum 613 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,600 # If you don't count giving birth 614 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:19,560 # I really love Edward, but I suppose I ought to 615 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,560 # Have paid more attention to my eldest daughter 616 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,640 # Me and Robert at war - such a great shame 617 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,120 # I had enough trouble just remembering their names 618 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,360 # Being a dad ain't easy 619 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,880 # I wish we could turn back the clock 620 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,960 # We may not be the greatest examples 621 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,520 # Because you generally find that dads rock 622 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,800 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock 623 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,400 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock 624 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,560 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock! 625 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,000 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 626 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,760 # Dads rock. # 627 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:48,960 Rock! 46797

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