All language subtitles for Depression.Et.Des.Potes.2012

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What are you doing in a sweater?

I can't adjust the air conditioning.
I'm cold.

Come outside, the water's nice.

It's too hot out.

I don't know what's going on,
but you've been impossible lately!

I'm French. Where are you going?

I'm going to the spa for a massage.

From that handsome kid
who smiles like a moron?

Yes, he smiles
and he's very nice.

Like everybody here.

It's nice for a change.

People who smile too much are creepy.

They slit your throat while you sleep.

White people are the enemy.

I'm not white, I'm Brazilian!

You know what I mean, Talia.
Brazilians are white now too.

Que pobre..

Here's your seafood.

Wait. I ordered lobster.

You know, lobster.

Seafood is just
a more general term for lobster.

OK, so.
I'm the one who misspoke then.

Franck, please.

Wait, honey. I'm trying to understand.

Stop or I'll go home.

Let me handle this. Jorald?

-Is that your first name?
-Yes.

A mixture of Jojo and Gerald. Why not?

-Good evening, sir.
-Good evening.

Wait! Honey!

-What's wrong?
-You embarrassed me on the plane.

You ruined our vacation!

Well, excuse me
for taking you to Mauritius!

All the guide books say
it's a terrible place!

What's your problem? Just tell me.

We were supposed to have a dream vacation,
but we fought the whole the time!

So it's my "fuck"
that we had a bad vacation?

It's fault not "fuck," damn it!

Kiss my ass! Did I say that correctly?

You know what, Talia?

If that's how it is,
we might as well be done.

OK, then. It's over!

You can't live without me!

You think you can just leave
a Brazilian like that?

Is there a special way?

Should we dance the break up samba,
or drink one last Caipirinha?

Talia…

OK, let's hear this masterpiece.

Fruitagogo fruit juice
draft version four.

Fruitagogo

Fruit juice to make you strong

It's full of vitamins

I love all its minerals

Fruitagogo

Fruitagogo

Drink it and you'll be beautiful

So?

It's bad, Benoît.

It's like Gotainer's Banga ad.
I can't give that to the producers.

I know why. I get it.

We'll get rid of the maracas.

No, you don't get it. I'm saying it sucks.

Your ads used to be the best,
but lately they suck. I don't get it.

-You don't get it?
-No.

My wife just had a baby, so I have
new responsibilities. It's a busy time.

But Benoît…

everybody's busy.

Enjoy more time with your family,
because you're fired.

Leaving so soon?

Stop annoying me!
Why hasn't your species gone extinct yet?

Stop!

Sorry, but this isn't working.

OK…

Your accent isn't believable.

I've been dubbing for ten years
and it's never been a problem.

We're wasting our time with this crap.

You went on vacation
before we had anyone booked.

The production team was furious.

No one was available, so they got him.

Yeah, I have to go.
I have occupational therapy.

Oh yeah? Me too!

Isn't it fun?

Go take a sedative.

Oh yeah?

Look up the word "hairdresser"
in the dictionary.

Find one with a lot of time.

How is work going?

I fired an actor today. If I can't find
a replacement, I'm in deep shit.

OK. And your love life?

I broke up with my girlfriend.

OK…

F, T, Z, U, Z, K, D, R…

You're not even reading it.

OK…

You have all the symptoms of depression.

Depression?

Aggression, low self-esteem,
unstable love life.

I recommend alternative medicine.
Try yoga. It's very effective.

Or acupuncture. It's painless.

I'm fine. Really.

OK…

-Your pen's not working.
-I know.

Hey man, it's Benoît.
I hope you're doing well.

You're probably lounging on the island,
but my little one was born.

Her name is Chloe,
if you want to come see her.

Take care.

-Something wrong?
-Damn, you're still here?

Roll down your window.

Further.

I apologize for this morning.

The doctor said that I'm depressed.

So maybe I was a little…

Bit harsh? Can you give me a ride?

No, it's a hassle.
We're probably not going the same way.

OK…

You know, I was also depressed
a couple of years ago.

-Oh, alright. Get in.
-OK.

-So what did you do?
-I completely changed.

I began questioning my entire existence.

I met new people.

-I discovered a new world.
-Yeah.

The Christopher Columbus of depression.

I should kick your ass,
but you did me a favor.

I've decided to stop dubbing cartoons.

You know the difference?

Between what?

No, "The Difference" is a bar.

Because I sing. Without an accent.

On Friday and Saturday.
I'd like it if you stop by some time.

It'll be great.

Damn, man. It's been forever.

-How are you?
-Good to see you.

-You look good.
-Do I?

So?

I'll spare you the shock.

She's really ugly.
She's the spitting image of Benoît.

-Wait till you see yours, asshole.
-It'll be scary.

So my wife has to have a baby so I can
hear your jokes again? How are you?

Excuse me, I'm looking for
Mrs. Pouchellerie's room.

Look at that idiot!

Classy. Third door on the right
at the end of the hall.

In a hospital maternity ward! Classy.

-Did you get her number?
-I'm married, Romain.

-And I'm faithful, too.
-So?

-Where is this miracle?
-In bed. She's only three days old.

And how are you?
It's been ages, hasn't it?

Really? People stopped saying
"It's been ages" back in 1992.

-Don't start teasing me.
-You're getting better.

"Teasing" is more 1995 or 1996, the same
year as "there has not died of a man".

You didn't bring Isabelle?

No, she's not ready to see a newborn baby.

-Oh?
-But she sends her love.

-Shall we go in?
-Yeah.

Look at those hands!

-Yes, she has two of them, William.
-But they're so tiny.

Yes, two little hands.

She's beautiful.

-Who's the father?
-Oh stop. It's getting old.

It's our running joke!

Here!

It's just a little gift.

-It's heavy, what is it?
-A PS3.

A PS3.

-She's still a little young, but…
-Of course.

It has a Blu-Ray player. It's great!

Oh, that's great!

-It's a good gift.
-Really?

Yeah!

She's crying, do something!

-I'll breastfeed her.
-OK.

Thank you, goodbye.

Dream on if you think
you're going to see my wife's breasts.

Thank you very much.
There you go.

Just one. I'm sure Julie is fine with it.

Sure, go ahead. They're great.

-They're huge.
-Honey, don't encourage them.

Get out of here, pervert!

Benoît, we just want to be there for you!

-Cheers!
-Congratulations, man.

If she's really your daughter, good job.
No more jokes.

Thanks guys.

And who's your new girl?

Her name is Laura. Are you happy?

Oh, Laura!

I have so much to learn from you

Why haven't we met her yet?

-Are you ashamed of us?
-Maybe.

I want her to meet my parents first,
if that's OK.

Your parents? Wow, it's serious, then.
You're completely in love!

"Completely in love,"
like people used to say back in 1989.

And what about you,
Mr. "We hear from you every six months?"

Well, I no longer have a girlfriend,
my job sucks and I'm depressed.

-Depressed? Have you seen a doctor?
-Yes

-Oh, so it's…
-Where's the bathroom?

At the end of the hall on the right.

Do you want me to go with you?

Why?

Why are you talking to him like that?

-Depression isn't…
-Depression is serious!

You're completely overreacting.

-Like he's going to die.
-I've seen suicidal people.

Even guys with kids
hang themselves in the kitchen.

Calm down. My mom is depressed
every other year and she's not dead.

Your mom is different. She has you
and your dad. Franck only has us.

It doesn't feel like it.
He never calls me.

-Do you call people?
-Yeah, I call William.

No, you don't. Nobody calls me.

I do. I leave you messages!

Go ahead and look. I save all my messages.

OK, fine. I have a crazy job
and two kids now.

Sorry.

That's not what I meant.

-How's it going?
-Not good.

We're on the last round of IVF,
and adoption is a tall order.

Sorry. "A tall order,"
you can't be serious.

Even François Fillon doesn't say that!

I hate you.

Excuse me.

-I'm sorry.
-You're really stupid.

Talia, it's Franck.
I completely screwed up.

I wanted to apologize. I don't know…

It was a bit complicated,
but it went well. Congratulations.

Call me back.

-What's he doing?
-I'm going to see Julie.

No, wait. We can't leave him alone.

If he does something stupid,
we'll blame ourselves forever.

I have a lot going on tonight. Benoît?

I don't have a nanny.
I have to take care of my son.

OK. Romain?

It's really bad timing. I'm celebrating
three months with Laura tonight.

-Really bad timing.
-Damn, three months?

What is this, a Mouss Diouf film?

I can't hear you.
None of your jokes get through my filter.

So our friend could die and nobody cares.

Something crazy just happened.

I was making a phone call
and a nurse came by with a newborn baby.

Then the doctor came in
and congratulated me.

He got blood all over my hand.

The guy thought I was the father,
but I have no children.

Isn't that funny?

Come on, let's go have a drink.

Yeah.

I'll get my jacket.

Yes, Sylvie. I'll sign it tomorrow
and send it by courier.

OK? See you tomorrow.

Oh shit!

Franck, are you OK?

I cut myself.

-Are you sure you're OK?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Let's just take a quick shot.
-A shot?

OK, fine.

To my depression.

Misery loves company.

-What?
-Oh, nothing. It's just that Isa and I…

haven't had sex in 3 months.

It'll get better. You love each other.

Even if we haven't seen each other
in a while, I'm here for you.

-I know, don't worry.
-I will always be here.

You're like a brother.

We're all here for you.
Don't forget it. Life is a blessing.

Do you realize how blessed you are?

Are you drunk?

-It's my wife.
-Don't answer, you're drunk.

I have to or she'll freak out.

-OK. I'm going to take a shower.
-Why?

To get clean.

-What's the problem?
-Nothing. Have a good shower.

-Hello?
-Hey baby, I was going to call you.

I'm at Franck's. He's depressed.
I found a gun and everything.

I'm going to stay over.

Cut the crap. Where are you really?

At Franck's. Don't you believe me?

-Why are you whispering?
-So he doesn't hear me!

Cut the crap, William.

Do you want me to say
that I'm with a hooker?

A hooker!

No! It's like when I tell you I'm at
the supermarket, but you don't believe me.

l always have to give you proof. Listen!

Do you need anything?

A quick blowjob wouldn't hurt.

Hello?

Hello?

It could ruin our friendship though!

This friend is going to stop you
from hurting yourself.

-Franck, no!
-You idiot. You scared me.

Come down from there. Slowly, please.

The shutter is stuck.

The light wakes me up, OK?

Come down from there.

What's behind your back?

Nothing.

You're freaking me out.
What are you hiding?

I found it under the table.

A guy who does sound effects
gave it to me. It's fake.

Wow, it looks real.

I've never held a gun in my life.

It's fun. Don't move!

Hands on your head
or I'll shoot, motherfucker!

Come on, put the gun down,
Rick Hunter, before you hurt yourself.

If you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

-I'm dead.
-No.

You're alive, man.

Are you OK?

I had a fight with Isabelle.
Can I sleep here?

Of course. No problem.

You can sleep on the couch.

I think there's a blanket in the closet.

It's easier if I sleep with you.

Are you sure you're OK?

Dad!

Sorry, I woke you up.

Go back to sleep.

Honey, I have a new character
for "Rabbis in Space".

A midget rabbi. We'd call it "Mini Rab."

-What do you think?
-It's not very funny.

You really need to clean up.
I feel like I'm crossing the Gaza Strip!

It's terrible.

It's sad that you can't see your own ass.
It's so nice!

That's not funny.

Sorry, honey.

-No, leave me be.
-Here.

-Sweetheart?
-Yes?

Can I bring a friend tomorrow?

Wow, you're introducing me
to your friends?

Yes, I'm getting crazy, my love.

And I called my parents.
They can do Shabbat on Friday.

I'm really busy Friday.
Does Monday work instead?

That's a terrible joke!
Never say that in front of my parents!

OK. Sorry.

-Let's make a baby.
-Not until you clean up.

-Come on.
-No, clean up first.

But making a baby is faster.

Oh no, ow! Hey, careful!

-Hello?
-Franck? Did I wake you up?

-No.
-Stop lying.

You didn't wake me up.

-Do you think I'm stupid?
-I've been up for a long time.

Then what time is it?

OK, you woke me up. What's the problem?

I'm all alone at the studio.
You're not here.

I'd like to get some work done!

-Fuck.
-Are you there? Can you hear me, Franck?

-Hello?
-Yes?

OK, calm down. I'm coming.

Hurry up, man. I'm waiting for you.

-Gross.
-What's gross?

Hairy asses are gross!

Yeah, baby!

I'm a genius. Yeah, baby.
Every day and every night.

I'm a genius!

Yeah, baby!

That's good.

-Which voices have you done recently?
-I have a small role in Spongebob.

I do the starfish.
"Where are the seahorses?"

I'm sorry, but seriously?

He's one of the best on the market.

Not him. I'm talking about your haircut.

You look like an apricot poodle!

-Are you messing with me?
-Sadly, no.

Sorry, technical issues.

Stop annoying me!
Why hasn't your species gone extinct yet?

According to the doctor I'm depressed.

So, I'm having a hard time concentrating.

I need to do something,
but I don't know what.

So, I'll let you do the casting.
Don't be upset.

And your haircut is not that bad.
You look a little like Robert Charlebois.

I'm really sorry.

Wake up, asshole!

Get up!

Who are you?

William, Franck's friend.

-Where is that asshole?
-I don't know!

Put down the gun. It's a fake.
Who are you?

-I'm his ex.
-Oh, OK!

Can you get that suitcase up there?

Are you going to help me or not?

-I sleep naked.
-So you're gay.

No, Franck is just a friend!

I sleep naked or in pajamas,
but he didn't have any.

But I'm completely straight!

Here. Now get my suitcase, I'm in a hurry.

My friend waiting downstairs is nice,
unlike Franck who was terrible to me.

Franck is one of my good friends.

He's just going through a rough patch.
Everybody has them.

You'll see.

I'm sure everything will work out.

He's a jerk.

I gave him everything,
now I'm taking it back!

Can you zip my dress, please?

Of course.

I get it. Franck's not always easy.

He's a burro.

An executioner?

No a burro,aw-aw! A jackass!

Oh, they say "aw-aw" in Brazil?
In France, they say "hee-haw"!

Aw-aw!

That's fun. Aw-aw! And what's this?

It's ears!

They only has one? Aw-aw!

OK.

Here, I'll take that.

Thank you. You were very nice to me.

No problem.

You too, ma'am or sir…

Wait. Does it hurt or anything?

Just calm down. Relax.

No, sorry.

Can we use something that's not as sharp?

Like a straw or cotton swab?

We use needles for Acupuncture,
not cotton swabs.

You go first. Then, I'll think about it.

But you're the patient.
I'm the acupuncturist.

So you won't try it yourself?
Kind of weird, isn't it?

Now you're starting to piss me off.

So you're pissed off
but I need to calm down?

And you want to stick a needle in my head?

That's great.

-OK, your session is over.
-Yes, before it even started.

You still have to pay.

I have to pay for something you didn't do?

Yeah, this is weird.

You know what?

When someone hums a song
that nobody knows,

it's not just weird, it's very annoying.

What are you doing?

I'm touching my wife
who looks very sexy tonight.

Tonight? Isn't that strange?

You don't come home last night
and now you're ready to go?

You must think I'm stupid.

Baby, I was at Franck's. I told you!

You're hiding something and I know it!

And I'm a man who wants to fuck!

Then go see your hooker or go on Youporn!

Youporn? You've been snooping
on my computer!

We can't keep going like this!

You're lying to me and I don't know why!

OK, calm down. I'll tell you the truth.

Franck is depressed.
I was afraid he would do something stupid!

Then, his Brazilian ex came
and threatened me with a gun!

A fake gun for sound effects,
otherwise I wouldn't be here.

She came to get her things,

and I helped take her suitcase
to her girl… I mean guy friend's car!

He was a Brazilian drag queen.
He looked good, by the way.

OK. Get out of here!

Go! Get out!

But baby! You told me to tell the truth!

The truth? You want the truth?

Some chick's ass caught your eye,
and you can't say it to my face.

Then you slept with her,
because you're weak.

I can't take it anymore!

Your balloons are very nice.

-What?
-I'm not talking to you.

Where are you, I can't see you?

Behind you. Turn around, idiot!

OK. Now, I see you!

-What were you doing with those balloons?
-Nothing.

-Are you doing OK?
-Yeah.

My mom gets depressed every year.

It sucks, but I'm here for you.

I know. Thanks. Did you come alone?

No, she's over there on the bench.

She's so pretty!

There's one thing.

She's blind.

Blind, like…

Like she can't see.
But you can joke around, she's cool.

Come on, let me introduce you!

Come here.

Honey, this is Franck.

-Hello.
-Hello, I'm Laura.

So, I'll kiss you now?

Wait! Actually,
Laura is going to touch your face.

So she can memorize it.

No, I haven't shaved.

You'll see, it's great. Go ahead, honey.

Oh!

Tired…

Oily skin…

Chapped lips, cold ears…

You're not well.

-That's true.
-It's crazy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's great!

Just kidding! I'm not psychic.

I didn't feel anything.

He was the one who told me
you were depressed.

Very funny.

Want me to take over?

No, I love it. Just tell me where to go.

-Straight, my love.
-OK.

-Oh, no. Did I hurt you?
-It's OK. Don't worry about it.

Sorry. I'm really clumsy.

And blind too, right?

He didn't do it on purpose, honey.
Don't get upset.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

I'm confused and in a haze right now.

Sorry. It was too easy.

It was very funny.

Sorry, Franck. We're terrible.

No, that's OK. You look happy.
It's nice.

You might be able to help me.

What's the dumbest thing
a guy can do to prove his love?

Hmm… What's the dumbest thing
a guy did to prove his love to me?

Got a tattoo! But I couldn't see it.
I thought that was dumb.

Yeah, that's really stupid.

What guy? You never told me about him.

It was a long time ago.

If you saw it, maybe you'd like it.

She just said she didn't!

Laura?

Who was this guy?

-Romain…
-No, but seriously.

That's enough.

Maybe she liked it.

-Where is this place?
-Just over there.

-Are you freaking out?
-Yeah, I'm nervous.

-Yeah?
-Thanks for coming.

Your wife just gave birth,
you have work… Thank you.

No problem.
You'd do the same for me, right?

Yeah, of course!

But why, you're doing the best of us all.

But I won't be happy
until I've written a hit

that all these assholes will sing
and wonder who wrote it.

And they'll say, "Benoît Pouchellerie."

"Hello, it's Benoît Pouchellerie
with over a million singles,

glad to have you."

I don't know if Pouchellerie will be
my stage name.

"OK, the lines are open.
To win a plasma TV,

help Benoît Pouchellerie choose
a new name.

Any suggestions?"

I got fired from my job, actually.

You're the first person I've told.

I'm sorry.

You have talent. You'll find work.

And you have a family.
That's what matters.

Stop already!

You don't know what it's like.
Having a family means huge sacrifices!

I screwed up! I let everything go.

Sure, I took a chance, but so what?

I know, "so what" is forbidden
but he's not here to bust my balls.

Fuck…

I'm sorry.

-You should tell Julie.
-Yeah.

TIN-TIN TATTOOS

Wait! It hurts.

Yeah, it stings a little.

Stop laughing.

Excuse me, sorry.

More than acupuncture?

I don't know. I've never done it.

If I want to, is it hard to remove?

Of course, it's not marker!

Ignore us.

I've just never done this. I'm nervous.

Sorry. No, go ahead.

I'm sorry.

Hello?

-So, are we doing this or not?
-Well…

I'm trying to show a woman I love her,
but we're not together now.

If it doesn't work out,
I'll have her name on my arm forever.

-Talia's her name?
-Yeah.

-Then we'll add an "I".
-An "I"?

-Then it will be "Italia."
-But I'm not Italian.

Then we'll make the "A" an "O,"
and it'll be "Talion."

-Talion?
-Yeah.

You know, Talion's law.

"An eye for an eye,
and a tooth for a tooth."

Then we add a dagger and you're good!

Yeah, then I'll have to kill someone
to justify my tattoo.

Come on!

I have other customers. Make a decision.

Why are you here?

To talk. You won't answer my messages.

I don't talk here, I dance.

So I have to learn to dance?

I learned French, didn't I?

Talia, I'm depressed.

Talia!

Look, I got an "A" tattoo for Amour.

Well, I almost did.

But it hurts.

Come in!
Let me take off my apron. I'll be back.

Go ahead.

-Is my shirt OK?
-It's the blue one? Yeah.

-How about me?
-You're gorgeous. And my shoes?

They're fine.

-Here I am!
-Mom!

How are you? Shabbat shalom.

-Shabbat shalom Son.
-This is Laura.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too.

-Laura is blind, Mom.
-Meskina!

She's going to touch your face
to memorize you.

No!

Nobody memorizes me.

Go see your father.

Over there, honey.

-Shabbat shalom, Dad.
-Shabbat shalom.

This is Laura.

-Come here.
-She's blind, Dad.

Shabbat shalom.

Shabbat shalom.

What's going on?

Nothing. Come sit down.

You're smoking again?
You know it's not good for your heart.

We are Jewish opticians. She is goy
and blind. Why are you doing this to us?

Sorry, Dad. I didn't hold an audition
before falling in love.

She's brilliant.

She's sweet and full of life.
Treat her like a normal girl.

-A normal girl?
-Yes.

Very well, as you wish.

Thanks, Dad.
Shabbat shalom.

-Shabbat shalom.
-Good.

Oh, wait!

-Be careful honey, you…
-Shit. Sorry.

-It's no big deal!
-Sorry.

It's OK.

We're the only ones who eat
Shabbat burgers.

Here are the potatoes.

-It's french fries, honey.
-Yes…

Any news from the girl from New York
about your series?

-Who's this girl?
-Nobody.

Mom, something's wrong with your makeup.

It's OK. It's from chopping the onions.

-OK.
-So…

-Laura, is that your real name?
-Yes.

Like Laura Ingalls
in Little House On The Prairie.

She was also blind!

-Actually, wasn't that Mary?
-Please, don't argue with her.

We have important traditions
in this family.

Romain told me. I think that's great.

-We like to play ping-pong for Shabbat.
-Dad!

What? Do you like ping-pong, Laura?

-Dad!
-I love it.

-See, she loves it.
-Really?

-Yes.
-She loves it.

-OK, there's the net.
-OK.

-Is this my spot?
-No, it's the side.

Just let me put my hair up.

Honey, are you sure?

Laura, if you say you play ping-pong,
I believe you, but--

Ah, Dad!

OK?

-Are you ready?
-After you!

This is amazing!

How are you doing that?

It's crazy!

Dad!

-What did you do to him?
-Nothing!

Mom!

Romain!

Mr. Amsellem? Are you OK?

You're playing a joke on me, aren't you?

Mom, come out here!

Romain?

-Well?
-Is he OK? How did it happen?

He was playing ping-pong with Laura.

-Ping-pong? But she's blind!
-What?

Romain's girlfriend is blind.

Where does he meet these girls?

Excuse me, gentlemen.

They seem like a happy couple.

Then again, she's never seen his face.
Maybe that's why.

-Do they have sex in the dark?
-I don't know about him, but she does!

-You have guys no respect!
-Oh, calm down.

-Speaking of respect.
-Sorry, excuse me.

-What's this gross thing?
-Something you wouldn't understand.

-I understand that it's ugly.
-That's a nice polo shirt you're wearing.

Everything's fine.

It was just a scare.

He'll stay the night for routine testing
and be home tomorrow.

Thanks for coming.

Of course. We're your friends, aren't we?

-What the hell is that?
-Not now!

-Should we get wasted to celebrate?
-Let's go.

-And what are we celebrating, exactly?
-Shut up!

It was just a question.

-I don't know the lyrics!
-Me neither!

Shit, the cops. Fuck!

-Fuck!
-Speed up!

We can't outrun the cops!
We'll go to jail!

Get rid of the joint!

Shit!

-Open the window!
-I'm high, OK?

I have to call my wife!

-But you're high, man!
-Shut up, it's my wife!

-Shut up!
-You shut up!

Fuck.

Twice the limit.

What were you celebrating?

A heart attack.

Yes, honey. Baby…

It's super complicated.
I'm telling the truth.

I won't be home right away,
because we got pulled over by the cops.

They made me smoke.

I didn't want to, I swear.
You don't want to know the things I did.

I'm not in my right mind,
and I'm scared, baby, I'm scared!

I miss you.

I miss your breasts.
I miss your butt--

Give it back!

-It's OK.
-No, it's not.

Calm down.

Thank you, sir.

Turn around.

-Pull down your pants.
-Why?

Standard procedure.

Your boxers too.

OK, you can pull them up.

What's next?

We'll let you know.

He's going to spend the night
in the drunk tank. It's the law.

I'm a lawyer. If he tries to kill himself,
you're in trouble.

We'll take off his shoe laces.
He's not going to commit suicide.

We know what we're doing.

How does your chick play ping-pong blind?

I don't know, by ear?
All of her other senses are extra sharp.

That's interesting.

Can I ask you a personal question?
You don't have to respond.

I'm not talking to you about our sex life.

-That's wasn't my question.
-Oh, really?

Exactly. Shut up.

Thanks, officer.

So?

Everything's OK. We made a deal.

We should call you master!

Maybe even Maestro!

I want to slit my veins with a rusty lid.

You can pull up your…

What's next?

We'll let you know.

Go on!

-What's going on?
-We couldn't leave you.

-You guys are crazy.
-No, you are.

No messing around, girls!

Don't even respond.

Holler if you need any lube!

Not a word!

Silence in there!

I've never been so humiliated in my life!

Try being in the army.

Stop with your '80s expressions.

Fuck you!

I'll say what I want!

You're full of hot air
and I'm tired of it.

All you do is make jokes and puns!

It's very annoying!
And not very constructive!

Did you say "pun"?

Right on! It's a vocabulary flash back!

Come on, guys!

OK. I get it.

He's a lawyer, I'm on trial. Makes sense.

I solemnly ask for your forgiveness…

for being funny!

-There!
-That's enough!

You're a pain in the ass!
He spends his days defending clients, OK?

Shut up!

And we get to spend the night
in this shithole.

I'm sorry.

It's my fault.

I'm a piece of shit.

If Laura hadn't met my parents,
you wouldn't have come to the hospital,

we wouldn't have drank,
and we wouldn't be here.

No, it's not your fault.

It's mine, because I'm an idiot.

If I wasn't a shitty lawyer
I would have gotten him out.

No, if anyone's an idiot, it's me.

It has nothing to do with you.
It's my fault. I'm a failure.

If I had kept singing,
I would've been a star.

The cop would've asked for my autograph,

and we'd have bitches and coke right now.

Damn, I can't believe it!

It's crazy! You're all depressed.

-I'm doing very well.
-Whatever.

Life isn't going our way.
We have to stop lying to each other.

That's what's wrong with us.

If there's one thing I learned today,

it's that we can count on each other.

So I think we should take advantage of it,

and try to change things.

I'm sure that together,
we're can discover a new world.

Did you have lunch with the Dalai Lama?

You're unbelievable.

Where were you?

I've been trying to reach you for hours!

-I was in jail.
-In jail?

-What did you do?
-Nothing.

OK, let's go.

William?

William!

Why are you in this bed
fully dressed and with your shoes on?

If you haven't noticed…

I'm depressed.

It's OK, darling.
Mommy's here. It's alright.

Am I dreaming or did you get a piercing?

Well, um… Julie…

I saw a doctor.
I'm depressed. There, I've said it.

-Only music can save me.
-You've finally realized it.

What? I didn't hear you.

Remove the piercing
or I'll rip it out with my teeth.

-That's not what I heard.
-I'm being serious.

God, it looks stupid!

Oh the pain!

There you go!

Keep going!

To the beat now, please!

Keep going!

Good work!

Really? I feel like I'm doing terrible.

No, but there's still work to be done.

Thank you. You're a very good teacher.

I feel like I'm catching on very quickly.

Oh yeah?

What did she say?

Tudo bem.

No, it's not tudo bem.

Even if it's bad, give it to me straight.

-I loved it. J'ai adoré.
-Seriously?

C'est très bien écrit.
It's original… C'est original.

You've made me so happy, Ruth.

Je m'occupe de la traduction.

Dès que je rentre à New York,
I'll let the producers read it.

What's Les rabbins dans l'espace in
English?

I'm so happy. I want to make donuts.

-It's a family joke.
-OK.

That's what I'm doing!

Now we will move to tree pose,
which you're very familiar with.

Palms together.

Place your foot on your thigh
and close your eyes.

Novices, keep your eyes open
and find a focal point.

And we'll hold the pose.

Hold… the pose.

I did it this morning.

Stay in the pose

and bring your hands to the heart center
for Namaste.

Breathe out.

Next is mountain.

Open your arms,

feet together and let it go.

You can even make some noise.
Relax your shoulders.

There you go.

Sylvie, can you take over?

-Hands to the heart center.
-Will you please be quiet?

-Take them out.
-What was that?

Will you please be quiet?
We're in yoga class,

it's supposed to be silent.

OK. Silence.

I'm sorry, I'm learning Portuguese.

-Ah.
-Yeah.

I wanted to say that it's amazing,
what we're doing here.

We're rediscovering our bodies,
our minds are free.

It's true. I…

feel like an oiled bird
relearning how to fly. It's…

I'm going to go back to my class, OK?

Keep that to yourself. It's very precious.

-OK.
-Inside.

Keep it to yourself, OK?

It's not a yoga pose. It means be quiet.

-OK?
-Thank you.

Shh!

-Shh?
-Shh.

Shh!

OK, that's right. Continue to breathe in.

That's perfect.

Now that's alignment.
Everyone take a look.

This is vertical.

Can you see how fluid it is?
And yet, it's straight.

I do yoga now, and wow!

I feel good. So much better than before.

No, really. And I'm learning to dance.

And I'm learning Portuguese! Bom dia.

Hello! Bom dia.

Really, I'm doing great.

I wanted to see
if you could stop by tonight,

so I can introduce you to
a composer friend.

Yeah? Great! I'll see you tonight.

It's a gay bar!

Two guys are kissing over there!

French kissing!

Why did we let him drag us here?

It's very disturbing.

I feel like an anti-Semite in a synagogue.

Damn, it's crazy.
These guys have no shame!

-It's a nice place, right?
-Is your friend gay?

I don't think so.
I don't know, but who cares, right?

Check one, two.

Paris, Bordeaux, Montreal.
Good evening, my name is Marc!

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's not a very interesting name,

but you may be interested to know
that I'm gay…

I think he's gay.

I 100% agree.

…I'm Quebecois, and I sing in English.

I wrote this song for a friend,

who like me,
has suffered from depression.

You guys are crazy. I hardly know him.

We supported each other,

and shared our fear and discomfort.

I owe him a lot.

And my friend's name is…

No.

…Stéphane.

What?

-What?
-Nothing.

Hey, Romain! What's wrong with you?

You freaked me out!

Thank you!

I'm glad you guys came. It's really nice.

-Did you like it?
-I loved it.

It's fun. We can work together
whenever you want.

Your place or mine.
Whichever you prefer.

Whenever you'd like.

Perfect. Everything's settled.
Can we go now?

-Go where?
-I have to pee.

-Then go!
-There's no way I'm peeing here!

-Do you want to sing tonight?
-No, not now. My throat is scratchy.

Why not? Now's your chance!

Come on, Benoît. Go jam out!

I said no!

He said no, OK?

Can we go now? Come on.

Are you guys staying?

Well, I'm going.

-Sorry about him. He's a little tired.
-No problem.

It was really good.

I'm not homophobic,
but I've never seen so many queers.

They had shaved heads, like Nazi queers.

Romain!

A girl slept here.

-What?
-I can smell it. Tell me the truth.

Laura, I swear…

No! Don't lie to me, OK?

I'm blind, not stupid.

OK. I met someone.

Jackass! Then, why are you still with me?
Because you pity me?

No, I've always thought of you
as a normal person!

-Normal?
-Yes.

Go to hell!

So I met someone?
It happens every day!

Fuck you!

I'm not going to stay with you
just because you're blind.

That would be terrible, ow! Damn it!

OK…

I'm sorry.

I've been acting weird…

because I'm depressed.

-What?
-I didn't want to tell you.

I have depression, like my mother.
I think it's hereditary.

Will you call her?

I've tried. We've been through too much.

It's a fight. It'll blow over.

I don't care. I want to fuck. OK?

I've never cheated on her!

So the single life will be good for me.

Sit down, honey.

Thank you.

-This is Ruth.
-Sorry?

-Ruth.
-Ah, "Route."

-Ruth.
-"Route."

-Are you from Memphis?
-Boston.

Because your name reminds me of the
"Route" to Memphis.

OK, we're off to a good start.

So…

I wanted to tell you that Ruth and I
are going to move there.

Jean-Jacques Goldman.

-Nobody gives a shit, Laurent.
-But…

Excuse us, Ruth.
We're a little bit in shock.

You've brought him to life.

He's been wanting to move there
for 10 years now.

C'est un génie.

Il n'a rien a faire en France.

Avec son talent,
il va devenir un star aux Etats-Unis.

-A bientôt.
-See you soon.

-Is she a bitch?
-Yes.

Thanks for the warm welcome, guys.

William, with your stupid jokes,

and save your singing for the stage!

-What did I do wrong?
-Nothing. You'll see this won't last long.

What happened to Laura?

You're giving me advice on women?
I must be dreaming!

Don't piss me off, damn it!

Stay out of my love life!

It's over with Laura, OK?

I told you.

Let's go out to celebrate.

I'm ready.

First round's on me!
Forbidden phrase self-detected.

-Route…
-No, Routhe…

-Ruth.
-Rooo!

-Ruth!
-Route!

Rooo!

Amen.

You're glasses are very pretty.

What's "ping-pong" in English?

I find it so old-fashioned!

I agree with you!

A game almost killed me. Didn't it?

Your English is killing me, Dad.

What did you want, Dad?

Here. It's yours now.

Your Patek? Why?

This is yours too.

Your vintage car?
Why are you giving me all this?

We knew you would find her. She's perfect.

We're proud of you.

You made our dreams come true
by going to live in New York.

It's the best place for a Jew.

-Which one is she?
-I don't see her.

Does she still work here?

What kind of bird is that?

A parrot.

That's good,
I have lots of seeds in my pocket.

That's him, next to the little one.

In the pink shirt.

Why don't you go talk to him? Go, amiga!

Who does he think he is,
bringing his friends to look at my ass?

You're going to ask him to dance,
and make sure to embarrass him.

Looks like she's for you!

No, thank you.

Didn't you take dance lessons?

I'm not going to dance
with someone I don't know.

That's bullshit!

If you do it,
I'll play with the musicians.

And I'll take your chick!
I'll have two of them!

-OK, here I go!
-Yeah!

You did it, man!

Respect, man!

Their asses!

I want to fuck those bitches right now!

-I'll never see her again.
-Of course you will.

-I'm going back in!
-No!

No!

I'll never be happy.

When I have a job, I don't have a girl.

When I have a job and a girl,
I don't see my friends.

Oh yeah? I have my friends
and a job, but no girl.

And you, motherfucker, have it all.

Me? No.

Sure, I have my wife and kids.

And I have friends…

but I don't have a job.

Huh?

Like a piece of shit, I got fired.

What?

-Did you know he got fired?
-Yes.

I see. You share secrets with each other,
so maybe I should go.

Stop being paranoid!

It's fine. Let's send a message to Romain.

Give me the bunny.

-Romain, it's us!
-Baby?

We're sending you kisses. We miss you.

-What are you doing?
-Nothing.

Ooh La La!

Stop, Ruth. It's not funny.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Yes?

Yes.

Really?

No, are you serious?

Yeah, I mean… OK.

Yeah.

Thank you!

It's a little boy.

-What's his name?
-João.

-João.
-A little Brazilian boy.

Does anyone speak Portuguese?

No, nobody.

-I know someone.
-No, you don't.

I said I know someone.

Listen to me. I'm a father now.

Who am I? Don't answer.

I'm a bad joke, just how you like them.

Laura, please forgive me
for all the hurt I've caused you.

It had absolutely nothing to do with you.

I don't give a damn
about that stupid New Yorker.

I miss you terribly, Laura.

Forgive me.

Say anything and I'll kick your ass.

It looks good.

You have a great look and a great face.

You're a great guy.

Honestly, I could kiss you.

-So I look like a queer?
-Not at all!

You look like…

Bruce Willis!

You're doing better.

Yeah, a lot better.

OK. Let me tell you something.

I kept my mouth shut
during your little slump.

-My depression.
-I let you insult people,

I shaved my head,

and I covered for you at the studio
for three days.

So, you're going to find me
some cartoon actors

or I'm out of here and you can deal
with your own shit. Understood?

OK, McClane. Understood.

OK.

Now we can get to…

-Work?
-Yes.

Work.

Hello?

What?
That's great! Congratulations!

What?
No, I don't speak Brazilian, William.

I only know a few travel phrases!

Oh, OK. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I have to go.
I promise I'll find actors tomorrow.

You look great!

-That's it.
-It's great!

You guys have done amazing work!

-It's so…
-You liked it?

Yeah.

Good work.

Good job. I'm proud of you.

Time for a kiss. Good idea.

Hey lovers?

You know what?
We're going to make an album.

And we're going to do it in Montreal!

-In Montreal?
-Yeah, man. Isn't that cool?

Pay attention.
We're looking for Talia's friend.

Damn, now that's a wig!

What's up, baby?

-They're all guys.
-How do you know?

-I lived with a Brazilian.
-Damn, this is crazy.

Is that a guy? It can't be.
Look at those legs!

-Those legs, huh?
-Look at everything!

I'm telling you, they're all guys.

-That's him!
-What exactly do you recognize?

His face, stupid.

She's beautiful, but she has a cock?

-Do we say Mr. or Mrs.?
-Mrs. if she has a ring.

You're an idiot!

Stop!

Not you. You, there!

Hey baby, want a group price?

Hello. We're not here for that.

Do you remember me?
We met through our Brazilian friend Talia.

Why do want her?

Hello. I'm Franck, her ex. We need her.

Wait, please!

Is she messing with us? Hey!

Wait, miss!

-Shit, the cops!
-Calm down. We didn't do anything wrong.

Good evening.

Turn off the engine.
Your vehicle papers, please.

Of course.

-Have we met before?
-Good evening.

-What the hell is he doing?
-There he is!

William!

You again!

-He's leaving.
-What are you doing?

He needs our help!

William! Franck!

William!

Police! Stop!

-Why are we chasing the cops?
-It wasn't my idea.

-Why are they chasing us?
-I have no idea. It's weird.

Police! Stop where you are!

-Stop!
-Fuck, there are cops behind us!

-We didn't do anything wrong!
-Shut up and run!

Let me get this straight…

You panicked when you saw the
police, so you ran into the woods.

-Exactly.
-Yes.

But why did you three follow the police?

We were running to catch up with
our friend, not the police.

Then more cops came after us,
so we panicked.

They thought we were trying to get away,

but we were just trying to catch up
with our friend who was being chased!

What were you doing there?
I've lost track.

We were trying to find my ex.
She's Brazilian and very good friends

with one of the, well…

My wife and I adopted a Brazilian boy,
so we need a translator.

That's why he's worked up. He needs one.

-My head is spinning.
-Need a breathalyzer?

Out.

Get out!

What now?

I should get to work.

-You have to go to work now?
-Hello?

Franck, I left messages,
but you didn't call me back.

Shh. Please, this is important.

-Are you listening to me?
-I'm sorry.

-I didn't have my cell phone.
-Of course not.

Listen, I understand what you're saying.

You coming, Franck?

We have a real problem.

Come on.

We still don't have any actors,
and you're not here…

-Come on!
-I found actors. I'm on my way.

Guys, you're gonna do some dubbing.

-Dubbing?
-But I'm a tax lawyer.

-That's great.
-Really?

-Sorry, I have things to do.
-Your voice is great!

Really? OK, fine.

And Bruce Willis will be there.

-Bruce Willis?
-Yeah.

Seriously?
The guy from Crystal Trap?

Wow, Bruce Willis…

-Why am I the weasel?
-You have a weasel voice.

But weasels don't talk, Franck.

Just let me do my job!

I think William should play the badger.

-Why?
-Your head looks like a badger!

Don't start! They're just animals.

Romain will be the badger.

I'll do a character study.

What about the ferret?

He sings a lot, so you'll be good at that.

-Benoît sings? That's a news flash.
-Oh! "News flash" is a forbidden phrase.

You are a badger!

-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are.

Sorry, this is important. I'll be back.

-What a pain in the ass.
-What now?

Ask Bruce Willis.

I can hear you.

Sorry, I was messing around.

Use this time to practice your lines.

Stand over there. Go ahead.

I'll start the video.

-I know I was horrible to you, Talia.
-You were awful, Franck!

It's unforgivable but I was depressed.

That doesn't justify
your terrible behavior!

Please, give me another chance.

Operation stuffing!

What a great idea!

-You're safe my friend!
-Yeah, baby!

I'm a genius! Oh yeah, baby…

-Let's stop this session.
-Peck!

-What's wrong with you?
-I'm happy.

That was Talia. We're going to go out.

Did she find someone for me?

Yes, of course, my little weasel.

My big badger and my big ferret!

Let's get back to work.
Your asses are in place, great!

Let's do some dubbing!

Are there any good dancers in here?

Yes, I'd like two one-way tickets
to New York please.

On the 18th.

Amsellem.

Got the passports?

-Yeah.
-Is this you?

-Gate ten?
-Yes.

It's over there.

What are you…

Stop stressing.

-They won't be long.
-Stop irritating me.

Sorry, when you're stressed, I'm stressed.

I'm sorry.

-It'll be hot on the plane.
-Stop.

Hey!

-Benoît, this is Talia.
-Òla.

Nice to meet you.

-Julie, Talia.
-Òla.

-Hey!
-So, you're going to Canada?

Yeah. We're a little nervous, but hey…

Don't pick up his accent.

I'm telling you, we're going to be a hit.
He's a hell of a musician.

Right, man?

-You're going to be awesome.
-Thanks, man.

Ok, we have to go.

William's sent about 200 texts.
He's freaking out.

We'll meet you at arrivals.

-Ciao!
-See you!

Come see Daddy.
Do you mind waiting in line for us?

We'll be back in two minutes.
Thanks, you fucking caribou!

Yeah.

Stop with that accent!

The French.

Stop it!

-Are you nervous?
-Not at all.

See!

-Dad! Mom!
-My son!

How are you, Dad?

I'm well, and I should ask you
the same thing.

-I'm great.
-So, where is she?

Over there.

-Why is she here?
-I decided that she's the one.

Mom, if you cry, I swear on your life
that I will never visit you again.

-I'm not crying.
-She's not crying.

-Good, and this is for you.
-What is it?

One-way tickets to New York.

The plane leaves in two hours,
so you better hurry.

-But how…
-To New York?

-Yes.
-Romain, we don't have our suitcases.

-Exactly.
-We need time to plan.

You've been planning this for 30 years!

Go live your dream life
and then let me live mine.

There are lots of Jews in New York.

Right, Dad? You said it's the best.

They will help you, give you clothes…
It's a tight-knit family community, right?

OK. There you go.

Quickly now, or you'll be late.

-But Romain…
-Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

-I don't want to go.
-Don't worry, Mom. Now go!

-Everything will be fine!
-So long!

You can learn English there. I love you.

-Bye Bye!
-Bye!

Ah, there you are!

Isabelle, how are you?

-This is Talia.
-Hello.

Talia.

-Hello.
-Hello.

-Have you met?
-Of course.

-Don't worry, it will be alright.
-He'll be here in 15 minutes. Let's go.

-I'm gonna lose it.
-We said we'd keep it together.

João!

-How do you say "hello?"
-Bom dia.

-Bom dia.
-Bom dia.

Bom dia.My name is William.

No, your name is Daddy!

I can't believe it!

Hello there!

There they are!

-How are you?
-Good, you?

-There's your son!
-Yes.

-I'm Talia.
-Laura.

-What's her name?
-Chloe.

She's so cute. Well done!

-So, what's he like?
-Well…

He's not very tall
and has light red hair and a beard.

You're stupid!

Here, I'll take a photo.

-OK, here we go.
-Get closer.

Back up!

Squeeze together.

-But you won't be in the picture!
-I'll take it.

How about I take it.

You go ahead. I'll do it.

-Here.
-Get over there with everyone.

Now you're not in it either.

We can have Ronaldinho take it.

His name is Fernando.

OK. Fernando, will you take the picture?
Translate for me, honey.

Be nice to him.

-Please, honey!
-OK.

OK.

He said "in three!"

I'll translate. I understand everything!

One, two, three!

-Redo! See, I understand everything.
-Yes, you do.

He said that it's good!

-You know, there's a bar right over there.
-Let's go.

Since it's right there…

It's not in the basement.
It must be in the attic!

I thought they were on vacation?
Yet another crappy plan.

Stop annoying me!
Why hasn't your species gone extinct yet?

Survival instinct, man!

If you don't shut it,
I'll stuff you both!

This is the wrong key.

-Where's the attic key?
-You stink! Some kind of infection?

Yeah, what a great idea!

Operation stuffing.

We're always losing the key!

I tried that one!

Operation stuffing, what a brilliant idea!

You saved your species by running away.

Yeah, baby
I am a genius, baby

Every day and every night, baby

There we go. This one worked.

What in the world is this?

Subtitle translation by: Emily Moorlach