All language subtitles for And.Mrs.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264 (SDH)

(JAZZY DRUM AND CYMBAL MUSIC)

(RAPID MECHANICAL CLICKING)

(THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY SING)
# Bah bah-bah bah

# Bah-bah bah-bah-bah

# Bah bah-bah bah-bah

(DAVID CASSIDY SINGS)
# I was sleeping

# And right in the middle
of a good dream

# Like all at once I wake up

# From something
that keeps knocking at my brain

# Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head

# And spring up in my bed
screaming out the words I dread

(ALL SING) # I think I love you

BACKUP: # I think I love you

DAVID: # I think I love you

# So what am I so afraid of

# I'm afraid that
I'm not sure of

# A love there is no cure for

# I think I love you

# Isn't that
what life is made of?

# Though it worries me to say

# That I've never felt
this way... #

(PHONE CHIRPS)

(GROANS)

(SLEEPILY) Mm-hm.

# I think I love you... #

(SIGHS)

(BLOWS)

Oh!

Ugh, I hate you.

-No, you don't, Grizz.
-(SIGHS) You're right.

I love you, boo bear.
Now fuck off.

(LAUGHS) I will.

-(KISSES) Love you.
-Love you.

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

Oh, no, no, no, Mrs Chen!
Your hip.

Here, I'll get that for you.

Now, about this
wedding registry.

Oh, honestly, you don't have to
get us anything, please.

I am buying you a gift.

Everything on your list

is a little pricey,
I'm embarrassed to say.

OK, thanks for the feedback.

But then I listen to you two
having sex,

so why should I be embarrassed?

You listen to us having sex?

What do you do, do you put
a glass to the floor?

(CHUCKLES) A patient man,
Nathan.

Whoa! OK!

Well, maybe next time
you can come over

and it could be
an immersive experience.

Oh, my God. What have you got
in here? (GRUNTS)

('JUNGLE DRUM'
BY EMILIANA TORRINI)

# Hey, I'm in love

# My fingers keep on clicking to
the beating of my heart

# Hey, I can't stop my feet

# Ebony and ivory
and dancing in the street

# My heart is beating
like a jungle drum

# With a digga boom-boom
Digga-digga-boom-boom

# My heart is beating
like a jungle drum... #

Come on, girl.

Oh, to be fair, I did want to do
a bottomless brunch.

-Four.
-Ugh.

Five.

I think I'm about to give birth.

(LAUGHS) Six. Seven.

-Ugh.
-One. Two.

"Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

"I've forgotten my top
and now all you can see

"are my perfectly defined abs."

"Excuse me.
This is for your benefit."

I'm sorry, I didn't know
you could hear us.

-Guys!
-I am so sorry!

I deserved that, to be fair.

Oh, my God, I hate myself!

Well, you should, catty bitch.

-Oh!
-(LAUGHS)

Can we crack on, please?

-What number are we going from?
-Um, four.

No, we've already done four!

Well, tough titties. Let's go.

-Five, four.
-(GRUMBLES)

Do you know, but,
I'm done with love.

It's time-consuming,
self-delusional.

-It's pathetic. It's...
-Mm. No.

-It's just a charade.
-No, no, no.

It can be wonderful,
life-affirming...

Yeah, but you've got Frank.

-Ohh...
-Yeah, well, yeah.

I hate that this arsehole
knob-head has done this to you.

Look, I just need some
no-strings-attached sex.

I think maybe I just need to
become an Instagram fuck.

No, you're like Pinocchio,

you've got so many string
attached to you.

-No, I'm a real boy!
-(LAUGHS)

Look, I found Nathan,
and he is amazing,

but relationships are hard.

It's mostly the bit of odd sex

sandwiched in between, "What's
the television password?"

and "Here are some clever
storage solutions,

"don't you think, honey?"

Honestly, the highlight
of my mam and dad's marriage

is my mother picking
my dad's blackheads.

Eugh.

Please do not write
your own vows.

Oh!
I have to go write my own vows.

Goodbye.

-(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
-Oh!

(BOTTLES CLINK)

Ah!

(GROANS)

Oh!

(SINGS) # Mild exercise done

# I am nailing my life. #

(SASSY JAZZ MUSIC)

Nathan!

Oh, it's such a pity
that you're sleeping,

because I'm wearing nothing
but nipple tassels

and a willingness to please.

(LAUGHS)

Grizz.

(SINGSONGS) Nathan.

(JAZZ MUSIC FADES)

(TROUBLING MUSIC)

Nathan.

(TROLLEY WHEELS ROLL)

-(CLATTER)
-(FAINT TWO-WAY CHATTER)

MAN: Yes, through this way,
Walter.

OK, just be careful.

Is he gonna be OK?

WALTER: Going down.

Yeah.

-Take it slow.
-Yeah.

-You're doing really well.
-Thank you, David.

-OK.
-Tricky.

-You just need to tilt it.
-Tilt it how?

-Where am I gonna tilt it?
-Just tilt it left.

-Let me come down to...
-Um, so...

-Sorry.
-Let me...

If you're tilting left...
I'm sorry.

You tilt it right.

-Uh, left...
-Dropping, dropping, dropping!

Hold it!

Fucking hell. Are you alright?

(DOOR SLAMS)

I'm so sorry.

Is this your bike?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, oh! What...

Oh.

If you'd like to come through.

GEMMA: Um, I tried to, you know,

uh, resuscitate him.

Did I... Did I mess it up?

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.

His pupils were fixed.

Wide black dilation.

He was dead.

The most likely cause would have
been a paradoxical embolism.

That's when a blood clot
travels from the vein

through to an artery.

It's not always fatal,

but is in this case.

I think the force
of putting on the sock

sent the clot from an artery...

Well, this is embarrassing.

Couldn't I have died
getting mauled by a bear

or fighting in a war
that I didn't believe in?

No, death by sock.

DOCTOR: Massive sudden stroke.

(GEMMA CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

DOCTOR: I...I don't think
he would have felt any pain.

(DOOR SQUEAKS AND CLOSES)

Gemma, love...

-DAD: Just needs some space.
-MUM: Of course.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(GENTLE, QUIRKY MUSIC)

NATHAN: Please, please,
can we get a dog?

GEMMA: Not putting myself
through it.

Though I'm not actually joking,

I still probably want to have
a ginger ninja.

Wha...

So because 30 years ago
your cat died,

you're just done with
all attachments?

Oh, yes!

I mean, I still just regard you
as an acquaintance.

(HORN BLARES)

You're a fucking toilet brush,
mate!

Thank you.

Yeah, well,
he's my fucking toilet brush!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

-(RINGING CONTINUES)
-MUM: I'll get it.

(DOOR RELEASE BUZZER SOUNDS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Oh, Ruth, love!

Ohhh!

Derek, Derek, it's Ruth.

I can see that, Lorraine.

-Hello.
-Hello, my love.

LORRAINE: She didn't go
to Johannesburg.

Come here.

Here, look at me.

Survival kit.

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC)

# Hear me

# You're living in vertigo

# Headache

# Don't say that I told you so

# Breathe in

# I need it like oxygen

# Breathing you in

# Heatwave

# But there's snow on your shoes

# Breaking

# Like nobody asked you to

# Breathing

# I need it like oxygen

# Breathing you in. #

NATHAN: Hey.

I love you.

I mean, look, I know that we're
in this really old cemetery...

GEMMA: It's historical.

And that it's very early
in our relationship,

but...but I do not care,
because I love you.

-(MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE)
-# Bah bah-bah-bah

# Bah-bah bah-bah-bah... #

-What...
-Oh, Jesus.

-What the bejesus is this?
-Oh, my God. Oh, shit.

-I'm sorry. Let me turn it off.
-No, don't turn this off!

I want to hear this.

The Partridge Family,
what's that,

like an alt-right
Christian group?

(LAUGHS) No.

It's a TV show in the States
in the '70s.

It...doesn't matter.

-# I think I love you... #
-Doesn't matter.

Oh, my God, did you
plan to have that playing

to, like, mark the moment?

No, no.

If I had planned this
I would have chosen a much,

you know, cooler song.

Oh, what, so someone uncool must
have put this on your phone.

Well, yeah, that's...

That's the only reasonable
explanation, yeah.

What kind of monster
would do such a thing?

There are bad people out there

and they like
their things groovy.

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

-So what you said before...
-Yeah.

Well, I feel like
if I said it now,

you'd think I was only saying it
because you said it first.

No. Well, I don't want that.

I don't want that,
'cause that would be bad.

-Well, it would cheapen us.
-Yeah.

-And cheap is the worst.
-Cheap is the worst.

But I will say that I like you
a lot.

Like, a LOT, a lot?

Like...an average lot. (LAUGHS)

(SONG CONTINUES)

# Do you think you love me?

# I think I love you... #

(MUSIC FADES)

RUTH: OK, cancel photographer,

venue, catering, stripper.

You booked a stripper?

Oh, yeah. Um...

Born Big. Amazing dancer.

Oh!

He's...

-Got good teeth.
-Mm.

RECORDING: Audrey's not here.
Don't leave a message.

(BEEP!)

Hi. It's me, Gemma, again.

(SIGHS) I think you're supposed
to be on a plane to London.

I'm not sure if you're getting
any of my messages,

but it's about your brother.

Um...

(STAMMERS) I can't do this
over the phone.

Audrey, please,

please call me back.

I am...begging you.

(SIGHS)

So are we supposed to
go to the airport

and just hope that Nathan's
sister got on her flight?

She's not on any social media.

It's inexcusable. It's not 1993.

No, Ruth, it's not 1993.

-Well observed.
-Mm.

Whew.

How's Frank, Ruth?

Yeah, we're really happy. Why?

Oh, no, I just saw his mum
at Tesco's.

Oh, yes, well, yeah.

She's bitter about her boobs.

She's suing the doctor.

Sad, really.

I thought her breasts
looked nice.

Are you drinking?!

Mam, leave him alone.

What?

-No!
-Oh!

At a time like this.

Sorry, Gemma.

He means well.

But you know men.

It's a wonder they manage
to piss

without us pointing
their dicks at the toilet.

(COUGHS)

(JET ENGINE ROARS)

(TENDER MUSIC)

So, I have a question.

Why am I not wearing any socks?

'Cause my ankles are freezing.

Because the last time you
put on socks, Nathan, you died,

so maybe now is not the time
to bitch at me

about how the dead you
would appear in my imagination.

That's actually pretty petty.

She won't show.

You know she won't.

(DYNAMIC FUNK MUSIC)

# Like a broken chair,
off kilter

# Like a muddy pool, no filter

# Up, down, lost, found

# Jumping off, looking back

# Bounce, dizzying spin... #

God damn!

Old people are hot!

I'm Gemma.

Oh, the bride! Hey!

Here.

(SIGHS)

Oh, this old thing?

Don't worry. It's not mine.

So, what do you mean,
that isn't yours?

So, this super-sweet gay couple,
we bonded over 'Mean Girls'.

I still can't believe
'fetch' isn't a thing.

Anyway, they wanted a baby,

so Richard used his sperm
and Haru got his sister's ovum

and I'm the oven!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Ding!

-Wow, that's really nice of you.
-I know, right?

I'm making a family for these
people I hardly even know.

Even if they weren't paying me
a lot of money,

I'd still do it.

I mean, I wouldn't, but still,
it's a really good thing to do.

How much money?

Oh, my God, Ruth,
you're not allowed to ask that.

Where's Nathan?

M-maybe we should sit down.

-There's a cafe right here.
-I could have a coffee.

DEREK: Gemma, a coffee?

I tried to call you, like,
a bunch of times.

Left loads of messages
on your phone.

So...where is he?

You should have picked up
your phone.

He's dead.

(LAUGHS)

Nathan didn't tell me
how funny you were.

Or...weird.

But, uh, I... I could, uh...

Like, uh...

Like...

-That's a really nice handbag.
-Yeah, um...

Yeah, it's...it's Prada.

(JET ENGINE ROARS)

(RETCHES)

Eugh.

Eugh. It's fine.

It's fine. It's...

You know, it's Pra...
It's Prada, but, you know...

Eugh. (GAGS)

It's totally fine.

(INHALES)

Om.

Oh!

Audrey, love,
I know it's not my place,

but we really should contact
your mother.

Mam, it's complicated.

Well, someone knows
where she is.

I thought I wanted to see her
after my dad died, but...

Can I be honest with you,
Lorraine?

Yeah.

I've had a lot of therapy

to work through this whole Mom
abandoning us thing,

and I'm in such a good place
right now

that if I did see her,
it probably would be fine,

but it also probably wouldn't,

and id end up screaming,
"Thundercunt!"

while I beat her
with a coathanger.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm kidding, by the way.

I would not use a coathanger.

We'll be fine.

I've never used
this expression before

and I do not use I lightly,
but she's trouble.

Go.

I mean, I know she's Nathan's
sister, of course, but...

-She's a nut.
-Oh, my God. Goodnight.

(SIGHS)

Did you do this?

Nathan said you were an artist,

but I wasn't expecting you
to be good.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not an artist.

I just...

I just edit the contrast
of elderly people

on a pensioners' magazine.

And I do graphs.

I mean, they're good graphs,
but still.

So, they baby's dads, are they
gonna let you see the kid?

Yeah, they want the whole
keeping me involved deal

so I don't end up feeling used.

Regular photos, visits,
blah, blah, blah.

But I'm such a continuous
momentum type of person

that when I come to the end of
something, I'm, like, done.

Like, done.

Right.

(SCOFFS)

I don't have to stay here,
you know.

Oh, no, we were always
expecting you to stay, Audrey.

Yeah, but I don't have to...now,
you know?

(CHUCKLES)

I mean, where would you go?

I'm very resourceful.

-Alright.
-I am.

No, I didn't say you
weren't, but I'm...

..hardly gonna throw a pregnant
woman out on the street.

It's not Bethlehem.

Uh.

You really hurt him when
you didn't come for Christmas,

you know?

He paid for the flights.
All you had to do was turn up.

But I've only ever seen him
cry twice, and he cried.

When was the other time
he cried?

When Marlin finally finds Nemo.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

(ORGAN PLAYS 'ABIDE WITH ME')

MAN: Shall we follow Nathan
inside?

People have spoken
so warmly about Nathan.

He was obviously
a very special man.

Yeah.

Mind you,

people do tend to speak
very highly of the deceased.

Hello.

We are here today...

..to celebrate the life

of Nathan Petraszewski.

Is that Polish?

DEREK: Yes.

Yeah, that makes sense.
(CHUCKLES)

The Poles
are a big-hearted people.

You say 'Polish',
I think 'big hearts'.

Great sausages. (LAUGHS)

Auschwitz.

Nathan inspired love
and affection

in everyone he knew.

That makes today difficult.

Why?

Because he's dead.

And we're not ready
to say goodbye.

Doesn't matter
whether you're one

or 101,

we're never ready
to say goodbye.

One is obviously the worst.

101, well, great innings,
you know, not unexpected.

See, this is what happens

when you don't go with
a priest in a church.

You get Kathy's boyfriend
to get Ian.

His online reviews are glowing,
Lorraine. Glowing!

Sh! Just shut up.

I myself know a thing or two
about wrong priorities,

wasting minutes on Earth.

Some years ago,
I had a menswear shop

off the Essex Road.

Suitability.

-(LAUGHS)
-Yeah? Thank you.

Unfortunately,
you need more than a clever name

to take on the big boys
of fashion retail,

I'll tell you that much
for nothing.

Right now I'm facing
yet another bankruptcy,

my wife has left me for good
this time,

and as much as I need her
screaming in my earhole

like a knee in the balls, I
don't want to die alone either!

-I can't.
-Pretend it's not happening.

And you know what all this
has taught me?

It's taught me to stop!

-(INHALES)
-Breathe.

(EXHALES)

And remember.

Four little letters.

Oh, please don't say 'love'.

If he says 'love'
I'm gonna kill him.

Four little letters
that bring us together

and make the world
a more beautiful place.

MDMA. Ha! I'm joking.

It's 'love'. L-O-V-E.
What are you doing? Oi!

-It's not open mic night, love.
This isn't how my brother...

None of this is how
it should be.

-Can I...

-Why are you
still standing here?

-OK.
-Get out!

Oh, well, pop in there.

KATHY: Would you feck off, Ian?

AUDREY: Further away. Further!

Oh, OK.

(DOOR OPENS)

My brother deserves, like...

(DOOR SLAMS)

..a really amazing celebration.

None of this feels like
it's about Nathan,

and it doesn't say we love him.

And we do, right?

I love him more than anything
in the world.

(AUDREY CRIES)

(ORGAN PLAYS 'AVE MARIA')

LORRAINE: So he said
it's a paradoxical embolism,

and she was laughing.

Gemma's response, denial,
is totally normal

at this stage of the process.

I was on a flight to Washington,

and we lost 36B.

Heart attack. Dead.

Every flight attendant's
worst nightmare.

God. Well, that's awful, Ruth.

Yeah, but it felt so normal,

reflex, even,

to just keep offering him meals
and light refreshments.

It was only when I looked up
from the food service trolley

and saw the blanket
belted over his head

that I remembered, "Oh, yeah,

"he doesn't want the chicken
or the fish."

LORRAINE: Right.

HOST: And in third place on 41,

He's Not a Paedo.

In second place, The Betty White
Preservation Society, on 45.

-(GASPS) Hey!
-Whoo!

HOST: And in first place,
last week's champs,

Gwyneth's Head is in the Box

with an impressive 47.

MAN: Whoo-whoo! Winners!

And now for something
a little unorthodox -

a bonus question.

Ooh!

HOST: The most important
question of the evening,

nay, for some of you,
the most important question

of your lives.

Ooh! (LAUGHS)

What film am I?

I'm a romantic comedy.

Eugh. Vom. Right,
I'm gonna get the beers in.

-No, sit down.
-Ow!

Oh, my God, you just hit me!

He's American,
extremely good-looking,

with an arse as pert as the
first stone fruit of the season.

Bit of an exaggeration.

She is a goddess,

beautiful, complicated

and completely unique.

Oh, my God,
sound fucking woeful.

-Who wrote this show?
-(THUMP!)

Ow! Ow. Why are you kicking me?

They meet on a foggy night
in Old London Town.

She entrances him

by swigging gin
from her handbag

and sharing her loud opinions
on cat poo.

He entrances her
by leaving his own party

and following her to the deepest
depths of Hackney.

OK, guys, I'm not getting this.
Should we put 'Notting Hill'?

In a dead-end lane, they attend
a festival of the oppressed...

Oh, my God.

..at an anarchist
warehouse squat.

-Oh!
-No! Oh, my God, no!

..where, instead of planning
to smash the state...

I'm gonna die,
I'm actually gonna die. No.

She convinces him that 'Who's
the Boss?' is a searing satire

of class and gender,
and nobody vacuums like...

Tony Danza, I...
Oh, God. Stop it.

Before she met him,

she said she never wanted
to get married, but...

I'm actually gonna die.

-God! Oh, please, God.
-Sh, sh, sh!

NATHAN: Thanks.

(LOUDLY) Check... Oh.

-Uh, my microphone voice.
-I'll murder you.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Uh...

I've always been
a pretty self-sufficient...

I've always been a pretty
self-sufficient guy.

Um, all my life, you know, I've
always taken care of myself.

That's just the way it was,
and that...

That's just who I am, you know?

And I got by.
It was fine, you know?

Um, you still gotta wake up
every morning.

Right?

And...and then I meet you

and my whole world changed.

It was like, uh...

It was like I've been sitting
alone in the dark,

and I didn't even realise it
until you turned on the lights.

So, um...

Whew.

Mm.

Will you marry me?

And there are a lot
of people watching,

so if the answer
is no right now,

just say yes
and you can say no later, OK?

(TENTATIVE MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

I just...

-Ah, yeah, why not?
-(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

RUTH: Whoo!

(LAUGHS)
I was dying to tell you!

Whoo!

Hooray!

Oh. Oh!

Stop it.

(MOUTHS WORDS)

(ONLOOKERS CHEER)

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

DEREK: What about presents?

I mean, people
might have bought presents.

LORRAINE: Good idea.
Cancel the orders straight away.

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

Stop!

Can everyone just shush?

Er, so, this might sound mad,

but, erm, Nathan really wanted
to marry me.

Like, really wanted to marry me.

So...

..why not get married?

Er...

..Gemma, love...

Er...

Nathan is dead.

Yeah, Mam, I know that.
Thanks for the heads-up.

We just attended
the world's worst funeral,

and that's my point.

We were supposed to be
getting married,

that's what we were
supposed to be doing,

not whatever today was.

And our story cannot end on Ian,

a man who probably
does weird stuff to lizards.

Well, the bit where they played
'Ave Maria' was quite nice.

Yeah, but, Mammy, it had nothing
to do with Nathan.

Aren't we supposed to be doing
what Nathan wanted?

And what he wanted,

God, what he wanted
was to get married.

Tracey Emin married a rock.

I'm just saying,

people do weird shit for love.

Well, thanks for that, Audrey.

Yeah.

I really want to keep
my promise to him.

And if Tracey Emin
can marry a rock...

..then I want to marry Nathan.

Right.

AUDREY: Smell my breath.
(EXHALES)

-GEMMA: What? No!
-Smell it.

-Smell your breath!
-(AUDREY EXHALES)

AUDREY: You get
that chicken soup smell?

It's so weird.
I don't eat chicken.

OK, let me search this.

Oh!

No, no, it's OK.

"Can I marry my cousin?" No.

"My dog?" no.

-Oh.
-Oh, there. "My dead fiance."

Yes, "The Lord Chief Justice

"may authorise a solemnisation
of marriage

"if one of the spouses died

"after the completion
of official formalities

"marking an unequivocal
consent."

"Official formalities",
what is that?

So that's like giving notice.

So, in England, you have to go
to the registry office

before you get married
and answer questions like,

"Oh, are you already married?"

or "Do you have
the same parents?"

Is there a lot of incest
in England?

I'd say above average.

But the point is Nathan and I
gave notice months ago.

It's unequivocal consent.

It's proof that Nathan
wanted to marry me.

Wow!

So you can, technically,
marry a dead guy.

That is fucked up!

I'm not judging.

I once dated a woman who thought
we evolved from fish.

We did, though.

Oh, look, I can marry Nathan if
the Lord Chief Justice approves.

How do we get approval?

Let's ask her.

(UPBEAT SOUL MUSIC)

# Don't lock up your love

# Don't lock up
your love from me

# When you know I've got the key

# Don't lock up
your love from me

# 'Cause I'll walk
right out on you

# And I'll set your heart free

# Don't lock up your love

# Don't lock up
your love from me

# When you know
I'm your desire

# Don't lock up
your love from me

# And although you resist me,
baby

# I'll be fuelling the fire

# Oh, oh, oh... #

AUDREY: Yes! There it is.

The Lord Chief Justice,
at a conference.

-Let's do it!
-No, Audrey, no.

Gemma, do you love Nathan?

Do you want to marry him?

Yeah, OK.

Well, it's time to woman
the fuck up.

Grab hold of your labia.
Let's do this, yeah!

-(THUMP!)
-Oh, my God!

-Oh, she hit the bone.
-Sorry.

Wow, that is a fabulous dress.

Oh, found our names.

Here's me and here's you.

-Thank you.
-Mm-hm.

Valerie Goldsmith.

Oh, of course.

Sorry, didn't recognise you.

The American accent threw me.

Hm?

I thought you were British.

Mm. Yeah.

(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
I was born in Australia.

(GERMAN ACCENT)
But my father's German.

In zee army. Ein Oberstleutnant.

(FRENCH ACCENT) So I grew up,
you know, everywhere.

I went to medical school
at Paree...

(SOUTHERN US ACCENT)
..then my residency in Texas,

so I don't know what accent's
gonna fly out of my mouth.

(LAUGHS)

RECEPTIONIST: Oh.

Oh, sorry, yes, I'm...

I'm Kevin Wu.

Thanks so much.

GEMMA: Now that we're here

I feel like we really
should have a plan.

(AUDREY LAUGHS) A plan!

Kevin.

You get to be Valerie
and I have to be Kevin.

It's a gender-neutral name.

No genders
want to be called Kevin.

Can we just take one of these?
Thank you.

Kevin Wu.

(SLURPS)

Yes, that is me.

I...I didn't think you'd be...

Oh, well... (CHUCKLES)

David, erm...

It's actually
a gender-neutral name.

Yeah. Get with the times.

Yeah. Wise up, man. (CHUCKLES)

Alright, well,
I was just reading your report

into mandatory sentencing.

It's...a bit draconian,
don't you think?

No evidence it works as
an effective deterrent anywhere.

Er, she was drunk
when she wrote it.

She has a drinking problem.

(SNIFFS)

(SIGHS)

-(SLAMS DOWN CUP)
-That was actually tea.

Lie to me. I don't care.

But when you lie to yourself,
you break my heart.

(CHIME SOUNDS)

Shall we?

MAN OVER SPEAKER: The conference
is commencing now.

It was lovely meeting you,
David.

(AUDREY SIGHS)

-Fuck!
-Uh-uh.

GEMMA: Oh, God.

(GEMMA AND AUDREY
WHISPER INDISTINCTLY)

MAN: All rise.

(POSH VOICE)
Good afternoon.

Thank you.

So, shall we get started?

(GEMMA CLEARS THROAT)

MAN: We agree that
the status quo isn't working,

but we're yet to be convinced

that there's any merit
in zones of tolerance.

And if you allow women who work
in the prostitution profession

to continue their trade
and, indeed...

-(SNORES)
-..offer them concessions

and securities,

it will send
entirely the wrong message...

(AUDREY MOANS SOFTLY)

..chiefly because it legitimises

what is a criminal act.

You don't incentivise someone
to make something of her life

if you simply offer them
the easy way out.

(LAUGHS SCORNFULLY)

I'm sorry, Valerie,

was there something
you wanted to contribute

between naps?

Actually, Neil,
I do have something to say.

(QUIETLY) No, no, no, no.
Shh. Shh. Shh.

Easy way out?

You ever fought an ex-Marine
over a can of corn?

You ever have to sleep
in a dumpster

'cause you were afraid
of being raped or worse?

'Cause I have.

So, yeah, I may have done some
pretty ugly things in my life,

but I didn't just survive.

I sur-thrived!

What is it that you find
so threatening, Neil?

That women should be paid
for something

you think
you're entitled to for free?

-WOMAN: Yes!
-That's it!

WOMAN 2: I agree.

(PEOPLE MURMUR)

That kind of personal attack
is completely unjustified.

You know what, Neil?

Fuck the police!

-Oh.
-(PEOPLE EXCLAIM)

-GEMMA: No.
-(AUDREY GRUNTS)

(CHANTS) Two, four, six, eight!

Stop the violence!
Stop the hate!

Two, four, six, eight!

Smash the police state!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

When I say, "Whose streets?"
you say, "Our streets."

Whose streets?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

-Let's try again. OK.
-No.

When I say, "Whose streets?"
you say, "Our streets."

Whose streets?

No.

Our streets.

Sorry I'm late. I'm Valerie.

-Oh, fuck.
-I think is my seat.

Oh. Um...

Your Lord Chief of Justice,

um, I was wondering if
I could talk to you about

a posthumous marriage.

Um... I suppose now is not
a very good time, though, is it?

Who are you?

-Oh! Um, I'm...
-She's Kevin Wu.

(AUDREY GRUNTS)

Jesus, your hands are freezing!

It's like being molested
by a penguin! Eugh!

In retrospect, you probably
should have had a plan.

(VENDOR SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

(AUDREY MUMBLES) Now, see, the
mushroom layer is the best part.

You sure you don't want
just a little bite?

No.

-No?
-No.

-OK.
-Erm, you know what?

Er, like, not that I should, er,

trust your judgement in light of
your recent actions, but...

..do you think that this
whole wedding thing is bonkers?

'Bonkers' is such a cute word.

Almost as cute as 'tea cosy'.

Yeah.

(STAMMERS) Yeah, no.
No. No, no, no.

(STAMMERS) I mean, do you...

Like, do you think
that this is, like, insane?

-Like, is it crazy?
-Definitely.

(GEMMA EXHALES)

OK, you're not getting
what I'm saying.

What I mean is, like,
am I wrong?

No. Not at all.

Yeah, see, now,
that...that should...

That should set off
a load of alarm bells

because the only person who gets
me is practically certifiable.

(VENDOR SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY
IN DISTANCE)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

(GEMMA LAUGHS)

Yes. (LAUGHS)

Oh, what?

So, I have to wear
a stupid white dress

and you won't even wear
one flashing bow tie?

-(CHUCKLES)
-No, no, no.

It's not about your dress.
I don't care about your dress.

It's just about how, you know,

you seem so uncomfortable
with everything, you know?

I mean, are you so embarrassed
with getting married

that the only way
that we can have this wedding

is if it's in air quotes?

Because whenever you talk with
anyone about it, it's always,

"Oh, no, no, no,
it's not a wedding.

"It's a conscious coupling."

"Oh, no, it's not a wedding.
It's a visa scam."

Oh, my God!
Have a sense of humour.

You're so earnest and American.

I'm sorry. I just...

I feel like you only said yes

because there were
a bunch of people there.

And that's on me. That's on me.

I went with
the big dumb romantic gesture.

I'll be honest, Nathan, I don't
know what more you want from me.

I just want to feel like
this means as much to you

as it means to me.

Well, that's impossible.

Also, nobody knows how
they'll feel in 50 years' time.

Wh... (SCOFFS)

Are you saying
you don't believe in marriage?

(STAMMERS)

I mean, it's important to you,
so I'm marrying you.

What I do promise is that

I will be always honest with you
about how I feel.

Always. So...

Yeah, but you ended
every relationship you've had.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got out of them
before they went bad,

but the point is
I'm trying with you, Nathan.

I am fucking trying.

Actually, would you rather
we were like my parents?

They don't even sleep in
the same room as each other.

I actually don't think they even
like each other anymore.

Life isn't like
'The Partridge Family'

where everyone
just gets on a fuckin' bus

and sings feel-good songs.

(LAUGHS SCORNFULLY)

Wow. So, you're 'trying'?

-Yes.
-OK.

Well, I'm sorry,

but I don't think
someone should have to try

when it's someone they love.

It shouldn't be
some sort of Herculean effort.

Oh, my God, I actually can't
believe we're doing this again.

Just because I don't say it
all the time, it doesn't mean...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not about that, OK?

This is about the fact that
I feel like

I am the one
driving everything -

like, everything!

I am the one that made us
finally settle on a date.

I got us the custom pinatas,
the lanterns.

I even designed the bouquet!

I may care about this too much,

but you don't seem
to care about it, like, at all.

That is not fair, Nathan.
That is not fair.

Yeah? I know you haven't started
writing your vows.

You know what?

I actually think that you are so
scarred from your mother leaving

that you're trying to
lock me in.

But the truth is, Nathan,
in real life,

families will break
your fuckin' heart.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

Hey!

Have you seen these?

(SOUTHERN US ACCENT)
I feel like fuckin' my uncle

and riding a mechanical bull,
god damn it.

Come on!

MAN: And here. And again here.

And here.

And here.

A letter requesting
a posthumous marriage,

also known as necrogamy.

'Necrogamy'.

Saves having to fake a lifetime
of orgasms, I suppose.

(GIGGLES)

(CLEARS THROAT)

It's from Miss Gemma Fitzgerald.

She was here at the conference
pretending to be Kevin Wu.

Oh, yes, her.

Have you heard that Kevin Wu
has an alcohol problem?

I know. Should I send him
some flowers on your behalf?

Why? He's an alcoholic,
not an expectant mother.

No, draft a letter.

"Dear Ms Fitzgerald,
yadda, yadda, yadda. No."

I've looked into it
and, technically -

I mean, technically -

her request is not
without legal foundation.

The 1807 Posthumous Marriage Act

was created
during the Napoleonic Wars

to enable betrothed couples
separated by war

and ultimately death

to marry.

The Act's never been overturned,
so, technically...

You've got the sort of face that
absolutely begs to be punched.

(DOOR BUZZES)

Fuck me with a pickle.
Dylan Campbell.

God! I miss him.

Whoa.

You're...you're with child.

-Don't I know it.
-Hah!

Come on in.

Come on.

Everyone,
this is Dylan Campbell.

Dylan Campbell!

What are you doing here?
(GRUNTS)

I am so sorry.

Oh, wow. Yeah. OK.

Yeah. Yeah, thank...

Uh, this is Nathan's best friend
from home.

-Dylan.
-Hey.

I just wanted to be with people

who knew and loved him,
you know?

And my flight was
non-refundable, so...

(PHONE CHIMES)

Fuck me with two pickles!

What?

We have a meeting with
the Lord Chief Justice.

No!

What?! Audrey!

(LAUGHS)

-Oh!
-We did it!

-Guys, how amazing is this?
-Mm!

(GEMMA SIGHS HAPPILY)

-MAN: It's just around here.
-Thank you.

Some of these books
are hundreds of years old,

which is
just a few years younger

than the Lord Chief Justice.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

-Don't tell her I said that.
-No.

PATRON: Shh.

Thank you so much
for agreeing to meet with us,

especially after, um...
what happened last time.

Yes, well, love makes us
do mad things, doesn't it?

For what it's worth,

I agreed with what you said
at the conference.

Neil Ashford's idea of
helping vulnerable women

is to incarcerate them,

so well done you for
calling him out on his bullshit.

So, actually,
you're grateful I was there.

-No. You ruined the event.
-Oh.

So, let's get down to
the business in hand.

-Necrogamy.
-A horrible word.

No one has been granted

a posthumous marriage licence
in this country since...

1816.

What I don't understand is,
why marry him?

It'd be purely symbolic.

Yes, but aren't most marriages
just symbolic things?

I mean, rings, certificates -

they're all just symbols,
aren't they?

No, I'd have to disagree
with you there,

speaking as someone
who's been married and divorced

more than once.

(CHUCKLES)
No, if rings and certificates

were all we had to live with...

No.

Marriage doesn't exist
in the symbolic,

but in the real lived now.

Have you heard of Irene Jodart?

Remind me.

Well, she was this woman
in France

who, in the '50s,
her fiance was killed

when this dam broke

and it killed a couple of
hundred other people.

And when President de Gaulle
came to visit the village,

she begged him
to let her marry her fiance

and he agreed.

And maybe it was because of
the pressures of the media

or maybe it was because
he felt sorry for her

or maybe it was because
he understood

that sometimes
the symbolic is all you have.

Oh.

Mm. Well, you know the problem
with the French, don't you?

They're just too...

-French?
-(SIGHS SOFTLY)

See, if I'm to even consider
your proposal,

I need the family's approval.

-Oh, well, I mean...
-I approve.

And you need to demonstrate
without doubt

that Mr Petraszewski

would have married you
had he not died.

Yes, we have the...

And a letter of intention
to marry

isn't going to get you anywhere.

I could give Alan here
a letter of my intention

to go Pilates this evening,

but he knows as well as I do
that I'll be at home on the sofa

finishing a bottle of Malbec.

Just the one bottle? (CHUCKLES)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I'll do the jokes,
thank you, Alan.

No, I'm afraid what
you're asking is impossible.

No.

If they can fake the moon
landing, nothing is impossible.

We will find you proof and this
woman will marry my brother.

Do you even exist inside
your mind for five minutes?

Thank you so much for your time.

ALAN: I'll see you out.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

OK. Er, I think I've got
everything that you need here.

Um, so, I've got a copy
of the menu.

Oh, yeah.

And I've also got
a copy of the invoice

which shows the date
you made the booking

and how much of the deposit
you've already paid.

So, enough proof that
you were planning a wedding,

I should think.

Yeah. That's...that's great.
Thank you very much, Tim.

That's really helpful.

I think this probably isn't
the best time,

but then you think,
"When is the best time?"

And then you sort of end up
never actually asking.

What?

I don't want to speak ill
of the dead...

Oh, my God, Tim!
What are you talking about?

(STAMMERS) I'm pretty sure...

..I caught Nathan cheating.

-What?!
-My brother would never...

I saw him go to the men's room
and he was...

He was on his phone.

And?

He was on his phone, Gemma!

Completely compromises
the integrity of the event

if dishonest people think they
can just google the answers.

Oh, the quiz. He's talking
about cheating on the quiz. OK.

AUDREY: What the fuck
are you talking about?

And more importantly,
why do you look like a marmot?

-GEMMA: Audrey...
-(STAMMERS) Wa... Ho...

The questions
don't write themselves, OK?

The themed montage
and accompanying soundtrack

does not cut itself together.

So, when someone does not
respect the no-phones policy,

it's like saying
what I do doesn't matter.

It's like saying I don't matter.

I just called you a rodent.
You don't matter!

My brother is dead
and you're focused on trivia,

which, by its very definition,
is trivial!

I am sorry that
your brother is dead,

but that does not give you an
excuse to be excessively rude.

(GASPS)

You ever had your ass kicked
by a pregnant woman?

Can you calm down and stop
overturning furniture, please?

You keep looking at me
like I'm crazy

and this foetus and I
will fuck you up!

OK, OK. Yep.

I take it you no longer

want to proceed
with the wedding booking.

Oh, no, be lovely to have
it here. That'd be grand.

Thanks, Tim.

-(PHONE CHIMES)
-(AUDREY GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

-Oh.
-Feel this.

-Oh, no. What, really?
-No, no, really.

-Oh. Aah!
-(LAUGHS) Feel that?

-(LAUGHS) God, that's nuts.
-Wait, do you?

Yeah, yeah,
that's really weird. Wow.

-Sorry.
-No, that's...

BOTH: Yeah.

God.

I, uh, didn't tell Nathan
about the baby.

I thought he'd, you know,
"What's wrong with you?

"You just keep jumping from
one poorly thought-out decision

"to another."

You know, I-I-I think he would
have been proud of you.

You're making a family
for someone.

-Really? You think?
-Yeah.

I mean, he'd be super critical

about your decision-making,
sure.

(LAUGHS) Obviously,
there is so much to criticise.

Yeah, but I think
he'd support you.

Do you know what?
In fact, I am sure of it.

He would support you.

Um...

You know how I, uh,
didn't make it for Christmas?

I missed my flight because

I didn't have the bus fare
to get to the airport.

I had $6.37 in my account
and nowhere to sleep. Uh...

I mean, where were your friends?

I'm not really good at
the friends thing.

I want them, but after a while,
they don't really want me.

So, Nathan dies thinking that
I don't give a shit about him.

He's the only person in my life
that I care about

and I let him think that
because I didn't have...

Come on. Come here.

(TENDER MUSIC)

We're never gonna be OK again,
are we?

No. Probably not.

OK, come on.

I've got a wedding dress
to try on.

(GENTLE SOUL MUSIC)

GEMMA: Oh, drum roll. Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

This is the... Oh!

Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

-AUDREY: Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Yeah. Oh, God.
-Gorgeous.

Yeah. I think...

I just think it's probably,
like, maybe half an inch...

-Oh, that's...
-..too wide.

No, that's easy.
Let's have a look.

I don't wanna have to wear
a bra, so I want that support.

-A bit of a lift?
-Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

So, just whatever
you're doing there.

OK, hang on. So, let's try that.
A bit of a... Hang on.

-Perfect.
-A bit of a pinch like that.

Is there any way of, like,
bringing the bones of it in

to lift it up or is that
a mad thing to suggest?

No, that's...

I mean, it's very traditional,
but I like it.

And then we've got pockets.

-(AUDREY GASPS)
-What?

-Yeah.
-Oh!

-Oh, my God! No way!
-Yeah.

Finally pockets!
It's got pockets!

You know? Just, like,
you would never think of it.

Is that dress
strictly appropriate?

Well, I don't know
what's appropriate, Mammy,

but this is the dress
that I chose to wear,

so that's what I'm wearing.

Yeah, and you are
absolutely smokin' in it.

Your husband is going to die.
Hm? (GIGGLES)

(CHUCKLES)

Gemma, I'm trying
to be supportive, but...

Mammy, don't do, "I'm not
trying to nag you." Stop it.

I don't know what
you're talking about

"If you don't want your face to
be so obviously asymmetrical,

"why don't you just tilt it?"

Stop it.

Well, it is less obvious
when you tilt it left.

Um, excuse me, Jilly,
could you, um...

Could you give us a moment,
please?

-Oh, no, absolutely.
-Thanks, babe.

Gemma, look, have the party,
call it a wedding.

Why do you have to
make it legal?!

-Because I have to, Mammy.
-Gemma, what you need...

Oh, what I need, Mammy,

is for everyone to stop
telling me what I need!

(JILLY SINGSONGS)
I brought bubbles!

Lovely!

-(JILLY GIGGLES)
-Oh, thank you very much.

Cheers.

-That's for you.
-Thank you.

Party. Yeah?

Isn't she stunning, hey?

-Ah.
-You really do look beautiful.

No, it's tasteful, but fun.

Traditional, but sexy.

So, your mum
can be proud of you,

but later in the bedroom,
Mum's not around, oh!

You know what I'm talking about.
Ah! (GIGGLES)

The groom is dead!

This is too much.
Here. Take that.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

RUTH: Thanks for dinner.

LORRAINE: You're welcome.

Oh, I really loved that boy,
you know.

What am I supposed to do?

What, let our girl become
Miss Havisham?

A lunatic in a wedding dress?

I will do whatever it takes
to get her there.

I promise you
there will be no wedding.

# Drop, drop

# Drop it from the top

# Make it work, work

# Drop it till it's done

# Drop, drop

# Drop it from the top

# Make it work, work... #

Mo! You said
this was gonna be low-key!

Yeah, Mo, you did say that.

Um, OK. I have literally
just got you free entry.

I think the phrase that you're
looking for is 'thank you'.

-Thank you.
-(LAUGHS) Yeah. Thank you.

You go find some seats.

I think I'm gonna
have to have a drink first.

I'm getting you a milk.

# Drop, drop

# Drop it from the top

# Make it work, work

# Drop it till it's done... #

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

# Yo, my body's burning up... #

RUTH: Thank you. Thank you.

Whoo-whoo-whoo!
Get that down you!

Erm, babe, babe,

I feel like I'm having
second thoughts about this.

Mm-mm-mm. No.

I promised Lorraine that
we would get her to call it off.

If we can just make her cry,
make her feel something.

Look, I know,
but alcohol, mental health -

they are messy bedfellows.

Just think about
my aunt Patrice.

She's not allowed
sharp objects anymore.

She has to cut her meat
with a spoon.

Yeah, can we get
some more tequilas, please?

Line them up!

(CLUBBERS CHEER)

# Break it

# Let's go and do it, yeah... #

Let me see you sweat,
you dirty little pricks!

(CLUBBERS CHEER)

Champion!

Aah!

# W-w-w-w-wind it up

# You're a party in my cup... #

-Ah! Yes, yes.
-No, no, no.

-No?
-No, no, no.

OK, alright.

I'm just gonna...

Shh! Thank you.

Whoo!

This is for you! Take a sip.

-Take a sip.
-OK. (GROANS)

A sip. Take a sip. Take...

(STAMMERS) Whoo. No, no.

(GLASSES CLINK)

RUTH: Mm!

Love you.
We are here for you, Gem.

-Gem, Gem-Gem. Boop!
-Oh.

'Cause alcohol helps
when you feel sad.

I have a book,
'Widow to Widow'...

Yeah.

..and it says, erm,

that your tears have hormones
and potassium in them

and that's why you feel better
after you just let it all out.

So, yeah, you've just gotta...

You've gotta let out
your potassium, girl.

Whoa, I think you've had enough,
Ruthie.

No, no, because you're
not grieving, so you don't...

You need catharsis...

(SOBS) ..so that you...

(SOBS) I'm sorry.

-Ruth! Oh, my God.
-You need to cry!

-What's wrong?
-(WEEPS)

Oh, boo-boo!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

# And you don't know
just how you feel

# Until you're sure

# You're sure you know it's real

# The lights go up

# I see it in your eyes

# I see I'm blowing out speakers
in your mind

# I... I'm blowing out speakers
in your mind

# I... I'm blowing out speakers
in your mind... #

What are you doing?

(STAMMERS) What...what...what
am I doing right now?

Yeah! What are you doing,
dick cheese?

Uh...

OK, I...I can do honesty. Uh...

I'm kinda really messed up
about Nathan.

I just feel...

More alone than
you've ever felt?

Yes.

If it makes you feel any better,

if I was straight
and had no self-esteem,

I would totally do you.

Thank you.

(WEEPS)

Oh, Ruth, what happened?

-It's...it's Frank.
-What?

Frank.

He...he said that I was too,
like, rigid...

-(GASPS)
-..and too uptight.

No, no, no, no, no.

So, I stopped
feeling comfortable

being naked around him.

Bastard.

And he said that
I was just no fun.

Oh, no! Come here!

He left me a month ago.

-What?!
-Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

(SOBS) I'm sorry. I'm just
so humiliated right now.

Come here! Oh, boo-boo! No!

I feel silly like a silly-billy.

You are not a silly-billy.

Look at me.
You are not a silly-billy, Ruth.

-I'm not a silly-billy?
-You are not a silly-billy.

Don't ever say that
about yourself.

He's a silly-billy.
Arsehole. He's an arsehole!

-Billy.
-Billy.

-Billy!
-Billy!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, now I laughed too hard.
I need to wee.

Oh, no!

I do need to wee, actually.
Hang on a minute.

-OK.
-Yeah, yeah. (LAUGHS)

Sorry.

RUTH: Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you know where the loo is?

-Just down there, lovely.
-Is it just down there?

OK. Sorry.

If there ever was a lady who
needed a Dylan intervention...

-Ask her to dance.
-Ruth?!

She is way out of my league.

Yeah, but she's drunk,

so her standards
are basically non-existent.

I am not the guy
who hits on drunk women.

No, no, no,
I didn't say you were,

but you can be a friend, right,

asking for a friendly dance,
cheering up a friend who's blue?

Oh, God. Sorry.

-Hm.
-(DYLAN CLEARS THROAT)

RUTH: OK. Alright. Ooh! Sorry.

Hey, Ruth, did you wanna...

I...

Oh. Is that the queue?
Is that the queue?

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna wet myself. Aah!

Sorry.

-Ruth, do you...
-Aah.

(SHOUTS) Ruth,
do you wanna dance?

Fuck sake!

(LIGHT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Dylan, what are you doing?

# Set me free

# Oh-ho, yeah

# When I hold you, baby

# When your heart beats
close to me

# Wanna stay in your arms
forever

# Only love
can set you free... #

He's American,

so that's explains
a lot of the confidence.

(POLE SQUEAKS)

# Oh-ho, yeah... #

(GIGGLES SOFTLY)

-(GASPS)
-(POST CLANGS)

-(LIQUID TRICKLES)
-Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

-I've just pissed myself!
-What?

-I'm pissing myself!
-Oh, for fuck's sake!

Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

Oh, baby, no!

(GASPS) I don't know what to do.

-I got you.
-What?

(STAMMERS) What? What? What?

Hey, everyone!

-Oh, my...
-It's me!

(MUSIC DISTORTS AND CEASES)

I'm the one peeing on the floor.

(CLUBBERS GROAN)

Thank you very much!
Thank you!

Oh! (RUTH SOBS INDISTINCTLY)

Greece. A small island.
Folegandros.

-Looks lovely.
-Oh, it is.

We're, um...

We were going there
for our honeymoon.

Do you fly in and out of Athens?

Yeah, or you could go
via Santorini

and then take a little ferry.

Mm. Can you make a note of that?

ALAN: Mm-hm.

So, my answer's still no.

AUDREY AND GEMMA: What?

I'm satisfied that Nathan
intended to marry you,

but you led me to believe
that his family

had already given their consent.

-But she did.
-We have. I have.

But his mother, your mother,
Margaret Petraszewski,

now Cahill, is still alive.

We haven't seen her
in over 20 years.

-I'm his next of kin.
-Legally, you're not.

What, so, because
they have a shitty mother,

you're gonna deny Nathan
his final wish?

How is that fair?

Maybe my sympathies
got the better of me

and I led you to think that
this was more possible

than it actually was.

What does that mean?

It means that breaking with
200 years of convention

takes more than a pub receipt
and some holiday snaps.

I'm sorry if it sounds cruel,
but the law's the law.

My hands are tied.

Gemma, where are you going?

Honestly, Audrey,
to find your mam.

What?

Yeah, I know, but do you have
any better ideas?

No, I thought not.

So...

REPORTER: The jury were visibly
moved by the witness's testimony

which ran for some time

and was full of
harrowing details.

This case is
one of the most complex

to be fought in this court

and will be running for
some weeks more.

(DYLAN AND AUDREY CHANT)
Defend love!

Love on trial!

Defend love! Love on trial!

Why are you a hot dog?

Because I don't do slutty nurse.

Why? You wanna be the hot dog?

No!

(BOTH CHANT) Defend love!
Love on trial!

GUARD: Excuse me. Excuse me.

-Excuse me, please.
-Hot dogs are not illegal.

Yeah, sorry, I wouldn't know
anything about that, love,

but could you keep
this ramp clear?

-Thank you.
-Whose love is on trial, then?

I'm glad you asked.

OK, Margaret. Where are you?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, hey, Krish. You alright?

I see the weirdo's still here.

There's actually quite an
interesting story there, Anita.

Really? How interesting?

Um, well, what do you know
about necrogamy?

What, has someone shagged
a corpse?

No. Well, not yet.

Oh, hello. My name
is Gemma Fitzgerald.

I'm wondering does
a Margaret Cahill live there?

WOMAN OVER PHONE:
No, not here. Sorry.

They say love never dies

and the people behind me
are taking that quite literally.

They're part of
a growing movement

supporting one woman's desire
to marry her late fiance.

Hi. I'm Gemma Fitzgerald.

I'm looking for
a Margaret Cahill.

DAVID KOCH: And now for an
interesting story out of London,

where the #CorpseBride campaign

is dividing the nation.

We caught up with the manager

of the wedding venue.

Whether you're
posthumous marrying

or pre-humous marrying,

we've got it all covered.

We do a Sunday roast
on a Wednesday

'cause we don't give a damn.

ANITA:
But not everyone is happy.

WOMAN: It's disgusting!

MAN: You have to admit,
it's a bit warped.

I mean, what about sex?

This woman is condemning herself
to a life of celibacy.

I was married for years
before that happened.

He was marrying
a wonderful woman.

He was a lucky man...

..until he died.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Love is hard to find, you know,

but what Nathan and Gemma had
is real love.

That's why so many people
support them.

We want to know what that feels
like, to be loved like that.

(PROTESTERS CHEER)

Whoo!

Yeah!

Hello, my name is Gemma

and I'm looking for
a Margaret Cahill

who used to be called
Margaret Petraszewski.

Hello?

MARGARET OVER PHONE:
Sorry. What do you want?

Um...

Is...is this...
Is this Margaret?

Um, you had a son and a daughter
called Nathan and Audrey

and, uh, I don't really know
how to tell you this,

but, um, Nathan's passed away.

And I know this might sound
kind of weird,

but we were gonna get married

and I still really want to,

but in order to do that,

I need the approval
from the family

or the next of kin,

and, erm, that's you.

Er, sorry. Are you still there?

MARGARET: Don't call here again.

Oh...oh, Margaret,
please don't hang up.

-Please, please.
-(LINE BEEPS)

Oh, shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Oh.

Oh, my God.

(DOORS SLAM)

We are trending so hard
right now.

#CorpseBride has
over 226,000 followers.

We grew, like, 19,000 followers
since this morning.

That's, like, a 17% increase.

Wow, it sounds like you just
made that number up.

Maybe, but people
all over the world -

Nairobi, Ecuador,
Fiji, Helsinki -

are talking about
you and Nathan.

I am bringing people together
inspired by love and goodwill.

I'm like Bono, but not cringe.

(SIGHS)

I found her. Your mam.

I mean, she hung up on me,
but it's her. She's in Oregon.

Gemma, we don't need her.

Audrey, the law doesn't care
about likes on Twitter.

I know your heart's in the right
place, but I have a car coming.

I'm supposed to get married
in three days

and I don't really have time
to pretend

that one of your schemes
is gonna work.

OK.

What are you doing?

You didn't seriously think

you were gonna go
see my mom without me?

(WISTFUL ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC)

(EXHALES)

Uh, I think I might
just hang here.

But you came all this way.

I can't see her and not,
you know... (GRUNTS)

-You sure?
-You go ahead.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

(OWL HOOTS IN DISTANCE)

(SIGHS) God.

Don't do this.

Yeah?

Margaret. Hi. Er...

I'm Gemma.
We spoke on the phone.

And, er, this is Audrey.

Is she with the dad?

Er, no, it's a surrogacy,
actually.

Does she have her own kids?

That's smart.
How much is she getting?

-(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
-Why not?

Maybe if you invited her in,
she could...

She'd be in here
if she wanted to be.

Oh, erm, sorry.

Er, this is Nathan.

He looks just like my father.

Wow.

Do you have any childhood photos
of Nathan?

-I've never seen any.
-No.

Are you waiting for
some kind of big explanation?

No. No, I...I, er, don't expect
you to explain anything.

There is no reason.

I just was not cut out to be
a wife and a mom.

No judgement here.

Well, that's BS.

Everybody judges.

It's just you and him
and the kids screaming

and "How are we gonna
pay for this new drywall?"

There is no happy ever after.

You know,
I actually didn't think

I was cut out for it either,

but then Nathan believed so much
in happily ever after

that sometimes
I could just imagine...

(SCOFFS)

The boy was smart,
but he never had any sense.

(SIGHS)

I don't think that's true.

What do you want from me?

Well, it's like I said
on the phone.

I can't marry Nathan without
his family's permission

or his next of kin,
and that's you.

So, you want me
to sign some paper

that says you can be
my dead son's wife?

Yes, I...I...I know it
sounds...strange.

Look, I know you've come
a long way

and I have tried to be polite,

but I don't know you...

Oh, Margaret, please.

..and I don't know that man

and all of this,
if you'll excuse my French,

smells like horseshit,
so if you don't mind,

I think you should leave.

-Oh, Margaret, please. Please.
-Get out.

Oh, no, you owe him, though.
You owe him, Margaret.

You...you hurt your kids
so much,

but I actually think
that you might be hurting

because you missed out.

They turned out great

and you would be so lucky
to have them in your life.

So, please,
just do this one thing.

(EXHALES)

You know what I think?
You're right. We don't need her.

Come on.

GEMMA: Are you OK?

I'm fine.

GEMMA: As someone well practised

in the art of
passive-aggression,

I know that when
someone says they're fine,

it means they are not fine.

Nothing's wrong.

(GEMMA CHUCKLES)

"Nothing's wrong." That's worse.

That means something's
definitely wrong.

And if someone,
God forbid, says,

"Well, what do you think
is wrong?"

that's how you know
you're gonna spend the night

getting your arse handed to you.

(IRISH ACCENT) "Well,
what do you think is wrong?"

(BOTH LAUGH)

Brat.

Ow!

(JAZZY MUSIC)

(LEAVES RUSTLE)

(FLAME HISSES)

Oh, my God.

-Whoo!
-Oh, no! (LAUGHS)

I told Ruth that
I didn't want a hen party.

I'm not even wearing
the right clothes!

Yeah, she knows that.

She's organised me a hen party,
hasn't she?

-And a stripper.
-(GASPS) No, stop it!

-Yeah.
-(LAUGHS)

'Bjorn Bigg'.
More like Bjorn Average, mate.

(LAUGHS)

OK.

-Ah.
-Hi.

(SINGSONGS) Hello!

-Hi, Gem.
-Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, Gemma.

-Hi, Gem. How are you? Sit down.
-This is quite small. (CHUCKLES)

(DOOR LOCKS)

Alright.

Gem? Gem, do you want
a tea or something?

-Did you know?
-No.

(STAMMERS) I would have n...

Thanks, Ruth.

OK, whatever you guys
are planning,

please don't do this.

-Gem, we all love you.
-Gem, why don't you sit down?

Er, no. You know what?

I'm not gonna sit down, Mo,
because I'm leaving.

We just wanna get you some
counselling or something.

-(DOORS RATTLE)
-(LAUGHS) Oh, my God! Wow.

DEREK: We just wanna talk
to you, Gemma.

Gemma,
we just wanna talk to you.

Mam, can you give me
the keys, please?

-Give me the keys.
-Gemma!

-Give me the keys, Mam!
-Stop it!

Now, Gemma, marriage is
about building a future.

Yeah, no, tell me what it's
about. You've got a great one.

There is no future with Nathan.

It's horrible, it's unfair,
but Nathan isn't here anymore.

Yes, I'm well aware of that.
Thank you, Mammy.

Well, you're not acting like it.

Am I not acting appropriately,
Ruth?

Am I not following the protocols

outlined in 'Widow to Widow'?

It's unhealthy,
this weird fixation on...

Oh, so, I'm weird now, am I?

Am I sort of off-kilter
like my asymmetrical face?

You can't see past this now,

but you will fall in love
with someone again.

Oh, my God!

You will build a future with him
and you will have children.

Children! Oh, so, that's...
There's the real agenda!

You want grandchildren and I am
wasting my fertile years, Mammy.

No one's pressuring you
to have children.

Yeah, OK.

Well, you haven't got all
the time in the world.

Oh, so, I'm running out of time
now, am I, Mammy?

Come on, then, Mo!
Impregnate me!

Give me that seed!

-Gemma, what are you doing?
-Gemma!

Please impregnate me as
the nearest non-related male.

Gemma, stop it!

Give me your seed!
Make Mammy happy!

Nathan wouldn't want you
to throw your life away.

You do not know
what Nathan would want.

How would she know
what Nathan would want?

Listen, Lorraine, Gemma
could stay at home all day,

take Nathan's name
off the gas and the electric.

She'd still feel bloody awful!

-Thank you.
-This is all your fault.

Making her think that
this is romantic and honourable,

when actually it's horribly,
horribly pointless.

I was just trying to help.

Audrey is the only one
who gets it.

-Do you know what I get?
-Go on, Ruth. Stick your oar in.

That you've been taken in
by all of this -

the protest, the media,

going to America
to distract yourself

because you never wanted to
marry him in the first place.

(SOFTLY) Do you think
I didn't love Nathan?

-I didn't say that.
-Do you know what?

Fuck you, Ruth. Fuck all of you.

-Gem...
-No, Nathan wanted a family.

He wanted a home.

He wanted something solid

and that's why
I agreed to marry you.

That is why.

And...and that's what
I was saying when I said

that I will always love you,

that I will never
walk out on you.

That is the promise that I made.

Well, we are not gonna stand by
and watch you hurt yourself.

(WHISPERS) Please, Daddy.

Give me the keys.

DEREK: Alright, love.

-(KEYS JANGLE)
-(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(MO SIGHS)

There you go, Gem.

Well, that went well, didn't it?

It's gonna be OK.

I promise you, it's gonna be OK.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God, what are you doing?
Are you joking?

I misunderstood.
I thought you...

I'm marrying
your brother tomorrow.

You're fucking insane.

Yeah, but that's
what you like about me.

Oh, Audrey, this is not a joke.

Not everything's a bloody joke.

I'm just trying to
make you laugh.

And...

Just we've gotten so close

and you get me in a way
that no one else gets me and...

I don't know. My hormones.

What, you're blaming
your pregnancy now?

God. Sorry, sir,
can you stop the car, please?

Gemma, wait.

No, I... Oh, my God. I don't...

I actually don't even know
what I'm doing anymore.

Sir, can you please
hurry up and pull over?

Do you know what? Actually,
everyone is right about you.

You're fuckin' nuts,
but I'm worse

because I've been
the one listening to you.

I just need you to stay away
from me, Audrey.

-(INDICATOR TICKS)
-(DOOR SLAMS)

(GENTLE MUSIC)

(BIRDS CALL)

I don't know what I'm doing,
Grizz.

Well, no one does.

I thought that maybe
I was doing it for you,

that maybe I could show you.

Maybe it's just that
I can't accept...

(EXHALES)

Am I crazy?

I can't answer that, boo bear.
I'm dead.

(TENDER MUSIC)

# I got carried out to sea

# On a wave of hope

# My faith was strong

# My heart was filled

# With innocence and dreams

# Of what could be

# But sometimes dreams
get shattered

# By the daylight streaming in

# And somewhere down the road

# We lost each other

# And somewhere down the line

# We lost ourselves

# And too much for us
to face the storm... #

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

# Next thing, we're broken... #

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Oh, Mrs Chen,

I didn't have a shower
after 9:30, I swear.

I can see that, dear.

This came yesterday.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGS)

Babe, look, I am...
I am so, so...

GEMMA OVER PHONE:
Ruth, just listen to me.

The wedding's back on and,
yes, before you say anything,

yes, I know
I cancelled the wedding,

but I am cancelling
the cancellation.

I got it -
Nathan's mam's approval.

RUTH: But the ceremony's in
less than two hours, Gem!

-There's no time!
-Duly noted, Ruth.

All we have to do is get
the Lord Chief Justice to...

Oh, my God, my eyebrows
look like an actual yeti.

How did this happen? Audrey!

Oh, we have to find Audrey.
We have to find Audrey.

She's already at the airport.

I got her the first alternate,
the VA320 to Chicago.

I don't care!
We have to get to the airport!

We have to find her!

(MUSIC STOPS)

Er, Ruth, I'll see you in a sec.

I, uh, couldn't get an Uber.

My rating's too low.

Where did you
even stay last night?

Like I told you,

I'm very resourceful.

She saw you on television,

you know, with the media
and the campaign and everything.

Your mam changed her mind
because of you, Audrey.

(WISTFUL MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

Let's finish this for Nathan.

(TYRES SCREECH)

(LIVELY FUNKY MUSIC)

# Hotcake fresh out the oven

# Made just for you

# 200 degrees

-# Just like a hotcake
-# Hotcake

-# Give me some lovin'
-# Give me some lovin'

# Don't make me beg, baby... #

Move it, ladies.
We've got a wedding to go to.

Whoo! Ruth, you are a babe!

Frank is missing out!

I know. Get in.

-(ENGINE REVS)
-(GLOVE SQUEAKS)

-(ENGINE STOPS)
-(CAR BEEPS)

Oh.

Oh, no.

(CAR BEEPS)

-Is that a quick fix?
-Um...

Yes, it's on! It's on! It's on!

Erm, but...but wait,
what's happened?

-I don't understand.
-Tell Mo, erm, the rings.

-To bring the rings.
-Ooh, sorry.

-Do you have the rings?
-Yeah, I've got them.

What, do I need to be there now?

-I'm so sorry.
-Yeah.

-Would you mind just...
-Like, right now.

OK, erm, yeah,
I'll see you there in a bit.

-(BELL DINGS)
-It's my stop. Sorry, guys.

-Oh, mate.
-Hang on a minute.

-We really...
-Wait a minute.

Can you give the pins back,
please?

(UPBEAT SOUL MUSIC)

Shit!

GEMMA: Come on!
Put your back into it!

# I have a story of sorrow... #

GEMMA: Oh, my God. I'm gonna
drop it. I'm gonna drop it.

-(GEMMA GROANS)
-Come on!

GEMMA: I'm coming!

GEMMA: My dress is so big!

Oh! Sorry!

That's the Corpse Bride, that.
Can I get a photo?

-Ruth, come on!
-Oh, yep, yep.

# When will we meet again?

# When will we hold each other?

# Can't get you out
of my head... #

-GEMMA: Sorry, mister!
-Oh, I love the wig!

-It's very nice.
-GEMMA: Come on!

# Oh, yeah! #

-(AUDREY GROANS)
-Come here.

Oh, the machine!

Just drop the boxes there
and come through.

OK.

(GROANS)

(SCANNER BEEPS)

Sorry. If you could just
take off your shoes.

Oh.

Alright, children.
Let's sit down.

-(SCANNER BEEPS)
-GEMMA: Oh, come on!

Bloody stilts.

-Right.
-(SCANNER BEEPS)

Oh, come on!

Fine. OK.

(SCANNER BEEPS)

RUTH: Oh!

OK.

(SCANNER BEEPS)

Oh, you've got to be...
I don't bloody believe it!

-(SCANNER BEEPS)
-RUTH: Fine.

Alright, fine.

Fine, fine.

Why are you looking away?
Why are you looking away?

-It's just a body. Whoo!
-(GASPS)

# Hotcake

# Fresh out the oven

# Made just for you

# 200 degrees

-# Just like a hotcake
-# Hotcake

-# Give me some lovin'
-# Give me some lovin'

# Don't make me beg, baby

# Baby, please

# Hotcake... #

-(SCANNER BEEPS)
-Right.

It's OK. Just go through.
You're fine.

-Yeah, am I? You sure? You sure?
-Yes.

-Thanks, babes. Let's go.
-# Hotcake... #

GEMMA: Come on, come on.
Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go!

-Hiya. Hiya.
-# Hotcake... #

GEMMA: God!
Who designs these things?

(PANTS)

What do you think you're doing?!

Nathan's mam gave us approval.

I want my wedding licence.

We are in a meeting.

-Love waits for no one.
-Shut up, Alan!

You said I needed his family's
approval. Well, I got it.

So, please just sign it.

Oh, hey, David.

Kevin.

Fine. So, she's given
her approval.

-You can't expect me to just...
-No!

I can't just...

No!

(STAMMERS)

You can't expect me...

Fine.

(GASPS)

-Love wins.
-Yes! (LAUGHS)

You get your licence.

Thank you!

Oh! Thank you,
thank you, thank you!

Oh, thank you, Lord of Justice.

-Goodbye.
-Where are you going?

This is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened.

Mwah!

For the record, you are a babe.

That was a very sweet thing
you just did.

Mm.

Maybe I'm just
a big old romantic.

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

# Bring it back

# Bring your lovin'... #

-(COUGHS)
-You OK?

Let me take that.

-Do you want me to take that?
-Yeah.

# You make me feel like
a good woman should... #

GEMMA: You got this.

# I'm a sad soul sister... #

(GEMMA GROANS) Oh, my God.

# Bring your lovin' back
to me... #

My arms. Oh, my arms.

# Yeah, yeah

# Bring it back

# Sugar, bring it back... #

-(CHEERING)
-(GEMMA STAMMERS)

Oh. What? Oh.

(CROWD ROARS)

-What is this?
-I think it's for you.

-Thank you!
-WOMAN: You make me sick!

-AUDREY: Hi!
-WOMAN: Sick!

(PEOPLE BOO)

Oh, what, haven't you got
anything better in your life?

-Shh, it's mostly nice.
-You don't know my story!

AUDREY: Shh.

(SMOOTH MUSIC)

(SINGERS VOCALISE SOULFULLY)

# Standing now

# Calling all the people here
to see the show

# Calling for my demons now
to let me go... #

(GUESTS LAUGH)

# I need something

# Give me something wonderful

# I believe

# She won't take me somewhere
I'm not supposed to be

# You can't steal the things
that God has given me

# I can see a place of trouble

# And I'm on the verge

# For the love of everybody

# I need something more

# Now I feel
some days of trouble

# I'm in the house of war... #

GEMMA: Where' s Mam?

Sorry.

(EXHALES)

(MUSIC FADES)

(BREATHS ECHO)

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

(SOBS)

Oh, no.

(BREATHS ECHO)

(MUFFLED) I'm sorry.

(SOBS) I'm so sorry.

(MUFFLED SOBBING)

Daddy.

(GEMMA WEEPS)

(SOBS) I should have told him
every day

how much he meant to me

and I never told him.

I never told him.

(SOFTLY) Hey, you. Hey, you.

(SOBS) He thought I was marrying
him because he chose me,

but I chose him.

I chose him every day.

(GEMMA SOBS)

(RUTH GASPS)

Oh, Mam.

(LORRAINE SOBS) Shush, shush.

-Come on.
-I'm sorry.

No. Let's go. Come on.

Come on.

I've got you.

This is how
she needs to say goodbye.

Alright?

(KISSES)

-OK?
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah!

(LIGHT MUSIC)

# It's the way
that you walk in the room

# Your heart is a beacon

# Don't need a reason... #

You OK?

# It's easy to do... #

Please be seated.

# I'm lost in your smile

# It's been a while... #

Welcome, everyone,

to the wedding
of Gemma and Nathan.

None of us have ever been to
a wedding quite like this.

Gemma, do you take Nathan to be
your lawful wedded husband,

to be loving, faithful
and loyal to him?

# Who knows
what time is gonna do? #

I do.

# I like watching the days go by
with you... #

This ring is an unbroken circle

symbolising unending
and everlasting love.

(SOBS)

# Who knows
what time is gonna do?

# All I know is a simple truth

# I like watching the days go by

# I like watching the days go by

# I like watching the days go by
with you... #

(SWEET INSTRUMENTAL POP MUSIC)

-I am very happy to pronounce...
-(LAUGHS)

..Nathan and Gemma
husband and wife.

(LAUGHS, WEEPS)

-(GUESTS CHEER)
-Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

(DYLAN WHOOPS)

(LIVELY LATIN JAZZ MUSIC)

-MO: One...
-GUESTS: One...

-MO: ..two...
-GUESTS: ..two...

-MO: ..three...
-GUESTS: ..three...

Wahey! No, no, no, no, no.
Let's leave Nathan. (LAUGHS)

(GUESTS CHEER)

GUESTS: Three.

(GUESTS EXCLAIM)

(EXCLAIMS INDISTINCTLY)

-# Cha cha cha! #
-(LATIN JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)

Hello.

Erm, er, well, welcome to...

(LAUGHS) ..what...
whatever this is.

(GUESTS CHUCKLE)

You know, Nathan wanted us to
write our own vows,

which I think was because
he wanted me to just once

hear how I truly felt.

Erm, so, er...

God. (CHUCKLES)

Erm... Oh, my God.

(GUESTS CHUCKLE)

Aha.

I was sleeping and right in
the middle of a good dream

And all at once, I wake up

From something that keeps
knocking at my brain

Before I go insane

I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed

Screaming out the words I dread.

(PLAYS PIANO NOTE)

(SINGS) # I think I love you

# I think I love you

# I think I love you

# So what am I so afraid of?

# I'm afraid that I'm unsure of

# A love that
there's no cure for... #

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

(SINGS)
# I think I love you... #

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH SING) # Isn't that
what life is made of?

# Though it worries me to say

# I've never felt this way... #

(GEMMA LAUGHS)

The father of the bride,
ladies and gentlemen. (LAUGHS)

Aww.

(BOTH SING) # I don't know
what I'm up against

# I don't know
what it's all about

(AUDREY AND LORRAINE SING)
# I got so much to think about

# Hey, I think I love you

# So what am I so afraid of?

# I'm afraid that
I'm not sure of

# A love
there is no cure for... #

(GEMMA LAUGHS)

I'm pushing the beds together
tonight.

GUESTS: # I think I love you

# Isn't that what life
is made of? #

MAN ON VIDEO: Oh, my God,
Audrey! Check it out!

We set up the nursery!
Isn't it cute?!

Please RSVP for the baby shower.
Goodbye!

(PHONE WHOOSHES)

# I think I love you

# Isn't that what life
is made of?

# Though it worries me to say

# I never felt this way

# Believe me,
you really don't have to worry

# I only wanna make you happy

# And if you say,
"Hey, go away," I will... #

I'm not weirded-out
that you peed on strangers.

Mm.

But you should know...

..I really like strong women.

Mm.

I'm ferocious.

-(DYLAN PURRS)
-(RUTH GIGGLES)

(DYLAN CHUCKLES)

RUTH: Mm.

DYLAN: Mmm!

# But I think better still

# I'd better stay around
and love you

# Do you think I have a case?

# Let me ask you to your face

# Do you think you love me?

# I think I love you

# I think I love you
I think I love you

# I think I love you

# I think I love you
I think I love you

# I think I love you

# I think I love you
I think I love you

# I think I love you

# I think I love you
I think I love you

# I think I love you. #

(BOTH LAUGH)

-Photo time. Gemma and...?
-Oh, um, Audrey.

She's, er, my sister.

Come here. Oh, no, prom photo.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(GROANS)

(POIGNANT PIANO INTRO)

# Some say love

# It is a river

# That drowns

# The tender reed

# I say love

# It is a flower

# And you

# Its only seed

# When the night

# Has been too lonely

# And the road

# Has been too long

# And you think

# That love is only

# For the lucky

# And the strong

# Just remember

# In the winter

# Far beneath

# The bitter snows

# Lies the seed

# That with the sun's love

# In the spring

# Becomes the rose. #

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

-(GRUNTS)
-(GUESTS GASP)

(GRUNTS)

(SHRIEKS)

(SHRIEKS)

(PANTS)

MAN: Alright, mate?

TIM: Never google the answers.

(SOLEMN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)