Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love boat, soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love, love in the water, love.

[Music playing]

Oh, look, there's Isaac and his actress friend.

Oh, let's ask them if they want to go sightseeing with us.

Forget it.

Last time I talked to him, he almost bit my head off.

[Music playing]

Helga: Gopher, I am wanting to show you a beautiful place

for to have fun times.

Gopher: Helga, wait a minute.

This is private property.

Right that, my papa's private property.

Here for us only.

[Giggles]

[Birds chirping]

[Music playing]

[Clattering]

[Bleating]

[Bleating]

[Cheering]

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

I think you might get very shy and leave.

How can you possibly say that?

After all, haven't we just been skinny-dipping?

There was no one around, burl.

You didn't see all those eyes staring at us?

Damn, nosey sheep.

[Laughter]

I never saw anyone run so fastly in the cold water.

Well, it's a lot colder if you're running slowly.

I know for this, what to do.

Hm?

Nuzzling.

[Moaning softly]

[Giggling]

More [inaudible]?

I think the other ear is clogged, too.

[Laughter]

[Kissing]

Helga, Helga, Helga--

Helga, this has been a wonderful day,

but it's getting a little late now.

I think we should head back to Bergen.

[Speaking foreign language] Helga

has one more surprise for you.

What?

There are no more ferries back to go today.

[Giggles]

Helga, why didn't you tell me about this sooner?

Oh, burl--

Helga.

You are a very attractive woman, but my career comes first.

[Whining]

Well, a close second.

Is that an inn over there?

Why, yeah.

Are we not being look-y?

Lucky.

Whatevers.

[Music playing]

Doc bricker: Interesting, isn't it?

Captain merrill: Oh, it's so pretty.

Vicki: Look at the view.

Doc bricker: Now this area is called [inaudible]..

It's old Bergen.

Well, it says it dates back to the 19th century,

and everything's been preserved, the workshops,

the marketplaces, all of it.

Hello, Dr. Bricker.

Hi, Kay I'll catch up with you.

Together: Ok.

Look at this.

Could I talk to you frankly for a moment?

Of course.

You see, it's about Mel.

I know about the operation.

Yeah, I helped to set up the surgery.

You did?

Mm-hm.

Oh.

Look-- I really like Mel, and I'm worried about him.

I think you ought to talk him out of it.

Well, unfortunately, he has deep-rooted insecurities.

In his own mind, he's uncomfortable and fearful,

and it's been bothering him for years.

Look, I know you don't get rid of these emotions overnight--

no, but the real problem is if he doesn't like the result,

it's impossible to put back.

Doc, that's terrible.

Kay, you'll hardly notice the difference.

What?

[Music playing]

Julie McCoy (on intercom): Ladies and gentlemen,

as we bid farewell to old-world Bergen,

we set a course for the beautiful fields of ulvik.

Have a pleasant evening.

[Music playing]

Good morning.

We are now docking in hardanger, another inlet in Norway's

magnificent fjord country.

Be sure to visit ulvik, one of the most

picturesque of the many orchard-surrounded villages

in Norway.

The scenery here is beyond description.

[Speaking foreign language] See you later.

See you later.

[Music playing]

Grant: Oh, this is so beautiful.

It's so unspoiled.

Like you.

Greta, you've hardly said a word for the last hour.

Is there something bothering you?

[Sighs]

I called my mom this morning, and my papa's very ill,

and he's lost his job.

Oh.

Mama cannot work as she must take care of the children.

Money is very difficult now.

I'm so sorry.

I think I must quit teaching and find a position

that would pay more money.

Maybe a cocktail waitress.

Between the long hours and tips, I could make much money.

You shouldn't have to work that hard.

I must do something.

Greta-- why don't you be my Scandinavian sunshine girl?

Then you'd have all the money you'd need.

It's the perfect solution.

What a wonderful idea!

Why didn't I think of that?

[Music playing]

Kay!

Hold on a minute, will ya?

Hold it, Kay.

Mel, how did you--

what happened?

Why'd you run out of my cabin?

Look, I just don't want to talk about it now, ok.

Ok, we won't talk about it.

What about the picnic?

I had one made up.

They got herring and cream, herring

and wine, herring and onions, and herring and herring.

Mel, please--

come on, you wanted the picnic.

Why the change?

Do you really want to know?

Yeah.

Ok.

Look, I've been pursuing you.

I wouldn't take no for an answer.

I should have understood why you weren't interested.

Well, I'm glad you didn't.

Kay, I've been having some personal problems.

Whatever reason would I have for not seeing

what a wonderful woman you are?

You don't have to say that.

I mean it.

I guess I waited too long.

Now you'd just better watch out what you're saying.

I can't help it.

You're a warm, attractive woman, and I'm only a man.

[Gasps]

But that's exactly what I want you to be!

[Music playing]

Julie McCoy (on intercom): Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

we are now leaving hardanger fjord and are

en route to Stockholm, Sweden.

Have a pleasant evening.

[Laughter]

Wait, wait a minute.

A toast, to Greta lund, the Scandinavian sunshine girl.

Greta, that's wonderful.

You know tomorrow we'll be in Stockholm.

That's your hometown isn't it?

Yeah.

Great.

I can get some photos of you at home with your mother

and your father.

Oh, that's perfect.

Yeah, the family feeling.

It'll be a great copy.

They'll love it at the home office.

My family?

Well, sure.

It's going to be terrific.

Yeah-- terrific.

[Music playing]

Gopher, you must be aware that this rumor

of your marrying Ms. bjorsson is of great concern

to the cruise line.

However, they have instructed me to inform

you that the choice is yours.

If you wish, you can leave the ship.

Oh.

Well, that's very understanding of them, sir.

Actually, it would be a great opportunity for me.

In what way?

Well, I consider a future with the bjorsson company

would be a great challenge to me in the business world.

That's very commendable.

And the fact that she's rich and beautiful

doesn't hurt either.

There's a lot to be said for that, too.

Who knows, gopher, maybe some day I'll be working for you.

Well, sir, do the job properly, stay out of trouble,

we won't have any problems.

[Laughs]

Delia, I know you're going to be a big star, a very big star.

You really believe that, don't you?

I believe in you.

[Music playing]

What was that for?

Oh, no reason, I just felt like it.

That's the best reason of all.

[Music playing]

God dag and good day.

We're now docking at Stockholm, the capital of Sweden.

In Swedish, Stockholm means "timber island."

The city is actually made up of 42 islands

supported by huge timbers.

There's so much to see and enjoy in Stockholm,

we can only say, [Speaking foreign language]

Have a good time.

[Music playing]

Good morning.

Isn't it a lovely one?

I guess I don't have to ask if you slept well.

I certainly did.

Mel did, too.

Ah.

I mean, I don't know, doc, these last 24

hours have been absolutely--

say no more, it's written all over your face.

Did you speak to Mel about canceling the operation?

You know I didn't even have to mention it.

I think he decided to change his mind

rather than change anything else.

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

You are so beautiful to me.

There.

How is your gopher look?

Dressed for success.

Very distinguished.

Oh, gopher, I'm just so proud of you.

Well, I guess you can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Things won't be the same around here without you go, goph.

Thanks, doc.

Ah, goph, I'll never forget you

were the one that got me started with this crew.

Hey, don't pin that on me.

You're going to dazzle them in Sweden.

I guess we've all been through a lot together, haven't we?

We're family, goph.

Good luck, gopher.

Thank you, sir.

You people mean so much to me, I just,

I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world

to have all these friends.

Come on, gopher, we must go now.

Bye bye, everybody.

Oh, not to forget my party tomorrow!

Oh, you must see my beautiful, new horse.

It will be gang-bangers!

Gangbusters.

Whatever.

Bye.

[Music playing]

Gopher: So this is where I work?

Helga: Yeah, your office is on the top floor the building.

Gopher: I hope it's not a walk up.

[Music playing]

Vice president?

Wet paint.

[Music playing]

Ta-da!

So, gopher, what you thinking?

Not too shabby.

I can always fix it up.

[Laughter]

I love it!

It's fantastic!

Oh, it's beautiful.

I've never seen anything like--

who's this?

Oh, that is papa.

With business he is away, but soon you meet him.

Oh, you will like papa.

He is much fun.

Anyone can see that.

All right, here we go.

Oh, I think I'm going to like it here.

[Laughs]

This feels good!

What are these buttons for?

[Buzzes]

These people's consummate your staff.

Brun is answering phone for you.

Sven is reading mail for you.

And brigide, she makes for you lunches and disappointments.

[Speaking foreign language]

Well-- at least, I still make the decisions.

No, papa, the decisions, he makes.

[Music playing]

I go now.

I have many plans for the party to arranging.

You, will I be seeing?

Okie-dokie.

[Music playing]

[Sighing]

Bye bye, gopher.

[Music playing]

I'm going to make this work.

[Buzzes]

Just wanted to see if you you're on your toes.

[Music playing]

Julie McCoy (on intercom): Attention, passengers,

the buses will be leaving for the changing

of the guard ceremony at the royal palace in five minutes.

Ace.

- Hey, Grant. - Where's Greta?

I want to get started taking those pictures.

Oh, she went in to Stockholm.

She said she'd call and give us her family's address.

Oh, good.

I can't wait to meet her folks.

Yeah, you know I love those family portraits.

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

Kay: Mel, are you--

Mel?

[Chatting indistinctly]

I'm looking for something really

special for a beautiful lady.

It's a surprise.

Mind if I look at this?

[Chatting indistinctly]

What the hell?

This would fit her, wouldn't it?

I thought you were still watching

the changing of the guard?

What are you doing here?

I would ask you the same thing,

but I know what you're doing.

And I know what you got behind your back, too.

You do?

Mh-hm.

How about a purse to go with it?

No, thank you.

They really don't go together.

[Music playing]

[Speaking foreign language] This is a charming, old place.

We can get some great shots here.

Oh, look at this.

Oh.

It's got to be the right address.

Maybe the bell isn't working.

I'll go around back and check, all right?

Ok.

[Knocking]

Greta.

Hey.

Grant, you're here.

I'm so happy to see you, but--

there's a problem.

What's the matter?

My father, he's too sick.

He says he cannot see anyone one right now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thank you, another time.

I think we should call it off--

we must have had the wrong address.

No one lives here, it's a museum.

[Music playing]

What's this all about?

[Sighs]

I didn't want you to find out this way.

I'm sorry.

Where's your accent?

Oh, Grant.

I'm an American.

An American?

[Scoffs]

Listen, I can explain.

There's nothing to explain.

If we want pictures of a Swedish girl with her family,

we'll go buy some postcards.

Come on, ace.

[Music playing]

[Buzzes]

Brigide: There's a Dr. bricker here to see you.

Oh!

Send him in!

Send him in.

Doc?

Doc!

How are ya?

Good to see you.

Oh, my, very impressive.

It must be lonely at the top.

Well, doc, I'm not at the top quite yet,

but I'm going to get there.

I've got a chance to move mountains in this job, doc.

I'm going to get to do everything that I ever trained

to do, everything I ever wanted to do.

And you know we're all rooting for you?

Hey, goph, we miss you on the ship.

Oh, doc, I miss you guys, too.

But this is important.

Of course, it is.

Please, please.

Yeah, oh.

[Buzzes]

Oh, doc-- nice to see you.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going to show me your offices?

Doc, I would love to do that, but I got this--

meeting, and it's starting right now.

Oh, all right.

I didn't mean to interrupt you.

No, doc, no, no, I didn't mean that.

No, you're not interrupting.

No, it's just that this is big business.

This is high-Echelon stuff, this is vise president--

[music playing]

Ow.

Excuse me.

Well, I found out one thing.

It's not lonely at the top.

[Music playing]

[Gulls chirping]

Hi.

Hello.

Off to shoot the highlights of Stockholm?

Yeah.

It's too bad I can't show them to you.

I was a native until yesterday, you know?

Oh, come on.

We all stretch the truth sometimes.

You know when I signed on as a ship's photographer,

I didn't tell them that I didn't know how to develop film.

I just wanted the job.

Me, too.

But I lost it.

Worse than that though, I I lost Grant.

I love him.

Does he know that?

I don't think I knew it myself until yesterday.

I saw how I hurt him.

I didn't even have a chance to explain how

I got caught up in all of this.

You deserve that chance.

Let me work on this, all right?

[Music playing]

What is the matter, burl?

Why are you unhappy?

I'm

ok.

House is not for you big enough?

Helga, that house is bigger than the town I come from.

Then what is it?

It's the job.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, it's what I'm doing.

No, it's more like what I'm not doing.

I am confused.

Helga, I made my first executive decision today.

Yeah?

I fired myself.

That is not good news, burl.

And I'm afraid that's not all.

The wedding is fired, too?

I really care about you, Helga, but i--

I don't belong in this world.

What is it about my world that is so bad?

You're an heiress.

And being a husband to an heiress is a full-time job.

It's not my line of work.

You are no Helga loving?

Helga, you are worth more than even you know.

You're beautiful, you're smart, you're charming.

Thanks you.

You're exciting, funny.

That's it?

Helga.

That is many words to say no.

Look--

I understand.

[Speaking foreign language] My heart.

You still to my party come?

I wouldn't miss that party for the whole world.

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

Helga: Hello, my sweets, how are you?

[Laughs] Oh, thank you so much for coming.

Yes, you look gorgeous.

[Laughs]

Oh, come in, how are you?

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Go on, you have a good time.

Oh, how are you?

Oh, you look gorgeous.

Oh, darling, I love it.

[Laughs]

Issac, how glad you could come.

Oh, darling, I love the veil--

you look so--

[gasps]

Ms. Bjorsson?

Captain, so glad you could come.

Thank you very much.

You, devil, you.

Oh, this is magnificent.

Does Helga's family own this, too?

[Laughs]

I think it's part of the city hall.

It's where they have parties with the nobel prize winners.

Ah, very impressive.

What happened with Mel?

It's not going to work out.

His problem again?

Afraid so.

Look, forget Mel.

He'll just to have his operation tomorrow,

and you won't see him on the trip back.

I'll miss him though.

The thought of never seeing him--

he makes me laugh, doc.

I like him exactly as he is.

No one can convince him of that but you.

[Music playing]

Hello, sir.

How are you, gopher?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

But things didn't quite happen the way I hoped they would.

Yes, I heard about it.

It's good to have you back.

Thank you, sir.

It's good to be back.

Where is everybody?

Where's Isaac?

Oh, he's right over there.

[Beeps]

[Music playing]

Looks like he's trying to set the guinness world record

for Swedish meatball eating.

[Clicks]

Same old Isaac, huh?

[Laughter]

Isaac (singing): Row, row your boat, gently down the stream

together: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,

gently down the stream.

Delia (singing): Merrily, merrily,

merrily, Issac's but a dream.

Isaac (singing): Row, row, row you

boat, gently down the stream,

Delia (singing): Merrily, merrily,

merrily, Isaac's just a dream.

[Laughter]

Delia, I love to hear you laugh.

And I love you.

[Music playing]

I love you, too, Isaac.

Oh, look at the time.

I'm supposed to be at Ms. Bjorsson's party.

Well, Isaac, what's more important?

Me or a horse?

Yeah-- I mean, who cares about an eight-million

dollar horse when I'm with my billion-dollar baby.

[Music playing]

Helga: [Speaking foreign language]

Welcome, my dear friends.

You know why I am wanting you to come to my party,

to make meeting of my beautiful, new horse.

He is a champion.

And many more champions, he will be breeding.

What fun.

[Laughter]

Without further ado, I am pleased

for you to meet my Helga's joy!

[Applause]

[Speaking foreign language]

[Beeps]

Don't anybody move.

Stay right where you are, and no one will get hurt.

Get over there.

Get over there!

Isaac--

captain, you make a move, and I'll blow you away.

[Gun fires]

[Shouting]

I mean it!

I'm taking this horse out of here.

I don't want anybody to move.

This is a motion-sensitive bomb.

Anyone breaking its beam in the next 10 minutes,

and you'll be part of the Swedish landscape

for the next 100 years.

[Beeping]

Gopher: Isaac! - I don't believe it.

We have to stop him

don't move!

The bomb!

[Beeping]

[Music playing]

[Tires squealing]

Mel!

Mel!

Kay.

I won't let you go in there.

Mel, you mustn't have it done.

I love you!

I love you, too, honey.

But after the operation, i'm going to love you just as much.

I want to marry you.

But you don't think that this operation is

going to change things just a teensy-weensy

little bit between us?

I don't see why.

It's no big deal.

No big deal?

I will not marry a man who's having a sex change operation.

Sex change?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm just going to have my nose done.

Your nose?

But your nose is lovely.

And you don't want to be a woman?

Oh, honey, you're so much better at being a woman

than I could ever be.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

(Singing) I'm in love with an angel.

Delia is her name.

[Knocking]

Come in, my love.

Hey, what did you guys do?

Decide to move the party to my cabin?

You are Mr. Washington?

Yeah.

You are under arrest.

Why?

You don't like my outfit?

Why did you do it, Issac?

Do what?

Steal Ms. Bjorsson's horse.

Ah, I get it. It's a gag, isn't it?

Isn't it?

We were there, Isaac.

We saw you.

Issac, we're your friends.

We're going to try and help you.

Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.

I wasn't even at the party.

I was with Delia all day today.

Delia!

Delia, listen.

Will you tell these people where we were today

and tell them what we were doing.

What we were doing?

Well, I don't mean all the details,

but I mean you and me being together today.

Well, Issac, I don't know what you were doing,

but I was out sightseeing.

Alone.

[Music playing]

You will have to come with us, Mr. Washington.

[Cuffs clicking]

[Music playing]

Ace: You know the statues here were all

created by the Swedish artist Carl milles.

He devoted his life to the completion of a park

for everyone to enjoy.

Julie: Take my picture.

Ace: How about right here?

Julie: Oh, perfect.

Ace: Let's see here.

[Shutter clicks]

Great, thanks.

You know it's too bad about Greta.

But if Grant had to hold another audition,

I'm glad he picked millesgarden as his site.

Yeah.

The statuary is extraordinary.

Well, there are some extraordinary things

at millesgarden you haven't seen yet.

[Music playing]

You're very attractive.

Thank you very much.

Was she the last one?

Yeah.

Oh, Grant, if you don't mind, there's one more I

think you really ought to see.

[Music playing]

Greta, the audition is over.

Just listen to me a minute.

I admit I was stupid to pretend to be Swedish,

but no more stupid than your company

for thinking they needed a Scandinavian girl

to represent their product.

That was strictly company policy.

Well, that's a ridiculous policy.

You wanted me for the job because I had the right look.

Nobody would have cared if I were

from scandinavia or Scranton.

At least, I would have bought your suntan lotion.

Ace, I appreciate you're trying to help.

But I never should have come.

[Music playing]

I have some champagne chilling in my cabin, Delia.

And I love sharing a toast with my fellow workers.

I wish I weren't one of them.

Is something troubling you?

Isaac is going to prison.

As well he should.

He committed a dastardly crime.

[Laughs]

He did not commit a crime.

Oh?

You did.

And I did.

That's right.

You see that's why I selected you,

a talented, young actress with a desperate need for money.

I don't want your money.

Now you think it over.

I'm sure that Ms. Bjorsson is willing to pay handsomely

to get her horse back.

Captain merrill: I know we all saw what happened,

but I just can't accept it.

Doc bricker: And we know Issac.

A man doesn't just change overnight.

Gopher: But we'll get him the best

lawyer possible, right, sir?

Captain merrill: Right.

Good.

Oh, doctor--

no, no, leave me alone--

[beeps]

[Shatters]

Isaac: Don't anyone move!

That's Issac!

Don't anyone move!

It's not Issac.

It's just something that looks like Isaac.

Don't anyone move!

Gopher, call the police.

[Beeps]

Isaac (sluggishly): Don't anyone move.

Under the circumstances, I assume a little bribery

is out of the question?

[Music playing]

Hi.

You in the mood for a little reading?

Afraid not.

Look, Grant, I'm sorry--

it's ok, really.

I just want you to see this.

A little trick photography, thanks to ace.

[Laughter]

Oh, Grant.

I went halfway around the world

to find the girl next door.

[Music playing]

Welcome home, Issac.

Glad to have you back again.

Yeah, you know we had to mix our own drinks, huh?

You know I saw the robot at the police station.

It was amazing.

It sure was.

It looked and talked exactly like you.

Nothing to it, gentlemen.

You created a masterpiece of deception, Dr. Cain.

I take pride in my work, captain.

In fact, how do you know that I am really me, hm?

Excuse me, may I have a word with her, please?

Was anything that you told me the truth?

Just one thing.

I do love you.

Delia, I wish things could have been.

[Music playing]

Gopher (on intercom): Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome back to southampton, england.

It has been our pleasure having you aboard,

and we hope your trip through beautiful scandinavia

was as exciting and memorable for you as it was for us.

Have a safe trip home.

[Indistinct chatting]

Ladies and gentlemen of the press,

I'd like you to meet Mr. Grant Cooper and his new Scandinavian

sunshine girl, Ms. Greta lund.

Uh, not true.

Not true?

By the time the campaign actually starts,

the new Scandinavian sunshine girl will be Greta Cooper.

If she'll have me.

That means yes.

[Laughter]

Well, doc, it was wonderful meeting you.

My pleasure.

What?

It wasn't wonderful meeting me?

Oh, look at this souvenir picture that ace gave me.

It's a mountain over the fjord.

Isn't it magnificent?

It is magnificent, Mel.

But that's no mountain.

That's your profile.

Isn't it good to be able to laugh at your own shortcomings?

Yeah, even your enormous shortcomings.

[Laughter]

Thanks for everything, doc.

Thanks for sailing with us.

I make Jimmy durante look like a button [inaudible]..

Gopher.

Helga, oh!

What are you doing here?

I bring to you a good bye bye present.

Oh, no you didn't--

oh, yeah, yeah, watch.

Oh, Helga.

Yeah?

Try it on.

Ok, all right.

It's gorgeous.

It's beautiful.

Oh, super duper.

[Giggles]

And I am having one more present for you.

Yeah?

Where's that?

It is under this fur coat.

When to Los Angeles I go, you can unwrap it.

[Music playing]

Bye bye, gopher.

And you, Helga.

[Sighs]

[Music playing]

You know what I don't understand

is why a smart guy like Dr. Cain would bring the robot Isaac

back on the ship with him.

Yeah, neither do I.

Well, that's how he got caught.

Yeah, I spoke to the police about that.

And they said, the robot costs $1 million,

and Dr. Cain wanted it for spare parts.

Hey, that's not bad.

I'm worth $1 million in spare parts alone.

[Laughter]

You're worth lot more than that to us.

Yeah, I'm just glad we have the real Isaac back again.

And for once, gopher speaks for all of us.

Thank you, sir.

(Imitating robot) Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]