Original subtitles

[rock rendition of "Deck the Halls" plays]

[JJ] Happy holidays, Sondra Sumner'’s office.

You'’ll have it first thing Monday.

Happy holidays, Sondra Sumner'’s office.

A pâté can be made from almost anything.

Foie gras can only be goose liver.

You'’re welcome.

JJ, you wanna put up the angel?

No, thanks.

What about Frosty? He'’s such a cutie.

I'’m not really into Christmas, Reynard.

You waste money you don'’t have and spend time

with people you don'’t like.

Sondra Sumner'’s office.

Ms. Sumner is leaving the magazine.

Mr. Malcolm Bristol will be the new food critic.

Thank you.

Have you met your new boss?

No, but I can'’t wait, he'’s supposed to be brilliant.

Hottest thing in London.

He'’d better be, for what we'’re paying him.

Don'’t stay too late. Party starts in two hours.

I won'’t, promise.

-Here you go, JJ. -Thanks.

All right, I'’m out of here.

Okay. Did Miles call?

Uh, not yet.

What else is new?

Maybe he'’s assisting in surgery or something.

I thought he was an intern.

Interns can assist in surgeries. Can'’t they?

Ah, remind me not to go to his hospital.

Nice.

Ooh! I gotta get out of here.

Oh, my C-section'’s scheduled in two hours.

How'’s the polish on my farewell piece?

Uh, third paragraph needs to be the opening,

and the close isn'’t as strong as it should be.

Did you mean to put it in the past tense?

You know what? Do what you think is right, then hand it in.

Oh!

Natives are restless. [chuckles]

Yeah, it'’s been a great gig, but I am on to bigger things.

Oh!

Okay, okay, we'’re going. [chuckles]

Okay.

-Bye. -Bye.

Glow Manhattan.

Ah, no, the office is closed.

Could you page him one more time, please?

No, I'’m not his patient, I'm...

Never mind.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Taxi!

[tires screech]

Taxi!

[driver] Hi, ma'’am.

Thank you.

Taxi!

[people chattering, laughing]

Merry Christmas.

[photographer] Right here. One shot.

Mr. McNeil, so good to see you.

Molly, right?

Morgan.

[photographer] Clay, right here! Clay!

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

-Hey, sorry I'’m late. -Hey.

So, what happened? Did you ever find Miles?

No.

Well, maybe be got mugged. Or hit by a car.

Oh, you'’re just trying to cheer me up.

[chuckles]

[JJ] Oh, that'’s Malcolm Bristol.

[Morgan] Mr. Bristol!

I'’m Morgan, and this is your lucky assistant, JJ,

and we'’re both thrilled to be working with you.

Well, aren'’t you a delightful little cream puff.

And you'’re quite delicious as well.

Hope you'’re ready for a lot of overtime.

[laughs]

-Ew! -Oh!

Another Christmas party. You'’re screwed, Alex.

Tell me about it.

A hungry guy'’s driving down the street,

looks at your place, empty as a tomb,

looks across the street, you'’re double screwed.

The food is probably horrible.

Who cares? Look at the money going into that place.

It'’s the flavor of the week, Johnny.

It'’ll be out of business in six months.

How long you think you'’ll last, 10 customers a night?

Hey, 10 tonight, 20 tomorrow.

Do you even know what I'’m doing here?

Trying to build a nice, quality little restaurant,

one that'’s still gonna be here when that dump

across the street'’s a dry cleaner'’s.

Nobody knows who you are.

Maybe you need a press agent or something.

I'’m a cook, John.

I'’m not into that celebrity crap.

As your brother-in-law, my heart bleeds for you.

But as your accountant, it'’s my ulcer that's bleeding.

Ah, geez, now they got the limos.

And look at all the photographers.

Get your coat.

-What? -Get your coat.

Hello, beautiful ladies. What'’s going on?

Private party.

I'’m not trying to crash your soiree.

We'’re just wondering about the place.

I mean, a few weeks ago, nada. And now...

What happened?

I guess you don'’t read Glow Manhattan.

Not really.

So, do you live under a rock? Or is it called New Jersey now?

Morgan!

She'’s funny. That was a good one.

It'’s our magazine.

The last word on culture,

art, the New York scene.

What ever happened to The New Yorker, Vanity Fair?

-[chuckles] -Will you excuse us, please?

Glow Manhattangave this restaurant a great review,

and a review from us can make or break a restaurant.

Okay, so who do we call?

I mean, let'’s say we had a restaurant

and we wanted a review.

-Who do we talk to? -Do you have a publicist?

Okay, come on. We'’re wasting our time.

Thank you.

You did good.

[Morgan] How are you?

Hey. Here'’s the number to the magazine.

Malcolm Bristol'’s the new food critic.

Give him a call, maybe he can help you out.

Thanks.

Bye.

Malcolm Bristol. That'’s really sweet.

Yeah, the important thing is sincerity, Kwame.

If you'’re really sorry and apologize from the heart,

she'’ll forgive you.

Thanks for the advice, Lee.

Keep the change, sweetie, and good luck.

[Kwame] Enjoy your visit with your daughter.

Bye.

[buzzing]

[buzzing]

[woman] Sí, ¿quién es?

Hola. ¿Señora Gonzalez?

[Mrs. Gonzalez] Sí.

Estoy la madre de JJ Jenner.

[laughing]

Oh, come on, Señora.

I knew she'’d never make it with Ben.

A woman like that needs a hot-blooded hombre,

like Marc Anthony.

[Mrs. Gonzalez] Whew!

Am I right or am I right?

Oh, that'’s for sure, Mrs. Lee.

Muchas gracias, Señora.

Oh, de nada, Señora, de nada.

-Hasta luego. -Hasta luego.

[record scratching]

Enjoying the party?

Why does this keep happening to me?

I'’m intelligent, I am a good person.

Maybe it'’s the holidays.

Things never go right this time of year.

I hate to say it, but you'’re kind of a jerk magnet.

I think you'’re just great. You'’re cute, you're brainy,

you'’ve got just the right amount of New York neurosis.

And a real talent for picking out the wrong guy every time.

Excuse me.

Actually, I would love to have your job one day.

Really? Well, perhaps I could mentor you.

That'’d be great.

Remember, though, it'’s a tough road.

How so?

Well, good food is like great sex.

Once you'’ve had it, you'’re always looking for it.

-Oh! -[laughs]

Hey, who'’s that guy?

Malcolm Bristol, my new boss.

One month out of rehab and he'’s already off the wagon,

and he'’s been accused of sexual harassment again.

You'’re gonna have your hands full.

But you didn'’t hear it from me.

Okay, and who'’s that?

Our gossip columnist. She writes page five.

Absolutely the most connected human on the planet.

You too. Merry Christmas.

-Ah, here we go. -What do you think it is?

I don'’t know, some mushroom thing.

Mmm, portobello.

With chèvre, chervil, and just a touch of walnut oil.

Well, okay then. [chuckles]

Can she always do that?

Every time.

Pig!

Hey, what'’s going on? Are you okay?

Well, no good meal'’s complete without a little dessert,

am I right, Clay?

Guys, thanks a lot. It'’s been a great year.

Appreciate it.

I just fired Malcolm Bristol.

What? Why?

We wouldn'’t be able to afford the lawsuits.

-But everybody loves him. -Except my girlfriend.

I'’m sorry, darling, I'm sorry.

What do we do now? We need a food critic by Monday.

That'’s why you should only eat oysters in months

that end with the letter R.

[Elliot] How about her?

She'’s a baby.

The kid'’s a walking food encyclopedia.

She'’s been rewriting Sondra for a year and a half.

BA, Sarah Lawrence. Masters from Columbia.

Can she handle the pressure?

My guess is yes.

Okay, let'’s do it.

But we put her on trial, see how she does.

One edition only.

Oh, meanwhile,

start looking for a replacement in case she tanks.

Ladies and gents, can I have your attention, please?

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the tenth annual

Christmas party for Glow Manhattanmagazine.

[cheers and applause]

Who'’d have thought we'’d make it this far?

Er, I'’d like to say a special thank you to Clay,

-our fearless leader. -Oh!

Cheers.

[Elliot] A couple of things.

Today was our beloved food critic

Sondra Sumner'’s last day.

I'’ve just had a call to say

she'’s delivered two healthy babies

and they'’re already eating caviar.

[laughing]

And in a blaze of executive decision-making,

I take great pleasure to announce her successor.

Ladies and gentlemen, our new food critic

is none other than our very own

JJ Jenner.

-[crowd gasping, murmuring] -What?!

No way.

Come on, JJ, take a bow. You deserve it.

-[Cody] Go, go. -What about Malcolm Bristol?

[Cody] Who cares? Get up there.

-[glass shatters] -JJ, whoo!

Take a bow.

Thank you.

All we'’re promising is one edition,

and you'’ve got to prove to us this is the right choice.

None of us will think any less of you if next month

you'’re sitting back at your old desk again, okay?

Fair enough. Thank you.

-Congratulations. -Hey, Morgan, thank you.

So, did you have any idea?

-No! Did you? -No, no.

Have fun, guys.

Oh, Dmitri, what are you doing up so late?

When I don'’t get rent, I don'’t sleep.

I know, I'’m late.

Look, if you can be a little patient...

Time for patience is over. I want my money.

You know how it is when you start a business.

Spend more than you take in.

You don'’t pay, you get out.

Whoa, hey, look, Dmitri. Don'’t do this.

This is prime real estate, Alex.

I have many people who wish to rent from me.

Okay, just give me till the end of the month.

Just give me a little time.

This restaurant'’s my dream.

All right, I give you until Christmas.

-That'’s less than three weeks. -Plus 25% interest.

-Wha... -Take it or leave it.

[door opens, closes]

Oh, JJ?

No, I'’m Miles. Who are you?

Hello, Miles. I'’m Lee. I'’m visiting JJ for a bit.

Oh, wait a minute. This Miles?

Aren'’t you supposed to be at some party with her?

Oh, yeah, but I had a crazy night.

I got stuck in the ER.

She understands. She knows the drill.

Really? So you stand her up on a regular basis?

I'’m a doctor. I have priorities.

And clearly, JJ'’s not one of them.

-Mom? -Honey! Surprise!

This is your mother?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing with a guy like this?

He has absolutely no respect for you.

-What?! -Not only did he stand you up,

I bet he'’s screwing around with some candy striper.

-That is not true. -Maybe you can

pull the wool over my daughter'’s eyes,

but I'’ve been around the block a few times.

I know a player when I see one.

That'’s it. I'’m outta here.

Miles, wait. Don'’t listen to her.

Fine, I am seeing someone else. I was gonna tell you tonight.

I knew it!

I just didn'’t figure on an audience.

It'’s just not working out, JJ.

What did I tell you?

He was my first boyfriend in two years.

I liked him, Mother. You have no right.

Forget it.

So, how long you staying?

Well, I'’m... I'’m really not sure.

The ship'’s undergoing repairs. Probably a few weeks.

Weeks? Why didn'’t you call first?

Every time I wanna spend Christmas with you,

you'’re too busy.

This year we'’ll have

a real old-fashioned Christmas, like we used to.

That'’s funny, coming from you.

I thought we'’d go shopping, see a couple shows.

Remember how we loved to see the Rockettes every December?

Hey, do you belong to a gym?

Why can'’t you stay at the house?

Well, it'’s rented to Dotty.

-Where'’s Fernando? -Don'’t mention that name.

What about Aunt Suzie?

Can'’t a mother visit her daughter?

It'’s been a year and a half, Mom.

So?

So, it'’s just this isn't really the best time for a visit.

-I just got a promotion. -You did?

That'’s wonderful. We have to go celebrate.

I have to work, Mom. I have deadlines.

This is a really big opportunity.

Oh, sweetie, I'’m just so happy to see you.

Mm. Don'’t worry about me, huh?

I can take care of myself. You'’ll hardly know I'm here.

It just feels so good to be with you.

But we have to do something about your hair, huh?

[Cody] She actually said that to his face?

Ha!

A mother breaks up with her daughter'’s boyfriend.

That'’s not even in the Bible.

No, it'’s Dante's Inferno.

[chuckles]

Okay, I love Christmas, all the freebies.

Oh, my gosh, Armagnac with pear and cream.

Can you believe this is my office?

[laughs]

It still doesn'’t seem real.

You totally deserve it. You worked your butt off.

So, uh, she sounds like such a character, your mom.

But, you know, I always pictured you

with more of a bookish, PhD type.

Yeah, rumor has it I was switched at birth.

[chuckles]

What about your dad? What was he like?

Mm, he was my best friend.

[knocking]

Brasiliero called to see if you'’ll make their opening.

It didn'’t ring through.

All your calls are being routed to my line.

You'’re my assistant?

[clicks tongue] Yep.

So, you all settled in?

Yeah.

Uh, I think so. Pretty much.

Good.

Do you have Sumner'’s list?

Um, yes, right here.

[Elliot] I'’d suggest you use it.

She picked those restaurants, so we know they'’re the best,

but I want you to find your own voice.

I'’ll expect it two weeks from today.

[JJ] Okay.

Don'’t let me down.

How long I been using this bank, huh?

They can'’t trust me with a 60-day loan?

You don'’t have enough collateral.

They need proof you can pay '’em back.

Can'’t pay 'em back if I can'’t keep my restaurant open.

You want me to call a guy in Staten Island?

I'’m just asking. How much is your truck worth?

Not enough.

How about Nico and Sylvia? They got a little money.

They just bought a house.

You still got that number?

First decent idea you'’ve had.

[laughing]

You know, speaking of tacky, have you heard the new

reggae version of "Good King Wenceslas"?

No, is it horrible?

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out, mon♪

♪ On the feast of Stephen, mon♪

♪ When the snow lay on the ground, mon♪

♪ Deep and crisp and even, mon♪

Hey!

[Lee] JJ! Hi, honey.

What are you doing here?

You work in a great place. Everybody'’s so friendly.

Hi, I'’m Lee, Janis's mother.

-Janis? -Mom, don'’t.

Janis Joplin Jenner. Don'’t you love it?

Oh!

I know she OD'’d, and some people say

she may not have been the best role model,

but she was a force larger than life,

and if you can'’t give your kid that kind of namesake

for inspiration, what kind of parent are you?

Absolutely.

-We were just on our way out. -To lunch.

Great. I'’m famished.

It'’s business. I'’ll see you later.

Oh, why don'’t you join us?

Oh, fabulous. Where are we going?

-I don'’t think so. -To Cellar.

Just the most famous French restaurant in the city.

Wow!

You'’re not dressed. She'’s not dressed.

-Wait a minute. -[JJ] What?

Voilà. You'’re good to go.

[chuckles]

Ha!

Bye, mon.

-Hemingway for three? -Yes, thank you.

Hemingway? This is JJ Jenner,

the food critic for Glow Manhattanmagazine.

Ms. Jenner, what a pleasure to have you here today.

Thank you.

This way, please.

What did I do?

You totally blew my cover.

They'’re not supposed to know who she is.

Sondra wore hats, wigs, all kinds of disguises.

Craig Hanover dressed as a woman.

A critic is supposed to be incognito.

I didn'’t know.

Should we leave?

No, it'’s okay. It'’s my first day.

Great, because I absolutely love this place.

-[chuckles] -The wine list, madam.

Thank you, and we'’ll have a large flat water

for the table, please.

A water for her. Champagne for me.

A bottle of Dom, s'’il vous plait.

Mom, that'’s $250 a bottle.

But we'’re celebrating your promotion.

Don'’t you have an expense account?

Yes, but...

[Lee] Well, then don'’t worry about it.

Le champagne, monsieur, merci beaucoup.

So, Morgan, do you have a boyfriend?

Mom. That is really none of your business.

I actually don'’t at the moment.

I don'’t understand you girls. Romance is the spice of life.

Without a man, you miss out on so much fun.

Not necessarily.

Oh, come on, the flirtation, the seduction.

The way he looks at you when you'’re all dressed up.

If it'’s the right dress, of course.

Le champagne, madame.

[Lee] Ah, oui, tres bien.

I was told to talk to Malcolm Bristol.

Now you tell me there is no Malcolm Bristol.

I'’ve called 10 times, and I'm just getting the runaround.

Who I gotta talk to about a review?

Ah, there'’s Ms. Jenner, our new food critic.

Thank you. Excuse me. Hey! It'’s you from the other night.

Hey, look, you gave me this, remember?

Oh, hi, how are you?

You'’re the food critic? I thought...

It'’s a long story, I know.

Great, you can review my restaurant.

Alex Stermadapolous.

-JJ Jenner, but... -So when can you come by, JJ?

I'’m free any day this week, you know.

-Breakfast, lunch, dinner? -I can'’t do that.

They gave me a list of restaurants.

I have to stick to it. It'’s my first assignment.

-Has to be by the book. -Come on.

JJ, they'’re waiting in the conference room.

Thanks, Rey. Look, you seem like a nice guy,

and I wish I could help you out, but I can'’t.

I'’m sorry. Bye.

Lee Bellmont.

Hi. Where'’s Larry?

Retired. I'’m his son.

-Really? -Mm.

Your father represented me for a quite a while.

Yeah, on and off for about 30 years.

So, they fired you?

Ah, well, they have this stupid rule for dancers.

Forced retirement at 45. It'’s so ridiculous.

Good for you. You squeezed a couple years out of them.

Yeah, well, so I'’m back in town.

I sing, I dance, I'’m in great shape,

and I have plenty of energy.

-[phone rings] -Well, I'’ll keep you in mind.

Uh-huh, great.

You know, trade shows, backup singing, voice-overs.

-Wanna hear something? -No, that'’s not necessary.

Listen, Lee, thank you so much for coming in.

-It'’s been a pleasure. -Kenny, I really need a job.

I'’ve been staying with my daughter,

but, um, I'’m broke.

Check back next week, okay?

Come on in, Jenna.

["Jingle Bells" playing]

[music switches off]

["Deck the Halls" playing]

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la♪

I am officially declaring this a holiday-free zone.

Oh, come on. How can you resist? Look at adorable little Rudi.

I'’ve been thinking about what to get you for Christmas.

No. No presents. I don'’t want anything.

What have you been doing with all my clothes?

This is my Marc Jacobs.

I'’ve been cleaning out your closet.

Black, black, and more black. Haven'’t you got anything else?

Yeah, I'’ve got blue and brown.

It'’s such a cliché, all you girls and your dark colors.

What are you hiding from?

I'’m not hiding. It'’s professional.

It'’s Victorian. You have a gorgeous body.

Look at those breasts, and your little butt'’s adorable.

-Get your hands off me. -Let'’s go shopping.

We'’ll get you a whole new wardrobe.

I like my clothes.

We'’ll get your hair cut, your brows shaped, a facial.

A girl your age should have better pores.

-Stop it. -What?

All you do is criticize.

Honey, I'’m just trying to help.

-No, you'’re just being mean. -Mean?!

I just want you to be the most beautiful, self-confident...

By what, ripping me to shreds? You know what?

I don'’t want to hear it. I have to get dressed.

Am I invited?

You don'’t even know where I'’m going.

Doesn'’t matter. I'’ll be with you.

Fine, I'’ll just stay home by myself. With Rudi.

♪ Round yon virgin, mother and child♪

[JJ] Guilt trip'’s not working, Mom.

I'’m not one to go where I'’m not wanted.

Oh, give me a break.

♪ Holy infant, so tender and mild♪

It'’s not gonna happen.

-[Lee] ♪ Sleep in heavenly♪ -No.

-[Lee] ♪ Peace♪ -Never! Nyet!

Ooh, freebies.

Mom, this is work, remember? You'’re on parole now.

Gonna fit me with those trendy house arrest ankle straps?

-I mean it. -Okay, okay. Hmm.

Excuse me.

[JJ] Hey!

-Oh, hey. -Hi, guys.

-How you doing? -Great, good.

-Ready for some sush-ay! -Oh, dear.

Mmm.

I have no idea where she went. I guess we should order.

Hey, what are you guys doing for Christmas?

Uh, JJ doesn'’t celebrate Christmas.

How can you not celebrate Christmas?

The eggnog, the tree, the smell of spruce in the air.

-The mistletoe? -Oh, please! You'’re Jewish.

You'’ve seen too many movies. Christmas is nothing

but high expectation and big disappointment.

Oh, hello.

Oh, err, what... what is all this?

Omakase. Chef'’s choice. The freshest, the best.

Kids, say hello to Yoshi, the genius behind the knife.

[Cody] Hi.

You must be Peter and Cody. I'’ve heard so much about you.

JJ, say hello to Yoshi.

Hello, Yoshi.

Hi.

[speaking Japanese]

[laughing]

So, Peter, JJ didn'’t tell me you were so cute.

You'’re a lucky woman, Cody.

[Peter] That'’s what I keep telling her.

-Shall we? -Yes.

Mmm. Ahh.

-Mmm. -Very good.

Do I know my sushi or what?

Oh, that is so fresh, I think it'’s gonna jump up and bite me.

[both laughing]

Try this.

Oh. Ohh.

-More? -Mm-hmm.

Come on, girls, partake of this sumptuous feast.

[Peter] Here, can I give you one?

-Try this? -Mmm.

[Peter] What do you think?

-[Lee] My favorite. -[Peter] That'’s good.

Wow, that was fun.

Chelsea, and fast.

Got something to do. I'’ll see ya later.

Okay.

I can'’t take it anymore.

It happens every time she shows up.

My self-image, my self-confidence,

it all just flies out the window.

And you were no help either, thank you very much.

What did I do?

I am invisible. Everything is about her.

She sucks the air out of the room.

Thought she was fun.

When I was a freshman in college and my dad died,

she totally bailed on me.

I was crying my eyes out,

and she got a job dancing on cruise ships.

-I barely heard from her. -Whoa.

That first Christmas, we were supposed to be together.

She never showed up, never even called.

And since then?

Well, I see her once in a while.

Sometimes she calls and pretends to care how I'’m doing.

We have not spent any real time together in eight years.

And now she shows up and expects us to be best friends?

Well, have you tried talking to her?

What'’s the point?

I mean, this is such a crucial time for me right now,

and all I keep hearing is,

"Why don'’t you wear some lip liner?

Wax your eyebrows. Get a push-up bra."

Well, the bra idea'’s not that bad.

Listen, you'’ve got two weeks to write this thing.

You just have to figure out how to get her out of your hair.

What'’s she into?

Men, men, and more men. Take your pick.

Okay, easy, there'’s gotta be plenty of guys out there

who would go out with Lee.

Yeah, that'’s for sure.

Ohh, don'’t you just love cold cereal?

Ah, thank you.

[Lee] ♪ On the ninth day of Christmas♪

♪ My true love gave to me♪

♪ Nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying♪

♪ Five gold rings♪

♪ Four calling birds, three French hens♪

♪ Two turtle doves, a partridge in a pear tree♪

♪ On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me♪

♪ Ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming♪

♪ Six geese a-laying♪ [inhales deeply]

♪ Five gold rings♪

♪ Four calling birds, three French hens♪

♪ Two turtle doves♪

-♪ Partridge in a pear tree♪ -[knock on door]

♪ The eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me♪

[singing continues in distance]

What?

-I won'’t take no for an answer. -How did you find me?

You'’re in the phone book.

You'’re something else.

You won'’t come to the restaurant,

so the restaurant comes to you.

One bite, one paragraph, that'’s all I ask.

I told you, I can'’t. I'm under a lot of pressure here.

I really need this review, all right?

I'’ll do anything, anything you want.

Free lunch, free catering.

I'’ll wash your dishes, I'll wash your windows. Just name it.

[Lee] ♪ Six geese a-laying, five golden rings♪

I'’ll make you a deal.

I'’ll find some time to come to your restaurant.

I don'’t promise a review, but I promise I'’ll come.

-On one condition. -Name it.

You'’ve got to keep my mother busy.

Take her out for the next two weeks.

-What? -I have a deadline,

and I can'’t get anything done with her in the house.

I need someone to keep her occupied.

This is a joke, right?

Those are my terms. Take it or leave it.

That'’s ridiculous. Okay?

Besides, I'’m busy. I got a restaurant to run.

Okay. Well, sorry, good luck.

Okay, wait.

Okay, I'’ll do it. But I'’m not happy about it.

Here'’s the thing. She cannot know I put you up to this.

You gotta meet her on your own and ask her out.

How am I supposed to do that?

Meet me tomorrow at Shakespeare'’s,

in the cooking section, at 4:00.

You really want me to ask your mother out?

Yeah. And don'’t be late.

[Lee] ♪ Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying♪

♪ Five gold rings♪

♪ Four calling birds, three French hens♪

♪ Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree♪

So, you go get your magazines, I will pick up my books,

and I will see you back here in 15 minutes.

Check. Oh, here we are.

-Hi. -Hi.

M.F.K. Fisher, The Art of Eating.

Yeah, she should have called it The Art of Living,huh?

So passionate, right? I love her motto.

[both] Love, food, security.

Straightforward, but sensuous.

That'’s what's so great about her.

Yeah.

So...

So, right. I guess this is it.

Where is she?

There.

So, what, like... high tea and an art museum?

No, no. No, Alex, not her.

Her.

More like a Long Island iced tea and the Hard Rock Cafe.

-That'’s your mother? -Yeah.

Just start talking to her.

She doesn'’t need a lot of encouragement.

How old is she?

You'’ll have to ask her that.

Okay, uh... Okay.

So, I guess I'’ll see you when you come by the restaurant.

As soon as I get the chance.

Thank you.

-Bye. -Bye.

Prince Charles and Camilla. 35 years.

It'’s about time he made an honest woman of her.

[Alex] What'’s her secret, do you think?

Well, it'’s certainly not her beauty. [laughs]

She must have a fabulous personality,

or else she'’s read a lot of racy French novels.

[both laugh]

Jen, hey, you free tonight?

I'’ve got reservations...

Oh. Okay, cool.

Yeah, sure. Next time.

Annie. JJ. Call me when you get in.

How awful to eat alone. You want us to join you?

Oh, no. No, no.

Is that a tattoo?

Yeah. Isn'’t it cool?

There'’s nothing wrong with

being in touch with your sexuality, JJ.

You ought to know.

-What'’s that supposed to mean? -What'’s what supposed to mean?

[door buzzer buzzing]

Hello.

It'’s Alex. You ready?

Yeah, come on up.

You know, maybe if you made a little effort,

you could meet someone as nice as this guy Alex,

instead of that egotistical Miles.

You didn'’t make any effort. You met him by accident.

Honey, there are no accidents, you know?

You have to make things happen,

not wait for them to happen to you.

Ah, thank you, Confucius.

Maybe you wanna go out with him. He'’s a little young for me.

Forget it, that'’s the last thing I need right now.

-[knock on door] -Okay.

-Hey, handsome. -Hi.

JJ, come and meet this gorgeous guy I met in the bookstore.

Come on in.

Alex, this is my daughter JJ,

the brilliant writer I told you about.

Oh, so now I'’m brilliant?

-Nice to meet you. -Hello.

A little phyllo with almond custard I made.

Thought you might like it.

Oh, you are so amazing.

Put this in the fridge for me, hon, will you please?

-Sure. -See you later.

Bye.

Unreal.

I'’ll have the Moroccan mint tea and the appetizer sampler.

That serves eight, madam.

Yes, that'’s fine.

And the lamb feast, the chicken Marrakesh,

the couscous royale, and the couscous Casablanca.

Oh, and some saffron rice.

You have an excellent appetite.

Mm. Thank you.

Fifty bucks.

All the Greek food you can eat. How about that?

[laughing] Okay.

Pat Benatar, "Shadows of the Night."

[cheers and applause]

♪ I said you can'’t hide on the inside♪

♪ All the pain you'’ve ever felt♪

♪ Ransom my heart, but, baby, don'’t look back♪

♪ '’Cause we got nobody else♪

♪ We'’re running with the shadows of the night♪

♪ So, baby, take my hand♪

-♪ We'’ll be all right♪ -[phone ringing]

♪ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight♪

♪ They'’ll come true in the end♪

What happened?

Wow. Thank you.

Enjoy.

[man] But it'’s a bachelor party. We made reservations weeks ago.

I am sorry, sir, but I have no record of your party.

[man] This is unbelievable. What are we supposed to do?

It'’s Saturday night. Every place is booked.

I want to talk to the manager.

[manager] I am the manager.

[man] Listen, this is a night...

This is a very important dinner.

And we made the reservation weeks ago.

Can you make this work, please?

[manager] Gentlemen, listen, I am very sorry,

but I have nothing before 11:00.

Excuse me. I know this is kinda weird,

but you can all join me if you'’d like.

Huh?

I'’ve got this huge table, and all my friends got stuck.

Really?

You'’d be doing me a favor. I hate to eat alone.

And don'’t worry about the check. It'’d be on me.

Wow.

What do we think?

Let'’s do it.

Great.

So, uh, who'’s getting married?

We are.

Great.

-♪ Words you deny♪ -What do you mean? What?

♪ That love ain'’t meant to last♪

♪ You can cry, tough baby, it'’s all right♪

♪ You can let me down easy, but not tonight♪

Yeah. Any covers will do.

♪ We'’re running with the shadows of the night♪

♪ So, baby, take my hand, we'’ll be all right♪

All right. I'’ll be there first thing in the morning.

Yeah, meet me there. 6:00 a.m.

♪ They'’ll come true in the end♪

[applause]

[Alex] All right.

All right, yeah, 6:00. Okay. I gotta go.

No, I really, I gotta go. Bye.

That was amazing.

Maybe we should call it a night.

What? Why?

Well, you'’re preoccupied. I understand.

No, Lee, I had a little problem at the restaurant.

-Everything'’s fine now. -Alex, it'’s okay.

We can try it again another night.

Don'’t say that.

Look, Lee, I'’m having a terrific time tonight.

I really wanna see you again.

You do?

Yeah, absolutely. As soon as possible.

[up-tempo music playing]

Go, JJ, go!

Hear! Hear! To our new friend JJ.

May she have a long, successful career,

and may she always need her friends

to help her taste everything on the menu.

-Oh, hear! Hear! -Cheers.

And next time, may some of the guys be straight.

Ahh! [laughs]

Hey, guys.

Ah, hello there.

So, did you get your work done?

Oh, yes. Yes. Some very delicious work.

Ah, lamb tagine.

Apricots, cinnamon,

and just a teeny-weeny pinch of cumin.

Looks like you had a teeny-weeny something to drink too.

Oh, not a lot. Just, you know, three or four bottles.

[laughing] I'’m kidding. I'’m kidding.

Oh, did you have fun with my mom?

Of course you did. Everyone has fun with my mom.

She'’s, you know, the funnest person in town.

-And you'’re not? -No. I'’m the serious one.

And she'’s the fun one. And never the twain shall meet.

-[gasps] -Whoa.

-[laughs] -You okay?

Yeah.

I gotta go. Good night.

Sweet dreams.

[Cody] You traded your mother for a review?

I never promised a review. I said I would stop by.

I don'’t even know if he can boil water.

Okay, that justifies it.

Well, no, but he was desperate. I was desperate.

She'’s always desperate. It was the obvious solution.

Yeah, obviously weird.

She'’s a party girl, Cody.

When there'’s a man in her life, she forgets I exist.

What'’s this guy like?

Um...

Focused, tenacious.

Dark hair, dark eyes.

Space between his teeth.

-What? -Oh, nothing.

[Lee] Nothing at all?

Okay, Kenny.

Yeah, well, I'’ll call you next week.

I assume you'’re both Mac and PC proficient.

Not really, but I am a quick study.

Mm. What about the Internet?

Oh, of course. I just bought a book on amazon.com.

Ms. Bellmont, do you have any secretarial skills at all?

Well, I'’m great on the phone and I make terrific coffee.

[Lee] First position.

Second position.

Third position.

That'’s fourth position.

-[Lee] Oh, is it? -Yeah.

Third position.

That'’s fifth position.

Well, you know, who cares, anyway?

Wouldn'’t y'all rather be doing hip-hop?

[laughing]

Yeah. It'’s time for us to loosen up our booties, huh?

♪ Five days, five nights, and then roll♪

Left, right.

Okay, girls, shake that thang out.

[music switches off]

Here, and...

You sure you'’ve done this before?

-Oh, yeah. No problem. -Okay.

[dishes shattering]

[Lee] Ha! I'’m okay.

Three hours? Are you kidding me?

Maybe four. We should be out of here by dinnertime.

-Great. Thanks. -[man] I got it!

Again, I-I can'’t tell you how sorry I am.

It really is beyond my control.

But I'’d love to make it up to you.

How about...

Okay. Okay.

-Hi. -Hi.

H-Hi. Uh, you'’re here.

Yeah. What'’s the matter?

Uh...

They shut off my gas and electricity. I can'’t cook.

But we'’re gonna have power in a few hours.

So, dinner tonight would...

Tonight'’s no good. Um, let me see.

I'’m sorry, I'm booked solid for the next two weeks.

What? No, JJ, we have a deal.

How about here? Or, look, right there.

Uh...

All right, maybe I can switch a couple things around.

-Thanks. -Yeah.

I'’m sorry you wasted your time.

It'’s okay.

Uncle Alex!

Joe! Hey!

-Hey, baby. Mwah! -Hey.

Hey, sis, how you doing? How you doing?

-Good. -Long time. Where'’s Johnny?

Outside getting the tree.

Hey, guys. Help my brother-in-law.

It'’s been too long, you lousy bum.

I almost forgot what you look like.

How about you, huh? You excited about Santa Claus?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

You send your letter down under?

No, Santa lives at the North Pole.

That'’s it, that's it, I'’ve had it with you!

[shouting, laughing]

Hi. I remember you.

Oh, sorry. Sophia, Johnny, this is JJ Jenner.

She works for Glowmagazine.

And this guy right here, this is Joe!

So, you'’re gonna write about Alex?

Um...

Well, maybe.

All right, that'’s great. When'’s it coming out?

We gotta celebrate.

You know, I actually have to get going.

What do you mean? We just got here.

I have two lunch appointments and a lot of work

waiting back at the office.

Three lunches a day. That sounds like a great job.

I'’d be so afraid of getting fat.

Oh, you don'’t have to eat much. If it'’s good, just a few bites.

Who could stop at a few bites?

[laughs] Anyway, it'’s nice to have met you.

-Ohh! -Aw, darn.

-Bye. -Bye.

Aleko, you are the man.

I'’m the man. Whoo!

Clay'’s exploits are who's-who of every beauty in the world.

Why shouldn'’t we run with it? It sells huge every time.

Because he doesn'’t want us to.

Clay'’s getting sensitive about his love life.

[Irma] Maybe what Clay needs is an older woman.

-Sorry! -You'’re late, Janis Joplin.

I'’m gonna kill Morgan. Thank you.

How'’s it going?

Great. Everything'’s going great.

So, by the end of the week, right?

Definitely. Absolutely, no problem.

Elliot, sorry to interrupt.

I'’ve got a delivery that I can'’t get rid of.

Which one of you is JJ Jenner?

I told the guy I'’d deliver these to you personally.

Thank you.

[man] Ohh!

So, who'’s it from, Janis? Jimi Hendrix?

Maybe it'’s JJ's love life I should be following.

Nothing, huh?

Yeah, okay, I'’ll try back in about two months.

Wow, where'’d you get those?

Somebody sent them to me.

Ooh, an admirer. Anybody I know?

Well, he'’s obviously very romantic.

Lilies and roses, ooh. This one'’s got potential.

Maybe we can double date some time, me and Alex,

you and your mystery man.

You know, this Alex is a real gentleman.

That'’s rare these days.

Mom, shh.

I just feel lucky.

He'’s a real sweetie, and we'’re having fun.

Now, where'’s that invitation?

What are you doing?

Oh, I RSVPed for this opening.

That'’s my invitation.

[Lee] Yeah, but you weren'’t gonna go, so I used your name.

-You used my name? -Well, I had to.

-It'’s invitation only. -You can'’t do that.

When they invite me, they expect me to be there.

I can'’t believe you. Now I have to show up.

How could you do this? I am so behind.

Well, I just wanted to have a little fun.

Do you ever have fun, Jan? Do you even remember how?

Do you wanna borrow something of mine?

No.

You want help with your makeup?

No.

[door buzzer buzzing]

Just go downstairs and wait for me, okay?

-Hey. -It'’s Alex.

Be right down. Guess what. JJ'’s coming with us.

Would it hurt you to wear some color for a change?

We'’re not going to a funeral.

[JJ] Mom!

Whoa.

Oh, there you are.

Taxi!

[tires screech]

-Sorry to keep you waiting. -You look great.

I was telling Alex you got flowers from a secret admirer.

Let Alex sit in the middle.

-Thank you for the flowers. -No problem.

This is gonna be fun. I love Brazilians.

They'’re so flamboyant and uninhibited.

And their music. Alex, do you salsa?

No.

We have to change that. That'’s my specialty.

I just picked up a great M.F.K. Fisher.

-Oh, yeah? -How To Cook A Wolf.

-Read it? -Not yet, but I want to.

It'’s just a question of attitude with Latin dancing.

-Oh, yeah? -And the eye contact.

It'’s very important to make a deep visual connection.

It'’s all about the food shortages during World War II.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'’m cold back here. Honey, are you cold?

-No. -You want my jacket?

Oh, thank you. That'’s so kind of you.

-What a guy. -All right.

[salsa plays]

Thanks for bringing me here.

They'’re playing my song.

-Whoo! -Ha-ha-ha!

-Wow. -She loves to dance.

Hey, hey!

-No. -Aw, dance with your mom.

No, no, no. That'’s her thing.

Go dance.

I'’m coming for you now, Alex.

She'’s after me. All right.

[laughing]

All right, I'’m coming.

[laughing]

Oh, thank you.

[laughing]

[sultry music plays]

When I left, she was practically rubbing herself all over him.

-It was disgusting. -And what was he doing?

It'’s really sad, the way so many guys fall for that stuff.

Thought he was different, but... And you know what'’s even sadder?

Is how she can'’t just grow up and act her age.

She'’s so pathetic.

And you are so jealous.

[JJ] What?! No, I'’m not.

-You like this guy. -No, I don'’t.

[Cody] You like this guy a lot.

And it'’s killing you that you set him up with your mother.

Okay.

So, now what do I do?

Hey.

Hi.

Should I be nervous?

I don'’t know. Should I?

[both chuckle]

So, everybody sits together?

Yeah, I like family-style seating.

I think it makes everybody feel connected, comfortable.

Nice.

Yeah, I got some excellent specials I want you to try.

No, no. No special treatment. Just let me do my job.

Yes, ma'’am.

Oh, hold on.

Try this.

-We give this to everybody. -Okay.

Mmm.

Fire-roasted eggplant with ricotta, not feta.

Nice surprise. Mmm.

Peppers.

Dutch. [chuckles]

Garlic, nutmeg, and...

And?

Cardamom?

That'’s amazing.

No, this is amazing. Where'’d you learn to cook?

From my grandma.

And every day after school, my dad'’s diner.

Two years of CIA.

You went to the Culinary Institute?

How about some flatbread, huh? Semolina flour from Crete.

Hand-churned butter made from goat'’s milk.

Definitely.

♪ I wanna tell you now♪

♪ It'’s the way I feel when I'’m with you♪

♪ I'’m higher than I ever knew♪

♪ Just say it'’s me that you adore♪

♪ Well, I ask for this and nothing more♪

♪ It'’s the way I feel when I'’m with you♪

♪ When I'’m with you♪

♪ Your presence steals away the time♪

♪ And I realize what I'’ve been missing♪

Open.

♪ It'’s the way I feel when I'’m with you♪

♪ Higher than I ever knew♪

♪ Just say it'’s me that you adore♪

♪ Well, I ask for this and nothing more♪

♪ It'’s the way I feel when I'’m with you♪

♪ Higher than I ever knew♪

♪ Just say it'’s me that you adore♪

♪ Well, I ask for this and nothing more♪

So, what'’d you think?

Well, you definitely know how to cook.

Thank you.

You know, you don'’t have to bother

taking out my mother anymore.

It was a stupid idea to begin with,

I never should'’ve asked.

I don'’t know what I was thinking.

Well, we sorta made plans for tonight.

Yeah, that'’s what I'm saying. You don'’t have to go.

Yeah, no, I can'’t just cancel on her, you know?

I mean, that wouldn'’t be right.

You know, she'’s amazing, your mother.

She'’s never in a bad mood.

You just have to smile when you'’re around Lee.

[chuckles]

Right. Yeah.

All right, I compiled your suggestions

for next month'’s list,

emailed those press clippings you wanted,

and replaced the ink cartridges in your printer. Anything else?

Yeah, can you get me some aspirin?

I'’ve got a really bad headache.

Your wish is my command.

Hey, what are you gonna do with all these?

Take whatever you want. Take '’em all.

-Really? -Yeah.

Okay.

So, how'’s it coming?

What? Uh, h-how'’s what coming?

Your column.

Oh. Great.

Great, yeah, it'’s great. I'’m really pleased.

Good. What'’s the focus?

What'’s your big JJ Jenner bust-out-of-the-box debut

signature piece gonna be about?

[chuckles] That'’s a surprise.

I'’m on the way to the mother-in-law.

-Can I take one of these? -Mm-hmm.

24 hours and counting.

-You okay? -[groans]

What?

I have nothing. Nada.

Not one freaking thing. I have notes. I have paragraphs.

But do I have a piece that makes any sense?

Okay, calm down. Think of all the great writers.

They'’re blocked for days, they have nothing,

then suddenly, in the middle of the night,

everything comes pouring out.

-He likes her. -What?

Alex likes my mother. A lot.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

You'’re welcome.

Who is it?

It'’s Lee Bellmont, Kenny.

Well, if it isn'’t Miss America.

Coco. Coco, my God, how are you?

-[Coco] Get over here. -[both laugh]

What the hell are you doing back here?

I thought you were set for life.

Oh. He died.

Oh, Lee, I'’m so sorry.

Yeah, about eight years ago.

So, Kenny, did you find anything yet?

Oh, honey, this business isn'’t what you remember.

Well, I really need to work. Like, today.

Well, there'’s nothing much out there for us.

This is my first gig in three years.

Oh, come on. That can'’t be true.

What about Vegas? They always need dancers.

Come on, Lee. Look in the mirror.

You'’d be the oldest showgirl in history.

Let'’s get out of here. Come on.

What am I gonna do?

I can'’t find a job. I'’ve tried everything.

Hey, you'’ve got your girl.

She thinks I'’m a loser.

Maybe I am.

Why don'’t you just tell her what'’s going on?

If you tiptoe around her, she'’s gonna feel that.

Be straight with her.

[Lee] Oh.

[sighs]

[beeping, static]

Hey, what'’s going on?

Oh, I was typing something.

I don'’t know what happened. It just freaked out.

What do you mean? Here, move over.

Where are my files?

Oh, I didn'’t touch your files, I swear.

-I don'’t know what happened. -All my drafts are gone.

What did you do? What did you do?

I don'’t know. I'm sorry.

Leave me alone, okay?

I'’ve been having a hard time lately.

I'’ve been wanting to talk to you, but I didn'’t know how.

Ma, please, just go away!

I'’m screwed. My deadline'’s tomorrow.

[laughing] Oh.

I'’m not very good company tonight.

You wanna talk about it?

It'’s times like this that I really miss JJ'’s father.

What happened to him?

He had an aneurysm.

Forty-two years old.

One day I had a husband, the next day I didn'’t.

Was he in showbiz, like you?

[chuckles] Michael? No.

He was a high school history teacher.

We met when he was still in college.

I was in the chorus of a show off-Broadway.

Typical backstage story.

JJ'’s just like him.

Really?

She inherited all of his good qualities,

none of my rotten ones.

Lee...

His students loved him.

His daughter adored him.

[crying] And so did I.

Please take me home with you.

Whoa.

Thanks.

[JJ] Morning.

Oh, God, you scared me. What are you doing up?

You must have been having fun.

Why did you come here, Mom?

Janis, please.

Right, let'’s just talk about things that are fun and festive.

I'’m just gonna wash my face and go to bed.

How do you do it, Mom?

You just roll in and roll over everyone in your path?

What?

You invade me home, you take over my friends,

and now you'’re sabotaging my career.

Well, bravo, mission accomplished.

Now, just a minute, sweetheart. Don'’t blame me for everything

you don'’t like about your own life.

Don'’t expect me to be another of your adoring fans.

I'’m not part of your audience, Mother.

I am your daughter.

Not that you really care.

Oh, wow. You don'’t know me at all.

What'’s to know?

A total obsession with how you look?

A pathetic interest in the opposite sex?

I'’m just the cheapest hotel in town.

Okay, I get the picture. I'’m outta here.

Maybe I'’ll go to Alex's. He seems to like me fine.

Let me tell you something about your friend Alex.

It was a setup, Ma.

He just asked you out so that I'’d go to his restaurant.

What?

He was begging me for a review,

and you were driving me crazy, so...

Okay. I gotta get out of here.

You know, I have always loved you.

And you may not remember, but you used to love me too.

Shame on you.

[knock on door]

[knocking continues]

Okay, okay, I'’m coming.

Hi.

Is my mother here?

Uh, what? No.

I dropped her off a while ago.

-Thanks. -Wait, wait, what'’s going on?

-I'’m sorry to bother you. -You'’re not bothering me.

The deal was to keep her busy, Alex, not...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.

Look, you'’re the one who set your mother up

with a complete stranger.

I don'’t think you have any right to come--

Okay, forget it. Forget it.

It'’s none of my business. I just...

This whole thing has just gotten out of hand.

Yeah.

I said horrible things to her, Alex, and then she left.

And now I need to find her.

Where do you think she went?

I don'’t know. The ship, I guess.

Okay. All right. I'’ll go with you.

-I don'’t need your help. -Hey, listen to me, JJ.

Nothing happened between us, okay?

Nothing.

She was upset. She had too much to drink.

All she did was talk about your dad.

Really?

Yeah. I don'’t think she'’s ever gotten over him.

I am such an idiot.

♪ Now I know exactly what you mean♪

She was fired two weeks ago.

-What? -She never said a word.

She acted like everything was fine.

[sighs] So where did she go?

Friends? Family?

Yeah, I guess she could be staying with her friend Dotty.

She'’s been renting our house since my dad died.

-Where'’s that? -Long Island.

Let'’s go.

[JJ] He was a real Middle Ages junkie.

Loved the crusades and all that stuff.

We'’d go to the Metropolitan

and look at medieval weapons for hours.

Did you know one of those swords weighs over 60 pounds?

So, he was like your knight in shining armor.

[scoffs] No, Dr. Freud, but he really got me.

And encouraged me.

And Lee didn'’t?

I doubt she'’s read anything I'’ve ever written.

♪ We can find a small piece of forgiveness♪

♪ If we give like we take♪

So, this is it, huh?

Yeah. I haven'’t been back in years.

It looks so small.

I guess Dotty will be up by now.

Want me to go with you?

No, it'’s cool. Thanks.

Oh, honey.

I haven'’t heard from Lee in over a year.

Not since I bought the house.

You bought the house?

She didn'’t tell you?

She really needed the money.

And you know how long I'’ve wanted this place.

Okay. Um...

Thanks, Dotty. I'’d better get going.

Hey, JJ.

Remember this? [chuckles]

-That was my tree. -Mm. I hope you don'’t mind.

I found it in the back of the closet.

Still works.

Your mom at Christmas.

She'’d refuse to feed us until we'’d sung

every Christmas carol known to man.

I had forgotten all about it.

Why didn'’t she tell me?

She wanted to protect you.

From what? Knowing she was broke and had no place to live?

What a mess.

I haven'’t spoken to my dad in almost a year.

He wanted me to wait till I had more money to open my own place.

Which, you know, I wouldn'’t even hear about.

He was right, of course.

You want kids?

You mean, like, right this second?

I don'’t know.

They say you have to forgive your parents

before you can be one, right?

Or maybe you have to be one before you can forgive '’em.

JJ, it'’s Elliot. I don'’t know where you are.

JJ, I'’m not sure if you realize, but...

Now, this is just irresponsibl.

You missed your deadline and you haven'’t bothered to call.

If I don'’t hear from you in the next two hours,

don'’t bother calling at all.

♪ I just wanna be alone now♪

♪ With the dark at night♪

♪ It'’s not fair to call it moonlit♪

♪ As a sun sets in the sky♪

♪ I pore over what you wrote♪

♪ And the letters burn the page♪

♪ I see all the things you meant to me♪

♪ And the things you didn'’t say♪

♪ In the dark at night♪

♪ In the blue and white♪

♪ All the things that I thought♪

♪ And all the things that I am not♪

♪ Holding back and never letting you see♪

♪ Now I am♪

♪ Now I am♪

♪ Now I am♪

-Hi. -Any calls?

Yes.

Are you Mr. Sorcassian?

Could be. Who'’s asking?

I'’m Lee Bellmont's daughter.

I was hoping you might know where she is.

-Mm, sorry. -[JJ] Please.

I really need to find her.

Do you know anything at all that could help me?

Hi. I'’m looking for Lee. I'’m her daughter.

Well, well. I was hoping you'’d show up.

Is she here?

I gave her a couple of my shifts.

I just can'’t believe I was so wrong about her.

[knocking]

I hope I'’m not interrupting.

What'’s up?

Well, you'’re always telling us assistants

that we need to take control of our destiny,

so I wrote a little something for the food column.

-What a coincidence. -Let'’s have a look.

I just thought it would be a good time

to familiarize you with my work.

You know, for the future.

[chuckles]

We'’ll get back to you.

How is it?

Well, it'’s in English, and it'’s about food.

Fine. Send it to the fact checkers.

JJ really blew it.

[sultry music plays]

There you go. Sorry about that. You want another one, right?

Yep.

Mom? What are you doing?

Working. Excuse me.

I'’m sorry.

I was way out of line last night,

but I never thought you wouldn'’t come back.

Why should I come back?

So you can insult me and treat me like dirt?

Hey, another scotch and soda.

I never knew how much you missed Dad.

He was gone, and it felt like you just moved on so fast.

But Alex told me you never got over him.

How could you not know that?

I never saw you cry. Never.

Maybe I didn'’t want you to.

-Why? -I was such a mess.

I thought I was doing you a favor.

-Hey, did you hear me? -[Lee] In a minute.

And that first Christmas when you blew me off, where were you?

What, did you think I was dancing the night away?

The truth is I was on the ship,

sitting alone in my room, drinking.

I loved that man with all my heart.

[crying] So did I.

It was like I lost both of you.

My beautiful girl.

How could I have been so selfish?

I wasn'’t there for you, was I?

I didn'’t realize. I'’m so sorry.

Oh, Mom.

It'’s all right.

I'’m so sorry about last night.

You got home late. I was jealous.

Jealous?

[JJ] Of you and Alex.

I think I'’m in love with him, Mom.

What?

Are you mad?

Mad? I couldn'’t be happier.

Really?

Where'’s my drink? Come on. Move your ass.

My ass just retired. I quit.

Come on, Mom. Let'’s go home.

[man] Hey, scotch and soda.

[JJ] You guys were like lovebirds.

You lit up whenever he walked through the door.

Yeah, but you guys were so connected.

I'’d walk in the kitchen, you'’d be talking about books

I'’d never even heard of.

Not going to college doesn'’t mean you're dumb, Mom.

Mm.

Hey.

How about I make you one of my world-famous breakfasts?

[JJ] Sure.

Whoa!

I haven'’t had this stuff in such a long time.

-Oh, my God. -[Lee] What?

You used to do that.

You used to mix up all the cereals for breakfast.

And for dinner too, I'’m not proud to say.

I got it. I got it.

What? What do you got?

It might be too late, but...

[JJ] Comfort food is different things to different people.

Shh, shh!

To some of us, it'’s a heaping plate of macaroni and cheese.

For others, it'’s Grandma's matzo ball soup.

For a hard-core food snob like me,

though it'’s tough to admit,

the one food that warms the cockles of my soul

like no other is a hardy bowl of cold cereal.

One part Frosted Mini-Wheats to equal parts

Froot Loops, Rice Krispies and Apple Jacks.

This is the elixir that conjures up

my most profound sense memories.

Where'’s Elliot?

We'’ve come to expect eating in a restaurant to satisfy

not only our culinary curiosities

but to entertain us on a level more akin to theater and art.

-Where the hell have you been? -Later. Where'’s Elliot?

-In layout. -Thank you.

Our city abounds with such places,

but few engender a response as primal as comfort.

And when one does...

Elliot, I did it.

...it demands that we take notice.

It'’s practically Christmas, my dear.

You'’re just a little too late.

I had something really important to deal with.

You'’re no longer employed here.

We'’re going to print with something Morgan wrote.

Morgan?

Aleko, a downtown restaurant owned by

my friend, Alex Stermadapolous, is quite unique.

With its tables pushed together family style,

establishing the allure of immediate camaraderie,

we are drenched in the reassuring sensations

of love, food and security.

Whoa, what do you think you'’re doing? Who's in charge?

We abandon our tension and are finally seduced

by a meal that breaks down any last vestige of stress.

Hey, you said I had more time.

Every night I pass by, place is empty.

Time to cut your losses, Alex.

Dmitri, I promise you, things are gonna pick up.

Promises don'’t pay the rent.

I already have someone else interested.

As soon as you pay me what you owe me,

I give you back your furniture.

How can you do this? It'’s two days before Christmas.

Christmas is the biggest business time of the year.

Face it, my friend, if you can'’t make it now, you never will.

Aleko is comfort food at its finest.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Sure. I'’ll be right there.

[knock on door]

Come in.

You know, JJ, it'’s not every company that promotes

from within and takes chances with their assistants.

Yes, sir.

And it'’s rare when a staff member even recognizes

the talents of junior employees.

So it'’s distressing, very upsetting,

and a blow to your peers

that you'’ve disappointed us like this.

I'’m so sorry, Mr. McNeil.

We asked you to stick to Sondra'’s list.

-You couldn'’t even do that. -I know, I know.

We asked you to find your own voice to create

a young, fresh, interesting way to talk about food

that was original, and,

well,

you did it.

Congratulations, JJ.

-You read it? -We did.

-You like it? -We love it.

But I thought I was too late.

It is, but we'’re gonna do it anyway.

Are you kidding? Really?

[laughing] Yes.

Oh, my God, I can'’t believe this.

Well, believe it, and start working on your piece

for next month.

I'’ll let you take this back to Morgan.

Thank you. Thank you both so much.

-JJ. -Yes?

What the hell is Aleko, and how come I'’d never heard of it?

Trust me, Mr. McNeil, the food is-- it'’s incredible.

You'’re the expert. I guess I'’ll have to try it.

Elliot won'’t be needing that.

And by the way, you misspelled macadamia.

What happened?

They loved my article and they'’re going with it.

That'’s great! I'’m so proud of you.

-I'’ll call you later. -Okay.

Alex, you in there?

Why didn'’t you tell me in the beginning?

If I'’d told you I had money problems,

would you have even considered giving me a review?

Probably not.

My piece comes out in two weeks,

and then this place would'’ve been packed.

In two weeks, this place is gonna belong to somebody else.

Not necessarily.

You can still cook in here.

-Yeah, but... -And you'’ve got the keys.

Dmitri'’s not gonna be able to rent this place in a day, right?

That I don'’t know. Saw him in here today with somebody.

Okay. All right, tomorrow night'’s Christmas eve.

You shop and prepare something special.

JJ, what are you talking about? Look around you.

You just cook. Leave the rest to me.

We'’ve got 24 hours to turn this around.

JJ? I was starting to get worried.

-What happened at work? -They loved it.

But Alex has a problem, and we need your help.

-Anything. You name it. -Great, come on.

[Alex] ...pounds chestnuts, two dozen leeks, two rosemary,

two bunches of thyme, tarragon, where'’s the dill?

All right. Take it back there.

Hey. Here'’s the list. You know what to do.

Irma! Just the woman I'’m looking for.

What'’s up, cookie?

I'’ve got a new hot spot for you. Dinner tonight at Aleko'’s.

Just across the street from Sea Lounge.

Baby, I'’m off to Barbados in the morning.

Please? I really like this guy, Irma, and he needs help.

A love story. Why didn'’t you say so?

-Leave it to me. -Thank you.

Mr. McNeil, can I talk to you a minute?

Sure.

Still don'’t know what we'’re doing.

-Said she had a plan. -Yeah? Great.

She happen to mention what that plan might be?

Would you let me see already?

Wow!

I'’m not sure about this.

I am. You'’re gorgeous.

Oh. Makeup, too?

Come on. What'’s wrong with a little makeup?

I don'’t know, I've just never really known how to put it on.

Finally, something I can teach you.

Listen, Mom, I want you to stay with me

until you get back on your feet.

Oh, honey, it won'’t be long.

Okay, pucker.

You know, I hate to say this,

but sometimes miracles don'’t happen.

What'’s this?

Hi. Is one of you Alex?

Yeah, I'’m Alex.

Where do you want us to put this?

Uh, over here by the fireplace.

You got it.

-Merry Christmas. -Thank you.

[chattering]

Hi. We heard somebody needed a table.

Sure do.

Voilà!

Okay, you, over there.

You, there.

[Sophia laughing]

Yeah, that'’s good. Chairs over here.

-[man] Table for two? -Table right over here, please.

Just keep on going.

-Please. -Thank you.

It'’s so nice of you to show me this space on Christmas Eve,

but I heard someone else was interested and I...

No problem. Anything for a beautiful lady.

[camera shutters clicking, photographers clamoring]

I thought you said this place was empty.

What the hell? Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'’m sorry. Excuse me. Please. Please.

Dmitri, let me have a word with you.

What the hell is going on?

Mmm! Something smells good.

-Mama. -[Lee] JJ!

-Thank you. -[Lee] Oh, baby.

Oh, excuse me. Irma. Welcome.

Alex.

I wouldn'’t miss it for the world, sweetie.

-You'’re Alex. -I am.

Alex, my friend. I brought over a couple of my buddies.

David writes for The New York Times,

Jojo, Village Voice, Charlie, New York Magazine.

Bobby De Niro said he'’s gonna try and come by later,

but he can be a little bit flaky.

And this is Irma Van Wyck, your guardian angel.

-I don'’t know what to say. -Don'’t say anything, handsome.

Just get your tush in the kitchen.

-[JJ] Go on. Get cooking. -JJ.

Merry Christmas. Thank you.

Five-year lease, 1% increase every two years.

Three years tops, 2% every 12 months.

We'’ll talk.

Make yourself useful. Grab a platter.

All right.

I can'’t get you in till 10:30.

Johnny! Would you like some ouzo?

Have an ouzo. On the house. Ouzo for everyone.

Thank you.

-Aah! -Oh, I'’m sorry, excuse me.

It'’s okay. No harm done.

I like your cleaning techniques.

Better than soap any day.

I'’m Lee, JJ's mother.

I'’m Clay, JJ's boss.

Um...

Can I offer you a half-empty glass of ouzo?

I thought it was half full.

[chuckles]

Taste this.

What is that?

-Gotcha. -[laughs]

Hey, I don'’t know how to thank you, JJ.

You don'’t need to.

Yeah, I do.

[man] Go, Johnny!

Uh-oh. Come on.

Johnny'’s channeling Zorba again.

[all] Opa!

[lively music plays]

Shall we join them?

Tonight I'’m just gonna be in the audience,

if that'’s okay with you.

I'’m dancing! [laughs]

[all cheering]

[cheering continues]

[music fades]

[jazz intro]

♪ I want you to pay a little special attention♪

♪ When you'’re loading up your sleigh♪

♪ Fill it full of sweetness and kindness♪

♪ And the icing on the cake♪

♪ Would be a smile for me each morning♪

♪ Yeah, I know that must seem too much♪

♪ But think of all the room you'’re saving♪

♪ On all those pretty presents and stuff♪

♪ So, fill my stocking and fill my heart♪

♪ And while you'’re at it, these empty arms♪

♪ You can keep that holly, mistletoe and snow♪

♪ I want love in a big red bow♪