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1
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If you throw this plastic
2
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soda bottle in the garbage,
3
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it will take 450 years
4
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,595
to break down.
5
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,180
As opposed to Derby,
6
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:13,723
who breaks down
7
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almost instantly.
8
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- [whining]
- Well, it's humiliating.
9
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- Plus, I just had
- these pants cleaned.
10
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:27,237
Anyway, that's why I asked
11
00:00:27,238 --> 00:00:29,488
to see what you could engineer
12
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:29,488
out of old soda bottles.
13
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,611
Let's start with you, Slab.
14
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What's this?
15
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,790
I turned a soda bottle
16
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into an empty bottle.
17
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,586
- Do you want to know
- how I did it?
18
00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:44,730
- No, I think
- I can figure it...
19
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:45,797
[burps loudly]
20
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,716
Oh... It burns!
21
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:52,469
Anyone else?
22
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,512
Echo?
23
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,519
Did you copy off Slab?
24
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,147
Of course not.
25
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,188
[burps impressively]
26
00:01:06,985 --> 00:01:08,528
Did anyone do anything besides
27
00:01:08,529 --> 00:01:10,070
bring in an empty bottle?
28
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I did.
29
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[sighs]
30
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It's a bottle of orange soda.
31
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,581
Yeah, but it used to be
32
00:01:19,582 --> 00:01:20,957
root beer.
33
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:22,584
So, you just poured
34
00:01:22,585 --> 00:01:24,168
another bottle of soda
35
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:24,168
into this bottle?
36
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,670
No. I ran out of time,
37
00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:27,129
so I just lied
38
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and said I did.
39
00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:30,275
- But at least I brought
- enough for everyone.
40
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,979
- But, wait, Derby,
- that bottle's been...
41
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,139
Shaken.
42
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,349
[theme song playing]
43
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I can't believe no one
44
00:02:10,237 --> 00:02:11,549
did the assignment.
45
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,276
- My students don't know
- how lucky they have it.
46
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I'm young, I'm cool,
47
00:02:14,448 --> 00:02:15,594
I speak their language...
48
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,196
- [calls out]
- Peace out, home-roomies!
49
00:02:19,891 --> 00:02:21,893
Nobody speaks that language.
50
00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:24,603
They could have it a lot worse.
51
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,064
Their science teacher could be
52
00:02:26,065 --> 00:02:27,481
some cranky, old curmudgeon.
53
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,237
In fact...
54
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Their science teacher will be
55
00:02:34,614 --> 00:02:35,948
some cranky, old curmudgeon.
56
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- You can see
- into the future?
57
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,289
Will Slab throw me in
58
00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:43,748
the garbage can tomorrow?
59
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,124
'Cause I'll just wear
60
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,458
these dirty pants again.
61
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,398
Are you really complaining?
62
00:02:48,399 --> 00:02:50,295
You sprayed orange soda
63
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all over my clothes!
64
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,360
Relax, a little club soda
65
00:02:51,361 --> 00:02:52,381
will get that right out.
66
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,640
Derby,
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00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,559
this is grape.
68
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,939
- Yeah, they were
- all out of club soda.
69
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,195
- It's five seconds
- after 9:00.
70
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,781
Mr. Young's not here yet,
71
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,182
- so I can only
- assume the worst.
72
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:20,367
He'll be here shortly.
73
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,565
- [snapping]
- What are you gawkin' at?
74
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,466
- Why don't you paint a portrait?
- It'll last longer.
75
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,177
Are you lost?
76
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,428
I'll walk you home.
77
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,470
I'm not lost!
78
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:42,473
I'm your substitute
79
00:03:42,474 --> 00:03:43,474
teacher, Mr...
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00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,269
Elderman!
81
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,021
Take your seat, little missy!
82
00:03:49,022 --> 00:03:50,731
Same goes for the rest
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00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:50,731
of you rapscallions! Scoot!
84
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,361
It's time to learn,
85
00:03:55,362 --> 00:03:57,321
so get the wax out
86
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,321
of your noggin-flaps.
87
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,491
- I cleaned my noggin-flaps
- this morning.
88
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,237
Along with my snot-launchers.
89
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,622
Don't be sassin' me.
90
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,145
I warn you,
91
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:09,625
I do not take any guff.
92
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,752
-What's "guff"?
93
00:04:10,753 --> 00:04:11,836
-There! That, right there,
94
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,836
that was guff!
95
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:14,463
That was guff?
96
00:04:14,464 --> 00:04:15,631
Is this guff, too?
97
00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:16,715
[thump]
98
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,968
Enough guff.
99
00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:23,994
This classroom is now
100
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:26,142
a guff-free zone.
101
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:28,207
Also not allowed
102
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:30,229
twaddle, bunkum,
103
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:30,229
and tommyrot.
104
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,962
-What a jerk.
105
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:35,526
-Shut your pudding-hole,
106
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:35,526
sasquatch!
107
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,280
Are you teaching this class?
108
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,992
No. You are.
109
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,952
- Wow. The memory
- really goes at that age.
110
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,121
That's it!
111
00:04:47,163 --> 00:04:48,310
Go sit In the corner
112
00:04:48,311 --> 00:04:49,456
and put on this dunce cap.
113
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,043
- That's okay,
- I brought my own.
114
00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:56,693
I have a large head,
115
00:04:56,694 --> 00:04:58,298
so I had get a special order
116
00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:58,298
from my hatter,
117
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,759
which wasn't easy,
118
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,177
because he's about
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00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:01,177
as mad as a...
120
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,227
What's all the racket
121
00:05:09,228 --> 00:05:10,310
in here, Mr...
122
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,771
Oh. Excuse me.
123
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,816
- [speaking slowly]
- Are you lost?
124
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,527
- Because Echo could
- walk you home.
125
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,031
No! I'm Mr. Elderman.
126
00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:23,991
- Substituting for
- the cool, hip Mr. Young.
127
00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:26,952
- There are two Mr. Youngs
- in this school?
128
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:29,997
Are you giving me guff?
129
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,103
Because you can go
130
00:05:31,104 --> 00:05:32,166
stand with him!
131
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,876
[George] Nice dunce cap!
132
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,211
Who's your hatter?
133
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,547
Because mine went mad.
134
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,495
So, Derby,
135
00:05:48,496 --> 00:05:49,975
what'd you think of
136
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,975
your crotchety old substitute?
137
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,894
- Hey, that's no way
- to talk about yourself.
138
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:54,688
Derby.
139
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,356
Yes, Mr. Elderman?
140
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:57,608
-It's me.
141
00:05:57,609 --> 00:05:58,817
-Yeah, I know, Mr. Elderman.
142
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,153
And it's me. Derby.
143
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,876
- Hey, we can make name tags
- if you want.
144
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,198
Seriously?
145
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,366
I'm not really old.
146
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:07,826
Of course, Mr. Elderman.
147
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,411
- You're only as old
- as you feel.
148
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:10,495
[sighs in exasperation]
149
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,372
Hello!
150
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,874
Who's the liver-spotted
151
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:15,334
love machine?
152
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,253
- And where do I
- place my order?
153
00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:19,130
[squeals]
154
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,569
Wow! You've got the butt
155
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:21,966
of a 65-year-old.
156
00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,551
Uh-oh.
157
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,638
I'm late for a bingo game.
158
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,515
Why go to bingo
159
00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:31,350
when your prize
160
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,350
is right here?
161
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,813
Ah! Old love.
162
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,374
- [Mr. Elderman]
- Out of my way, youngster!
163
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,556
Bet you're all pretty unhappy
164
00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:50,161
to see me again.
165
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,767
Instead of your usual fun,
166
00:06:51,768 --> 00:06:53,331
hip, super-awesome teacher.
167
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,251
- Actually, I'm glad
- you're back.
168
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,294
You seemed kind of
169
00:06:58,295 --> 00:06:59,295
crabby yesterday,
170
00:06:59,337 --> 00:07:00,546
so I brought you
171
00:07:00,547 --> 00:07:01,755
some stewed prunes.
172
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:02,840
No one's happy
173
00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:03,882
unless they're regular.
174
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,180
Well, this will make you happy.
175
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,342
- We wanted to show you
- our plastic bottle projects.
176
00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:17,479
I made a pair of shorts.
177
00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:25,530
I made a self-contained
178
00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:26,864
hydroponic farm,
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00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,032
capable of feeding a family
180
00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:29,158
for a month.
181
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,161
Why would you bother
182
00:07:32,162 --> 00:07:33,453
feeding your family?
183
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,956
- They're just going to move away
- and live their fancy lives
184
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,458
And never call you.
185
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,441
Unless they need you
186
00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:42,380
to baby-sit when they go on
187
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,380
a romantic getaway to Cabo.
188
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,756
Mr. Elderman, check this out.
189
00:07:43,757 --> 00:07:45,090
I made a jet-pack.
190
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,259
Derby, there's a reason
191
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:47,385
jet-packs aren't viable.
192
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:48,528
The weight of the fuel alone...
193
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,137
- I used metastable
- metallic hydrogen.
194
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,620
I thought its existence
195
00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:54,975
was still only theoretical.
196
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,394
- I know a guy
- who knows a guy.
197
00:07:58,062 --> 00:07:59,521
Anyway...
198
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,843
- I'll need more room - to demonstrate.
- I'll be outside.
199
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,278
Wow.
200
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,717
You've really motivated
201
00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:09,114
your students.
202
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,575
I just yell at 'em,
203
00:08:10,576 --> 00:08:11,992
let 'em know I'm disappointed!
204
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,204
They hate me.
205
00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,081
Ah, they hate me too,
206
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,874
and not just a mild hate,
207
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,918
a blinding, intense hatred,
208
00:08:20,919 --> 00:08:22,920
with just a soupcon
209
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:22,920
of revulsion.
210
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,757
- It means you're doing
- a great job.
211
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:29,801
It does?
212
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,636
- Something's got to
- fuel their fires.
213
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,431
Hate's a great fuel.
214
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,682
- Metastable metallic hydrogen
- is also good.
215
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,436
Theoretically.
216
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:41,376
Anyway, I'm sure
217
00:08:41,377 --> 00:08:42,647
this will be my last day.
218
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:44,796
I bet Mr. Young
219
00:08:44,797 --> 00:08:45,817
will be back tomorrow.
220
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,946
Who? Oh! Yeah... Uh...
221
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,302
I should go
222
00:08:50,303 --> 00:08:51,615
drop by his house,
223
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,615
see how he's doing.
224
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:52,656
Now?
225
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,016
It's not like I'm doing
226
00:08:56,017 --> 00:08:57,037
anything around here.
227
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,249
- Keep up the good work,
- Mr. E!
228
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,169
Uh-oh... I really have to go.
229
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,255
Yes! Those prunes
230
00:09:05,256 --> 00:09:06,297
are working.
231
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,383
I mean, I need to take off.
232
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:11,885
[jetpack engine running]
233
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,527
- Normally, I'd give you a lift,
- but it's really windy out here.
234
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,558
Whoa. Whoa!
235
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,185
- -[crashing]
- -[cat yowling]
236
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,441
- What's your hurry...
- Murray?
237
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:26,733
[screams]
238
00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:29,111
Mrs. Byrne.
239
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:31,029
- Please don't
- call me "missus."
240
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,073
That makes me feel old.
241
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,159
That was the clincher?
242
00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:39,371
Why don't you call me...
243
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,873
Yes?
244
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,395
- I'm saying,
- why don't you call me?
245
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,295
You could buy me dinner,
246
00:09:46,337 --> 00:09:47,338
and I'll supply
247
00:09:47,339 --> 00:09:48,339
the dessert.
248
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,882
I'm sorry, but I don't
249
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:51,383
have a sweet tooth.
250
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,218
- In fact,
- I don't have any teeth.
251
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:58,307
[knocking on door]
252
00:09:58,349 --> 00:10:00,225
- [George] Mr. Young?
- It's Principal Tater.
253
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,267
[Adam] Oh, no.
254
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,146
[dishes shattering]
255
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,567
Huh. It's harder than it looks.
256
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,423
- [George] Is everything
- okay in there?
257
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,906
Just a minute.
258
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,200
[bowl bouncing]
259
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:19,578
Come in.
260
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:22,956
Mr. Young?
261
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,356
-How are you?
262
00:10:26,357 --> 00:10:27,627
-Still a little stuffy. Just...
263
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,005
Good to hear it!
264
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,569
Mr. Young...
265
00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:33,091
I've been thinking about
266
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:33,091
your place at Finnegan high.
267
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,759
- -Oh?
- -You no longer have one.
268
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,220
- -You're fired.
- -What?
269
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,784
[slowly] Fired.
270
00:10:38,785 --> 00:10:39,931
As in "terminated."
271
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,975
[chuckles]
272
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,643
- Guess that makes me
- the "Terminator."
273
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,938
- [mimicking Arnold
- Schwarzenegger] I'll be back.
274
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,991
- But not really.
- Why would I? You're fired.
275
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,242
I'm fired?
276
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,828
[shrieks]
277
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,247
Stay back!
278
00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:04,623
I don't want to catch
279
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,623
your skin-melting disease.
280
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,334
How can you fire me?
281
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,190
Easy. I found someone
282
00:11:09,191 --> 00:11:11,004
who can do your job
283
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:11,004
better than you.
284
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,506
You should see your students.
285
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:14,007
Ha! Paying attention,
286
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,863
a respectful loathing
287
00:11:15,864 --> 00:11:17,677
in their eyes.
288
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,054
Principal Tater,
289
00:11:19,055 --> 00:11:20,389
you've got to give me
290
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,389
a chance to prove myself.
291
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:21,848
Why?
292
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,767
- Because I'm
- the better teacher.
293
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,874
And like you say,
294
00:11:25,875 --> 00:11:27,938
"Excellence always wins out."
295
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,232
- "Excellence always wins out"?
- I never say that.
296
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,109
You just did.
297
00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,592
I did say it.
298
00:11:35,593 --> 00:11:37,531
"Excellence always wins out."
299
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:38,574
I say it a lot!
300
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,307
In that case you
301
00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:44,204
and Mr. Elderman,
302
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:44,204
a teaching contest.
303
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,956
Whoever wins, gets the job.
304
00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:47,791
A contest.
305
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,252
You mean face-to-face?
306
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:51,713
That's right.
307
00:11:51,714 --> 00:11:53,130
A face-to-face face-off.
308
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,304
You've even got a head start.
309
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,475
Derby!
310
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,560
Oh, Adam, I'm so glad
311
00:12:05,561 --> 00:12:06,602
to see you.
312
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:07,645
Can you help me
313
00:12:07,646 --> 00:12:08,646
with my project
314
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:08,646
for Mr. Elderman?
315
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,106
Derby, don't you get it?
316
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:12,232
You stole his cane?
317
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,944
Mr. Elderman wears a toupee?
318
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:18,447
No! This is mine.
319
00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:19,739
You wear a toupee?
320
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,950
Derby, listen to me.
321
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,933
"Bet you're all pretty
322
00:12:24,934 --> 00:12:26,455
unhappy to see me again!"
323
00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:27,727
That's a terrible
324
00:12:27,728 --> 00:12:28,957
Mr. Elderman impersonation.
325
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,751
It's more like this...
326
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,608
"Clean out your noggin-flaps,
327
00:12:33,609 --> 00:12:35,422
you young rapscallions."
328
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:37,424
That's pretty good.
329
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,093
You know... I can't be
330
00:12:39,094 --> 00:12:40,719
two people at the same time,
331
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,929
but you could help me out.
332
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,407
- All it would take
- is a little makeup...
333
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,454
Oh. I know exactly
334
00:12:45,455 --> 00:12:46,475
what you have in mind.
335
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,005
Next time when you say,
336
00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:56,652
"I know exactly
337
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,652
what you have in mind,"
338
00:12:56,694 --> 00:12:57,736
I'm gonna play it safe
339
00:12:57,737 --> 00:12:58,778
and tell you anyway.
340
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,120
- This hair, doesn't it
- make you just wanna...
341
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,037
- It's still in
- my line of vision.
342
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,079
How do you stand it?
343
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,093
Welcome to the teacher
344
00:13:21,094 --> 00:13:22,636
face-to-face face-off!
345
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,724
[applause ceases]
346
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,266
Our first competitor...
347
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,415
He's inexperienced,
348
00:13:30,416 --> 00:13:32,521
inept and in over his head,
349
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:34,898
Mr. Young!
350
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,149
[Echo] Whoo!
351
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,071
Ooh, yeah! Ha-ha!
352
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,532
Boo! Boo!
353
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,576
Now, put your hands together
354
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:48,119
for the inevitable champion.
355
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,497
He's old, he's wise,
356
00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:51,998
he's regular...
357
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,545
Mr. Elderman!
358
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:58,880
That's my cue.
359
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,883
There you are!
360
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,698
I realized the other day
361
00:14:03,699 --> 00:14:05,470
that I came across
362
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:05,470
as a "Bouncy Betty."
363
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:09,725
Can you be a "Clear Clara"?
364
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,767
- Because I don't know
- what you're talking about.
365
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,104
I'm asking you
366
00:14:14,105 --> 00:14:15,480
to ask me to marry you.
367
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,315
- -Marry you?
- -I accept!
368
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,776
What?
369
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,944
We'll honeymoon
370
00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:21,069
in Niagara falls,
371
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,696
- though we'll barely
- leave the room.
372
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,864
What?
373
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,825
- Then a quick trip
- to my lawyer,
374
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,306
So I can make you
375
00:14:28,307 --> 00:14:29,745
sole beneficiary in my will.
376
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,330
What are we waitin' for?
377
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,417
- Let's get you
- to a chapel, gorgeous.
378
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,378
Oh, there you are,
379
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:39,504
Mr. Elderman.
380
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,339
[groans]
381
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,679
Okay. Round one.
382
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,306
Spot The Cheater.
383
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:50,537
Three of these students
384
00:14:50,538 --> 00:14:51,725
are cheating on their exam.
385
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,477
- -You will each...
- -Her, him and her.
386
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:54,603
What?
387
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,857
- Answers in her
- mechanical pencil.
388
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,278
Number seven is wrong.
389
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,429
Answers in invisible ink
390
00:15:07,430 --> 00:15:08,450
on his arm.
391
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,288
Number seven is right.
392
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,330
All the rest are wrong.
393
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,501
And she hired someone
394
00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,794
to do the test for her.
395
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,509
Incredible.
396
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,469
- Round one goes to
- Mr. Elderman!
397
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,642
Derby. What're you doing?
398
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:35,101
You're supposed to lose!
399
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,207
Relax. You've got to give
400
00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:37,270
the people a show,
401
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:38,313
or they'll know
402
00:15:38,314 --> 00:15:39,314
the fix is in.
403
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:40,399
It's best of three.
404
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,441
I'll let you win
405
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,441
the next two.
406
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,903
Okay, round two.
407
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,905
Emotional Awareness.
408
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,991
A good educator
409
00:15:48,992 --> 00:15:51,034
needs to understand
410
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,034
a student's frail psyche.
411
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,410
And how to exploit it.
412
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,186
So, let's see who can
413
00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:58,041
make a child cry the fastest.
414
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,171
- Why are you dressed
- like that?
415
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,464
I'm the child.
416
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,570
I didn't want this round
417
00:16:05,571 --> 00:16:06,633
to be too easy.
418
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,552
And I am the toughest,
419
00:16:08,553 --> 00:16:10,428
thickest-skinned,
420
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:10,428
most unemotional...
421
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,388
Cinnamon.
422
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,097
[sobbing]
423
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,477
- Why would that
- make you cry?
424
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,479
[weeping]
425
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,440
Ath if.
426
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,818
It'th totally a myth
427
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,529
that you can't thwallow
428
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:28,196
a teathpoon of thinnamon.
429
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,243
[children laughing]
430
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,953
I don't ever want to hear
431
00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:36,621
the word thinnamon again!
432
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,460
[whimpering]
433
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,461
Cinnamon?
434
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,713
[sobbing]
435
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:45,630
Cinnamon?
436
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,592
[wails]
437
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,365
Thtop thaying that.
438
00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:52,095
Theriously!
439
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:52,095
It'th tho thadithtic.
440
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,703
Round two goes
441
00:16:54,704 --> 00:16:55,724
to Mr. Elderman.
442
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:56,934
[exhales]
443
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,227
Cin-na-mon.
444
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,108
What was that?
445
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,339
Sorry. I'm very
446
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:07,527
competitive.
447
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:08,675
Besides, how would it look
448
00:17:08,676 --> 00:17:09,780
if I lost to a kid?
449
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,701
Everyone meet your new,
450
00:17:14,702 --> 00:17:16,995
permanent science teacher,
451
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:16,995
Mr. Elderman!
452
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,124
- Mr. Elderman
- can't be the teacher.
453
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,126
Why not? He beat you.
454
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,836
And as I'm fond of saying,
455
00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:26,504
excellence always wins out.
456
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,821
But he's not going to be
457
00:17:29,822 --> 00:17:30,926
around much longer.
458
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:32,552
I've got nowhere to be.
459
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:33,971
Oh, sure you do.
460
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,118
Mr. Elderman is headed
461
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,222
to a better place.
462
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,516
Private school?
463
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,581
Your heart
464
00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:40,602
is clearly failing.
465
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:41,937
All the signs are there!
466
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:43,062
Pain in your left arm.
467
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,648
- I don't have pain
- in my left arm.
468
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,065
Ow. My left arm!
469
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:48,986
Shortness of breath.
470
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,153
I can breathe just...
471
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,863
[gasps and cries out]
472
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,365
And, finally, confusion.
473
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,452
I'm not confused.
474
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,933
People who are confused
475
00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:00,371
confuse their confusion
476
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,371
for lack of confusion.
477
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,335
Okay, now I'm confused!
478
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,920
I need to sit down.
479
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:07,985
Just close your eyes
480
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:09,006
and drift off
481
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,006
to the netherworld.
482
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,507
Really, I feel fine.
483
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:11,738
Mitosis is the process
484
00:18:11,739 --> 00:18:12,926
by which a eukaryotic cell...
485
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:13,969
[starts snoring]
486
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,848
He's with the angels now.
487
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,518
[snoring continues]
488
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:23,603
Is he snoring?
489
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:25,293
No. That's just
490
00:18:25,294 --> 00:18:26,940
the final escape
491
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:26,940
of his bodily gases.
492
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,358
We will miss him.
493
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:34,302
And the winner
494
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:36,533
of the teacher competition,
495
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:36,533
by default, Adam Young!
496
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,994
Yeah! Adam Young!
497
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,287
[cackling victoriously]
498
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,919
[funeral music plays]
499
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,840
Thank you all for coming today
500
00:18:51,841 --> 00:18:54,133
on this sad, tragic,
501
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,594
heartbreaking, upsetting,
502
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,681
gloomy, wretched occasion.
503
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,268
- There, there,
- Mrs. Byrne.
504
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,688
This can't be
505
00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:07,064
the first man
506
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,064
you've buried.
507
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,357
But I'll never forget
508
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:09,607
Mr. Elderman.
509
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,026
[sobs]
510
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,151
Where am I?
511
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,448
Why am I dressed in black?
512
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,869
What lovely flowers.
513
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:23,955
[sniffing]
514
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,183
- [George] We hardly knew
- Mr. Elderman,
515
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,252
And, as you can see,
516
00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:30,294
we didn't even have
517
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,294
a photograph,
518
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,483
So, I'd like to thank
519
00:19:31,484 --> 00:19:32,630
Mrs. Morris,
520
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,195
head of the art department,
521
00:19:34,196 --> 00:19:35,717
for this portrait.
522
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,118
Before we conclude
523
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,431
this service,
524
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:43,474
would anyone like to say
525
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,476
something about the dear,
526
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:45,476
departed Mr. Elderman?
527
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:47,687
I would!
528
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,272
[angelic theme plays]
529
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,862
Before I board
530
00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:57,196
the big yellow bus
531
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,406
to the highest school
532
00:19:58,407 --> 00:19:59,574
in the district...
533
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,329
- I want to leave you
- with this.
534
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,792
You should listen to Mr. Young.
535
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,835
He cares about you.
536
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:11,878
Respect him.
537
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,755
Do your work.
538
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,069
And, for the love
539
00:20:15,070 --> 00:20:16,340
of stewed prunes,
540
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,926
don't give him any guff.
541
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:22,660
Giant bird version
542
00:20:22,661 --> 00:20:23,848
of Mr. Elderman is right.
543
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,186
- We should be nicer
- to Mr. Young.
544
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,898
He's an... okay guy.
545
00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,695
If he's such a great guy,
546
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,738
then why isn't he here
547
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:39,739
to pay his respects?
548
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:42,366
[students] Yeah!
549
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,660
I'm sure he's busy
550
00:20:43,661 --> 00:20:44,911
preparing your next lesson.
551
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,204
Like the good teacher he is.
552
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:48,915
- Well, let's call
- and find out.
553
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,337
[cell phone ringing]
554
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,196
That must be the bus driver
555
00:20:58,197 --> 00:20:59,467
to the afterlife.
556
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,638
That reminds me,
557
00:21:02,639 --> 00:21:04,014
I should cancel
558
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,014
my cell phone.
559
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,974
- The roaming charges
- will be the death of me.
560
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,310
See ya.
561
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,274
Adam's not answering.
562
00:21:16,193 --> 00:21:17,276
What's his game?
563
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,030
I know where he lives.
564
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,156
Let's get 'im!
565
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,282
Wait. Wait. Wait.
566
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:24,367
We can't just go charging
567
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:25,409
over to Mr. Young's house.
568
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,911
It's going to be dark soon!
569
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,664
We'll need torches.
570
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,748
Yeah!
571
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,128
[theme music playing]
32728
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