Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

- DOES PRINCIPAL TATER KNOW - YOU'RE SELLING SCHOOL PROPERTY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I'VE HAD - THIS PRINCIPAL TATER NAMEPLATE

SINCE I WAS 5.

WELL, I'M TAKING

THIS MICROSCOPE.

GREAT, THAT'LL BE FIVE BUCKS.

- DERBY, THIS IS MINE. - IT HAS MY NAME ON THE BOTTOM.

THEN THREE BUCKS.

TWO BUCKS.

- THAT IS - MY FINAL OFFER.

WAIT...

- MOM, WHERE DID YOU GET - THOSE COMIC BOOKS?

THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE.

YOU NEVER READ THEM ANYMORE.

THEY'RE NOT FOR READING,

THEY'RE FOR HOARDING!

WELL, YOU CAN RELAX.

- I ONLY SOLD ONE, - AND IT WAS AN OLD ONE.

WHICH OLD ONE?

I DON'T KNOW.

THE ONE WITH THE GUY,

WITH THE BULGY PANTS?

- YOU SOLD - MR. MARVELOUS NUMBER ONE!

- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH - THAT ISSUE IS WORTH?

75 CENTS...

ISH?

YOU ONLY GOT 75 CENTS?

ISH.

HE TALKED ME DOWN TO 60.

HONEY, IF IT'S SO IMPORTANT,

- JUST ASK THE BOY WHO BOUGHT IT - TO GIVE IT BACK.

HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

SLAB?

PERFECT!

HEY, EVERYONE,

NEW MERCHANDISE!

WELL, NOT NEW,

BUT GENTLY USED.

[♪♪♪]

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID?

WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

♪ CAN CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD ♪

♪ WHERE I AM HERE ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

[♪♪♪]

- LOOK AT HIM - OVER THERE,

- MAKING DIRECT EYE CONTACT - WITH MY COMIC.

I CAN FEEL THE VALUE

PLUMMETING.

ADAM, AS

THE DALAI LAMA TEACHES,

WE MUST NEVER BE DEFINED

BY OUR POSSESSIONS.

IT WAS WORTH 800 BUCKS.

EVEN DALAI WOULD AGREE,

THAT BUYS

A LOT OF SANDALS.

HEY, UH, SLAB,

THAT'S MY COMIC.

I'VE HAD IT

FOR YEARS.

- I CAN EVEN REMEMBER - THE DAY I BOUGHT IT.

- I REMEMBER THE DAY - I BOUGHT IT, TOO.

IT WAS...

CLOUDY.

- I'LL NEVER FORGET THE LOOK - ON THAT KID'S FACE

- WHEN HE WAS TRYING - TO GET IT BACK FROM ME.

- SLAB, YOU MAY NOT - REALIZE THIS,

- BUT YOU ACCIDENTALLY - STUMBLED ONTO

A VALUABLE TREASURE.

- THAT COMIC BOOK - IS WORTH EIGHT...

DOLLARS,

BUT I'LL GIVE YOU

20 FOR IT.

FORGET IT.

- MR. MARVELOUS DOESN'T DO - WHAT HE DOES FOR MONEY.

- HE DOES IT BECAUSE - THE STREETS OF URBAN CITY

ARE CRAWLING WITH SCUM.

WELL, THANKS FOR TRYING.

WHERE'D YOU GET 20 BUCKS ANYWAY?

OH, I SOLD THE TOILET.

OCCUPIED.

HELLO, NEWSIES!

WELCOME TO

THE SCHOOL PAPER.

[WINCING IN PAIN]

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

NO SNIFFING FOR SCOOPS

AT THE SPEAKEASY.

WHAT'S A SPEAKEASY?

EXACTLY.

NEXT...

WE NEED TO PICK SOMEONE

TO CRANK THE PRINTING PRESS.

LET'S SEE WHO'S GOT THE MUSCLES.

ALL RIGHT, NIBLET,

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

IN THOSE PIPE CLEANERS.

ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING,

- WHAT IF WE BROADCAST - THE NEWS INSTEAD?

A MODERN TWIST, EH?

GREAT IDEA.

[MORSE CODE BEEPING]

SCANDALOUS!

I MEANT DOING A NEWS SHOW

AND PUTTING IT ON THE WEB.

THE WEB?

- DO YOU REALLY THINK SPIDERS - WOULD BE INTERESTED

IN THE AFFAIRS OF MAN?

- THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY - TO GET SLAB

TO GIVE ME BACK MY COMIC BOOK.

- FORGET IT. - HE'LL NEVER DO IT.

HE'S A BAD GUY,

- AND WE ALL KNOW, - NO ONE CAN DEFEAT A BAD GUY.

MR. MARVELOUS DEFEATS BAD GUYS

ALL THE TIME.

- I HATE TO - BREAK THIS TO YOU,

- BUT I'M AFRAID THERE IS - NO MR. MARVELOUS.

DERBY, I KNOW...

- I MEAN, IT'S THE ONLY - EXPLANATION

- FOR WHY HE'S NEVER RESPONDED - TO ALL MY LETTERS.

UNLESS PROFESSOR VORTEX

TRAVELED BACK IN TIME,

AND HID ALL MY PENS,

- PREVENTING ME FROM EVER - WRITING THOSE LETTERS.

YOU WIN THIS ROUND, VORTEX.

I BET IF I DRESSED UP

LIKE MR. MARVELOUS,

- I COULD CONVINCE SLAB - TO GIVE ME BACK THE COMIC BOOK.

- YEAH, BUT MR. MARVELOUS - HAS SUPERPOWERS,

AND YOU DON'T.

WAIT, DO YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS?

YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME!

I EXPECT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR

FROM VORTEX, BUT YOU?

THE ONLY SUPERPOWER I NEED

IS SCIENCE.

DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY THINK,

BORING PEOPLE TO SLEEP

IS NOT A SUPERPOWER.

I MEAN, BY APPLYING

THE PRINCIPLES OF PROPULSION

- AND THERMAL TRANSFER, - I CAN SIMULATE THE...

[SNORING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[SOMBERLY] AND NOW,

THE NEWS.

NO...

- [CHEERIER] - AND NOW, THE NEWS!

NO.

- [CALMLY] - AND NOW, THE NEWS.

ECHO...

- BE A LAMB AND GET ME - SOME GREEN TEA WITH HONEY.

NOT TOO MUCH HONEY,

- BECAUSE IF THERE'S - TOO MUCH HONEY,

- I'M GOING TO CRACK THIS MUG - OVER YOUR HEAD.

- AND I DON'T WANT TO - HAVE TO DO THAT

- BECAUSE THIS IS - MY FAVORITE MUG.

I DON'T GET TEA.

- WELL, THEY'RE - THESE LEAVES

YOU POUR HOT WATER OVER,

CREATING A FLAVORFUL BEVERAGE.

I KNOW WHAT TEA IS,

BUT I'M THE ANCHORWOMAN.

ANCHORWOMAN IS MY DREAM JOB.

IT'S LIKE MODELING,

ONLY SITTING.

[DOOR OPENS]

- ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, - YOUR ANCHORWOMAN'S HERE.

I ASSUMED IT WOULD

BE ONE OF US.

- AND I ASSUMED - IT WOULD BE ONE OF ME.

YOU TWO WALKING STICKS?

PLEASE...

THE VIEWERS WANT

A LITTLE CHEESECAKE.

WOW!

DETENTION JUST FLEW BY

WITH THIS BABY.

I MADE IT ALL THE WAY

TO PAGE FOUR.

- YOU THERE, - CITIZEN!

MR. MARVELOUS?

YES.

'TIS I, MR. MARVELOUS,

CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLE,

PROTECTOR OF THE PEOPLE,

AND FRIEND TO ALL...

PEOPLE.

I KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

[SADLY] YOU DO?

[MORE HEROIC]

YOU DO?

YES.

YOU'RE REALLY...

- [WHISPERING] - DIRK DEMPSEY.

- WEALTHY - INDUSTRIALIST

AND NOTORIOUS SKIRT-CHASER.

KEEP IT DOWN, CITIZEN.

THAT'S MY SECRET IDENTITY.

- HOW CAN I HELP YOU, - MR. MARVELOUS?

ANYTHING, JUST NAME IT.

I WOULD LIKE YOU

TO RETURN THAT COMIC BOOK

TO ME,

SO THAT I MAY RETURN IT

TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER,

THE SMART, CHARMING TEACHER

IT BELONGS TO.

F.Y.I...

TEACHERS ARE THE REAL HEROES.

NO DISRESPECT, MR. MARVELOUS,

- BUT I DID BUY IT - FAIR AND SQUARE.

PERHAPS YOU'LL GIVE IT TO ME

- IN EXCHANGE FOR - A DISPLAY OF MY...

IMPRESSIVE POWERS?

YEAH, I GOT A FEW MINUTES.

I'LL START WITH...

SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH!

SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH, COMING UP.

- LOOK, SOME IRRESPONSIBLE - METALWORKER

CARELESSLY LEFT

THIS STEEL ROD HERE.

[SOUND OF HEAVILY GROANING

[METAL PLAYS]

OH! THAT IS AWESOME!

[METAL GROANING]

UH!

[THUDS SOFTLY]

OOPS.

CLANG!

THAT WAS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

- WELL, THEN I GUESS - YOU'LL JUST GIVE ME...

NOW DO HEAT VISION!

VERY WELL.

SETTING HEAT VISION

TO 350 DEGREES.

PREHEATING...

[SIZZLING]

AWESOME!

COOKIES!

AHEM!

IT WOULD BE MY HONOR

TO GIVE YOU THIS COMIC BOOK,

MR. MARVELOUS.

THANK YOU, CITIZEN.

WELL, CRIME-FIGHTING CALLS.

[CLICK]

I MUST FLY OFF.

[WINCH WHIRRING]

[DERBY]: UH-OH.

[CLICKING BUTTON RAPIDLY]

[CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY]

ACTUALLY,

I'LL JUST STAY HERE...

ENJOY THE WEATHER.

HA HA!

[CHUCKLES FONDLY]

I REMEMBER WHEN I DID THAT.

THAT TAKES ME BACK...

GOOD NEWS.

- I SPOKE TO RANJIT - IN WINCH CUSTOMER SUPPORT.

- THEY'RE SENDING - SOMEONE OUT TUESDAY

BETWEEN 9:00 AND 6:00.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT GUYS

ARE THE REAL HEROES.

- AT LEAST I GOT - MY COMIC BOOK BACK.

WOW, MR. MARVELOUS!

OH...

HELLO THERE, YOUNG LAD.

YOU'RE MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO!

COULD I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

SURE.

ON THAT COMIC BOOK?

THIS COMIC BOOK?

- BUT THIS IS - MR. MARVELOUS NUMBER ONE.

YOU MUST HAVE PLENTY OF COPIES

BACK IN YOUR

CITADEL OF ISOLATION.

- I'D LOVE TO AUTOGRAPH - THIS FOR YOU,

BUT I DON'T HAVE A PEN.

I'VE GOT ONE.

VORTEX!

HERE YOU GO.

AREN'T YOU PREPARED?

THIS IS SO COOL.

THANK YOU, MR. MARVELOUS!

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

- WELL, I GUESS IT'S TIME - FOR MR. MARVELOUS

TO HANG UP HIS CAPE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

- SO YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO - GET MY PEN BACK FROM VORTEX?

OH, THANKS.

AW, VORTEX CHEWED THE TIP.

VORTEX!

[BROADCAST THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

IN "V," "IV", "III..."

- WELCOME TO - FINNEGAN HIGH NEWS.

OUR TOP STORY.

MAINTENANCE HAS

JUST COMPLETED WORK

- ON PAINTING - THE SECOND-FLOOR HALLWAY.

LET'S GO THERE LIVE.

WE'LL CHECK BACK LATER,

FOR THE EXCITING

REMOVAL OF THE SIGN.

IN THE MEANTIME,

I'VE GOT A REAL STORY.

THERE'S BEEN A SIGHTING

OF MR. MARVELOUS,

RIGHT HERE

AT OUR VERY OWN SCHOOL.

MR. MARVELOUS,

THE FICTIONAL SUPERHERO?

AM I GOING

TOO FAST FOR YOU?

WE HAVE FOOTAGE,

- CAPTURED BY - THIS CUB REPORTER.

AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THIS

TEDDY-CAM SECURITY FOOTAGE,

- METALWORKERS ARE - INCREDIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE.

- SINCE IVY - BROKE THAT STORY,

- THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S - IN THE GRIP

OF MARVELOUS MANIA.

HE IS PRETTY AWESOME,

BUT WE ALL KNOW TEACHERS

ARE THE REAL HEROES.

IF ONLY I COULD GET

ONE GREAT SCOOP.

- WHAT IF I COULD GET YOU - AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH...

A TEACHER?

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

HOW ABOUT MR. MARVELOUS?

- I COULD GET YOU AN INTERVIEW - WITH THE GUY ON THAT TAPE.

REALLY?

THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

BE IN THE QUAD AT 7:00 TONIGHT.

THANK YOU!

LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A JOB FOR...

[BUTTONS CLATTERING]

MY MOM!

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

HOW TO SEW BUTTONS.

- HELLO THERE, - INTREPID JOURNALIST.

HEY, ADAM.

SO, THE MASK DIDN'T FOOL YOU,

EVEN FOR A SECOND?

- I'D RECOGNIZE - THOSE BLUE EYES ANYWHERE.

THANKS.

AND THAT CONCAVE CHEST.

AGAIN, THANKS.

- SO, THAT WAS REALLY YOU - IN THE TEDDY-CAM FOOTAGE?

WOW, THIS ACTUALLY IS

A GOOD SCOOP!

- LET ME GET YOU ON CAMERA - UNMASKING.

WELL, I GUESS THERE'S NO HARM.

SLAB PROBABLY DOESN'T

WATCH THE NEWS.

THERE YOU ARE, MR. MARVELOUS!

- I'VE BEEN LOOKING - ALL OVER FOR YOU!

- BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO - RETURN MY COMIC BOOK,

WHICH YOU READ CAREFULLY

- WHILE WEARING ACID-FREE, - MUSEUM-GRADE, COTTON GLOVES?

NO.

IT'S MY DOG, CRACKERS.

HE GOT OUT OF THE BACKYARD,

- AND THEN WAS TAKEN - BY THE DOG CATCHER.

- HE SOUNDS LIKE - QUITE A VILLAIN.

- SO, YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME - GET HIM BACK,

RIGHT, MR. MARVELOUS?

OF COURSE HE IS.

I MEAN, HE IS A TRUE HERO,

NOT LIKE A TEACHER OR SOMETHING.

- AND THAT CONCLUDES - MY SPECIAL REPORT

ON MR. MARVELOUS,

- AND HIS PROMISE TO HELP - A DESPERATE LITTLE BOY

SAVE HIS DOG,

AND NOW FOR THE WEATHER.

MRS. BYRNE, I DON'T THINK

THIS MAP IS CURRENT.

JUST DO THE WEATHER!

FINE.

WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE

SUNNY THIS WEEKEND IN...

MESOPOTAMIA,

BUT STAY AWAY FROM THE BEACHES.

- THEY'RE ALWAYS CRAWLING - WITH SUMERIANS

THIS TIME OF YEAR.

- SO, YOU CALLED - THIS DOG-CATCHER,

AND HE'S COMING HERE,

TO OUR HOUSE?

I'LL JUST TALK TO HIM,

- AND GET HIM TO GIVE - CRACKERS BACK.

- THEN I'LL PUT ON THE SUIT - ONE LAST TIME,

AND GIVE JIMMY HIS DOG.

EVERYONE'S HAPPY.

EXCEPT ME, BECAUSE MY MOM

SOLD MY COMIC BOOK.

SHE ALSO WENT THROUGH

32 HOURS OF LABOR.

LET'S CALL IT EVEN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'M HERE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

PLEASE, COME IN.

- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU - ABOUT CRACKERS.

WHAT ABOUT 'EM?

THEY'RE SQUARE, THEY'RE SALTY,

THEY'RE GOOD IN SOUP.

- I MEAN THE DOG, - CRACKERS.

DOG CRACKERS?

THEY'RE HARD TO CHEW,

BUT THEY'RE GOOD FOR THE TEETH.

- OKAY, LET'S JUST - START OVER.

- I'M TRYING TO GET THIS KID - HIS DOG BACK.

LOOK, PAL,

I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU,

EXCEPT FOR THE HELPING PART,

AND THE "YOU" PART.

- BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE - I CARRY THEM AROUND WITH ME.

[DOGS BARKING AND WHINING]

WHAT?

THIS IS MY LAUNDRY.

[DOGS WHINING AND YIPPING]

WOW, THAT GUY...

KNOWS A LOT ABOUT CRACKERS.

I'D LOVE TO

PICK HIS BRAIN SOMEDAY.

I WAS GOING TO SAY, "IS EVIL!"

THE MAN CARRIES AROUND

A BAG OF PUPPIES!

HOW AM I GOING TO GET

JIMMY HIS DOG BACK?

HELLO, IS THIS THE DOG CATCHER?

- YES, THERE'S A WILD MUTT - ON THE LOOSE.

IT RUINED MY PRIZE-WINNING

PERUVIAN PETUNIAS!

I SAW IT HEADING

FOR FINNEGAN HIGH.

YES.

OH, AND, WHILE I HAVE YOU

ON THE PHONE...

I HAVE AN ASSORTMENT

OF STRONG CHEESES,

- AND I'M LOOKING FOR A CRACKER - THAT WILL COMPLEMENT,

BUT NOT OVERPOWER THEM.

ANYWAY, COME QUICK.

OKAY, HE'S ON THE WAY.

GREAT.

I'M GOING TO GO CHANGE.

ME, TOO.

WAIT...

- WHY DID YOU DRESS UP LIKE THAT - JUST TO MAKE THE PHONE CALL?

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND - THE QUESTION.

[SACK OF DOGS YIPPING,

[WINCH WHINING]

HERE, PUPPY PUPPY...

- SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, - DOG CATCHER...

- BUT THE ONLY THING - YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH IS...

MY DRIFT,

WHEN I TELL YOU

- YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CATCH - ANY DOGS HERE.

CATCH MY DRIFT, DRIFT CATCHER?

- THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO - CALL YOU AFTER TONIGHT,

"THE DRIFT CATCHER!"

HUH?

OH, JUST GIVE ME CRACKERS BACK.

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

THAT DOG WAS CAUSING

A DISTURBANCE,

- AND I PLAN ON TAKING CARE OF HIM - LATER TONIGHT,

AND I DON'T MEAN

TAKING HIM FOR WALKIES.

BECAUSE I TOOK HIM

FOR WALKIES EARLIER.

WELL, THEN

YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.

ARE YOU FEELING WARM AT ALL?

I COULD TAKE OFF A LAYER.

THAT'S BETTER.

THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT,

AND, CLEARLY, NEITHER DOES HE.

CAN I HAVE A MINUTE?

BY ALL MEANS.

UGH, SUPERHERO 101,

ALWAYS PUT IN FRESH BATTERIES

BEFORE FACING OFF

WITH YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS.

OOPS!

[CACKLING]

GOTCHA!

YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO

MY PORTABLE DOG CAGE.

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

WHY SHOULD I?

BECAUSE, IF YOU DON'T,

- YOU'RE GOING TO - HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME.

WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?

I'M MR. MARVELOUS'S

TRUSTED SIDEKICK...

[TRUMPETS FLOURISH]

AWESOME BOY!

- MR. M., I SEE - YOU'RE IN A...

HAIRY SITUATION...

- AND I'M TALKING ABOUT - THIS GUY'S CHEST...

LOOK, KIDS,

YOUR JAMMIES ARE CUTE,

- BUT I'M MORE THAN A MATCH - FOR THE TWO OF YOU.

- [ECHO]: THERE ARE - MORE THAN TWO OF US!

DON'T MAKE THE BULK ANGRY.

[SLAB GROWLS]

IN CASE IT WAS UNCLEAR,

I'M THE BULK.

AND I AM...

WEATHER GIRL!

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH

THE WEATHER GIRL,

WHICH, AS A POSITION,

I FIND DEMEANING TO WOMEN

AND IS IN NO WAY ASSOCIATED

WITH MY SUPERHERO PERSONA...

ALTHOUGH

- THERE IS A COLD FRONT - COMING THROUGH,

SO I RECOMMEND

YOU PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON.

- WELL, I HAPPEN TO BE - THE WEATHER GIRL.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE OUTNUMBERED.

YOU SEE, DOG CATCHER,

- THERE REALLY IS - ONLY ONE SUPER POWER.

FRIENDSHIP.

NO, GRAVY.

[GRAVY SQUIRTING]

YOU THINK A LITTLE GRAVY'S

GOING TO STOP ME?

HMM, SALTINES WITH GRAVY.

SIMPLE, YET ELEGANT.

GRAVY MIGHT NOT STOP YOU,

- BUT THIS BAG - OF HUNGRY DOGS WILL...

[DOGS GROWLING]

[YIPPING AND BARKING]

AND I'M GOING TO OPEN IT

ON THE COUNT OF FIVE.

ONE.

YOU DON'T SCARE ME...

FOUR.

[DOGS YIPPING]

[HE SCREAMS IN TERROR]

YEAH! WE DID IT!

YEAH, "WE."

GUYS? GUYS?

HELLO?

THIS JUST IN...

MY HEARING AID.

NOW, TODAY'S TOP STORY,

A HAPPY ENDING

IN THE MISSING DOG CASE.

FOR MORE ON THAT,

WE GO TO OUR ROVING REPORTER,

LIVE IN THE FIELD.

THANK YOU, MRS. BYRNE.

WELL, A GREAT DAY HERE

AT FINNEGAN AS...

- MR. MARVELOUS SAVED - LITTLE JIMMY'S...

DOG FROM THE EVIL...

SHIRTLESS DOG...

[SHRIEKING WITH RAGE]

HERE YOU GO, JIMMY,

YOUR BELOVED CRACKERS.

THAT'S NOT CRACKERS.

[DOG WHIMPERS]

OH.

- [GROANING - AND STRUGGLING]

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HERE'S CRACKERS.

UH-UH.

HE'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

I'LL JUST LOOK ON THE BOTTOM.

[DOGS SNARLING]

OW!

[♪♪♪]