Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

THIS RIB BONE WAS PRESERVED

FOR 10,000 YEARS

IN THE FROZEN TUNDRA.

WOW, PREHISTORIC MAN WAS HUGE!

- ACTUALLY, IT'S FROM - A WOOLLY MAMMOTH.

UNLIKE DINOSAUR FOSSILS,

THIS RARE SPECIMEN IS STILL

COVERED IN BITS OF FLESH.

NOT ANYMORE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY BARBECUE SAUCE?

SLAB, THAT'S ON LOAN

- FROM THE MUSEUM - OF NATURAL HISTORY!

DO THEY HAVE

ANY BARBECUE SAUCE?

YOU NEANDERTHAL,

GIMME THAT.

[ROARS]

[ROARS]

COULD SOMEONE HELP ME?

I CAN'T.

I'M BUSY DOCUMENTING THIS

IN A CAVE PAINTING.

WATCH IT.

IS SLAB COOKING MR. YOUNG?

COME ON, LIKE YOU DON'T SEE

WHERE THIS IS GOING.

IT'S MINE!

[♪♪♪]

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID?

WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

- ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME - WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD... ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪♪

JOIN NOW.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

KOOK.

TREE-KILLER!

OKAY, WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S THE ECO CLUB.

- WE'RE A GROUP - OF DEDICATED STUDENTS

WORKING TO PROTECT...

- THAT SOUNDS LIKE A NOBLE CAUSE. - DO YOU HAVE ANY PAMPHLETS?

WELL, WE DON'T KILL TREES

- TO PROMOTE OUR - "DON'T KILL TREES" MESSAGE,

- SO INSTEAD OF PAPER FLYERS, - WE HAVE THIS.

IT'S SQUID INK

- ON PARCHMENT MADE FROM - DISCARDED CORN HUSKS.

THAT'LL WORK.

A GIRL JUST GAVE ME

HER PHONE NUMBER.

[TEARS PAPER]

DERBY!

THAT'S OUR ONLY COPY.

OUR SQUID DIVER IS

STILL IN THE HOSPITAL.

I HAD NO CHOICE.

- I HAD TO WRITE IT DOWN - BEFORE I FORGOT IT.

YOU REALLY THINK

HER PHONE NUMBER

IS 1-800-GO-AWAY?

YOU KNOW, THE ECO CLUB

DOES A LOT OF GOOD WORK.

- WE PUT THOSE - RECYCLE BINS IN.

- NOW STUDENTS CAN - SEPARATE THEIR TRASH

INTO PAPER, PLASTIC,

METAL, AND COMPOST.

THAT SEEMS EASY.

- SO I CAN JUST PUT THIS - IN THE PLASTIC BIN?

IF YOU WANT TO RIP OFF

MOTHER EARTH'S HEAD

AND POOP DOWN HER NECK.

SURE,

THE BOTTLE IS PLASTIC,

BUT YOU NEED TO REMOVE

THE PAPER LABEL FIRST,

AND, OBVIOUSLY,

STEAM OFF THE GLUE.

THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK

- WHEN IT'S GOING TO - END UP LIKE THAT.

MY GARBAGE!

MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS GARBAGE!

THANKS, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

HEY, THIS IS THE SAME NUMBER

THAT OTHER GIRL GAVE ME.

I GUESS THOSE TWO ARE ROOMMATES.

SLUMBER PARTY!

WHAT ABOUT THE MEAT?

NO, HE DEFINITELY ATE

ALL THE MEAT.

- WELL, WE NEED - THAT BONE BACK.

UM, THE BONE BACK?

YES, DOES HE HAVE IT?

WELL, NO.

APPARENTLY HE'S MAKING SOUP.

- THAT BONE'S BEEN AROUND - FOR 10,000 YEARS,

WHICH IS A LOT LONGER

THAN YOU'RE...

- WHAT AM I GOING TO DO - ABOUT SLAB?

HE'S MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!

[TAUNTING] GOT YOUR BOOK...

WHEE!

WELL, I'VE GOT TO SAY,

HE'S A GRACEFUL BULLY.

ALMOST GOT IT THERE...

THAT'S IT!

- THE POINTED TOES, - THE PIROUETTE,

AND WE KNOW HE KEEPS

BALLET SLIPPERS IN HIS LOCKER.

DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS?

OF COURSE I DO!

- BUT I'M GOING TO LET YOU - SAY IT FIRST,

BECAUSE I KNOW

HOW FRAGILE YOUR EGO IS.

SLAB SECRETLY TAKES BALLET.

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO - WITH THIS INFORMATION?

OBVIOUSLY,

BUT, UH, WHY DON'T

YOU TELL ME, MR. EGO?

WE CAN FOLLOW HIM

TO CLASS, TAKE PICTURES,

- AND USE THEM AS LEVERAGE - TO MAKE HIM BACK OFF.

HUH, FINALLY,

I UNDERSTAND WHAT

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OKAY, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BLACKMAIL.

OH, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO?

I GOT YOUR MINI CAMERA,

YOUR MICRO.

- OVER HERE'S - YOUR POINT-AND-SHOOT,

AND IF YOU'RE MAN ENOUGH,

I GOT YOUR TEDDY CAM.

DANG! HAVE YOU...

OH, DANG'S NOT HERE.

YOU LOOKING FOR ME?

[SHRIEKS]

WHAT WRONG?

YOU JUMPY LIKE CRICKET

DESTINED FOR HOT POT.

- HAVE YOU BEEN MIXING - THE GARBAGE WITH THE RECYCLING?

NO! NEVER!

WELL...

SOMETIMES I MIX

ALUMINUM CANS AND TIN CANS,

AND SOMETIMES

PLASTIC BOTTLE...

AND PAPER...

AND FOOD WASTE...

AND RAW SEWAGE, UH, TURPENTINE,

AND OLD CAR BATTERIES.

BUT NEVER MEDICAL WASTE.

UNLESS I HAVE TO THROW OUT

MEDICAL WASTE.

[GROANS IN FRUSTRATION]

[♪♪♪]

- SLAB MUST ALREADY - BE IN CLASS.

- WELL, WE'D KNOW FOR SURE - IF WE HADN'T LOST HIM.

YOU HAD TO STOP

- AND ASK THAT GIRL - FOR HER PHONE NUMBER.

1-800-GO-AWAY!

I HAD NO IDEA HOW MANY

CUTE GIRLS LIVE TOGETHER.

OKAY, THIS TINY CAMERA

WILL ALLOW US TO TAKE PICTURES

WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING.

AND THIS LIGHTING UMBRELLA

WILL ENSURE WE HAVE

SOFT, EVEN LIGHTING.

WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

WE WERE JUST HOPING TO COME IN

AND OBSERVE CLASS.

NYET!

ONLY DANCERS ARE ALLOWED

INSIDE THESE WALLS,

AND THE DELIVERY GUY

FROM THE BORSCHT BARN.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

YES.

- WE'LL HAVE TO LEARN - HOW TO DRIVE,

THEN HOPE THEY'RE HIRING

AT THE BORSCHT BARN.

THEN...

LEARN WHAT BORSCHT IS.

OR...

COME ON, DERBY.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

WE COULD...

DIG FOR IT.

BECOME DANCERS?

YES!

GOOD DERBY...

AND PIQUE,

AND PIQUE, AND PIQUE,

AND PIQUE AND PIQUE...

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I DON'T SEE SLAB.

YEAH, I DON'T CARE.

[SHUTTER CLICKING RAPIDLY]

AH...

I SEE YOU DECIDED

TO JOIN THE CLASS.

WE WERE THINKING ABOUT IT,

BUT DECIDED NOT TO.

IS THIS HOW I HOLD HER BUTT,

OR SHOULD I USE ONE HAND?

CANS,

BOTTLES, NEWSPAPERS,

THESE DON'T GO TOGETHER.

MUCH LIKE BUN TOM GA NUONG

AND CHOCOLATE MILK.

UCH!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

THAT BUN TOM GA NUONG

AND CHOCOLATE MILK!

I TOLD YOU

IT NOT GO TOGETHER.

COMPOSTABLE.

ALL OF THIS STUFF

NEEDS TO BE SEPARATED.

PHONE BOOK,

PRINTER CARTRIDGE?

OLD TOILET SEAT...

HEY, THIS LOOKS

JUST LIKE THE TEDDY BEAR

DERBY GAVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

SEE, DANG, WE'RE MAKING

THE WORLD A CLEANER PLACE.

- WE WERE OBVIOUSLY - WRONG ABOUT SLAB.

CAN WE PLEASE LEAVE?

- LEAVE? - WHY WOULD I LEAVE?

- I'VE FINALLY FOUND - THE HEADQUARTERS

OF 1-800-GO-AWAY!

SLAB!

- I'M, SORRY I'M LATE, - MADAME K.,

BUT I BROUGHT SOUP.

[GASPS]

FROM THE BORSCHT BARN?

NO, I MADE IT MYSELF.

MMM!

DID YOU USE AGED BEEF?

ICE AGED.

- THERE HE IS. - TAKE SOME PICTURES.

THE MEMORY CARD'S FULL.

SO DELETE A FEW.

NO.

[ADAM, WHISPERING]:

GIVE ME THE CAMERA!

[DERBY]: FORGET IT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YEAH...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Y-YOU SEE, I...

DON'T BOTHER.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

YOU BOTH LOVE BALLET

AS MUCH AS I DO!

- WE COULD BE STUCK IN - THAT BALLET CLASS FOREVER!

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

- IF I WERE YOU, I'D WORK ON - MY GRANDS JETES.

YOU'RE ABOUT

AS FLEXIBLE AS A PRETZEL.

- PRETZELS ARE - VERY FLEXIBLE.

- NOT THE SOFT KIND - YOU PUT MUSTARD ON,

THE HARD CRUNCHY ONES

THAT COME IN SNACK MIX.

- YOU'RE ALSO LIKE - THE SALTED CASHEWS

AND CHEESY GOLDFISH...

- BUT YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE - THE WOVEN WHEAT SQUARES.

YOU WISH YOU WERE LIKE

THE WOVEN WHEAT SQUARES.

ARE YOU HUNGRY,

BY ANY CHANCE?

YEAH, A LITTLE BIT.

HOW ARE MY

BALLET BUDDIES?

GOOD.

HUNGRY.

- IT'S SO GREAT THAT - THERE ARE OTHER GUYS

WHO LOVE BALLET.

- IT MAKES ME FEEL - SO RELIEVED,

SO FREE, SO ALIVE!

THAT'S FUNNY,

- BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL - SO SICK, SO TRAPPED,

SO DEAD.

- I THINK BALLET - IS AWESOME.

- A ROOM FULL OF GIRLS - IN THOSE TIGHT...

WHAT DO YOU CALL 'EM?

TIGHTS?

WELL, FOR ME,

IT'S JUST ABOUT THE DANCE.

SPEAKING OF WHICH,

- I NEED TO - PRACTICE MY LIFTS.

YOU DO THE GIRL PART.

WOW!

YOU'RE AS LIGHT

AS A WOVEN WHEAT SQUARE.

YEAH, BUT

AS FLEXIBLE AS A PRETZEL.

- I REALLY THINK THAT PHRASE - IS CATCHING ON.

I'VE HEARD IT

A COUPLE TIMES TODAY.

WHOA, WHOA!

SLAB,

PUT ME DOWN!

CHECK OUT SLAB...

[MURMURING IN CURIOSITY]

NEXT TIME I COME TO COLLECT,

YOU HAVE YOUR LUNCH MONEY READY!

[ADAM SCREAMS]

[GASPING IN FRIGHT]

[ADAM WHIMPERS IN CONFUSION]

SORRY.

I HAVE A REPUTATION

TO PROTECT.

NOT EVERYONE IS

AS EVOLVED AS WE ARE.

DANG, I GOT YOU

A SURPRISE.

WHAT COULD IT BE?

[RATTLING]

IS IT PAJAMA?

WAIT, SAVE

THE WRAPPING PARCHMENT!

[YELPS IN DELIGHT]

THE BUCKET-MASTER XL-7 DELUXE!

[POWER SURGES]

[GIGGLES IN DISBELIEF]

IT THE CENTERFOLD

IN THIS MONTH'S

CONTEMPORARY CUSTODIAN.

YUP.

CHECK OUT THE NO-SPLASH SPOUT.

[GASPS]

AND ERGONOMIC

EASY-TOUCH WRINGER...

NOT TO MENTION

THE SPACE-AGE CHUNDER FILTER.

[GASPS]

PLUS BOTTLE OPENER!

AND... CHECK THIS OUT.

100% RECYCLED.

I NOT THINK RECYCLING GOOD

FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT MOP WATER.

MY GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHER

USED THIS WATER

TO CLEAN EMPEROR MINH MANG'S

OUTHOUSE.

AAH...

- THERE ARE LOTS OF GREAT - RECYCLED PRODUCTS.

BROWNISH-LOOKING GREETING CARDS,

BROWNISH-LOOKING COFFEE FILTERS,

BROWNISH-LOOKING

BROWN PAPER BAGS.

YOU CONVINCE ME.

LET US TOAST

THE MIRACLE THAT IS

RECYCLING...

[CLINK]

WITH REFRESHING

SEA URCHIN SODA!

I HAVE SOME

EXCITING NEWS.

I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL

BLOSSOM INTO WONDERFUL DANCERS.

WELL, MOST OF YOU.

AND I FEEL THAT YOU ARE

READY TO PERFORM

IN PUBLIC.

[ALL CLAPPING]

- WHAT ARE YOU - SO HAPPY ABOUT?

- I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO KEEP - YOUR LOVE OF BALLET A SECRET.

- I DID, BUT THEN - YOU TWO MADE ME REALIZE

THAT I HAVE NOTHING

TO BE ASHAMED OF.

- IF ANYONE POINTS - THEIR FINGER AT ME,

I'LL JUST POINT

MY TOE RIGHT BACK.

WE WILL BE PERFORMING

SELECTIONS

FROM THE NUTCRACKER

AT FINNEGAN HIGH SCHOOL.

[APPLAUSE]

- HEY, WE GO - TO THAT SCHOOL.

OH, AND DON'T YOU

TEACH THERE?

[♪♪♪]

- WHAT AM I - GOING TO DO?

I BARELY GET ANY RESPECT

AS A TEACHER NOW.

BARELY?

YOU'RE GIVING YOURSELF

WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT.

- WELL, IT'S GOING TO - BE EVEN WORSE

IF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL

SEES ME PRANCING AROUND

IN A SKIN-TIGHT UNITARD.

OW, MY LEG!

OH! OH...

I HAVE TORN THE MUSCLE

AROUND MY MEDIAL MALLEOLUS!

I'M AFRAID

I WILL BE UNABLE TO PERFORM.

AW...

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

BARYSHNIKOV

ONCE PERFORMED SWAN LAKE

WITH A FRACTURED SKULL

AND HIS FOOT IN BEAR TRAP.

[CLAPPING FOR ATTENTION]

CLASS!

GATHER 'ROUND.

I HAVE DECIDED

WHO WILL PLAY OUR PRINCE.

WELL, I ASSUME

IT WILL BE THE BOY

WHO'S BEEN TAKING BALLET

SINCE HE WAS THREE.

OUR STAR DANSEUR WILL BE...

SLAB!

- YES! - I KNEW IT.

NO, SLAB, MOVE OVER.

YOU'RE BLOCKING OUR STAR,

DERBY!

[APPLAUSE]

HAH!

METAL!

H'YAH!

PLASTIC!

HAH!

COMPOST!

GREAT.

THE ONE DAY SLAB

DOESN'T STEAL MY LUNCH.

HEY, EVERYBODY,

10 MINUTES TILL CURTAIN!

NICE TRENCH COAT,

- BUT I'M PRETTY SURE - TCHAIKOVSKY DIDN'T WRITE

A HARD-BOILED DETECTIVE

INTO THE NUTCRACKER.

I'M NOT IN THE SHOW

UNTIL THE RUSSIAN DANCE.

I'M TRYING NOT TO BE SEEN.

THE WAY YOU DANCE,

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

- JUST RELAX, - IT'S NIGHTTIME.

- THERE'S NO ONE - FROM SCHOOL HERE.

- IN FACT, - THERE'S BARELY ANYONE HERE.

[SNORING]

THANK GOODNESS.

ADAM?

ECHO?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,

TRYING TO SOLVE A MURDER?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

WITH THE WHOLE CLASS?

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE

A REPORT FOR DRAMA.

OH, AND TAKE

LOTS AND LOTS OF PHOTOS.

[SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[♪♪♪]

[APPLAUSE]

AND NOW,

THE WALTZ OF THE SNOWFLAKES.

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

THAT'S SLAB!

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GETTING

SOME HEAVY SNOWFALL.

OH, MY GOSH,

IS THAT DERBY?

[♪♪♪]

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?

WE WERE EXQUISITE!

[FERVENT APPLAUSE]

IN A MOMENT,

WE WILL BEGIN

OUR NEXT SELECTION,

TREPAK, THE RUSSIAN DANCE.

- UH, I'M GOING TO GO - GET US SOME MUNCHIES

FROM THE SNACK BAR.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO

MISS THE NEXT DANCE.

I WISH.

[♪♪♪]

HERE GOES NOTHING...

WE WERE SO MUCH BETTER.

TRUE.

- COULD YOU PUT ME - DOWN NOW?

[♪♪♪]

OUCH!

OW!

[SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[♪♪♪]

OOF!

[GRUNTING]

[KICKS THUDDING]

STOP IT!

AS YOU CAN SEE,

THERE ARE MANY INTERPRETATIONS

OF TCHAIKOVSKY'S VISION.

- WE WILL TAKE - A SHORT INTERMISSION

WHILE WE CHECK

FOR INTERNAL BLEEDING.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

- THE LINE-UP FOR THE SNACK BAR - WENT ON FOREVER.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

THE SCHOOL HAD A SNACK BAR.

TURNS OUT IT DOESN'T.

THERE WERE A LOT OF ANGRY PEOPLE

IN THAT LINE.

SO...

DID I MISS ANY LAME KIDS

DOING LAME BALLET?

SO LAME.

- HEY, WHAT DID YOU - THINK OF MY DANCE?

IT WAS INCREDIBLE!

I'VE NEVER SEEN

THAT SIDE OF YOU BEFORE.

THE FRONT?

NO, THE SENSITIVE,

ARTISTIC SIDE.

I DON'T SUPPOSE

- YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN GIVING ME - PRIVATE BALLET LESSONS?

I WOULD LOVE TO.

I HAVE TO WARN YOU, THOUGH,

I'M ABOUT AS FLEXIBLE

AS A PRETZEL.

- I TOLD YOU IT WAS - CATCHING ON.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE SOME

PHONE NUMBERS TO GET.

- WAIT, SO YOU DON'T - THINK IT WAS LAME?

NO.

- I ADMIRE ANY GUY - CONFIDENT ENOUGH

TO EXPRESS HIMSELF

THROUGH THE ART OF BALLET,

AND...

- WHEN YOU FACTOR IN - THE STRENGTH AND GRACE

OF A DANCER'S BODY...

- YOU WOULDN'T - UNDERSTAND.

- WHAT? - NO, NO, NO!

NO, I-I DO UNDERSTAND!

I TAKE BALLET, TOO!

[SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[SCOFFING]

MR. YOUNG TAKES BALLET.

WHY WERE YOU HIDING IT

ALL THIS TIME?

- I THOUGHT EVERYONE - THOUGHT IT WAS LAME!

- THAT'S THE ONLY REASON - I SIGNED UP,

- TO GET PICTURES - TO BLACKMAIL SLAB!

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

- I'M GOING TO USE - YOUR BONES

FOR SOUP!

[SCREAMS]

WHEN YOU'RE DONE,

DON'T FORGET TO COMPOST!

[♪♪♪]

- THAT CAN NOT - MADE OF PAPER!

IT MADE OF... CAN.

CAN WHICH COLLAPSE

LIKE LUNGS OF BOY

WHO NOT RECYCLE!

- I'VE GOT TO SAY, - I'M IMPRESSED.

THANKS TO YOUR EFFORTS,

THE SCHOOL IS NOW RECYCLING

98% OF ITS TRASH.

- IT EASY TO - SEPARATE GARBAGE.

ONE BIN FOR COMPOST,

ONE BIN FOR METAL,

ONE BIN FOR PLASTIC,

- AND ONE BIN FOR - FAKE PHONE NUMBERS

GIRLS GIVE DERBY.

HERE'S ANOTHER LOAD.

[♪♪♪]

I WONDER WHY

HE HASN'T CALLED YET.

OH, WELL.

PILLOW FIGHT!

[GIGGLING, SHRIEKING]

[♪♪♪]