Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

AH, TALENT SHOW WEEK.

I LOVE ANY OPPORTUNITY

TO SHOW OFF MY UNIQUE BRAND

OF DELIGHTFUL PATTER.

- WHEN IT COMES TO BEING - MASTER OF CEREMONIES,

I AM THE MASTER...

OF CEREMONIES.

YEAH, I STILL DON'T THINK

WE NEEDED AN EMCEE

AT LAST WEEK'S BLOOD DRIVE.

HEY, THEY LOVED ME.

I GOT A STANDING O... NEGATIVE.

OH, THAT'S GOLD.

I'M SO USING THAT

NEXT YEAR.

- WELL, THAT MIGHT BE - YOUR NEXT PERFORMANCE,

- BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE - NO ONE SIGNED UP

FOR THE TALENT SHOW.

WHAT?

I CAN'T BE EXPECTED

TO CARRY THE WHOLE SHOW

BY MYSELF.

- DO YOU THINK I COULD CARRY - THE WHOLE SHOW BY MYSELF?

- I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE - TO CANCEL IT.

CANCEL IT?

NEVER!

- ALL THESE STUDENTS NEED - IS A LITTLE INCENTIVE.

SIGN UP FOR THE TALENT SHOW

AND RECEIVE

A GET-OUT-OF-DETENTION-FREE

PASS.

OUT OF MY WAY!

OUT OF MY WAY!

DERBY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU DON'T HAVE DETENTION.

NOT YET,

- BUT I CAN'T LET - AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS

SLIP AWAY.

LUCKILY, I'M ALWAYS PREPARED.

"IN CASE OF EMERGENCY,

BREAK GLASS"?

[SMASH]

[SPLAT]

DERBY!

YOU KNOW I PREFER BANANA CREAM.

[CRASH]

[KIDS]: AWW!

[MORE CRASHING]

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

- ♪ COULD CALL ME - WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD WHERE

I AM HID ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪♪

- YOU'RE SIGNING UP - FOR THE TALENT SHOW, ECHO?

- WHAT DID YOU GET - DETENTION FOR?

- DID YOU DO - SOMETHING NAUGHTY?

DID YOU DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY?

NO, I WAS THINKING

OF DOING A SONG,

BUT I'M TOO NERVOUS.

- I MEAN, THE ONLY TIME - I REALLY SING

IS IN THE SHOWER.

- WELL, I IMAGINE - YOU'RE AMAZING...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I MEAN, YOUR VOICE.

NOT YOU IN THE SHOWER.

I DON'T IMAGINE

YOU IN THE SHOWER...

OR A BUBBLE BATH...

- OR EMBRACED - BY THE SUN-KISSED SPRAY

OF A CASCADING WATERFALL.

REALLY, YOU THINK

I SHOULD SIGN UP?

ABSOLUTELY!

- I'M SURE YOU HAVE THE VOICE - OF AN ANGEL.

I MEAN, AN ANGEL

- THAT DIDN'T DIE - FROM A KICK TO THE THROAT.

OKAY. I'LL DO IT.

EXCELLENT.

FOUR PEOPLE

SIGNED UP ALREADY.

- NO, THAT'S ONLY TWO, - MR. TATER.

I DON'T THINK

"TARA BULGASS"

AND "HOLDEN AFFARTIN"

GO TO THIS SCHOOL.

THEY TRANSFERRED?

OH, WHAT A SHAME.

- TARA AND HOLDEN - SIGNED UP FOR EVERYTHING.

MAYBE IT'S NOT WORKING

- BECAUSE NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE - NEED TO GET OUT OF DETENTION.

GOOD IDEA!

WELL, UH...

- NO, NO, - I DIDN'T MEAN THAT...

YOU, NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAY.

DETENTION!

YOU, WITH THE JAUNTY PACE.

DETENTION!

MISS YOUNG.

NO TEXTING IN SCHOOL.

DETENTION!

- THERE'S NO RULE - AGAINST TEXTING IN SCHOOL.

THERE IS NOW.

BUT I'M NOT TEXTING NOW.

FINE.

- BUT IF I CATCH YOU - SENDING OUT ONE "ROFL" OR "BRB,"

YOU'LL BE "SID."

STUCK IN DETENTION.

AND THE ONLY WAY OUT

WILL BE TO SIGN UP

FOR THE TALENT SHOW.

YES, IT'S A MULTI-STEP PLAN,

BUT IT WILL ULTIMATELY LEAD

- TO ME GETTING EXACTLY - WHAT I WANT.

AND THAT'S WHY BUBBLES

ARE ROUND.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

- DERBY, WHY ARE YOU LATE - FOR CLASS?

YOU WERE NOT TRAPPED IN A BOX.

THERE IS NO WINDSTORM

IN THE HALLWAY.

YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP COMING LATE.

YOUR DOG'S VERY CUTE,

BUT FIND A TALENT

ON YOUR OWN TIME.

NOW, TAKE YOUR SEAT.

- I'M IN THE MIDDLE - OF DEMONSTRATING

A COMPLEX SCIENTIFIC PROCESS.

HEY, WATCH IT...

GHOSTLY FRENCH VERSION

OF DERBY.

- LET'S SEE IF THIS GHOST - CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS.

[SLAM]

NOPE.

[HIGH-PITCHED,

[OFF-KEY SQUEAKING]

WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SOUND?

- THE DEATH RATTLE - OF A DISEASED JUNGLE CAT...

POSSIBLY AN OCELOT,

BUT MORE LIKELY

AN ADOLESCENT PUMA.

[SQUEAKING CONTINUES]

OH, THE UNHOLY HORROR!

IT'S THE PUMA, RIGHT?

[OVER SQUEAKING]

YOU NAILED IT.

- OH, I WISH I COULD - TEXT BETHANY.

SHE THINKS SHE'S ALL THAT

- WHEN IT COMES TO DIFFERENTIATING - ANIMAL SOUNDS.

- [OVER SQUEAKING] - RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

IT'S CHEWING ITS LEG OFF.

WELL, THEN,

- WE COULD PROBABLY WALK - FOR OUR LIVES,

SINCE AT BEST,

IT COULD ONLY LIMP AFTER US.

FINE! WALK FOR YOUR LIVES.

[SCREAMING, SHRIEKING]

[SQUEAKING CONTINUES]

ECHO, WHY ARE YOU IN

THE JANITOR'S CLOSET?

- BECAUSE THE ACOUSTICS IN HERE - MAKE ME SOUND AMAZING!

- I'M SO GLAD YOU CONVINCED ME - TO SIGN UP FOR THE TALENT SHOW.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PERFORM - IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?

- BECAUSE THERE ARE - A LOT OF JUDGMENTAL KIDS

IN THIS SCHOOL,

- LIKE THAT GUY WHO - ALWAYS WEARS SUSPENDERS.

COME ON, YOU NEVER HEARD

OF A BELT?

WELL, I DON'T CARE

WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

- ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE - THE UNWAVERING SUPPORT

OF SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

[SCREAMS]

- SHE'S RIGHT, - THE ACOUSTICS IN HERE ARE GOOD.

[♪♪♪]

- [DISTANT DRUMMING - IN RESPONSE]

[DISTANT DRUMMING]

AH, I SEE YOU CAN'T STAND

THE TEXTING BAN

AND YOU'RE REHEARSING

YOUR TALENT FOR THE SHOW.

- NO, I JUST FOUND - AN ALTERNATIVE FORM

OF LONG-DISTANCE

COMMUNICATION...

- THE PAPUAN DRUM LANGUAGE - OF THE MELANESIAN ISLANDS.

[DISTANT DRUMMING]

LOL.

SORRY, BETHANY JUST MADE

A BALD JOKE ABOUT...

SOMEONE ELSE.

I LOVE BALD JOKES

ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE.

BUT I'M AFRAID

THE PAPUAN DRUM LANGUAGE

IS BANNED IN SCHOOL.

WHAT ABOUT THE

QUASI-POETIC RHYTHMS

OF THE TANGU TRIBE?

ALSO BANNED.

- AS WELL - AS THE PERCUSSIVE MORPHEMES

- OF THE NIGERIAN - EFIK TRIBE.

DON'T BLAME ME.

- THIS COMES DIRECTLY - FROM THE SCHOOL BOARD.

SAME TO YOU!

OKAY, ECHO'S KIND OF

A SENSITIVE DIVA.

SO DON'T LET HER KNOW

YOU'RE GIVING HER LESSONS.

NO PROBLEMO, BAMBINO.

SERGIO IS AS SUBTLE

AS THE OREGANO

IN A CAPRESE SALAD.

- I DIDN'T THINK - THERE WAS OREGANO

IN CAPRESE SALAD.

THAT'S BECAUSE

IT'S SO SUBTLE!

WELL, DON'T BE TOO SUBTLE.

ECHO REALLY NEEDS THE HELP.

WORRY NOT, CUCCIOLA MIA.

SERGIO HAS TRAINED THE VOICES

OF TALENTLESS POP STARS,

THROAT-KICK SURVIVORS,

AND EVEN THIS...

[BARKING]

- THAT JUST SOUNDS - LIKE A DOG BARKING.

I KNOW!

BUT IT IS A CAT.

[DOOR CLOSES]

ADAM?

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

- I WANTED YOU - TO MEET SERGIO,

- ONE OF THE WORLD'S - MOST RENOWNED VOCALISTS.

HE HEARD ABOUT YOUR...

UNIQUE VOICE,

- AND JUST HAD TO HEAR IT - FOR HIMSELF.

CIAO, BELLA.

OH! I'M A BIG FAN OF OPERA.

AND I LIKE CHEESE SANDWICHES.

WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT OPERA?

I JUST ASSUMED THAT...

OH, YOU ASSUMED

- THAT BECAUSE I'M WEARING - THIS CAPE,

THAT I'M AN OPERA SINGER?

I SING SCAT!

♪ SCOOBIDY BOP BOP ♪

♪ TIDDLY DEET DEE ♪

♪ ZIPPIDY ZOO-OW! ♪

NOW, LET ME HEAR YOU SING.

OKAY.

HERE'S THE CHORUS

- OF A LITTLE SOMETHING - I'VE BEEN NOODLING WITH.

[PLAYS NOTE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

- [SCREECHING, OFF-KEY]: - ♪ I WISH I WERE A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ FLY, FLY, FLY ♪

♪ BYE, BYE, BYE ♪

BRAVO, BRAVO.

- I GIVE YOU - A STANDING OVATION,

HUH?

- AND NOW I GIVE YOU - A WALKING OVATION.

AND NOW...

WOW, THE HIGHLY COVETED

RUNNING OVATION.

[DRUMMING, CYMBALS TAPPING]

SO YOUR TALENT

IS TO PLAY 12 INSTRUMENTS

BADLY?

IT WOULD'VE BEEN 13,

- BUT I LENT MY PAPUAN DRUM - TO IVY.

[BOOM]

- WHO DARES TO BUTCHER - JANEK LESZCZYNSKI'S

- BELOVED - "SPICY KIELBASA POLKA"?

TATER?

AAH!

- HE'S THE ONE PLAYING - 12 INSTRUMENTS BADLY.

DERBY!

WHOA!

DERBY!

WATCH OUT FOR THE...

WHOA!

- [CRASHING, - INSTRUMENTS CLANGING]

STAIRS.

[HUSHED VOICES]

DERBY!

[GRUNTING]

I'M FINE.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

- WHERE'S YOUR - TRUMPET?

I DON'T KNOW.

[HORN BLARES]

FOUND IT.

[OFF-KEY SCREECHING]

HEY, ECHO.

- I, UH, WHIPPED UP - SOME THROAT SPRAY.

TO HELP YOUR VOICE.

YOU THINK MY VOICE NEEDS HELP?

DID I SAY HELP?

I MEANT "PROTECTION,"

BECAUSE IT'S SO PERFECT.

[COUGHS]

OKAY, TRY SINGING SOMETHING.

[OFF-KEY SCREECHING]:

♪ I WISH I WERE A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ FLY, FLY ♪

- [DEEP MALE VOICE]: - HOW CAN YOU TELL - IF THIS STUFF IS WORKING?

MY VOICE!

- [GASPS] - ARE YOU TRYING TO CHANGE IT?

WHAT?

- IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY SINGING, - TELL ME.

I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST.

[SIGHS]

OKAY, THE TRUTH IS, ECHO,

YOU HAVE THE WORLD'S MOST...

BEAUTIFUL VOICE.

DID I JUST HEAR YOU SAY

THAT ECHO HAS

- THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL - VOICE?

I DID TECHNICALLY

SAY THAT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

- YOU ARE THE TALENT SHOW - HEADLINER!

THANKS, MR. TATER.

- YOU'VE JUST MADE ME - THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH.

[ECHO GIGGLES, DEEP VOICE]

GOODY GUMDROPS!

[♪♪♪]

WELCOME BACK

TO FINNEGAN HIGH DETENTION,

WHERE "DE-TENSION"

IN THE ROOM IS PALPABLE.

I CAN'T SIT THROUGH THIS.

HEY!

THIS IS THE ONE SHOW

NO ONE CAN WALK OUT OF.

- UNLESS YOU SIGN UP - FOR THE TALENT SHOW.

[WINDOW SMASHES]

[TATER SHRIEKS]

IT'S FOR YOU.

IVY!

- THIS IS NOT - AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE

FOR TEXTING!

[SHRIEKS]

SAME TO YOU!

[♪♪♪]

- [DERBY, OVER MIC]: - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE

WILL SHOCK AND AMAZE YOU!

WAIT, WAIT.

WHO'S INTRODUCING HIM?

- WHY WASN'T I ASKED TO EMCEE - THIS HALLWAY SHOW?

ANYWAY, WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE

WILL SHOCK AND AMAZE YOU!

OH, NICE CAPE!

ARE YOU GOING TO SCAT FOR US?

NO.

- I'M GOING TO PERFORM - JAW-DROPPING MAGIC.

OH!

WHOA!

NOW, I'LL REQUIRE

THE ASSISTANCE

OF A BEAUTIFUL VOLUNTEER.

OOH! A DARING ESCAPE?

- ACTUALLY, - I PUT THESE ON

- TO PREVENT MYSELF - FROM TEXTING.

JUST SIGN UP ALREADY!

NEVER!

NOW, WATCH,

AS THROUGH THE POWER OF MAGIC,

I MAKE IVY DISAPPEAR!

WAIT.

THAT DIDN'T GO RIGHT.

NO KIDDING.

I LOOK LIKE A DORK.

HEY!

THAT'S MY BEST SWEATER-VEST.

OH, NO.

MY HANDS ARE FREE!

I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

A-HA!

THAT'S DETENTION!

FINE! I'LL BE IN

YOUR STUPID SHOW.

[SNAPPING PICTURE] WORTH IT!

NO, I...

NOT SO FAST.

- YOU STILL HAVE TO - ANSWER FOR THIS.

TA-DAH!

WHOA!

HEY, I CAN'T SEE!

DERBY, WATCH OUT FOR THE...

WHOA!

[REPEATED THUMPING]

STAIRS.

DERBY!

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

AMAZINGLY, I'M FINE.

WHERE'S YOUR MAGIC WAND?

- OH, DON'T WORRY, - IT'S IN HANDKERCHIEF FORM.

[CRUNCHING]

AT LEAST IT WAS.

- WELL, I FOUND - MY TALENT,

- AND I SOLVED - YOUR ECHO PROBLEM.

OH, THANK YOU.

- I WAS THIS CLOSE - TO RENTING A HELICOPTER

AND DROPPING

A BAG OF SNAKES ON HER.

SO, WHAT DO YOU GOT?

- YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE - SHE USES

THIS SPECIAL MICROPHONE.

OW! OH! OH!

OW!

SO YOUR PLAN

- WAS TO PUNCH HER - IN THE EYE?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

- IT'S SUPPOSED TO HIT HER - IN THE THROAT.

NOW, TRY IT AGAIN,

- JUST THIS TIME - HOLD IT A LITTLE LOWER.

NO!

[SIGHING] OW.

BUT, YOU KNOW,

- ANOTHER KIND OF - SPECIAL MICROPHONE

COULD WORK...

AN AUTO-TUNE MIC!

IT USES A VOICE MODULATOR

TO ADJUST PITCH AND TONE.

OH, I THINK I HAVE

ONE OF THOSE.

LET ME TAKE THIS ONE BACK

AND GO GET IT FOR YOU.

[MECHANISM CLICKS]

HERE YOU GO.

[OFF-KEY SCREECH]:

♪ I WISH I WERE A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ FLY, FLY ♪

HEY, ECHO.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?

- THAT'S REALLY GOING TO MESS - WITH YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION.

I'M FINE.

- ANYWAY, IN HONOUR - OF YOUR BIG DEBUT,

I GOT YOU A PRESENT.

- SOMEONE WITH A VOICE - LIKE YOURS

- DOESN'T WANT TO USE - THAT LOW-GRADE,

A.V.-CLUB JUNK

THEY'VE GOT OUT THERE.

THAT'S SO SWEET.

OOH, A HUG!

DID YOU DO SOMETHING

WITH YOUR HAIR?

LIE-BRARY?

MORE LIKE TRUTH-BRARY!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

HEY!

- YOU AND YOUR CRICKET CHOIR - HAD YOUR CHANCE.

OUR NEXT PERFORMER

IS THE ONE AND ONLY IVY YOUNG!

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

[TEXT KEYS BEEPING]

IVY!

- YOU CAN'T JUST - STAND THERE TEXTING.

- YOU HAVE TO HAVE - AN ACTUAL TALENT.

THIS IS MY TALENT.

- I'M THE WORLD'S FIRST - TEXTING COMIC.

- [PHONES BEEPING - WITH TEXT ALERTS]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

- WELL, THEY DO SEEM - TO LIKE IT.

- THAT MUST HAVE BEEN - ONE FUNNY JOKE.

WELL, CHECK YOUR PHONE.

HEY!

- YOU CAN NOT SEE THE GLARE - FROM SPACE.

[BEEP]

[TEXT ALERTS BEEP]

[LAUGHTER]

[TEXT ALERT BEEPS]

HEY, THERE'S NO NEED

TO HECKLE!

DO I COME TO YOUR JOB

AND SLAP YOUR HAIRNET

INTO THE DEEP FRYER?

[LAUGHTER]

LET ME LEAVE YOU WITH THIS.

[TEXT KEYS BEEPING]

[TEXT ALERTS BEEPING]

[AUDIENCE MEMBERS]: HMM...

SOMETIMES I GET POLITICAL.

I LIKE TO MAKE THEM THINK.

[CHEERING]

- ALL RIGHT! - YEAH!

- WHOO! - GOOD JOB!

- WHOO!

- WHOO!

THANK YOU, IVY,

FOR THOSE HILARIOUS "LOLs."

[TEXT ALERT BEEPS]

- OH, SHE'LL BE APPEARING - THIS SATURDAY

AT THE SNICKER SHACK.

ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE COALITION

TO HELP THROAT-KICK CASUALTIES,

OR "CHTKC."

UP NEXT,

DAREDEVIL EXTRAORDINAIRE

DEMOLITION DERBY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

BOYS AND GIRLS,

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO

IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

- WHAT'S GOING - TO HAPPEN?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

HEY, SLAB!

QUIET! I'M READING.

"FROM SPACE."

- THIS IS WHAT YOU GET - FOR DISTURBING ME

- WHILE I'M ENJOYING - COMEDY GOLD!

HERE WE GO, FOLKS!

SHOW TIME!

[SLAB GRUNTS]

[DERBY]: WHOA!

- WATCH OUT - FOR THOSE POWER LINES!

[DERBY]: WHOA!

OOH!

I'M OKAY!

[CHEERING]

- YEAH! - WHOO!

I GUESS THE SHOW'S OVER.

YOU CAN'T PERFORM

WITHOUT POWER.

- I DON'T NEED A MICROPHONE - TO SOUND GREAT.

YOU DON'T?

I CAN DO AN INTIMATE,

UNPLUGGED PERFORMANCE.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

NO, IT'S NOT.

PLEASE WELCOME OUR HEADLINER,

THE ALWAYS EFFERVESCENT ECHO!

[CHEERING]

COME ON, GATHER ROUND.

- THAT'S IT. - DON'T BE SHY.

♪ WISH I WERE ♪

♪ CUT FROM A DIFFERENT

CLOTH ♪

♪ WANT TO BE A BUTTERFLY ♪

[ADAM JOINS IN]: ♪ I LIVE

IN A CLOSET IN THE HALL ♪

♪ SO SAD

IT MAKES THIS MOTH BAWL ♪

♪ BUTTERFLIES HAVE IT

SO MUCH BETTER ♪

♪ GONNA DROWN MY SORROWS ♪

♪ IN A CASHMERE SWEATER ♪

♪ I WISH I WERE

A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ DRAWN TO THE FLAME ♪

♪ I DIE, DIE, DIE ♪

♪ I WISH I WERE A BUTTERFL... ♪

AAH!

IT BURNS!

YEAH!

YEAH!

[♪♪♪]

I WAS AWESOME!

THEY LOVED MY DUET.

SO YOU WERE LYING TO ME

THIS WHOLE TIME?

OH. YOU KNOW?

IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS.

- YOU PRETENDED TO BE SUPPORTIVE - OF MY SINGING,

- BUT IN REALITY - YOU WERE JUST JEALOUS.

JEALOUS?

OF MY AMAZING VOICE.

- ESPECIALLY SINCE YOURS - IS SO AWFUL.

IT IS?

YEAH.

I HATE TO SAY IT,

BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST.

- I MEAN, - IF MY VOICE WERE TERRIBLE,

I'D WANT YOU TO TELL ME.

YOUR VOICE IS TERRIBLE.

OH, YOU ARE SO JEALOUS.

- AND WHY'D YOU GIVE THIS - TO ME?

- TO SABOTAGE ME OR SOMETHING? - NO, NO...

WHAT DOES IT EVEN DO?

OW!

[MOANS]

[♪♪♪]