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1
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[♪♪♪]
2
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- I HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT
- FOR YOU TODAY.
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:06,674
ICE CREAM!
4
00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:08,050
[CHEERING]
5
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,802
- YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT
- USING SCIENCE.
6
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,888
[GROANING]
7
00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:13,598
IT'S EASY.
8
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,433
- JUST PUT THE CREAM AND THE SUGAR
- IN A BAG
9
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,352
AND PUT THAT BAG
10
00:00:17,353 --> 00:00:19,228
INTO THE ICE/SALT MIXTURE.
11
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CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY?
12
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BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO CHEAP
13
00:00:22,338 --> 00:00:23,942
TO BUY ICE CREAM?
14
00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:26,068
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT, ECHO.
15
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,028
- THE SALT LOWERS
- THE FREEZING POINT
16
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,572
OF THE ICE,
17
00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:30,823
MAKING IT COLD ENOUGH
18
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,346
TO MAKE
19
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DELICIOUS ICE CREAM.
20
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,078
VANILLA ICE CREAM?
21
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,330
OH, NOTHING AS FANCY
22
00:00:37,331 --> 00:00:38,539
AS VANILLA.
23
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THIS IS PLAIN ICE CREAM.
24
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THAT WAY, YOU CAN TASTE
25
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:43,252
THE ICE AND THE CREAM.
26
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,420
COME ON,
27
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:45,689
- LET'S THROW SOME FLAVOUR
- INTO THIS THING.
28
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,736
I DON'T THINK
29
00:00:46,737 --> 00:00:47,757
WE'RE READY FOR FLAVOUR.
30
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,218
A LITTLE OF THIS
31
00:00:50,219 --> 00:00:51,427
AND A LITTLE OF THAT...
32
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:52,929
DERBY, CHEMISTRY
33
00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:54,388
IS A PRECISE SCIENCE.
34
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,032
- YOU CAN'T JUST MIX
- A BUNCH OF RANDOM STUFF TOGETHER
35
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,016
AND EXPECT IT TO WORK.
36
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,100
DID IT!
37
00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,142
I MADE ICE CREAM.
38
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,773
[KIDS]: OH!
39
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,111
DERBY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
40
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,113
I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS.
41
00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:13,783
I'VE DISCOVERED I'M A WEREWOLF!
42
00:01:13,825 --> 00:01:16,995
NOW, BACK TO MY ICE CREAM.
43
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:17,996
- YOU'RE NOT
- A WEREWOLF.
44
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,121
YOU MUST HAVE CREATED
45
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,123
- SOME KIND
- OF HAIR-GROWTH FORMULA.
46
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,083
THAT'S ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.
47
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♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER
48
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HELLO, FALL ♪
49
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- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING
- TO GET HERE ♪
50
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♪ SINCE WE BOTH
51
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WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪
52
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♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪
53
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♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪
54
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:47,942
♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪
55
00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,169
- ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME
- WHAT YOU WANT ♪
56
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:54,114
♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD... ♪
57
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♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪♪
58
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IVY?
59
00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:05,084
YOU SIGNED UP TO LEARN
60
00:02:05,085 --> 00:02:06,293
CARDIOPULMONARY RESUSCITATION?
61
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,753
WAIT A MINUTE.
62
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,735
CPR STANDS FOR
63
00:02:09,736 --> 00:02:11,674
CARDIO SOMETHING SOMETHING?
64
00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:13,175
WHAT'D YOU THINK IT STOOD FOR?
65
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,135
CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
66
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,178
I WAS HOPING
67
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I'D MEET A CUTE GUY
68
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,181
- TO CUT THIS
- CLASS WITH.
69
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,432
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
70
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,195
- WHAT DID YOU THINK
- THE DUMMIES WERE FOR?
71
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PRACTICE.
72
00:02:24,062 --> 00:02:24,896
- I'VE BEEN MAKING OUT
- WITH THIS ONE
73
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FOR, LIKE, 10 MINUTES.
74
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WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD.
75
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,868
ANYWAY...
76
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:39,928
- WHO WANTS TO
- SAVE A LIFE?
77
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:40,745
OH, ME!
78
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:41,746
[BOY]: I DO!
79
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,163
- OKAY, THIS
- HAS BEEN FUN.
80
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,999
IVY, YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
81
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,208
YOU NEED TO PASS AN ELECTIVE,
82
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,228
- AND THE ONLY OTHER CLASS
- WITH SPACE STILL AVAILABLE
83
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:49,795
IS "MOCK UNITED NATIONS."
84
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OOH, I'M REALLY GOOD
85
00:02:50,944 --> 00:02:52,048
AT MOCKING NATIONS.
86
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,424
HEY, TURKMENISTAN!
87
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,384
- YOU MAY LEAD THE WORLD
- IN IODINE RESERVES,
88
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:56,802
- BUT THE NIGHT LIFE
- IN ASHGABAT
89
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,263
LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED!
90
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,746
SERIOUSLY, TRY TO GET
91
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:04,184
A BOWL OF PLOV AFTER 11:00.
92
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,154
LADIES.
93
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- DERBY, YOU SHOULD
- STOP USING THAT STUFF.
94
00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,366
IT HASN'T BEEN TESTED.
95
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,201
SURE IT HAS.
96
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,244
I TESTED IT ON MY FACE,
97
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,245
MY CHEST,
98
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:25,790
MY... OTHER PLACES.
99
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,481
YOU NEED TO DO
100
00:03:28,482 --> 00:03:29,961
PROPER CLINICAL TRIALS.
101
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,129
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
102
00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,254
OF A 10-YEAR PROJECT
103
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,481
- ON PLANT GROWTH
- ACCELERATION,
104
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,215
- SOMEDAY HOPING TO SOLVE
- WORLD HUNGER.
105
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,258
THAT'S SAD,
106
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,278
- BECAUSE IN TWO MINUTES,
- I SOLVED WORLD BALDNESS...
107
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:39,302
A REAL PROBLEM.
108
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,973
TRUST ME, DERBY.
109
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,158
- NOBODY'S GOING
- TO BE CRAZY ENOUGH
110
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:44,433
TO USE THAT JUNK.
111
00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:47,061
[KIDS CLAMORING]
112
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:48,543
ALL RIGHT,
113
00:03:48,544 --> 00:03:49,981
TAKE IT EASY, EVERYONE.
114
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THERE'S PLENTY OF HAIR
115
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:52,900
TO GO AROUND.
116
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[KIDS, AWESTRUCK]: WHOO!
117
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[KIDS]: AHH!
118
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DERBY!
119
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,483
I HEARD ABOUT YOUR LITTLE
120
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,130
"SCIENCE EXPERIMENT."
121
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,257
[QUIETLY] I LOVE YOU.
122
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:22,888
OKAY...
123
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,036
- WHILE YOU'RE WAITING
- FOR AN EMERGENCY RESPONDER
124
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,145
TO ARRIVE,
125
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:30,413
- IT'S UP TO YOU
- TO TREAT THE VICTIM.
126
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,377
IF THEY'RE IN
127
00:04:32,378 --> 00:04:34,316
RESPIRATORY DISTRESS,
128
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,317
FIRST MAKE SURE
129
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,461
- YOU DIDN'T JUST TAKE
- THEIR BREATH AWAY
130
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,863
AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR GLORIOUS,
131
00:04:38,864 --> 00:04:41,240
GOLDEN MANE.
132
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,325
THEN, TILT THE HEAD BACK
133
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,285
- TO CHECK
- FOR ANY AIRWAY OBSTRUCTIONS
134
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:46,328
SUCH AS FOOD
135
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,329
OR A SWALLOWED TONGUE.
136
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:50,249
THIS GUY EATS PEOPLE'S TONGUES?
137
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,334
DO WE REALLY WANT TO SAVE
138
00:04:51,335 --> 00:04:52,376
THE LIFE OF A CANNIBAL?
139
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:56,338
AFTER YOU CHECK FOR A PULSE,
140
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,216
- BEGIN PERFORMING
- CHEST COMPRESSIONS,
141
00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,926
USING BOTH YOUR BRUSH HAND
142
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,593
AND YOUR BLOW DRYER HAND.
143
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,329
BEGIN PUSHING DOWN RAPIDLY
144
00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:08,767
ABOUT TWO TIMES PER SECOND,
145
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,204
- MAKING SURE TO KEEP
- YOUR FLOWING, YOUTHFUL HAIR
146
00:05:10,228 --> 00:05:11,353
OUT OF THE WAY.
147
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,146
[DUMMY "DINGS"]
148
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:13,689
YOU DID IT, MR. TATER.
149
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:14,815
YOU SAVED HIS LIFE.
150
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,358
YOUR TURN.
151
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,317
WHO'D LIKE TO GO FIRST?
152
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,237
I WILL.
153
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,364
NOW, KEEP IN MIND,
154
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,783
THIS IS A COMPLEX PROCEDURE
155
00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:25,159
I SPENT YEARS MASTERING.
156
00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:26,160
DON'T EXPECT TO...
157
00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:27,369
[DING]
158
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,370
DONE!
159
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:31,373
NO ONE LIKES A SHOWOFF.
160
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,375
- IVY, WHY DON'T YOU
- GIVE IT A SHOT?
161
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:34,773
FIRST, CHECK THE AIRWAY
162
00:05:34,774 --> 00:05:36,128
FOR ANY OBSTRUCTIONS.
163
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,968
ALL CLEAR.
164
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,611
- NOW, HOLD THIS
- WHILE I SAVE HIS LIFE.
165
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,767
THE BELOVED AND
166
00:05:48,768 --> 00:05:50,601
HIGHLY SOUGHT-AFTER RUTABAGA.
167
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,727
NORMALLY,
168
00:05:51,728 --> 00:05:52,811
IT TAKES A HUNDRED DAYS
169
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,396
TO GROW THIS WAXY GEM.
170
00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:55,856
- BUT I HOPE
- TO GET THAT DOWN
171
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,357
TO A MERE THREE MONTHS.
172
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:02,947
DERBY, YOU'RE LATE.
173
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:03,948
[BELL RINGS]
174
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,366
VERY LATE.
175
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,494
MR. TATER TOOK ME TO LUNCH
176
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,680
- IN THE SECRET
- TEACHERS' CAFETERIA.
177
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,727
THERE'S A SECRET
178
00:06:11,728 --> 00:06:12,748
TEACHERS' CAFETERIA?
179
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:13,958
WHY DON'T I KNOW ABOUT IT?
180
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,435
- TATER DOESN'T THINK
- YOU'LL LAST A YEAR,
181
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,419
- SO HE DOESN'T WANT
- TO WASTE ANY CAVIAR ON YOU.
182
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,422
EXCUSE ME,
183
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,653
IS THIS WHERE I CAN FIND
184
00:06:21,654 --> 00:06:22,841
THE 14-YEAR-OLD GENIUS?
185
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,991
WELL, I DON'T LIKE
186
00:06:25,992 --> 00:06:27,096
TO REFER TO MYSELF
187
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,597
AS A GENIUS...
188
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,141
[CHUCKLES]
189
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,288
ALTHOUGH HUMILITY MAGAZINE
190
00:06:31,289 --> 00:06:32,392
HAD NO TROUBLE.
191
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,105
- TO WHOM SHOULD I
- MAKE THIS OUT?
192
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:37,731
- THE NAME'S
- PRESTON PICKLES.
193
00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,626
- BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED
- IN YOUR BABY PICTURES.
194
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,735
I WANT TO TALK TO
195
00:06:40,736 --> 00:06:41,819
THE HAIR-GROWING GENIUS,
196
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,028
AND I'M GUESSING
197
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,738
- IT'S THAT GUY
- ROCKIN' THE FU MANCHU.
198
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:46,865
YOU'RE...
199
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,659
PRESTON PICKLES.
200
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,868
LIKE I TOLD THAT GUY.
201
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,911
I'M A HUGE FAN
202
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:51,912
OF YOUR INFOMERCIALS.
203
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:52,913
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE?
204
00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,581
THE TAN SHAMMY?
205
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,126
HEY, NO...
206
00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,295
[GRUNTING IN PROTEST]
207
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,675
THE SPRAY-ON TIE...
208
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,517
THE HOME LIPOSUCKER...
209
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,477
I'M GOOD!
210
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,728
TOO BAD.
211
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:17,981
I USE HUMAN FAT
212
00:07:17,982 --> 00:07:19,190
TO POWER MY CAR.
213
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,254
PERSONALLY,
214
00:07:20,255 --> 00:07:21,275
I LOVE YOUR POCKET OVEN.
215
00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:23,443
A CLASSIC.
216
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,155
AH, OH! OOH!
217
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:27,656
CAJUN CHICKEN FRITTER?
218
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:30,492
AWESOME!
219
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:31,493
MMM.
220
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:32,661
BUT NEEDS MUSTARD.
221
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,872
REGULAR OR DIJON?
222
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:37,875
DIJON, PLEASE.
223
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:44,820
YOU HAVE MUSTARD
224
00:07:44,821 --> 00:07:45,883
IN YOUR CUFFLINKS?
225
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,718
- THEY'RE CONDIMENT
- CUFFLINKS.
226
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,927
DO YOU NOT WATCH TV
227
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:50,095
AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING?
228
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,681
NO, I SLEEP.
229
00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,058
- WHAT A WASTE
- OF TIME.
230
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,664
I DO ALL MY SLEEPING
231
00:07:55,665 --> 00:07:57,228
WHILE I'M AWAKE.
232
00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:58,603
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
233
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:02,149
- SORRY, I MISSED
- YOUR QUESTION.
234
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,775
I WAS ASLEEP.
235
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,320
SO, ARE YOU IN?
236
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,362
IN WHERE?
237
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,283
IN THE MONEY.
238
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,431
WITH YOUR HAIR FORMULA
239
00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:13,535
AND MY MARKETING GENIUS,
240
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:14,912
- TOGETHER WE'LL
- MAKE MILLIONS!
241
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:15,913
MILLIONS, I TELL YOU!
242
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,331
MILLIONS!
243
00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:18,165
MILLIONS?
244
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,250
MILLIONS...
245
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:20,376
I TELL YOU,
246
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:21,460
MILLIONS!
247
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,794
- WHY, YOU'RE GOING
- TO BE RICH
248
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,588
BEYOND YOUR
249
00:08:24,589 --> 00:08:26,340
WILDEST DREAMS.
250
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,804
YES, I WOULD LIKE EXTRA CHEESE
251
00:08:31,805 --> 00:08:33,889
ON MY PIZZA.
252
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,728
I'M IN.
253
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:40,604
- I WANT
- TO MAKE MILLIONS!
254
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,606
- MILLIONS, I TELL YOU!
- MILLIONS!
255
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,357
GREAT!
256
00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:44,942
SO WE HAVE A DEAL.
257
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:48,800
DISPOSABLE, GERM-FREE
258
00:08:48,801 --> 00:08:49,988
HAND-SHAKER.
259
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,996
HOW FANTASTIC IS THAT?
260
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,185
ACTUALLY, IT SEEMS
261
00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:00,332
PRETTY WASTEFUL.
262
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,043
NOT THE FAKE HAND,
263
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,044
- THE FACT I'M GOING
- TO MAKE MILLIONS!
264
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,879
- MILLIONS, I TELL YOU!
- MILLIONS!
265
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,358
- DERBY, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BRING
- YOUR HAIR FORMULA TO THE PUBLIC,
266
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,341
YOU NEED TO TEST IT.
267
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:10,217
MAKE SURE IT'S SAFE.
268
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:11,927
- I KNOW WHAT THIS
- IS ABOUT.
269
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:12,928
YOU'RE JEALOUS.
270
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,347
JEALOUS? OF WHAT?
271
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,662
THAT THERE'S A NEW
272
00:09:16,663 --> 00:09:17,933
GENIUS IN TOWN.
273
00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:19,601
A RICH GENIUS.
274
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,562
EXTRA-CHEESE RICH.
275
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,231
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
276
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:25,587
I HAVE A BUSINESS EMPIRE
277
00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:26,900
TO RUN.
278
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,119
THAT'S RIGHT.
279
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:38,266
I SPENT EXTRA
280
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,371
FOR THE BOW-TIE VERSION.
281
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,582
[♪♪♪]
282
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:46,837
[♪♪♪]
283
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,672
- WE'LL SHOOT THE INFOMERCIAL
- RIGHT HERE,
284
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,632
WHERE "HAIR TODAY" WAS INVENTED.
285
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,319
- THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT,
- "HAIR TODAY!"
286
00:09:52,343 --> 00:09:53,260
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
287
00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,428
I LOVE IT.
288
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:55,262
- I LOVE IT, I TELL YOU,
- I LOVE IT.
289
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,638
[CHUCKLES]
290
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,680
GET YOUR OWN SCHTICK.
291
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,309
DERBY!
292
00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:01,810
THANK GOODNESS I FOUND YOU.
293
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:03,479
I NEED MORE HAIR.
294
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:04,664
- THE STUFF ONLY LASTS
- A COUPLE OF DAYS.
295
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,398
OH, I'M SORRY.
296
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,316
DON'T BE SORRY.
297
00:10:07,358 --> 00:10:08,400
BALDIES LIKE THIS
298
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,461
- ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
- KEEP SHELLING OUT
299
00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:10,652
FOR MORE HAIR TODAY!
300
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,654
- FORGET WHAT I SAID
- ABOUT MILLIONS.
301
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,007
- WE ARE GOING TO
- MAKE BILLIONS!
302
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,866
- BILLIONS, I TELL YOU,
- BILLIONS!
303
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,263
IS THAT WHAT
304
00:10:17,264 --> 00:10:18,618
YOU WANT? MONEY?
305
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,537
- BECAUSE
- I'VE GOT MONEY.
306
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:20,454
- NOT A LOT OF IT,
- MIND YOU,
307
00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:21,764
- BECAUSE I'M
- A HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
308
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,665
- WHO CAN'T STAY AWAY
- FROM THE PONIES,
309
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,000
- AND IT COSTS $3
- TO RIDE THEM
310
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,503
AT THE PETTING ZOO.
311
00:10:27,545 --> 00:10:30,172
TOASTY'S MY FAVOURITE.
312
00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,029
WELL, I CAN'T REALLY
313
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,676
SPARE ANY RIGHT NOW.
314
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:36,470
- THAT'S GOOD
- THINKING, PARTNER.
315
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:37,637
HOLD OFF A BIT.
316
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,515
- WE'LL GIVE IT TO HIM
- TOMORROW
317
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:40,474
- DURING
- THE INFOMERCIAL.
318
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,351
- HE CAN BE
- THE HAIR MODEL.
319
00:10:42,393 --> 00:10:44,728
[GASPS] HAIR MODEL?
320
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:45,770
I DON'T KNOW WHICH WORD
321
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:46,771
I LIKE MORE...
322
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,731
HAIR...
323
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,649
MODEL.
324
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,319
HAIR...
325
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,155
ANYWAY,
326
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,114
- WE'RE GOING TO MASS-PRODUCE
- "HAIR TODAY"
327
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,429
AT MY FACTORIES
328
00:10:57,430 --> 00:10:58,700
IN TURKMENISTAN.
329
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,702
EXCELLENT WORKFORCE.
330
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,225
EVERYONE THERE,
331
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:03,705
AN EARLY RISER.
332
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:04,956
- I'LL JUST NEED
- THE FORMULA.
333
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,791
RIGHT! THE FORMULA.
334
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,147
WHICH I TOTALLY KNOW,
335
00:11:08,148 --> 00:11:09,461
BECAUSE I INVENTED IT.
336
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,963
ARE YOU OKAY?
337
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,715
YOU'RE SWEATING.
338
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:14,841
I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.
339
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,718
I FUNNEL ALL MY PERSPIRATION
340
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,440
- THROUGH THE PRESTON PICKLES
- PIT FILTER.
341
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,603
IT DISTILLS MY SWEAT
342
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,563
INTO FRESH DRINKING WATER.
343
00:11:29,607 --> 00:11:30,815
AAH!
344
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,277
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?
345
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,112
I'M GOOD.
346
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:42,744
[CHESTS PUMPING]
347
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,704
[DING, DING]
348
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,082
GREAT WORK, ECHO.
349
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,089
THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE.
350
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,153
PUSH DOWN NO MORE
351
00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:56,174
THAN TWO INCHES.
352
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,801
WHAT HAPPENED TO
353
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,824
"MAKE SURE TO KEEP YOUR FLOWING,
354
00:11:59,825 --> 00:12:01,805
YOUTHFUL HAIR OUT OF THE WAY?"
355
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,765
ZIP IT, BLONDIE.
356
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,100
SHOULDN'T YOU FOCUS ON SAVING...
357
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,394
[BEEPING,
358
00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:07,645
[ELECTRONIC TONES SOUNDING]
359
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:08,853
YAY!
360
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,230
WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
361
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:11,272
MY MAKEOVER.
362
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,736
- I FIGURED I'D LEAVE
- A GOOD-LOOKING CORPSE,
363
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:17,797
- SINCE THIS DUDE
- WAS GOING TO...
364
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,197
[MAKES "GAME OVER" SOUND]
365
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,740
ANYWAY.
366
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,368
LOOK, MR. TATER.
367
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,495
I TAUGHT THE DUMMIES
368
00:12:24,496 --> 00:12:25,579
TO SAVE EACH OTHER.
369
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,748
[DING]
370
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,167
LOUSY SHOW-OFF.
371
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,006
I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.
372
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:38,133
- DO YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE
- FIRST, OR SHOULD YOU?
373
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:39,343
YOU MIGHT AS WELL,
374
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,594
BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING
375
00:12:40,595 --> 00:12:41,803
TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
376
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:42,989
- WHAT ARE YOU
- TALKING ABOUT?
377
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,699
- I'M THE ONE
- WITH NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
378
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,057
I WAS JUST BEING POLITE.
379
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:46,933
THAT'S A GOOD QUALITY.
380
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,435
I'LL KEEP IT IN MIND
381
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:50,246
- WHEN I'M DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT
- TO MAKE YOU MY BUTLER.
382
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,855
- I'M NOT GOING
- TO BE YOUR BUTLER!
383
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,190
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE THE LEGS
384
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:54,483
TO BE MY MAID.
385
00:12:54,525 --> 00:12:56,193
NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
386
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,194
- I'M GOING TO WHIP UP
- ANOTHER BATCH
387
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,778
OF MY HAIR FORMULA.
388
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,155
OH, BE MY GUEST.
389
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,258
- MEANWHILE, I'M GOING
- TO RECORD MY RUTABAGA FINDINGS
390
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,701
IN A JOURNAL,
391
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:04,885
- COMPARING THEM TO THE DATA
- I'VE COMPILED
392
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:05,994
FROM PAST RUTABAGAS,
393
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:08,872
THE WAY SCIENTISTS DO IT.
394
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:09,831
NOT LISTENING.
395
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,375
TOO BUSY MAKING MY FORMULA
396
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,210
- BY INSTINCT
- AND VAGUE MEMORIES,
397
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,087
THE WAY GENIUSES DO IT.
398
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,941
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER
- HOW TO MAKE IT, DO YOU?
399
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,384
OF COURSE I DO.
400
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,466
- IT'S JUST A LITTLE OF THIS
- AND A LITTLE OF THAT.
401
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:24,928
ALL RIGHT...
402
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,810
LET'S SEE
403
00:13:29,811 --> 00:13:31,311
IF THIS STUFF WORKS.
404
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:37,108
DARN.
405
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,831
- IT HAD NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER
- ON MY HAND.
406
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,237
OW!
407
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,949
OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!
408
00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:50,664
OH, WHOA, WHOA!
409
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:52,207
NOT THE FACE, NOT THE FACE!
410
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,833
THAT TICKLES!
411
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,628
SO... DID IT WORK?
412
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,838
HEY, THAT'S
413
00:13:57,839 --> 00:13:59,005
INAPPROPRIATE!
414
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,842
[DING]
415
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,782
OKAY, EVERYONE IN THIS CLASS
416
00:14:04,783 --> 00:14:06,680
HAS SUCCESSFULLY SAVED A LIFE.
417
00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:08,390
[CHEERING]
418
00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:09,767
AND BY EVERYONE,
419
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:10,768
I MEAN EVERYONE
420
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,811
EXCEPT IVY.
421
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,772
- IT FEELS GOOD
- TO BE NOTICED.
422
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,608
COME ON, IVY.
423
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:18,734
IF YOU WANT TO PASS,
424
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:19,798
JUST SAVE
425
00:14:19,799 --> 00:14:20,819
ONE LOUSY DUMMY.
426
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,821
HECK, JUST LEAN OVER IT
427
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,052
AND MAKE A CONVINCING
428
00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:25,240
"DING" SOUND.
429
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,658
NO!
430
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,659
YOU NEED TO DO THIS,
431
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,786
BECAUSE SOMEDAY,
432
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,245
YOU MIGHT SAVE THE LIFE
433
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,167
- OF A PERSON WHO GOES ON
- TO CURE A DISEASE...
434
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,978
OR DISCOVERS LIFE
435
00:14:33,979 --> 00:14:35,083
ON OTHER PLANETS...
436
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,420
- OR OPENS THE WORLD'S
- BIGGEST MALL?
437
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:41,131
I CAN DO THIS!
438
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,447
COME ON, DUMMY!
439
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,927
STAY WITH ME!
440
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,388
[DUMMY BEEPING]
441
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,222
OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
442
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,038
DON'T! YOU! DIE!
443
00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:52,810
ON! ME!
444
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,186
I THINK SHE'S GOING
445
00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:55,520
TO DO IT!
446
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,948
THE HORROR.
447
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,117
THE HORROR.
448
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,454
DING?
449
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,457
WELL, LET'S SEE
450
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,876
IF THE 33rd TIME'S THE CHARM.
451
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,048
DELICIOUS ICE CREAM?
452
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,175
DANG IT!
453
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,262
OOPS.
454
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,976
HA HA! I'VE DONE IT!
455
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,561
- NOW I CAN BECOME
- OBSCENELY WEALTHY,
456
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,979
- BUY A SOLID GOLD
- TOILET,
457
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,126
SOLID GOLD
458
00:15:39,127 --> 00:15:40,231
TOILET PAPER,
459
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,463
AND A SOLID GOLD
460
00:15:41,464 --> 00:15:42,651
PLUNGER,
461
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:43,943
- BECAUSE I'M NOT
- TOO SURE
462
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,004
- THE SOLID GOLD
- TOILET PAPER
463
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,988
- IS GOING TO FLUSH
- TOO EASILY.
464
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,406
- BUT I'M GOING
- TO DO IT ANYWAY.
465
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,533
YEAH!
466
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,368
HOO-HOO!
467
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,744
- NOTHING CAN
- STOP ME NOW!
468
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,830
[CRASHING]
469
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,748
- OKAY, WHO PUT
- THOSE LOCKERS THERE?
470
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,002
[♪♪♪]
471
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,671
- SO ARE WE
- HANDING OUT WATER
472
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:03,797
- TO THE WHOLE
- AUDIENCE?
473
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:04,964
NO.
474
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,025
- IT'S JUST THAT I GET
- KIND OF NERVOUS
475
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,967
- BEFORE
- AN INFOMERCIAL SHOOT.
476
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,137
UGH. GARLICKY.
477
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,994
SORRY, I HAD
478
00:16:12,995 --> 00:16:14,808
SHAWARMA FOR LUNCH.
479
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,975
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY,
480
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,337
- THE LEFTOVERS
- ARE IN THE OVEN.
481
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,022
NEW SHIRT?
482
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,399
YEP. MR. TATER
483
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,734
BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
484
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,029
- DID SHE LOOK ME
- IN THE EYE?
485
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,614
- DID SHE LOOK ME
- IN THE EYE?
486
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:34,369
[♪♪♪]
487
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,666
WHAT'S THE ONE THING
488
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,042
WE ALL WISH WE HAD MORE OF?
489
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,252
MONEY?
490
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,045
FAME?
491
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,714
- PARENTS
- WHO AREN'T ASHAMED OF YOU
492
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:46,903
AND CHANGE THEIR LAST NAME
493
00:16:46,904 --> 00:16:48,049
TO PICKFORD?
494
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,634
NO.
495
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:50,865
WELL, THE ANSWER, OF COURSE,
496
00:16:50,866 --> 00:16:52,053
IS HAIR!
497
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,781
- WELL, NOW YOU CAN HAVE
- AS MUCH AS YOU WANT
498
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,807
THANKS TO HAIR TODAY,
499
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:56,893
THE ONLY PRODUCT
500
00:16:56,894 --> 00:16:57,935
SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN
501
00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:59,770
TO INSTANTLY GROW HAIR.
502
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,042
SCIENTIFICALLY
503
00:17:01,043 --> 00:17:02,272
PROVEN? HA!
504
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,565
I SEE WE HAVE SOME NAYSAYERS
505
00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:04,816
IN THE AUDIENCE.
506
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,377
- WHY, I BET
- YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE LUDDITES
507
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:07,715
WHO DOESN'T DRINK
508
00:17:07,716 --> 00:17:09,028
HIS OWN SWEAT.
509
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,071
NOW, THEN,
510
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,198
LET'S GET READY TO MEET
511
00:17:11,199 --> 00:17:12,282
THE YOUNG GENIUS
512
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,075
BEHIND HAIR TODAY.
513
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,828
[♪♪♪]
514
00:17:20,791 --> 00:17:22,105
DERBY, YOUR PRODUCT
515
00:17:22,106 --> 00:17:23,418
IS THE GREATEST INVENTION
516
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,836
SINCE SLICED BREAD...
517
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,755
- NEXT TO MY SINGLE-SLICE
- BREAD MAKER,
518
00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:27,819
WHICH ELIMINATES
519
00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:28,840
THE PAINSTAKING TASK
520
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,050
OF SLICING BREAD.
521
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,177
COULD YOU GIVE US
522
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:33,261
A DEMONSTRATION
523
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,262
OF HAIR TODAY?
524
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,806
- I'D BE HAPPY TO,
- PRESTON.
525
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:36,995
I JUST NEED A VOLUNTEER
526
00:17:36,996 --> 00:17:38,141
FROM THE AUDIENCE.
527
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:39,267
WELL, THEN, LET'S SEE...
528
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,894
- HOW ABOUT YOU,
- SIR?
529
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,020
ME?
530
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,459
BUT I AM JUST A RANDOM
531
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:44,856
AUDIENCE MEMBER.
532
00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,464
NOW, TAKE A LOOK
533
00:17:48,465 --> 00:17:50,111
AT THIS POOR SLOB.
534
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,905
I KNOW, IT'S NOT EASY,
535
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,033
GIVEN HOW HIS REPUGNANT BALDNESS
536
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:56,117
MUST MAKE YOUR STOMACHS TURN.
537
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,887
- CAN WE JUST GET TO THE
- "GIVING ME HAIR" PART?
538
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,245
ABSOLUTELY!
539
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,831
AND WHO COULD BLAME YOU
540
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,475
- FOR WANTING TO PUT AN END
- TO YOUR BALDY BALDNESS,
541
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,042
BALDY?
542
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255
- I JUST
- RUB IT IN AND...
543
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,757
HAIR TODAY
544
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:12,216
INSTANTLY GROWS HAIR.
545
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,845
["OOHING" FROM AUDIENCE]
546
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,557
SHOULDN'T IT STOP GROWING?
547
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,977
LOOKIT!
548
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,354
[SCREAMS]
549
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,607
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
550
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,567
- YEAH, DERBY,
- WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM?
551
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,152
HE'S...
552
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,546
- GETTING MUCH MORE
- THAN YOU'D EXPECT
553
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,448
FOR $19.95!
554
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,826
I'M GOING TO CATCH YOU, DERBY.
555
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:38,869
I CAN'T SEE YOU,
556
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:39,953
BUT KEEP TALKING.
557
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:41,556
- I'LL FOLLOW
- THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.
558
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,959
A-HA! GOT YOU!
559
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:47,126
[SHRIEKING]
560
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,737
SOMEBODY!
561
00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:54,467
PASS ME A SCRUNCHIE!
562
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,177
- THIS IS NOT
- THE SUDDEN HAIR GROWTH
563
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,513
I EXPECTED IN MY TEEN YEARS.
564
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,264
DERBY?
565
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,599
DERBY?
566
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,518
- THIS IS THE WORST
- PRODUCTION OF HAIR
567
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,062
I'VE EVER SEEN.
568
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,231
- OW!
- HEY!
569
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,232
WATCH IT!
570
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,335
- YOU CAN SPIN THIS INTO SOMETHING
- POSITIVE, RIGHT?
571
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,820
NO. YOU'RE A NITWIT!
572
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,279
- A NITWIT, I TELL YOU.
- A NITWIT!
573
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,491
- THAT'S BEGINNING
- TO LOSE ITS CHARM.
574
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:20,618
OH, THIS IS BAD!
575
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,620
- I NEEDED HAIR TODAY
- TO BE A BIG SELLER.
576
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,223
- NOW HOW AM I GOING
- TO PAY OFF THAT LAWSUIT
577
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:27,584
FOR MY BEEF JERKY PANTS?
578
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:28,668
WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED
579
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:29,794
THAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE
580
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,088
WOULD HAVE BEEN MAULED
581
00:19:31,089 --> 00:19:32,338
BY WILD ANIMALS?
582
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,465
I'LL BE RUINED! RUINED!
583
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,009
[STARTS CHOKING]
584
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,554
OH, NO!
585
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:40,680
I'LL CHECK HIS PULSE.
586
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,956
[ECHO AND TATER]:
587
00:19:45,957 --> 00:19:47,645
DON'T WORRY! I KNOW CPR.
588
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,231
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
589
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,525
UH-OH.
590
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,193
- I THINK RIGOR MORTIS
- HAS SET IN.
591
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,281
EVERYONE, STAND BACK!
592
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,824
I'M TRAINED IN LIFE SAVING!
593
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:00,700
OH, NO!
594
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,452
DON'T TELL THEM I TRAINED YOU.
595
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,333
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
596
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,794
I DID!
597
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,129
I SAVED YOUR LIFE.
598
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,171
CORRECTLY!
599
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,839
DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR. TATER?
600
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:15,840
I PASSED YOUR COURSE.
601
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,425
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
602
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,107
- ONLY COUNTS IF YOU
- DO IT ON THE DUMMY.
603
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,679
- OW.
- I CAN'T SEE.
604
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,514
- OW.
- WATCH IT!
605
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,433
HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY HERE.
606
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,104
[♪♪♪]
607
00:20:29,146 --> 00:20:30,480
HEY, ADAM,
608
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,274
I CAME TO...
609
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:34,651
WHAT'S WITH THE HAIR NET?
610
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,070
I'M WORKING WITH FOOD.
611
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,155
I REALIZED SOMETHING
612
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:39,339
- WHILE I WAS WATCHING
- YOUR TRAIN WRECK
613
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,240
OF AN INFOMERCIAL.
614
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,283
YEAH, I KNOW.
615
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:43,201
- I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
- TO YOU,
616
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,261
BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.
617
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,286
I'M NOT ALWAYS RIGHT...
618
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,597
- DESPITE
- WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT ME
619
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:47,956
IN THE JULY ISSUE
620
00:20:47,957 --> 00:20:49,290
OF INFALLIBLE MAGAZINE.
621
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,768
- IF YOU'D LIKE A SIGNED COPY,
- I COULD...
622
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,794
NO? THAT'S COOL.
623
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,213
SO, WHAT DID YOU REALIZE?
624
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,066
- THAT ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS
- YOU DUMPED IN YOUR FORMULA
625
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,967
WAS CHLOROPHYLL.
626
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,114
THE SUN MUST HAVE TRIGGERED
627
00:21:00,115 --> 00:21:01,219
PHOTOSYNTHESIS,
628
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,617
WHICH CAUSED THE HAIR TO GROW
629
00:21:02,618 --> 00:21:03,972
EXPONENTIALLY.
630
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:05,306
SO MY PRODUCT WILL ONLY WORK
631
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:06,659
- FOR PEOPLE
- WHO NEVER SEE THE SUN?
632
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:08,185
GREAT.
633
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,328
- YOU COULD CORNER
- THE MARKET
634
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:10,478
ON BALDING VAMPIRES.
635
00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:15,276
AND IT MAY NOT BE "MILLIONS,
636
00:21:15,277 --> 00:21:17,694
I TELL YOU, MILLIONS,"
637
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:21,322
BUT I THINK YOU'LL LIKE THIS.
638
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:22,657
AN A?
639
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,325
- THE ASSIGNMENT
- WAS TO MAKE ICE CREAM,
640
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,845
- AND YOU, MY FRIEND,
- MADE ICE CREAM.
641
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:28,329
I DID, DIDN'T I?
642
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:30,331
AND I'VE GOT TO SAY,
643
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:31,332
- BEING
- IN THE SCIENTIFIC SPOTLIGHT
644
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,726
- ISN'T ALL
- IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.
645
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:33,835
THE PRESSURES,
646
00:21:33,836 --> 00:21:34,919
THE EXPECTATIONS...
647
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,255
THE FEMALE
648
00:21:36,256 --> 00:21:37,547
SCIENTIST GROUPIES.
649
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:40,341
I'D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF
650
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,739
INVENTING A FORMULA
651
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:43,094
FOR HAIR REMOVAL.
652
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:44,776
- CARE TO JOIN ME
- IN A LITTLE ICE CREAM?
653
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:55,774
WRONG BAGGIE!
654
00:21:55,775 --> 00:21:56,858
WRONG BAGGIE!
655
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,652
YOU THINK?
656
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:02,613
[BOTH GAGGING]
657
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,286
[♪♪♪]
37801
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