Original subtitles

GROUNDSKEEPER

Hey, José! Where did you go on vacation?

Don't even ask! I spent two months with my aunts in Portugal!

They don't even speak French!

Like your mom!

What? My mom speaks French.

Yeah, but you can't understand her.

Everyone shut up, I have something important to tell you.

-What is it? -Yeah, what is it?

Come on!

-What is it? -Tell us!

Come on!

I did it!

What is it? Tell us!

On vacation, I went to a club, and I kissed Ingrid.

A Swedish girl?

Yeah, blonde, blue eyes.

You should have seen her bazoombas! Huge!

I prefer brunettes.

What did he do?

-How old was she? -Sixteen.

Well?

I kissed her, the classic!

-Yeah, the classic, good choice. -Shut up! Then what?

Well, then… we did it!

What did he do? You guys never tell me anything!

He put his wiener in the girl.

Why?

To make love!

Ew! That's disgusting!

That's how you make babies.

The seed comes from your balls.

No way! How does it come out?

Well…

Your balls open… down the middle… and the sperm comes out.

The what?

Shit, that must hurt!

Everyone knows the first time hurts.

Maybe that's why my mom screams.

-You need to watch more Saturday night TV! -My parents won't let me.

Look! Marie-Hélène!

I bet she's not wearing panties!

She's crazy!

Didn't you know? Her parents got a divorce.

The butcher told my mom at the salon.

Her dad treated her mom like crap.

My mom says it's because she drinks.

That's why her dad had an affair.

With parents like that, she'll become a prostitute.

My parents will never get divorced, they love each other.

Mine are against it.

Mine don't even talk about it.

Good morning! I'm your teacher, Mr. Cassine.

You can call me Victor. You know why?

Because that's my name!

Ugh, he's awful!

No, he's cool.

Your teacher from last year,

Mrs. Estelle, is my wife. So I know all about you.

-He's so old. -Yeah.

He must be fifty!

For example…

You, what's your name?

Me? Arthur Moulin, why?

Good morning children!

Good morning miss!

It's the principal!

Don't get up!

-She's horrible! -Mr. Cassine, one moment please.

Did you see how he talked to me? She must have told him!

-What? -That I was in love with her!

-Who? -The teacher!

The teacher from last year?

Yes! And she loves me!

Oh man!

Didn't you see how she looked at me all year?

With the way he looked at you, she must have told him!

He's going to give you bad grades all year.

You'll never get into the sixth grade.

You're screwed.

Okay, children!

This is a new student, who's just arrived from Chavenay,

and he'll be with us for the year.

Meet Thomas Florent!

No, no, Thomas Kernan, Florent is my stepmother's name.

I see. And Kerman is your father's name?

-No, it's my mother's name. -Really?

My parents weren't married when I was born so I got my mother's name.

Then I kept it when they got married, and after the divorce, too.

Okay, so now you live with your father? Go and--

Yeah but my mother just got divorced again and remarried a…

My new stepfather,

and he works in England, and I didn't want to move there,

so I came to live with my father…

This is going to be fun.

Take a seat wherever you like, okay?

Okay.

Well, children…

-Is this taken? -Yes!

Did you see that guy? He's already got the teacher on his side!

He's a pro, that guy. He's dangerous.

…your name at the top left in red.

See, what's happening is

you're not pulling back far enough with your backhand.

See? Yeah.

But if you do that, that's not a backhand,

that's a forehand.

Okay.

I have to run, bye.

Sir?

Just so everything's clear,

nothing happened between me and your wife.

Uh huh?

We didn't have time.

Yeah…

Bye.

Bye…

Arthur!

Thank you!

Bye.

What were you doing?

Long story…

Hey, look!

She's on the streets!

Go ask her how much!

You do it!

The first one to do it gets my vote for class president!

Hey, Marie-Hélène!

How much?

Hey morons, did you ask?

Hey, cheer up!

What's going on?

What did you do?

It was Julien, he had something he wanted to say to her.

He's a heartbreaker, he makes chicks cry!

That's very funny. Who said that?

You think that's funny? Get out of here, go!

What happened?

Sometimes, I live with my dad,

and sometimes with my mom,

and I can't remember where I'm going this week.

Hey, that's okay.

I'll call your parents.

It'll be fine.

Can you stop crying?

Okay? Wait here, I'll be back.

Julien, stay with her. You're in charge.

I'd put them all in jail, all these parents!

-Woah, look at her! -Who is she? Is she new?

I've never seen her!

She's the teachers' kid!

-No, that's the ugly girl with pigtails! -Well she doesn't have pigtails now!

Shut up! She's all right.

Here. It's not as good as whisky, but it's all they gave me.

Come on, Julien! We're going.

You're clumsy!

No, I…

What the hell are you doing?

Now, we don't talk like that! Hello children!

Hello, Mrs. Estelle!

Whoa, she's so fine!

She's not a brunette, but still, she's fine!

Everything's sorted!

You're going to your dad's. And you're going by car!

And not just any car!

The worst car in France!

Pénélope!

Come on!

Here's how to remember where you're staying:

today is Monday 14th, that's an even number.

So on even numbered weeks, you're staying with your dad.

And when the week starts with an odd number--

Lightning, rain and thunder!

Come along.

Look at the teacher's car! It's crap!

Yeah, everyone knows teachers are poor.

Did you see what Marie-Hélène did?

Now she can do what she wants, she'll definitely get into sixth grade!

Hey! Hey!

I told the little kids how to make love,

and they don't like the idea.

What are you doing there?

Good thing I was here!

His parents would have eaten him. Bastards. But that's nature.

Hey, Julien!

-What? -Come over!

Come on!

It's a full moon today.

I didn't know people like her were real.

Yes they are!

Come on, let me see!

Wait! Wait!

Too late.

When did Ernest get binoculars?

I don't know. Are you sure it's him?

Is he waving back?

No!

My mom! That bastard is looking at my mom!

Mom! Mom get out!

I can't, honey, I'm naked!

Christian? What's going on?

Oh, Julien.

You're showing your body off to the world! I'm sick of it!

Awesome!

Vanilla pudding, they're better than chocolate!

Julien, your mother and I need to tell you something.

We didn't tell you sooner

because we didn't want to ruin your vacation.

But…

Your father and I have decided to separate.

It doesn't change anything, you know?

Your mom's still your mom, I'm still your dad.

Right?

We'll just have our own apartments.

And if you want to see either of us, you can, of course.

I'm going to live in Chavenay.

Family's not all that great.

Like in those American soap operas, where everyone yells at each other.

Yeah, but when they're done yelling, they're always still together.

Don't forget to bring the car back tomorrow.

Sure.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah! Great!

-Did you watch the game last night? -No, I had homework.

Hey, I saw your parents, last night…

Hey, Ernest!

-Hi! -Hi!

-What were you doing last night? -Me? Nothing.

You were watching Christian's mom in the shower!

What? Are you nuts?

I saw you, you bastard!

You're a pervert!

You guys are crazy! I wasn't!

Ernest, can I go buy a comic book?

Yeah, yeah!

Let me go, dick!

-Do it again, and I'll break your nose! -I didn't do anything!

Yeah, sure, I saw you, you liar!

You can't do the bridge today, okay?

He's nuts! He's like the Ayatollah!

I'm telling you, I didn't do anything!

Julien! I swear on my brother's head!

You've got to believe me!

What do you want, little man?

Well?

I'd like a slice of ham, please, sir.

I don't have any, little man, this is a newsagent's, not a deli.

Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake.

Bye, sir! Thank you, sir!

Hazelnuts are the fruit of the hazelnut tree.

There are one or two in a shell.

Hazelnut has one "t".

And how many grains of pollen can a hazelnut tree produce?

Six million! Remember that number! It's important!

Six million! Six million grains of pollen!

Did you hear?

What the hell are you doing?

Pénélope!

There you are, your mother's waiting, let's go.

You coming?

Hey, Julien, where's your dad gone?

-What are you talking about? -He left last night.

Christian's mom told my mom.

He's gone… to…

-Hello, boys! -Hello, miss!

He's gone to Africa.

Oh, cool! Why?

To build water pumps for starving African kids.

Oh, that's cool!

Yeah, he's always doing things like that.

He started May '68 to help poor people in France.

Then he went to Africa to help developing countries.

Like Doctors Without Borders!

Yeah, except he's not a doctor.

It's not the same!

His dad's a hero!

That's all crap!

My dad says they're all run by the Russians.

The Russians are good guys now.

What's up?

I forgot something. I had to go to the store for my mom.

Every time! You're a pain in the ass!

Just go without me.

Okay, see you later.

See you!

Come on.

We won't be late.

The show starts at 12:30.

But I'll miss the adverts!

Hey, it's Julien!

Julien! Sit with us!

-There's no room! -We'll fit!

No way, this table is for six, not seven!

-Afraid to lose some weight? -You want me to ask the principal?

It's fine, forget it.

Wait, I'll give you my seat…

if everyone gives me a slice of sausage.

You, you, you, you, here.

Okay!

Sorry, I already finished mine!

This place is like a jungle!

I left the skin on.

Are you having lunch here this year?

Yeah, since my dad's in Africa,

my mom's taking care of things here,

she doesn't have time for making lunch.

Great!

That's awesome!

You're lucky your parents are like that. Mine are hopeless.

An essential survey for Franco-Japanese relations.

68% of French men believe that Japanese women are the height of eroticism

for the refined way in which they treat their lovers.

In second place, Thai women,

and, strangely, German women.

Back to sport with François Bécheux.

Looks like he's not in Africa.

Samantha, come see this.

She's Japanese, right?

She could be his daughter!

No she couldn't, she's Japanese.

Looks like he hasn't gone to help the African kids,

he's gone to find love on Mount Fuji.

Could be useful for the divorce.

I never could stand that guy!

Throw that away.

His wife deserves better.

Come sit down, honey.

If you run, I'll vote for you as class president.

Me too!

What are you talking about? You're not in our class!

As the unanimously elected president of kindergarten, I hereby support you.

They elected you?

Of course! I gave out candy.

I'll give you some tips.

Your brother's a megalomaniac!

I know. My mom says she wouldn't be surprised if he became president.

What's going on here?

You weren't at home.

He's having lunch at school now.

His parents are great.

His mom's got other things to do.

The kindergartners are backing him for president.

Is that right?

May the best man win.

Hey!

What's going on? We always run against each other, it's fun.

Not this year. You think I'm going to let a lying divorce kid run the class?

What are you talking about?

Your dad's not in Africa.

He's having an affair.

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone…

if you don't run.

This is mean.

Christian Lamballe!

So, Christian Lamballe is elected by twenty votes

against five for Ernest Floury.

Christian! Chris­tian! Christian! Christian!

Hey, Julien!

Hi.

You know how to say "baby" in pig latin? "Abybay". Isn't that great?

Leave me alone!

Hey, watch out! I know jiu-jitsu!

Let him pout!

Virgin!

Hi!

You were looking at my mom again!

You're still on this?

You're all nuts here!

‎-Ernest, I'm going to buy an eraser! ‎-Yeah, yeah.

‎I swear, I'll break your teeth!

Okay?

It's not me!

You're making me mad!

I'm telling you, it's not me!

I know it's you!

What do you want, little man?

A pound of liver!

Breathe! I can't hear you!

‎Arms straight!

Pass to Thomas!

Shoot! Shoot! Hey!

Why didn't you pass to Thomas?

I didn't see him.

Then look! Or why bother? I've got other things to do…

Fine…

Do you want to play rugby?

For a change? Rugby's fun!

Rugby's lame.

Well, you know, it's good to try different sports,

to become more rounded athletes.

It's for your benefit. I can teach you to play.

Okay, shall we play rugby?

Rugby's lame.

Okay, fine, whatever. I like all sports. Soccer it is.

Here, Julien,

You start.

Let's go.

Go! Go!

Are you crazy?

Have you gone nuts?

Is this what you wanted?

This is unacceptable! Soccer is unacceptable!

Red card!

All this hatred, all this violence, it's worse than war!

I will not have it! Rugby!

Hey, red card!

What happened?

It's fine, we're just talking about sport.

Well, be careful, they're just kids.

‎Sit down.

It's his knee.

It's not broken.

Be careful!

We're going to play a gentleman's sport. We're playing rugby!

Hey, that's enough.

Rugby!

I'm out.

Top ten dork!

My first stepdad was a hockey trainer.

He showed me this.

How many stepdads have you had?

Depends what you call a stepdad.

Real stepdads, three…

But if you count my stepmothers' boyfriends…

it would be seven or eight, I'm not sure.

And every time your parents separate, you feel nothing?

I was just a baby for the first ones, at that age,

you just need someone to hold your bottle.

Now, it's normal.

Last time, I suggested it to my mom,

it was obvious she wasn't happy.

She'd remarried a psychiatrist.

Nice, but unstable.

He hadn't gone through his teenage angst phase.

You have to let the ball go when you're on the ground!

You have to let go when you're on the ground!

That's how you play!

Did your dad or your mom leave?

Who told you? Was it Christian?

No one, but I've been through it.

You were friends with Christian,

then you were sulking,

now you're alone. It's the classic story!

Do you think they all know too?

No, only a pro can figure it out!

Do you know why your parents divorced the first time?

At first, I thought it was because of me. It's called a guilt complex.

But that was wrong.

Then I realized my mom just likes guys with blue eyes.

My dad's eyes are brown.

Sometimes it's just that stupid.

Who did this?

I… I…

I don't understand, I did the…

I don't get it.

What are you doing after school?

I have to stay with my mom, she's all alone.

My dad is such a bastard. He left us!

-How old is he? -39.

It's a mid-life crisis!

I don't care, I hate him. Because of him, my mom's sad, she's not eating.

That's normal. She's alone.

She's in the abandonment stage, her world's fallen apart.

You'll see. Soon, she'll realize that she's lucky.

She'll start studying,

she'll phone friends she hasn't seen in years,

she'll be so happy!

Two kids, really?

I've got a boy, he's 11,

his name's Julien. He's great!

He's so handsome, you know…

I'll tell you all that tonight.

Otherwise we'll be here for hours.

See you tonight!

Hi!

Oh, you're home!

That was a school friend I haven't seen in ages.

She draws, I'm going to take classes with her.

You okay?

-Hi! -Hi, Ernest.

Wait for me! Wait for me!

What's your brother got in his bag?

He took all my mom's dirty books to teach his class about sex.

Are you coming, Mr. President?

I'm starting to get sick of sex!

Can we go?

What's the hurry? We're not late.

We've got the bridge today.

Bastard! I'll break his face!

He fell into some dog crap!

You stink! That's disgusting!

It's huge! It must have been a St. Bernard that did it!

Shut up, that's disgusting!

What? It's nature. You could never hunt bears.

I don't understand how he fell into the crap.

The dog poop was unexpected, but the fall…

A little soap on the plank is very effective.

Can you imagine…

in prehistoric times, can you imagine a dinosaur crap?

Well? Well?

We did it!

There he is!

I've never seen such a huge crap!

Smells like eau de dog crap!

-Did you bring your mom's books? -Yeah, five francs!

Quiet down, children, quiet down!

Quiet down, children!

Quiet!

Quiet!

Okay! Today, we're going to have a talk on the destruction of the Amazon.

The photos you're going to see

were taken by me, on a trip to the Amazon

when I was 20, just so it's a bit more… you know…

a little more fun!

Let's go!

So, this was when I arrived in Iquitos,

the largest village in the Peruvian Amazon.

The Amazon rainforest is enormous…

First lesson: bazoombas!

…and many countries in South America.

You have Venezuela,

the three Guyanas…

British Guyana, Dutch Guyana,

and French Guyana, which is part of France,

Colombia, Ecuador, Peru,

Bolivia, part of Paraguay.

And Brazil too!

Okay.

The Amazon is full of wild animals.

Next! That's me.

We arrived at the home of the Shipibo Indians,

and we followed a crocodile hunter,

at night, because you hunt crocodiles at night.

That's me in a canoe…

We were on the lake,

paddling the canoe quietly, and then, as I moved the flashlight beam around,

just like that, suddenly:

two rubies, glowing in the night!

They were crocodile eyes!

This guy is so lame.

That's a crocodile, they are very dangerous,

and that's me in a canoe.

BASFROI'S DAD AND HIS MISTRESS

Get the curtains!

Take that down!

Who did this?

That wasn't very smart.

Julien?

What's going on?

It's nothing…

It's because his parents are getting a divorce!

I didn't know. I'm sorry.

It happens.

Why the hell did you tell him?

Always tell the teacher about your parents,

they go totally soft!

You've got him in your pocket for the whole semester.

Don't be dramatic!

Your parent are splitting up. You can't change that.

If you don't deal with it,

you'll be torn between your mom and dad,

when you have to stay in the middle. I know it's hard.

The first year is always the hardest, the statistics say so.

So while you wait, you have to stay cool.

And when you have an opportunity, don't let it slide.

Teachers can really help.

And a friend who likes you, is an even bigger help.

And if you need to let it out, because we all need to cry sometimes,

you can take it out on idiots.

-Here he comes, the liar! -Your dad isn't in Africa!

Poser!

You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!

Shit! He knocked my tooth out!

There's a fight!

Where?

There!

‎Yeah!

Loser!

Next time I'll crush you like an ant!

Next time, I'll kill you!

Oh yeah, we'll do it again.

We've not finished with them.

-We won, we won… -That's enough!

It's true, though! We won.

Pénélope,

go to my classroom.

Hurry up!

Stop moving! I can't see anything!

-Can I go to the bathroom sir? -Me too?

-One at a time! -Why?

Why? Because I'm 34 and you're 10!

Is that enough of a reason? I can't believe this!

Idiot!

It's urgent, sir!

Okay, you go first.

It's urgent for him!

That's enough! One at a time!

I can't believe this!

-That's horrible! -That's enough!

Hi!

Were you scared?

-No! -You're brave!

Yeah!

Do you know how to kiss?

Like this!

Do you know what an Eskimo kiss is?

I think the rest are okay.

Open your mouth!

Turn your head.

Come on, that doesn't hurt!

They're kissing… kiss…

What is it now?

I peed my pants.

I can't deal with this.

Look at me when I'm talking!

You broke Christian's tooth?

It wasn't me!

Oh sure! The principal, and Christian's parents were lying!

It wasn't me!

Look at the state of you!

You're with your dad tomorrow! What will he think?

That I can't take care of you!

That I don't know how to raise you?

As if I didn't have enough to worry about!

If I lose you, what happens to me?

You're the man of the house now!

Well I don't smoke cigars!

I like my jacket.

It's to make you look younger.

Here we are, our place.

I'll show you your room.

Here you are,

the same room at your dad's, and your mom's.

Do you like it?

The same bear, the same fish tank! Exactly the same!

Now it's exactly the same.

Hi!

What is it?

Open it.

What is it?

It's just as nice as in the advert!

Do you already have one?

No.

Do you love me?

Me too, I always will!

Can we go?

There!

Egg rolls.

They look nice!

Right?

Hey, watch out, they're alive, you know!

-Hi Julien! -Hi!

-Dad, this is Thomas, my best friend. -Hello Thomas.

Hello!

I'm going to make a phone call, sit down for a minute.

Do you come here a lot?

Yeah! With dads, it's always Chinese or pizza.

Because it's cheaper.

He doesn't seem cheap.

No, he isn't!

I've never got so many presents! He's just cheap with restaurants.

What do you want most in the world?

Right now… a keyboard. The Casio SK-1.

You'll get it soon!

Trust me.

Did Ernest call you today?

No, I was at my dad's, he doesn't have a phone yet.

-You live with your dad? -No, just for this weekend.

I might spend a week with him, a week with my mom.

No! Don't do that! That sucks!

But they both want me.

The day when adults understand that they should come to us,

the world will be a better place.

But it won't happen soon, they're far too selfish.

-But didn't you hear? -What?

-It's war! -What?

-Christian and his gang beat up Arthur. -Why? What did he do to them?

Nothing, we don't know!

Oh yeah, the Casio SK-1 is a great keyboard!

You'd love it, for sure!

I didn't know you wanted to play music.

So,

what's the Casio SK-1 like? Is it a good keyboard?

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Can I go?

One more minute! Here, six candies.

I want ten.

It's six for all the other girls!

It's ten for me!

Or I'll tell everyone you're lying and you've never made love!

Here! Don't tell anyone.

One, two, three, four, five, six…

Hey, Nestor!

I told you not to disturb me when I'm making love!

There's going to be a fight!

There they are!

We're sick of you divorce kids stirring shit up!

The teachers don't care about us, you're their little pets!

No more favorites!

You're just the black sheep!

Our parents say we shouldn't hang out with you.

Your parents divorced because they're not happy.

They're nuts!

We shouldn't suffer!

From now on, divorce kids with divorce kids…

And assholes with assholes!

I'd keep my mouth shut, new kid.

His family's like an orgy!

Better parents who are happy than trapped!

What's that, President Midget?

You don't even have a dad! You're just a bastard!

Better than--

What? I know jiu-jitsu!

Collaborators will be considered traitors,

and punished.

Get out of here!

You'd better listen to me!

What a mess!

They're crazy! I'm going to tell my parents.

No adults. This doesn't concern them.

What's a bastard?

You don't know? It's a type of bread. Like a baguette.

He's some cheap sliced bread!

Yeah, stupid slices!

Franck and Sylvia couldn't come.

Valérie sees her dad every six months, that's today.

Sophie is out with her mom, who's lame,

but gives her lots of presents.

Gérard's step-mom is having a baby, he's pissed off.

Patrick and Sylvain,

they're not allowed out, their stepdad is an asshole…

so with all of us, that's…

eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve!

I didn't know there were so many of us!

Let's make a war chest.

You got change?

Now you're a VIP member.

-Does everyone have their token? -Yes!

Hey, there's thirteen of us, you counted wrong.

I didn't count you.

You never had a dad, you can't be a divorce kid.

So what do I do then?

I can't join the married kids, my mom never got married.

It's war, you can't be a divorce kid if she's not divorced.

He's a sympathizer.

I don't want to be a sympathizer!

He can't join because he doesn't have a dad!

Yeah, no way!

You're all stupid!

Ernest!

Leave me alone! This is all your fault!

Give me my ten francs back!

See this?

See this?

You assholes!

Hey, when it's war, it's war!

Yeah! No way!

-And them? Their parents are married! -You touch them, I'll knock you out.

The fight is between the married kids and divorce kids in fifth grade.

Pénélope and Jessica are in the fourth grade.

That's true.

So they can stay.

Hey, morons!

We might not have a dad, but our mom has at least twenty lovers!

Bunch of assholes!

Ernest, why are you in the middle?

So I can see better, sir.

Okay, but I'm warning you, this is the last time you change seats.

I've taken note of these seats, and the next to change place…

better watch out!

Seriously!

Okay, I'm going to quiz you on yesterday's lesson.

Marie-Hélène, come to the board.

Yeah!

What's all this yelling?

What does it mean?

Is this funny, Léon? Marie-Hélène, sit down.

Léon, come to the board!

Yeah!

Take out a piece of paper.

Bastards!

Assholes!

So, 94 million equals?

‎Come on then.

BIG BABOON ASS

‎BASTARD

‎DIVORCE KIDS = CRAP

There's nothing we can do, there's more of them than us.

Hey,

‎do Édouard's parents fight a lot?

Vacation starts tomorrow. We've got 15 days to make them divorce!

That's low!

They hit Édouard sometimes.

It would be better for him.

It's humanitarian!

If it's humanitarian, then I'm for it.

All those in favor?

If that's what we're doing, there are other kids we can save.

Okay!

Anyone we can split up, we split up!

Oh! Hello!

What are you doing? What's your name?

Jessica.

How old are you?

I'm four.

You're four?

Is that lollipop good?

If you give me a kiss, I'll give you my lollipop.

A kiss for your lollipop,

of course I'll give you a kiss.

Is that for me?

I'll keep it then!

You're very kind!

Well, did you do it?

Don't touch her! Scarlet fever is really contagious!

Merry Christmas, dad!

For me? Thank you!

That's very kind…

Look…

That's cute!

Now we've got peace for a month!

There he is!

Hello, sir!

A packet of chewing gum please.

Did you hear, Édouard Meunier's dad is a drinker.

How do you know that?

His mom said it at the hair salon.

And he doesn't have a job, he's always at the bar.

Oh yeah?

Bye, sir!

What are you on about? I haven't been to the salon in months!

You don't give me any money!

Oh, sure, so they were lying then?

Who told you?

I just heard it!

You're a drunk!

Hey, see your cake here?

There! Happy new year!

Yeah!

Careful with the oysters!

-The fishmonger opened them. -Don't just leave them there!

I am sick of this holiday already!

Go get the bread.

I'll go get the rest.

There was no white sausage, I got pâté,

Look what you did!

Oh no!

What a moron!

Oh no way!

You're the moron! I told you to be careful!

You can go get more, because I have had it!

You're kidding, right? Next year, I'm spending new year's on my own!

Well, I won't be alone!

What does that mean?

I don't know, I just won't be!

Yeah!

Again! Again!

What are you doing?

Put the dog back in the car!

You hear me? Put him back!

We'll be back in a minute, honey! We'll be right back!

He'll piss everywhere!

Give me a break!

If he pisses in the car, I'm throwing him and you out!

Well, what can we do?

Miss…

Careful… my bottles…

They'll break…

Oh, okay…

Who was that?

Huh? I don't know…

What were you thinking?

I've never seen her before!

Done!

-Your sister's cool! -She's not cool, she just needs money!

Hey, shut up and give me the dough!

All right, all right…

Women!

Antarctica

is almost completely covered

in two thousand meters of thick ice.

It's the pyramids, honey! It's our honeymoon.

And on this huge continent,

there are only penguins.

We got them!

They're coming! Hide!

Go on in.

Before those gathered here,

we hereby name you a knight of the Order of Divorce!

Intruders! Get ready!

What do you want?

Can we join your gang? Our parents are fighting,

they're going to get divorced.

Yeah!

Our mom was married when she was younger and she got divorced!

I've got proof!

Welcome to the club!

I need to talk to you!

-Get out of here! -This is between me and Basfroi!

I have nothing to hide from him.

As you wish.

Did you know that children of divorce

always end up getting divorced?

That's what my parents told me.

Statistics are never wrong!

So if you want to divorce Pénélope,

and make her cry as much as your dad made your mom cry, go ahead.

Here, a present for you.

Is that true, children of divorce always end up getting a divorce?

That's what they say…

but it's just statistics, right?

Julien?

I spoke to your mother this morning.

You're not trying anymore, do you understand?

If you carry on like this, you won't get into the sixth grade.

Go on!

Come on, Pénélope.

Why did he break up with you?

He didn't say but I'm sure he loves me.

If you want my advice, I say leave him.

Boys are too stupid and mean to deserve our attention.

Get a hamster, they're much better. You can hug them whenever you want.

It's not the same.

Pénélope, I'm going to the store!

What are you doing?

What a mess!

I put my bag right there!

I'm not crazy!

I told you I didn't see it!

I put it there! Look, the imprint is still there!

It was there!

You're getting on my nerves! Did you go to the store?

Yeah, it's in the kitchen.

Pénélope.

Have you seen your father's bag?

No!

I swear it was there!

It was there! It was…

It was there!

Your parents are really yelling! Why did you do that?

Now, if they get divorced, I can join Julien's gang.

A hamster would be way easier!

If you weigh a kilo of sugar on the moon,

it will only weigh 166 grams, but it has the same mass.

Are there stores on the moon to buy sugar?

Come on, man!

Come in!

-Hi. -Hi, Édouard.

Is there no gang meeting today?

No, I have to study.

It's been a while since we had one.

You weren't at judo class.

No, my mom doesn't want me to go.

My dad left us, and she says we've got no money.

I don't care, I didn't like judo.

Do you want to study with us?

No, I've got a headache.

I think I'll go home. Bye.

Bye!

Math homework!

It wasn't me!

Oh sure, so it was me.

It wasn't me! It's the scarlet fever!

I don't feel good! I'm cold!

You ran away from your parents too?

It's okay. Parents are stupid!

All they do is hit us and make us miserable.

Don't worry, they won't catch us.

First time I've been late in 12 years!

It's just ten minutes!

And on essay day…

I don't know why you put the questions in the trash!

Like your bag in the freezer? You're going crazy!

You're forgetting things!

The bag in the freezer, I don't know, but the questions in the trash…

-You're driving me nuts! -Good morning, Mrs. Rebluchon!

Good morning.

Quiet!

Quiet! Quiet!

Thank you for that welcome! Christian, you're class president, right?

-Yes, sir. -Okay, you can sweep up then.

How was it?

Fine, fine, I just… Wow, they're…

Is everyone here?

No, Édouard Meunier is absent.

What's wrong? Is he sick?

I don't know, sir.

Christian, you're class president, right?

Okay, give these out then.

Thanks.

Mr. Cassine, a word, please.

My name's not Cassine! It's Béchot! Béchot!

-Yes? -Come outside.

That's Édouard's mom!

My husband and I have been arguing…

Get to work!

We have to find him! Maybe the children…

Children, listen carefully.

Édouard went missing last night.

If any of you know where he is, you have to tell me.

This is very important.

Édouard's mom doesn't want to punish you, I promise.

This is very important, it could save Édouard's life.

No one knows?

Okay, I trust you.

This is our fault! Only we can find him.

What are you doing?

-I'm taking your bike. -I'm coming with you!

What do we do?

Everyone move forward!

Well, children, I have to go.

Jean-Paul will watch you.

-Right? -Yeah, yeah.

Work hard. Thanks.

I'm telling you, it's not going to be like earlier.

From now on,

I don't want to hear any noise!

Understand? Silence!

-Édouard! -Édouard!

Édouard!

Édouard!

-Édouard! -Édouard!

Édouard!

Stay here.

Hey!

You don't have your swimming trunks.

You're OK!

Hey! What are you doing? Get out of here!

I'll stick it to your fur! Disgusting!

Very good…

That's funny…

They're so stupid…

Sir! Sir! The goldfish! He's going to die! He needs water!

Shit, the fish!

-Shit! Shit! -Fish! Fish! Fish!

We found Édouard!

Oh no way!

No way! God damn fish!

Wait here, I'll be right back.

Children!

I found Édouard!

Yeah…

What happened here?

The fish bowl fell down!

What's all this noise? I was worried.

Oh, there you are! Well done on the shelf you put up!

What if a kid was under it?

They'd have died!

Okay!

Okay, students, I think it's time to hand in your papers.

Ernest, collect the papers.

Shit! The fish!

Oh, João!

When you clean the bathrooms, try not to leave the sponge behind!

That's not my name…

Hey, Basfroi, did your pen break?

Wait for me.

I'd rather walk by myself.

Pénélope?

I'll just be a minute.

I have an idea, and only you can help me.

It's your turn to do the laundry.

If you don't do a load now,

the housekeeper won't be able to iron them later.

And don't look at me, I'm going out with the girls.

Bye.

Yeah, I know…

There.

Oh, I'm sorry! It's your mom who doesn't want to see you!

Alright?

Estelle!

I've been looking for you for half an hour!

I went to the store.

I left the room for five minutes and you hid my essays!

If I find them in the trash, I'll kill you.

Look!

Mad. Completely mad.

Good morning.

I have your essays.

Some are good, some not so good.

Wait, wait!

Thomas Kerman.

Kerman or Florent? I can't remember.

No, it's Kerman.

Right, Kerman. Florent is your stepmother.

You did good. Your essay was perfect.

I gave it 18 out of 20.

Keep it up!

Amazing!

How did you do it?

Wait! It's not over yet!

Christian Lamballe.

Were you making fun of me?

-No, sir! -How?

I warned you.

You'll be lucky if you're not held back next year.

I threw your copy in the trash, you got zero.

I got them all right!

He's playing favorites!

Julien Basfroi.

You remember what I told you last month?

I didn't know what to write.

You can put a hamster in your book bag,

you can do whatever you want with it!

You can do whatever you want with boys too.

See? You can do Eskimo kisses with a hamster!

I have to do something.

-Why did you switch Julien's essay? -None of your business!

Hey, leave her alone or I'll scratch you! Horrible boy!

Why did you do it?

So we'll be together next year!

He doesn't love you anymore!

TWO MONTHS LATER…

‎BACK TO SCHOOL

This is great! We're in the same class!

Hey, Basfroi!

How's it feel, being held back?

Kiss me!

-No, we can't be together. -Why not?

Children of divorce always end up getting divorced, the statistics say so.

Oh, is that why?

It's okay, my parents got divorced during the vacation!

Really?

This is going to be the longest kiss in the history of cinema!

Hey, Nestor! Do you have more candy?

I'm sick of sex!

‎TO GUILA…