Original subtitles

should go inside,

you nervous

if there's no, I guess

I really think we should go inside.

Ok. Let's go here.

I don't know.

Yes.

You know what it'll be worth it.

Take your pants up

and

give it to me.

I'm up here and let me tell you.

oh God, you're so good.

Really?

You know, I gotta go,

I gotta go

“Study on Voyeurism”.

I don't know. I'm not sure.

Doctor Taylor, granted, I've been here only a week

but of the information that I've looked at of all the sexual problems that

human response associates sees voyeurism is the

one that we're least effective treating.

I'd like to recruit some subjects and

then do some preliminary clinical observations.

Well, as I remember, there's not much work that has been done in that field.

No, I think it's a really rich area for research.

What's your working definition of voyeurism?

The act of secretly observing unsuspecting people who are naked or in the

process of undressing or participating in sexual

activity for one's own sexual pleasure.

First stage,

I'd like to hold in depth interviews and then look over the

information and then I'd like to

propose a program of therapeutic recommendations.

Have you talked to doctor Brand about this?

She's a clinician that designs the treatment protocols.

Well, I thought that I'd run it by you first.

My only concern here is it might be a bit too ambitious.

Well, I'll take that as a compliment,

but I must say that when you hired me, you,

you did say to think outside the box.

Nice track it.

I think it's a home run.

Thank you.

Well,

I'm looking forward to what you come up with because

so far I have been completely ineffective with the lawyers.

I think

what we need to do is just see how much you can get them to disclose to you,

you know?

Well, why is that an issue though?

Well,

women classically have had difficulty getting the subjects to

disclose the sexual intimate information in their lives.

Oh, well, that won't be a problem. That was my strong suit in grad school. So. Oh, ok.

didn't mean it that way.

Why are you so interested in doing this?

Well,

I guess,

I guess I'm interested because I wanna find out

why I'm so interested in doing it

all set.

We are.

I wish I could be there

but, uh,

I can't, we have another gig tonight in ST Louis Obispo.

So, uh,

I just wanted to wish you luck on your first subject. So, you're gonna knock him dead.

I know you will.

I hope you don't actually knock him dead

though because that wouldn't be a good thing.

Um,

I don't know what else to say.

I was gonna, gonna do this entirely naked,

but uh

I figured that if people were watching then that wouldn't be a good thing.

Uh I don't care about these guys though. Um

Yeah. Rock on.

Good luck. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you.

Oh

my God.

Yeah.

Watch me. Climb up a truck.

I love you.

I hope to see you soon.

Bye.

OK. I'm gonna put this microphone here.

There you go. Let me plug it in over here.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok. Why don't you start by telling me um, a little bit about you.

My name's Dave.

28. I'm single.

Never been married,

college graduates.

I uh

work in advertising.

I'm a media buyer.

I'm the second of three brothers.

I uh

I

like to play golf. I work out,

watch basketball and

I'm a voyeur.

I haven't know that

I've never told anyone about this.

Jesus Christ.

I just, um,

I must have kept it.

Um,

inside me since I was a child.

And why did you apply for this study?

I

think my voyeurism is keeping me from being intimate with women.

Thanks for telling me that. I

appreciate that.

See, you,

see, you

pretty easy to talk to.

That's good.

So, um,

how long ago was your first voyeuristic experience?

I was a teenager

and it was, uh,

yeah,

I can see it as clear as when it happened

and it was like,

it was like being hit by lightning or something. It was,

I mean, after that I was, I was hooked.

Huh?

And

what

did that incident

touch in you?

I don't know,

this is also mysterious to me,

but here are answers,

Brea

pussy.

So that's what everything looked like,

moving nakedness

and she never knew I was what

something about that combination of things that

I'm associating that with the pleasure of my own

orgasm.

That's all she wrote.

And you,

you masturbated when you saw that?

Yeah.

And later too

lasted me for months.

Oh

You know, I, I really appreciate how articulate you're being about this.

It's really helpful.

Well, it's a major deal for me.

I've given this a lot of thought

and uh

I

mean, there's so much time

spent searching for voyeuristic opportunities. It's

if I cannot be as obsessed as I am,

you know, I don't want to go through my whole life doing this.

Huh?

Sometimes it just gets to be too much

it's OK.

So tell me about

the second time,

the

second time.

Uh

we had to move

because of my father's job.

It started

two days after we got there,

it was August and it was hot. I mean,

sweltering hot.

There's no accident here. I mean, I

believe she came out to fuck that guy

and she did

and after

a couple of minutes

and they were going at it hot and heavy,

she was going nuts.

She kept rubbing up on him and

he had this giant heart on

was an amazing event for me.

I was watching people have sex

do the thing

that I had never done,

even though I'd never seen it.

You know what I mean?

But there was

are so

primitive

ray

on

dirty and

Saxon,

but it was

right in front of my eyes

for me.

I was alone.

It was amazing. They

didn't start.

Thank

you.

She went nuts and

I always thought that that was the first time that it

because she went

crazy.

She came,

ok, let's do it.

OK?

All right. So just um tell me who you are

and you're gonna get that pulling on it.

Tell me who you are and um and why you're here.

OK? Uh

I'm Christopher. I'm 30. I'm a website designer.

Uh What else?

And, and why you're here?

Well, we have to be somewhere, right?

Look, I figured maybe I could learn something.

Yeah,

you never know.

So tell me about, about your family, about your relationships. Are you single?

Uh, yeah, I'm single.

I grew up in a middle class family.

Um, my mother was a social worker.

Parents split up when I was young.

Sixth grade.

Um,

I don't know. I answered your ad because I guess some, what you might call a, a voyeur

look, it's not an urban myth.

I was the kid with the mirrors on my shoes, looking up girls dresses. Ok.

I don't know the things, the things that I remember

from my life are the things that I saw

what most people might call dirty things. I call beautiful things.

Those are the images that shaped me.

Listen, it's the moments in life with

truth.

Those are the images that turn me on.

Stealing images from life is my life.

You see.

Um

look,

I don't, I don't have what you would call normal relationships with women.

OK? But I do have relationships

with them.

Um

There was this woman once who used to,

she used to live close to where I used to work

and she knew everything about me and she knew when I got off and everything

and she would put on these shows for me

in front of her window,

she would take off her clothes and she would play with herself.

We must have done it maybe a dozen times over a three month period.

But in that whole time, she never once acknowledged

that I was even there,

I would just sit in my car and,

wow.

I don't know. I used to wonder if she would do that for anyone else.

I kind of like to think that she didn't.

I'm so happy that you,

it's good to be here. I'm so glad.

Yeah.

Tell me about the voyeurism business.

Well, it's going good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you

becoming a voyeur?

Well, actually,

yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Really?

Yeah. Really?

And,

and

it's wild.

It's really wild.

Really?

Yeah. Really? What is really,

well, has it

really

affected you?

I

mean, sexually

you want to find out,

I guess,

you guess?

Yes,

I really missed you. I really missed you.

I know someone else. You really

miss me.

I really have,

you

know.

Mm.

I like your video.

Did you like that? You should have,

everybody

was making fun of me.

Oh,

ok.

Yeah.

Hm.

Um,

I miss you.

Uh,

ah.

Oh,

go.

No.

Hm.

Hm.

Oh,

yes.

Oh.

Ah.

Hm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

ok.

Oh.

00.

00,

no, no.

Ah.

Ah.

Mm.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Ah.

Uh,

uh,

oh, I

can.

What's

that?

Yeah.

Ok.

I make,

ah,

uh,

yeah.

Mm.

I missed you so much.

First two

they think in very specific images

of sex, free visual.

Yeah, I'm treating a woman. Stephanie

26 an exhibitionist. Wish you get your two guys in her to go.

Yeah. Joint research.

Yeah, exactly. I'll tell you what you pitched to Ken.

Well, actually he's got a lot riding on your project

and how it's, apparently the board really slammed him for. Ok. In your study.

Yeah, I know. How's it going?

Good.

I'm beginning to think that voyeurism is just an extension of what gets you off.

Ok. I have this sometimes boyfriend that I see immediately.

Ok.

And,

and when we make love he likes me to wear like a tank top or t-shirt.

So that,

so that when we're making love,

my breasts are hidden and then eventually they're just revealed.

So.

Right.

And that sort of thing turns them on or I had this

boyfriend in high school who just had this thing for my butt,

you know,

and

so

I'm thinking that voyeurism is just these guys' preference of how

they like to experience sex. Nothing more and nothing less.

Mm.

So

thank you for coming.

Um Tell me a little bit about yourself.

My name is Steven.

I'm a psychotherapist.

I

have a very successful family practice.

I'm married,

my wife Judy is a patent attorney.

I went to Golden State University in Whittal

for my grad studies.

I run

work out.

I collect fine art.

I enjoy antique pottery

and I do work with the Special Olympics.

Um

Why are you here?

I'm here

because I wanna

have a better understanding of this whole behavior I seem to be swept up in.

I think

my life could be a good deal more relaxed. If I can,

I, I don't know, I control is the wrong word.

But I guess just to have a better understanding of why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Mm.

It seems to be

coming between Judy and I,

it's a real problem for us

for me.

Tell me about

your first experience.

It all started on a Friday night.

My parents were out at the movie.

My brother, Mark was downstairs with his girlfriend.

I've never seen that before.

I mean, I knew I shouldn't be looking,

but I couldn't help it. I couldn't

take my eyes off of them.

Love your son.

I became

very excited.

It was a very strange feeling.

They started

having intercourse.

I could see everything

and then

the most amazing thing happened,

saw me.

It was like

she was making love to me at the same time. Mark was making love to her.

My brother dated her for about another year

and were there no other incidents?

Just one.

It was one night

my brother

and Kay, we're sitting at the dining room table.

I

was in the living room.

Mark left.

I'd seen that smile before.

I became very excited.

Very excited.

Mm

Spread her legs so I could see her panties

and then she smiled again

and she reached out and

pulled her panties to the side so I could see her vagina.

That was the most

amazing thing

I'm

to,

to this day

I can picture it exactly as it happened.

I don't know

whether it was

the fact that it was a taboo because it was my brother's girlfriend. But

it still gets me so excited.

It's interesting how Stephen Kay,

even though he's a psychotherapist

seems to be blind when it comes to his own behavior.

I was particularly impressed by the strength of his memories.

He, he gets lost in them.

Voyeurism is this strictly visual. Therefore, probably strictly male behavior.

It's a quote safe unquote behavior because they don't

have to commit to another person on any,

on any meaningful level.

I had the dream set up in college.

Um, everyone there was pretty cool. So I set up some bathroom cams

and I had three of them and I put them in strategic locations.

I think it was one of the first ones ever done. Actually,

I saw some incredible stuff I saw,

I saw this girl playing with herself

and it was beautiful.

Why was that exciting to you?

Oh, I guess that's why I'm here. Right.

And what other incidents

stand out for you?

I was at this party once

and I, uh,

I,

I showed this girl some tape that I had shot for playing with herself.

She was kind of a freak because she liked it.

So, uh,

so I shot some of her sucking me off

and

what was it like looking at yourself on tape?

I don't know. I mean, I didn't really think of it that way. It wasn't, uh,

you know, it actually wasn't,

it didn't quite work for me and she knew she

was being taped and it fucked up the whole thing.

So, uh,

I told her that the cameras were busted and I

end up getting the all time best tape anyhow.

It was incredible.

Left them behind

down.

Yeah.

You must have done it, like, 10 different ways.

Hm.

They refer to that tape as a decathlon tape

house

like

I was.

Yeah.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Uh, how

my last girlfriend, Della and I

tried to incorporate my voyeurism into the relationship,

but it was less than satisfactory.

Meaning

got out of hand.

I lost control.

Not that I was ever in control.

What happened, Stephen,

I became obsessed

with the idea

of watching Della show herself off in public.

I took her to this nudie bar, you know, the kind with amateur nights

and at my urging, she entered the Wet T Shirt contest.

It's extremely exciting for me seeing other men watching her.

She kept looking at me.

That's crazy. I, I gave her the thumbs up and she went nuts.

She took off her T shirt and exposed her breasts for,

I became

terribly excited.

I began touching myself.

Della saw that and she started touching her tits and her breasts.

I thought they were going to pull her off the stage.

So she removed her pants and

telling you about it.

It makes me a little uncomfortable. But

being there

seeing it doing it, taking part of it,

the high, the adrenaline rush,

it was

the best,

the best.

How,

how did that incident end?

She masturbated herself on stage and we had simultaneous orgasms.

Everything was fine for a while.

Then

I really don't know how to describe it, but

it sort of builds up inside of me to have to do something, something

with an edge.

It's like taking a drug

in any event. I

I asked Della

to have sex with another man while I watched

and Della did this willingly.

Totally.

And how did it work?

I got two motel rooms right next to each other and

I set up a tiny video rig between the two rooms. Look, we talked about this.

Everything is gonna be fun.

This is for me, baby.

Ok, I got the camera right here. He's not gonna see anything.

You just act normal. Ok,

fella got dressed up very provocatively and went down to the bar in the hotel room.

Thank you, baby.

Ok. You ready?

All right, let's do it.

Half an hour later. She came back with this guy.

I'm just here overnight on business.

Damn, you're some fine looking woman. You know that don't you.

And you are one hunk of a mess. That's why I invited you up here

because you look like the type of guy

who could fuck my lights out. Oh

shit.

I want you

to take my dress off. No problem.

Oh

I can't believe this is happening.

Hm.

You know what I want you to put this on?

Oh, man, I hate those things here in my background.

I want to suck you off.

Come on, I want you to go down on me.

Yeah.

Take your rats off.

00, yeah.

Yeah.

Hm.

Uh

oh.

Oh, that's excellent.

Perfect.

Oh.

Oh,

damn. I wanna fuck you up.

Uh

oh,

I

uh

quite.

Oh yeah.

00

oh

oh

o

OK.

Oh,

you

lost.

Yeah.

00

huh.

That was amazing.

It was great.

What did you say your name was?

Do

I gotta get going

afterwards after the guy left? I went into the room.

Ba

That was incredible.

I came so hard.

What's wrong?

That

nice.

We

truly ever recovered from that.

I thought it was going to be OK. But it wasn't,

I've come to think about my behavior as being

objective

because I say I'm going to do one thing and then I end up doing another.

I

just feel like I've, I've lost control.

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the opportunity

to come down here and talk about this part of my life

when she, um the researcher called me at first I said no,

but then looking back on all that,

I just thought if I came down here and talked about it that

I might be able to let it go,

I think looking back on it now,

which is a hell of a lot easier than trying to gain perspective in the middle of it.

I lost my self respect.

I did things that I didn't think were right for me,

desperate things to keep me and Stephen together

and you didn't enjoy it.

I wouldn't say that

it almost gave me permission to do things that I wouldn't have normally done.

I think about those days.

Is this gonna work?

Yeah. You know what's interesting is um

I found that two out of the three men

felt that

no matter how much sexual gratification

they got from their voyeuristic experiences

that voyeurism still had this oppressive hold on their lives

and they felt in the grips of it. You know, they felt victims of it

and so did the people in their relationships.

Well, maybe it's just those two guys.

Well, that's my universe.

My working theory is that the sexual visual procreation genes were

necessary for man's survival and not so much for women's.

And that's why voyeurism didn't develop so much in women.

It's a little far reaching for clinical observation, isn't

it?

Of course. But, you know, I can't help but go there.

I'm open to anything.

You never seem to set anything in stone.

I like that.

I

like your process.

Thanks.

You know, I'm pretty much not into talking about the voyeurism thing all night.

Hey, Michael. So we can talk about whatever rock star all night long.

But I talk about my work and

you freak out,

you want to know if I'm a voyeur.

I'm not

ok.

I mean, I look at girls, ok, guys, look at girls. That's the deal.

Uh, I

just want a normal date, you know,

a nice dinner, some casual sex

on occasion,

you know,

but until you're done with this project, I think I'm shit out of luck. You know what?

I am starting a new project at a new job. You

think I'm under a little bit of pressure, maybe?

Sorry,

I'm sorry.

Can you just give me some time, Michael, please?

Yeah,

I think I'm just getting a

little

sketched about

you dealing with guys sex problems all day.

It's part of my job.

I know and I know that you're totally cool about

it,

but still,

what would you like me to do?

It's not you,

it's me.

Ok.

I just think

that the best thing

for the both of us is to just give each other a little space.

What you need to do

right now is this study

without me being all over you?

You know what this is? Just, we're just going through something just

I love you.

I love you.

I'll call you.

I just, I feel so unprofessional.

There's no reason to be so hard on yourself.

I know. It's just, it's affecting my,

everything, it's affecting

everything. Iii I think about sex. I, I've driven Michael completely away.

I just, I feel obsessed and

why are you being so tough on yourself.

I'm changing.

No, I actually,

I'm learning

about myself. I'm discovering new parts of myself and experiencing new things and

Michael's treading water

and you don't want to bring him down where you can't breathe. Right.

Right.

Does this work affect you?

Yeah. How can it not? I mean,

God,

but it's, it's a matter of finding a balance,

like having an outlet or other interests

and we should continue talking

to the movies

and we should make a point of it. Huh? Ok.

Thank you.

Next time I get this way, just hose me off. Send me on my way.

Ok, you're doing all right, kid, you're doing great.

Last time we talked, I asked you to try to bring some intimacy into your voyeurism.

Some humanity. What did you come up with?

I

hired an escort

call, girl,

whatever you wanna call.

Go on.

I took a hotel room

conor,

I'd like to see the money. Oh, sure.

Sure.

No, no. Um,

I just want you to stand here

right here

and I want you to take your clothes off slowly

because I have a camera over

here.

Oh,

well, you didn't pay me enough money to take. No, no, no, no, no, no. I,

I don't have any film in it.

You just want me to stand here.

Take off your clothes

slowly,

slowly, slowly,

nice and slow.

So you like tits.

Yep.

Do you want to stack on them?

No.

Do you like asses?

Uh huh.

Wow.

Why don't you come over here?

I don't think you should worry about me.

Yeah.

Tell me to keep taking my clothes off. Don't touch me.

Get back then.

So you just like to watch,

uh. Yeah.

Hm.

Do you like to watch me play with toys?

Sure.

Take your top off

all the way. Yes.

Is this turning you on?

Just take your panties off?

That it.

I

used

to, uh,

do you just want to see my pussy?

I

see.

Uh,

why don't you play with yourself?

I'm ok.

You're making me really hot.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want me to come for you?

Mhm.

Are you sure you don't want me to suck you off?

Don't worry about me.

Uh,

uh, hm.

Oh, yeah.

00, yeah.

Uh,

uh,

uh,

uh,

uh,

uh,

uh,

where are you, uh, where are you going?

Well, isn't that what you wanted? Take pictures of me

paid for 45 minutes?

Yeah. But you said you just wanted to take pictures, right?

Yeah.

Is you right?

Aren't you happy?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, don't

touch.

Ok,

thank you. That was, that was great.

Thanks, baby.

Thank you.

So, what was it like when she touched you?

I,

I

didn't see her because I was looking through the, the camera.

So when she touched me, I was

completely surprised because it's,

it's not about that, you know, it's about

watching and, and, um,

getting off afterwards,

not remembering what it looked like

and bringing up all the little details.

So her

touching me made it something else.

And so did the reality of your experience,

did it live up to your expectations?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was, uh

it was expensive. But hey, we're here for a short trip. You know what I'm saying?

So

did it not matter to you that what you were looking at was

set up that they were bought images that it wasn't real

for real.

Well, that,

that they were staged, that

they weren't reality.

It was real enough.

Hopefully you can use their voyeur skills and apply them to their therapy

skills, skills, patterns, behaviors, call them what you want,

but use them as a tool to bridge the emotional blocks they're having

with trying to have a quote unquote normal sex life with their partners.

Lisa.

Hi. How's it going?

It's going so good. This is so fascinating, you know,

good. Well, if you need anything,

anything I can do to help you? Let me know. Ok.

Thank you.

I'm a little nervous being here.

I know that this is gonna be good for us.

What we're hoping to do is Red,

divert Stephen's sexual energy into his relationship with you.

Sounds right.

So what I'm going to want the two of you

to do is I'm gonna want you to use some strategies

that will enable this process.

The part I'm not sure I'm comfortable with is

doing with the cameras,

right? I understand. Well, we do that purely for clinical purposes.

There will be no way anyone can identify you

and no one will be watching. We simply turn on the camera and leave. OK.

In addition, we use video fuzz blocks so that all identities will be kept hidden

and we do that right here in house so

you can be assured there will be no gap in security.

Ok?

Thank you. You're welcome. It makes me feel a little better.

Uh

Lisa and I have also spoken with Steven about some

techniques that might be helpful

and I thought that maybe it'd be best if you just be

spontaneous.

Ok?

Alright.

So um

ok baby

go ahead.

Hey baby

why don't you stand by the bed?

Exciting.

It's so beautiful.

I'd love it if you take your clothes off.

Ok?

I

love watching you

baby. You got a beautiful ass.

I

want you to take your panties off for me now

we are slow.

There are couple.

Oh

can

I'm gonna look in the mirror angel.

Ok.

Oh yeah,

that's so good baby.

Oh

God.

Oh God.

Oh you're so beautiful.

Oh yeah.

Oh

am I doing it? Ok.

You're doing great.

The

ok.

I

for

no I think it's good. I think everything

is gonna work out. Really

hold on snap.

Um

we'll call you back in about 15 minutes

in about an hour. Let me call you

ladies

you

oh God, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Oh God Lisa.

Right.

That was fantastic.

I'm sure.

Let's pretend it never happened.

You know. That's a very good idea.

Ok.

How are you going to, um,

how are you gonna look back on all this,

on this experience?

Well,

look, I live my life as a voyeur.

Ok. I always have,

I always just done it

but I don't often get a chance to speak with someone intelligent,

like yourself about it.

And I'm very grateful to you for that. It's been very helpful.

Thank you.

And, and your future,

my future. Well, I'm going for it.

You know,

I'm an escrow in this uh small apartment building. It's got 15 units

and completely outfitted with optical fiber surveillance cameras.

Look, nobody's getting hurt. Ok. It's for my benefit alone.

There's no harm, there's no foul. Well, besides the fact that it's illegal,

I have to ask you why

because I've come to realize that my life as a voyeur makes me happy.

So you're just gonna manage these apartments for your life and the rest of your life.

Look, uh,

I'm gonna be the guy who decides who stays and who goes. Ok.

I mean, I could have college girls in one apartment building.

I could have lesbians in another.

You know, I'm gonna have some real variety here.

I mean, come on. I mean, I'm set for life.

So like,

yeah,

well, who's getting hurt?

Who's getting hurt?

No,

I'm not hurting. Anybody. I'm, you know, I'm just uh

just having a little bit of uh

you know what I'm doing,

I'm giving blood to my fantasies.

There's nothing wrong with that, right?

It was great.

The use of those visual techniques,

the distance between us

framing the image as much as

the reality,

the mirrors

playing to the image.

They worked really great.

But three months from now

when

Judy and I are both very busy, will it be enough?

I don't know.

You know, with voyeurism, it's enough.

It's only me.

And each time

I'm satisfied,

am I willing

to put the energy into duty

that I put into being a voyeur?

It's your choice.

Spells it out, doesn't?

It?

It sure does.

So I'm gonna quit.

Totally.

Totally.

That's very brave of you.

I don't think I have a choice.

You know, if I want to have a

lasting relationship with a woman.

Well, I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks. Thanks. It's been interesting.

Yeah. Thank you,

Alex.

Yeah.

And

uh,

oh,

oh,

ah,

that night when I saw that menage a

trois.

Ok.

It was, it was a watershed event in my life.

From that moment

I became a voyeur.

An obsessed foyer.

Suddenly my life,

I

just focused on finding situations where I could,

where I could spy on people

and,

and masturbate.

I would find hotel rooms

that had,

that had apartments across the street so that

so that I could set up my telescope.

And then

one day

I was cruising in Beverly Hills adjacent. I had a lot of luck there.

I came up with my own system,

I'd shoot with a digital camera

and then I put them up on my computer.

It delayed the sexual satisfaction.

It

extended the exquisite tension

I could see into a bedroom.

A man was handcuffing a naked woman's wrist to a bedpost

and he was putting a blindfold on her.

This was the most exciting thing that I had ever seen.

I could barely shoot. I was so excited.

He was putting himself in her mouth.

Almost getting caught. Scared me.

It scared me a lot.

So I went into therapy

and stopped being a voyeur.

Totally.

I figured

I was happy before the whole thing. So

why couldn't I be happy again?

I knew what Stephen Kay meant when he said

addiction.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a voyeur

as long as there are no victims,

as long as your life is in proper balance.

But

I went a little overboard to say the least

I've been dating.

He's a terrific guy. It's been going really well.

I'm not going to say that I don't miss the rush,

but it's an even better rush being in a loving relationship.

That's it.