Original subtitles

♪

Stunt people always fall.

But the trick is you get up

and make sure you don't become dust.

Sazz...

The shooter, very good.

A single .300 win mag casing was found in the west tower

in apartment 14f, belonging to a tenant by the name of m. Dudenoff,

retired professor, who the neighbors are conveniently saying

he's not in town. He's in Portugal.

Neighbors are busy playing card games when they hear the gunshot.

- What, I achieved? - Yes!

I think that earns you a trip to the bathroom.

- Is that a person? - Don't be ridiculous. It's a ham.

No, no, no, no. This movie has to happen.

It's the only way I can keep up with my sexy,

- successful girlfriend. - Hi!

Loretta, will you...

Will what? Would I what?

- You don't believe dudenoff's in Portugal? - I'm not convinced.

Well, he's not gonna be happy you're here.

I'm counting on it. If he finds out I'm squatting here,

he'll have to show his face to kick me out.

Did one of them kill sazz?

We're gonna find out.

I kept a very detailed ham radio journal.

A person came on the line and said, "meet me at 445."

- Who is dudenoff? - The last person

who came around asking these questions got killed.

A movie set is filled with egomaniacs.

- But a good stunt double... - Sazz!

...must set the ego aside and just be a maniac.

Hey, wait up!

Sazz?

Risking life and limb to make their actor look good.

Where are we going?!

Paradise...

For the stunt double, their actor is number one.

For the actor? Well,

it's not always so clear.

Alright, I've been up since 3:00 working.

Well, not working the whole time.

I spent two hours looking for an all-night staples,

but then, I built this.

♪ Ta-da ♪

A second murder board.

You dragged me outta bed for this?

Most working adults are up by 8:00 A.M.

Yes, but, like, farmers.

Look, if we're gonna take sazz seriously as a target,

she deserves her own board.

The voice on the radio says that sazz was killed

because she was asking questions about the west tower,

and sazz was a ham radio hobbyist.

Hm. I like it. Could be a good hook for the podcast.

This season, we're not just searching for the killer.

We're searching for the victim, too.

Oliver, do you wanna record that?

Just gimme 10 minutes.

What's "paradise"?

Uh... nothing. It's just... It's just something someone told me.

Who?

Sazz.

When?

Last night. In my dream.

Ask him if he can draw a clock.

If he can't draw a clock, it's Alzheimer's.

Look, forget about this. This is not important.

The point is, if sazz was the target, we need to fill in the blanks of her life.

Now, obviously, she and I were very close.

We shared everything.

Two girlfriends, a signature look,

and a blood type so rare, it's in the red cross hall of fame,

but she never told me

why she was asking questions about the west tower.

Well, I've hit a dead end there.

The voice on the radio has gone silent,

and the westies have been freezing me out

since I started squatting.

What is Vince doing in his underwear with that animal leg?

If they're not a cult, they're definitely cult-adjacent.

Oh. That's a Portuguese flag. Or as the Portuguese call it,

bandeira das quinas.

I'd recognize that bi-colored rectangle

with the green on the hoist and the red on the fly anywhere.

Oliver, you wanna come see the...

Oliver, why are you so sleepy?

I don't know. Usually, your riveting flag facts

are like a shot of adrenaline.

I barely slept last night.

Loretta called me, as usual, after she wrapped on set,

and we had a, you know, a nice chat.

A little shorter than usual.

And then, she had to run.

And then, I took the teeniest tumble

into a deep, dark pit of despair.

Look.

I have never seen Instagram that big.

I didn't know Loretta was on there. I should follow her.

Her feed is a cornucopia of charming, sunny Hollywood content.

But notice this intruder.

- It's an arm. - Yeah, a male arm!

A taut, rippling arm!

And I don't trust its intentions!

It's in 11 of her last 14 pictures here. I mean, i-it...

She is spending 78% of her documented time

with this mystery himbo,

and there's no way I can find out who he is.

- You could ask her. - Ask her?

And drive her into this strong, supportive arm?

No, that's a one-way ticket to cuck city,

population: Putnam!

Hey, Charles. Sazz was one of Loretta's followers.

Sazz was on Instagram?

Yeah. She posted from this place

called concussions the day she died.

What's concussions?

Concussions. It's a stuntman bar.

"This New York institution caters to the lunatics

"who take a beating, so your favorite celebs don't have to.

Open to the public since the civil rights act of 1964."

Well, we should go there. Maybe somebody'll know

why sazz was asking questions about the west tower.

Oh, they have trivia on Thursday!

Jesus, turn your brightness down!

I feel like I just looked right into an eclipse.

Oh, right... Brightness, down!

T-Tablet, brightness down!

Down, brightness!

Susie, brightness down!

Howard, thanks for watching the apartment.

And the pig.

We cuddled like king Charles and Camilla.

What is up with this bed anyway?

It was a regift from Eva longoria. She said she didn't need two.

Well, climb in.

We can use this time to work on my podcast.

Animal jobs? You know,

the podcast about animals and their jobs.

Welcome to animal jobs,

the podcast about animals and their jobs.

I'm here with Henry, the central park clydesdale.

You won't believe what else he has to say. I have incredible audio.

All I need from you is to learn how to edit, score, mix, and post it.

I'm sorry, I don't have time to teach podcasting 101 right now.

What do you mean? You're squatting and can't leave.

You're trapped with me. In a fun way.

I... someone can't leave.

I need someone here

in case dudenoff shows up and kicks me out. I...

Sorry, I have to follow a lead.

It's always about the case with you.

It's like you don't care about animal jobs at all.

No! No, no, no, it's just those guys need me,

and you... are... such a self-starter.

No, I'm not.

I'm a sad boy who hates being alone.

Look at me. I'm in bed with a pig.

You're right where you're supposed to be. I promise.

Just please don't leave until I come back.

Please? Thank you.

Thank you for the pig. Bye, hammy.

Bye.

Now, before we get to this bar, a word of warning.

Stuntmen are not like us. They can be insular and provincial.

Have you ever been to hell's kitchen?

Yeah, I've eaten at Oliver's.

I, for one, love getting out and seeing the real New York.

"The humblest hovels house the happiest hearts."

As Ronnie would say.

- What? - Who's Ronnie?

Oh, Ronnie's short for Veronica,

the feisty grandma from joliet, Illinois,

who loves crafting, Merlot,

and the power of positive thinking.

- She's my finsta. - Oh!

- What's a finsta? - Oh, no.

A fake Instagram account.

I'm whimsically surveilling my girlfriend to see if I should be worried

by using a fun, friendly avatar,

posing as her number-one fan.

Loretta has already responded to two of Ronnie's comments.

This is a disaster in the making.

- Please refocus. - You're right.

"Where my attention goes, energy flows."

That's so Ronnie.

Dropping it.

Humblest hovels is right.

I'm doing recon for the murder board.

Uh, do you maybe wanna turn off the shutter sound?

And the flash?

And the sepia filter? Do you need me to take that from you?

Let's talk to the barkeep first.

He's not only the keeper of the bar,

but also its secrets.

Yeah, I'll join you. I'm fluent in "everyman."

Hey, bro.

Yeah, I think I'll just have, uh,

uh, I'll have a cabernet.

Uh, 2011, if you have it. Anything French, whatever.

And I will have a Cosmopolitan. Not too pink.

Ideally in a boot.

What are you really here for?

We were hoping we could ask a few questions about sazz pataki.

I'm not talking to you.

Well, maybe my friend

Mr. Lincoln will change your mind.

Mister...

- ...abraham Lincoln. - Ooh.

Hmm.

Uh, well, maybe this... Will grease the wheels.

That's in addition to the five.

Think of all the tattoos you can finish with that.

Ooh.

Well, maybe this will unzip your lips.

Can you break this?

I give you the 20, you give me back 15, take the five,

add it to the six, for a total of 11.

Please just take his money so this can stop.

Hey!

These guys giving you trouble?

Take it easy, everybody. I'm Charles-haden savage.

Sazz pataki was my stunt double.

Not here. In here, you're sazz's acting double. You're just a face.

- We don't like faces. - You know what we say about faces?

Deep down, you're all asses.

Hold on. I'm not like other faces.

Sazz was my friend.

- We're trying to solve her murder. - Right.

For your podcast.

You're profiting off her death.

Meanwhile, the people who really loved her can't even give her

the traditional stuntman's funeral she deserves!

What? Why not?

No body, no funeral.

Uh, wha... - Ben glenroy? - Uh... ah...

Ben's dead, ya eejit.

He's gone forever. Oh, he'd love to be here,

but there's no possible way.

Youse can't come back from the dead, now, can ya?

I'm Glen stubbins, Ben's stunt double.

Oh yeah, I can see it.

Or I was, till you feckers rubbed him out.

Who feckers? Us feckers?

All yas feckin' feckers took him from me!

You got a... for your man.

Cheers.

For 15 years, I took every lump and fall

for that doll of a man.

Then, someone got in his ear about making his Mark on the stage!

One month later, boom!

Then later, that... same night, boom again!

My number one was gone.

Hey, do you see 'em? Eh.

Just, just stamp!

- Ah! - Hey!

Peeping at me with their beady little eyes!

Oh!

Come on, stubbins.

For the last time, Glen, there's no rats in this bar.

Oh, curse your eyes, there's no rats. What do you call that?

Where is it? Come on! Hey! Where'd it go?

Don't you see 'em?

There's no rats. What do you call this? What do you call that?! What do you... ah!

Do-do you see 'em?

Guys, that's the purple light

from sazz's last selfie. I have to get in that back room.

You've been here long enough. Faces, out.

Don't worry, boyos. I'll finish 'em off.

Time to introduce 'em

to bono... And the edge.

That went well!

Wait, wait!

Sorry.

Charles, a-apologies. I didn't mean to rile ya up back there.

You threatened me with half of U2!

Yeah, I was just keeping up appearances, weren't I?

Look, Chuck,

I'm begging ya. Can you help me get a job on your film?

You lost your stunt double. I lost my acting double.

We could make each other whole again.

I don't need a double.

Eh? Well...

Not even one that can do this?

Oh, my god!

- Or this? - Whoa!

Uh...

Huh?

Oh god...

Eh?

Impressive, but if you wanna double for Charles,

all you really need to do is believably walk into

an easy-entrance bathtub.

Watch me throw myself through the window.

- No, no, no! - Stop! Um...

We, we will get you a job

- on the movie they're making about us. - Yes. Yes.

Oh! Thank the virgin.

My face would've been slashed to ribbons.

Only...

If you tell us what's going on in that back room.

We know that sazz was there the day she died.

Well, she was probably seeing Dr. Maggie.

Who's Dr. Maggie?

Dr. Maggie. Oh, well,

it's not really words that can describe what she is.

Yeah, miracle worker.

Exorcist of sorts. She helps...

Uh, release the pain demons that plague us stunt folk

just by simply cracking our bones.

S-So, she's a chiropractor.

There is a word.

Well, sazz was always with Dr. Maggie getting cracked.

- Can you get us back there? - What? Wait.

Sazz was in pain?

Loads of pain, thanks to you.

Of course, she never would've let on.

It's the stuntman way.

Is it okay if I-I go back there alone?

Oh, uh, s-sure. Are you alright?

Totally. I just think if there's something to be faced back there,

I, sazz's face, should be the one to face it.

Well, you know what Ronnie would say.

"If you don't face your fears,

your fears will eat your face."

Sorry. Not Ronnie's finest work.

Well. Well, come h... I-I'll take you back.

Oh, and, um,

mind the rats.

I'll see you back at the arconia.

We're here with hammy Faye.

Now, hammy Faye, it's true that most pigs can hunt for truffles,

but is it also true that, if trained properly,

they can also be golf caddies?

Hello?

Dudenoff, is that you?

"Do you have what it takes to be a star?"

Well, I think so.

"Open auditions for the new only murders movie.

No experience necessary."

Oh, hammy.

We can't leave.

We could never betray Mabel. Not for just...

Some long-shot chance at a part on the silver screen.

Never.

♪

I'm Howard Morris. Tim kono c... I'm gonna start again.

I'm Howard Morris.

Tim kono complained a lot about Evelyn.

He said she gave him asthma attacks.

He threatened to shoot her.

Evelyn may have had nine lives,

but I cut his one short.

Thank you.

What is happening right now?

- What? - Seriously? What are you doing?

That's what I was wondering.

Well, I'm acting. The, um...

I'm acting the part of Howard?

I feel like I'm doing ayahuasca in Boise, Idaho.

You make me wanna vomit.

What I believe trina and tawny are saying is that...

We... love you?

Oh, good! Oh, I can't wait to play myself.

Oh, you're not playing you. Josh gad's playing you.

Wait, so I didn't get the part?

What I believe trina and tawny

are saying is, unfortunately, no, you did not.

Of course not, but you're amazing.

And we're gonna nurture you.

See you next week. The same time. Okay.

Eh, Dr. Maggie? Your, uh, man here wants to see ya.

Can you fit him in?

Oh, I don't want an adjustment.

I just wanna ask a few questions.

- Okay. - Well, eh, don't mind me.

I'll be hiding on the rat-baffler.

They can't recognize me when I'm upside down.

I wanna ask about sazz pataki.

I know she was here the day she died,

and there's nothing stopping you from talking about her.

You're not protected by hipaa laws because you're not a real doctor.

Then how'd she get a "Dr." before her name?

They don't just give those away.

Chiropractics is a pseudoscience, no offense.

Hm... I'm sorry.

It physically hurts me to see a body this tense.

- Hm? Huh? - Have you ever had locked-in syndrome?

Is this your original arm?

We can talk, but not until you get on my table.

I told you, I don't believe in...

Just breathe!

Where the hell is dudenoff?

Those cult card players must have told him I'm squatting

in his place by now.

- Oh, my god! It's a breakthrough! - What?

Ronnie's bonded with Loretta about their shared love of decoupage,

and she's about to ask about the mystery arm.

Hmm. Okay, this is not how you build trust in a relationship.

What's a cute word for "arm"?

Man branch? Hug helper? Chesticle?

What has gotten into you?

Into me?!

I'm worried about who's getting into Loretta!

- Oliver! - Alright. Okay.

You know, I almost proposed to Loretta in la.

Yeah, I know.

I was right there,

and then I didn't.

Why not?

Eh, one failed marriage, who hasn't been there?

Two failed marriages?

People start asking questions.

Why do you assume it would fail?

Because she's living the glamorous life of a starlet

with arms coming at her from every direction.

Because... I always fail.

C-Can I have my iPad back, please?

Fine, but no good can come of this Ronnie thing.

Mabel, I have something I need to say.

You clearly don't have time to support my creative efforts,

so I am exiting our one-sided relationship.

I believe this belongs to you.

Uh...

She likes when you scratch under her armpits.

And she makes this special little face

when she has to poopy that... You know what?

I can't trust you with her.

Uh... wait, Howard!

If you're here, who's watching the dudenoff apartment?

Oh...

♪

Go ahead. Ask your questions.

Uh, I know sazz was here the day she died.

What did she... ah!

Talk about?!

Mostly about her pain.

And how excited she was to finally retire.

Oh, wait. Sazz said she was retiring!

Transitioning into a new career.

She didn't say what, but it had something to do

with a difficult relationship she was in.

She was tired of giving more than she got from this person.

But she didn't know how to get away.

This may sound random, but...

Did she ever mention "paradise"?

Not that I remember.

I have to warn you. When a back as frozen as yours unlocks,

it can release a lot of feelings.

Some people describe it as an out-of-body experience.

I'm not worried. The only out-of-body experience I ever had

is when I saw Edward hopper's nighthawks at the Chicago art...

Sazz?

Sazz!

Wait up! Are you trying to get away from me?

Oh, my god.

Ah, it's just a scratch.

I told ya, I'm trying to get to paradise. You coming?

Whew... Wow.

You were out for a minute there. Are you alright?

Physically, yes.

Emotionally, no.

That bad relationship sazz said she was in...

...I'm afraid it was with me.

Aw.

- What have you got for heartache, mags? - Well,

relationship worries are stored in the pelvic floor, so...

Whoa-ho-ho! No. No.

We'll... we'll c... We'll call this a hit right here,

so you did it. Thank you, but mm-mm. Yeah.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

♪

What are you doing here?

We could ask the same thing of you.

I could have this place swarming with cops in two minutes.

- No, no, no, no no. No more cops. - Then, can you just

tell me what kind of cult you are?

What are we talking, sex, Satan, or vitamins?

- We're not a cult. - Oh, really?

You all talk on ham radios, live communally,

play a weird card game, and eat... Bathtub pork.

When you say it like that, I can track it.

Okay, so then what's going on?

That's it. I'm calling detective Williams.

Fine.

- I'll tell you. - No, Vince! Don't!

Hey. What if we cut her in?

She does need a place to live.

- Oh, so she can have her own apartment? - Yes. She's an adult.

- I'm an adult. - Let's act like it.

Cut me into what?

What I'm about to tell you could ruin many lives.

The information must never leave this room.

Okay, but I'm definitely telling Charles and Oliver.

Get 'em.

What...

What are these?

Leases?

We're illegally subletting rent-controlled apartments.

We're not a cult.

It's a rent-control scheme.

Although I have suggested getting matching bathrobes in the past.

Every apartment on this floor was rented

by professor dudenoff years ago.

We all met professor dudenoff at one point or another.

We all needed a cheap place to live.

He saw that we were... what's the word?

Weirdos?

I was looking for something softer, but yeah.

- Weirdos. - It can be hard to survive in this city

when you march to the beat of your own drum.

You need somebody to have your back.

Professor dudenoff was that for us.

Professor dudenoff retired to Portugal, but he still takes care of us every month.

He sends us his favorite jamón, and we send him rent.

He lives like a king in Portugal,

and we get to live in the arconia for peanuts.

How much is peanuts?

200.

Dollars? A month?!

That's what you could be paying, too.

If you keep this out of the podcast.

Wait. The voice on the ham radio said...

- That was Helga, my ex-girlfriend. - Your crazy ex-girlfriend.

- You deserve so much better. - Okay, she's just very slightly unhinged,

but she's from Finland, you know? It's cold and dark there.

They spend a lot of time inside their own heads.

She said sazz got killed for asking about you guys.

Killed? For asking about us?

I've never even met sazz!

Helga's working through some issues. A little paranoia.

It's sad. I blocked her on my cell.

I showed you guys,

but she keeps trying to reach me on the ham.

So, Helga's just... nuts?

Look, we're just a family of weirdos here.

Helga was the wrong kind of weirdo.

But, you...

You could be the right kind of weirdo.

♪

What do you say?

Okay, so you're telling me the westies play a game called "oh hell,"

and somehow they're not a satanist cult?

Apparently not.

I mean, their story is so crazy, I kinda believe it.

And at $200 a month, I can't afford not to.

I feel bad about Howard.

He needed a dudenoff today, and I dropped the ball.

Take one trick.

He'll come back around.

Unlike my Loretta.

- I'll take two. - At least she's still alive.

Sazz sacrificed everything for me,

and by the time I realized it, it was too late to make it up to her.

I'll take none.

Maybe Ronnie should ask Loretta...

Okay, r-Ronnie is still with us?

Oliver, I know you're doing this because you're afraid to lose Loretta,

but if she finds out, you are gonna lose her.

Okay, fine.

I'll put Ronnie down.

No, I can't.

I can't do it. Mabel, you kill her.

Alright. Well, does Ronnie have any last words?

"We say bye-bye...

Because one bye is never enough."

Okay, nice eulogy. Funeral over.

Funeral.

Maybe there is something I can still do for sazz.

You need a body?

I'm your body.

When a face learns to appreciate their double's sacrifices,

it can make for a special bond.

One that lasts a lifetime or even beyond.

Alright now, you sure you can handle this?

Sazz stood in for me so many times.

The least I can do is lie down for her.

Oh!

Alright, animals, gather around! Listen up.

We are here to pay tribute to the great sazz pataki.

- Sazz! - First among us gone too soon.

She lies before us now in state.

We'll begin the service with the traditional

stuntman's Margarita.

- Ready. Steady. Sláinte. - Sláinte!

Who wants to tell sazz how much she meant to 'em? Line up.

- I got the breakaways. - Good man.

♪ And joy be with you ♪

Aw, sazz.

When I clipped that sailboat in that gnarly hang-gliding wreck,

you came with me to get my prosthetic shins.

I love you, man!

♪ ...the parting glass and drink a health ♪

♪ whate'er befalls ♪

Lie still, dead man.

♪ Gently rise and softly call ♪

Next!

♪ Goodnight and joy be to... ♪

Sazz. You taught me to put my fireproof jockstrap

in the freezer before a blow-up.

Shrunk my dick. You saved me from burning my balls off.

Thanks, pal.

♪ ...for my going away ♪

♪ and all the sweethearts ♪

♪ that e'er I had ♪

Right. Well, my favorite sazz story.

Bunch of us lads got hired as stunt consultants on jackass forever.

This was the one where that shite fucker Rex Bailey got his heel blown off

teaching Johnny Knoxville how to get fired out of a Cannon.

Anyways, Steve-O...

Kept calling me lucky charms boy. Magically delicious!

Pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars,

blue diamonds, every feckin' marshmallow in the box!

And sazz, bless her...

She put him in an arm bar until...

♪ I gently rise and softly call ♪

Until he pissed his trousers.

Oh, sazz, love,

we're fucked if we know how to stagger on without ya.

Was that a real bottle, you asshole?

You set them up, you prick!

Are you calling me a Rex Bailey?

Ye feckin' cock!

Just like sazz would've wanted.

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

- Hey, sazz. - Hey!

You okay? That last hit you took looked pretty rough.

Ah, piece of cake.

But someday, I won't be able to take the hits anymore,

and then, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'ma open up a trampoline park like the ones I used to go to with my dad.

Where a kid can learn how to fly and how to fall.

Train the next generation of stunt people.

The sazz pataki impact academy.

Why not build it here? Location manager said this lot's for sale.

Or it will be after the superfund cleanup.

Ah, yeah. Maybe.

Uh, and let's keep this under our hat, huh?

The other stunt guys would laugh at this.

But I can trust you. You're my number one.

This is it. Sazz's paradise.

- Is this a toxic waste dump? - It was.

Government cleaned it up.

Hmm.

Yuck.

♪

This was her dream.

She came so close.

Wait. Did you hear that?

Is somebody in there?

Careful.

- What is this place, a hideout? - Kinda spooky.

This is really gonna drain my battery.

Let me know if you see an outlet.

Oh!

Thank god, someone from show business.

Don't move or I'll blow your fucking brains out.

♪