All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S06E07 Kommandant Schultz.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.CBS

♪ ♪

LeBEAU: Close up the ranks.

We've got work to do.

Close up the ranks.

Come on, let's
close up the ranks.

Come, let's close up the ranks.

Guten Tag.

Guten Tag, Mein Herr.

What are you doing here?

We are baking a cake.

What do you think
we are doing here?

What are you doing here?

I'm just on my
way to the market,

selling the hay.

Oh.

You spend too much money on war.

If you know how to
conquer the world cheaper,

write to Hitler.

That's telling him, huh?

That's a good one.

You have to remember that.

That's a good one.

I enjoyed it.

Colonel Hogan, there's one
more prisoner than before.

Count them again, Schultz.

But I did already, twice.

There's one man extra.

That's impossible.

You must have made a mistake

when you counted
them on the way out.

Yeah?

You think so?

Yeah.

Come on, fellas.

But wait a minute,
Colonel Hogan.

It couldn't be.

Sure, it could.

Did you ever hear of anybody
sneaking into a P.O.W. camp?

Doesn't look so special.

What are they?

A building material
of some kind.

That's my guess.

No, zinc oxide,

with a high
percentage of uranium.

What's uranium?

Sounds like a
country in the Balkans.

It's used in atomic research.

Ja.

The Germans found
deposits of uranium

in the occupied countries

and they had tons of it

made into these blocks
to be hidden away.

Those bloody Krauts.

They're always keeping
busy, aren't they?

Now London needs
this for analysis,

and they also want to know

where the Germans
are hiding the stuff.

Do you have the locations?

22 of them... here.

And if it's important enough,

they'll send a
plane to pick you up.

Maybe tonight. BAKER:
Not tonight they won't.

London just
finished transmitting.

There's a big weather
front moving in.

Everything grounded
for at least 48 hours.

Well, Hercules, you
and your little friend here,

may as well make
yourselves comfortable.

"and effective immediately,

"all military establishments
on the home front

"will give senior
noncommissioned officers

"command training

"with full responsibility
and authority."

There it is.

Hmm... I can't believe this.

This order is insane,
absolutely insane.

It is signed, "Adolf Hitler."

Insane, yet sane.

Excuse me, General.

What does it mean?

All Luft Stalags will begin
command training at once.

Now, who is your senior
noncommissioned officer?

General Burkhalter, I don't
know how to tell you this.

I can't say it.

You're in a lot of trouble.

Ja, lot of trouble.

Do you expect me
to turn over command

of the most escape-proof
P.O.W. camp

in all of Germany to him?

It is so ordered by the Fuhrer.

General, perhaps he didn't
feel so well on that day.

Could you ask him
to change his mind?

Schultz will assume
command at once.

Klink, you will act as advisor.

Hmm... how can I advise a man

who is asleep on his
feet most of the time?

I need a lot of rest.

He even sleeps on guard duty.

It wouldn't surprise me
if someone came along

and threw a horse
blanket over him.

You'll do it, Schultz.

Excuse me, General,
but I'm only a sergeant.

Who should be a private...

in somebody else's army.

There is no choice
in this matter.

General Burkhalter,
I request permission

to write to the Fuhrer directly,

asking him to
rescind this order.

Denied.

I should have that right, sir.

I'm a highly efficient,
well-trained officer.

And I have made a
valuable contribution

to our war effort.

Contribution?

Klink!

Single-handed, you cut
the thousand-year Reich

down to a mere six months.

In fact, we may not
last until Christmas.

Congratulations
there, Kommandant.

Oh, Colonel Hogan, I'm afraid.

I don't know how to command.

Oh, there's nothing
to it, Schultz.

You come on strong, act big.

Bigger than I am?

Well, let's not get
into science fiction.

Look, Schultz... what
are you worried about?

I am not an officer like Klink.

Go on... you're
twice the man he is.

Maybe three times.

Suppose the prisoners
disobey my orders?

I'll guarantee they'll obey.

Schultz, don't you realize
sergeants run every army?

They do? Of course.

You know all the details
of the military operation.

You have all the information.

I have?

Now is your chance to
use that special knowledge.

You're right, Colonel Hogan.

But I'm afraid I can't.

Schultz, remember the
children's story about the train

that came to the big
hill and was afraid?

The train said, "I think I can,

I think I can, I think I can."

And when it got halfway up,

it said, "I know I can, I
know I can I know I can."

Beautiful.

But I'm not a train.

You'll do until one comes along.

Prisoners, achtung!

Report!

All present and accounted
for, Herr Kommandant.

Carry on... Herr Kommandant.

Danke, Herr former Kommandant.

Let's hear it for
bloody old Schultz.

Silence!

The next man who opens his mouth

will get three
days in the cooler.

Any questions?

Commandant Schultz,
I have a question, sir.

Put your arm down.

Forget it.

But you asked for questions.

I didn't mean it.

You will learn in time.

Now, attention...

Prisoners, I am your
new Kommandant.

In case you have
any idea of escaping,

forget it!

I've ordered

the patrols outside
the gate to be doubled

with orders to shoot to kill!

Now... attention!

Dismissed!

Dismissed!

Not bad.

How about that?

Our own private
Kraut has turned on us.

It will be a cold day when I
give him any more strudel.

He's a hard case
under all that blubber.

Colonel, he's ordered
patrols out there.

That means we
can't use the tunnels.

What about Hercules?

London's sending a
plane for him tonight.

How do we get him out of camp?

We don't.

He's right, sir.

We haven't got a chance.

Wait a minute. Hold it, hold it.

You guys give up too easily.

Let me figure something here.

How about...

how about using Schnitzer
and the dog trucks?

That's a good idea. All right.

It might just work.

All right, Baker,
contact the underground.

Tell them to get in
touch with Schnitzer.

Will do.

We'll coordinate it
with the courier plane.

There's more than one
way around a Schultz.

No matter which route
you take, it's a long trip.

We'll take you out
through this tunnel here.

You'll surface under a
doghouse, we raise it,

and you're just a couple
feet from the truck.

Don't worry about the dogs,
we feed them, they're tame.

Colonel, thank
you for your help.

Hercules, if you're ever
in this neighborhood again,

forget it.

Carter, he's here, stand by.

Schnitzer's here, stand by.

You don't have to shout it out
at the top of your voice, do ya?

Schnitzer.

Schultz, what's wrong?

Stay in the truck.

My men will unload the dogs.

Mach schnell.

They're unloading in the
middle of the compound.

It's fouled up! Schultz
has stopped the truck!

It's gone bad, sir. Schultz
has stopped the truck

in the middle of the
compound. They're unloading it.

That tub of lard is going
to put us out of business.

All right, Newkirk,
scrub the escape.

Tell them to close the trap.

Right away, sir.

Baker, try to make contact with
the plane on the radio. Will do.

Hercules, I'm sorry,
you're going to have

to stay a little bit longer.

No charge for the room.

Papa Bear to Cannonball,
Papa Bear to Cannonball.

Condition red.

Package not ready.

Return to base.
Repeat, return to base.

Jawohl, General
Burkhalter. Of course.

Jawohl.

Ja, I checked that.

Ho-ho, of course I checked it.

Ja.

Achtung!

How's it going,
Schultzy, all right?

It is customary to rise

when a commandant
of a Luft Stalag enters,

and to call the
commandant, Kommandant.

Do us a favor, it's only us.

Remember me? I'm
your strudel connection.

On your feet!

Put them on report!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Now, do we understand?

Sure, we understand.

You're heating up
the war, Kommandant.

What are you doing here!

Get out of here!

Get out!

He's everywhere at once.

No matter what we do,

we run up against
that big wall of flab.

He's turned into a flipping
Frankenstein, that's what he is.

No, Schultz is taller,
and a lot heavier.

There's only one consolation:

he'll be back to sergeant
in less than a week.

That's the trouble,
he might not be.

What?

Krauts need officers
on the fighting front.

This could be Hitler's
way of breaking the news.

Schultz?

A commandant permanently?

A possibility, unless we
do something about it.

Like what?

Discredit him. Put
the pressure on.

Make him look bad.

It's just not possible.

With a little bit of
help, it might be.

Help from who?

Help from the one man

who has more to lose than we do,

his miserable life.

Hitler would never
do a thing like that.

No?

Every morning his
horoscope reads,

"Today would be a
good day to send officers

to the Russian front."

I can't believe it.

Just outside Stalingrad,

there's an igloo
with your name on it.

General Burkhalter
would have told me.

Maybe he doesn't know.

They need generals at
the Russian front, too.

I never thought this
would happen to me.

Yeah, that's war.

You might as well just relax.

There's nothing you
can do about it now.

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless there were
a crisis, an escape,

Schultz went all to pieces.

Aha.

That would prove that Schultz
could not command this camp.

Brilliant, brilliant.

I don't know how you
come up with these ideas.

It's amazing. Wait a minute.

You just said an escape.

It would mean pulling the
patrols out of the woods, sir.

Does that mean that
you and your men

would be willing to help?

That's why I'm here.

He's pushing us around, too.

Hogan, you must think
I'm an awful dummy.

Well, let's not get
into that now, sir.

Trying to use me in this crisis

for your miserable escape plans.

Suppose I gave you
my word as an officer,

there'll be no escape?

I wonder if you
really mean that.

Maybe you'd like some
time to think it over, sir.

You can always write to me.

There's still mail
service by way of Minsk.

All right.

Now, we've got to
plan this very carefully.

Yes, yes.

First, pull the patrols
out of the woods.

Me? I couldn't even do that
without Schultz's approval.

Tell him it's by order
of the commandant.

Oh, this is so degrading.

Having to relay orders
of a man like that.

Honestly, I could cry.

I wouldn't do that, sir.

What good is a rusty monocle?

LeBEAU: He's really
calling them off, Colonel.

He means business. That's right!

Baker, get London on the radio.

Ask them to send the plane
for Hercules tonight, if possible.

Will do.

Newkirk, LeBeau,

take him out to the
emergency tunnel

and into the pickup point.

Oui, Colonel.

I hope it works this time.

If it doesn't, we're
in a lot of trouble.

The nice thing about
that, we'd have company.

Report!

Herr Kommandant...

an emergency.

Two prisoners are missing.

What?

Count them again.

I did, three times.

There's no question,
they are gone.

Prisoners Newkirk and LeBeau.

Prisoners!

Achtung!

Prisoners are missing.

Where are they?!

Who is hiding them?!

Two prisoners missing?

Let's find them, fellas.

Two prisoners missing.

They've got to be
here somewhere.

Prisoners are
missing. Keep looking.

Lose something?

Two prisoners.

But don't worry,
we will find them.

Mm-hmm.

In the meantime, I
will have to report it

to General Burkhalter...

Herr Kommandant.

There has never been
a successful escape

from Stalag 13,

Herr General.

And I promise you
we will find these men

no matter how long it takes.

How?

I have no idea.

You don't exactly fill me
with confidence, Schultz.

Me either.

What procedure do
you have in mind?

Well...

first I will...

No, I can't do that.

Ah, and then I
will ask him, uh...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He won't answer.

Of course,

I could... uh...

That sounds brilliant.

I like it.

What do you know
about this escape, Hogan?

Yes, what do you know
about this escape, Hogan?

Absolutely nothing.

We didn't even discuss it

at our last escape
committee meeting.

We have ways and
means of making you talk.

Unpleasant ways.

You've been watching

captured American movies again.

Schultz.

I regret

I must relieve you of command.

Aha!

You will resume your duties

as Senior Sergeant,

and you will again
take over full command.

Jawohl, Herr General.

I will get those men back,
I promise you, and quickly.

I will hold you to that.

Keep me informed.

Well...

these prisoners...

Shut up.

Close, but no cigar, Schultz.

And now, Herr Kommandant...

Achtung, right there.

Come on, Colonel,
take it easy on him.

Silence.

We will now divest you

of your badges of rank.

I think he's trying to tell
you something, Schultz.

And now, the helmet.

There.

That's more like

the Sergeant Schultz

we all know, and love.

Kommandant, I was
just following orders

and advice.

Ja.

And now,

you will follow more orders.

Orders of mine.

You will walk a post

for 12 hours a day
until further notice.

And no more leaves
for the next five years.

The war won't last that long.

We'll extend it if necessary.

I hate to be responsible

for a longer war.

You are already.

Yes, Herr Kommandant.

There.

This chair feels good again.

One spring is broken.

And we know the man capable

of breaking it, don't we?

It will be on your bill.

In addition to the
following items.

14 of my best cigars,

three bottles of red wine,

four bottles of champagne,

and one-half pound of caviar.

What, were you making
pattycakes with it?

Your total

bill, Herr Kommandant,

is 842 marks and ten fennigs.

I will pay it back, sir.

If you live that long.

I will try, sir.

All right, Sergeant Schultz.

Post yourself outside this door

and guard it.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Now, Hogan, I promised
General Burkhalter

I would find those
escaped prisoners.

Where are they?

Before we talk about that,

aren't you being a little rough

on Sergeant Schultz?

That's none of your business.

Well, it would help me

to remember where
the prisoners are,

if you only gave him four
hours guard duty a day.

Impossible.

And if he was eligible

for leave again in a year.

Out of the question.

And if you didn't
charge him full price

for the wine, cigars and caviar.

Request denied. Now,
where are those prisoners?

Request denied. Unless...

Come on, Commandant.

He was only doing his duty.

What do you say, is it a deal?

All right, I have no choice.

Thanks.

Now, where are those prisoners?

Don't worry, they'll turn up.

Hogan.

Have I ever failed you before?

See you later, Mr. Lucky.

Colonel Klink, I cannot
give you my name.

Just say I am a
friend of Stalag 13.

I am at the hauselhorf
in Hammelburg.

There are two strange
men hanging around.

That's all I can tell you.

Heil Hitler.

Amusing, amusing...

Mm.

Uh, Louis, I believe
our ride home's arrived.

I guess we'd better
make it look good.

That's a marvelous idea. Ta-ta.

Thanks, you've been darling.

Take care.

Au revoir.

Stay where you are.

Nobody move.

Stay where you are. Nobody move.

Schultz, what are you doing?

You're liable to hurt somebody.

Now give me that thing

before you do any damage.

See, Schultz?

That's how you
handle a machine gun.

LeBEAU: Come on.

Come on. Don't shoot.

Don't shoot.

I give up. I give up, too.

Ah, there you are.

Take them away.

Colonel,

you've done a thousand
marks worth of damage.

Schultz.

You allowed those
prisoners to escape.

You pay.

A thousand marks? Mm-hmm.

Next time you're a
commandant, Schultz,

you better shop around
for a cheaper war.

And I demand to know

how those two men
got out of the camp.

Well, I guess you'll
find out anyway.

But you won't believe it.

How did they escape?

Pole-vaulted over the wire.

I don't believe
it. Neither do I.

See, I told you, but
that's how they did it.

All right, prove it to me.

Where's the pole?

Satisfied?

You know, I used to
pole-vault when I went to school.

That fence seems a little high.

That's how they did it.

See for yourself.