All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S06E04 Lady Chitterlys Lover Part 1.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.CBS(1)

♪ ♪

What's going on up there?

What's up? Small plane up there.

Engine cut out...
he's going to crash.

Over there.

What do you think, sir?

One of ours or one of theirs?

Let's check it out
through the tunnel.

Come on, let's go.

♪ Deutschland,
Deutschland uber alles ♪

♪ Uber all... ♪

All right, let's get
back to the tunnel.

Halt, who goes there!

G-G-Guards!

G-G-G-Guards!

It's no good, let him go.

Guards!

Comrade, comrade,
I am your comrade!

Halt!

Delighted to see you, dear boy,

and delighted to "bweathe"
the "fwee" air of Germany.

And take me to your
leader, as they say, what?

One of ours or one of theirs?

I think he's one of yours,

and you can have him.

And you are Sir
Charles Chitterly?

Yes, you've heard
of me, of course.

Of course, of course.

Meant to land near Berlin.

Marvelous "bweak"
for you, old chap.

Name will go down in
history, that sort of thing.

What was your name, by the way?

Uh, Klink, Kommandant
Wilhelm Klink.

Two K's, no C. How
terribly odd. However...

And you wish me to...?

Notify Berlin at once,
dear chap, at once.

A-At once. Anyone
special in Berlin?

The top man, Dolph, naturally.

Dolph? Adolph.
"Tewwific" sport, isn't he?

Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

I say, that does have
a "wing" to it, doesn't it?

Top ho. And you will get on
with it right away, uh, uh...?

Klink.

Ah, yes, I'll remember that.

Two C's, no K.

Well?

Oh, the message
is that you are here?

I am here.

Get cracking,
there's a good chap.

Keen sort, your sergeant.

Saved me from those footpads
out there, whoever they are.

Sergeant Schultz,
Your Excellency.

Spelled whichever way you like.

Witty, you are.
A-ha, a-ha, a-ha...

Well, well, well, well, well?

I-I think I have it now.

Tell the Führer
that you are here.

And a "gweat" big kiss
for Eva "Bwaun," what?

A-ha, a-ha, a-ha...

A great big kiss to Eva Braun?

Chitterly. Chitterly.

Wasn't he a member
of the Cliveden set?

I think you're right, sir.

They're the ones that
Rudolf Hess went over to visit.

Now he's returning
the call, but why?

He's as nutty as Hess. Could be.

Hold it, hold it.

Klink got through to Berlin.

Yes, of course,
Herr von Schlomm.

Every courtesy to Sir
Charles. I understand.

Stalag 13 is his
until your arrival.

And not a word to anyone.

I understand,
General von Schlomm.

Not a word.

As surely as my name
is Klink, spelled K-L...

Hello? Hello?

And may I extend
to you, Sir Charles,

the complete freedom of
our modest little prison?

Smashing.

So, he's a pretty big fish.

Yeah, and whatever he's
doing here, it's no good.

What are we gonna
do about it, sir?

How about 26 pounds
of my new formula

set off right under
Klink's office?

Too dangerous and too crude.

Crude? It's nothing
personal, Carter.

It's just that we've got
to go a different way.

Got anything in mind, Colonel?

Nope. You know, except for
the glasses and the goatee,

he looks almost like
Colonel Crittendon.

Oh, not Crittendon.

What, have you gone
around the bend?

Bringing Crittendon?

I'm crude? What about LeBeau?

Now, there's a crude idea.

What idea? What did I say?

About Crittendon...
Boy, is that...

Wait a minute, hold
it, hold it, hold it.

LeBeau is right.

He does look like Crittendon.

That's the way we're
going to have to go.

Oh, no, sir. No,
no, not that, sir.

You think I'm happy
about it Newkirk?

I want you and Carter
to go out tonight,

break in to Stalag 12 and
bring Crittendon back here.

Aw, Colonel, no.

Carter, don't you know
there's a war going on?

I know it now, sir.

LeBeau. Here.

Carter.

Baker. Here.

Carter.

Where is Carter?

Schultz, any truth
to the rumor that

a certain sergeant's
up for a big promotion

because he stands in
very well with a certain VIP?

VIP?

Very important visitor.
Word's all around camp.

My lips are sealed.

Uh-huh.

Carter. Wait, wait,
where is Carter?

You're wasted here, Schultz.

Come on, when are
you going to Berlin?

The thought never
came into my mind,

but should it
happen... tomorrow.

When the brass
arrive from Berlin, huh?

Hitler's right-hand man,

General von, uh,
what's his name?

Von Schlomm.

Yeah. But, shh, top secret.

Uh-huh.

Where is Newkirk?

Uh, bookkeeping.

I understand you saved the
Englishmen from 50 partisans.

Hundred. Mmm, might
make captain for that.

Captain. Yeah, at least.

What time's this
General von Schlomm

arrive from Berlin tomorrow?

Early.

But forget that I told you.

You may even
make major, Schultz.

Major Schultz. Mm-hmm.

Report!

Major Schultz...

I mean, Sergeant
Schultz reporting!

All present and accounted for.

Hogan, this is most irregular.

I mean, I appreciate your men

breaking me out of Stalag
12, but why bring me here?

Prisoner's first duty is to
escape, Hogan, escape!

I escaped 17 times last year.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

You're not answering
my question.

Crittendon, if I knew,
I'd tell you. Fair enough?

Sounds fair enough, yes.

More padding in
the shoulder, hmm?

Right.

Your men threatened
me, Hogan, at gunpoint,

on your orders, they said,
and they're not even officers.

Crittendon,

there's a very important
visitor in camp, British,

Sir Charles Chitterly,

a traitor, and he just
happens to look like you.

My dear fellow,

why didn't you say so?

And you need an expert
to assassinate the traitor.

I'm your man, bing, bang, bing,

and we're all off to
jolly old England, what?

Wrong. I want you to take his
place and carry out his mission.

Most irregular.

What's his mission?

If I knew, I'd tell you.

LeBeau, lots of
medals, huh? Mm-hmm.

I like lots of medals.

Hogan, I refuse...
Unconditionally.

Becoming a traitor,
carrying out a mission

without the foggiest
notion what it's all about?

No, no, no, no, no,
my dear chap. No.

Crittendon, you may be right.

Really? Afraid so.

This thing requires
acting ability.

It's asking too much of you.

But if you could only
give me some sort of a...

Acting?

The quality of
mercy is not strain'd,

it droppeth like the
gentle... gentle, uh...

Forget it,
Crittendon, forget it.

Look, we'll get somebody else.

It's nothing personal,
it's just the way things are.

Oh, no, no, just
a minute, Hogan.

You're being
completely dictatorial.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

And what you may have
forgotten, Hogan, is that I rank you.

Hmm. Can't argue
with that, Crittendon.

LeBeau, shave off
his mustache. Right.

My mustache? It's
all right, Crittendon,

you can always
use it as a goatee.

Decent of you, old boy.

Goatee?!

Okay, Carter, I think
Chitterly's in the bedroom.

You know what to do.

Yes, sir. I find out from
Chitterly why he's here.

Now, if he doesn't
tell me, then I press.

Not too much, 'cause
he might get suspicious.

Now, if he still
doesn't tell me...

Uh, Carter... I
think you've got it.

You're on your own.

Yes, sir.

Ow! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, oh...

Ooh!

So, this is the way you receive

the personal envoy
of the Führer?!

Report!

Kommandant Klink
reporting, General von...

This is General von
Schlomm, isn't it?

Is this the uniform
of the day, Klink?

I'm terribly sorry,
General von Schlomm.

One of my aids should
have awakened me.

But you know how it is.

All the best men
are sent to the front.

That is intended as
some sort of dirty crack?!

Dirty crack? Oh, not
at all, sir, far from it.

Not all the best men,
General von Schlomm.

After all, look at me, sir.

I am looking at you.

Well, General von Schlomm,
the uniform does add quite a bit.

That's enough!

Um... yes, sir.

We understood that the general
was not arriving until this morning, sir.

It is morning, Klink.

1:00 in the morning is morning.

1:00 in the morning
is morning, yes, sir.

2:00 in the morning is morning,

and 3:00 in the
morning is morning,

and remember that, Klink!

1:00 in the morning is
morning... I think I have it now.

Yes, very valuable, too, sir.

And 2:00? 2:00, also, yes, sir.

And 3:00! And 3:00!

Three what, dear boy?

Three what?

Ah, Sir Charles.

General Wolfgang von
Schlomm at your service.

Oh, top ho.

Or as you chaps
say, Heil Hitler.

Heil, Hitler! Very well put.

Heil Hitler.

Klink, we will have schnapps

in celebration of
this glorious meeting.

Schnapps, right away.

Marvelous idea, General.

My very best.

Welcome to the sacred soil
of our victorious Fatherland.

Thanks much.

And what greetings
do you have for me

from those wonderful
people in Berlin?

A great big kiss.

From Eva Braun?

No, from Hermann Goering.

Even better. A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!

Sir Charles, may I?

Sir.

To the complete
and early success

of your glorious mission!

Hear, hear.

Whatever it is.

I beg your pardon?

Y-Your mission.

Your mission.

Dolf didn't tell you?

Dolf?

I mean, the Führer, he
doesn't know himself.

No, his orders
are most explicit.

He said, "Find out what
Crazy Charlie is up to now!"

Those are his exact words?

And very loud, too.

Shocking.

The Führer's well-known
sense of humor, no doubt.

Right, General?

One does not joke
about my mission.

Hitler's known of it for weeks.

So he forgets.

If the mission is
such a crackerjack,

you would enjoy
telling it again.

Call me a
Messerschmitt, General.

I'm going back to England.

You are a Messerschmitt
and you are staying here!

No!

Yes!

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

why don't we all reconsider
this in the morning?

I mean, in the morning morning.

Klink, you will
check your security.

My security?

Mm-hmm. It is
loose. It's very loose.

Very loose.
Excellent suggestion.

As soon as I get
my uniform on, I'll...

Now.

Now, now...
obviously the best time.

And no schnapps on duty.

No schnapps.

I was just about to say that.

Out!

So, Sir Charles,

you still wish to
return to England?

At once, von Schlomm.

It's countries like this

that give fascism a bad name.

Please, step inside the stove.

I most certainly will not.

Apart from anything else,
it's beastly hot in there.

All right, you.

Move it, now.

Beastly people, you Germans.

We're not Germans.

Then it's simply a
beastly "countwy."

Beastly.

You did not see
General von Schlomm

enter my quarters, Schultz, huh?

That is correct,
Herr Kommandant.

I did not see
General von Schlomm

enter your quarters.

You did not see him
enter my quarters, Schultz,

because you were asleep
when he entered my quarters.

No, Herr Kommandant,
I did not close my eyes.

Not once.

I wanted to close my eyes,

but I did not close them.

Then how do you think

the general got
inside, Schultz, huh?

That, Herr Kommandant,
is not for me to say.

General von Schlomm,
Sir Charles, back to report.

All loose security has now
been tightened up and...

General von Schlomm?

Sir Charles?

Schultz! Schultz!

Get in here at once.

What happened, Herr Kommandant?

General von Schlomm
and Sir Charles,

they're both gone.

Uh-huh!

And what is that
supposed to mean?

Merely, uh-huh.

Schultz, please
try to understand.

A few minutes ago,
they were both here.

I stepped outside.

When I came back,
they were both gone.

Where?

Perhaps they went
through the back door?

There is no back door.

Uh-huh. That we can rule out.

Schultz, please,
try to concentrate.

Exactly, Herr Kommandant.

I am not here.

Kommandant Klink's quarters.

Sergeant Schultz speaking.

Uh-huh!

What is it, Schultz, what is it?

The mystery is solved.

General von Schlomm,
Herr Kommandant,

just came through the
main gate into camp

in his staff car.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Wait a minute.

How could he?

How did he get out?

There was no time.

And why?

Details.

Details?

And what about Sir Charles?

Was he with the general?

No, he came alone.

How could that be?

Uh-huh.

Schultz, I swear to you,
I did not touch a drop.

Too bad... delicious.

Schultz!

Bad news.

The real General von Schlomm
just came through the main gate.

Crittendon, you'd
better get up there.

This is most irregular.

And shocking bad form.

Bad form all "awound."

Wait, it gets worse.

Beastly "countwy."

Sound the horn.

Ah! Ah! General von Schlomm.

How very nice to
see you again, sir.

Again?

Of course, General
von... uh, uh...

von, uh... Schlomm?

No.

What is the matter
with you, Klink?

You are Klink?

I certainly am Klink, sir.

But begging the
general's pardon,

who's the general?

Have you been drinking?

Oh, certainly not, sir.

At least not that
I can remember.

I'm General von Schlomm.

You were not expecting me?

Well, yes, and no.

Bring my bag.

That is not General von Schlomm.

Why not?

You saw him. It's
not the same man.

You saw him.

Well, Klink?

Ah, begging the
general's pardon.

This way, please, sir.

Right this way, sir.

Where is Sir Charles?

Ah, very good question, General.

Cuts right to the
heart of the matter.

Where is Sir Charles? Excellent.

I'm waiting.

He's not with you?

No.

No. Where is Sir
Charles, Schultz?

He went, the Kommandant told me,

with General von Schlomm.

Which is rather hard to do

if you realize that
General von Schlomm...

Thank you very much, Schultz.

Oh, not right now,

thank you very much, General.

You will make excellent
cannon fodder, Klink,

for the Russian front.

This is the bedroom?

Oh, yes, but I looked in
there, General, for Sir Charles.

Klink,

in our short period
of acquaintance,

I have come not
to rely desperately

on your powers of observation.

Excellent judgment, General
von Schlomm, excellent.

Now we have found him.

Marvelous job, sir.

Listen, Klink, carefully,

and try to understand, hmm?

I will sleep in there.

Of course, Herr General.

And where do you
want me to sleep?

On your head.

On my head?

In the morning,
Sir Charles and I

will be going to Berlin.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And you will be on
the first train for Pinsk.

Pinsk.

For Pinsk?!

Um, what time will you
be leaving for Berlin,

General von Schlomm?

As soon as Sir
Charles' wife gets here.

Come.

Lady Chitterly's coming here?

In the morning, and
that tears it completely.

Why?

Why? Why?

She'll turn me in as
an impostor, of course.

There's a good
chance of that, yes.

So we cut and run, old boy.

Cut and run.

Sure, and when the Nazis
can't find any Sir Charles...

Who's got to be very, very
important to them... what happens?

They'll tear this place apart.

Ah, but we won't be here.

I'm afraid we will.

We've just been
talking to London.

They're not quite sure
what Sir Charles is up to,

but they want it
stopped at all costs.

All costs, eh? Blast.

Yep. And whatever
it is, she's involved.

She's been in Germany
for the last three months.

If you play your cards right,

we should find out about
the mission from her.

Really? How do I go about it?

Come on. Use your
imagination, Crittendon.

She hasn't seen
you in three months.

When you take her
in your strong arms,

she'll tell you anything.

I'm sorry, Hogan, no.

There are some things

that a British
officer does not do.

Oh, for...

Colonel Crittendon.

Would you like to
see a picture of her?

We found one in
Sir Chitterly's wallet.

Sorry, chaps, but an
officer's moral code is, uh...

is, uh...

All costs, eh?

All costs.

Well, I, uh, I suppose

it is all in the line
of duty, what?

Good lad.

You're, uh, quite sure

you should stay here, Hogan?

We went over that, Crittendon.

Well, dash it all,

a man needs a certain
amount of privacy

if he's going to, uh,

well, uh, carry it off, what?

You'll get it.

What if she doesn't
believe you're her husband?

You'll also need a
certain amount of help.

Jolly good point.

Now, just how do you
propose to help me?

I haven't the foggiest.

I say, that's a bit thick.

Thank you, General,

I think that will be all.

As you wish, Lady Chitterly.

They're here.

And how about some champagne?

I have several bottles

of a rather amusing little year.

Klink.

Of course. Of course.

Uh, uh, come in.

Charles.

Darling.

Hey!

I say, by jove, I
mean to say what?

I'll take that.

Who are you?

Never mind that.

Von Schlomm may be
here in a couple of seconds.

Just tell me... were
you trying to kill him

because he is your husband

or because he
isn't your husband?

Because he...

No...

No, you're not Charles, are you?

You're just as glad, too,

with all due respect,
your ladyship.

Lady Chitterly,

Sir Charles, are you all right?

I heard sounds, shouting.

Well...

Well, I thought it
was rather strange.

How terribly quaint.

Now, where is he?

We're holding him.

Why were you trying to kill him?

Because he's a filthy traitor.

What's he doing in Germany?

Sir Charles wants
England to surrender.

He's here to take
back Hitler's terms.

A few crumbs from the table
and Charles and his crowd

will press for
acceptance, loudly.

England would never buy it.

No, but it could hurt.

All right, Lady Chitterly,

we don't have time to
check out references,

but we all seem to be
going the same way.

Will you work with us?

On two conditions.

One, that you give
me back my knife.

Two, that in the end,
you give me back Charles.

Agreed.

I've got work to do.

I'll check with you later.

You're not leaving, Hogan.

Sure, you need your privacy.

Hogan!

Talking to London, Baker?

Right, Colonel. What's the word?

They got any great ideas?

Just play along and
see what turns up.

See what turns up?

We got poor Crittendon up there

playing house with a tigress,

Hitler waiting for him in Berlin

with a great big kiss,

and London says
see what'll turn up?

What do they think will turn up?

How about total disaster?

You'll think of
something, Colonel.

Sure.

I say, you chaps.

I'm sorry, sir.

He keeps on nagging

about wanting to see his wife.

Not only wanting
it, demanding it.

Hogan, by all the
"wules" of warfare,

I have every
"wight" to expect...

You know something?

You open your
mouth one more time

you will see your wife.

What an extraordinary fellow.

I can't follow a word he says.