All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S06E03 Klinks Masterpiece.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.CBS

♪ ♪

Ah, this awful war...

when will it all end?

When can you and I be just
a man and woman again?

When will these lips be able
to say what's in my heart?

Do you have any salt?

You have quite a
line, Colonel Hogan.

I'm just keeping in
practice for after the war.

Don't worry, you'll
never lose your touch.

Mm-hmm.

You know, if everybody
in the Underground

were as pretty as you,

the Nazis would
be fighting to join.

Come to the point, Colonel.

Why are we meeting here?

Well...

supplies and materials are
being shipped by truck convoy

along three different
routes to Hamburg.

Once they get to the
depot, we can't do anything.

Why?

There's an SS
panzer division there.

So the Underground has
to knock off the convoys

before they reach Hamburg.

That means three
different attack groups.

And they've got to
operate independently.

Mm...

I think it can be handled.

What are the truck routes?

We'll pass that
information along to you

as soon as we hear
from our contact.

In the meantime,

we do know the convoys will
be on the road next Monday.

Right, but we will
have to be careful.

I think the Gestapo
is watching me.

They've been dropping
by the art gallery?

No more than usual,

but I think it would be best
not to take any chances.

So...

When you want to
arrange a meeting,

send me the
message with Alberta.

You know, it's too bad
Alberta isn't a parrot,

then she could tell
you the message.

What if the Gestapo caught her?

You're right.

They have ways of
making anybody talk.

LeBEAU: Yeah, that's a cute one.

Yeah.

Very nice.

Well, that just looks like
an ordinary pigeon to me.

That's where you're
wrong, Carter...

That's a highly
trained bird. It is?

Sure. Not only is it trained
to deliver messages,

but if it's captured... Yeah.

It immediately swallows them.

Aha!

I caught you!

This I'm going to tell
Kommandant Klink.

You are supposed to be
outside doing your exercises!

Ah, come on, Schultz,

it's so dull doing those
same old exercises.

What kind of exercises
would you like to do?

How about swimming
across the English Channel?

Very funny! Very funny!

Raus mit Euch!

Everybody out, out, out, out!

Out into the yard...

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

What was that?

What was what?

I didn't hear anything.

That.

You all heard this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
sure we heard it,

didn't we, fellows?

We certainly did.

Yeah. Yeah.

I did hear it!

So did we, Schultz.

Now tell me exactly
what it is we heard.

Carter.

Hi.

Hi.

Come off it.

Uh-huh.

And may I ask you...

why you were hiding this?

It's obvious, Schultz...

There isn't enough for company.

Company?

How many people do you think

a little bird like
that would feed?

Even with the rice.

And the potatoes.

You're going to cook it?

LeBeau has a special
recipe for squab Lorraine.

But it's such a little bird.

Well, we were going
to fatten it up first.

I'll tell what
we'll do, Schultz.

We'll save you a leg.

And a wing.

Uh, yeah... but, uh, uh...

It's a deal, Schultz.

Don't tell anybody else, huh?

Of course not.

There's not enough to go around.

Out!

Let's go, everybody...

Here is a report on
prisoner-of-war camps.

We have the only perfect
record of no prisoner escapes.

Hmm. I'll have to tell
the men, they'll be thrilled.

But we have the lowest mark

in voluntary prisoner activity.

In Stalag 12, they
do basket weaving.

At Stalag 8, they
have camp shows.

In Stalag 15, they
have developed

a championship Ping-Pong team.

Now, here at Stalag
13, the men do nothing.

Why is that?

Well, maybe the men feel

it's a full-time job being
a prisoner of war, sir.

Nonsense, Hogan.

Now I want you to order the men

to do voluntary
activity of some kind.

All right, I'll tell
them right away.

Huh, that's interesting.

Yeah, it tells a
lot about you, sir.

Oh, that's only
some scribblings.

It's not scribbling,
it's a doodle.

A doodle?

It's the scientific name for it.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Tells a lot about you.

For instance, see the way

you draw these
straight lines here?

It shows you have a
strong, forceful character.

Yes.

And these circles
show imagination

and the ability to think
through difficult problems.

Amazing.

Of course, I could be
wrong. Oh, no, no, no.

You've hit it right on
the head. Go on. Yeah.

Well, you see the way

you join your
straight lines here?

That shows you have a
strong sense of justice,

but with a sense of
mercy and understanding.

Remarkable.

Mm-hmm.

It's as though you've
known me all my life.

Hogan, you will please see to it

that the men engage in
some voluntary activity, huh?

Uh-huh.

Or it'll be the cooler
for everybody.

Hi, Schultz.

What's this? What's going on?

Oh, didn't Carter
give you the message?

Nobody gave me a message.

Well, he's outside
looking for you...

LeBeau cooked
the squab Lorraine.

All this from one little pigeon?

Well, we were 12
children in my family,

so I learned to stretch things.

Oh...

Help yourself.

Mmm.

Mmm... delicious!

Here, Schultz.

Don't let Klink catch
you eating with us, huh.

Mmm...

Mmm...

Hey, what was the holdup?

We had to eat the
chicken, didn't we?

Schultz was here.

Boy, are we glad to get this.

Baker, contact the Underground,

tell them we'll deliver
the convoy routes

to the art gallery
in town tonight.

Right, Colonel.

Wait a minute.

Something wrong?

Our contact at
staff headquarters...

what's his job there?

Janitor.

Can I have some chicken?

This seems to be
coming along pretty nicely.

Yup, we might make it.

Forget about "might," we will.

Achtung!

What's going on here?!

Merely acting on
your suggestion, sir.

What suggestion?

You said to get
the fellows engaged

in some voluntary activity,

and I've got them working on

sort of a jigsaw puzzle here.

I tore up some old maps.

You call that an activity?

Would you rather see them

digging tunnels, sir?

Don't even say that.

That belongs here.

Und this one belongs hier.

You guys are very good.

You want me to tear
up more paper, sir?

Don't bother.

Hogan, this way.

What's up?

I, uh...

would like to get
your reaction to this.

What did you call
it, a... a doodle?

I did it this morning.

I'll give it a look
first chance I get, sir.

Mm-hmm.

Langenscheidt.

Langenscheidt, this
is for the prisoners...

Find some other way
to amuse yourself.

All right, let's get on with it.

How's it going?

I wouldn't have
believed it, Colonel,

but we're just about finished.

Good.

Get the pigeon out of tunnel,

we'll send a message to Rhona.

Uh-oh.

Here comes Klink.

All right, go on, I'll
keep him occupied.

Right, sir.

Hogan? Colonel.

Did you look at that thing?

What thing?

You know, the doodle I gave you.

Oh. yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, I, uh...

I haven't finished, sir,

it's not easy, it's very
deep, complicated.

Duck!

That was close,
just outside of camp.

That's your air force.

Those barbarians
bombing their own prisoners.

Take it easy, Colonel,
that's a German plane.

Impossible.

Now, why would a German
plane drop a bomb here

instead of enemy territory?

For one thing, it's safer.

Dismissed.

What happened?

Relax, fellows, it
was a German plane.

He had a bomb
hanging from his rack.

He dropped it, undoubtedly,
so he could land.

Bad news, fellows.

The tunnel? Yeah.

It's caved in.

All the way from the
radio room to the exit.

Oh, fine.

The men are digging it out now.

Take about two weeks.

At least Alberta's safe.

Hey, great.

LeBeau, take a message.

"Have the leaders of the
three attack groups meet us

"Sunday night
at the art gallery.

We'll have convoy
maps for you then."

Sir, if we can't use
the escape tunnels,

how are we going to
get the maps to them?

I haven't a clue.

Colonel Hogan?!

You don't know what's going on.

The plane that dropped
the bomb was one of ours.

Now why would he
drop a bomb here

of all places?

Nobody knows.

Some more...
squab Lorraine, huh?

Why do we even try to
hide anything from him?

Let him see it, Carter.

Look how fat this
one is, Schultz.

Feel him.

Now look what you did, Schultz!

Boy!

I did nothing. Nothing!

Yeah, you did,

you knocked him
right out of my hand!

Now you'll have to catch him.

Catch it?

How can I catch it?

It's gone.

How do you think we
catch them, Schultz?

With a mating call.

Mating call?

Like this.

You try it.

Coo. Coo. Coo.

Aha, that's it, Schultz.

Now, while she's still around.

Don't let her get away.

Don't waste any time.
Go ahead, Schultz.

I'm going back to my room
to do some serious thinking

about how we can get
those maps to the art gallery.

Hey, something to think...

Nah, that's ridiculous.

Still, it might...

Nah, never.

I think it'll work.

It's crazy.

But you're going
to try anyway, right?

I have to.

Where'd I put that
doodle Klink gave me?

The what-le?

I was standing in the barracks

and I threw it
in the... trash...

No, I put it in my pocket.

Lieutenant Griner, do you know

how actually close
that bomb came to me?

You are running
a sloppy operation.

And what's more, I...

What?

Tell it to your uncle,
Field Marshal Gutmann?

Lieutenant, that
won't be necessary.

All we have here is prisoners,

so what possible
harm could there be?

Sorry I even
bothered you with it.

Yes, sir.

Yes, Lieutenant Griner, yes.

What do you want, Hogan?

Sir, I've been looking
at your doodle.

I'm not interested.

Why didn't you tell
me you studied art?

I did not.

Oh, come on, you
probably studied for years.

Paris, I'll bet.

Now, don't tell me you
can see that in the doodle.

That isn't a doodle;
that's a work of art.

Really?

Oh, sure, you can see the
influence of Matisse and Gauguin,

but where they left
off, you've gone on.

Aren't you exaggerating
just a little bit?

Look for yourself.

It does have kind of a...

sweep to it, doesn't it?

Sure... and see where the lines,

how they've indicated a mood?

And here... see for yourself...

How powerfully you've indicated

the infinity of space
with just two circles.

That's exactly
what I had in mind.

Why don't you
let me keep it, sir?

Naturally, I'll pay you for it.

Price, no object.

It would be like
selling my own child.

I don't blame you, sir.

You know, you
won't believe this.

I did this while talking
on the telephone.

No.

Oh, yes.

There's something
else you won't believe.

When I was a boy at school,

my teacher told
me I had no talent.

No.

Yes.

Well, they used to say the
same thing to Rembrandt.

No. Yes.

Well, I can see you're
in a creative mood,

so I won't keep you, Maestro.

Oh... "maestro."

Just one other thing, sir. Yes.

Long after the Field
Marshal Gutmanns

are gone and forgotten,

art lovers will still
be talking about you.

Colonel!

Colonel Klink!

Here, uh...

Brought you a
little present, sir.

A present for me?

Your canvas, sir.

Hogan, I told you I can't paint.

Can a bird fly? Can a fish swim?

I wouldn't know how to begin.

Go ahead, sir.

If you can't do it,

I'll be the first to tell you.

You know me... brutally frank.

Go ahead, sir.

Go on.

I don't know what to do.

You put your thumb
through here, sir.

Bravo.

Follow your instinct.

It won't let you down.

Oh!

Beautiful, beautiful.

Um... try to control
yourself, LeBeau.

It's so beautiful,
I... I can't help it.

It's a natural reaction.

Finding such beauty in the
squalor of a prison camp.

Hogan, is this really good?

Oh... ho...

It's another one of your
character traits, sir... modesty.

Do you realize what
you've done here?

The line, the
coloring... Breathtaking!

I just painted what I felt.

Mm-hmm.

True sign of a genius, sir.

Go ahead.

This time, I think
I'll use a lot of blue.

Ah.

Ah, thank you.

This is something you'll be able

to tell your children,
fellas, after the war.

Yep, the maestro is
going into his "Blue Period."

Well, Schultz, what
do you think, huh?

I think it is too much...

Nobody wants your opinion!

Too much what?

I don't know.

It's just too much.

Schultz, you are so
stupid, I feel sorry for you.

Now just look at
this painting closely.

What do you see?

I don't know.

It is a painting of the wind.

Nobody can paint the wind.

Well, of course not.

But you can see
what the wind is doing.

Just notice how
everything is bending over.

It's the wind.

Don't you see that, Schultz?!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

That's a painting of the wind.

Don't let me disturb you, sir,

but I just had to come
to watch you creating.

Oh, that's exquisite.

Absolutely charming.

People praying.

No, it's the wind.

Everything bending
over with the wind.

Oh, I knew that.

What I meant was
that's people praying

that you continue painting
for years and years.

Yep.

Is something wrong, Hogan?

I'm sorry.

I didn't want you to stop, sir.

No, what is it? What is it?

Oh... oh, it's silly.

Forget it.

No, I insist that
you tell me, please.

Well, I know that
you're a genius,

and you know that
you're a genius,

but the real test

of acceptance of
your work is, will it sell?

Will a collector think enough
of your paintings to buy?

I see what you mean.

Yeah.

Now, if I were you...

But you're the artist.

I shouldn't tell you what to do.

No, go on, tell me.

All right, remember, you asked.

Well, I'd go into
town, tonight, say,

take three paintings...
No more than that,

so they'll think there isn't too
much of your work around...

I'd take it to the art
gallery and offer it for sale.

That would be the test I'd make.

That's a very good idea, Hogan.

I'll do it.

I'll take these three paintings.

Yeah, there's no
doubt in my mind

that it'll be snapped
up right away.

But an artist can't be collected
until his work has been seen.

Oh, I'd love to
look at their faces

when you show them your work.

Oh, you will, Hogan.

You know, without you, I would
never have known that I was a painter.

You will come to town with me.

I'll just go and change.

Thank you, sir.

It's Hogan.

Colonel Klink, the prison
commandant, is with him.

We'd better get out of here.

It could be a trap.

Oh, what's the matter with you?

You know Hogan wouldn't
bring Colonel Klink here

if it was going
to cause trouble.

Wait in the next room

until I can find out
what this is all about.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Ah! Good evening.

I am Colonel Klink.

This is Colonel Hogan.

Now, let's not waste any time.

I'm here to sell
some of my paintings.

A simple yes or
no is all I want.

Oh, Colonel, please.

That's not the way it's done.

Will you let me handle this?

The colonel, as an artist,

naturally, is very
temperamental.

We realize, as an art gallery,

you don't buy paintings,

but you come in contact
with collectors who do.

Yes, but naturally, I would
have to see the paintings

before I could recommend them.

Well, naturally. Oh?

Schultz!

Schultz!

Uh... uh...

Uh... uh... very... interesting.

That's all?

Just interesting?

Schultz!

Put the paintings
back in the car.

Oh, wait a minute,
Colonel, please.

Just a minute.

She loves them,

but if she shows any enthusiasm,

she thinks you'll
raise the price.

That's the way they all work.

Hogan, this is all new to me.

I'm an artist.

What do I know about business?

That's why I want you to
let me handle it, please.

Uh... I want you to understand,

these aren't just
ordinary paintings.

They're not for the average
person who buys just anything.

This is for the person

who maps his buying
with an eye to tomorrow.

Do I make myself clear?

Perfectly.

And I happen to
have three "collectors"

here right now, who I
think might be interested.

Let me get them.

Well, that's it, sir.

I'm not sure I want to sell.

You've got to.

Otherwise, you'll never know

whether you're a
success or failure.

All right.

These gentlemen are
well-known collectors.

I've urged them to
buy your paintings.

I'll take this one.
How much is it?

Uh, a hundred marks.

All right, thank you.

All right, I'll take this one.

That'll be...

150 marks.

Well, that leaves
the best for you.

You'll notice...

I'll take it.

For that one, I want 300 marks.

300?!

You think it's too much?

Um...

No.

I'll pay it.

I've changed my mind.

This painting is not for sale.

You can't do that.

I'm doing it.

Maestro, you're
making a big mistake.

You can't afford to
antagonize a collector.

He can't hurt me.

That's exactly what Leonardo
da Vinci once said to a collector.

That's why it took him ten years

to sell the Mona Lisa.

Really, you can't make
an enemy of an art patron.

But I want to
keep this painting.

All right, then charge
him 500 marks.

I'm a good judge
of human nature.

He won't go that high.

You can have the painting,
but it'll be 500 marks.

All right.

Two, three, four...

Hogan, you said
he wouldn't pay it.

I guess I'm not such a
good judge of human nature,

but look at all the
money you got.

Why didn't I know
about this before?

I'll bring you 30 or 40 more
pictures by the end of this week.

In fact, I'll bring you
that many every week.

Oh, Schultz, stop these men.

Stop them, stop them!

What's the matter, sir?

Hogan, you should know
that better than anyone else.

I forgot to sign the paintings.

Ah! I am so glad you
brought the paintings back.

Yes, I had to go
to a lot of trouble.

I would like to know
what this is all about.

In a moment, in a moment.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

What happened to the convoys?

Boom!

You see, Hogan thought...

I mean I thought... that I would
not have to sell the paintings.

In fact, I would be willing
to pay for getting them back.

At a profit to you, of course.

All right, that will
be 3,000 marks.

3,000 marks.

That's an outrage!

Not for original
Klinks, Colonel.

I have no doubt that
your pictures will be

as valuable one day as
Gauguin or Van Gogh's.

Coming from an expert,
that sounds wonderful.

3,000, hmm?

One, two, three.

Thank you, Maestro.

And thank you, Colonel Hogan.

Bitte.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Wiedersehen.

Wiedersehen.

Did you hear that, Hogan?

My paintings will sell for the same
price as Van Gogh or as Gauguin.

You won't get that.

But she just said...

She said they
would be as valuable.

Gauguin and Van Gogh starved.

It wasn't until after
they were dead

that their works
became priceless.

Why, that would means
I would have to die first.

Uh-huh.