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1
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♪ Play it how I may ♪
2
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:58,056
♪ I was made that way ♪
3
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♪ Can't help it ♪
4
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:07,132
♪ Men cluster to me ♪
5
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:12,036
♪ Like moths around a flame ♪
6
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:16,592
♪ And if their wings burn ♪
7
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:22,631
♪ I know I'm not to blame ♪
8
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♪ Falling in love again ♪
9
00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:33,158
♪ Never wanted to ♪
10
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:38,030
♪ What am I to do ♪
11
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:43,535
♪ Can't help it ♪
12
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:48,540
♪ Can't help it. ♪
13
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,464
I'm so glad you could come.
14
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:03,555
Fine, now what's the
message from the underground?
15
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,123
Let me get out of here.
16
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,202
You hated my act.
17
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,926
No, I didn't hate it,
but this place looks
18
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,596
like they're holding a
Gestapo convention.
19
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,299
All the other men are
crazy about my act.
20
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,836
Lily, I wouldn't risk my
life to see Gypsy Rose Lee.
21
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,221
Where's she playing?
22
00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:21,640
At her burlesque
house in New Jersey.
23
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,195
If that's the kind of
girls you want to see,
24
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,172
then why don't you
go down the street
25
00:02:26,196 --> 00:02:27,207
to the Can-Can Club.
26
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,797
Lily...
27
00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:30,531
haven't you forgotten something?
28
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,532
What?
29
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,034
A message from the underground.
30
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,146
Please sit down.
31
00:02:43,046 --> 00:02:45,213
The Gestapo is
going to get a list
32
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:47,649
with the names of all of
our underground people...
33
00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:49,067
Including you and your men.
34
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:50,696
How are they going to do it?
35
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,022
It is to be delivered
to Major Hochstetter
36
00:02:54,057 --> 00:02:55,757
by a traitor in the underground.
37
00:02:55,793 --> 00:02:56,925
He's a double agent.
38
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,159
When?
39
00:02:58,195 --> 00:03:02,030
I do not know; I am to
receive more information later.
40
00:03:02,065 --> 00:03:04,049
You, uh... better go now.
41
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:06,745
What, and miss your next show?
42
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,220
You do not have to
stay for me, Colonel.
43
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,356
Lily, I lied to you.
44
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,392
You did?
45
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,694
I would risk my life
for Gypsy Rose Lee.
46
00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:20,916
Would you, um... like me to sing
47
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,851
something special for you?
48
00:03:22,886 --> 00:03:26,754
Yeah, but I am afraid
I won't be able to stay.
49
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:33,879
Colonel Klink.
50
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,314
He has been making a
play for me every night.
51
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,460
You're kidding.
52
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:40,318
He has the finesse
of an octopus.
53
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:41,687
With a monocle.
54
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,799
Yeah, well, good luck.
55
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,222
I'll see you later.
56
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,631
Guess who.
57
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,033
Count Dracula.
58
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:57,335
Colonel Klink.
59
00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,171
Well, I was close.
60
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:15,515
Hey, anybody talk
to Colonel Hogan
61
00:04:15,539 --> 00:04:17,083
when he came back last night?
62
00:04:17,107 --> 00:04:18,640
No, he came back awfully late.
63
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,487
If you had a rendezvous
with Lily Frankel,
64
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,821
would you come back early?
65
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,445
I wouldn't come back at all.
66
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,048
Once I'd like to meet a
woman in the underground
67
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,360
who looks like Lily Frankel.
68
00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:28,928
The last underground woman I met
69
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:30,497
looked liked she
could play tackle
70
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:31,886
for the Chicago Bears.
71
00:04:31,922 --> 00:04:32,887
Who was that?
72
00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,856
Aw, that agent from Holland.
73
00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:36,969
She did play tackle
for the Chicago Bears.
74
00:04:36,993 --> 00:04:38,004
That was Dutch Croneburg.
75
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,028
Oh.
76
00:04:39,063 --> 00:04:41,696
Well, I guess I may
as well take her name
77
00:04:41,731 --> 00:04:43,281
out of my little black book.
78
00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:45,411
Hi, fellas.
79
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:46,401
Hi. Good morning, Colonel.
80
00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:47,480
How was it last night?
81
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:48,882
Just another death-
defying adventure.
82
00:04:48,906 --> 00:04:50,884
What did Lily Frankel
have to tell you, Colonel?
83
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,785
I'm afraid I got
bad news for you.
84
00:04:52,809 --> 00:04:54,358
She's married.
85
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,127
No, not that bad.
86
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,679
Just the Gestapo's about to
wipe out our whole operation.
87
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,048
You're kidding!
88
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:01,610
How'd they find out?
89
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,667
They haven't yet,
90
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,535
but a double agent's
going to deliver
91
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,138
a list of all the underground
people to Major Hochstetter.
92
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,541
And our names are
at the top of the list.
93
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,842
What are we going to do?
94
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,795
I suggest we plan a mass escape.
95
00:05:13,831 --> 00:05:14,796
Right.
96
00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:16,964
What, and leave all this?
97
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,233
Colonel Hogan?
98
00:05:18,268 --> 00:05:19,979
Schultz, haven't you
ever learned to knock?
99
00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:22,604
I'm sorry, but I have very
bad news for you, boys.
100
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,917
That's all right, Schultz,
been a day of bad news.
101
00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:25,907
What is it, Schultz?
102
00:05:25,942 --> 00:05:27,392
All you boys have to leave.
103
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,227
We know that, what else is new?
104
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,228
Carter.
105
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,357
What do you mean, Schultz?
106
00:05:31,381 --> 00:05:33,815
The prisoners of Barracks
Two have to double up
107
00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,450
with the prisoners
of Barracks Five.
108
00:05:35,486 --> 00:05:37,063
Hey, hold on, Schultz.
109
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,486
Those are my orders.
110
00:05:38,522 --> 00:05:40,199
They bringing in new
prisoners, Schultz?
111
00:05:40,223 --> 00:05:42,324
No, but the Gestapo
is rounding up
112
00:05:42,359 --> 00:05:43,858
all the underground agents.
113
00:05:43,893 --> 00:05:46,728
We are not going to give
up our barracks for civilians.
114
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,729
Yeah, he's right.
115
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,275
Put those draft
dodgers someplace else.
116
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:51,076
I'm going to have
a word with Klink.
117
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,953
You have to wait
until he wakes up.
118
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,033
He's still asleep at 11:00?
119
00:05:57,057 --> 00:06:00,125
When you dance the
night away with Lily Frankel,
120
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,361
you need all the
rest you can get.
121
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,291
I don't have to
answer to you, Hogan.
122
00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:06,481
Dismissed.
123
00:06:06,516 --> 00:06:08,294
If you weren't the playboy
of the Western world,
124
00:06:08,318 --> 00:06:10,263
the Gestapo wouldn't
be pushing you around.
125
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,620
Look, Hogan, I just got a
call from General Burkhalter.
126
00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:13,788
Already I'm in hot water.
127
00:06:13,823 --> 00:06:15,268
Why don't you
put your feet in it?
128
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,702
You must be pretty
tired from all that dancing.
129
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:18,593
Oh, please, Hogan,
don't make jokes with me.
130
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,495
I've got General
Burkhalter on one side,
131
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:21,874
Major Hochstetter
on the other side
132
00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:23,431
and I'm right in the middle.
133
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,987
Doing the Peabody
with Lily Frankel.
134
00:06:26,569 --> 00:06:28,014
Klink, have you
ordered the prisoners
135
00:06:28,038 --> 00:06:29,115
out of Barracks Two?
136
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,649
We were just
discussing that, Major.
137
00:06:30,673 --> 00:06:32,518
What are you doing
discussing Gestapo orders
138
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,686
with a prisoner?
139
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:36,044
I was not discussing it
with Colonel Hogan at all.
140
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:37,590
Actually, the conversation
had just gotten around
141
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,813
to Colonel Klink's dancing.
142
00:06:38,848 --> 00:06:42,217
Do you do the Peabody, Major?
143
00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:43,479
The Peabody?
144
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,052
Dismissed, Hogan.
145
00:06:45,088 --> 00:06:47,989
Get him to tell you
about Lily Frankel.
146
00:06:48,024 --> 00:06:50,925
What about Lily Frankel?
147
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,922
You mean you haven't
told Major Hochstetter?
148
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,262
Hogan, dismissed!
149
00:06:54,297 --> 00:06:55,313
Please.
150
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,349
Hogan, where are you going?
151
00:06:58,384 --> 00:06:59,429
I've been dismissed.
152
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,668
By him, not me.
153
00:07:00,704 --> 00:07:02,921
Believe me, Major,
there is nothing to tell.
154
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,823
I have spent a
couple of evenings
155
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,960
with the lovely, charming
and talented Lily Frankel.
156
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,274
Who happens to be in
love with Colonel Klink.
157
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,831
Hogan, you're going too far.
158
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:16,167
Let's just say that she
has a mad crush on me.
159
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,103
She does?
160
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,548
Which is strange
because the rumor is
161
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,184
she goes for Gestapo men.
162
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,573
She does, huh?
163
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,388
Yeah... every year she
sends Himmler a valentine.
164
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,444
She does...
165
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,129
Hogan, please.
166
00:07:28,164 --> 00:07:31,566
Klink, you and I have
an engagement tonight
167
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:35,303
with the lovely, charming
and talented Lily Frankel.
168
00:07:35,338 --> 00:07:37,806
See you at 7:00, ja?
169
00:07:37,841 --> 00:07:38,940
At 7:00.
170
00:07:39,509 --> 00:07:41,443
Heil Lily!
171
00:07:41,478 --> 00:07:43,778
Uh... Hitler.
172
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,433
Hogan, why do you hate me?
173
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,680
Hate you, Colonel?
174
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,137
It's not enough that
I'm caught in the middle
175
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,383
between Burkhalter
and Hochstetter,
176
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,574
but now you're
destroying my personal life.
177
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,187
Ah, I wouldn't worry about it.
178
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,211
Hogan, you don't understand.
179
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:03,548
The lovely, charming and
talented Lily Frankel and I
180
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,551
are on the verge
of a... a relationship.
181
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,130
Hochstetter's no match for you
182
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,399
when it comes to romance.
183
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,624
You know, you're right.
184
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:17,061
I keep forgetting how
attractive I am to women.
185
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,296
Yeah.
186
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,111
Okay...
187
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,913
Kinch... you, Carter
and Newkirk will use
188
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,048
the tunnel under Barracks
Five for your escape.
189
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,038
Got you.
190
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,818
LeBeau, you and I will go out
191
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,252
through the tunnel
under Barracks Nine.
192
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,787
There you are, sir.
193
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,022
We got enough dynamite here
194
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,356
to blow up the ruddy camp.
195
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,225
Yeah, and I know just
where to place the stuff.
196
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,249
Don't tempt me.
197
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,183
I would love to put
one stick of dynamite
198
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,451
under Klink's quarters.
199
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,431
He's not there... he and
Hochstetter are in town
200
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,099
dancing their feet
off with Lily Frankel.
201
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,502
We'd better work fast before
they get back. You're right.
202
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,771
All right, Newkirk, you and
Kinch start wiring the dynamite,
203
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,506
Carter starts the timers,
LeBeau, watch the window.
204
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,495
LeBEAU: Right!
205
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,811
Here you go.
206
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,082
Schultz is coming!
207
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,438
All right, put it all away.
208
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,143
The fuses.
209
00:09:07,397 --> 00:09:08,641
What are you doing?
210
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:11,232
It's the last place anyone
would look for dynamite.
211
00:09:15,706 --> 00:09:16,905
Hi, Schultz.
212
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,785
If you're making a bed
check, we're all here.
213
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,319
I just wanted to be sociable.
214
00:09:20,343 --> 00:09:21,888
Just because you're
a social democrat,
215
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,656
you don't have to be social.
216
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,645
Very funny.
217
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,998
Cigar, Colonel Hogan?
218
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,177
Oh, congratulations, Schultz.
219
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,646
I didn't know your
wife was expecting.
220
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,968
Expecting?
221
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,438
I borrowed them from
Commandant Klink's office.
222
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:37,358
He and Major Hochstetter
are in town dancing.
223
00:09:37,394 --> 00:09:40,628
They could get arrested
for that, even in Germany.
224
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,748
Not with each other.
225
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,901
With Fräulein Lily Frankel.
226
00:09:46,936 --> 00:09:48,286
Who's minding the store?
227
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,854
The SS troopers.
228
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:50,922
SS troopers?
229
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,068
Yeah.
230
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,619
They're taking over
from our guards.
231
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:56,394
See for yourself.
232
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,431
He's right... SS
men on the gate.
233
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,393
They're also up
in the guard tower.
234
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:02,828
Yeah, and they're standing guard
235
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,246
outside the fence
near Barrack Five.
236
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,988
And they're having a
meeting at Barracks Nine.
237
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,368
Schultz, Klink
can't let the Gestapo
238
00:10:08,392 --> 00:10:09,569
take over this camp.
239
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:11,575
There's nothing
he can do about it.
240
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,128
Well, I'm going to go
see the general... Schultz!
241
00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:15,129
What's the matter?
242
00:10:15,164 --> 00:10:16,692
I wanted to throw the
match into the stove.
243
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,461
That's the one
place you can't put it.
244
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,318
But it's freezing cold in here!
245
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:21,964
We've got to
keep it cool in here.
246
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,566
LeBeau's making icebox cookies.
247
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,590
Icebox cookies?
248
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,591
Are they good?
249
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,292
They're dynamite.
250
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,744
Dynamite.
251
00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:31,090
Yeah. Come back in an hour,
252
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:32,647
we'll have coffee
and cookies, huh?
253
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:34,059
I'm going to have
icebox cookies.
254
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:35,683
Yeah, thanks for
the cigar, Schultz.
255
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,832
Well, we can forget about
going out through the tunnels.
256
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,133
What's wrong with trying
257
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:43,068
to overpower the SS
guards at the fence?
258
00:10:43,092 --> 00:10:44,191
I don't know about you,
259
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,660
but their cannons
and machine guns
260
00:10:45,695 --> 00:10:47,995
always take the
fun out of it for me.
261
00:10:48,031 --> 00:10:49,764
It was such a good plan.
262
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,865
It's all Klink's fault.
263
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,734
If he wasn't in town
dancing every night,
264
00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:53,862
the Gestapo couldn't take over.
265
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,220
Ain't it marvelous?
266
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,788
Every officer in Germany
wants to be Erich von Stroheim
267
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,141
and we wind up
with Fred Astaire.
268
00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:08,327
Colonel Hogan.
269
00:11:08,351 --> 00:11:09,317
Is Lester Lightfoot in?
270
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:10,318
Yeah.
271
00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:12,220
Is he in a good mood?
272
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:14,901
Does that answer your question?
273
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,358
He must have had a big
night on the dance floor.
274
00:11:17,393 --> 00:11:19,571
I think he's having
taps put on his boots.
275
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:22,780
Come in, come in.
276
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,149
Got a minute, Colonel?
277
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,428
For you, Hogan, anytime.
278
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,686
You certainly seem on top
of the world this morning.
279
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,566
Oh, yes, and I
owe it all to you.
280
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,501
Me, sir? Oh, if
it weren't for you,
281
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,470
Major Hochstetter would
never have gone with me
282
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,860
to see Lily Frankel.
283
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,328
I take it he wasn't
any competition.
284
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,474
Competition?
285
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,176
She couldn't keep
her hands off me.
286
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,666
It's nice to know you
haven't lost the old magic, sir.
287
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,046
Oh, you should have been there.
288
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,469
I danced every dance with her,
289
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,916
while Major Hochstetter
was sitting there
290
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,823
with sauerbraten on his face.
291
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,675
Well, you could have asked Lily
to dance with him at least once.
292
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,227
Hogan, you don't understand.
293
00:11:53,262 --> 00:11:55,663
The man can't dance.
294
00:11:55,699 --> 00:11:57,565
You're kidding.
295
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,568
Confidentially, I've never
seen a Gestapo man that could.
296
00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:02,203
Oh, they're great
goose-steppers,
297
00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,904
but nothing on the dance floor.
298
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,083
Yeah.
299
00:12:05,107 --> 00:12:07,908
Uh, how's Hochstetter
taking all this?
300
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:10,077
He is consumed with jealousy.
301
00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:11,890
Is that why he
took over your camp
302
00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:12,880
with his guards?
303
00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:14,281
Only temporarily.
304
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,282
Hogan, have a cigar.
305
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:16,601
Oh, thank you, sir.
306
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,956
I suppose you have another
date with her tonight, huh?
307
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,557
Would, uh... Fred miss
a night with Ginger, huh?
308
00:12:23,593 --> 00:12:26,394
You know, sometimes it's
smart not to see them every night.
309
00:12:26,429 --> 00:12:27,512
It keeps them guessing.
310
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,947
Other men can play
that game; I can't.
311
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,182
Why not?
312
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,718
The last time I missed
a date with a woman,
313
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,665
it took two
policemen and a priest
314
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:38,356
to talk her out of jumping.
315
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,216
I thought I heard
a dog truck coming.
316
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:58,175
You did... here it comes now.
317
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,257
You sure you don't want me
to come with you, Colonel?
318
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,631
It's better if only
one of us goes.
319
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,045
Go on, Heidi.
320
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,479
Heidi, please go, go.
321
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:19,794
That a girl.
322
00:13:28,758 --> 00:13:31,158
Keep a bone burning
in the window for me.
323
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,277
You took a chance,
Colonel Hogan.
324
00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:51,645
The place is swarming
with Gestapo and SS men.
325
00:13:51,681 --> 00:13:53,892
I know, but we've got
to have more information
326
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,094
about this double agent.
327
00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:56,963
He is coming here tomorrow
night to meet Hochstetter.
328
00:13:56,987 --> 00:13:57,952
Does he know him?
329
00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:00,721
No, he's expecting
me to point him out.
330
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,734
All right, we've
got to act fast, Lily.
331
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,870
Call Hochstetter; tell him
you want to go dancing
332
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:05,860
with him tomorrow night.
333
00:14:05,895 --> 00:14:06,994
But he cannot dance.
334
00:14:07,029 --> 00:14:08,162
I know that.
335
00:14:08,197 --> 00:14:09,547
For you, he'll learn.
336
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,432
How is that going to help?
337
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:14,752
While he's taking six lessons
from Madame LaGrange
338
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:18,088
for his date with you,
I'll be meeting the agent.
339
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,591
What about Klink?
340
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,791
Break the date.
341
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,805
Tell him you've got
to be with Hochstetter.
342
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,395
I do not know what's worse,
343
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,497
an evening with a
man learning to dance
344
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,400
or one with a man who
will never learn to dance.
345
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,814
Klink is not dazzling
you with his footwork?
346
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,840
Just pray that Germany
falls before my arches.
347
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,275
Lily, I promise you,
348
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,188
this is your last
dangerous assignment.
349
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,924
From now on, simple things,
350
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:45,299
like blowing up
bridges, derailing trains.
351
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,685
I'm not complaining.
352
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,354
It's just that I prefer dancing
353
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:53,107
with someone I'm attracted to.
354
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,226
Anyone I know?
355
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,143
Yes.
356
00:14:56,178 --> 00:15:00,030
He's someone very close to you.
357
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:01,832
What's this?
358
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:02,950
What's what?
359
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:05,470
A blonde hair.
360
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,254
Oh, it must be from Heidi.
361
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:09,790
You go from one
girl to the next.
362
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,825
Oh, you'd like Heidi.
363
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:12,004
I'm sure I would.
364
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:14,428
Oh, yes, she's got big,
beautiful brown eyes,
365
00:15:14,463 --> 00:15:18,065
cute little nose, great
legs, all four of them.
366
00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:19,466
I am not interested...
367
00:15:21,871 --> 00:15:23,048
All four of them?
368
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,773
Mm-hmm... and she likes bones.
369
00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:31,112
Get out of here.
370
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:39,153
Good luck.
371
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:46,605
May I speak with Major
Hochstetter, please,
372
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,612
at Gestapo headquarters?
373
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,335
Colonel Klink,
374
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,031
may I see you a minute, please?
375
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,688
Hogan, we are on
an inspection tour.
376
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,335
Well, it'll just take
a second, Major.
377
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,669
May we borrow
your phonograph, sir?
378
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,387
Why would you want to
borrow my phonograph?
379
00:16:02,411 --> 00:16:03,995
Klink, how can you
discuss this nonsense
380
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,629
when we have
important work to do?
381
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,182
Madame LaGrange is giving
dance lessons in the barracks.
382
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,317
She needs some music.
383
00:16:09,352 --> 00:16:10,251
Madame LaGrange?
384
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,069
You have a lady
in your barracks?
385
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:14,906
Actually, LeBeau was Madame
LaGrange before the war.
386
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,052
Had a string of dance
schools across France.
387
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,543
Really?
388
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,677
You know, walk in, dance out.
389
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,707
Of course you can
have my phonograph.
390
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,800
Always happy to have
others share the joy of dancing.
391
00:16:25,835 --> 00:16:28,246
It's a pity you haven't
mastered the art, Major.
392
00:16:28,270 --> 00:16:29,550
After you, Colonel.
393
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,359
Arrest Corporal LeBeau in
Barracks Two for interrogation
394
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,862
and bring him to the
cooler immediately.
395
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:43,762
They come for LeBeau?
396
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:45,797
He's sitting in the
cooler right now.
397
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:48,533
Good. The Gestapo just picked
up the phonograph from me.
398
00:16:48,557 --> 00:16:49,601
The plan's working... beautiful.
399
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,736
Yep... I got to
get back to Klink.
400
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,072
Colonel, are you
sure Hochstetter's
401
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,474
going to get LeBeau
to teach him to dance?
402
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:58,632
Carter, I have never been
as sure of anything in my life.
403
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,512
Well, I wish I
was that confident.
404
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,669
You would be... if
you saw Lily Frankel.
405
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:09,843
Gin.
406
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,849
Wait outside.
407
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:18,319
You're wasting your
time, Major Hochstetter.
408
00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:20,854
You're not going to
get anything out of me.
409
00:17:22,192 --> 00:17:23,669
I haven't asked
you anything yet.
410
00:17:23,693 --> 00:17:24,825
All you're going to get
411
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,494
is my name, rank
and serial number.
412
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:27,573
And a dancing lesson.
413
00:17:27,597 --> 00:17:29,380
A dancing lesson?!
414
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,599
And if you ever tell anyone...
415
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,752
I will have you kept in
this cooler for a year.
416
00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:35,881
Under the Geneva Convention,
417
00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:37,988
I don't have to
teach you to dance.
418
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:40,102
Take your choice,
eh... Waltz, fox-trot
419
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,486
or shot as an escaping prisoner.
420
00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,247
Fox-trot.
421
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,099
Wise choice.
422
00:17:51,854 --> 00:17:53,632
We can't dance to this one.
423
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,722
Why not?
424
00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:56,402
"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"?
425
00:17:56,426 --> 00:18:00,794
It's not only the wrong
tempo, it's the wrong war.
426
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,691
Can I see you a minute, Colonel?
427
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:03,748
Dismissed, Hogan.
428
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,549
Very important, sir.
429
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,817
Look, I cannot be bothered
430
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:06,951
with your trivialities.
431
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,731
Did you know that
Hochstetter arrested LeBeau
432
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:09,965
and is holding him prisoner?
433
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:10,855
We're all prisoners.
434
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:11,789
You too, sir?
435
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,991
I'm a prisoner of love.
436
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,871
Oh, how long are you in for?
437
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,462
Let's not make light of it.
438
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:18,563
Lily Frankel called me
439
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,832
and broke a date with
me for Hochstetter.
440
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,845
Is that as important as the fact
441
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,313
that he's interrogating
one of your prisoners?
442
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,770
Surely you're jesting.
443
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:28,200
What does General Burkhalter
have to say about this?
444
00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:29,506
You don't think I would tell
445
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,686
General Burkhalter
about Lily Frankel?
446
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:33,093
I mean about Hochstetter
taking over your camp.
447
00:18:33,129 --> 00:18:34,361
Hogan, I'm not going to have
448
00:18:34,396 --> 00:18:35,840
General Burkhalter
involved in this.
449
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,649
You're right, knowing how
the general hates the Gestapo,
450
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,085
probably come here and
throw Hochstetter in the cooler
451
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,160
and ruin his evening.
452
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:43,671
Hogan, don't tell me
453
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,618
what you think General
Burkhalter will say...
454
00:18:45,642 --> 00:18:47,552
He does hate the
Gestapo, doesn't he?
455
00:18:47,576 --> 00:18:49,560
That way LeBeau'd be out,
456
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:50,928
and you'd be in town
457
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,443
dancing your way
into Lily's heart.
458
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,203
Get me General Burkhalter.
459
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,126
Ah, General Burkhalter,
how very good to see you.
460
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:15,152
Klink, why are the SS
guards around the camp?
461
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,765
Well, you see, Major
Hochstetter insisted...
462
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,489
Major Hochstetter...
463
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:21,659
Who gives the orders
here, he or you?
464
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,572
I give the orders here, sir...
465
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,873
with minor exceptions.
466
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:28,733
Klink, I want you to
replace the Gestapo guards
467
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,835
with your own
guards immediately.
468
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,880
Yes, sir, right away.
469
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:32,870
Schultz!
470
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:33,937
Yes, Herr Kommandant.
471
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,212
See to it that all
the Gestapo guards
472
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,853
are replaced by our
guards immediately.
473
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,376
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
474
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:41,144
May I say so, Herr Kommandant,
475
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,013
I'm glad that Major Hochstetter
476
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,816
is not pushing you
around anymore.
477
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,217
You may not say so.
478
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,886
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
479
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,655
Nice to see you again, General.
480
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,891
I wish I could say
the same, Hogan.
481
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:56,660
I want to talk to you
in your office, Klink.
482
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,640
Major Hochstetter still
hasn't released LeBeau, sir.
483
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:01,364
Major Hochstetter has
one of your prisoners?
484
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,432
That's right, General.
485
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:04,702
He's got LeBeau in
the cooler right now.
486
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,287
Who knows what kind
of torture he's giving him?
487
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:13,077
I am sorry, LeBeau,
I did not mean this.
488
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,391
All right, all right,
let's try it again.
489
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,695
This time you lead.
490
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,752
Now, you hold this hand
491
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,355
and you put your
other hand on my hip.
492
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,958
Must I put my hand on your hip?
493
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,104
If you think I'm going to dance
494
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,872
cheek-to-cheek with
you, you're crazy.
495
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,163
Ja...
496
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,965
all right...
497
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,232
all right.
498
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,479
Now, you start
with your left foot.
499
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:38,469
Yes.
500
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,303
Left, right!
501
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:40,838
Left, right.
502
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,222
Right, left.
503
00:20:42,258 --> 00:20:44,358
How am I doing, LeBeau, huh?
504
00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:45,226
Not too bad.
505
00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:46,993
Good.
506
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,175
I can hardly wait to see
507
00:20:50,199 --> 00:20:51,843
the look on Klink's face
508
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:54,307
when he sees me
dancing with Lily.
509
00:20:56,305 --> 00:20:57,971
May I cut in?
510
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:02,226
The next dance will
be yours, General.
511
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,341
General!
512
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:09,483
Guard, release this
man from the cooler.
513
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,551
Arrest Major Hochstetter.
514
00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:13,320
On what charge?!
515
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:17,091
Dancing with a prisoner, Major.
516
00:21:17,126 --> 00:21:18,126
Ja, uh...
517
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:26,979
I think you're in trouble, Fred.
518
00:21:27,003 --> 00:21:29,323
Hochstetter looked pretty good.
519
00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:32,973
This is to inform you
520
00:21:33,008 --> 00:21:35,342
that Major Wolfgang
Hochstetter is under house arrest
521
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,444
at Stalag 13.
522
00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:40,614
Now, we are aware that there
is nothing in the regulations
523
00:21:40,649 --> 00:21:43,016
that specifically
covers this case,
524
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:45,152
with the exception
of Article 2b,
525
00:21:45,187 --> 00:21:49,974
section three, paragraph two,
"Dancing with Another Officer."
526
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:52,977
Klink, you've got
to be more specific.
527
00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:56,113
You know Berlin wants
every detail in a report.
528
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,227
You're quite right, General
Burkhalter, quite right.
529
00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:03,453
Place of dancing, the cooler;
name of song, "Melancholy Baby."
530
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,500
General, do you
remember who was leading?
531
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:08,092
I think it was LeBeau.
532
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:10,638
Didn't Major Hochstetter
have his hand on LeBeau's hip?
533
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:13,830
You are right, Klink;
LeBeau was following.
534
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:16,166
Put down, Major
Hochstetter was leading...
535
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:18,113
and, uh, quite
badly, I might add.
536
00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:21,738
Headquarters is not
interested in your opinion.
537
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:22,706
Yes, sir.
538
00:22:22,741 --> 00:22:23,640
Strike the last.
539
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,975
You may go, Fräulein Hilda.
540
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,155
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
541
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,380
And now, General Burkhalter,
542
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:30,747
if you will excuse me.
543
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:32,995
Where are you going, Klink?
544
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,152
I have a marvelous
evening in town planned.
545
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,331
Forget it.
546
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,671
But General Burkhalter,
547
00:22:37,707 --> 00:22:40,407
I have an engagement
with a beautiful fräulein.
548
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:43,226
Which would you prefer, Klink:
549
00:22:43,262 --> 00:22:45,563
an engagement with
a beautiful fräulein
550
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:48,265
or a chess game with a general
551
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,851
who can transfer you
to the Russian Front?
552
00:22:56,225 --> 00:22:58,325
White for you, sir?
553
00:23:03,198 --> 00:23:10,070
♪ Poverty... may come to me ♪
554
00:23:10,105 --> 00:23:13,807
♪ That's true... ♪
555
00:23:13,843 --> 00:23:18,478
♪ But what care I? ♪
556
00:23:18,514 --> 00:23:22,666
♪ Say, I'll get by ♪
557
00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:27,421
♪ As long as I ♪
558
00:23:27,456 --> 00:23:32,059
♪ Have you... ♪
559
00:23:39,435 --> 00:23:41,435
How did you like my number?
560
00:23:41,470 --> 00:23:43,148
I think our friend just arrived.
561
00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,771
You hated it.
562
00:23:44,806 --> 00:23:45,772
I loved it.
563
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:47,140
Do you really mean it?
564
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:50,861
I swear on a stack of
Jeanette MacDonald records.
565
00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:56,533
Excuse me, fräulein,
566
00:23:56,568 --> 00:23:59,036
but have you seen Major
Hochstetter this evening?
567
00:24:05,127 --> 00:24:06,794
Would you like a beer?
568
00:24:06,829 --> 00:24:08,061
No, thank you.
569
00:24:08,096 --> 00:24:10,613
I must be leaving this
place as soon as possible.
570
00:24:10,649 --> 00:24:13,300
We've arranged for the
Gestapo to protect you.
571
00:24:13,335 --> 00:24:14,835
Good.
572
00:24:17,005 --> 00:24:18,005
Good.
573
00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:22,292
Auf Wiedersehen.
574
00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:23,607
Wiedersehen.
575
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:28,999
Miss Frankel, would
you care to dance?
576
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:30,851
I would love to.
577
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,686
This may be our last dance.
578
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,888
I'm to leave for
England in an hour.
579
00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:49,920
You dance beautifully, Colonel.
580
00:24:49,955 --> 00:24:51,388
Why not?
581
00:24:51,424 --> 00:24:54,625
I took six lessons from
Madame LaGrange.
38435
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