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1
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:17,576
Boy, there are a lot of
guards and dogs out tonight.
2
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,877
I wonder why.
3
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,813
Well, it ain't Be Kind
to Animals Week, mate.
4
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,014
If they find LeBeau,
5
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,250
I sure hope it's Be
Kind to Prisoners Week.
6
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,718
They won't catch LeBeau.
7
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,323
Not back yet?
8
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:32,924
Maybe he didn't make contact
9
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,071
with the agent, Colonel.
10
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,360
Carter, Newkirk, out the tunnel
11
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,695
in case LeBeau needs cover.
12
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:37,763
Yes, sir.
13
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,698
That agent has
enough information
14
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,101
to make or break the
Allied landing in France.
15
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,347
I guess that makes
it worth the risk.
16
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,472
Kinch, the only thing
that's important is victory...
17
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,441
Even though you may have
to sacrifice three good men.
18
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,642
Yes, sir.
19
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,855
And if they're not
back in 15 minutes,
20
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,491
we're going out to get them.
21
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:55,780
Right.
22
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,010
Hello, hello...
23
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,878
I didn't know the
pubs were open.
24
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,837
Boy, the Colonel has sure
been worried about you.
25
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:21,540
Our agent was very nervous;
I thought we'd relax a minute.
26
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:22,740
You go ahead now.
27
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:25,426
Uh, do you mind if
we relax with you?
28
00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:27,173
Sorry, only have two glasses.
29
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:28,742
Well, I'll drink
out of her glass.
30
00:02:28,766 --> 00:02:29,998
A girl as pretty as that,
31
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,332
I'd drink out of her shoe.
32
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,067
What girl?
33
00:02:32,136 --> 00:02:34,414
I guess he means me.
34
00:02:34,438 --> 00:02:35,970
How about that?
35
00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:37,572
We've been together
for four hours.
36
00:02:37,641 --> 00:02:40,492
That's the first time I
realized she's not a man.
37
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,826
Really?
38
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,395
Go on...
39
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,744
Oh, he's lovely.
40
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,013
Two more minutes,
41
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,682
we call off the whole mission.
42
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:48,483
I'll notify London.
43
00:02:48,552 --> 00:02:49,552
All right.
44
00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:54,367
Oh, Colonel?
45
00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:55,757
Mm-hmm?
46
00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:58,260
Now I know what took so long.
47
00:03:01,231 --> 00:03:03,298
LeBEAU: Colonel
Hogan, Kristina Gerald.
48
00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:04,932
I'm very happy to meet you.
49
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:05,900
She's Danish.
50
00:03:05,969 --> 00:03:07,302
I love your pastry.
51
00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:09,871
I'm afraid I have
bad news, Colonel.
52
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,056
What's that?
53
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,319
The underground courier
system has been broken.
54
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:14,676
Oh, great.
55
00:03:14,744 --> 00:03:17,412
We've got agents in
Paris, Cherbourg, Le Havre,
56
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,942
Brussels, Amsterdam,
just waiting for these plans.
57
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,811
And they've got to have
them by the weekend.
58
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,380
I was told that you
would think of a way
59
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,418
to distribute them.
60
00:03:24,488 --> 00:03:25,698
Yeah, with all
these guards around,
61
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:27,166
I also have to think of a way
62
00:03:27,190 --> 00:03:28,451
to get you out of this camp.
63
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:30,520
Well, you shouldn't have
to strain yourself, Colonel.
64
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,777
You just think of a way
65
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,423
of getting those
plans all over Europe,
66
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,974
and I'll think of a
way of getting Kristina
67
00:03:34,998 --> 00:03:36,281
out of the camp.
68
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,043
I'm bound to come
up with something
69
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,567
in, oh, two or three months.
70
00:03:58,305 --> 00:03:59,871
Can't send the plans by radio.
71
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,751
An interception could
wreck the whole invasion.
72
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,320
How do you like my croissants?
73
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,276
LeBeau...
74
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,822
The underground
courier system is out.
75
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,324
How do you like my croissants?
76
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,880
LeBeau, do you mind?
77
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,082
The only way is
to send the plans
78
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,651
by hand to all locations,
79
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,219
but that means risking five men.
80
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,798
How do you like my croissants?
81
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:16,955
Would you please tell him
82
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,023
so we can get on
with World War II?
83
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,092
Mmm, I loved them.
84
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,426
I always say
85
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,740
if you can lift 'em,
you can eat 'em.
86
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,498
And I say that's no way
to talk to Betty Crocker.
87
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,800
And I say I'm not
inviting either of you
88
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:29,968
to my dinner tonight.
89
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,137
Carter, I thought
90
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,039
you were supposed to
announce our guests.
91
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,118
Sorry, Colonel.
92
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:39,077
Announcing Sergeant
Hans Schultz.
93
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,079
LeBeau, I knew you were baking.
94
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,197
Oh, it was driving me crazy.
95
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:44,866
You can have one, Schultz.
96
00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:46,215
There's nothing like
97
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,914
the smell of garlic bread, huh?
98
00:04:47,938 --> 00:04:49,270
Garlic bread?!
99
00:04:49,339 --> 00:04:50,883
Ahh, you've struck
a nerve, Schultz.
100
00:04:50,907 --> 00:04:52,552
I was only joking, LeBeau.
101
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:54,387
Give him the croissant
so he can leave.
102
00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:56,544
You're going with me;
103
00:04:56,613 --> 00:04:58,453
Colonel Klink wants to see you.
104
00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:06,154
Who's he?
105
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,388
Oh, him?
106
00:05:07,457 --> 00:05:09,524
He's an old buddy of
mine from Stalag 23,
107
00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:11,225
just came over for a
home-cooked meal.
108
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,429
Jolly joker.
109
00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:16,932
You should tell your
buddy to cut his curls.
110
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,266
Yeah, okay, Schultz.
111
00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:19,851
Just a moment!
112
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,389
Well, if we're going to
dance, I want to lead.
113
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,991
We are not going to dance.
114
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,060
Oh, what a shame...
I do a mean waltz.
115
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,409
You waltz?
116
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,909
In Hammelburg, they call me
117
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,667
Die Glitterzehe.
118
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,946
What's that?
119
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,738
Das ist "Der Twinkletoes."
120
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:41,956
You? "Twinkletoes"?
121
00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:48,847
Twinkletoes, they're
playing our song.
122
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,760
The music drives my feet crazy!
123
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,929
Hey, Schultz, we
better get over to Klink's
124
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,365
or you're going to be
waltzing in your snowshoes.
125
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,099
You're so right, Colonel Hogan.
126
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,523
♪ Auf Wiedersehen... ♪
127
00:05:58,592 --> 00:05:59,941
♪ Auf Wiedersehen... ♪
128
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,876
Whew!
129
00:06:03,847 --> 00:06:06,192
May I, uh, have
this dance, please?
130
00:06:06,216 --> 00:06:08,583
Music, maestro, please.
131
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:14,017
I'm very disappointed
in you, Schultz,
132
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,952
frisking me, of all people.
133
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:16,976
Colonel Klink's orders.
134
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,577
I know nothing.
135
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,523
Hi, Hilda... Is our
fearless leader in?
136
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,827
He's waiting for you.
137
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,693
Would you want
me to strip, Schultz?
138
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,095
I may be carrying a
Luger in my shorts.
139
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,119
Jolly joker.
140
00:06:30,707 --> 00:06:33,608
Looks like I walked in on
an Edgar G. Robinson movie.
141
00:06:33,677 --> 00:06:35,577
Come in, Hogan, come in.
142
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:38,024
Mind telling me what
this is all about, sir?
143
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,464
General Burkhalter's orders:
144
00:06:39,516 --> 00:06:41,950
Guards of prisoner-of-war
camps will be doubled
145
00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:45,003
and all commandants are
to have personal bodyguards.
146
00:06:45,055 --> 00:06:47,135
That's why you brought
in Baby Face Nelson.
147
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:48,657
In the past week,
148
00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:50,625
two POW commandants were shot,
149
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:52,994
Colonel Bergdorf of Stalag Nine
150
00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:55,480
and Colonel von
Runkel of Stalag 12.
151
00:06:55,532 --> 00:06:58,083
And General Burkhalter
figures you're next, right?
152
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,052
I am not concerned in the least.
153
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:06,758
I suppose Schultz frisked
me looking for candy bars.
154
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,293
I am just doing this
155
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,894
to humor General Burkhalter.
156
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,763
Why would you want to shoot me?
157
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,042
You're right, you're right...
158
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,711
Nobody'd want to knock you off.
159
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,679
Beside, von Runkel
had it coming.
160
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,853
He did?
161
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:21,173
He refused to give the
prisoners white bread.
162
00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:23,642
Hilda!
163
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,311
Jawohl, Kommandant?
164
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,324
Double the ration of white
bread for all the prisoners.
165
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:31,199
Jawohl, Kommandant.
166
00:07:31,268 --> 00:07:32,567
How long do you think
167
00:07:32,636 --> 00:07:35,014
prisoners are going to
put up with a commandant
168
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,649
who steals their
Red Cross packages?
169
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,707
Oh, I'm... glad you
mentioned that, Hogan.
170
00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:39,868
What's that?
171
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,921
I was holding this for
you for safekeeping.
172
00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:43,228
Sure you were.
173
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,646
If I don't watch them,
174
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,848
these guards will
steal everything.
175
00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:48,133
Not you, Hans.
176
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,501
Dismissed!
177
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,238
Hogan...
178
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,273
the reason I sent for you...
179
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:58,143
And I'm not
afraid... Just tell me:
180
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,323
What do the prisoners
really think of me?
181
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,213
What do we think of you?
182
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,214
Now, be honest:
183
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,893
What are they saying about me?
184
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,023
Took the words
right out of my mouth!
185
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,372
Dis... missed.
186
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,667
Colonel...
187
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,173
where did you get this clock?
188
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,275
What's the matter
with the clock?
189
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,677
I knew it... it's a boobytrap.
190
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,923
Wait... it's not a boobytrap.
191
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,515
It just may be a rare antique.
192
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:38,883
Antique?
193
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,796
Yeah, my mother
was an antique dealer.
194
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,431
This could be one of those
195
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,800
famous Hammelburg cuckoo clocks.
196
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,491
Well, as a matter of fact,
197
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,259
this clock did come
from Hammelburg.
198
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,661
No...
199
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,009
If you don't mind, sir,
200
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,408
I'd like to authenticate it.
201
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,464
How?
202
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,334
Well, first I have
to look at the bird.
203
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,602
The bird?
204
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,437
Uh-huh.
205
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:00,438
Well?
206
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:01,439
Uh-huh...
207
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,441
Um, Colonel...
208
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,154
I'll give you $25 for it.
209
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,111
Twenty-five dollars?
210
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,613
All right, 35.
211
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:13,117
Hogan, you are
wasting your time.
212
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,986
All right, my top offer, $50.
213
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,755
This is a family heirloom.
214
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,169
$50 and I'll throw in
the Red Cross package.
215
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,527
For such a rare clock?
216
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,040
My final offer, $100...
Take it or leave it.
217
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,466
$100 and the Red Cross package.
218
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,745
It's a deal.
219
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,603
Yeah, I...
220
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,505
only wish I could get
another one just like it.
221
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,906
Thank you, Hogan.
222
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,975
You'll be very
happy with that clock.
223
00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:42,831
And some people say
224
00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:45,219
you wouldn't give
them the time of day.
225
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,902
See you later, Colonel.
226
00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:54,208
Herr Kommandant, uh...
227
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,489
what is he doing with
your cuckoo clock?
228
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,913
I sold it to him for $100.
229
00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:01,616
A hundred dollars?
230
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:04,096
In Hammelburg, they
sell it for ten marks,
231
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,164
which is three dollars...
232
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,555
Shh! Not a word about
that to Colonel Hogan.
233
00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:09,924
Oh, I'll say nothing.
234
00:10:09,993 --> 00:10:11,793
A hundred dollars?
235
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:15,730
And they wonder why
they're losing the war.
236
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,153
Well, no Gypsy violins?
237
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,656
We thought in honor of our guest
238
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,585
we would have a
candlelight dinner, Colonel.
239
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,787
Well, I don't mind, but, uh...
240
00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:30,490
how come Carter's the lucky one?
241
00:10:30,514 --> 00:10:32,125
I'm just the lead-off man, sir.
242
00:10:32,149 --> 00:10:33,909
Yeah, you see,
Colonel, we drew lots.
243
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,428
I have the appetizer with her.
244
00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:36,562
And I get the salad.
245
00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:38,146
And I sit down for the entrée.
246
00:10:38,188 --> 00:10:39,487
And she gets me for dessert.
247
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,599
That sounds fair.
248
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:41,967
I think it's a delightful idea.
249
00:10:41,991 --> 00:10:44,337
It's a shame we ran
out of courses, sir.
250
00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:45,826
Oh, that's all right.
251
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,940
I'll go along with her when
she walks off the dinner.
252
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,175
Where'd you get that, sir?
253
00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:51,277
Oh, I bought it
from Klink for $100.
254
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,367
A hundred dollars?
255
00:10:52,436 --> 00:10:54,335
That looks like the ones
they sell in Hammelburg
256
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,437
for ten marks.
257
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:56,849
Yeah, but it's a
good investment.
258
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,051
I'm going to put Klink
259
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,555
in the cuckoo clock business.
260
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,546
A hundred dollars?
261
00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:06,859
That clock isn't the only thing
262
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,323
around here that's cuckoo.
263
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,934
Come in, come in.
264
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:27,936
You sent for me, Colonel?
265
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,437
Yes, Hogan.
266
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:33,974
Don't tell me you found
267
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:36,544
another one of those
rare old cuckoo clocks, sir.
268
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:40,098
Don't ask me how,
but I managed to do it.
269
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,150
That certainly
looks authentic, sir.
270
00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:44,785
Go see for yourself...
Check the bird.
271
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:48,156
Uh-huh... uh-huh...
272
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,323
Uh-oh...
273
00:11:49,392 --> 00:11:50,324
What's the matter?
274
00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:51,325
It's phony, sir.
275
00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:52,394
What do you mean?
276
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,506
Look at the bird.
277
00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:55,811
His eyes are too close together.
278
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,465
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
279
00:11:57,534 --> 00:11:58,966
The eyes are close together.
280
00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:01,515
Come to think of
it, so are yours, sir.
281
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,540
Schultz? Schultz?!
282
00:12:09,078 --> 00:12:10,178
Herr Kommandant?
283
00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:11,757
Bring in the other clock.
284
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:13,497
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
285
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,146
You've got another clock, sir?
286
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,203
Hogan... I was just testing you.
287
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,640
I know that's not
a rare old clock.
288
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,776
Oh, you're foxy.
289
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,288
All right, Schultz,
290
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,872
bring it in, bring it in.
291
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,150
Thank you.
292
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,753
Thank you very much, Schultz.
293
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:35,754
There we are.
294
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,856
Now, check this bird.
295
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:42,493
Well, well?
296
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,062
Mmm... huh?
297
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,565
Yeah, yeah, that's...
298
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,113
that's a genuine antique
Hammelburg cuckoo bird.
299
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,170
I knew it, Hogan;
it's in the eyes.
300
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,050
Yeah. Well, here's
your hundred dollars, sir.
301
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,875
Never mind; this
clock is not for sale.
302
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,722
You're cruel, sir, taunting
me with that rare antique.
303
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,679
Since you were kind enough
304
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,782
to let me know how
valuable they are,
305
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,568
I have decided to go into
the cuckoo clock business.
306
00:13:06,636 --> 00:13:07,652
You're kidding.
307
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,487
I know where I can lay my hands
308
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,400
on 50 such clocks,
and I'm sending them
309
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,707
to an antique dealer in Paris.
310
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,025
Wrong.
311
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,027
I should do wonderful business
312
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,162
with so many German
tourists there now.
313
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,142
Give me back my
hundred dollars, sir,
314
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,700
and I'll tell you how
to do a better business.
315
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,568
Hogan, I do not
need your advice.
316
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,016
All right, just trying
to give you the benefit
317
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,384
of my mother's 30 years
in the antique business.
318
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,541
All right.
319
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,978
If you have a very good
idea, I'll give you $50.
320
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,558
A hundred dollars and my
Red Cross package back.
321
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,016
All right.
322
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,395
All right, now, the first
rule in rare cuckoo clocks
323
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:41,764
is not to flood the market.
324
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:42,687
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
325
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:44,466
What you do is send one clock
326
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,168
to an antique
dealer in each city.
327
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,491
Yeah, yeah. What cities?
328
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:48,926
Yeah, let's see now...
329
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,496
Paris, Le Havre, Cherbourg,
Brussels and Amsterdam
330
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:53,709
are best for antiques.
331
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:54,844
Then you just sit back
332
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,679
and wait for the
reorders to roll in.
333
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,202
Hogan, that's a very good idea.
334
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,882
Always leave them
wanting more, sir.
335
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,139
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
336
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,174
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Kommandant.
337
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,210
General Burkhalter's car
just came through the gate.
338
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,422
General Burkhalter
is coming here?
339
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:08,746
Ja.
340
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:09,992
It's best that
Burkhalter doesn't know
341
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,326
you're in the cuckoo
clock business, sir.
342
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,249
You're right, Hogan.
343
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,763
Schultz, take the
clocks out of my car
344
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:15,064
and put them in the supply room.
345
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,431
Wrong! The guards
will steal them there.
346
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,354
No offense, Schultz.
347
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,322
Hogan, you're right again.
348
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,324
Take them and put
them in my quarters.
349
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,294
No, better yet, put them
in the guest room closet.
350
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,642
Yeah, yeah.
351
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:27,993
Schultz, I'll take
four more clocks
352
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,450
to the barracks with me.
353
00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:30,696
Why four more clocks?
354
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,120
Check the eyes in the birds.
355
00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:34,166
If they're authentic, I'll
have Hilda send them out
356
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:35,123
with the next courier.
357
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,201
Very good, Hogan,
358
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:37,225
very good.
359
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,078
You clumsy oaf!
360
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:44,249
Is he a clumsy oaf to
show respect for an officer?
361
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,195
No, General Burkhalter,
I was just afraid
362
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,564
he might have dropped
the box on your foot.
363
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,516
Out with the box, Schultz.
364
00:14:52,742 --> 00:14:54,074
What is in that box?!
365
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,443
Colonel Klink just passed
out the Red Cross packages.
366
00:14:56,513 --> 00:14:59,358
If von Ronkel had done
it, he would be alive today.
367
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,633
And so would Hesselrote.
368
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:02,811
Hesselrote?
369
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,486
He got it yesterday
at Stalag 23.
370
00:15:05,555 --> 00:15:07,121
Aw, you don't have to worry.
371
00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:09,490
No one would try to
knock off Colonel Klink.
372
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:11,191
They won't get a chance.
373
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:13,227
By the time I leave tomorrow,
374
00:15:13,295 --> 00:15:15,663
this camp will be safe
enough for the Führer.
375
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:16,842
Did you say tomorrow?
376
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:17,799
Yes.
377
00:15:17,867 --> 00:15:19,411
Where are you going to stay?
378
00:15:19,435 --> 00:15:21,135
In your guest
room... where else?
379
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:23,015
Oh, yes, of course,
my guest room.
380
00:15:23,039 --> 00:15:24,039
It slipped my mind.
381
00:15:24,107 --> 00:15:25,790
Klink!
382
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:29,610
What is it, General?
383
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,178
Where is your bodyguard?
384
00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:33,013
You read my orders.
385
00:15:33,082 --> 00:15:35,427
Really, General, there is
no need for a bodyguard.
386
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:36,729
The prisoners love me.
387
00:15:36,753 --> 00:15:38,831
They have their Red Cross
packages, white bread...
388
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,021
Klink!
389
00:15:40,089 --> 00:15:43,090
You are the one commandant
who should have a bodyguard,
390
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:47,228
a bulletproof vest and
your office in a tank.
391
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:53,262
All right, Kristina, you got
those plans for the underground?
392
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,552
Ja, Colonel, here they are.
393
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,953
Pass them along.
394
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,867
Put a set of plans in
each of the clocks, fellas.
395
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,703
How are they going
to be delivered?
396
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,271
Through the courtesy
of Wilhelm Klink,
397
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,106
the grand old man
of antique dealers.
398
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,675
Klink went for your plan, huh?
399
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:06,975
Like a ton of sauerbraten.
400
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:08,277
I'd better contact
the underground.
401
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,445
Right.
402
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,013
Here's a list of
the antique dealers
403
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,715
who are going to be
receiving the clocks.
404
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,383
Tell them they're going
out tonight by courier.
405
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,340
Okay.
406
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,452
Colonel Hogan, I'm grateful
407
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,476
for your hospitality,
408
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,605
but I think I should
be leaving now.
409
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:21,273
Oh, you're safer
here with us, love.
410
00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:22,630
Yeah, our home is your home.
411
00:16:22,699 --> 00:16:24,264
I'll make some
curtains for the window;
412
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,516
you'll love it.
413
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,885
She's right... if we
don't get her out tonight,
414
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,220
we may never have the chance.
415
00:16:29,272 --> 00:16:31,450
The area's swarming with guards!
416
00:16:31,474 --> 00:16:33,024
We'll stage a diversion.
417
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,893
It's not going to be that easy
with General Burkhalter here.
418
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,745
Maybe we should wait
till Burkhalter leaves.
419
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:39,313
On the other hand,
420
00:16:39,382 --> 00:16:41,916
Burkhalter may be the
answer to our problem.
421
00:16:41,985 --> 00:16:44,085
Need a couple of men for a job.
422
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:49,407
Who's good at
winding cuckoo clocks?
423
00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,683
Come in, Quiche Lorraine.
424
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,464
Mama Bear calling
Quiche Lorraine.
425
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:03,554
Come in, please.
426
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,167
Contact the underground yet?
427
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,991
Nothing yet, Colonel.
428
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,604
Mama Bear, this
is Quiche Lorraine.
429
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:10,694
This is it.
430
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,613
Go ahead, Quiche Lorraine.
431
00:17:12,682 --> 00:17:14,214
I have received your message
432
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,517
and the names of
the antique dealers,
433
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:19,570
but we do not know
what we are to pick up.
434
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:23,157
I repeat, one
Hammelburg cuckoo clock.
435
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:29,230
Mama Bear, we cannot find
"cuckoo clock" in the code book.
436
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,632
Quiche Lorraine, it's
not in the code book.
437
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,802
We're talking about a real
Hammelburg cuckoo clock.
438
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:38,155
I'm afraid I do not
understand "cuckoo clock."
439
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:40,641
LeBeau, explain to her in
your native tongue, huh?
440
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:42,309
Right.
441
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,578
Hello, Mademoiselle...
un coucou.
442
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,725
C'est une pendule avec
un petit oiseau à l'intérieur,
443
00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:49,583
et a chaque heure le petit
oiseau sort de la pendule
444
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:50,968
et il fait, <>
445
00:17:52,855 --> 00:17:54,021
Comment vous appelez-vous
446
00:17:54,089 --> 00:17:55,667
et quel est votre
numéro de téléphone?
447
00:17:55,691 --> 00:17:57,625
Ah, oui, je compris.
448
00:17:57,693 --> 00:17:59,059
Jeannine Bobinet,
449
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:02,263
Sablon neuf, neuf, neuf, cinq.
450
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,131
Over and out.
451
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,933
My high school French tells me
452
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,203
you just got her name
and phone number.
453
00:18:09,272 --> 00:18:12,184
We French people always mix
a little business with pleasure.
454
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:13,291
Mm-hmm.
455
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:15,893
Oh, blimey.
456
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,105
Boy, it's a miracle.
457
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,674
Everything go all right?
458
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,309
Yeah, we crawled
to barracks three...
459
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,444
We got pinned down
by the search lights.
460
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:23,879
But we crawled
under the barracks
461
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,046
and through the
delousing station,
462
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,515
and we got to Klink's quarters
463
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,983
just before they
released the dogs.
464
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,641
We were winding the clocks
and old Schultz came in.
465
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,788
So we jumped out
through the back window.
466
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,312
It was only a 20-foot drop.
467
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,724
And when Newkirk came to,
468
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,326
we crawled past the
machine gun emplacements
469
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,379
and jumped over the
electric warning wire.
470
00:18:40,403 --> 00:18:41,702
We... we got back here
471
00:18:41,771 --> 00:18:43,788
while they were
changing the guard.
472
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,173
In other words, just
a routine mission.
473
00:18:46,242 --> 00:18:47,441
Yeah.
474
00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,990
Yeah, that's... that's right.
475
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,375
Now, is there anything
I can get you, General,
476
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,476
before you go to sleep...
477
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,811
Perhaps a glass of warm milk?
478
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:56,934
Warm milk?!
479
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,014
Ah, I always have a
glass before bedtime;
480
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,515
makes me sleep like a baby.
481
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:04,041
Take my word, Klink, this is
no time to be a sound sleeper.
482
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,687
Oh, I appreciate
your concern, General,
483
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,179
but I can assure you,
you need not worry
484
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,792
about my life being in danger.
485
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,116
I'm not worried about your life.
486
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,518
If they get you, I am next.
487
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,855
Oh, excuse me, General,
488
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,192
but another blanket,
in case it gets cold.
489
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:22,260
Thank you.
490
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,393
Take off my boots.
491
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:24,739
Yes, General Burkhalter.
492
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,297
Not you... Schultz!
493
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:29,211
Well, I thought perhaps that
the sergeant would tuck you in
494
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,275
while I'm taking... Quiet!
495
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,207
What is it?
496
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,775
Can't you hear?
497
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,113
Oh, you mean that funny noise
that sounds like clocks ticking?
498
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,315
Yes.
499
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,383
I don't hear it.
500
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,783
Oh, I can hear it.
501
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:47,853
Quiet!
502
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:52,190
And it sounds as if it's coming
503
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:53,357
from this closet.
504
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,370
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, Colonel,
505
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,461
not from that closet.
506
00:19:58,981 --> 00:20:02,400
Schultz is right, the ticking
isn't coming from this closet.
507
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:05,051
They have planted a time bomb.
508
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,506
Maybe it's in the drawer.
509
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:10,674
I see nothing.
510
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:11,743
Excuse me, gent...
511
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:12,821
Hogan, not now, please.
512
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,111
It's rather important, sir.
513
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,212
Colonel Hogan, not now.
514
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,314
We are looking for a time bomb.
515
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,799
Wait a minute.
516
00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:22,136
If the prisoners set a
time bomb in my room,
517
00:20:22,205 --> 00:20:24,016
their leader would not be here.
518
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,560
That's very clever of
you, General, very clever.
519
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:29,621
You see why we're
winning the war, Hogan.
520
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,179
It's great minds like
General Burkhalter.
521
00:20:32,248 --> 00:20:33,447
It could be a time bomb.
522
00:20:33,516 --> 00:20:34,636
What?!
523
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,278
The Gestapo's always
pulling stunts like that,
524
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,102
and you know how
they feel about generals.
525
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,770
Hogan is right.
526
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:45,192
Guards!
527
00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:47,127
Guards!
528
00:20:47,196 --> 00:20:50,180
Fire squad, bring the hose.
529
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,164
General Burkhalter,
why don't you sleep
530
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,299
in my quarters tonight?
531
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:58,973
I'll sleep here, huh?
532
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,074
Guards!
533
00:21:01,143 --> 00:21:03,677
Fire squad, bring the hose.
534
00:21:13,388 --> 00:21:15,322
There you go, Kristina.
535
00:21:15,390 --> 00:21:16,323
There you go.
536
00:21:16,392 --> 00:21:17,608
It was nice meeting you.
537
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,321
I sure enjoyed our dinner.
538
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,412
Well, it was nice
meeting all of you.
539
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:22,541
Thank you for everything.
540
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:24,331
Hope we see you again real soon.
541
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,818
Hey, now that you know where
we are, don't be a stranger.
542
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:29,820
Hey, wait a minute, my hat.
543
00:21:33,592 --> 00:21:35,042
Come on.
544
00:21:35,111 --> 00:21:37,678
Believe me, General,
there is no time bomb.
545
00:21:37,746 --> 00:21:38,845
We've looked everywhere.
546
00:21:38,914 --> 00:21:39,914
Quiet!
547
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:44,952
It sounds like it's
coming from the closet.
548
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:46,220
I've looked there already.
549
00:21:46,289 --> 00:21:47,688
Then we'll look again.
550
00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:50,218
Fire detail!
551
00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:52,392
Ticking comes from these boxes.
552
00:21:52,461 --> 00:21:54,145
Drench the boxes.
553
00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:55,646
Not in the closet!
554
00:21:57,549 --> 00:21:59,216
Out of the way, Klink.
555
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,065
All right, that's
enough, fellas.
556
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:04,755
Yeah, that's fine.
557
00:22:04,807 --> 00:22:06,306
That does it.
558
00:22:06,375 --> 00:22:07,507
Quiet!
559
00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:15,131
The ticking has stopped.
560
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,567
I knew it would.
561
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:18,101
What was it?
562
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,749
It was just your basic,
everyday Gestapo time bomb.
563
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:22,217
It still might go off.
564
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:25,308
I'll sleep in your
quarters tonight, Klink.
565
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:26,794
Come, Schultz.
566
00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:30,776
Nice work, fellas.
567
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,344
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
568
00:22:32,368 --> 00:22:35,569
Oh, Commandant, as
long as we have the hose,
569
00:22:35,638 --> 00:22:37,399
anything else you
want watered down?
570
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:40,569
Uh... I think
that'll be all, fellas.
571
00:22:40,593 --> 00:22:41,241
Thank you.
572
00:22:41,310 --> 00:22:42,243
Night, sir.
573
00:22:42,311 --> 00:22:43,944
Night, sir.
574
00:22:44,013 --> 00:22:47,514
My antique clocks...
They're ruined.
575
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:49,216
Don't be too sure, sir.
576
00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:06,637
Oh, Colonel.
577
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,264
We just got word
from the underground.
578
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,600
Kristina is safe and they
got the four cuckoo clocks.
579
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:12,690
Four?
580
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,135
Yeah, they're going
to have to steal
581
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:15,970
the other one, the
one that went to Paris.
582
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,127
How come?
583
00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:19,174
Well, the dealer said
it was a real antique,
584
00:23:19,198 --> 00:23:20,130
not for sale.
585
00:23:20,199 --> 00:23:21,298
A real antique?!
586
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:23,687
Yeah, he said you
could tell by the eyes.
587
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,071
Colonel Hogan, please,
Commandant Klink is waiting.
588
00:23:33,762 --> 00:23:34,928
Wanted to see me, Colonel?
589
00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:36,708
Ah, Hogan, please,
sit down, sit down.
590
00:23:36,732 --> 00:23:38,692
I'm terribly sorry about
what happened last night.
591
00:23:38,734 --> 00:23:42,002
Just when you had the antique
cuckoo clock market sewed up.
592
00:23:42,070 --> 00:23:45,989
That's what I wanted
to see you about.
593
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:47,291
What's that?
594
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,211
A statue of Brunhilde
of Hammelburg.
595
00:23:50,279 --> 00:23:52,213
Brunhilde of Hammelburg?
596
00:23:52,281 --> 00:23:54,915
Oh, yes, very famous
in local history...
597
00:23:54,983 --> 00:23:58,802
The only girl in town
to date Attila the Hun.
598
00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,471
Now...
599
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:03,724
if this is a real antique, I know
where I can get some more.
600
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:06,860
I'll take it back to
the barracks and see.
601
00:24:06,929 --> 00:24:09,162
Why take it back to
the barracks, huh?
602
00:24:09,232 --> 00:24:10,842
I'm a cuckoo clock man, myself.
603
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:12,678
LeBeau's our man
in stomach clocks.
604
00:24:12,702 --> 00:24:13,734
He...
39230
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