All language subtitles for Gravity.Falls.S02E15.The.Last.Mabelcorn.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-iT00NZ

♪

( snoring )

MAN: Princess
Love-A-Corn says...

PRINCESS LOVE-A-CORN:
Buy my 42 accessories.

( laughter )

I know that laugh.

Show yourself.

Well, well, well,

well, well, well, well,
well, well, well, well.

Aren't you a sight
for sore eye.

Stanford Filbrick Pines,
my old pal.

Bill Cipher.

What do you want
from me?

Oh, quit playing dumb IQ.

You knew I'd be back.

You think shutting down
that portal

can stop
what I have planned?

I've been making deals,

chatting with old friends,

preparing for the big day.

You can't keep
that rift safe forever.

You'll slip up,
and when you do...

Get out of here!

You have no dominion
in our world.

Maybe not right now, but things
change, Stanford Pines

Things change.

I have to warn them.

He's coming.

All right, Grunkle Stan's
gotta have some decent
board games.

Let's see, Battle Chutes
and Ladder Ships,

Necronomicopoly,
Don't Wake Stalin.

What's this? "What Could
Go Wrong, the board game.

The last players
who opened this box

never made it out alive."

Well, I guess I know
what we're...

This should take up
the next 21 minutes.

FORD: Family meeting.
Family meeting.

- ( whimpering )
- All right, Santiago.

You have 24 hours
to get these pugs
across the U.S. border.

FORD: Family meeting,
family meeting!

No te preocupas.
Vamos, vamos.

Ah, children.
Come in, come in.

Ooh, mysterious
scrolls and potions.

Are you going to tell us
we're finally of age

to go to
wizard school?

Is there an owl
in this bag?

No. I can assure you,
if there's an owl in this bag,

he's long dead.

Now tell me, children,

- do either of you
recognize this symbol?
- ( both gasp)

- Bill.
- You know him?

Know him? He's been
terrorizing us all summer.

I have so many questions
and theories.

Dipper's been
pretty paranoid

since Bill turned him
into a living sock puppet.

The important thing is,
we defeated him twice.

Once with kittens,
and once with tickles.

It was a lot more heroic
than it sounds.

The fact that you've
dealt with Bill

is gravely serious.

So how do you
know Bill?

I have encountered
many dark beings
in my time, Dipper.

What matters is, his powers
are growing stronger,

and if he pulls off
his plans,

- no one in this family
will be safe.
- ( gasps )

Fortunately, there should be
a way to shield us

from his mental tricks.
A way to Bill-proof
the shack.

All I have to do is place
moonstones here, here and here,

sprinkle some mercury,
and let's see,

I always forget
the last ingredient.

Ugh.

Unicorn hair.

That's not, like,
rare, is it?

It's hopeless.

Unicorns reside deep
within an enchanted glade,

and their hairs
can only be obtained

by a pure, good-hearted
person who goes on

a magical quest
to find them.

( screams )

Grunkle Ford, can I please
go on this quest?

I am literally
obsessed with unicorns.

My first word
was unicorn,

I once made my own unicorn
by taping a traffic cone

to a horse's head.

Are you even looking
at the sweater
I'm wearing right now?

Not to mention that
I'm probably the most
pure-of-heart person

in this room.

- That's true.
She has a point.
- Can't argue there.

So can I go on a mission
to get that hair?

Please, please, please.
I'll give you my blood!

Very well,
but it won't be easy.

- Take this, and this.
- Ooh.

I haven't been in
this dimension for a while.

It's okay to give
children weapons, right?

Come on, dawg.

- ( car alarm blares )
- MAN: It's the cops. Gun it!

( tires screeching )

Candy, Grenda, Wendy,
clear the afternoon.

So what are the odds
she gets that hair?

Unlikely. I've dealt with
unicorns before,

and if I had to describe
them in one word,

it would be "frustrating."

- So what are we gonna
do about Bill?
- Follow me.

Welcome to
my private study.

The place where I keep my most
ancient and secret knowledge.

Even your Uncle Stan
doesn't know about this place.

Dipper, come along.

If we can't
Bill-proof the shack,

we're gonna have to do
the next best thing.

We're gonna have to
Bill-proof our minds.

( gasps )

It's nice to finally
be out on a mission.

Just us gals.

Forget the gal talk.

I'm here to meet, touch,
and/or become a unicorn.

I hear, if you lick
a unicorn's neck,

it tastes like your favorite
flavor in the world.

Candy, I will make sure
you lick that unicorn's neck,

because I care about
my friends.

Honestly, I stopped
believing in unicorns

when I was, like,
five years old.

I'm just coming along
to keep you kids

from walking into
a bear trap.

Stop! This is
the magic part of the forest.

Let's see, the gnome tavern
is over there.

The fairy nail salon
is over there.

It says to summon
the unicorn,

one must bellow
this ancient chant,

droned only by
the deepest-voiced
druids of old.

On it.

( clears throat )

( chanting with
deep voice )

I bet you ten bucks
nothing happens.

- I'll take that bet.
- ( loud rumbling )

( all gasping )

The paintings airbrushed
on the sides of vans were true.

Mother of mothers!

- Dream of dreams!
- No way!

- Eh, eh.
- ( sighs )

Hark. Visitors to
my room of enchantment.

( all gasping )

- ( choking )
- Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.
What's your name?

I am Celestabellabethabelle,
last of my kind.

Come in, come in.
Just take off your shoes.

I have a whole thing
about shoes.

Uh-uh, I'm talking to
all of you.

Celestabellabethabelle,
we have journeyed far and wide.

About an hour.

On a mission to protect
our family

with your magical hair.

This is your chance, Candy.

Lick the neck.
Lick it.

Very well. To receive
a lock of my enchanted hair,

step forth, girl of
pure, perfect heart.

Presenting...
( hums fanfare )

Mabel!

What?! You?

A unicorn can see
deep inside your heart, child.

Ugh.

And you have done wrong.
Wrong, I say.

I guess I do make fun
of Dipper a lot.

And I did just shatter
a window with a crossbow.

Your bad deeds
make me cry.

( screams )

Come back when you're
pure of heart.

( whinnies )

The exit is that way.

Shoes, shoes,
take your shoes.

This isn't some... some...
shoe store.

Hey, Mabel, don't
let her get to you.

Yeah, I wouldn't trust
a horse that wears makeup.

No, girls, she's right.

I used to be one of
the sweetest people I knew,

but recently, I've been
slacking

in the whole
goodness department.

Well, today, we're
gonna fix it.

From this moment forth,

I'm gonna do
so many good deeds,

I'll have the purest heart
in Gravity Falls.

That... that bird is fine.

( beeping )

So what is Bill exactly?

No one knows for sure.

Accounts differ of his
true motivations and origins.

I know he's older
than our galaxy,

and far more twisted.

Not a physical form,
he can only project himself

into our thoughts
through the mindscape.

That's why he wants this.

I dismantled the portal,
but with this tear,

Bill still has a way
into our reality.

To get his hands
on this rift,

he would trick
or possess anyone.

So how do we keep Bill
out of our minds?

There's a number of ways.

I personally had a metal plate
installed in my head.

( chuckles )
Good one.

( clanging )

( coughs )

But this machine is safer.

It will scan your mind,

bio-electrically
encrypting your thoughts

so Bill can't read them.

Now say hello
to your thoughts.

Oh, man, I can't believe
I'm with the author.

Is my fly down?

♪ Disco girl,
coming through ♪

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy,
Wendy.

You might wanna
ignore that last one.

By the way, you never told me
what your history with Bill was.

Dipper, do you trust me?

- Well, yeah, but...
- Then you'll trust that
that's not important.

Now focus. It's time to
strengthen your mind.

All right, Mabel, it's time
to strengthen your heart.

♪ Share a smile

♪ Dream a dream

♪ Doin' some good deed

♪

Boom!
1,000 good deeds.

When that unicorn
scans my heart,

she's gonna say I'm absolutely,
100%, bona fide...

Not pure of heart.

Boo-ya! Wait, what?

How is that
even possible?

Mabel's a straight-up
saint, you judgmental hoof bag.

Please tell me
what I'm doing wrong.

Doing good days
to make yourself look better

isn't good at all.

Not to mention you're crushing,
like, ten dandelions right now.

Those are basically
children's dreams.

I'm sorry, Mabel.
It's not my fault
you're a bad person.

( all gasping )

- ( sobbing )
- Mabel, wait. Come back.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a 3:00 posing

in front of a rainbow.

( whinnies )

Come on, Mabel. Don't beat
yourself up over this.

Let's forget about getting
that dumb unicorn hair.

It's not about the hair
anymore, guys.

It's about me.

Being kind and sweet
is what makes me who I am.

If I'm not a good person,
who am I?

I'm not leaving this spot
until I think of a deed

that makes me as good as
Celestabellabethabelle.

But Mabel...

Just leave me be.

Psst.

Guys, if you ask me,
this whole thing is
a serious load.

Mabel's, like, the best
person I've ever met.

We tried getting
that hair the good way.

Now it's time
we try the Wendy way.

Are you suggesting violence?
Sabotage?

Mabel's not going
to like that.

Mabel doesn't
need to know.

Look, it's time we stopped
trying to be so "perfect,"

and be who we really are.

We're crazed, angry,
sweaty animals.

We're not unicorns.

We're women!

And we take
what we want.

- Yeah!
- Yes!

Too much?

Here's what
we're gonna do.

( whispering )

Get me a flagon of your
daintiest honeysuckle, please.

I'm gonna need
to see some I.D.

The cops.
Hit the deck.

I'm lookin' for someone
who knows how to
take down a unicorn.

No tricks or games.

We are human.
We take what we want.

- Yeah!
- Fairy dust.

A whole magic bag's

enough to put
a unicorn out cold,

but if I
do you a favor,

you gotta do
something for me.

Just spill it, half-pint.

Butterfly trafficking
is illegal in this
part of the forest.

But I like butterflies.

They tickle my face
and make me laugh.

Bring me a bag of butterflies,
and we got a deal.

Two bags of fairy dust,
just like we agreed.

Where do you get this stuff?

Everyone likes sausage,
but no one likes
to know how it's made.

You disgust me.

You've got your poison,
I've got mine.

We made a deal.

Yeah, well,
the deal is off.

Freeze. You're under arrest.
Get down, get down.

These butterflies
aren't mine.

I swear.
I've been framed.

Tell it to the adorable owl
we've dressed as a judge.

My cut.

Good deeds,
good deeds.

Oh, that's not good enough.

Come on, Mabel, you can do
better than that.

Oh, sure, sure.
I wish I could travel,

but it's just not feasible
in this economy.

What the hay?

Sleep now. Sleep.

No, wait!
Stop!

Mabel, sh!

You'll wake her up.

But this is wrong, guys.

But protecting
the shack is good.

What?

Doth my eyes
deceive me?

You shall never be
pure of heart.

No, you don't understand.

I just wanna be
good like you.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you gotta be kiddin' me.
- Huh?

Yo, C-Beth, are you
seriously pullin'

this "pure of heart"
scam again?

That is
messed up, man.

Wait. Scam?

Kid, unicorns can't
see into your heart.

All our dumb horns can do
is glow, point toward
the nearest rainbow,

and play rave music.

( rave music playing )

Yeah, the whole
"pure of heart" racket

is just a line we use
to get humans to
leave us alone.

Guys, shut up.

All this time.

All this time, I thought
I was a bad person.

- But you're even
worse than I am!
- ( all gasping )

Okay, fine, so you
learned our secret.

We're jerks, okay.

We have more hair
than we know what
to do with,

and we keep it
to ourselves

just to tick
humans off.

What are you gonna
do about it, huh? Huh?

What are you gonna do?

( gasping )

Whoo!
Go, Mabel.

Join the dark side.

Fight, fight, fight!

So it's a fight you want.

Well, then it's
a fight you're gonna get.

Uh, this is taking forever.

How long have I been
doing this for?

( snoring )

Why does he have to be
so mysterious about Bill?

I can handle the truth.

I wonder what
Great-uncle Ford is thinking.

Use the machine.
It'll show you his thoughts.

I shouldn't.

He won't know.

He's going to tell you
eventually.

The more you know
about Bill,

the more you can help.

Man, I am really good
at rationalizing.

Yes, you are.
( voice echoing )

Just a little peek.

What are you hiding
about Bill?

( evil laughter )

Where are these ideas
comin' from?

Who are you working with?

My brother's
a dangerous know-it-all.

He would trick or possess
anyone.

Then it's a deal.
From now until the end of time.

Just plug me into
your mind, Stanford.

Please, call me
a friend.

( laughter )

Ford and Bill?

( gasps )

You shouldn't
have done that.

Why were you
shaking hands with Bill?

You said Bill could possess
anyone so he could get this.

Careful!

Hand me the rift.
Now, boy.

Why were you really
scanning my thoughts?

Are you Bill right now?

Now just calm down.

Pine Tree. Is that what
you were going to call me?

I was gonna say
please, kid.

Great-uncle Ford told me
to protect the rift.

Get one step closer
and I'll shoot.

I'll erase you right out
of Ford's head.

It's me, Dipper.
It's your uncle.

Trust no one,
trust no one.

- Trust...
- Hand it to me.

Let go of me.

Now just calm down.

Calm down.
Look into my eyes.

Look at my pupils.

It's me, Dipper.
It's me.

I tried to erase your mind.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay, Dipper.

Besides, my mind can't be
erased anyway, remember?
( clanging )

If that really was
Bill, though,

you would've done great.

I should've been
more like you
when I was young.

Dipper, I was a fool
to try to hide all this.

The reason I've been
trying to prepare you

for Bill's tricks
is because Bill tricked me.

It's the biggest
regret of my life.

Bill wasn't always
my enemy, Dipper.

I used to think
he was my friend,

long, long ago.

I had hit a roadblock
in my investigation

of Gravity Falls,

until I found
some mysterious writing

in a cave.

Ancient incantations
about a being with answers.

It warned me
not to read them,

but I was desperate.

I read the inscription
aloud, but nothing happened,

until later that afternoon,

when I had
the most peculiar dream.

Hiya, smart guy.
( voice echoing )

Whoa, don't have
a heart attack.

You're not 92 yet.

Who are you?

Name's Bill,
and your name's
Stanford Pines,

the man who
changed the world.

But I'm getting ahead
of ourselves.

Let's relax. Care
for a game of
interdimensional chess?

Have a cup of tea.
( voice echoing )

He told me
he was a muse,

that he chose one brilliant
mind a century to inspire.

What a fool I was.

Blinded by his flattery
and games.

He became
my research assistant.

He was free to move
in and out of my mind

as he pleased;
we were partners.

When he told me that I could
complete my research

by building a gateway
to other worlds,

I trusted him.

He said this was
the way genius happened--

with a little help
from a friend.

It seemed that I was
on the verge

of my greatest
achievement.

Until my partner
got a glimpse

of Bill's true plans.

Bill, you lied to me!

Where does that portal
really lead?

( laughs )
Looks like Mr. Brainiac
finally got smart.

Let's just say that
when that portal finishes

charging up,
your dimension is gonna learn

how to party,
right, guys?

( echoing laughter )

No. I'll stop you.
I'll shut it down!

A deal's a deal, sixer.

You can't stop the bridge
between our world from coming.

But it would be fun
to watch you try.

Cute even.

I'd been betrayed.

I shut the portal down,

severing the link
between Bill's world and ours.

I had to hide
my instructions

so no one could ever
finish Bill's work.

Bill's been waiting
for the gateway
to reopen ever since.

All he needs to do
is get his hands on
this rift.

To Bill, it's just a game.

But to us, it would mean
the end of our world.

Oh, man.

"Oh, man" indeed.

I'm so embarrassed
about earlier.

I'm such an idiot.

From now on,
no more secrets between us.

We're not the first
two idiots to be
tricked by Bill, boy,

but if we work together,
we could be the last.

But what about Bill?
I broke the machine.

Now we have no way
to protect the shack.

Did someone say
unicorn hair?

Uh, no, actually.

Oh. That would've
been perfect.

Either way, we got
some unicorn hair.

Also some unicorn tears,
unicorn eyelashes.

They finally gave us
this treasure chest

to get rid of us.

It can't be.

This is
a great day, girls.

With this unicorn hair,

we'll be able to
completely shield the shack

from Bill's
mind-reading tricks.

- Is it okay?
- Better than okay.
It's perfect.

You've protected
your family.

You're a good
person, Mabel.

Thanks, Grunkle Ford,

but today I learned that
morality is relative.

Money!

Perfect.

This will protect us
from Bill.

As long as
we're inside,
our minds are safe.

I guess I can't possess
anyone inside the shack,

so I 'll just have to find
my next pawn

on the outside.